Older, Wiser, Scarier

Summary

The Commercial Break — Episode Summary

Episode Title: Older, Wiser, Scarier
Date: August 30, 2024
Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley

---

Overview

This episode of The Commercial Break playfully embraces the everyday absurdities of getting older, the chaos of modern healthcare, and the sometimes comical fears and frustrations that come with “adulting.” Bryan shares stories about doctor visits and a medical waiting room circus, while the duo riff on streaming TV, super yachts, and the weird wonders of aging. True to the show's vibe, their banter is peppered with jokes, self-deprecating humor, and vivid anecdotes that bring everyday struggles to life.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

I. Aging: From Invincible to Poked & Prodded

• Bryan’s Youthful Delusions: Recounts thinking he’d “never be that old” when a 30-something coworker impressed him with her kegerator, pool table, and adult responsibilities.

  “I remember thinking to myself, I’m never going to be that old… I’ll never have to pay bills and, you know, pay the rent.” (03:12, Bryan)

• Avoidance of Doctors: Bryan didn’t go to the doctor or dentist for a decade, convinced of his youthful indestructibility (04:00).
• Shift in Priorities: Now in his 30s, and as a parent, he appreciates preventive care, saying:

  “Now I see the importance of it… Good maintenance. It’s like a car.” (04:59, Chris)

• Parental Denial: Bryan jokes about his mom ignoring serious medical advice:

  “You literally have more blockage than you have arteries. What are you doing with yourself?” (06:21, Bryan)

II. Waiting Room War Stories

• Lab Services Adventure: Bryan describes waiting in a massive hospital complex, facing a three-screen digital queue with 100+ names (08:00).
• Southern Sass: A loud, Southern-accented woman next to him loudly vents about her wait and her medical issues, creating a scene:

  “I got a dog leg scratching up my hole and I need to get the out of here.” (10:28, “Chrissy” as the woman)

• Contrast Confusion: The woman hadn’t taken her prescribed contrast drink, sparking an escalating, borderline slapstick series of exchanges with nurses and her long-suffering husband (13:13).
• Public Meltdowns: After much fuss, she agrees to take the drink, only to immediately fall asleep in the waiting room—a textbook tantrum burnout:

  “She blew her top and then just fell asleep. And I thought to myself, I wish my kids were like that.” (17:04, Bryan)

• Relatability: Both hosts empathize with frustrations toward the US medical system—waiting times, impersonal care, and the necessity to “clear the deck” for any appointment (18:20).

III. Streaming TV: Appointment vs Binge Watching

• Bryan Champions "Presumed Innocent":

  “Presumed Innocent on Apple TV with Jake Gyllenhaal is one of the best television shows… ever. Even if you've seen the movie, watch the show because… there are similarities and there are dissimilarities, and I think you'll enjoy it regardless.” (22:54)

• Debate on TV Formats: Bryan laments modern streaming’s half-seasons and cancellations, while Krissy defends episodic, week-to-week drops for building anticipation.
• Show Recommendations: Briefly touch on:
  • The "Chimp Lady" show (Tiger King-esque documentary, 24:25)
  • "King of the Ren Fest" (HBO docuseries, 24:49)
• Bryan’s Rant: Frustration over home TV audio:

  “What happened to old TV where everything was just the same volume?” (30:53)

IV. Domestic Dramas: When TV Thrillers Get Too Real

• Suspense at Home: While engrossed in a murder drama, Bryan and his wife are spooked by noises in their house, leading Bryan to search every closet with a flashlight and an “old golf club” for protection (31:20).
• Resolution: The source of all the fear? A chunky tabby cat on the roof, chased off by Bryan’s flashlight (34:33).
• Locked Out: In classic sitcom style, Bryan finds himself locked out in his underwear, worried that the cops will show up on this “busy street” for suspicious activity (35:20).
• Critter Invasions: Both hosts share stories about animals in their attics and Bryan describes the chipmunk “magic trick” of vanishing into his pool’s patio joints (38:41).

V. Yacht Calamities & Wealth Disparities

• Superyacht Sinking: Bryan discusses recent news of a superyacht disaster off Sicily. The yacht, captained by “the guy from Below Deck," sank in a freak waterspout, killing several, including a major tech entrepreneur (41:04).
• TV Crossover: Link to "Below Deck" and celebrity guests (Christina Applegate’s rumored appearance, 46:35).
• Wealth Irony: Hosts marvel at the insane expense and features of superyachts and private planes. Bryan recounts his encounter with a superyacht renter:

  “I go, that’s a nice life, if you could get it. And he goes, ‘Well, now, I worked hard for this.’ And I go, I’m sure you did. Or your daddy did. Or somebody did.” (50:38)

• Dreams vs Reality: Reflect on how little they’d actually want such grandiose possessions, given the upkeep and impracticality:

  “How many rooms do I really need? And isn’t that just more house to take care of and places to get lost? I’m old. I’m gonna start getting lost in places!” (52:59, Bryan)

• Small Aspirations:

  “I think I’ll just be happy when I can afford my own Uber… I’m going to get a yellow cab with a driver on call, one hour a month.” (55:45, Bryan)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Aging:

  “Now that I did turn that old… 32 years old. Now that I have osteoporosis.” (04:32, Bryan)

• On Medical Meltdowns:

  “I’ll be God damned if I’m going to have a feather foot in my hope toe.” (14:24, “Chrissy” as the waiting room woman)

• On Hospital Waiting:

  “When you schedule a doctor’s appointment now… you better clear the deck because there ain’t no way anything else is getting done that day.” (18:20, Bryan)

• On Streaming Frustrations:

  “None of these platforms are going to survive—they’re all losing money anyway.” (27:04, Bryan)

• On Domestic Fear:

  “I run to grab a flashlight and whatever means of protection I might have… an old golf club… I’ll leave that up to your imagination.” (31:43, Bryan)

• On Nextdoor:

  “I did not. Cat on roof. Attention. Cat on roof. No picture included. Oh my god, that Nextdoor. I love it. I wake up in the morning… I’m not that dumb.” (39:43, Bryan)

• On Superyachts:

  “It’s literally like having a snow pea on your plate compared to a tomahawk steak.” (50:38, Bryan)

• On Wealth:

  “If I won the lottery tomorrow and had $300 million in my bank account, I don’t think I’d buy a 12,000 sq ft house. Why? For what? Even with as many children as I have—if they each had a bedroom, we’d be OK.” (53:06, Bryan)

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |------------|-------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:57 | Opening banter, theme of aging and medical stories | | 03:12 | “Never going to be that old” – Bryan’s Chili’s anecdote | | 08:00 | Epic medical waiting room adventure | | 10:28 | Woman’s loud, southern-accented complaint | | 13:13 | “Contrast” confusion escalation | | 17:04 | Patient tantrum burnout – falls asleep mid-rant | | 22:54 | Presumed Innocent TV recommendation | | 24:25 | Chimp Lady show, King of Ren Fest mention | | 30:53 | TV volume rant, noises in the house begin | | 34:33 | Cat on the roof—source of the mystery noise | | 35:20 | Bryan gets locked outside in his underwear | | 38:41 | Chipmunk “magic trick” and backyard wildlife | | 41:04 | Superyacht disaster and Below Deck connection | | 46:35 | Christina Applegate’s Below Deck cameo | | 50:38 | Bryan confronts superyacht renter in Florida | | 52:59 | “How many rooms?” and aging, lost in your own mansion | | 55:45 | “Happy when I can afford my own Uber” | | 57:23 | Live show plugs and wrap-up |

---

Tone & Style

The episode is classic TCB: chaotic yet charming, littered with off-the-cuff observations, quirky detours, exaggerated personas, and an unfiltered, conversational tone. Even heavier topics—medical mishaps, shipwrecks, wealth disparity—are filtered through their irreverent, comedic lens.

---

Summary

Older, Wiser, Scarier is a quintessential, meandering, laugh-out-loud Commercial Break installment about the everyday indignities—funny, frustrating, and sometimes surreal—that come with growing up and facing the daunting world of adult responsibilities. Between medical mayhem, TV debates, critter confusion, and dreaming about yachts they’ll never own, Bryan and Krissy deliver a relatable and hilarious snapshot of modern “fine, just fine” existence.

