Kickstart My Heart!

Summary

The Commercial Break – "Kickstart My Heart!" (March 12, 2025)

Episode Overview

This energetic episode of The Commercial Break with hosts Bryan Green and Chris Joy Hoadley serves up their signature blend of offbeat, irreverent comedy as they riff on trending pop culture disasters (most notably Fyre Fest 2), wild medical anecdotes, and the latest in body modification trends—culminating in a raucous chat about "puffy" injectables and reality TV throuples. The loose, unpredictable banter builds community with running, self-effacing jokes about the state of their "middling" podcast, while timely cultural commentary keeps listeners hooked.

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Key Topics & Highlights

1. Cold Open: Cupid’s Corner Parody ([00:04])

• Segment: Bryan and Chris, in character as Barbara Ballbanger and Dr. Judy Schlitznitz, spoof a late-night relationship advice show.
• Listener Dilemma: A woman learns her boyfriend cheated with her mother and grandfather.
• Advice: A wild, intentionally terrible riff on "moving on" and "sister wives."
  • Quote: "If a man don't love you anymore, maybe because he's already got some love somewhere else..." – Dr. Judy ([01:13])
  • Quote: "If you kissed her, invite her to be your sister. Make lemons out of lemonade, Chastity." – Barbara ([01:42])

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2. Fyre Fest 2: The World’s Worst Comeback? ([05:41]–[26:00])

A. Recap of Fyre Fest History and Fyre Fest 2 Launch ([05:41])

• Hosts recall the disastrous 2017 Fyre Fest, mock Billy McFarland’s post-prison re-entry.
• Bryan reveals McFarland’s team once tried to get on TCB for an interview but he declined.
  • Quote: "We’re not even Dave Letterman. We’re just two buffoons asking people questions." – Bryan ([07:59])

B. Dissecting Fyre Fest 2’s Problems ([08:34])

• Website Oddities: Ticket prices from $1,400 to $1,000,000 for vague hotel/villa packages.
• No Real Location: Latitude/longitude points reveal "the middle of the Gulf of Mexico."
• No Performers: Only vague mentions of "athletes."
• Permits MIA: Cancun officials say no one has approached them; festival almost certainly non-existent.

C. Billy McFarland’s (Unconvincing) Defense ([15:35])

• Hosts play Billy’s "update" video.
  • Red Flags: Unverified "production partners," hotels denying any involvement, artists unnamed.
• Bryan’s Real-Talk Checklist for a Legit Festival: Investors, escrow, two accounting firms, contracts, permits, reasonable tickets.

D. Satirical Skepticism and TCB’s Official Advice

• Quote: "This is a total sham. Billy, everybody loves a comeback story...you can’t then just do the same shit you were doing before and telegraphing it." – Bryan ([14:35])
• McFarland’s comments prompt relentless lampooning about absurd "performers" (hacky sackers, fire twirlers, etc.).
  • Quote (re: vague entertainment): "What, are you gonna have a girl with like ... a drill to her boobs and make sparks? I paid a million dollars for a private plane!" – Bryan ([18:14])
• TCB’s Official Advice: "Don’t buy Fyre Fest 2 tickets. And if you have, shame on you." ([23:33])

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3. Heart Monitors & Medical Anxiety: Bryan’s Latest Misadventure ([29:43]–[41:40])

• Bryan details his experience with a heart monitor after palpitations—a saga full of awkwardness and discomfort:
  • The Setup: Harnessed to a wired, old-school EKG for a week, just as social events loom.
  • Quote: "Nothing like having a 24-year-old nurse shave your hairy fat chest so she can get the suction cups on." – Bryan ([36:16])
  • Paranoia: Concerned he looked “like an IRA member” due to wires under his shirt at a kids’ party.
  • Results: 1,685 PVCs recorded, but <1% of beats—medically fine, but anxiety persists.

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4. "Puffy" Trends: Injectable Labias & Cosmetic Curiosities ([43:44]–[51:50])

A. Social Media Discovery

• Bryan shares a viral Reel: Women getting dermal fillers injected into their labia for a fuller, "camel toe"-accentuating look.
  • Cultural Context: Comparisons to butt lifts, lip/face fillers.
• Dangers: Bryan and Chris express skepticism about safety, referencing the horror stories tied to knockoff cosmetic procedures.
  • Quote: "People are taking like common household... silicone injectable, like the stuff you’d put on a crack in your tile, and they are filling people’s butts with that stuff." – Bryan ([46:05])

B. General Philosophy on Cosmetic Procedures

• Refrain: "To each their own." As long as it’s safe and for yourself, go wild—but beware of overdoing it.
  • Quote: "I haven’t met a vagina I don’t like yet." – Bryan ([47:19])
• Discussion of extreme examples (TLC twins, Catwoman) as evidence that someone will always find a look attractive, no matter how unconventional.

C. Related Trends: Camel Toes, Nipples, and Instagram Algorithms

• Observations: Visible camel toes and nipples are in vogue—sometimes even built into clothing (thanks, Kim Kardashian).
• Social comment: Instagram’s algorithm feeds a steady stream of sexualized content despite official "standards."
  • Quote: "My algorithm is not for children." – Bryan ([50:24])

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5. Throuples & Reality TV Polygamy ([53:40]–[59:48])

A. Reality TV Round-up

• TCB reacts to 90 Day Fiance’s first featured throuple and questions the sustainability of polyamorous relationships.
  • Example: New cast throuple: American husband, Brazilian wife, and a Tijuana stripper—immediate drama when two partners hook up without the third.

B. Real Talk on Polyamory

• Hosts reflect on friends' experiences: Most try polyamory as a relationship fix, which only adds new layers of complexity and risk.
  • Quote: "Menage a trois means your relationship is not working because it’s always the fix for something and it never fixes anything." – Bryan ([57:27])
  • References to shows like Couples Therapy and polyamory-themed TLC programming—usually ending in disaster.

C. "To Each Their Own" Redux

• If you can make a throuple or open relationship work, more power to you, but most can’t.
• Nod to European open-mindedness, but agree it’s rare, not impossible.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• [01:42] "If you kissed her, invite her to be your sister. Make lemons out of lemonade, Chastity." – Barbara Ballbanger
• [07:59] "We’re not even Dave Letterman. We’re just two buffoons asking people questions." – Bryan
• [14:35] "Billy, everybody loves a comeback story ... you can’t then just do the same shit you were doing before and telegraphing it." – Bryan
• [18:14] "What, are you gonna have a girl with ... a drill to her boobs and make sparks? I paid a million dollars for a private plane!" – Bryan
• [36:16] "Nothing like having a 24-year-old nurse shave your hairy fat chest so she can get the suction cups on." – Bryan
• [46:05] "People are taking like common household... silicone injectable, like the stuff you’d put on a crack in your tile, and they are filling people’s butts with that stuff." – Bryan
• [47:19] "I haven’t met a vagina I don’t like yet." – Bryan
• [50:24] "My algorithm is not for children." – Bryan
• [57:27] "Menage a trois means your relationship is not working because it’s always the fix for something and it never fixes anything." – Bryan

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Cupid’s Corner Parody – [00:04–02:08]
• Fyre Fest 2 Debacle – [05:41–26:00]
  • Billy McFarland’s Response & Mockery – [15:35–21:40]
• Bryan’s Heart Monitor Saga – [29:43–41:40]
• "Puffy" Cosmetic Trend Talk – [43:44–51:50]
• Throuples & Reality TV Relationships – [53:40–59:48]

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Episode Tone & Closing Thoughts

True to form, Bryan and Chris mix absurdist improv, skeptical cultural commentary, and self-deprecating meta-podcast chatter in a (mostly) lighthearted, anything-goes style. The episode is packed with laughter, sharp gags, and a few surprisingly candid insights about medical anxiety and relationship boundaries, all wrapped in The Commercial Break’s signature “it’s just FINE” spirit.

