It's OK To Be Small...

Summary

The Commercial Break Podcast Episode Summary: "It's OK To Be Small..."

Hosts: Bryan Green and Krissy (Christina), with occasional contributions from co-host Chris Hoadley.

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1. Introduction

The episode kicks off with Bryan Green sharing a candid and humorous account of his experiences, setting the stage for an engaging mix of comedy and personal anecdotes. The hosts' chemistry and playful banter immediately draw listeners into their world of quirky humor and genuine friendship.

2. Life Insurance: A Comedic yet Insightful Discussion

Bryan opens the conversation by delving into the often-overlooked topic of life insurance, blending humor with thoughtful insights.

• Bryan: “I’m not really worth anything. I mean, who's looking for my money?” [03:03]

He humorously describes life insurance as a "betting market," highlighting the absurdities and personal stakes involved.

• Bryan: “I am betting that I make more money off of you before you keel over.” [04:22]

Krissy and Bryan laugh over the idea of taking out policies on each other, bringing levity to a serious financial topic and making it relatable for listeners.

3. Navigating Tragedy: Valencia Flooding and Family Concerns

The tone shifts as Bryan shares the devastating impact of recent floods in Valencia, Spain, affecting his brother-in-law, Danny, and his family.

• Bryan: “Danny has been living in Valencia for a very long time. It's part of the reason why we have spent so much time in Valencia.” [07:22]

He recaps the severe weather event, mentioning, “19 inches of rain and a little less than six hours” that led to massive flooding.

• Bryan: “Water. Like, you know, probably a foot and a half of water in it.” [08:14]

Bryan emphasizes the urgency of the situation and the importance of community support, urging listeners to donate to the flood victims.

• Bryan: “Be kind to each other. Got a few extra bucks, you send it somebody's way so that maybe they can get through a tragedy.” [11:39]

4. The Perils of European Travel: Parking Nightmares in Madrid and Sevilla

Bryan recounts the challenges he faced while driving and parking in the tightly packed streets of Madrid and Sevilla, offering a humorous take on the frustrations of navigating European cities.

• Bryan: “If you've ever been to Europe, number one, the housing, the cities, they are literally stacked on top of each other.” [17:35]

He describes his ordeal with a rental SUV, struggling to maneuver into a compact parking deck.

• Bryan: “Backward and forward, backward and forward, backward and forward.” [22:39]

Bryan humorously laments the inefficiency and stress of European parking, contrasting it with the spaciousness typically enjoyed in the United States.

• Bryan: “We spent a week... trying to figure out how to park this motherfucking vehicle.” [24:43]

5. A Memorable Wedding in Sevilla: Grand Celebrations and Unexpected Turns

The conversation shifts to the heartwarming and chaotic experience of attending a family wedding in Sevilla, highlighting the cultural richness and unexpected moments that made it unforgettable.

• Bryan: “This was one of the most interesting weddings I have ever been to. Beautifully done. Top notch all the way. Traffic stopping, that's all I gotta say.” [73:10]

Initially skeptical about the turnout, Bryan is pleasantly surprised by the hundreds who attended, proving his initial doubts wrong.

• Bryan: “There were so many people that showed up to this wedding. So many people.” [34:44]

6. Exploring History: The Roman Bath House Adventure

Bryan and Krissy take listeners on a tour of a traditional Roman bath house in Sevilla, blending humor with vivid descriptions of their experiences.

• Bryan: “Change into your bathing suit and then you can lock your locker like this.” [57:25]

He shares an awkward yet funny encounter in the changing room, reflecting on personal discomfort in public grooming spaces.

• Bryan: “I hate these situations. I hate the situations where I got to show my dick to other guys.” [59:24]

Their exploration of the bath house includes marveling at the architectural beauty and questioning the logic behind maintaining pool temperatures with an incessant ice supply.

• Bryan: “There's an ice machine attached to the pool? It just seemed like just the weirdest way.” [64:18]

7. Personal Anecdotes: From Plane Mishaps to Cold Plunges

Bryan shares a series of humorous and relatable stories, including a chaotic plane ride where pressure differences caused his children to inadvertently spray fellow passengers, and his painful experience with a cold plunge.

• Bryan: “When I opened up the bottle, the water went shooting out of this plastic straw. It shot out like a water gun.” [07:22]

• Bryan: “The gasp of air that came into my lungs. Yeah, I swear to God. I know. Astrid was like, worried for me.” [72:14]

These anecdotes showcase Bryan's ability to find humor in everyday mishaps, adding depth and authenticity to the episode.

8. Conclusion: Reflecting and Moving Forward

As the episode wraps up, Bryan reiterates the importance of supporting those affected by natural disasters and expresses gratitude for the listeners' support.

• Bryan: “Donate to the victims in Spain if you can. I'll put a link in the show notes.” [75:12]

He signs off with heartfelt thanks, reinforcing the podcast's blend of humor, personal stories, and community awareness.

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Notable Quotes:

• Bryan on Life Insurance as a Betting Market:

  “I am betting that I make more money off of you before you keel over.” [04:22]

• Bryan on Valencia Flooding:

  “Water. Like, you know, probably a foot and a half of water in it.” [08:14]

• Bryan on European Parking Challenges:

  “Backward and forward, backward and forward, backward and forward.” [22:39]

• Bryan on the Sevilla Wedding Turnout:

  “There were so many people that showed up to this wedding. So many people.” [34:44]

• Bryan on the Roman Bath House:

  “I hate these situations. I hate the situations where I got to show my dick to other guys.” [59:24]

• Bryan on Supporting Flood Victims:

  “Donate to the victims in Spain if you can. I'll put a link in the show notes.” [75:12]

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Key Takeaways:

• Humor Amidst Challenges: The hosts adeptly use humor to navigate and discuss both lighthearted and serious topics, making complex issues like life insurance and natural disasters more approachable.

• Personal Connections and Storytelling: Bryan’s personal stories about traveling, family, and unexpected challenges create a relatable and engaging narrative for listeners.

• Cultural Insights: The episode offers listeners a glimpse into European culture, particularly the intricacies of navigating cities like Madrid and Sevilla, and experiencing traditional Roman bath houses.

• Community and Support: Emphasizing the importance of kindness and support, especially in the face of natural disasters, aligns with the podcast's theme of being a "commercial break" from everyday drama.

This episode of "The Commercial Break" masterfully blends comedy with heartfelt storytelling, providing listeners with both laughs and meaningful reflections on life's unpredictabilities.

Transcript

[Brian Green]

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[Chris Hoadley]

Hey, comedy fans. The funniest comedians in the world are on tour and you can get tickets.

[Christina]

To see them live near you.

[Chris Hoadley]

Laugh at the biggest names in comedy like Atsuko Katsuka, Chelsea Handler, Corey Holcomb, Matt Matthews, Nurse John, Ralph Barboza, Ronnie.

[Christina]

Chang, Sarah Silverman, Sebastian Maniscalco, Wanda Sykes, and so many more.

[Chris Hoadley]

All kinds of shows, all kinds of venues, all kinds of funny. Head to livenation.com comedy to get your tickets today. That's livenation.com what did you buy today?

[Brian Green]

I bought six Busch Light, six Bud Light. And I love them tall boys. Tall boys. How much would you drink a day? Well, what day? Regular day? I don't know. Maybe a couple beers. Depends. Weekends, maybe, you know, five beer, two drinks a week. What do you think of that? Well, that's just not feasible. Not in this country. On this episode of the commercial break, I kind of do like this360 back to the locker, right? Yeah. Glance at his dick, realize how big it is, and right back to the locker. And as I'm perusing the rest of the room, there's another guy in there who, he had like this backpack and he was getting settled too. And you should have seen the look on his face, Chrissy. It was like we saw each other and we both agreed that our cocks are not that big and that we. We agreed it's okay to have a smaller cock than that. Yeah. Just two men not talking, just with eye contact, agreeing that not every cock is that big. The next episode of the commercial break starts now.

[Chris Hoadley]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Green]

Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co host of this show, Chris. Enjoy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris.

[Chris Hoadley]

Best to you, Brian.

[Brian Green]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe, Heidi Ho. Thanks for joining us. Hi de ho. Hi de ho. And the ghost goes Heidi ho. What was that old Saturday Night Live skit? Do you remember that? And we all go, heidi ho. Oh, no, that's. That's South Park.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah. Which I still love.

[Brian Green]

I thought it was Gumby.

[Chris Hoadley]

I love South Park.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah. And the poop goes South Park. Always great. I think south park is in like its 40th season or something.

[Chris Hoadley]

It's been around a long time.

[Brian Green]

It's been going on since I was. Maybe not as a kid, but, you know, I was a kid a long time ago. I'm reminded of that on a daily basis, of how my receding hairline and the wrinkles in my eyes tell me all the time how old I am getting. But let us not be troubled by that, Chrissy. That means we don't have too much time left on this shit all over planet. So there you go.

