The Commercial Break

Episode: Kidnap The Stonish Giant!
Release Date: September 12, 2025
Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley

Overview

This episode of The Commercial Break delivers a wild ride blending improv comedy, pop culture tangents, and a signature deep-dive into absurd entertainment. Bryan and Krissy, in their trademark chaotic chemistry, mine gold from a viral “Waffle House napper” story, 1980s nostalgia for the Coreys, the rockstar cocaine pipeline, and a bonkers breakdown of a “Mountain Monsters” episode entitled “Kidnap The Stonish Giant.” Listeners get a hilarious, unfiltered banter fest, with standout bits of dark humor, callback jokes, and meta-commentary.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Waffle House Napper & Criminal Mishaps

• [02:30–06:30]
  Bryan opens with a story about a man asleep for hours at a Waffle House in Doraville, Georgia. After police intervention, the man is found with half a pound of cocaine in his pants pocket.
  • Commentary on the "bonehead mistake" of carrying illegal substances during another infraction.
  • Memorable quote:

    "Don't fuck up while you're fucking up. That's the one thing you can't do if you're going to do your shit."
    — Bryan [05:00]

2. Mystery Products & Nostalgic Drug Tales

• [07:09–11:44]
  Bryan discusses getting Facebook ads for "Wanna Bump," a powdery caffeine product, after watching the cocaine video.
  • Segues to stories of encounter with high-end cocaine vials from a "hoity toity dealer" in Atlanta’s Buckhead area.
  • Krissy and Bryan riff nostalgically about Mr. Rogers and the evolving cocaine trade.
  • Notable quote:

    “Let’s go to Mr. Rogers’ neighborhood and be in the imaginary kingdom... I hereby declare this to be brown cocaine vial day.”
    — Bryan [09:44]

3. Cocaine Quality, "Blow," and Rock Docs

• [11:51–14:42]
  Bryan contrasts the "stepped-on" U.S. cocaine with "closer to the source" stuff in places like Costa Rica.
  • References "Blow" and legendary 1970s/80s rockers' cocaine escapades.
  • Talks up the ingenuity and dangers of the historic cartel/American pilot pipeline.

4. Charlie Sheen Documentary Reactions

• [14:57–19:19]
  Discussion moves to Charlie Sheen’s new documentary and remarkable anecdotes:
  • Sheen’s dealer "watering down" his crack to prevent accidental overdose, leading Sheen to accidentally self-diagnose increasing tolerance.
  • Notable quote:

    “His dealer became so concerned…he started cooking the crack with less and less coke…He was getting sick because he was just like, smoking baking soda.”
    — Bryan [16:49]

5. Corey Haim Allegations, Feldman, and “The Coreys”

• [17:50–22:32]
  Bryan hopes the documentary addresses the grave allegations that Charlie Sheen assaulted Corey Haim on the set of Lucas.
  • Sidebar about the cult following of Corey Feldman, Feldman’s reality TV career, and nostalgia for the “two Coreys.”
  • Krissy reminisces about teen magazines like Bop and 1980s pop culture crushes.

6. Inside Podcasting, Schedule Flubs, and Meta Show Updates

• [22:32–23:41]
  Bryan addresses listener curiosity about a previous episode’s guest (Gary Vee) and Krissy’s absence – clarifying it was just a scheduling conflict.

Main Feature:

“Mountain Monsters — Kidnap The Stonish Giant!” Watch-Along and Roast

[27:21–54:31]

Bryan and Krissy launch into a live riff/recap of a “Mountain Monsters” episode—the Discovery/Travel Channel series where self-styled mountain men hunt for cryptids. The featured plot: cast members are unconvincingly kidnapped as part of their quest for the ominous “Stonish Giant.”

Standout Moments & Quotes

• On the Kidnapping Setup

  • "They kidnapped him with their mics on."
    — Krissy [29:23]
  • The hosts lampoon the production logic (e.g., kidnappers leaving the host’s camera with them, wearing obvious masks, narrating their own kidnapping).