For listeners: If you crave deeply structured true crime, keep moving—but if you love funny, rambling hot takes on pop-culture, body image, and the chaos of modern life (Barbie jokes, bomb jokes, and puffy pussy trends included), this episode is a blast.

Transcript

[Brian Green]

Foreign.

[Barbara Ballbanger]

Welcome back to WSHIT's Cupid's Corner. It's 11:37pm on the studio clock here on a chilly rainy Saturday. Crabapple evening. I'm your host, Barbara Ballbanger, the fourth sister wife of pastor Bill Ballbanger. I'm here along with my co host, Crabapple's number one marriage and sex therapist, Dr. Judy Schlitznitz. Every Saturday we take listener questions, read your emails and give advice on your relationship concerns. Let's review an email we just got here in the studio. This listener is calling herself Chastity. Chastity asks. Dear Dr. Schlitznitz, I've been in a relationship, a serious relationship for the last four years with my boyfriend. However, last week I uncovered some concerning text messages on his phone and discovered he was having coital relationships with both my mother and my grandfather. Very concerning Chastity. And while I certainly have my own thoughts on this, let's turn to the expert. Dr. Schlitznitz. Any advice for Chastity in what must be a very confusing and painful time for her?

[Brian Green]

You find yourself over in the corner.

[Barbara Ballbanger]

Crying because if a man don't love you anymore, maybe because he's already got.

[Brian Green]

Some love somewhere else, and you just.

[Barbara Ballbanger]

Crying over a man with his thousands of fishes in the pool when you.

[Brian Green]

Can find one that would just give you everything you want to do.

[Barbara Ballbanger]

But he ain't gonna cheat on you.

[Brian Green]

And give you all the things that you want. You just gotta learn how to get.

[Barbara Ballbanger]

Some things for yourself. Bye. Well, that's certainly one way to look at it. In our family we have a saying. If you kissed her, invite her to be your sister. Make lemons out of lemonade, Chastity. Okay, we'll be back with more Cupid's Corner after this commercial break.

[Brian Green]

On this episode of the commercial break, nothing like having a 24 year old beautiful nurse shave your hairy fat chest so she can get the suction cups on. So okay, I get all the suction cups on and I'm walking out of the place and I notice that under my shirt it just looks like I. I'm sorry. It looks like I have a bomb. That's what it looks like. It looks like I'm in Ireland during the troubles. They look out, I look like an IRA member. Thank God I didn't have to go to the airport. Thank God. Thank God. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co host of this show, Chris Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Best to you, Ryan.

[Brian Green]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. I came in there a little hot.

[Barbara Ballbanger]

Wow.

[Brian Green]

Getting used to. I'm just getting used to things. It's new in here, and I'm getting used to it. I looked last night, I was sitting in this chair and I was doing, like, some tech checks. Tech checks. Figuring out how many things were gonna go wrong. Oh, my God, look at the amount of wires.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I know that.

[Brian Green]

And then it's just a whole mess. It's a whole. We really need, like, we need Odyssey to come in here and clean this shit up for us. That should be in our next contract negotiation. Help us figure out wires in our studio. Because you know that at least half of these don't do anything. They're just hanging down, hoping at someday to be useful to somebody. And that's. That's probably never gonna happen. Sorry, guys. It's probably never gonna happen. You're always gonna be hanging there doing that.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I'll take a five Hour Energy and come in here and get to work.

[Brian Green]

Oh, my God. We have more Five Hour Energies than we know what to do with. If you want a five Hour Energy, let us know. We'll send you a few. Thank five Hour Energy. By the way, a sponsor of the show, Love me some Five Hour Energy. But we have a lot of Five Energy in here. You know, that's one of the. I mean, we don't get a lot of perks for being a middling comedy podcast. It's not like, you know, we get red carpet invitations or anything like that.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Huge gift bags.

[Brian Green]

Huge gift bag. No, no, no. None of that stuff. I wish. But what we do get on occasion is our sponsors are nice enough to send us some stuff, like Dollar Shave Club. I got a really nice shaving kit from them with a bunch of stuff in it. It was. It was a really nice gift, actually. It was very well presented, very nice gift. But that's one of the very few things that you can, like, say, oh, that's a perk of being a comedy podcast in the middle of the pack. But Five Hour Energy was nice enough to send us a bunch of five Hour Energy.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I mean, we might need to be talking to them about the sponsorship for.

[Brian Green]

The well, that's true. For the well. We haven't really talked about this yet, but we'll get to it. But we are planning something big for our five years. Yeah, it's unannounced, but for our fifth year anniversary as a Podcast. As a middling comedy podcast, we are planning something really big. So stay tuned. Well, we'll throw the name out there and then you guys can kind of figure out what it is. The 12 hours of TCB and then I'll let you chew on that until we have all of the details nailed down and we are 100% sure that this is actually happening, it's probably best that we just leave it.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Probably. Probably can happen.

[Brian Green]

We're also working on a merch drop and all this other stuff, but I'm reluctant to say any of it. Yeah. Because how many times in our history have we mentioned something that never happens? I mean, we had live shows until hours before we were supposed to be on stage. Until hours before we were supposed to be on stage. That came down to the very last minute. And anyway, I don't want to talk about all the things we haven't done. Let's talk about all the great things we are going to do. I'll tell you one thing we're not going to do. We will not likely be attending the Fyre Fest 2 because Fyre Fest 2, I don't think it's even happening. I'm going to give you weekly updates on this until it just falls all apart. And right now. So last week I mentioned that Fyre Fest 2 and had been announced they were selling tickets. The lowest price ticket is $1400. They're doing it a little differently this time. You cannot, actually. I mean, I would hope. You would hope.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. They needed to change.

[Brian Green]

Billy McFarland, who of course spent time in jail for defrauding a bunch of people regarding Fyre Fest 1 got out of jail. He owes millions of dollars in restitution to the people who were left high and dry at the last festival. I need to tell you about Fyre festival. You remember 2020, the whole shit show? Yeah. There's been multiple documentaries made about this. If you don't know what Fyre Fest is, then I don't even know. How did you find a podcast? How did you press play on a podcast? But Billy is at it again. He has announced Fyre Fest 2. It has long been brewing. I know because I told the story about how someone in his organization supposedly. And I think it was true that they were in the organization. I think I even talked to Billy on email a few times. But they had been asking for a long time if Billy could come on the show and talk about Fyre Fest 2 or some derivative thereof. And I just decided it wasn't worth the trouble. I Didn't want a platform. Wasn't worth the trouble. So. Firefest. I know. I'm so glad that I never agreed to that. This is back when we weren't doing interviews either. And I'm really glad because the commercial break is not 60 Minutes. I mean, we're not even Dave Letterman. We're just like, you know, two buffoons asking people questions. And I think Billy really deserves a treatment, if you know what I mean. A fully vetted interview where all of the tough questions are asked and you hold his feet to the fire. And that's not us, because we're too nice for that. Despite what you might hear on air, we're actually pretty nice people. And we're not interested in like, de skinning someone here on the air. Although if we. Skinning. Although if we were going to de skin somebody, it might be Billy McFarlane. So he announces just skinning. I don't know. What do I know? That's another reason why I'm probably not best suited for this job. I don't even know the English language all that well. Anyway, Billy has announced Fyre Fest 2. Last week he and I announced it, or the week before. They put a website up. It's in flash. Did you see it?

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I've been.

[Barbara Ballbanger]

Yes.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I've been reading different things about it too. And I mean, he's saying it's on. Everybody else is saying, let me share.