---

Recommended if you want to laugh, cringe, and nod in recognition at the absurdities of life after 30… or if you just need to know what to do if there’s a cat on your roof at midnight.

Transcript

[Brian Green]

Eagles don't fly with pigeons.

[Chris Oakley]

Okay?

[Brian Green]

So go get your bread crumbs and get back to me tomorrow on this episode of the Commercial break. So I take the flashlight, I start running around the house. I open every door, I open every closet. I look behind every shower curtain because I want to make sure that there's no one in the house. Even though we have an alarm and it's on and I'm pretty sure that it would have went off should something, you know, sometimes, Sometimes you don't know, right? You don't know. And so I look in every door, in every closet. That takes me like three minutes. Nothing.

[Chris Oakley]

I don't heard beep.

[Brian Green]

Well, The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend at the co host of this incredibly dumb podcast, Chris. Enjoy Oakley. Best to you, Chris.

[Chris Oakley]

Best to you, you, Brian.

[Brian Green]

Best of you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. I'm being poked and prodded all over the place. You know, when you get old, it sucks. I'm just gonna let you know that right now I, I, now I'm feeling for people when you're young. And when I say young, I mean, we're not really that old, but we, you know, we make a joke about it a lot. But I think when you make a joke, like when you're 20 years old, you think you're indestructible. Nothing's ever going to touch you. You look at someone that's in their 30s and you go, wow, that's old. I remember when I worked at Chili's, I think I've told this story before. There was like a runner. They used to call him a runner. Like an assistant manager that would come in on a busy night. They would run food. Yes, Expedite. Run, expedite. Okay. So there was this girl when I was in my, I was probably 20 and 21, and there was this girl and I can't remember her name for the life of me. I wish I could, I wish I could get in touch with her now and see what she's up to.

[Chris Oakley]

Call her Jennifer.

[Brian Green]

We'll call her Jennifer. She was in her 30s and took a liking to me. And she took a liking to me. So much so that one night after drinking, I remember she had a, she lived in a house with another guy. That guy worked for the beverage industry, like, you know, Budweiser, whatever.

[Chris Oakley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And I think it was Sweetwater, if I'm not mistaken. He would, he was like a I don't know what you call him. A rep for Sweetwater and other beers. And they had a kegerator in their basement. And at 20 years old I didn't drink a bunch, but it was very cool to go down there, go to their cake orator, grab a beer and pretend that I liked Sweetwater at least for a couple of hours. And they had a pool table and all this. So it's kind of like enamored with this. Not the woman herself, but all the things that being 30 afforded you. I remember thinking to myself, I'm never going to be that old. I will never be that old. I will never have to pay bills and you know, pay the rent and deal with a shitty roommate who it has a kegerator. I always thought to myself, I'll never get to this point, I'll never get to this point where I live in a house with a kegerator and a pool table and where I actually pay bills. She was so enamored with me that one night after like just getting fucking wasted on whatever, she booked a trip to Disney World. And at like 1:30 in the morning we're in the car on the way to Disney.

[Chris Oakley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

But I just remember thinking to myself like I'm never going to be that old. I'll never be that old. And I remember she had like some medical condition that she was like, like, you know, some simple medical condition. I forget what it was. Osteoporosis, I don't know what it was. Yeah, she was 30 with osteoporosis and she had to go to the doctor and you know, get poked and prodded. And I was like, yeah, thank God I'm never going to get that old.

[Chris Oakley]

No, you were just always going for like routine stuff, you know, routine, your dentist routine.

[Brian Green]

I didn't go to a doctor or a dentist for probably a decade, Chrissy. For a decade I did not go to a doctor or a dentist. Now it doesn't say a lot from my mouth and its health, but I'm just sharing with you that with no insurance, believing that I was indestructible at all times and just having the cojones of the cojones and the testosterone of a 20 something year old, you know, child, essentially I didn't go to the doctor. Never went to the doctor for almost anything for any reason. And, and if I, if I did go to a doctor, it was like an emergency room visit for some shit or the other, but I don't even remember doing that. But now that I'm in this advanced age. Now that I did turn that old. Yeah, now that I did turn that old. 32 years old. Now that I have osteoporosis, you get poked and prodded. Like now. I don't know. There's something changed in my 30s where I was like, oh, shit, I should probably start paying attention to my health and my mouth because I probably smells very bad. Floss. Floss, Brian. And. And now getting p. Poked and prodded. But now I see the importance of it. I see the importance of actually following through. Yeah. Good maintenance.

[Chris Oakley]

It's like a car.

[Brian Green]

Yes. I remember I had a doctor one time. Tell me. I forget what it. I forget what. What it was. I. I went to a doctor, I was probably in my early 30s, and my doctor said, oh, you should follow up on this. Right. And I forget what the. The condition was that I should follow up on, but you should follow up on this. You should, like, go see a specialist in some area or the other. And I remember thinking to myself that I'm not going to more doctors. I'm not going to pay another 30 do dollars to go see some shitty. Now if someone tells me to follow up on it, I am literally Dr. Google. I will have five appointments before the next day. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Chris Oakley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Like, I'm like, oh, my God, I gotta go check it out. I gotta go see.

[Chris Oakley]

It's better than that.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And getting poked and prodded is no fun. Is this what we have to look forward to? I think so. Yeah. I think so. I do think so.

[Chris Oakley]

I know my dad, who's, you know, retired. It's always. There's always some kind of doctor they're going to see.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it's. Yeah, my mom, too. My mom. My mom is. Is a little bit of. She has a little bit of denialism. She is like, I was in my 20s. Maybe this is. Maybe you revert back to your 20s when you get to a certain age.

[Chris Oakley]

We've talked about that.

[Brian Green]

I know the doctor will be like, well, you have four of your three arteries are blocked. 100, your heart's not beating. And my mom will be like, okay.

[Chrissy]

I can make that appointment.

[Brian Green]

And then three months later, I'm like, mom, did you call the cardiologist?

[Chrissy]

And she'll be like, no, it's not that important. I feel fine.

[Brian Green]

And I'm like, you feel fine. You have four out of your three arteries are blocked. You literally have more blockage than you have arteries. What are you doing with yourself? And she just doesn't Follow up on it. And it always. I don't know, it just makes me. But I think I have children, and so maybe that also plays in 30 children. I do have 30 children. I have. I have 30 out of 29 children. And I want to make sure that they all, you know, have a father to grow up with. Yes. So I've been going to a lot of doctor's appointments, poked and prodded. And I went to a lab yesterday. Like, I went to a doctor's appointment. It's one of these big office complexes. And then they say, hey, go down to the lab, because you got to get this test and that test. Once you go down, just go downstairs and do it while you're there. And I was thinking to myself, okay, you know, another six hours here at this medical building. But I guess you got to get it done. What are you going to do? So I go downstairs, huge office comp. You know, huge medical complex, basically. And I go down into this, what they call lab services. And you walk in and there's a hundred people waiting. I mean, everybody's. Really so many people. Oh, my God, Chrissy, it was crazy. Well, you gotta. Gotta understand this is a huge medical campus, okay. Owned by one of the large medical companies. And so everybody goes and sees specialists on the upper floors. And then downstairs you get imaging and labs and whatever else you get. And. And they also have a hospital there. So it's like there's an emergency room. And so I go in. Have you ever been. And I know you have in McDonald's or a Taco Bell or Wendy's in the last 10 years. You know how they have that. Now serving, you know, number 303. Yeah. Making number 302. Now serving number 304, whatever it is.

[Chris Oakley]

Those remind me of the driver's license place.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris Oakley]

Next up.

