Not-So-Happy Dino

Summary

The Commercial Break — EPISODE SUMMARY

Podcast: The Commercial Break
Episode: Not-So-Happy Dino
Date: March 7, 2024
Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley

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Episode Overview

In this characteristically chaotic and comedic episode, Bryan and Krissy riff on a disastrous dinosaur exhibit, unpack the perils of overpriced “experiences” for parents, swap travel-packing grievances, evangelize affordable Walmart pants, and marvel at the absurdity of modern “sports” and the gamification of everything. The duo’s conversation, powered by their signature irreverent banter and self-deprecation, delivers both laughs and relatable moments for anyone who’s ever been lured by a shoddy event or struggled to entertain children during lockdown.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Weather Whiplash and Lawn Guy Woes

[00:56–06:01]

• Bryan and Krissy open by lamenting Atlanta’s dramatic weather shift—from springlike sunshine to wintery rain overnight.
• Bryan revisits the saga of his lawn guy, Juan, who frequently mows during inconvenient times, causing noise disruption and waking his baby.
  • Bryan confronts Juan about his timing, only to feel guilty when Juan says he’s just working around the rain. “He had a good reason for being there… Now I feel bad that like, Juan’s trying to be sweet.” (Bryan, 05:12)
  • Humorous discussion about the real necessity (or lack thereof) of obsessive winter lawn care.

2. Packing Fails and Walmart Clothes Revelation

[06:10–18:57]

• The hosts commiserate about overpacking for even the shortest trips, poking fun at Bryan’s compulsive suitcase habits and his wife's exasperation.
• Disaster strikes: Bryan forgets his sleep pants and most essentials on a trip to his dad’s, leading him to a Walmart expedition.
• He discovers unexpectedly excellent white Walmart sweatpants (“They look like Lululemon!” [14:10]), boasting about their comfort far beyond their $13 price tag.
• Bryan becomes a Walmart pants evangelist, recruiting Astrid and their kids. Even his son compliments the “soft pants.”
  • “I’m running around like an evangelist. ‘Hey, look at these pants! Where do you think they’re from?’ … Walmart.” (Bryan, 18:38)
• Commentary on Walmart’s ubiquity, value, and their new efforts at Amazon-like delivery.
• Krissy says she uses Target clothes due to geography, but they both defend shopping for value over designer brands, especially for kids: “Why are you spending money on designer clothing? … They don’t know the difference.” (Bryan, 18:04)

3. The Willy Wonka Fiasco & Exploitative Kid Experiences

[20:14–30:29]

• Bryan rails against the widely-mocked “Willy Wonka Experience” in the UK—a “Wonkiness Factory” charging £59.99 for a dismal imitation.
  • “This is basically the Fyre Fest of children’s activities, right?” (Bryan, 21:18)
• Ridiculous features: cheap curtains, sparse decorations, half-cup of gross lemonade, and a single M&M for candy.
• Krissy brings up Bryan’s own “Not-So-Happy Dino” parenting moment during the 2020 lockdown, where a drive-thru dinosaur experience cost $139 but featured dilapidated, melting animatronics and puppet “Happy the Dinosaur.”
  • “They smartly put the payment guy in a place where you have not yet seen exactly what you’re in for.” (Bryan, 26:25)
  • Memorable: Bryan’s son’s reaction to the dinosaur puppet: “Do you want to meet Happy the dinosaur?” “NO.” (27:37)
• The parents couldn’t leave once trapped in the car line—creating a shared sense of consumer robbery and parental powerlessness.

4. Instagram Ads, Gambles, and the Rise of Mediocre Experiences

[30:29–34:57]

• Discussion of trendy, immersive Instagram-advertised events like Bubble World or Unicorn World, lamenting how these often exploit parents’ desperation for novelty.
  • “Instagram ads really sell it… Bubble World, Unicorn World… don’t bite very often anymore because I know.” (Bryan, 32:09)
• Krissy shares about summer with her nephews—the ongoing struggle to entertain insatiable kids.
• Nostalgic tales: Bryan recounts his own father’s “DIY” version of an “experience”: kids tethered to a powerless boat, forced to tow it back to dock for hours.

5. Covid Lockdown Memories and Pivot to Online Pastimes

[35:05–39:44]

• Reflecting on four years since lockdown began, their podcast started the week before.
• Krissy recalls attending bizarre, socially-distanced “box” concerts; Bryan details Santa visits featuring scarecrow-like “Corn Cob Santa.”
• They acknowledge the confusion of early Covid days, the surge in home bread-making and podcasts, and the impact of “long Covid.”
• “We did the best we can with the information that we had.” (Bryan, 37:42)

6. Absurd Sports, Gamification, and Future TCB Tournaments

[40:56–51:40]

• Bryan is fascinated/aghast at the rise of idiotic-yet-popular “sports” now receiving big money: cornhole, keepy-uppy (competitive balloon bouncing), “barefoot soccer on Legos,” paper football, cup stacking, and more.
  • “People are just making shit up at this point, hoping to hit it rich.” (Bryan, 42:47)
• Krissy is entertained by “keepy-uppy” balloon league, having watched a tournament; Bryan agrees it’s oddly compelling.
• Commentary on gambling’s rapid normalization (e.g., ESPN/Disney’s sportsbook tie-ups), and how everything is “gamified”—including the proliferation of tournaments in mundane activities.
  • “They interviewed a bunch of people…so addicted to [gambling], they were betting on whether or not the referee would wear black shoes or white. They were just betting on the most ridiculous things.” (Bryan, 47:30)

7. TCB Should Invent a Pointless Game!

[51:15–53:38]

• Bryan proposes The Commercial Break host their own “sport”: a contest to see who can talk the longest with the least amount of facts—clearly playing to their strengths.
  • “We get a bunch of people together, and…who can talk the longest saying the least amount of truth wins.” (Bryan, 51:17)
• Call-out for audience participation in future games (message or DM if interested!).
• Hilarious riff about “pizzles”—a whale’s penis, and whether that could spawn a speed-pizzling contest or become a running trivia joke.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On bad parent “experiences”:
  “I got robbed of $139… It wasn’t worth $9. I would have rather given a donation to the people who were running the exhibit…” (Bryan, 29:28)
• On Walmart pants:
  “They look like Lululemon! I was hoping for the $7.99 version… but Chrissy, I swear on all that is holy, they’re so comfortable.” (Bryan, 14:06)
• On keeping kids entertained:
  “They are insatiable. That’s why I just throw them in the pool and call it a day. Learn how to swim—that’s what my dad did.” (Bryan, 33:10)
• On today’s “sports”:
  “Barefoot soccer on Legos… people are just making shit up at this point, hoping to hit it rich.” (Bryan, 42:47)
• On gamification and gambling:
  “Everything is gamified. They were betting on whether the referee would wear black shoes or white.” (Bryan, 47:30)
• On their podcast’s style:
  “We get a bunch of people together…and the two people who can talk the longest, saying the least amount of truth wins. I think you and I would be spectacular at that.” (Bryan, 51:17)

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Highlight Timestamps

• 00:56–06:01: Weather chat & lawn guy saga
• 06:10–18:57: Suitcase overpacking & Walmart pants evangelism
• 20:14–30:29: Willy Wonka and drive-thru dinosaur “experience” rants
• 32:09: Instagram ads and the perils of family “experiences”
• 35:05–39:44: Reflections on early COVID lockdown (weird concerts, bread, Corn Cob Santa)
• 40:56–46:43: The rise of cornhole, keepy-uppy, and other oddball sports/tournaments
• 47:30: The absurd extent of gambling/gamification in modern U.S.
• 51:17–53:38: Proposal for a TCB pointless-facts sport, “pizzle” banter

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Overall Tone & Takeaways

Bryan and Krissy bring their signature “commercial break” madness to dissect mundane and ridiculous slices of modern life. From Walmart sweatpants and parental misadventures to the commodification of everything (even Lego soccer and keepy-uppy), nothing is too trivial to escape their hilarious, self-aware critique. For parents, nostalgic 90s kids, and anyone exhausted by overpriced “experiences,” this episode is a cathartic, relatable ride.

