Mr. 5:30!

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Commercial Break – "Mr. 5:30!" (July 9, 2025)

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Commercial Break stays true to the show’s chaotic, improv-comedy brand, as hosts Bryan Green and Krissy Hoadley riff on viral internet oddities, air travel horror stories, sales consultant shenanigans, and bizarre funeral industry trends. Expect quick-witted banter, absurd stories, and a satirical lens applied to everyday mishaps and online weirdness—plus running gags about “5:30,” oddball sales gurus, and the ongoing battle between local restaurant rivals Tina and Diane.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

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1. Local Drama: "Chicken Finger-Gate" in Crabapple Township

• Tina of Tina Tan & Tweeze vs. Diane of Diane Duck Inn

  • The hosts cold-open with a mock-newscast about a "war" between rival local eateries (00:08–02:45).
  • Tina and her wife, Wanda, accuse Diane’s Duck Inn of serving overcooked, unchewable chicken fingers, prompting a social media meltdown in their small town.
  • Tina threatens to call the Better Business Bureau, while hurtful insults fly between parties.

  Memorable Quote:
  Tina Tannen: “If you weren’t such a fat… She called her for a cunt and everything else. All because my wife was actually being nice…And instead of my wife fighting back, she’s sitting here crying. I was the one that flipped out on ’em. And we’re calling the Better Business Bureau.” — (01:38)

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2. Travel Troubles & Online Conspiracy Theories

• Personal and Family Flight Fiascos

  • Bryan discusses his brother’s travel drama with massive delays in Europe and the general chaotic state of air travel post-July 4th (04:23–05:43).
  • Krissy shares about being stuck an extra day in Memphis due to flight cancellations.

• Storms, Dust Storms, and Wild Weather

  • The duo marvel at wild weather events across the globe, from tornadoes in Ireland to dust storms in Las Vegas toppling power lines and blowing over porta-potties (05:36–07:17).

• Satire of Conspiracy Thinking

  • Bryan satirizes internet conspiracy nuts who blame every event on nefarious forces—aliens, celebrities, politicians—rather than Occam’s Razor (06:12–07:48).
  • He calls out recent social media claims that the moon is hollow and run by aliens, referencing Joe Rogan's change of mind and mocking current viral beliefs (08:31–10:16).

  Memorable Quotes:
  “People on the internet are fucking stupid. [...] Beyonce took $10 million to push the telephone poles down.” — Bryan (06:11)
  “I was just reading somebody the other day said, the moon is hollow and aliens put it there and they’re watching us.” — Bryan (08:32)

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3. Viral Airline Nightmare: Bumped from First Class

• Play-by-Play of a Viral Instagram Reel

  • Bryan plays and analyzes a viral video of a woman documenting United Airlines bumping her just-engaged fiancé from first class to coach to make room for a crew member or possible air marshal (12:13–13:01).
  • The hosts discuss how first-class flyers should expect decent customer service—even in extenuating circumstances—and critique United’s handling of the situation (13:01–16:48).

  Memorable Quotes:
  Bryan: “We are celebrating something. And I’d like to be with him. And this poor girl was brought to tears because now she cannot sit next to him. [...] United Airlines felt that they could just do this.” — (14:02)
  Krissy: “I agree. [...] Do we really know all of the things that surrounded it?” — (16:48)

• Anecdotes of Upgrades & Air Marshal Speculation

  • Bryan recounts a story about snagging a $75 business class upgrade on Delta, humorously lamenting how upgrades are unattainable with kids and extended family in tow (19:59–21:50).
  • Sympathy for stranded and separated couples, and lighthearted complaints about airline woes.

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4. The Legend of "Mr. 5:30" & Sales Consultant Satire

• Origin of "5:30"

  • Bryan recalls visiting his mom in a retirement community, where a resident repeatedly intoned “5:30” (the dinnertime) and other cryptic food-related answers, inspiring a running joke/soundbite (24:14–25:31).

• Internet Doppelganger: The Sales Consultant

  • Bryan introduces a social-media sales consultant whose speech and cadence eerily mimic “Mr. 5:30” (26:13–31:17).
  • The consultant offers "30-minute complimentary conversations" and aggressively markets his pricey accountability “pod” ($300/month), while yelling at viewers about certifications.

  Notable Quotes & Impressions:
  Sales Consultant (Imitating): “I offer a 30 minute complimentary conversation. I will not try to sell you anything. I will add massive value... Please have my calendar to learn more.” — (29:12, 33:57)
  Bryan: “Please hop in my calendar to learn more.” (mocking, 29:51)
  Krissy: "Nothing says great sales trainer like shirtless." (30:03)

• Satirical Analysis of Sales Gurus

  • Bryan and Krissy riff on the absurdity and insincerity of these sales pitches, comparing them (unfavorably) to legit sales guru Brian Tracy (32:07–34:13).
  • The hosts underscore their distrust for anyone claiming "no sales" during a "complimentary" call.

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5. The Funeral Industry Goes Mobile

• Mobile Viewing Services

  • Bryan spotlights a video about “mobile viewing services,” where funeral homes now offer to drive the deceased to your location in a decked-out Mercedes Sprinter van for viewings (49:57–55:15).
  • Commentary on oddities like snacks, bottled water, and colored party lighting for the mobile setup, and the strange normalization of these pop-up “funerals.”

  Memorable Moments:
  Chris: “I’m picturing people, like, munching chips as they’re looking.” (55:03)
  Bryan: “Yeah, open. Open casket at 90 degrees. It’s hot enough to be passing out cold water, but it’s just fine for open casket.” (53:55)

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6. Mystery and the Pickup Artist Bootcamp

• Pickup Advice Gone Awry
  • The hosts return to the infamous PUA “Mystery,” now aging, whose new video advises men to avoid dates and coffee shops, instead inviting women to do chores like “banking” and picking up boots (57:43–59:21).
  • Bryan and Krissy lampoon this dating advice as guaranteed to fail—“Nothing says first date like running some errands!”
  • They point out the disconnect between this advice and real human interaction, playfully asking “Who’s still doing banking?” (59:16).

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Notable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• Tina Tannen on Chicken Fingers & the Duck Inn (01:11–02:37)

  • “She called her everything under the sun. Instead of my wife fighting back, she’s sitting here crying. I was the one that flipped out on ‘em. And we’re calling the Better Business Bureau.”

• Bryan on Conspiracies (06:12–07:48)

  • “People on the Internet are fucking stupid... Beyonce took $10 million to push the telephone poles down.”

• Sales Consultant Satire (29:12, 33:57)

  • Sales Consultant: “I offer a 30 minute complimentary conversation. I will not try to sell you anything. I will add massive value to your life and business. My calendar is in the description below.”
  • Bryan (mocking): “Please hop in my calendar to learn more.”

• Mobile Viewings & Funeral Phobias (51:22–53:55)

  • “If you have a phobia of funerals, what do you have of a dead person rolling up on your front lawn?” — Bryan
  • “Yeah, open. Open casket at 90 degrees. It’s hot enough to be passing out cold water, but it’s just fine for open casket.” — Bryan

• Mystery on First Dates (57:43–59:21)

  • “Instead, I would invite them to tag along with some chores I have to do... banking... pick up headshots... pick up my new boots… Why don’t you come tag along with me?” — Mystery
  • “Nothing says first date like I gotta get my carbuncles shaved off at the podiatrist. You wanna come along?” — Bryan (58:46)

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Fun Segments & Listeners’ Interactions

• Recurring call-in/text-in number joke (212-4333-TCB) inviting listeners to participate or correct the hosts in real time (39:01–40:05).
• Playful banter about being “woke” (Dr. Phil’s failed anti-woke network), the joys of first class, and the quirks of retirement home security.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:08] – [02:45] | Crabapple Township drama: Tina vs. Diane & the chicken finger debacle
• [04:23] – [05:43] | Travel disasters & storm stories
• [06:11] – [10:16] | Internet conspiracy theory takedown
• [12:13] – [16:48] | Viral United Air bumping incident: reactions & rants
• [24:14] – [25:31] | “Mr. 5:30” origin story
• [29:12] – [34:11] | Sales consultant parody: calendar jokes & yelling at clients
• [49:57] – [55:15] | Mobile funeral services: van viewings and weird trends
• [57:43] – [59:55] | Mystery’s latest pickup “wisdom”: skip dates, run errands together

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Tone & Style

• Lively, absurdist, and irreverent; the hosts continually break the fourth wall, bust on each other, and nurture running gags.
• Frequent tangents give the episode a loose, unpredictable feel—but the duo expertly brings topics back around for punchlines and closure.

