Never Have We Ever...

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Never Have We Ever..."

The Commercial Break
Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley
Release Date: January 23, 2024

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Overview

In this hilarious, unfiltered episode, Bryan Green and Krissy Hoadley play a raunchy "Never Have I Ever" game sourced from Buzzfeed, revealing wild stories, reflections on sexual milestones, and personal confessions. The episode blends their signature absurd banter with candid conversation about everything from French kissing and skinny dipping to sex parties, embarrassing moments, and advice for a listener’s post-divorce love dilemma. True to The Commercial Break’s "Cheesecake Factory of comedy" style, the show is equal parts improv and intimate oversharing, pulling listeners in with relatable, riotous honesty.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. "Never Have I Ever" Buzzfeed Game (02:32 – 39:00)

• Silly to Scandalous Survey Questions

  • The hosts start with light-hearted questions (crushes, holding hands).
  • Bryan: “This is geared toward the seventh and eighth graders.” (02:56)
  • They laugh at the "sadness" of Buzzfeed voters who haven't kissed or held hands.
    • Quote: "Are they living in an arctic circle? What's going on here?" — Bryan (04:07)

• Escalating to Adult Content

  • Questions get steamier: sexting, nude photos, sex acts, and orgies.

  • Both hosts admit to almost everything (sending nudes, strip twister, sex toys).

  • French Kissing Preferences (05:10):

    • Bryan recounts kissing a girl who didn't want tongue, “It was like I had a chapstick stick in my tongue or something.”

  • Naked Games & Parties (11:21 onwards):

    • Bryan narrates wild stories of “naked Twister” with coworkers:
      "My ball sack is, like, on this guy's leg..." — Bryan (12:47)
    • Both laugh about accidental intimate positioning and post-party awkwardness.

• Banter on Sexual Experiences

  • Compare notes on everything from strip poker to skinny dipping.
  • Open joking about “jizzle drizzle,” “taint sauce,” and “cuddle puddle.”
  • Quote: "Just the tip. Do it in the butt. It's not really sex. Can't get pregnant." — Bryan (11:10)

• Public Sex & Embarrassing Moments

  • Making out in public, accidental walk-ins, "dry humping" nostalgia.
  • Mention sex being difficult in showers:
    "Unless you have like a handmade stool just for sex... it's a lot of logistics." — Bryan (22:03)

• Open-Minded, Sex-Positive Tone

  • Discussion is irreverently honest and supportive of experimentation, but also pokes fun at their own limits.
  • Notable Quote: "I'm hoping this is the same amount of people... No more people have received [oral sex]! No, no, that's not true. Actually, it's the exact same." — Bryan (17:49)

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2. Listener Advice Segment: "Ask TCB" (40:39 – 55:53)

Dilemma: Dating Your Ex's Friend

• Listener writes in with a story of drunken sexting and a recent hookup with her ex-husband’s almost-best friend, unsure whether to pursue the connection or leave it in the past.

Summary of Letter (42:13 – 48:43):

• Post-divorce, the listener and “David” (ex’s friend) flirt drunkenly, exchange nudes, eventually sleep together after drinks.
• Now, she’s conflicted: it felt meaningful, but could be disastrous for co-parenting and social dynamics.

Bryan & Krissy’s Advice & Takeaways (48:43 – 55:53):

• Bryan’s Initial Take:
  • "Get it while the getting's good." But quickly advises against further entanglement.
  • Shares a personal experience of resisting a similar situation for the same reasons.
• Krissy’s Perspective:
  • Warns of fall-out for their child:
    “The child involved kind of negates things... the husband would react and then it would be disastrous.” (51:53)
• Consensus:
  • One-night stand: fine, but don’t pursue a relationship now. Too risky for the family dynamic, especially with a child involved.
  • Maybe reconsider in the future when emotions and circumstances are less fresh.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Buzzfeed’s Vanilla Questions:
  “I thought it was going to be fun, and now I'm all depressed about these people who've never had human contact.” — Bryan (04:07)

• On Naked Twister:
  “It's okay to rub penises as long as you're playing naked Twister. That's how I justified it to myself.” — Bryan (11:28)

• On Sex Parties & Orgies:
  “Live orgy. Live orgy. This weekend at the Georgia Aquarium… Foursomes, five sums, 18 sums. Dicks, plussies, taints...” — Bryan (33:04)

• On Relationship Advice:
  “Things can go south real quick. People get unreasonable real quick when they find out that you're fudgeing their best friend.” — Bryan (53:14)

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Important Timestamps

• 00:37 – 02:32: Warm-up banter, intro to the “Never Have I Ever” game.
• 02:32 – 39:00: "Never Have I Ever" Buzzfeed game, threaded with wild stories and confessions.
• 11:21 – 12:47: The epic “naked Twister” story.
• 22:58 – 24:35: Stories of being walked in on while masturbating or having sex.
• 40:39 – 48:43: Listener email about drunken sexting and sleeping with an ex’s friend.
• 48:43 – 55:53: Bryan & Krissy’s thoughtful (and funny) response and dating advice.

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Tone & Style

The tone is irreverent, playful, and deeply candid—true to The Commercial Break's improv-comedy roots. Bryan and Krissy lean heavily on their long-running friendship and willingness to laugh at themselves, making even the raunchiest topics utterly approachable. Their advice segment, while comedic, is grounded in empathy and real insight.

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Final Thoughts

This episode is prime TCB: a whirlwind of cheeky anecdotes, wild personal confessions, social commentary, and genuinely helpful advice. Whether you’re here for laughs, solidarity, or cringe-worthy truths, “Never Have We Ever…” is a memorable listen full of NSFW gems and oddly heartwarming moments—with plenty for new and loyal listeners alike.

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Find more at: tcbpodcast.com | Instagram: @thecommercialbreak | TikTok: @tcbpodcast

Transcript

[Brian Green]

What do you guys want? Let me get a frate motete and then let me get a trenta pinkity drinkity drinkity pinkity dinky and a frate mate. What the hell? A frate mate and a frinky pinky dinky. Was that a drink and a pate frante mate? On this episode of the commercial break, I don't think I've had sex with two people in the same the same day, but I've definitely been sexual with two people in the same day.

[Kristen Joy]

Like two different occasions in the day.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. One in the morning, one in the night.

[Kristen Joy]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

You know, party in the woods kind of thing.

[Kristen Joy]

All you had to say was party in the woods.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, that's where I had a six. All you had to say, sweaty, sweaty trailer. My sweaty, sweaty Taylor with my jizzle drizzle. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Yeah, boy. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the director of craft services, Kristen Joy. Only best to you, Chris, and best of you out there in the podcast universe. Chrissy, cooking up some food for the show. Naked in the kitchen with Jeff. Jeff's dingle dangles hanging everywhere. It's just part of the flavor. Savor the flavor of a little taint sauce.

[Kristen Joy]

Little dash of this, Dash of that.

[Brian Green]

A little dash of that, A little dish of that. A little drizzle, a little jizzle. Know what I'm saying? Put a little jizzle drizzle on there. Nothing like a, you know, goat cheese and beet salad with a little jizzle drizzle.

[Kristen Joy]

Little drizzle.

[Brian Green]

It's Jeff's special jizzle drizzle. What does he do like a jizzle drizzle reduction over there?

[Kristen Joy]

Little olive oil and jizzle.

[Brian Green]

Olive oil and jizzle drizzle. Yeah. Oh, sounds tasty. Actually sounds like something Rachel would cook. Yeah, yeah, Rachel's actually a really good cook. Our friend Rachel, she's a really good cook from that time. She did like the cheeseburger party. Yes. Do you remember that?

