Just A Boy and His Stories...

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Commercial Break Episode: Just A Boy and His Stories... Date: February 21, 2025
Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley
Tone: Irreverent, hilarious, self-aware, and warm

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Episode Overview

This lively, self-deprecating, and hilariously unpolished episode is classic The Commercial Break. Bryan leads with a made-up infomercial parody, then regales listeners with an offbeat story about a wild cabin weekend, full of drinking, awkward sexual tension, and missed signals. From there, Bryan and Krissy riff on pop culture, debate proper signals for attraction, talk reality TV (from TLC’s wildest to "Severance"), and even get into thoughts about moonlighting cops and trash-collection woes. The unfiltered, improvisational chat exemplifies the podcast’s appeal: the warm, chaotic, and genuine banter of longtime friends, equal parts outrageous comedy and disarmingly honest reflection.

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Key Segments and Discussion Points

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1. Infomercial Madness & Open (00:00 – 03:19)

• Parody Commercial: Bryan and Tom open with a mock-infomercial for "Hard Force Factor Platinum"—a fake male enhancement product loaded with absurd ingredients (“mercury”, “colloidal beet”, “ginseng root”), promising instant sex appeal for $39.99.
• Memorable Moment: Tom’s intense sales pitch and Bryan’s fake legal disclaimer lampooning late-night TV ads.
  • Tom: “You buy this for 39.99. Guess what, folks? You take the L away, you put a W there, baby, you’re a winner, man!” (01:45)

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2. Storytelling Ethics: Is He Lying or Just Living? (03:23 – 04:00)

• Bryan’s Admission: Bryan pokes fun at his own unreliable storytelling, joking that facts are “ancillary” and his tales are “filling the void with whatever shenanigans are rolling around in my head.”
  • Bryan Green: "Is it the truth? I don’t know. Is it factual? I don’t know. What does that mean?" (03:40)
  • Chrissy: “There’s a hurdle of truth in there.” (03:43)
  • Bryan: “It’s like the North Pole. It’s really hard to find, but it’s up there somewhere.” (03:44)

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3. Cabin Weekend Chronicles: Whitewater, Jacuzzis, and Boobs (04:00 – 22:34)

• Setup: Bryan tries to stir a memory from Krissy about a birthday trip to a cabin, but she wasn’t there—and only heard the infamous aftermath.
• The Story:
  • Whitewater rafting is underwhelming—mostly a dull, hungover float with a forced “flip” for “excitement”.
  • Cabin Culture: Descriptions of Airbnb-style Georgia mountain homes with jacuzzis, pool tables, bear warnings, and lots of kitschy wall art.
  • First Night: Heavy drinking leads to a jacuzzi session with scantily clad and eventually nude partygoers (“somehow the conversation always turns to sex”), culminating in Bryan and a woman (with “the largest fake boobs I have ever seen”) staying up late, talking and smoking, but “nothing romantic” happens despite their states of undress.
    • Bryan Green: “It wasn’t romantic in any nature. It was just us talking... telling stories, making up facts. I could talk for hours. Is it the truth? I don’t know.” (09:26)
  • Second Night Escalation: Another drunken night, more jacuzzi nudity; the same woman asks Bryan to feel her new implants (“gummy bear boobs”). She ends up in his bed, this time naked. Again, “no vibe,” so nothing happens.
    • Bryan Green: “Even if there’s a naked woman in your bed. Doesn’t necessarily always mean... you can’t assume anything, I guess.” (21:03)
• Aftermath: The woman ghosts Bryan after the weekend; running into her months later, she says she felt he “wasn’t into” her. Bryan ponders if he missed obvious cues.
  • Bryan (later realization): “She was naked in your bed... that’s a pretty good indication.” (21:03)
  • Chrissy: “You were being respectful.” (21:22)
• Advice Segment: Bryan delivers a modern, consent-forward “lesson to young men”: “Respect is the ultimate flirtation. Wait for the invitation, ask for the invitation... you can’t assume anything.” (21:23)
  • Notable Quote: “Even if there’s a naked woman in your bed…doesn’t necessarily always mean. It probably means she’s into you, but it doesn’t necessarily always mean that she’s into you. Still not 100%... you can’t assume anything.” – Bryan (21:19)

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4. Pop Culture Catch-Up: TV Roundtable (23:13 – 36:24)

• Current Watches:
  • Paradise: Both hosts dabbled but are unsure on plot direction; Bryan compliments the show’s pacing and acting, but craves more grounded storytelling. (24:03)
  • Severance: Bryan’s pick for “best sci-fi show out right now.”
  • Balin Out Loud: New TLC docuseries following a woman with severe Tourette’s. Candid discussion about its honesty and perceived intent (“to humanize” conditions but also possibly to draw in viewers with shock value).
    • Bryan: “Balin herself is an absolute sweetheart. She’s a doll face.” (26:49)
  • 90 Day Fiance & Reality TV: Dissecting the relationships, absurdities, and formulaic setups on TLC fare, from “7 Little Johnstons” to the bonkers world of “throuple” storylines. General consensus: most participants are “just there to collect a paycheck.”
  • Fargo, Silo, Landman, Lioness: They riff through recent prestige dramas (Jon Hamm and Josh Brolin fanboy moments) and debate which shows deserve a binge.
  • Hidden Gems: Bryan pushes “Slow Horses” (Apple TV+) and “For All Mankind” as underappreciated must-watches.

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5. Sex Work Side Hustle: Cops & Moonlighting (38:02 – 44:36)

• News Story Riff: Bryan discusses a viral story about a police officer fired for posting racy photos online to support her family—a job which involved no breach of law or department policy.
  • Bryan’s Take: Firmly in favor of her right to make ends meet by legal means, whether moonlighting as an Uber driver or running a spicy OnlyFans.
    • Bryan Green: “She is putting her life on the line every fucking day for other people, and she just needs to feed her children and have a new roof. Who cares how she does that as long as it’s legal?” (40:31)
  • Moral Musing: Bryan draws a distinction between teachers and police for expected conduct, but overall, rails against judgmental hypocrisy.
    • Chrissy: “The best we can.” (43:18)
    • Bryan: “If that means that we have to go to Footfinder.com and sell some sexy hairy toe pictures in order to make ends meet, well, that’s what I'm gonna do… It’s really, really hypocritical to believe that this woman should never do anything you don’t agree with if she’s trying to make ends meet.” (43:18)
• Side Anecdote: Bryan recounts an unsettling encounter with a state trooper who did drugs off-duty at his house—emphasizing that private life doesn’t always align with public persona.

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6. Everyday Annoyances (44:36 – 49:05)

• Bryan’s Grievances: Comedic vent about delivery drivers, trash collectors leaving cans in dangerous spots, and neighborly group texts about package drop-offs.
• Humanizing Service Workers: Both share appreciation and empathy for thankless jobs—even as they poke fun at the “cesspool” that is Bryan’s trash.

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7. Closing Banter & Shoutouts (49:05 – 51:00)

• Self-Aware Farewell: Bryan acknowledges the episode’s brevity, jokes about his “nude photo” side hustle, and riffs on doing Pat Robertson impressions (“Kiss me, I’m a penis!”).
• Callbacks: Promotes past episodes, especially the Ari Shaffir guest show, and encourages listeners to check out Ari’s own (better!) podcast.
• Classic Sign-Off: “Best to you, best to you out there in the podcast universe... we will say, and we must say, goodbye.”