[Brian Green]

So he. So he announces this. I go to the website like I'm sure millions and millions of other people did, including people who still owed money by him. And the lowest price ticket is $1400. The highest price is $1 million. And for that you get a private flight to. From Miami to Cancun, which is, by the way, like an hour and a half flight. It's not even like you're flying over to Europe. It's an hour and a half flight on a private plane that you could probably rent for 100,000 or less. You could probably rent it for 50,000. It's eight tickets. And then you get to stay on a yacht, quote unquote, or a villa. So a couple things that Billy has done differently this time is he has decided no one can stay actually on the property overnight. There's no camping. You have to go to one of the hotels that is. That are close.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Right.

[Brian Green]

There's a couple problems with all of this that people. But, you know, it didn't take long to figure out, number one, he didn't put the actual location of the festival. He put latitude, longitude, like he did on the last festival that ended up being a private island once owned by, I don't know, Chapo Guzman or something like that. El Chapo. This time he puts the latitude, longitude. It is literally in the Gulf of Mexico. Like when you put in the latitude, longitude, it's in the Gulf of Mexico. It's not even on land. It's somewhere in the middle of the ocean. So not really specific about where this is going to be. He named some hotels that he has relationships with that are going to give discounted, you know, fare or whatever. I mean, $1,400. Nothing is discounted. I'm promising you this. You don't even get a hotel room for $1,400. That's just showing up to the actual festival. He has not announced one person that's going to be there, except for a couple of sports stars that are going to show up. And I'm not going to name them because they probably will change their mind. And I don't know. I don't have anything against them. So some. Some athletes are going to show up. Do you want to go to a festival to see some athletes? Are we. Is this the NBA Finals or what's going on? Doesn't make any sense to me. It's incongruent. There's no musicians that I know of that have been slated to play or announced formally. Billy keeps on putting on his stories. Pictures of these athletes and then just their name. And everyone's assuming that's who's going to show up. But he doesn't really say it out loud because he probably doesn't have a contract with them yet. He knows he can't do. So let's say this. There's no one yet playing. There's no location. The people in of Cancun, Mexico, the government there has said no one has asked us to get a permit for this and they will need one. So as far as we're concerned, it's not happening. It's not going to happen. So unless Billy gets his shit together really quick, this is happening in like two months, by the way.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

It's so weird.

[Brian Green]

It's so messy. You don't do any of this like this. You just don't. Unless you're Jam Land Productions, you do not put Fyre Fest together like this.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

You're asking for trouble, comeback. Like, wouldn't you be sure? Everything, every thing, everything was above and beyond.

[Brian Green]

First of all, I'd have investors that have cash in an escrow account. I'd have a probably more than one Accounting firm that was managing the money. Like, you know, Goldman's. I don't know. I don't know who, but somebody. Yeah, that was announced along with it. Somebody else is managing. Managing the money. We are a year out from the festival. This is two months away. He's announcing this two months away. No acts, no permits, no nothing. So I would have an accounting firm, maybe two, that were handling the money. All of the money. It never touches my hands. I'm not in charge of it. I cannot. I cannot get anything paid for unless they sign off on it and it's going to the intended purposes. I would have all of the acts booked and paid for so that you know they're showing up. And I would make sure that I had every permit that I ever needed in place and I would try and sell reasonably priced tickets and forget about all this luxury bullshit that is just going to appeal to a few people. But those people, if they have any sense in their head, are not going to be spending a million dollars on a private. On a private flight and a hotel room that could cost you a total of $100,000 if you did it the best way possible.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

And sign up on the website.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, and give me your credit card information on Billy's website. That's in flash, by the way. Flash? Who does flash? So the government says this is not happening. There is no actual location. There are no actually actual artists that have been announced. And no one is coming forward to say, I'm playing Fyre Fest 2, which you would think they would, two months out. But here's the kicker. Billy goes on Good Morning America.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

What?

[Brian Green]

Don't ask me why they invited him on there, but okay, they go, because it's a story. It's a story. And just like us, they have to kill content. He goes on Good Morning America. He does an interview, but the interviewers are prepped. They are ready. They have done their homework. They have called the hotels and the government and they have called the hotels to ask them, are you in fact accepting patrons of this festival? Do you have deals with Billy and two of the three hotels that were named on the website as sister hotels. People that are doing business with Billy say, I have no clue what you're talking about. Yeah, none. This is a shit show. He is. History is repeating itself. I think Billy is trying to get the money first and put it together backwards. You cannot put together a festival for a hundred people in two months, let alone a hundred thousand or whatever Billy's aim is. It is crazy. Billy, Everybody loves a Comeback story. You did the crime, you did the time. I don't. I don't argue that everybody deserves a second chance, but you can't then just do the same shit you were doing before and telegraphing it. You need to. I just. I can't believe the balls on this.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I know. Me, too.

[Brian Green]

So he goes and he does this reel where he's, like, walking around the streets of Miami or something, addressing all of the things that he. That people have now figured out about this. Right? And he combats them point by point. Do you want to listen to that?

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. But what did he say on Good Morning America?

[Brian Green]

I don't. I only watched a clip of it.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

But he claims that, you know, they. I think the way that the interview was framed is kind of one of these cutaway interviews where they're interviewing him. Not live, but they're interviewing him. It's a canned interview. And he's saying one thing, then they're flashing to the reporter saying something else. Right. Let me. Would you like to hear what you say?

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Great promotion.

[Brian Green]

It's just terrible. It's just so terrible. Billy Weird McFarland. Oh, Peter. Okay, you ready for this? Yeah. All right, listen to this. I'm going to put this up to the speaker here.

[Billy McFarland]

Everybody, I have a really important fire update. Last week, I did an interview in the Today show.

[Brian Green]

Today show. I'm sorry.

[Billy McFarland]

Since then, the story has been shared, retold.

[Brian Green]

This is why I don't put together festivals, because I can't even remember which television show I've been on.

[Billy McFarland]

Twisted and covered by journalists from all over the world. I figured it would be best to hear directly from me what's actually happening. First, Fire Q is real. Second, we have incredible partners leading the festival. They're in charge of all the logistics, productions, and operations.

[Brian Green]

Who? Some. Some production company that they don't name. That they do name. But that production company has not come forward to confirm that they're part of the festival yet. They don't have it on their website. They don't have it on their social media. And apparently this production company is legitimate in some people's eyes. But this. This production company is not owning up to the fact that they are partnering with Billy now. I think their silence speaks volumes. They probably do. They probably have said to Billy, if you get your shit together, we will produce this festival, but you need to pay us. You need to get your shit together. And Billy just went ahead and put their name on the website, hoping that things worked out.

[Billy McFarland]

Production team in Mexico. Who does not mess around. There is no way they would ever take on a fake festival.

[Brian Green]

Said the people who took on the Faze Festival.

[Billy McFarland]

Yeah, naturally. This is a huge point of emphasis given the issues surrounding fire. One, our accommodations include contracts, the number of villas, yachts, and hotels. This also includes two hotels who are contacted by the media. Hotels sitting statements saying they never heard a fire and they aren't working with us. After hearing this, I asked my team to terminate those contracts and to focus on the hotels. And other partners were eager to work with and support fire.

[Brian Green]

So let me get this straight, Billy. Yeah. You had web. You had hotels that were. You put on the website that people could go stay at. Somebody called them, they said, we have no idea what you're talking about. First we're hearing of it.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

So you.

[Brian Green]

So you terminated your relationship with them. Oh, okay. Sounds like the relationship. I think the relationship was terminated before it started.

[Billy McFarland]

Four, we have talent. Artists, athletes and other performers are on board and scheduled for fire.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Two other performers.