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Contact and Participation Info:

• Want to play a game on-air or share your own ridiculous experience? Text or call 212-433-3TCB or contact via their website/tcbpodcast.com.

Find them online:

• @thecommercialbreak on Instagram
• @TCBpodcast on TikTok
• Full video/audio at tcbpodcast.com and YouTube

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Transcript

[A]

If your name is Sarah and all your blouses and shirts are stretched out, you think it's because the dinosaur has been trying your shirts on. You're not sure which dinosaur, Sarah. It's. It's probably the triceratops. On this episode of the commercial break, roll down the windows because you're gonna have an experience with a real live dinosaur, which was a puppet that was bought at another dinosaur exhibit on the way out of the gift shop. Do you know what I'm saying? Guy comes up and he's like, hey, do you want to meet Happy the dinosaur? To which my kid goes, no. Right. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Yeah, boy. Oh, yeah. Goods and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the beautiful co host of this show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen.

[B]

Best to you, Brian.

[A]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. A very rainy and cold day. What the fuck is up with this weather?

[B]

I was gonna say the same thing. I feel so badly for the plants and trees because they're starting to bloom. Yeah, I have, like a full daffodil situation opening.

[A]

Daffodils.

[B]

Daffodils are blooming all over my neighborhood. And the little buds are peeking.

[A]

Oh, I love the little buds. Oh, those little buds.

[B]

Not the Jamaican buds.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

The dogwood buds. Whatever. The little buds are starting to poke out because it was in the 70s.

[A]

It was in the 70s and sunny for days.

[B]

And then now it went boom.

[A]

Rainy, crazy. Like in one hour, it went from 72 degrees to 30. It felt like one hour. Anyway, it was. It was crazy.

[B]

It was at my house. The storm rolled in and it dropped 20 degrees.

[A]

Well, it got cold real quick. I know that much. And it wreaks havoc on your allergies. It wreaks. Have it on everything. They call this. In Atlanta, we call this fake spring number one. Fake spring number one. Because I don't know if you recall, but there was one year many years ago where we had a fake spring. And then in early March, we then had like 13 inches of snow that then stuck for 10 days or something like that. So I feel like this is fake spring. It goads you into thinking it's beautiful outside, then it trashes everything else.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

And God damn it.

[B]

Including your yard.

[A]

I know. Well, here's, you know, in the last episode, I. And complain about my yard guy, Juan, who I love and I've been with for. We've been together for eight years. Yeah, we might have to have one on the show. He's pretty funny, actually. If you talk to him in person, he actually is pretty funny. But. So I get off the. We get off the air yesterday, and I'm so incensed by Juan continuing to do the lawn right in front of this window. Every time we open up the microphone, it feels like sometimes two or three times a week. It's the middle of winter. You don't need to do that. So after we get off, I'm so incensed. I'm like, juan, we need to talk. So he calls me later and I say, juan, we've talked about this, like, 40 times. That has got to be the 41st time we've talked about this. Can you please do the lawn care outside of the hours when I'm trying to do work?

[B]

What if he was like, that's. That's not my team.

[A]

What if he said, that's not me? What are you talking about? That's some other yard company. I'd be like, well, thanks for the free lawn care. Talk to you later. Ignore. Ignore. Yeah, what have you said? I'm only coming there once every two weeks at night. What are you talking about?

[B]

I think that would be really funny.

[A]

And I would be like, did I forget to update my address when I moved? It's like he's been doing. He's been doing my neighbor's lawn for the last eight years. So then he goes, well, listen, the only reason why we came early this week is because it's going to rain for the next 10 days. And then I felt like shit. I was like, oh, okay, all right. But can you still please do it outside of the hours when I have to work? It's really distracting. Sometimes it wakes up the baby. I said, I know that. I'm not trying to make your life difficult. I really am not, but there's got to be some situation upon which you are driving by my house in the. Not four hours on just a few days a week where we happen to be in the studio. And, you know, I'm not really specific about what I do because I don't like to be really specific about what I do with anybody. I'm rather embarrassed of what I do.

[B]

It's like, I have media sales.

[A]

Yeah, a Patreon. I'd rather say Patreon.

[B]

You say Patreon. I said media sales.

[A]

That's what we put on forums. We put advertising sales, because that's what we do, essentially. What do we, like, you know, the school form or something? Advertising sales. And I know that the principal knows that's. So I tell them, I just say, listen, it's important that you know I have a little bit of quiet when I'm doing my work. And unfortunately, it seems like you come every time I'm getting ready to do that quiet part of my work. And he says, listen, I'm sorry. Well, we'll do our best to figure it out. So I kind of felt bad that I went off on one here on the show. But then he really did have a good reason for being there. He's like, you know, he had a.

[B]

Good reason for being multiple times in one week.

[A]

Well, that's what I also told him.

[B]

I said during the hours. Yeah, there's still that.

[A]

I asked him, I said, how much, how much gasoline do you use in one lawn cutting that takes, you know, 15 to 30 minutes, like mine does. And he said, well, I don't really know, but it's usually about half a gallon in total, I think is what I've estimated to be on each, like, you know, kind of normal sized lawn. And I'm like, you're here three times a week in the winter, you're cutting the mud. I go, what could you possibly be doing? He's like, no, I'd like to make it. Make sure it's neat and clean. He's like, I don't want you to get overgrown. And so now I feel bad that, like, Juan's trying to be sweet. What's going to get overgrown? The lava rocks out front, the pine straw?

[B]

It would take a long time for it to get overgrown.

[A]

Even in the spring when that grass grows so fast, I don't think too. But there's only little patches of grass. So even if it gets overgrown, it's not really that big of a deal. Not like I got four junk cars out in front of my yard with a bunch of, you know, kudzu growing over them. And by the way, for those of you that are probably like, oh, white people problems, he's got a lawn guy, right? I, I have, I have 30 children. I don't have time to do the lawn. It's really, truly, it's a big task. It's like for me, any, I'm just lazy. I don't, I'm trying to make an excuse for my children, but I'm just lazy. Hey, you like my pants? You like my white pants? I do. You like those? What do you, what jogger? What, what, what brand do you think these are? These comfortable active wear pants here? Walmart. This is A loaded question. Walmart. There you go. I'm about to let you in on a little secret. So I'm up at my dad's, the. I don't know, a couple last weekend. And my dad lives in South Carolina and he lives in like a remote part of South Carolina. I'm not totally remote. It's near Clemson. But it's kind of like in that.

[B]

Drive through that area on my way to Greenville.

