The Commercial Break
Episode: It’s Tijuana Bryan!
Release Date: June 20, 2024
Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley

Episode Overview

In this chaotic and hilarious episode of The Commercial Break, Bryan Green and Krissy Hoadley dive headlong into stories about celebrity mishaps, personal brushes with fame, painkiller misadventures, and a harrowing/absurd quest through Tijuana in search of street pharmacy loot. The main thread: Bryan’s story of traversing the wild streets of Tijuana for Vicodin at the request of a questionable friend. Along the way, they dish about Justin Timberlake’s DWI, celebrity bad behavior, back pain woes, their own hijinks, and the strange allure of “adventure” when you’re young and dumb. Expect relentless riffing, candid confessions, and more digressions than a Google Maps reroute in Tijuana.

Key Discussion Points & Memorable Moments

1. Justin Timberlake’s DWI and Celebrity Entitlement

[01:06 – 10:15]

• Bryan breaks "breaking news" about Justin Timberlake’s arrest for driving while intoxicated in the Hamptons.
  • “What a fucking dipshit.” (Bryan, 01:30)
  • Both hosts are incredulous about celebrities getting behind the wheel when they have endless resources.
  • “You have 10 drivers. Yeah. You have a plane, you have a pilot.” (Bryan, 01:35)
  • Krissy: “I take an Uber to go like down the street for dinner.”
  • They reference the infamous Janet Jackson Super Bowl incident, with Bryan noting media double standards:
    “There was no repercussions for him… all the hate went to her and he and his career blew the fuck up.” (Bryan, 03:25)
  • Discussion of Timberlake’s entitlement, lack of accountability, and “double douche” status.
  • Bryan laments: “If you have to be told not to drunk drive in Sag Harbor Hamptons, you are a double douche. Double douche. I’m sorry, Justin. You’re not getting a pass on this one. Not for me.” (09:38)

2. Bryan’s Personal DUI Story & Radio Stunt Anecdotes

[10:15 – 13:40]

• Bryan opens up about his own DUI from years ago and reflects on the cultural shift pre-Uber/Lyft.
  • “Thank God the officer pulled me over… I was drunk and I was angry.” (Bryan, 05:34)
  • They reminisce about bizarre radio stunts like “7 people in a car for weeks”—with Bryan’s trademark self-deprecation and humor.
  • Krissy on modern rideshare safety: “This was definitely before any Uber and Lyft situations were out there.” (07:16)

3. Back Pain, Pills, and Celebrity Downfalls

[13:41 – 19:24]

• Bryan’s tailbone woes post-car accident segue into pain medication woes.
  • Humorous discussion of the allure and pitfalls of narcotic painkillers (“I don’t want to end up like Andy Dick. You know what I’m saying?” – Bryan, 13:40)
  • They riff on taking “the good stuff” from Venezuela (non-narcotic muscle relaxant), and the slippery slope of opioid use.

4. Golf Talk and More Celebrity Meltdowns

[14:42 – 19:38]

• Bryan and Krissy rehash the U.S. Open, focusing on Rory McIlroy’s final-hole choke.
  • Reflection on Tiger Woods’ tragic arc from “superman” golfer to scandal-plagued self-destruction.
    • “He doesn’t know who he is. And I think sometimes I see in his eyes… this emptiness, like this void, this vacuum.” (Bryan, 18:44)
  • Comedic bit on how intoxicated Tiger Woods appeared at a Vegas event (“Either he is 15 tequilas in or 15 Vicodin and two tequilas in.” – Bryan, 19:00)

5. Bryan & Krissy’s Friendship—Party Days & Safety Nets

[20:04 – 20:43]

• The duo reminisce about their younger days, looking out for each other after wild nights, and contrast their responsible behavior with celebrity recklessness.
  • “We definitely wouldn’t let each other get into a car after a bunch of drinks, that's for sure.” (Bryan, 20:09)
  • “Once again, I blame our manager. He was the one serving it all up.” (Krissy, 20:40)

The Tijuana Vicodin Adventure: The Main Event

Setting the Scene: Why Bryan Went on a Quest

[21:48 – 23:11]

• Timeline: Early 2000s. Bryan and his best friend Amber are road-tripping to L.A. for her doctorate program. A friend back home requests pain pills from Mexico, sending Bryan on a scavenger hunt.
  • “This is 20-something Bryan, and I am likely to do anything anybody tells me to do at any time. I am really a double douche at this point.” (Bryan, 24:12)

Arrival & Recon in Tijuana

[27:05 – 30:25]

• Bryan and Amber walk across the border, knapsack in tow, into the Mercado district—a surreal landscape of bars and pharmacies.
  • “If you’ve never been to Tijuana... it’s hard to explain just what a different universe Tijuana is.” (Bryan, 29:13)
  • Their first stop: a very Americanized Señor Frogs.

