I'm On A Bridge to Nowhere!

Summary

The Commercial Break Episode: "I'm On A Bridge to Nowhere!"
Release Date: April 2, 2026
Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley

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Episode Overview

In this lively return-from-break episode, Bryan and Krissy reunite after a two-and-a-half-week hiatus to deliver a characteristically chaotic and comedic catch-up. The episode weaves together stories of travel mishaps, musings on current events and politics, irreverent takes on pop culture, and the hosts’ unique brand of improv banter. Topics include Bryan’s epic road trip adventure (snarled in TSA chaos), the infamous stench of the Chesapeake Bay Bridge, celebrity sightings in Soho, the cost of New York parking, recent political absurdities, Tiger Woods’ ongoing woes, and musings on hypocrisy in the public sphere. As always, the show blends digressive rants, self-deprecating humor, and improvisational detours—making for a “bridge to nowhere” that’s exactly where TCB listeners want to go.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Road Trip Tales & TSA Chaos

[04:10–12:01]

• The hosts commiserate over travel during a period of nationwide TSA chaos, with Bryan opting to drive from Atlanta to NYC rather than face airport lines.
  • “In hindsight, 2020, I still think it was best to drive to New York. I still def[initely stand by]. My decision.” (Bryan, 04:25)
• Conversation covers travel anxiety, timing mishaps, and the universal absurdity of modern transit.
• Bryan recounts harrowing moments: LaGuardia plane crashes, crowded airports, and the sense of “unwashed masses crammed at the gates.”

The Chesapeake Bay “Bridge to Nowhere” Adventure

[08:54–12:01 & 09:15–11:41]

• Highlight: Bryan inadvertently detours onto the Chesapeake Bay Bridge, encountering one of the episode’s most memorable sensory experiences.
  • Quote: “It’s beautiful, but it smells like the underside of a horse’s dick.” (Bryan, 09:15)
• The duo riff on “gooey ducks”—strange “seafaring delicacies” described in explicit, hilarious detail.
• Unsolved mystery segment: Why does the Chesapeake Bay area smell so bad? (“Let it be a mystery. Let my mind roam.” – Bryan, 10:45)

Navigating New York: Soho Stories & Parking Nightmares

[12:20–23:56]

• Bryan shares stories from Princeton, NJ and chic Soho, including a run-in with a supporting actor from Netflix’s “Heated Rivalry,” an impossible parking garage, and extortionate NYC prices.
  • Quote: “Now my fate…the fate of the $28 I have remaining in my bank account is left in the hands of some angry man who’s yelling at me from a parking booth six floors underneath an actual building.” (Bryan, 20:22)
• Anecdotes about “valet Tetris” at New York’s supertight underground parking, run-ins with aggressive strangers, and the way even the simplest tasks can become absurdly complicated in the city.

Pop Culture & Political Satire

[28:38–47:24]

• The hosts vent about:
  • Political chaos: U.S. bombing of Iran, the DHS shutdown, and Christine Noem’s disgraceful exit and public scandals.
    • “Did no one have any understanding…if you bombed Iran?” (Bryan, 29:02)
  • Government hypocrisy: “The point of contention for me is not that he [Mr. Noem] enjoys doing this. It’s…the absolute hypocrisy that goes on with a lot of these people in government.” (Bryan, 34:05)
  • Outlandish headlines: Corey Lewandowski, Lindsey Graham’s Disney World escapades (“full suit and jacket, as he always is, for three days”), and Trump’s bizarre Miami hotel-library plans.

Satirical Musical Interludes

[26:28–28:16; 48:13–49:38]

• Satirical songs parodying show reviews (mock self-hate from critics) and a light-hearted “Lonely Frankie B” tune.

Reflections on Podcasting, Audience, and Longevity

[49:38–51:03]

• Hosts discuss the business of podcasting, creator frustrations, and the elusive quest for an audience (“We’re persistently bad at the business part of this, but that’s just everybody in general.” – Bryan, 51:03)
• Listener shout-outs and the value of encouragement.

Tiger Woods’ Ongoing Struggles & Reflections on Pain

[51:24–61:46]

• Bryan and Krissy discuss Tiger Woods’ recent troubles, addiction to pain medication, and the broader issue of pain and addiction among athletes.
  • Moving, honest reflections on the physical and psychological cost of fame and persistent injury, with real-life stories and empathy.
  • “We all know somebody who’s been here, who’s done this, who’s been down this road…” (Bryan, 57:59)
• Segues into related sports humor: “That’s why I don’t play anymore, Chrissy, it’s principle. That’s right. Now I’m a bowler. I like to bowl now.” (Bryan, 61:27)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Reluctant Seafood:
  “I don’t eat anything that looks slimy and penis-like…but not because it looks slimy and penis-like. I eat bananas all the time. That’s slimy and penis-like too.”
  — Bryan, [00:38] / [09:54]
• On Bad Reviews:
  “Nothing like hearing your bad reviews to rev you back up to get into the episode.”
  — Bryan, [28:16]
• On NYC Parking:
  “Fuck that guy!”
  — NYC parking attendant, relayed by Bryan in a story, [20:22]
• On Political Hypocrisy:
  “Don’t hide under the flag of God and then beat back years and years of progress…when you in fact behind closed doors are doing the exact opposite.”
  — Bryan, [37:22]
• On Tiger Woods:
  “The Tiger Woods of y’all…is gone. And we get it. We're all moving on. We just want you to be healthy. We’re all rooting for you, Tiger.”
  — Bryan, [60:46]
• On Podcasting:
  “Creators trying to be entrepreneurs at the same time is a tough part of the business.”
  — Bryan, [51:03]

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Timestamps for Significant Segments

• 00:08–02:56 — Seafood oddities, Chesapeake Bay stench, and slime banter
• 04:10–12:01 — Bryan’s epic Atlanta-to-NYC drive story; TSA chaos and road mishaps
• 09:15–11:41 — Chesapeake Bay Bridge and the “stink bridge” detour
• 12:20–23:56 — Soho, celebrity sightings, $60 keychains, and underground parking madness
• 26:28–28:16 — Satirical “TCB is Terrible” musical review
• 28:38–47:24 — Government dysfunction, political hypocrisy, and current events detour
• 51:24–61:46 — Tiger Woods’ struggles, pain, addiction, and personal stories
• 62:01–63:59 — “Bowling as protest,” family sports stories, wrapping up

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Tone & Style

• Unfiltered, irreverent, and conversational—like eavesdropping on two longtime friends.
• Rich with spontaneous digressions, inside jokes, pop culture riffs, and over-the-top analogies.
• Balances biting satire with genuine warmth and self-deprecation.
• Keeps a “casual, chaotic, and unpolished charm,” as described in the show’s own meta commentary.

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Final Thoughts

“I’m On a Bridge to Nowhere!” is a classic Commercial Break episode: a meandering, comedic odyssey through the hosts’ lives and the mad world around them. Whether griping about the stinky Chesapeake, marveling at urban absurdities, or skewering public figures, Bryan and Krissy’s chemistry and candor are in top form. The episode’s greatest strength is its messy, free-associative style—listeners seeking polished takes or tight structure might be left adrift, but longtime fans and anyone up for a wild conversational ride will feel right at home.

—
Best to you, and best to you, Astrid.

Transcript

[A]

On this episode of the commercial break. What in the world is going on in the Chesapeake Bay that it smells that bad for miles and miles and miles?

[B]

I don't know, but isn't there a lot of seafood that comes out of Chesapeake Bay?

[A]

Chesapeake clams.

[B]

Okay, right.

[A]

Gooey ducks. Is that a. What is the thing?

[B]

Gooey ducks.

[A]

Gooey Dewey ducks. Gooey. You know what I'm talking about? No, those things that look like penises that they pick out of the, out of the sand. They're like huge penises. I think they're called gooey ducks. I think that's what they're called.

[B]

Never seen that.

[A]

Yeah. Anyway, they're, they're a delicacy and I don't know which universe they're a delicacy because I don't eat anything that looks slimy and penis like, but not because it looks slimy and penis like. I eat bananas all the time. That's slimy and penis like too. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co host of this show, Chris Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris.

