It's Tijuana Bryan!

Summary

The Commercial Break
Episode: It’s Tijuana Bryan!
Release Date: June 20, 2024
Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley

---

Episode Overview

In this chaotic and hilarious episode of The Commercial Break, Bryan Green and Krissy Hoadley dive headlong into stories about celebrity mishaps, personal brushes with fame, painkiller misadventures, and a harrowing/absurd quest through Tijuana in search of street pharmacy loot. The main thread: Bryan’s story of traversing the wild streets of Tijuana for Vicodin at the request of a questionable friend. Along the way, they dish about Justin Timberlake’s DWI, celebrity bad behavior, back pain woes, their own hijinks, and the strange allure of “adventure” when you’re young and dumb. Expect relentless riffing, candid confessions, and more digressions than a Google Maps reroute in Tijuana.

---

Key Discussion Points & Memorable Moments

1. Justin Timberlake’s DWI and Celebrity Entitlement

[01:06 – 10:15]

• Bryan breaks "breaking news" about Justin Timberlake’s arrest for driving while intoxicated in the Hamptons.
  • “What a fucking dipshit.” (Bryan, 01:30)
  • Both hosts are incredulous about celebrities getting behind the wheel when they have endless resources.
  • “You have 10 drivers. Yeah. You have a plane, you have a pilot.” (Bryan, 01:35)
  • Krissy: “I take an Uber to go like down the street for dinner.”
  • They reference the infamous Janet Jackson Super Bowl incident, with Bryan noting media double standards:
    “There was no repercussions for him… all the hate went to her and he and his career blew the fuck up.” (Bryan, 03:25)
  • Discussion of Timberlake’s entitlement, lack of accountability, and “double douche” status.
  • Bryan laments: “If you have to be told not to drunk drive in Sag Harbor Hamptons, you are a double douche. Double douche. I’m sorry, Justin. You’re not getting a pass on this one. Not for me.” (09:38)

2. Bryan’s Personal DUI Story & Radio Stunt Anecdotes

[10:15 – 13:40]

• Bryan opens up about his own DUI from years ago and reflects on the cultural shift pre-Uber/Lyft.
  • “Thank God the officer pulled me over… I was drunk and I was angry.” (Bryan, 05:34)
  • They reminisce about bizarre radio stunts like “7 people in a car for weeks”—with Bryan’s trademark self-deprecation and humor.
  • Krissy on modern rideshare safety: “This was definitely before any Uber and Lyft situations were out there.” (07:16)

3. Back Pain, Pills, and Celebrity Downfalls

[13:41 – 19:24]

• Bryan’s tailbone woes post-car accident segue into pain medication woes.
  • Humorous discussion of the allure and pitfalls of narcotic painkillers (“I don’t want to end up like Andy Dick. You know what I’m saying?” – Bryan, 13:40)
  • They riff on taking “the good stuff” from Venezuela (non-narcotic muscle relaxant), and the slippery slope of opioid use.

4. Golf Talk and More Celebrity Meltdowns

[14:42 – 19:38]

• Bryan and Krissy rehash the U.S. Open, focusing on Rory McIlroy’s final-hole choke.
  • Reflection on Tiger Woods’ tragic arc from “superman” golfer to scandal-plagued self-destruction.
    • “He doesn’t know who he is. And I think sometimes I see in his eyes… this emptiness, like this void, this vacuum.” (Bryan, 18:44)
  • Comedic bit on how intoxicated Tiger Woods appeared at a Vegas event (“Either he is 15 tequilas in or 15 Vicodin and two tequilas in.” – Bryan, 19:00)

5. Bryan & Krissy’s Friendship—Party Days & Safety Nets

[20:04 – 20:43]

• The duo reminisce about their younger days, looking out for each other after wild nights, and contrast their responsible behavior with celebrity recklessness.
  • “We definitely wouldn’t let each other get into a car after a bunch of drinks, that's for sure.” (Bryan, 20:09)
  • “Once again, I blame our manager. He was the one serving it all up.” (Krissy, 20:40)

---

The Tijuana Vicodin Adventure: The Main Event

Setting the Scene: Why Bryan Went on a Quest

[21:48 – 23:11]

• Timeline: Early 2000s. Bryan and his best friend Amber are road-tripping to L.A. for her doctorate program. A friend back home requests pain pills from Mexico, sending Bryan on a scavenger hunt.
  • “This is 20-something Bryan, and I am likely to do anything anybody tells me to do at any time. I am really a double douche at this point.” (Bryan, 24:12)

Arrival & Recon in Tijuana

[27:05 – 30:25]

• Bryan and Amber walk across the border, knapsack in tow, into the Mercado district—a surreal landscape of bars and pharmacies.
  • “If you’ve never been to Tijuana... it’s hard to explain just what a different universe Tijuana is.” (Bryan, 29:13)
  • Their first stop: a very Americanized Señor Frogs.

The (Increasingly Ridiculous) Pharmacy Crawl

[31:22 – 45:54]

• Phase 1: Mainstream pharmacy offers Tramadol (“not strong enough”), refers Bryan to a smaller pharmacy.
• Phase 2: Second pharmacy offers… more Tramadol, but then provides directions to “talk to Carlos” in a back alley.
• Phase 3: Bryan follows winding backstreets, relying on muscle memory (no Google Maps), racking up “stupid gringo” points.
  • “My dipshit friend that I’ve known for exactly six months who just got out of jail needs some Vicodin. Back in Atlanta, Georgia. I’m in Tijuana, Mexico. Why not?” (Bryan, 39:06)

The Sketchy Transaction

[41:34 – 47:57]

• Bryan reaches an eerily small, hole-in-the-wall pharmacy. Secretive language (“they’re listening!”) and finger-to-the-lips hushes.
• After tense negotiations—including backroom arguing, the word gringo being thrown around, and a lunch-bag of pills—they settle on $70 for a nondescript bottle filled with unknown pills.
  • “He’s got like, not like a zip-up baggie, but you know when you would like, buy weed from your friend and they’d be like, do I have any Ziploc bags? Oh yeah, I got the shitty lunch bags.” (Bryan, 45:52)
  • “You’re so handsome, but you talk too much. Too much talking. You’re gonna get yourself in trouble.” (Carlos, 47:25, as recounted by Bryan)

The Most Dangerous Part: Exiting Without Dying or Getting Arrested

[48:38 – 55:01]

• Bryan nervously zigzags through Tijuana trying to find his way back, runs straight into two heavily armed Federales.
  • “They kind of turn themselves as I’m walking by them with their AR-15s. And then I hear, ‘Hey, come here.’ ... ‘Where are you going?’ ... ‘Señor Frogs.’ ... ‘Get there.’ That’s all he said. Get there.” (Bryan, 49:49)
• He makes it back to Amber, frazzled, feet filthy, having survived his international drug run completely unscathed, if no wiser.

Aftermath: Smuggling Pills North & What Were They, Anyway?

[55:01 – 57:32]

• At the US border, Bryan ditches the original bottle, hides the pills deep in his bag, sweats through customs, but escapes notice.
• Days later, he gives the Vicodin to his friend, who finds them shockingly potent, while Bryan claims, “I don’t feel shit.”
  • “Apparently according to this guy it was good stuff. But I only took three of them and I don’t remember feeling shift.” (Bryan, 57:22)

Reflections and Cautionary Tales

[58:07 – end]

• Tijuana: beautiful, wild, dangerous, and “full of lovely people… who’ll tell you exactly where to get narcotic pain medication.”
• Commentary on America’s ongoing opioid/fentanyl crisis—and our nation’s role in causing the demand.
• Bryan’s punchline: “San Diego’s beautiful. Tijuana is a hell of a time. Go down there, Señor Frogs... Try it.” (Bryan, 58:07)

---

Notable Quotes & Soundbites

• "If you have to be told not to drunk drive in Sag Harbor Hamptons, you are a double douche."
  – Bryan (09:38)
• "This is 20-something Bryan, and I am likely to do anything anybody tells me to do at any time. I am really a double douche at this point."
  – Bryan (24:12)
• "You’re so handsome, but you talk too much. Too much talking. You’re gonna get yourself in trouble."
  – Carlos, the Tijuana pharmacist (as Bryan recounts, 47:25)
• "Where are you going? ... Señor Frogs. ... Get there."
  – Federale to Bryan (49:49)
• “San Diego’s beautiful. Tijuana is a hell of a time. Go down there, Señor Frogs… Try it.”
  – Bryan (58:07)