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• Infomercial Parody:

  • “You buy this for 39.99. Take the L away, you put a W there baby, you’re a winner.” — Tom (01:45)

• Storytelling Honesty:

  • “Is it the truth? I don’t know. Is it factual? I don’t know. What does that mean?” — Bryan Green (03:40)
  • “There’s usually some post of reality. It’s like the North Pole. It’s really hard to find, but it’s up there somewhere.” — Bryan Green (03:44)

• Cabin Weekend Reflections:

  • “Somehow the conversation always turns to sex… someone’s always getting naked, right?” — Bryan Green (09:21)
  • “Respect is the ultimate flirtation... no matter what the situation is... Even if there’s a naked woman in your bed...” — Bryan Green (21:23)

• On Police Moonlighting:

  • “She is putting her life on the line every fucking day for other people, and she just needs to feed her children and have a new roof. Who cares how she does that as long as it’s legal?” — Bryan Green (40:31)

• On Trash Collection:

  • “Put it back where you found it. At least within a foot or 10ft. Not in the middle of the fucking street.” — Bryan Green (47:22)

• Meta-podcast moment:

  • “His podcast is considerably better than this one, so go check it out...” — Bryan Green (50:20)
  • “Best to you, best to you out there in the podcast universe... we will say, and we must say, goodbye.” — Bryan Green (51:00)

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Episode Highlights & Memorable Moments

• The opening fake infomercial, full of absurd male enhancement product claims and energetic, parody salesmanship.
• Bryan’s long, candid story about seeing (and not understanding) the signs during a “naked weekend” at a cabin—hilariously self-effacing and oddly heartfelt.
• Candid, consent-focused advice: respect is more attractive than aggressive moves, even if it means missing a naked cue in your bed.
• Lightly philosophical but still comedic takes on economic struggles, moonlighting, and social judgment.
• The dynamic, relatable TV segment—ranging from earnest recommendations to gentle ridicule of reality TV absurdities.
• Everyday annoyances—trash cans, delivery mishaps, and neighborly group chats—delivered as cathartic comedic relief.

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Takeaway

This episode is a quintessential Commercial Break: a riotously funny, sometimes poignant meander through shared stories, awkward misfires, and cultural oddities. It’s about friendship, missing signals, the importance of respect, and the joy of not taking life—or yourself—too seriously.

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For New Listeners

If you like honest overshares, chaotic storytelling, and whip-smart improvised tangents on everything from pop culture to people’s foibles, The Commercial Break is a “cheesecake factory” of podcast experiences—delivering comedy that’s just “fine,” but always fresh.

Transcript

[Brian]

Guys, have you been feeling a little off your game lately? Do you have a constant softie in your pants with no get up and go? Are all your friends getting laid while you watch MSNBC in your mom's basement? Well, today is your lucky day. We're about to change your life with four simple words. Hard Force Factor. Platinum. Hard Force Factor. Platinum is made with the most potent ingredients known to man, including our top secret special nutrient. Ginseng root, colloidal beet, mercury. And now, for the first 10,000 callers only, we'll send you a set of two hard Force Factor Platinum milkshakes, plus a case of Y Brian 3000X for 39.99 plus $59.99 shipping and handling. Don't believe me? Let's go to Tom in studio to hear more about this incredible offer.

[Tom]

If you don't buy this, if you do not buy this at 39.99, you're gonna wake up in the morning and not be able to buy it. 39.99. You're gonna look in the mirror, and you know what you're gonna see? A loser. You're gonna see something that you don't ever want to see. You're gonna be a disappointment to yourself. You're gonna look in that mirror. You're gonna go, what was I thinking? All I had to do was pull the trigger. 39.99. What's wrong with me? Why am I a loser? Why am I worth nothing? Because you didn't buy this for 39.99. You buy this for 39.99. Guess what, folks? You take the L away, you put a W there, baby, you're a winner, man. You're the real deal. You're picking up chicks. Let me tell you something. You buy this set of 39.99, baby, you're the of the walk, man. You walk into the bar and you just find the hottest chicken. You go, you, me. Guess what she says. Why would I go out with you? Because I bought the deal for 39.99. That's why. She says, can I go home with you? That's how simple it is. That's how it works. That's what this set brings to the table. Because you know what she sees? She sees a man who knows what he wants. She sees a man who says, good deals don't get by me, baby. I move, I act. I act quick, I act now.

[Brian Green]

Boom.

[Tom]

That's why you're hanging with chicks all night long. That's why you got guys like Michael Jordan calling you, wanting to hang out with you baby because you bought it for 39.99. Is that crazy? That's the way it works around here.

[Brian]

You heard the man. Buy it now for 39.99 or die lonely.

[Brian Green]

Hard force factor Platinum has not been verified by the fda. Please consult with a doctor if you experience any of the following side skin rash, toe tingling, eye bleeding, ear ringing, hair dysmorphia, knee buckling, anal leaking, foot fetish, hentai ocd elbow clacking, neck twisting, breast growth, growing an extra testicle, back itching or impotence y bryan3000x should not be used around children, pregnant women, dogs growing grass, cars with rubber tires or electronics.

[Brian]

Hard force factor Platinum.

[Brian Green]

Buy it.

[Brian]

On this episode of the commercial break.

[Brian Green]

It wasn't romantic in any nature. It was just us talking. It was probably me, Brian, making up shit like I do here on the commercial break, telling stories, making up facts. I'm sure it was filling the void with whatever shenanigans are rolling around in my head. You know how I do, Chrissy. I could talk for hours. Is it the truth? I don't know. Is it factual? I don't know. What does that mean?

[Chrissy]

There's a hurdle of truth in there.

[Brian Green]

There's usually something there you can hang on to. There's usually some post of real. It's like the North Pole. It's really hard to find, but it's up there somewhere.

[Brian]

The next episode of the commercial break starts now.

[Brian Green]

2:30 in the morning. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my co host and my dear friend Chris and Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris. Best to you, Brian, and best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. Here we are. I wanted to tell a story or share with you, see if you can remember this. I want to see. I can dredge this memory up from you.

[Chrissy]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

Do you remember when you, I think you were with us, you, I, our friend, a Russian friend and a couple of other folks, including some of her friends went for a birthday party up to a cabin. We had rented a cabin for the weekend.

[Chrissy]

I remember this because I was not there.

[Brian Green]

Oh, okay. All right.

[Chrissy]

But I heard the story when I got back. I remember the reason I did not want to go and that was because you guys were doing whitewater rafting.

[Brian Green]

Oh, that's right. I don't like you were scared.

