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The Commercial Break
Not All Of Us Are Well...
01:03:18
Episode #584: Bryan gets all fired up about misogyny, but also says that he “doesn’t know how to cook,” even though we are fairly certain he can read (need proof). Bryan & Krissy discuss Bryan’s come to Jesus moment on the road. Hypocrisy! We love our Bryan, warts and all!!! Why is this impression kind of giving Cosby? Hate muse Misogyny! Women famously love being treated like humans <3 BRYAN SAYS ON FLEEK AGAIN A witchy political ig lady Can we petition to get Astrid into ACOTAR (faerie smut) Yakusa Brassic Bryan says no more TLC! Pretty pretty princess Christina at your service Bryan’s existential moment The dick measuring contest on the way to Florida Everyone stop being mean on the road! We will wait to see if Bryan’s driving has truly changed Text us or leave us a voicemail: +1 (212) 433-3TCB Follow Us: IG: @thecommercialbreak TikTok: @tcbpodcast YT: youtube.com/thecommercialbreak www.tcbpodcast.com Executive Producer: Bryan Green Hosts: Bryan Green...
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- [00:00]
Brian Green
You just had an entire chicken parm meal.
- [00:02]
Chrissy
I have to have snacks Monday through Friday. I have to have snacks for school, snacks for after school, snacks for TV watching, snacks for just when I feel like snacking. I have to have my snacks.
- [00:18]
Christina
On.
- [00:18]
Brian Green
This episode of the commercial break. So, you know, I'm a kid at heart, when I stop at a stoplight and I see somebody next to me and we look at each other, you know, I'll go, right? I'll go. Why not? I'll go. I'll go with you. But this day and age, you got to be careful about who you're going to go with because that is very idiots. And, you know, the world is full of people, and not all of them are. Well, some of them are having a gap life. You know what I'm saying?
- [00:43]
Chrissy
Hashtag gap life.
- [00:44]
Brian Green
Hashtag gap life. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Yeah, boy. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the bleach to Mike Horing, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. We're just here in studio banging our heads against the collective wall as now we got to get back to talking about, I don't know, no more Olympics, no more. Yeah, boy. Now we get to watch the news on cycle for 24 hours a day. At least. I do. You don't, but I do. I mean, I like to. I like, I don't know, because Asher was asking me yesterday. She's like, you know, there's. There's a few people who I just see, seriously, I'm so irritated with on social media, and I talk about them all the time, and I'm never going to name them by name because I don't want to. I'm not going to be a bully. I'm going to use my bully pulpit. Not going to name them by name. They probably don't even know who they are because I mix and twist and, you know, make it just, like, out of reach that someone would know who it was. But the truth is, is that I hate the fucking hypocrisy. I hate. That's what drives me goddamn crazy. And I know I can be a hypocrite, too, sometimes. But I don't say that I hate influencers because they stick their boobs out everywhere and then stick my boobs out everywhere to be an influen. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, that's not What I do, I don't do that or I don't say. Like someone said on one of them, the other one of the social medias the other day. How can France call themselves a country after all, you know, sinners and sinning and sex and lies and videotapes and drugs and Jesus and all this other stuff. Meanwhile you were doing blow off strippers tits at Lake lanier not but 10 years ago. How do I know? Because I was setting up the lines for you and you are a woman. Don't. Let's not get into the eating outer afterwards. That's a whole different story. It's insane. You're such a hypocrite. You found Jesus, now no one else can sin. You found Jesus, now no one else can do anything. Listen, I'm not against Jesus. I think he's pretty cool dude. Actually, I kind of like the guy. I think we need a few more of them to come down to earth good graces with his presence. But at the end of the day, you can't claim that everybody else is so terrible when the truth was you were just as terrible in this lifetime. You can't say that. No longer can you declare that let he who has not sinned cast the first stone.
- [03:13]
Chrissy
Exactly.
- [03:14]
Brian Green
That's like one of the proverbs that we all learned as a Judeo Christian society, right? Yes. Okay. So don't be an asshole. Don't be an asshole. And so many people do this on their social media and it drives me fucking crazy. It's like I am who I am. Ugly spots and all, warts and all. I'm not perfect. I'm not the perfect human being. I don't always get it right. I get it wrong so much more than I get it right. If you've listened to more than two of the 800 episodes of the commercial break, then you know that I'm just a fucking asshole who can't get anything right. But I admit it. I know it and I know it about myself and I love myself for it. Warts and all. That's right. I just love it.
- [03:52]
Chrissy
We love you for it too.
- [03:53]
Brian Green
And when I'm wrong, I say I'm wrong. And when I'm right, I gloat. And that's how it should be. Okay, all right, There you go. All right, all right.
- [04:03]
Chrissy
But preach it, Brian.
- [04:04]
Brian Green
I just can't stand it. It's like, you know, and now, especially with the political environment that we're in. Oh God, everybody's a hypocrite. And they're all, all Of a sudden they all went to. Got a master's degree in political science and regular science and crowd sizes and mirrors and plane reflections. It's insane. But I guess it's all to be expected because we have some of the dumbest people on earth giving us the news. Let me share. I watch all kinds of news channels because I want to see what's going on.
- [04:35]
Chrissy
I do, too.
- [04:36]
Brian Green
All directions.
- [04:36]
Chrissy
Me too.
- [04:37]
Brian Green
I want to hear what the conservatives are up to. I want to hear what the liberals are up to. I want to hear what the people in the middle are up to. But, man, does one of these channels have the dumbest fucking newscaster ever in the afternoon. And they put him at 11 o', clock, which for an hour. And I think that's a good safe move for them because no one's watching the fucking news except for Brian Greene at 11am no one who's got time for that. But I'm watching this guy today and Chrissy, it just let me give. Let me see if I can just shout out. Let me see if I. And to like, drum up an example here.
- [05:05]
Chrissy
Yeah, do it.
- [05:06]
Brian Green
He. If he was talking today to two political pundits, like real political pundits, like former operatives for the conservatives and former operatives for the current operatives for the Democrats. And here, listen to the brilliant questions that come out of this guy's mind. Do you think that people believe Trump or is there some sense that he may be being dishonest? And it's like, what, you get paid a million dollars a year to do that? So then befuddled, the operatives are like, pretty sure everybody knows Trump is lying, even Trump. But that's his game, dude. Right? Can we get past the basics here and move the football down the field a little bit? And then he goes do polls showing Kamala Harris up by 4 or 5% swing states. Are these polls to be believed or should we look deeper at what's going on? What are you gonna do, an investigative fucking documentary on the polls? The fuck are you talking about? What are you talking about? It's just terrible, these hurricanes, they're everywhere. And yet another one spinning up in the ocean. Do we think that warmer temperatures have something to do with this? No, we don't. We don't think the earth boiling has anything to do with the foul weather, you asshole. Get off the air. Move along now. They have some pretty smart broadcasters on this station. I do have to say, this guy is not one of them. They hid him at the 11 o' clock hour. That's where he should be. The way he talks and the way he says it, the questions he asks. It's beyond stupidity. It's just like I can't even believe it. And I. And I wonder why my friends on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok are such. Because they're all listening to idiots like this asking really dumb basic questions. Really asking really dumb questions. It's like every word is a different intonation. And he's pausing as if something smart was going to rattle into his brain at any moment. Does J.D. vance believe that he a couch or has the couch come forward? Have we heard from the couch? Is there any indication that the couch feels violated? Feels violated? Is the couch still within statute of limitations to press charges on Mr. Vance?
- [08:19]
Chrissy
The couch.
- [08:21]
Brian Green
Is the couch of limitations still available? Is. What does hawk tour mean? Is KMLA Harris a brat or not a brat? More on that after this.
- [08:51]
Chrissy
Bravo.