---

Important Timestamps

• Justin Timberlake DWI coverage: 01:06 – 10:15
• Bryan’s DUI & radio stunts: 10:15 – 13:40
• Painkillers & back pain: 13:41 – 14:42
• Rory McIlroy & Tiger Woods: 14:42 – 19:38
• Party days & friendship: 20:04 – 20:43
• Tijuana trip setup: 21:48 – 23:11
• Tijuana pharmacy crawl: 31:22 – 45:54
• Sketchy transaction: 41:34 – 47:57
• Federale encounter: 48:38 – 49:49
• US border exit: 55:01 – 57:32
• Final reflections: 58:07 – end

---

Episode Highlights For New Listeners

• Celebrity Shenanigans: Justin Timberlake’s DWI serves as a jumping-off point for conversations about fame, accountability, and double standards.
• Insane Anecdotes: Bryan’s story of smuggling (kinda/sorta) painkillers from Tijuana is equal parts frightening and hilarious, perfectly capturing the show’s mix of improvisational comedy and real-life “WTF” moments.
• Chemistry and Banter: The hosts’ history as best friends shines through in their rapid-fire riffing, confessions, and mutual roastings.
• Cautionary Tales: Both hosts are blunt about their own foolish decisions in their 20s, and the consequences—adding self-deprecating humor and a whisper of wisdom amid the mayhem.

---

Final Thoughts / Signature Sign-off

• The episode ends with event announcements (Orlando & Tampa live shows, [59:15]) and Bryan’s trademark:
  “Best to you, best to you and best you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time. Chrissy and I always say, we do say and we must say—get there. Sa.” (60:57)

---

Summary in a Nutshell

This episode is a rollicking ride through Bryan’s risk-taking youth, the strange world of border town pharmacies, and the ongoing parade of celebrity misadventures. The Commercial Break reminds you: even if you survive tequila, federales, and bad decisions, you’ll probably still end up at Señor Frogs. Best to you!

Transcript

[A]

Look at me. You know, it gives goddess. It gives top tier. Not easily accessible. So at the end of the day, no, we wasn't laid up and we wasn't finna be laid up, because I'm on a mission and I'm not finna let a man mess up my creativity, my hustle, or my ph balance. And that's just what it is on this episode of the Commercial break. So she's like, oh, Brian, don't get yourself in trouble. And I'm like, listen, it's Brian. It's Brian. And she goes, I know, I. You have a. You had a boner in the fountain of our apartment complex at 2 o' clock in the afternoon. I literally had to talk you out of jail. I literally just picked you up from jail three days ago for hitting a prostitute with my cock. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co host of this incredibly mediocre podcast, Chris and Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chrissy.

[B]

Best you, Brian.

[A]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. We appreciate it. Breaking news. Well, today, breaking news. It won't be breaking news when you hear it, but breaking news today. Justin Timberlake has been arrested for dwi. According to the SAG Harbor Police in the Hamptons, he was arrested last night showing signs of intoxication after driving from a hotel to a friend's house in his own vehicle, behind his own wheel. What a fucking dipshit.

[B]

I mean, I can't believe.

[A]

What in the world. Yeah, how do you.

[B]

You have a driver.

[A]

You have 10 drivers. Yeah. You have a plane, you have a pilot.

[B]

I take an Uber to go like down the street for dinner. Right now I'm gonna be drinking.

[A]

Good for you. And that's exactly how it should be. I mean, listen, there was never an excuse for driving drunk. It's just like bad. It's a bad juju altogether. Yes, but it's 20, 24 and you're just in fucking Timberlake. You have a pilot on standby. If you have a pilot on standby, you know, you've got multiple drivers on standby and I'm not exactly sure what goes through someone's head that's that rich, that entitled, that well connected and well known to get behind the wheel after drinking. That's so stupid. That's like. That's an unforced error right there. It really is. It's crazy.

[B]

Yeah, it's Ridiculous Idiot.

[A]

Makes me. Makes me hot under the collar.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Listen, Justin been getting a lot of bad press lately, and I think he does. I think rightfully so in some cases, you know, everyone. It's the new bandwagon. Everyone jumps on it and says, oh, that guy sucks because he said this five years ago. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he treated Britney that way. So some of that's deserved. I think, quite frankly, he's. He's kind of been a. More often than.

[B]

Maybe it's coming to light.

[A]

Yeah. Like, I. I saw that. You know, that whole Janet Jackson thing. I remember watching that live.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

And I didn't even see it. Like, it just happened so quickly. And they turned the camera so quickly that I don't even remember seeing the.

[B]

Boob or the nipple.

[A]

The nipple. I do.

[B]

The nip slip.

[A]

Yeah, the nip slip. But it wasn't a nip slip. It was all apparently preplanned. I think it's got to be, right? You don't just. You're not wearing one of those things over your nipple unless you intend to show your nipple. Like, are you wearing a sun on your nipple when you intend not to show your nipple? No. It's an uncomfortable thing to tape on your boob just to then not show it to anybody. I don't know. I don't know. I think there's lots of different versions of that story that go around, but someone. Many people have pointed out.

[B]

Yeah. That there was no repercussions for him.

[A]

Zero.

[B]

I mean, all the hate went to.

[A]

Her and he and his career blew the fuck up. It was like, you know, they patted just Justin on the head and they tore her down. Well, now he's having his comeuppance a little bit, and people are looking back on this and saying, hey, Justin, it was a douchebag in a lot of situations. And we kind of gave him a free pass because he could dance, you know, better than the average white man. I mean, I guess. I guess that's what's going on. I don't know. And I gotta admit, there's a few JT grooves that I do like. Yeah, that man in the Mirror. Yeah, that man in the Is it Man in the Mirror song. You know, I've been looking in. In the mirror. Oh.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Well, man in the Mirror was Michael Jackson, but. Well, then there's.

[A]

I guess, well, looking in the mirror. The mirror, mirror. Whatever the song is. I don't know. I don't have JT on my playlist or anything, but I did.

[B]

Sexy Back was the. Okay, you know, the groove for a while.

[A]

When he did that Mirror song on Saturday Night Live with a full band and a 12 piece horn section, that jam was. That jam was great.

[B]

It was.

[A]

It was great. I loved it. I thought it was awesome. I really did like it. But I never was, like, into Justin Timberlake. I never knew. Like, I didn't follow his every move. But I'm watching all of this flack that he's getting for. For years ago, and the way that he kind of shit on Brittany a lot and all this other stuff when he probably could have just shut his mouth and been the bigger man about it. And, you know, now I have to say, he's official dumb, dumb fucking territory. How do you get busted for a DWI in the fucking Hamptons of all places?

[B]

I know, it's pretty douchey.

[A]

You have to be. That's like double douche you got. Remember Double Dare the show. Like the show Double douche. Okay. Double douche. Being in Sag harbor, driving your own car, intoxicated. Yeah. And apparently, from what I've been reading, and this is just breaking like the last 12 hours, apparently what I'm reading is that he was, like, visibly intoxicated. The officer was like, whoa, this dude's drunk as a skunk. He flew through a stop, stop sign. He's driving all over the road. And then the officer asks him to get out. Smells like booze. Slurred speech, slow. And, you know, slow talking, slow walking, you know, can't follow directions, can't stay focused. This guy must have been out of his mind. He must have been really drunk. Yeah. That's so stupid, isn't it? Doesn't he have someone with him that, like, tells him not to do that, too?

[B]

Yeah. Like, who? Why would you. I don't know. The whole thing is dumb.

[A]

Just makes me. It makes me so hot under the car. Because here's the thing, and I don't want to get on a high horse about this, because I am not one. I've had a dui, and it was. And thank God the officer pulled me over. Thank God he did, because I was drunk and I was really drunk, and I was angry because I'd almost gotten into a fist fight in the middle of a parking lot, and I had just definitely flopped trying to get into 99 x's 7 people in a Car reality show or whatever they were doing. Remember?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

There is tape of me from that night somewhere in Georgia Tech facilities. I know it. If you can find It. Have at it.

[B]

I'd love to see where seven people had to live in a car for.

[A]

For how long? The last one wins. That's right. And you had like 15 minutes for smoke breaks and bathroom every couple of hours or something like that. But then they had to live in that car in a mal. Like a fucking monkey in a cage for days. And I don't remember the exact minutiae of the contest, but I think that went on for like weeks one year.