[Chrissy]

No, I'm not scared. I've done it before. I just don't like it. Well, let me tell you, you're bouncing around. Water's final.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I've been a couple of times. Whitewater rafting, it's not as nervy. Like, this is not the Colorado River.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

But we went to the place where they had the Olympics here in Georgia, where they had the whitewater rafting here in the Olympics. Class 5 rapids is what they say, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But it was not, to me, as nervy as I thought it might have been. I was expecting that we would really, like, see some deep dives and big, you know, throwing around. There was a few seconds of that.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

But it was. It was like. That was the punctuation mark in an otherwise extremely boring trip down the river. Right. And there was like 12 of us in this canoe. And I never forget, we were so, like, hungover and starting drinking again. And then we got on this boat, and of course, there was no drinking on the boat because we had to pay attention to what we were doing. So we were all really looking just to get back to drinking. It was like an irritation in our day. Hungover, ready to eat, not having any interest in this. Now that we knew we brought the cooler, they just wouldn't let us take him with it. He's like, no, no, no, man. Those things could hit you in the head. Then we go through the three hours of instruction. You know, if you should fall. Yeah, okay. All right. No one fell out of the boat except for when they purposefully flipped the raft. I think just to give you the excitement you were looking for. Yeah. The thrill you were looking for, but anticlimactic when you know it's coming. You know what I'm saying? It's like, okay, now we're in the cold river. Let's get out. So we went for a birthday party, and it was one other guy, four girls and me. So two guys, four girls. And there were a number of, you know, big cabin, lots of rooms in there. And I got a room way at top, like, in the attic of the place. Brian got the attic room. But whatever, I don't care. We're here, we're having fun, whatever it is. In. In Georgia, this is not uncommon. And you. If you have mountains near your house, you've seen these before, these huge houses that look like log cabins, but they're not. They're really very nicely appointed places to stay. They're good Airbnbs. At that time, there was an Airbnb, but you could rent them from rental companies, and there are companies that Own hundreds of these things up in the mountains of Georgia. So beautiful scenery.

[Chrissy]

It's fun.

[Brian Green]

It's fun. You usually just stay in the cabin and get shit hammered out.

[Chrissy]

Play games, watch movies, listen to music.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Chrissy]

Get in the Jacuzzi and rip down the shower curtain.

[Brian Green]

Beautiful open floor. Beautiful open floor. Plan houses with nice kitchens. And then every basement has the same thing. Pool table, arcade games, a grill, a Jacuzzi and a warning that there are bears. And so don't, you know, don't go out there. Be bear aware, as they say. Be bear aware because the bears will come, they will smell the food, you know, you could get in trouble.

[Chrissy]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

We don't have like grizzly bears here, but we have those black bears and the brown bears. They can be nuisances essentially. But you certainly.

[Chrissy]

Those raccoons.

[Brian Green]

Oh, the raccoons are mean as shit. Yeah, they're cute as a button, but.

[Chrissy]

They are mean with your trash, right? Yeah, you got to be careful.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, they usually have locks on them or something along those lines. You keep the trash inside until you absolutely need to put it outside. So we went to this cabin, got there on a Friday night, we just hit it hard. And I will never forget the first we were downstairs. Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots. Exactly.

[Chrissy]

Shots of vodka, if I remember correctly.

[Brian Green]

That's right. But Brian's smarter than the average bear, no pun intended. And I only drink Bud Light. I stick with the Bud Light. I might do a shot, but I know that if I add hard liquor into the mix, I'm not going to, I'm not going to know how drunk I am. Like it's going to come up on me really quickly. But that doesn't stop me from having 36 Bud lights. And on the first night. There is a Jacuzzi outside. Downstairs, outside the basement, on the lowest floor, there is a Jacuzzi. Like a lot of these cab, almost all of them have them. These, these Jacuzzis that are usually 8 or 10 person Jacuzzis enough to have a nice party. So we get the Jacuzzi going, we're drinking, somebody's cooking a meal. We're downstairs in the basement. I will never forget the first time I ever heard the Lady Gaga song. Ra Ra Ga Ga Ga La is on MTV or whatever music ch. You know, whatever video channel was on in one of these cable stations it was playing and I was like, oh, that's cool. I like that, whatever that is. I, I'll take more of that. All that you got. I like that Lady Gaga. But we all got into the Jacuzzi, and. Because that's what you do.

[Chrissy]

You do.

[Brian Green]

Well, it was me and this other guy and these four girls. And two of those girls had boob jobs. Right. And as you do when you're young and you're drunk and you're having fun and you're in a Jacuzzi, somehow the conversation always turns to sex. And somehow someone's always getting naked, Right? Yeah. So, of course, most of us disrobe at some point during. During the night. And that's just the way it is. So now we're all in various states of nudity in the Jacuzzi, but nothing is. I mean, nothing's happening. Nothing's going on, right?

[Chrissy]

Yeah. It's fun and playful.

[Brian Green]

That's right. Night ends, night wraps up, and it's just me and this other. A friend of our friend who had some of the largest fake boobs I have ever seen in my entire life on a very small frame, but they were large. And so we end up upstairs in my room that has a little balcony off of it, smoking cigarettes and talking through the night. And I thought it was a very nice conversation, but I didn't feel it was very amorous. It wasn't like I wanted to hook up with this, like, you know, it wasn't one of those conversations where all of a sudden you're making out. It wasn't romantic in any nature. It was just us talking. It was probably me, Brian, making up shit like I do here on the commercial break, telling stories, making up facts. I'm sure it was filling the void with whatever shenanigans are rolling around in my head. You know how I do, Chrissy. I could talk for hours. Is it the truth? I don't know. Is it factual?

[Tom]

I don't know.

[Brian Green]

What does that mean?

[Chrissy]

There's a hurdle of truth in there.

[Brian Green]

There's usually something there you can hang on to. There's usually some post of reality. It's like the North Pole. It's really hard to find, but it's up there somewhere. It's grounding us all. It's grounding all of our compasses. Somewhere, you know, it moves around, but it's up there somewhere. It's a thing you can't see, but you know it's around and it's helping guide the conversation. Yes, that's Brian. That's what I do.

[Chrissy]

Now there's the truth.

[Brian Green]

That is the truth. I am a storyteller. Storytellers, we don't rely on the truth. What? This is boring. That's boring. Side note, Asher comes in here the other night and she's asking, she's. She goes, that wedding story you told? And I said, yeah. And she goes, you got it wrong. And I said, what did I get wrong? And she goes, the wedding didn't start at 3 o'. Clock. It started at noon. And I was like, and. And she was like, well, I just wonder if you remember some of these things. And I'm like, well, I do now that you're telling me. But what did I say? She said, you said 3pm and I said, that could make a lick of difference in the conversation. Like in the story that I was telling. It had nothing to do with what time it was. It was long. Either way, it started at noon or it started at 3. We were there for a long time. And she's like, I know, but sometimes I notice like you, you don't get the dates and the times right. And I said, I'm a storyteller. The dates and times are ancillary to.

[Chrissy]

What'S actually going.

[Brian Green]

To shit gives a shit.

[Chrissy]

You're spinning your tails up in the.

[Brian Green]

Spin my tails up in the attic, you know, and we're smoking cigarettes and we're having fun and eventually we disperse for the. Or I actually, I don't know if we disperse or if we spent the night in the same bed, but whatever. The point is, nothing happened. So. And I'm at here and I'm curious about what you think about this. So night number two, we go to, you know, we go do the whitewater rafting. We go into town to go do a little shopping and then we come back and we do the same. Rinse and repeat, get shit faced, eat some dinner, hang out in the Jacuzzi. But this time it's me and this girl that are left early in the night because everyone was, you know, they were hungover and tired from the day. Yeah, they were tired from the day and they'd had enough.

[Chrissy]

And shopping.

[Brian Green]

Shopping.

[Chrissy]

What are you shopping for?