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Summary:
This episode is a quintessential slice of The Commercial Break’s unfiltered, offbeat humor. Fans will enjoy Bryan and Krissy’s ability to find the wackiest moments in ordinary life, lampooning internet oddballs, customer service fails, and even the logistics of a funeral on wheels. The running “5:30” gag, the biting sales consultant parodies, and satirical riffs on conspiracy theorists and pickup artists all showcase the hosts’ chemistry and comedic timing. Listeners who enjoy wild comedic tangents, a little social commentary (with a wink), and infectious banter will find this episode thoroughly entertaining—even if, as Bryan says, “it’s not for everyone, but at least it’s free.”

Transcript

[Brian Green]

Foreign.

Thank you for joining us here at wshit. Major breaking news today in the Crabapple Township as the escalating war between Tina of Tina Tan and Tweeze and Diane of the Diane Duck Inn has reached a fevered pitch, as now Tina and her toothless wife Wanda have laid bare accusations against Diana and Duck in and severely overcooked chicken fingers. Many in the Crab Apple Township have been torn asunder by these accusations. Family member against family member, neighbor against neighbor. Tina Tannen, Tweeze or Duck In. Quite frankly, it's hard for this reporter to stay impartial. However, on social media, just today, Tina and her wife Wanda releasing the video moments after receiving unchewable chicken fingers. This video is as emotional as it gets. If you have children in the room, I highly suggest they leave now. Let's listen now to that video of these accusations that are currently tearing the township apart.

[Tina Tannen]

We asked them for chicken strips that my wife can chew that are not hard. Please do not cook them too long. What do they do? They cook them too long. And now she can't eat them. Let me finish this first. We ordered freaking french fries with cheese sauce on them. Didn't get that. I ordered chicken. Chicken wings with a side of fries with cheese on it. Didn't get it. My wife calls up there to tell him what was wrong. She was calm. She was. She's like, hey, I just left there and my chicken fingers are cooked too long. Can you. And the lady stops her. Well, if you weren't such a fat. And he caught. She called her for a cunt and everything else. All because my wife was actually being nice and was like, can you please fix it? Well, she called her everything under the sun. And instead of my wife fighting back, she's sitting here crying. I was the one that flipped out on him. And we're calling the Better Business Bureau. And let me tell you, do not go to the ducking because obviously they need better management than that bitch behind the bar.

[Brian Green]

Diana?

[Mystery]

No.

[Tina Tannen]

Was it Diane?

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Tina Tannen]

Well, let me tell you, Diane, I'm coming for you.

[Brian Green]

Diana from Diana's Duck in then responded by calling Tina's wife Wanda, the toothless wonder. Our world as we know it spinning in the opposite direction. We will, of course be here in studio live with any additional breaking news, but for now, we must go to a commercial break. On this episode of the commercial break.

[Sales Consultant]

I offer a 30 minute complimentary conversation. I will not try to sell you anything. I will add massive value to your life and business. My calendar is in the Description below. Please have my calendar to learn more.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

His face changes.

[Brian Green]

I know. He starts yelling and then he's like.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, I wonder what that means.

[Brian Green]

Hi, Otter. I offer a 30 minute complimentary podcast. I will not try and sell you anything. I will laugh. I will add no value to your life whatsoever.

You will have to listen to commercials. Get on my calendar.

The next episode of the commercial break starts now.

5:30.

Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co host of this show, Chris Krista Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Best to you, Brian.

[Brian Green]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us on yet another episode of this commercial break.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

It's the only one you need, the.

[Brian Green]

Only one you'll ever need. It's not for everybody, but at least it's free. Back news or fiction guaranteed in five minutes or less or your money back. Go to TCPodcast.com to collect your winning. I did it.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Yes, you did.

[Brian Green]

I still remember it. It's like riding a bike. Once you get into it, you just never forget it. That, of course, is the season two and season three opening that left us with little to no listeners. Average listen time 3%. I wanted to say a few things. We're just talking about my. One of my brothers is going to Europe on a little vacation and of course he's having all kind of travel drama because the travel drama is high right now. All the thunderstorms and weird weather. I was just watching.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

My flight got canceled coming back from Memphis.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, that's right. You were stuck in Memphis for an extra day. He got stuck. They canceled his flight. He found a new, another flight. He gets to Charles de Gaulle, which is in Paris, and Charles de Gaulle, a two, one and a half, two hour layover turns into like 25 hours or something. Enough time to go sightseeing in Paris. And it's not like the airport's, I mean, it's close, but it's not right around the corner. And Paris traffic can be terrible too. So he's out there. Listen, there's all kind of travel drama right now. And the fourth of July weekend that just happened does nobody any favors. But the weather is wild. I mean, it's wild all throughout the country.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

All throughout the world, you know, and even in Europe.

[Brian Green]

And even in Europe, you're right about that.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

No, there's flooding and hail.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

There's. Greece is on fire or one of the islands is on fire.

[Brian Green]

And they had like. I saw that there was like a tornado in Ireland or the uk. Like, they don't have tornadoes over there. And there was a tornado. They don't have tornadoes. It's just not a thing that they're north enough that tornadoes don't happen. They don't have that kind of weather. But I saw that some. They spotted a tornado. But then I saw in Vegas that a windstorm, a dust storm came by and it blew like 55 power poles down on one street. They all just went down in a row.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Wow.

[Brian Green]

And people on the Internet are fucking stupid because they can't just accept that something happened. It all has to be some mysterious global conspiracy. Terrorism, aliens. Joe Biden is always the default reason. Covid, the vaccine, Kamala Harris. Beyonce took $10 million to push the telephone poles down. I mean, it's really quite crazy how crazy people are online. They're nuts. And with the chemtrail. It's all being caused by the chemtrails. And the sunsets are no longer the same as they used to be there. They're now a different hue of red because of global elites flying their planes over Leonardo DiCaprio. Thank God that JD Vance is saving us from wind turbines and chemtrail. People are fucking looney Tune. A dust storm blowing at 90 to 100 miles per hour, that's a. That's a level. It's a hurricane. Cat 1 in Las Vegas, where there is basically nothing to stop the wind or the dust.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

The desert, too.

[Brian Green]

One of the poles goes down. They yank all the other poles down that are already getting stressed by the wind. There's a lot of video of this windstorm that happened. There are tractor trailers that are blown over. There are porta potties that are like a mile away from where they originally were. It's pretty clear what happened, but no one can accept that on fact. Everyone has a different conspiracy theory. And I think you're all very sick and you need mental evaluation immediately if you believe these things.

Why?

Why does it all have to be a conspiracy? Why can't it just be the thing that happened? Why isn't it just the thing that happened? It was a windstorm. When it rains here, I don't say it's because Joe Biden is seeding the clouds above my house to make my pool overflow in some grand global conspiracy to spread E. Coli all across my yard. It rained. Now, how did the rain happen? Why is it raining so much?

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

I don't know.