[B]

Best to you, Brian.

[A]

Best to you out there in the podcast and streaming universe. We're going back to the moon.

[B]

Yes, we are.

[A]

We're going back to the moon tonight.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

That's crazy. I can't believe it. I just learned. How did I just learn about this this morning?

[B]

They've been talking about it for a while.

[A]

I know, but you know, I pay attention to all the other news, like the 70s or have we ever. Yeah, it's, it's. Oh, it's very interesting. I'm hot to trot on this idea. I like the idea of going back to the moon.

[B]

I do, too.

[A]

I like the idea of landing back on the moon. I like the idea of in 2026 having all of the accoutrements and technology that we have going up there, figuring shit out. What does that mean? I don't know. Is there anything on the moon? Was there ever anything on the moon? Is there a reason to go there? Probably not, but it's a good stepping stone to getting to Mars, which they claimed five years ago we were going to do in 2026. So do you remember there was a bunch of people who tried out to go be to go to Mars. It was like a reality show.

[B]

Yes, yes.

[A]

Remember that? They announced that they were going to go to Mars and it's going to Be a reality show picking the contestants like a, like an American Idol style.

[B]

Who wants to go to Mars?

[A]

Who wants to die in Mars? Who wants to die on Mars? Because you too can have the chance. And there were hundreds of thousands of people, of course there were, that essentially lined up to do this. And you know, I don't ever know what happened to that whole situation. Yeah, but they never got funded is what I read. They never got the money that they were looking for. So where's Elon Musk when he meets.

[B]

Well, I know, I thought he had a big stake and going to Mars.

[A]

He does. He's. That's. His whole stated goal is to get to Mars and beyond, but he doesn't seem to be doing much lately. He's thankfully quieted down, you know what I'm saying? Thankfully quieted down. I think once the Teslas stopped selling and Twitter ran off the rails like it did yesterday, years ago. I think he just decided it's best that I shut up right now. That's right. But I'm super excited about these moon dudes and ladies. Go moon dudes. Go moon dudes. Hope everything works out.

[B]

Yeah, I am.

[A]

Let's hope for the best, safest, most productive flight to almost the moon.

[B]

And they're not stuck like the other ones, Apollo 17.

[A]

Oh, the other guys that were stuck there for like six months.

[B]

Well, not the moon, but at the, what was it? The space station.

[A]

The space station. It doesn't matter what part of space you're stuck in. If you're stuck in space, that's scary. You don't, you don't want any part of that, that's for sure. And yeah. So Chrissy and I are back. Also from the moon.

[B]

Yes, we.

[A]

Where we went for two and a half weeks, dark side of the moon. Took a little time off. We had various and unsundry various and sundry things that we needed to address and take care of and we did none of those. But we're back. Anyway. We thought about it, we thought about it, we talked about it. Now I called it spring break.

[B]

Traveling involved and things.

[A]

Yeah, you went on, you traveled. I traveled. I drove up to New York City.

[B]

Yes, you did. As all the TSA craziness was happening, you decided it would be best to drive to New York from Atlanta.

[A]

And in hindsight, 2020, I still think it was best to drive to New York. I still def. My decision.

[B]

You couldn't have known because really the day before it was like a six hour wait. You were gonna have to show up at the airport and sleep there to make your early flight. So you thought, I'm just gonna hop in the car and drive. But then the next day, the day that you have a 20 minute.

[A]

And my good friend Rafael texts me and he says, I'm on my way to Phoenix. 17 minutes from Uber door to gate. I was like, from uber to gate, 17 minutes. He's like, yeah, bro, there's no line. What about you? And I'm like, I'm in Charlotte. I left 12 hours ago. I'm well on my way. Also, no line for me.

[B]

You were on the road.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You probably had some much needed, like, alone time.

[A]

Yes, that is goddamn true. You're right. I needed some headspace clearing. And I guess I could have gotten that at an airport, in a hallway, shuffling my bag every five seconds. But I just was not up for it. And then the ICE agents and all of it, I just thought, no, I'm not up for it. It seemed like a dangerous thing to have all of those people standing outside the airport, inside the airport, before they got through security, just standing there. I mean, all it would have taken is one idiot to, you know, do one idiot thing. And people there could have been. I could have been a lot of trouble. I think that all the idiots involved, all the government officials who are supposed to be running this country are really goddamn lucky nothing worse happened. And I do say this. The plane crashed at laguardia also the day before I was supposed to leave, or two days before I was supposed so. And that's where I was flying into. And I was like, yeah, I don't know. I don't know. They can't even control the planes on the fire engine. Just running into it. That's it. Did you see the video?

[B]

Yes, I did.

[A]

It was intense.

[B]

I know.

[A]

And the way that that plane landed, like, I can imagine all those people just fell through the back of the plane. It's like something out of a movie.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

God bless. Sorry. I feel really bad for those two pilots. They're just doing their fucking job. You land a plane, you can't stop it. You can't. It stops on its own time.

[B]

No, the fire truck should have stopped,

[A]

but did you know when you stop a commercial jetliner like that, if you have to, like, really put on the brakes hard, like, emerg type thing, that you cannot then go and fly that plane again until it is taken to the service bay and the brakes are checked for overheating, for melting because it's so much centrifugal, like so much Force that those brakes are having to apply even with, like. Even when the engines are on reverse. It's. It's insane. So I don't think those guys saw what was coming, but if they did, you know, it's just. There's no way. There's no way to stop. Anyway, it was all sad. So I said, you know what? I'm gonna get in the car, and I'm gonna go. It's. To which Astrid said, you. She was like, you just go wait. And I'm like, I'm not gonna go wait. I'm gonna have to be there the night before. I'm gonna have to shuffle my bag every three seconds. I'm not gonna sleep. If I'm gonna be uncomfortable and not sleep, I'd rather be moving more than 5 inches per hour.

[B]

You can do your logic in it, you know, like, just go ahead and be moving.

[A]

Yes. You have control, correct?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm not sure my back agreed with me, but I got there. I did it. I took the circuitous route. I went all highways. This time. I did no. Almost no back roads, but I did have, like, you know, I was. The maps. And it's like 13 hours and 42 minutes. I stopped in Princeton, New Jersey. I had to be at a meeting in New York the next day, and I stopped in Princeton, New Jersey, figuring, let me get some sleep there. It's an hour and a half into town because New York's expensive, and I don't want to be driving around in the middle of the night. Yeah. You know, downtown soho or wherever I was going. Yeah. People are not friendly. Yes, Brian's coming to town. Move out of the way. You think I have road rage in Atlanta? You should have seen me in New Jersey in the Holland Tunnel. I was pissed. So I get. So I'm driving, and then I get past Washington, D.C. i think past D.C. and maybe. I don't know. I'm getting my map wrong. But anyway, the map says we've detected some traffic. We can get you around that traffic. Would you like to do this? The only detour that I took was instead of going on the Maryland Bridge, I went on the Chesapeake Pay Chesapeake Bay Bridge, which is the one that has a tunnel, like, in the middle of it. It just has a. You go under the water, and then you go above the water to allow the traffic to go. To allow the. The. The boat traffic to go through.

[B]

Oh, that's right.

[A]

Very interesting way that they did that. And I had no idea that I was on it, in it, around it I just was driving. Right. But it's a two lane, it's all under construction. It's two lanes, one going this way, one going that way. And like it's literally takes you about 18 minutes to drive across it at 55 miles per hour.

[B]

It's long.

[A]

It's like a 10 mile bridge, a 12 mile bridge, something like that. It's beautiful, but it smells like the underside of a horse's dick.

[B]

Really?

[A]

What in the world is going on in the Chesapeake Bay that it smells that bad for miles and miles and miles?

[B]

I don't know. But isn't there a lot of seafood that comes out of Chesapeake Bay?

[A]

Chesapeake clams.

[B]

Okay, right.