[Kristen Joy]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

And I was over there and helping out and it was so, so good. Of course, we all threw it up 50 seconds later after we decided to go on a three day bender.

[Kristen Joy]

But, you know, yeah, we had a.

[Brian Green]

Good base going until we didn't. That was that. Hi, Rachel. Hi, Bob.

[Kristen Joy]

Hi, Bob.

[Brian Green]

So you want to play a little game?

[Kristen Joy]

Yeah, let's do it.

[Brian Green]

We're gonna play one of those buzzfeed trivia games.

[Kristen Joy]

Oh, gosh. Okay.

[Brian Green]

All right. And it's 50 questions. Never have I ever sexually related. All right, but this really. This goes from very lame to not so lame. But I don't think any of this is particularly, like, crazy. So we're gonna play it. I'm gonna press it as we go along. We'll get a score. You ready?

[Kristen Joy]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

We'll just do it together.

[Kristen Joy]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

All right. Never have I. I mean, like, the first five questions are so stupid. You could tell. This is geared toward the seventh and eighth graders. Never, ever, ever had a crush on somebody. I have. Of course.

[Kristen Joy]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Right? 99. Say yes. Never, ever, ever held someone's 99.

[Kristen Joy]

One. There's 1%.

[Brian Green]

There's one vote. One person. Oh, actually, there's 1875 votes that said no. They've never had a crush on somebody. Oh, that's kind of sad, actually. Like, you should have a crush on somebody by the time you're in third grade.

[Kristen Joy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

It's a crush. It just means you're, like, super into something very interested. Yeah. It doesn't mean you're, like, the love of your life. It just means, you know. You know what it means? I do. I need to explain it to you. All right. Never have I or anybody in the audience. The average age of listener is 68. Never have I ever held someone's hand.

[Kristen Joy]

Of course.

[Brian Green]

Of course. This is stupid. 4%, 5,247 people said they've never held somebody's hand.

[Kristen Joy]

Well, again, that's sad.

[Brian Green]

Were they born in 2020 during COVID I mean, come on. This is crazy. Never have I ever kissed someone on the cheek. Of course. 6%. 7534 votes say they have never kissed someone on the cheek. That. This is, like, sad. This is making me depressed.

[Kristen Joy]

I know, exactly.

[Brian Green]

I thought it was going to be fun, and now I'm all depressed about these people who've never had human contact. Are they living in an arctic circle? What's going on here? Never have I ever kissed someone on the lips. Now I can start to understand where we're getting into. Like, we might be getting bigger numbers. Yes, of course we have. I did once at my wedding. 9%, 10,000.6 said no. Never have I ever kissed someone with a tongue. I've met a few people in my life who actually do not like French kissing at all. They don't want tongue at all. I actually dated a girl for a short period of time who just wasn't into it, so went in for the first kiss. Right. And then naturally, you know, your mouths start to Open. And you do that thing that everyone does. She did not. So I was, like, licking her lips. It was like I had a chapstick stick in my tongue or something.

[Kristen Joy]

I was like, personal preference.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Then she explained to me later that that was not her thing. She wasn't into it. So let's see how many other people are not into it. 14,000.4 or 13% said, no, I've never kissed anybody on the French. French kiss.

[Kristen Joy]

The French way.

[Brian Green]

The French way. Remember how it's such a big deal? That was.

[Kristen Joy]

Oh, yes.

[Brian Green]

How do you do it? When do you do it? What's appropriate? And then the first couple of French kisses are basically, you're licking somebody's face. Yeah, this.

[Kristen Joy]

There's a little flick.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And I have, like, a. A thing with my tongue. A lot of people have it where, you know, I've got that sinew, that piece of tissue that. Under your tongue.

[Kristen Joy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Right. That doesn't allow my tongue to go out very far. So, like, Astro can put her tongue all the way down to her chin almost. I. I can barely, like, put it out of my mouth some. Yeah, I think you got the same problem, too.

[Kristen Joy]

I don't think I can go very far.

[Brian Green]

You got to have one long and one short in the relationship. That's how it goes. So Jeff doesn't have that. I im. Never have I ever. Chisel drizzle. Put a little chisel drizzle on it. You can get that thing clipped, by the way. A lot of some people do that. Who knows? So they can look like Gene Simmons from Chaos. Joy Rocksteader. Who fucking cares? Never have I ever played Spin the Bottle. I have.

[Kristen Joy]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Early on, 42% or 46,000 people said, I have not played Spin the Bottle. This is telling you what the average age of people that are answering this question are. Because, I mean, by the time you're. I don't know. I don't know. Is that a thing you think the kids still do today?

[Kristen Joy]

I have no idea what the kids are doing.

[Brian Green]

I have no idea either. I don't know what people under 18 are doing today. I really don't know.

[Kristen Joy]

What people under 21 on their phone that's similar.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, there's. Yeah, it's like a game they play. It's called Tinder. Never have I ever played Seven Minutes in Heaven. Of course I have.

[Kristen Joy]

Have you played it Minutes in Heaven? I don't know that I have.

[Brian Green]

I played it that way.

[Kristen Joy]

Go into the.

[Brian Green]

Yes. You go into a closet.

[Kristen Joy]

Okay. And kiss.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, whatever. You can get away with Spin the Bottle, but then it's seven Minutes in Heaven. So you spin the bottle, and then whichever person you land on, you have to go in the closet for seven minutes.

[Kristen Joy]

Like, straight out of Teen Wolf.

[Brian Green]

This is straight out of Teen Wolf. By the way. Everyone in Teen Wolf looks like they're in their 40s. If you go back and watch that movie. It's terrible. It's terrible. I played.

[Kristen Joy]

He was able to buy the beer.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, of course. Because he was 42. They totally give me a grandpare. Wrong, Mr. Pickford. Altogether as is Days and Confused. There's quite a few people in Days of Confused that also look like they're 42. What a great movie that was, though. So 83 of people have not played this. And I understand why. This might be a game that was popular back then and not popular now. Like, who really wants to go in the right closet with stranger for seven minutes? And by the way, each time that I did seven minutes in heaven, with the exception of one heaven, it was not heaven. It was like, what do we do now? I don't know. Let's just, like, rustle around for a minute and pretend we're doing something. Never have I ever. Oh, by the way, 90,000 people, 83% never have I ever made out with someone in public. Oh, yes, I have. Oh, yes, yes. This one. Strangely enough, you go into the closet, and all you have to do is pretend you're making out. But if you want to do it in public in front of everybody, almost 77% said, yes, they've made out in public with somebody. So never have I ever sexted with someone. Of course, Astrid and I were long distance for a while. There's a lot of sexting going on, let me tell you that. Or maybe not. Mom and Dad, I. Brian.

[Kristen Joy]

They'Re not listening anymore.

[Brian Green]

It's funny. Yeah. They don't listen anymore. They don't care. They're so over me. It's so funny because her parents are. They're not, like, strictly religious, but as is appropriate, they didn't want us sleeping together before we were married. So whenever in their company, it was the respectful and appropriate thing to sleep in separate hotel rooms or in separate beds at the very least. However, now that we're married, all they can do is beg us for more children. They just want us to have more sex. That's all they're asking us for.

[Kristen Joy]

They want more.

[Brian Green]

They want more. Yeah, they do. I told them, my turn, it's my turn is over. You got to Pick another child. Never have I ever send someone a nude picture of myself.

[Kristen Joy]

Oh, yes.

[Brian Green]

Yes, I have. 62% says they have 64.6 thousand people. It's a lot of pervs out there, including myself.