[B]

Like weeks in the car.

[A]

You would win the car. If you were the last one in the car, you would win the car. I'll tell you what, man.

[B]

Who wants to drive off in the car then after.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

People have been living in it for weeks.

[A]

You know what I do just Xlax every time I got. And just fart the place up. Just be like, don't say a word. Be a good boy. Sit on someone's lap. I don't know what you do with seven people in a car. That's got to be terribly uncomfortable. What a great stunt. What a great, more like morning zoo cruise stunt. I mean, so anyway, so I'll tell you what. I got a dui. So I'm not one to throw stones in a glass house. I understand the, like, you get that courage and you think nothing's going to touch you and you get in the car behind a wheel.

[B]

This was definitely before any Uber and Lyft situations were out there.

[A]

Yeah, I'm 90. I'm 90. This is back when the Model T was around. Yeah. You had to live 7 of a Model T. And so 99x presents. Model T days. Live in this Model T here for seven days and out spittoon your partner. Take off your pantaloons and get comfortable. We're going to live in it for as long as you can. And if you're the last man inside of that, shotguns allowed. If. If you can't drive drunk in 20, 24. It's dumb, dumb bullshit. It's dumb, dumb bullshit. You honestly could hurt somebody. And I realize it's Sag harbor and it's 2 o' clock in the morning. There's probably no one on the road, but at the end of the day, it's just stupid. Don't you have someone? There's. There's someone that you love and trust or a manager or a PR person or someone that's assigned to just babysit you?

[B]

I know. I mean, it makes me think. I guess he wasn't there with the wife and kids or Maybe he wasn't.

[A]

They said she was not there. Yeah, she was not even in the Hamptons.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, whoever he walked out of the hotel, he had to been. I mean. Yeah.

[A]

I don't see Justin Timberlake rolling around by himself. He's not Larry David. The guy ain't Larry David. He's got.

[B]

Yeah, he's got friends, people, somebody he's.

[A]

Like, you know, party in a pouch. Like, you bring that guy and he's gonna bring 12, 50, 80 other people that are just like hangers, honors.

[B]

You would at least think 1, 1, 1.

[A]

If I'm live Nation and I pay Justin all this money to go out on these tours and I insure it and I paying for the equipment. I'm doing all that because that's how it works. Live Nation comes to Justin, they say, you ready to get on it? He says, I'm in it. They go, they rent these facilities. They give him a big fat check for every show that he goes to. That's the game. He gives them a big fat checks. I wouldn't be surprised if that Guy ain't making $50 million to tour around this country for a year. Whatever it to around wherever to for a year. 50, 60, $70 million. If I'm live Nation. Anytime that I make that kind of bet, I got someone on him 24 hours a day. 24. Even if it's just like a person in plain clothes with one of those little earpieces that makes everyone scared.

[B]

No, that makes total sense.

[A]

Yes. And I'm making sure that he doesn't that up because I got to make my money back. And that's the way I. And if you have to be told not to drunk drive in Sag Harbor Hamptons, you are a double douche. Double douche. I'm sorry, Justin. You're not getting a pass on this one. Not for me.

[B]

No.

[A]

Your. That's all I gotta say a diddly squat. That's what I. I don't understand the reasoning. I just don't. I. I can't wrap my head around it. And you know, there was someone with him. You know there was. So that person is just as guilty. That person should be in jail too. It should be Justin for DUI and that person for.

[B]

For letting him.

[A]

Letting. Yeah. Ldwi. Letting the driver with intoxic while intoxicated. Go on, you unbelievable. So update. Speaking of cars and driving erratically, update on my getting hit by a car situation. I ended up having to go to the doctor. I should have called the police. Man, you Know what? I told this story. You know, I got hit by a car, so. And I'm Brian Green. So of course I told this story a million times. It's like, that's. You know, and it gets bigger every time, right? I'm like. I literally, like, hurdle jumped the side of the car, and she came right at me, and I flipped off the back double ollie, and I landed on my feet. And I was like, what's up, lady? And she said, soul. And I said, lo siento. No soul, mi amiga. Que pasa? Aydio mio.

[B]

You can only imagine the iterations that have occurred of the story that happened, because when we told. When we told, it was fresh.

[A]

Oh, fresh. I mean, it's like an hour early.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So it's gone through many. As my mind creates new illusionary things, it gets better and better. And so when I landed on my feet, some dude drove by in a truck. He said, ah, I got it on video. Snapchat, baby. I was like, sweet. Call the police. Not for me, dude. No policia. No federales. And. And so, you know, But I did wake up, you know, my back was kind of aching in the first place before this all happened, but I did wake up in pretty bad over the weekend.

[B]

Well, it was a jarring situation.

[A]

Yeah, I think that's what it was.

[B]

And you had to twist.

[A]

I twisted over the car. And I think that. That just, you know, I'm an old man. Anybody with. Anybody who's got lower back problems, which is probably half of you, because that's the statistic.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Anybody who's got lower back issues understands that if your back is fussy, you know, and then you go around with it, it's. It may not hurt right then. You might not, like, feel it right then. It's not like a broken bone, but eventually your nerve is going to inflame and set on fire. And that's what happened. So I had to spend a good part of Father's Day in the bed because I was, like, kind of jacked up, which sucked. But, you know, I got through it. I took some Advil and some Advil. That's what I took. I wish I had the good stuff, but first of all, like, you know, the good stuff that then you just cause a problem that maybe you don't need.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

Yeah. If you think you need Vicodin for everything, you're probably right. But it's not a very good. It's a long road.

[B]

Not going to happen.

[A]

Yeah. Nothing good's going to happen. Nothing Good is going to come of that. And so I. I don't take narcotic pain medication every time that I'm feel. Actually, I don't think I've taken narcotic pain medication in, like, years. Maybe like five or six years, simply because if I don't really need it, I don't want to take it.

[B]

No. I don't like the way it makes me feel.

[A]

Yeah, you said that you don't like the way it makes you feel. Yeah, I get like, you're like the one in 6,000.

[B]

It just makes me feel weird.

[A]

Yeah, I understand the allure. I certainly do understand the allure. Because when I first got my back problems, I would take pain medication that was prescribed to me just to let you know. Yeah, that was prescribed to me. And it's easy to see how you can, like, you feel like you're a million miles tall. Right. You really feel, like, supermanish when you're on some of these pain medications, but eventually you need to take more and then you get kind of dopey and the whole. I don't want to end up like Andy Dick. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, I already might be like Andy Dick. I know I'm a dick. A dick, but I'm not Andy Dick. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

Yeah. You don't want to.

[A]

No, you don't want to. You don't want to. You don't go in with one problem and come out with two. So anyway, I take a couple of Advil. I relax. Astrid. Astrid brought from Venezuela. She brought, like, this medicine, quote unquote, from Venezuela that's in a box. And I forget what it's called, but she. She had like, 12 boxes of this stuff when she came. Yeah. And it's supposed to be like, an ibuprofen plus a real light muscle relaxer.

[B]

Oh, right.

[A]

So I take one of those and I feel really good. And I don't feel doped up. Doesn't make you feel loopy. And I've. And I. And I felt really good. But I'm telling you what, on Sunday, Father's Day, I just couldn't take it. My back was just aching so bad. And then it was double aching after I sat to watch the first round of golf I've watched since the Masters, which maybe I watched an hour of that and I watched Rory MC. The Bed.

[B]

Jeff and I were watching it too, and we were like, holy. I mean, he was so close. He totally lost it. Was it the last, like, Bogey?

[A]

The Last two holes.

[B]

Well, I think it was more than that.

[A]

Well, he bogeyed a couple of the holes during the round, but the like, he bogey bogeyed. And then it was like, holy fucking shit, dude. That's why Rory, while he will always be considered a great golfer, he will never go down in the same conversation as like a Phil Mickelson, Tiger Woods, Jack Nicholson, and I know most of you probably don't give a shit about golf, but give me, just spare me three minutes here. He won't, because he's a choke artist. I love the guy.

[B]

I do, too. I'm rooting for every time.

[A]

And every time my heart breaks great.

[B]

Too, on that show. If you've watched Full Swing.

[A]

I haven't, but I want to get into it.

[B]

Yeah, that's good.

[A]

You know what I get into is that Tour de France. The Tour de France. I'm saying that correctly, by the way. Tour de France. The Tour de France show. I like that. But back to Rory. Rory has choked, like, publicly so many tournaments.

