I Would Rather Not!

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Commercial Break – "I Would Rather Not!" (Released February 25, 2025)

Introduction

In the February 25, 2025 episode of The Commercial Break, hosts Brian Green and Krissy Hoadley dive deep into a blend of humor, pop culture commentary, and engaging games that showcase their long-standing friendship and comedic chemistry. True to their unique style, the episode oscillates between spontaneous improvisation and structured discussions, ensuring listeners are both entertained and informed.

---

1. WSHIT News Segment: Pastor Wayne Doble's Departure [01:44 - 03:18]

The episode kicks off with a comedic news segment from WSHIT News, featuring the abrupt and humorous announcement of Pastor Wayne Doble's decision to leave Crabapple Township. Pastor Wayne, the charismatic leader of the local megachurch "Hard Sword of the Lord," reveals his unconventional reasons for departure.

• Pastor Wayne [02:25]:

  "So I pretty much every hot chick that I wanted to in Pennsylvania... If there's some that I missed, please let me know. Send me a picture because I'm moving to Nashville, Tennessee next for about two weeks."

• News Anchor [03:01]:

  "I think they call them Daisy Dukes."

This segment sets a light-hearted tone, poking fun at local news tropes and establishing the show's irreverent style.

---

2. Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Nominations Discussion [03:25 - 19:07]

Transitioning from the news snippet, Brian and Chris delve into a passionate discussion about the 2025 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame nominations. They debate the merits of various artists, blending insightful commentary with their signature twisted humor.

• Brian Green [07:46]:

  "Bad Motor Finger is one of the transformative albums of my life. It was like the first grunge album."

• Chris Hoadley [10:49]:

  "Outkast changed the landscape of music in their own way. They are groundbreaking, revolutionary."

Key highlights include:

• Chubby Checker: Both hosts agree on his foundational role in rock and roll, citing his influence on the genre's early days.

• Outkast: Celebrated for revolutionizing music and putting Atlanta on the map, highlighting their edgy vibe.

• Joe Cocker: Despite not writing his songs, his iconic voice and performances, especially at Woodstock, earn him a spot in their hearts.

• The Black Crows and The White Stripes: Discussed for their high-energy performances and unique contributions to modern rock.

• Joy Division and New Order: While fans love them, the hosts debate their immediate fit for the Hall of Fame, suggesting they might earn their place in future years.

• Phish: Compared to the Grateful Dead, emphasizing their enduring popularity and transformative impact on live performances.

This segment is rich with musical anecdotes and personal testimonials, providing a comprehensive look at the nominees through the hosts' perspectives.

---

3. "Would You Rather" Game Segment [19:07 - 66:37]

One of the episode's standout features is the extensive "Would You Rather" game, curated with the help of ChatGPT. This segment showcases the hosts' improvisational skills and their ability to navigate awkward and humorous scenarios.

Notable Interactions:

• Embarrassing Scenarios:

  • Brian [33:27]:

    "Would you rather have your most embarrassing story shared on the commercial break or accidentally send a nude email to your entire contact list?"

• Relationship Dilemmas:

  • Chris [60:52]:

    "Would you rather date someone who's amazing in bed but terrible at communicating or someone who's an amazing communicator but terrible in bed?"

• Humorous Preferences:

  • Brian [57:12]:

    "How do you lengthen your penis? Would you rather have a one night stand with someone who won't stop crying or won't stop talking?"

Throughout the game, Brian and Chris engage in playful banter, often pushing each other's comedic boundaries. Their responses range from self-deprecating humor to witty comebacks, making the segment both relatable and laugh-out-loud funny.

Favorite Moments:

• Brian's Prank Call Story [36:02]:

  "I called O.J. Simpson. He answered the phone, sounded like he was on the golf course, and we talked for a minute... he laughed at me and hung up."

• Chris on Role-Playing During Sex [61:04]:

  "I would do it every time."
  Brian [61:53]: "Oh, damn. Such a... desperate."

---

4. Listener Interaction and Future Teasers [66:37 - End]

As the episode nears its end, Brian and Chris encourage listener participation, inviting fans to submit their own "Would You Rather" questions. They tease future segments and bits, hinting at more in-depth comedy skits and interactive content.

• Brian [65:04]:

  "Send in your favorite would you rather? We'd love to hear it. We'll play a game and we'll use only your would you rather."

• Chris [66:37]:

  "Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time..."

Their genuine enthusiasm for audience engagement reinforces the show's community-driven vibe, promising more personalized content in upcoming episodes.

---

Conclusion

"I Would Rather Not!" exemplifies The Commercial Break's ability to blend humor with meaningful discussions. From satirical news segments to passionate debates on music legends and interactive games, Brian Green and Krissy Hoadley deliver an episode that is both entertaining and thought-provoking. Whether you're a longtime listener or new to the show, this episode offers a perfect window into the chaotic charm and unpolished humor that defines The Commercial Break.

Notable Quotes Recap:

• Pastor Wayne [02:25]:

  "I'm moving to Nashville, Tennessee next for about two weeks."

• Brian on TED Talk Dilemma [53:05]:

  "But my search history... No, thank you."

• Chris on Communication in Relationships [61:21]:

  "Yes."

• Brian on Would You Rather Choices [63:57]:

  "Would you rather get caught watching porn by your grandparents or your boss? Oh, that's a good one, boss."

These quotes capture the essence of the episode's humor and the hosts' dynamic interactions.

Transcript

[Chumba Casino Ad]

Ready to level up. Chumba Casino is your playbook to fun. It's free to play with no purchase necessary. Enjoy hundreds of casino style games like bingo, slots and Solitaire anytime, anywhere with fresh releases every week whether you're at home or on the go. Let Shumba Casino bring the excitement to you. Plus get free daily login bonuses and a free welcome bonus. Join now for your chance to redeem some serious prizes. Play Chumba Casino today. No purchase necessary. VGW group void were prohibited by law. 18 DC supply start fresh in the.

[Rosetta Stone Ad]

New Year as you set resolutions for 2024, consider how learning a new language can enrich your life, whether through travel, career advancement or cultural appreciation. Keeping in mind everything you've learned over the last year, it's time to build on that and learning a new language can help you connect with others and explore new cultures. With that in mind, there's no better tool than Rosetta Stone, the most trusted language learning program available on desktop and mobile. Rosetta Stone IM you in the language so you truly learn to think, speak and understand it naturally with Rosetta Stone's intuitive approach. There are no English translations, you're fully immersed and the built in Truaxent feature acts like a personal accent coach, giving you real time feedback to make sure you sound just right. Don't put off learning that language. There's no better time than right now to get started. Start the new year off with a resolution you can reach today. Listeners can take advantage of this Rosetta Stones lifetime membership for 50% off, visit RosettaStone.com Rs10. That's 50% off. Unlimited access to 25 language courses for the rest of your Life. Redeem your 50% off at rosettastone.com Rs10 today.

[WSHIT News Anchor]

And welcome back to WSHIT 6:15 on the Studio clock. Sad news for the Crabapple Township this morning. Last night WSHIT learned that Pastor Wayne Doble will be taking his sabbatical and traveling throughout the southeastern United States for the next coup, looking for new sheep for his flock. Pastor Wayne, of course, local to the Crabapple area, grew up here and started Crabapple's only megachurch, the Hard Sword of the Lord. Pastor Wayne is certainly loved by his congregation and has done so much good for the community. We're lucky enough to have Pastor Wayne on the phone right now. Pastor Wayne, I just gotta ask the question that's on everyone's mind this morning. Why are you leaving Crabapple?

[Pastor Wayne]

So I pretty much every hot chick that I wanted to in Pennsylvania, at least in the South Hills Area and the surrounding area, like, towards the Mon Valley and up to like seven Seasons, whatever they call it. Cranberry Township, up by, you know, whatever they call it. Seven Hills. Seven. Seven something. Cranberry tea. Get it?

[WSHIT News Anchor]

It's pronounced crabapple.

[Pastor Wayne]

I banged every check that I wanted to so far. If there's some that I missed, please let me know. Send me a picture because I'm moving to Nashville, Tennessee next for about two weeks. So I'm gonna tear it up there too. You know what I'm saying? They're already in the Daisy dookies, I call them.

[WSHIT News Anchor]

I think they call them Daisy Dukes.

[Pastor Wayne]

When I see a girl that has the perfect body size, six and smaller, I'm good to go. You know what I'm saying?