[A]

Gooey ducks. Is that a. What is the thing? Gooey. Dewey ducks. Gooey. Do you know what I'm talking about? Those things that look like penises that they pick out of the, out of the sand. They're like huge penises. I think they're called gooey ducks. I think that's what they're called.

[B]

Never seen that.

[A]

Yeah. Anyway, they're a delicacy and I don't know which universe they're a delicacy because I don't eat anything that looks slimy and penis like, but not because it looks slimy and penis like. I eat bananas all the time. That's slimy and penis like too. But because it smells terrible. And so now I know. But I'm telling you, I was driving in the back roads around the. I say back roads like, like the state highway around the Chesapeake Bay. And it just smelled like such ass. And I thought to myself, how is something so beautiful smell so stinky? I had to actually put on an air freshener in the car. I couldn't deal with it. I was driving along with my windows down, feeling good. And then I hit that Chesapeake Bay area. I was like, roll up. Yeah, like a mask on. I was like, I'm gonna be sick. This is disgusting.

[B]

Have you researched to see why?

[A]

No, I haven't.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Why, why do that? Let it be a mystery. Let my mind roam. I would imagine it's two reasons. Yes, there is. Like, it's brackish water. So it's where fresh water meets ocean water. And there's a lot of bacteria and junk, you know, a lot of stuff. I would also imagine there are a lot of factories that process seafood. A lot of seafood boats, you know, shrimping boats, clam boats, lobster boats. Whatever's going on out there, I would imagine that does no favors to the smell in the air. I'm sure People live around there have no idea what I'm talking about. They're probably so used to it. But then also, I noticed there's a lot of farmland as soon as you get over the Chesapeake Bay, like what I would imagine are cow pastures and so that. Or fertilized farmland, which I'm sure has something to do with it too, because fertilizer is just cow shit. Right. So it smells really bad. But anyway, beautiful drive up there. I got to see most of the country and it felt like I was seeing most of the country.

[B]

Yeah. What route did you take? Did you see. You went.

[A]

I went Atlanta to Johnson City, Tennessee.

[B]

Yeah, that's. I used to live in that area.

[A]

So Atlanta to Johnson City, Tennessee, then up through Virginia.

[B]

Okay. I was thinking Virginia was involved.

[A]

And then east over toward Washington D.C. or like north of Charlotte. I started going east.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Then I swung around Washington D.C. headed towards Philly, and I took a detour to go around the traffic and head up around the Chesapeake Bay, past Philly, into New Jersey. Having a good time in Princeton, New Jersey, which is also beautiful, by the way. Princeton, New Jersey is beautiful. But that's where Princeton is, you know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Whatever it is stated or whatever. Hyatt shack in. Or, you know, Hyatt to sweets. Sweets to go. Cup of Joe and a suite to go. I don't know, like an old 80s hotel that's been refurbished as a Hyatt Holiday Inn. I don't know what things anymore. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

There's a lot of new names, perfectly

[A]

lovely people and perfectly. I got there at one o' clock in the morning and they, you know, grab some fresh cookies from the basket. The pantry. And now the pantry was awesome because you just pay for your. You just pay for it yourself. You go into the pantry, you pick your. You scan it and put your key card and boom, there you go. So, yeah, you know, I stuck a couple things in the bag and I paid for the other things. And then I went up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm a man on a budget. What can I say? Things are expensive.

[B]

I'll take those cookies.

[A]

Yeah. They had flaming hot Cheetos. And I was like, I've never had flaming hot Cheetos.

[B]

You haven't. That's like a big deal.

[A]

I know, but I've never had them, even though I like hot stuff. So I got those. Yeah. That quickly made me sick to my stomach.

[B]

And your fingers orange.

[A]

And my fingers totally orange, actually. Then I had to take two showers to get that off.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And, you know, close the curtains, got up the next morning and head into town. Beautiful. As you're driving from Princeton, New Jersey over toward the city of New York and as you're kind of coming into the city, it's the view that everybody knows, the famous view. I didn't go over the Brooklyn Bridge, I went through the Holland Tunnel. And the Holland Tunnel does not have the same view as the Brooklyn Bridge, I will tell you that much. If you're looking for a view, it doesn't happen in a tunnel. Yeah. So no. No view of the city in that way. But I did swing by the Statue of Liberty at some point. It got me off the highway and started taking me back roads in the city. And so I'm like driving the city streets trying to get to the Holland Tunnel. And that was a rather frustrating experience. Yeah, because no one likes you. No one likes anyone in those. When you're driving at 8:30 in the morning around the city of New York. But then I got to SoHo, in SoHo, which I have not. I've been to New York a lot, but I haven't spent a lot of time in SoHo, certainly not in the last 10 years. I've probably been there five times in my life. But what a beautiful part of New York. It is a crowded with young, you know, fashionable people that have credit cards that are. Yeah. That work. They are not. They get actual text messages. Not text messages from Wells Fargo that another $35 has been debited from your account. That doesn't exist. And everything's very expensive and fashionable. And I went there for a meeting and it's just a lovely, lovely day in New York. It was like 60 days.

[B]

A beautiful day in New York City is fun.

[A]

And so we went to a restaurant, Capuchilas, Stapuchulas, Stop A Topic Cola. I don't know what the fucking place was called. But we went to this lunch and we go downstairs in this, like it's got upstairs, downstairs, tiny little patio as the New York cafes street. You know the. It's very crowded in New York. If you've never been there, it's. It's not. There's no wide open spaces there. So the. When you go into a restaurant, if they have a patio at all, it's rather small, Right. It's just a couple chairs outside. But we go in and we just head downstairs. Like the guy I'm with, he just knows everything. You just go downstairs. I didn't even think we talked to anybody. I think he just went and sat at a table and they were like, hello, sir. You know, welcome back, sir.

[B]

It was his table.

[A]

It was his table. But then I started looking around me and I noticed that I was identifying famous people that you would know, people who are in the know, people that you do know. These are the people that you meet on the street. And I noticed that there is a Netflix show on right now. What is the Netflix show? Where the men are playing hockey.

[B]

Oh, Heated Rivalry.

[A]

Heated Rivalry. So not the two leads of the show, but there's a third man in that show. And I fail to remember his name right now, but. And I haven't watched Heated Rivalry. I've just read about Heated Rivalry. But I noticed the man and I said, that's a famous man. And then I started googling under the table at lunch because I knew I could put it together if I just had enough time. And so while everyone else was having a meeting, I was figuring out which Heated Rivalry guy and nodding my head right, yes.

[B]

Yeah, sounds good.

[A]

Yes. Double down Synergy. Let's collaborate on that. Let's take that offline later.

[B]

Put a pin in that.

[A]

And then while I'm taking pictures of the guy from Heated Rivalry, waiting for my spec a pack of Polo to show up. It was interesting. And so then later on in the afternoon, I had a chance to go walk around soho and do a little shopping. I bought a keychain for each of my children because that's what I could afford in Soho. And even that was $60. $60 a fucking keychain. It was crazy. But they were nice keychains. The guy. The guy had nice keychains. I just got to say that. To which I get home and my children are like, what's this?

[C]

Yeah, right.

[A]

I want a K Pop demon hunter. I thought you were gonna give me Funko Pops. And I'm like, funko Pops aren't from New York. What are you talking about? I got you something from New York. They're. They're always miserable. They always want something box and give

[B]

it to them later.

[A]

Okay. So then I have a chance to walk around Soho later on in the day. It's God, gorgeous day. 68 degrees, super bright and sunny. So it's. Now it's actually warm cold. It was kind of chilly when I got there. Oh, by the way, parking in New York. No joke. No joke.

[B]

Oh, God, yeah. Do tell about that.

[A]

Well, I'm lucky. I pre. I'm pre planned the parking because it. I mean, if you've never been to New York, I can imagine. You can imagine how New York is. It's A series of one way streets and a couple of thoroughfares that go through Broadway, 42nd Street. There's like, you know, there are a couple of main arteries that go both ways, but then 90% of the other streets are one way and they are not always one way in the way that you think they are, are. So one street might be one way this way, but then sometimes the next street is the same one way that way. Do you know what I'm saying?

[B]

You have to keep going.