[A]

Yeah, there's a couple of, you know, I'd say small to medium sized cities are up there. In Clemson, of course, has a bunch of college students live there. So it's a college town. And so it's kind of in between, like a very small city and Clemson. And of course there's 30 Walmarts in between, you know, of the Walmart on every corner. So I go to my dad's and I. So Astrid is so incensed with me because I pack everything in the closet to go to my dad's for a day.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Right. For one night I'm packing like a whole suitcase full of shit. Because I never know. But Astrid points out, if you and I were. I know. If you and I were a couple going on a trip, we are like our baggage bill.

[B]

Bags and bags and bags for a weekend.

[A]

We did. The Delta counter would be like $3,000 in baggage charge, sir.

[B]

That calls my one huge one the Beast. Yeah, my dad said it should be illegal.

[A]

It should be illegal. I get it. But I totally understand.

[B]

One and a regular size one.

[A]

Jeez, really? You were gone for seven days. Well, you know, I do get it.

[B]

You never know.

[A]

Oh, if I'm going to Jamaica.

[B]

Meanwhile, I wore two dresses and one pair of shorts.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like nothing in a bathing suit.

[A]

Exact.

[B]

All the time.

[A]

So my. And my wife rightfully points out, you're going to go to the Mellow Mushroom, the barbecue place or the lake. What could you possibly need to pack? Like where? Pack. Pack some jean. You know, it's winter. So she says, pack some jeans, two sweaters, a couple T shirts and sleep pants. So she's so incensed every time we go to my dad that she's, you know, she's got to pack all this. L. You know, she's trying to pack for the kids and all that stuff too. So I say to myself, my wife's.

[B]

Packing for five people.

[A]

She is packing for five people. She's repacking my stuff. Oftentimes I'll find that I'll put a bunch of T shirts and I'll be like, okay, I want to maybe I'll wear that. And then we get to a location, and the T shirts are no longer there. And I'm like, what happened to my blue Ferris Bueller shirt? She's like, if you want to see it, watch any episode of the commercial break on YouTube. It's there every time.

[B]

It's true.

[A]

It is true. So I say to myself, on this particular trip, I said, you know what? It's enough. Brian. Astrid is 100% right, as she always is. You're being an idiot. Like, you don't need anything to go to your dad's house. And if you do need anything, it's likely your dad will have it, right? I mean, if you need, like, a jacket or something like that, your dad will have it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So, tell you what. You're going for two nights, put in three T shirts, four pair of underwear, two pair of socks, one pair of pants, sleep pants, and that's it. And then your toiletries. And so I was so proud of myself, because that's what I did, or that's what I thought I did. So we get to my dad's house. I'm unpacking all this stuff. I'm, you know, trying to get it ready in the room and all that for the kids in the bath time and all that. And I go to put on my comfortable sleep pants from Lululemon.

[B]

Oh, that's right.

[A]

I was like, yeah, I have one pair from Lululemon. I had to mortgage the house for that. But I'm like, okay. And then I realize there are no sleep pants. I didn't pack sleep pants. I didn't pack half my toiletries. I forgot to put a T shirt to go out to dinner with. Like, a shirt to go out to dinner with. I forgot everything.

[B]

You.

[A]

Of your. I was out of my comfort zone, Chrissy. And I know that my dad and I are not the same size as far as pants are concerned. And so I just started freaking because I'm like, I'm not going to wear my jeans all night long. That's going to be a bunch of discomfort. I just want to go upstairs, play with the kids in my comfy sweatpants, right? Yes. So I say, okay, guys, I got to. I'll be back. I'm going to go to the closest Walmart. I'm going to go find myself a $9 pair of shitty sweatpants that'll probably dissolve in the wash the second I put them in there. And I'll just chalk it up to a learning lesson. I go up to this Walmart And I go in and they have the world's biggest SEC clothing section. Like not a normal sized Walmart clothing section, but like a really big. The entire middle of the store is.

[B]

I think I've seen that the last time I was at a Walmart.

[A]

Yeah, it's like a super Walmart, but it has like an acre, literally an acre of clothing. NASCAR T shirts, you know, Disney, whatever. They have Disney, Marvel, everything under the sun. All kind of sweatpants, activewear, joggers, coats, boots, ammunition for your gun. I mean, they've got everything you could possibly need in that clothing section. And I'm looking and I'm looking and I'm looking and I cannot for the life of me find this size. I'm like, okay, I'm just going to buy this $7 pair of sweatpants. Everything is 1x up.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

No, anything under 1x. I go to the next, you know, little. Whatever. What do they call those? A little carousel of shitty fucking clothing. What do they call that? Clothing carousel.

[B]

Yeah, maybe.

[A]

I don't. Whatever, you know what I'm talking about. And they're separated by sizes with those tags.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Nothing in my size. Even though it says there's some in my size there. Or you look at the carousel and you go, oh, there's the whatever, medium or small, there they are. Let me know. Nothing. And I'm like, wow, man, there's nothing. I start rummaging through the store and I cannot find a pair of comfortable pants in my size. I thought this would be really strange because usually there's all kind of sizes at Walmart, from, you know, extra small to all the way up to 5x. So I go to the dressing room or one of the nice attendants is there, and I say, hey, I'm really sorry to bother you, but do you have any sweatpants? Maybe in a medium? And she goes, oh, I don't know, honey, you're gonna have to dig around for that. And I go, why isn't medium like a size a lot of people wear? And she goes, well, we, we order based on how many people buy what size. So it might be that people aren't ordering using very many mediums or smalls. That might be the situation. But honey, when we do get those medium smalls, they gone. They gone, they gone. And I'm like, yeah, okay, got it. 10, four. You know, medium is probably a pretty average, you know, medium. It's an average. Yeah, it's an average of the average. Right. So probably. So I. She goes, but I'll tell You what? Look, that box up there. See that box with them white sweatpants? You might. That's brand new. You might pull that down. You might get one. And I was like, oh, okay. So it's up on the top fucking shelf. You know, of course, there's no one there to help me do anything. So I'm like, okay. I'm jumping, trying to pull the box down, and I'm like, this is embarrassing. Anybody's taking a video of me, it's going to be on tmz. I wish it would be on tmz, actually. So I'm pulling it down, you know, I yank it down, and it's a pair of bright white sweatpants that look like Lululemon. These things look like Lululemon?

[B]

They do.

[A]

And they're. Whatever they are. 12.99, 13.99. But I'm like, okay. I was hoping for the 799 version because I didn't think I would wear them very much. You know, they would get uncomfortable after a couple of washes or whatever. And I thought, I'm not going to spend a bunch of money because I don't have a bunch of money to spend. So let me just, you know, get this. So 13.99, 14.99. Whatever it is. I grabbed the. I found a small. So I grab a small and I'm like, okay, this looks like it's gonna fit. Chrissy, I swear on all that is holy.

[B]

They're so comfortable.

[A]

They're so comfortable.

[B]

Good to know.

[A]

And they look like joggers. They look like Lululemon. They look like. Yeah, they look like thick. They are quality. They are. They're. They're soft on the inside. Soft on the outside.

[B]

Is it like fleece?

[A]

Oh, yeah. It's like that little. It's f. Not real fleece, but it's fake fleece.

[B]

You know, they're cozy.

