NoNo Siwa

Summary

The Commercial Break — Episode: "NoNo Siwa"

Date: June 13, 2024
Hosts: Brian Green & Krissy Hoadley

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Episode Overview

In this episode, hosts Brian and Krissy dive into a summer-spirited, laughter-laden conversation featuring Olympic sports nostalgia, chaotic parenting stories, infamous Georgia lake tales, quirky family dog antics, and a heated debate on lip syncing in pop music—focusing on JoJo Siwa's authenticity. This episode is a classic encapsulation of TCB’s self-aware, “just FINE,” cheesecake factory–style banter: wild tangents, irreverent humor, and the genuine rapport of friends who know each other (and their listeners) well.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Summer Olympics & Childhood Sports Memories

[01:17–04:00]

• Brian is excited about the upcoming 2024 Summer Olympics, reminiscing about his failed sporting attempts as a kid and the unique joy of "showing up" awards.
• Krissy and Brian both favor events like track, volleyball, gymnastics, and water polo, joking about the athleticism and cheeky swimsuits involved.

Quote:
"So we had the pool in the backyard...I'm trying to teach some of my kids how to swim...and they just sink to the bottom."
— Brian Green, 04:30

2. Lake Lanier Culture & Dangers

[05:30–11:00]

• Brian wryly describes Georgia's Lake Lanier, notorious for accidents and “lake life” debauchery—a mix of houseboats, excessive drinking, bikini mishaps, and party chaos.
• The hosts discuss the eerie history of manmade lakes with entire submerged towns, making the waters particularly hazardous and creepy, especially for children.

Quote:
"There are entire towns…houses that are just sitting at the bottom of the lake. They were never demolished. They were never taken away. They just filled it up with water."
— Brian Green, 10:49

3. Parenting Chaos: Adventures in Grocery Shopping

[15:34–21:04]

• Brian recounts a hilariously futile mission to the grocery store with his kids for “one thing,” only to forget the actual item (pasta), resulting in a second trip and the kids ratting him out at home.

Quote:
"So we get half a mile from the grocery store...He goes, 'You forgot the pasta.' And I was like, oh, shit."
— Brian Green, 19:26

4. Heroic Animals & Their Quirks

[22:04–30:35]

• The hosts riff on stories of heroic pets: a news headline about "Blue the whippet" who helped save his owner, and a cat navigating cross-country over years to reunite with its family.
• Brian addresses his own dog Blue's questionable heroics and the strong bond (and chaos) Blue brings to family life.

Quote:
"There is a reason why Blue is still in our lives, and that's because I have a responsibility to Blue. I took her in as a little puppy. We are bonded."
— Brian Green, 25:29

5. Traveling with Kids & Luxurious Dog Hotels

[30:35–33:33]

• Brian laments the mind-boggling costs of accommodation for large families and the luxury hotel rates he pays for Blue when boarding the dog.
• Embarrassed hotel searches, memories of Embassy Suites, and the rising expense of family trips in 2024 dominate this segment.

6. Babysitting Tales: Discovery & Disaster

[34:13–40:07]

• Both hosts share their youthful experiences babysitting—uncovers tales of kids discovering illicit items (weed, porn, the Kama Sutra) in someone’s house, and the comedic fallout that ensued.
• Underlines their distrust in children ever keeping secrets or respecting parental privacy.

Quote:
"So here we are with all the things that these people never wanted us to see. Just in the bonus room. We didn't smoke the weed or anything like that. We just had it out."
— Brian Green, 36:16

7. JoJo Siwa, Lip Syncing, and Pop Music Authenticity

[41:44–54:06]

• After defending JoJo Siwa's coming-of-age in previous episodes, Brian admits he’s now frustrated with her post-Nickelodeon phase, after witnessing her blatant lip syncing at Pride events.
• The hosts compare Siwa’s stagecraft to notorious lip-sync fails (Ashley Simpson on SNL, Madonna’s live controversies) and draw the line at paying for inauthentic performances.
• They contrast pop with the jam band world—where missed notes by artists like Fish or Maggie Rogers only add to the authenticity and live-show magic.

Quote:
"If I pay $109 to see someone in the nosebleed section and I find out that they’re lip syncing, that might piss me off."
— Brian Green, 47:27

Quote:
"You got to be authentic at your own shows. And you know what? The crowd will roll with it… Fly without a net."
— Brian Green, 49:29

8. Closing Thoughts: Taking a Break & Spooky Lakes

[54:06–56:43]

• Brian and Krissy advise that JoJo Siwa should step back, train, and relaunch with genuine vocals—not tracks. They retell stories of haunted Lake Lanier and MTV’s aging viewership, ending their trademark casual-goodbye.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Swimming Struggles:
  "Kick your legs, kick your legs, kick your legs. He doesn’t really do that. And so he just kind of falls down. So I’m always jumping in the pool to, you know, grab his arm and push it back up. It’s a whole exhausting thing."
  —Brian Green, 04:54

• Lake Lanier Party Scene:
  "During the morning, you could probably get away with maybe having your kids there… By three o’clock—you had better be sheltered in place because this place is gonna turn nuts."
  —Brian Green, 08:07

• On Parenting:
  "They just say they have boo boos so they can get the character [Band-Aids]. One of my kids has twelve Band-Aids on right now. No blood has been shown."
  —Brian Green, 18:25

• On Pop Music Authenticity:
  "Vince Neil is bad. He is as terrible as he is...But he sings his own songs."
  —Brian Green, 47:50

• On JoJo Siwa’s Future:
  "Acapella Siwa. That’s what we’re gonna call it. Acapella Siwa. We’re gonna prove to the world that you can sing."
  —Brian Green, 53:33

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Olympic Nostalgia & Parenting Fails: [01:17–04:00]
• Lake Lanier Disasters & Culture: [05:30–11:00]
• Water Safety, Summer Chaos: [11:00–14:27]
• Grocery Store Fiasco: [15:34–21:04]
• Hero Dog Story/Animal Banter: [22:04–30:35]
• Luxury Dog Boarding/Kid Travel Woes:[30:35–33:33]
• Babysitting & Childhood Mischief: [34:13–40:07]
• JoJo Siwa, Madonna & Lip Syncing: [41:44–54:06]
• Lake Lanier Hauntings, MTV Age: [54:06–56:43]
• Show Close, Plugs: [56:43–End]

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Episode Tone

Chaotic, warm, self-deprecating, and unfiltered, loaded with inside jokes, parental absurdity, and relentless commentary on the weirdness of pop culture and everyday life.

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For more:

• Instagram: @thecommercialbreak
• TikTok: @tcbpodcast
• Website: tcbpodcast.com
• Call/Text: 212-4333-TCB

"Best to you—and best to you out there in the podcast universe."

Transcript

[Brian Green]

Happy pride month from chipotle. Happy pride month from lgbtq dopa. Happy pride month from the homo depot. Happy pride month from burger queen no matter which way you swing. Happy pride month from top and bottom golf. Happy pride month from five gays. Happy pride month from dairy queer. Happy pride month from in n out. Celebrate summer with chick fil a. On this episode of the commercial. Listen, I know I talk about this band a lot. I really like them. Pearl Jam. I've seen Pearl Jam a lot. Eddie Vedder is not the same person he was 20 years ago. He's not the same singer he was. Everybody was good. What is that? Kung Fu Fighting. I don't think that was my pearls yet. Oh.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No, that was. I would say, I was saying no.