[Kristen Joy]

Me too.

[Brian Green]

Never have I ever received. Received a naked picture of someone else. Of course I have. Sometimes on, like, I didn't request it. 73,000 or 73% said yes. Never have I ever sent someone a naked picture of myself. Yes, I have.

[Kristen Joy]

I thought we just said that.

[Brian Green]

No, that was sexting. Oh, I think one is like, no.

[Kristen Joy]

We said naked picture of ourselves.

[Brian Green]

Well, I think we were misunderstanding the question. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy]

Yes to all of it.

[Brian Green]

Yes, all of it. I've done all of it. Yes. My answer is going to be yes to all of this. Never have I ever received a naked video of someone. Yes, I have. 53 said yes. 51,000. 60. 52,000. Never have I ever slept with someone. Slept in the same bed with someone with clothes on. Of course. Yes, please. 93 said yes. Jeff and I do it all the time. Jeff, come on over. We'll have a cuddle puddle.

[Kristen Joy]

I'm pretty sure there were a couple of times after wild nights you and I bonked up at a bed. We.

[Brian Green]

We did.

[Kristen Joy]

Slept in the clothes.

[Brian Green]

We did. We were always in clothes. We were always clothed, though. One of the two friends that I have never made out with was you and Rachel. Never have I ever slept in the same bed with someone while naked. Yes.

[Kristen Joy]

Slept in the same bed with someone. Well, yes.

[Brian Green]

Yes, of course. 80% said yes. So who are these chads that have never played spin the bottle or kiss someone on the lips, but they're slee. Sleeping in the bed naked with other people.

[Kristen Joy]

Right.

[Brian Green]

So these kids are up to.

[Kristen Joy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Just the tip. Do it in the butt. It's not really sex. Can't get pregnant. Never have I ever played strip poker. Oh, yes, I have.

[Kristen Joy]

Yeah. That was fun.

[Brian Green]

It was. 74%.

[Kristen Joy]

Where are you on strip? Strip. What's the one where you.

[Brian Green]

Twister. Yes, I did do that one time. Yes, I did. With a couple of people, actually. And that is a rather strange thing. Yes. Because you can end up ball sack to ball sack, if you know what I mean, if you're not careful, which is okay. It's in the spirit of the game. It's okay to rub penises as long as you're playing naked. Twister. That's. That's how I justified it to myself. But that is.

[Kristen Joy]

Yeah, you're taking a risk there on the.

[Brian Green]

On the boner well, yeah, no, I.

[Kristen Joy]

Was going to say him being in, like, maybe an unflattering position.

[Brian Green]

Oh, my asshole was everywhere. Everywhere. It was a long night. There was, like six of us staying at a cabin, and it just got crazy. It was three and three. And the crazy thing was, is we were all couples, so we got so trashed. And they had Twister at the. And so we decided to up the game a little bit and do strip Twister. And all of us ended up naked. And all of us were intertwined, body part to body part.

[Kristen Joy]

And here you talk about Jeff and I that I did not know about this. Wild, intertwined.

[Brian Green]

Well, we just never had that kind of friendship, or I certainly would have.

[Kristen Joy]

Invited you to us.

[Brian Green]

Well, let me tell you. So I'm like 25, 26 years old, restaurant. Working at the restaurant. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy]

All the rest, it all leads back to.

[Brian Green]

It really does, because the craziest people work at restaurants. So we all decide to rent this cabin. We go up there, we're all loosely coupled up, dating. Not like serious serious, just like dating. And we're all in the restaurant industry. And we start playing this game. We're just trashed. And someone finds Twister in, like, the game box. You know, every cabin in the North Georgia mountain woods has a, you know, a box full of games that you can play. We did not watch the game afterwards, though, so I'm really sorry. Sorry. We also played naked. Sorry. So we get going, and quickly, everyone is disrobed because we're really up. And everyone's just having fun with it, right? I ended up straddling another guy's hairy leg. So, like, my ball sack is, like, on this guy's leg, right? And I have my hand down on one of these, and there's a girl. One of the girls is, like, has one leg here and one leg there. And my hand is right below her. And it's such a weird position that everybody's in that eventually we all just collapse on each other.

[Kristen Joy]

That's right. Collapse. Insane.

[Brian Green]

Cuddle, puddle, crash into me. Cuddle, puddle.

[Kristen Joy]

Oops, sorry.

[Brian Green]

And her.

[Kristen Joy]

My hand just touched that. What was that?

[Brian Green]

Nether regions just came right down on me. And this became like an art, like, after everyone sobered up. And a couple of days later, this guy was mad at me because I touched the girl that he was dating's choo chow. But I didn't really touch it. She fell on it. And I quickly pulled my hand away, understanding what was going on. I'm not like a crazy creepy guy, right? And I was with the girl I was dating, but.

[Kristen Joy]

Oh, my God, I can't laugh too hard. Stupid cough.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, go ahead and cough. I'll press the cough button. Okay. Never have I ever skinny dipped by myself.

[Kristen Joy]

Skinny dip by myself.

[Brian Green]

I did. I did my. The night before my first wedding. Okay. I went in the ocean all naked.

[Kristen Joy]

I don't know that I've gone by myself. Someone else. Yes.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I don't think there's a really good reason for me to skinny dip by myself.

[Kristen Joy]

Maybe it would be like a pool. Maybe I was at a pool somewhere.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy]

And I just.

[Brian Green]

You've never been in a hot tub naked by yourself?

[Kristen Joy]

By myself. I'm trying to think.

[Brian Green]

Do you.

[Kristen Joy]

I don't. I. I mean, I have. We've not really had access to just a hot tub all the time.

[Brian Green]

Do you remember the Russian girl that we were friends with? Yes. Okay. I won't say her name here, but, you know, the Russian girl we were friends with. Were you on the cabin trip that we all went. No. One time. Okay. That everybody was naked in that hotel.

[Kristen Joy]

I missed that.

[Brian Green]

And I was by myself for a period of time. That. That was an interesting cabin trip.

[Kristen Joy]

Also, didn't y' all try and go down the whitewater rafting thing?

[Brian Green]

Well, we did go down the whitewater rafting, and then we all ended up naked in the hot tub later on. And our Russian friend had a friend with her.

[Kristen Joy]

That's right.

[Brian Green]

That girl was very interesting.

[Kristen Joy]

That's right.

[Brian Green]

And it ended up being a long night at the old cabin in the hot tub. Never. Okay. So never have I ever gone skinny dipping with other people. Of course I have. Oh, so by the way, 71% said they had never been skinny dipping by themselves. That's 65,000 people. Never have I ever gone skinny dipping with other people. That split almost evenly. 40 to 60% said. 40% said they have. Never have I ever gone streaking by myself. I have not. I have not purposefully gone streaking.

[Kristen Joy]

I have not. Yeah, no. I've never come streaking.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And if I. Streaking. You mean running down the street naked no one wants. Oh, actually, yes, I have. I cut my lawn with a wall and towel one time. Not sure that counts, but no, I have not. I have not, like, run down the street naked by myself. Not Hank the Tank or Frank the Tank or whatever it's called. Okay. This is the one I think we're going to say no to here. The one we're going to say no to. And by the way, 90% said they had never been squeaking by themselves.

[Kristen Joy]

Good for them.

[Brian Green]

Never have I ever had phone sex. Oh, yes, I have phone sex. Phone sex is fun. 56% said yes. 49,000 votes. Never have I ever used a sex toy on myself. Well, here we go. Now we get interesting. I'm gonna guess you're gonna say yes. Yeah, I have. I'm gonna say I tried. So if by trying we mean yes. Okay. Yes. 70% said yes.