[A]

Yeah. With all my leg hair. I just keep on getting these, like, little white balls stuck in my leg hair. But whatever, you know, I'm not trying to impress anybody except for Astrid, and she's already unimpressed, so what am I, you know? I'm not changing her mind anytime soon. So I think to myself, wow, when I. When I get back to my dad's house and I put these on, I'm like, holy shit, these are really comfortable. And I can't stop talking about them the whole weekend. My. I think my dad was sick of me. He wanted me to go home because I was like, these white pants, they're so. Dad, look at My white pants. He's like, I know. I've seen them, Bri. Like, I got it. You got a pair of pants at Walmart. Congratulations. 100,000 people a day do that. Now you're all. Now all of a sudden, you realize that you don't have to pay $600 for a nice pair of pants. What do you want me to do? You're an idiot. You spend your money. Yeah, congratulations. One time in your life, you spent your money wisely. I was like, don't be a naysayer, dad. I'm just telling you these are nice paint. You got to go to Walmart. Get yourself a pants. So now I've been telling everybody since I got back from Dad's house, I'm like, you got to get yourself a white pair of pants from, From Walmart. These things are super fucking comfortable. I called my brother. I was talking to a friend. I said to Astrid, I said, astrid, don't ever buy me anything more than 1499 again. Go to Walmart. Let's, let's. If you, if it's a birthday and you're looking for a good gift for me, get me like 10 pairs of these in different colors. Because I would just wear these all day and all night. Now, I'm not a guy who typically has bought clothing at Walmart, but I have bought clothing at Walmart.

[B]

There's nothing wrong with the Walmart clothes. Yeah.

[A]

T shirts, underwear, socks.

[B]

There's not a near. There's not one near me. So I guess I. There's a Target near me. And so I use Target as kind of the Walmart. However, Walmart has that new service. They've really been trying to come out and compete with Amazon.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Where it's the free shipping and whatever.

[A]

So I thought about groceries. Yeah, we don't buy certain groceries from Walmart, but the stuff that you're going to find at every other store, we'll buy from Walmart. Listen, Mac and cheese, Mac and cheese. Stuff like that, cereal and, you know, this, the regular stuff that you would. Any toilet paper. If we don't, we're not going to Costco or Sam's or whatever. But I am just, like super jazzed that I found this little gem. And now to me, look at me. And now, you know, we can talk about Walmart all day long. Good or bad for society? I don't know. I don't give a. I. I just know that there are millions and millions of people that depend on Walmart for their groceries, for their clothing, for Their and I don't shame them. I think that great, go get your life is tough enough as it is. Save a buck.

[B]

Absolutely. And I saw something in the news recently that they were upping the pay for employees.

[A]

They need to, they do. And they need to pay the part time employees and put them on on health benefits too. Walmart can afford it. But that's a whole nother like political angle and I don't want to get into it. That's for a different show at a different time. That's for a totally different show that takes these things seriously for the commercial break. You can't even get facts right. But I will tell you Chrissy, you got to get yourself a pair of these pants. I'm going to buy one for you. When, whenever, when we get money. I'm going to buy 12.99 pair of these sweatpants for you, okay? And I'll be pleased to give it to you as a gift. And I'll be pleased to leave the Walmart tag right on them and say I buy my gifts at Walmart. And this episode is sponsored in part by Walmart. Almost like Lululemon.

[B]

Walmart. We see you parked out there for days.

[A]

Walmart, we know you do drug deals out front. Walmart, you don't have to tell your friends those aren't Lululemon. Walmart. Walmart. We have four liter bottles of Coca Cola.

[B]

Right? Four.

[A]

Walmart. We don't know where we get our meat either. Walmart. Who needs to wear shoes more than a week. Walmart, shop for your kids here. Because seriously, because seriously, why are you spending money on designer clothing? Yes, kids change clothing so much.

[B]

Oh I know.

[A]

Oh man. And they don't know the difference. Even my son, one of my sons likes these Walmart pants. He's like, you know daddy, this is good soft pants. And I'm like thanks bud, I got them from Walmart. And he's like, I know, you said, you mentioned I'm running around like an evangelist. I'm like hey, look at these pants. Where do you think they're from? I don't know Brian. Lululemon, I don't know. Urban Outfit, who knows, right? Walmart. Yeah, yeah, you mentioned, you mentioned, you happen to mention. I'm turning a corner here Chrissy, and I'm really proud of myself.

[B]

Good for you.

[A]

I'm no longer packing heavy, I'm packing light. And what's the old widespread song? Traveling. Yeah, the only way to fl.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

Good old jb. Good old JB telling us the Truth all the time. All right, let's take a break and I'm gonna tell you more about my Walmart pants when we get back.

[B]

Exciting.

[C]

Well, thank the baby Jesus. Brian took a breath. And now I will use this opportunity to let you know that we've got a brand new phone number. That's right. It's 212-4333, TCB. And you can text us anytime you want or you can call and leave us a voicemail and we might just use your message on the show once Brian gets through all the messages he missed last year. Of course. Anyway, you can also find and DM us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok, CBpodcast. And of course, all of our audio and video is easily found on tcbpodcast.com now I'm gonna thank G one more time that we have sponsors. So thank G. And here they are.

[A]

I wanted to tell you that I agree with everybody on the Internet who is slamming the Willy Wonka Factory tour in Europe.

[B]

I read about that.

[A]

Somebody was like, you know, everyone wants to hate, but no one talks about the kindness of the employees, okay? We're not making fun of the employees. The employees are there to do a job. They're getting paid to do that. And apparently they did it. Well, according to people who went, in case you're not in the loop, Willy Wonka in the Chocolate Factory. You know, the show and the movie and all the. And all the. And the new movie, the. What is it called? What's that movie that came out? Charlie? No, the Wonderful World of Wonka or whatever starring, what's his name? Timothy Chalet. And so some enterprising company decided that they were going to take advantage of the name, the brand, but they didn't call it Willy Wonka's Experience. I think they call it the Wonkiness Factory or something like that. Something ridiculous. That sounds like Willy Wonka. To go parents into paying 59.99 per person to get into this experience, the Wonkiness Experience.

[B]

Did it have like AI involved in it too or something?

[A]

Yeah, I'll. I'll explain.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

So. So what this is supposed to be is a step into the Willy Wonka Chocolate Factory, but not actually Willy Wonka. It's the Wonkiness Factory that's supposed to be like Willy Wonka, but of course they can't use the name because it's trade. It's the off brand. It's. It's the Lululemon pants from Walmart. You know what I'm saying, so these parents pay an enor an enormous absorbant amount of money to send their children into what they think is going to be an experience based on the movies. And what they get is a very poorly quickly put together. This is basically the fire fest of children's activities, right?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah. I mean they have curtains hanging like we have curtains hanging here at the studio to make these little rooms. And the little rooms are sparsely, it's like linoleum floor. It's in a, like a school gym or something. The linoleum floor is white, the curtains are black. It's very brightly lit in there. The walls don't even go all the way up to the ceiling. And they sparsely decorate it with something that is, it kind of resembles what might be in a Wonka factory if you, if a Wonka factory was, I don't know, out of money. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's just terrible. I mean it's just terrible. They had like little plastic mushrooms on the floor and they had a Wonka bar like blow up thing. There was nothing that resembled Willy Wonka and the Choctaw Chocolate Factory. It wasn't charming or magical in any way, shape or form. They had a hall of mirrors. They literally went to Target, ordered, bought six cheap mirrors and put them in, you know, places along this hallway. A hallway that wasn't even a hallway. It was curtains hanging down and then you pass by the mirror. But hall of mirrors, you're supposed to actually have a hall and then actual mirrors. There wasn't anything cool about it, anything interesting about it. And these parents took to social media to say what in the. We demand our money.