[Brian Green]

But not the red things. I'm talking like. Like an actual screen, like a computer screen. And it has your name, you know, might have your order number when you go to a McDonald's or something. And it says, in process or now, waiting, whatever. I go into this medical imaging, to this lab place. 100 people waiting. And they have not one, not two, but three screens worth of names of people. And I am like, holy shit. So I walk up, it's pretty simple thing that I'm having done, and I say, yeah, here's my name. And I got to get this done. It's in the system or whatever. And she says, okay, take a seat. Shouldn't be too long. To which I Reply, there's like 100 names on that list. Like, how much is what is too long? And she says, oh, don't worry about that. Doesn't necessarily go in order. You should be okay. And I'm like, all right, fine. Whatever. I go. I find a seat. I find a seat, like, in a row of chairs. Almost all the chairs are taken. I sit in the middle of three empty seats, and next to me, one, two seats over, is a lady and a man. And they are. This is. They have the thickest Southern accents I have ever heard in my entire life. And you can hear. Do you know that there's. How there's some people in the world who have to let you know what's going on by talking loudly. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Chris Oakley]

Yeah, I mean, I know. Loud talkers.

[Brian Green]

Loud talkers. But I think they're doing it so that, you know. Yes, I do. I absolutely do. And. And we. Everybody knows this kind of person in the world. They have to talk loudly. I remember I. When I dated a girl who, you know, one time she had to talk loudly in a store if we were in an argument so that other people. So she would cause a commotion and other people would know what a dick that I was. Do you know? Okay, just that. That.

[Chris Oakley]

That checks.

[Brian Green]

That check the girl. Yes, of course. Yes. Because that's. It's all about that attention. Grabbing that attention. Now, I don't know these people. Maybe I'm completely off base here, but I don't think I am. I think I'm a good reader of human beings. Right? But I Can I sit down, and I know instantaneously I've sat in the wrong seat because here. Here's the conversation, obviously paraphrased with Brian Greene's comedic tale. God damn it.

[Chrissy]

I mean, if I ain't been here.

[Brian Green]

One hour, I've been here four hours. I got a dog leg scratching up.

[Chrissy]

My hole, and I need to get.

[Brian Green]

The out of here. And I'm like, a dog leg scratching up your hole? What are you talking about? She's like saying all these Southern phrases that I don't understand. And her husband, who is obviously the guy who probably regrets ever the day that he met this woman, is like, it's okay, honey. You just got. We got to do what we got to do. This is important. Now just calm down. And she's like, I will not calm down.

[Chrissy]

Or to fight a thousand people in here. And I couldn't even park in the handicap because you forgot the handicap thing. And now I had to Walk a mile. And now I'm here. And I've been here for an hour and seven hours. I don't even know. And I got to get back to my medicine and my TV and my. Right, and.

[Brian Green]

Okay, honey, and I'll just settle down. You know how your blood pressure goes.

[Chrissy]

I know. That's why we're here.

[Chris Oakley]

This is why I bring my AirPods everywhere I go.

[Brian Green]

Oh, I had AirPods. I was just tuned into what was going on. I was like, well, she wants my attention. I guess I'll give it to her. So I'm like, I actually think I had my earpods in. But I wasn't playing anything. That's a trick that I do, too. I know. We all do it. Yeah.

[Chris Oakley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Okay. So I'm like, oh, my God, here we go. You know, I'm stuck in this the hell, by the way. I am out in the middle of fucking nowhere, Georgia. I had to drive, like, an hour and 15 minutes to this appointment.

[Chris Oakley]

Oh, wow.

[Brian Green]

But it was the only appointment that I could get with this kind of specialist within six months. Like, I had to go. I wanted to get this taken care of. So. So, you know, she's fussing. I mean, just fussing about everything. She's probably in her late 60s, I would imagine, so names are being called, people coming out, you know, you know, Mr. D, Mr. Jones, Mr. Whatev. Dunkin. He what? So then Maes LaBelle, and that's me.

[Chrissy]

I'm here.

[Brian Green]

I've been waiting here an hour now, you know, and. And the late. The nurse comes up and she's like, oh, okay. I'm so sorry. You know, it's just we're busy. It's. It's busy.

[Chrissy]

I can see that you're busy. That don't mean you gotta ignore me.

[Brian Green]

Now.

[Chrissy]

I had done made an appointment.

[Brian Green]

And she goes, yes, your appointment was at noon. It's 12. It's 12:10. We're just about running about 10 minutes late. And she goes, well, now, they told.

[Chrissy]

Me to be here early.

[Brian Green]

And she goes, yes, ma', am, you can be here early. A few minutes early so you can fill out the paperwork.

[Chrissy]

Well, now, you should be specific. Now, you don't tell nobody come an hour early. You're gonna make them sit here and wait and wander. I don't even know what to do. I've been trying to go to the bathroom for 30 minutes.

[Brian Green]

No one let me. And she goes, oh, well, if you have to go to the bathroom, you can go right now. Just go to the bathroom. Right.

[Chrissy]

Well, you think I'm gonna go to the bathroom, miss my appointment? Now, young lady, I've been sitting here four hours in the dog legged.

[Brian Green]

And she's like, okay, ma', am, just settle down. We're gonna get you back there, we're gonna get you. Now, did you take your contrast? And I was like, oh, here we go. And, and she goes, what? And she goes, did you take your contrast? Did you drink that drink?

[Chris Oakley]

Yeah, it like lights you up or something when you go in the scan.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And she goes, now, I got no prescription for no contrast. What are you talking about? And she goes, ma', am, you're supposed to drink the contrast before you come in.

[Chrissy]

And she's like, I don't have no contrast. I don't even know what.

[Brian Green]

Now the whole scene now, everybody, now it's a, everybody's lifting. Now it's a scene.

[Chris Oakley]

And I'm like, I'm wondering, do I need to take contrast?

[Brian Green]

Yes, that's exactly what I was thinking. I was like, did they say contrast for me? I checking, like checking my piece of paper. Yeah. And the nurse is like trying to come. Now there's another nurse that has come back and you know, now there's two nurses that are talking, trying to get her just to calm the fuck down, right? And she's like, now y' all gotta.

[Chrissy]

Tell somebody they gotta take contrast. What are you talking about?

[Brian Green]

And she's like, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay. Listen, listen, you can drink the contrast now and then we'll do the test in a little while.

[Chrissy]

What do you mean a little while? How long is a little while?

[Brian Green]

About two hours. Wow. Now, now the man standing up and he's like, now, now, now, honey, don't get too excited now. You know how the things go. These, these medical things, they can take time. We planned it. You ain't got nothing else on, on the board today. You could do this.

[Chrissy]

I'll be God damned if I'm going to have a feather foot in my hope toe. I'm not even going to come down here. I didn't even bring my medicine. What are we supposed to do?

[Brian Green]

And it's just like a show, right? She's screaming and yelling. He's trying to calm her down. Two nurses are like, they're doing their best to calm this little locomotive explosion of a woman from absolutely coming off the tracks. And she's already there. And I'm like, holy, this is, this is awesome. Okay, so finally, right after a lot of yelling and screaming, which I Won't repeat. A lot of yelling and screaming. The nurses convince her, and the husband convinces her. Just take the fucking contrast. And then you can. You can go take a walk. You can drive to the bathroom. Yes, we can call your doctor and see if there's some way that we can get a medicine to you. You know, there's a pharmacy in the building. Like, we can figure something out, right? And she's like, I don't take my.

[Chrissy]

Pain medication in 6 hours, 6 minutes, and I'm going to explode.

[Brian Green]

And they're like, okay, we can figure it out. We'll call the doctors. Doctors here, you know, you're in the system. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So they. They say, okay, now come back. We're gonna have you drink the contrast, and then you. You'll come back. And so she's like, the husband goes, now, honey, you want me go back?

[Chrissy]

I know how to drink a drink. I don't drink a drink. All my entire life, my mama taught me on the nipple how to drink a drink. You think I'm an idiot?

[Brian Green]

And I'm like, oh, God, geez, this is. I feel for this guy a lot. So he sits down. She goes back. The other nurse comes up with some kind of piece of paper. You know, we called the doctor. We called the doctor, and here you go. This is the thing, whatever. And she goes, I'm really sorry about this. You actually should have gotten an email or something telling you to pick up this contrast long before you actually showed up. You know, this is, like days ago. And we send reminders and stuff like that. And he goes, well, now, honey, this ain't your fault. This is my fault. I did get those reminders, and I didn't really understand what contrast was. But I just want you to do me a big favor. Don't tell my wife. Now, I forgot to do this. And the nurse was like, I got your secret safe with me. And he's like. Because sometimes she gets a little. She gets a little upset. That's a fucking understatement of the year. This woman comes out, and she just like. You know, she's just pissing and moaning at everything. You know, I've been here for four hours. I've been there for four hours. Da, da da da da. She sits down. She's talking to her husband as loud as possible.