[Billy McFarland]

Restitution is being paid.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I'm picturing, like a guy out there in a unicycle.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Going down the beach.

[Brian Green]

You know that guy at the fish show who's outside twirling flames. Yeah. Can't seem to get it right. Who's one step away from setting himself on fire. That's what I imagine. I. I imagine guys like, you know, the Hacky Sackers. Hey, Hacky Sack. This is going to be such a shit show. Such a shit show. Performers. What, are you going to have a girl with like a. You know those girls who wear the metal boobs and then they take a. Like a drill to it and make sparks? I paid a million dollars. I paid a million dollars for a private plane. All the way down. I imagine the private plane is like the TCB plane. It's like, got one wing, one propeller that works. You're not going to get down there in one piece. What are you thinking? Don't do it. Oh, sorry. Hey. Hey. Sorry.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Also, he said, I also made it.

[Billy McFarland]

My mission to do more than legally required. Artemis has been giving a large percentage of Fire to his budget and profits directly to restitution.

[Brian Green]

How do you give that part of the budget of the festival to restitution?

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, you can.

[Brian Green]

So you're taking investors money and you're paying the other people back. It doesn't make any sense. It's a total Ponzi scheme. This guy doesn't know what the fuck he's doing. If you listen in the festival community, Billy's name is mud. And it's never going to be any better until he partners with a legitimate festival organizer and he sits in the background and learns how to do it a couple of times, and then maybe he can do his own festival. Am I right?

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, it's crazy. I mean, you know, Jeff's at the Festival World and. Yeah, this is a sham.

[Brian Green]

This is a total sham. Yeah. Mempho. Produced by Billy McFarland. Mempho, too.

[Billy McFarland]

Good evening, everybody.

[Brian Green]

Okay. All right. You get the gist of it. He goes on and on. He addresses every point, and it's all bullshit. I have a team down there that doesn't f around. Well, I'm convinced. I'm convinced.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Where's that website so I can sign up?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, where are those people and why aren't they talking? Where are those people and why aren't they saying something? And why hasn't anyone knocked on the door of the Cancun mayor's office and said, hey, I'd like to bring 50,000 people down here to have a festival, and here's how much. Here's what it's going to do for the community, and here's how we're going to work with you. If they are saying out loud, the government of Cancun is saying, we have no idea what this guy is talking about, and it's not happening unless we do. This is Mexico. This ain't northeast Arkansas where you can just get buddies together and throw up a stage and have a couple beers. This isn't. This isn't Mudden Fest Part 2. You know what I'm saying? This is like a major festival. I know, but we don't know who's playing. We don't know where we could stay, and we have no idea what location it's at.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, I mean, he said artists. Artists, not what kind of artists?

[Brian Green]

Athletes, artists and musicians.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

And other performers.

[Brian Green]

And other performers.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

He didn't even really say musicians.

[Brian Green]

He didn't? No. So what are you gonna do? Steph Curry's gonna show up and bounce a basketball. What's happening? I'm not paying $1,400 for that. I'm sure Steph is a nice guy. I'm sure he's really talented in basketball. He is, obviously, but I'm not gonna pay to watch him bounce a basketball. And unless Steph Curry is spending the night in my hotel room, I'm not paying $1,400.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, it's March. You cannot not be announcing who's coming.

[Brian Green]

You should have done this seven months ago. Eight months ago. Nine. A year ago. I mean, we talked about this. Bonnaroo is the gold standard of three day festival.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

You can do blind. You can do blind tickets early on sale. Go ahead.

[Brian Green]

Pre sale discounts.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Trust it. Yeah, and, and people will buy those for established stuff. Mempho is the same way they do. You know, they don't announce the seats yet. But you can't. Billy can't do. He can't do that with what just happened.

[Brian Green]

Yes, because he just screwed like 10,000 people. And it was so bad that the bands didn't even make the flight to go down there.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

It was so bad. There were two documentaries, two about it, about how bad it was.

[Brian Green]

One of the producers gave a blow job for water or he was going to.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, that's right.

[Brian Green]

Where's that guy? If that guy's involved, I'll trust it. Maybe, maybe because at least he seemed like he was willing to get shit done. Billy, meanwhile, was with Ja Rule on some pig island or something. And international, you know, Kylie Jenner, swimming in a bikini. I don't know what was going on. It was awful. It was terrible. It's all hype, no substance. And this time, Billy, you gotta be all substance and no hype. You just have to put a, like every other festival in the world, put a website together. A really clean website where you don't have to use half of your fucking phone's memory to get it loaded. A really clean website that says these three nights, these three musicians are headlining. Here's some supporting acts. It's a reasonable ticket amount. Come have fun down in Cancun. I promise this time it's going off. And these are the people that are handling the money. And these are the people that are going to keep you safe. And here's the local government that we're working with to make sure that everyone gets in and out in an orderly way. All of this other shit is just noise. And Billy is trying to pull the wall over whose eyes? I don't know.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I don't know. He's believing it.

[Brian Green]

He claims that he's already sold whatever of Phoen ticket or you know, Phoenix fire ticket or whatever it is some weird name that. Prometheus. Oh yeah, Prometheus. And Prometheus. Isn't he the guy who like set the world on fire? I think Prometheus, the God that set the world on fire. Anyway, don't buy Fyre Fest two tickets. That's a little, little piece of advice from your friends here at the commercial break. And if you have, well, shame on you.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

If you have, please report in, tell us.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, no, I, I don't think anybody's bought tickets. I really don't. I believe Billy is in a panic now because this bad press has come out and everyone is saying, no way am I putting fourteen hundred dollars down. I don't care if you're Elon Musk. Fourteen hundred dollars is fourteen hundred dollars. And you don't just piss that away because if you buy that, there is zero chance that you will get your money back if shit goes sideways because he doesn't have it. He is desperately trying to collect money so he can put it together back.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

It's unbelievable.

[Brian Green]

It really is unbelievable. And shame on anybody who's part any, any of these artists or whoever they are and athletes and listen, I understand everyone's got to make money. And maybe Billy's paying you under the table or whatever's going on, whatever your deal is personally, or maybe you like Billy as a friend. I'm not sure, but shame on you. You should also be doing your homework and saying, if this is not really happening, Billy, I cannot have my name on it, Period. End of sentence. Because the thing is, he gets a few famous people involved. Now all of a sudden, everybody thinks it's legit and they're buying tickets.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

But that's what happened last time.

[Brian Green]

That's what happened last time. All of those models went and started swimming in the water.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Budget on the promotion, on the, you know, influencers. Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

All this stuff. And those people got paid. And then the people had cheese sandwiches.

[Brian Green]

Cheese sandwiches, muddy tents. They didn't even have tents. They weren't even set up. They were trying to set them up themselves. Glamping. It was like a porta toilet, a portalette and a blow up mattress. That's not glamping. That is regular camping as far as I'm concerned. All right, well, you get the point. Don't go to Billy's festival.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

But I am very interested to see how this plays out.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah. Oh, me too.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

He's doubling down. Yeah, he's digging his heels into the sand.

[Brian Green]

You know what if I. Absolutely. Well, this is the. This, this reel was put out over a week ago as we're recording this. And my suspicion is he. It's like radio silence now because now he's really, he's really fucked because now to the Today show. Has de. Skinned him or skinned him or whatever and there's nothing else to do. He's not. You can't recover from that in two months. If you had a Year, maybe, but in two months, it's just not going to happen. All right, okay. Let's, let's take a break and then, I don't know, we're going to talk about. We'll figure it out. We'll be back.