[Brian Green]

The next episode of the commercial break starts now. 2:30 in the morning. Oh, yeah. Guys and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co host of this show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chrissy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Best to you, Brian, and best to.

[Brian Green]

You out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us, Chrissy and I here in the studio getting prepared for the Summer Olympics by watching a little US Women's water polo.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's right.

[Brian Green]

I get so excited about those Olympics, man. Summer.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know, it's exciting.

[Brian Green]

Winter Olympics. Olympics, okay.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I like the Winter Olympics too.

[Brian Green]

I do. But I don't think they come with as much like Summer Olympics, 24 hours a day. All Olympics, all the time. All the sports that you like. I guess maybe Winter Olympics, because I'm not into winter sports. Like I never played them as a child. I never played any sports as a child. Me, because I'm really bad. I played soccer.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I tried to run track.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I, I'd like to think I could have run track because I like to think that I was fast. But that's just my little 13 year old. That's, that's me stuck in my 13 year old. Yeah. Thinking that I'm really fast. But that is all the testosterone that comes with being a 13 year old boy. Thinking you're, you can do anything and everything, right? So I only played soccer, a little bit of basketball, baseball when I was younger. But I think, I think the coaches just took pity on me. I was one of those kids where I got like a, you know, a show up award. Oh, you showed up. I'll never forget one time, one time I won the soccer team MVP. Wow. And I. Fantastic. We won the game like 12 to nothing. Half the team didn't Half the other team didn't show up. And so we were just like running around scoring goals, scoring goals, scoring goals. I didn't score any goals, but I got the mvp. And I was like, oh, that's amazing. Why did I get the mvp? And the coach was like, you did a really good job trying. I did a really good job trying.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, that's all you can do, you.

[Brian Green]

Know, if you get the MVP in like a hard fought battle, you know, like a three to four or two to three and you won the goal.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Recognized. This was the. If it was ever going to be an.

[Brian Green]

If there was ever going to be a moment for Brian, this was it. Yeah, you ran really hard back and forth, back and not doing anything particular, just running back and forth. So. But I do get excited about those Summer Olympics.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

They're fun.

[Brian Green]

What are you most excited to see? What is your, what is your favorite Olympic sport? Summer Olympic sport.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, God. Well, I don't know. Speaking of track, I do like to watch the track. I like to watch volleyball.

[Brian Green]

Love volleyball.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Gymnastics.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, gymnastics. Of course. You got to win the gymnastics.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Of course.

[Brian Green]

Got to watch the gymnastics. You know, I like the water polo, actually. I'm, I'm kind of into the water polo.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You know, I mean, it's, it's, I mean, as we're sitting here watching it right now, it's, it's such an athletic sport, Chrissy. You have to be. Not only are you just treading water and swimming and doing all of that, but then you're actually playing with a ball.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. You know, I was firmly convinced when I had these children that I'd throw them in the water and they'd be, you know, they start doggy paddling because they make it seem like that on tv. You know, they put one, they put six month olds in the, in the water and all of a sudden they're floating. That's not exactly how it works. It takes the kids a really long time to learn how to swim. And it takes a lot of muscle coordination to do so. And you got to teach them. So we had the pool in the backyard. So I'm trying to teach some of my kids how to swim. And it's like, okay, kick your legs and move your arms real fast and that then you'll. And they just sink to the bottom. That's all they do. They just sink, sink, sink. You know, it's hard to teach them how to swim and then have the little floaties. One of my kids doesn't, he doesn't want to wear the life jacket. But you got to understand about my pools. It goes from three and a half feet to ten and a half feet deep. Like a four foot. It. It just goes straight off. It's an old pool. It was built back in the 60s, I guess, when deep, deep pools were a thing. I'm not sure, I don't know. But it's horribly dangerous. And so there's only like one square foot of my pool where this child can actually stand and have his chin above water. So he never wants to wear the life jacket. He always wants to go in. He wants to raw dog it every time, you know, okay, let me take the life jacket off. But he, his. He tries to like float on top of the water and swim, but then his bottom half just kind of eventually just sinks down and just. And I said, kick your legs, kick your legs, kick your legs. He doesn't really do that. And so he just kind of falls down. So I'm always jumping in the pool to, you know, grab his arm and push it back up. It's a whole exhausting thing. So we go to my dad's lake house this weekend and I'm like, okay, you know, you're definitely not taking that life jacket off for any reason.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Right?

[Brian Green]

You're within 50 yards of that lake. And I want that life jacket on for all my children. Quite frankly, I think everybody. I think, you know, anyone who goes to the lake.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Because that is why it's a rule.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it's a. It's a. Lakes are murky. Most of them are. And even if you can see a little bit, it's like kind of clear, ish water.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You can't see about deaths all the.

[Brian Green]

Time at that lake. Linear.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Lake Lanier. I went about Alatuna earlier, but I don't know, Lake Lanier does get a bad rap with that.

[Brian Green]

Well, it does. And I'll tell you why I think it might be. This is my. When there is no such thing as a natural lake in Georgia, they are all man made, and that's a fact. And two of the biggest lakes, Allatoona and Lanier. Lanier is probably the one you've heard of. You know anything about Georgia? Lanier is huge.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's where they fell down.

[Brian Green]

It's where.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

What was the show?

[Brian Green]

Ozarks.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The Atlanta Shore or whatever it was they were trying to do on mtv.

[Brian Green]

The Georgia Shore. The Atlanta Shore. That's right. The Atlanta Shore. Give me a break. Yeah, I didn't see a season two of that one.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No, I remember you. You were like, chrissy, watch it. We're gonna talk about it on the show. And I couldn't.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I just.

[Brian Green]

I didn't get through half an episode.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Of it and I was like, I can't.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I just think it was a terrible, terrible show. Yeah. There nothing like Lake Lanier to Lake Lanier's shitty trash filled garbage rot. What a beautiful lake. No, it's not. It really isn't.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's half filled with Budweiser.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Oh, the people who are swimming in it are definitely half filled with Budweiser.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

There's that.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I mean, they've had so many incidents and accidents.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Just a little side note, we used to go to Lake Linear. I hung around this group of people. I think you went up there one time with me. Maybe. We hung around this group of people. Lovely people, but they were the epitome of lake life. Lake Lanier life people. What do I mean by that? I mean there's a Jimmy Buffett's, you know, whatever pirate cove up there. It's been there for years. And it's just a complex of bars, restaurants. They are so redneck up there that they take the band, the COVID band that's going to play at the Jimmy Buffett bar, and they float them out on a dock in the middle of the. With all their amplifiers and electric music. Literally, you are in the middle of the lake with some hot wires going, going to the dock. These guys play all your favorite cover songs. From Leonard Skinner to Leonard Skinner. Yeah. It's all there. It's all for the taking. Now, I'm not knocking the culture. It was a lot of fun when I went. Trust me, I had a lot of fun. But I was also way deep into the bud lights. I guess I could have been fun. People park their boat, boat to boat to boat to boat, tie up together, party barge. Like the whole thing. And I. During the morning, you could probably get away with maybe having your kids there by three o'. Clock. You had better, you better be sheltered in place because this place is gonna turn nuts. And it did. Because once everyone got Boozed up, it's 107 degrees, you know, 98 humidity, no food.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, no food, beer.