[Chris Hoadley]

There's your. It's your battle.

[Brian Green]

Yes, your.

[Chris Hoadley]

Your battle wounds.

[Brian Green]

We're getting into that. That time in life when we start looking at life insurance. You know, life insurance. I mean, I've had life insurance for various different reasons over the years, but never any substantial amount because I'm not really worth anything. I mean, who's. Like before Astrid, who's looking for my money?

[Chris Hoadley]

Right?

[Brian Green]

But you know, it does bring up an interesting thing, Astrid. And I'm sure there will be a, like a serial type podcast that probably comes out 10 years from now after I say this following sentence. Astrid's like, I'm getting life insurance. Are you gonna kill me? And I'm like, depends on how much it's worth. Half a million, probably not million dollars. I don't know. I start looking at you kind of funny when you're bothering me.

[Chris Hoadley]

Well, I know. And I've thought about life insurance too, with those crime shows. Because a lot of times there's somebody took out a life insurance policy on somebody without them knowing you can do that. Why? Well, because I didn't know you could do that.

[Brian Green]

Life insurance is a betting market, essentially, right? You think about this. It's a betting market. I am betting that I make more money off of you before you keel over. That and it's all, it's all actuary tables.

[Chris Hoadley]

And how can you take out with somebody, like, without somebody's signature?

[Brian Green]

You don't have to have a signature. I promise you this. I promise you this. If you have worked at a business, it is. If you have worked at a huge corporate business. I was going to say in a position of any. No, this is not. Although, you know what our first attorney.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Said, do you guys want to take out life insurance policies on each other? And that is not an uncommon thing to do if there are people in the business who are so important to the business that should they keel over, shit's going to go sideways. It's not unusual for a company to pay for life insurance for that person to absorb some of the losses. So. But here at the commercial break, it actually goes in the opposite way. Should I die, you're going to make more money. So it's. You give the life insurance company money if I die.

[Chris Hoadley]

So you should have been asked, asking Astrid if she was going to kill you.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Well, you know, when you're my age and, and in my condition, I just got my parathyroid taking out, so I'm pretty sure that, you know, a life insurance company in the right mind is going to insure me. I mean, not that parathyroid. It's not like a deadly disease, you know, I mean, it can kill you, but you'd. You'd have to have it for a very long time for it to kill you or a certain kind of high calcium for it to kill you. But, you know, the life insurance companies, they're so fucking shitty that any little thing that goes wrong with you, it raises your premium, raises your premium, raises your premium, or just takes you out of the pool altogether. This is how health insurance used to be, quite frankly. And since Obamacare is, you know, or what do we call it now? I'm gonna call it Obamacare. What do we call it? Affordable Care Act. Affordable Care Act. Now the health insurance companies have to put you in a pool so that everybody kind of absorbs the risks. But that life insurance, I'm telling you what you don't. I don't have to have your signature to take out. To take out a policy. I didn't have to have your signature to take out a policy.

[Chris Hoadley]

Right. It's coming to life.

[Brian Green]

How's that drink? Does it taste? Very good?

[Chris Hoadley]

It's delicious.

[Brian Green]

I've been so. I've been putting. Slowly putting antifreeze in your drinks. I've heard about that, too. Like wives putting Antifreeze in there.

[Chris Hoadley]

Arsenic.

[Brian Green]

Well, arsenic. Where do you get arsenic? Where does one pick up some arsenic, by the way? Cyanide, Anthrax?

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Green]

Where does one pick that up? I mean, I just. I just don't know. I mean, I don't, but I know that you can. Well, arsenic I think is pretty common, like element in a lot of things. You just have to know how to synthesize it and I don't know how to synthesize anything. I am useless as a tit on a bull, swear to God. I am speaking of useless as a tit on a bowl. I never got to talk about Spain, my trip to Spain.

[Chris Hoadley]

You and I have been waiting and.

[Brian Green]

Well, here's the reason why. I wanted to put a little space in between stories about Spain and the terrible tragedy that happened in Spain, which is the flooding in Valencia. I am going to add a link to the bottom of the show notes here where you can, if your heart so desires, if you feel like you want to, or you can also reach out to us via text and I'll share information on where you can go to legitimate places and donate money. For those in and around Valencia, in the Andalusian area who were affected by some incredib flooding that happened in Valencia. We also had a couple people who unbelievably actually listened to what I say and figured out that I have family in Spain. And I asked whether or not my family was okay. Family? The. The family. I have a family member in Valencia. It's my brother in law, Danny. Not the one we usually talk about. Gustavo.

[Chris Hoadley]

Gustavo.

[Brian Green]

But Danny is equally as loved. I just don't talk about him as much. He's a little bit more shy. But Danny has been living in Valencia for a very long time. It's part of the reason why we have spent so much time in Valenc. I have spent a lot of time in Valencia. It's a beautiful town, one of the biggest in the country. It's a beach town that is known for beautiful beaches, cosmopolitan city, laid back attitude. And it's just one of the more lovely places you can visit in Spain. And they have been decimated. Decimated by this flood that happened I guess about two weeks ago now.

[Chris Hoadley]

I keep reading about it and there's still more rain that keeps happening.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it just keeps coming. And it's really bad news. 19 inches of rain and a little less than six hours, I think in the outskirts of Valencia caused incredible flooding. And I mean incredible flooding. And the government there, while it's basically A nanny state. The government there has been slow to respond. But how do you respond to a once in a lifetime event? I'm not giving the government a pass. I'm just saying that, like, when you never expect something to happen, how do you play that out? Like, how do you. You're not prepared. So, you know, I wanted to put a little space into funny stories about Spain and that tragedy. Here's the bottom line. If you would like to donate any funds. You know, I don't know if they're taking clothing, food or water. And I don't even know if, like, places like Amazon are working in any of those areas currently right now. So maybe the better thing to do is just go donate. I'll put a link down in the show notes, you know, donate a couple bucks. Those people have nothing. Everything is gone. Like my brother, his car, his motorcycle, all of his clothing, everything. All of his worldly possessions are gone. He has the pants that he was wearing and the shirt and the coat that he was wearing, his telephone. That's it. And his life. And he's okay. He's now with family. But, you know, it's just, what a tragedy. I mean, Danny walked us through on a FaceTime video or WhatsApp video, walked us through his apartment that still had water in it six days later. Water. Like, you know, probably a foot and a half of water in it. The water had gotten to almost five feet tall. The water line is five feet tall. And Danny said it happened in minutes. It went from nothing on the ground to almost 4ft of water in minutes. He had to be rescued by tying bedsheets together and pulling him across a raging river, which was a street, holding his girlfriend. Like, this is like life and death type stuff.

[Chris Hoadley]

I know. I was reading about some people that said that they only got the notification that all of it was happening as.

[Brian Green]

It'S happening as it was happening. Yeah, there's a, there's a video out there and maybe if I can find the link, I'll give it to Christina. Christina, text me and remind me to send you this, this video. There's a video out there roaming around Instagram and other places, WhatsApp, of a woman that is holding on to a bush in the middle of a park as the water is rapidly rising and flowing, like it flowing. And it's probably about waist deep. And she is holding on to this bush. That's the only thing within, you know, how to say 50ft that she can get a hold of and saying that the only thing that's Keeping me from dying is this bush. As the water is raging and rising so quickly. It's fucking scary. I mean, it's just scary how quickly this all happened. And, you know, thanks. Global warming. This is what's going on. These, These events are getting extreme, more extreme, Wilder, wetter.

[Chris Hoadley]

I mean, they're still dealing with it here in the Carolinas, of course, we're just.

[Brian Green]

We're dealing with our own drama down here in the Southeast. So many friends of mine in the Asheville area, in the North Carolina area, you know, up near where my. My dad and my stepmom live. I mean, this, this. Those people have been devastated also. And it's just crazy, you know, and I don't have any answers, and I don't think a lot of people do. It's just the way that it is right now. But I guess that when these things happen, we can be kind to each other. That's what we can do. Be kind to each other. Got a few extra bucks, you send it somebody's way so that maybe they can get through a tragedy. Yeah. Because I will promise you something. And this is Brian being about as pessimistic as Brian is ever going to be. All of us at some point will experience something like this because it's just too frequent now. Not to a tornado, a flood, a hurricane, a earthquake. I don't know what. What's going to come our way. But, you know, it seems like no one has been untouched by some of these. These events, either you or a family or a friend. So, you know, I know it's kind of a dour way to start an episode of the commercial break, but I thought that I would share first of all, that my. My family is okay in Spain. They are okay. And number two, that there are ways to help. And hopefully you choose to do that if you have a couple of extra bucks. So we went to Spain.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

I started this story. I kind of talked about the travel, the plane ride. Oh, my God. The lady that walked into the bathroom with no shoes or socks on. I mean, just an unbelievable event. In my opinion, my catastrophe, my flooding was watching a woman walk into the bathroom with no. Into a airplane bathroom after seven hours of flying with no shoes and no socks on. I mean, just unbelievable. And then my children. Do you have to go to the bathroom? No.