[Kristen Joy]

Yes. Good for them.

[Brian Green]

A bunch of liberated people out there. They've never French kissed, but they, you know. Right. Are sticking dildos in every orifice. Never have I ever used a sex toy on someone else. Oh, indeed.

[Kristen Joy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Enjoy. Maximizes the pleasure. When my five seconds of work is done, that's almost even. 45 to 55. 45 saying yes. They have. Never have I ever given someone oral sex. Yes. Of course. 85 said yes. 70, 000 votes. Never have I ever received oral sex. Yes. I'm hoping this is the same amount of people.

[Kristen Joy]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

No more people have received it. No, no, that's not true. Actually, it's the exact same. 84 and 84% said yes. Okay, okay. Never have I ever licked a butthole. I'd like to say I hadn't because I really don't like shit or anything related, but, you know, sometimes you're in the heat of passion and it just happens.

[Kristen Joy]

That's the truth. It's just hashtag true.

[Brian Green]

Hashtag why not? I'm here, I might as well get it all. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I've worked on this spot for a little bit. Why don't I just move into the other spots? You know, upper thigh. In the thigh. The taint. Well, I'm cl. I'm close. I mean, what, is it really gonna hurt if I just stick my tongue in there for a second? I have. I had a girlfriend who really enjoyed that, by the way. 2072% said, I have never licked a butthole. 60,000 never have I had my butthole licked. I'd also like to say that I hadn't had that happen because it's not something I particularly wanted to happen. But it has.

[Kristen Joy]

Yeah. Once you've been around long enough and been in long term relationships too.

[Brian Green]

Well, that was not at all how it happened.

[Kristen Joy]

Okay, well, you try different things.

[Brian Green]

I tell you that story about how I had a friend, you know, you know, our friend, our smelly friend back in the day. Yes, yes, our smelly friend. Then he brought this girl to the bar and then I Ended up, he brought a girl to the bar and ended up taking her home. And it was, you know, he wasn't dating her or anything like that, but I think he was hoping to, but he wasn't. And we had a one night stand, like a crazy one night stand. And then she got up after it was done and she started putting her clothes on. And it's like 3 o' clock in the morning. And we had been drinking the entire night. And I'm like, no, don't been drinking. You don't have to, you don't have to leave. You can stay and you don't even have to stay here. You can go in the guest bedroom. Like you don't have to stay in the room. And she's like, no, no, no, no, no. My fiance is waiting for me at home. And I was like, but this girl was nuts. I left dripping wet with saliva. I mean, I had to wash seven times before I felt fully clean. It was crazy. Never have I ever paid for a porn or only fans account.

[Kristen Joy]

I have not.

[Brian Green]

I have a porn account. Not back in the day.

[Kristen Joy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

When it was a 39.99 to view one picture and it took six hours to download. 88 said they have not paid for an only fans account. Wow, that surprises me actually. I thought these kids were all into the only fans.

[Kristen Joy]

I don't know.

[Brian Green]

Never. And I say kids, who knows who's answering this? Never have I ever been in porn, been a cam model or had my own account. No, I have not.

[Kristen Joy]

I thought about it.

[Brian Green]

I thought about it too. I'm thinking about it right now. Actually.

[Kristen Joy]

We still need to do the feet thing.

[Brian Green]

My feet finder. Yeah, we're getting there. Yeah. A 96% said they have not. Never have I ever put a sex toy in my butt.

[Kristen Joy]

No.

[Brian Green]

Okay, let's see how many people have had or not had that happen. 69% said they have not put a sex toy in their butt.

[Kristen Joy]

And there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with it.

[Brian Green]

No. A lot of people get pleasure of it.

[Kristen Joy]

I would think guys more than girls.

[Brian Green]

Prostate massage thing. I. Somebody was giving a course on prostate massages at some hippie dippy party I was at.

[Kristen Joy]

That's right.

[Brian Green]

Like a live prostate massage.

[Kristen Joy]

We see that. We reviewed those.

[Brian Green]

Oh yeah, that's true. I think we did. Never have I ever had penetrative. Penetrative penetrating sex.

[Kristen Joy]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

My mouth's not working today. Yes, of course. 81%. 63,000.

[Kristen Joy]

What other kind is there?

[Brian Green]

I don't know. There is no other kind. You're gonna have to penetrate something. A mouth, vagina.

[Kristen Joy]

I guess other things could be considered sex.

[Brian Green]

I guess I'd say bring back dry humping.

[Kristen Joy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

I mean, you've.

[Kristen Joy]

You've been an advocate for that. I have time.

[Brian Green]

Not with jeans. Not with jeans. You're just gonna get hurt. Everyone's gonna get hurt in that situation. A good pair of sweatpants. Lululemon is like the greatest invention for dry humping since dry humping. Since Nike sweatpants back in the 80s. Never have I ever showered with another person. Of course. That's so much fun. 82% never have I ever shot had sex.

[Kristen Joy]

They said 82 have had.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Never have I ever had sex while showering with someone. I'd like to say yes. And I did it well, but we've reviewed this before on the show.

[Kristen Joy]

Yeah, it's really hard.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it's really hard. Unless you have like a handmade stool. Just for sex.

[Kristen Joy]

Exactly.

[Brian Green]

It's like, you know, one leg up on the wall. You better be sure she's a lot shorter than you are. Right. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy]

It's a lot of logistics.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. It doesn't work like 50 shades of gray where you just throw somebody up against the wall.

[Kristen Joy]

Yeah. I think of more of like a sensual thing. Wash my back. Wash. Wash your front.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. In. Wash my back. Wash my front. I'll jack you off. You jack me off? Why don't I jack myself off while you jack yourself off? Because I know me better than you know you. You know what I'm saying? Like that whole thing, while we're at it, just let me do it because I know what I like best. I'm used to doing this in the shower. So part of my cleaning routine, cleaning out my insides. Never have I ever had a one night stand. I have. Yes, I have. That's almost split down the middle. 58% saying yes, they did. Never have I ever been accidentally walked in on while pleasuring myself. This has certainly happened to me.

[Kristen Joy]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy]

Do tell.

[Brian Green]

Well, I mean, multiple times. I gotta get my 21 EPMs in, so.

[Kristen Joy]

That's true.

[Brian Green]

I've had multiple girlfriends walk in on it. I had. My ex wife walked in on me one time and she asked me directly, are you whacking off in there? And I was like, no, I'm just lathering up. She goes, it sounds like you're whacking off in there. Because we had like this like, it was like one wall and then a shower glass shower door.

[Kristen Joy]

I remember that.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. You Remember that? In the house. But you couldn't really see that someone was in the bathroom unless you, like, looked a certain way outside the shower. And it had a sliding door, so it wasn't like it opened and closed. You could literally, like, you could open up just a little bit and see the person in the shower, but it was harder to see out of the shower. And so she caught me, and she was like, are you whacking off in there? And I'm like, no, of course not.

[Kristen Joy]

Why didn't you say yes?

[Brian Green]

I don't know. I just felt embarrassed, you know, I felt embarrassed, but it was probably an opportunity to have sex. But she was getting ready to go to work, so. And then I. Brothers have, you know.

[Kristen Joy]

Right.

[Brian Green]

Caught me while I was in the bathroom as a kid, and I think my mom caught me multiple times. My dad said, stop humping the ground a couple times. He did. He said, stop, whatever you're doing over there. I was going to pound town on my.

[Kristen Joy]

Like, on the carpet.