- [08:53]
Brian Green
We've taken a look. A further look. That's why Ukraine corn prices are soaring. We'll be back with that after this. You don't think it has something to do with all the bombing going on in there? Yeah. Okay. All right. Just check. Consumer prices have risen for the 55th month in a row. Why? I'll ask my next guest after these messages. Okay. All right. Okie dokie smokey. Oh, I hate listen, I hate watch. I hate strew. And this is one of the faults of Brian Green. This is one of the things that I wish I could shake, but I can't shake it. I was telling Astrid yesterday, I don't really know. I don't really know why I'm so obsessed with watching people be dumb and hypocritical. But there's something that And I said. And so now I understand why the politics of hate sometimes work in populism is because when you scratch the worst part of you, it can feel good and not good. Like, you know, I don't know, the zippity doo dah, but good in a way. Like, I don't know, maybe even as bases, I'm better than someone else. At least I'm not doing that kind of. And I hate to say that about myself, but it's true. I mean, I can look at myself and say, yeah, at least. At least I'm better than that. I don't have a lot going for me, but at least I'm better than that. At least I'm not claiming to be. I'm claiming to be the anti influencer. I'm trying everything to be an influencer.
- [10:22]
Chrissy
There is something to be Said for that part where you're like, at least I'm not that.
- [10:26]
Brian Green
Yeah. At least I'm not that. Yeah. At least I don't do that.
- [10:31]
Chrissy
Right.
- [10:32]
Brian Green
But then I'm sure a lot of podcasters look at us and go, at least I'm not the commercial break. That's right. Hey, fair enough. I mean, we're the butt of somebody's joke. I just know. Yeah. Yeah. One time we got a comment and I forgot who the guest was, but there was a guest. And I'm assuming, because it's a she, that, you know, that the person we were talking to was a she. Identified as a woman. That somebody. A woman. Oh, a woman. Does a vagina have to be open? Well, we'll get answers from my next guest, So. Because, you know, because it was a she that was on our show, I'm assuming that's why people were. Some people were posting. Right. And one guy said this. This somebody is listening. So I go and I Google that somebody because I didn't understand what was being said.
- [11:35]
Chrissy
Right.
- [11:35]
Brian Green
And I usually, like. I think I have enough Internet knowledge to kind of pick up on what the trolls and the jokes and the insides are, because I've just.
- [11:43]
Chrissy
I spent so time.
- [11:44]
Brian Green
Yeah. And I didn't understand the vernacular. I wasn't getting it. And so I googled it. And when I googled it, what came up was a podcast. And that podcast, they do nothing but listen to other podcasts, vodcast video shows and comics specifically on those shows, and then they break them apart, like in the most mean and trashy and. And crazy ways. And so they picked us. No, they didn't. But not that I know of. At least not in the last four episodes.
- [12:15]
Chrissy
It was our guest, but it was just our guest, like, on somewhere else.
- [12:19]
Brian Green
No, it was our guest on our show.
- [12:21]
Chrissy
Yeah.
- [12:21]
Brian Green
And then they said, this someone is watching this person or this show is watching.
- [12:26]
Chrissy
Okay.
- [12:26]
Brian Green
So I googled that term because it didn't make sense that it was a show. Right. It just said that. I'm not gonna give the name, but. And then. So I went. And their whole stick is to break down, beat up. You know, talk about podcast. Yeah. Wonderful. Well, listen, I don't care. I mean, whatever. Yeah, listen. We. Teresa Caputo is the ir. You know, is the.
- [12:46]
Chrissy
Yes.
- [12:46]
Brian Green
I don't know what you call it. She's. She's our hate muse, I guess. She's our hate muse. So I don't care. Whatever the concept of the show is, that's fine. Like how this get made all they do is break down movies that they think are terrible. There's a lot of that that goes on, but this was like, extra pointed, extra fangy, like, kind of shitty, at least. Whatever. I had heard of it. And there were a few laughs in there, to be fair. There were a few laughs in there, but I didn't see our guest on that Raw at least. Like, as I scrolled through it, I didn't see our guest on the show Notes being one of the people that they were, like, kind of poking fun at. And I didn't see our show either, so I didn't get what they were saying. But it seems like any time that we have a female Comic Con specifically, there's always some jackhole that's got to make a comment about how she's not funny. They are not funny as a group. This is not funny. And it's. It's so, so irritatingly up to me.
- [13:37]
Chrissy
It really is.
- [13:38]
Brian Green
You don't have to be a problem dick.
- [13:41]
Chrissy
I know.
- [13:41]
Brian Green
With a dick. Do you know what I'm saying? You really don't. You can be a man. Look at me. I am a man's man. My dishwasher was leaking yesterday. We go to, like, a parent teacher con. First of all, we're at that school every 15 minutes. They got more conferences than I've ever heard. But anyway, okay, it's a new school, and. And I like it, actually, because it's a lot of commun. Vacation so that we kind of understand what's going on for our children's sake. So. But we go to another meeting, and then we come back and there's. The babysitter's there, and the babysitter is like. Noemi is like, oh, my God, Brian, there's something wrong with the dishwasher. It started flutter everywhere. You know, I turned it off. Whatever I said, okay, don't worry about it. In my mind, I'm freaking out because I gotta pay $80 for someone to come tell me that all you have to do is turn this switch off or whatever. You know what I'm saying? But I'm like, okay, let me get a flashlight and try and be a man for a second. Let me point the flashlight down there. I see where the leak is coming from. I can kind of understand it. And so I'm like, okay, I can get this done. So I go get a screwdriver, because what I think needs to be done is it's a little tightener, a fastener that needs to just be screwed in tighter. One of the One of the hoses coming off. Look at this motion I'm making right here.
- [14:53]
Chrissy
That's the hose motion for sure.
- [14:56]
Brian Green
That's the hose motion indeed. If your hose is that guy with, from pole vaulting. So I'm like, I know I can, I can do this. It's got a little flathead things. All I gotta do is just twist it and then it's gonna get tighter, right? Well, I'm in there for fucking 40 minutes, just twisting and twisting and twisting and twisting. The kids are yelling and screaming, Astro telling me to please, can we do this tomorrow so you can get the kids to fucking bed. And I'm like, no, I got it. It's almost there. It's almost there. I keep twisting and twisting and twisting and twisting before I realize on the other side is a lug nut that I need to hold in order to actually tighten it. I was down there for seven minutes twisting that thing forever. And I was like, God, this thing really is loose. Before I figured out I had to hold the lug nut or the nut or whatever it is. It's not even a lug nut. Like nuts on a car. What are you talking about? Right before I realized, holy Brian, you're a dude. Then I woke up this morning, still not fixed. Still not fixed.
- [15:53]
Chrissy
Right.
- [15:54]
Brian Green
Well, what are you gonna do? But I just gotta say, like, every time that we have a female comic on here, it's really weird. It is really.
- [16:01]
Chrissy
I mean, I don't understand it. Understand I am a woman. But, But I just don't get it.
- [16:07]
Brian Green
We're in the last throes of super machismo. Yeah. And it's like, you know, I, I, someone told me, I think it was my dad, but it could have been my grandfather, that the pendulum swings one way or the other. And when it swings as far as it's going to swing, shit's a little crazy, right?
- [16:23]
Chrissy
Yeah.
- [16:23]
Brian Green
And that has to. And that's just life, the energy of life. I'm not talking about politics, I'm talking about it. All right? And I think we're, the pendulum has swung very far to one direction with certain folks and. Okay. And there's lots of different reasons that I think that those folks get these ideas in their head or they get this idea, they get ideologies or religion or whatever it is, or just funky energy, whatever the fuck it is. But I think there's like we're in the last throes of trying to understand as a human race how we are all a little bit more flat footed with each other a little bit more equal. And I think there's a big segment of the population, especially here in the United States, that is really super threatened by thinking about everyone actually being equal and not like forming traditional roles that have been in place for lots and lots of years. I think you can be a super dude with a super dick and also, you know, cheer other people on. Absolutely. To your other genders and that actually.
- [17:20]
Chrissy
Makes you more attractive.
- [17:22]
Brian Green
Listen, I can use all the help I could get. So that's why, you know, I'm doing it for super selfish reasons.
- [17:28]
Chrissy
But women in general think that's more attractive.
- [17:31]
Brian Green
Yeah.
- [17:31]
Chrissy
I mean, yeah. To actually be treated like an equal another human being. I mean, yeah.
- [17:38]
Brian Green
Like, listen, no knock on trad wife, Right. I mean, you want to be a trad wife, Be a trad wife. Yeah.
- [17:42]
Chrissy
Do whatever you want to do.