[A]

Really pay attention to where you're going. So I had found a place to park that was close to this place where we're going to meet. So I was like, okay, good. I got my parking secure. I pay in a God ungodly amount of money for 12 hours of parking even though I don't need it.

[B]

Oh wow, what was it, like $100?

[A]

No, no, no, no, no, it, it was, I, I got the early bird special, which was like 63 bucks. Tax tag and title. Yeah, but it was valet because. Because what I didn't know is, so it took me, I'm already 15 minutes late because of the Holland traffic. Traffic in the Holland Tunnel. I'm 15 minutes late. And I'm kind of familiar with the area and how to, how the streets go, but I've never driven in New York. I've only taken taxis or Ubers. So now I'm circling six blocks at a time, trying to figure out where exactly that is. And it's really hard to see this one parking lot which is really a tunnel that goes straight down into the earth under a building. And when I say tunnel straight down to earth, I'm talking like 70 degree angle down into the earth. And when it's just a straight shot driveway down into the basement of this place and then you can manage to kind of turn a little bit to this way. And then there's a guy there waiting for you in the parking booth. Like a little booth where he's collecting tolls.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So there's a couple people in front of me and when I turn, when I get out of the car, the guy says, you know, leave the keys in there, let me see your pass or whatever. And when I'm there looking at the parking booth, what I notice is there are not more, not more than 12 total spots in this parking garage. But they have parked 67 cars. Oh yeah, they're on top of each other, they're behind each other, and they're all facing one direction and that is out. But I am, I have driven in so I'm like, how does he even turn the car around? There's no space to turn the car around. None. Zero. I don't know how they do this, but I couldn't stay to watch him do it because I had to go. So I left it with him. And as I'm walking up, he said, hey. Hey. Hey, you. Hey. And I go, yeah. He goes, you may owe me an extra $28 at the end of the day. And I go, what? And he goes, you may owe me an extra $28 at the end of the day. I let you know.

[B]

I'll just let you know.

[A]

I send you a text message and I go, why? And he goes, it's early bird. And I go, I. Okay. And he goes, it's early bird. You pay for early bird. And I go, okay, so yes, I paid early. I paid yesterday. And he goes, no, early bird means you come here before 8 o' clock in the morning. If you don't, you have to pay the extra. But I make a decision. I text you, I said, okay, now. Now my fate, the. The fate of the $28 I have remaining in my bank account is. Is left in the hands of some angry man who's yelling at me from a parking booth six floors underneath an actual building. Y. So then I, I. When I'm done with all my meetings, it's 6pm and I'm Lee. And now just. That's just when the meeting ended. So it's like 6pm And I'm like, holy. Now I gotta get out of here. I gotta get out of New York at 6pm which is when everybody is leaving New York.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I go and I walk back to the parking lot. There's no, like there, there's no stairway down to the bottom. There's no nothing. You have to walk down the driveway and up the driveway in order to get this very dangerous situation altogether. So I go downstairs and luckily there's like three people behind me, but I'm the first one. So I give the thing to the guy and it's a different guy altogether. And I say, hey, listen, that he said he might charge me for the 28 bucks for the early. I don't know. Did you. Do I need to pay anything? And he goes, fuck that guy. That's what he goes. That's all he said. He said, fuck that guy. And he walked to get my car. And I was like, I agree. Fuck that guy. So, okay, so now I don't know where my car comes from. There's a big Dark hole from which my car comes from. And then I'm like, okay, so now I am. Now, mind you, there is only one lane, tiny lane to get in or out of this facility. And there's only one little tiny parking lot. It's tiny. So he pulls up the car, and he pulls it so it's facing all the way. So it's facing straight up the driveway. And he goes, okay, you go straight up. Don't turn. And I'm like, yeah, I got it. Okay. I'm not going to turn into the wall, right? I get in the car and I start going slowly up this six storied thing. And guess what's happening. Two cars are coming down.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And I'm like, ah, shit. So I stopped because I'm like, I'm not going to hit these people. What do we do now? Now it's a standoff. It's a standoff. They just came off a busy New York street. I came out of a tiny little parking lot. We're all trying to accomplish the same thing. Either get parked or get fucked. I don't know what's going to happen here. What do I do? One of the. There was a lady, probably younger than I am, let's say five, 10 years younger than I am. There was a lady waiting there also with me. And she's like, is there someone coming down? Is there someone coming down? And I roll down my window and I go, huh? And she goes, is there someone coming down? And I go, there is. She goes, no, no, no, no. Fuck that. They got to turn around. They got to turn around. She gets in front of my car. You got to turn around. Fuck that. Fuck that. Turn around. Oh, my God. And I'm like, oh, okay. Thanks. All right. And so eventually, after, like, three minutes of mass confusion as to exactly how this was, this game of Tetris was gonna play out, they did back up, and they pulled in, like, a little cubby on the side. There enough room just for me to get out. And as I'm driving by, it's a young couple with a baby in the back. And this lady is just, like, telling them to fuck off and turn around. And I thought to myself, geez. So I rolled down the wind and I said, hey, listen, I'm sorry, but there's just no room to turn down in there. And the guy was like, it's okay. We just don't know what to do. We're not from here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I was like, yeah, fuck off. I felt like I was, as a New Yorker after 10 minutes. So then I, you know, I spent the next three hours getting out of New York and made it to Fairfax, Virginia, which is another lovely, lovely suburban area. You know, you think of the suburbs you want to live in. Fairfax might be one of them. Because it's just. Well, I mean, it's Washington D. It's where all the yahoos that are can't manage to sign a bill or pass a law to save their life. It's where they all live in Fairfax, Virginia. Where's Lindsey Graham live? Disney World. He's with a kid. Did you see that story?

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay, let me. Let's take a break, and I want to talk about it. Lindsey Graham. While we were all suffering, driving up to New York and waiting seven hours for tsa, Lindsey Graham was in Disney World. Oh, full suit and jacket, as he always is for three days. And he was with a little girl. He was, like, carrying around her toys. Now, I don't want to out anybody here on the commercial break, but I heard a rumor that Lindsey Graham might not be into girls. That's the thing. But does he have a granddaughter?

[B]

I was gonna say, does he?

[A]

Or is it like his sister's child? I don't know. Anyway, let's talk more about it. We'll also talk about Christine, om's yes, wonder, big titted husband. All right, we'll take a break. We'll be back in two and two. Good to be back.

[D]

Okay. You're probably wondering why I, Rachel, have taken over the voice duties at tcb. It's pretty simple. Astrid asked me to shut Brian up, even for a minute. Well, lovely Astrid, your wish is my command. Do you want to help Astrid, too? You know you do. Leave a message for her or me or Chrissy at 212-4333, TCB. That's 212-433-3822. You can be on the show, too. Just call and say something, anything. Or text us, and we'll text you right back. Promise. Then head over to tcbpodcast.com and get your free sticker. It's your constitutional right to a sticker, and we must abide. You get the point? Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and watch all the episodes on [e-mail] TheCommercialBreak Best to you and Astrid. Especially Astrid.

[E]

Just a guy who rants. Not funny at all. The co host is asleep. She's pretty dog like. People like that. Why are they on the charts? What's the fuck I'm talking about? I should have A student stat. TCV is terrible. This show is fucking bad. I'd like to punch Brian's mouth. This podcast is kinda sad. Is this what we think is funny? Now how do I turn it off? My ears are saying ow. Stop laughing at yourself. Are these two making sense? At least I didn't pay. I am deaf. In my defense. TCB is terrible. That is being kind. Both the hosts are idiots. They left the funny behind. What is this? What is this show about? It's offensive to my soul. Bright is a hack. These two aren't funny and so old. Why all the hype? How did this get made? So many episodes, none of which are great. TCB is terrible. Worst show you could do. TCB is terrible. Worst to. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, I missed it. I missed all the fun. Look at that. Nothing like hearing your bad reviews.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Rev you back up to get a song and get into the episode. There you go. Thanks everybody for joining us. I gotta turn on the chat here in a minute. I've got to turn on the chat. Anyway, so. So while we were gone, last happened. You know, this world is. The world is a spinning and a turning. I think last time we recorded live episodes we weren't even bombing Iran yet. Is that true?