[Chrissy]

I went back there, they don't even done have a regular cup. It's a cup that's plastic you got to drink out of. I had to drink 48 ounces of this shit. It's horrible.

[Brian Green]

And the husband's just like, now, honey, it's okay. Mistakes do happen. We understand. These things happen. We got to do this. This is one of those things you got to do. He's in the middle of having a conversation with her. Chrissy, I shit you negatively. I look over, the lady's asleep. She fell asleep in the middle of him talking. She was yelling. She blew her top and then just fell asleep. And I thought to myself, I wish my kids were like that.

[Chris Oakley]

That reminds me of a kid throwing a tantrum and they're exhausted.

[Brian Green]

Yes. I mean, listen, I understand the frustration. If I. This building was so huge when I was waiting for my specialist. I. It's just a huge area where everyone checks in for different types of appointments. You know, there's a special end of the counter, there's another specialist on the other end of a counter. There are all 14 people are checking a different people in. So there's a lot of human beings at the, in the specialist up upstairs. And I heard at least one person, I think a second person, when one lady was walking out, she's like, this is ridiculous. Like that. And I was like, wow, people are so charged up. Yeah. Because honestly, let's be real about it, the medical system, the medical care in the United States of America is a frustrating thing to go through.

[Chris Oakley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

You know, it's some of the best medicine in the world, but it is terribly frustrating when you get stuck in that wheel and all you want to do is have someone give a about you for 15 minutes and actually get you to your appointment within the hour that you schedule it. When you schedule a doctor's appointment now, especially a specialist appointment, or you're having some kind of procedure done or whatever it is, you better clear the deck because there ain't no way you're getting. Ain't no way anything else is getting done that day.

[Chris Oakley]

No, I am not a morning person, but in those instances I become one because I'm like, I want to be the first.

[Brian Green]

Absolutely.

[Chris Oakley]

I don't want it because it gets behind the further in the day that it goes.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I. So now I, you know, afterwards I'm. This is just one lab of a thousand labs, or what my doctor referred to as the million dollar lab. I'm not even kidding. And then she said, I'm not even kidding. Right. And so, so I then I called afterwards to schedule all of these labs. You know, I go to this place for that and that place for that and all this other stuff. And I'm saying, well, listen, I gotta get. There's like, you know, these, all these different blood tests I gotta get to. What do I do? And she goes, oh, well, the good news is with this particular medical company that I'm. That I'm going to this huge conglomerate, she says all you have to do is walk into any of the lab services anywhere near you, anywhere in the country. You just walk in and just put your name down. They'll have your records, they'll know what you need, they'll take your blood, you'll be fine. And I was like, oh, that's rather convenient.

[Chris Oakley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And she goes, yeah, but you might. Here's just a piece of advice. You might want to get there like really early. I think most of them open at 7 in the morning. You might want to be there like 6:45, because otherwise you could end up waiting for a while. And I was like, oh, like I saw today, right? It's 100 fucking people now. To be fair, I only waited like 25 minutes. That's all. I waited. But I just had something simple to do. It wasn't like, you know, a complicated scan or anything. But I do understand people's frustrations. I don't understand this lady's frustrated. I mean, clearly her and her husband are not on the same page. But when you yell like that, I mean. Yeah, how do you live with someone like. Actually, I know how you live with someone like that. You don't. Yeah. You got to be willing to frequently walk out the door. That's what you got to be willing to do, is to frequently walk out of the door. So not that anybody's checking. I will be fine. Everything's okay.

[Chris Oakley]

This is all just. This is just preventative maintenance.

[Brian Green]

Sure, preventative maintenance. It's fine. Yeah, it's. It's like getting a wisdom to take out, having a procedure. It's like getting a wisdom to taking out. It's not that big of a deal, but. But in order to get to that point, you have to be checked seven ways to Sunday to make sure that every other thing is working. You know, I think they're, I think they're on a bit of a fishing expedition. If I'm dumping, if I'm telling you the truth, but they're the doctors and I'm just Dr. Google, so I'll leave it alone. All right, let's take a break. More fun and shenanigans on the way. More medical, more medical related fun here at the commercial break. Now that everyone under 30 has tuned out, this is what you have to look forward to. Don't tune out so soon. You will reach this age. It will happen to you. All right. We'll be back.

[Podcast Announcer]

We're not a real podcast if we're not plugging our Instagram, right? That's right, honey. So follow us on Instagram, the commercial break, and don't you forget TikTok CBpodcast, so you can see Brian and Chrissy on your homepage every day, which I know you're just simply desperate for. And if you want to see us in person, guess what? You finally can, because we're coming to Florida. Because only Florida would let TCB come there. Just kidding. Kind of. You can come see us at Daniel Beach Improv on Tuesday, Tuesday, September 24th, and at the Funny Bone Orlando on Wednesday, September 25th. Yeah, I know. You want to come to both days. That's right. Anyway, the links to both of those are in our show notes. So go get them, get your tickets, and then tell us that you're coming by Texting us at 212-433-3822. And if there's anything else you need from us, I am sure you can find it on our website, tcbpodcast.com live laugh, love. Bye.

[Brian Green]

All right, I do have to tell you that you were 100% wrong about something. And this is maybe a personal preference, but you were so wrong about this. And I want to make sure that everybody knows you're the one that's wrong about something on this show.

[Chris Oakley]

Do tell.

[Brian Green]

I have to tell you that Presumed Innocent, innocent on Apple TV with Jake Gyllenhaal is one of the best television shows, like short series I have ever seen, ever. It is. You know, TV has gotten really shitty because they only make, you know, half a season of everything. Then you got to wait another four years to see the next season. And even if you do catch on to something, they usually cancel it before it gets really. Before it gets so juicy that you love it. Right? It's. There's no Breaking Bads anymore where it's like 20 episodes a season. Every year there's another season. It's just like, TV is a big, hot mess. And we've already talked about this. But that Presumed Innocence, okay, is probably one of the best dramas I have seen. Astrid and I watched it in about three nights, seven episodes. Super fantastic. Even if you've seen the movie, watch the show because there are similarities and there are dissimilarities, and I think you'll enjoy it regardless. Now try it. The good news is, I Am. My brain is so shot from all the drugs and alcohol that I don't really remember Presumed Innocent, the movie, all that well. I liked it. I remember I liked it. But I don't remember every twist and turn. So I think that benefited me in this situation. But, man, is it good. Well acted, interesting. Pops along. No dull, you know, no long dragged out, you know, extra character development that doesn't make any sense to the story. It is so good with a twist in the end that you did not see coming. That is just delicious. And you must watch this.

[Chris Oakley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

Okay.

[Chris Oakley]

I'm in the middle of watching the chimp lady right now.

[Brian Green]

Oh, she's on my list. That's on my list. Yeah.

[Chris Oakley]

Wait till you see this.

[Brian Green]

I can't wait. I can't wait. I was really excited about that King of the Ren Fest. You remember that? You don't remember that? Okay. HBO put out a very short series. I think it was only three episodes, maybe four, about the king of the Renaissance Festival. He did the Renaissance Festival.

[Chris Oakley]

I watched one episode and I was like, yeah, you didn't like it? I mean, I don't know. Listen, I grabbed me.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, Okay. I loved it, but it was like. It was drunk. It was over. It's. I don't. It's hard to tell if it's fact or fiction because of the way that it's shot and the twists in the plot. Like, it's hard to know if they just set this all up for camera, but who fucking cares? It was interesting. I thought it was interesting. Okay.

[Chris Oakley]

I did want to kind of see behind the scenes of those Renaissance festivals because they. It shows you a little bit interesting. I remember go. Did you ever go to those when you were younger?