[Brian Green]

The water is literally urine. That's what it is. It's. It's warm because everyone's peeing in it at the same time. It's disgusting.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Green]

Smells like sewage water blasting.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Bikini tops are coming off.

[Brian Green]

Oh, the whole thing, you know, if.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

They were ever on.

[Brian Green]

Every guy in their 60s is all beefed up on Steroids and just red as they can be. Like a tomato. And while I'm looking like a tomato right now, because I was just at my own lake, but. And they all have those huge yachts. It's a fucking lake. You don't need a 78 foot Stanley Cruiser. You just don't. But they have them. They have houseboats. They tie them up. And then what you do is just go from boat to boat. You just. You can sometimes literally walk from boat to boat until you get yourself in trouble.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Swinging to swinging.

[Brian Green]

Swinging to swinging. Yes. There are a lot of. There's a lot of plastic in the crowd.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Swapping and switching.

[Brian Green]

A lot of gummy bear boob jobs. It's the newest and lightest and greatest. Yes. But you are not the newest, latest and greatest. You are 67 years old. It looks like leather.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's a whole scene.

[Brian Green]

And I loved it, by the way. I'm not making fun of it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No, no, no. You have to every once in a while. It's fun.

[Brian Green]

Yes. By the way, those water polo suits are very cheeky. They're very cheeky.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

They are. That's the style.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I guess so. So get ready. Oh, no, no. I don't even want to think about it. But. So we would go up there all the time and it was. It was a ton of fun. But those lakes. You know, the reason why Lake Lanier, I think a lot of people drown in Lake Lanier is the army Corps of engineers put a dam up there. They dammed it for hydroelectric power. And they took like. I don't know what it is, 100 square miles or however big that lake is, and they just emptied it out. They took everybody and they moved them somewhere else. They, you know, commandeered the land. They do what the government does.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's so kind of creepy, too.

[Brian Green]

It is weird.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Towns.

[Brian Green]

There are entire towns. Y power poles, stop signs, houses that are just sitting at the bottom of the lake. They were never demolished. They were never taken away. Yeah. They just filled it up with water. So I think what happens is, first of all, I think people don't understand that when you're in a lake, you cannot see past three feet. And in Lake Lanier's case, maybe past three inches. Because it's so murky. That red clay, that mud, it just gets turned up. So once someone gets in trouble and goes down, good luck finding them.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

So this is why I tell my kids, you cannot, not ever, for no reason. Can you take off that life jacket? There's one thing that I'm not going to have happen to my kids is that they get lost in some body of water. So. So anyway, so I'm telling these kids, I'm like, hey, kids, keep those life jackets on. Meanwhile, dad is running off the dock, jumping, splashing, diving, backwards dives. I'm doing the whole nine years. I think I'm 14 again, right? I'm doing the whole nine yards. But what I don't realize is that I should probably have a life jacket on too. Because the second that I dive in the water, my kids come heard up next to me with their life jackets on and they're hanging on me and I'm in like 30ft of water. So I'm kicking, I'm swimming. I'm kicking, I'm swimming. Chrissy. I'm tiring out. After like five minutes, I'm like, okay, Daddy's gotta get back to the dock. Here, let me hang on to you. Now I'm hanging on to my kids. Now we're all pulling each other down under the lake. You can't kick kids. Bring me over there. Daddy's old. My back don't feel so good. Turn me over. Float position. Float position. One of my kids is yelling, float position. Float position. Which is what their swimming teacher tells them when they get tired to turn over and play dead.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's amazing.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. So when my kids are yelling float position, I guess I'm not as strong as I used to. When I was a teenager, I took one of those lifeguard tests where I tread water for whatever it was, 15, 20 minutes, however long they make you tread water for. I'm telling you what, I am not that same Brian Greene right now because I do a couple dives and a couple of flips and I tread water for three or four minutes. And I'm like, well, that was good. That was fun. I'm going back up to the house. So I have a lot of appreciation for this water polo where they do that for whatever it is. 10 minutes straight, 15 minutes straight.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, wait, I mean, how long is this now? It's longer than that.

[Brian Green]

Well, I mean, they do it by quarter, right? So I think they get a break every quarter. But I'm telling you what, those. Those swimsuits are barely there. And in the Olympics, in the actual Summer Olympics, they have underwater cameras. I don't see them. They have them on this particular channel. But underwater cameras, I don't know. I guess that's what you sign up for when you do. When you do water. Oh, you know what? I love diving, Diving is one of my favorites. Oh, the dive.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, the swimming and the diving, the.

[Brian Green]

Swimming and the diving. Let the swimming in. The diving.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Really nothing that I don't like.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, watch whatever's on. I mean, I don't like that. Like, cross country, skeet shooting, foot whatever. You run, ski. And I guess that's when you have skateboarding, too, right? Oh, they have skateboarding. They have. They have lots of stuff. Yeah. Everything's an Olympic sport. Boxing, they have the whole nine yards. And so, as we turn the corner and get ready for this year's 2024 Summer Olympics, I find myself really excited. Plus, I think it's the first Olympics where some of my kids understand what's going on. And so I'm. I'm really excited to miss all of that coverage because I'll be watching Disney Junior here at the house. Disney Junior. I told my kids already. I said, hey, listen, the Olympics, we're gonna watch it. It's gonna be on a lot in this house. We're gonna watch it and watch it and watch it. So they're excited, but they're excited because they have no idea what the Summer Olympics coverage is all about. Once they start watching, I'm sure I'm not going to get to watch any of it. But, hey, at least Father's Day is coming up.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I have a couple of TVs in this house, so you can keep one on.

[Brian Green]

Oh, if you don't think for a second when you're not here that TV gets commandeered by Disney Junior, you're wrong. My kids come in here. They come in here, they come in here, they ruin the road caster. They play with the microphones. They turn on Disney Junior sometimes. I come in here, Astor takes the early shift, and I take the late shift with the kids. What that means is that Astor gets up with them. When they get up at the ungodly hour of like 5, 45, 6 in the morning, I usually sleep for another hour or two. Then I get up, and then after 5 o', clock, it's my turn. Now I got to. I'll usually do the bathing, and then I help to put them to bed and the whole nine yards.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

So it's a good system.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. So there's a whole world of my family. There's a whole universe that I don't know or understand. It's before 7:45 in the morning. I have no idea what's going on. I'm blissfully unaware. But how do I know things are happening? Because I come in here and the door is open, the lights are on, the computer screen is not on. What I left it on last night. The Disney juniors on the channel. My microphones are at different levels. Apparently Astro just hates. Hates me so much that she just says, go in the studio and play with Daddy's a.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's right. Well, because if you try and keep him away from it, then it just becomes a whole bigger thing.

[Brian Green]

Well, that's true. If you still.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I still say you need the box that goes over the road. Caster.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, there was some guy was making them. He was like making custom boxes that went over it the very least. But I need a custom box with a lock and an alarm. Like if you don't think those kids are going to learn how to take off a box in two seconds. Kids are going to. Kids are smart. There's much smarter than I am. You know what I'm saying?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

True.