[Rachel]

Rachel here while Brian takes his old man bladder to the little boys room. Let's talk turkey. TCB needs your help. If you love the show, do us all a favor and share. Sharing is caring. And we know you care, don't you? Do you want to be on the show? Leave us a voicemail at 212-433-3822 and you could be the next TCB. Disembodied voice. Ooh, what'd you do today? I was a disembodied voice. You know, that sounds more dangerous than it actually is. Find us on Insta at the commercial break break on the [e-mail] and all the episodes on video are available the same [e-mail] thecommercial break. I'm gonna go help Brian get back up the stairs while you listen to the sponsors. And then we'll all meet back here and get back to this episode of the commercial break. I'll take a raise now.

[Barbara Ballbanger]

Bye.

[Brian Green]

All right. Hey, I wanted to let you, I wanted to remind you that Kathleen Madigan was on the show this week. Her fall tour tickets are now available. They're on sale at her website, kathleenmadigan.com I will put a link in the show notes. You can go listen to Tuesday's episode with her. What a great guest Kathleen Madigan is like, it's just so familiar that her whole personality is so familiar to me. And it felt like being at a family function.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I really did. She was great.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, she was great. And I hope that she comes back on again. And I'm still having a hard time wrapping my head around Nate Borgozzi, Ron White, Kathleen Madigan. Who else did she say? She said some other famous person all playing golf behind her house, like, you know, teeing it up during the pandemic, I think. Yeah. And fishing. I think that's great. I think it's great. And I went back and looked at her Instagram. You could see pictures of her and Ron and stuff like that. So anyway, Kathleen madigan.com go check out her tickets.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Hey, Lewis Black.

[Brian Green]

Oh, Lewis Black, that's right. He came in from New York and he was yelling at the tv. She had to turn it off.

[Barbara Ballbanger]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

So Lewis Black. That's so on brand for Lewis Black. And I Also wanted to give a big shout out to Ari Shafir. Ari, of course, is on his farewell to her, which just means he's taking some time off, probably some well deserved time. He's taking some time off. He's going away for a year or two and then he'll come back. But he's on his farewell tour right now. He's swinging through Atlanta this weekend. We're gonna go see him. We're really excited about this. I want to thank him very much. He was kind enough to send us some tickets and, and then encourage you to go buy some tickets. I can't send you free tickets. I'm sorry. You don't have the kind of clout that TCB has, huh? All right. Okay.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

That's right.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. You're. You're not bringing in pot brownies. Okay. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm trying to say. Anyway, Ari [e-mail] you can go and check out his tour. Tickets are available. Go see Ari and listen to his podcast also. So, Kathleen Madigan, Ari, go check that out. There's a very interesting trend that's going on and I'd like to hear your thoughts on it. Puffy. Have you heard of Puffy?

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

No.

[Brian Green]

You haven't heard of Puffy? No. I think this is. Seems to me to be a very dangerous thing to do. But what the fuck do I know? I'm not a medical professional. Though I did spend the night at a Holiday Inn last night. And I do. I am a Google doctor. I will say that I do know how to Google the shit out of some shit. Yeah. I know how to go down a rabbit hole medically.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Oh, we all do.

[Brian Green]

I know all the places to go. I know all the things to look for.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

All the Reddit.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, Chatty, chatty GPT knows all my conditions. It actually knows I'm a hypochondriac. It's like, settle down, you're not sick. This is nothing to worry about. A couple of. I'll share this. A couple of. When I went through the whole thing with the parathyroid and my calcium levels were through the roof and my parathyroid hormone was through the roof for many, many years. And it kind of went unnoticed when I finally got diagnosed that some of the things that I was experiencing, some of the symptoms I was having were due to this high calcium level and the high parathyroid level and the tumor in my throat, the rather large one, one of the follow up items Was you got to go see a cardiologist. Because, of course, having that much calcium in your blood for that long could cause damage to your heart. It could be. Could collect in your arteries or whatever. You got to go get it checked out just to make sure. So I go and, you know, they do an echocardiogram and an EKG and all this, and they say, hey, listen, you know, your heart looks healthy. Everything looks good. Your blood pressure's a little high, but all right, you know, everything else looking good, thank God. But then a couple of months later, I start feeling like my heart is skipping a beat, like a palpitation. And while I've always had this sensation, like, sometimes when I'm laying in bed at night, when everything's quiet, I'll feel my heart skip a beat. I don't know if you've ever felt this.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, no, I have. I think it's pretty common for people.

[Brian Green]

It's extraordinarily common. But that doesn't stop Brian from completely freaking out about it. Completely freaking out. Because I usually experience it at night, but then all of a sudden, I'm experiencing it during the day. It's happening much more frequently, and it's noticeable. And if you've ever felt your heart skip a beat, the thing is, it happens to everybody. It's called a pvc. A premature, you know, I don't know, vasectomy coming. I don't know what it's called. It's called something pvc, and it happens to everybody. It's just when your heart just. Just it pumps one extra, and it gives you the sensation that your heart has skipped a beat, but that's really not what's happening. It's got an extra beat. So this happens to everybody. It's usually represents much less than 2 or 3% of your total heartbeats over the course of a given period of time. But Brian is freaking out about this so much, I run to the cardiologist, and he says, okay, no problem. We know exactly what to do here. We're gonna fit you with a heart monitor for seven days. And I was. I thought to myself, oh, okay, how do you do that? What's that? Like, you put on a ring or. You know, we're all so used to these gadgets. I'm like, yeah, do I have a wearable? Are you going to take my data from? And he's like, well, we actually don't there. We have so many of these tests going on that we don't have one available. You got to wait your turn so come back in a couple weeks and we'll fit you with. And I'm thinking, fit me with it? He's like, yeah, it's a little thing that goes around your chest. Don't worry, it's fine. You'll be. So I go a couple weeks ago, and I'm like, okay, it's my appointment day, and it's been a month since I've been to the doctor. You know, it's. I've been waiting a month for this. And of course, now I'm not experiencing the things that I was experiencing before. So it's just like taking your dog to the vet. Everything's wrong with your. Or your tooth hurts, and you get there and it's no longer hurting or whatever, you get it. So I show up and I this nice young lady, and she's got this black box. It looks like a small suitcase. And she's like, okay, I'm fitting you today with a whatever, a heart monitor, x220. And I'm like, okay, great. How do we do this? It is a full EKG machine that you wear on your body, wires and all. So she explaining to me this thing as she's taking unboxing it. And I am thinking to myself, holy shit, that's like 50ft worth of wires. That's those stickers you gotta put on your body. It's the things you gotta clip into the stickers. It's the little suction cups that go.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Your energy is just attracted to wires.

[Brian Green]

Oh, my God. That's what it is, wires. Clunky, scary. Yes, Yes. I can't get away from the wires. I'm like a walking telephone pole. But not the kind here in America, like the kind down in Argentina where all the wires are coming out of the box. People hook up directly to the transformer. You know what I'm saying? They plug stuff in into the transformer. It's like you go to some of those places like the Flavellas and stuff, and people literally run an extension cord, and then they cut the extension cord off and they plug it into the transformer themselves. So this lady's taking out all these wires and these suction cups and these stickers, and I'm thinking to myself, holy shit. And she's like, don't worry. It's really quite cool. It's really. They're very small. And I'm thinking about. Nothing is small about what you're showing me, but okay, it's a machine. I would say this the size of my cell phone, but it's heavier and it's bigger, it's thicker, and it's got one big button in the front of it, and it's got a little small screen. And that big button you're supposed to press anytime you feel that sensation, or any sensation. Aching, dizziness, confusion, whatever it is. I mean, if. I don't know how. If you're confused, you're pressing the button. But okay, you know, you're supposed to press the button and let them know which symptom you're feeling. Meanwhile, 24 hours a day, unless you are showering, you've got to be hooked up to this monitor that then hooks up to this larger, clunky thing. Or you can wear a small. I would say it's like the size of a keychain. You can put that keychain into one of the suction cups, and that acts as, like, a sixth suction cup. So it's like this confusing mass of wires and machines that you've got to carry around with you at all time. You can't be more than 50ft from the base station. You have to charge the base station while you're wearing it. It's a whole thing. I could do this for at least seven days is what she says. The doctor may want more information, but at least seven days.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Chrissy, were you like, I'm not feeling it anymore.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I know. That's what I said to her. I said, I've got a ring. Yeah, I've got NORA ring. Do you want that data?