[Brian Green]

I've been. Not when I was younger, actually. I had a lot of people. I should have been the guy who went to a lot of rent fests, but I somehow got out of it every time that somebody invited me to it because it just that it didn't seem. I'm not interested in King Arthur.

[Chris Oakley]

I took us one time, and I have fond memories of it. You know, I was a kid, though.

[Brian Green]

So when we had kids, then we decided, let's go to the Ren Fest. Let's see what's going on. Because they have one here in Georgia. It lasts for like, three months. It does. It goes on forever.

[Chris Oakley]

That's the one I went to.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And I know that a lot of them do. That's how they make money. They're open weekend after weekend after weekend. It's sometimes For. In the summer, for weeks on end. And I have to say, the one here in Georgia is. Is lovely. It's. They've built a whole thing. It stays there all year round, and then they just open it up when it gets warm enough. Okay. Yeah, all those. They have a lot of permanent buildings. The one here in Georgia, it's not like a traveling show used to be. Now it's like permanently built in a little south of the city. Anyway, that show I thought was good, but I can't wait to watch this chimp show because I have a feeling that it's going to be done in the similar vein. And so I'm excited to see. It's about a lady who likes chimps. I'm assuming I saw the trailer. One chimp in particular.

[Chris Oakley]

Yeah, well, it's. There's definitely twists and turns. It's the same guy who did the tiger guy.

[Brian Green]

Oh, the. What's the Tiger King?

[Chris Oakley]

Yeah, Tiger.

[Brian Green]

Tiger King. Wow.

[Chris Oakley]

It's in that vein.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, Tiger King.

[Chris Oakley]

This woman's pretty out there.

[Brian Green]

Oh, she is.

[Chris Oakley]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Green]

Oh, I can't wait. I can't wait. I love watching people who are crazy, mainly because I think I am too. And so when there's like a different level of crazy, I go, at least I'm not that bad.

[Chris Oakley]

Yeah, we'll talk about it when you watch it. There's. There's only two out there. It only comes out every week.

[Brian Green]

Okay, tell me when it's all that. All there so I can just eat it up in one night because I have kids and I don't have time for appointment viewing.

[Chris Oakley]

You don't have to appointment view it. It's there. It just comes out. One episode comes out once a week.

[Brian Green]

I know, but what I'm saying is that why I don't like that is because I watch. Like, I'll watch the two, but I.

[Chris Oakley]

Think you're going to have to just go ahead and watch these two so that we're. So you get a taste. And we're on the same page here because I watched the second one yesterday and I thought, why is Brian. Why are we not talking about it?

[Brian Green]

It's on my list. Let me give you the reasoning why. And I. I think binge watching to some degree has ruined tv. Actually, if I'm being real honest in. Okay, I don't want to go down this rabbit hole yet. I'll do this another show, but because I've talked about it before how I think that cutting the cord has actually cut entertainment altogether. And I. I Think. I think it to some degree, we may have to go back to the old way, because it was the way that we got the best television. None of these platforms are going to survive. They're all losing money anyway. So here's the reason why I don't like watching appointment TV like, every Sunday. It's because I don't have every Sunday to watch the tv. So if I have to wait a week, sometimes I can only watch TV on, like, a Tuesday night. So I end up getting into something else. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like, okay, but if you only have.

[Chris Oakley]

Tuesday night, that's when you can watch it.

[Brian Green]

Okay, okay, okay. You don't. Yeah, but if I don't have demand. Yeah, but if I don't have it on Tuesday night, then I go on to something else. That's what I'm saying.

[Chris Oakley]

All right, I'll watch it. Just. Just get a base knowledge of what we're working with here, because it's.

[Brian Green]

If it's wacky.

[Chris Oakley]

You just don't know about these subsections of. Of people.

[Brian Green]

Yes, you do.

[Chris Oakley]

We talk about them all. Not everybody. Well, that's true.

[Brian Green]

We're constantly shedding light on this.

[Chris Oakley]

That's true. That's true.

[Brian Green]

Okay, so this is not even the point of why I got into this, but I just wanted to share that Presumed Innocent is fantastic.

[Chris Oakley]

I'll take a. I'll. I will take a second look.

[Brian Green]

Even if you don't like Jake, I think this is probably.

[Chris Oakley]

I like Jake, but I just didn't see him in that role. But maybe he's good in it.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. But then also, he's got a cast around him that is so strong and so good at what they do. It's just like. It's acting at its finest. I'm one of these guys that, if the acting is not on par, I don't. I start paying attention to the process of making the television show, if that makes sense. Like, why did you act that way? Why didn't the director do that? This is one of those where I got completely engrossed as I believed everything that was going on. Okay. Whatever night it was the other night, we're watching Presumed Innocent. We're like episode number three or four. We're four fully into this. We're like in the envelope. We're. Yeah, we're in the pocket. And it can be a rather intense show. It's about murder. And so, you know, my wife is not. She grew up in a different universe than I did. She grew up in Venezuela, where murder, robbery, violence is a. Was a very real way of life. And it can. It was very scary, especially in Caracas, where she lived. And so she just has a different tolerance for shows that have graphic fear, violence, murders, stuff like that. She just has a different tolerance level, and it's rather low. Yeah, she gets scared, right? Essentially, she. She doesn't want those things to happen to her, so she doesn't like to watch him. But she's loving this show. We're all loving the show. Okay, so at one point, and it's probably like midnight, I would say we hear this. Oh, not on the show. Even though the TV is on fucking loud. Because you have to. That fucking Dolby sound, God damn, is envelopes you like. I swear to God, the way that they're making the television shows these days. You're in a movie theater, the music is fucking way loud. The voices are very soft. I have to keep on turning the.

[Chris Oakley]

Volume up and down.

[Brian Green]

I know the fuck is going on with it. I know not everybody has 7.7 Dolby Sound in their bedroom. Can we settle down? What happened to old TV where everything was just the same volume? And I. I heard this. And I press pause right away. And I'm like, what was that? And there's the baby in the room, the kids in the other room. And I'm like, I hear something. Aster goes, yeah, I heard it too then. And I was like, what? What was that? So now I jump out of bed.

[Chris Oakley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And I run to the kids room, right? And I open the door and I look, everyone's sleeping. And then again, it's on the roof. And I'm like, I can hear it upstairs. So it's either in the attic or it's in the roof. So I run to grab a flashlight and whatever means of protection I might have in this house.

[Chris Oakley]

An old golf club.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, an old golf club. An old 57. I don't know, you know? Yeah, I'll leave that up to your own imagination. But I run and I into the closet, grab these things. And then Astrid's like, now Astrid's full on freaked out, and she's like, what are you doing? What are you doing? And I'm like, I'm gonna go and make sure that everything is okay. So I take the flashlight, I start running around the house. I open every door, I open every closet. I look behind every shower curtain because I want to make sure that there's no one in the house, even though we have an alarm and it's on and I'm pretty sure that it would have went off should something, you know, Sometimes. Sometimes you don't know. Yeah, right. You don't know. And so I look in every door, in every closet. That takes me like three minutes. Nothing. I don't heard beep. Well, Oh my God. That's too funny. That was pretty funny.

[Chris Oakley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Someone is in your house. Someone is in your house. But then we hear another noise. And I'm like, oh, it's definitely coming from up above us. And I'm like, what the. Okay, so now I go and I turn on all the outside lights.

[Chris Oakley]

Like it. You think maybe it's an animal or.

[Brian Green]

Don't know.

[Chris Oakley]

Yeah, don't know, but might be like Tom Cruise. Like, yeah, black.

[Brian Green]

Someone parachuted. Someone parachute. Shoot it onto my house.

[Chris Oakley]

You see him coming out the window.

[Brian Green]

I'll get that commercial break. I'll get him. But you. You don't know. I live on a rather busy street. I don't think anyone has put a ladder on my house to go climbing up to the roof where there's no access to the house. But you never know.

[Chris Oakley]

No, I know, but I don't know.