[Brian Green]

I wish, I wish I had the intelligence of some of my children.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I do know. Right.

[Brian Green]

We go to the grocery store real quick. We go to the grocery store the other day, it's like 7 o' clock at night. Beds, kids, some kids bedtimes at 7, some kids are at 8. One of the older kids, I sometimes I let him stay up till nine. But one of the things you learn, dogs and children, they absolutely need routine. You cannot break that routine for almost any reason. Maybe the exception of vacation, birthdays, special, you know, events or whatever. But you better.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Which are all about to come up.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Which are all. Yeah, the entire summer is one big special event. Yeah. But I'm trying to, I'm trying to hang on to normalcy as long as I can. I'm just hanging on to it. 7:00 clock at night, we realize we need something at the grocery store. Actually at the, at the pharmacy. So I say, let me go to the grocery store. I'll get some milk for the younger kids. Right, I'll get some milk because I know we need some. Well, all the kids. I wanna go. I wanna go. I wanna go with Daddy, Daddy. I go with you, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy. And for one second in my miserable fucking life, I decide, okay, fine, but we're only buying one thing and that's milk and whatever else at, you know, baby Advil or whatever we need. That's it. We're buying these two things and that's it. And so I say to ask her on the way out there, I'm taking the kids. You know, these kids. Taking these kids. Okay, thanks. All right, well, you need anything from the grocery Store. Just text me. Well, ask her. Text me the list.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, yeah, right.

[Brian Green]

Oh, it wasn't milk that we went for. It was pasta. Because we're gonna have pasta for dinner and we don't have any pasta. We're already running late on this whole routine. And I'm really upset, and I'm really worried that I'm gonna be bothered by my kids going to bed later. And I don't want to be bothered. So we go to the grocery store, I get them out of the car, which is a whole fucking production. Get them out of the car, put them in the basket, drive them around. I want this, I want that. Gatorade cereal, Cheerios, you know, they want everything on every aisle. But I keep on. I stay focused. Nope, we're getting this thing. We're getting this. And relatively, they're pretty good for most of the grocery store. So good, in fact, that I say, okay, you guys can go pick a box of band aids. Box of three dollar band aids that have some character on it. They always have boo boos. And I just got a secret for d facts or whoever's looking into my children, they don't really have boo boos. They just say they have boo boos so that they can get the characters. One of my kids has 12 band aids on right now. No blood has been shown.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I noticed that one time.

[Brian Green]

Well, by the way, we went into Publix and two of the kids had band aids on their forehead.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I was like, what happened?

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You're like, nothing, nothing.

[Brian Green]

So we get in, we go, I get them out, get the groceries in the car, put them back in the thing, buckle them up, do the whole thing. I know. On their forehead. On their forehead. She's got two on her forehead. People at the grocery store looking at me like. Meanwhile, I'm like, no, we came here for one thing, and they're like, oh, jeez.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Now go pick out some more bandaids, Brian Green.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, now go pick out some more band aids. They better be good. You're gonna need them, you rotten little shits. You're gonna need them because daddy's giving you boo boos all over. You're gonna be covered head and toe in boo boos. I'm gonna wrap you like a mummy and Mickey Band aids.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, God.

[Brian Green]

So get them out of the store. Get him into the car. Buc 10 minute routine to just get him in the car. And I'm like, okay, let's go. One of my kids, who is probably the most intelligent human being in this building right now. Honestly, Seriously. We get half a mile from the grocery store, and him and the. The other. One of the other kids are talking at me, but I'm ignoring it because I'm trying to listen to the song that I put on to ignore them, right? And finally I start tuning in to what's going on back there. And I'm like, what? What did you say? He goes, you forgot the pasta. And I was like, oh, shit. So now there's this decision going on in my head, right? Do I suffer the wrath of Astrid or do I suffer the wrath of my children? Or both. What do I do? Okay. So I decided to suffer the wrath of the children because that's much easier than astronauts. That's right. Well, I go back to the grocery store, get them out, get them back in the basket. Get. We're only getting this one thing. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Bl by the way. Then I get another thing for him. And so now we get him in the. In the cart. And then we got this. They get back to the house, and I said, okay, don't tell your mom we had to do this. You know what I'm saying? A little secret between us, okay? So we get to the house. First thing that one of the kids says is, daddy forgot the pasta. And Astro's like, what? And I go, no, I didn't forget the pasta. I got the pasta. We had to make a trip back. Yeah, Daddy forgot the pasta. And I told him. And when he did, he said, oh, shit, I did forget the pasta. And I'm like, get back to your room. I'm gonna give you another Boo Boo.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Pick out one of those bandages.

[Brian Green]

Pick out one of those band aids. You're gonna need it. All right, let's take a break. And we'll be back.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

What?

[Christina]

Oh, hi. It's Christina again, here to remind you to go to tcbpodcast.com for all things audio, video and TC video. Give us a follow on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTokcbpodcast. And guess what? We have a new phone number. I know what you're thinking, but I promise this is the last TCB phone number you will ever have to remember. So call us and leave us a voicemail or text us at 212-4333, TCB. Once more for the people in the back. That's 212-4333, TCB. Oh, and check out our YouTube channel at YouTube.com the commercial break. That's all for now. Let's listen to our sponsors and get Back to the show.

[Brian Green]

All right, Byline. Meet Blue, the dog who traveled four miles to get help for owner trapped in ravine. At first I thought, oh, this must be about my Blue. But then I wrote, then I read the word helped. And then I said, nope, that's not my dog. Local authorities have published a photograph of a hero dog who ran four miles to get help for his owner after a car crash left him trapped in a ravine in Oregon. Blue, whom the New York Times identified as a whippet, is credited with credit. Oh, I know about whippets.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Smart as a whip.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, that's a good one, Chrissy. That's a good one. You like that one? Is that a good one for you? Blue, identified as a whip. It is credited by rescue services with helping save Brandon Garrett after his truck fell off a remote road in a heavily wooded area in a part of the state close to the border with Ohio on Idaho. On June. Ohio, Ohio and Oregon are not together. On June 2, Garrett was driving with his four dogs when the vehicle plummeted at a curve in the road. One of the dogs, later identified as Blue, traveled four miles to the campsite where Garrett and the dogs had been, which alerted the friends of Garrett that something was wrong. Prompted by Blue's appearance, Garrett's family started searching for him. They finally found his vehicle the next day, but couldn't reach him. And then the 911 call. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. He's got a cracked ankle and his body is just really bruised and battered like my kids, he added. One of the three dogs that remained at the site of the crash had surgery for a broken hip and is expected to be okay. After widespread coverage of blues valiance, the sheriff's officer put a photo of Whip it on the Facebook page. I'm sure Whoopitz really appreciates that.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Did you get with Blue's consent?

[Brian Green]

I just think to myself, what a. Dogs are such amazing creatures. Yes, most of them are such amazing creatures. You run four miles back to the campsite where you had been hanging out for the weekend to alert the other people at the campsite that something is wrong. Can you imagine? I also read about the cat who traveled like a hundred and thousand miles or something cross country. Did you read about that one?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I did not read about the cat.