[Brian Green]

That's a different story altogether. Maybe that has to do with something called global warming. But you know what? God forbid me from accepting science as fact. I don't know, Chrissy. I just think people are really mentally challenged. There's a lot of men, there's a lot of people on this earth, and most of us are not well. And that remains my belief to this day.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

I agree.

[Brian Green]

And if you don't accept my hypothesis, then you are welcome to turn off the commercial break. If you're one of these people that are conspiracy minded, let me hand you a ladder down that rabbit hole you've gone down. And if you don't accept crawling out of it, well, then that's at your own detriment. I just was reading somebody the other day said the moon is hollow and aliens put it there and they're watching us. Then I'm watching a pretty well known NFL player I'm not going to name because I just think he's also mentally challenged. Talk about how the moon could not possibly emit its own light or couldn't reflect the light of the sun. That it's like a flashlight. It must be turning itself on and off. We went to the moon. We saw it for ourselves.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Well, that's a whole other conspiracy.

[Brian Green]

Even Joe Rogan changed his mind on that one. He was also a. It never happened. And now he's like, well, it probably happened. Yeah, yeah. Come on, guys, let's get it together. That moon is hollow. Really? Is it made of cheese, too? Is there a man on the moon with cheese in his eyeball? Come on, guys, get it together. It's. I mean, I don't know what it's made of and I don't know who put it there. And I don't know why it's there because none of us know, because we weren't there when it happened. But I'm pretty sure we would have figured out it's hollow and that there are aliens living in it and staring at it. We've been staring at that moon for like 70 million years. I mean, come on, you don't think somebody would have figured it out? But you can look in a telescope and see the moon for yourself. It's not that hard to figure out. It's not a light bulb turning itself on and off. That is the dumbest shit I've ever heard my entire life. It's a light bulb turning itself on and off. Who you think we are, Jim Carrey in the movie, whatever that movie is. MAN on the. What is that?

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Oh, no, that was the Truman Show. Truman Show, Yeah.

[Brian Green]

We're just there. Someone's just turning the lights on and off. You think the sun turns itself on and off, too? Come on.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

And it seems stressful to me if you are believing all of these things, like, yeah, you.

[Brian Green]

Wow. Yeah. You must really, really, really. It must be hard just to live a normal life if everything is a grand conspiracy, is something else. I understand you want answers and the mind abhors a vacuum. And that living on your own and watching Freedom News by the MyPillow guy is 24 hours a day on a loop is really getting to you. But please, take a break. Go outside, take a walk. Don't concern yourself with all the things that could possibly be. Yeah, listen, a wise monk once said this.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

We need like a little music.

[Brian Green]

I know we do need a music intro, but I'm going to make one. A wise monk once said, you don't. Worrying about things that may or may not happen is anxiety, Right? And stress is worrying about all. Or fear is worrying about all the things that did happen. You only have today. You only have right now. Let's not concern ourselves with whether the moon is turning itself on or off. Let's concern ourselves with being a good human being to those around us. That's the only thing that we can control. Just being a good human being. Just trying to be nice to the next guy. Try not to be an asshole. And then you might say to yourself, brian, but you're an asshole. And I say, yes, but I have a podcast. And that's what podcasts are made for, being an asshole. That's right. Thank God for podcasts. It gives us assholes a place to go. That's right. But speaking of travel drama, I got very caught up in a. In a. In a very. A travel drama that happened to a young lady a couple weeks ago. Or maybe, I don't know, maybe this was last week or something. Let me play the. Let me play the Instagram reel and I'll get you up to speed on what's going on. Okay. Okay, here we go.

[United Airlines Passenger]

Okay, so I'm recording this right now because we are on United Airlines going from Pico to Chicago. And we booked these seats. We're in first class. We booked these seats fair and square. And all of a sudden, my fiance just got engaged. My fiance just got moved to coach. They bumped him because they wanted a flight attendant to an flight attend. They wanted someone, a part of the crew to sit in first class instead. I understand that the crew works really hard. However, we book these things ahead of time. And this Is not fair. This is not customer service. I'm sorry, it's just not customer service. Like, this is ridiculous.

[Brian Green]

What they're hiding, what you need? Okay, so what they're hiding, It's a conspiracy. Of course it is. It's a conspiracy. It's Joe Biden again, taking everybody's first class seats and kicking him into the coach. Must be Bill Gates. What they are what, what? This poor girl. And then there's lots of follow up information about this. But with this poor girl, what happened to this poor girl is her and her husband, they booked this trip or her, her fiance, they booked this trip. They just got engaged. They're going to celebrate. They booked this trip. They book first class tickets, business class tickets on this United Airlines flight. And when they get onto the plane, the husband who happens to be in seat number whatever, because the crew just decided seat number whatever is now going to be reserved for part of the crew, part of the staff, part of the airline. My guess is could have been, could have been an air marshal, right last minute air marshal problem or concern or needed an air marshal. And that happened to be the seat they chose. And the husband got put back in coach. Now, there was some kind of recompense for this. It wasn't like they just put him back in coach and said, sorry, out of luck. Nope. No money, no tiki, no tacky. He. There was some kind of reciprocation, like they got a free ticket or whatever. Okay, free upgrades on the next flight or whatever happened. But I agree with this young lady, like I have to agree with this young lady. I bought it. I bought it ahead of time. I bought it so that I could sit next to my fiance in business class, which is not cheap. And we are celebrating something and I'd like to be with him. And this poor girl was brought to tears because now she cannot sit next to him. There is no choice. There is no seat available in coach to sit next to him, even if she wanted to. And now she's stuck all alone next to a stranger that she doesn't know. And that's not the biggest part of the deal. The biggest part of the deal is, is that United Airlines felt that they could just do this. Now it's their plane. They certainly have the right to do whatever. And the law allows it if you can get bumped at any time for any reason. But this is happening to a lot of people. Yes, they are getting bumped from their flight. We're back to oversold. We're back to airlines paying thousands of dollars to get people out of their seats or just bumping them all together, even if you have a reserve ticket or switching seats or whatever it is. We're back to terrible customer service with most airlines. Now, luckily, the only airline that I choose to ever fly on my own for any reason, there's a couple, but the one that I choose to fly on is Delta.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And Delta. I have never, ever had an issue with a Delta flight. I've had cancellations, I've had delays, I've had problems with aircraft, but I've never been bumped out of my seat. And I've always gotten the seat that I had chosen. At least I've always gotten that. I know that's not everybody's Delta experience, but. And, but United Airlines is one of the other premium carriers out there. And now I heard the United Airlines CEO recently give a talk where he said the discount airlines are terrible. And they were terrible from the beginning and they're even worse now, and they're going to go out of business. And I agree with them because they're not really discount airlines. But this is not a discount airline. This is United Airlines. And you're flying business class. You should be entitled to that seat. Even if it's not on that plane, you should be entitled to that seat. You should be entitled to some option to get together in a business class seat on another flight that same day or in the same manner that you were going to be accustomed to in a short period of time, even if that's another airline altogether, because that's just not fair. I mean, it doesn't matter what they're allowed to do. It's just not fair. It's not good customer service. And I feel really bad for that girl. I really do. She seemed very upset that she was going to be alone during this fight. Is it the worst thing that ever happened? No. Can you make it through? Of course. Are you going to survive? No one's dying. It's just a seat change, but it's kind of shitty. I would feel bad about this, too.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

I agree. I mean, I don't know what. What happened with that. I mean, and do we really know all of the things that surrounded it?