[B]

It was, it's 10 years since he won a major and it was so close.

[A]

This time, all he had to do was par, par. And he either would have won or, or been in a playoff. If all things were the same, he would have won. If he bogey just one of those holes, he would have been in the tie. Yeah, in a tie. And then we would have seen what, like an aggregate playoff. Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Isn't that where they go for like a whole round of golf? I think. Which hasn't happened in forever and ever and ever. So I was so disappointed. And that just made my back ache even more just thinking about. I could have been. I could have been something great in golf. I really could have. I feel it in my bones.

[B]

You pokey. You pokeyed your chance.

[A]

I bogeyed my chance. I bogeyed my chance with my lower back. Backpot out. And I decided Percocet for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Although apparently Tiger was doing Percocet for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and he was doing just fine.

[B]

True.

[A]

Yeah. Of course, he was also dicking down.

[B]

Anything I was gonna say, I think he was taking those when he was having sex.

[A]

Oh, my God. That guy just let that guy and take pink killers and let's get him back in the action. But he can't even make a cut man. Him or that. Filmicles. Well, they're old. They're just. It's. The time is gone. I, I, I've, I've, I've. I understand Tiger woods was My generation, watching Tiger when I was growing up was super exciting. Right. It was like, awesome. He was so good. He was. He would win almost every time. And sometimes every time for like a year there, year or two, he'd win every tournament he went into.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It was unbelievable. The guy was on such a hot streak. And then the in the Vicodin, then the in the Viking. It's not that he was doing the and the Viking. As he got caught doing the in the. Yeah.

[B]

Things pretty went downhill.

[A]

Yeah. And he had Elin Nordigano. Oh, my fucking Christ. All respect to my wife, who I love, and she's the most beautiful woman in the world that would ever talk to me. Do you know what I'm saying? But Elin Nordigan is, is a, is a lovely human being, is beautiful. I've never really heard her talk maybe a couple of times here and there, but she is a lovely and a beautiful human being. She had every right to take that golf club to his fucking head.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I would. Absolutely, yeah.

[B]

Did it happen too, like, at Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving night?

[A]

That's right. I remember waking up the day after Thanksgiving. I was living with Kevin at the time.

[B]

I remember it, too.

[A]

I was like, what? Yeah.

[B]

I think everybody was like, what?

[A]

He ran into a mailbox.

[B]

Right.

[A]

That's something that Justin Timberlake does, not Tiger Woods. And then.

[B]

Yeah, then the story came out.

[A]

Yeah. But then, you know, let's talk about triple douching it. Not only did Tiger hit a fucking mailbox high on whatever he was on while Elon was chasing him down the street with a golf club, but then he literally got into an accident by himself going 90 miles per hour down some curvy road. What are you doing, Tiger? I know. I think somewhere Tiger might have had, like, a death wish somewhere. I, I, I just suspect that there's so much pressure to be Tiger woods that he doesn't know who he is. And I think sometimes I see in his eyes there's, like this emptiness, like this void, this vacuum. He doesn't know what to do with it. By the way, speaking of drunky as a skunky and golf, let me put a cap on Rory. Rory, please win a major. Please get back on the high horse or you're going to age out, too.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Tiger woods went to an event in Las Vegas, like a poker event or a gambling event, where he was raising millions of dollars for whatever charity and maybe the Tiger woods foundation, because I know that's a big foundation. And someone caught him doing. He did, like, a cell Phone interview. Like a cell phone camera interview. Real quick. Right? Five minute interview. He is so incredibly hammered that it isn't. There's no question about it. I am not speculating. Either he is 15 tequilas in or he is 15 Vicodin. Two tequilas in. One of the two. But he was so incredibly. Maybe I should find it and I'll play it for you.

[B]

I'd love to see it.

[A]

Because even just hearing it, you know, and listen, it's Las Vegas. Get drunk, have fun, do your thing. Right, but then don't agree to the 5 minute cell phone video interview. It's your own foundation. Don't you. Security guy. Where are. Where. Where are all the people supposed to be taking care of these people? Brian and Chrissy are supposed to be the people have this kind of drama. Not Tiger woods and Justin Timberlake. The is going on with you people. Yeah, managers aren't like they used to be. Back in the day, you and I.

[B]

Had each other's back. All those years that we were going out and getting crazy at the radio stations.

[A]

Well, we definitely wouldn't let each other get into a car after a bunch of drinks, that's for sure. I remember carrying you out of the Brave stadium one day, carrying you literally on my back. And you were like, that's. Let's take my car. And I'm like, no, take my car.

[B]

We had each other's back.

[A]

That's right. So we got a cab, we went home, and then we got another cab before work the next day, all the way down to Turner to retrieve the car. Oh, and I remembered that our breath smelled like fire. We were both like. Like Jagermeister boss.

[B]

Well, once again, I blame our manager.

[A]

I blame him for a lot of stuff.

[B]

He was the one serving it all up.

[A]

My kids are bad. I blame that guy. Honestly, I do. I blame that guy for a lot of shit. I think he caused a lot of trouble. We still don't know. All right, let's do this. Let's take a break and when I come back, I'll talk a little bit about an experience. That talking about Vicodin made me reminded me of an experience I had one time. And I'd like to share that story with Story time with Brian.

[B]

Let's do it.

[A]

When we get back.

[C]

I know you're already on your phone, so pull up Instagram and follow us. Hecommercial break and then follow us on TikTokcbpodcast.

[A]

Done.

[C]

Perfect. Thank you. Since you're at the ready, why not text us hello at 212-4333, TCB. Or if you've got some drama in your life, a little fun story or anything, really. We're desperate for content. Call and leave us a message at 212-433-33, TCV. And don't forget to check out tcvpodcast.com because that. That's got it all. Speaking of having it all, let's listen to our fabulous sponsors and get back to the commercial break.

[A]

All right, so the year is. Whatever the year is. Let's call it 2000 and something. And okay, in the year 2000. Do you remember that Conan bit that Andy Richter and Conan used to do in the year 2000? Oh, my God, it was so hilarious. And Andy Ricker. Andy Richter. Andy Ricker. Andy Richter would sing this song. He would come in, it would be dark. They'd have these flashlights up to their face. And Andy Richter would go, in the year 2000. In the year 2000. And Conan would say something funny that was happening in the year 2000. Like, Justin Timberlake will get arrested for DWI because his manager wasn't there. So in the year 2000 and something, I was living with a dear friend of mine, Amber, and we'd been living together for a long time with like, like, like, you know, roommates here and there in other places. And she got accepted to a doctorate program at ucla. In order to get there, she's got to pack all her stuff, and we got to drive it there just to save some money or she's got to drive it there. And she says to me, let's make a road trip. Let's make a road trip. Let's do it one last time, right? Let's go have 12 days of having fun. We'll stop wherever we want to stop. We'll do whatever we want to do. It did. It was a ton of fun. It was one of my favorite memories of that period of my life. And I loved her so dearly that I figured, well, you know, 12 more days with best friend. What. What more could you want?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so we traveled across the country, and there's a lot of funny stories that came out of that, but when we get to, I think, Arizona, I am. We're trying to plan out the next part of the. No, we're in Las Vegas, and we're trying to plan out the next part of the trip. And she says, hey, you know, is there any place you'd like to go? Like, any place you'd like to visit? And I've been texting with a friend who I worked in the restaurant business with during this entire trip. And I said, hey, man, any, you know, must have spots in California, you know, between here and wherever. And he says, oh, go down to San Diego and take a day trip to Tijuana. And I'd always want to go to Tijuana, but I never met.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I tell Amber, I say, hey, listen, Amber, can we go to Tijuana? I know it's a little bit out of the way. It's, you know, Los Angeles, San Diego, not exactly right next door to each other, but we got a couple extra days. Why don't we head down and then we could take a day trip to Tijuana or spend a couple days in Tijuana and San Diego area. And she says, yeah, I'm up. I'm up for it. And so when I tell my friend I'm going to do it, I'm going to go to Tijuana. He says, great, here's what I want you to do.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

Oh, yeah. You got to Understand, this is 20something, Brian, and I am likely to do anything anybody tells me to do at any time. I am really a double douche at this point, right? If you don't even have to dare me, I will do it. Jump in the water fountain naked. I'm already there. I got a boner, you know, drink 12 shots of vodka and then eat a piece of rotten fish. I'm sitting on the toilet. What do you want? I already did it. Smoke crystal meth with a bunch of swinging chiropractors. I got that crack pipe in my ass. I'm going three times. Go to a swingers party and stare at people. I'm taking pictures, baby. What do you want? How do you got it? Long line at Jazz Fest to get a cab. Ask the neighbors. It's the ninth Ward. What could go wrong? I am really a dum dum. I mean, I'm just a. I'm just full of piss and vinegar. I don't know which way to go. I'm, you know, ADHD on top of it. So I just do anything. So I'm like, yeah, what do you need? You know? He says, hey, listen, I want, you know, when you get down to Tijuana, there's going to be many, many pharmacies down there. Here's what I want you to do. Go in, ask them for the good stuff. You got to go in there, you got to tell them you're in a lot of pain. They're going to try and give You Tramadol, because they sell that all the time down there. But that's not what you're looking for. The. The mainstream pharmacies, the ones. The big. The big signs, those are the ones that don't give you what you want, but they can head you in the right direction. Start there. And I'm like, okay, I'm on a. Now I'm on a scavenger hunt for Vicodin. Right. So what he wants me to do is he wants me to go down there and convince one of those pharmacies to give me Vicodin.