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

An Apple watch?

[Brian Green]

Because my aura ring is this small, and it can tell me whether or not I'm having a good day or a bad day based on every. It could tell me my cardio age, how I slept, whether or not I'm sick, and you're giving me this clunky piece of wiry shit that I got to wear around for seven days. Oh, and by the way, it's being monitored 24 hours a day. It has a cell phone signal. And she says, so if anything goes wrong, they're gonna call you. And I was like. Like, wrong, like what? And she's like, if they see anything weird, they're gonna give you a call to make sure you're okay. And I thought to myself, that's kind of Big Brother ish, but okay, let's get this over with.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I'm in this far.

[Brian Green]

I'm in this far. So I've got all of these wires that are big and bulky sitting under my shirt. Oh, and by the way, because I have the world's Largest amount of chest hair that I have to manage on a daily basis. She can't get the suction cups on, so she's gotta take her own razor and shave my chest. Nothing like having a 24 year old beautiful nurse shave your hairy fat chest so she can get the suction cups on. So, okay, I get all the suction cups on and I'm walking out of the place and I noticed that under my shirt it just looks like I. I'm sorry, it looks like I have a bomb. That's what it looks like. It looks like I'm. I'm in Ireland during the troubles and look out. I look like an IRA member. Thank God I didn't have to go to the airport. Thank God. Thank God. But, okay, here I am, I'm running around with all these wires sticking under my shirt, so now I got to pick bulky clothing so it doesn't look like I'm about to kill everybody in the place. And I'm walking around. Well, just my luck. On the third day of wearing this, we have to go to a kid's birthday party with all of the people that I know from the school already hate me because of the commercial break. Now I got to go in there and try and explain away all the wires sticking out of my chest.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

And like, I'm doing the show right now.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, you're all, hey, you're on Candid Camera. No, that's not a heart monitor. That's seven microphones hooked up to my body. I'm recording you in Pink Floyd Dolby Audio for my new movie. You heard it here last. Every fart, every movement, every burp and palpitation recorded in hi Fi. So you can hear it. So I go into this place. This is actually a pretty cool birthday party. Here's the thing.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

The cheese.

[Brian Green]

I didn't go to the cheese. I wish I had gone to the cheese because the food was really good there. But this was, this was a idea that did, on paper sounded terrible, but in theory, in. In reality ended up being fantastic.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Do you tell.

[Brian Green]

Here's the invitation. So I never know about any of this stuff until like minutes before we're leaving. You know what I'm saying? I'm never. I just can't remember or I don't keep up with it or what. It's on the family calendar. I can see it. But whatever, I'll look at it that day. So Astrid says to me, yeah, we're going to a place that sells swing sets and play sets for backyards. Trampolines.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

Big, you know, jungle gyms and tree houses and all this. We're going to. To this place that sells it. And I thought to myself, one of two things. Either these people are friends with the people who own it and they're allowing us to go in there and hang out, or this is the cheapest way to do a birthday party ever. Just have everybody show up at the place that sells. Meet me there. You meet me there. And you know, hey, we're thinking about buying. Do you mind if I eat my birthday cake here? I was so, like, I thought to myself, okay, this is interesting. I've never seen this.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, that's new.

[Brian Green]

But we show up, it's like in a strip, like an industrial strip mall or something like that. And I thought, this is like, really weird. But we walk in and this place is a wonderland of these huge swing sets, jungle gyms, treehouses. Oh, in the ground, trampolines, above the ground, trampolines. All of this stuff indoors. It's kind of cold outside. A little muggy, a little rainy. So we're. We go there and it's perfect. It's. And you can go on any of them. All the kids just go and they play on all of these beautiful swing sets and play places and all this other stuff. And they rent the place out for a couple hundred dollars an hour and on. On weekends and you can just go and hang out.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Make sense? I guess. Some extra money for the. For your mom.

[Brian Green]

That's right. And you don't have the place to yourself. There can be people in that are coming to look at the swing sets, but they're bringing their children too. So, you know, there was a couple people that walked in during that time, but this was the most brilliant idea. At the end of the day, it was like, really fun for everybody, including me, who's wearing a heart monitor, jumping on the trampoline with the kids. Of course, I'm like double bouncing these small children. And the parents are like, does he have a bomb in his shirt or what's going on there? I'm sweating profusely because I have a sweater on, because I'm trying to cover up the wires. But the entire time, like, I know some of these people, the entire time I'm talking to them, all I can see them doing is staring at the wires under my shirt. That's it. That's it. Yes.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I would be.

[Brian Green]

You would be. I was like, well, all right, I guess. And I didn't tell anybody. I just. I just said, you know, what if they're not asking. I'm not saying. Because it just sounds. You sound old when you say, yeah, I'm wearing a hard monitor. Wearing a hard monitor. I mean, it was. It was an interesting afternoon. It was an interesting seven days. And now I have these, like, the skin has been ripped off the places where I had these things because I had to change the stickers every day. And it was just a lot. I'm pressing that button left and right. Anyway, so I go, you know, I. I get all that done. And the doctor says, well, you had 1685 PVCs while we were doing this. While we were having this.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

But that represents much less than 1% of the total beats of your heart. So you're in good shape.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

You're good.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And I'm like, oh, okay. I guess I'll just have this weird sensation that my heart is stopping every five seconds. No problem, Doc. Something you could do about that, can you? And I've learned that there is a procedure when your heart gets out of whack. When you got, like, more than 10 or 15% of your beats are like that, there's a couple procedures they can do. One of them is literally shocking it back into rhythm.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Stop your heart, Start it again so it gets into rhythm, like into a sinus rhythm. And I thought to myself, oh, Lord, don't let that be me.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Because knowing me and my, you know, wire propensity, it's going to be hooked up the wrong way, and it's just going to stop and not start again. Anyway, was going to talk about puffy pussy, so let's do that. Yeah, so let's talk about puffy pussy on the. On the next segment, I'll make you listen to some commercials. I'll make you wait for puffy pussy. Okay, you're not getting your puffy pussy here. No puffy tacos here, kids. We'll have to talk about it when we get back.

[Rachel]

Hey, it's Rachel, your new voice of God here on tcb. And just like you, I'm wondering just how much longer this podcast can continue. Let's all rejoice that another episode has made it to your ears. And I'll rejoice that my check is in the mail. Speaking of mail, get your free TCB sticker in the mail by going to tcbpodcast.com and visiting the Contact Us page. You can also find the entire commercial break library audio and video, just in case you want to look at [e-mail]. want your voice to be on an episode of the show. Leave us a message at 212. 212-4333. TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Tell us how much you love us and we'll be sure to let the world know on a future episode. Or you could make fun of us. That'd be fine, too. We might not air that, but maybe. Oh, and if you're shy, that's okay. Just send a text. We'll respond. Now. I'm gonna go check the mailbox for payment while you check out our sponsors. And then we'll return to this episode of the.