[Brian Green]

We just know that he was asked to move, that he was told to move, that that they needed the seat for something and that he needed to move, but that it was someone crew related, United Airlines related. My suspicion is, and this is just a suspicion is, is that this was an air marshal. And air marshals fly on a lot of flights. They don't tell you how many flights? But some people have estimated up to 70% of domestic flights and maybe 90% of international flights. There are air marshals. There are tens of thousands of flights every day in and out of the United States into and out of those. There are a lot of air marshals. And they're there to keep everybody safe. And they don't announce themselves. They never will. Unless something bad happens and then you'll see them, but they need to be there. However, kicking someone out of their seat to get an air marshal on there shouldn't be part of the program. Those seats should be just always reserved for an air marshal. And I thought that that's how it worked. There was always just one seat on the plane that we reserved for the air marshal.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

I don't know why the air marshal had to have first.

[Brian Green]

Maybe they felt that that was the place he needed to be. Maybe there was a reason why he needed to be.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Exactly.

[Brian Green]

Maybe there was a person he needed to sit near just in case. I don't know. But what a shitty thing to do. United Airlines. I'm glad that I. I'm glad that she got there and that, like, there's something happened for them. But at the same time, in that moment, that would feel terrible to me, too. Astron and I have had to sit in different places on airplanes before. It's happened.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

I just had to do it coming back from Memphis because we flight was canceled and we were on standby and I was like. We were like, give us whatever seats you got.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Hey, listen, in certain situations, you got to take what you can get. In certain situations, assert doesn't even want to sit next to me. Yeah. So it's kind of like she chose that. See, sometimes we go to the airport and I'm like, okay, what seat you got? And she's like, 21A. And I'm like, okay, I got 27B. And she's like, oh, I don't know how that happened. Yep. But you got the kids, right? Yes, I do. They're all in 27.

I don't know what happened.

Airline mistake. As a matter of fact, that's happened the last six flights we've taken to Europe. We don't fly business class, though. That's the only difference. Again, business class, I can't afford that. That's crazy. I've flown business class before, but only because I. I managed to grab an incredible discount. And I tell you, the first time that I ever went to go see Astrid in Europe, when she had moved to Switzerland and she Was in Spain for the holidays. This is our first year together. We've been together like six or seven months. I show up to the airport, nighttime flight, as they often are, over to Europe, taking Delta. And I get to the gate relatively early. I'm there like 30 or 40 minutes before we even start boarding. So I'm sitting near the. I'm sitting right near the desk thing. Yeah. Where those fucking kids. I swear to God.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

That's wrong.

[Brian Green]

They took my megaphone. I wanted my megaphone. They did, they did. I see it, but I'm not gonna go grab it. It's gonna bore everybody. But you know what the good news is, Chrissy?

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Oh, I see it now, too. Yeah, I see it all the way across the room.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, they took it. Those little rap scallions, those little rapscallions. Oh, no, I don't even have it on there. The rapscallions are all in trouble, all of them. Anyway, I'm sitting there and I'm waiting. We're all. I'm waiting to wait to board. And I'm in the back of the plane in coach, and all of a sudden the lady comes on in that terrible, awful little microphone that they're still using at the airports. I don't know why they can't just upgrade that system to something you can hear. But anyway, attention. And I'm like, huh, I don't understand that. She said something about Charles de Gaulle. That's where I'm going. That's where I was flying into five minutes later, Available for $100 up price. And I was like, she say, upgrade available. And then a third time, Upgrade to first class for $100. Thank you. And I'm like, let me go up there. And I go, did you say something about an upgrade available? And she goes, yep, we have like 10 first class seats. Business class seats available, $100. And I was like, $100.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Wow.

[Brian Green]

And she was like, 100. And she goes, $100? And I go, Really? $100? And she goes, 75. And I was like, $75? Yes, I'll take that. And she was like, okay. Swipes my credit card. And then I have a business class seat all of a sudden. So my very first trip across the pond, I got to take it in style. And ever since then, I have longed. Yes, I have longed for sitting in a first class.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

I know. I've on rare occasion been in first class too. And it's so nice.

[Brian Green]

Maze balls. I'm laid out, I'm watching tv. They're pampering me, they're fluffing me up and turning on softcore porn for. I mean, it's just a lovely experience. They're pouring champagne in your mouth. It's a lovely experience. But unfortunately I don't think that's going to happen to me because now I have eight people to pay for. And that doesn't include if I have. If we have in laws coming with us. We have 40 people with us. But anyway, you know, when you book a flight like that, you just expect that certain things are going to happen. These inalienable non legal rights. It's not like you put a labubu in your house and Satan has the legal right to your house anymore. But it is kind of a social contract that you make with an airline when you pay for the seat. I would have said, okay, I understand something's going on here. Can you take us off this flight and put us on another flight in business class together with a. Within a reasonable amount of time and refund us some portion of that ticket? And, and that's it. Because now that, now that all the cancellations are happening, all the delays, all the things, there's a strike at Charles de Gaulle or whatever's going on, shit's getting hairy and crazy again, as it always does around the holiday time. Let's just be, let's just admit it. And planes are falling out of the sky and half of them don't have wings and doors are flying off and people are jumping out of airplane. All this crazy shit that's going on in the airlines. Let's not let us go back to like 19 or to 2007 when it was just madness and everyone was getting kicked off flights and your seat was already booked and all this other stuff. Let's not go back there. Let's not allow the airlines to go back there. So United, I'm not even, I don't want to talk to Delta because Delta, you're doing a fine job. But United, one of the few regular airlines we still have available to us, American Airlines, United Airlines, Delta. Can we all just agree that when we have a problem, we do the right thing immediately? Not like after someone puts together a social media post that goes viral, but like right then, just do the right thing, offer the right thing. Let the poor girl sit next to the guy she just got engaged to. They're not going to want to be next to each other for too much longer. So let's, let's let them have their moment in the sun. Do you know what I'm saying? Chrissy. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. So we started the show with one of my favorite sound bites that we've made this year in this season.

And that is 5:30, 5:30.

Because if you remember, I went over to my mom's for Easter. I went over to the Happy Hills Home for crazy people. And we were in the common area, the common recreation area. And there was a guy sitting there staring. We were the only ones in there, my mom and my kids. And then all of a sudden, some guy was just sitting there staring at everybody. And start. He started answering questions we weren't asking.

Like, you know, 5:30 cheeseburgers. Yeah.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

There was like a mention of Den.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, yeah.

Chicken fensting.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Chicken pot pie.

[Brian Green]

Chicken pot pie.

And we were like, oh, okay. All right. Pudding. Okay, Sounds good.

Fresh flowers on Tuesday.

And I love. I love remembering that moment because it really did happen like that. Guys, that was his voice. And I thought to myself, that's the most unique voice I've ever heard. And the way he's saying things is just crazy funny. However, he's got a doppelganger out there on the Internet.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Really?

[Brian Green]

And he appeared on my social media because I just have the weirdest fucking algorithm ever created. It's a mix of, like, pastors and religiosity and crazy people and, I mean, language. Yeah, light language. Most of the people that come up on my reels, like, when I'm scrolling on reels, they have, like, less than five views. I mean, honestly, I get, like, the most random of randoms. But this guy is a sales consultant, and he has the voice of the guy that was in the recreation room retirement home. I. He could not. He's either he's doing the best impression of the guy from the recreation room, or he. I don't even know what to say.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

He.

[Brian Green]

He's the guy. He must be the guy. So without any delay, I'd like to take a break. And we get back, I want to let you listen to what this guy in the recreation room sounded like by way of this sales consultant.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

The sales consultant.

[Brian Green]

Sales consultant.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

Sales consultants on Instagram are a dozen. I've learned all from Paul, the guy, you know.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Yes. I love that guy.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, that guy's great. We should go back to him.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

We need to.

[Brian Green]

But honestly, he gave some good advice compared to most of the people that are out there giving sales advice. And I found a new one. Chrissy, let's get to it.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

We'll take a break.

[Brian Green]

We'll be back. You'll make this rather Snappy, won't you? I've got some very heavy thinking to.

[Mystery]

Do before 10 o'.

[Brian Green]

Clock.

