I Would Rather Not!

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Commercial Break – "I Would Rather Not!"

Episode Overview This episode of The Commercial Break (February 25, 2025) features hosts Bryan Green and Krissy Hoadley riffing through TCB’s signature blend of improv-comedy, candid banter, and listener interaction. The main theme: a rollicking, chaotic exploration of “Would You Rather?” questions—many generated by AI—covering everything from embarrassing life moments to pop-culture oddities and dilemmas within their own offbeat universe. There are tangents about music, SNL nostalgia, and the fine line between podcast authenticity and their embrace of artificial intelligence, all flavored with the duo’s irreverent friendship and freewheeling humor.

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1. Cold Open: Satirical Megachurch Interview (00:03–01:37)

• The episode opens with a goofy, satirical “radio interview” featuring Bryan playing a radio host and a grotesquely crude “Pastor Wayne Dobble.”
  • Notable Quote:
    • [00:44] “So I pretty much fucked every hot chick that I wanted to in Pennsylvania…” — ‘Pastor Wayne’
• The absurd bit pokes at small-town scandals and lampoons over-sexed, traveling preachers with Bryan interjecting dry corrections.

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2. Warm-Up Banter & AI Embrace (02:12–03:53)

• Return to the regularly scheduled TCB: Bryan celebrates Krissy’s birthday and her trip to Mexico.
• Bryan jokes about shifting the show’s description to one generated from ChatGPT, openly embracing the role of AI in their process:
  • Notable Quote:
    • [02:40] “Soon to be 100% AI manufactured and more than likely funnier than ever.”
• Casual, meta acknowledgment of the show’s “mediocre,” intentionally half-baked approach.

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3. SNL50 Recap & Comedy Supergroup (04:00–06:14)

• Bryan shares a fascinating story recounted by David Spade—during the SNL50 weekend, comedy legends like David Spade, Chris Rock, and Leslie Jones popped into the Comedy Cellar alongside Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Jerry Seinfeld:
  • [05:59] “On one night, if you paid $18, you got to see all of those people do 15, 20 minutes of stand-up. That is the super group.”
  • [06:05] Krissy: “That is 100% the definition of a super group.”
• Sets the tone for playful, what-if style discussions, including the main TCB “game” to come.

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4. Rock and Roll Hall of Fame 2025 Picks (06:14–23:59)

The Nominees (06:33–07:22)

• Bryan lists the 15 nominees (e.g., Bad Company, Black Crowes, Mariah Carey, Joy Division/New Order, Oasis, Outkast, Fish, Soundgarden, White Stripes, etc.)
  • [07:22] “Some people are saying this is one of the weakest nominating classes. I would argue that this is one of the better nominated classes.”

TCB’s Hall of Fame Debate

• Each host weighs in on their top five picks and debates each act:
  • Chubby Checker: Called an original rock-and-roll icon, must be in (“Chubby Checker. You think of those two go hand in hand…” [08:40])
  • Outkast: “Groundbreaking, revolutionary… puts Atlanta on the map.” [09:07]
  • Joe Cocker: Iconic voice but didn’t write own songs; still deserving. [09:34–10:18]
  • White Stripes, Black Crowes: Praised for authenticity, influence, and sibling drama (“The stories of four brothers who can’t fucking get along and make great music…” [17:27])
  • Others discussed: Mariah Carey, Cyndi Lauper, Joy Division/New Order, Soundgarden, Fish.

Fish & The Grateful Dead: Legacy (13:37–17:26)

• Bryan delivers an impassioned tribute to Phish’s and the Dead’s unique, grassroots way of building music communities:
  • [14:29] “If you listen to the Grateful Dead early on, it’s really quite crap… But that’s part of the beauty of the Grateful Dead… show after show, night after night…”
  • [16:02] “There is not a Fish show that does not sell out… they have had their tentacles in all kinds of musical history.”

Krissy’s Comments

• Nostalgia for MTV era (Cyndi Lauper), love for Joy Division/New Order (“If you have to take one out… might have to wait till another nominating class.” [12:12])
• General consensus: it’s a hard class to pick only five, but their choices skew towards originality, cultural influence, and authenticity.

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5. Would You Rather: TCB Style (24:33–41:18)

• Bryan unveils a bespoke “Would You Rather?” game, crafted with help from ChatGPT, featuring both TCB-specific and general dilemmas:

Game Highlights (24:44–36:53)

• Would you rather host with Bryan on an angry day or Krissy after three vodkas?

  • “Obviously, I’m going vodkas.” — Krissy [27:24]

• Would you rather your most embarrassing story shared on TCB or accidentally send a nude email to all contacts?

  • “A tasteful nude to your dad?” — Bryan [28:04]

• Pyramid schemer vs. Pickup artist?

  • “Pickup artist, for sure. Yeah, cause we kind of like the pickup artists.” — Bryan [28:45]

• Analyze awkward teen years vs. recent social media posts?

  • Both lean towards social media (“At least then you can say, well, with some hindsight, I’m a better person.” [30:13])

• TCB prank call your boss vs. Chrissy sends flirty text to your wife?

  • “You wouldn’t want me prank calling your boss because it’s likely you’d end up without a job.” — Bryan [31:40]

• Other scenarios: awkward first date re-told, karaoke performance critiqued, internet browsing history exposed or dreams analyzed, high school yearbook photos shared, and more.

• Playful banter includes bits about past TCB segments, listener interactions, and classic internet cringe.

Notable Moment

• Reflection on the risks of prank format TV, referencing Jenny Jones Show tragedy (34:14), tying back to ethical concerns for their own “blind date” plan.

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6. Would You Rather: Not Safe for Work Edition (42:17–57:46)

• Bryan and Krissy continue with classic (and raunchy) “Would You Rather?” hypotheticals—now less TCB-specific, more universally cringe/funny:

Memorable Scenarios & Quotes

• Accidentally caught watching porn by boss or grandparents?
  • [44:17] “Boss. Listen, I’ll have no job after this… but your grandparents, that’s a hard thing to put back in the bag…”
• Accidentally text “I’m horny” to your family or landlord?
  • [45:23] “I’d rather do it to my family because they think I’m a weird human being anyway.”
• Classic TCB callback:
  • Would you rather give a TED Talk about your last sexual experience or your search history splashed on a billboard?
    • [46:09] Krissy: “I might go, TED Talk, too.”
    • [47:55] Bryan: “How do you lengthen your penis?”
• One-night-stand: partner who won’t stop crying or talking?
  • [48:49] Bryan: “Crying in bed is a disconcerting thing…I’ve had it happen a number of times.”
• Orgasm every time you hear your name vs. never orgasm to music?
  • [50:14] “Orgasm every time I hear my name, I guess.”

Relationships & Sex Dilemmas

• In-laws or boss walk in during sex?
• Only have sex in public or in silence?
• Date someone bad at bed/great at communicating—or vice versa?
  • [54:06] Krissy: “Good communicator… because you can teach somebody.”
• Partner never shaves again vs. never wears deodorant?
  • Bush-era nostalgia, musings on pubic hair fashion.
    • [56:22] “Bush is back. I read something the other day.” — Krissy

Playful TCB Vulnerability

• Both habitually choose the less publicly damaging or less embarrassing option, but find humor in rationalizing each scenario.
• “That computer is a national treasure right there.” — Bryan, regarding his unsearchable search history [36:26]

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7. Reflections on AI, Listener Interaction, and Podcast Bits (57:13–59:29)

• Bryan pokes fun at the overachievement of ChatGPT: “I woke up this morning and it was like 700 [Would You Rathers].” [57:22]
• Open call for listeners to submit their own “Would You Rather” prompts—podcast seeks real-life engagement and wants more options tailored for the community.
• Affirmation of transparency about AI involvement:
  • [57:27] “And I’m going to be honest about it. I’m not going to be like all the other creators and not tell you that’s what I did to make that game up.”