[Brian Green]

There was a cat. New York family moves. Some suburban New York somewhere family moves. But the cat wasn't in the house when they moved and they were looking furiously for him. Like this cat. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Seven years later, the cat shows up in California Whoa. In the neighborhood where these people lived. And someone puts up signs, cat. And the found cat was then found by the family because they looked at the photo and they said, that looks like the cat that we lost seven years ago or five years ago, whatever it was.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Made its way across the country.

[Brian Green]

How did it do that? Did it jump on a truck? Is it like one of those movies that Disney makes? Jumps on the truck and it makes friends with the truck, but it says, I have to leave you because I got to get to my family now.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's just. It's hitchhiking across, hopping on a train, a little boat.

[Brian Green]

Turned a few tricks at a truck stop to make some money.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Hit up a boat at Lake Lanier. Cross.

[Brian Green]

You cross over Lake Lanier. Got on a train, went through Alabama. Stayed in Alabama for a while. Said, this isn't for me. Got on a truck.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Headed across Texas.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I like picturing that.

[Brian Green]

I like picturing that, too. Probably someone stole the cat, got on a flight to California with the cat, and the cat decided, I don't like this. And he lived in the same neighborhood. Probably the same people who stole it and put the found picture up. But it is amazing. These dogs, these animals are fucking amazing. They really are. I just wish I had one of those. And I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. You know, we got. I get. So. I'm starting to get a lot of pushback about my reactions to Blue and the comments and the text messages. And I want to make this clear, and I've done this before, and I don't want to belabor the point, but I do love Blue. There is a reason why Blue is still in our lives, and that's because I have a responsibility to Blue. I took her in as a little puppy. We. We are bonded. She. If you could see me when I'm not in this studio, then you would know that there are moments I certainly get angry with Blue. All the shitting and pissing and barking drives me up a fucking wall. But that dog is at my hip 24 hours a day. So we go to my dad's lake house, and we got.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

She's got such a funny personality, too, because, you know, she does her whole bark, bark, bark when anybody's coming in out the front door. Then, like, I'll come. She going crazy, barking. I walk into the studio, and she just lays there. Lays there, licks me.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's so sweet and kind. Yes, it's very funny.

[Brian Green]

There's been entire episodes. Is that a hurricane outside the door. Nope. It's just my 12 children running in a pack like wild bison up and down the hallway of my hardwood floored house. Oh, there they go. You know, the thing is, is that Blue is a funny creature. She can be absolutely insane one moment and then the next moment the sweetest dog in the world. And you should see how she interacts with my youngest.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Green]

If Blue wasn't good with the children, it's likely there would be. I would have to find a new home.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No, but she has been great with all the 30.

[Brian Green]

She's amazing that, that my smallest loves the dog like none of my other children love the dog. It's attached to the dog like none of my other children were attached to the dog. She literally wants to know where blue is 24 hours a day. If Blue's outside in the backyard, she gets upset. She wants to be with Blue. She tries to ride Blue. Sometimes I catch them, like in my bedroom. I'll catch my youngest who's like, you know, one and some change, you know, cuddling with Blue. And you can tell that Blue's very uncomfortable because the baby doesn't really know how to cuddle. She just grabs her skin and start pulling her hair. But Blue just sits there and it's like, I know either she's too old for it or just doesn't care or instinctively knows that as part of this family, I better get along with this kid or else I'm gone.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Maybe that's it.

[Brian Green]

I do love Blue. And the second that Blue is gone from our lives, oh, it'll be a huge loss. It'll be a huge loss. It will be a huge loss. Mainly because the noise, that the noise level in this house will go down by half. But I was sharing that we went to my dad's house over the weekend and we left her at the vet to board. Right. And so they're not open on Sundays. We get back on Sunday afternoon and Astrid and I are commenting what a. How lovely is it that there's no barking going on. There's no, you know, jumping up and, you know, just causing general mayhem. Stress and mayhem. I get out of the shower yesterday morning and we haven't picked Blue up yet. I get out of the shower yesterday morning.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

There she is. She's made her way to you.

[Brian Green]

She took a truck. Yeah. She literally walked half a mile back to my house. Ah, the adventures of Blue. She. She's not. She's not there. I. I take a shower. I go to get out of the shower. I open the the door to the bathroom. And I notice my anxiety level raises by like 30%. And I become real self aware real quick that I'm anxious about something, but I don't know what it is. And a little bit more tapping into that anxiety. And I know that the reason why I'm anxious is because I expect Blue to be right there outside that bathroom door, to jump on my legs with her, you know, ginseng, knife, nails, to cut my legs all up and to bark at me about something that she wants. Like, you know, a treat, food, whatever, go outside, do whatever. And so I realized that Blue is such a big part of my life. So ingrained into my life that she can't be gone for one day. And my body already realizes that something isn't right. Like there's a disturbance in the force. Yeah, there's disturbance in the force. So as much as I do protest about Blue, and I do. I will stick by my. I will stick by my bitching and complaining about her barking all the time. Yeah. But I will say this. I do love the dog. She is well taken care of. She is well fed. We do not hit her. We do not ignore her. She stays in nice hotel hotels when we're gone. How do I know? Because I pay an arm and a leg to put her up.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yep.

[Brian Green]

I got this friend, he's like, ah, just take her down to the Yoko Loco boarding place and they put her outside in a run. And, you know, it's $5 a day or whatever. Meanwhile, I'm paying $180 a day. The dog's got a TV in the corner on Animal Planet. Like, Blue even cares about animal. Blue doesn't even know she's an animal. She wants to come with us to the Ritz Carlton. If we stayed at the Ritz Carlton, which we don't.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

She likes the finer things in life.

[Brian Green]

We gotta take this trip in a couple of weeks to go see family. And so Astrid's trying to plan the trip. It's hard to plan a trip when you don't have any money. But anyway, she's planning this trip and she's, you know, and she's like, well, where should we stay? And I. Well, not the Ritz Carlton, that's for sure. Let's. We got too many kids for that. So I'm looking for like an Embassy Suite.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, some places are good.

[Brian Green]

I. I agree with you. Yeah, right. Like a suite type deal. You know, the old Embassy Suites. Back when I was a kid, we used to stay at Embassy Suites because there was Six of us in the family, right? And what would happen is you would get two bedrooms and then like a.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Sitting room, a living room, and that pulls out into a couch, right?

[Brian Green]

And so the kids got one room in the living room, and we'd have to figure out amongst us who was going where. And then my dad and my mom would get the other bedroom, Right? So I said, look at the Embassy Suites. It's economical. Well, you know, the. They get free breakfast, free snacks.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

They're nice.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, they're nice, Right. And they're not the nicest hotels in the world, but they're also not bad.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No, they're not.

[Brian Green]

There's an indoor swimming pool in every Embassy Suites. It's like part of their deal. And I said, the kids will love it. We can bring the life jackets. They can swim.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And it's a solid choice.