The (Increasingly Ridiculous) Pharmacy Crawl

[31:22 – 45:54]

• Phase 1: Mainstream pharmacy offers Tramadol (“not strong enough”), refers Bryan to a smaller pharmacy.
• Phase 2: Second pharmacy offers… more Tramadol, but then provides directions to “talk to Carlos” in a back alley.
• Phase 3: Bryan follows winding backstreets, relying on muscle memory (no Google Maps), racking up “stupid gringo” points.
  • “My dipshit friend that I’ve known for exactly six months who just got out of jail needs some Vicodin. Back in Atlanta, Georgia. I’m in Tijuana, Mexico. Why not?” (Bryan, 39:06)

The Sketchy Transaction

[41:34 – 47:57]

• Bryan reaches an eerily small, hole-in-the-wall pharmacy. Secretive language (“they’re listening!”) and finger-to-the-lips hushes.
• After tense negotiations—including backroom arguing, the word gringo being thrown around, and a lunch-bag of pills—they settle on $70 for a nondescript bottle filled with unknown pills.
  • “He’s got like, not like a zip-up baggie, but you know when you would like, buy weed from your friend and they’d be like, do I have any Ziploc bags? Oh yeah, I got the shitty lunch bags.” (Bryan, 45:52)
  • “You’re so handsome, but you talk too much. Too much talking. You’re gonna get yourself in trouble.” (Carlos, 47:25, as recounted by Bryan)

The Most Dangerous Part: Exiting Without Dying or Getting Arrested

[48:38 – 55:01]

• Bryan nervously zigzags through Tijuana trying to find his way back, runs straight into two heavily armed Federales.
  • “They kind of turn themselves as I’m walking by them with their AR-15s. And then I hear, ‘Hey, come here.’ ... ‘Where are you going?’ ... ‘Señor Frogs.’ ... ‘Get there.’ That’s all he said. Get there.” (Bryan, 49:49)
• He makes it back to Amber, frazzled, feet filthy, having survived his international drug run completely unscathed, if no wiser.

Aftermath: Smuggling Pills North & What Were They, Anyway?

[55:01 – 57:32]

• At the US border, Bryan ditches the original bottle, hides the pills deep in his bag, sweats through customs, but escapes notice.
• Days later, he gives the Vicodin to his friend, who finds them shockingly potent, while Bryan claims, “I don’t feel shit.”
  • “Apparently according to this guy it was good stuff. But I only took three of them and I don’t remember feeling shift.” (Bryan, 57:22)

Reflections and Cautionary Tales

[58:07 – end]

• Tijuana: beautiful, wild, dangerous, and “full of lovely people… who’ll tell you exactly where to get narcotic pain medication.”
• Commentary on America’s ongoing opioid/fentanyl crisis—and our nation’s role in causing the demand.
• Bryan’s punchline: “San Diego’s beautiful. Tijuana is a hell of a time. Go down there, Señor Frogs... Try it.” (Bryan, 58:07)

Notable Quotes & Soundbites

• "If you have to be told not to drunk drive in Sag Harbor Hamptons, you are a double douche."
  – Bryan (09:38)
• "This is 20-something Bryan, and I am likely to do anything anybody tells me to do at any time. I am really a double douche at this point."
  – Bryan (24:12)
• "You’re so handsome, but you talk too much. Too much talking. You’re gonna get yourself in trouble."
  – Carlos, the Tijuana pharmacist (as Bryan recounts, 47:25)
• "Where are you going? ... Señor Frogs. ... Get there."
  – Federale to Bryan (49:49)
• “San Diego’s beautiful. Tijuana is a hell of a time. Go down there, Señor Frogs… Try it.”
  – Bryan (58:07)

Important Timestamps

• Justin Timberlake DWI coverage: 01:06 – 10:15
• Bryan’s DUI & radio stunts: 10:15 – 13:40
• Painkillers & back pain: 13:41 – 14:42
• Rory McIlroy & Tiger Woods: 14:42 – 19:38
• Party days & friendship: 20:04 – 20:43
• Tijuana trip setup: 21:48 – 23:11
• Tijuana pharmacy crawl: 31:22 – 45:54
• Sketchy transaction: 41:34 – 47:57
• Federale encounter: 48:38 – 49:49
• US border exit: 55:01 – 57:32
• Final reflections: 58:07 – end

Episode Highlights For New Listeners

• Celebrity Shenanigans: Justin Timberlake’s DWI serves as a jumping-off point for conversations about fame, accountability, and double standards.
• Insane Anecdotes: Bryan’s story of smuggling (kinda/sorta) painkillers from Tijuana is equal parts frightening and hilarious, perfectly capturing the show’s mix of improvisational comedy and real-life “WTF” moments.
• Chemistry and Banter: The hosts’ history as best friends shines through in their rapid-fire riffing, confessions, and mutual roastings.
• Cautionary Tales: Both hosts are blunt about their own foolish decisions in their 20s, and the consequences—adding self-deprecating humor and a whisper of wisdom amid the mayhem.

Final Thoughts / Signature Sign-off

• The episode ends with event announcements (Orlando & Tampa live shows, [59:15]) and Bryan’s trademark:
  “Best to you, best to you and best you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time. Chrissy and I always say, we do say and we must say—get there. Sa.” (60:57)

Summary in a Nutshell

This episode is a rollicking ride through Bryan’s risk-taking youth, the strange world of border town pharmacies, and the ongoing parade of celebrity misadventures. The Commercial Break reminds you: even if you survive tequila, federales, and bad decisions, you’ll probably still end up at Señor Frogs. Best to you!