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Notable Quotes & Soundbites

• [02:40] Bryan: “Soon to be 100% AI manufactured and more than likely funnier than ever.”
• [05:59] Bryan: “On one night, if you paid $18, you got to see all of those people do 15, 20 minutes of stand-up. That is the super group.”
• [14:29] Bryan: “The beauty of the Grateful Dead is they figured it out in front of audiences, show after show… 300 nights a year.”
• [16:02] Bryan: “There is not a Fish show that does not sell out. And they have done it so well, and in the lineage of the Grateful Dead…”
• [28:04] Bryan: “A tasteful nude to your dad?”
• [31:40] Bryan: “You wouldn’t want me prank calling your boss because it’s likely you’d end up without a job.”
• [57:27] Bryan: “And I’m going to be honest I about it. I’m not going to be like all the other creators and not tell you that that’s what I did to make that game up.”

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:03–01:37 | Satirical Megachurch / Cold Open
• 02:12–03:53 | Birthday Banter & AI Embrace
• 04:00–06:14 | SNL50 & Comedy Supergroup Anecdote
• 06:14–23:59 | Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Nominee Debate
• 24:33–41:18 | TCB-Themed “Would You Rather?” Game
• 42:17–57:46 | NSFW & Classic “Would You Rather?”
• 57:13–59:29 | Listener Calls, AI Transparency, Closing Banter

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Tone and Takeaways

• The episode is chaotically playful, self-aware, and enjoys poking fun at its own “mediocre” roots.
• Bryan and Krissy’s rapport shines through raucous debates, candid stories, and the humorously awkward situations posed by the “Would You Rather?” game.
• Heavy use of meta-comedy: the show openly acknowledges and riffs on its reliance on AI, the structure of podcasting, and the quirks of its own community.
• Listeners are invited directly into the fold—prompted to share their own “Would You Rather” scenarios for future episodes.

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For New Listeners

If you haven’t heard TCB before, this episode is a quintessential entry-point: it’s full of wild hypotheticals, raucous music/pop-culture riffs, and the inside jokes that make the show a “chaotic, unpolished, self-aware comedy hang.” Whether debating the legacy of Phish, the cringe factor of your parents catching you with porn, or the ethics of prank calls, Bryan and Krissy make you feel like you’re eavesdropping on two very funny, very old friends who are in on (and often making fun of) the joke.

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To sum up:
This episode is a breezy, banter-filled journey through pop culture and personal embarrassment, powered by the hosts’ chemistry and comedic improvisation, with plenty of memorable hypotheticals and quotable one-liners.

Transcript

[A]

And welcome back to WSHIT. 6:15 on the studio clock. Sad news for the Crabapple Township this morning. Last night WSHIT learned that Pastor Wayne Dobble will be taking a sabbatical and traveling throughout the southeastern United States for the next couple of months looking for new sheep for his flock. Pastor Wayne, of course, local to the Crabapple area, grew up here and started Crabapple's only megachurch, the hard sword of the Lord. Pastor Wayne is certainly loved by his congregation and done so much good for the community. We're lucky enough to have Pastor Wayne on the phone right now. Pastor Wayne, I just gotta ask the question that's on everyone's mind this morning. Why are you leaving Crabapple?

[B]

So I pretty much fucked every hot chick that I wanted to in Pennsylvania, at least in the South Hills area and the surrounding area, like towards the Mon Valley and up to like seven seasons, whatever they call it. Cranberry Township, up by, you know, whatever they call it. Seven Hills. Seven. Seven something. Cranberry tea. Get it?

[A]

It's pronounced Crabapple.

[B]

I banged every chick that I wanted to so far. If there's some that I missed, please let me know. Send me a picture because I'm moving to Nashville, Tennessee next for about two weeks. So I'm gonna tear it up there too. You know what I'm saying? They're already in the Daisy Dukies. I call them.

[A]

I think they call them Daisy Dukes.

[B]

When I see a girl that has the perfect body size six and smaller, I'm good to go. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Well, you heard it here first from Pastor Wayne himself. Lock your doors if you're in Nashville. We'll be back after this commercial break.

[B]

Daisy Dookies.

[C]

On this episode of the commercial Break, would you rather have to give a TED Talk about your last sexual experience or your search history projected on a billboard for three days? Oh, God. Well, I do the TED Talk because it would like my life last sexual experience. It would be very short. I just feel like I came, I saw, I came. Yeah, that's it.

[D]

Yeah, I might go TED Talk to you.

[C]

The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co host of this show, Chris Joy Hoodley. Best to you, Chris.

[D]

Best to you, Brian.

[C]

Best to you out there on the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. Tcb Raw dogging it. All right, that's.

[D]

That's the new slogan.

[C]

Yes, that's the new slogan. Raw dog it with tcv. I thought about putting it on the. Oh. So I changed the description of the show. I asked Chat GPT to give a description of the commercial break and then I put that description on the show. But I made it clear that this was how a chat mod recently described the commercial break. So there you go. We're going all in on AI. I'm trying to get out of this seat and have I do my. You remember how I promised that we would never be an AI show? Yeah, we're totally AI. We're all in 100%. Soon to be 100% AI manufactured and more than likely funnier than ever. Make me a mediocre comedy podcast. One already exists. It's the commercial break starring Brian Greenwig and Kristen Hodley. Hodley calls you Hodley. Celebrating Chrissy's birthday. Congratulations to you, my friend. Chrissy's back from Mexico. We're all here. We're having a good time. It's a birthday month, at least for another couple days. I'll let you ride for another couple days and then no more talk about Mexico making me jealous. Even though our tans are equal, we have equal tan.

[D]

I was thinking about you while I was down there in the sun.

[C]

Yes, I would love this. I would love nothing more than to get a natural tan, but not in this weather. It's not happening. So I wanted to tell you, follow up on a story that you may or may not hear in the. In the future, in the week, or maybe you'll never hear it, but I was telling a story about SNL50 and how all the hype and excitement and all the people that were in Town for SNL50. That Superfly is a podcast that's on our network Odyssey with Dana Carvey and David Spade.

[D]

That's right. Yeah.

[C]

David Spade was telling a story. Dana Carvey didn't go to SNL50 because he was sick. So that was a disappointment to me. One of the few people that didn't show up. That was a. That I would have liked to have seen because apparently they were going to do Wayne's World and Dana was sick. So they didn't do Wayne's World. Even though Mike Myers was there. They didn't do Wayne's. And that, to me, yes, would have killed it. I think that would have killed it. So David Spade tells a story about how Nate Barghati says, I'm going to go do 1520 at the cellar. Do you want to come with me? And so they hop in a car and they go and on the way there, David Spade calls Chris Rock. Chris Rock is taking a nap and says, yeah, if you're going to the Cellar, I'll meet you there.

[D]

Count me in.

[C]

So they go to the Cellar, and then Leslie Jones is already slated to be there. So David says to the show manager, he says, okay, you know, let Leslie go up first. I'll introduce Rock and then Rock and introduce Nate or whatever, how it goes. And then the house manager. And David's thinking to himself, wow, these people paid 18 bucks to see this show. This is amazing. You know, they got all these great comics. Well, that wasn't. That wasn't half of it, because the hour before. The hour and a half before Steve Martin. Martin short. And was it Jerry Seinfeld? I think Jerry Seinfeld. They had all shown up to do sets at the Cellar in one night. On one night, if you paid $18, you got to see all of those people.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Do 15, 20 minutes of stand up. That is. That is the super group. That is the super group.

[D]

That is 100% the definition of a super group.