[B]

The kids got like a half a cup of lemonade or something.

[A]

Half a cup of lemonade. It was like they were getting dosed. Like, you know, I, I, I don't know. But you know when you go to like you see those people who go not to what, when you get off heroin, what's that drug that you take? Methadone. You go to the methadone clinic and there's like a little bit of, I've seen the, the videos of like a little bit of liquid. And you take it and they make.

[B]

Sure like a little tiny cup.

[A]

Little tiny.

[B]

From the dentist Dixie cup?

[A]

Yes, the dentist cups. Like when they put a little bit of mouthwash and say why don't you rinse your mouth out? Yeah, that's what it was. And it was lemonade that looked like pissed. And then they got exactly one piece of candy that wasn't Even Wonka Candy, it was like an eminem. They got 1 m m. That's what they got for their. Whatever it was £59 or something like that. It is insane. And here's why I'm so charged up about this.

[B]

This is reminding me of something. Yeah, go ahead.

[A]

Because this reminds me the dinosaur thing. Fuck the dinosaur thing. And fuck wonkiness in the fucking factory.

[B]

Drove through.

[A]

I drove through it and the dinosaurs were melting. They were like.

[B]

Give the backstory on that.

[A]

I went to. So here's why I'm incensed because I understand this. Parents, I feel your fucking pain that you have now imagine this summer of 2020, we're all fucking locked in a box. Everyone's going crazy. No one knows what to do with themselves or their children. Who knows if the world's gonna end or not. Everyone's scared, scared, frightened, right? But there's one shining glimmer of hope in a parent's world and that is that the dinosaur exhibit which is supposed to be, you know, life sized T. Rex and valve, you know, velociraptors coming at you. They're not going to cancel. They're going to put it outside in a drive through experience that will blow your mind. Your kids will be so excited. And I thought to myself, this is it. This is our answer this weekend we don't have to stay inside hun. We can get in our car, we can drive around the dinosaur exhibit. It's going to be scary and fun. You know, our kids are going to love it. This is going to be the. We did it. We finally found something that we can do without putting everybody's life in danger. Yes, it's at the Atlanta Motor Speedway.

[B]

It's also the middle of summer.

[A]

It's like August 29th is very, very hot. Which is hell day here in Atlanta. It's 102 with your air conditioning on. You know what I'm saying? This is, they call it Hotlanta for a reason. And it's not because we're all sexy, it's because it's fucking miserable in the summer. That's why it's oppressively hot, extremely humid. But we're in a car so we can turn on the air conditioning and just, you know, have ourselves a grand old time. So we get to the Atlanta Motor Speedway and it's not actually in the speedway, it's in the parking lot of the speedway and we are directed to go and pay our tithe. Tithe to the shitty experience. We are about to see where they charge us 139.99 per car or something. But I'm like, it's okay. This is going to be great.

[B]

Gonna be great. Yeah.

[A]

As but would they smartly put the payment guy or girl in a place where you have not yet seen exactly what you're in for? So I'm like, this is gonna be awesome. Look how organized this is. We're just gonna follow these cars. As we turn the corner to see the exhibit. There are literally nine animatronic dinosaurs and about six non moving dinosaurs sitting in a parking lot, melting off their frames. The animatronics are broken. So it's just like you're seeing like a weird video where it keeps. Like there's a little glitch. It's like, yeah, it keeps jerking around and the jerking exposes the frame. Like the. One of the legs is falling off and there's like a little bit of metal. There's.

[B]

Didn't they tell you to like roll down the windows?

[A]

Yes, roll down the windows because you're gonna have an experience with a real live dinosaur, which was a puppet that was bought at another dinosaur exhibit on the way out of the gift shop. Do you know what I'm saying? And some guy comes up and he's like, all right, do you want to meet happy the dinosaurs? To which my kid goes, no.

[B]

I know he was. He was like scared.

[A]

He was scared and he was bored. Yeah. He was like, no, no thanks, I'm good. Dad. Why is that guy have something on his hand? It's scary. And the guy had like a. Like a cloth puppet in his hand, like a sock puppet. And he was like, hey, it's happening. The dinosaur, he's like putting it in the window. And I'm driving and I'm like, God damn, get that thing. I think smells weird. Get that away from me. And the motion of the dinosaurs on some of the dinosaurs was created by large fans that were put in front of them that blew the little. Like there was little fake trees and they blew it. Well, one tree was blown sideways. It cracked in half. It was Chrissy. They didn't even take the time to make sure that the dinosaurs were standing up correctly. And I got robbed of $139. And then once I got into the line, I could not get out of the line. There was no way to leave because. Because the first night when I saw it, I really wanted to bail immediately and get my money back, but I was like, okay, for the kids. I'm doing it for the kids.

[B]

That's Right.

[A]

And when I get into the line, now I am stuck. Because there are other parents who apparently take this way more seriously than I do. I was like, I'm out of here. There is absolutely no reason for us to be here right now. These dinosaurs are ridiculous. They couldn't look less real if you tried. And. But we're stuck now. We're stuck. It took us one hour and 20 minutes to go around 15 dinosaurs. It was like a little U shape, right? You just went around. But once you're stuck, you're stuck. You're in it. You can't go anywhere.

[B]

You're sandwiched in.

[A]

God damn. Everybody was unimpressed. Everybody. They had kids in the back of the truck with the. You know, they were like. And you could see the kids were like. They had their hands on their show. Like, you know, what did I do? What am I doing with my life? What are we doing with our life?

[B]

Happening to the world, Chrissy.

[A]

I've never seen a group of more uninterested people ever. Because it was the most ridiculous thing. And then to charge you so much money to go do it where, you know, they had. Someone had to have known that. This is clearly not worth $139. It wasn't worth $9. I would have rather given a donation to the people who were running the exhibit to the nice people who were there. I would have rather given a donation to their rent than paid anybody for this experience. It was. And then on top of that, because they don't have a gift shop that they can go through, they literally. They spent more money on the tent for the merch than they did on the entirety of the dinosaurs. And they're like pitching you as you're leaving. They're like, you want a dinosaur T shirt and popcorn combo 79.99. And I'm like, you like, what do you think? Get me out of here. Can you move a cone so I can leave? I wanted to run over people. I was so mad. This happens a lot.

[B]

It does. Yeah. Where people kind of swoop in and take advantage and make it see well. And there's a lot of those that are cool.

[A]

A lot of them are, you know, well thought out. Very interesting.

[B]

Those Van Gogh ones have been great. And they're so. So you don't know.