[Chris Hoadley]

No.

[Brian Green]

Okay. Little shit. I know you do. I know you do. So we got to.

[Chris Hoadley]

Also, you doused the people behind you.

[Brian Green]

Oh, my God. That was. I can't stop thinking about that. I can't. I swear. To God, every time I open one of those bottles for my kids, I just think sharing the story. In case you didn't hear the episode, we have these bottles, like these metal bottles. You've seen them for children with, you know, characters on the outside of them. And they have the little straw that you flip up, like the plastic. Plastic metal straw that you flip up, and they drink out of. Well, when you get in an airplane, there is a pressure difference between when you're sitting on the tarmac and when you're 15,000, 20,000ft in the air and that affect in an airtight bottle. And I didn't realize what kind of effect it was going to have on these bottles. When I opened up the bottle, the water went shooting out of this plastic straw. And I don't mean like, you know, kind of like dribbled out. I mean, it shot out like a. Like a. I don't know, like a water gun. I mean, that's the only way to describe it, like shooting a water gun. And it went backwards behind us, split, spilling all over this poor woman and man. And the woman, while not so kind about it, the man was very nice about it. And it not happened. Didn't happen once. It happened twice. Because as soon as I opened the first bottle, then realized what had happened and made my apologies, I look over to see that my daughter is doing the exact same thing. She's opening her. And I was like, no. Like in slow motion. No. So anyway, it was a.

[Chris Hoadley]

Okay, so then you got to Spain.

[Brian Green]

I got to Spain.

[Chris Hoadley]

You did talk about the fact of the McDonald's situation, which was curious after you said sick by eating a Quarter Pounder. And then I. Right after we talked about that, on that episode, there was all of that McDonald's outbreak with the onions.

[Brian Green]

Listen, I don't want to disparage McDonald's. They're kind of down. Listen, first of all, they have generational wealth. No one's going to hurt McDonald's, right? Even a little E. Coli or Ebola outbreak or whatever. And there has been an E. Coli outbreak where people have died, which is crazy. But I. It's. That was in America and in Spain, they did not. Their standards are just different. They're like. They don't have the same kind of. I don't know. How do I want to say this? They actually check their meat over in Spain on, like here in the United states, or like 1 out of every 15,000 cows is tested over there. I think it's. They have a little bit. They have some more standards But I don't think it was the meat that actually got me. I think it was the McDonald's play place that has not been cleaned since it was built. Those places are absolutely, absolutely wretched. They're wretched.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah. They're petri dishes. Yeah, sure.

[Brian Green]

Honestly, if you own a McDonald's, it should be a law that you should have to like. You remember that scene in E.T. where they put the big tent over the house and they had those people going in there with gas masks, cleaning everything off? You should honestly have to do that with your play place every single night of the week, because they're just disgusting. I worked at McDonald's for three years, 14 to 17 years old. I never once was asked to go clean the play place. Never once. And trust me, I cleaned every other inch of that shithole, including the toilets, on multiple occasions per day. And it was just like I never got once that anyone asked me to clean the play place. So we got a car in Madrid. I talked about that. We got this car which had a huge scrape down the side of it. So we're driving in style down the road. The only car in Spain that fits all 30 of us and we've rented with a huge scrape down the middle of it. But here's the challenge in Spain. Well, I think we take for granted just how much space we have here in the United States of America. And where that becomes. It becomes noticeable in a couple different ways. If you've ever been to Europe, number one, the housing, the cities, they are literally stacked on top of each other. You could have a town with a population of 300 and all 300 of them live within 2ft of each other. That's just the way that Europe is.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Because they don't this. The towns were built, so the cities and the population centers were built so long ago, there were no cars. I don't even know if there were horses back then. I mean, honestly, I don't know. I have no idea if the wheel was invented. And so they stack the housing on top of each other. All the restaurants, all the shops, everything are in these very highly dense centers.

[Chris Hoadley]

Italy's that way too.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, every place in Europe is, you know, every place that I've been anyway, maybe with the exception, maybe with the exception of Switzerland. I mean, they have densely populated areas. But I've seen like suburb type places in Switzerland too. Anyway, so when you. That's the first thing you notice about space in Europe and in Spain. But the second place, you will certainly recognize that the space is limited and everything is on top of each other is any time you try and park a fucking car. Chrissy. I consider myself a pretty good driver. Angry, yes. But pretty good also, right? I'm defensive. I don't cut in front of people. I put my blinker on. I drive fast, but I drive safely. But I cannot for the life of me park a car. I just can't. I'm sorry. It's just one of those things. It's one of my weaknesses. That's the kind of horn that I wish I had on my car every time I went to park it. And so parking in Spain has become a running joke in my family. When Brian has to park in Spain, I get so stressed out because not only are the spaces incredibly small, if you have like a, like a mini SUV in Spain, you might as well be driving a tractor trailer there and trying to park in a space. The spaces are all like motorcycle spaces. They honestly are. And then you have to fit a car in there. And people there have learned how to do this. It's like instinct to them. They know how to take their cars and park them into incredibly tiny places. But me, I am used to having 17ft on each side of my car and I still can't park. The only car accidents that I have been in in the last two decades are in parking lots where the other person was not in the car. I hit cars. That's what I do when I'm parking them. So for me, it's an incredibly stressful situation. I don't mind driving, but when I have to get to the parking, here's what happens. Let me park the car for you. I bet I can't park. I cannot do do it. I swear to God. It's so stressful for me. So the first thing that we do when we get to Madrid is that we go to the hotel. The hotel is like a Marriott. It's like a Marriott owned hotel. Right? And it is in a very pony part of Madrid, as a matter of fact. Who's the famous football player that I say? Football player? Soccer. Who lives over there?

[Chris Hoadley]

Messi.

[Brian Green]

Not Messi. The other one.

[Chris Hoadley]

Ronaldo.

[Brian Green]

Ronaldo. Rodolfo, whatever his name is.

[Chris Hoadley]

Chris.

[Brian Green]

Cristiano Ronaldo. He lives in this neighborhood where this hotel is.

[Chris Hoadley]

Oh, okay.

[Brian Green]

It's a very, very nice, exclusive part of Madrid. Don't ask me how Astrid found this hotel, but she did. It's very nice. We have stayed there, like I said, we've gotten the same room the 12 times that we've been there. We have the same room every time, but there are only four. And I mean a total of four parking spaces in front of the hotel. That's it. Four parking spaces available for 100 rooms or however many rooms are in the building. So there is never parking in front of the hotel. But luckily for me, there is a parking deck half a mile away underneath other buildings where you can park. Unfortunately for me, also, this parking deck, while built probably not even 10 years ago. Chrissy, it is like. I don't even know how to explain it. It's like sticking a watermelon through a needle's eye. It is. You have to go under in this tunnel to get underneath it.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And there are inches, like inches on each side of you. So now imagine this. Brian's driving to go to get inside of the parking deck. And I've been to this place many times before, so I know where it is, I know how to get there. And I also know that I'm having a panic attack before I even reach this tunnel that goes underneath the building where I have to park. In order to get to the tunnel, you have to take a sharp right turn. And when you take that sharp right turn, you don't have any room to spare. You've got to get the vehicle into this tunnel so that you can go down under the building. So here's how it goes. Brian drives. This is like a Sunday afternoon. Brian drives over to go into this tunnel. And I cannot make that right hand turn. For the life of me. I cannot make. Make that turn and clear it. Or I don't think I can anyway. So here's Brian. Forward, backward, forward, backward, forward, backward, forward, backward. Meanwhile, two cars behind me are like, oh, Chrissy, it's a.

[Chris Hoadley]

Which is also making you even more nervous.

[Brian Green]

Hey, pinchy gringo. Come on. American here, American here. Yeah, we know you're the only one in town driving an SUV. We got it. 10 4, buddy. Backward and forward, backward and forward, backward and forward. I keep pulling the car backward and forward, changing no angle of the vehicle. It just keeps on. At least that's what it seems like to me. I keep stressing out about this turn. I was there for three minutes, no shit. Trying to get the car to get in this tunnel. And then when it got in the tunnel, I had to take another right hand turn to get in the gate. And the car is just like screaming.

[Chris Hoadley]

Well, it already had a scrape.

[Brian Green]

What's that?

[Chris Hoadley]

It already had a scrape.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, but be careful because if you add an additional scrape, you're going to pay $6,000 to the rental car company. That's just how it is. Meanwhile, the car is doing this the whole time, calming me down. 00am I know, I know, I know.