- [17:42]
Brian Green
But that seems like a fed. It seems fetish to me, Almost fetish to me. Like, you know, this idealization of a. A time when things were not so fantastic. Like, things make what a great again. I don't know, like, make me subservient again. But if that's a role that you want to play, I think that's totally cool. If that's the role that you do play because that's what you enjoy and that's truly a calling in your life, then that's awesome. I love that you're doing it. If that's a role that you're playing because you think that's the way it should be, because someone else is telling you that's the way it should be, that's like super manipulation. And that to me doesn't seem interesting at all. I don't know, maybe it's. You want to be my trad wife?
- [18:26]
Chrissy
I'll be your trad wife.
- [18:28]
Brian Green
Do you know what a trad wife is?
- [18:29]
Chrissy
I do, yeah. Yeah. I read an article about it and then kind of went down the rabbit hole with the different Instagram accounts and things. I was like, yeah, I just made.
- [18:38]
Brian Green
My husband cook it. I just made my husband kiss.
- [18:43]
Chrissy
Yeah. I mean, it's one of those things, like in our Jeff and I's relationship. I like to cook, he doesn't. And that's just the way it is. I like it. If I did not like to cook, he would be like, great, let's get a bunch of pre made stuff and go out to eat all the time.
- [18:57]
Brian Green
Hello. Fresh forever. Fresh forever.
- [19:02]
Chrissy
But I'm cooking because I like to cook.
- [19:03]
Brian Green
Yeah. Astor does the cooking, but that's not because that is because I do not know how to cook. And we would all go hungry around here or be spending lots of money. But that's. But. But if Aster didn't. You're right. If Asher didn't like to cook, if that was something she didn't enjoy. And there is, like, there have been times. There was just one the other day. I could see it in my partner's eyes. You're at like 10 right now. You've been spending time with the kids because we're in here recording. You're frazzled. You're razored. You also have a big responsibility work wise. You bring money into the household. Like, I get it. I can see she's at 10%.
- [19:33]
Chrissy
Yeah.
- [19:33]
Brian Green
And her favorite thing in the world is suit. Not. Maybe not a favorite thing, but one of the favorite foods in the world is sushi.
- [19:38]
Chrissy
Me too.
- [19:39]
Brian Green
And so she. I came out of the studio and she was like, oh, what do you want for dinner? And I go, how about I go pick up some sushi? She was like, well, you don't have to ask me twice. And I was like, let's get some sushi and get some fried rice for the kids. Yeah, let's fill them full of MSG and try and get him to bed. Come on, let's do it. Yeah.
- [19:56]
Chrissy
Jeff's the same way. He doesn't say. They were like, what are you. What's. What are you thinking for dinner? And if I'm like. He's like, is it a nugget night for me?
- [20:04]
Brian Green
O. Nugget night. I love it. A nugget night.
- [20:10]
Chrissy
We have these nuggets we love. So. Yeah.
- [20:12]
Brian Green
What is he, five?
- [20:14]
Chrissy
I know.
- [20:14]
Brian Green
He like chicken nuggets.
- [20:16]
Chrissy
These crispy nuggets. They're delicious.
- [20:19]
Brian Green
I can't stand the smell of them. But I. But I do, like, like the taste of them. If I could just hold my nose and eat them. But that, you know, you can't really hold your nose and taste anything. But. So I think there are roles that are. That are, like, traditionally thought of as male, female, that do play out in my household. But I think it's because we've communicated that that's what we want to do.
- [20:39]
Chrissy
That's what we. That's what's wanted. Not expected.
- [20:42]
Brian Green
That's right. So Astrid does all the traditional male roles and female roles, and I'm a blob who rolls around the house talking.
- [20:51]
Chrissy
Shit to newscasters on TV.
- [20:55]
Brian Green
I'm yelling at the TV and Instagram, @ Tradwife and Couch Fuckers. Hey, listen, Let he amongst us who hasn't stuck their boner in between couch cushions come out of the woodwork right now. You can be throw the first.
- [21:15]
Chrissy
Stone. How did that story. I. I've heard.
- [21:18]
Brian Green
This. He wrote it in Hillbilly Elegy. He wrote that he was like, you know, something amorous with the couch one night or.
- [21:24]
Chrissy
Something. It's like, how did that even.
- [21:25]
Brian Green
Get. I gotta give J.D. van. Listen, I gotta give J.D. vance a little bit of. I'm gonna give him an inch here. I don't like. He's not my favorite politician in the world, that's for sure. I didn't even know he was a.
- [21:36]
Chrissy
Politician. I.
- [21:37]
Brian Green
Know. I thought he was just kind of a doofus. But anyway, I gotta give him an inch here and. And that's probably what we're giving him as an inch. But at 13 years old and you're a boy, you're pretty much sticking your dick in.
- [21:51]
Chrissy
Anything.
- [21:52]
Brian Green
Exactly. That makes a.
- [21:53]
Chrissy
Friction. American Pie, Right. Was that movie where he's actually sticking the.
- [21:57]
Brian Green
Dick. Sticking the dick in the.
- [21:58]
Chrissy
Pie. I can imagine if I was a boy at that age. You wanted to see how it feels.
- [22:03]
Brian Green
Everything. Yeah. It's easy to just like pull the covers over and like finger yourself. Right. So if I had a vag, I'd be all good. But when you're a guy, you gotta go bone and stuff you to like make motions and hump the floor. I used to hump the floor all the time. I didn't. Before I even knew what humping was, I would hump the floor and my dad would be like, cut it out. I swear to God. I remember this. We would get scared. My parents would never let us in the bed that was new. New, new, new, new bed in their bed. Yeah. Now I got 75 children in my bed and some of them are 30. I can't get them out of my fucking bed because I'm such a. We're such babies. We're like, ah, come on. But I think there's. Anyway, whatever. I don't get into that conversation. But if we were scared, like if there's a thunderstorm or, you know, tornado warning or whatever. When we first moved here to Georgia in this big new house that we had. And I say big. It wasn't really that big, but it was big.
- [22:54]
Chrissy
Yeah.
- [22:54]
Brian Green
Yeah. And we had these like zip up sleeping bags, but they were.
- [22:59]
Chrissy
Like.
- [22:59]
Brian Green
Yeah. I don't know, they were like vinyl or you know, like outdoor sleeping bags. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, right. So Star Wars 1. Yeah. So if there'd be a. You know, Kevin and I would run in. Dad, mom, you is. It's thunder. You know, my dad would be like, get your sleeping bags. Don't make any noise. Try to go to fucking sleep. And then. So we'd sleep on the.
- [23:16]
Chrissy
Floor. This is after. He would be out with the station wagon tuning into.
- [23:20]
Brian Green
The. Yes, yes. The station wagon was long gone at this point. I was probably. Let's call it 11 or something like that. 10 or 11. Right. And so I was just coming into, like, some understanding of my penis being able to feel good doing certain things, which I'm sure every boy has gone through, so. And I'm not too proud to admit that I was, like, humping the floor during a thunderstorm or something, and I was probably making a bunch of noise. Not like, but, you know, like. And I'll never forget. Never. I think it happened one time, and my dad was like, cut it out. And I was like, why? I got a tickle in my pickle. I got. I got a wing wang in my Bing Bang daddy. So listen, lay off, big J.D. if you think that's weird, wait till your kids turn to your boys or 13 years old and see what they're.
- [24:14]
Chrissy
Humping. Oh, yeah.
- [24:16]
Brian Green
But. Okay, we're way past time here. Let's take a break. And we'll be.
- [24:21]
Christina
Back. You already know who it is, Christina, here to keep you actually informed. Unlike some people we know, Brian. I've got certified, verified, factual information about our Florida shows. So listen up. We are coming to Dania beach improv on Tuesday, September 24, and the Funny Bone in Orlando on Wednesday, September 25. And links to those tickets are in the show notes, so go get em. In other completely new and interesting news, you should follow us on Instagram hecommercial break and on TikTokCBpodcast. And of course, go to our website, tcbpodcast.com for all of our audio and video content. And finally, if you want to tell Brian and Chrissy that I am a pretty, pretty princess or that you hate me, text us or leave us a voicemail at 212-4333, TCB. That's.
- [25:14]
Chrissy
212-433-3822.