[Brian Green]

No, In a sleeping bag or something. It was like when I was a little. Little kid, like, just learning all about it. I didn't even know it was sexual. I was just like, right. It had a tickle. I had a tickle in my pickle. You know what I'm saying?

[Kristen Joy]

Right. Stop what you're doing.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, stop what you're doing. Whatever you're doing, stop it. Have you ever been walked in on?

[Kristen Joy]

I don't know. I'm trying to think. I mean, it's not as prevalent, you know, with girls growing up as guys.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, true. And. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy]

Growing up.

[Brian Green]

Growing up. Yeah. Never have I ever. Oh, okay. So I did. So let's see how many people, 35 said yes, 65% said no. Never have I ever been accidentally walked in on while having sex. Oh, yes, this has happened to me many, many times.

[Kristen Joy]

Many times.

[Brian Green]

Many times. Because I'm. Because I don't know. I'm a screamer.

[Kristen Joy]

I've walked in on someone else.

[Brian Green]

Oh, you did?

[Kristen Joy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I've been walked in. Remember that one? I went to a. A wedding one time, and I got ended up staying at the bridal house.

[Kristen Joy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And that girl, like, set me up in a room with a girl she wanted to set me up with. So she put us in the same room that had two beds. And the second I walked in, the girl was like, here, wear this cologne. Like, within an hour, we were, like, humping all over the place. And that she. One of my friends, the bride and the groom were having a big screaming Match down on the screened in porch in this beautiful place in Florida. And one of my friends thought that I could for some reason stop the screaming Match if I could just come down and talk sense to them.

[Kristen Joy]

They went in to get you.

[Brian Green]

She just pounded open the door. And I was like, behind this woman just having sex. And I was like, what? And she's like, you guys stop fucking. Come downstairs. There's a problem. She, like, didn't even miss a beat. So, yes, I have. And 40% of people have also. Never have I ever been tied up with ropes or handcuffs during sex. Yes, I have. Yes. Okay. 60% said no. 43,000 people handcuff play. Yes, that's fine. Never have I ever tasted my own discharge or semen. Not because I actually drank it. I did. Wasn't like a jizzle drizzle. I wasn't looking to have it. But I'm sure that in some.

[Kristen Joy]

Right.

[Brian Green]

There's lots of exchanges of flavors going on. And so I'm going to say yes to that. Never have I ever committed an act of consensual voyeurism. Yes.

[Kristen Joy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Like being out there having sex out in public.

[Kristen Joy]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're like, both like, oh, yeah. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy]

I can definitely remember a specific time.

[Brian Green]

All right, we got a few more questions. Let's take a break. We're. We're a little bit running over here. Let's take a break. We'll be back.

[TCB Producer/Host]

Sorry to interrupt, but that's kind of my thing these days. If you're sick of me interrupting, Brian, give us a call at 626 AskTCB 3. Leave us a voicemail and maybe I'll interrupt you on the show instead. You'd love that, wouldn't you? You can also text us at 8:55 tcb8383 and check out our website, tcbpodcast.com for all things tcb. You know what's coming next. Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok @TCB podcast. And now let's listen to some sponsors, because they're the real ones around here.

[Brian Green]

This episode is sponsored in part by Magic Spoon. Okay, if you've listened to any amount of the commercial break, then you know one of my disgusting food habits is to eat sugary cereals with cream late at night. Well, the earth just turned one year older and I've decided to do away with the empty calories and added sugars. The good news for my bad cereal habit, I have Magic Spoon. Magic Spoon Recreates all the flavors that we loved as children without all the baggage that goes in our bellies. It has all the flavors you love, but it's high in protein and it has less sugar. Astrid and I just bought a variety pack that has four flavors. Cocoa, fruity, frosted, and peanut butter. This pack has 0 grams of sugar, 13 to 14 grams of protein, and 4 to 5 grams of net carbs. It's only 140 calories per serving. It's high protein, has 0 grams of sugar, keto friendly, gluten free, grain free and soy free. And I get the taste of my favorite cereal without all the guilt. Magic Spoon is returning to the commercial break as a sponsor and we're so happy and that they're offering you a discount. Go to magicspoon.com tcb to grab a variety pack and try it today. And be sure to use our promo code TCB at checkout to save $5 off your order. And Magic Spoon is so confident in their product, it's backed with a 100% happiness guarantee. So if you don't like it for any reason, they'll refund your money. Absolutely. No questions asked. Remember to start the year off right with a delicious bowl of high protein cereal at magicspoon.com/tcb. And be sure to use the promo code TCB to save $5 off. That's magicspoon.com tcb and use the code tcb to save $5 off. Thank you, Magic Spoon, for being a sponsor of the commercial break and giving me something to look forward to late night after I get out of the studio. All right, we ready? I think we will. My mouth just does not sound like my three year old. Oh, my God. You know, you have some days where mouth just won't do what you want it to do. It's like during sex. All right. Yes. So the last question we asked, we hadn't. I think we may have answered, never have I ever committed an act of consensual voyeurism. Yes, I have. As has 26%. So 74% have not. 52,000 votes. Never have I ever had a threesome. Yes, I have. I've talked about it on this show.

[Kristen Joy]

Yes, we have.

[Brian Green]

Yes, we have. 80% said no. 56,000. Never have I ever had a foursome. Woo.

[Kristen Joy]

Excuse me.

[Brian Green]

No, I have not. Not in the same bed, but I've been in the same room while I was having sex with somebody who was and then another person was also having sex with somebody.

[Kristen Joy]

Did we not swap partners similar to What Adam's trainee.

[Brian Green]

That's right.

[Kristen Joy]

Was trying to do by bringing girls.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. He opens up the door and there's 17 hot. And then stranger. And my friend. And he says, hey, man, can I use the room to all these girls? I said, yeah, but I'm trying to take a nap. So, you know, get on with it. And then he didn't get laid. You know why? Because I didn't bless this union.

[Kristen Joy]

He wanted me to bless it.

[Brian Green]

He wanted me to bless the 18 some. The 18 something.

[Kristen Joy]

He thought that because I brought him to his room. To my room.

[Brian Green]

That's right. Chrissy. You can't ever fulsome unless I say yes. My name's Adam Lawyer. I have not had a foursome where you Swap Partners.

[Kristen Joy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

So 93% also have not had a foursome. I'd like to talk to those 7% who did. Never have I ever hooked up with a dating married couple. No, no.

[Kristen Joy]

A dating. A dating married.

[Brian Green]

A dating or married couple.

[Kristen Joy]

Oh, dating.

[Brian Green]

I've hooked up with people who have been dating someone else. That I have done. Yeah. Yeah. Unbeknownst to me.

[Kristen Joy]

Right.

[Brian Green]

At least most of them. Okay. 87% said no. 61,000. Never have I ever slept with more than one person in the same day. Not during the same sexual experience.

[Kristen Joy]

No.

[Brian Green]

Wow. Okay, let me think about this one.

[Kristen Joy]

That's pretty crazy.

[Brian Green]

That is pretty crazy. I don't think I've had sex with two people in the same day, But I've definitely been sexual with two people in the same day. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy]

Like two different occasions in the day.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. One in the morning, one in the night.

[Kristen Joy]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

You know, party in the woods kind of thing.

[Kristen Joy]

All you had to say.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, that's where I had a six. All you had to say, sweaty, sweaty trailer. My sweaty, sweaty Taylor with my jizzle drizzle. Yes. So let's say yes to that one. 71% said no. 49,000. Never have I ever slept with more than three people in the same day. Not during the same sexual experience. I don't think so. No. I think two was my limit. I think that's all I could handle. That's all I'm built for, quite frankly. I'm Irish. 95% said no. Never have I ever been a part of an orgy. I have never taken part in an orgy. I have been to an orgy.