[C]

Okay, so that leads me into an episode full of game playing. Here we go. Are you ready?

[D]

I'm ready.

[C]

Don't play the music yet. Tina, I'm going to just do a little game with you. I want to. I want to know you have five people to induct into the Rock and Roll hall of Fame. Are you ready?

[D]

Okay.

[C]

Okay, I'm gonna give you the list, and I want you to pick those five people. Okay, Here we go.

[D]

They're not already in there.

[C]

They're not already in there. It's this year's nominated group. Now everyone's got a vote on them. They'll announce it later on this month, I think March 5th or something like later on next month, March 5th. Okay. Pick your five.

[D]

How many are there to work with?

[C]

There's looks like there's 15 to work with.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

Okay. Bad Company, the Black Crows, Mariah Carey, Chubby Checker, Joe Cocker, Billy Idol, Cyndi Lauper, Joy Division, New Order Mania, Oasis Outcast, Fish Soundgarden, the White Stripes. Some people are saying this is some.

[D]

Huge majority of those.

[C]

Some people are saying this is one of the weakest nominating classes. I would argue that this is one of the better nominated class. Now, I know every year we can have this debate. Yeah, okay. But I really do think there's a couple in here that are just. They have to be in. They have to be in. Okay, you ready? You want me to review again?

[D]

Well, no, hold on. Let me give you two right off the bat that I think. I think Chubby Checker and without a doubt, White Stripes.

[C]

Without a doubt. Jack Black is. I mean.

[D]

He also has a band.

[C]

Yeah. Jack Black has done so much for rock and roll with that movie. He did Rocket. What is it, My School of Rock or whatever? Yeah, Jack, listen, Tenacious D is another conversation altogether. I don't think they're Rock and Roll hall of Fame. They've done a lot, but I don't know that it's Rock and Roll hall of Fame level. But they're good in their own right. Right. But they're a comedy band, and it's kind of like, you know, they had one or two albums that they actually put together of their own music, and they do a lot of COVID tunes. Okay. So I agree with you on Chubby Checker. This certainly cannot be the first time that he has been nominated. He. That he was back in the 50s and he was one of the twist. Yeah. One of the original rock and roll stars. Like rock and roll. Chubby Checker. You think of those two go hand in hand, way back in the day when they were just talking about this newfangled thing called rock and roll, making the kids shake their hips and literally jizz on each other. That's what they were afraid of. Girls were going to get pregnant because they were shaking their hips. And maybe it was true. I don't know.

[D]

Maybe.

[C]

Yeah. A lot of kids, those boomers, they boomed. Yeah. Rock and roll made them shake their hips. So Chubby Ch. Checker, I agree with you.

[D]

Okay. I think I might have to give a nod to Atlanta with Outkast. They've put. They've done some really good stuff.

[C]

Outkast changed the landscape of music in their own way. I think they are groundbreaking, revolutionary, no doubt about it. And certainly puts Atlanta on the map. And I do think that outkast deserves their place in the Rock and Roll hall of Fame now. They're one of the younger groups that are there inside of the nominating class. So I don't know, because you also have Joe Cocker.

[D]

I was gonna say Joe Cocker, who?

[C]

Joe Cocker is. Got an iconic voice.

[D]

He really does.

[C]

He's saying so many.

[D]

He never wrote any of his own music, though.

[C]

What's that?

[D]

Isn't that funny?

[C]

He didn't. I know he didn't write any of his.

[D]

But he got that voice.

[C]

Got that voice. Well, with that kind of voice, you just sit around smoking a lot of cigarettes, drinking a lot of Whiskey, you are so beautiful to me can you see Joke. That song alone. Right? But then he played Woodstock, and I mean, a lot. Okay. But I agree with you. He didn't write all of his own songs. I still think he deserves his. As one of the more iconic voices in rock and roll. Joe Cocker deserves to be in there. Billy Idol, I could skip for now. I'm not like, yeah, okay, yeah. Wedding.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I mean, I like him, but. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. I don't know. It's a little Billy Idols. A little. He's like campy punk. You know what I'm saying? And I'm not sure that I'm. He's like a slicky glossy kind of manufactured. Not saying that Billy Idol didn't have a good song.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. And I think he's a nice. He's a cool. Seems like a cool guy, but I'm not sure that. I'm not sure I would pick him in this round.

[D]

Right.

[C]

Right. Oasis. Oasis. I mean, you do have to say Oasis deserves their place in rock and roll. His.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

So I'm going Chubby Checker, Black Crows, Joe Cocker, Outcast, the White Stripes. But that leaves out Fish.

[D]

I know.

[C]

And that leaves out Oasis.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

And how do you do that? Bad Company I could give a shit about. I mean, I just don't care about Bad Company. I'm sorry. They're not. I just don't like their music. But I know that a lot of people, you know, you're a certain kind of person if you like Bad Company. I don't. And I don't hate you. I don't hate you for that. But I just think of, like, you know, you have a Harley Davidson that you ride once every three years. You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't know.

[D]

That's just, you know, I mean, they're good.

[C]

Bad Company. Yeah, they're good. They had their moment. I guess I wasn't alive for it. So. I don't know. It's not. It's not my thing. And I know I'm getting a lot of people that say, you know, Bad Company's my favorite. Okay. Bad Company's your favorite? Okay. Don't be mad at me. Go somewhere else. Stop it. Stop yelling at me. Cyndi Lauper. Cyndi Lauper Lauper. She did a lot for the MTV generation. She was one of the original video stars. Her voice, anything she touches turns to gold with that voice of hers.

[D]

I do really like Cyndi Lauper.

[C]

Yeah. It's so original. Listen, I say all of them, except for Joy Division, New Order.

[D]

No, I love Joy Division, New Order.

[C]

I do love Joy Division, New Order.

[D]

I really love them.

[C]

But if you have to, like, take one out, I would say Joy Division, New Order. Might have to wait till another nominating class. Mania. I'm sorry, don't know who they are, but okay, sure, I'm going to say Mania because I don't want to be insensitive. Man. DEI stands strong here in the commercial break. Many. They're it. Yeah. This is a tough one. Mariah Carey, Rock and Roll hall of Fame. Mariah Carey, you know, I mean, she's.

[D]

Got a beautiful voice.

[C]

No doubt.

[D]

Gorgeous voice.

[C]

She should be in the Beautiful Voice hall of Fame.

[D]

She should be.

[C]

Yes.

[D]

They need categories.

[C]

They do need categories. And I understand that over the last three decades, the Rock and Roll hall of Fame has really come to include all musicians in general. If you are a pop sensation in any way, shape or form, if you have any clout as far as music is concerned, you could get a nomination for the Rock and Roll hall of Fame. And I ain't mad at that, because without that, then we don't have Outkast. You know, some people might say Outcast is not rock and roll. Well, it's not, but they have a rock and roll vibe. They certainly are a lot more edgy than most. Right. So I would include Outcast in that. Sound Garden is also in there, too, but Sound Garden is young. They're new to the nominations. So I think this is like their second or maybe their third nomination. They can live a few more nominations. They'll get in there. Don't worry. Kids, don't be mad at me. They'll be in there. Just give it a couple more years.

[D]

Well, speaking of kids, Fish, I mean, they've been pretty transformative to that whole landscape.

[C]

They've been transformative to music in general. Let me explain why Grateful Dead did this to great effect. Grateful Dead is in. In my opinion, is the most Americana band that has ever been. Not because they're my favorite band, although I do like the Grateful Dead, but because they did it all without big corporate dollars behind them. They were one of the biggest bands in the world and still to this day are one of the biggest bands in the world. Yes. And you may have never even heard a Grateful Dead song, because there's only one that I can think of, maybe two. Casey Jones and. What's the other one? We'll Get By. Yeah. Touch of Gray and Casey Jones. Maybe those two you have heard because.