[Brian Green]

Solid, solid choice. So we go and we go and we start looking. She finds an Embassy Suites, and she's like, where is the two bedroom ones? And I'm like, I don't know. They all have them. I know they do. I haven't been in Embassy Suites in a long time. And so she's looking, she's looking, she's looking. And the normal Embassy Suites room is one bedroom with a sitting area. Those are like, I don't know, $350 a night, right? Not cheap, but you got a big family, things aren't going to be cheap.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

She finds one with the two bedrooms and they're like $989 a night. And I'm like, Holy fucking shit. $1,000. A thousand dollars for an extra bedroom? You got to be kidding me. What happened to the good old Embassy Suites where every room was like that? I don't know. It's so expensive to have children in 2024, to have a big family in 2024. And then add. On top of that, I got to put my dog at the fucking, you know, Waldorf Astoria of dogs for no reason. Because she's brat, she's pampered. I don't know. You know, wouldn't she be fine? I said to Astrid, I said, let's hire the neighbor to come over and feed her.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

There you go. When I was young, I used to do that for our neighbors.

[Brian Green]

You did? The dogs?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, dogs, they would kick over. Yeah, they would kick some money, and I would go over there and feed the dog, take the dog out, you know, be sure the dog's okay a couple few times a day.

[Brian Green]

I wish that I had that dog. I bet Blue the other blue, the whippet blue.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I did come home one time though. I did go over there one time and they, the dog had chewed through the entire, the entire library of the family photos.

[Christina]

And that was.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I was like, oh, oh, you're like.

[Brian Green]

Hope you got those backed up.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No, this was before backup. This is when you went and got the film developed, carefully placed them in order in a photo album. I came over and I was like, oh no.

[Brian Green]

Oh my gosh, that is too funny.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You guys should be fine though, with digital age.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll be fine. We'll be fine on the digital age.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I called my mom, I was like.

[Brian Green]

Oh, what do I do here?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Look what Benji did.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, yeah, we did that one time. Kevin and I babysat like one time for neighbors down the street. And when we babysat, I think I've told this story, we babysat. And of course, being the little that we are, the second that the kid, the kid was like already asleep when we got there. You know, the parents put him to sleep. He was like a three year old or something. And they were like, just make sure nothing sets off.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Hang out.

[Brian Green]

Call 911 or call us. Here's a phone number you can reach us at. They did back before cell phones.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Here's some cash for a pizza.

[Brian Green]

Exactly, right? Yeah, here's some cash for a pizza. And so we ordered the pizza. But then Kevin started this, you know, I'm blaming on Kevin. Kevin started. Kevin started like, you know, going around the house, opening doors and cabinets and stuff like that. You know, just, I think just curiosity. You're a kid, you're. You're curious. Well, he eventually makes his way to the bedroom and I'm sitting in the room next to where the kid is sleeping, like a bonus room or something with a tv. And I'm just watching tv. Kevin's running around the house investigating and he comes back and what he has is a smorgasbord of things that children should not find in their parents house. A dildo, a copy of the Kama Sutra, a porn movie, weed. And this is before we even knew what weed was. We were like 12, 13 years old, right? I mean, we knew what weed was, but we'd never seen it in person, that was for sure. And Kevin's like, oh my God, look at this bag of weed. Here's a boner. I don't even know what this is. This is a dick. And I'm like, oh yeah. He's like, here's a porn movie. Let's put it in. So, you know, you'll put in the porn movie that, you know, the whole nine yards. So here we are with all the things that these par. These people never wanted us to see. Just in the bonus room. We didn't smoke the weed or anything like that. We just had it out, right? So it's like this really weird scene going on. Me and my brother watching a porn movie with a dong and some weed at the compass.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And a pizza.

[Brian Green]

And a pizza. And a Domino's pizza next to a sleeping kid who has no idea. Well, guess what?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Ah, they came out.

[Brian Green]

Parents came home early. Kevin rushed to put it all back, right? You could hear the garage door opening. So you know, Kevin rushes to put it. And nobody didn't even come back early.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

They probably came back on. They probably were so engrossed.

[Brian Green]

Yes, in the porn movie. Yeah. So you know, first time seeing hardcore porn, first time seeing, you know, weed in person. I didn't even know what the fucking commissutra was. Forget about that. I still don't know what the common suture is. I mean, I know what it is, I just don't know what it says or. I probably asked her to be happier. Anyway, so. So parents come home, Kevin rushes back. It's like one of those movies, you know, Kevin's throwing everything back. Well, a couple of days later we get this phone call from our dad who's at work. And dad puts us on the speakerphone and he explains that we wouldn't be back.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh no, he was calling from work.

[Brian Green]

Yes, he called from work.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, you knew?

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Oh, anytime. Dad called.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Communication from work.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Couldn't even wait to get home. He couldn't wait to whip our asses face to face. He had to let us know that it was coming later. He had to give us time to worry about the ass whooping we were getting. I just got a phone call from Steve down the street. Did any you did you guys go through the, their, you know, personal effects in their bedroom? And we were like, no. What? No, no, no, no, no, it wasn't us. Wasn't us. And he says, well, they seem to think differently because apparently a few items were moved around and a couple are missing. Did you take anything from that house? We're like, no, no, not us. What? Dad? Crazy. These people are. Woohoo. I don't even. We don't know.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

We heard they smoke weed.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, we were too high to take anything from the house. What are you talking about? I was jacking off in the corner and Kevin was ripping Bongs. I don't know. So eventually it comes out that the weed was misplaced, the kama suture was misplaced, and the porn movie was still in the vcr.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, we never invited back.

[Brian Green]

No, we didn't get invited back for that particular babysitting job. But I didn't like it anyway. I didn't like those people. They were weird. I just always thought they were. Well, I mean, because when you're a little kid, then you see all this weird stuff. And we told our dad, we said, hey, listen, dad, you know, eventually the truth came out, right? And we said, hey, listen. Yeah, we got, you know, a little curious and we went and we, you know, there's some things in there. And we saw it, but they had drugs. And my dad was like, drugs. And he was like, they had drugs, dad. Drugs that, you know, they were doing the weed. They were doing the weed, dad. They were on the weed. And he was like, what? And marijuana, dad, there was marijuana in the thing. How do you know what marijuana looks like? I've seen it in on TV, you know, education, McGruff the crime dog. I've seen it. They taught us this at school. They showed us pictures. We know what weed looks like, dad. And he's like, well, okay, no more babysitting over there. But you still shouldn't be going through people's personal effects. Meanwhile, we did that every single day. My dad was gone at the office. We went through his personal life just looking for something. I don't know what we were looking for. We're looking for. This all comes full circle. That when the kids come in here. Of course you can't. There's no secrets. I have. I have a place that is locked and fireproof and bulletproof and all that stuff. Somewhere where I keep the most eccentric, our biggest safe. Everybody needs a safe. And the kind you can't get into. Not the cheapy one you buy at Walmart. You just pop with a, you know, half dollar bill. I'm talking about the real deal.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Safe combination.

[Brian Green]

Yes. And that is going to be my defense against my children finding anything weird. So Astrid and I's old home movies. You know, I'm talking about home movies. Of course they're on my phone. And probably seven. I'm probably on you porn right now.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You probably are. Because you know that if it's on your phone, then it gets synced to if they're looking at an iPad, which we found that out the hard way.