[WSHIT News Anchor]

Well, you heard it here first from Pastor Wayne himself. Lock your doors if you're in Nashville. We'll be back after this commercial break.

[Pastor Wayne]

Daisy Duke.

[Commercial Break Host]

On this episode of the.

[Brian Green]

Commercial Break, would you rather have to give a TED Talk about your last sexual experience or your search history projected on a billboard for three days? Oh, God. Well, I do the TED Talk because it would like my last sexual experience. It would be very short. Just be like, I came, I saw, I came.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, yeah, I might go TED Talk too.

[Brian Green]

The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co host of this show, Chris and Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris.

[Chris Hoadley]

To you, Brian.

[Brian Green]

Best of you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. Tcb Raw dogging it.

[Chris Hoadley]

All right, that's the new slogan.

[Brian Green]

Yes, that's the new slogan. Raw dog it with tcv. I thought about putting it on the. Oh. So I changed the description of the show. I asked ChatGPT to give a description of the commercial break and then I put that description on the show. But I made it clear that this was how a chat bot recently described the commercial break. So there you go. We're going all in on AI. I'm trying to get out of this seat and have AI do my. You remember how I promised that we would never be an AI show? Yeah, we're totally AI. We're all in 100%. Soon to be 100% AI manufactured and more than likely funnier than ever. Make me a mediocre comedy podcast. One already exists. It's the commercial break starring Brian Greenwig and Kristen Hodley. Hodley calls you Hodley celebrating Chrissy's birthday. Congratulations to you, my friend. Chrissy's back from Mexico. We're all here. We're having a good time. It's a birthday month, at least for another couple days. I'll let you ride for another couple days and then no more talk about Mexico making me jealous. Even though our tans are equal, we have equal tan.

[Chris Hoadley]

I was thinking about you while I was down there in the sun.

[Brian Green]

Yes, I would love this. I would love nothing more than to get a natural tan, but not in this weather. It's not happening. So I wanted to tell you, follow up on a story that you may or may not hear in the. In the future, in the week, or maybe you'll never hear it, but I was telling a story about SNL50 and how all the hype and excitement and all the people that were in Town for SNL50. That Superfly is a podcast that's on our network Odyssey with Dana Carvey and David Spade.

[Chris Hoadley]

That's right. Yeah.

[Brian Green]

David Spade was telling a story. Dana Carvey didn't go to SNL50 because he was sick. So that was a disappointment to me. One of the few people that didn't show up. That was a. That I would have liked to have seen because apparently they were going to do Wayne's World and Dana was sick, so they didn't do Wayne's World. Even though Mike Myers was there, they didn't do Wayne's World. And that, to me, would have killed it. I think that would have killed it. So David Spade tells a story about how Nate Barghatti says, I'm going to go do 1520 at the cellar. Do you want to come with me? And so they hop in a car and they go. And on the way there, David Spade calls Chris Rock. Chris Rock is taking a nap and says, yeah, if you're going to the Cellar, I'll meet you there.

[Chris Hoadley]

Count me in.

[Brian Green]

So they go to the Cellar, and then Leslie Jones is already slated to be there. So David says to the show manager, he says, okay, you know, let Leslie go up first. I'll introduce Rock and then Rock and introduce Nate or whatever, how it goes. And then the house manager and David's thinking to himself, wow, this is. These people paid 18 bucks to see this show. This is amazing. You know, they got all these great comics. Well, that wasn't. That wasn't half of it, because the hour before, the hour and a half before Steve Martin, Martin Short. And was it Jerry Seinfeld? I think Jerry Seinfeld. They had all shown up to do sets at the cellar in one night. On one night, if you paid $18, you got to see all of those people do 15, 20 minutes of standup. That is. That is the super group. That is the super group.

[Chris Hoadley]

That is 100% the definition of a super group.

[Brian Green]

Okay, so that leads me into an episode full of game playing. Here we go. Are you ready?

[Chris Hoadley]

I'm ready.

[Brian Green]

Don't play the music yet, Tina. I'm going to just do a little game with you. I want to. I want to know you have five people to induct into the Rock and Roll hall of Fame. Are you ready?

[Chris Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

Okay. I'm going to give you the list, and I want you to pick those five people. Okay, Here we go.

[Chris Hoadley]

They're not already in there.

[Brian Green]

They're not already in there. There. It's this year's nominated group. Now everyone's got a vote on them. They'll announce it later on this month, I think March 5th or something like later on next month. March 5th. Okay, pick your five.

[Chris Hoadley]

How many are there to work with?

[Brian Green]

There's looks like there's 15 to work with.

[Chris Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

Okay. Bad Company, the Black Crows, Mariah Carey, Chubby Checker, Joe Cocker, Billy Idol, Cyndi Lauper, Joy Division, New Order, Manya Oasis, outkast, Fish Soundgarden, the White Stripes. Some people are saying this is some.

[Chris Hoadley]

Of the huge majority of this.

[Brian Green]

Some people are saying this is one of the weakest nominating classes. I would argue that this is one of the better nominated class. Now, I know every year we can have this debate. Yeah, okay. But I really do think there's a couple in here that are just. They have to be in. They have to be in. Okay, you ready? I mean, to review again?

[Chris Hoadley]

Well, no, hold on. Let me give you two right off the bat that I think. I think Chubby Checker and without a doubt, White Stripes.

[Brian Green]

Without a doubt. Jack Black is. I mean, Jack has a band. Yeah. Jack Black has done so much for rock and roll with that movie. He did Rocket. What is High School of Rock or whatever? Jack, listen, Tenacious D is another conversation altogether. I don't think they're Rock and Roll hall of Fame. They've done a lot, but I don't know that it's Rock and Roll hall of Fame level, but they're good in their own. Right, Right. But they're a comedy band, and it's kind of like, you know, they had one or two albums that they actually put together of their own music, and they do a lot of COVID tunes. Okay, so I agree with you on Chubby Checker. This certainly cannot be the first time that he has been nominated. He. That he was back in the 50s and he was one of the twist. Yeah. One of the original rock and roll stars. Like rock and roll. Chubby Checker. You think of those two go hand in hand, way back in the day when they were just talking about this newfangled thing called rock and roll, making the kids shake their hips and literally jizz on each other. That's what they were afraid of. Girls were going to get pregnant because they were shaking their hips. And maybe it was true. I don't know.

[Chris Hoadley]

Maybe.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. A lot of kids, those boomers, they boomed. Yeah. Rock and roll made them shake. So, Chubby Checker, I agree with you.

[Chris Hoadley]

Okay. I think I might have to give a nod to Atlanta with outkast. They've put. They've done some really good stuff.

[Brian Green]

Outkast changed the landscape of music in their own way. I think they are groundbreaking, revolutionary. No doubt about it. And certainly puts Atlanta on the map. And I do think that outkast deserves their place in the Rock and Roll hall of Fame now. They're one of the younger groups that are there inside of the nominating class. So. I don't know, because you also have Joe Cocker.

[Chris Hoadley]

I was gonna say Joe Cocker.

[Brian Green]

Who? Joe Cocker is. Got an iconic voice.

[Chris Hoadley]

He really does.

[Brian Green]

He's saying so many.

[Chris Hoadley]

He never wrote any of his own music, though.

[Brian Green]

What's that?

[Chris Hoadley]

Isn't that funny?

[Brian Green]

He didn't. I know he didn't write any of.

[Chris Hoadley]

His voice, but got that voice.

[Brian Green]

Got that voice. Well, with that kind of voice, you just sit around smoking a lot of cigarettes, drinking a lot of whiskey. You are so beautiful to me. Can't you see? Joke. That song alone, right? But then he played Woodstock, and I mean, a lot. Okay. But I agree with you. He didn't write all of his own songs. I still think he deserves his. As one of the more iconic voices in rock and roll. Joe Cocker deserves to be in there. Billy Idol, I could skip for now. I'm not like, yeah, okay, yeah, Wedding.

[Chris Hoadley]

I like him, but, yeah, okay.

[Brian Green]

All right. Yeah. I don't know. It's a little. Billy Idol is a little. He's like campy punk. You know what I'm saying? And I'm not sure that I'm. He's like a slicky, glossy, kind of manufactured. Not saying that Billy Idol didn't have a good song.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And I think he's a nice. He's a cool. Seems like a cool Guy. But I'm not sure that. I'm not sure I would pick him in this round. Right, Right. Oasis. Oasis. I mean, you do have to say Oasis deserves their place in rock and roll. His.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

So I'm going Chubby Checker, Black Crows, Joe Cocker, Outcast, the White Stripes. But that leaves out Fish.

