The Commercial Break – “JagerFace” (May 22, 2024)

Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley
Podcast Type: Improv-comedy, pop culture, relationship drama, unfiltered banter
Episode Summary Prepared by A.I. Chat Bot

Overview — “JagerFace”

This episode captures everything fans love (or don’t) about The Commercial Break: wild, improv-style banter between Bryan and Krissy, outrageous personal stories, funny pop culture commentary, and the duo’s gleefully chaotic energy. The main thread weaves together misadventures in event planning, the power of kids’ TV (specifically “Bluey”), out-of-control middle-aged party culture, bizarre health fads, and bodily functions in bookstores. “JagerFace” refers to the expression one gets after too much Jagermeister—a recurring reference point for the oddball crowd Bryan once served at an Atlanta restaurant. The episode’s tone is loose, irreverent, and “self-aware garbage in the best way,” as Bryan might say.

Key Discussion Points

1. The Bluey Debacle & Event Planning Gone Wrong

• Bluey’s Unexpected Power: Bryan recounts a viral news story where a Las Vegas hot dog restaurant vastly underestimated demand for a Bluey-themed day. Over 1,500 people showed up, food ran out, the “Bluey” was just an employee in a poncho—creating a local media fiasco.
  • Bryan (01:24): “The Bluey that they had show up was not a Bluey at all. It was one of their workers that was in a rain poncho... Even the kids weren’t buying it. Even the children they interviewed.”
• Parental Fandom: Discussion of how parents’ obsession with kids’ shows like Bluey can fuel these types of chaotic events. Bryan jokes Bluey is “the entertaining Buddha of children’s cartoons” (03:43).

Bryan’s Event Fiasco Story

• Bryan shares his experience planning a benefit festival (Aqua Blues Fest) as a restaurant GM: big plans, big budget, wild Thursday night crowds, and a total rain-soaked disaster that nearly bankrupted the place but mercifully broke even.
  • Bryan (10:17): “If you spend 100 grand, you’ll get $5 million back—...I was just guessing!”
  • Rain ruins everything (13:01): "It did rain at least 5 inches exactly where we were..."
  • On Aqua Blue’s crowd (07:37): "On Thursdays anyone over 50 within a 30-mile radius showed up to get high on cocaine, drunk, and show their fake boobies."
  • Event ends in alcohol-fueled mayhem (15:09): “Everyone that worked at that festival at least got paid in rails… just grinding their teeth to nubs.”
• Krissy remembers the restaurant as a wild scene even before knowing Bryan.
• Reflections on “older folks” (“they just want to get lit up... like The Villages”) — seeing middle-aged and older adults regress into party animals (18:25).

2. Middle-age Mayhem & the Forever Party Crowd

• The new-old hedonists: “I am gonna go ape!” (18:59) — tales of affluent 50- and 60-somethings flaunting wealth, doing drugs, and partying like it’s still the ‘80s.
• The Florida “Villages” as ground zero for this culture—cops busting meth, rampant STDs, ayahuasca trips (21:14).

3. Parental Partying & Bad Decisions

• The struggle of being a functional adult while partying hard, especially around kids.

• Bryan expresses disbelief at those who can party all night and still parent the next morning:

  • Bryan (36:12): "I could never understand for the life... how you can function as a grown ass adult raising these little blobs of nothing and be hungover or be high or be drunk..."

• Memories of “children at festivals” (parents howling at the moon while teens watch the toddlers). Bryan jests: “My kids will never be asleep in a tent while I'm at a mother moon cycle. Never.” (38:53)

4. ‘Ozempic Face’, Health Fads, and Modern Zombies

• Ozempic Face: The trending worry about anti-obesity drugs leading to a weird, gaunt facial appearance. Bryan describes reading about muscle loss on Ozempic and seeing “celebrity galleries” where famous faces seem to collapse.
  • Bryan (27:53): “Would you take Ozempic?”
  • Krissy (27:42): “Yeah, I think so.”
  • They debate the healthiness and social impacts of new weight loss drugs: “We're actually turning ourselves into zombies.” (30:20)
• New cocktails for the senior crowd: Bryan jokes about a “cocktail” mixing Jagermeister, amphetamines, and Ozempic to keep old folks going forever (32:24).

5. JagerFace, Jaeger Bombs & Party Regrets

• The origin of “JagerFace”: the post-shot look after too much Jagermeister.
  • Bryan (33:23): “Jaeger face and Ozempic face are very similar. Only one is induced by just not being able to lift your jaw up off the ground.”
• Reminiscences of “nine innings of drinking,” team-building Jaeger shots, and regrettable hangovers:
  • Bryan (34:22): “One’s taking you up, one’s bringing you down, pick and choose kids. Pick and choose.”
  • Bryan (35:43): “That is the worst feeling in the world...I could jump off my roof right now and land headfirst on the cement and probably feel better than I do right now.”