- [25:18]
Brian Green
Bye. You know, on my personal Instagram, like, I. I got my. I got the commercial break Instagram on fleek with the algorithm. It's perfect. It's just perfect. Chef's kiss. But really, Chef's kiss to my personal Instagram, which is private. And. And there's like, I. I follow Two people. There's two people to follow me. I don't care. I just. And it's got, like, stuff that I'm actually interested in. It's not a bunch of everything, right? Yeah. And so I follow from some food stuff because I, you know, I thought. I thought whatever. They came up on a reel and I thought it was interesting. So I.
- [25:52]
Chrissy
Follow. Yeah, I like that stuff.
- [25:53]
Brian Green
Too. But there's this one dude, and I. I don't know why I followed him, because now it's just. It's getting a little odd. I'm watching this, like, literally during the break, I'm watching him as he sticks spaghetti through a hot dog. He makes a slit in a hot. And then he sticks a bunch of spaghetti. Cooked spaghetti in it. And then he rolls the hot. The. The spaghetti over the hot dog. And then he, like, fries it for a second and then sticks it on a bun and puts some tomato sauce on it and eats it. Spaghetti and hot dogs. I mean, I guess it can't be weirder than cereal and cream, but at the end of the day, like, spaghetti and hot dogs. I don't.
- [26:29]
Chrissy
Know. Spaghetti and meatballs. But the hot.
- [26:32]
Brian Green
Dog. Now the hot.
- [26:34]
Chrissy
Dog. No, no to the hot dog. I've noticed that too, though, with my Instagram, where I'll. I'll be on there and I'll see something, and I'm like, why did I follow that.
- [26:43]
Brian Green
Person? I.
- [26:43]
Chrissy
Know.
- [26:43]
Brian Green
Unfollow. I.
- [26:44]
Chrissy
Know. I just unfollow.
- [26:46]
Brian Green
It. I followed this woman as Florida woman, who would be like, I'm sure some people have seen this, because that woman. Do you know what I'm talking.
- [26:53]
Chrissy
About? Yes.
- [26:54]
Brian Green
Yes. She may. She's got to be in her.
- [26:58]
Chrissy
70S, I'm guessing, like, bleach blonde.
- [27:00]
Brian Green
Hair. Bleach. Bleach.
- [27:02]
Chrissy
Blonde. Dark.
- [27:02]
Brian Green
Tan. Way dark tan. And she's apparently Apache Indian of some sort. Like, she's. That's what she says, right? It doesn't look Apache to me. It looks, like, telepachy to me. Like, Tallahassee, straight Tallahassee to me. But I don't know. I'm not here to judge someone's lineage, maybe genealogy. Maybe she is, maybe she isn't. But she comes on screen and then she'll, like, put her hands up in the. Like, Jim Morrison, high on lsd, right? She, like, puts her hand way all wavy, and then she'll, like, like, make motions at you, like she's putting spells on you. And she'll be like. And then she'll go, thought of the day you will get what's coming to you. And you're like, whoa, that was creepy. That was freaky. But then you watch it after. After a couple of them, you go, all right, it deserves a follow. I'll give it a follow. I'll see what she's up to, right? Until then, she went off half cock, talking all about politics. This is why you got to be careful about talking about politics is because once you start talking about politics, then you know, it's just like you, you run the risk of turning everybody off. And that's exactly what she did. Because when I first started following her probably a year ago, she didn't have many followers. Then she got some viral.
- [28:19]
Chrissy
Moments. She did, because I had other friends sending me.
- [28:22]
Brian Green
That. Oh, yeah, everybody. And now everybody. Where a couple months ago, everybody was sending it. But then she started talking about politics hardcore, very opinionated, probably not some of the most popular views in the world. And she went from like 10, 000 likes on a post to now I think she's lucky if she gets 200 likes on a.
- [28:39]
Chrissy
Post. Oh.
- [28:39]
Brian Green
Yeah. And maybe that's the way she wants it, you know? And she said, I don't give a. If you want to unfollow me, then unfollow me. You're not my friend anyway. But I thought her doing the whole witchy woman thing was kind of like that. I like that. I didn't want to hear. I don't, you know. What made you decide to start talking about politics? Was it indeed politics? More after this. And he looks so confused when.
- [29:07]
Chrissy
He says, that's a great newscaster.
- [29:09]
Brian Green
Character. Thank you, thank you. That's how they do.
- [29:12]
Chrissy
This. We've got to pull that one back in. Where. What were our other newscasters from back in the.
- [29:16]
Brian Green
Day? Oh, there was a lot of.
- [29:18]
Chrissy
Them. Tina Tana.
- [29:19]
Brian Green
Tweed. Well, Tina Tan and Tweeze. Tina Taman and Tweeze now open on 3rd Street. In between Mildred, what was it? Mildred's Blueberry pie and.
- [29:30]
Chrissy
Waxing. Yes, the.
- [29:31]
Brian Green
Wax. Mildred's Pie and anal bleaching. You could tan, tweeze, bleach and. And rent the place out for events. Come to one of our live shows. You might hear Tina Tana tweets. Oh, yeah, I might break that. Back out back in the day. For those of you that don't know what we're talking about back in the day, like we're talking season one and not even the entire season season one. But I would spend sometimes days making these pre produced bits and they were great. I thought some of them were. And I had a lot of. I felt like a lot of creative ideas. And if I had an idea, I just started putting it together and it, you know, I would kind of weave it together. Over the course of. This is when we didn't do.
- [30:11]
Chrissy
Four episodes a week and when it.
- [30:13]
Brian Green
Took me two weeks to edit one episode because of these bits. And then we went to two days a week, there was just no way that I could do it. I was way. I was overwhelmed by the whole thing. Thing. Now I probably now I probably now we're four days a week. And I guess I could squeeze one out like a hot every once in a while. But, you know, stay tuned. Maybe you never.
- [30:34]
Chrissy
Know. Never.
- [30:35]
Brian Green
Know. You know, it's so crazy. Astrid and I are trying to find a new show to watch together. So Astrid's like, we got. We. We don't watch shows together. Like, let's watch a show together. And I'm like, okay, I got you 10. Four. And Astrid's been on this kick lately, like 50 Shades of Gray. And then she's read. Then she's reading fanfic for 50 shade. I should. This probably should be an indicator to me that maybe she needs something.
- [30:57]
Chrissy
More. Yeah, she might be looking for Bridgerton.
- [31:00]
Brian Green
There. Yeah, Bridgerton. You know, all these hot, sexy romance things that she's not getting here at the house. So I'm like, okay, I walk in last night after this whole parent thing and we're both tired and we're not going to start watching something. But she's like searching around and it's like, just for you on Netflix, you know, pics for you or whatever it is. Chrissy. It's all, all. It's like softcore porn all the way through. And I'm like, astrid, what in the world? And she's like, well, while you're in the studio, this is like what I've been watching. And I'm like, oh.
- [31:32]
Chrissy
Great. I do the same thing with Jeff because, you know, he works from home and he's busy, busy, busy all day long all the time. And, you know, I have some free time and so I'll watch my.
- [31:43]
Brian Green
Stuff.
- [31:44]
Chrissy
Yeah. And Jeff will be like, what are you watching in the world? And I'm like, well, but you're gone. And I didn't want to watch something that we would want to watch together. So I'm going to watch what that I want to watch. And it's usually somehow house, Real life related or one of those dating relationship shows or.
- [32:01]
Brian Green
Something. Or something on 90 days that.
- [32:02]
Chrissy
I know Jeff would never really want to.
- [32:04]
Brian Green
Watch.
- [32:04]
Chrissy
Yeah. So. But I do have a.
- [32:06]
Brian Green
Recommendation. What is.
- [32:07]
Chrissy
That? Tokyo.
- [32:08]
Brian Green
Vice. I have watched.
- [32:10]
Chrissy
Tokyo. You.
- [32:11]
Brian Green
Have? I.
- [32:11]
Chrissy
Have. And I think there's a new.
- [32:12]
Brian Green
Season. There is a new season.
- [32:14]
Chrissy
Out. Is it that good? Jeff and I just started.