[B]

Is that.

[A]

Yeah, I think it is true.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So anyway, so there's that. There's that. Regardless of how you feel about it. Terrible situation over there in the Middle East. My gas prices continue to rise. I'll just put. I just paid a hundred and twenty dollars to fill up a tank that was costing me less than 75 two weeks ago.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

So it's. It's insane. It's crazy. Or the gas or the place I stopped is just very expensive. One of the two. And it gets more expensive as you drive up the coast, by the way. Oh, North Carolina has the best prices,

[B]

but South Carolina does too.

[A]

Yeah, South Carolina has good gas prices too, because they don't care about the environment. They're like, let it rip.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Don't worry about none of that. Let it rip. This is hot diesel fuel. Now we don't need none of blending here. Just put pure ether alcohol right in your gas engine and go. But one of the big stories that has come out. I think there's a couple stories that are worth talking about. One, and it's not bombing Iran because what a cluster fucking fuck this whole situation is. Did no one have any understanding or any inkling of what was going to happen if you bombed Iran? I don't think. And I think even the best analysts in the world didn't think through the fact that Iran was fully prepped for this. They were ready for it. You know, I'm not cheering on Iran because that Ayatollah was a fucking crazy human being. But I'm just saying that, you know, I don't think anybody expected that they were going to be able to outlay, outlast, and withstand. So maybe next time you should talk to some people about this shit ahead of time. But what the most interesting thing that came out of this was, was. Or the most interesting news I thought was, Christine Om is out. I don't even think we knew that. She's out, right? As the dhs, Border Patrol, SAR guards are, whatever. She is cosplaying, ridiculous human adulterer. You know, philanderer Christine Om, who has just. Has just been one of the worst government officials in recent memories. Her and Kash Patel are running a race to see which one is worse. But what an idiot this woman has turned out to be and what an idiotic job she has done. And took $220 million and threw it in the trash by making these ads of herself so that she can get all the credit and glory of For God and all that other bullshit. And she was sleeping with Corey Lewandowski, who's another grifter who just managed to hop on board some fancy jet where they're sleeping together.

[B]

Yeah. Didn't they just. Just get the jet? Didn't she just get the jet? Does she still have the jet?

[A]

I think this guy Mullen canceled the jet order. I think he said, yeah, we probably don't need the jet, which is a smart thing on Mullen's part. Now, listen, I hope he does a good job. I give everybody a shot, right? I hope he does a good job. But we ain't got time to waste, Mr. Mullen. Whatever. Sean Mullen. Wasn't he a famous singer at some point? Or is it Mark Mullen? It's Mark Mullen now. Do you remember Sean Mullins? That. You know. Yes, yes. Yeah. What did he sing? Hold on. Stop. Brian's. Brian's on the sidetrack right now. Hold on. What is it? Everything's gonna be all right. Rockaby, Rockaby. You only get that kind of here at the commercial break. Yeah, it's memory like a elephant here. Only I couldn't remember Mark Mullen's name. All right, so turns out that Christy Noam was sleeping with Corey Lewandowski, who was a grifter from the first term, and now he's somehow involved in the Second term. And no one likes him. No one ever liked him. He's sleeping with Kristi Noam. It's like an open secret. It's in every newspaper. No one's. They. She doesn't even like. She didn't even deny it when they asked her about it.

[B]

Yeah, that's true.

[A]

Then a couple of days ago, some pictures came out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Of her real husband, Mr. Noem, chatting up some online hottie toddies, some models, some only fans models or whatever they are. Chat models chatting up some chat models in full cross dress with what they call bimbofication.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which is a. I had never heard of this. Never heard of this. But it's a whole sub genre of. A sub genre of, you know, fetishes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's where a man becomes infatuated with the idea that he has exaggerated female body parts. Mainly BO boobs. So they call it bimbofication. Like bimbo. Right.

[B]

And also, like acts dumb or something.

[A]

Yeah, acts like a dumb girl, you know, or whatever. I don't know. I don't know because I never heard of it.

[B]

A lot of people are just learning about it.

[A]

So here comes this whole expose. Pictures to boot. No doubt. If I'm him or Kristi Noem, and I'm already really deep in the shit and already lied my ass off for every other reason under the sun, including killing human beings. I'm probably saying is AI. I don't know what you're talking about is AI.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

But that's not what happens to Mr. Noem's credit. He says, yeah, that's me. That's me.

[C]

What can I say?

[A]

I enjoy it, I'm into it, and I'll talk more about it at a future date. He told the truth. He said, yes. And you know what? I give the motherfucking credit. He's living his truth. His wife has been.

[B]

Yes, true.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Yes, I completely agree. Be who you are and admit who you are.

[A]

Get. Let your tits rip. I mean, put those big boobs on and have fun. Who cares? Who cares, really? It shouldn't be a point of contention. Except here's the point of contention. The point of contention for me is not that he enjoys doing this. He has nothing to do with Christine om's reign of terror at the border.

[B]

He's like an insurance guy.

[A]

Like an insurance mogul, apparently. He's like, you know, I don't know, salesperson of the year 10 years in a row or something. He made a lot of money doing this, selling insurance. The bone of contention. I think for A lot of people is the absolute hypocrisy that goes on with a lot of these people in government. And I'm not saying just Republicans. I'm saying Republicans and the church too. Yeah. Glory all. Glory to God. You know, we do this for God. One nation under God, blah, blah, blah. Meanwhile, you're sleeping with Corey Lewandowski on a $137 million queen bed that flies through the air.

[B]

That's so ridiculous.

[A]

And then your husband's bimbofication habits are known to you. Because now the thing is, is that what has come out just today is that this was no secret. Christy Noem knew about this.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

She was asked about it like two months ago by a report like, you know, one of these, you know, Peabody Award winning TMZ reporters or something who had some insider knowledge. And though he hadn't been outed yet, he asked the question, why do you not keep your relationship with Corey Lewandowski a secret? Why are you sleeping with him? To which she responded, because my husband is gay and he's not into.

[B]

Why'd she said that?

[A]

She said this and she did not clarify. She did not. Correct. She walked past and said, because he's gay.

[B]

Oh,

[A]

now I don't think bimbification means you're gay. I think it means you're into something that's, you know, it. Maybe it's part. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I'm not even going to venture a guess. We need to ask Tina on this one. Tina would have to. Tina. But I will say this is like the, the sheer bullshittiness of everything that's going on right now is insane. And, and I hope that Mr. Noem tells his truth and gets away from his wife and goes and lives in insurance paradise with big boobs for the rest of his life. Yeah, because he deserves.

[B]

Go. Do you boo?

[A]

Yes. Go. Do you boo. Listen, he wouldn't be the first guy to have an arrangement with his wife. He wouldn't be the first politician to have an arrangement. I could think of one very famous Democratic couple who have probably more than likely have a non monogamous relationship. And their name is Hillary and Bill Clinton. Yes, yes. And remember, I can't remember the guy's name. There was a very famous gay senator who was gay and everybody knew he was gay, but, you know, you just wouldn't. It wasn't well known until after he passed away. Now we've got Lindsey Graham.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Who? These, these rumors have been going around forever. He's never denied it. He's always just says, what does that matter? It's not. Doesn't make any difference. It doesn't. It doesn't. Fucking know who he likes to sleep with.

[B]

But at least be truthful about it.

[A]

Be truthful about it. Or, you know, don't. My opinion is don't hide under the flag of God and then beat back years and years of progress when it comes to equalization of human beings in this country under the false flag of God when you in fact behind closed doors are doing the exact opposite. It is like so self hating and just absolute. Anyway, I hate it. It drives me crazy. Lindsey Graham, he drives me crazy. Was like the first vocal critic of Donald Trump in the Republican Party. And guess what?

[B]

Not now.