[D]

They had Some commercials.

[C]

Yeah, they had radio hits, right? There were radio hits in general and an MTV hit with Touch of Gray. But the rest of their music, largely their catalog, is shite. It's the live music that everybody wanted to see. They wanted to go experience. That's right. They built a traveling cult of human beings who did drugs, got naked, and found a way to survive for summers at a time, springs at a time, winters at a time, just on the kindness of strangers. And then they saw some good music at the time. If you listen to the Grateful Dead early on, it's really quite crap, actually, in my opinion. Musically, they're figuring it out. But that's part of the beauty of the Grateful Dead is they figured it out in front of audiences, show after show, time after time, night after night, 300 nights a year. They never went home, they never slept. They just, like, got high and made music until they figured out how it sounded good. And that sometimes would take 400, 500 shows to make a single song sound okay. They did that to great effect with great commercial success. Excuse me, with great success without the commercialization. Now, there's Grateful Dead on everything. There's a fucking, you know. Yeah, yeah.

[D]

Steal your face everywhere.

[C]

But that's not always necessarily the Grateful Dead's machine doing that. That's people who enjoy the Grateful Dead. Fish picked up directly where they left off. And, you know, Fish has had a little bit more commercial success, but not much. But they are still around 35 years.

[D]

Amazing shows.

[C]

Yes, they have been through their ups and their downs. Trey had to take four years off because he was addicted to heroin. Listen, they have done amazing things, and there is not a Fish show that does not sell out. There is not a Fish show that does not sell out. And they have done it so well, and in the lineage of the Grateful Dead, that when the Grateful Dead decided after Jerry died that they would get together for a couple more shows, you know who they picked? They picked Trey from Fish to stand up and be Jerry or in place of Jerry and stand in his stead. And those were hugely commercially successful shows. So you may have never heard of Fish show except for Sample in a Jar. You may have never heard of Fish concert. You may have never been to one. But I guarantee you have friends that have. I guarantee you know people who have been to Fish or I guarantee, you know, people who are going to ship shows that were influenced directly by fish. Yeah, they have had their tentacles in all kinds of musical history. I am not a cuck for Fish. I like the Band I like their music. I've been to shows. I enjoy watching them live. It's not my favorite, you know, band ever, but I would say they certainly have earned their place. Like the Grateful Dead earned their place in the Rock and Roll hall of Fame. Fish, it's a. In a lot of ways, is another Americana band.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

That is highly successful. So Fish deserves their place. Outkast deserves their place. Joe Cocker deserves his place. The Black Crows deserve their place. The White Stripes deserve their place.

[D]

Yeah, there's a lot of good ones.

[C]

We could talk about, like White Stripes. We talk about how that's influenced music in all kinds of ways. The revolutionary band making music on their own terms. The Black Crows, they're just in your face. Rock and roll. And that voice that Chris Robinson has. And those two brothers, the way they're always punching each other on stage and kicking each other in the balls. And, Stu, that's one of the great rock and roll stories of all time, along with Oasis. Those two brothers. The stories of four brothers who can't fucking get along. And they make great music and they can't get out of their own fucking way to get on stage and make us all happy. Fuck all you.

[D]

They're still doing really well. They played Mempho.

[C]

Who did?

[D]

Black Crows.

[C]

Oh, I know. Oh, they're talking about Oasis. I was like, what? Really?

[D]

Well, those are brothers, too.

[C]

That's what I said.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah, that's what I said. You got two sets of brothers that can't get along to save their life and make wonderful music. Both of them like both sets of brothers. So I would like you and Kevin. Like Kevin and I. Kevin couldn't play an instrument to save his life, but I know the Saxophone or the SexyPhone, if you don't mind. I play alto. What do you play? Nothing. That's right, Kev. You should have stuck with it, because do you know how many times the Sexyphone has gotten me laid? 0. 0.

[D]

But just the fact that you can, you know, that you know about it and have put your lips there.

[C]

I have put my lips all over the sexyphone. I get my reed wet every time. But by the way, window instruments are some of the most disgusting things in the world. Trumpeters are always spitting their saliva all over the floor. I mean, I was in band for a long time. I know how to play a sexyphone. Not very well, but I was second chair because I was too lazy to be first chair.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

And I agreed with my band director's decision. I was like, I don't Want to. All that pressure to practice. No, I'll just let him play and I'll pretend when the solo comes on, just give me an ad. A D. Ad. A D. But I knew how. I knew the notes and I knew how to play. And, you know, I would also not toot my own horn. I won a few local awards for my sexy phone playing, mainly because the guy in the first chair would come with me competitions. And he was very good. Russell. It was Russell and Brian who are mainly Russell. And the people who were judging the competitions would be like, well, I'm not even sure the second guy played anything. He just pretended. But Russell was really good. We would practice for weeks and I would just return. Anyway, whatever that. Those wind instruments, when you have to get a reed wet, you just have to keep on licking it until it's wet and warm. I mean, like, if you think about it, it's all kind of gross now. In my old age, I'm not sure that my germaphobes would handle the sexy phone, but back in the day, I could get a read Web. I think that's where I got my tongue skills.

[D]

There you go.

[C]

There you go. All right. So that is the nominating class of 2025 for the Rock and Roll hall of Fame. So haters be damned. I think this is a really. I think these are really hard choices, actually. I think so, too, if you don't mind. Oh, oh. Don't worry about all that water around all those electrical wires. Brian just kicks over a glass. Yeah, I think it's a really hard choice. And I don't even know that I could pick five. But I would have to say Joe Cocker, outkast. I think Fish. I think the Black Crows and White Stripes. Yeah. Chubby Checker. I guess I would get all of them. Yeah, I would get all of them. I really would. Well, Mariah Carey, Bad Company and I'm sorry. Joy Division. I know so many people love Joy Division. New Order. I know, I know. I was never into that unless I was dating, like, a goth girl. And then all of a sudden, I became like a New Order fan. I was like, oh, yeah, I love New Order. That's great. That's great. What is. What songs do they sing? Yes. I know that there is a big cult following for Joy Division, New Order, and so can't shit on them too much, but if I had to take a couple of out the out and to say, okay, next time, just for this year. Just for this year, yeah, I'd say New Order, Joy Division next year I'd say Mariah Carey next year, I'd say Bad Company next year. And I'd say Soundgarden next year. Because Soundgarden's gonna get it. They're gonna. Eventually.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Chris Cornell died, and posthumously. He was one of the more interesting voices Garden.

[D]

Especially in the time of Soundgarden. Whoa.

[C]

Bad Motor Finger, if to me, is one of the transformative albums of my life. It. It was like the first grunge album.

[D]

Stone Temple Pilots, Soundgarden. What was the other one?

[C]

I was just gonna say Alison Chains, Pearl Jam, Nirvana. Yeah. And so many hundreds of years. Yeah, me too. But Soundgarden, they were older than the rest, and they were first. They were like, in the 80s, they were making music that was starting to sound a little edgy. Like the time of. Of Guns N Roses. They were one of the first OG Original Seattle sound bands. And that Bad Motor Finger came out just. It, like. It, like, preempted a little bit of all of that. Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Alison, Chains, Hype. Stone Temple Pilots came a couple years later. But I will tell you what. That Soundgarden album, I bought it in Chicago on a trip home, like, back to go visit family. And my aunt let me buy it at a CD store because I had heard one song and I wore the shit out of that album. I couldn't believe it. Like, it was, like, sonically explosive. And I just loved it in his voice. Oh, it was like cutting. It's like a hot knife cutting butter. It was unbelievable. Chris Cornell may rest in peace, my friend. Another great one gone. I can't believe Eddie's still here, actually. I can't believe Eddie Bedder's still here.