[Kristen Joy]

Party in the woods.

[Brian Green]

Party in the woods. Or that The. I went to a club one time.

[Kristen Joy]

Oh, that's right.

[Brian Green]

And it was a swingers club. And there was an Orgy. Going back. Yeah. I saw an orgy happening live. Live.

[Kristen Joy]

A live orgy.

[Brian Green]

It was messy and smelly. I'm telling you that much right now. Live orgy. Live orgy. This weekend at the Georgia Aquarium. Orgy. Live. Watch people, fishes. Watch fishes, people. Foursomes, five sums, 18 sums. Dicks, plussies, taints. It's all over the place. You're gonna love it. Bring the kids. Senior discount.

[Kristen Joy]

Lies.

[Brian Green]

Live. Wasn't there a band named Orgy back in the 90s? I think there was, maybe. Okay, so I'm gonna say no to that. I've never been a part of an orgy. 94 haven't been to an orgy. And the other 6% is lying. Never have I ever been to a sex party. I have. 93 have not. 63,000. Never have I ever hosted a sex party. I mean, I've hosted a party where I've had sex at the party, but I've never been. There's never, like a specific invitation only. Yeah, okay. I have. Not.

[Kristen Joy]

Here in Biden.

[Brian Green]

Dear Julie, I'd really like to you and your sister. I'm having a party this Saturday and I'd like you to come over. Love, Briano, the Italian lover. Brianna never, ever slept. Never have I ever slept with a co worker. Of course. Of course. Of course. I worked in the restaurant industry. Of course. 51. 9 said no, 41 said yes. Never have I ever slept with a boss. I'm going to answer that one on behalf of both of us. Yeah, that's.

[Kristen Joy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

10 said yes, 90 said no. Yeah, that's a tricky situation. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy]

Don't do it.

[Brian Green]

No, don't do it. No, don't sleep with your boss. It's just a dumb idea. Yeah, it's a dumb idea. It never ends up well. And there's only two ways it goes. It gets reported to hr and you're certainly going to end up on the short end of the stick. They might also, but you're certainly going to end up on the short end of the stick. Or hurt feelings everywhere. And then it just doesn't. It never works out.

[Kristen Joy]

It doesn't.

[Brian Green]

No. Never works out. Never have I ever joined the Mile High Club.

[Kristen Joy]

Oh, the old Mile High Club. No, I have not.

[Brian Green]

I have not. I don't think there's any. I don't even like.

[Kristen Joy]

The only way I would do that is if I was on a private plane. I'm not going to try and do it in the tiny bathrooms on a commercial flight.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, well, listen, I don't even Want to go piss in those?

[Kristen Joy]

I know.

[Brian Green]

Let alone sex in them. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy]

A long time.

[Brian Green]

I mean, if you could go in one of those, like, you know, I don't know what they are. The air Abu Dhabi or wherever. They have the actual bedrooms. Yeah. Like, not pods, but bedrooms. Like, you know, they cl. You can close the door.

[Kristen Joy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And it's your own room. Like, if that was going on. Yes. Then I do the Mile High club. Yeah. But I have no interest in having sex in a bathroom. I have a friend who did it, and he said it was the most uncomfortable, weird thing ever. He was like, also, too.

[Kristen Joy]

People are on to that. I mean, two people can't get. I don't see how two people can get into the bathroom.

[Brian Green]

I don't understand either. I took my mic when we went to Spain over the summer.

[Kristen Joy]

I would take my kids, like, stand on the toilet.

[Brian Green]

Yes. I was literally.

[Kristen Joy]

And then everybody else that when you come out of there, right. In those rows, are gonna know.

[Brian Green]

They know. Unless you're on, like, a long haul flight and everybody's asleep. Right. And they have, like, multiple bathrooms and one's around the corner, and one person can go in first and then the next person comes in. But still, even then, it's really hard to get into those folding doors. Two people to get into those folding doors.

[Kristen Joy]

Now a little hanky panky under the blankie.

[Brian Green]

Now hanky panky under the blankie. I have been there, done that. Yes. That is fun. Yeah. Because I. It's a long flight.

[Kristen Joy]

You got.

[Brian Green]

Can I. Can I jizzle my. Can I get a little jizzle drizzle for my four course meal on Delta Airlines? Yes, please. I think that was a rather tame. Never have I ever. Because we answered. I have to. So many of them. And I know we're not, like, you know, we're not porn stars. We haven't had the most adventurous. I mean, I guess we've had somewhat adventurous lives.

[Kristen Joy]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

But actually, I don't know. Still thinking that room that you had is the red room over there.

[Kristen Joy]

Did you watch that show on Netflix?

[Brian Green]

I did not. I have not had a chance to watch that. It's good.

[Kristen Joy]

Is it gave me lots of ideas. Jeff and I both.

[Brian Green]

Wait, it gave you lots of ideas about, like, how to set up your bedroom to have sex.

[Kristen Joy]

No, not our bedroom. Like, the extra room.

[Brian Green]

Oh. But I went to the next room. You guys have a sex room?

[Kristen Joy]

No, we don't.

[Brian Green]

But. But you'd like to. Okay. You'd like to in the future. All right. Invite me Over. I'll, you know. Yeah, I want my insult. You guys need my input too, don't you? Don't you? Like, I need a professional over there to tell you where to place things. Like, put the jackhammer over there.

[Kristen Joy]

It seems fun to be able to have everything out.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy]

And available. I need a whole other closet for things.

[Brian Green]

I know you like to dress up. I just see you in, like, a French maid's outfit, walking around dusting things with no underwear on. Like, lifting up high to get the upper shelves. And Jeff comes in with a suitcase and a business suit. Oh.

[Kristen Joy]

Oh, you're home from work early.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. No. Or, oh, I'm sorry. This must be the wrong hotel room. Him. No, he's not. You, like, don't speak English. You, like, speak French? I was just here cleaning. Well, you know. Hey, listen, when you guys get to that point, you let me know, and then I'll. I'll come over and I'll, you know, get my advice. You ever seen those?

[Kristen Joy]

You'll consult.

[Brian Green]

I'll consult. You ever seen those? I forget what they call them. The eliminator or the extraordinaire. Or the sex pillows. The big body sex pillows that you can put in different locations.

[Kristen Joy]

Yeah, we've both been to that store separate times, but there's that store.

[Brian Green]

They offered me one, but it takes up an entire room, so it's like, what am I gonna do?

[Kristen Joy]

That's why you would need the sex room.

[Brian Green]

You would definitely need a sex room.

[Kristen Joy]

The red room.

[Brian Green]

I would have a red room, but I have the studio, so.

[Kristen Joy]

That's right. I know. You're already halfway there with the curtains and the walls.

[Brian Green]

The curtains and the lights. I know. And the cameras. And the cameras. The curtains and the lights and the cameras. We're already halfway there. But instead, I'm doing this stupid podcast to no one for no money.

[Kristen Joy]

Maybe you could put, like, a Murphy bed.

[Brian Green]

You know, that's not a bad idea. That's not a bad idea.

[Kristen Joy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Huh. A Murphy bed. But what comes out is the eliminator, or whatever that thing is called. The eliminator. What was that thing called?

[Kristen Joy]

I mean, it's just. It's a.

[Brian Green]

It's a pillow.

[Kristen Joy]

Body pillow. It's a pillow to have sex on a different position.