[Brian Green]

Oh, no. Really? And your kids are older. They know what they're looking at. Oh, yeah. Was that embarrassing?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No, we figured it out before. I think there was any kind of weirdness, but we definitely had to hide those photos.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Bring your iPad next time. I'm gonna sync it with my icloud. We'll sync each other's icloud. We'll see who's freakier. Let's see who's a bigger freak. All right, let's take a break and we'll be back.

[Christina]

Well, thank the baby Jesus. Brian took a breath. And now I will use this opportunity to let you know that we've got a brand new phone number. That's right. It's 212-4333, TCB. And you can text us anytime you want or you can call and leave us a voicemail and we might just use your message on the show once Brian gets through all the messages he missed last year, of course. Anyway, you can also find and DM us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok, CBpodcast. And of course, all of our audio and video is easily found on tcbpodcast.com Now, I'm going to thank G one more time that we have sponsors. So thank G. And here they are.

[Brian Green]

Okay, I want to follow up on JoJo Siwa.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh.

[Brian Green]

Who we have defended publicly here saying that JoJo Siwa is in fact just a child star trying to make a transition into adulthood. And everybody goes through it. We've seen everybody go through it. And it's just one of those things you do. Everybody. I mean, listen, I guess to be fair to the general audience, everybody busted on Britney and, you know, Christina, Miley. Miley and everybody who's gone through this, they've all had that awkward face. And the public, as the public never does, gave them no grace either. But. And I'm just offending JoJo Siwa in the sense that with hindsight, having seen a couple of these teen stars go through adulthood. And by the way, she was on Nickelodeon, not on Disney. I said she was a Disney kid. She's not. She's Nickelodeon kid and a dance mom kid. She was like in Dance Moms with that crazy human being, that lady. I don't know. I never watched it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I never watched it. I knew of it. But.

[Brian Green]

But I think there are a few famous dancers that came out of that. There was like one that danced in a. In a Lady Gaga video. I don't know, whatever. Anyway, so JoJo siwa, we're just giving a little grace. We talked about that video that was going around of her and Epcot drinking from location to location. She was really drunk while she was turning 21. Yeah, while she, we had the day of her 21st birthday, she was in Disney World and she was trying to get everybody to sing along to her song and no one knew the lyrics because, you know, not necessarily an earwig. It's also not like the video's been watched a lot, but no one was singing along with it because they didn't know the lyrics. Well, I think I'm turning on this a little bit and I'll tell you why is because I can appreciate when an artist goes through has a moment like this, but if you're going to like, you know, go full bore and be your new self and do your new thing, be a little bit authentic about it and sing your own songs. I've been watching videos of JoJo. She's been at multiple, I think multiple gay pride parades, like where she's. Or events where she's singing. She's doing a deal, a concert and she is lip syncing so incredibly poorly. She's got the, she's got a microphone on a stand like Freddie Mercury used to have, you know what I'm talking about? Like one of those big stands you hold in your hand. And she's literally got the, the microphone up above her head while she's singing the song. It's clear as day that she is lip syncing the entirety of the song. Not one word is sang by her. It's all sung by a track. That's it. No band, no nothing. And listen, I don't expect like a pop artist like that to have a full band on a quick, little, you know, three song number. But I do expect you're gonna sing at least some of your song. Like that would be the right thing to do. But JoJo is not even singing one inch of her song. And that just like reminds me of all the bad lip syncing things that we've encountered in our life. Let's name a few of them. Remember that girl on Saturday Night Live, what's her name's sister, who got caught on Saturday Night Live singing with the backup track?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. Was it Britney Spears? Not, no, not her, but her sister. Or was it Jessica Simpson's sister, Ashley Simpson?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it was Ashley Simpson. Ashley Simpson got caught lip syncing because the track started to skip while she was live on Saturday Night Live. And then she said she had a cold and she had to do the backup singer. But one of the biggest lip syncing controversies right now, that's going on out there along with Jojo Siwa is Madonna. Apparently Madonna is doing a lot of lip syncing to her own tracks also. And I gotta wonder, at her concert, at her own concert, this is what people are saying, right? There's like lawsuits now against Madonna because she's showing up five hours late and pissing everybody off and taking her dear sweet time and all this. And I have to agree a little bit with the people who are, listen, Madonna is Madonna. She's gonna do what Madonna does. If Madonna is notoriously late, don't expect her to show up on time.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Right.

[Brian Green]

But I also don't expect her to show up five hours after the concert was supposed to start. If you're supposed to see a show at 7pm and at midnight, someone's just coming on stage, that might piss me off too. Five hours is a long time to wait for somebody to show up on a stage getting hammered in an arena.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Full of other people say it's a long time to drink, waiting.

[Brian Green]

It is a long time to drink and to wait and to just kind of be miserable while you're trying to figure out if this lady's gonna come on whatsoever. Revved up, revved up, revved down. Let's say Chrissy says rev down while everybody's revving up because you're too drunk waiting for Madonna to sing her old hits. What do you think about lip syncing in general? As. Would you be angry if you went to go see your favorite artist, let's say Widespread Panic and John was singing?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes, I think so. I think there's different cases for it. So. Yes. If you go to a concert, somebody's concert that you paid money for to go see them specifically Girl, Girl, then I think no lip seeking.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No, especially not the main person, the main singer.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

So. But you know, I think there could be cases made for it at, at different other like events. Maybe, you know, maybe like a little like an integrated.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Lip syncing.

[Brian Green]

I think a backing vocal.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Right. In situations where there's a, like it's a highly produced track and you're just not able to sing everything. Like you can't sing five tracks at one time. So having a backing track I can understand.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Right.

[Brian Green]

If I pay, If I pay a hundred and nine dollars to go see someone in the nosebleed section, 109 is cheap. Cheap. If I go see 100, pay 109 to see someone in the nosebleed section and I find out that they're lip syncing, that might piss me Off.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. You know, Vince Neil didn't even do that.

[Brian Green]

Vince Neil is bad. He is as terrible as he is.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He's just not. He's not lip syncing. Listen, it is what it is. You're out of breath.

[Brian Green]

That's right.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You forgot the words.

[Brian Green]

Out of breath. Having a stroke.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And that's what happened.

[Brian Green]

Eating a turkey leg on stage. And he still sings his own songs. Yeah. If there was ever a case for lip syncing, Vince would be it. Yes. Yes. And I'm telling you what. Corey Feldman, that guy is out there singing every one of his songs. Terribly. I mean, he's so bad. But he sings them and I gotta give him. I gotta give him props for that.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

He sings them and people show up to watch him. Even if it is for a joke, they still show up to watch him. I don't appreciate the lip syncing thing. I think if you're gonna ask people to pay the enormous amount of money it takes to. To put on a live show these days. Charges for a live show.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

That you at the very least should show up and be authentic self. Even if it's not the best. Listen, I know I talk about this band a lot. I really like them. Pearl Jam. I've seen Pearl Jam a lot. Eddie Vetter is not the same person he was 20 years ago. He's not the same singer he was. Everybody was. What is that? Kung Fu Fighting? I don't think that was my Pearl J. Oh.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No, that was Crash Dummies.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah. I was.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I was saying. No.

[Brian Green]

Like.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Like Eddie.