[D]

He's coming to Atlanta.

[C]

What's that?

[D]

They're coming to Atlanta. Are you going?

[C]

I got tickets for both nights. Ooh, you did tickets for both nights? You think I'm gonna miss Pearl Jam?

[D]

Of course not.

[C]

I got Pearl Jam, I got Oasis, and for some reason, I got Shakira. Don't ask me why. I don't know. I'm head. We're going to go see Ari Shafir. We're going to do Oasis. We're going to do Pearl Jam. We're going to do Shakira. I guess we got a lot of things on the books, actually, which is surprising. We need to probably find a babysitter. That reminds me. So why don't we do this? Let's take a break. I'll find a babysitter for all my activities this spring and summer, and then when we get back, a good game of would you rather Chrissy, TCB style. We'll be back.

[E]

Let me do something Brian has never done.

[C]

Be brief.

[E]

Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break. Text or call us 212-4333, tcb. That's 212-433-3822. Visit our website tcbpodcast.com for all the audio, video and your free sticker. Then watch all the [e-mail] thecommercialbreak and finally share the show. It's the best gift you could give a few aging podcasters. See, Brian, that really wasn't that difficult, now, was it? You're welcome.

[C]

All right, let's play a little game. I asked our good friend GPT. I asked chat. Chatty, chatty, chatty. Pt.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

A p T. A p T. Apata, Apata. Have you heard that song? The Apata Apata. So my kids were running around, sing. One of my kids was like, apata, Appata. And I'm like, what's up? What is that? And then I realized it's a Bruno Mars song where you say, meet me at the Apata. Apata. The apartment. The apt. The apartment. And I was like, God damn, my kids aren't even old enough to wipe their own butts, some of them. And they're already saying words that I don't understand. So I had to ask ChatGPT, what does Apata mean? Upata. Upata. So anyway, so I have been playing with ChatGPT, and I told ChatGPT, go out there, find all the available information about the commercial break, which is a lot because we're thousands of episodes into this stupid show. And I said, read all those transcripts. And then I want you to do a Would you rather commercial break style? So revolving around tcb. Now, not all of them are super specific to the to tcb. Some of them are more generalized because I think the transcripts sometimes aren't easily readable to things like ChatGPT because we just are listenable or listenable. Fair enough. That's. That's true too. But I thought we'd play a little. Would you rather tcb? What do you think?

[D]

Okay, I'm in.

[C]

Oh, yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, it's Tuesday. Now shine your shoes. Put the kids to bed. Would you rather Brian or Chrissy? Anybody for Brian? Anybody? All right, we hit that down just a little bit. There you go. Perfect. Okay, here you go. Rather. Ready? Rather.

[D]

Than ready.

[C]

Speaking of Dan Rather, Lester Holt is leaving MSNBC. I mean, NBC. Wow. Okay. He's been doing that for 15 years. I didn't realize it had been that long. It felt like just yesterday. Felt like just yesterday.

[D]

Not that I give a no. Okay?

[C]

I don't. The only reason why I watched the last five minutes because the kids like to watch Wheel of Fortune. So we'll turn it on five minutes ahead of time. All right? Would you rather TCB style. Here you go. Chrissy, would you rather co host an episode with Brian during one of his angry days?

[D]

Oh, my God. I can't believe that chatbeat picked up on your angry days. You do have them.

[C]

It said during one of his tangent days. But I'm. I'm paraphrasing so that we understand. But hold on, Chrissy, hold on, because you haven't heard the second part.

[D]

What is the second option?

[C]

Or co host with Chrissy after three vodkas. That's what it says.

[D]

Obviously, I'm going vodkas.

[C]

I'm probably going vodkas too. Yeah, I'm doing vodka.

[D]

That's really.

[C]

I can be kind of ornery. Would you rather. This is. This is to the audience, but we'll answer for you. Would you rather have your most embarrassing story shared on the commercial break or accidentally send a nude email to your entire contact list? Well, let me think about that one, too. Well, I've already had my. All my embarrassing stories.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Here on the commercial.

[D]

That was my first choice. But depending on the nude. I don't know. Could be a tasteful.

[C]

A tasteful nude to your dad.

[D]

No.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. No. Everybody you've ever worked with. All those random guys at the bar that you've never cleaned out their phone numbers.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Embarrassing story on the commercial. We've already been.

[D]

I need to clean up my contact list.

[C]

Yeah, me too. I really do. We turn it down just a little bit more. Thanks, Tina. I appreciate it. For some reason, it's very loud in my ears. Would you rather be a guest on an episode where Brian's talking about pyramid? Oh. Would you rather be a guest focusing on you as a pyramid schemer or a cringeworthy pickup artist?

[D]

Oh, pickup artist.

[C]

Pickup artists, for sure. Yeah. Because we. We kind of like the pickup artists. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Pyramid schemers. I don't have any. I don't suffer for those. But the pickup artists. Sometimes I'm like, okay, I get what you're saying.

[D]

No, we. We'd love to see have one on.

[C]

Yes. Oh, that's true. We'd love to have a pickup artist on. I'm just too afraid to ask them because then you know, you ask Frankie B. So many people write in and they're like, get Frankie B. On. Get Frankie B. On. I'd love to do that. But then the game's over. Like, if he comes on, I mean, maybe it's not.

[D]

He's real.

[C]

Yeah. What's that?

[D]

He's real.

[C]

Yeah, he's real. And he's probably gonna be nice and we're probably gonna like him, and then it's gonna be hard to bust on his ball. You know, we've had people on that were like, we had questionable thoughts about. Yeah.

[D]

We're like, we love them.

[C]

And we're like, oh, they're really great. At least most of us did. Some of us didn't agree. Would you rather join Brian on a misadventure in the jungle?

[D]

Check. Or done that.

[C]

Yes. Or accompany Chrissy on a wild night with hazy memories?

[D]

Wait, we've done.

[C]

Well, we've done both of them at the same time.

[D]

So separately and at the same time.

[C]

Would you rather be the subject of a TCB deep dive into your awkward teenage years or have them analyze all of your social media posts in the last three years?

[D]

I'm going social media posts because I don't post many.

[C]

Well, yeah, for you, but if you're, like a regular listener, I'm probably saying if you're. If you've made it past 30 years old, you'd probably rather a deep dive into your teenage years, because at least then you can say, well, with some hindsight, I'm a better person. But, you know, if you're.

[D]

No, I don't have bad memories.

[C]

Harding, Kanye West. Social media posts that I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna feel good about it. Hold on one second.

[D]

I don't have bad memories from my teenage years.

[C]

You don't have bad memories from your teenage years? I don't have. I mean, yeah, I do have bad memories from my teenage years. Would you rather be featured in a TCB segment about dating fails or a TCB segment about bizarre restraining order?

[D]

You mean like I'm the subject of dating fails or restraining orders?

[C]

Yes. I mean, that's an easy one. Dating fails. Dating fails. Yeah. GPT. They took that one to the extreme. Would you rather have Brian prank call your boss live on the podcast or have Chrissy send a flirty text message to your wife? I'd say flirty text message.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

You just say, ah. It's. They have an AI text message system. She does that to everybody.

[D]

I'll send to the flirty. To Astrid Yeah.

[C]

You wouldn't want me prank calling your boss because it's likely you'd end up without a job. Yeah. You know, I used to do prank calls.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

For the show. And I called such infamous people as O.J. simpson, Bill Murray, but not a lot of them made him on air because I was like, I don't know what the legality is of recording these and throwing them out there. Although lots of other shows do it. I'm sure that they're. I'm sure there's some loophole that lets me do it. Maybe someday I'll play it. I called O.J. simpson. He answered the phone. Just letting you know that. And I think we might have played portion of that on one of our shows, but I called OJ he answered the phone, sounded like he was on the golf course, and we talked for a minute, and he laughed at me and hung up. Would you rather have an awkward first date recounted on the. On TCB or have them discuss your most recent wardrobe choices?