[Chris Hoadley]

I know.

[Brian Green]

And that leaves out Oasis.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And how do you do that? Bad Company I could give a shit about. I mean, I just don't care about Bad Company. I'm sorry. They're not. I just don't like their music. But I know that a lot of people, you know, you're a certain kind of person. If you like Bad Company, I don't. And I don't hate you. I don't hate you for that. But I just think of, like, you know, you have a Harley Davidson that you ride once every three years. You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't know.

[Chris Hoadley]

That's just, you know, I mean, they're good.

[Brian Green]

Bad Company. Yeah, they're good. They had their moment. I guess I wasn't alive for it. So I don't know. It's not. It's not my thing. And I know I'm gonna get a lot of people that say, you know, bad Company's my favorite. Okay. Bad Company's your favorite. Okay, Stop being mad at me. Go somewhere else. Stop it. Stop yelling at me. Cyndi Lauper. Cyndi Lauper, she did a lot for the MTV generation. She was one of the original video stars. Her voice, anything she touches turns to gold with that voice of hers.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, I do really like Cyndi Lauper.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it's so original. Listen, I say all of them, except for Joy Division. New Order.

[Chris Hoadley]

No, I love Joy Division. New Order.

[Brian Green]

I do love Joy Division. New Order.

[Chris Hoadley]

I really love them.

[Brian Green]

But if you have to, like, take one out, I would say Joy Division. New Order. Might have to wait till another nominating class. Manja, I'm sorry, don't know who they are, but okay, sure. I'm going to say Mania, because I don't want to be insensitive. Mania. DEI stands strong here in the commercial break. Manya, they're in. Yeah. This is a tough one. Mariah Carey, Rock and Roll hall of Fame. Mariah Carey.

[Chris Hoadley]

You know, I mean, she's got a beautiful voice.

[Brian Green]

No doubt.

[Chris Hoadley]

Gorgeous voice.

[Brian Green]

She should be in the Beautiful Voice hall of Fame.

[Chris Hoadley]

She should be.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Chris Hoadley]

They need categories.

[Brian Green]

They do need categories. And I understand that over the last three decades, the Rock and Roll hall of Fame has really come to include all musicians in general. If you are a pop sensation in any way, shape or form, if you have any clout as far as music is concerned, you could get a nomination for the Rock and Roll hall of Fame. And I ain't mad at that, because without that, then we don't have Outkast. You know, some people might say Outkast is not rock and roll. Well, it's not. But they have a rock and roll vibe. They certainly are a lot more edgy than most. Right. So I would include Outkast in that. Soundgarden is also in there, too. But Soundgarden is young. They're new to the nominations. So I think this is like their second or maybe their third nomination. They can live a few more nominations. They'll get in there. Don't worry, kids. Don't be mad at me. They'll be in there. Just give it a couple more years.

[Chris Hoadley]

Well, speaking of kids, Fish, I mean, they've been pretty transformative to that whole landscape.

[Brian Green]

They've been transformative to music in general. Let me. Let me explain why Grateful Dead did this to great effect. Grateful Dead is in. In my opinion, is the most Americana band that has ever been. Not because they're my favorite band, although I do like the Grateful Dead, but because they did it all without big corporate dollars behind them. They were one of the biggest bands in the world, and still to this day are one of the biggest bands in the world. And you may have never even heard a Grateful Dead song, because there's only one that I can think of. Maybe two. Casey Jones and. What's the other one?

[Chris Hoadley]

Touch of Gray.

[Brian Green]

We'll get by. Yeah. Touch of Gray and Casey Jones. Maybe those two you have heard because.

[Chris Hoadley]

They had some commercials.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, they had radio hits. Right. There were radio hits in general and an MTV hit with Touch of Gray. But the rest of their music, largely their catalog, is shite. It's the live music that everybody wanted to see. They wanted to go experience. That's right. They built a traveling cult of human beings who did drugs, got naked, and found a way to survive for summers at a time, springs at a time, winters at a time, just on the kindness of strangers. And then they saw some good music at the time. If you listen to the Grateful Dead early on, it's really quite crap, actually, in my opinion. Musically, they're figuring it out. But that's part of the beauty of the Grateful Dead is they figured it out in front of audiences, show after show, time after time, night after night, 300 nights a year. They never went home. They never slept. They just, like, got high and made music until they figured out how it sounded good. And that sometimes would take 400, 500 shows to make a single song sound. Okay. They did that to great effect. With great commercial success. Excuse me. With great success without the commercialization. Now, there's Grateful Dead on everything. There's a fucking, you know. Yeah, yeah.

[Chris Hoadley]

Steal your face everywhere.

[Brian Green]

But that's not always necessarily the Grateful Dead's machine doing that. That's people who enjoy the Grateful Dead. Fish picked up directly where they left off. And, you know, Fish has had a little bit more commercial success, but not much. But they are still around 35 years late.

[Chris Hoadley]

Amazing shows.

[Brian Green]

Yes, they have been through their ups and their downs. Trey had to take four years off because he was addicted to heroin. Listen, they have done amazing things, and there is not a Fish show that does not sell out. There is not a Fish show that does not sell out. And they have done it so well and in the lineage of the Grateful Dead, that when the Grateful Dead decided after Jerry died that they would get together for a couple more shows, you know who they picked? They picked Trey from Fish to stand up and be Jerry or in place of Jerry and stand in his stead. And those were hugely commercially successful shows. So you may have never heard of Fish show except for Sample in a Jar. You may have never heard of Phish concert. You may have never been to one. But I guarantee you have friends that have. I guarantee, you know people who have been to Phish, or I guarantee, you know people who are going to shows that were influenced directly by Phish. Yeah, they have had their tentacles in all kinds of musical history. I am not a cuck for Fish. I like the band. I like their music. I've been to shows. I enjoy watching them live. It's not my favorite, you know, band ever. But I would say they certainly have earned their place like the Grateful Dead earned their place in the Rock and Roll hall of Fame. Fish, in a lot of ways, is another Americana band that is highly successful. So Fish deserves their place. Outkast deserves their place. Joe Cocker deserves his place. The Black Crows deserve their place. The White Strip Stripes deserve their place.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, there's a lot of good ones.

[Brian Green]

We can talk about, like White Stripes. We talk about how that's influenced music in all kinds of ways. The revolutionary band making music on their own terms. The Black Crows, they're just in your face. Rock and roll. And that voice that Chris Robinson has, and those two brothers, the way they're always punching each other on stage and kicking each other in the balls and stuff. That's one of the great rock and roll stories of all time. Along with Oasis, those two brothers. The stories of four brothers who can't fucking get along and they make great music and they can't get out of their own fucking way to get on stage and make us all happy. Fuck all you.

[Chris Hoadley]

They're still doing really well. They played Mempho.

[Brian Green]

Who did?

[Chris Hoadley]

Black Crows.

[Brian Green]

Oh, I know. Oh, they're talking about Oasis. I was like, what?

[Chris Hoadley]

Well, those are brothers, too.

[Brian Green]

That's what I said. Yeah, that's what I said. You got two sets of brothers that can't get along to save their life and make wonderful music. Both of them like both sets of brothers.

[Chris Hoadley]

So I would like you and Kevin.

[Brian Green]

Like Kevin and I. Kevin couldn't play an instrument to save his life, but I know the Saxophone or the SexyPhone, if you don't mind. I play alto. What do you play? Nothing. That's right, Kev. You should have stuck with it because you know how many times the Sexyphone has gotten me laid? 0. 0.

[Chris Hoadley]

But just the fact that you could, you know, that you know about it and have put your lips there.