[Brian Green]

Right. It's a total unknown. But my guess in my mind at that moment is it is not a human being as an immediate threat. It is something, but it is not. Maybe a branch has fallen off a tree. Maybe. I don't know, you know, how an animal would even get up there? I have no idea. But okay, let's just, you know. So I grabbed the flashlight and she's like, where are you going? Where are you going? And I'm like, I'm going outside. Do not leave me alone. And I'm like, babe, it is not a human being. I promise you that. And I don't know that for 100%, but I'm just like trying to make her feel better. Yeah. I'm like, I'm going to go outside and I'm going to make sure. And she's like, no, no, stay inside. And I'm like, babe, I'm not going to let that noise go unchecked. You have to figure it out. It's a branch. Something happened. I don't know. Let me just go check it out. Check it out. So I. And she's just like begging me not to go. I leave, I go out the front door, I leave. I get the flashlight. I walk around the side of the house, I flash the light where I can see the roof, and there is a big fucking fat tabby cat up on my fucking roof.

[Chrissy]

A tabby cat.

[Brian Green]

Meow, meow. It's like walking around and I flash the flashlight at it and it gets scared.

[Chris Oakley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And then I flash the flashlight at it again and it gets scared and it runs and it jumps off the roof into my backyard, over the fence, and away it goes. And I'm like, wow, that's awesome. Okay, there you go.

[Chris Oakley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

My guess is it got. It was chasing or had been chased by something. It went up the tree, got onto the branch, and was trying to get back down through, you know, jumping on the roof.

[Chris Oakley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

So one way or the other, the cat got down and it jumped over my fence. I'm assuming it was. It was fine.

[Chris Oakley]

Now you just have the smoke alarm.

[Brian Green]

Now I just have the alarm to go off. Right. So I'm like, okay, thank God, you know? All right. Yeah. Adrenaline go down.

[Chris Oakley]

Yeah, exactly. Your heart was beating fast.

[Brian Green]

I found the explanation. At least now we know. And I go to go back in the house. Fucking door is as locked me out of the house. He's like, I'll show that ass off. Thanks for going outside.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, thanks for leaving me.

[Brian Green]

I told her. I'm like, like, before I left, I'm like, keep your phone on. You dial 91 1-IF. If I. If you hear any additional noises, just call the police. But I'm not going to call the police for a tabby cat on my roof. I'm not gonna do it. It's like that ambulance driver said, people call because they can't reach the remote control. Right. Yeah. I'm not gonna be that guy. So I could, you know. And then when I was leaving, I was leaving with just the flashlight in my hand. She's like, oh, my God. You're going to go outside and then you're going to go outside without a fucking phone. And I was like, oh, that is a good point there. I should probably bring my phone just in case. But I could call her. I'm like, okay, I got to come back inside. Now I'm really in danger because I'm standing out in my underwear on this busy street, banging on my own front door with a flashlight in my hand. Now I think to myself, the cops are going to come because I'm outside of the house.

[Chris Oakley]

Oh, my God. Yeah, we've had some critters up on our roof lately too, and they've gotten in to the roof or something.

[Brian Green]

Into the attic.

[Chris Oakley]

Yeah, I think into the little attic because I hear them scratching.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, those are probably mice. Yeah.

[Chris Oakley]

Oh, mice.

[Brian Green]

Or mice squirrels.

[Chris Oakley]

Yeah, that's what we're thinking is squirrels.

[Brian Green]

But I lived in this.

[Chris Oakley]

I just hear them at night and in the morning I think they actually like go out and go.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, they can. Like you have. Throughout the day you have vents. Usually you have vents in your attic because it gets so hot up there you need to let that hot air out. Yeah. And so those vents are an easy place for those squirrels to get in or in the soffits of the roof, you know. Yeah. My. Those squirrels will chew the metal gutters. They are little nightmares. They are little nightmares.

[Chris Oakley]

Believe how industrious they are.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Chris Oakley]

I think is the word they.

[Brian Green]

Hey, listen. Squirrels and roaches, they're going to be around when everyone else is gone. They are. And chipmunks. I have a whole chipmunk. I have a universe of chipmunks under my house and under my patios and under my pool. I swear to God I do.

[Chris Oakley]

Network of tunnels.

[Chrissy]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

I, you know, I have this cement patio around my pool with joints in it like every other, you know, cement patio does. It's got joints in it, the little lines that separate the pieces. So you know, you have. So the concrete doesn't crack. So I am out there one day and I'm doing whatever. I'm fiddle diddling around, probably ignoring my children, you know, getting a break from blue or something, you know, I'm like watering the patio. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm out there and I see this little chipmunk, which they're everywhere around my yard and I just leave them alone because they got the little thing going on. They're not harming me, I don't care. They're cute, whatever. And this little chipmunk comes running up, goes into the pool like that. Goes on the first step of the pool, licks a bunch of water. And then he runs right in front of me, runs right around me. He goes to one of the joints, like he's standing near one of the joints. He's like looking at me like this, like. And I'm like, okay, all right, whatever, you know, I'm just trying to ignore him. Like don't, don't, don't tease me.

[Chris Oakley]

Move along.

[Brian Green]

I know you're there, but move along. Yeah, you know what he does? He goes right in between the joints. He just goes down.

[Chris Oakley]

They're able to squeeze themselves.

[Brian Green]

It was a fucking magic trick. I went. But I was like, what, what just happened? I go over there and I look and it just looks like the joint. There's like no hole or anything. He just went Right down the joint, I'm like, holy fucking shit. These little creatures are magic.

[Chris Oakley]

They are.

[Brian Green]

I know. And now. So it's a fun game for me and my youngest to play. We'll, like, stare out my. My bedroom window and we'll watch the chipmunks as they just go up and down the joint. They go in and out and in and out. It's unbelievable.

[Podcast Announcer]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

It's crazy. Oh, man. But I'll tell you what. When you're watching Presumed Innocent and you're fully engrossed on your thousand inch tv. Yeah. And then all of a sudden you hear banging and stuff like that, it was. It was a little disconcerting. I gotta. I was with Astrid on that one. I was like, you don't have to be scared of murder dramas to feel like this is a little freaky. Because, you know, I think it's a very rare chance that anything like that would ever happen to you as a human being. It's like, you know, you.

[Chris Oakley]

But there's a possibility.

[Brian Green]

There's always a possibility that some strange shit can happen. And that's why.

[Chris Oakley]

Did you post it on next door?

[Brian Green]

I did not. Cat on roof. Attention. Cat on roof. Yeah. No picture included. Oh, my God, that next door. I love it. It's my favorite thing. I wake up in the morning if I need a little jolt of sunshine, I just look at next door and I'm like, well, I'm not that dumb. All right, we'll be back.

[Podcast Announcer]

Okay, you guys, I have an idea. Why don't we take a break? Gotcha. This is the break. And you already know when you hear my sexy voice, it's time to whip your phone out and follow us on Instagram or skip the ads at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCV podcast. And of course, you know, if you want to get involved, you can always give us a call or text us at 212-4333, TCB. That is 212-433-3822. And guess what? I finally have information on TCB Live. So the links are in the show notes, but let me tell you right now, you can come see us at Daniel beach improv on Tuesday, September 24, or at the Funny Boat in Orlando on Wednesday, September 25. It's gonna be fab. So go buy your tickets and we'll see you in Florida.

[Brian Green]

Did you know that this super yacht that. That went down in Italy. Yeah. Was captained by the same captain that's on that show that you like below deck?

[Chris Oakley]

No.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Chris Oakley]

Really?

[Brian Green]

100%. So now. And like the Italian authorities. So for those of you that may not be in the know, there was a super yacht that was anchored out on. Off one of the islands in Italy. Yeah. With some Americans on it.

[Chris Oakley]

Near Sicily.

[Brian Green]

Near Sicily. Some people that were English. And this guy was a billionaire because he sold a company, I think, to. Was it intel or somebody like that? HP intel, one of them. And he sold it to him. But intel then sued him for cooking the books. In other words, when he sold the company, he valued it. He had valued it like 11 billion or something.

[Chris Oakley]

I think he sold it for like 11 billion.