[Chris Hoadley]

I'm close.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I know I'm close. I'm close. I'm not gonna touch it, I promise. Vehicle in danger. Vehicle in danger. You. So I managed to get this thing in the parking lot. And then here's the crazy part that I told Astrid. I get upstairs and. And by the way, remember this story about the small parking lot? Because we're going to get to a story that's even that, like, this thing was so tight and this building was built 10 years ago, like when cars actually existed. So they knew that cars were going to actually be driving into this building. Now. Wait till we get to Sevilla where they have parking lots where they built them when no cars existed. But here's the point. And I told Esther this when I got upstairs, I said, I'm not moving that fucking car.

[Chris Hoadley]

Like, it's in there. It's there.

[Brian Green]

Yes. So we just paid $6,012 to rent a car for seven days that we. That Brian is now too stressed out to use. And of course, we don't have another driver on the car because that's an extra $6012. So Brian, the only driver of this vehicle cannot park this fucking vehicle. It is. I. I want people to take. People have been to Europe. I know that there's plenty of our audience members who have been to Europe. If you've rented a car in Europe, I want you to commiserate with me on how difficult it is to park in fucking Europe. Have you driven in Europe?

[Chris Hoadley]

I have not driven.

[Brian Green]

Has Jeff driven in Europe?

[Chris Hoadley]

No. We didn't drive when we went to Italy, and neither did my sister and I.

[Brian Green]

Why?

[Chris Hoadley]

Because I didn't want to have to deal with this. Exactly what you're talking about.

[Brian Green]

It's insane. It's just insane. I swear to God. All right, so listen, I want to get some more of this story, but let's take a short break because we're behind Chrissy. Look at that. We've talked more than we should go figure. I feel like Steven Maxwell now. We'll be back.

[Christina]

In case you guys were wondering, I am currently trapped in the closet in the studio being forced to record liner after liner, and I never get to believe. So help me by following us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok CBP podcast. And go to our website, tcbpodcast.com for more information about Brian and Chrissy and access to our massive catalog of video and audio episodes. Now Please text us at 212-433-3333, TCB and tell Brian and Chrissy to let me out of the closet.

[Brian Green]

This episode is sponsored in part by ZBiotics pre alcohol let's face it, most of us are not 21 years old partying like we used to. We have to make the choice between a great night or a great morning after. At least that's what we thought. Chrissy and I, until we tried pre alcohol. I don't drink a whole bunch anymore and I was on the fence about this one. But a few weeks ago, Aster and I went out for some drinks for my birthday. The pre alcohol was sitting on the counter and I decided why not give it a try. And let me tell you, pre alcohol is the real deal. ZBiotics Pre alcohol Probiotic drink is the world's first genetically engineered probiotic. This was invented by PhD scientists to tackle rough mornings after drinking. Let me tell you how it works. When you drink, alcohol gets converted into a toxic byproduct in your gut. It's this byproduct, not dehydration, that's to blame for your rough next morning. But pre alcohol produces an enzyme to break this byproduct down. You just need to remember to make Zbiotics your first drink of the night. Drink responsibly and then you're going to feel your best tomorrow. I kept hearing about pre alcohol and I wondered what is it actually like? Now that I've tried it, I get why everyone is talking about it. And with their GMO technology, ZBiotics is continuing to invent Probiotics that will help the everyday challenges of modern living. So go to ZBiotics.com commercial to learn more and get 15% off your first order when you use that code commercial at checkout. ZBiotics is backed by a 100% money back guarantee. So if you're unsatisfied for any reason, they will refund your money, no questions asked. All you have to do is head to zbiotics.com commercial and use that code commercial at checkout for the 15. Thank you ZBiotics for being a sponsor of a wonderful morning after drinks and of the commercial break.

[Christina]

I'm Jenna Fisher.

[Chris Hoadley]

And I'm Angela Kinsey.

[Christina]

We are best friends and together we have the podcast Office Ladies where we rewatched every single episode of the Office with insane behind the scenes stories, hilarious guests and lots of laughs.

[Brian Green]

Guess who's sitting next to me? Eve.

[Christina]

It's good I in the studio Every Wednesday we'll be sharing even more exclusive stories from the Office and our friendship with brand new guests. And we'll be digging into our mail bag to answer your questions and comments.

[Chris Hoadley]

So join us for brand new Office Ladies 6.0 episodes every Wednesday.

[Christina]

Plus on Mondays we are taking a second drink. You can revisit all the Office Ladies rewatch episodes every Monday with new bonus tidbits before every episode.

[Chris Hoadley]

Well, we can't wait to see you there.

[Christina]

Follow and listen to Office Ladies on.

[Chris Hoadley]

The free Odyssey app and wherever you get your podcasts.

[Brian Green]

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Whether you love true crime or comedy, celebrity interviews or news, you call the shots on what's in your podcast queue. And guess what? Now you can call them on your auto insurance too. With the name your price tool from Progressive, it works just the way it sounds. You tell Progressive how much you want to pay for car insurance and they'll show you coverage options that fit your budget. Get your quote [e-mail] to join the over 28 million drivers who trust Progressive Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates price and coverage match limited by state law all right, so a couple days in Madrid where I just parked the car and left it, I actually didn't. I took the car out multiple times and every time that I got back to the hotel I had the same issue. But here, here's the crazy thing. So I spend all of this time, energy and effort trying to park this motherfucking vehicle under the building. And then one of the nights, like we're there for like, I think like three nights in Madrid at the beginning. Two or three nights. One night all everybody's asleep, all the kids are asleep. And I'm hearing this ruckus outside, right? I'm hearing like cars like people beeping, some people yelling. Like, not like angry, but just like talking loudly to each other because I have the windows slightly open. My hotel room is facing the front of the building. Now remember, there are four parking spaces. Well, there's actually six parking spaces, but two of them are one's reserved for electric vehicles and one for handicap. There are six spaces and the everything in this neighborhood is gated. For what reason? I really don't know. It seems relatively safe, but everything has a gate around it, including the hotel. I look out the front window, Chrissy, and even though there are only six parking spaces in this little area that isn't is gated, like there's no additional room to park. There are 12 vehicles that are Parked in there. People are like parking on top of the gate. And what I see is, oh, what happened there? What I see is this guy with like a BMW, like hatchback, like a, like a, like a mini suv, right, Is pulling in and out of the space, like Brian did, to get it, to get, you know, into the parking space place to park on top of gravel. Like these decorative rocks that are being put outside the hotel to park on. Not only are there decorative rocks, but there are three cones that are put there that clearly signal do not park here.

[Chris Hoadley]

Right?

[Brian Green]

And this guy just, is just driving over them, just keeps backing up and pulling forward. And his wife is, I'm assuming his wife is outside, like with her hands on her head, like, don't do this, don't do this. He keeps pulling back and forth, riding over the cones, just knocking him over every time. Just riding over him, riding over him, riding over him. And he finally parks the car, like blocking another person who has also, also illegally parked from getting out. And the yelling is. Screaming is not only the yelling. The loud talking is not only coming from his wife, but it's coming from the person that owns the car that is now blocked in double. So he blocks, he gets. His wife is telling him clearly not to park here. I don't know what she's saying. And by the way, I don't even think they're talking in Spanish. I think they're talking in German or something. But his wife is telling him not to park there. You can tell that body language. You don't need to speak German to understand. You're an idiot. Don't park there. But he does it. He blocks the other person in. The other person is standing there telling him not to park there. And the guy just gets out of the car and is like. He's just like. And walks in the hotel. Meanwhile, the guy is like, ado mio, pinchy, whatever he's saying to the guy in space, Spanish. And the German guy just, if I'm assuming German, just like, like, like he's listening. Like I'm gonna offend him. I'm assuming he's German. He's German. He walks into the building with no remorse whatsoever. So I just, I took a little bit of comfort in, in knowing that the United States of America is not the only place with a bunch of. They're all over the world. So we spent a couple days in Madrid visiting family and stuff like that. And then we take a big trek, like a six hour drive down to Seville. Sevilla is how it's properly Said Sevilla. The barber of Sevilla.

[Chris Hoadley]

The point of the trip, too, this wedding. Yes.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. So Astrid has a cousin. That cousin was young when Astrid and I got. Got married and she was in our wedding. So about nine months ago, we got an invitation to come to her wedding in Sevilla. And even though they live here in the United States, she's going to get married in Sevilla. Now this, this indicates a couple of things, like having, having. And, and you know, I'm not going to say any names and I don't want to piss any family members off, but they have money to spend like you have money to spend if you're going to go get married in Sevilla, Spain. Like a destination wedding here in the United States is. Let's, let's hop on over to Savannah and get married or let's go down to Disney World or, or we're gonna get married on Amelia island, whatever that is. You have to have some brass potatoes to have a destination wedding where you've got to spend nine hours on an airplane getting over there. And if, but here's the thing. If you can get there, the golden ticket is yours. You know what I'm saying? Like that there's a payoff there in having a destination wedding in Sevilla, Spain. It is beautiful. Everybody's going to have a ton of fun. No one's coming for just the day. Like, if you have a destination wedding three hours from your house, it's possible some people are going to come in the morning and they're going to leave at night. No one, and I mean no one.