[Rachel]

Hi, cats and kittens. Rachel here. Do you ever get the urge to say, speak endlessly into the void like Brian? Well, I've got just the place for you to do that. 212-4333. TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Feel free to call and yell all you want. Tell Brian I need a raise, Compliment Chrissy's innate ability to put up with all his shenanigans, or tell us a little story. The juicier the better. By the way, we love to hear your voice because Lord knows we're dumb listening to ourselves. Also, give us a follow on your favorite socials. He commercial break on Insta, TCB, podcast on TikTok. And for those of you who like to watch. Oh, that came out wrong. We put all the episodes out on video, YouTube.com the commercial break, and tcbpodcast.com for all the info on the show, your free sticker, or just to see how pretty we look. Okay, I gotta go now. I've got a date with my dog. No, seriously, Axel needs food. Today is pork chop day.

[Brian Green]

You know, it's been pork chop day for a long time. I gotta ask Rachel to recut that. It's been pork chop day for like six months. Good for Axel. That's all I gotta say.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Eats well.

[Brian Green]

Okay, back in Easter, I told the story and I was talking about the guy in the recreation room at my mom's place. When he was. When we were talking, she was asking the kids to stay for dinner and. Which I wanted to avoid at all costs because it's. They're just so disastrous. And those old people don't take kindly to kids running up and down the fucking, you know, tables at that time. My mom thinks it's great and everyone else in the place looks at me with disdain. And there was a guy in the corner, not that old, probably in his 60s. And he was answering. He was like responding to my mom. She was like, can't the kids stay for dinner?

And he was like, dinner at 5:30?

And I was like, okay, great. And so it was like this guy, my mom, the kids against me. Well, I wish I could find that guy and have him repeat that voice. But in lieu of that, I found another guy who has the same voice. You ready?

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

I'm ready.

[Brian Green]

Okay, here we go.

[Sales Consultant]

The third key to success as an entrepreneur is organization. That's logistics, protocol, processes and structure. Please have My calendar to learn more.

[Brian Green]

Wow.

It's the same guy. All right, let's see. He's got another one here. Oh, look at here. He's shirtless.

[Sales Consultant]

Oh, you keep on getting all these certifications to show that you're an expert. Nobody gives a fucking shit about your dumbass certifications other than stupid people like you. Please hop in my calendar to learn more.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Please have a calendar.

[Brian Green]

You're stupid as shit.

Please hop in my calendar to learn more.

I can help you sell more. Look at my beard. It says respectable sales guy. 5:30.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, nothing says great sales trainer like shirtless.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, you gotta on a beach with a fedora. I know. With a fedora and a beard that. I don't even know how you grow that. No, who grows that kind of beard? Hugh Jackman for the next X Men. I mean, honestly, that is a Wolverine beard if I've ever seen one. It's weird. Okay, here he is again. I got a number of these videos.

[Sales Consultant]

Do you want to get input from a bunch of very kind, funny, intellectual multimillionaires? I run a productivity and accountability pod every Friday, 90 minutes. It's $300 a month. The information's in the description below.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Wow. He's got a multimillion dollar. He's got friends that do a pod.

[Brian Green]

Multi millionaire. Welcome to my multi millionaire pod. Here you will learn accountability and why your certifications fucking suck.

Jump in my calendar for more information.

5:30 is the time when I trim my beard.

Nothing says multimillionaire like a tie dye poster.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

In the back.

[Brian Green]

In the back of your.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Right above your head.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. In the back of your IKEA furniture. I mean, listen, he's making a living. No knock on that. You gotta. You gotta give it to him. He's out there, he's hustling, he's doing his thing. I give it to you, brother. God bless you. If you. $300 a month. That's expensive. $300 a month is $3,600 a year.

To join my pod full of millionaires.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Did you jump on his calendar?

[Brian Green]

Of course I did.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Of course.

[Brian Green]

I just wanted to record his voice. Listen, I don't need any sales training. It's not what I do. But can you do me a favor and tell me what time it is?

5:30.

5:30.

5:30 dot.

Yeah. Look at this guy. He is one of a kind. We should call him and ask for some sales training because I think we need it.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

I think so too.

[Brian Green]

We're gonna need to sell something event on this stupid podcast. I love It. And here's my question. At what level of sales are you that you're, like, not paying, you know, $50,000 for, like, Brian Tracy sales training? Like, Brian Tracy is, like, kind of known as, like, the God of consultative sales. Brian Tracy is the master. Everybody, I think, would roundly agree that Brian Tracy is kind of like a requisite sales training that you should take.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

I remember reading some of his books.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah, I remember that. The first sales training I ever did, when I first got into my first, like, office job, Rafa handed me the Brian Tracy method. And it was like 12 tapes. Yeah, 12 tapes and a bunch of books. And I went through it every morning. I listened to another tape. Listen to another tape and give you an idea of what it takes to be a consultative salesperson. That means you're not transactionally selling. You're not selling widgets or, you know, you're not in a Best Buy selling phones or whatever it is. You're consulting with someone to figure out what their needs are and then how to negotiate with them back and forth and what negotiation really is and the mind tricks that people play with in negotiation, all that stuff. It's like a. It's like a really solid introduction to sales. But at what level of sales are you that this guy becomes the answer.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Right.

[Brian Green]

You know what I'm saying? What are you selling?

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Like, mosquito services for your backyard Certification.

[Brian Green]

With something you don't need certification with.

Because book your certifications. No one cares.

Get in my calendar. Let's listen to another one. Here he is. He's got a nice color shirt. I'll give him that.

[Sales Consultant]

I offer a 30 minute complimentary conversation. I will not try to sell you anything. I will add massive value to your life and business. My calendar is in the description below. Please have my calendar to learn more.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

His face changes too.

[Brian Green]

I know. He starts yelling and then he's saying.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, well, I wonder what that means.

[Brian Green]

I order, I offer a 30 minute complimentary podcast. I will not try and sell you anything. I will laugh. I will add no value to your life whatsoever.

You will have to listen to commercials. Get on my calendar. A 30 minute conversation for free where you're not going to try and sell me anything.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

You're a.

[Brian Green]

You're a sales consultant. What else are you going to do on that 30 minute phone call? You're going to try and sell me nothing? Really? Is that the truth? I don't believe it. This is why this guy rings a little bit insincere. Not. Let's not mention the shtick. That he's got. And I listen, everybody's got a shtick online. We got a shtick on this show. It doesn't work very well, but I wonder if his does either. But here's his shtick. His stick is let me yell at you so I get your attention right off the. Right off the rip. Let me yell at you and then kindly tell you where to go to use my products and services. I am a sales consultant. I will add massive value to your life. But I'm not being honest with you right from the moment that I meet you on that, which is I am going to sell you something. I do want your money. I need your money. And that's where Brian Tracy would tell this guy he's wrong. He should say. He should say, I need your money.

To change out my tie dye poster.

Get on my calendar.

I offer a 30 minute pressure filled phone call to use my services.

Get on my calendar.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, he should be up front.

[Brian Green]

He should be up front.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

He did in the other one. He said it was $300 to get.

[Brian Green]

That's right. Well, that's what I like. I like to know what I'm getting myself into. $300 right off the get. There you go. You know our friend Allison Hair, who should be credited to some degree with getting the commercial break. Its legs. Its original legs. What I mean by, yeah, what I mean by that is, is that Astrid encouraged me to do a podcast, if you want to call it like a video vlog show on YouTube. I didn't love that. I didn't love looking at myself in the camera. I didn't like being in camera. And then Astrid said, well, you should do a podcast. But a couple months later, it wasn't until a couple months later when Allison Hare, who had been doing a podcast for about six or seven months before we started, put together a, like a group of people, like a launch program where she would teach you all the things you needed to know about starting naming.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

It was like a little incubator.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, like a little incubator. And then all the technical aspects about getting the podcast out the door. I joined that. It was like six weeks long. I faithfully attended. I did the homework, I did the things. We worked as a group together to encourage each other. And then out of that comes the commercial break that you hear now. Right. Or this version of the commercial break. Allison still does that. She's still out there doing podcast launching and podcast coaches and podcast incubators and all that. As a matter of fact, that's what she does now, right? Full time. What I like about Allison, when she puts together a. Whatever. Podcast about her podcast launch program, a real or whatever, is that she adds the value right there. She tells you.