[Brian Green]

I don't know. Jewelry. Shitty $3 jewelry from the local, you know, tourist trap. Yes, exactly. A magnet. I was here. I whitewater rafted north. You know, the mountains are where I smile, right?

[Chrissy]

Plaques.

[Brian Green]

I'm smiling because I'm in the mountains. Right? Okay. All right. Congratulations. Right?

[Chrissy]

Yes, totally. Little bear. Pepper salt and pepp shaker.

[Brian Green]

Salt and pepper shaker. Right. My dog is a wolf. Like stupid shit like that. Take me to my happy place. Blue Ridge, Georgia. Okay. All right. Lake life is great. You know, all the shit you see on the walls of these rental cabins. Like, they just fill it with a bunch of tropes. But okay, I get it. The same thing with the beach, you know, she.

[Chrissy]

Life's a beach.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Life's a beach. Yeah. It's hard to frown. It's how to frown. When the sun goes down at beach.

[Chrissy]

And it's on a light preserver.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, you sure are happy.

[Chrissy]

There's so many.

[Brian Green]

I'm a show of my former self at the beach at the beach It's a whale of a good time. My. My morning. But my songbirds are dolphins. You know, all the stupid that they put all over walls. Anyway, I don't know what we were shopping for. Who knows? I don't think I bought anything. I probably didn't have any money. But anyway, Bud Light, that's what I bought. I went shopping for Bud Light because I drank all of it the night before. All right? God forbid I'd be less than 10 bud lights in a fridge. I start panicking. I'm like, oh, no. That's an hour worth of Bud Light. What do we do? Kroger? Piggly Wiggly.

[Chrissy]

Wiggly.

[Brian Green]

Wiggly. That's right. Hey, listen, I'm not hating on a Piggly Wiggly.

[Chrissy]

No.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I've seen a few that are Piggly Wiggly and Ingles. Those two is what you find up there in the mountains. I don't know why. They're the mountain stor. So rinse and repeat. So it's me and this girl in the Jacuzzi at the end of the night. And for whatever reason, she starts talking about her boobs, you know? Oh, I like my boobs. I got the dot. But did you do. I don't know what she's saying. I'm drunk. I don't know what she's saying. I'm not listening. I don't care. You know, we're listening to music, we're having fun, and she takes her top off and she starts asking me if I would feel her boobs. Because her boobs are the gummy bear boobs or whatever. Did they do a good job? Yeah. So I started feeling her, you know, Invited, of course. Invited to feel her breasts. Of course. Why wouldn't you? I'm single. I don't. I'm not beholden to anybody. It's completely consensual. She's asking me. So just to be clear about this story, I don't want anybody to get it twisted. I wasn't just feeling some girl up because she said I have gummy Bear boobs. But I started feeling.

[Chrissy]

I think a lot of women do that. You know, when you get a boob job, you're kind of proud of it. And how do they feel? Real. And.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Chrissy]

You, like, look at them and you're proud of them?

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Yeah. You're proud of them? Yeah, sure, why not? If it's someone that you trust and know you're having fun having a few drinks, why not? Yeah. And. And I had seen them the night before, so it wasn't like there was no mystery about it. This wasn't some big secret. So I started feeling her boobs. Yada, yada, yada. Rinse and repeat. Upstairs again that night. More. Smoking cigarettes more. But this time, this time she's. She just. She just has a towel wrapped around her waist while we're sitting up there. And so her boobs are just hanging out the entire night. Little strange, but okay, I'm not going to argue. Looking at tits all night long. Yeah, she did pay a lot of money for them. Great boob job. They looked real. I mean, they didn't look real, but you know what I'm saying? You get what I'm saying? So. So there we are the rest of the night, and then again, the Brian bores her to sleep. Brian star. He's put. It's story time with Brian. And so we go to sleep. And by the way, I do remember this woman was a real intellectual. She was like someone who was very smart. She had a lot of conversation in her and she knew what she. Like. This wasn't some vapid conversation. We were like, talking about, like, you know, deep stuff, the stars and space and aliens and all this other stuff.

[Chrissy]

Right.

[Brian Green]

And. And she was an educated. So we were having a good, I thought, very meaty conversation. I remember it that way. I don't remember what we're talking about, but I remember it that way. I remember thinking, wow, you know, this is a. This is smart conversation. And so again, I remember specifically this time we go to bed, we go to sleep, and she goes to bed naked. Right.

[Chrissy]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

But there is no vibe under any. I mean, listen, if there was a vibe, I would feel it. I've got a vibe dar for this kind of thing.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And while I think it's been wrong a couple of times, I don't think it's been wrong often. I didn't feel any sort of like her feeling any kind of attraction toward me. I understand she's naked, like, but you gotta understand the premise of the whole weekend. It was kind of a Naked weekend. You know what I'm saying? Like, there was a lot of. There was a lot of tits and ass.

[Chrissy]

Naked weekend in the woods.

[Brian Green]

That's right. We're all my. My micro penis is now everybody's. It's no secret anymore. Everyone's just doing their thing, feeling. Not a lot of inhibition because we're all feeling comfortable with each other. Except for me and this other guy had a huge swang and now I got my little pee pees hanging out. That's why I took my shorts off in the jacuzzi while it was bubbling, so no one could see. I proved that. I proved to you that I committed. Yes. Yes. Because this guy took him, you know, takes him off before he gets in. And I'm like, I would too if I had that. That is a baby arm right there. What are you doing? That is a whale dick. That is a pizzle. You got a pizzle. But you know, it's. It's just that kind of weekend. It's that kind of vibe. So at least in my state of intoxication, I don't find any of this to be particularly, like, strange. It's just what's going on this weekend, right. And I've been in far crazier situations than this. This is not weird to see a topless woman walking around the house and. Or walking around the room. So we go to sleep. I do remember she was nude. I do remember going to sleep. I do remember thinking for a few minutes like, is this like a. Are we having a vibe check here?

[Chrissy]

Right.

[Brian Green]

Is she inviting something that I'm just not picking up?

[Chrissy]

I could almost see that then. Otherwise it seems like maybe she would have found a T shirt or something.

[Brian Green]

Something you would have indicate.

[Chrissy]

No.

[Brian Green]

Well, I think part of the conversation was I sleep in the nude. That's what I do. Right? So yeah, she's like, either she's. But there's no other hints that are dropped that I pick up on. It's an intellectual conversation where we're smoking cigarettes and drinking. Her tits are out. That's right. Her tits are out. And then we go to sleep and she's in the nude, but nothing happens. I don't even think I touched the girl at night at all because I didn't feel like there was any kind of indication that that was okay. That's what she wanted. That's what she was interested in. Next day, everybody separates, goes their own ways. And this girl and I had been texting on occasion. Like not frequently, but on occasion. And like, I don't know. A week later, I talk. Hey, how you doing? You know, I had a fun time, and no response. And then you text again, no response. What's that? I remember the boob. Hey, how are your tits doing?

[Chrissy]

How are you?

[Brian Green]

Hey, how are your tits feeling? Do you need some help? How are you? Nothing. Nada.

[Chrissy]

No response.