- [32:16]
Brian Green
That. Listen. It is so fucking good. Tokyo Vice. Michael Mann. Am I right about that? It's Michael Mann who directed it. I think that. I think that's. Who. Who directed it. It is so good and sexy and well directed and well acted and an interesting story. But I do have to say that in seven or eight episodes, I think they could have gotten it down to three or four. I think there are moments where it drags on a little bit too long. We spend a little bit too much character development. And that's something I usually do not complain about with these television shows. I want more character development and less, you know, bang, shoot them up, all that other stuff. I wish there was a little bit more action to punch some of this character development. And that's the only complaint I have about Tokyo Vice or otherwise. I think it would be a runaway hit. And I know that critics love it and I love it, but I. I understand why some people say it's way too slow because it can be very slow as they kind of get through the. The, like the meat and potatoes of the.
- [33:14]
Christina
Story.
- [33:15]
Brian Green
Okay. They're just adding a lot of extra stuff that I think you could cut out and then maybe it would be interesting. But keep.
- [33:21]
Chrissy
Watching. I.
- [33:21]
Brian Green
Am. Keep watching. Because it is good, man. Is it good? And who's that actor? He's so.
- [33:25]
Chrissy
Good. Yeah. I don't know both of them. Like I said, we just started it. The only reason we haven't gotten further into it is because it is subtitles and parts. Well, yes, at parts. And sometimes you have to really pay.
- [33:36]
Brian Green
Attention. It gets more English as you go.
- [33:38]
Chrissy
On.
- [33:38]
Brian Green
Okay. It gets more English as you go on. I'll just say that. But it is very true to the story, which is based on a real life journalist in. Who goes to.
- [33:50]
Chrissy
Japan.
- [33:51]
Brian Green
Yeah. To study the culture and to be a journalist. And he becomes one of the first American journalists at traditional Japanese press, which is very weird and intense subculture of its own. Yes. And then there are people, there are. There are journalists who do nothing but write about.
- [34:12]
Chrissy
Yakuza. Right. That's. That's the.
- [34:14]
Brian Green
Mafia. Yeah, but I mean, it's like mafia times 100. Yeah. It's like, wait. I mean, the mafia is relatively new compared to yakuza and the yakuza is insanely insane. It's just one of those things that you have to understand a little bit about. I'm not going to try and explain it here because I'll do a piss poor job and then I'll get killed. Right, but like they chop their fingers.
- [34:35]
Chrissy
Off. Yeah.
- [34:35]
Brian Green
Yeah. To dedicate their life to the Yakuza or they chop a finger off to dedicate their life to the Yakuza or in some cases because they've done Yakuza wrong. There are rival gangs, there are leadership conferences. There are all this other stuff. And this is a very detailed explanation and deep dive into a late night, mid-90s, late-90s kind of portion of this world and this journalist's experiences and obviously some dramatization also. But it's so good and it's so well acted and I encourage you to give it a try. But, you know, if it seems like it's slow, don't worry, it'll push through. But I get it. I get what you're saying. Just push through. Just push.
- [35:16]
Chrissy
Through. All right, I'll go back to.
- [35:17]
Brian Green
It. I'm only halfway through. You know what I'm watching right now? I didn't mean for this to be what are you watching? But we'd seem to do this once every other week. So here we go. I am watching Brassic right now. Brassic, it's called Brassic. B R A S S I C. Brassic is a television show from, I believe, itv. Or maybe it's on Britbox. Okay, I don't have Brit Box and. Or maybe it's just on Prime. Hold.
- [35:44]
Chrissy
On. Well, see, that's the other thing. You watch a lot on Prime. I watch prime, but we.
- [35:49]
Brian Green
Don'T. I don't go, oh, Prime's a great resource. I really love Prime. It's probably the one that I spend the most time on, if I'm being honest. That. And Max is Brassic. No, it's included with Prime. Brassic. It's included with Prime. You do not have to have Brit. Okay, okay. This is about a guy. And there's three seasons, four seasons. Excuse me. And the latest season just came out about a year and a half ago. Brassic is like a comedy kind of like, I don't know, in the style. You know what I thought about the other day about Brassic? I thought Brassica was like an. An adult British version of the Goonies. Oh, they are like, look, but. But imagine the Goonies were thieves. Like, they grew up and they became.
- [36:36]
Chrissy
Thieves.
- [36:36]
Brian Green
Okay? They're really smart and Good at what they do, and they use their minds, and each one has their own, like, little specialty. Specialty. Yeah, right. And it's about this gang of guys in south. In London, I guess, or maybe north London. I don't even know where they are, but they're in London. So you got to probably put subtitles on just to keep up. And it's very fast at times. Like, they talk very fast, and they. It's a. The. The leader of this group, the actor who does this is so good. Watch. If you don't watch Brassic, I'm. I hate you. Okay, let me see who the. What. The name of the actor is here now that we're talking about this. And if you've watched Brassic. Right in. I'd love to. I'd love to talk to you about it. Brassic as. I'm so sorry, guys. Well, I mean, I'm not sorry, actually, because, you know what? You. Joseph Gilligan, Joseph Gilgun. Joseph Gilgun plays Vinnie in the. This is the main character in this story. It's kind of a up. His parents are kind of up, so he was a up. And all these other friends of his that he's grown over the years all seem to be childhood friends. One's a gypsy. One's a gay, like, fighter. Like, he's a boxer. He's a gay boxer. Another one's just kind of the straight guy. Like, he's trying to have a real life with a son in a. In a relationship. And there's all kind of twists and turns, and every episode is a new mission. It's a new mission. It's a new. We're gonna steal something. We're gonna rob somebody. Here's how we make money. Somebody else. You know, they're.
- [38:05]
Chrissy
Like. Are they, like an hour long each.
- [38:06]
Brian Green
Time? They're an hour.
- [38:07]
Chrissy
Long.
- [38:08]
Brian Green
Okay. But there's an. There's also a long theme to it, too. I have just fallen in love with all these characters, and I've fallen in love. I usually don't like shows where, like, it's kind of drama kind of comedy, and then they try and fit it all into an hour. Right. Fit a whole storyline into an hour. I like more of a. Like, it takes 10. 10 episodes to get there, like Breaking Bad or something. But this is so good. It. You're gonna like it. Okay, watch it. It's awesome. And then we're gonna start Presumed Innocent, which I am really excited.
- [38:36]
Chrissy
About.
- [38:37]
Brian Green
Yeah. No. You didn't like.
- [38:38]
Chrissy
It? Well, it's a remake, you know.
- [38:40]
Brian Green
From the movie of course. Which I.
- [38:42]
Chrissy
Loved. The movie was good. I don't know. I just. I. I like Jake.
- [38:47]
Brian Green
Gyllenhaal. You just didn't. You didn't think Jake Gyllenhaal did the.
- [38:50]
Chrissy
Deal. I haven't watched.
- [38:51]
Brian Green
It. Oh, you haven't watched.
- [38:52]
Chrissy
It? No. Oh, but I've seen.
- [38:54]
Brian Green
Enough. Then what are we talking about? You didn't watch it. You've seen enough? I've seen enough. Jake Gyllenhaal. I've seen enough. Poor.
- [39:02]
Chrissy
Jake. I know. I feel bad. I want to like.
- [39:04]
Brian Green
Him. Well, Bella, Brina, the two girls who booked the show, take Jake off the list. He's not coming on. Chrissy's seen it up. Chris. He's seen it up. You don't like Jake.
- [39:17]
Chrissy
Gyllenhaal? Well, like I said, it's not that I don't like him. I just. I don't know, sometimes, like, his characters don't. I don't know if he fits what he's.
- [39:26]
Brian Green
Doing.
- [39:26]
Chrissy
Okay. What the character.
- [39:28]
Brian Green
Is. I say that I think Jake Gyllenhaal.
- [39:30]
Chrissy
Isn'T. So you watched.
- [39:31]
Brian Green
It? No, I'm going to watch it. That's what I want to.
- [39:34]
Chrissy
Watch. So we should watch it together. Go watch.
- [39:36]
Brian Green
It. Yeah, I'm going to watch it with Astrid. That's what we've picked. It was either love is. Either Love is Blind, uk or Presumed.
- [39:42]
Chrissy
Innocent. Oh, my God. The Love Is Blind is everywhere.
- [39:45]
Brian Green
Now. Uk.