How.

Or. Excuse me, she tells you why, and she tells you what. And then she asks you to join her for the how part of it, which I think is the best way to do that. Tell somebody. I. I'm gonna charge you for my valuable knowledge. Yeah. But here's a little tidbit so that you can understand whether or not this is the right service or program for you. If our friend here, Hugh Hackman, would in fact start off with that, give us a little. A little nugget of information, little tidbit of information, something we could sink our teeth into beforehand, then I think I would trust him that if I was in the market for a sales consultant, that would be good. Again, I don't know who needs his services. Who. What are you selling, if this is it? Door to door, Bible sales. Yeah.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

I mean, there's so many types of sales.

[Brian Green]

It's true. It's really true. I have a friend who's selling solar panels right now, and he is the perfect guy. He is the perfect guy for solar panel sales. You know who's the. The guy in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. The Sean Penn place.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Right.

[Brian Green]

Whatever his name is. Yeah, they call him Bender. Is it Bender? Okay. Don't know his name or something?

[Tina Tannen]

No, no, no.

[Brian Green]

It starts with a P. P. Yeah. Look it up. We gotta look it up. People are yelling, by the way. We're gonna get seven text messages. You know what I love about you? The audience, the listeners. Do you know what I love about you? I'm gonna share this with you right now, and I love, love, love this. And Allison is one of these people. When you're listening to our show and Chrissy and I get stuck in a Spicoli, when we are in a moment like this and we're stuck, or we're saying something wrong or we can't get it right, or we don't remember the name or whatever it is, you, the listener, will stream of consciousness, text us the answer while you're listening, as if we were right here waiting for the answer from you like it was live. I love it. I love it. It makes me laugh every time. I get such a kick out of it. And it happens more than I'd like to admit, people, because sometimes I'll pick up the phone and it'll be like, Bill Murray wasn't in Ghostbusters. Two Or Bruce Willis started Moonlighting because of this.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And I'll look at the phone and I'll go, well, that's a weird text message to get. And then I'll have to remember, oh, yeah, we talked about that. You and I were struggling to remember the answer to this, and they were listening to the episode and texted us in that moment, do that more often, because it really makes me happy. Very much so. Spicoli is this character in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. And my friend is Spicoli from Fast Times at Ridgemont High. That's who he is. He is the exact same personality, stoned in everything. He is the perfect guy to go out and give sell you solar panels because. Mainly because he's not the one actually attaching them to your roof. But then additionally, he just. He knows his. But he's got this, like, weird way of selling it. Like, he's the kind of guy you would. A crunchy dude that you would expect to be selling you solar panels. He has no sales technique whatsoever except to show up at your door and befriend you and then explain to you why you need solar panels.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

God. Who's still going door to door? That's. That's kind of dangerous now.

[Brian Green]

I totally agree with you. Especially when you're doing something as divisive as saving the earth with solar panels. I mean, it really is.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

I had a door to dare Bible salesmen. The new door to door vacuum cleaner is the roof people. And they are ballsy. They come to our house once every other week. Somebody knocks on our door.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Really?

[Brian Green]

I can get you a new free roof with your insurance company. Your roof needs to be replaced. I can do it tomorrow. I've got a crew on standby. I was driving by. I mean, they're ballsy and they won't stop ringing your doorbell if they see a car out front. They just keep ringing the doorbell. Wow. They're so desperate to sell me a roof and I don't need a roof. I just replaced the roof, like, nine years ago. I don't need a new roof. I imagine I get 20 years out of it. They're so desperate to sell it and they have zero sales. Maybe they are the ones who need this guy.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Maybe because it's just.

[Brian Green]

They just approach it all wrong. Did you know your roof needs to be replaced? I don't think it does. I just replaced it nine years ago. Oh, who replaced it? What does it matter who replaced it?

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Right? They're going to knock.

[Brian Green]

Yes, my buddy Jose replaced what do you need to know? I don't know. Why does it matter? Because if you didn't replace it. Because if they didn't use the, you know, the potty technique. The potty technique? What's that? Overlapping, underlapping, overlapping below, under, you know, whatever, then you're going to have damage on your. You know, the. Under your roofing. And I. I don't see any water in my house. Oh, you don't? No. Oh, well, you will. Okay, let's scare me into a new roof. Sounds great.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, sign me up.

[Brian Green]

Meanwhile, I got Pizza Hut. I got my. I got. One of my kids is drinking bleach right now because she thinks that soda pop. Can I let you go? Is that all right? One of my 13 children is currently setting the house on fire while you're trying to scare me into a new roof. Do you mind if I go? Is that okay? Anyway, those are the people that need this guy's help because, you know, he. He also has a reel that I didn't. I didn't collect, but he's got a reel where he says, all y' all in.

All y' all. In my comments, talking about what an idiot I am. Meanwhile, I sold. I made $453,000 today alone.

It's like, oh, you did with the tie dye poster or without the tie dye poster in the zoom phone call. I'm not knocking him. He's out there. He's doing it. Anybody who's hustling for a living gets my respect. That's all I gotta say. However, that is the voice.

That is 5:30.

That guy. That is that guy. That is his voice, and I just wanted you to hear it.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

I would like for those two to talk to each other and see that.

[Brian Green]

Oh, God. My mom doesn't even remember who he was. And we suspect maybe he wasn't anybody. He was just a dude who was there visiting or came in off the streets. I mean, there is absolutely no security in that place there. People could just be walking in and out, taking packages, eating free ice cream, sitting down for dinner. There's no. There's nobody checking anything there. I mean, I think they pretty much think that, like, you know, it's older folks, so what could possibly go wrong? But a lot could go wrong, actually. Yeah. 5:30, dude could be in there just, you know, rampaging. He could be having sex with all the women. I mean, you never know. I know.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. Those places, you really can just come in and out.

[Mystery]

Yeah.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

There's like a guest book that I remember. I had to sign for my grandfather's. But like if you don't sign it half the time no one was there.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, if you. That's right. If you don't. There's no guest book at my mom's place. And literally the doors just swing open. Now, they lock at 9:30.

9, 9:30.

But first of all, who decided 9:30 was the time when bad guys come? Do you know what I'm saying? Like, couldn't they come 5:30?

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

They didn't come any time.

[Brian Green]

They could come at 4:15, 9:30. Like that's a magical hour that nothing bad happens after. You know what I'm saying? Nothing bad happens before 9:30. Unless my parents were right that nothing good happens after 10 o'. Clock.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

That's true.

[Brian Green]

Well, you know what? That ended up being true. So I'm just letting you know that Chrissy doesn't even go to bed till one in the morning.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

No.

[Brian Green]

Nope. All right, we'll be back. We'll be back.

[Rachel]

Okay. You're probably wondering why I, Rachel, have taken over the V duties at tcb. It's pretty simple. Astrid asked me to shut Brian up, even for a minute. Well, lovely Astrid, your wish is my command. Do you want to help Astrid too? You know you do. Leave a message for her or me or Chrissy at 212-4333-TCB. That's 212-433-3822. You can be on the show too. Just call and say something, anything. Or text us and we'll text you right back. Promise. Then head over to tcbpodcast.com and get your free sticker. It's your constitutional right to a sticker. And we must abide. You get the point? Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and watch all the episodes on [e-mail] thecommercial break. Best to you and Astrid. Especially Astrid.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Oh, well.