[Brian Green]

I have put my lips all over the sexyphone. I get my reed wet every time. But by the way, window instruments are some of the most disgusting things in the world. Trumpeters are always spitting their saliva all over the floor. I mean, I was in band for a long time. I know how to play a sexyphone. Not very well, but I was second chair because I was too lazy to be first chair.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And I agreed with my band director's decision. I was like, I don't want to. That pressure to practice. No. I'll just let him play and I'll pretend when the solo comes on, just give me an ad. A D. Ad. A D. But I knew how. I knew the notes and I knew how to play. And, you know, I would also not toot my own horn. I won a few local awards for my SexyPhone playing, mainly because the guy in the first chair would come with me to the competitions. And he was very good. Russell. It was Russell and Brian who are mainly Russell, Brian. The people who were judging the competitions would be like, well, I'm not even sure the second guy played anything. He just pretended. But Russell was really good. We would practice for weeks and I would just return. Anyway, whatever that. Those wind instruments, when you have to get a reed wet, you just have to keep on licking it until it's wet and warm. I mean, like, if you think about it, it's all kind of gross. Now. In my old age, I'm not sure that my germaphobes would handle the sexy phone, but back in the day, I could get a read Web. I think that's where I got my tongue skills.

[Chris Hoadley]

There you go.

[Brian Green]

There you go. All right. So that is the nominating class of 2025 for the Rock and Roll hall of Fame. So haters be damned. I think this is a really. I think these are really hard choices, actually. I think so, too, if you don't mind. Oh.

[Chris Hoadley]

Oh.

[Brian Green]

Don't worry about all that water around all those electrical wires, Brian. Just kicks over a glass. Yeah, I think it's a really hard choice. And I don't even know that I could pick five. But I would have to say Joe Cocker, Outkast. I think Fish. I think the Black Crows and White Stripes. Yeah. Chubby Checker. I guess I would get all of them. Yeah, I would get all of them. I really would. Well, Mariah Carey, Bad Company, and I'm sorry. Joy Division. I know so many people love Joy Division. New Order. I know, I know. I was never into that unless I was dating, like, a goth girl. And then all of a sudden, I became, like, a New Order f. I was like, oh, yeah, I love New Order. That's great. That's great. What is. What songs do they sing? Yes. I know that there is a big cult following for Joy Division, New Order, and so can't shit on them too much, but if I had to take a couple of out the out. And to say, okay, next time, just for this year. Just for this year, yeah, I'd say New Order, Joy Division next year I'd say Mariah Carey. Next year I'd say Bad Company next year. And I'd say Soundgarden next year. Because Soundgarden's gonna get in. They're gonna. Eventually. Chris Cornell died, and posthumously. He was one of the more interesting.

[Chris Hoadley]

Voices, especially in the time of Soundgarden. Whoa.

[Brian Green]

Bad Motor Finger. If, to me, is one of the transformative albums of my life. It was like the first grunge album.

[Chris Hoadley]

Suntippled Pilots. Soundgarden. What was the other one? I was just gonna say Alice in Chains. Alice in Chains.

[Brian Green]

Pearl Jam. Pearl Jam, Nirvana. Yeah. And so many years. Yeah, me too. But Soundgarden, they were older than the rest, and they were first. They were like, in the 80s, they were making music that was starting to sound a little edgy. Like the time of. Of Guns and Roses. They were one of the first OG original Seattle sound bands. And that Bad Motor Finger came out just it, like. It, like, preempted a little bit of all of that. Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Alison, Chains, Hype, Zone, Temple Pilots came a couple years later. But I will tell you what. That Soundgarden album, I bought it in Chicago on a trip home, like, back to go visit family, and my aunt let me buy it at a CD store because I had heard one song and I wore the shit out of that album.

[Chris Hoadley]

Oh, the whole thing.

[Brian Green]

I couldn't believe it. Like, it was, like, sonically explosive, and I just loved it. And his voice. Oh, it was like cutting. It's like a hot knife cutting butter. It was unbelievable. Chris Cornell may rest in peace, my friend. Another great one gone. I can't believe Eddie's still here. Actually. I can't believe Eddie Benner's still here.

[Chris Hoadley]

He's coming to Atlanta.

[Brian Green]

What's that?

[Chris Hoadley]

They're coming to Atlanta. Are you going?

[Brian Green]

I got tickets for both nights. Tickets for both nights? Do you think I'm gonna miss Pearl Jam?

[Chris Hoadley]

Of course not.

[Brian Green]

I got Pearl Jam, I got Oasis, and for some reason, I got Shakira. Don't ask me why. I don't know. I'm heading there. We're gonna go see Ari Shafir. We're gonna do Oasis, we're gonna do Pearl Jam, we're gonna do Shakira. I guess we got a lot of things on the books, actually, which is surprising. We need to probably find a. That reminds me. So why don't we do this? Let's take a break. I'll find a babysitter for all my activities this spring and summer. And then when we get back, a good game of Would you rather Chrissy, TCB style? We'll be back.

[Rachel]

Let me do something Brian has never done. Be brief. Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break. Text or call us. 212-4333, tcb. That's 212-433-3822. Visit our website, tcbpodcast.com for all the audio, video and your free sticker. Then watch all the [e-mail] thecommercialbreak and finally share the show. It's the best gift you could give a few aging podcasters. See, Brian, that really wasn't that difficult, now, was it? You're welcome.

[Brian Green]

This podcast is brought to you in part by our good friends at Squarespace. I love talking about Squarespace because it's one of the tools that we use in our own Business Squarespace is the all in one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just getting started or you're managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create beautiful websites, engage your audience and sell anything from products to content to time, all in one place, all on your own terms. As a lifelong, sometimes successful entrepreneur, Squarespace has grown with me. Using Squarespace, I've been able to launch multiple websites and even build a business around launching Squarespace websites because they make it easy, it looks super professional and it gives you all of the tools that you need to be successful online. Let me give you a couple examples of those tools. One of our favorites is the new Design Intelligence from Squarespace. Combining two decades of industry leading design expertise with cutting edge AI technology, you can unlock your creative potential. This helps you personalize a website unique to your needs. What about creators like me who want to sell content? Squarespace makes it easy to sell access to content on your website, courses, blogs, videos, podcasts and membership that reoccurring revenue everybody is looking for. So your clients can get access to your content for one time fees or subscriptions. And then you're definitely going to need a way to take the payments. Squarespace Payments is the easiest way to manage your payments and not get lost in a sea of coding. The onboarding is fast and simple. You can get started in just a few clicks and pretty soon you'll be receiving payments. Check out squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to Launch, go to squarespace.com commercial and you'll save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. That's squarespace.com commercial and you'll get 10% off that first purchase of a website or a domain. And thanks to Squarespace for being a continuing sponsor of our small business and the commercial break. Hey you out there in the podcast universe. I'm dropping in to share with you a podcast that I am currently enjoying. I only agree to this a couple times a year because let's face it, I really want all the attention on me and my show. But Odyssey, our network has dropped a true gem. Alright, some free word association here. Young adults looking to have the time of their life, billions of dollars in free flowing revenue. Secret administrators who will do anything to avoid bad press and cover ups with endless twist twists and turns. Put them all together, mix them up and you've got the wild universe of college campus life. And now the Odyssey original podcast, Campus Files takes a deep dive into some of the wildest scandals that have taken place within colleges and universities across this country. While these universities are attracting some of America's brightest minds, some of the most absurd things are happening there. The rigged admissions, the sports scandals, and of course, a good Greek life drama. Who doesn't enjoy a good Greek life drama? The Campus Files podcast is exposing stories you will not hear on the campus tours. Listen and follow Campus Files, an Odyssey original podcast, available now on the free Odyssey app or wherever you're listening to podcasts. And thanks to Odyssey for supporting good content and great content creators.

[Chris Hoadley]

What is Dax, are you tracking all.

[Brian Green]

Our cars on Carvana value tracker on all our devices? Yes, Kristen, Yes, I am.

[Chumba Casino Ad]

Well, I've been looking for my phone for.

[Brian Green]

In Dax's domain, we see all. So we always know what our cars are worth.

[Chumba Casino Ad]

All of them?

[Brian Green]

All of them. Value surge trucks up 3.9%.

[Chumba Casino Ad]

That's a great offer.

[Brian Green]

I know. Sell.

[Chumba Casino Ad]

Sell.

[Brian Green]

Track your car's value with Carvana value tracker today. All right, let's play a little game. I asked our good friend GPT. I asked chat chatty, chatty, chatty pt yeah. Apt A p T. Apata Apata. Have you heard that song the Upata Upata. So my kids were running around singing. One of my kids was like, up a ta Upata. And I'm like, what's up? What is that? And then I realized it's a Bruno Mars song where he'd say, meet me at the Apata Apata the apartment. The apt. The apartment. And I was like, God damn, my kids aren't even old enough to wipe their own butts, some of them. And they're already saying words that I don't understand. So I had to ask chatgpt, what does upata mean up at? So anyway, so I have been playing with ChatGPT and I told ChatGPT, go out there, find all the available information about the commercial break, which is a lot because we're thousands of episodes into this stupid show. And I said, read all those transcripts. And then I want you to do a Would you rather commercial break style? So revolving around tcb. Now, not all of them are super specific to the to tcb. Some of them are more generalized because I think the transcripts sometimes aren't easily readable to things like chat GPT because we just.