[Brian Green]

Months later, I saw her at a. At a party. An event. A party. And I. And she was just kind of dismissive, and I was like, hey, what's up? You know, I texted you a few times, and I. I didn't hear back. And she's like, well, you know, I just felt like, you know, you clearly weren't into me, so I didn't want to bother you. And I said, weren't into you, like, how? And she's like, well, I just got the friend vibe. And so, you know, we had that night together and nothing happened. And I just. I picked up. I took. I picked up what you were putting down, and I was like, what was I putting down? Like, I didn't pick up that vibe at all, did I? I must have missed the cues. She's telling me I missed the cues. But would you have?

[Chrissy]

She was naked.

[Brian Green]

That's true. So you're saying that the first indication that a girl is into you is if she's naked in your bed?

[Chrissy]

I mean, it's a pretty good indication.

[Brian Green]

Put that in the old brain bank and remember it next time. Brian. If she's naked in bed, well, then Astrid's got a lot of explaining to do. Or I have a lot of explaining to do to Astrid. I just missed it. I missed it altogether.

[Chrissy]

You were being respectful.

[Brian Green]

I was always respectful.

[Chrissy]

You were.

[Brian Green]

I was always respectful. Listen. There, there. Here's my piece of advice to the young men out there. Despite what other podcasters might tell you, other podcasters might say, respect is the ultimate flirtation period. End of sentence, no matter what the situation is. Respect an invitation, wait for the invitation, ask for the invitation, whatever you have to do, but always respect the boundaries. Even if there's a naked woman in your bed. Doesn't necessarily always mean. It probably means she's into you, but it doesn't necessarily always mean that she's into you. Still not 100%, like, welcoming. You can't assume anything, I guess, is what I'm trying to say.

[Chrissy]

That's very true.

[Brian Green]

And I didn't assume anything, so therefore, I missed out on an opportunity with a attractive young woman. But we both ended up in better places. Well, yeah, I don't know where she ended up. But I ended up in a better place. I'm just assuming she ended up in a better place. Thank God we didn't talk much after that. But that's okay. You know what? Onward and upward. There's my story about a naked cabin in the woods. Remember, kids, Jacuzzis should be cleaned often. That's all I gotta say. Let's take a break.

[Chrissy]

They have to.

[Brian Green]

And we'll be back.

[Rachel]

Let me do something Brian has never done.

[Brian Green]

Be brief.

[Rachel]

Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break, text or call us 212-4333, tcb. That's 212-433-3822. Visit our website tcbpodcast.com for all the audio, video and your free sticker. Then watch all the [e-mail] thecommercial break and finally share the show. It's the best gift you could give a few aging podcasters. See, Brian, that really wasn't that difficult, now, was it? You're welcome.

[Brian Green]

Let's catch up on a few television shows. I'm just talking to myself. Yeah, let's catch up on a few television shows.

[Chrissy]

Let's do it.

[Brian Green]

All right. So Paradise. You told me to watch Paradise. Were you the one who told me to watch Paradise?

[Chrissy]

I do like paradise, but I have stopped watching. I watched the first three, but then I stopped watching it because it was too hard to wait each week. So I'm going to wait till they build up.

[Brian Green]

Okay. All right. So I watched in the first three. I watched the first episode, 10 Minute Chunk.

[Chrissy]

Did you like it?

[Brian Green]

I really like the way in which the. The timing and tempo of it. I like the fact that it gets right into it. It's not a lot of backstory and 15 weeks of, you know, this and that. The other thing but I found at the end of the episode won't spoil it for anybody. I found at the end of the episode, I was a little disappointed in the whole plot twist. Like I thought it would be a little bit. I don't know, like a little bit more grounded in reality, I guess would be the right word to use.

[Chrissy]

But you mean the first episode, the.

[Brian Green]

Very first episode where you find out exactly what's going on. I won't ruin it for anybody, but just know it's sci fi, drama, mystery kind of thing going on, involving a president in the Secret Service. So it. And it's very well acted. It really is very well acted. Even the first episode, you're like in the. And those are usually the worst acted episodes of Any season, you know, of any show. It was so well done by those, by the actors involved. I really enjoyed it. It kept me going. And I had to break it up into four different sessions because I can only get 10 minutes at a time in this house to watch anything. But I do have to say I'll give it a second and a third episode.

[Chrissy]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Green]

But I was a little bummed out by where the direction it headed.

[Chrissy]

The second and the third are great.

[Brian Green]

Are they okay? Do we find out more? Is there more that's on? Do we.

[Chrissy]

There's more that's uncomfortable.

[Brian Green]

Do we understand a little bit more about why we're here and what we're doing?

[Chrissy]

A little bit more, yeah. From what I remember, yeah.

[Brian Green]

Okay. I'm going to give it a try. But I would suggest if you're into that, like, Lost type of television show, I guess, but much better acted and probably well direct, better directed. Paradise is right up your alley. I still think Severance is the best, best sci fi television show that we're all watching right now. And if you're not watching Severance, you must watch Severance. And adjunct to that, I'm going to throw in another one that you must watch Balin Out Loud. Bailing Out Loud is one of the best television shows that's out there right now. I'm just saying.

[Chrissy]

Flashing up on my max.

[Brian Green]

Are you watching Balin Out Loud? I'm not, but it keeps popping up. Okay, just watch an episode. I know the first episode is going to be a little hard to watch because Balin has one of the most severe cases of Tourette's syndrome, according to professionals that they have seen. And it is intense. She is really has a hard time controlling what they call ticks. Her ticks, yes. Right. And it goes from everything from facial movements and body movements to compulsive behaviors. And she has something called. I don't want to mess it up. I'm not going to say it, but there is a version of Tourette's. The one that we're probably all cartoonishly familiar with, which is people yelling out obscenities at any given time. Like, you know, go fuck yourself, suck a dick, stuff like that.

[Chrissy]

That's right.

[Brian Green]

Balin has this. And it is apparently very rare for people to have this version of Tourette's. And she's one of the. Whatever they say, 5 to 7% of people that have this. And she's got it bad. And the thing is that tlc, in their infinite wisdom, shows all of it. Even when she's cussing. So I guess they've made an editorial decision that let's go ahead and show when she's saying the word dick or shit or fuck or whatever. Most of those come out without bleeping. So it's really like, it's really intense. You get to see it. But Balin herself is an absolute sweetheart. She's a doll face.

[Chrissy]

Yep.

[Brian Green]

And the show, what time does the show come on?

[Chrissy]

Because it might be a thing with the timing because I've noticed that some shows I watch definitely that are on main network TV do have a lot of cussing.

[Brian Green]

She's on at 10. So it's after Safe harbor. But it's also a cable channel so they can do what they want. They choose not to because they want the advertisers. But doesn't seem like they're having a problem getting advertisers on bail and out loud. I like this show. I like this girl.

[Chrissy]

You were excited about it before it started.

[Brian Green]

I am. And now because let me share something with you in case you don't know something about the commercial break. I do like good television, but I like really bad television also. I'm into like the 90 day fiance 600 pound life. Like the series of television shows that usually come on tlc. It's just been a channel that I've. That I've enjoyed watching devolve into absolute shit show for the last two decades.

[Chrissy]

Somehow dragged me me.

[Brian Green]

And I know part of it, it's not hard to get dragged into once you get sucked in. It's like a whirling dervish. It just kind of brings you in. And some of the television shows are just fascinating looks at other people's lives. And while some of it, you know, is manufactured drama, it's still drama. That's interesting. I am over 90 day fiance boot camp or whatever it is.