[D]

Or have. Okay, like, if. If it's okay. Wardrobe choices.

[C]

Wardrobe choice. Yeah, I think so. For sure. You don't want us discussing your relationships, that's for sure. No, we're bad at that. Would you rather participate in a TCB game where you have to guess the outcome of a bizarre news story or one where you have to decipher the meaning of obscure slang terms?

[D]

Ah, go in. News story.

[C]

I think. News story. I think that's an easy. I don't. I don't think either way. Fine.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah. Would you rather have Brian and Chrissy critique your karaoke performance or your toast at a wedding? Oh, your karaoke performance, definitely. Because if we did your wedding, you'd be out of the family. Would you rather have your high school yearbook photo displayed on TCP's social media or have them share your most awkward childhood nickname? Well, I would say social media because no one actually looks at our social media, so there you go. At least people listen to the show. Would you rather have your Brian and Chrissy attempt. Your Brian attempt to set you up on a blind date or have them plan your next birthday party? That's a good one. I don't know. I mean, I think if we were given a list. I'll tell you what I think we could do just as good picking a blind date as some of those television shows.

[D]

We're gonna try that.

[C]

We were gonna try that, but again, I was worried about the legalities should something bad happen. Yeah, I just don't know. Yeah. Hooking them up with stalkers and murderers. And then all of a sudden, I'm in a courtroom, you know, someone. Something bad is happening.

[D]

A birthday party.

[C]

Yeah. Do you remember that Jenny Jones lady?

[D]

Yes.

[C]

Okay. Jenny Jones. The Jenny Jones show was just as popular as Jerry Springer at one point and almost as popular as Oprah. Jenny Jones show started taking on that kind of Jerry Springer esque type of attitude and mood.

[D]

She did.

[C]

And someone murdered somebody after they were set up or confronted on a date on the Jenny Jones Show. Something along those lines. And the Jenny Jones show went away within a year. It went away.

[D]

Yeah, because same thing happened with Springer. Remember on that documentary they were talking about?

[C]

Yeah, but Springer continued. I mean, Springer went on. Yeah, because he lawyered up, I guess. I'm not sure. But we don't have. We don't have the money to pay for lawyers around here.

[D]

No.

[C]

Would you rather have your most embarrassing voicemail played on the podcast or read your last series of drunk text messages? I'd say please. Neither.

[D]

Yeah, I mean, you have to choose, I guess. Drunk text messages.

[C]

I think my most embarrassing voicemails are probably really embarrassing. And I know exactly who I would have sent them to. And people would be like, he's a monster. I mean, you know, Madison.

[D]

You sent him to Madison.

[C]

What's that? Mads? Mads. Did I send it to Mads? If you're watching Love is Blind, then you know, I K N Y K Y N Y. Would you rather have Brian and Chrissy improv. Improvise a skit about your most recent mishap or have them reenact your most awkward family gathering?

[D]

Wait, what was the first again?

[C]

Do a skit about your most recent mishap.

[D]

Most recent mishap.

[C]

Whatever that is. Yeah.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

Spilling coffee in front of a bunch of strangers, showing a photo of your dog during a PowerPoint presentation. I don't know.

[D]

Or a cat.

[C]

Cat.

[D]

Not a cat.

[C]

I'm not a cat. I'm no cat.

[D]

I don't care. Either one.

[C]

Yeah, I don't care. Whatever. Would you rather have your Whatever. That's not that. Would you rather have your Internet browsing history discussed by TCB or have them analyze your most recent dreams?

[D]

Oh, analyze the dreams.

[C]

Analyze the dreams. Yeah, I would not. Anyone. Anyone looking at my history, Especially not ours. No, that computer. That computer is. That computer is a national treasure right there. Yeah. Would you rather have your most awkward high school memory turned into a TCB bit or have them dramatize your last terrible job interview?

[D]

I guess. Job interview. That would be funny.

[C]

Yeah, I'd say school memory only because so much time has passed and school was like. All my school memories are awkward. You know what I'm saying? And I think most people's are. Would you rather have Brian and Chrissy provide commentary on your most recent social media photos or have them read aloud your last five text messages to your loved one? I'd say the social media photos because we all put up there what we want people to see. Yeah. There's not going to be anything too embarrassing. However, Astrid and I, you know, Astrid and I are married. Sometimes we say things like, you know, did you call the divorce attorney? Or meet me in the bedroom in.

[D]

Five minutes, there's time.

[C]

The guest bedroom. The guest bedroom. Would you rather have your most embarrassing moment in public in a public place discussed on TCB or have them discuss your most disgusting habits? It o my most public place embarrassment, I think for sure. Yeah. I don't want anyone to know about my bad habits. It's cream and cereal. Yeah, but you don't want me see it. You don't want to see that. It's an ugly thing. You know, it's like when, you know when animals die in movies, they don't really show it because it's, it's going to make everybody all upset. Yeah, you don't want to see it. Yeah, yeah. That's kind of like my cereal of cream. You don't want to see it. You know it's there, you know it happened, but you don't want to see it. Would you rather have Brian and Chrissy have you confront your most irrational fear or have them know your most common daydream?

[D]

I think help. Help the irrational fear.

[C]

Yeah, sure. But I have a lot of irrational fears. That's so. I don't know, it'd be hard to pick one, I think. Would you rather have Brian and Chrissy speculate or would you rather have Brian and Chrissy display your most unusual talent or have them know about your most guilty television pleasures? This is an interesting one, chat. I do have to say that it.

[D]

Is an interesting one. I don't know, I mean, I feel like I've said my TV guilty pleasures.

[C]

Yeah, we've already talked about our TV guilty pleasure, so I don't know necessarily that that's that big of a deal. So probably that one. Would you rather have Brian create a mock advertisement for your the product you sell or have them do a parody about your favorite hobby? Probably free advertisement. That's what I'm going for. Even if it's a Mock. It's a free advertisement. Do you know what I'm saying?

[D]

We used to be in advertising. Yeah, we still are.

[C]

There you go.

[D]

According to who we tell.

[C]

According to us. Okay. And one more here. Would you rather have Brian and Chrissy read random pages of your diary.

[D]

Or.

[C]

Have them know about your most. Most embarrassing sex story? Oh, neither. Thank you.

[D]

I would rather want to know about someone's most embarrassing sex story.

[C]

I don't know. I think reading random pages in a diary might be interesting too. Although you're probably gonna get like, you know, random musings about the lady at Starbucks or something like that.

[D]

I do a show about, like, things that happen during sex. Bad things that have happened during sex.

[C]

Send Me to the er. Yes, yes. Sex Send Me to the ER is one of the most more fascinating television shows that's out there.

[D]

You really need to stop putting light bulbs.

[C]

There's all kind of crazy on that show. Yeah, and it's on at 2 o' clock in the afternoon.

[D]

I know.

[C]

Which means sometimes my children. Because I watch a lot of tlc, sometimes my children are watching it and I'm like, oh, shit, you guys shouldn't be watching this. What are you doing? Why are you watching this? All right, okay. So that's the TCB version. I got a couple more. Would you rathers? Maybe we'll throw them out in the next. Next segment. Why don't we do this? Let's take a short break and when we get back, more fun and shenanigans with Chrissy and Brian. We'll be back.