[Chris Hoadley]

Or listenable.

[Brian Green]

They are listenable. Fair enough. That's. That's true, too. But I thought we'd play a little. Would you rather tcb? What do you think?

[Chris Hoadley]

Okay, I'm in.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah. Ladies and Gentlemen, it's Tuesday night. Shine your shoes, put the kids to bed. Would you rather Brian or Chrissy? Anybody for Brian? Anybody? All right, we hit that down just a little bit. There you go. Perfect. Okay, here you go. Rather ready? Rather.

[Chris Hoadley]

Ready.

[Brian Green]

Speaking of Dan Rather, Lester Holt is leaving MSNBC. I mean, NBC. Wow. Okay. He's been doing that for 15 years. I didn't realize it had been that long. It felt like just yesterday. Felt like just yesterday.

[Chris Hoadley]

Not that I give a no. Okay.

[Brian Green]

I don't. The only reason why I watched the last five minutes, because the kids like to watch Wheel of Fortune. So we'll turn it on five minutes ahead of time. All right? Would you rather TCB style? Here you go. Chrissy, would you rather co host an episode with Brian during one of his angry days?

[Chris Hoadley]

Oh, my God, I can't believe that chatbeat GTP picked up on your angry days. You do have them.

[Brian Green]

It said during one of his tangent days. But I'm. I'm paraphrasing so that we understand. But hold on, Chrissy, hold on, because you haven't heard the second part.

[Chris Hoadley]

What is the second option?

[Brian Green]

Or co host with Chrissy after three vodkas. That's what it says.

[Chris Hoadley]

Obviously, I'm going vodkas.

[Brian Green]

I'm probably going vodkas too. Yeah, I'm doing vodkas.

[Chris Hoadley]

That's really.

[Brian Green]

I can be kind of ornery. Would you rather this is. This is to the audience, but we'll answer for you. Would you rather have your most embarrassing story shared on the commercial break or accidentally send. Send a nude email to your entire contact list? Well, let me think about that one too. Well, I've already had my. All my emergency stories here on the commercial.

[Chris Hoadley]

That was my first choice. But depending on the nude. I don't know, could be a tasteful nude.

[Brian Green]

A tasteful nude to your dad.

[Chris Hoadley]

No.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, yeah. No. Everybody you've ever worked with, all those random guys at the bar that you've never cleaned out their phone numbers.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Embarrassing story on the commercial. We've already been.

[Chris Hoadley]

I need to clean out my contact list.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, me too. I really do. We turn it down just a little bit more. Thanks, Tina. I appreciate it. For some reason, it's very loud in my ears. Would you rather be a guest on an episode where Brian's talking about pyramid? Oh, Would you rather be a guest focusing on you as a pyramid schemer or a cringeworthy pickup artist?

[Chris Hoadley]

Oh, pickup artists pick up artists for sure.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Because we. We kind of like the pickup artists.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, exactly.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Pyramid schemers. I Don't have any. I don't suffer for those. But the pickup artists, sometimes I'm like, okay, I get what you're saying.

[Chris Hoadley]

No, we. We'd love to see. Have one on.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Oh, that's true. We'd love to have a pickup artist on. I'm just too afraid to ask them because then, you know, you ask Frankie B. So many people write in, and they're like, get Frankie B. On. Get Frankie B. On. I'd love to do that. But then the game's over. Like, if he comes on, I mean, maybe it's not.

[Chris Hoadley]

He's real.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. What's that?

[Chris Hoadley]

He's real.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, he's real. And he's probably gonna be nice, and we're probably gonna like him, and then it's gonna be hard to bust on his ball. You know, we've had people on that were like, we had questionable thoughts about.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, we're like, we love them.

[Brian Green]

And we're like, oh, they're really great. At least most of us did. Some of us didn't agree. Would you rather join Brian on a misadventure in the jungle?

[Chris Hoadley]

Check Hardy done that.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Or accompany Chrissy on a wild night with hazy memories?

[Chris Hoadley]

Wait, we've done both.

[Brian Green]

We've done both of them at the same time.

[Chris Hoadley]

So separately and at the same time.

[Brian Green]

Would you rather be the subject of a TCB deep dive into your awkward teenage years or have them analyze all of your social media posts in the last three years?

[Chris Hoadley]

I'm going social media posts because I don't post many.

[Brian Green]

Well, yeah, for you, but if you're, like, a regular listener, I'm probably saying if you're. If you've made it past 30 years old, you'd probably rather a deep dive into your teenage years years, because at least then you can say, well, with some hindsight, I'm a better person. But, you know, if you're.

[Chris Hoadley]

No, I don't have bad memories.

[Brian Green]

Harding, Kanye West. Social media posts that I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna feel good about it. Hold on one second.

[Chris Hoadley]

I don't have bad memories from my teenage years.

[Brian Green]

You don't have bad memories from your teenage years? I don't have. I mean, yeah, I do have bad memories from my teenage years. Would you rather be featured in a TCB segment about dating fails or a TCB segment about bizarre restraining order?

[Chris Hoadley]

You mean like, I'm the subject of dating fails or restraining orders?

[Brian Green]

Yes. I mean, that's an easy one.

[Chris Hoadley]

Dating fails.

[Brian Green]

Dating fails. Yeah. GPT. They took that one to the extreme. Would you rather have Brian prank call your boss live on the podcast or have Chrissy send a flirty text message to your wife? I'd say flirty text message.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Green]

You just say, ah. It's. They have an AI text message system. She does that to everybody.

[Chris Hoadley]

I'll send something flirty to Astrid.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. You wouldn't want me prank calling your boss because it's likely you'd end up without a job. Job.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

You know, I used to do prank calls.

[Chris Hoadley]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Green]

For the show. And I called such infamous people as O.J. simpson, Bill Murray, but not a lot of them made him on air because I was like, I don't know what the legality is of recording these and throwing them out there. Although lots of other shows do it. I'm sure that they're. I'm sure there's some loophole that lets me do it. Maybe someday I'll play it. I called O.J. simpson. He answered the phone. Just letting you know that. And I think we might have played portion of that on one of our shows, but I called OJ he answered the phone, sounded like he was on the golf course, and we talked for a minute, and he laughed at me and hung up. Would you rather have an awkward first date recounted on the. On TCB or have them discuss your most recent wardrobe choices?

[Chris Hoadley]

Or have. Okay. Like, if that's okay. Wardrobe choices.

[Brian Green]

Wardrobe choices. Yeah, I think so. For sure. You don't want us discussing your relationships, that's for sure. No, we're bad at that. Would you rather participate in a TCB game where you have to guess the outcome of a bizarre news story or one where you have to decipher the meaning of obscure slang terms?

[Chris Hoadley]

Oh, go. New story.

[Brian Green]

I think. News story. I think that's an easy. I don't. I don't think either way. Fine. Okay. Yeah. Would you rather have Brian and Chrissy critique your karaoke performance or your toast at a wedding? Oh, your karaoke performance, definitely. Because if we did your wedding, you'd be out of the family. Would you rather have your high school yearbook photo displayed on TCP's social media or have them share your most awkward childhood nickname? Well, I would say social media because no one actually looks at our social media. So there you go. At least people listen to the show. Would you rather have your Brian and Chrissy attempt. Your Brian attempt to set you up on a blind date or have them plan your next birthday party? That's a good one.

[Chris Hoadley]

Come on.

[Brian Green]

I don't know. I mean, I think if we were given a list, I'll tell you what, I think we could do just as good picking a blind date as some of those television shows. We were gonna try that, but again, I was worried about the legalities. Should something bad happen. Yeah. I just don't know. Yeah. Hooking them up with stalkers and murderers and then all of a sudden I'm in a courtroom, you know, someone. Something bad is happening.

[Chris Hoadley]

A birthday party.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Do you remember that Jenny Jones lady?

[Chris Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Okay. Jenny Jones. The Jenny Jones show was just as popular as Jerry Springer at one point and almost as popular as Oprah. Jenny Jones show started taking on that kind of Jerry Springer esque type of attitude and mood.