[A]

No. He is a ball licking motherfucker. And so when everybody, when all the congressional members decided they were going to go on vacation without funding, the dhs, tmz, who I dislike with a passion, decided they were going to put out a call. And I agree with it. And the call was, if you see your senators or congresspersons out on vacation while this shutdown is still going on and while they are on vacation, please send us photos. And boy, did people respond. Because Lindsey Graham spent, spent three days in Disney World with some mysterious woman and some mysterious child running around in a full suit. I mean, the guy couldn't have even put on a pair of shorts and then said, I'm not.

[B]

Nobody wants to see his legs.

[A]

No, but. No, no one wants to see mine either. But I'm not walking around Disney in a full suit. Fuck that. Florida. It's central Florida.

[B]

Yeah, the suit part, come on.

[A]

It's ridiculous. It was quite ridiculous, but it only, it only helped the cause of making you. Making him undeniably unrecognizable. Like it's Lindsey Graham. Because that's his outfit. He wears it everywhere he goes. Blue blazer, white shirt, buttoned up shirt, khaki pants that can't. That and he can't get a tailor to save his life. I mean the saggy pants and the pantaloons. I know the pantaloons. The jacket that's too big. He looks like, I don't know, he looks like the Talking Heads concert. Yeah, David Byrne from 1984. Oh, God. So pictures and pictures and pictures start coming out of this guy at Disney World and he's confronted with it and he says, no, I wasn't down. I was only down there for just a quick visit. I stopped by to meet a friend for a Quick visit and I happened to go to the Magic Kingdom, you know, for a minute. Well then pictures come out from like two days ahead of time, two days afterwards. Like he's down there the whole time. People are in Mexico, they're partying. Ted Cruz, yet again, is that on some beach vacation? Has he not learned his lesson?

[B]

He always goes away.

[A]

Yeah, every time it's a bad time to be somewhere else. Except for the United States of America. Ted Cruz seems to be anywhere but the United States of America. Fucking dipshit. Anyway, listen, listen, it doesn't matter. All of it shouldn't matter, but it does matter. Because when you're talking to the cameras and you're saying one thing and then the second the cameras turn off, you're doing the exact opposite in all of us down here in real world are suffering, struggling. And that's not the, and we're not even the people over there in Iran, the innocent people getting bombed wherever in the Middle east that's, that's suffer, you know, Qatar or Dubai or whatever. It's pissing us off a little bit that you're living high on the hog, taking your private jets all around the world, hanging out in Magic Kingdom for four days in a row with a mysterious woman and your ill fitting suit.

[E]

Shoot.

[A]

And you can't just simply do the job of allowing the government to function in any kind of meaningful way. It is absolutely asinine. And then Donald Trump on his stupid horse comes riding in and saves the day with one stroke of a pen. Why did you not do that two weeks earlier? Why did you not do that two weeks earlier? Blame the Democrats but make them look really bad by signing it at one day after the lines got long.

[B]

Well then the Senate passed their bill, did their thing and then the House decided not to to do it.

[A]

Don't rely on the House for anything. Don't rely on that Mike Johnson for anything. Yeah, yeah, he's another one. We're going to find out. He's in some chat room somewhere too. Guaranteed. There was a guy, there was a dude, he, it was just like three months ago, there was a guy running around the Internet, he made a post, like five posts on X saying that he was a former escort, male escort in the Washington D.C. area. Remember this?

[B]

Yeah, I think so.

[A]

I think we talked about it briefly here and he said, I am giving Mike Johnson, like this is when the last funding shut down. He said, I'm giving Mike Johnson till tomorrow to sign the Democrat. The Democrats funding this funding deal that was in front of I'm giving him until tomorrow to sign it or I'm spilling all the tea. And then like three days. So this became wildly accessible online. Everyone was talking about it sounded like the guy had the goods. And then three days later he read a statement that an attorney wrote him and said, I am now in hiding. I have security. I can't say I, I will, I will send this information out at the right time. So some people think he was not ever in the know. He just said that. And then people start. He started getting death threats. And other people think he was silenced, like he was shut the up. But in any case, can we get something done? Can we be a country again? Can we stop at all the bickering? Seven and a half, nine and a half, ten and a half million people just out on the streets the other day just begging for shit to get back to some normal situation. And what do we get? We get Trump's Miami hotel library.

[B]

Oh God, I saw that.

[A]

With a 747 at the bottom of it. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? What the fuck is going on?

[B]

Does it have like the gold escalator too?

[A]

It has the gold escalator and a United States flag prominent on the top of the building. That has 57 stars.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

Yet another in a long line of wonderful design choices by our president in chief who decided to show up at the Supreme Court this.

[B]

Oh yeah. And the ballroom just got stopped.

[A]

Yep, Ballroom got stopped. This is. It's all a mess.

[B]

It is.

[A]

Nothing is functioning as should. We have our priorities in the wrong place. People are lit. The people are. We are hungry. And those in power are literally robbing the cupboard bare. And we are all saying, or not all of us, but some people in this country are still saying, yep, better than the alternative. Really. How's that going for you? I. I drove to the Kroger the other day and I was excited to see that even in this relatively small population wise suburb of Atlanta, there were hundreds if not thousands of people on the major intersection in this little town for the no Kings protest.

[B]

Oh yeah, it was a big deal.

[A]

And I saw more than one sign that said former Republican or voted for him. I'm sorry, I saw a couple of those voted for him. I'm sorry, I'm better now. One said, I'm better now. I'm cured. Or something like that. This is this. We are at a moment of national crisis and I really, really hope that we don't forget this in two months from now, three months from now. When it's time to go to the polls because is out of control. Bimbification should be the word used to describe what has happened in this country.

[D]

God.

[A]

Honestly, even Alex Jones. Alex Jones, the hardest core of. Hardest core of crazy Looney Tune, Hooky Dukes. I mean he really is, but he still has an audience and he's still a big mouth out there in some circles. Yesterday he said Trump is not well, he is sick. He is not the guy we voted in office. This is not what we voted for. We have to find an alternative and we have to find it quickly. Alex Jones. Yeah, so and I noticed all the Joe Rogan's of the world and all these other podcast Theo Vaughns and all these other podcasters who got on the Trump train real quick. I noticed how quickly they're jumping off the Trump train too. So. And I think, you know, okay, whatever. I think we just all need to come to our senses. And so two weeks of buildup has made me kind of want to just spill this out there is that we don't talk about politics a whole bunch. But for one second segment, I just wanted to encourage anybody who still is supporting this nut job that and all the other people who are absolutely just licking his balls for any reason at any time. We need to come together as a country. This is a moment of national crisis. This is if there has ever been one. This is it. When Donald Trump shrump. Donald Trump. I do the shrump shump.

[B]

I hate that dance.

[A]

I hate that dance too. When Donald Trump shows up at the Supreme Court to intimidate the Supreme Court

[B]

justices president to ever do that, there

[A]

is a reason why because the these three branches are distinct from each other. And the executive and the legislative branch oftentimes work together. That's been no secret all the other. But generally they just stay away from each other for the good of the country. This. Listen, the Constitution is not perfect. The founding fathers were not perfect, but they were pretty close. And one of the things they said is that these equal branches of power, right. And they shouldn't be trying to intimidate each other. And right now we've got a law firm that's working for for Donald Trump 24 hours a day. It's called the Department of Justice. And then we've got Supreme Court justices that kowtow to is every whim. But it sounds like if you, if you read in between the lines from today, it sounds like Donald Trump got right out of the courtroom that the justices were like we're not even pretending this one's good. Dude, you birthright citizenship is in the constitution. It's the 14th amendment, and that's not going away. So, yeah, let's just hope that remains the same when it comes time to. To write the opinion. Anyway, let's talk about something less heavy when we get back, why don't we. Should we take a short break?

[B]

I think we should.

[A]

Yeah. We're like three hours into the show. I know I had all this talking built up. I know this talking built up. All right, all right. We'll take a break and then we'll come back.

[D]

Let me do something Brian has never done. Be brief. Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break, text or call us 212-4333, tcb. That's 212-433-822. Visit our website tcbpodcast.com for all the audio, video and your free sticker. Then watch all the [e-mail] thecommercial break and finally share the show. It's the best gift you could give a few aging podcasters. See, Brian, that really wasn't that difficult, now, was it? You're welcome.