[Chrissy]

I haven't even kept up with it. I'm like, I'm done.

[Brian Green]

These people are the thirstiest people on earth.

[Chrissy]

So, so bad.

[Brian Green]

Since the two hosts of the commercial break started in. They are so thirsty. They really are. It is terrible. It is terrible. None of these relationships have a shot of making it. They are just there to collect a paycheck and have a nice two week vacation. I know it.

[Chrissy]

I'm sure that one woman's pregnant now with another man's baby.

[Brian Green]

Who?

[Chrissy]

The one, the one from. Is she from Brazil?

[Brian Green]

Do you know Jasmine?

[Chrissy]

Jasmine.

[Brian Green]

Jasmine is pregnant with someone else's child. I read that Drizzama drop drama drop right here.

[Chrissy]

Did you really think that those two were gonna work out? No.

[Brian Green]

Yes, I actually did. It seemed like she was one. Like they were one of the couples that were actually doing things together. Poor Gino. Gino and his hat in his bald head, his little tuft of hair hanging out. You've gotta know. I mean, Gino is just. He is one of a kind and Jasmine is one of a kind. She is an excellent, explosive woman. Explosive. But she is nothing as bad as Natalie. Oh, Natalie, the Russian girl. Who is a Russian girl. She is insane. She is. There's no rhyme or reason to anything Natalie does. But in. I don't want to bore you all with that. I'm done with that. We're done with 90 Day Resort. I'm sticking with 90 Day Fiance or 90 Day the other way? One of those two. And there's a new season that's starting and I. And one of them has a throuple. It's a throuple. 90 Day Fiance. How are they going to get him over here on a 90 day visa? I have no idea if they're a throuple. Unless two of them are American, right?

[Chrissy]

Yeah, I guess so.

[Brian Green]

And they're bringing the third one over, but. Okay, you got me, tlc. You got me for another three episodes.

[Chrissy]

One that did that. What about the. Or was that an actual show?

[Brian Green]

That was an actual show.

[Chrissy]

Trying to find it.

[Brian Green]

Yes. My sister. Wife.

[Chrissy]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Right, right. Seeking sister.

[Chrissy]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Which that's. That's still interesting. We're waiting for that show, but now I'm seeing there. There are commercials for new TLC programming. One of them is very small people. Like, I don't know what they have. It's not like the regular, like the 7 Little Johnston's type of dwarfism. It's like a different type. And there's two of them that are married and they have a new television show. This is just Brian just staring at other people's misfortune. I know that it is in some ways, but they are putting themselves out there, I assume to humanize, you know, to get a paycheck, to get a little bit of traction, maybe a little bit of fame. We all can assume that if you're on a reality show, you're looking for that kind of attention. And then additionally, I think to humanize in some way their condition or their lives to say, hey, we are out here being people too, and we can do these things also. We can get married and fall in love. And that's seven. Little Johnston is on like season number 27. Yeah, I'm kind of getting over it a little bit though, because it's the same thing every episode. And I've said this. It's so formula. It's the most formulaic of any TLC shows. I do love the 7 Little Johnstons. I really do. I mean, as people, I think that they're very interesting human beings.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, you wanted to be on the show.

[Brian Green]

I want them to come on the show.

[Chrissy]

But you wanted to be on their show.

[Brian Green]

Yes, and I want to go on their show. I want to be a part of. Can I come on and make an appearance on the Seven Little Johnston's? I know you live close, so come on, let's do this. It's a collab. Is that what the kids are saying these days? Let's collab on something. Seven Little Johnston's. But the problem is you got to break that formula of the show. Here it is some goofy game that the family plays, like a made up, you know, oh, hey, today we're taking pictures for Instagram. So we decided to do a silly little dance. We're all learning a silly little dance that takes up half the episode. Then there's some kind of drama. That drama is resolved and then the last five minutes of show, new drama appears. That's it. And it's formula, formula, formula, formula. Every time you got to break that formula. We need sex, drugs and rock and roll. That's what we need. Seven Little Johnstons. Get on it. Come on. Sex, drugs and rock and roll. Somebody go to a strip club or something. That's what we need. Hey, invite me on the show. I got the answers for that. For all this? Yes, for sure. You got to shake it up. A lot of these kids, they're in their 20s now, so they can get to it. What are we doing? We're boozing, we're having fun. We're going to the strip club. Maybe we go to Vegas. We do some fun things and you know that. But things that aren't necessarily like pre planned and script, it's too scripted. But anyway, I, I will digress just for a second so that we can ask Chrissy, what is your favorite television show that Brian's not watching right now.

[Chrissy]

That Brian's not watching. God, there's. Whenever you put me on the spot like this, I can't, I go blank. And there's a million of them that you're not watching that you should be.

[Brian Green]

Name one. Tina, what's the show you're watching? I'll ask Tina. I'll give you a minute. To. I'll give you a minute to add. Did you do Lioness or Landman? I can see this rather quickly. I want us both of those. I want to see Lioness and I want to see Landman. But they're both on Paramount Plus. And so Amazon Prime. I watched mine on prime, but they gave you like. But it's connected to Paramount Plus. Maybe. I don't know for sure, but I watched them on Prime.

[Chrissy]

You had to subscribe.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, that's the thing. Lioness is a good one. You got two whole seasons. You can just run.

[Chrissy]

I want to watch that one. I did watch Landman.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Was Landman good?

[Chrissy]

Landman was good.

[Brian Green]

Okay.

[Chrissy]

It was good.

[Brian Green]

I heard a lot of people talking about that first episode they got very excited about. I was just wondering if it managed to follow through on all the excitement it had produced.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it was good. Good.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, it was good.

[Brian Green]

John Ham's in that.

[Chrissy]

He is. He is, yeah.

[Brian Green]

I love John Ham.

[Chrissy]

I do, too. Who doesn't?

[Brian Green]

I love Johnny.

[Chrissy]

Did you watch all those Fargos?

[Brian Green]

I did watch all the Fargo. I've watched all the shows. A return to form this last season. A return to form. I really like the first season. I kind of like the second season. The season with Chris Rock was not my favorite season. It just kind of dragged a little bit. You know, I thought the story was a little too forced. But then the fourth season, which I think is the last one with Jon Hamm.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Very, very good.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Have you watched the whole. Is it the Hole? The one with. Well, that's. It's. But that's been out for so long. I think if you've watched. If you wanted to watch it, you could watch it. It's about a giant hole in the ground. It's literally about a giant hole in the ground. And it's starring that guy. Now, I'm not gonna forget. I'm gonna fucking forget his name. He was in no country for Old Men. Not Harvey or. But the other one. He's like a gruff. He's got a goatee. He talks like this. And he says. He's got a really cool low voice. And he says, hey, someone done killed some drug dealers up on the ranch, and now I gotta go take care of it, so I need you to stay here. I got this bag of money. Remember no country for Old Men?

[Chrissy]

Yeah, I do.

[Brian Green]

One of the best movies now. Everybody's looking.

[Chrissy]

Well, I'm looking at my phone because I'm trying to remember what I just watched. I saw something.

[Brian Green]

No Country For Old Men cast. No, no, but he was also. He was in that too. Josh Brolin. Josh Brolin. Josh Brolin. So Josh Brolin starred in an Amazon prime show. That was so good. Let's see here. Not Sicario. Sicario was good. I liked Sicario. I can't remember what television show he was in. Anyway, I'll find. I'll remember it and I'll. And I'll get to it.