[Brian Green]

Different positions. So it's like, you know, it's like one of those damn couches that are selling. One of those couches that are ergonomic. Yeah. What is that? The love sack. It's like a love sack, but a real love sack. It's A love sack. Where you put your sack. You know what I'm saying? Yes, that's what it is. All right, so we're running behind. So let me take the second break and then. And then we're going to get to a couple of ask TCBs that have been building up and building up like the jizz from my vasectomized penis. All right, we'll be back. Ugh. Finally.

[TCB Producer/Host]

I feel like I was waiting forever for my turn to talk. Now that I have you. Go to tcbpodcast.com to find all of our audio and video content and follow us on Instagram hecommercial break and on TikTokCBpodcast. Want it to be your turn to talk? Call us and spill the tea at 626-ASKTCB-3 and you may hear your voice on the show. You can also text us your T at 8:55 TCB8383. And boy, do we love to hear it. Anyway, take a listen to our sponsors and let's get back to the show.

[Brian Green]

All right, you ready? We have a couple of ass DCBs that have been building up for a hot minute.

[Kristen Joy]

Yes, they have.

[Brian Green]

I am going to take one that I think that we could probably spend 15 minutes answering. Okay, are you ready for this one?

[Kristen Joy]

As ready as I'll ever be.

[Brian Green]

All right, so let me pull this one up here. And by the way, if you'd like to ask TCB a question, then email us or you can ask us via the website or you can text us and we'd be happy to answer any of the questions that you send our way. Terribly. Okay, so are you ready? I'm sorry. I should have opened this up before I did that. You know, it's like just how the show goes. I'm just. I'm just kind of winging it. I'm just kind of winging it. Okay, here we go. Dear tcb, I am a big fan of your show. Been listening for a couple of years. Me and my ex husband got into it during the pandemic. We have since been divorced. I have a question about entering the dating scene. Well, what better time and what better place to ask that question? There's two married people who have no idea what's going on in the dating scene right now. Okay, here it goes. My ex has. My ex husband and I enjoyed a number of friendships throughout our 10 year relationship. We have one child. That child is now 14 years old and splits time between the both of us. The divorce was, for the most part amicable.

[Kristen Joy]

That's good.

[Brian Green]

However, as you may know Brian, when you get a divorce, people take sides. They do. His friend, let's call him David, took my ex husband's side because that's the right thing and expected thing to do. However, during the last four years of the relationship, I noticed that David and I would become awful flirty, especially after a couple of drinks, as in the course of a normal day or one afternoon. I'm gonna say it this way because she kind of phrases it weirdly, but one afternoon I got a text message from David. David just wanted to check in. He asked how I was doing and I told him I was doing fine, everything was going well, and that I was glad that he reached out because there were some friendships that I had missed and I hope that we could all be mature enough to carry on the friendship. He agreed and sent me back a nice message about how lovely it was to get to know me and the and us as a couple during the time we were married and he hoped that we could continue to communicate and that he would let my ex husband know that we had touched base just to make sure that everything was on the. Mature. No, that's very mature. However.

[Kristen Joy]

I knew there was a but.

[Brian Green]

Of course there is. However, after a couple of days of not hearing from David and I didn't expect to. She puts in parentheses right. I did not expect to hear from him. After a couple days of not hearing from him one late night I started to receive texts from him and it appeared, or I read it as him being drunk and he started to profess just how attracted to me he had been and he knew that I knew that we had been flirting for the last number of years. He said that he had reached out because I had been on his mind for the last couple of months and he just couldn't shake it. He had dreams about me. He had looked at pictures of me on Facebook and Instagram. He thought that I was sexual, sexy and hot and wondered if there was a way forward for the two of us. I told him that I thought he was drunk and he should probably go to bed, but I appreciated the compliments and we could talk at a different time when he was sober and had a chance to think about it. Right. Good.

[Kristen Joy]

Okay, that's a good response.

[Brian Green]

However, I'm putting that in there. However, a couple of nights later, I found myself buzzed with a couple of friends and after they left the house, I decided to reply back to him almost with the same words that he had replied to me. It had been obvious I Think to both of us that the last number of years we were really attracted to each other. And it seemed the only thing in our way was the fact that I was married to his friend. I just couldn't help myself. I really did find David attractive and I really did think he had a great personality. It was one of those animalistic instincts that took over. And when I got drunk, I could not control myself. I decided that I would text him some flirty messages back. And after having more drinks, I actually sent him a nude photograph of myself in the shower.

[Kristen Joy]

Whoa. Well, wait, I wonder if there was like a correspondence going on or it was just one sided.

[Brian Green]

She doesn't say, right? She doesn't. At least she doesn't say in this particular paragraph.

[Kristen Joy]

A lot of people do tend to talk to themselves.

[Brian Green]

Yes, that's true. When you're drunk, you just have this like thing going on. And that's the dangerous thing about texting someone when you're drunk is that you think they are on the same level as you are. But nine times out of ten they are not. And only the closest of your associates or friends, lovers, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever it is, should be the receiver of those kind of text messages where you can apologize in the morning and they'll understand because they've seen you drunk enough to understand this should not be someone that your ex husband's best friend or whatever this guy is.

[Kristen Joy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

So she sent this nude picture from her in the shower. Within minutes he replied, some skills from the shower. From the shower. How she doing? I would bring my phone in the shower. I got a holder in my phone for the show. For the phone. Okay. In after a few minutes he replied. Thank God, here you go with a hot dick pic.

[Kristen Joy]

Oh.

[Brian Green]

This went on for four or five responses back and forth. We were sending pictures and flirty messages. And then I came to my senses and realized that I was doing something probably terrible for both my ex husband, me, and possibly my child. And I decided to just stop and go to sleep. I woke up the next morning with that kind of drunk, that kind of hungover embarrassment that we've always. David, hey. But I. You texted me with your penis. And I was mortified. I couldn't believe what I had wrote. I couldn't believe what I received. I couldn't believe that I had sent nude photographs to my. To my husband's almost best friend. He calls him the almost best friend. I don't know what that means. Probably because your best friend would not send your ex wife nude photographs of your penis. You know what I'm saying? Right? This was a number of months ago. And since then he has sent me other flirty messages, I assume while he's drunk, but I have not responded in kind. Four days ago, I saw him at a local bar in the afternoon. We were sober and we just communicated about how funny this whole situation was. We chalked it up to a blip and decided to go our separate ways, that we would stay in contact with each other on occasion. But the best thing for everybody involved was that we found someone single and suitable. Later that night, he texted me, said he was in the area, he had been drinking and he wondered if it was okay if he stopped by to just have a talk.

[TCB Producer/Host]

Right.

[Brian Green]

I had been drinking and I said yes. I probably don't need to spell out what happens next.

[Kristen Joy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

But I woke up in the morning and I woke up in the morning naked in my bed. He had left and wrote me a sweet text message that he had a wonderful night. I am really confused about what to do. The single scene as a, As a young, As a early 30s, someone is really tough to navigate right now. And I really enjoy David's company. I really like him. I think I'm falling for him, but I just don't know what to do. Please help. As always, best to you. Feeling lost?

[Kristen Joy]

The hot ones with the hot.

[Brian Green]

The hard ones. What the odd ones.

[Kristen Joy]

So it's tricky.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, this is a really, really tricky part one. But let me give you my advice.

[Kristen Joy]

Yeah. And then I'll. I'll interject too.

