Transcript
Petunia Watermelon (0:00)
I had no one to turn to. My family was dead. My dog, dead. The tree it used to piss on, dead. I mean, how could I, Petunia Watermelon, save the world? I didn't want these magical powers that no one had seen since that one old guy had them last. I'm just a girl, small, petite, skinny and plain as fuck. Even though everyone at the school wants to dig me down. But I have no choice. The Doritos Locos taco was coming and if I didn't do a 360 kickflip into its throat, this world would be lost forever.
Brian Green (0:38)
On this episode of the commercial break, if I was lonely, I think I would be open to the idea that someone could come in and. Or something could come in. And it may not be the real thing, but at least it helps a little bit, right? And you know, that's what I say to Astrid when we have sex. I say, it may not be the real thing, but it'll help a little bit. She says little is the underscored word in that sentence. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. 2:30 in the morning. Oh yeah. Guys and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co host of this show, Chris Joy Hley. Best you, Chris.
Chris Joy Hley (1:22)
Best you, Brian.
Brian Green (1:23)
Best you out there in the podcast universe. How hell are you? Thanks for joining us. Here we are on this spectacular Friday afternoon, having a great time. Well, Friday afternoon as you're listen to, it's Friday, day one. It's Saturday, Sunday. I'm still trying to cope with the news that we have heard not so long ago about P. Diddy's Free Cops.
Chris Joy Hley (1:46)
I know, it's bad.
Brian Green (1:48)
1,383 bottles of lube found at his residence. Oh my lube. This guy liked to, you know, I was like this when I was.
Chris Joy Hley (2:02)
Did he get that at Costco?
Brian Green (2:03)
He got it at Costco, yes. Oh, he didn't get it at Costco. Somebody on his behalf got it at Costco. He was one step away from the, the actual minutia of all of this, that he's one of those guys. I can, this resonates with me a little bit because they said he had a lot of drugs stashed a lot of places and when he got arrested, he had drugs with him. He had, yes, he had drugs in the hotel room where he was. He was arrested in the lobby. They went up to his hotel room. They found drugs. Because when I was a drug taker and a drug maker, I would often like to stockpile my drugs, too. Only problem with that is they'd run out by the end of the night. Exactly.