[B]

Well, a lot of people do that, right? Yeah. With the medications.

[A]

Yeah, and apparently with the medications. And apparently there's places in Canada that are. That are similar, though. I don't think you. I don't think it's legal to get. I don't think it's legal in either country to bring them over the border without a prescription. But I don't know, the legalities don't. Trust me. I'm the guy naked in the water fountain. You don't. You don't want to.

[B]

With a boner, Right?

[A]

With a boner. We get down to San Diego. We're staying in, like, you know, some hotel in La Jolla, which is beautiful. Gorgeous.

[B]

So beautiful.

[A]

San Diego is one of the most beautiful places in this country. And I've been to all the lower 48. I mean, some of them I just drove through, but I've been to all the lower 48. And I do have to say that San Diego is one of the most stunningly visually appealing places in this country. I. I just think it is.

[B]

Yeah, it's gorgeous.

[A]

So we get there at night, and the next morning, you know, Amber wakes up. Let's go to Tijuana. And I'm like, let's do it. Let's go to Tijuana. Make an adventure of it, right? Yeah. So we're gonna park, and then we're gonna walk across the border. So we park. We got a little knapsack with, you know, a couple bottles of water and a few snacks, just in case. I don't know, because you get lost in the desert or something. I don't know why we're doing this.

[B]

I'm picturing you with, like, a stick.

[A]

Yeah. Like, my mom dressed me up when I was seven years old. My first Halloween costume. A hobo. Now, I know that's a derogatory term, but back then, it was a costume.

[B]

It was.

[A]

And it said hobo on it. Imagine a stick with, like, a little. You Know, whatever they call knapsack. Like a paisley, you know, headband that you made into a little satchel. And then you would, like, walk down the street with your hobo sticker. So I could even see the backpack. I remember the backpack. I'd had it since I was, like, 15 years old. It's got holes in it. Things fall out of it all the time. It's mainly just got lighters, cigarettes, and, you know, nudie pictures in it. But whatever, I'm. And I. Oh, and I have a journal because I write songs. It's my songwriting phase. Some of those that want to force it. Oh, the same that Burn the cross. I took a Rage against the Machine and made it into smooth jazz. So we go. We cross the border. I'm guessing it's. It's noon. It's, like, beginning of the afternoon, right? At lunchtime.

[B]

High noon.

[A]

High noon. High noon. Tijuana. It's a Mexican standoff between me, Amber, and my hobo stick. So we get into Tijuana, and this guy has prepped me. Now, you got to remember, there's no Google Maps. There are cell phones, but there's no Google Maps. Maybe you have one of those, like, versions of a cell phone where you can, like, download a map that takes you 12 hours to do. There's no map. So we have literally, like, a road map. And he tells us. He says, listen, you get in there, you're going to go into the entryway. There's a big plaza, and then you're going to go into the Mercado district. Mercado district, which is the market district. And there's just going to be rows of bars and pharmacies. That's it. Bars, pharmacies, doctor's offices. You know, there's so much of that going down on down there.

[B]

That's so crazy. I've never been so. I don't know, but it sounds crazy.

[A]

If you've never been to Tijuana, I know you've heard about it, because Tijuana is literally a punchline, right? It's a punchline. We've all heard the stories. We've all either been there or seen movies about it. It's hard to explain just what a different universe Tijuana is. In a beautiful way, and in some cases, not a beautiful way. I enjoyed it, but I had been in Mexico a lot because my father worked there and we would travel with him. I'd been in Mexico a lot, so it wasn't like, unfamiliar territory for me. But it also. I had never been To a part of Mexico where it was just pharmacies, bars and doctor's offices as far as the eye can see. Right. So we walk through the plaza. We get there, and the first thing that we see, or one of the first things that we see, all these bars. It's noon. The place is basically empty, I think, because mainly it's like a night town. Like, people go there during the evening in the night, and it's probably a Wednesday afternoon. It's very empty. So the first thing that struck me was there's not a lot of people here. The second thing that struck me is he was right. Bars and pharmacies. Pharmacies of all different sizes. But a lot of them have these big green signs that say pharmacy.

[B]

Pharmacia.

[A]

Pharmacia, Pharmacy. And. And some of them just say pharmacy. Because, of course, it's mainly Americans that are going down there looking for their, you know, daily dose of whatever drug you're on. Yeah. And so he says, start at one of the big pharmacies and tell him you need something for the pain, but then tell them the pain is really bad. Don't buy the Tramadol. Right. Don't buy the Tramadol. That's what he just keeps telling me. Don't buy the Tramadol. All the first. One of the first bars that. That we encountered that looks like someplace we would go into was Senior Frog. Senior Frogs. And even though it says Senor Frogs on the name, it is definitely an American ice bar. You can go in there. You know what it's all about. It's basically DGI Fridays with, you know.

[B]

The big yard sticks.

[A]

Sombreros on the wall. You get it? You get where you're going. So I go up and by the way, I haven't really let Amber in on this whole, like, plan I got cooking up with my buddy yet. So then we were just like, let's.

[B]

Get it to you. Wanna check it out?

[A]

Exactly. So we sit down, I order a beer. Amber doesn't drink. So she was ordering whatever she was ordering. And I say, listen, I just gotta go on a little adventure here for, like, you know, 30 minutes. And she's like, what? Where are you going? And I was like this. I got this guy, he wants me to buy him some medication. And she's like. Like pain medication or like Xanax? And I'm like, yeah, kind of like that. Exactly like that. I'm sorry. Exactly like that. He's actually naming it. He says he wants Vicodin 5.3.7 or whatever. So she's like, oh, Brian, don't get yourself in trouble. And I'm like, listen, it's Brian, it's Brian. And she goes, I know, I know you have a. You had a boner in the fountain of our apartment complex at 2 o' clock in the afternoon. I literally had to talk you on a joke. I literally just picked you up from jail three days ago for hitting a prostitute with my car. I know exactly who you are. And I said, listen, nothing like that. I just want to, you know, let me just get you. And Amber, always the sweetest, like caretaking type of person was like, just don't get in trouble, okay? You got my cell phone number. Just don't get in trouble. I said, I got the cell phone. Close, I promise. So I walk out of Senior Frogs and right in front of me is pharmacy, big green sign, can't miss it. And I'm like, okay. He said, start here. So let's start here. I'm on a. Now I'm on a fucking scavenger hunt for Vicodin right in fucking Tijuana in the middle of the afternoon. So I said, okay, let me, let me start here. I walk in, there's plenty. It's a beautiful, well lit, hundreds of medication bottles everywhere. You know, all kind of gunk and junk and lotions and potions. It's a big clean place. Glass windows on the outside. And I walk in and there's like 35 people in white coats behind these things. 35 people, wow. It is a huge facility. And everyone's wearing a white coat as if they were a dog.

[B]

Right? Just because you wear a white coat.

