The Commercial Break | “No Hobbies, All Honeys!” (July 12, 2024)

Episode Overview

In this Friday episode, Bryan Green and Krissy Hoadley riff on pool party parenting anxieties, podcasting mishaps, childhood swim safety, the perils of parenting by "winging it," and a heavy dose of improv commentary about “pickup artist” Adam Lyons (“Adam the Liar/Lion”). They blend twisted humor, relatable stories, and skeptical jabs at internet self-help grifters, all with their signature self-deprecating style.

1. Nostalgia and Podcast Origins

[00:51–04:23]

• Bryan and Krissy reminisce about their early days trying to promote the show, especially their clumsy attempts at podcaster cross-promotion.
• Discuss a botched collaboration with some "really nice guys" from Milwaukee—making fun of their inability to describe TCB seriously or do a straight promo.
• Memorable quote (on trying to record a promo):

  "For the life of us, we cannot talk seriously about ourselves. If someone asks us to describe the podcast, it all falls apart...So we put together this blooper reel and it must be like 10 minutes long of Chrissy and I just fucking this thing up left and right." — Bryan [03:12]

• They joke about recording in Bryan’s spare bedroom and fake claims they had billboards in Iowa.

2. Parenting Fails & Food Poisoning

[04:23–08:38]

• Bryan’s been recovering from nasty food poisoning, sharing a comedic but real-life account of both he and his wife Astrid being sick while kids ran wild.
• Astrid, breaking the family screen time rule, just gave up in the name of “peace and quiet.”

  "At that moment, I would have done anything for some peace and quiet. Anything for some peace and quiet, including ignore you." — Bryan [05:43]

• Amusing crank about their family “emergency medical box” being full of expired meds, dog bones, and dead batteries.

3. Travel FOMO & Podcast News Tease

[08:38–10:26]

• Krissy recently returned from the West Coast, Bryan laments missing Seattle/Vancouver.
• Hint at a big, “A-list” guest interview they recorded but can’t talk about due to breaking news constraints.

  “We got an A-list celebrity to come in here and then he dropped a bomb like a big hey announcement and then said hey, can you hold off on that?” — Bryan [09:25]

4. Pool Parenting, Lifeguards & Suburban Anxiety

[11:07–19:04]

• Bryan’s prepping for his kids’ pool birthday party—and dives into the logic of hiring a teenage lifeguard for safety and liability.
• Laments the stress and cost of pool ownership (“a hole where money gets sunk into...some kind of stress every day").

  “You want a pool, then you realize that a pool is like a boat. It's a hole where money gets sunk into. And stress comes every day.” — Bryan [16:00]

• Funny blow-by-blow of a recent near-drowning incident while distracted on a work call.
• Observes how social media and parenting groups inundate pool owners with horror stories, fueling parental paranoia.

5. Pooloween, Parenting Philosophies & Swim Safety Skepticism

[19:04–21:27]

• Krissy mentions “Pooloween”—Halloween pool parties becoming a trend (ghost burgers, pumpkin decor, etc).
• Bemoans the friends who advocate just “throwing kids in” to teach them to swim.

  “That is the dumbest thing ever. It is traumatizing. It is not the right way to teach.” — Bryan [20:09]

• Laughs over contradictory parenting advice, floating baby heads, and general absurdity of modern “safety” gadgets.

6. Friday Video Review: “Adam the Liar” (Adam Lyons) & Pickup Artist Nonsense

[21:27–55:00]

6.1. Introducing Adam Lyons

• Regular listeners know Adam as a recurring target—Bryan dubs him “Adam the Liar” or “Adam the Lion.”
• Adam’s career evolution mocked: social media guru → pickup artist → polygamy “expert” → world’s #1 dating coach.
• Krissy and Bryan prepare to “review” Adam’s latest video: Why are men still scared of women?

6.2. Deconstructing Adam’s Video (with direct mockery and commentary)

• Adam claims he was once a janitor with “unattractive” hobbies like Dungeons & Dragons, painting miniatures, martial arts, and cooking—things he believed made him undatable.