[Tom]

It.

[Brian Green]

One of the things that I wanted to say that everybody has to watch while we're talking about television shows is Slow Horses on Apple tv. There's four seasons of that now also. And every season is quick to the point and so well done.

[Chrissy]

That's really good.

[Brian Green]

And there has never been. I mean, the acting in Slow Horses is so incredible. Gary Oldman was born to play this guy. He was born to play this guy. And what's his name? I'm having a hard time with all the names. That's it.

[Chrissy]

We're both having a hard time.

[Brian Green]

Anyway, he was born to play this role. Born to play this role. And he is so good in this watch Slow Horses. So anyway, what'd you think?

[Chrissy]

Silo? I just got done watching Silo.

[Brian Green]

That's right. You told me about Silo. Everyone's talking about Silo.

[Chrissy]

I loved Silo. I can't wait for the next one.

[Brian Green]

Haven't gotten into Silo. Can't wait for the next season. Yeah, For All Mankind is really what I'm excited to see. Okay, the next one of For All Mankind. We talked about that when I was watching it. I think there's six seasons. Four or five. Six seasons of For All Mankind. So good.

[Chrissy]

Okay, I haven't watched that one.

[Brian Green]

You got it on the list. Suspend disbelief. For the first couple of episodes, it looks like it's a historical drama. And then all of a sudden it takes a right hand turn and you're like, wait, that's not how all this went down. Just follow it. It's an alternative historical drama. Like, if things had been different in the Space Race, what would have happened? It is so fucking good. And if you aren't thirsty for the next season, by the time you get done with the established episodes that are out there, then you just don't like good tv. All right, let's take a break and when we get back, Brian will talk more shit.

[Rachel]

Rachel here while Brian takes his old man bladder to the little boys room. Let's talk turkey. TCB needs your help. If you love the show, do us all a favor and share. Sharing is Caring. And we know you care, don't you? Well, don't you? Oh, that was some childhood trauma rearing its ugly head. Do you want to be on the show? Leave us a voicemail at 212-433-3822 and you could be the next TCD disembodied voice. Ooh, what'd you do today? I was a disembodied voice. You know, that sounds more dangerous than it actually is. Find us on Insta at the commercial break on the [e-mail] and all the episodes on video are available the same [e-mail] the commercial break. I'm gonna go help Brian get back up the stairs while you listen to the sponsors. And then we'll all meet back here and get back to this episode of the commercial break. I'll take a raise now. Bye.

[Brian Green]

Okay, I wanted to mention a story that I read that all of us were talking about the other day on our, on our group chat. You know, there is a woman, I won't mention her name here on the air, but there is a woman who was recently fired from her job as a police training officer because she was trying to make ends meet for her children by doing some racy photographs at night. She was on one of these websites where people can pay her to disrobe, essentially, and she got fired because the local town council found out about her moonlighting job, even though there was no rules in the handbook about taking moonlighting jobs. As a fact, many, as a matter of fact, many police officers moonlight in many different ways. They're Uber drivers, they're delivery drivers, they're security, security at concerts and at bars. I mean, those police officers aren't standing there doing the work on behalf of the taxpayers. They are getting paid by the event producers, the bar, the facility, whatever, to stand there. Cops who direct traffic in the morning for schools or offices, they, they're doing that to make extra money to make ends meet. That's one of the fringe benefits of being a police officer, is that it's likely you can get pick up secondary work because people need you to do other work that's not taxpayer approved. This lady is just doing, she's just doing other work. And listen, whether or not you believe that, you know, pornography should be a thing, let's put that aside for just one second. The lady is trying to feed her children and she cannot do that on her police officer salary. The story goes, she had an emergency at her house. A tree fell through her roof. She needed a new Roof for the. Or a hail storm or a windstorm or something. She needed a new roof and she couldn't afford it. So she took somebody up on their offer. Yeah. As many people do. She took somebody up on her offer to put out some photographs. And those photographs were racy. They were graphic. I saw some of them. You know, like any pornography is. And who fucking cares? Okay, so the training officer has some titty pics out there. What does it matter? It's 2025. This lady is a police officer. She is putting her life on the line every fucking day for other people, and she just needs to feed her children and have a new roof. Who cares how she does that as long as it's legal if it's illegal. I get it. If she's selling weed on the side, I understand. You can't be a police officer and sell weed on the side. Though I did know a police officer who sold weed on the side.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

A Georgia State Patrol officer. I don't want to get. I don't even want it. Maybe I shouldn't say that. A police officer who was selling weed and doing cocaine at my house. And he was a Georgia State Patrol officer. Now he was off the job. He was, you know, not working at the time. So whatever's clever. It doesn't bother me one bit.

[Chrissy]

That would be really weird if he was in his uniform.

[Brian Green]

If he was in his uniform. He wasn't in his uniform, but he had it. Yeah, but he had his badge. And trust me, it. I was a little skeeved out by the whole thing. Somebody else brought him over to my house.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And I was like, dude, yeah. Did you just bring a cop that's got a badge on him?

[Chrissy]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Green]

He, like, whipped out the badge to grab a credit card to cut the cocaine with. And I was like, oh, no, we're not doing this, are we? Because, you know, that guy could, like. I don't know, he could flip on me. Yeah. At any moment. Like, it's. It schemed me out to the point where I didn't do anything, like, any drugs in front of him. I was like, no, it's a step too far. But I knew the guy. But whatever you do on your private time is your private time. I guess if it's illegal, you should probably uphold the law if you're having other people uphold the law. But the point is, is that this lady not being able to make ends meet and then getting fired for doing something perfectly legal, maybe not moral in your eyes, but perfectly legal to. To to make ends meet is like the epitome of hypocrisy. We're allowing them to put their bodies on the line when we need them to. When. When they're the last line of defense or the first line of defense, we call their bodies into action, willing to sacrifice on the altar of public service. But when they want to use their bodies to make sure that they have food in their mouths, it's not okay. It doesn't make any sense at all whatsoever. Think of it. What? You will decide whether or not you want to watch pornography or look at these pictures. That's your choice. Absolutely. But it's your choice. Her choice is to try and make enough money to pay the rent. And I don't understand for the life of me how this is a problem. If she's a teacher. I get it, I get it. I totally understand it. Like, if you're a teacher, you need to set a good example for the children. It's just part of the job requirements. You know, there is some kind of expectation of morality. Yeah, the kids could see the pictures. Especially if you're like a teacher of old. Well, if you're a teacher of any children, if you're a college professor, then I get it. The kids are old enough to understand that this is the way the world works. But if the kids are like 10 and they're looking at nudie, you know, nude photographs of you, then I can understand how that would be disruptive in class. And therefore, while I don't disagree with the methodology, I do agree that you need to have some kind of, like, you need to toe the line in some way, in some way shape or form. Listen, let's all get over ourselves a little bit here. Do you know what I'm saying, Chrissy? Like, let's get over ourselves and allow people to do what they need to do to make ends meet in 2025. It's a tough, tough life. It's a tough life for everybody, doing.

[Chrissy]

The best we can.