[C]

I've been putting in the work I've been working out hard I've been trying my best to make it this far I've been driving so fast I've been living so tough I've been waxing my balls Will it ever be enough? Why won't you look at my body? Why do you cheat on me? Don't you love my money? All my san on sweets I'm such a lonely Frankie B. I've seen a lot of action I've been around the world But I just can't find a lady who wants to be my girl I've been getting new hair plucks I've never been so tan Living with my daughter Eating tuna from a can why won't you look at my body? Why do your friends hate me? Don't I impress you, honey with my san on sweets? I'm such a lonely Frankie babe. I know we could be lovers I know I'm just your type why don't you come to my place? I'll touch your face Please, girl, swipe right.

[B]

Good old Frankie.

[A]

We gotta check in with him. I did. I checked in maybe like a week and a half ago, and I didn't see anything new. He's really fallen off the radar. This is a long. This is a long time for him. Even for Frankie, this has been a long time.

[B]

Time, he must say. Like we said, he must Be in a serious relationship.

[A]

Yeah, he's probably in a relationship. Maybe I'll email him. Maybe now's the time to email him and say, hey man, we're out of contact, can you help us out? We had to take a two week break because we couldn't think of anything else to say. We're round the corner. We need something for the thousandth episode. I did, however, reach out to Dean from Dean, the Dean and Bod Show. Yes. I reached out to him on Instagram and he said, oh my God, man, so happy to hear you guys. You know, I haven't listened in a couple years, but I, I, I gotta catch up. And I'm like, no, you're, don't, no, you don't. I said, no, don't even try. Just, you know, jump right in, wherever. Yeah, you'll be all right. He's good, he's good. He's, he said that he occasionally does the show, that Bodhi had some health troubles a while back, but yeah, but he's, but he's doing better. And, and yeah, that he really enjoyed the medium, but he couldn't, just couldn't roll up an audience. He said, you know, it's tough to get an audience. I said, you tell me. I've been doing this for seven fucking years. And we're still, still, we're scraping along with every Tom, Dick and Harry in the business trying to figure it out.

[B]

We're persistent.

[A]

We are, we're persistently bad at the business part of this. But that's just everybody in general. I mean, you know, creators trying to be entrepreneurs at the same time is a tough part of the business. I just had. So my meeting was about actually have, you know, the entrepreneurship of content creation is difficult. I'm sad to hear that. Tiger woods and yet more trouble.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Regarding drugs and alcohol, I mean, I really don't think it's the alcohol. I think it's the drugs.

[B]

There was no alcohol. It was the pain pills.

[A]

I know. And you know, I, this brings up a really interesting conundrum, I think for Tiger woods. And as I was just explaining this to somebody, bull riding, professional bull riding has the highest instance of injury, of injury and pain.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Related addiction. Right. So pain medication.

[B]

Think about what they're doing.

[A]

Yes. And they have doctors all over the place that are just feeding these guys lots of different pills and substances and all that other stuff because this is not the type of thing that yoga works out that you're, you're sore, Hammy, you're breaking ribs, you're getting gourd with a big bowl. It's just a terrible thing. And they have very short lifespans. They do that for four or five years, I think. And gone in professional football is second. Then there's hockey. Golf is nowhere on the list. But Tiger is a different animal. He has already been in multiple car crashes and instances that have led to major. I mean, he almost lost a leg. He almost lost a leg. And he was just coming back from yet more surgeries and more surgeries.

[B]

He was trying to do something with the Masters. Right.

[A]

He was saying he. He came back to the tgl. I did not watch it, but he played the last. The championship, tgl, whatever. The indoor thing that he. He and a couple other people started.

[B]

Rory, right?

[A]

Yeah, Rory. Yeah. Maybe Rory had a. I don't think. I don't know. Okay. Anyway, you might be right about that. But Arthur Blank was involved in, like, a bunch of other people were involved in it. So he came back, they had the. The tournament, the champion tournament, whatever they do. And Tiger came back to play, and admittedly didn't play all that well, but at least he's still swinging the golf club. Right? And so they asked him about the Masters, and he said, I'm here. I'm testing it out. I'm seeing if I can go there. He just redesigned a very famous golf club in. In Augusta, and he was supposed to be up there during the Masters week to open that up. And some people speculated, because he can enter the tournament, of course, at any time. He's Tiger Woods. He's won it four times, five times. Yeah. That he would then get out on the course and play. This would be his big comeback tournament. After years of being away because of multiple back surgeries, that leg injury, the whole nine yards. He has not placed in the top 10 in six years. He has not even finished a tournament in four years. I mean, the guy is a mess. He's physically a mess. He gave it all. He left it all on.

[B]

Yeah, he did.

[A]

And I think, Eve, I am the first person who wishes that Tiger would have has one more tournament win in him on the. And the pga, But I just don't think it's there. I think he is done. I think his body is done. He should go play with the old people. And he can probably win a few tournaments there. But I see how this has all kind of transpired and how now all of the. The word is, why isn't Tiger have a driver? Like we've always said, why don't you have a driver? And I'm not talking about the kind you swing, I'm talking about the kind that takes you around town. Why you're a billionaire. Why would you be driving around Jupiter, Florida at 70 mph down a 1 way street? Don't do that. He. People close to him said because he is so done with public scrutiny that he doesn't even want a driver following him around, understanding what he does, knowing where he goes. He's so fiercely protective of what little privacy that he has. And apparently he spends most of his time at home with his girlfriend. Who's one of the Trumps.

[B]

Yeah. Ex wife or something.

[A]

Yeah, Donald Don Junior's first wife. Who they have five kids together. Did you know that? They have five kids together. So this is President Trump's grandchildren now. Tigers in the mix. And I read an article where the Secret Service would not allow Tiger woods to drive any of those children around, that if they're going somewhere, then they have to be in a separate vehicle driven by the Secret Service.

[B]

So good idea.

[A]

Good idea. Right. Because he already has one dui. He's fallen asleep at the wheel, he's been in major crashes. He, he was found unconscious on the side of a Florida highway one time, like with a bunch of pain medication. Like, the guy has given it all and now he is desperately trying to like relive a little bit of the magic. At the same time trying to live somewhat of a normal life and at the same time trying to probably mask a lot of pain and years of trauma. Trauma by being the most famous person on earth that could never do anything without the glaring eyes of the golf world and the world writ large. And I just feel for Tiger so bad. He's like probably in this very lonely, desperate place. They found him, he had Vicodin on him. He's just a mess. He's probably popping pills left and right to stave off real pain and to make himself feel better. But after 10, 15 years of this, that guy is probably on some serious amounts.

[B]

I thought about that. Yeah. The amount that you have to take is your body. Just, it's the buildup.

[A]

It's a buildup.

[B]

Yeah. Right. Tolerance.

[A]

And, and let's say this. I had a friend once. I'll share this. I had a friend once. You know, the friend, the friend suffered from cte, from hockey. He was like a semi professional hockey player and he had something called trigeminal neuralgia, which is also referred to as the suicide disease. And why is it referred to that? Because it's the nerve in Your face that goes around your jaw and your nose. And when it's dysfunctioning, it causes such severe pain, headaches, and body ach. Aches that a lot of people choose not to live anymore. That's how serious it is. And there's very little recourse. And they don't really understand it all that well, but it happens to, you know, a small portion of society. This guy was on so much pain medication that one day I had a headache at a party, and I asked someone that that was close to him, do you have any Tylenol? To which she responded, go in the bathroom under the cabinet, and there's a bunch of stuff in there. You take whatever you need. And when I opened up the cabinet, cabinet, there were bags of bottles of medication stuff that you would. One would knock you and I out for a couple of hours.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or two of them. And I said, found none of. Found no Tylenol, but I found hundreds of Vicodin and Percocets and all this other stuff, you know. And she said, well, take whatever you want. He doesn't take that. He takes stronger stuff. And I was like, holy shit. Holy.