[Chris Hoadley]

Going to make a whole vacation.

[Brian Green]

Of course you are, which is just going to add to the fun. Here's my point. If you do a wedding in Sevilla, Spain, it's likely you've got. It's likely you've got the money to spend on a nice wedding in Sevilla, Spain. It's likely that, you know, your friends have the money to Spain to meet you in Spain for a wedding in Sevilla. And number three, there's going to be a payoff there. And that payoff is we're all going to have a ton of fucking fun because we're going to be in Sevilla fucking Spain.

[Chris Hoadley]

Right?

[Brian Green]

I thought to myself, and I was telling Astrid this on the way there, I said, honey, this is a great idea. And I'll tell you why. Yeah, you're gonna, you're gonna have to spend a little bit of cash. If you're the father of the bride, who is a wonderful man, by the way, an extraordinarily generous man. He's One of my favorite family members of Astrid's. But I said, yeah, listen, he's gonna, he's gonna spend a little money to have this wedding for his daughter and as he should, you know, shower his daughter with a wonderful wedding wedding. But he's going to keep the cost down because I mean, how many people are really going to show up to Sevilla, Spain? I mean, we're some random cousins and we're showing up, but we're just idiots and we like to do that anyway. We're idiots who have credit cards that will pay off for the rest of our lives. But the truth is you got the experience. Yeah. You keep the cost down a little bit because you're almost positive that some people aren't going to show up. Right? Man, was I wrong there. There were so many people that showed up to this wedding. I mean, hundreds of people came to this wedding. It's quite incredible. So we took this six hour drive down to Sevilla and I've never been to. I've never been there and I heard it was gorgeous and it did not disappoint. Sevilla in a lot of ways reminded me of Venice.

[Chris Hoadley]

Oh yeah?

[Brian Green]

Have you been to Venice? Okay, so Venice, for those of you that haven't been. And I mean, you know, I don't know, I'm going to explain this to people because you have to like been born in a hole not to know that Venice is really, it's a really tight city. It is. If there are cities that are tight in Spain and other places in Europe like I've spoken about, there is no city that is tighter than Venice, Italy. It is on top of each other. Everyone is on top of each other. The streets in some cases are not even one person wide. And that's a street. Like it's more like an alleyway, but they call it a street. They have names, they have street names. It's not even one person wide. There are some places in Venice where you have to turn your body to get down the street. Am I exaggerating?

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, no, that's right. Yeah. It's very dense. No cars either. No, no, no, no walking in boat. Boats obviously.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I mean that's what they're famous for, right? Is they're, they're the canals. Yeah. And some canals are wide. The Grand Canal is very wide. It's probably a quarter of a mile wide. And then there are some canals that again are barely as wide as a human being. And that's how they get around. That's how they transport themselves. And almost, almost every Single person walks. I mean, yeah, there's people that take boats, but it's mainly a walking city. But it's also a very small city. Sofia is not a very small city. It's rather large, actually. But when you get into the meat and potatoes of the city, like the heart of the city, it reminded me so much of Venice because the streets are incongruent. There's no around the block. Right streets go left, right, sideways, perpendicular. You know, streets literally go around buildings or multiple buildings. So if you don't know where you're going, there is a hundred percent chance you're going to get lost. And Google will do you no favors either. With Apple maps, it doesn't know the street names or the directions. They go. You certainly aren't going to. And I can't tell you how. How terrible Google Maps was in this particular city. I can tell you, actually, Google Maps was terrible in the city.

[Chris Hoadley]

But anyway, you always have to have like an actual physical map. Map.

[Brian Green]

You do. But then even if you had a physical map, you'd have to really be paying attention to where you were going. Because I don't even know how to explain it. It'd be like, you know how. You know the fork in the road, the proverbial fork in the road? Do you go left or you do. Do you go right? Imagine that. But imagine the fork had six different directions to go and two of them had the exact same street name. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, you know, you could go on Google Earth and try and look at which street and which building. It did you no favors. It really didn't.

[Chris Hoadley]

No. I remember the advice we got when we did go to Venice was just get lost. Just. You're gonna get lost.

[Brian Green]

Fine. Love it. Great. I agree with you that. Got the same advice.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And did you? Yes, yes. Okay. So did Astrid and I when we went to Venice. That was one of the things that we heard, like right when we got into the hotel. Hotel. Where do you think we should go for a good meal? Where should we start? And everybody says the same thing, get lost. Just go get lost.

[Chris Hoadley]

Walk around.

[Brian Green]

Well, that's fine. In Venice, where it's half a mile by half a mile and you're going to run into ocean or the Grand Canal. You can't get lost. Like you're going to figure it out.

[Chris Hoadley]

General direction, you at least know.

[Brian Green]

Yes, you're. You're going to figure it out. There's only, you know, even though it's a very dense city, there's Only so many places you can actually go in Venice. You're either going to run into the, you know, the great square, the canal or the ocean. That's it. That's all you can do. Sevilla. Not as, not as simple. I mean, there's a river that runs through it. So, you know, eventually I think you'll either end up at the river or somewhere outside of Spain, I'm not sure. But it is so incredibly dense with so many incongruent streets, as I mentioned. And if you don't know where you're going, you're really. But here, let's add in one complication that Venice does not have have, and that is that even though some of these streets are so narrow that they shouldn't have cars driving on them, they are. All the streets are drivable. You can drive. Not that you should drive, but you can drive. Lots of people drive scooters. That's a pretty popular thing over there in motorcycles. But there are also cars that dare to go up into these incredibly tiny streets. Seats. So much so that almost every taxi that you see has the same scrape marks along the side that my vehicle did when I rented it. Right now we rented like an Airbnb there right in the heart of the city. Astrid and I.

[Chris Hoadley]

Good move.

[Brian Green]

Smartly decided, let's plan out parking before we get there because we had already heard this is a tight city. It's really hard to drive in there. There streets only go one direction. Every street is a one way street because they're so tiny they can only go one way. And so you've got to be really, you got to be really intentional about where you decide to park. And you got to know where you're going ahead of time. So Astrid, just such an intelligent human being, found a place off of a major street, like a two way street where you only had to take like three turns to get into this parking spot. Now this parking place was built in 1806. I swear to God, it was long before any vehicle had ever been conceptualized. This is for fucking horse and carriage, basically. And I think only two horse and carriages actually fit in there. It was like a cave underneath a building. A cave underneath the building.

[Chris Hoadley]

A parking cave.

[Brian Green]

Yes. But the parking place is manned from 8am until 10pm every day by the same family. It's a family. It's like a family of men that man the parking space and they take your car from you. You, the second that you drive in the door, they're like, give me the keys, I'm taking This because I'm not good. That's it. That's great.

[Chris Hoadley]

You don't have to park it.

[Brian Green]

Yes. And this guy parked the car so close to another car that I had to have him pull it out anytime I wanted to get something from the vehicle, which was like six times, by the way, because, you know, Brian's calcium filled brain forgot 12 things in the car. So I had to go back like nine times and be like, 30 kids. And I've got 30 kids. And the parking is not anywhere close to the actual place where we're staying. So we had to drag 30 bags up this huge hill, this tiny little cobblestone street. But once we got it done, we're there for a week. It's cool. Like, all right, fine. We had to go through a little bit of drama, but did we get that? But with the Airbnb came a parking space. Like with. We rented a couple of different units because we had family members numbers, and one of the units came with a parking space. So we allowed Danny, my brother that lives in Valencia, we allowed him to take the parking space.

[Chris Hoadley]

Nice.

[Brian Green]

Chrissy. I'm harping on this this entire time, but I don't know how I can accurately, like, verbally portray how tiny if I parked in a cave. Danny parked in a small divot underneath the earth. I mean, it was. It was a cave. That's. That's the only way to explain it. It was a cave underneath a building. And the street that he had to drive down to get into that cave. If I had inches to spare in getting in my Marriott hotel parking lot, Danny had centimeters to spare getting into this cave. And it took him. Him two plus hours to get to this cave. You don't want to know why, because there are one way streets and 100,000 of them. And Danny could not figure out how to one way street it over to this cave in the middle of Sevilla where no one lives. I mean, I swear. I mean, where no one ever goes with a car. No one. It's a parking lot, but who's parking there? It's dark, it's damp, it smells like there are. Are. And this is not a joke. There are Greek Roman ruins right next to this cave. Real Roman ruins right next to this cave where Danny parked. He got so frustrated at one point that he was driving around these streets. One way here, one way there.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yes, there's Big Ben.