[Brian Green]

Get it while the getting's good. That's what I got to say. Get it while the gun. Now listen, I think this is one of those situations that is understandable. It's totally understandable, actually. When I got divorced after my first divorce, there was a friend of my ex wife's who was not like a super duper close friend of my ex wife's, but we had been to multiple occasions and places, gotten to know each other. We gotten to know each other loosely. Right, Right. But there were a couple of occasions where we spent the night at the same place, like a vacation house. And it. We would play like board games. All of us would play board games. We would be drinking. I mean, we were just like kind of sloshing around for a couple of days. And it was clear to me, I knew my flirt dar was in full effect and my flirting was in full effect. I could not help myself. I found this girl really attractive and funny. Oh, yes, you have.

[Kristen Joy]

I've been partied About.

[Brian Green]

You have. So what do you think? What a buffoon or.

[Kristen Joy]

Oh, no, you were. I mean. No, you were. It was like an art form. I used to just sit back and say, there, there it is.

[Brian Green]

You'd be like that. There's Brian.

[Kristen Joy]

There it goes.

[Brian Green]

There he goes. Look at him charming the pants off women.

[Kristen Joy]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Well, thank you. Thank you for the compliment. I really appreciate it.

[Kristen Joy]

That's about the time that then I would go and look for something else.

[Brian Green]

You had something. You were trying to find somebody to flirt with. There goes Brian. There goes Brian on the love boat. I'll see you later. The flirt skirt. I'll see you later, Brian. I think it's a completely understandable situation. I think that it's unfortunate that this is your husband's friend. Ex husband's friend. But these things do happen. And. And let me finish the story. So after we had gotten a divorce, I saw this girl at a bar one night and things just lit up. Like we were definitely flirting with each other. It was definitely hot and heavy conversation, you know, making eyes at each other, touching each other. Like it was full on flirt world. Right.

[Kristen Joy]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

And later on that night, she texted me and said, it was really nice to see you. You know, what are you up to later? Like, can I come over? And I never responded to that text message. And I'm glad that I did because I knew it was going to happen. Never responded to the text message at all. And I never heard from her again because I think she knew that. And I knew. I know that. You know that. We know that. I'm an. And if I do this, then I'm just going to be more of an. So I can manage to control myself in that one situation. But it was difficult. It was difficult.

[Kristen Joy]

It was difficult because you don't have that connection with people that often.

[Brian Green]

That's right.

[Kristen Joy]

Really?

[Brian Green]

When you. So I agree.

[Kristen Joy]

Yeah. When you found someone that you had the connection with and you. You've gotten to know already.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy]

You didn't have to go through the whole, what do you do for work?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, you're right. There's a comfortability there because you've known this guy for four years.

[Kristen Joy]

I would say that the child involved kind of negates things. And not because of the child specifically, but because how the husband would react.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy]

And then it would be disastrous. Yeah. And then he might be venomous, I think.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy]

With things that he would say to the child about the mom or about her in general, the way he feels about her. And. And that might be Detrimental to the, to the little pod.

[Brian Green]

I totally agree with you. I think that it, it's possible that the child involved the 14 or 15 year old. I can't remember what she said. But the 14 or 15 year old.

[Kristen Joy]

Is going to somehow feel the brunt.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, he's going to feel the brunt. He's also going to think it's weird that, you know, Uncle David is now mommy. Right. Sleeping over at the house. And I guess you guys could sneak around and he could be over there when he's not. The kid's not there. But who really wants to do that for very long? I mean, one night stand. Okay, I get it. I would just consider this kind of a. Oops, slip up.

[Kristen Joy]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

And move on. I would have a mature conversation with this guy David and just say it's probably best that we forget this.

[TCB Producer/Host]

Right.

[Brian Green]

Or that we leave it alone.

[Kristen Joy]

And leave it alone for a few years.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. At least. Yeah. When the kid turns 18 and he's out of the house and long enough. Yeah. And then maybe you guys can rekindle this. But the other thing that I, that I would be concerned about, just as Chrissy said, is that it upsets the balance of nature. It sounds like it's pretty reasonable between you and your ex husband.

[Kristen Joy]

Things can go south real quick.

[Brian Green]

People get unreasonable real quick when they find out that you're fudgeing their best friend. You know what I'm saying? So I don't know how your husband is and I don't know if he's moved on, if there's like another woman in his life. But I would say that this is not a conversation that you need to broach this soon after the divorce because I think you said that, you know, you guys got divorced during the pandemic. The pandemic wasn't that long. It's like two years ago. Right. So I would think that you would want to just play it cool. There's plenty of fish in the sea. I know that David's comfortable. I know that you guys have like a little history of flirting with each other and a connection and maybe the sex was good, but there is other good sex out there. And I'm willing to give you my personal phone number. No, I'm kidding. Listen, I bet there's 30 guys listening to the commercial break right now that I don't know where you live, but that, you know, I would love to have an attractive single area in your area. Live orgy, live in the Georgia Aquarium. Bring the kids. I would do yourself a favor. And not get involved. Drama. It's just too much. You just don't want to go down that road. Divorce is hard enough as it is. You don't want to add on top of it, a very complicated situation. In my personal opinion.

[Kristen Joy]

I agree.

[Brian Green]

Now that's a very reasonable side. Me. The other side of me says keep. Yeah, keep. Get it while you can get it. You know what I'm saying? All right, well, we've got lots of. I know, my microphone. I. I gotta yank it this way. It's. It keeps on pulling itself away from me. Like everybody else in my life, they keep moving backwards away from me. All right, well, you got our advice. Take it or leave it. I think you know in your heart this is probably the right thing to do. Chrissy and I are giving in this one situation. We're giving you sound advice. We've given everybody else terrible advice, but you got sound advice. Leave it alone. You're in your early 30s, 31, 32 years old. You got the best years of your life are still ahead of you. Your 30s are awesome. Your 40s are great. You're going to be wonderful. Everything's going to turn out fine. May take you a couple months to find someone, but you know, c' est la vie, my friend. If you'd like to date this young lady, give us a call. 626. Ask DCB the number three. That's 1626. Ask TCB the number three. Text us your comments, questions, concerns, content, ideas. Ask TCB. My mom's gonna be on in a couple of weeks. You're gonna love that. Okay, we've got some questions loaded up for her. If you want to date this young lady, send me your profile, send me your information. Give me a good reason why I should send her your contact information.

[Kristen Joy]

Yes, that's a good idea.

[Brian Green]

I'd be happy to do that.

[Kristen Joy]

Should we do enough reviews of love matching shows?

[Brian Green]

It's true.

[Kristen Joy]

We should try. We should dip our toe.

[Brian Green]

We have always wanted to do a dating game. Maybe this is a way we can kind of dip our toe on that water. If you want to date this young lady, I can't tell you what she looks like. I can only tell you that she sounds very nice. So, you know, and attractive. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy]

At least a date.

[Brian Green]

David and. And. And one other guy, right? Yeah. They made a baby. She's had sex. Yeah. Unlike 78 of people answered the Buzzfeed question. She's probably French kiss. I've been to an orgy. 98. I've used my tongue during kissing. 3% people are weird. TCBpodcast.com where you go to find out more information about Chrissy and I and and the show, all the audio, all the video right there from one location. Get your free Teresa Caputo or Brian Caputo sticker I'll give you for the book. Also at the commercial break on Instagram.

[Kristen Joy]

It'll fit right there.

[Brian Green]

TCB podcast on tik tok and YouTube.com the commercial break. Oh, my gosh. Okay. Yeah, you can fit right there on the corner. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy]

This little tiny piece, part of the book, the Notebook.

[Brian Green]

All right. I love you.

[Kristen Joy]

I love you.

[Brian Green]

Best to you. Best to you. And best to you. Out there in the podcast universe, that's all you get. Now get. Sam.