[A]

You don't exactly. In person experiences are what it's all about. Disney and Universal have known this for years. The experiential stuff. And it's. It's a hot commodity. It's a. It's A buzzword in the. In the amusement industry. It's what everyone's trying to do and do well, but there's only a few that really do it well. And you just take chances on the other ones. Like, we went to the slime exhibit, and that slime might as well have been a breeding ground for smallpox, I swear to God. But, okay, the kids played with the slime for a few minutes. They got to make their own slime. And that was interesting enough to call it a wash. It wasn't. It wasn't. I didn't think it was worth the money that I paid, but at least the kids got an hour and a half of activities. And when we were leaving, there were free Shake Shack milkshakes. Oh, and Chick fil A sandwiches. So I was like, okay, yeah, you know that you up with this exhibit, so at least you fed us on the way out the door, right? Somebody, somebody, some manager said we're gonna have pissed off parents if we don't feed them something at the end and give them some free milkshakes because, okay, so I get it, you know, you can't always hit it out of the park. And some kids are going to like some things, and some kids are not going to like other things. And people in general, they're going to be interested or not interested. But this is ridiculous. This is, again, the highway robbery of the average consumer who thinks they're going to get one thing and then they get another. Because you see all these Instagram ads, and it makes it seem like, oh.

[B]

Yeah, the Instagram ads really sell it.

[A]

They do. Bubble World is going to be fantastic. So many bubbles. Your kid's going to float away in a bubble. The man who invented bubbles is going to be there showing you how to make new bubbles that your kid can roll around in all day long. I mean, it's Bubble World. What else could you want? Or Unicorn World. Or here, you know, be a mermaid for a day. Like, there's so many of these experiences that go on there, but I just don't bite very often anymore because I know, I know there are certain companies that do this well, and if you're not one of those companies, then I'm like, nope, not even going to take a chance on this, because I'm not going to pay 59.99 per head to then get in there. And, you know, there's some poor lady who's getting paid, you know, $6 an hour to sit in a mermaid tail all day long and blow bubbles in your face. Ridiculous. It's like, I, I, I, I don't know. And, and I know that you, you know, you don't have small children, but those who do have small children will totally understand this.

[B]

I have small nephews.

[A]

You do have small nephews. That's true.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

We're struggling to find something to do for.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

Yeah. They are little creatures in the summer.

[B]

Yeah, too.

[A]

They're insatiable. Well, that's why I just throw them in the pool and just call it a day. Learn how to swim. Learn to swim. That's what my dad did. He said, here, let's go to the lake. You know, I'll almost chop your leg off with the boat motor, and then I'll throw you in and you can learn how to swim. Oh, we're out of gas. Can you please pull it back to dock?

[B]

There's a life jacket.

[A]

Yeah, here's a life jacket. He didn't even give us a life jacket. He just gave us a rope tied to the front of the boat. I tell you that my dad's version of an in person experience was to get stuck in the middle of a lake with no gas. And then he told Kevin and I, he, he tied a rope to the front of the boat, this 22 foot ski boat, and he was like, all right, we're gonna have to pull it back to Doc.

[B]

Meet some man power.

[A]

Get in there, boys. Yes. And so Kevin and I were like.

[B]

Like, like you're riding a garage.

[A]

No, he was driving as if Kevin and I could have enough power to make him driving matter one bit. He was like, okay, a little bit to the right, boys. And then he'd turn the wheel and I'd be like, what are you doing? Just leave it straight. Leave it neutral. Let us go. What are you doing? But we did pull that back to Doc. Took two and a half hours, but we got it back to Doc. And like, people would stop and they'd be like, hey, you want to tug back to the, you know, to the gas station? And my dad. No, we got it. The boys are doing fine. Meanwhile, poor Kevin's like, take a break. Go get help.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

This is a, this is a constant struggle as a human being, but then as a parent more so. It's a constant struggle to occupy our minds with something that's interesting and new and, and makes life a little bit more exciting. We all depend on these new experiences to give our brain that little lift.

[B]

That it needs, you know, bursts of serotonin.

[A]

Yeah, there's only so many. My 600 pound lifes that I can watch before I go. Okay, Brian, you're getting a little too crazy.

[B]

It.

[A]

There's only. There's only so many episodes. Like, only so many times I can watch the same catfish episode over and over and over again.

[B]

Thinking about the. The dinosaur exhibit and Covid stuff, which. Oh, my gosh, just thinking back on some of those early days of COVID I mean, it's actually been four years. I read something there that it's been four years exactly. Since the lockdown.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Well, happy four year anniversary, by the way, because we put out our first episode the week before the lockdown.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, well, yeah, that's right.

[B]

So it makes me think, though. And I. It flashed in my head. I remember going to a concert, quote, unquote. You had to buy. Like, you had a square.

[A]

Square.

[B]

Yes. You had to stay in your little square. I mean, looking back on it, it's like. I don't think that was help preventing anything.

[A]

Yeah. I think quite a few lessons have been learned.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But again, I do have to say this. Us, like, we knew what we knew at the time, right?

[B]

No, everything was new. Corn Cob Santa.

[A]

Corn cob D Cup Santa. That's right. I went to the Santa place and that wasn't wearing anything. He had a mask on. Until the kids got up, they took it off, and I'm like, what are you doing? I thought we were supposed to be wearing masks here.

[B]

Oh, my God. All the masks.

[A]

Come on down, Kofi. And Christmas casual. We got Covid for days. Due to Covid, we cannot find a Santa Claus. So we have half screw, half scarecrow, half human. Buck. Buck, the friendly Santa Claus. He weighs 89 pounds, sopping wet. He's got a corn cob pipe for a nose. A marble eyeball that falls out on occasion. But don't be scared. It's Covid.

[B]

Everybody was just.

[A]

We're all like, what? Okay. Okay. Like, that was a weird year, man. That was a weird two years. It really was. Yeah. The things we did and we thought and.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, listen, everything in hindsight is 20 20. Obviously, we all. Now. We're all geniuses about the whole thing. And. And, and. But back then, we were scared and.

[B]

Yeah, it was very new. We didn't know what was going to happen.

[A]

Yeah. And Astrid was pregnant through the entire thing, so it was like. Yeah. So we took no chances. Because. Of course not. That's not what you wanted to do. It's not. Especially at the beginning of the pandemic when pregnant women were being affected in certain ways, and we were just scared out of our minds at anything, any. At any moment, the whole world could come crashing down. So we really did pay pretty close attention to the lockdowns. I mean, we weren't, like, 100% locked down. I went to the store because I had to go out of the fucking house at some point.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But, you know, and that's why these things, like going to the dinosaur exhibit seem so exciting to us at the time, because, okay, we can go out. Yeah. We can do something. Yeah. We can do something different. And, you know, there's a lot of stuff in cars. I remember there were a lot of stuff in cars. That's right. Remember Dave Chappelle was doing the. He, like, met this farmer in Omaha or something, and he was doing those huge shows to people, like, hundreds and hundreds of cars, and they were doing live comedy in front of it. And he had all his buddies up there. You know, everybody made do. We did the best that we can with the information that we had.

[B]

I think drive in movies made a huge resurgence.

[A]

Yeah. Where did those go? Clubhouse. What was that? What was that? Clubhouse. What's that? Yeah.

[B]

Meanwhile, everybody's stuck inside, too. And that's where all these little things started popping up, too.

[A]

Online. Yeah. And it all. It was a thing. Yeah. Everybody started a podcast. Everybody started a podcast. Only a few of us stupidly podcast.

[B]

And a sourdough starter.