[Brian Green]

Big Ben, Parliament. What am I doing here? What just happened? What was that? Was that Disney Junior? Was that Disney Junior?

[Chris Hoadley]

Kids turned it on there.

[Brian Green]

Hold Up. This is the funniest thing that has happened to this entire episode is that my kids have preloaded Disney Junior bumpers onto my roadcaster. I go to hit the horn and it's a Disney Junior bumper. That is so funny. Oh my God, that was crazy. Danny was so flustered at some point, driving around trying to find this parking lot that he called us crying, like literally.

[Chris Hoadley]

Oh, I would be.

[Brian Green]

Oh my God, Chrissy, you would be. I know you, you would have been really stressed out about this. I mean, this was an incredibly stressful situation for him. It really was. Because you, you have to imagine you're in a strange city. You. Even though he's been living in Spain for a long time and he knows how to park a car much better than I do, he knows how to park a car in a Spanish. In a Spanish parking lot, which you don't expect, which you don't understand, how to do intuitively is to drive around a block that doesn't exist. Drive around a block that is actually an octagon trapped inside of a circle that's got a triangle in the middle. I mean, it's just like the most incredible thing you've ever seen. It was so difficult for his brain to wrap around how he was going to get to this parking lot and this particular one way street that didn't show up on Google Maps for anything that Danny called us crying. Meanwhile, Daniel and I, my father in law and I are standing at the entrance of the cave.

[Chris Hoadley]

I was going to say, can. Did you maybe have to backtrack and walk him like through the streets?

[Brian Green]

We. You should have seen it. Daniel and I were in every corner of Sevilla trying to flag down Danny, like trying to find him. There he is. Yeah, sharing location like, there he is. I got to get some cocaine. Hey, that's gonna be crazy. Look, Big Ben, Parliament, Big Ben. I was on one street waving like this, and I'm like, danny, I'm waving. Can you see me come down this way? He's crying. Daniel's trying to talk him off a list. She's like, danny, no problemo. Two hours we waited at the entrance of that cave. Two hours we waited. He finally did it. Listen, I can't say that I would have done any better and I certainly would not have made it up that street like he did. He made it up that street. And here's the, the worst part about all of this is that not only do you have to make it up a street where you have centimeters to spare, like the windows, the, the mirrors are in. You're just, you know, you're trying to gauge it. There's, you know, me and Daniel are like a little bit to the left, a little bit to the right. But then there are hundreds, nay, thousands of tourists walking up and down these streets. So when you have a car that's stuffed down this street and there are hundreds of tourists trying to walk this way and hundreds of tours to walk that way, there's an additional pressure that you are ruining people's fucking vacation because you were too cheap, meaning Brian, to get Danny a parking space in an actual fucking parking lot, for fucking Christ's sake. That's all I could keep thinking to myself was, why didn't we just get the guy a parking space in the regular parking lot? You know why the Airbnb lady agrees to give that free parking space?

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, she's like, good luck if you can get.

[Brian Green]

That's right. No one ever uses it.

[Chris Hoadley]

It's never been yours if you can have it.

[Brian Green]

That's right. The Romans didn't use it. They made ruins outside the cave because they said, it's too tight. It's too tight. Plus pervious, too, Titus? No, thank you. If Plato couldn't do it, Danny wasn't gonna do it either. And it wasn't just happening. This poor guy, man, I felt so bad after, like, finally he got there and you. We, we were in this cave, like, pulling out these suitcases in the pitch black because there are no lights anywhere to be found. I mean, electricity is miles from this cave. And I mean, we are pulling dread. And, and the thing is, is that not only was it a cave, but it was a cave that you had to go down into. It wasn't like a cave you pulled into, you had to drive down into it. And so dark. Chrissy, this. It was insane. I have a picture of it. I'm going to show you. Maybe I'll post it. I. I don't know. But once he got down in there, we are in this damp, dark cave that smells like Roman sewage and we are dragging the other 65 bags, 36 of which belong to my family, up this fucking, you know, cobblestone cave street. And then, not, by the way, my parking lot. Five and a half minute walk to the Airbnb parking lot, attached to the Airbnb, 35 minute walk to the Airbnb. All I wanted to do was hug Danny and say, I'm sorry, I don't have, I don't have any more money. I would have gotten you a real parking space. But I can't afford it. All right, let's talk about the wedding. We'll be back.

[Christina]

In a shocking turn of events, it's me again, Christina, your producer and resident rom com lover here at the commercial break. And I just have one thing to say. I'm just a producer standing in front of an audience asking you to follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok TCB podcast, text us or call us and leave us a voicemail. Because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with tcb, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. And while you're at it, go to our website, tcbpodcast.com but you don't have to because we like you just as you are now. If you immediately got those references, my kind of person. But it's time to take a break and listen to some sponsors and then we'll get back to the show.

[Brian Green]

This episode is sponsored in part by Klarna. Well, Halloween is over and you know what that means. It's time to gorge yourself on candy and start searching for that perfect gift to give those you care about or yourself. And in this household, that means buying gifts for the 12 to 18 children we've got running around. And while the season is festive and we always love giving gifts, paying attention to our finances always gets a little bit more attention this time of year. Astrid and I have used Klarna as our everyday smarter spending partner. Klarna allows you to split a purchase up into four interest free payments. So choose Klarna at your favorite retailers or shop [e-mail] Klarna really has helped us be a little bit smarter about our shopping for the holiday seasons. So head over to Klarna.com to see their offerings and make Klarna your smarter spending partners partner for the holiday season. California resident loans made or arranged pursuant to a California Finance Law License NMLS number 1353190 Klarna balance account required. Klarna may get a commission. Limitations, Terms and conditions do apply. This episode is sponsored by Squarespace. Okay, the year is early 2000 and something and I got my first real office job at a company that was selling websites and search engine optimization. We came up with this pitch that the website was the business card of the future. And now 20 something years later is not the business card for your business, it's just your business. And that's why I highly recommend Squarespace. It's an all in one website platform for Entrepreneurs. To succeed online, you don't have to be a programmer or a coder or a designer to develop your presence online. Just as unique as you and your business are three really important reasons why I believe Squarespace is the leader in this industry. Industry Design Intelligence. They combine two decades of industry leading design and expertise with cutting edge AI technology to unlock your strongest creative potential. Number two, Squarespace Payments. This is the part that befuddles a lot of people who go out and try and build their own website. Onboarding is fast and simple and you can take payments from some of the most popular payment methods. Klarna Ach, Apple Pay, afterpay, Clearpay. If you're going to put your business online, people have to be able to pay you online. And number three, but no less important, SEO tool tools. If you want to be noticed, you have to be found. And with Squarespace's integrated SEO tools, every Squarespace website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions, an auto generated sitemap and more. Check out squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're Ready to launch squarespace.com commercial to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Again, squarespace.com commercial to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain using that code. Commercial. Thanks Squarespace Space for being a sponsor of the commercial break. Do you know what Astrid did I thought was so nice for us? So I'm, you know, on the eve of surgery for this problem that I've been dealing with for two decades now and I didn't even know it. This huge parathyroid that I've got spit, you know, eating my bones alive and not feeling so well. Astrid knew that after a six, after a nine hour plane ride and then a six hour car ride and then, you know, having to deal with the frustrations of just traveling with so many children. Let's take a break and let's get Brian to a Spanish bath house. Really? To a Roman bath?

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, I've been, I've been to one.

[Brian Green]

Oh you have? Did you go to one like in Europe? Uhuh, yeah.

[Chris Hoadley]

In Italy? Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And, and what was it like? What, what was your experience?

[Chris Hoadley]

Interesting.

[Brian Green]

It was interesting. I, I'll give it that. I'll give it.

[Chris Hoadley]

That was interesting. Yes.

[Brian Green]

Was it like a real Roman bath house?

[Chris Hoadley]

Well, it's, it was a Turkish bath. Well, it was on these springs that was out. It was in Tuscany, kind of out in the middle of the countryside and there were these, you know, beautiful springs that people were going into and, you know, bathing and swimming and that kind of thing. The healing springs, I guess.

[Brian Green]

The healing springs, yeah.

[Chris Hoadley]

And then we had massages after.

[Brian Green]

Sexual healings.

[Chris Hoadley]

We had massages after that. And then also there was like the Turkish bath where you do the hot and the cold and you lay down, you do the steam and then the cold shower and then you lay down.

[Brian Green]

Lovely.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

It all sounds so wonderful until you get into the minutia of all of that stuff right now. I'm not. I'm not knocking it. I would do it in a. I would rather be there right now than here right now. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Chris Hoadley]

Yes. But it's funny.

[Brian Green]

This was like the, you know, the Romans really were in Sevillas and they really do have Roman ruins, like ancient Roman ruins in Sevilla that are like, you know, protected. They're landmarks. You can see them. And the funny thing is, you'll be walking down one of these incredibly crazy streets and then all of a sudden there are these huge, like, columns. Columns, yeah. Yeah. Or like an old statue of like, you know, Persia or something like that. And you're like, what?