[E]

Hey, it's Rachel, your new voice of God here on tcb. And just like you, I'm wondering just how much longer this podcast can continue. Let's all rejoice that another episode has made it to your ears. And I'll rejoice that my check is in the mail. Speaking of mail, get your free TCB sticker in the mail by going to tcb, tcb podcast.com and visiting the Contact Us page. You can also find the entire commercial break library audio and video, just in case you want to look at [e-mail]. want your voice to be on an episode of the show? Leave us a message at 212-4333, TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Tell us how much you love us and we'll be sure to let the world know on a future episode. Or you could make fun of us.

[D]

Us.

[E]

That'd be fine, too. We might not air that. But maybe. Oh, and if you're shy, that's okay. Just send a text. We'll respond. Now I'm gonna go check the mailbox for payment while you check out our sponsors, and then we'll return to this episode of the Commercial break.

[C]

All right, and we're back. We're doing a little. Would you rather let's do it without the music this time? Because I think the music felt a little too loud in my ears for some reason. Sometimes I like the music, and sometimes I'm like, yeah, I think it just depends on what kind of mood I'm in. Man. Brian on a T. Brian on an angry day, here I am. I can't believe it said that. It did. All right, so these are not specific to tcb. These are some. Would you Rathers not specific to tcb. But I thought we'd ask them anyway. Ask them. Ask them anyway.

[E]

Okay.

[C]

Let me take a drink of water while we're at it, because I feel like after two hours of talking, my mouth is dry, and I'll spill it all over myself in the process. The older I get, the more I'm just, like, spilling and dribbling. Sometimes I'm eating, and my nose starts to run like my grandpa's did, and I'm like, what? Why is my nose running?

[D]

Cause you keep it freezing wherever you go.

[C]

I do keep it freezing wherever I go. And I have absolutely no nose hair because I cannot stand it. And I know that every single, like, ear, nose, and throat doctor will tell you that that's the worst possible thing you can do. You're inviting disease and sickness. But I just can't take it. I'm not going to be one of those guys who's got nose hair.

[D]

You know, you can just trim a little bit.

[C]

Yeah, I let it. I just. I. I'm all the. I'm, like, all sticking that thing halfway up my sinus cavity. I can't stand it. If I see a hair, I'm like, ah. And why is it that when you get to a certain age, your ear and nose hair grows faster than anything else on your body? It's like, where did that come from? Yeah, Esther and I were talking about, like, we each have, like, one eyebrow hair that when I wake up in the morning, all of a sudden, it'll just be, like, sticking out. It was like, it wasn't there yesterday, and now it's three inches long. What happened overnight? The little goblin come and pull it out. I mean, it's so weird, so strange how your body works all right, ready?

[D]

I'm ready.

[C]

Would you rather get caught watching porn by your grandparents or your boss? Oh, that's a good one.

[D]

Boss.

[C]

Boss. Yeah, boss. Listen, I'm gonna have. I'll have no job after this, but one could make the argument that you would have a bunch of bosses over the course of a lifetime. And if you got a cool one, they'll understand totally. Even. Even at the office, sometimes you need to get one out. But your grandparents, it's a hard thing to put back in the bag, you know, they see you as their little. My little kitty. My little sassy baby. Honey, it's time for dinner. Oh, my God. Is that a penis going into an asshole? Yeah, Grandma. I'm just jerking one off. Oh, I'm not making any more pancakes for you. But your boss would be like, oh, who is that?

[D]

Which one is that? I saw that one.

[C]

Is that Tina Taylor? Is that Tina Taylor? And Double bang action. I love that one. That's great. Would you rather accidentally text I'm horny to your family or to your landlord? Oh, oh.

[D]

To your family or to your landlord? Like, neither.

[C]

Oh, God. I'd rather die than do either of those things.

[D]

Yes.

[C]

Yeah. Cause your landlord, like, they could kick you out, and your family, they already hate you. You know what I'm saying? I'm horny. Well, I'd rather do it to my family because they think I'm a weird human being anyway. They probably just go, what is Brian doing? What is he. What joke was that? You know, they think it was jokey. Would you rather have to give a TED Talk about your last sexual experience or your search history projected on a billboard for three days? Oh, God. Well, I do the TED Talk because it would. Like my last sexual experience. It would be very short. I just feel like I came, I saw, I came. Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

I might go, TED Talk, too. That's kind of a nightmare to even think about doing a TED Talk. You've done many talks. But it.

[C]

I've done a lot of talks.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. And. And it gets easier with time. Of course, though, the nerves never go away. You know, a lot of. We have these comics up. One of my favorite questions to ask is, do you still get the nerves? Are you still nervous before you go out on stage? I think they call it, like, the longest 15ft or something like that. Eddie Brill used to say, he termed it the LA. The longest 15ft. And what he meant by that was the 15ft between backstage and the microphone is where it all starts flooding in. Right. You get nervous. You get the, you know, know. I've heard comics say that they have like this irrational fear that they're going to pee themselves on stage. And I heard one comic who no one you would know. It was like a comic on another comic show he was ended up being a comedy writer for tv, but he had to stop doing comedy for like six years because he had an irrational fear that he was going to pee himself on the stage. So irrational that it paralyzed him from going out on stage for five years. He couldn't do stand up them. So going out and talking in front of public is never easy. I don't care who you are. And if you don't have that fear, then you're just not human. I don't think so. Doing a TED Talk, one of that prestige would be really difficult. You do not want to fuck that one up. You get one shot at it usually. And people are really expecting something fantastic to come out of a TED Talk. They paid a thousand dollars to be there. They want to hear you say something brilliant. My last sexual experience is not going to be that. That is not what it's going to be. And I can choose any sexual experience and it's all going to be the same. It's not going to be super impressive, you know what I'm saying? But my search history.

[D]

Yeah, that's projected on a billboard for three days.

[C]

No, thank you. How do you lengthen. How do you lengthen your penis? Would you rather have a one night stand with someone who won't stop crying or won't stop talking? Ooh, gosh. Wow. Neither.

[D]

Neither.

[C]

Thanks.

[D]

Yeah, I've had. I would go talking, I guess.

[C]

I think I've had both. Yeah, I think I've had both. And I don't think either were fun.

[D]

No.

[C]

Crying in bed is a disconcerting thing and I've had it happen a number of times. And I can understand why. Look at me. No one. I mean, you come to the realization that this might be as good as it gets. This bald, hairy, fat man writhing around on you. And I've had, I've been in bed with people who. Yeah, with talkers.

[D]

Remind me to tell you what they're saying. You know, if they're giving direction and saying encouraging things of what you're doing, then talk away.

[C]

I had an experience with a.

[D]

But if you're talking about you did at work earlier than, that's different.

[C]

I had a couple of experiences with a mutual friend and the talk was not sexual in nature. I think they were trying to Deflect the intimacy of the moment or the tenderness of the moment or the maybe the embarrassment of the moment. I'm not really sure what it was, but it was kind of like this incessant need to talk so that I don't know, but I didn't want to talk. Like, okay, can we stop talking for a second so we can enjoy this? And she just kept on talking and I didn't find it to be very interesting. Yeah, but then the crying part of it. If you've been in bed, if you ever been in bed with someone that cries, that that is a reason for concern, no matter what. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. There's usually some kind of trauma behind, you know. Yeah, no thanks. Neither. I'll take neither. Would you rather have an orgasm every time you hear your name? Every time you hear your name or never be able to orgasm while music is playing? Oh, oh, that's terrible. Either way, I think, yeah, I think orgasm every time I hear my name, I guess.

[D]

Yeah, I guess that too.

[C]

We reviewed a video.

[D]

Yes, we did.

[C]

I was about a guy who, or control, couldn't control his orgasm. On a follow up note, I found a video where it was clear that that guy was making it all up even to the doctors. Like the doctors kind of caught on.