[Brian Green]

All right. Puffy Tacos. That's what we're talking about. Puffy Tacos. So I saw this reel, couple weeks ago, saw a real two ladies talking about. Their friends had been discussing how they had injectables, like in plumpers, like lip plumpers, butt plumper, you know, plumpers around your eyes or whatever. There are now doctors, plastic surgeons, types that are injecting that. That into women's labias to increase the size of their labia and make it look more full, more plump, more inviting, I guess would be the right word to put it. And these ladies were explaining that as you get older, the labia loses some elasticity. It loses some of that plumpiness. And when you have children, sometimes it can do damage to the actual labia. Not damage, but it just. It can stretch it and make it look different and all that other stuff. And so there's. So they're like. I guess the bottom line was some women are getting these so they can encourage a camel toe because it's not like the inner labia, it's the outer labia. So they're getting these injectables into their outer labia so that they can enhance the camel toe, so to speak, which is really interesting to me. And I don't know. I mean, I don't love the idea of putting something like that so close to something so sensitive. But I don't have one, so I don't know. And if someone could tell me that I could actually see if I plumped it up with something, I might do that. I might do that. I might inject something. And I know that there are guys who do procedures like this to enhance the look of the guy.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

And isn't the guy that's doing, you know, that he's doing, like that. That billionaire guy that's trying to live forever? Yes, whatever. Isn't he injecting, like, Botox in his penis?

[Brian Green]

Yes, he's injecting Botox into his penis. And if I'm not mistaken, he has had some kind of filler in there to keep it rigid and firm and all that. Listen, I mean. Yeah, okay, here's the thing. If you're doing it for you and it's something that you really, you like the look of your vagina better when it's fuller and it gives that camel toe appearance. God bless you, child. Do what you're going to do. To each their own.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Exactly. And definitely go to a trained profession.

[Brian Green]

This is what I'm thinking is we are going to have these knockoff yahoos.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Does it happen with the vbl, the butt lifts?

[Brian Green]

It's happened with the bbls.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

People have died.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah, people have died. They have had all kind of sicknesses and illnesses because people are taking like common household. They're taking silicone injectable, like the stuff you would put on a crack in your tile, and they are filling people's butts with that stuff. I read an article about a lady who went to one of these knockoff whatevers down in. I think it was Jamaica. She, she was a medical tourist. She went down there, she wanted the big, you know, beautiful butt that Kim Kardashian has ushered in this, you know, world of big, beautiful butts. And she went down there to get that like full look. And the guy was taking silicone he bought at Home Depot for tiles.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Green]

And sticking it in her ass. And you know what? It did not end up well for her. Go fucking figure. She ended up in the hospital, all kind of sick, years of treatments. It was really quite this thing because it's not like they can just suck it back out. It floats around your body and your body sucks it up. So that's the only, like, cons. And I know that there are medical grade silicone that obviously they've tested and must be approved by. If there is an fda. The fda. If there's an FDA left. The fda.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

You know, it's just so, but it's so foreign to me that you would want to like stick that in such a. A sensitive area. But God bless you, you people are doing everything. I haven't met a vagina that I don't like yet. Haven't met one. There's not one vagina that I've looked at, been around, seen myself, where I thought to myself, oh, I don't want to have anything to do with that. Right. I think they're all beautiful in their own way.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

But, you know, it's a trend to get it all freshened up down there, Right. To get it high, intact.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

The rejuvenation has been going on for years, right?

[Brian Green]

Yes, yes. That's where you have, like, a spa. Remember those girls? What? Didn't we do like a. Yeah, no, that's separate.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Like this. The vaginal rejuvenation.

[Brian Green]

Oh, like the medical procedure. Yeah, but didn't we do a.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

We did. And that's like a whole steaming.

[Brian Green]

A steam your vagina, sage it and clean it with wax and. Yeah, it sounds painful. It sounds painful to steam your vagina, but this is the new trend. Puffy pussy is the new trend. And, you know, I think we're going to be hearing a lot more about this in the future. And I'll get it done to mine and I'll let you know.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Basically, camel toes are in.

[Brian Green]

Camel toes are in. Yeah. Like, nipples are seeing their moment right now. I think you see that in a lot of fashion.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Many, many even bras with nipples in them.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, that's. Kim Kardashian ushered that in, too. And listen, I'm not bothered by a nipple. I don't. I don't think there's any reason to be ashamed of a nipple. It's a nipple.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

No reason to be ashamed.

[Brian Green]

It's not going to kill anybody. And guys have their shirts off all the time. We see guys nipples all the time. We have hypersexualized women's breasts. And so. And there's like this fantasy fetish. And of course, breasts are awesome. Also, I haven't met a boob I don't like either. Right. So I understand there's certain connotations, and there's a lot of people who may not. Who may feel more shy about sharing that. That nipple with the world.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. Each to their own.

[Brian Green]

But I was looking at Chappelle Roan with a couple of her girlfriends at one of the fashion houses in Milan. Fashion Week or whatever. And without exception, there was like four of them sitting in a row. And without exception, each one of them had at least one of their nipples out, like in showing. And. But I thought it was all tasteful. I thought, oh, okay, all right. You know, there. There's the nipple.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

You got it flaunted.

[Brian Green]

There it is. Yeah. And I think camel toe, just like the nipple, is the next. Next. We talked about it. We said, hey, listen, going 100% naked to the Grammys, not a fantastic idea, in my opinion. It's all just clickbait bullshit. But there, after the nipples out, there's only One other place to go, and that's down south. Penises are seeing their moment. We're seeing a lot of full frontal penises on television and prestige TV and movies, and camel toes are seeing their moment also. And if my Instagram is any indication, camel toes are a hot trend right now.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I think they have been.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And there's so much camel toe content out there. You would be surprised, Chrissy.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I bet I would.

[Brian Green]

I am a man. So Instagram has instantaneously served me up every camel toe and nipple that is available on there. And for a platform that says it stays away from sexual content, there sure is a lot of hypersexual content on Instagram. And that's why I say, well, my kids, they pick up my phone, they want to, you know, play a song on Spotify or whatever. And then the other day I found the youngest of them flipping through Instagram and I'm like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. My algorithm is not for children. My algorithm is not for children. Whether it's a crazy person talking to themselves about whatever conspiracy theory or Chappelle Roan's nipples out, it's just not for children. And not that I care. I don't want my children also to have hang ups. Like I did. Like a Catholic. Like about every body part that you ever have should be hidden world forever, but at the same. But there's a time and a place where that's appropriate and there's a time and a place. And especially my daughters. I just want to keep them down in the basement. I just want to keep them down in the basement, Chrissy. That's all I want to do, you know, and I say this about plastic surgery and rejuvenation and all that. I think there is taking it too far. I definitely think that's there. And I think we're now seeing that some of the injectables that people put into their faces are not working out long term, especially if they're overdoing it. The lip fillers, the cheek fillers, the. The eyebrow fillers, the forehead.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Overdoing it for years.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, but it's like moving all over their face.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Like, I mean, I guess some people like that look, including men like that look on women. I guess. I mean, we look, we watch those TLC shows, the. The twins. Yes, those girls, Stacy and Darcy or whatever.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Wow.

[Brian Green]

They are.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I mean, it's unbelievable just how much is in there, but I guess that's the look. And I guess some people like it and I guess each to Their own.