[Brian Green]

Yes. But at least he sings his own song.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Now. You gotta be authentic at your own concerts.

[Brian Green]

Absolutely. You gotta be authentic at your own shows. And you know what? The crowd will roll with it. I'm telling you that they will. I promise you they'll roll with it. I don't know what Jojo Siwa sounds like without lip syncing, but you got to do it on your own. Fly without a net. That's the way you make it or break it. And if you have a few big bad concerts. Well, join the club. I had a few bad concerts too.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

You know who you know is a good example? I. That Maggie Rogers. You know, Maggie Rogers is. Oh man, she's amazeballs. Maggie Rogers is amazeballs. You don't know about Maggie Rogers? Check her out. She's amazing. And she's up there on stage and would with every note. She is giving it her all. She is dancing her entire bodies into it. It's fascinating actually to watch her on stage. I've only seen videos of it. I've never actually seen her live, but she's amazeballs. And sometimes because of all of the energy she puts into the show, she's a little off. She's flat or she's sharp or whatever. It's not exactly. She's not exactly hitting the note now. She's much more talented than I am, don't get me wrong.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, Well, I mean, I think you go to see the essence.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Of. Of the song.

[Brian Green]

Yes. I don't give a shit if Maggie Rogers is off a beat when I'm watching one of those. Because you know what?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's real.

[Brian Green]

It's real. And the performance is electrifying. Very few people can get it right note after note, every single time. Like, Prince is one of those people, Right. Bruce Springsteen, that. Even. That Jon Bon Jovi, he's starting to sound like he lost his hearing. I mean, that guy sounds awful.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He lost his voice. He had, like a whole vocal cord situation.

[Brian Green]

Oh, he did? Yeah. Oh, he didn't know that.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Now I feel like an. Well, now I officially feel like an. Thanks, Chrissy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Sorry.

[Brian Green]

I thought I was gonna go. I thought I was gonna leave this episode and go, look, I didn't really piss anybody off too bad on that one.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, no, he's working his way back, though.

[Brian Green]

Hey, listen, you know, Anyways.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Moving on.

[Brian Green]

They're moving on. What I was gonna say, very few people can.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

One especially, too, with the way that songs are now produced. I mean, there's so much production that goes in, but whether it's auto tune or taking this, that, the other, making it, whatever.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You know, you can't. You cannot reproduce exactly what's on the album in concert life.

[Brian Green]

No, you. It. It's almost next to impossible. Unless you're one of those bands who records live and everything that you do is intended to be live. Like, I don't know.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

But even that's gonna be different each time.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I mean, like, you know, Fish. Like, Fish is a band. A lot of people like Goose. Goose. Fish. These are bands that, like. A lot of people like, but they don't focus on that. They put out nice.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

They put out albums. Yeah.

[Brian Green]

But really, what they're.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

People go to hear the nuances.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He said this instead of that.

[Brian Green]

They played it this way and they said it that way. Yeah. And every time it's a different experience because they're kind of. That's how they learned by fire. They went out there and they did it. And I've heard a lot of fish, a lot of live fish. And I'm telling you right now, Trey ain't always in tune either. Like, I mean, there's a lot of not great singing that's happened in that course that years. You can appreciate that the guy does 100 live shows a year. He's getting older. He's not always going to sound the way that he sounded on the album because the album allows for perfection or as close to it as you're going to get. But Jojo Siwa is not Fish, nor is she Prince, nor is she Bruce Springsteen or Bon Jovi or whoever she needs to.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Might need to lay low, fly out with a net.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Now I'm saying if she had a manager that was worth his weight in anything, his or her weight, you know what they would do? They would say, jojo, take a break. Let's take a five years off. Let's live on your royalties from Dance Moms and Nickelodeon or whatever. And this one kind of not great album you put out there, let's do that. And let's be real specific about when we choose to go out there in the world and put ourselves out there publicly. And in five years, everyone will have forgotten about you. And that's a good thing because then you can come back and start fresh. And we're going to start authentically. We are going to put together a album of just you singing. That's it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Acapella.

[Brian Green]

Acapella Siwa. That's what we're gonna call it. Acapella Si. While we're gonna prove to the world that you can sing in those five years, you're gonna take some singing lessons so that if you in fact do sound shitty, because we don't know because she only lip syncs, then if in fact you do sound shitty, then what we're going to do is we're going to put you out there to the world and present you. You as a wonderful, beautiful singer. Because you're going to have learned and trained and gotten it right if that's what you choose to do. And so now I'm starting to side a little bit with the general population on Siwa here. I'm like, so you like to say.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Give it a little break for the rest of the summer maybe. You know, Enjoy yourself, girl.

[Brian Green]

That's right. A lot of people go to Lake Lanier. Only five people a day drown there. They get caught in the roofs of the houses. It's terrible. It's terrible. What a terrible way to go. Yeah. Apologies to all people. Who have lost someone at Linear. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

They say it's haunted.

[Brian Green]

I don't go there anymore. I just don't. We're gonna go to a lake. It's not Linear. Yeah. I don't know why, but I just don't. I just. It gives me.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Weird vibes. Yeah. And it's a perfectly lovely lake. I've been there. I'm sure.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Beautiful home.

[Brian Green]

I saw it on mtv. It looks wonderful.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. But yeah, it's not for me anymore. Been there, done that.

[Brian Green]

If you've been there, done that a lot. And so, you know, I'm gonna watch it on MTV now. That's where. That's where I'll see it. Or not. Or not. Because it's.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's fast.

[Brian Green]

Because I don't think season two is coming up. I don't know. Maybe they did do season two. I just never heard about it. Did you read that the average.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You watch more MTV than anybody I've ever known?

[Brian Green]

The average age of the MTV watcher is 57 years old. Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Huh?

[Brian Green]

Yes. They had that out on ad week. That's crazy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's crazy.

[Brian Green]

Well, not 57, I'll tell you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Catfish.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it's all catfish. Yeah, it's catfish and Teen Mom. But the teen moms from the first season are the still the ones that are on Teen Mom. They have no fresh episodes of team up with actual teens in it, which.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Is kind of a good thing. I think.

[Brian Green]

I agree with you. Let's not glorify. No. All right. Okay. TCBpodcast.com that's where you go. You find out more information about Chrissy and I. All the show notes, the links to the guest stuff, all of that stuff is available on our website. Just go there. If you want your free sticker, you can hit the contact us button. Drop down menu says I want my free sticker. Give us your address. Weigh that sticker. Sticker will go. I'd like to thank everybody who's been communicating with us lately. It's wonderful. I love you. Sometimes you get me. Sometimes you get asked her. Sometimes you get someone else. But someone will always respond to 661. Oh, no, no. Excuse me. Hold on one second. 212-4333. TCB 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, contents, ideas. You want to be on the show, let us know. Know. Hit that phone number. Add the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on tick tock and YouTube.com the commercial break, all of our guest interviews and selected episodes available go ahead and subscribe. Follow us on Instagram. Please, please, please, please, please. Okay, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for today.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

But I'll tell you that I love you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I love you.

[Brian Green]

Best to you and best to you and best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next next time. Chrissy and I always say, we do say, and we must say goodbye. I. Gotta get some cocaine. Gotta be crazy.