[A]

That's right. And I think they know the psychology exactly right? They're like, oh, I'm talking to someone that I can trust. Look at him, he's 17, wearing a white coat. That's right, he's a 17. Tijuana with no medical training whatsoever. So I go up, I say, hey, listen, what can I get you, sir? You know, what do you need? I said, listen, I got some bad pain in my knee. And he goes, okay, I got something for the pain. And I go, yeah, but it's really bad pain. He goes, oh, don't worry, I got something for the pain. He comes over, he's got like a bottle, like a industrial sized bottle. Tramadol. Says it right on the front. Yeah, right. And I say, oh, yeah, I don't know. And you know, one time I took Tramadol and it made my stomach hurt. You know, I don't I need something stronger than that. That. And he goes, oh, okay, okay. All right, listen, I can't get you that kind of here, man. This is like straight up pharmacy, you know what I'm saying? But if you go over to my friend's place, like, two blocks down, you tell him that Jose sent you, and he tell you, hook you up, okay, no problem. Very friendly, very nice, super sweet. I say, okay. I go over. I follow his instructions to a T. There's like, Federales walking around everywhere, you know, But I'm just playing it cool. Probably sweating profusely and, you know, chewing my face off. But whatever. I'm. I'm gonna get that there.

[B]

Did you have your knapsacks?

[A]

Oh, I did. I had the backpack on. I was like, you know, bouncing up and down. I am straight out of American White Man 101. That's. I. I'm probably wearing flip flops, too.

[B]

Oh, you know, you were.

[A]

I know. I was. Flip flops and board shorts was the thing that I was into that. So. Flip flops and board shorts. I'm walking down now. I'm getting a little bit off the beaten path a little bit, because he told me to walk a couple blocks this way and walk a block that way. So now I'm a little bit off the beaten path, but I still feel comfortable. And I see the green sign, pharmacia. Not as big, not as well lit, but still a pretty big place. They still have, like, 15 people working there. So I walk in, you know, guy comes up. Hey, man. What? Hey, sir, can I please. Can I help you? And I said, yeah, Jose from the other pharmacy sent me. Oh, great. Yeah, man. Okay, cool. Whatever. Yeah, you know, whatever. What do you think? I get commissioned every time you say, jose, what do you want, a tip jar or something? I don't know. What do you want? And I said, listen, man, I got some bad knee pain. Jose told me you could hook me up here. You know, the good stuff. Oh, yeah, no problem, man. I get you. He brings over the same bottle of trampoline, puts it down on the counter. It's $100, 200, whatever. And I say, I got this stomach thing now I'm allergic to it. I'm like, I think I'm allergic to it. It's not good. Yeah, now I'm allergic to it. I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm just trying to figure it out, right? So he's like, okay, okay, all right, listen, you know, you need to talk to. You need to Talk to, like, a doctor, pharmacy guy who can really, you know, get you the thing you need. Because I think what you're talking about, we probably don't carry it here. You gotta have paperwork and stuff like that. And I said, oh, okay, yeah, yeah. And he goes, go two blocks this way and one block that way and a third block this way. And there's a little alley, and take a left down there. And then you're gonna see a brown door. And you open it up, and you could go talk to my guy Carlos. He's gonna hook you up. And I was like, oh, okay. All right. Okay, we check in with Amber real quick. Yeah, Amber, I am alive, but I may not be later. So just keep a lookout.

[B]

Just stay at your frogs for now.

[A]

Make sure you stay exactly where you are. Are you alive? I'm alive. Are you alive? To which. To which I then say, there's a songbook in my backpack. Make sure it gets to the National Arch. Somebody's gonna want that shit.

[B]

It's pure poetry.

[A]

Pure poetry. Someday I'm gonna read some of that stuff on air, and you'll see how terrible my writing was. Okay, I've got it. It's right there. I found it, actually. So I. So I. I go. I do the little, you know, thing. I walk around. Now I'm noticing that there's a couple more people around, none of them American, which is fine. I don't care. I lived in Mexico. I don't care. Like, I don't give a shit. I'm just noticing my surroundings, sure. But things are getting a little less flashy, a little less organized. A little more.

[B]

Plus, you're going down an alley.

[A]

I am. Well, I haven't even gotten to the alley yet. Now I'm just, like, three blocks, five blocks off of the beaten path, right? But now I'm, like, into Tijuana. Like, not in the mercado, not in the American district, which is probably what it should be called. Not the Mercado district, but, like, Tijuana. Tijuana, right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm down there, and there's also some federalists back there. I'm not really paying much attention to them. It's kind of like I just don't want to look at them. If I don't look at them, they won't look at me kind of thing. Right. I can see them out of the corner of my eye, but I'm not. I'm not going to bite. So I'm walking. I'm walking. I take that. Whatever right hand Turn. I take that left hand turn, like he tells me. And now I'm. I'm a little confused as to where I am. I'm like, okay. He said there's going to be, like, an alleyway or something down here. There's a couple of old buildings. And I was like, wow, I am. I am pretty far back here. And now I'm getting into, like, where the dogs are barking on the. Like.

[B]

You mean, like blue right now?

[A]

Dogs are barking on the patio. Old ladies are sweeping off stuff and looking at me like, really weird, like, Bu. He's dead. See your D, Amigo. See you D. And I'm like, you know, I'm just saying, hey, good morning, you know? And they're like, you're dead. Oh, no. But I'm. I'm on an adventure. What can I say? I've been in darker, deeper, crazier places than this. And. And I. And I'm on the mission now. I gotta. I gotta least see if I can finish the mission. Yeah, because, you know.

[B]

Well, you can't pull out now.

[A]

Yeah, that's right. Well, that's what she said. How do you think I ended up with so many kids? I can't pull out now. I gotta finish the mission.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

All right. But you know, of course, my dipshit friend that I've known for exactly six months who just got out of jail needs some Vicodin back in Atlanta, Georgia. I'm in Tijuana, Mexico. Why not? Why wouldn't I finish the job? It made sense to me at the time. I was ready to go to jail, be arrested by the Federalist. Yeah, or get fucking shot by some cartel dude who thought I was on the wrong side of the street because my friend wanted 30 Vicodin from Tijuana, Mexico, he couldn't go into the doctor and say his knee hurts. All right, the punchline is good, so let's take a break. I know, I know, I know. I always do it to you. But. But that's. Hey, listen, it's a job. We got to pull you through the break. That's the way it goes. We'll be back in just a few minutes and I'll share it with you. What?

[C]

Oh, hi, it's Christina again, here to remind you to go to tcbpodcast.com for all things audio, video and TC, BDO. Give us a follow on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok, CBpodcast. And guess what? We have a new phone number. I know what you're thinking, but I promise that you. This is the last TCB phone number you will ever have to remember. So call us and leave us a voicemail or text us at 212-4333, TCB. Once more for the people in the back. That's 212-4333, TCB. Oh, and check out our YouTube channel at YouTube.com thecommercialbreak. That's all for now. Let's listen to our sponsors and get back to the show.

[A]

All right, Brian's in Tijuana. He's now on his second pharmacy. He's leaving. He's left his second pharmacy. I am ready to go down the alleyway, quote unquote, that this gentleman has told one of the seemingly doctors, told.

[B]

Me, plays a doctor on tv, who.

[A]

If you can't trust a guy in a white coat, who can you trust? Yeah, Dr. Oz taught us all that. And Dr. Phil. So I, you know, twisting, winding. I'm out way outside of the, in my head, I'm way outside of the. The zone of Americanism now. And I do see the alley. I find the alley and I turn down the alley. And then like, just like he said, there's like a brown reddish door. And on it, it's just got an RX on the top of it, right? Like a little sign that has an rx. And I'm like, okay, this is it. Let's go.

[B]

Here we go.

[A]

Take a deep breath. Walk in. The place is no big, like little bell on the back, you know, Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. I swear to God, I swear to God. And I'm like, okay, here we go. Ding, ding, ding, ding. I walk in, there's not a soul in there. There's a little, tiny little counter. There's a room. There's a door with a room in the back that goes back somewhere. I don't know. And there's a guy and a girl that are. That are back there. I can see that. And it's very small. It's the size of this studio. I mean, it's tiny. And imagine now there's like two little short counters there. There's all medicine bottles on the back, lotions, potions, like, you know, I don't know, eyeball of a dragon or something. Like this is one of those places where it's like they're mixing together the new and the old, right? You know, lots of, lots of worms from tequila and bottles and stuff like that. So I, I thought to myself, well, you know, okay, I'm here. I might as well follow through And I get in there, and then the guy comes out and he says, hey, hey, can I help you? You know, he's kind of confused as to why I'm there.

[B]

And her flip flops in my flip.