[Chris Hoadley]

That's like Rome.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And it looks to me a little Epcotish. Like it just came out of the ground like that. It was like in between two apartment buildings. Pervious, like, you know. But the truth is, it really is true. It's like, it's. It's actual Roman ruins. I think that's part of what I do love about Europe is that things are so ancient and old there that you can be walking down this. Like when I went to Rome.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

It's almost. Almost cartoonish how much history is just all around. It's hard to, like, wrap your brain around things you only see in encyclopedias or online. But Astrid, you know, just a couple of feet down from the Airbnb.

[Chris Hoadley]

That was sweet.

[Brian Green]

Two turns, which took us three hours because we couldn't figure out which two turns. But you know, two. Two turns. And we're gonna go into this little hallway. And in the little hallway, unbelievably, is this, you know, like rather modern looking. Checkin for a Roman bath house. And so they. They check you in and then, you know, they have this person that comes and says, okay, women over here, men over here. And so. And. And you guys will get back together in just a second. When you're done, they'll show you where to go. Okay. So I go to the right, she goes to the left. And when I go to the right, there's this like, you know, handsome young Spanish guy, you know, your first time that they run back. And I'm like, yeah, it's my first time to the Roman bath house. Okay, here's what you do. You know, get down all the way to your underwear, right? Or however, whatever you feel comfortable with. I want you to change or no, actually change into your bathing suit, is what he said. Change into your bathing suit and then you can lock your locker like this. I said, oh, okay, great. So I'm standing in this area with like, I don't know, 50 lockers and there's like four other dudes that are in there in some various state of dress or under grass. And I'm like, oh, okay, where do you change? And he goes, here?

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And I go, oh, here. Like there's a, like a changing room or something. He goes, this is the changing room. And I thought to myself, I hate these situations. I hate the situations where I got to show my dick to other guys. You know what I'm saying? Like, why do I have to show my dick to other guys? And it's not that I'm not comfortable showing my dick to other guys. I've done it lots in my life. I'm a dick shower. I like to. I don't, I don't know, something about this particular situation just made me feel just like a little bit uncomfortable because there was this like right behind me, like the, the wall kind of angled a little bit. So I'm standing at the wall and then there's like this little angled wall and there was a guy that was sitting on a bench right behind me and he was in his bathing suit and he was like drying his hair with a towel, right? And as I turn around to ask, you know, Ricardo or whatever his name was, you know. Sergio. Sergio, yeah. Hey, Sergio. Is there like a changing room? And he's like, yeah, here, you know, go ahead, change. Don't be. He told me, don't be shy, don't be shy. You probably have a 10 foot dick. You're 21 years old. I'm Irish. Where do the Irish people change? Is it like a small dick area where the small dicks get together? And when I turn around, this guy is now fully in the buck Chrissy with a horse cock the size of Nebraska, right? And he's just now, I don't know, I don't know why he decided to drop trial because he's still like drying his hair, but now he's naked and he's just like standing toward me like Facing me. And I'm like, there's. What do you do in a situation like that when you have a horse cock and you're naked and you're facing another man? There's only one reason why you're facing another man. It's to show him how big your actually is. So there's only one choice. I can either eyes forward, keep staring at his face, or I can just do what he wants me to do. Look down, down, see how big his is, and then turn around and hope that no one looks at my.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, give him a thumbs up.

[Brian Green]

A plus on that horse, dude. So you know what I did? I just took a quick look and I was like, yeah, that's. That's a. That's amazing. There was another guy in there too, actually. There was another guy in there. I don't know if he was American or what. But then I like when Miranda was not in there. Just to let you know. So as I. I kind of do like this360 back to the locker, right? I kind of glance at his dick, realize how big it is, and right back to locker. And as I'm perusing the rest of the room, there's another guy in there who he had like this backpack and he was getting settled too. And you should have seen the look on his face, Chrissy. It was like we saw each other and we both agreed that our not that big and that we agreed it's okay to have a smaller cock than that. Yeah, just two men not talking, just with eye contact, agreeing that not every is that big. I mean, the size of this was unbelievable. Anyway, so what do I do? I guess the only thing that I can do is just drive.

[Chris Hoadley]

When in the Romish, I almost stuck.

[Brian Green]

Myself like in the locker, like as I was unroaming, I almost stuck my dick like in the locker, locker, so no one could see. And then I get dressed and I come back out and I see Astro and they take us on a tour of the place. They say, okay, here you go. And this is all indoors, by the way. Here's the warm bath in there. It's cool. Warm and hot as you go along the. The bath. And I thought that was really interesting, like how they actually managed to keep the temperatures different on different parts of the pool. I don't know, but that's just how it was. It was, was like starting here is cool, going here is warm, going over there is hot. And then there's actually a hot tub or what they, you know, they called it like a hot bath. Or something in the back separated off. Then behind the hot bath is a cool bath. Okay. Like a cold bath.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, like a cold plunge type thing.

[Brian Green]

Like a cold plunge. So. But the. Astrid had gotten some package that included like a fresco, like a drink, like a. Like a fruit drink, a smoothie almost. In a separate private hot tub. Before you get this, all the baths and then the massages up at the top. Right? This all ends with a massage, by the way. And you love Brian's massage story. So here you go. So we take this elevator. So the girl goes, oh, you have the fresco. So we're gonna go up to the private hot tub. And it's like, oh, up to the private hot tub. Sounds great. So we get in this elevator. Elevator with this lady. The elevator is one foot by one foot by one foot. And all three of us are basically, like, on top of each other. It is 116 degrees in there, and the lady has hot ass breath like you will not believe. So we are all stuck in there smelling this lady's breath as the elevator is taking us to which floor? I don't know, but it seems like the 3,000th floor because it took for ever to get up to the top there. But once we got up there, all of a sudden we are on the roof of the building overlooking the entire city. It was the most gorgeous view I have seen in a long time of a metropolitan city.

[Chris Hoadley]

It was worth it.

[Brian Green]

It was way worth it. And then they have this huge hot tub on top that has these seats where you just sit there and drink your Fresca. And it was cold outside. Like, it was really cold in astonishment. And I were the only ones in this hot tub. So it was really like a super cool, special moment. And I told Astrid, I said, listen, I would make love to you right here if I hadn't just seen the world's biggest. And I'm pretty sure that I don't want to embarrass you or anybody else because, you know, there's lots of buildings around and everyone could see. I wish we could go back to our misspent youth, Astrid. But this is it. So we drink these drinks. The lady says, you have about 15, 20 minutes. When you get done with the drinks, come back downstairs, get yourself in the splash, and then you'll. We'll call you for your massage. So Astrid and I drink these drinks in one of the most beautiful scenes I have ever, ever looked at. It was just amazing. It was like 8:00 and 9:00 in the morning. Cool. Very cool outside, but you're in this very hot hot tub. Delicious drinks that you're drinking. You know, super fruity, sugary drinks. Drinks. And then we go down afterwards, and we splash in the. In the tub in this huge pool, which is unbelievably cool, warm, and hot. How do they do that, do you think?

[Chris Hoadley]

I don't know.

[Brian Green]

You think it's just, like, jets of water that keep a certain temperature? It was a really big pool that was. You know, Sevilla is known for a certain type of painted tile, and if I show it to you, you'll recognize it. And I wish I could remember the name of it, but every tile is painted by hand. It's all different. And the tile.

[Chris Hoadley]

Mosaic.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it's kind of like a mosaic type tile. Right. But every.

[Chris Hoadley]

Like, on the terracotta, it's almost like, terr.

[Brian Green]

Yes, it's painted on terracotta. That's right. And then it's glazed on top. The entire inside of this building, which, by the way, is, like, 40ft tall. Like, this room is, like, 40ft tall. There's an area in the middle with all of these, like, Egyptian curtains and these beds where people can sit and just relax. There are multiple pools. There are multiple hot tubs. It's beautiful. There are these huge Egyptian lamps that sit over the pool, and they have real candles lit in there. It was unbelievable.

[Chris Hoadley]

Gorgeous.