[Chris Hoadley]

She did.

[Brian Green]

And someone murdered somebody after they were set up or confronted on a date on the Jenny Jones Show. Something along those lines. And the Jenny Jones show went away within a year. It went away.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, because same thing happened with Springer. Remember on that documentary they were talking about?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, But Springer continued. I mean, Springer went on. Yeah, because he was lawyered up, I guess. I'm not sure. But we don't have. We don't have the money to pay for lawyers around here.

[Chris Hoadley]

No.

[Brian Green]

Would you rather have your most embarrassing voicemail played on the podcast or read your last series of drunk text messages? I'd say please. Neither.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, I mean, you have to choose, I guess. Drunk text messages.

[Brian Green]

I think my most embarrassing voicemails are probably really embarrassing. And I know exactly who I would have sent them to. And people would be like, he's a monster. I mean, Madison.

[Chris Hoadley]

You sent him to Madison.

[Brian Green]

What's that? Mads. Mads. Did I send it to Mads? If you're watching Love is Blind, then you know I K N Y K Y N Y. Would you rather have Brian and Chrissy improv, Improvise a skit about your most recent mishap or have them reenact your most awkward family gathering?

[Chris Hoadley]

Wait, what was the first again?

[Brian Green]

Do a skit about your most recent mishap.

[Chris Hoadley]

Most recent mishap.

[Brian Green]

Whatever that is. Yeah.

[Chris Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

Spilling coffee in front of a bunch of strangers, showing a photo of your dog during a PowerPoint presentation. I don't know.

[Chris Hoadley]

Or a cat.

[Brian Green]

Cat.

[Chris Hoadley]

Not a cat.

[Brian Green]

I'm not a cat. I'm not a cat.

[Chris Hoadley]

I don't care. Either one.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I don't care. Whatever. Would you rather have your. Whatever. That's not that. Would you rather have your Internet browsing history discussed by TCB or have them analyze your most recent dreams?

[Chris Hoadley]

Oh, analyze the dreams.

[Brian Green]

Analyze the dreams.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

I would not. Anyone.

[Chris Hoadley]

Anyone looking at my history, Especially not ours.

[Brian Green]

No. That computer. That computer is a national treasure right there. Yes. Would you rather have your most awkward high school memory turned into a TCB bit or have them dramatize your last terrible job interview.

[Chris Hoadley]

I guess? Job interview. That would be funny.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I'd say school memory only because so much time has passed and school was like. All my school memories are awkward. You know what I'm saying? And I think most people's are. Would you rather have Brian and Chrissy provide commentary on your most recent social media photos or have them read aloud your last five text messages to your loved one? I'd say the social media photos because we all put up there what we want people to see. Yeah. There's not going to be anything to unfold. Embarrassing, right? However, Astrid and I, you know, Astro and I are married. Sometimes we say things like, you know, did you call the divorce attorney? Or meet me in the bedroom in five minutes.

[Chris Hoadley]

There's time.

[Brian Green]

The guest bedroom. The guest bedroom. Would you rather have your most embarrassing moment in public in a public place discussed on TCB or have them discuss your most disgusting habits? Habit. Oh, my most public place embarrassment. I think for sure. Yeah. I don't want anyone to know about my bad habits. It's cream and cereal. Yeah, but you don't want me see it. You don't want to see that. It's an ugly thing. You know, it's like when, you know when animals die in movies, they don't really show it because it's. It's gonna make everybody all upset. Yeah, you don't want to see it.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Green]

That's kind of like my cereal of cream. You don't want to see it. You know it's there, you know it happened, but you don't want to see it. Would you rather have Brian and Chrissy have you confront your most irrational fear or have them know your most common daydream?

[Chris Hoadley]

I think Help.

[Brian Green]

Help.

[Chris Hoadley]

The irrational fear.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, sure. But I have a lot of irrational fears, so I don't know, it'd be hard to pick one, I think. Would you rather have Brian and Chrissy speculate, or would you rather have Brian and Chrissy display your most unusual talent or have them know about your most guilty television pleasures? This is an interesting one, Chat. I do have to say that that.

[Chris Hoadley]

Is an interesting one. I don't know, I mean, I feel like I've said my TV guilty pleasures.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, we've already talked about our TV guilty pleasures, so I don't know necessarily that that's that big of a deal. So probably that one. Would you rather have Brian create a mock advertisement for your the product you sell or have them do a parody about your favorite hobby? Probably. Free advertisement. That's what I'm going for. Even if it's a mock, it's a free advertisement. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Chris Hoadley]

We used to be in advertising.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, we still are. There you go.

[Chris Hoadley]

According to who we tell.

[Brian Green]

According to us. Okay. And one more here. Would you rather have Brian and Chrissy read random pages of your diary or have them know about your most, most embarrassing sex story? Oh, neither. Thank you.

[Chris Hoadley]

I would rather want to know about someone's most embarrassing sex story.

[Brian Green]

I don't know. I think reading random pages in a diary might be interesting too. Although you're probably gonna get like, you know, random musings about the lady at Starbucks or something like that.

[Chris Hoadley]

I do a show about, like, things that happen during sex. Bad things that have happened during sex.

[Brian Green]

Sent me to the er. Yes, yes. Sex Sent Me to the ER is one of the more fascinating television shows that's out there.

[Chris Hoadley]

Really need to stop putting light bulbs.

[Brian Green]

There's all kind of crazy shit on that show. Yeah. And it's on at 2:00 in the afternoon.

[Chris Hoadley]

I know.

[Brian Green]

Which means sometimes my children. Because I watch a lot of tlc. Sometimes my children are watching it and I'm like, oh, shit, you guys shouldn't be watching this. What are you doing? Why are you watching this? All right, okay. So that's the TCB version. I got a couple more. Would you rathers? Maybe we'll throw them out in the next segment. Why don't we do this? Let's take a short break and when we get back, more fun and shenanigans with Chrissy and Brian. We'll be back.

[Rachel]

Hey, it's Rachel, your new voice of God here on tcb. And just like you, I'm wondering just how much longer this podcast can continue. Let's all rejoice that another episode has made it to your ears. And I'll rejoice that my check is in the mail. Speaking of mail, get your free TCB sticker in the mail by going to tick tcbpodcast.com and visiting the Contact Us page. You can also find the entire commercial break library audio and video, just in case you want to look at [e-mail] Want your voice to be on an episode of the show? Leave us a message at 212-4333 TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Tell us how much you love us and we'll be sure to let the world know on a future episode. Or you could make fun of us. That'd be fine too. We might not air that, but maybe. Oh, and if you're shy, that's okay. Just send a text. We'll respond.

[Brian Green]

Now.

[Rachel]

I'm gonna go check the mailbox for payment while you check out our sponsors and then we'll return to this episode of the Commercial break.

[Commercial Break Host]

You just realized your business needed to hire someone yesterday. How can you find amazing candidates fast? Easy. Just use Indeed. Stop struggling to get your job posts seen on other job sites. Indeed sponsor Jobs help you stand out and hire fast. With Sponsored Jobs, your post jumps to the top of the page for your relevant candidates so you can reach the people you want faster and it makes a huge difference. According to Indeed data, sponsored jobs posted directly on Indeed have 45% more applications than non sponsored jobs. Plus with Indeed sponsored Jobs, there are no monthly subscriptions, no long term contracts, and you only pay for results. And listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit. To get your jobs more [e-mail] listen just go to indeed.com listen right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast. Indeed.com listen terms and conditions apply. Hiring Indeed is all you need.

[Chumba Casino Ad]

Where'd you get those shoes?

[Chris Hoadley]

Easy.

[Chumba Casino Ad]

They're from dsw. Because DSW has the exact right shoes for whatever you're into right now. You know, like the sneakers that make office out feel like happy hour, the boots that turn grocery aisles into runways, and all the styles that show off the many sides of you from daydreamer to multitasker and everything in between. Because you do it all in really great shoes. Find a shoe for every you@ your DSW store or dsw.com all right, and we're back.