- [39:46]
Chrissy
Japan. I.
- [39:47]
Brian Green
Know.
- [39:48]
Chrissy
Canada. And I'm like, no, no.
- [39:49]
Brian Green
More. I know. Listen, I'll watch it. I'll watch it again. Would we have another US Season? But I am not interested. And, I mean, I love everything about the British culture, and I would watch a UK television show in a heartbeat. But I got a list of them that I want to get to that are probably well written, and I don't want to watch yet the same.
- [40:07]
Chrissy
Storyline over and over and over.
- [40:09]
Brian Green
Again. It is. It's the same storyline, but when it comes back to America, I'll watch it because I have to, because I know some. So many people watch it and they're going to be interested and. And to be honest with you, it's a guilty pleasure. Okay. You know, sometimes I get into it. That third season, man, they are the fifth season or whatever it was, they had me going. They really had me going when the guy picked the wrong girl and they broke up on the honeymoon. And then they had that sad song at the end or everyone is crying, including me. So, okay, so Brassic Presumed Innocent. What was the one you suggested Tokyo Vice. Yes. 90 Day Fiance. The other day. Behind the other day. We're coming someday. We almost made it. We're gonna make.
- [40:46]
Chrissy
It. The other.
- [40:47]
Brian Green
Day. Fronting the other one. Visa, passport, Green card, Episode number one. That's what I suggest you watch. I'm done. I'm done with you. 90.
- [40:55]
Chrissy
Days. Even know.
- [40:56]
Brian Green
Where? I don't.
- [40:57]
Chrissy
Know. Depending on where I left off.
- [40:59]
Brian Green
Before. It doesn't matter. It's played out. It's jump the show. Forget about it. It's jump the show. It's. Now they're just finding people who want to be on reality.
- [41:06]
Chrissy
Television.
- [41:07]
Brian Green
Yes. And they keep on playing, you know, know. It's the same 15 people. They just keep showing the same, you know, eight couples or whatever it is over and over and over.
- [41:15]
Chrissy
Again. Well, that's why I have to say I was intrigued with the love off the grid. You probably need to watch that second season, which I have to say they kind of leave you in the lurch at the end of this one. But. But whatever. You still can see what's going on. I think that this one is good because I don't. Because they're living off their grid. They're not watching.
- [41:33]
Brian Green
Themselves. Yeah, that's.
- [41:34]
Chrissy
True. Other people. So they don't. I don't know that they know what they look like. Like with the Housewives, everybody's going to talk about it and everybody's going to say, you look great or you look terrible or what? Baby, baby, this. I mean, they're. They've bear. They don't have running.
- [41:50]
Brian Green
Water. They don't have running water. They don't have toilet paper. I saw.
- [41:54]
Chrissy
That. They don't have a.
- [41:55]
Brian Green
Toilet. I saw the first season. But here's why. I know that it's not coming back for another.
- [41:59]
Chrissy
Season. Oh.
- [41:59]
Brian Green
Really? It went straight to the. The Max platform. It did not air tlc. Tlc. That's where the first season here. So when you go straight to the Max platform. And I also noticed that it was film in 2022. So I think it's done. I think it's just done for. I think they just decided to dump it on the platform because they made it and whatever. We're not paying anything for the actors or actors just to get residuals, so why not just dump it? Got it. So. But I found the first season to be almost interesting, but I didn't. The second season came on my Max and I was like, I don't know. But I've decided I cannot dedicate any more time to that TLC unless Unless they bring back those Johnstons. And that's the dumbest of the shows. But I don't know. I'm just fascinated by the Johnston as you.
- [42:45]
Chrissy
Are. And you're invested.
- [42:46]
Brian Green
Now. Yeah, I am.
- [42:47]
Chrissy
Invested. Yeah. I gotta see, that's the thing with these shows. Like, even if it's a bad show, sometimes I can't turn it off because I'm like, well, I know, but I want to.
- [42:53]
Brian Green
Know. I know. Hey, speaking of Real Housewives, I noticed our friend did not get picked up for a second.
- [42:58]
Chrissy
Season. I saw.
- [42:59]
Brian Green
That. Of that. Huh. Very interesting. There's a lot. A lot of people, like, they had a poll, like, would you rather have this person back or our friend back, Back. And it was like, by a wide margin, the other person. And then they were just talking about our friend. But, I mean, listen, you dance with the wolves, you're gonna get bit. You know what I'm.
- [43:17]
Chrissy
Saying? She played a part that I don't think she needed to play, but, you.
- [43:21]
Brian Green
Know. No, but she was trying. I think she was trying to get to the second season. Yeah. And she had to take a gamble one way or the other. She had to get.
- [43:26]
Chrissy
Noticed.
- [43:26]
Brian Green
Right. And I think she just made the wrong move. She could have just been the nice person that. Yes, supposedly she.
- [43:32]
Chrissy
Is. But I guess nice people finish last on the.
- [43:34]
Brian Green
Housewives. Yeah, that's not exactly a winning recipe. You don't see too many nice people in the Real Housewives of.
- [43:39]
Chrissy
Anywhere.
- [43:40]
Brian Green
No. Because let me tell you, Real Housewives, sometimes they are so.
- [43:44]
Chrissy
Nice. Oh, and it's so bad now. And I know how produced it is, how much the.
- [43:49]
Brian Green
Producers. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. It's written. It's written and. Well, yes, it's written. Can you and this person meet? We'll have 12 cameras at the restaurant. Make sure you play it up.
- [43:59]
Chrissy
For the camera and talk about the certain.
- [44:01]
Brian Green
Subject. It's an episode of Jerry Springer. It's just the producers encouraging them to be assholes to each other. And then they videotape it and they splice it, and it's together the way that they see fit. And we all know this about reality television at this point. I want to.
- [44:11]
Chrissy
See. That's why I'm going back to hgtv. I'm now back on an HGTV kick. I love House Hunter International. I love that show. Have you look at your.
- [44:19]
Brian Green
Face.
- [44:21]
Chrissy
Hgtv. Well, there's a lot of different things that go with hgtv. It's about painting and decorating and finding new homes. That kind of thing, but I love the finding of the new homes in the international.
- [44:30]
Brian Green
Space. I thought we sounded old when I was talking about.
- [44:33]
Chrissy
Tlc. It shows you, like, what different places look like in Amsterdam or Indonesia or here or there. And it makes me realize I could live on.
- [44:44]
Brian Green
$200.
- [44:45]
Chrissy
Yes. In.
- [44:46]
Brian Green
Indonesia. Yes. I like a doctor's office. HGTV. That's what I'm into when I go to the doctor's office. HGTV is on our friend, our lady, who comes here and helps us with everything. She loves hgtv. She always wants to put it on. And so when it's on in the background, I mean, I don't know any of the shows. I don't know any because I stopped at Chip and Joanna. I was like, enough, enough. Now I have an entire house.
- [45:10]
Chrissy
Covered in shit right now. I don't.
- [45:12]
Brian Green
Want. Okay, enough white. Can we now go? Can we put some color.
- [45:15]
Chrissy
Somewhere? Finding the house.
- [45:17]
Brian Green
Shows. There's a lot of people that like those Finding the house show. It's a very popular channel. All right, let's take a break. 38 minutes after we took our first.
- [45:24]
Chrissy
One. Are we going to talk to our pretty, pretty. Are we going to hear from our pretty, pretty princess.
- [45:27]
Brian Green
Christina? Pretty, pretty princess Christina. That's.
- [45:29]
Chrissy
Right. I love her promo right.
- [45:32]
Christina
Now. Okay, you guys, I have an idea. Why don't we take a break?
- [45:41]
Brian Green
Gotcha. This is the.
- [45:43]
Christina
Break. And you already know when you hear my sexy voice, it's time to whip your phone out and follow us on Instagram or skip the ads at the commercial break and on TikTok@TCVpodcast. And of course, you know, if you want to get involved, you can always give us a call or text us at 212-4333, TCB. That is 212-433-3822. And guess what? I finally have information on TCB Live. So the links are in the show notes. But let me tell you right now, you can come see us at Danya beach improv on Tuesday, September 24, or at the Funny Bone Orlando on Wednesday, September.