[B]

Yeah. The level of pain that most that these people must have have.

[A]

We all know somebody who's been here, who's done this, who's been down this road, you know, it's. It's easy. It's not hard to get addicted to these. To these medications, because, first of all, they're the only real legit way to kill pain in 20, 26. And number two is that they're easily addictive. So what does Tiger do? What do we do with our boy Tiger? Now? He's. Of course he's gonna do the.

[B]

Has gone to a room.

[A]

Yeah, Here we go. We're going to rehab, see? Yeah, we'll see, right? Because I think it's just like people who have a problem with food. And here it is. You still have to eat. And I think that no matter how much Tiger goes to recovery, unless he just wants it that bad, he's always going to need something for pain.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he's not getting younger. And we all start to get pain when we're older as all these old people down in the villages, they're all doped up on pain medication because the doctor says, yeah, you're going to die soon, so what does it really matter? You know what I'm saying? So what do we do with our boy Tiger? I just don't know. But I feel for him. Him deeply.

[B]

Well, Trump's gonna pardon Him.

[A]

So, yeah, Trump's gonna pardon his dui. He's not gonna get a dui. He didn't get a DUI last time. He's not gonna get a DUI this time. He's gonna get a reckless driving. They didn't even take his blood. When he almost lost his leg. They didn't even take his blood. We all think that was just an act. He just flew off the side of a mountain on. Because he was a little tired.

[B]

I mean, I couldn't believe it when it popped up in my news again. I was like, again.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Me either. Oh, God.

[A]

Yeah, I was. I think I was driving and I was like. I saw it pop up and I was like, in another one? Yes, another one, Tiger. And he's like two miles from his house. Why are you driving that fast? First of all. Second of all, why are you driving that doped up? Don't do it.

[B]

Like trying to pass the truck.

[A]

There's a truck with a trailer. The guy was taking a right. Yeah. And he clipped the back of the trailer and he flipped over. First of all, cool, cool movie stunt, dude. How'd you do that? Like, how did you roll it over? And then he got. And then he like jumped out of the wind windshield or something. He's like, I'm talking Woods. I'm good. It was fine. I mean, I don't mean to make fun. Drinking under the influence. I mean, driving under the influence is a serious, serious thing. Been there, done that. Tiger, I know what you're feeling, but, buddy, you gotta. I don't care. If you don't want people to know where you're going, hire a driver you can trust.

[B]

You can get somebody that's trusted.

[A]

Hire a deaf driver or a blind driver. That's what you need to do. Isn't there a. Isn't there WAMU or something that can rent you one of those cars? You know, those little food delivery things that drive around San Francisco?

[B]

Or you can just take waymos.

[A]

Yeah, take a wham. Oh, wamu or whatever you call those. Take a wham O and get yourself to where you need to go. But stop with the shenanigans, Tiger. People love you, dude. We don't want to see you go.

[B]

Everybody's rooting for him.

[A]

Everyone's rooting for you. And we don't care about the golf anymore. We all, no matter how much we want to see you play one more masterful major or players or we know it's probably not going to happen. And that's okay, dude, we Just want you to be. Well, can. We just want to see you play again. At all. At all. You know it. Just finish a tournament, for God's sakes. That's what we want to see. Listen, the Tiger woods of Yeo y', all, yo. Oh, whatever it is is gone. And we get it. We're all moving on. We just want you to be healthy. We're all rooting for you, Tiger. He really did change sports. He changed sports forever. Forever. And in a good way. Like Michael Jordan did. And like so many. Jackie Robinson and so many other people who broke the barrier.

[B]

Oh, God.

[A]

And, yeah, it's amazing, the stereotype and all that. I mean, look at all of the black golfers now. Look at all. I can't name one. That's. That's such a shame. That needs to change for sure. I mean, there are a few out there, but, you know, it's. It's still largely a very expensive, erudite sport. And that's why I don't play anymore, Chrissy, is because I'm fighting the man. It's principle. That's right. Now I'm a bowler. I like to bowl now.

[B]

I love to bowl. I just been bowling a little while back with my nephews.

[A]

Oh, you did?

[B]

It was so much fun.

[A]

Yeah, it is. It was so much fun. Yeah. Yeah. And I win every time against my kids, so it's, like the only sport that I can win at. It's. I was at my brother's wedding, and I was gonna go golfing, but I didn't end up going golfing. And we were at dinner a couple weeks ahead of time, and he's got a group that's gonna go out on Saturday before the wedding and whatever. And he says this to me now, mind you, Kevin and I used to golf, like, once or twice a week for, like. Yeah, for like, years in a row, right? We did this. And I was never very good, but I was okay. I was okay. I could break 110 on a good day. I think I broke 100 a couple times, right? Which is not terrible. Not great. Whatever. 18 handicap, whatever it is. So. So Kevin says to me, hey, man, are you going to go golfing on Saturday? I said, yeah, I'm thinking about it. All right. All right, great. I'm putting you in a cart with dad and this guy from our high school, right? Because, you know, you guys aren't very good. And I was like, you're an asshole, dude. Did you just say that to me? But he said it with a straight face. It wasn't like a joke and I was like, fuck you. You just for that. I'm not going.

[B]

No, I'm not playing now.

[A]

You keep your sport, your erudite sport. I don't care anymore.

[B]

I'm going back to bowling.

[A]

Yeah, I'm going back to bowling. I'll be in Fairfax, Virginia, toughing it out. So much fun. So much fun. Oh, well, I'm glad we're back.

[B]

I missed it too.

[A]

You never realize how much you miss it until you miss it until you get back.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah. Cuz when I'm, when I'm on a break I'm like, ah, this is great. I need to go in and edit. I mean I love being with you but you know, like, ah, figure out what to say and talk to people and all that other. I don't want to do it. But then when I get back behind the microphone I inevitably go, this is why I do it. This is why I do it. Because it is a ton of fun.

[B]

That is a lot of fun.

[A]

And so I'm sorry I didn't turn on the chat today. I'll catch you tomorrow. We'll figure out.

[B]

Yeah, we'll do it tomorrow.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, nothing's changed. Same Instagram, same YouTube, you know, download the show. That's all I can request. If you like the show, send it to a friend. That's the best thing. That's the best way you can help out. We got a few text messages on the phone. I promise I'll get to them again. I was gone for a while there, so I, I haven't checked the phone, but I'll get to it. I'm sure South Georgia Sean is text messages. Oh yes, good old South Georgia. Yeah. And then some other people, somebody I did see wrote a text message about one of our spring break TCB spring breaking, which is what I called the last two weeks of the show and said they loved the episode. So yeah, there's one person who likes it.

[B]

We just need that little bit of encouragement sometimes.

[A]

That's all it takes. You're like, all right, there's somebody out there listening to it, I guess. Yeah, follow us down, download us, do all that good stuff. We certainly do appreciate it. Also, I would love to tell you the following. When I Remember, go to YouTube.com the commercial break and make sure that you follow us there too. Subscribe and hit the notifications bell. That way you'll get notified when we go live. It's usually 1pm on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and or Thursdays, but today we're running a bit little, a little bit late. I was running a little bit late. So there you go. You can also find us@tcb podcast.com you can get your free sticker there. Go to the contact us button. The drop down menu says I want my free sticker. Give us your address, we will send you one. Promise. You can also watch all the video and listen to all the audio right there on that website and Instagram at the commercial break. If you want to get a hold of us, DM us on Instagram, please. It's just one easy place where I can keep track of everything that's going on, rather than have 12 phones I'm trying to carry around.

[B]

And a beeper.

[A]

And a beeper. And a pager. That's right. And then you can follow Chrissy and I personally. It's on the website. Go do that. So I had, I had a nice break and it's been fun. Chrissy.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So I guess that's all I can

[B]

do for back in the saddle again. Yes, I think so.

[A]

Yeah. We're learning. We're learning, we're learning. We're relearning. All right, well, I'll tell you that I love you.

[B]

I love you.

[A]

I'll say best to you and I'll say best to you out there in the podcast and streaming audience will be back tomorrow. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say goodbye.

[B]

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