[Brian Green]

As scored 100,000 on this one. I mean, she really did. It was unbelievable. So we get into this pool, and then we swim to the end of it where it's hot, and then on the side, there's a hot tub, and then the cold plunge. So Astor and I make our way to the. You know, we go through the cool, warm, hot. And then we get into the hot tub, which is fucking hot, man. I mean, it was, like, frying hot. And then all of a sudden, we start hearing this noise, like, loud, crazy crackling sound. And I'm like, what is that? And behind us is this cold plunge pool that's probably 4ft wide by 15ft long with some steps going into it. Right. I go. I get out of the pool, and I look over to the side, and literally out of the wall, in the terracotta tile, there's a hole. And in that hole, there is ice shooting down into this cold plunge pool out of the wall. It's just, like, splashing down into there, out of the wall. And it doesn't stop. It's just like the ice just keeps coming into this water out of the wall. And I. I was so. So first of all, I was startled. I didn't know what to think about it. Second of all, I thought to myself, is there, like, someone that's dumping buckets of ice in the other side of the wall, or is this, like, a machine that just keeps dumping ice into this. Into this pool? And a b. Is this the most inefficient way ever to keep a pool cold? I mean, wouldn't you just, like, throw some cold water into it? Just turn on the cold water? How inefficient is that? Just to keep throwing ice into a warm bath to keep it cold? Have you ever seen anything like this?

[Chris Hoadley]

No, I have not seen that.

[Brian Green]

You've never. You've never had an ice machine attached to your pool? There's an ice machine attached to the.

[Chris Hoadley]

Pool, but I hear that in Dubai, you do have blocks of ice delivered to the pool.

[Brian Green]

You can have blocks of ice delivered to your pool here in Atlanta. They do it in Florida also. They will bring huge blocks of ice, and they will splash them in your pool to cool them down, which, again, seems like a horribly inefficient way to do things. But. Okay. But I mean, I guess if you have a pool that's, like, you know, 95, 98 degrees, like, it's literally your body temperature and you're looking for something to cool off into. Yes, that's not very refreshing. Now, my pool, since it's the size of Dubai and it's, you know, the worst pool ever made in the history of humanity, it only gets that hot for, like, three weeks of the year. So I wouldn't do that. What I really need is a heater and that pool, because it is cold most of the year, it's just too cold to go into. You think. You think. You would think that when a pool is, like, 82 degrees, that that's warm enough to jump into. But jump into a pool that's 82 degrees, and you will realize that that is actually not a very warm pool. That's actually pretty cold. And I think that's, like, the biggest misconception people have when they come over to the pool. Pool. And I'll be like, you know, they'll come in the springtime, they'll be like, oh, is it time to jump in the pool? And I'm like, no, it's only 80 degrees. 80 degrees, man, that's warm. That sounds nice. It's like, no, it's not warm or nice. You jump into it and you tell me how 80 degrees feels when it's 90 degrees. Now it's getting closer to something, you know, warm. Actually, when it's like 88, then it's warm. But, you know, a pool with an ice machine attached to it, it just like, seemed like just the weirdest way in a Roman bath house nonetheless, to keep something cool, you know? You know what I'm saying?

[Chris Hoadley]

Did you get into the cool plunge?

[Brian Green]

I did not. Astra did. Astra got up to her knees and then she said this.

[Chris Hoadley]

I'm not doing this. It's cold.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it is. It's. It's really cold. And, you know, I. I think we've talked about this many times on the show before. I realize that it's very trendy to take a cold plunge and that some people think there are some health benefits to it. But I have also read that there could be some real health detriments to subjecting yourself to that kind of stressor on a daily basis or even on a weekend weekly basis. It's just like, you know, some people like Brian can do lots and lots of cocaine in their lives. And even though that's a stressor on your body and it's a shock to your heart and it's a shock to the system, I'll survive. Like, I lived. I figured it, you know, my body figured it out and I went through it. And then there are other people who could do cocaine just once and, and have lifelong side effects or maybe even die. I consider myself one of those people that. I just don't want to try the cold plunge because I'm afraid that, like, that, like that college athlete that tried cocaine and his heart exploded. I don't want to be that guy. I do not like cold water. And so why would I like a cold plunge? I have been in cold water once it reaches my chest, Chrissy.

[Chris Hoadley]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Green]

I can't take it. I'm like, I know my kids will be in that pool probably. Oh yeah, May 10th.

[Chris Hoadley]

And they're out there chattering till like.

[Brian Green]

June 25th, those kids are in the pool. And Brian is dutifully watching them from outside the pool as they're begging me to come in, begging me. And I'm like, nope, unless someone's drowning, I am not coming in. Because I'll tell you, when I took the. The time that I took the coldest bath I've ever. It's coldest plunge I have ever taken was when Nico. Nico the ghost dog. Nico the smelly ghost dog. Remember Nico the smelly ghost dog? I was just talking about him yesterday. Actually, those of you have Been listening for a long time. Will remember Nico, the smelly ghost dog who passed away last year. Or we put him down last year. The very first day that we got Nico as an adult dog, we took him from one of our family members who couldn't care for him anymore when we brought him to the house. I have the front door. It goes through a family room room. Then there's a sliding back door that then goes down a set of stairs toward the deck where the pool is. And we had been on a four hour, five hour drive. And as soon as we got home, the first thing I knew to do was to let both of the dogs out back so that they could go to the bathroom. Nico has never been to the house, so he doesn't know what our backyard is like. When I open the door, Nico runs. He has to go to the bathroom so bad. He runs. Runs on the patio, runs down the stairs, and follows Blue as she's moving diagonally through the yard. But Blue knows where the pool is. So Blue ran around the pool, but Nico was just taking a straight line to Blue and just ran right into the pool. And when I mean ran right into the pool, like the fucking Wile E. Coyote as he's, you know, he's like, runs off the cliff and his legs keep going, but then he falls. That's what Nico did. And Nico was going down. Nico had never been in water. Nico did not know what to do. Nico was going down, and so you.

[Chris Hoadley]

Had to get in there.

[Brian Green]

So Blue went first. Nico fell in the pool. And then Brian was right after him, phone and all. Just right into the water. And that was in January. January. Like January 23rd. I have never been so cold in my entire life. The gasp of air that came into my lungs. Yeah, I swear to God. I know. Astrid was like, worried for me. I was like, blue. My fingertips were blue. It was so cold. That water must have been. No, no cold. No warmer than 40 degrees. I mean, it was just so cold. And I hated every minute of it.

[Chris Hoadley]

No need to do it again.

[Brian Green]

And it took me like two hours to warm up. Why would I want to be Joe Rogan and get in a cold plunge every day? Maybe he's more man than I am. I don't know. Probably not. But, you know, just say it. All right. I'll get to the massage manana.

[Chris Hoadley]

Oh, you did it.

[Brian Green]

We ran out of time. I told Talk too much about parking. This episode brought to you by Parking. We'll get back to it.

[Chris Hoadley]

I love it. I've been waiting to hear the story.

[Brian Green]

Oh, I can't wait to tell you about this wedding.

[Chris Hoadley]

This wedding was for sure dancing flamenco horses, right?

[Brian Green]

The flamenco horse. The dancing flamenco horse. And you think I'm kidding, Wait until I tell you the story.

[Chris Hoadley]

I can't wait.

[Brian Green]

This was one of the most interesting wedding I have ever actually the most interesting wedding I have ever been to. Beautiful, beautiful. Beautifully done. Top notch all the way. Traffic stopping, that's all I gotta say.

[Chris Hoadley]

Oh yeah, that's right.

[Brian Green]

Literally stopped traffic in Sevilla. So much so that it got on the news that night. It was on the news.

[Chris Hoadley]

I love it.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Astro and I didn't stop any traffic.

[Chris Hoadley]

You had a great wedding though.

[Brian Green]

It was lovely. It was great. Yeah, it was lovely. I loved it. As a matter of fact, we have a DVD of that wedding.

[Chris Hoadley]

Oh yeah.

[Brian Green]

That the kids have found. And we bought a DVD player so the kids could watch another like children's movie, right? So I bought a DVD player for like 19 bucks. And now the kids love to watch the wedding. That's what they want to do. Over and over again. They watch the wedding. It is very sweet. I, I don't like to watch it because it just reminds me of how good looking I was back then. I think that was like peak. Brian getting married to Astro was peak prime. All right, donate, Listen, do me a favor. Donate to the victims in Spain if you can. I'll put a link in the show notes. We certainly would appreciate it and I know they would too. 212-4333 TCB 2124333 822. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. We are taking them all right there. Let us know how you're feeling, Let us know how you're doing. Thanks to everyone who has been calling and writing. I just checked the phone. I missed like 40 messages just in a couple days. It's great. I love it. Thanks guys. I really appreciate it. Keep them coming. Ask DCB coming up very shortly. I said we would do that on Friday, but maybe we'll have to do that next Tuesday. But anyway, tcbpodcast.com that's where you find all the show notes, all the audio, all the video right there. Get your free sticker. Hit the contact us button. Drop down menu says I want my sticker. Give us your address and we'll send one off to you. Add the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on tick tock and YouTube.com the commercial break for all of our interviews and selected clips. Okay, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for today.

[Chris Hoadley]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

But I'll tell you that I love you.

[Chris Hoadley]

I love you.

[Brian Green]

Best to you. The best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time. Chrissy and I always we do say, and we must say goodbye have you.

[Christina]

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