[A]

Flops in my knapsack and my board shorts in my bald ass head and my white ass face. And he's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you made it this far. Might as well if we're both thinking the same thing. Well, you made it this far. You might as well follow through. Why not?

[B]

What are you here for?

[A]

You had the cojones to come this far. I'm gonna do what I can for you, my friend. Plus, business is slow. I'm gonna make a few dollars. So I say, hey, listen, I went to the pharmacy, and then Jose. You sent me to Carlos. And then Carlos told me to send me to Jose and sent me to Jim. And then Jim told me to come down here to cook you, Carlos. He goes, that's me. I'm Carlos. Carlos Medicina. And I'm like, okay, listen, I got some knee pain, and it's bad. And I'm looking for something a little bit stronger than what they're offering me at those other pharmacies. And they told me that if I come down here, I could talk to you, and we get a deal done. And he goes, ah, okay, so your knee hurts, right? And I go, yeah. He goes, which knee? And I'm like, the right knee. He's like, okay, okay. What are you exactly looking for? And I go, well, I think I'm looking for, like, hydrocodone or Vicodin or something. They're listening. They're listening. And I'm like, oh, oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry. No, no, he's cool, but, you know, you just don't want to see it too long. And I'm like, it's weird. That's strange. Who's listening? Like, your wife in the back there? Or is there, like. Is there another building that I don't know about that's listening in on this? But he said it so, like, harshly, and then instantly was like. He put his finger to his lips, too. He's like. And I go, oh, oh, oh. He's like, they're listening. They're listening. And I go. And I was like. So I go, it's so apart. He goes, nice. Cool. You know, just don't let anybody get in trouble. I'm like, okay, all right. You asked me, I gave you the answer. What do you want me to do? Starts with an H. Ends with an E. Rhymes with Hydra Bodone, I don't know. So he goes, oh, yeah, man, I got your cover. Don't worry. Okay. Okay. I take care of this. Okay? You stay here. I'll take care of this. I know what you need. I know exactly what you need. He goes back, and then all of a sudden there's like this argument erupts back there between him and this woman. You know, I can tell whatever they're talking about, even though my Spanish at the time wasn't as sharp as it happens to be now, which is not that sharp anyway. He goes, I could tell that they're talking about me because the word gringo is dropped in like five times, right? And so. And. And like, I never forget hearing the words pinchy gringo, which means American, right? Or white man. What? Yeah, it does. So in like, Mexican slang, that's what it means. At least that's what the guys in the kitchen called me for the entire time I worked in the. They call me pinchy pelones or pinchy gringo, Pinchy bald man or pinchy gringo. So. So then finally he comes back and Chrissy, he's got like, not like a zip up baggie, but you know when you would like, buy weed from your friend and they'd be like, do I have any Ziploc bags? Oh, yeah, I got the shitty lunch bags.

[B]

You're the one. Yeah, that folds over the one that.

[A]

Folds over the one your mom used to use to put pack your peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Somehow it always ended up outside the. That plastic bag because who made up that idea? So stupid. And he comes back and he's got like, I mean, a good chunk of bills that to my limited knowledge at that time, looks like pain. I. Okay, sure, why not? I don't know.

[B]

Yeah, you're like, let's get the deal done.

[A]

And. Yeah, let's get the deal done. Let's get the out of here. Because they're listening. I don't know who they are, but I don't want them hearing any more than they need to. And he's like, okay, Manny, I got you. I got you 50. He's 250. And I go, okay, this is the stuff. It's the stuff. Don't worry. Now he's putting his finger on my lips. He's like, you're so handsome, but you talk too much. Too much talking. You're gonna get yourself in trouble. So I say, yeah, I don't have 250, man. I didn't I didn't really know what to expect. How much you have, man? I go, I don't know, $70 and some change. Because that's what I got on me. Yeah. And he's like, okay. So he's looking at the bag, he's looking at the bag, he sticks his hands in the bag, he takes out like four or five and just throws them on the counter. And I thought, oh, that's what he's gonna give me, right? But then, no, he folds up the bag, he grabs a bottle from under the neath. One of the, like in this cabinet, he grabs a bottle and he stuffs the plastic bag in the bottle, puts the top on on. Swear to God, the bottle was like a. It had a pre prescription label on. Like he had printed it out years ago, waiting for me to walk in. And it said like, you know, Juan Carlos Jimenez or something like that on it. Prescribed to Juana. And I'm like. I look at it and I'm like. And he goes, okay, now just give me the money. And what I want you to do is I want you to go. Go back. Where are you going? And I go, senior Frogs. And he goes, oh, that's a great place. Listen, don't stop because the Federales, man, they're gonna get you. And if they get you, it's going to be a big problem. You're gonna need a lot more than $70. Yeah, exactly.

[B]

Now you're cleaned out.

[A]

Oh, I know all about that. So I say, okay, I got it. 10 4. Thank you very much. I really appreciate it. Okay, man, be careful. Bye bye. And I'm like, okay. He's like, don't take too many at one time. Okay, gotcha. Be careful while driving, okay. May cause dizziness. Got it. 10 4. Take us with some food. Okay, thank you. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, bell rings. I close the door, I go out. And now I'm like, oh, fuck. I got this prescription bottle with a baggie in it full of 50 Vicomin that's not prescribed to me. And there are federalis on the street. And he just told me to be careful because they're listening. And I don't even know what that means, but I'm. Now I'm really scared. So now I'm trying to weave my way back.

[B]

I was gonna say, how did you even remember how to get back?

[A]

No Google Maps whatsoever. So I am literally trying to that part memory. That muscle worked at that time. That muscle doesn't work anymore. It works in no one anymore.

[B]

What muscle it does not work.

[A]

There used to be a time when people would look at you and they'd say, you're really good at directions. And I would go, I'm proud of that. I'm proud of being the guy who's good at directions. Now I don't even know how to get to my house unless Google Maps is on. I can't go to cvs, which is literally half a mile down the street, on one street without Google Maps and tell me you're any different and I'll kiss your feet. So I go, I weave my way out of this little corner onto like a little bit of a bigger street still in the kind of the behind the market district. And it's. I turn this corner to take a left. As soon as I turn the Corner right there, two federales, AR15s or whatever they're carrying to the hilt. I mean, they're just armed to the hilt, right? And they're standing there, and as soon as I turn the corner, I basically bump into them. And then I was like, oh, hello. And they don't say a word. And then they just want. They kind of turn themselves as I'm walking by them with their AR15s. And then I hear, hey, come here. And I was like, what? Come here.

[B]

Oh, God.

[A]

And I was like, oh, my God, here we go. Brian. Yeah, I just was part of a sting operation. As if they're sitting there waiting for Brian to buy 12 Vicodin. Like the Federales don't have better things to do with their time. I can't tell you what was running through my mind at that time. I think it's one of those times when you're just so stressed out about what's about to happen that you just. Blank. Blank, right? Yeah, blank. My mind is blank. But of course I'm going to listen to what they have to say because they are the ones with the AR15. And I just have a couple of song shitty songs written in a book. So I turn around and I walk a couple steps back to him and he goes, where are you going? And I go, senior Frogs. Get there. That's all he said, get there. He knew that I knew that everyone knew everyone in the neighborhood.

[B]

You were doing in that neighborhood.

[A]

Yeah, There was basically a local, local news reporter somewhere on one of those corners going, another gringo down the street. Another stupid gringo down the street. And so I was like, yes, sir. Yes, sir. He didn't say another word. Get there is what he said. So now I'm hustling I'm like, you know, hustling back. I'm texting Amber. I'm still alive. I made it. Yeah. Are you? And she goes, yeah, but I think they would want to want me to buy more than water. Yeah, we'll get a burrito or something. What do you want me to do? Get the Senior Frogs burger. I don't know. What do you want me to do? It takes me like 15 minutes to get back. I get back upstairs and I'm just like, profusely smoking. I can only imagine it's Tijuana in the middle of. I think it's August. It's the middle of August. It's Tijuana. It's just. Everything's a mess, right? I'm just a mess. And my flip. And by the way, most. There's a lot of dust and. And dirt and stuff on the streets in it, so my feet are just caked and weird and, you know.

[B]

In your flip flop.

[A]

In my flip flops up to my knee full of sand and dirt and just sweating. So now my legs are sweating. And so it's like, it looks like, weird.

[B]

This would be an instance where you would wash your legs.

[A]

I would wash my legs.