[Brian Green]

Listen, you gotta, you're an adult, make your own decisions, make your own decisions. And if it's for you and you love it, yeah, great. I'm all about it. Right. And as long as it. And it's not harming anyone else around you, Right. You don't do harm to yourself. I don't love the idea, but that's your choice, not mine. And those two girls are a prime example of how it can be overdone. Real quick. They don't look human anymore to me. They don't look human. But obviously there are people who are attracted to them. There's lots of men that are attracted to those two, two girls. To me it's way overkill. Those lips are like big hot air balloons and their cheeks are out to here. You can't even see their eyes anymore because they're between the fillers in their forehead and the fillers in their cheeks. They're like, ah, it's just too much. And then the boobs and the butt and everything else that's been done. It looks so plastic fantastic. But even the Catwoman, the lady who had so much plastic surgery to make herself look like a cat, even she was attracting men at her advanced age, looking like a weird cat. Honestly, she was. Somebody was attracted to that look. Somebody felt it. I guess that's a good thing too. Like, like it goes to show that no matter what you look like and what you do to yourself and what your personal preferences are with makeup and clothing and styling your hair or whatever, somebody is going to be into you. Somebody is going to love that look a hundred percent.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Might not be my thing, but who fucking cares? You know, I'm only one guy. I can only have so many wives. That's it. Okay, 12. That's how many wives according to job. J O B Job. I just want to make this quick mention and then I'll move on on. I promise I'll move on for it from it. 90 Day Fiance, brand new season. I. I'm not watching it with any intent. It's on in the background when I was like fixing the studio was on in the background. 90 Day Fiance, they have their first throuple. Their first throuple. So they have two girls, one guy. The girl that the wife that he currently has is Brazilian. I believe the third person they are bringing into the marriage, the woman is a stripper from Tijuana. From Tijuana. They're all beautiful. They're all good looking human beings. They're all beautiful. And I am so this is the one storyline where I'm like, okay, I'll pay attention to this story. Because that's interesting. Yeah. Hey, listen, you throuples are interesting. They're interesting.

[Rachel]

They are.

[Barbara Ballbanger]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Because you know it's gonna blow up in the second episode. The lady from Tijuana, the dancer from Tijuana, she meets up with them down in Tijuana. They're all together, they're excited. It's been a long time, all this stuff. They're in a hot tub and all of them are talking. And the dancer who has just met up with them again for the first time in a long time says, oh, while you were taking a nap on me and him had sex. And the wife is like, huh? It never works. It never works.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

It takes a lot of work to make it work.

[Brian Green]

You gotta be so. And like, you got to be like the most enlightened human being in the world. The most self aware human being in the world. You got to work on yourself 24 hours a day for that to work out. Because here's the reality that's really tough to watch your loved one have sex with someone else, the person that you love. I mean, listen, even after years of marriage, I am still madly in love with my wife. And I just kindly request she doesn't sleep with other men. That's it. That's. I have one request. Yeah. Just don't sleep with other men. And if you are going to sleep with another man, let me know first so I can figure out a way out of here. Don't leave me. I've got too many children. Yeah.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Some people really are. Are into it. And I. More power to you. But it does. It seems like it takes a lot of work. There's a show on Showtime called Couples Therapy.

[Brian Green]

Oh, I want to show.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

And I got. It's good.

[Brian Green]

It's really good.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I mean, it's a. For real.

[Brian Green]

Are those real people?

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yes. And real couples.

[Brian Green]

Those are real couples.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

And on one of the seasons they do have a throuple. And man, it just seems like a lot of work.

[Brian Green]

It does seem like a lot of effort. That Geno and his wife, you know, whatever her name is, all these rules.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

And things, boundaries and stuff. I mean, long term, it just seems like it can devolve into a mess.

[Brian Green]

But anybody that I. More power to you. Yeah. More power to you. To each their own. We've always said this. To each their own. I'm not. I'm not knocking it. I know there's lots of people who try it and who are in it and who like it it. But I have had many friends and I say probably more than five couples friends or not couples anymore who have tried this. And I just got this interpretation that, you know, menage trois means your relationship is not working because there, it's always the fix for something and it never fixes anything. It makes things an extra like so much more complicated that then it's really hard to unfuck once you start sleeping with other people. And I had one, a couple that I know and they're such a beautiful couple. And I mean physically beautiful and then really sweet with each other. It's like one of those, you really hope you're like rooting for them because they're so sweet to each other. And I will tell you what, they did this for a period of time and came this close to divorcing with children and everyone was like, no know.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And guess what? They stopped all the, you know, open marriage. And 10 years, nine years on from that, they seem very happy, very strong and they will tell you right to your face it wasn't a great idea.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, we did it.

[Brian Green]

We, it was part of our relationship, but it wasn't a great idea. And it was really hard to navigate. And it was extremely hard to navigate with the children. Like, how do you explain that? Yeah, you're like, daddy's going on a date date without your mom. Daddy's going, I know, daddy's going to get a nut.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, like a one night fling kind of thing is one thing. But when you're actually having a relationship with three, three people in a relationship or more.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I mean, there's people that are doing more than that and it seems very hard and complicated and like a lot.

[Brian Green]

Of work, it really, really does.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

But if it's for you, if it's.

[Brian Green]

For you, if you like that kind of work. Yeah, call us, tell us. And then, you know, there's, and then there's this like other version of like open. There are these people, I don't know how to explain it. They're not hippy ish necessarily, but they are so against any labels or anything that they just float through the world having mild attachments that can be unattached and then reattached at any moment. And I've never seen that work out either. Like, you know, oh, you know, all the free people. Then I sleep with this person, then I sleep with that person and I love you and I don't like you and it, that never works out either because then you're just Running through life, damaging people's emotions. And that also feels not so great. But again, you know, there are people out there where it works, but they're French people and they're much smarter than us.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

That's right.

[Brian Green]

They're French. They're much smarter than us. They have much more experience. And that's the way.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Italian.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Look at, look at that show, Sister Wives. It's now Sister Wife. Yeah, it's no longer Sister Wives. It's Sister Wife. It all fell apart over the course of two short years.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Is that show still on, too? The one you were watching where they were looking for the third?

[Brian Green]

Or it was the Seeking Sister Wife.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Well, there's that one and then there's the other one. Didn't you tell me?

[Brian Green]

I don't know.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

There's a couple of them. They're all on tlc.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, they're all on tlc. Turn on tlc.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Seeking Sister Wife hasn't had a season in a while, but it was. It was interesting while it was there.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I think that that's what it was.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We watched. I think we watched a couple of episodes here.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

The Seeking Husband Wife or Brother.

[Brian Green]

Seeking Brother Husband or Sister Husband or whatever that had one season. They didn't come back. And by the way, very rarely does someone come back for a second season of Seeking Sister Wives.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Because it doesn't work out. It just doesn't. They, I guess they move on or they don't want to be filmed. It. It must be hard to be in that lifestyle. But then on top of that, to have a camera crew following you around, that's extra hard. But there were a few couples that kind of, you know, they seem to have figured it out, at least in front of the cameras. So I don't know. Here's the Seeking Sister Wife, season four. All right, come on. Where is that? All right. Oh, watch the Pit. The Pit is just fantastic, by the way. It's so good. The Pit. The Pit on Max. I'm telling you, I, I'm. I won't disappoint you with this one.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Unless you don't like blood or bones or guts. In that case, you probably don't watch the Pit. I guess it's hyper realistic. TCB podcast dot com. More information about Chrissy and I. All the audio, all the video right there from one location. TCBpodcast.com. you can also get your free TCB sticker. Hit the contact us button. Drop down, down. Menu says, I want my free sticker. Give us your physical address and we will send you one. No problem. 212-4333 TCB 212-433-3822 Text us questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. We are taking them all to that phone number. You can also leave us a voicemail if you would like to be the next voice on tcb. Leave us a voicemail. Make it short, make it sweet. Don't use your name if you don't want us to say your name. Those simple rules. Simple rules. Chrissy. Add the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on tick tock and YouTube.com the commercial break for all the episodes the same on video the same day. They are here on the audio. All right. Well, I guess that's all I can do for today.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

But I'll tell you that I, I love you.

[Chris Joy Hoadley]

I love you.

[Brian Green]

I'll say best to you, best to you and best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say and we must say goodbye. Sam.