[Brian Green]

Absolutely. And we need to be able to keep a roof over our heads and feed ourselves. And if that means that we have to go to Footfinder.com and sell some sexy hairy toe pictures in order to make ends meet, well, that's what I'm gonna do. You don't have any expectations that Brian is not gonna do pornography, do you? And I'm not putting my life on the line for you. It's really, really hip hop hypocritical to believe that this woman should never do anything. You don't agree with if she's trying to make ends meet. That's all I gotta say. I just wanted to throw that out there. I think, you know, officers get a bad rap for good reason. There's a lot of shitty police officers out there, but there are probably many more who are just trying to make ends meet and really like public service. And the bad ones should be weeded out and bad policing should be weeding at weeded out and all that other stuff. I don't need to go over every single type of bad policing, but there are a lot of good police officers out there. One here in my hometown just lost their life.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, I know. That was so sad.

[Brian Green]

Just checking up on a suspicious person.

[Chrissy]

Yeah. At the grocery store.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And the guy opened fire as soon as she opened the door. I think it was a she. If I'm not mistaken, it was a he. Yeah, he. He. He died instantly because some dude just opened fire to. That's a tough job.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, no, that's a tough, tough job.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. We should let our police officers do anything within the bounds of law to make sure that they live high on the hog. That's my opinion. And then we might get, you know, better police officers, you know what I'm saying? They might be more inclined to do good police work if they know they don't have to struggle to make ends meet. This is the theory that I have. Is it the theory that I have? It's like the Amazon guy throwing packages at my door. I understand. That job is tough. That's a tough fucking job. And Brian's ordering some random wire from Taiwan and needs it yesterday. And I'm, well, where's my shit? You know? And he. Yeah, there it is. Okay. All right. I get it. I totally understand it.

[Chrissy]

I know. I get it, too. We have a little gate thing. And a lot of times they just leave the package just over the gate.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Chrissy]

I'm like, I get it.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. When we first moved here, the person who lived here before us, us, said that she was an old lady, an old kook. And she said, OK. And she said. She. She told the UPS and the FedEx drivers, I don't want you coming to my front door because the dog barks and it bothers me. So leave it on the side of the house. And so for a year or two, whenever we got a package, it ended up wet on the side of the house, like in the mud on the trash can, you know, down the street. It was crazy. It was crazy. So finally I had to have a conversation with the Guys, I'm like, hey.

[Chrissy]

Dudes, you know we're okay. Bring it to the door. Blue's gonna bark no matter what.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I don't care. Throw it at the door. Just get it somewhere close to the front of the house and I'd be happy. I'm always like searching around the woods for my packages like that. Did it blow over there or did it go over there? And that, that, that also reminds me, like there's a. The trash can people. The trash can people. The trash folks, they're lovely human beings. And I know that's got to be the most thankless job in the world. You got to sit in that stank in that sweaty hot mess during the summers and cold during the winters, flying on the back of that truck. Rain, all of it. I think about a day like today when it's just raining cats and dogs and you got to be on the back of that truck because today's our trash day. You got to be, you know, hanging onto that truck wet, with all that sloppy garbage flying all over you. God, I could never do that job. But then they have this automatic. Now they have this automatic trash can machine that like grabs it and throws it up in the back. Do you know what I'm talking about? The arm that just grabs it.

[Chrissy]

Ours has it too.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, well, the person who's driving the truck or doing the arm or whatever can't seem to find my driveway to save his life. All the way down the street, if after trash day you'll just see line a row of trash cans out in the middle of this incredibly busy two lane street. People are honking, they're hitting the trash can. Yeah, you have. So being the good neighbor that I am, you know, Brian, the good neighbor, I sometimes go down the street and pull the trash cans in just to make sure that no one gets into an accident.

[Chrissy]

I'm just the same thing. On our streets.

[Brian Green]

It's unbelievable. All over the place, I'm all about automation. Poor guy doesn't need to be sitting on the back of the truck, you know, throwing the trash into my trash can. Fine, fine, go ahead, use your arm. But could you do me a favor? Put it back where you found it. At least within a foot or 10ft. Not in the middle of the fucking street. People are literally getting into car accidents because they're trying to avoid my trash cans. Driving way too fast down the street in front of my house. It really drives me crazy.

[Chrissy]

I bet it does.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it does. All of us neighbors, we got a little WhatsApp group going on like, hey, dude, what's going on there? I don't know. I took a picture of it the other day, but then I didn't send it in because I was like, these poor guys, they already have enough fucking.

[Chrissy]

Grief dealing with your trash.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, they already got a. You know, they already got a. Take my jizz napkins and throw them.

[Chrissy]

In the blues pee pads.

[Brian]

Blues.

[Brian Green]

Oh, blues pee pads. Yeah. There's no trash that smells like Brian's trash. Between the baby, my 21 EPMs, and the dog, it's a cesspool of germs and shit. Sorry. I'm really sorry. But I do appreciate the trash men. I certainly do. The bread, all these people who serve me. I have. Just because I worked in the restaurant industry for so long, it takes me. You have to get me really fired up to get me angry enough to call and complain. You really do have to get me very fired up. I'm just not that guy. I'm not that fussy. I really am not. All right, well, listen, it's a little bit of a short episode, but, you know, take it where you can get it. I got things to do. This isn't the only thing in my life. Life.

[Chrissy]

You got to go get the trash can.

[Brian Green]

That's right. I got to go take nudie photographs to make ends meet. That's what I got to do. I got to put some highly graphic photographs of my taint out there to a guy named Dave. I want those pictures now. Sounds like Josh Brolin. Give me more dick. Kiss me on my penis.

[Chrissy]

Kiss me.

[Brian Green]

Okay. Kiss me. Oh, we were doing that 700 Club, and I was doing the voice of Pat Robertson. Kiss me. I'm a penis.

[Chrissy]

That was disturbing. His hand. I can't stop thinking about the hand.

[Brian Green]

His whole presence. Yeah, his hand was like a skeleton, like, coming out of the grave, like, ah, we're all headed in that direction, by the way. Poor guy. Poor guy. All right, we didn't have a TCB infomercial this week, but go back and listen to Ari Shafir from last week. It was a great episode. A lot of people commented that they really enjoyed the conversation. It was not only funny and fun, but it was insightful. And I think that Ari has got a. A good head on his shoulders and a good perspective about what's going on in the world right now, and I can appreciate it.

[Chrissy]

I. I know his podcast is great, too.

[Brian Green]

You be tripping. There it is. His podcast is considerably better than this one, so go check it out of course, the people that come on are more famous, except for Ari. Ari actually came on our show, so I take that as a compliment.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. It's like having Johnny Carson on. Yeah, he talks to a lot of famous people, but Johnny himself is a famous person, so there you go. Thanks, Ari. We appreciate it. See him in a couple weeks. We're gonna go see him live. We're super excited. All right. Check out arishapir.com for tour information. Check out America's Sweetheart on Netflix. I'll put the link in the show notes so you can just get there quickly as far as we're concerned. 212-4333. TCB 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, contents, ideas, or you can be on the show. If you leave us a voicemail, you may be the next opening voice of the commercial break. Go ahead, touch base. Add the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on Tick Tock and TCB podcast is our URL. All the audio, all the video right there. But you can catch the [e-mail] the commercial break same day the episodes air here on the audio feed. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today, but I'll tell you that I love you. I'll say best to you, best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I do say, we will say, and we must say goodbye. Sam, What the fuck is going on in here?