[A]

Yeah, that's true. Everyone that got into bread making and, you know, if the world was coming crashing down, at least we'd be able to make bread. Where we get the ingredients, I don't know. But at least we'll know how to make bread with our bread machine. Machine that does it for us.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

I had a bread machine once. Took it out of a garbage can. Really? Literally. Oh, yeah. Well, the girl that I was dating, she brought it home. Somebody was throwing it away, and she brought it home, and she's like, I'll just clean it out and make bread. And to be honest, there were a couple loaves of bread that were very delicious. Delicious. Covet is where I lost all my abilities.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I had that long Covid for a while. You go back and listen to some episodes, I'm like, the kids. I think that's long Covid. I do.

[B]

Or that long Covid's a real thing.

[A]

Yeah. I think there's some. Still. Some people that are suffering.

[B]

There's still a lot of stuff we don't know about everything that happened, but thank goodness we're on the other side. Now we're just into the pit of hell of political.

[A]

Oh, my God. Yeah. Now, after we get out of COVID Yes, Raging what? After we get out of COVID War in the Middle east, war in Ukraine. Another election year that's just sure to be a total fucking shit show. And thank God you got the commercial break because here you will hear none of it except for the last 15 minutes we just did on Covid. All right, let's take a break, reset our brains so we don't, you know, cause any heartache or sorrow. We'll be back.

[C]

I know you're already on your phone, so pull up Instagram and follow us at the commercial break and then follow us on tick tock@tcb podcast.

[A]

Done.

[C]

Perfect. Thank you. Since you're at the ready, why not text us hello at 212-4333, TCB. Or if you've got some drama in your life, a little fun story or anything really. We're desperate for content. Call and leave us a message at 212-433-33, TCV. And don't forget to check out tcvpodcast.com because that's got it all. Speaking of having it all all, let's listen to our fabulous sponsors and get back to the commercial break.

[A]

You know, I saw the most interesting, like, you know, like, people are putting the. There's a lot of, like, alternative sports now, right? I told you. I think I. Oh, right. One time I watched like out. I was driving and I was listening to hours and hours of cornhole tournaments. You know, the guys with like the big beards and the big bellies and they're drinking and they're throwing cornholes and like a hundred thousand dollar prize for this. And I just couldn't believe it. Keepy uppy. The balloon game is now like a whole tournament. You can do that. The guy, we almost had him on, but then I thought, why are we gonna have this guy on the soccer golf? Remember the soccer golf guy? I showed you that one time. There's a guy who started a league, an actual sport, where he took a oversized soccer ball that's in inflated and has a lot of bounciness to it, I guess. And he was playing on shortened actual golf courses with very oversized holes. And he had a whole thing going on. He had like a tournament going on. I saw on Instagram something that I thought was crazy. And I don't think this is a real sport, but I think it could be because someone's going to take this barefoot soccer On Legos. Barefoot soccer on Legos. Legos process that Legos thrown all over the soccer field and then you play barefoot soccer with the Legos.

[B]

With the Legos.

[A]

With the Legos. Now, speaking of being a parent, if you're a parent, Legos are the bane of your existence because they are the most fun and most interesting thing a lot of times for kids to do they. Some kids really get into Legos. Building stuff.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Following the instructions. Yeah, one of my kids does. He just love, loves it. He loves it and I like sitting there and building it with him. Of course they'll destroy it three seconds later, but okay, you know, whatever. But the Legos, they go everywhere. Especially as the kids get older and you get more intricate. Legos, the smaller Legos, they go everywhere. Your smaller children put them down their throats and their nose and their ears and their wherever, any hole that they have. And, and then you step on them in the middle of the night often because, you know, they leave Legos on the ground and you step on them. It hurts, man. That fucking hurts. And these guys were playing soccer full on soccer, barefoot, on a field full of random Legos. I can't imagine why you would think that that would be fun to do. I don't know, Chrissy, because people are just making shit up at this point, hoping to hit it rich. They see those Saudi Arabians getting involved in professional golf and you know, giving hundred thousand dollar prizes for keepy fucking Uppy. The balloon game. Kippy fucking Uppy. Which by the way, I do have to admit, was pretty interesting. When I watched it, these guys were running all over. They put a fake living room together in this four sided glass wall. And then they had cameras all around the the room, the fake living room. And they had like a couch and chairs and you know, ottomans and all the television stand. And then these guys had to keep up the balloon. You hit it once, the other person has to get it. You try and get, you know, trying to hit it out of the way so that the other guy can't get it before it falls on the floor and it can touch the couch, but not the floor. And when I watched, I thought this is the most silly bullshit that you're giving $100,000 away for. And then I watched it and I was like, yeah, that's actually, that's actually pretty interesting. I actually like that. I think that's more of a sport than some other stuff I do. Yeah. And you know, then I watched these. I was watching these guys in Canada and they were Playing a game, and I can't remember the name of it, but imagine a circle, okay? And then imagine you have checkers. So there's four people around the circular table, and it's a board that's got some sawdust on it, like sand on it. It's kind of like that game, the sawdust game, where you throw that puck down there. You know, you see it at some bars.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

God, I played it a million times.

[A]

Pigo Pygon. I think that's a card game, actually. Domino's or something.

[B]

Shuffleboard.

[A]

Shuffleboard. But it's not shuffle. It's like a mini shuffleboard where you throw the little puck down there and try and get it into a. You can knock people out and play defense and offense. Well, these guys are hitting these little checkers that are like heavy checkers. They're, like, flicking them like you would with the. You know, the paper footballs back when you were a kid. They're flicking them to try and get them in this hole in the middle. And then there's these pegs around there that you can use to block and defend and, you know, bounce off of. And they had a live tournament on YouTube. And there. I think. I think it was on YouTube. And they. There was, like, 7,000 people watching this. And this is up in Canada, right? And it's an actual game that they're playing where four guys sit around. There's a team, two and two. They sit opposite each other, and they flick these little checkers down into the middle. And there's like, I don't know, 60. 60 tables of people playing this. So it's like a big tournament. There's money involved in this. There's money involved in everything we are.

[B]

Except our show.

[A]

Well, if the tournament wants to sponsor our show, I'll be happy to let it run in the background. I'll be happy to put on a full broadcast on my RSS feed if you just sponsor the show. Show. And I'm serious. Think around and find out. But let me continue. There's professional speed puzzling. Have you seen this one? Speed puzzling. I do like the professional speed puzzling. Yeah. There's professional Rubik's Cube. There's professional cup flipping. You might. You've seen the kids do the cup flipping that they build a cup tower and then they bring it back down in a certain amount of time. It's unbelievable. It's unbelievable, all these games that these. These people are coming up with, with. When we were kids, we did this because we just were bored and we didn't have the Internet. We just needed time. We would play that paper football all the time. Now, paper football is a sport and there are people betting on who's going to win the paper.

[B]

You can bet on anything.

[A]

I watch the most sad 60 Minutes. I mean, not the most. I watched a very sad 60 minutes. I'm trying to get away from being so pejorative about everything.

[B]

You know, like, it's the worst one.

[A]

It's the worst. It's the best. It's the most. It's the forgiving. Whatever. I watched a very sad 60 minutes right before the super bowl where they were. They were talking about how big of an issue, how big of a. An industry, and then how big of an issue gambling has become. But not for everyone. For a certain subset of people living in the United States, and that is young men right, in their 20s and early 30s. And they are. They interviewed a bunch of people that were in that age range, and there was a couple of them who had a real gambling problem. They had lost everything. They were so addicted to it. They were betting on whether or not, you know, the referee would wear black shoes or white. They were just betting on the most ridiculous things. Because now it's all available to you at your fingertips.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Gambling is so prevalent, prevalent, however you say it, in our society today, that Disney has now partnered. ESPN has partnered with a gambling company so that you can have live action on the TV so that you can make those bets across the Disney platform. Because it's just a thing now. Like, there's no more shame in that. And there are very few states, I think, upon which online or gambling is completely illegal. Most states have lotteries. Yeah.