[Brian Green]

Well, okay. No skin off my back.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

You know the clickbait.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. On the border is not the worst. It's food.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

No, it's not. There's one right there at Lenox.

[Brian Green]

We were talking about the. All these like clickbaity articles. You know, massive food chain, restaurant chain closes and then you. It's the Tejas, which is in Arizona. Okay, all right. In New Mexico. But on the backs of that, we're just reading the breaking news that Phil McGraw's TV network, that was the anti woke network that was going to stop the disease and pestilence coming through your television with woke networks in your children's faces all the time. That basically just played Dr. Phil shows on three runs.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

You know, because that's what. My children should be watching it. It's bankrupt. And I didn't know that it was being distributed by tbn.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Trinity.

[Brian Green]

Trinity Broadcasting Network, which is of course is a mega church offshoot. It's a Christian broadcasting network. Wow. Did Dr. Phil take a left hand turn at Albuquerque?

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, he did.

[Brian Green]

He really did. I mean, there was a time when I think we all agreed Dr. Phil was bringing Straight Talk. Straight Talk. This is going to be a changing day in your life. I want you to. I want you to make friends with my friends at the commercial break. Now, they paid us a lot of money to say these things, but you can go to YouTube.com the commercial break if you want to watch. And they fuck ghosts and talk to aliens. And talk to aliens and generally have potty mouse. They are woke. Yes, we are Dr. Phil.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, Dr. Phil.

[Brian Green]

Oh, I used to have. I don't think I have it in here anymore, but I used to have the Dr. Phil.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Oh, yeah, you had that.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I had it there for a while. All right. Okay, a couple more things I wanted to get to last week I forgot to talk about mystery. I said I teed up that I was going to talk about mystery and his new boot camps. I'll get to that in one second. But another thing that I found interesting online I wanted to share with you. Did you know you now can roll your dead ones around town and have mobile viewing services? Yes, there is some wild shit happening in the funeral funeral industry. One of the guys who got us onto Clubhouse, who started like on what was called Club Pod at the time, or what he was calling the largest podcast related social audio club in the world because it was the only podcast related social audio club in the world. One of the guys who started that, not gonna name him. He also owned podcast magazine. He left the podcast industry. He left us all high and dry. Just took off one day I think because everyone started to understand he probably wasn't all that he claimed to be. He didn't have podcast. I mean, he didn't even have a podcast and podcast magazine. No one was asking for a magazine about podcasting. Nor were we asking for the Casey kasem style top 100 podcasts that you could basically game by just putting submitting your name over and over again. Anyway, he left to start a funeral home.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Really?

[Brian Green]

Yes. And now I recently saw that he left the funeral business to be a DJ. The guy's 62 years old. I mean, he's this is the goofiest motherfucker I've ever met in my entire life. Don't knock the hustle. He's hustling. And listen, I've had a lot of jobs, too, you know, I've changed industries a lot. I. I was working in commercial real estate before. I had a podcast. A comedy podcast nonetheless. But this funeral home industry is wild. And when he was doing videos about his funeral home, that was wild then. I've seen that in the African American community, in the black community, it's becoming very popular to pose your loved ones the way that they used to be, to be like they are alive during the wake, during the services. So I have seen some crazy shit, like a guy on a motorcycle, eyes wide open.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

You showed me that.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And then I've seen guys sitting next to his TV with a. With his beer in his hand and smoking a cigarette. The cigarette. Literally smoking like they made it smoke. They made the cigarette smoke? Yes, they lit it. It was smoking. There's just the nuttiest stuff you've ever seen. Guy who loved to play football in a football pose. It's his real body. They stuck a bunch of sticks in it to make him look that way. It's like they Disney fied taxidermied him. They taxidermied him. It's insane. It's insane. Well, now we've taken this all to new levels. At a new level as you can throw the. Throw her old bones on in there and roll her around town. Let everyone see her in a mobile viewing cart in a van. Let's take a listen to this commercial for the mobile viewing services.

[Mobile Viewing Service Host]

Today is one of our mobile viewing services. We just loaded the decedent and all of the equipment to prepare us for the service.

[Brian Green]

A lot of Whitney Houston's miss you.

Like crazy all of a sudden.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

I like Wind Beneath my wings.

[Brian Green]

I know it's miss you like crazy. Miss you like crazy. I miss you like. But the elevator version. You know what I'm saying? Y. We just loaded the decedent. We just loaded the decedent.

[Mobile Viewing Service Host]

Families choose our mobile viewing service due to religious restrictions, funeral phobias, financial hardships.

[Brian Green]

Funeral phobias and financial hardships.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

How much does this cost?

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Amen. First of all. Second of all, if you have a phobia of funerals, what do you have of a dead person rolling up under your front lawn, showing up in your garage? They're in my carport now. They're literally brought to you. Yeah, we brought the fear to you. Congratulations.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Did you see too, it had like a case of water.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Well, wait, hold on. It gets much better.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Like a little rug.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. This is the most normal part of this commercial. Hold on.

[Mobile Viewing Service Host]

And here we are writing to the location in which the family had chosen and that we have approved upon.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, there needs to be approval to approve the location.

[Mobile Viewing Service Host]

Arriving, we begin to park the vehicle.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

They're in the style with a Mercedes sprinter van.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Hey, listen, those Mercedes sprinter vans, they're not cheap and they're really cool. Ast and I have talked about getting one if this podcast ever makes any money.

[Mobile Viewing Service Host]

Scene is safe. And here you have it. We're pulling up.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

The way you're involved.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. What happens if someone dies? What happens if someone dies while you're showing dead people?

[Mobile Viewing Service Host]

This is our final setup. Since it's a little hot today, we made sure that the families are well hydrated along with our.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

They're. They just pulled up outside of a. Of a cemetery.

[Brian Green]

Yes, they just pulled up outside of a cemetery. Well, I guess it's short drive to throw them down in the ground, I guess.

[Mobile Viewing Service Host]

Staff. We make sure that the area is safe.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Green]

They have a TV in the back playing doves flying through the air. Meanwhile, the dent is hot. I can only imagine the smell in there. They have water outside. They put a picnic table outside of the water.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

I'm so confused.

[Brian Green]

I am too. Just take them to the cemetery and put them in the water.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Just go ahead and do graveside.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, just go ahead. Roll his old bones on there.

[Mobile Viewing Service Host]

This is our final setup.

[Brian Green]

It looks like a bachelorette. A bachelorette party. Yeah.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

I bet they rent it out too.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, you know they do.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Party bus.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Tuesday Jerry was in here. On Friday we're going to the strip club.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. Open casket.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, open. Open casket at 90 degrees. Yeah, it's hot enough to be passing out cold water, but it's just fine for open casket. Yeah.

[Mobile Viewing Service Host]

And this vehicle was not bought. This vehicle was built by my husband.

[Brian Green]

This vehicle was not bought. Of course it was bought. What are you talking about?

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

It was built by the husband.

[Brian Green]

Still got the party seats in the back.

[Mobile Viewing Service Host]

And the family is also. And the lights.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, I like the colored lights.

[Brian Green]

The colored lighting. Yeah, that's. I got that in my. In one of my cars too, too.

[Mobile Viewing Service Host]

Alongside of their loved one with a comfort snack.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah, snacks.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Are you hungry?

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Hey, you want some lays?

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, that's what they've got. Bat little baggies.

[Brian Green]

Now you have to imagine it's a sprinter van. A black Mercedes Sprinter van. Door, wide open. Casket in the back. Casket open. And then a picnic table with a black tablecloth on top of it. And there's some lays and some water in, like, buckets you buy at Walmart. Listen, before you go see Jerry, would you like some Cheetos and a Sprite? I know.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

I'm picturing people, like, munching chips as they're looking.