  “I decided to give up all my hobbies...and just focused on dating. I cut out all the hobbies and brought in all the hoes.” — Bryan, parodying Adam [36:42]

• Adam flexes that he’s the “number one dating coach in Europe, then the world,” holding up fake “gold records,” which turns out to be ClickFunnels internet marketing awards.

  "Holding gold records in front of a screen and saying you're the number one dating coach in the world is a little disingenuous." — Bryan [40:10]

• The hosts ridicule Adam’s sales pitch for a five-day bootcamp—allegedly teaching martial arts, handyman skills, gourmet cooking, photography, and wealth-building—implying he’s scamming desperate men.

  "You're gonna come in as Beavis and leave as MacGyver. You're gonna know how to make a bubble gum into a bomb." — Bryan [60:46]

• They poke fun at Adam’s analogies, questionable backstory, and his laughable, caption-mangled video (“all people” becomes "old people", “artistic” becomes “autistic”).

• Bryan’s recurring advice:

  "You have to be yourself. Somebody will find you attractive, be yourself and run in like circles...Don’t listen to this. Listen to Brian—just fixed all your problems in two seconds." [61:54]

Notable Quotes & Segments

• [29:32]
  “Adam the Lion. It's the newest Disney movie from Pixar and Disney. Adam the Lion. Watch as he chases pussy and puts 15 girls in his rotation.” — Bryan
• [32:57–34:56]
  Krissy and Bryan riff on Adam’s hobbies, mocking the notion that being a janitor, cook, or martial artist is a problem for dating (“Ask Astrid—you think janitor is bad? Try being the host of The Commercial Break!”).

7. Wrap Up, Live Shows & Listener Calls

[62:44–End]

• Bryan and Krissy tease upcoming TCB live shows, encourage listeners to follow @thecommercialbreak on Instagram, and ask for voicemails/texts at 212-4333-TCB.
• Quick plug for their own possible “five-day improv comedy course,” parodying Adam’s self-help hustle.

Episode Highlights—Best Quotes

• On Early Podcast Blunders:

  "We put together this blooper reel...just fucking this thing up left and right." — Bryan [03:12]

• On Parenting and Food Poisoning:

  "At that moment, I would have done anything for some peace and quiet, including ignore you." — Bryan [05:43]

• On Pool Safety Paranoia:

  "...when you have a pool, all they do is serve you up bad stories about what happens in a pool. And it just makes you so fucking paranoid." — Bryan [17:58]

• On Pickup Artist Gurus:

  "Holding gold records in front of a screen and saying you're the number one dating coach in the world is a little disingenuous." — Bryan [40:10]

• On Genuine Dating Advice:

  "You have to be yourself. Somebody will find you attractive, be yourself and run in like circles...That's it, that's what you do. Don't listen to this. Listen to Brian—just fixed all your problems in two seconds." — Bryan [61:54]

Key Segment Timestamps

| Segment | Timestamp | |--------------------------------------------|---------------| | Podcast reminiscence & promos | 00:51–04:23 | | Parenting, illness, and chaos | 04:23–08:38 | | Big news tease & recovery | 08:38–10:26 | | Pool party & lifeguard logic | 11:07–19:04 | | Pooloween & swim lessons debate | 19:04–21:27 | | Adam Lyons “dating coach” video review | 21:27–55:00 | | Show wrap, tour, and listener info | 62:44–end |

Conclusion

This episode is a spirited, irreverent ride: part absurd suburban confessional, part gleeful takedown of online “alpha” advice. Bryan and Krissy’s chemistry and improv carry the day, making the episode a fun, slightly chaotic escape—if not exactly a self-help manual.

If you only have a few minutes:
Check out the Adam Lyons segment starting around [29:47] for their comedic review—and the pool safety bit at [16:00] for peak suburban parent anxiety, TCB-style.