[B]

People love to gamble. They always have.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, yeah, I remember going to different states where, yeah, it was, oh, my God, they've got a casino.

[A]

I know. You used to get so excited.

[B]

Yeah. Now it's.

[A]

Nah, everybody, you used to go to Vegas because Vegas was the place where a lot of things were legal that were illegal. Sin City for a reason. Because everybody thought that gambling was a sin. And, you know, new dancing was a sin. Prostitution was a sin.

[B]

Remember they tried to rebrand as a family town.

[A]

Yeah, they did. Right after the what Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas campaign. That was incredibly successful, by the way, but that was totally geared toward adults. You're going to go, you're going to party, you're going to do blow and hookers and cocaine. You know, you're just going to be crazy.

[B]

And Then you're going to go to work on Monday morning. Everything's fine.

[A]

And I actually did that whole. I, I was a real live advertising campaign for them on a couple of weekends. And I'm telling you what, it hurt. But I never quite got into the gambling.

[B]

No, I haven't gotten into the gambling either.

[A]

No. I would come with 300 bucks and that would be it then. And you know, I. I figured out. But now almost every state has some version of gambling or a casino. Even Atlanta on multiple occasions has come very close to approving having casinos inside the city limits. And as a matter of fact, there's a brand new Hard Rock Cafe Hotel. Hard Rock Hotel here. And they built that hotel because they believe that g. That there will be a casino down very soon. And they want to be one of the first ones in on it. Right. Smart move on. On Hard Rock's part. But it's just like the gamification of everything that we do. I think we were talking about this, the gamification of everything that we do.

[B]

In more games on the show.

[A]

I would love to play games, but, you know, some of them are like visual mediums and that's really hard, hard to do. And then we did play a couple of games one time, didn't we play. What was the fun game that we played?

[B]

Yeah, no, that one was fun. It was the Factor Crap.

[A]

Factor Crap. Yeah, that was fun. We should play a Factor Crap again. Yeah, that's one of the things that I always think about doing. And then I never, like, actually go out and execute it because you also.

[B]

Have to remember, I'm gonna write it down.

[A]

This is a podcast. So we have to do it so that people actually are interested in listening to it, which is harder than you might think, actually, hence our no audience numbers, very few sponsors. But hey, we're trying, and that's all that really matters. But these, these games that these people are coming up with, and then they become like, I wouldn't say big sports, but they become an actual sport with actual sponsors. And then people are paying these, you know, the, the players of these sports to compete is amazing. And I made me believe that we should think of a TCB sport. A sport where we can have a tournament, do a thing, get it sponsored, and actually pay the winners, which we will rig ourselves to make sure we are the winners. But I want you to put some brain power to this. There's got to be a couple things that we're good at. Chrissy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What if we played a game where we, the Per the. We get a bunch of people together and the two. And we like a team of two, and the two people who can talk the longest, saying the least amount of truth wins. So the less amount of facts that you have, the more money that you win. And I think you and I would be spectacular at that. All we have to do is just rerun any episode of the commercial.

[B]

Yeah, that's exactly right.

[A]

Who had the most kids during the pandemic? I win.

[B]

You did.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah. We need to get back to factor crap, though. It was a good one, and it spawned some good, thoughtful, thoughtful, thoughtful things that we talked about. What is your quail Dicks?

[A]

Pizzles. Pizzle. Remember that? But that was not factor crap. That was a fantasy.

[B]

Did you see. I saw in the news this morning that the they out in Hawaii, they observed two males. Two male whales having sex. Yes. Once pizzle was out.

[A]

Once pizzle was out trying to penetrate the other pizza. Homosexuality happens pretty frequently in nature. It's not an unusual thing to happen. Yeah. That's why I get crazed when people are like, it's not. You're not born with it. Well, maybe not in 100 of the cases, but I'm pretty sure that most cases, like, that's. It's just natural. That's just the way it happens. And no one should be surprised by that or offended by that. That's completely ridiculous conversation. Because if whales are humping each other, if humpback whales are humping each other with their own pizzles, then, like, you know, what, are they making a conscious decision to hump each other? No, they're attracted to other pizzles. Like one guy, I got a pizzle, I'm attracted to another pizza. It's perfectly normal.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Yes. We should have a pizzle eating contest. That's what we should do.

[B]

Didn't we start talking about pizzles because of Moby Dick? Like there was this passage in Moby Dick or something.

[A]

Maybe, But I think it had to do actually with maybe. Maybe that was early days. I felt like I was reading some, like, fantasy porn.

[B]

And that came later.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, that came later. Okay. And the girl wanted to have her be penetrated by the pizza later. Oh, it was. Yeah. Maybe Moby Dick had It's pizzle and Moby dick. Answer that question. 2 1, 2, 433 3. TCV. Ask me.

[B]

Oh, we do a trivia.

[A]

We do trivia. What is the name of a whale dick? Yep. Is it pizzle or is it puzzle? I don't know. We could do Speed pizzling. I bet we'd win. Speed pizzle.

[B]

The penetrating fizzle.

[A]

A penetrating fizzle. If. Yeah. So this leads me all to the conclusion that if you would like to play a game here on air with us, DCB.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

212-4333. TCB. Tell me you want to play a game because we're gonna play a few of them coming up here in Q2. They call it Q2. Kids in the business world. Q2, we're gonna do it in Q2. What's our revenue projections for Q2? What is that revenue projection? I don't know. 042-124-3333. TCB. Tell us you want to play a game with us and we will bring you on air to play a game. We did this once with some audience members, but because of the insane inability to put anything technical together, it ended up sounding. And we couldn't run it.

[B]

Yeah, we've upgraded since then, so maybe we can make it work.

[A]

Upgraded, updated. We're all, yeah, we had a professional come in here actually help us. I had to have a professional hang a camera for me. That's how dumb I am. How dumb I am. All right. Tzbpodcast.com that's where you go. You find all the show notes, find out more about the show, all the audio, all the video right there from one location. TCBpodcast.com Also, you get your free piggy friend sticker by hitting the Contact us button. Drop down menu says I want my free sticker. Give us your address, we'll send it away to you. Also, you can contact us through there. If you want to play a game and you'd rather email, go to the contact us button and we'll take it there. 212-4333TCB 12 433T 4333 3TCB. You too can text us comments, questions, concerns, content, ideas. And as mentioned, if you would like to play a game with us here on air on tcb, be then text us and let us know and we'll get in touch with you. All right. Also, we would just be so tickled pink if you would go to our YouTube channel, YouTube.com the commercial break we have a few of these episodes are put at full length. We have all of the interviews, all that stuff. And you can now listen to the audio feed on YouTube. So go there. YouTube.com the commercial break at the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast, podcast on Tick Tock. And you know, visit our sponsors if you want us to survive. All right, Chrissy. I guess that's all I can do for today.

[B]

I think so.

[A]

But know that I love you. I love you. And best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I do say, we will say, and we must say goodbye. Sa.