[Brian Green]

We're doing a little Would you rather let's do it without the music this time? Because I think the music felt a little too loud in my ears for some reason. Sometimes I like the music and sometimes I'm like, yeah, I think it just depends on what kind of mood I'm in. Brian on a tan Brian on an angry day. Here I am. I can't believe it said that. It did. All right, so these are not specific to tcb. These are some Would you rathers not specific to tcb, but I thought if we'd ask them anyway. Ask them. Ask Them anyway. Okay, let me take a drink of water while we're at it, because I feel like after two hours of talking, my mouth is dry and I'll spill it all over myself in the process. The older I get, the more I'm just, like, spilling and dribbling. Sometimes I'm eating and my nose starts to run like my grandpa's did, and I'm like, what? Why is my nose running?

[Chris Hoadley]

You keep it freezing wherever you go.

[Brian Green]

I do keep it freezing wherever I go. And I have absolutely no nose hair because I cannot stand it. And I know that every single, like, ear, nose, and throat doctor will tell you that that's the worst possible thing you can do. You're inviting disease and sickness. But I just can't take it. I'm not going to be one of those guys who's got nose hair, you.

[Chris Hoadley]

Know, you can just trim a little bit.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I'd let it. I just. I. I'm all the. I'm like, sticking that thing halfway up my sinus cavity. I can't stand it if I see a hair. I'm like, ah. And why is it that when you get to a certain age, your ear and nose hair grows faster than anything else on your body? It's like, where did that come from? Yeah, Esther and I were talking about, like, we each have, like, one eyebrow hair that when I wake up in the morning, all of a sudden it'll just be, like, sticking out. It was like it wasn't there yesterday, and now it's three inches long. What happened overnight? The little goblin come and pull it out. I mean, it's so weird, so strange how your body works. All right, ready?

[Chris Hoadley]

I'm ready.

[Brian Green]

Would you rather get caught watching porn by your grandparents or your boss? Oh, that's a good one, boss. Yeah, boss. Listen, I'm gonna have. I'll have no job after this, but one could make the argument. You would have a bunch of bosses over the course of a lifetime. And if you got a cool one, they'll understand totally. Even. Even at the office, sometimes you need to get one out. But your grandparents, that's hard thing to put back in the bag, you know, they see you as their little. My little kitty. My little sassy baby. Honey, it's time for dinner. Oh, my God. Is that a penis going into an. Yeah, Grandma, I'm just jerking one off. Oh, I'm not making any more pancakes for you. But your BO would be like, oh, who is that?

[Chris Hoadley]

Which one is that? I saw that one.

[Brian Green]

Is that Tina Taylor? Is that Tina Taylor in Double Bang Action. I love that one. That's great. Would you rather accidentally text I'm horny to your family or to your landlord?

[Chris Hoadley]

Oh, oh, to your family or to your landlord? Like, neither.

[Brian Green]

Oh, God. I'd rather die than do either of those things. Yeah, because your landlord, like, they could kick you out and your family, they already hate you. You know what I'm saying? I'm horny. Well, I'd rather do it to my family because they think I'm a weird human being anyway. They probably just go, what is Brian doing? What is he. What joke was that? You know, they think it was jokey. Would you rather have to give a TED Talk about your last sexual experience or your search history projected on a billboard for three days? Oh, God. Well, I do the TED Talk because it would like my last sexual experience. It would be very short. Just be like, I came, I saw, I came.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, yeah, I might go TED Talk, too. That's kind of a nightmare to even think about doing a TED Talk. You've done many talks, but I've done.

[Brian Green]

A lot of talks. Yeah, yeah. And. And it gets easier with time. Of course, though, the nerves never go away. You know, a lot of we have these comics up. One of my favorite questions to ask is, do you still get the nerves? Are you nervous before you go out on stage? I think they call it like the longest 15ft or something like that. Eddie Brill used to say, he termed it the LA. The longest 15ft. And what he meant by that was the 15ft between backstage and the microphone is where it all starts flooding in. Right. You get nervous, you get the. You know, I've heard comics say that they have like this irrational fear that they're going to pee themselves on stage show. And I heard one comic who no one you would know. It was like a comic on another comic show he was. Ended up being a comedy writer for tv. But he had to stop doing comedy for like six years because he had an irrational fear that he was going to pee himself on the stage. So irrational that it paralyzed him from going out on stage for five years. He couldn't do stand up. So going out and talking in front of public is never easy. I don't care who you are. And if you don't have that fear, then you're just not human. I don't think. Think so. Doing a TED Talk, one of that prestige would be really difficult. You do not want to fuck that one up. You get one shot at it usually. And people are really expecting something Fantastic. To come out of a TED Talk. They paid a thousand dollars to be there. They want to hear you say something brilliant. My last sexual experience is not going to be that. That is not what it's going to be. And I can choose any sexual experience and it's all going to be the same. It's not going to be super impressive. You know what I'm saying? But my search history.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, that's projected on a billboard for three days.

[Brian Green]

No, thank you. How do you lengthen. How do you lengthen your penis? Would you rather have a one night stand with someone who won't stop crying or won't stop talking? Ooh, gosh. Wow. Neither, thanks. Yeah, I've had.

[Chris Hoadley]

I would go talking, I guess.

[Brian Green]

I think I've had both. Yeah, I think I've had both. And I don't think either were fun.

[Chris Hoadley]

No.

[Brian Green]

Crying in bed is a disconcerting thing and I've had it happen a number of times. And I can understand why. Look at me. No one. I mean, you come to the realization that this might be as good as it gets. This bald, hairy, fat man writhing around on you. And I've had. I've been in bed with people who. Yeah, with talkers. Remind me to tell you.

[Chris Hoadley]

Depends on what they're saying. You know, if they're giving direction and saying encouraging things of what you're doing, then talk away.

[Brian Green]

I had an experience with a.

[Chris Hoadley]

But if you're talking about what you did at work earlier, that's different.

[Brian Green]

I had a couple of experiences with a mutual friend and the talk was not. Not sexual in nature. I think they were trying to deflect the intimacy of the moment or the tenderness of the moment or the maybe the embarrassment of the moment. I'm not really sure what it was, but it was kind of like this incessant need to talk. So that I don't know, but I didn't want to talk. Like, okay, can we stop talking for a second so we can enjoy this? And she just kept on talking and I didn't find it to be very interesting. Yeah, but then the crying part of it. If you've been in bed, if you ever been in bed with someone that cries, that. That is a reason for concern no matter what. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. There's usually some kind of trauma behind, you know? Yeah. No, thanks. Neither. I'll take neither. Would you rather have an orgasm every time you hear your name? Every time you hear your name or never be able to orgasm while music is playing?

[Chris Hoadley]

Oh.

[Brian Green]

Oh, that's terrible either way. I think. Yeah, I think orgasm every time I hear my name, I guess.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, I guess that too.

[Brian Green]

We reviewed a video.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yes, we did.

[Brian Green]

I was about a guy who.

[Chris Hoadley]

Or control.

[Brian Green]

Couldn't control his orgasm. On a follow up note, I found a video where it was clear that that guy was making it all up, even to the doctors. Like, the doctors kind of called on that.

[Chris Hoadley]

They were like really far fetched.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it did. He was.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, he was park around kids and he was like.

[Brian Green]

It was weird holding his balls. It was. It seemed a little. It seemed a little acty to me. It turned out it was acty. Would you rather moan every time you stretch or gasp dramatically every time you sit down?

[Chris Hoadley]

That's funny.

[Brian Green]

That is a good one.

[Chris Hoadley]

Moan when he strikes. Like.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Oh, it's like that guy that I saw at the gym one time.

[Chris Hoadley]

Oh, right.

[Brian Green]

And every time he was punching something, he'd be like. And everybody in the gym was looking at him going, what in the world is going on with you? He was fully committed to the bit too. Fully committed to the bit. I think dramatically gasp every time I sit down.

[Chris Hoadley]

Like.

[Brian Green]

I think I do that now. I'm surprised I still can sit down with my. These aging bones. Would you rather have your partner's parents walk in on you? On. Would you rather have your in laws walk in while you're having sex or have your boss walk in while you're having sex? I'd say, again, this is boss. Yeah, yeah. I can get another job. I can't get more in laws.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Would you rather have your phone autocorrect every word into something sexual or turn every emoji into an eggplant and a water symbol? The eggplant and the water symbol.

[Chris Hoadley]

I was going to say.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, something's wrong with my phone. That's what I have to say. Yeah. Would you rather have to wear lingerie to work for a week or go commando for a year? Well, commando can be covered up. You know what I'm saying? You can put a pair of jeans on and go commando. And I don't think I'd want to wear anything to work that reveals anything.