• Riffing on the Cast

  • "Huck has never eased right out of anywhere. Poor boy, he is huge."
    — Bryan [32:50]
  • Running gags about Buck's dirty shirt, the impractical pursuit on foot, “corn sack hoods,” and the cast’s unconvincing terror.

• Dramatic Dialogues & Suspense

  • Recurring cracks about the show’s overwrought, theatrical tone—
    "There’s nothing, there’s no—these are the worst kidnappers in history." — Bryan [33:30]
  • "It's a bit incongruent, but let me not point out the obvious. Let's roll with the imaginary." — Bryan [31:55]

• Plot Absurdity

  • The “villain” demands the crew capture the “Woman of the Woods” in exchange for information about the “stoneish giant” killer.
  • "He's throwing the chair through the window. Don't get violent. Oh, now’s the time to run." — Bryan [51:00]
  • Ridicules the pig’s head “clue,” “prop department fail,” and formulaic “revelations.”

• Meta-“Mountain Monsters” Commentary

  • "That’s only nine minutes of the 48-minute episode. What did they fill the rest with?" — Bryan [54:12]

Summary of Mountain Monsters Watch-along

• The fake kidnapping is panned as absurdist, circular, and filled with unintentional comedy.
• Bryan and Krissy heighten it by improvising dialogue and pointing out inconsistencies in production.
• The duo appreciate the show’s camp value for delivering much-needed laughs:
  • "They never disappoint…It gave me a laugh for the first time in 24 hours." — Bryan [54:31]

Closing Thoughts: Conflict, Calm, and “Being the Change”

[54:45–56:39]

• Bryan urges listeners to “rev down,” espousing the virtue of rational conversation in tense times, referencing his recent chat with Gary Vee:
  • “Violence only begets violence…let’s everybody take a deep breath and agree to disagree on some things.” — Bryan [55:24]
• Quotes Ram Dass: “Be the change you want to see in others.”
• Outro plug for next week’s guest: Sal Vulcano.

Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• On not compounding mistakes:

  “Don’t fuck up while you’re fucking up. That’s the one thing you can’t do if you’re going to do your shit.” — Bryan [05:00]

• On Mr. Rogers and cocaine:

  “Let’s go to Mr. Rogers’ neighborhood and be in the imaginary kingdom…I hereby declare this to be brown cocaine vial day.” — Bryan [09:44]

• On “Mountain Monsters” kidnappers:

  “There’s nothing, there’s no—these are the worst kidnappers in history.” — Bryan [33:30]

• On meta-reality television:

  "That's only nine minutes of the 48-minute episode. What did they fill the rest with?" — Bryan [54:12]

Important Segments & Timestamps

• Waffle House napper & cocaine story: [02:30–06:30]
• Cocaine talk & Mr. Rogers: [07:09–11:44]
• Rockstar drug history & “Blow”: [11:51–14:42]
• Charlie Sheen & drug dealers’ morals: [14:57–17:32]
• Corey Haim, Corey Feldman, celebrity nostalgia: [17:50–22:32]
• Meta-show talk (absence, Gary Vee): [22:32–23:41]
• Main feature: “Mountain Monsters” watch-along: [27:21–54:31]
• Takeaways on conflict, calm, and coming episodes: [54:45–56:39]

Tone & Original Language

• Irreverent, self-deprecating, and improv-heavy.
• Frequent playful jabs, dark-comedy edge, and affectionate parody of low-budget TV.
• Bryan leads with animated, sarcastic monologues; Krissy interjects with dry, observational quips.

Conclusion

This episode is a showcase of The Commercial Break’s formula: off-the-cuff riffing on life’s oddities, affectionate mockery of pop culture, and a warm, if slightly offbeat, call for unity in turbulent times. The “Mountain Monsters” parody is a particular high point, offering catharsis and comic relief for listeners in need of a break from reality.