6. The Bookstore Poop Phenomenon & Bodily Science

• Delving into an Internet/medical oddity: Why do some people feel the “sudden urge to poop” in bookstores?
  • The “Aoki Mariko” effect—habit, the vagus nerve, and how environments spark bodily reactions.
  • Bryan (43:04): “Maybe our bodies have been trained that when there’s a book in front of us, we just have to go poo poo. Number two, pee pee poo poo.”
• Krissy and Bryan riff on bodily dysfunction, restaurant bathrooms, and why Red Lobster’s cheddar biscuits might hit your “vagus nerve” (45:13).

7. The Decline of Chili’s, Red Lobster & Nostalgia for Chain Dining

• Closure of iconic chain restaurants, musings about why they’ve failed, and how technology (ordering by iPad) is making everything less personal.
• Bryan (49:13): “Ordering my food and then having to tip someone to do that seems a little strange to me.”

8. Meta-Moments: The Self-Deprecating Show

• Krissy and Bryan repeatedly make fun of their own mediocrity:
  • Krissy (51:08): “The mediocrest podcast in the entire universe. It's wizardry. It's hard to be this mediocre.”
  • Bryan (51:29): “We are literally the worst of the worst. On purpose.”
• Jokes about AI never taking over the show because “no one’s going to spend the computing power to ever put us into AI.” (50:35)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Quote | Speaker | |-----------|-------|---------| | 01:24 | “The Bluey that they had show up was not a Bluey at all. It was one of their workers that was in a rain poncho, a Bluey rain poncho. Even the kids weren’t buying it.” | Bryan | | 03:43 | “It’s the entertaining Buddha of children’s cartoons.” | Bryan | | 07:37 | “On Thursdays anyone over 50 within a 30-mile radius showed up to get high on cocaine, drunk, and show their fake boobies.” | Bryan | | 13:01 | “It did rain at least 5 inches exactly where we were. That was the problem.” | Bryan | | 15:09 | “Everyone that worked at that festival, quote, unquote, worked at it, volunteered at it at least got paid in rails because you could tell who was with us because (they were) grinding their teeth to nubs.” | Bryan | | 18:59 | “I am gonna go ape!” | Bryan | | 21:14 | “STDs are rampant. People... just caught a guy... he had 450 tablets of pure MDMA flown in from Switzerland. He lives in the Villages. He was like, personal use, personal use!” | Bryan | | 27:42 | “Would you take Ozempic?” — “Yeah, I think so.” | Bryan & Krissy | | 33:23 | “Jaeger face and Ozempic face are very similar. Only one is induced by just not being able to lift your jaw up off the ground.” | Bryan | | 34:22 | “Pick and choose, kids. Pick and choose.” | Bryan (on Jaeger Bombs) | | 36:12 | “How can you function as a grown ass adult raising these little tiny blobs of nothing and be hungover or be high or be drunk? ...I could never understand for the life, ever...” | Bryan | | 43:04 | “Maybe our brains, generation after generation... when there’s a book in front of us, we just have to go poo poo. Number two, pee pee poo poo.” | Bryan | | 51:08 | “The mediocrest podcast in the entire universe. It’s wizardry. It’s hard to be this mediocre.” | Krissy | | 52:17 | “It was called Instabam. It was a dating app where you just got laid.” | Krissy |

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:00 – 03:13: Bluey event disaster, parenting culture, kids’ TV
• 06:10 – 16:25: Bryan’s wild restaurant/event planning story
• 18:25 – 21:40: Old folks gone wild, The Villages
• 26:31 – 32:24: Ozempic face, drug fad conversation, “modern zombies”
• 33:12 – 39:41: Jaegerface, drinking, the misery of party hangovers and parenting
• 40:48 – 46:02: Pooping in bookstores—medical explanations and more bodily humor
• 46:34 – 49:13: Decline of chain restaurants; nostalgia and technology complaints
• 51:08 – 52:17: Self-deprecating meta-commentary; “the mediocrest podcast”
• 52:17 – End: Quick comments about future topics, Krissy’s dating app joke, episode wrap-up

Closing Thoughts

This episode is classic Commercial Break: a blend of sincere confession, wry self-roasting, and the sort of chaotic, circular storytelling that’s more about friendship than “content.” If you want polished true-crime or crisp celebrity interviews, look elsewhere. If you want to feel like you’re sharing Jaeger Bombs with two friends in a parking lot full of swinging boomers, you’ll find a lot to love—or at least laugh at—here.

Next episode tease: Love is Blind Exposé (to be discussed tomorrow)
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