[D]

That they were like really far fetched.

[C]

Yeah, it did. He was just.

[D]

Yeah, he was like at the park.

[C]

Around kids and he was like, it was weird holding his balls. It was, it seemed a little, it seemed a little acty to me. It turned out it was acty. Would you rather moan every time you stretch or gasp dramatically every time you sit down?

[D]

That's funny.

[C]

That is a good one.

[D]

Moan when he stretch like.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, it's like that guy that I saw at the gym one time.

[D]

Oh, right.

[C]

And every time he was punching something, he'd be like. And everybody in the gym was looking at him going, what in the world is going on with you? He was fully committed to the bit too. Fully committed to the bit. I think dramatically gasp every time I sit down.

[D]

Like.

[C]

I think I do that now. I'm surprised I still can sit down with my. These aging bones. Would you rather have your partner's parents walk in on you? On. Would you rather have your in laws walk in while you're having sex or have your boss walk in while you're having sex? I'd say, again, this is boss. Yeah, I can get another job. I can't get more in laws.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Would you rather have your phone, autocorrect every word into something sexual or turn every emoji into an eggplant and a water symbol? The eggplant's in the water symbol.

[D]

I was gonna say.

[C]

Yeah, something's wrong with my phone. That's what I have to say. Yeah. Would you rather have to wear lingerie to work for a week or go commando for a year? Well, commando can be covered up. You know what I'm saying?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

You can put a pair of jeans on and go commando and I don't think I'd want to wear anything to work that reveals anything.

[D]

Not for a whole week.

[C]

No. No.

[D]

Commando.

[C]

Would you rather accidentally scream the wrong name during sex or have your partner do it to you? Oh. Oh, that is a good one.

[D]

Whoa. Because I was gonna say whatever is the opposite of calling out someone else's name. I would say that, but not if they're calling out someone else's name.

[C]

Yeah, not if they're. No, no, no, no, no, no. I think I'd much rather do it to them because I'm kind of a numbskull anyway.

[D]

Either way, that's. You're not finishing the sex.

[C]

Yeah. Either way, no one's having an orgasm.

[D]

Either way, you're done.

[C]

Either way, there's gonna be a long conversation. It's gonna be a long night. All right, how about two more? Three more about relationships. Would you rather be able to only have sex in public places or in complete silence?

[D]

Public places.

[C]

Public places. Yeah. I don't like silence. That makes me nervous when someone doesn't say anything. Been there, done that too. That's a. That's a nerve wracking one. Would you rather date someone who's amazing in bed but terrible at communicating communication or someone who's an amazing communicator but terrible in bed? Oh. Huh. I'd rather them be average at both, kind of.

[D]

Yeah, of course.

[C]

Because at least I get something out of. Out of everything. Yeah.

[D]

But if you have to choose.

[C]

I think eventually.

[D]

I would say good communicator.

[C]

Good communicator. Bad and bad.

[D]

Because you can teach somebody.

[C]

Yes, you can teach somebody.

[D]

They're already a good communicator. They're open to it.

[C]

Yes. And let's be real about the nature of sexual attraction and sex and long term relationships. It ebbs and it flows. It comes in a goes. But communication you always need. Right? So you might have periods where you're, you know, six nights a week and you might have periods where you're one time a month. You, you know, that's just the way that relationships are for so many different reasons, but you always need to have good communication, especially during the times when there's a lull in sex.

[D]

Yes.

[C]

So I'm going to go with that one. Would you rather have to role play as a different character every time you have sex or never be able to role play again? Again. I'm saying never be able to role play again.

[D]

Oh, no, I'm going every time.

[C]

You're going every time?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, such a. I need those cameras in that house. Desperate. That was easy. Oh, Chrissy, what's going on over there? Would you rather have sex with your celebrity crush once but no one believes you or never get to do it, but everyone believes you have? Oh, oh, I want to have sex with Dua Lipa. Regardless of who believes.

[D]

Right. I was gonna say I would do the crush and never have anybody believe me. That's fine.

[C]

Yeah. I don't give a shit if you think if I had. I don't care.

[D]

Whatever. I know it happened. I've got the memory.

[C]

Until this show. I've never been one to talk about my sexual exploits anyway. I don't care. Who cares?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Would you rather. Would you rather find out your partner is secretly running an only fan or secretly has a foot fetish? Oh, oh, foot fetish. Yeah, for sure.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Would you rather your partner never shave again or never wear deodorant again? Oh, neither.

[D]

Yeah, I might go deodorant.

[C]

Deodorant. Yeah. I guess I can deal with your musk.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

But you know, there is a point when it's too hairy. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, I don't mind hair down there. God bless you. God bless America. As a matter of fact, just a personal preference. I'm not a huge fan of like the totally bald thing. That to me feels a little weird. It always has.

[D]

Bush is back. I read something the other day.

[C]

Bush never went anywhere. There's a few of them.

[D]

That's what Jeff said.

[C]

Yeah. Bush is back. A few of us have been ringing that bell the whole time. Bring it back 70 style. I don't care. But there is too far. There is a little bit too far, but it's running down the side of your legs. Yeah.

[D]

Not even have the option.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. Okay. Would you rather date someone who's way too loud during sex or never makes a noise while orgasming?

[D]

Oh, way too loud.

[C]

Way too loud. I agree with that one.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

You could put me in that category. Way too loud.

[D]

Those are fun. All right, thanks, Chat.

[C]

Yeah. Thanks. Chat GPT. I like that game and it's too. Well, I got like 600 more of them. So there you go. Chat GPT. Overachiever made me a bunch of them.

[D]

There's another way.

[C]

Overachiever. There's another and another and another. It just kept on going. Even when I turned it off. It was like I woke up this morning and it was like 700 of them. Yeah.

[D]

Nice.

[C]

Cool. I like when Chad GBT does. You know, they can make us more games. We'll figure it out.

[D]

Yeah, they're a good little supplement.

[C]

Yeah. And I'm going to be honest I about it. I'm not going to be like all the other creators and not tell you that that's what I did to make that game up. Okay, there you go. So would you rather Brian not tell you that? Would you rather was made chat by Chat GPT or pretend it wasn't? Which one? You tell me.

[D]

I like the truth.

[C]

All right, send in your favorite. Would you rather. We'd love to hear it. We'll play a game and we'll use only your. Would you rather. Oh, that's Send in some. Would you rather to us. And in a couple weeks we'll play it again listener style. Only listeners. You make it about tcb. Make it about not tcp. I don't care, whatever it is.

[D]

Just I think it's an interesting one.

[C]

Oh, we will. Because some of the people that texted are really interesting. I love them all, but some of them are more interesting than others, let's put it that way. All right, so in order to do that, you got to know how to get a hold of us. And here's the Best way to 212-433-3TCB 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. We take them all right there. And also we'll listen to a voicemail or two. If you want to be the next voice on the commercial break, you could be the open of the show. Leave us a short voicemail at that number. 212-433-3822. If you don't want your name said, take it out, don't say it. And yeah, we've had people doing that lately and I really like it. Oh, yeah, there's been a few. Also some people have commented that the bits are back. The bits are back. The bits are back. So I've been making bits at the beginning of the show while you were gone. So if I have time, I will do them. Just sharing it with you. Don't expect that every time. It's hard. That's hard.

[D]

Special occasion.

[C]

Yeah, that's hard. Add the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on tick tock and YouTube.com the commercial break. Also all the audio and all the video and your free tcb sticker@tcb podcast.com. we'd love to hear from you. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today?

[D]

I think so.

[C]

But I'll tell you that I love you. Best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time. Would you rather us say good by?

[E]

I gotta get some cocaine.

[C]

That would be crazy.