- [46:22]
Brian Green
23.
- [46:23]
Christina
Fifth. It's going to be fab. So go buy your tickets and we'll see you in.
- [46:27]
Brian Green
Florida. Okay. When I'm driving down to Florida, I realized something. I had an existential moment, and I want to share this with you because I think this is really important that I had this moment and I thought it was. And now I feel it's important that I sharing, you know, 800,000 of my closest.
- [46:50]
Chrissy
Friends. This is your social media this is my social media. Yes, I think for me.
- [46:56]
Brian Green
Too. Yes, I am an old white lady. This is my old white lady social media. We got to do another next door. By the way, I've gotten some posts I've collected and I'm telling you what, people are going crazy over here. Ever since Joe Biden dropped out, I think people have lost their ever loving minds. I really do. I think they see that they're gonna die without their favorite reality show star getting one more shot at it. So I was driving, we went to Panama City. Panama City from Atlanta is not a straight shot. There's no highway that goes.
- [47:31]
Chrissy
Through. And you go through all those little.
- [47:32]
Brian Green
Towns. Yeah, you have to. Yeah, you have to. I mean, you could go like over to Birmingham and then down to this and over to that, but that would take an extra two hours. So really the fastest way to get there is some combination of a highway and then a lot of towns, like state roads. Yeah. That are sometimes four lane, but mostly two lane. And then you go through the towns, you know, you'll drive for 60 miles, then you go through a town, and then you'll drive 60 miles and go through another.
- [47:54]
Chrissy
Town. You start smelling the. This, the sea as you.
- [47:58]
Brian Green
Go. Yeah, well, what you start smelling is chicken, cow and burning rubber. That's what she starts smelling. But as we're going through these towns and then you would, you know, like, as you get to the town, it goes from like 65 miles per hour down to 55, 45, 35. Real quick. Quick. So you can go through the center of town, which is usually a tiny little town. Oh, yeah, we're talking about south Alabama, southwest Georgia, southeast Alabama, northeast Florida, Panhandle. Nothing. Not a thing. Right. I mean, sure, there's people that live there, but they're spaced out. They're spaced out. And I don't mean that like.
- [48:36]
Chrissy
You mean it both.
- [48:36]
Brian Green
Ways. I mean it both ways. I mean, in all the ways you could take it. I'm kidding. So. So you go down there and then, you know, you have a stoplight on occasion. In some of these towns you have a stoplight. And so I have a car. It's a car. It's not anything super duper fancy. It's not anything super duper trashy. It's somewhere in between. But it's got a big engine in it. Because it's a big car. It's got a big engine for all the kids. Yes, that's right. You have to have it with all the kids. And it goes. When you ask it to go. It goes. It's just one of those cars, one of those brands that it goes when you ask it to go. And so I know. Know that 9, 90% of the time I can get it to go. And so, you know, I'm a kid at heart, when I stop at a stoplight and I see somebody next to me and we look at each other, you know, I'll go, right? I'll go. Why not? I'll go. I'll go with you. But this day and age, you got to be careful about who you're going to go with because that is very idiots. And you know, the world is full of people, and not all of them are. Well, some of them are having a gap life. You know what I'm saying? Hashtag gap life, which is when you take a gap year off of college, but then you just continue.
- [49:40]
Chrissy
Yeah. Extend it for the rest of your.
- [49:41]
Brian Green
Life. I had a gap life. Yeah. So. And then it goes all the way back down to, you know, lanes. Yeah, it goes all the way back down to two lanes. You're going 65 miles per hour. And so at some point, I pull up to a stoplight, There's a dude next to me in a pickup truck. I don't. We don't look at each other, but I'm just like, like I'm gonna go, let me go. So I do, I go and I get in front of him, and then we get into the 65 mile per hour lane and out of. And then sometimes it's the dotted lines where you can cross each other. And this dude guns it and he goes by me at 100 miles per hour. Must be, because I'm driving at least 80, so he must be going 100 miles per hour. And he's. He just goes by me. And then he starts to slow down. Not to put his brakes on, but he starts to slow down. Back to around 65.
- [50:30]
Chrissy
Guy. Oh, he was speed checking.
- [50:32]
Brian Green
You? Yeah, he speed checked me. So I'm like, h. What do I do here? Do I go around him and like, have. Do this fight until the next small town? Right. Or someone shoots somebody. I'm not sure what happens. And I got small children in the car. Or do I just slow down a little bit and just let it be? And then in the next town, we can either pass each other or I'll get on another highway and find another way over there. Right. I'm not going to get into an argument with the dude. So what do I do? I gun it and I pass the guy. Because that guy, that guy, that guy. So. But I don't slow down. I go. Right now I'm going. I'm just going 80. I'm like, okay, let me get by him. He can stay 65. I'll just go, if that. Because I don't know what his intentions are. Maybe he. Maybe he felt like I was going too slow. And then he just. He realized I was going too fast. I don't know. And so, you know, I. I figured I'll give this one round and if it doesn't work out in my favor, we'll make a decision at that point. Well, lo and behold, dude comes back guns. It goes in front of him. Really Bastard. And everybody is sleeping at this.
- [51:33]
Chrissy
Point. This is like a. I mean, not Christmas vacation, but regular.
- [51:37]
Brian Green
Vacation. Yeah, like the vacation vacation when.
- [51:39]
Chrissy
The girl passes by him, everybody's asleep.
- [51:42]
Brian Green
And he's just going in between the cars. So. Okay, all right. So he does it again. He goes up, he goes 100 miles per hour. And then over the course of. Let's call it three, four miles, he slows back down to about 65 seconds, 70, which is five miles above the speed limit. So I. Now I'm furious. Now I'm like this dude, for real. Like, I should just go a hundred miles per hour and just keep going till the next town. Like I could. I know I'm faster than this pickup truck on. On his best day. I should just go because there's no one in front of us, and it's really no one. Like, we're in one of the back roads. There's really no one. And it's like the middle. It's like 11:30 in the morning, 1:00 clock in there, you know, something like that. That. It's like no one. It's as if there was traffic in any of these towns anyway. But I had a moment. I had like an epiphany. Like, I look over at my wife, I can see the kids are sleeping in the back. I had a moment. I'm like, brian, do I really think in most circumstances, maybe not this one, but I do. I really think for one minute that when I pass somebody like that, or when I gun it at a stoplight and go faster than them, or when I get one car ahead of them in. In traffic or whatever it is, do I think they're going home and opening up the door with tears in their eyes and going, he got me, Got me. The master. The mast daddy got me. He ate my ass up. Today on the road, he was One car ahead. One car. I can't live no more days. I have to find them and get ahead of them. No, because this is fight or flight response. It's a well described scientific thing that happens, especially to men. Why? Because we're morons and we get it. All of a sudden we decide this is life or death. And we're not really decided life or death, but our brains.
- [53:35]
Chrissy
Decided. You just want to.
- [53:36]
Brian Green
Win. We want to win. We want to be faster. We want to go, go, go. We want. Somehow this is a threat to us and we need to eliminate the threat. Threat by being ahead of them. And I am realizing that I am the dumb, dumb, dumb who knows this intellectually, but cannot emotionally control himself enough not to play stupid fucking games. Going 100 miles per hour with sleeping children in the car. I can't do it now. This is. I'm being an idiot. I'm being a total idiot. Slow down. Slow down to 55. Let the guy go.
- [54:06]
Chrissy
Ahead. Yeah, then you'll just feel like you're ahead. You don't see him.
- [54:09]
Brian Green
Now. Just feel like I'm just driving, right? And. And honestly, I get there a half an hour later. I get there half an hour later, going on vacation while I. I'm going to Margaritaville. It's not anything waiting there for me except for the dude with the parrot tattoo and the open can of Yingling all the time. I mean, it doesn't matter. I don't. No one cares, right? No one cares. This dude ain't gonna remember me after he, you know, goes to the bank or, I don't know, whatever the he's doing. I'm not gonna remember him by the time I get to Margarita Bill. None of this is gonna matter. It's not gonna be on my vacation notes. I'm not putting it in my journal.
- [54:41]
Chrissy
Tonight. You're not gonna talk about it on a.