[Brian Green]

I don't know. But they. I don't know the exact numbers, but they had said that he overvalued it by more than 100. So it was like, you know, if it was. If he sold it for 11 billion, they said 5.5 billion of it was fraudulent, essentially. And so he. That. Then the Department of Justice came after him. And when you have the Department of Justice, when you have a federal case with the federal attorneys, like the district attorneys, then you are. Because they win every case. They just do. It's just a fact. 99.9 of those cases are won by the prosecution.

[Chris Oakley]

Yeah, he was called the British Bill.

[Brian Green]

Gates, something like that. Yeah, yeah, he's a British guy. So. But he was part of the 0.01% that get. Get off and do not get that. Do not get charged. Guilty because he was found innocent of all the charges. And he was having a celebration. This just happened like a month ago. So he's having a celebration. He rents this super yacht. He gets a captain, some crew, and then he get. Has his attorneys with him and some other folks. And he's out there, and all of a sudden a water spout whips up. A tornado in the water whips up. They're anchored in the middle of the night, it whips up and it smashes the boat. And boat goes under in just a few minutes. Like, not a lot of time to react with him and his wife and some other people trapped below deck, essentially. No pun intended. And so he dies. I think there was like nine people who died.

[Chris Oakley]

He died. His. Yeah, his daughter died.

[Brian Green]

His wife died.

[Chris Oakley]

No, the wife actually survived. I think I saw. But anyways, yeah, a lot of people died.

[Brian Green]

Terrible situations.

[Chris Oakley]

Some people survived. I can't even imagine surviving that.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it's just crazy. There was a. A report about one lady who was there with her small child, and she just so happened to have heard the storm, like, kind of brewing and she went out on the deck because the boat was rocking a lot and she got nervous that something was happening to the boat. And she jumped off the ship because it was tilting over. And she jumped off the ship with her child in the middle of this storm. The child then somehow got loose from her in the dark in the water. Tornado in the middle of the water. And she found the child. By God knows what miracle, she found the child, she grabbed it, and then she kicked her legs and kept the baby above the waves until someone pulled her onto a. Onto lifeboat. A lifeboat. Unbelievable story.

[Chris Oakley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Now, terrible situation. Terrible, terrible, terrible. What's even crazier about this story is that this guy had a partner in the business who was also prosecuted. That guy.

[Chris Oakley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Got hit by a fucking car and died just days earlier. Like a hit run. Insane. Like, just insane. Yeah. So all this tragedy is happening around all of this, and the Italian authorities are looking for someone to blame because everyone's up in arms about, how could this happen? How did this happen? Well, it happened because it's a freaking nature. That's how it happened. Like the captain, it wasn't even. He wasn't even under tow. He wasn't under power. Like he, he wasn't driving the boat.

[Chris Oakley]

That area where they parked too was supposed to be like a safe place.

[Brian Green]

It's a harbor.

[Chris Oakley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

It's like, you know, you're parked in the Harbo harbor is like some picturesque place in Sicily. You don't expect water tornadoes almost ever. That's like getting struck by lightning twice in a lifetime. But the boat was under anchor. It was on anchor. So what do you expect to happen? Nothing. You're just sleeping there. Even a bad storm, you have a storm, it comes, it goes, you know, the boat rocks a little bit. Okay. It's a super fucking yacht. It's like a cruise ship. And so now they're looking to blame somebody. And when I was reading the story, they were saying, you know, below deck, captain says, don't blame me, I didn't do it. You're ruining my good name. Blah, blah.

[Chris Oakley]

Was it, Was it a sailing. It was a sailing yacht.

[Brian Green]

It was a.

[Chris Oakley]

Well, I think it was a sailing yacht.

[Brian Green]

It was a. It's a yacht that has power. Most of them do. But it does have sails.

[Chris Oakley]

The sails.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, the sails were out. And that's what they.

[Chris Oakley]

There is a specific part of below deck. The below deck dynasty. I guess that because they do, like below deck met and then they have below deck sailing yacht.

[Brian Green]

Okay.

[Chris Oakley]

Is a specific one. So I wonder if that's that captain. I need to look it up.

[Brian Green]

It's the guy with the beard. Yeah, like the old. I mean, a lot of captains probably have beards, but it's just insane. And I had no idea. I mean, I know you've been talking about this for a while, but I had no idea that this below deck was so very popular. Oh, yeah, and then I read a story today that Christina Applegate, who has had her own set of tragedy over the last couple of years and is dealing with Ms. Now. And didn't she have breast cancer too? Yes, she had breast cancer. Now she's got Ms. Terrible situation with Christina Applegate. She has been invited to come on the next season of Below Deck, but she got to choose which one of the people, like which one of the folks she wanted to be on her Below deck adventure. I had no idea this was such a big deal, this Below deck. I mean, I've seen a couple of.

[Chris Oakley]

Episodes like for years.

[Brian Green]

Wow. Who knew that people were so interested in watching the lives of people who are on those super yachts.

[Chris Oakley]

Yeah. The reason I like it is because you get to see the different places that they go and you get to see how shitty some people that are ultra wealthy can be to the decans.

[Brian Green]

We staff when we were in Barcelona.

[Chris Oakley]

Plus you get to see the shenanigans of the staff.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah, that's true.

[Chris Oakley]

You do get to see the shenanigans. Drunk Jacuzzi parties, late night.

[Brian Green]

I would love to go in one of those super yachts, man. I'll tell you what, they do fascinate me. I know they're like, you know, a boat is like. A pool is like just a hole you're throwing money into. But I. When we went to Barcelona, I have pictures of this. I'll show you. We went to. Was it Barcelona? I think it was Barcelona. We went to Barcelona and we were in one of those ports. And I will tell you what, there were not one, not two, but like, oh yeah, 30 super yachts there. And one of them dwarfed every other super yacht. It was a cruise ship is what it was. And it had a name on the back of it. And I looked it up and it was like some Saudi Arabian prince who had built the boat and then he rents it out to whatever. This thing was unbelievable. It had like a garage where there.

[Chris Oakley]

Was like some of them.

[Brian Green]

Oh, it had a helipad. Yeah. It had maybe had multiple. Hell, you can see pictures on it. This is unbelievable how big these things are. And then When I was in the Bahamas one year, I saw Tiger woods yacht, which looks like. That's like a small penis yacht. I mean, that thing looks tiny compared to some of these really incredible yachts.

[Chris Oakley]

Didn't Bezos still to have his delivered or something? And they had to go. They had Amsterdam.

[Brian Green]

Yes. They had to take a bridge apart. Yeah. Yes. In order to get it. And people were all up in arms because he's going to stop traffic for two days to get his super yacht through. I mean, this is the, the. Just the wealth, the bloody dripping, fantastic wealth on some of these people that they can go spend 300, $400 million on a boat, a cruise ship. I have to be honest with you now. And I travel to Amelia Island a lot, which is in northeast Florida. And I'm sure some people may know about it. Amelia island is, you know, it's a tiny little island. It's a beautiful place. It's just. It is an escape from everything, right? It's.

[Chris Oakley]

You get a quaint little beach.

[Brian Green]

Beach town. Right.

[Chris Oakley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

The very first Ritz Carlton in America is at Amelia Island.

[Chris Oakley]

Okay. We went down there and checked that place out.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Chris Oakley]

We didn't stay there.

[Brian Green]

But that's where I had my first wedding.

[Chris Oakley]

Oh, yeah, that's right.

[Brian Green]

That's where I had my first wedding. I did not pay for it. To be clear. I had nothing to do with the actual paying for it. I am not that guy. I do not have that kind of wealth. But it was a beautiful place to get married. No doubt about it. But they now have redone their port because as Amelia island becomes more and more popular, as all beach towns are becoming more and more popular, as people flock to beach towns because they're all boiling. They have spaces for now super yachts to park there too, in on the dock, like get docked. And one time we went down there a couple years ago, maybe it was during the pandemic, we went down there and we. They had parked a super yacht there and Chrissy and the people. So it's like this big, huge dock and it's a public dock so you can walk out onto it. So we were taking a walk, you know, looking at the sunset out along the harbor and there's this huge super yacht that's parked there and there are people that are on the back of the super yacht, like having dinner or something. They're out there having cocktails and dinner and, and you can see them, like. And they have the, you know, the little what a gangway. That's all, you know. Out there. And so I walk by, and there's a guy that's just, like, standing there. He's like, smoking a cigar standing there. And I go, yeah, man, that's. That's a nice boat. And he goes, yes, it is. And I go, how much did you pay for that? And he goes, well, I'm renting it. He goes, it's not mine. I'm Ren. He goes, but this is what we do. You know, every year we'll rent one of these boats. It's what you do. It's what people do. They just, you know, spend $10,000aminute.