[Chris Hoadley]

Not for a whole week.

[Brian Green]

No. No.

[Chris Hoadley]

Go commando.

[Brian Green]

Would you rather accidentally scream the wrong name during sex?

[Chris Hoadley]

Oh.

[Brian Green]

Or have your partner do it to you?

[Chris Hoadley]

Oh.

[Brian Green]

Oh, that is a good one.

[Chris Hoadley]

Whoa. Because I was gonna say whatever is the opposite of calling out someone else's name. I would say that, but not if they're calling out someone else's name.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Not if they're no, no, no, no, no, no. I think I'd much rather do it to them because I'm kind of a numsk. Anyway.

[Chris Hoadley]

Either way, that's. You're not finishing the sex.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Either way no one's having an orgasm.

[Chris Hoadley]

Either way you're done.

[Brian Green]

Either way there's going to be a long conversation. It's going to be a long night. All right, how about two more, three more about relationships. Would you rather be able to only have sex in public places or in complete silence?

[Chris Hoadley]

Public places.

[Brian Green]

Public places, yeah. I don't like silence. That makes me nervous when someone doesn't say anything. Been there, done that too. That's a, that's a nerve wracking one. Would you rather date someone who's amazing in bed but terrible at communicating communication or someone who's an amazing communicator but terrible in bed? Oh. Huh. I'd rather them be average at both kind of.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, of course.

[Brian Green]

Because at least I get something out of. Out of. Out of everything. Yeah.

[Chris Hoadley]

But if you have to choose, I.

[Brian Green]

Think eventually.

[Chris Hoadley]

I, I would say good.

[Brian Green]

Communication, good communicator, bad or bad because you can teach somebody. Yes, you can teach somebody.

[Chris Hoadley]

They're already a good communicator. They're open to it.

[Brian Green]

Yes. And let's be real about the nature of sexual attraction and sex and long term relationships. It ebbs and it flows, it comes and it goes. But communication you always need.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Right. So you might have periods where you're, you know, six nights a week and you might have periods where you're one time a month. You know, that's just the way that relationships are, are for so many different reasons. But you always need to have good communication, especially during the times when there's a lull in sex.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

So I'm going to go with that one. Would you rather have to role play as a different character every time you have sex or never be able to role play again? I'm saying never be able to role play again.

[Chris Hoadley]

Oh no, I'm going every time.

[Brian Green]

You're going every time?

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Oh, damn. Such a. I need those cameras in that house. Desperate.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, that was easy.

[Brian Green]

Oh, Chrissy, what's going on over there? Would you rather have sex with your celebrity crush once but no one believes you or never get to do it but everyone believes you have? Oh, I want to have sex with Dua Lipa. Regardless of who believes.

[Chris Hoadley]

Right. I was gonna say I would do the crush and never have anybody believe me. That's fine.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I don't give A shit. If you think if I have. I don't care.

[Chris Hoadley]

What I know what happened. I got the memory.

[Brian Green]

Until this show. I've never been one to talk about my sexual exploits anyway. I don't care. Who cares?

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Would you rather. Would you rather find out your partner is secretly running an only fans or secretly has a foot fetish? Oh, oh, yeah, for sure.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Would you rather your partner never shave again or never wear deodorant again? Again? Oh, neither.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, I might go deodorant.

[Brian Green]

Deodorant. Yeah. I guess I can deal with your musk.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

But you know, there is a point when it's too hairy. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, I don't mind hair down there. God bless you. God bless America. As a matter of fact, just a personal preference. I'm not a huge fan of like the totally bald thing. That to me feels a little weird. It always has.

[Chris Hoadley]

Bush is back. I read something the other day.

[Brian Green]

Bush never went anywhere. There's a few.

[Chris Hoadley]

That's what Jeff said.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Bush is back. A few of us have been ringing that bell the whole time. Bring it back 70 style. I don't care. But there is too far. There is a little bit too far when it's running down the side of your legs.

[Chris Hoadley]

Not even have the option.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Would you rather date someone who's way too loud during sex or never makes a noise while orgasming?

[Chris Hoadley]

Oh, way too loud.

[Brian Green]

Way too loud. I agree with that one. Yeah, you could put me in that category. Way too loud.

[Chris Hoadley]

That was your thoughts. All right, thanks, Chat.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, thanks, Chat. GPT. I like that game.

[Chris Hoadley]

I do too.

[Brian Green]

Well, I got like 600 more of them, so. There you go. ChatGPT. Overachiever. Made me a bunch of them.

[Chris Hoadley]

There's another way.

[Brian Green]

Overachiever. There's another and another and another. It just kept on going. Even when I turned it off, it was like I woke up this morning and it was like 700 of them. Yeah.

[Chris Hoadley]

Nice.

[Brian Green]

Cool. I like when Chad GPT does. You know, they can make us more games. We'll figure it out. Yeah. Okay.

[Chris Hoadley]

They're a good little supplement.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And I'm going to be honest about it. I'm not going to be like all the other creators and not tell you that that's what I did to make that game up. Okay. There you go. So would you rather Brian not tell you that? Would you rather was made chat by chatgpt or pretend it wasn't? Which one? You tell me.

[Chris Hoadley]

I like the truth.

[Brian Green]

Send in your favorite would you rather? We'd love to hear it. We'll play a game and we'll use only your would you rather? So send in some would you would you rathers to us and in a couple weeks we'll play it again listener style. Only listeners. You make it about tcb, make it about not tcb. I don't care. Whatever it is.

[Chris Hoadley]

Just like it's an interesting one.

[Brian Green]

Oh, we will. Because some of the people that texted are really interesting. I love them all, but some of them are more interesting than others, let's put it that way. All right, so in order to do that, you got to know how to get a hold of us. And here's the best way. 212-4333 tcb 212433, 3822 questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. We take them all right there and also we'll listen to a voicemail or two. If you want to be the next voice on the commercial break, you could be the open of the show. Leave us a short voicemail at that number 212-433-3822. If you don't want your name said, take it out, don't say it. And yeah, we've had people doing that lately and I really like it. So there's been a few. Also some people have commented that the bits are back. The bits are back, the bits are back. So I've been making bits at the beginning of the show while you were gone. So if I have time, I will do them. Just sharing that with you. Don't expect that every time. It's hard. That's hard.

[Chris Hoadley]

Special occasion.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, that's hard. Add the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on tick tock and YouTube.com the commercial break. Also all the audio and all the video and your free tcb [e-mail] we'd love to hear from you. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today, but I'll tell you that I love you. Best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, would you rather us say goodbye? Goodbye.

[I]

Attention sports enthusiasts. Keep the adrenaline pumping and elevate your game day with Chumba Casino. It's completely free to play, no purchase necessary. Whether you're cheering from the stands, on the move or relaxing at home, Chumba Casino brings the thrill of social casino directly to your fingertips. Experience the ultimate social casino adventure with reels of casino style games offering hundreds of exciting options to choose from and fresh new releases every week, there's always something new and thrilling to explore. From action packed social slots and classic blackjack to engaging bingo in solitaire, the fun never stops. Plus, enjoy generous daily login bonuses and a fantastic free welcome bonus to kickstart your social gaming journey. Dive into the excitement. Discover a world where you can play for your chance to redeem some serious prizes and have a blast along the way. Don't miss out. What are you waiting for? Join now and immerse yourself in nonstop fun and adventure with Chumba Casino. Get in on the action [e-mail] and make every day a Chamba Day. No purchase necessary. VGW Group void war prohibited by law.

[Chumba Casino Ad]

18/ DNC supply as a parent, you always want to set your child up for success. So when they're struggling in school or they need help with homework, you try your best to step up. But sometimes you might not be equipped to answer, and it's better to leave that to the experts. From IXL Learning IXL Learning is an online learning program for kids. It covers math, language arts, science and social studies. IXL can help your child really understand and master topics in a fun way with positive feedback powered by advanced algorithms, IXL gives the right help to each kid, no matter the age of personality and when you sign up, one subscription gets you everything you need for all the kids in your home from Pre K to 12th grade. IXL is used in 95 of the top 100 school districts in the US with 1 in 4 students across the country using the program. So don't wait any longer. Make an impact on your child's learning. Get IXL now and listeners can get an exclusive 20% off IXL membership when they sign up today at ixcello learning.com audio Visit ixllearning.com audio to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price.

[Brian Green]

I gotta get some cocaine.