- [54:43]
Brian Green
Podcast? No, I'm. I'm not gonna spend 15 minutes. So what does it matter really? I mean, it doesn't. It doesn't matter. And I'm not saying this is like, I'm not having an epiphany for everybody involved, but maybe I am, but at the end of the day, like then today. So now I have this new take on. On. On driving, right? And I've really had a different take on driving ever since I first drove my son home. But now I have a new take on driving altogether. After this moment in particular, I think this has calmed me of my. I wouldn't say road rage, because I'm not Rageful. But I would say my, my.
- [55:22]
Chrissy
Aggression. Yeah, yeah, you've. I've driven with.
- [55:25]
Brian Green
You. So yes, I think that it's really idiotic. I don't need to be one car ahead head. I don't need to go three miles per hour faster. I don't need to beat somebody at the line. It is not a race. No one is winning. No one gives a about me. I don't give a about them. And, and I guess that's the point. Maybe I should. But I do give a about what's in the back of.
- [55:43]
Chrissy
My. Yes, that's.
- [55:44]
Brian Green
Correct. And they probably give a about me because I'm, you know, in some sense I feed some of them. Right. So they probably give a. That I'm around in some small or large way. And, and so I'm coming out of somewhere this morning and I watched this like shitty little Honda, you know, all tricked out, dicked out, all this other stuff. And I watch him as he speeds probably 70 miles per hour down a 40 mile per hour street to get in front of a car was taking a left in a left hand turn lane. He drove around the car on the left side and took the, tried to take the left before him. Him almost causing a terrible accident. Yes. Because I guess he had to get one car ahead. It.
- [56:28]
Chrissy
Was. Yeah, you're not gonna get there no.
- [56:31]
Brian Green
Faster. Yeah, because it's morning, it's morning rush hour. He wasn't getting there any faster. And then this happened this morning. But what happened last night kind of put it all together for me. I'm going to the store after this meeting that we had. I'm going to the store. I'm taking a left in a left hand turn lane with a left hand turn light. Light turns green as I go. I see coming toward me, not, not like driving toward me. But at the stoplight there is a guy on a scooter and he has stopped at the light waiting for the. His light to turn green so he can go straight. So I'm taking a left, he's going to go straight. When his light turns green. I go to the store. I come out of the store, I get in the car, I come back. This is 12 minutes later, 13 minutes later tops. And I go to that same intersection to take a right to go back home. Home. But before I get to the intersection I notice there's a bunch of blue lights and red lights and all this other stuff. It appears from, from all I could tell that when I took the left at my green light that somebody behind Me took a left when the light was not green and hit the scooter. And the guy was laying on the street with his helmet still on. He was moving his arms. That was a good sign. He was moving his arms. Arms. But there were paramedics that were working on him on the ground. His scooter was in tatters. And there was. There was a car, one of the same types of cars, tricked out, fast, little Honda, bullshits, Nissan, whatever. They are tricked out with a bunch of damage on its car. And police officers had this guy in.
- [58:02]
Chrissy
Cuffs.
- [58:02]
Brian Green
Yeah. So I don't think that dude lost his life because he was moving his arms. And it seems like hopefully he didn't lose any mobility, I hope. I don't know. But there was must have been 10 cop cars. There must have been been two ambulances, two fire trucks. And I thought to myself, probably because some idiot wanted to get one car ahead. He wanted to get just a little bit. He wanted to get there just a little bit faster so he could prove to everybody his dick was just a little bit bigger. And the truth is, my dick's not going to be any bigger no matter how fast I go. It's just not. And so I've decided, at least for right now, for this moment, until we get to the villages, I've decided. I've decided it's not what? Worth it.
- [58:39]
Chrissy
It's. I'm so happy you have come to this.
- [58:42]
Brian Green
Realization.
- [58:43]
Chrissy
Yes. I really am. I'm so happy. Because, yes, you have a whole family that loves you and needs you even when you're not. You don't have them all in the.
- [58:50]
Brian Green
Car.
- [58:50]
Chrissy
Yes. And especially when you do have them on the car. They need their.
- [58:54]
Brian Green
Lives. That's.
- [58:55]
Chrissy
Right. And I am so proud of.
- [58:57]
Brian Green
You. Well, thank.
- [58:58]
Chrissy
You. I learned. I've learned to. To let people go, too. Like, I'm just like, go ahead. You want to get there? Go.
- [59:05]
Brian Green
Go. When I drive with raphael, he'll let 10 people.
- [59:08]
Chrissy
Go. Well, I don't do that. I just obey what I'm supposed to do. And then, you know, if somebody needs to, like, go super, super fast, because, I mean, when I'm going on the highway, I'm traveling up to Greenville or something like that. I'll go 80, 90, you know, and that's what everybody else is doing. But if somebody has to go faster than that, then go for.
- [59:28]
Brian Green
It. See. See you.
- [59:29]
Chrissy
Soon.
- [59:29]
Brian Green
Yeah.
- [59:30]
Chrissy
Yeah. I'm not going to race.
- [59:31]
Brian Green
You. Yeah. No. Raphael, I love the guy, but he knows it. He. He. Sometimes he likes. Back when I was we were spending a lot of time together. He just let me drive because I would be like, Rafael, what are you doing? He'd be talking. He's the kind of person that be talking to you. And because he's talking to you, his head would turn and his foot would come off the gas. So you'd be going 10 miles per hour down 285. 75. You'd be going 2. 2 miles per hour. Because he had to make a point to you. And he could not do three. Three things at once. We'll see how.
- [59:59]
Chrissy
My. That's a good. That's a good way to end things on your new.
- [60:03]
Brian Green
Epiphany. Well, thank you very much. We'll see how things end up in Florida when we rent the.
- [60:07]
Chrissy
Car. Yeah, and I always take a spare key with.
- [60:10]
Brian Green
You. Oh, yes. We'll talk about that tomorrow. We'll get that one tomorrow. We'll get that one.
- [60:17]
Chrissy
Tomorrow. Everybody I've told this story to has also said the same thing as having to them. And now I feel it's my duty to get it out there is to broadcast the message as wide, as.
- [60:29]
Brian Green
Far as wide as you can get a spare key. Leave a.
- [60:32]
Chrissy
Window. Do not have some backup on the smart.
- [60:34]
Brian Green
Lock. No, you never rely on.
- [60:36]
Chrissy
This. If it has worked for you a million times, there's one it.
- [60:39]
Brian Green
Won'T. Yes, and. And it'll cost.
- [60:41]
Chrissy
You. You'll be locked at three in.
- [60:43]
Brian Green
The morning and it will cost you. Trust me. Those locksmiths, highway away. Robbery. Sometimes, sometimes. Not all of them, but.
- [60:50]
Chrissy
Sometimes. We got a good.
- [60:51]
Brian Green
One. Yeah, I got robbed, but that's just my luck. All right. We would love to see you down at Dania Point Beach. Improv tickets now available ON sale. There is a link in these show notes and. And show notes probably until the day that we actually have the event. Dania point on the 24th at the bone. That's the Orlando. Funny. But on the 25th, we've got those links in the show notes. We've got them on Instagram. With that, you can go straight to the club's website and buy them there. We would love to see you. We can't wait to see you. If you're going to be there, Please let us know. 212-4333 TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Text us comments, questions, concerns, content, ideas. Ask TCB. Ask Brian's mom. So send us pictures. Not dick pics, please. And not tit pics either. Because, you know, if Astrid checks then I'm in trouble because I asked for tidbits. So no tidbits. No tidbits. Yeah, it's probably a good policy. No dick, no tits. Just don't send me any undressed pictures. Do us a favor. Go to the website tcbpodcast.com More information about the show. All the audio, all the video right there from one location, location tcbpodcast.com you can also still get your free TCB bumper sticker. Go to the website, contact us. Drop down menu says I want my sticker. Give us your address and we'll send it away to you at the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on tick tock and YouTube.com the commercial break. All right, Chrissy, that's all I can do for.
- [62:27]
Chrissy
Today. I think.
- [62:28]
Brian Green
So. But I'll tell you that I love.
- [62:29]
Chrissy
You. I love.
- [62:30]
Brian Green
You. I'll say best to you and best to you out there on the podcast universe. Until next time. Chrissy and I always say, we do say and we must say goodbye. You like.