[B]

But get back to.

[A]

That's right, shower. But I. I didn't want to ask to wash my legs because they're listening. I was like. And yes, this was a night that I did wash my legs. You're right. That's. That's my first leg wash ever. Was that night. First leg wash ever. And so, man, I get back up there and I'm like. And she's like, what happened? I was gone for at least two hours. Yeah, at least.

[B]

Sounds like a two hours.

[A]

I was gone forever. Yeah. In my head, it felt like 30 minutes. She remind it's 2 o' clock in the after. Like, you left for two hours. And I was like, I know, but I texted you I was alive. So you know. And she's like, I know, but I was sitting here drinking water, pretending that I like this senor Frogs burger and your beer is warm. I was like, oh, okay. Well, we'll make up for it. We'll have a little party.

[B]

Can you pay? Because I don't have any money.

[A]

Can you pay? Because I just gave my last $70 to Carlos. But it was for a good reason. It was for my dipshit brand new friend who just spent 12 years in jail for narco traffick. So. So we spend the next couple of hours at Senior Frogs getting, you know, getting tequila down our throat and Our head shaking. You know, that guy runs around with the whistle. Yes, yes. Yeah. You know, the most like, like casually racist thing ever is senior frogs right in the middle of Tijuana. And so I did the whole thing and you know, then we get. And we have to spend. So now we leave in the evenings and it's probably, I don't know, maybe six or something like that. We end up going to a few more like markets and, and bars and some of those type of things. We try to get out of Tiana and it's like an hour and a half, two hour long wait just to walk back into the United States.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

Well, that is one of the busiest, like entryways for the United States anyway. But then you, on top of that, all of the tourists who just go down there for the afternoon and get out of there when it gets late, some. And a lot of people come in when it gets late because I understand that Tijuana turns into a whole different.

[B]

That's what I've heard tonight.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. And I have a story about nighttime Tijuana too. But I'll save it for a different episode, like a hundred episodes from now. Remind me there's too many Tijuana stories at one time. Might make me sound casually racist. So I, So we get out and you know, I was sweating the whole time. I was so nervous. By the way, I had thrown the pill bottle away. I had taken the medicine and put it in another pill bottle that I had and we put it into like the bottom of my, of my bag, knapsack, my hobo stick. So we walk out of Tijuana. So finally we get to like customs and immigration, you know, check this, check that. I don't even think you had to have a passport at that time, if I'm being honest. I think it was just that you had to give them your id, your license, their driver's license, because I don't think I had a passport at that time. So we walk out, you know, you at that time or where we were, you would press the button. And if the button was red, you got taken for secondary screening. If the button was green, you just went through. True. And so all you could see was in a holding area, like a pen. A holding pen. There were like five or six American guys, like middle aged American dudes in handcuffs in this area.

[B]

God.

[A]

Oh, my stress level was like a thousand. Right. I, I can't believe they just didn't pull me out because of my profuse sweating and my nasty ass feet. Maybe that's why I got a green light. I don't want those feet in my holding cell. No, thank you. You're green. I don't care what you got. What is that, a bomb? Don't worry about it. Those feet are gross. Get yourself a shower. Who doesn't wash their legs? So. So I got a green and we went back. Fast forward to a night later. We're in San Diego, we're at some karaoke bar or something. And I've got my knapsack, my hobo stick with me. We're drinking. I'm drinking beers. And I'm like. At that time, I hadn't had a ton of experience with like, pain medication, narcotic pain medication. I think I. I got some one time when I broke an arm when I was a young kid. And then. But I had never really. My back problems hadn't started. So I say, okay, you know what? Let me throw one down my gullet while I'm sitting here. You know, Everyone says, you know, Bud Light and Vicodin. That's the thing. Bud Light and Vicodin. So I take one. I don't feel. Fast forward one more night and I don't know if we're in. I can't remember for an la. And in San Diego, go. We're. I'm drinking again. I'm drinking every night. Every night I drank from like, you know, 21 till 37. Yes. So I have more Bud Light and I decided to throw two of them down. My goal now, remember, I have no clue what they are, who's given them to me. Yeah. It wasn't like.

[B]

You're just testing them.

[A]

Yeah. I didn't have a computer in front of me where I could Google what it was. It wasn't. Things weren't as advanced as they are now. And so I throw two of them down my throat. I don't feel shit. I don't feel good. I don't feel bad. I don't feel anything. Get to Atlanta, week or so later, meet this guy, have a shift with him at the restaurant. Here you go, bud. Here's your stuff. Thanks so much. He gives me. I think he gave me like 30 bucks for the 70 bucks that I paid for. But I. Whatever. At that point, I just. It was a story to tell, right? Yeah, it was a story to tell on the commercial break 20 years later. So he calls me one night and he. He's like, oh, my God, dude, what is this? And I'm like, I don't know, bro. You had me go down To Tijuana and go to 15 different pharmacies. I went to, like, the back alley. I'm lucky I didn't get arrested or killed. What do you want me to do? I don't have a stamp of approval on it. I'm not the fda. Yeah. And he goes, these things are so strong. I'm so up. I just took one. And by the way, this is not a guy who was naive. Naive to narcotics. This was the guy you would expect to be buying Viking.

[B]

Exactly. To tell you what to do.

[A]

Well, that's true. Yes. He gave me directions. Yeah. Physical street directions on where to go. So I don't know. I don't know what it was, but, you know, it looked like medicine. He could, of course, just had a pill press and just press it himself. But apparently, according to this guy, it was good stuff. But I only took three of them and I don't remember feeling shift. So I. I don't know. Chrissy, here's my point in saying all of this. San Diego's beautiful. Tijuana is a hell of a time. Go down there, senior frogs.

[B]

Try it.

[A]

Yes. And by the way, I've been back to Tijuana since. Tijuana is a lovely place. It's. I mean, you gotta. You gotta maneuver, you know, smartly. But it is a lovely place. And as experienced on my first visit, everyone there was lovely. They'll tell you exactly where to get narcotic pain medication. I don't know if. Wow. I think it's probably still like that, but I don't know.

[B]

From what I hear. Yeah.

[A]

I think one of the things the American government has been trying to do is to get the, you know, some of these countries around the world to stop selling the precursors and the actual medication to the Americans. But that boat has sailed, guys. Now everyone's doing fentanyl. Yeah. Yeah. Because you know what? Because their doctors cut them off and now they can't get any more pain medication. I'm not saying the right thing is to continue to get pain medication, but it's a complicated mess. Now, you let that horse out of the barn and it ain't coming back. I'm telling you what.

[B]

Andalay.

[A]

Get there. Get there. All right, Story time with Brian.

[B]

Story time with Brian.

[A]

All right. I love it, jt Smarten up, Live Nation. Put somebody on that guy before you lose your investment. All right, Chrissy and I are going to be in Orlando, Florida, September 25th. That's a Wednesday night. Tickets are going to go on sale soon. We'll tell you all about how to get them. We're going to be in Tampa the following night. Those two shows are on, on the books.

[B]

Ready or not.

[A]

Ready or not, here we go.

[B]

Here we come.

[A]

If you're gonna go to the shows or you'd like to go to the shows, we'd love to see you at the show. So please text 212-433-3. TCB 212-433-3822. Text us, let us know you're gonna be there. Maybe we'll bring you a special piece of swag at the very least. We'd love to say hello to you. We'll bring stickers and all that stuff, so don't worry. Guys, come have a good time. We might have a special guest or two. I don't know. I'm working on it. But in either case, I think we. I think we have a show lined up that you're really gonna enjoy. Yes, we hope. We hope anybody's in the crowd to see it. But either way, it'll be a good story, right, Chrissy?

[B]

It will absolutely be a great story. And we've got a couple special guests coming that are friends of ours.

[A]

Oh, yeah, that's true. 212-4333. TCB let us know if you're going to be in in the Orlando, the Tampa area, September 25th, 26th. We'd love to see you. TCBpodcast.com More information about the show. Thank you to Dez Bishop for being here this week. My brother from another mother, please go watch his YouTube special of all people at a commercial break on Instagram and YouTube.com the commercial break. All right. And get your sticker at the website. Okay, Chrissy. I guess that's all I can do for today.

[B]

I think so.

[A]

But I'll tell you that I love you.

[B]

I love you.

[A]

I'll say best to you, best to you and best you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time. Chrissy and I always say, we do say and we must say get there. Sa.