[Brian Green]

I love Jerry, but these Cheetos are really good. Can you roll this van over to my house and be done? I'm hungry.

[Sales Consultant]

Of course.

[Mobile Viewing Service Host]

We have to always.

[Brian Green]

Whoa.

Oh, a girl just popped out of the bottom. She's wearing a T shirt, and look.

[Mobile Viewing Service Host]

Who came to help. So Ky is serving today. Because of the heat, we made her dress accordingly.

[Brian Green]

We made her dress in her stitch outfit.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Did she have, like, Mickey Mouse gloves on, too?

[Brian Green]

Well, those were, like, plastic gloves, but so, you know, for food safety. But obviously they didn't buy them in child size, so they'd look like Mickey Mouse gloves. I mean, it's all just, like, kind of crazy.

[Mobile Viewing Service Host]

The cemetery where the decedent will be laid to rest.

[Brian Green]

Us.

[Mobile Viewing Service Host]

This is our mobile viewing service.

[Brian Green]

I mean, I, I, I hate to knock it, but I also. Because I imagine that a lot of people use it. Do you know what I'm saying? I got to imagine that people. Listen, they wouldn't have spent all that money on that van unless they did. All right, so if you need.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Hold on, because I guess you're taking away the funeral home. You're just. It's just mope. The home. The funeral home is mobile.

[Brian Green]

The funeral home is mobile. So when she says because of financial constraints, she's really talking about her constraints. I don't have a building to put your loved one in. Yeah, but hey, listen, necessity is the mother of invention. Somebody wanted this, and now this is probably popular in multiple places, and maybe it is convenient. I don't know. I guess it doesn't really matter where you view someone. I'm probably not. I would rather do it in a funeral home, but, you know, that's, that's not me. All right, I was talking about mystery last week. Before we go. I was talking about mystery last week. He's got a boot camp. He's. He's on the move. He's doing things. You know, I've been paying attention to these boot camps as they move across the world, which basically sounds like they rent Airbnb and then they spend three or four days with three or four guys who are willing to pay five or six thousand dollars. A piece to spend time with Mystery.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

To pick up girls.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, but I don't even think they get. I listened to reviews about this and watch videos. A lot of times they don't even get to the picking up girls part. They just hang out with Mystery and his friends for a couple of days. I think what is. It's about connection. I think people are willing to pay for connection. Doesn't matter if it's female or not. Anyway, Mystery, we'll get to that next week because it's a little bit more of an in depth video about the boot camps. But I did want to share this. We got a little bit of time. Mystery recently was on a podcast or something, and they're talking about what should be the first or second date. Where should you go? What should you do? So let's listen to mysteries, answers. Here we go.

[Mystery]

I avoid the date.

[Brian Green]

I hate pop.

[Mystery]

Anyway, we learned it the hard way.

[Brian Green]

It makes me.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Avoid the coffee.

[Brian Green]

Look how old he looks. He's like 62 years old. He looks. Yeah. Flavor saver. Still. Still that stringy long hair.

[Mystery]

It doesn't work. It's too me against her. She's on the other side of the table at the coffee shop.

[Brian Green]

Me against her.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Well, what are you supposed to be at a table.

[Brian Green]

Are you playing Dungeons and Dragons? What are we doing? Yeah, you go to a coffee day. That sounds pretty, like, ambiguous.

[Mystery]

Yeah, I don't like.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

But at a table, any kind of table, even if you're in a regular.

[Brian Green]

Restaurant, we'll sit in a booth. Sit on top of her. Ask her to sit on your lap. That way it's you and her against somebody else.

[Mystery]

Set up. It's not conducive to pickup. Instead, I would invite them to tag along with some chores I have to do.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Nothing says. Says first date. Like I've got a run. Some errands.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, nothing.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Wonder if you would come along. Tag along.

[Brian Green]

Nothing says first date. Like I gotta get my carbuncles shaved off at the podiatrist. You want to come along?

[Mystery]

Gotta do some banking.

[Brian Green]

I gotta do some banking. Some banking. I gotta do some banking.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Why don't you come with me?

[Brian Green]

My account's 300 in the negative. Do you have 100 I can borrow? Yeah. Bring your checkbook. I gotta do some bank banking. So. Banking. Who does banking anymore?

[Mystery]

Gotta pick up headshots.

[Brian Green]

I gotta pick up headshots.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

All right.

[Mystery]

Pick up my new boots. Why don't you come tag along with me?

[Brian Green]

Maybe you're gonna pick up my new boots. I Feel like these are chores he actually has to do.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

There they are.

[Mystery]

Got some chores you want to take care of too. You got some banking?

[Brian Green]

We can get it all done together.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Double bank.

[Brian Green]

You want to go. You want to go dutch on banking or picking up my boots or my headshots?

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

You want to go on a double banking date?

[Brian Green]

I still owe the photographer $500. You want to go double Dutch? Hopscotch on that? Hopscotch. You want to go hopscotch on banking?

[Mystery]

Fun day two. You know, just hang out rather than putting the dating frame on top of it. It feels too formal.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, he's giving advice that's gonna get no one laid ever. I mean, honestly, dude, Dude, I gotta be. You don't invite someone to go do banking with you and pick up your headshot until you're married. Okay? That's probably the best thing to do.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Even then. Yeah. Who's. Who's doing the banking?

[Brian Green]

No one's doing banking. Do it on your phone. If you still have to do banking, you're banking at the wrong bank. Do you know what I'm saying?

Oh, how did duty?

Well, I will say it's an interesting world out there and we've covered a lot today.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

This might need to be a new segment, though. Is like, weird Instagram.

[Brian Green]

That's what I'm doing.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

I've been.

[Brian Green]

I've been collecting them, and so I figured out how I can. Like, there's enough poll Instagram reels, because before I was just able to talk about them, maybe play the audio for them, but now I can pull them down and. And we can watch them and you can see them on YouTube.com the commercial break. But not on Dr. Phil's network anymore. No. I don't even know if he does a podcast podcast anymore. He used to have a pretty popular podcast. Yeah. But you know what this is? This is a restructuring. Dr. Phil will be back. Don't cry, don't sing. Don't sing Such a Sad song for Dr. Phil.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, he's not going away.

[Brian Green]

No. He's a billionaire. That guy's a billionaire. And like all other billionaires, that means he's bending the knee. He's bending the knee. Oh, Lord, what are we gonna do? You know, I was thinking about. We need to get that South Georgia Sean down there to the. That gator traz or whatever it is and get him to start collecting those gators around there and let those poor folks out. What? I mean, unbelievable. We're punishing people by putting them in a serpentine everglades soaked everglades.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Dr. Phil does still have a podcast I'm looking at.

[Brian Green]

Oh, he does? What's it called?

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

It's called the Dr. Phil Podcast.

[Brian Green]

Okay.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

And the last episode was Beyonce wore a shirt. The Internet lost its mind. The real story with Dr. Phil.

[Brian Green]

Oh, it's probably. She's probably a Satanist.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Oh my God. Oh, Dr. Phil. Now I'm mad I ever paid the guy to do anything, you know, man. But this is before we knew. None of us knew he was just a shitty daytime television guy when we did that. He was like our. One of our first. First host read ads that we did.

Anyway.

212-4333 TCB 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. We take them all right there at that phone number. Do text us. We'd love to talk to you at the commercial break on Instagram. Thank you for subscribing. Keep doing it. YouTube.com the commercial break for all the episodes on video. Same day they air here on the audio and tcb podcast.com for all the audio, video and your free sticker. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

I'll tell you that I love you.

[Chris Krista Joy Hoadley]

I love you.

[Brian Green]

Best to you.

Best to you.

The best you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say we do say and we must say goodbye.

Sam.