[Podcast Announcer]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

On, you know, renting a super yacht. And he goes, this is what we do. You know, we. We rent one of these every year, and we travel around wherever we're going to go. And this year, we're doing Florida and the Keys and the Bahamas and stuff like that. And I was like, oh, man, that's a nice life if you can get. I go, that's a nice life, if you could get it. And he goes, well, now, I worked hard for this. And I go, I'm sure you did. Or you. Your daddy did. Or somebody did. Maybe he did. I don't know. You know, I don't. Listen, I don't hate people who have that kind of wealth. I really don't. I think, you know, congratulations to you. If you earned it, congrat. Congratulations to you. But the disparity between, like, I rented a boat when we went to Barcelona one year, or, excuse me, when we went to Alicante, I rented a boat for the day where I got so seasick that I had to lay down the entire time. But I rented that boat, and it was terribly expensive, and there was, like 12 of us that went on there. It was probably. I think it was like a thousand dollars, fourteen hundred dollars for the day. Right. So I rented this just as a treat to the family. I, like, saved up. I wanted to do something nice for everybody. I did it. We went out in the boat, and it was a lovely, lovely day. But. But that boat was. I don't know. It's hard to explain. It's literally like having a snow pea on your plate compared to a tomahawk steak. When you look at some of these super yachts, what could you possibly, possibly need out of a boat that big? 30 rooms? Do you need 30 rooms in a boat? In a personal boat? I don't know. What point does it become ridiculous? This. It's like a conversation Astrid and I were having. If we had the wealth, which we don't. We probably never will. I work at the commercial break. Look at me. What am I going to do? Can't even get one of the impractical jokers to show up. If I have. If I have a boat, right? Or if I have a house, if I could afford a house, if I could afford a million, million dollar house, like millions of dollars worth of house, would I buy a huge estate? No, I wouldn't. Because how many rooms do I really need? And isn't that just more house to take care of and places to get lost? I'm old. I'm gonna start getting lost in places. If I have too many rooms, I won't know where I'm going. You know what I'm saying? I know. I don't know if you've ever had this conversation with Jeff.

[Chris Oakley]

We don't need. Yeah, we don't need like some big house. I guess maybe what I would have is maybe different ones and different places or something that you could go travel to.

[Brian Green]

I think I'd have. Yeah, maybe a condo on the beach or something like that. You know, a small beach house somewhere, you know, that I like. But if I could. If I won the lottery tomorrow and had $300 million in my bank account, I don't think I'd buy a 12, 000 square foot house. Why? For what? Even with as many children as I have, if they each had a bedroom, we'd be okay.

[Chrissy]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

And so that would be 30 bedrooms. Maybe you do need a yacht with 30 bedrooms. Maybe you do, maybe you do. And I know you like to entertain and all that stuff, but that just seems a little bit overkill to have a boat with. With 30 bedrooms on it. It's just insane to me. It's like these guys who buy the private planes that are like seven 47s and they're flying them around. Why do you need a plane that big, Wendy? Are you carrying 100 people around with you everywhere you go? The president is that. I understand, that I get. But if you're just a dude who's rich, do you need a 747? Really? Isn't a Learjet that kind of cool anyway? Yeah, I don't know, Chrissy. I'm just thinking to myself out loud, all this super.

[Chris Oakley]

We have our old plane that we're going to.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yes, we will.

[Chris Oakley]

The old Rolling Stones. Yes, decommissioned.

[Brian Green]

I think we're gonna get the Leonard Skinner plane, the one that went down. The Buddy Holly plane. That's what we're gonna get. We're Gonna resurrect that thing.

[Chris Oakley]

We're gonna save for that.

[Brian Green]

It's got turboprop on it, like two propellers. See?

[Chris Oakley]

We could be taking that down to Florida.

[Brian Green]

Oh yeah, that's as far as it's gonna go. It's got a range of 38 miles on it. We'll have to stop every 38 miles for gas. We just. It takes us seven hours to get down to Amelia island because we have to stop for gas every 30 miles. Yes. $680 to fill up that tank, get you 38 miles. That's the other thing. The gas on those things is crazy expensive. I told you, I flied. I flew with my former uncle in law, my ex wife's uncle. I flew with him on a number of occasions on his plane, his private plane. And it even wasn't even. It was like a Beechcraft. It wasn't like the nicest planes that you could get, but it was a nice plane. It's a private plane. I mean anybody has a private plane is doing pretty well for themselves. Right. But it was like a 12 seater. So it was a rather, you know, kind of large plane. You know, it, it wasn't like the kind that you see now where, you know, people are just standing up. Six people are six foot eight standing.

[Chris Oakley]

Right. You had to kind of duck.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. You had to dock and there was a couple of plush chairs in there, you know, the recliner and all that. But when we stopped for gas, swear to God, 3,000, $4,000. It's like holy. Really? Really? Three or $4,000 to fill that thing up. That's how much it costs. That's it. Yeah.

[Chris Oakley]

We'll start saving now.

[Brian Green]

Well, listen, we can all dream, can't we?

[Chris Oakley]

We can, yeah. We need to actually play the lottery.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I think I'll just be happy when I can afford my own Uber.

[Chris Oakley]

There you go.

[Brian Green]

That's what I'm looking for.

[Chris Oakley]

Start small.

[Brian Green]

I'm going to get a yellow cab with a driver on call, one hour a month. There you go. Take me wherever I'm going. Take me to.

[Chris Oakley]

We'll go in on that together.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Maybe I'll get one of those like little helicopters that only fit two people that have like the glass bubble.

[Chris Oakley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Kind on Hawaii Five. Oh, I don't even know where they put the gas in those things. They have like little tiny tanks. I see a lot of private helicopter. When I go downtown, I see private helicopters flying from buildings. I told you my optometrist has one. Yeah, I saw him land the other Day when I was walking to Starbucks, I was like, oh, there you go, buddy. Nice. Can you give me a ride back to my house 10ft away? Thanks, I appreciate it. All right. Chrissy and I are going to be in Florida very shortly on the 24th and 25th September 24th in Dania beach at the Dania Beach Improv. And then we're going to be in Orlando at the Bone at the Funny Bone. We would love to see you. Tickets now available on the website on Instagram. You can, you know, link in bio on the show, notes of this episode and many others behind it or you can go straight to the websites of those two places, the Funny Bone Orlando or the Dania Beach Improv. And you can buy your tickets for the 24th of Dania beach for the 25th on Orlando. It's the cost of two Frappuccinos. Go ahead, buy those tickets.

[Chris Oakley]

Come out of the.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, we'd love to see you. For the price of a cup of coffee a day, you too can save all these animals. Yeah. And while you're at the website, go ahead, watch all the videos video, listen to all the audio. You can also get your free TCB bumper sticker. Hit the contact us button, drop down menu. I want my free sticker. Give us your address and we'll send you that sticker. No problem. At the commercial break on Instagram TCB podcast on tick tock and YouTube.com the commercial break. We'd like to thank our guest, Maz Jabroni. Very sweet. He wrote me, said he had a great time and he liked to come back back and I'd love to have you back, Maz. Okay, Chrissy, did I forget anything?

[Chris Oakley]

Oh.

[Brian Green]

212-4333. TCB 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas, we take them all, we reject none of it. And we'll get back to you soon. Okay, Chrissy. I guess that's all I can do for today.

[Chris Oakley]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

I'll tell you that I love you.

[Chris Oakley]

I love you best you best you.

[Brian Green]

Out there in the podcast universe. Until next time. Chrissy and I always say, we do say and we must say goodbye, Sam.