The Commercial Break — Episode Summary

Podcast: The Commercial Break
Episode Title: Papal Pomp & Pencil Skirts!
Date: May 8, 2025
Hosts: Brian Green & Krissy Hoadley

Episode Overview

This episode of The Commercial Break delivers the classic TCB experience: chaotic, unfiltered comedic banter between longtime friends Brian and Krissy as they riff on everything from the secretive rituals of the Vatican’s papal conclave and the influence of American money in selecting a new Pope—all the way to a rambunctious festival recap and an irreverent review of this year’s famously outlandish Met Gala. The duo also skewers the perils of bad live television coverage and the relentless march of pop culture absurdity.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Papal Conclave & American Influence (01:14 – 16:15)

• Vatican Drama & Secrecy:
  Brian opens with his intrigue toward the elaborate secrecy around Vatican conclaves, humorously referencing the Italian press’s obsession with "palace drama" and the lengths they go to uncover it.
• Secret U.S. Catholic Donor Clubs:
  He shares his discovery about an ultra-wealthy American donor group (potentially Basilicas/Apostolites of St. Peter) promising the Vatican up to $1 billion if their preferred (Bostonian) candidate becomes Pope.

  “They have promised to raise over a billion dollars if they can just get the pope they want… that just surprises the shit out of me that it’s so transparently bought and paid for.” — Brian (05:20)

• Contrast to Christianity's Roots:
  Brian muses on the disconnect between Christ’s humble values and the evident politicking and financial lobbying surrounding papal elections.
• Conclave Mechanics:
  Chrissy chimes in with stats: 133 voting cardinals, secure cell-phone blocking in the Sistine Chapel, and ritualistic multi-voting rounds (votes often serve as “signs of respect” before serious politicking begins).
• Personal Analogy:
  Brian humorously compares the politicking of papal elections to his own childhood losses in student council elections, offering advice received from his father:

  “Always vote for yourself. Don’t vote for anyone else. You could be the deciding vote.” (13:11)

2. All Things Festival: Riverbeat and Mempho (16:15 – 27:11)

• Festival Recap:
  Chrissy recounts highlights from Riverbeat Music Festival:
  • Steve Aoki (notorious for cake-throwing at the crowd)
  • Missy Elliott (“her production was just incredible”), The Killers, Anderson .Paak, Cage the Elephant, Benson Boone (noted for his energetic performances & revealing outfits), Public Enemy, Karong Bin, Flavor Flav.
• Backstage Access:
  Chrissy describes watching Steve Aoki from a trailer, the sprawling riverside scenery, and the variety of acts (“Riverbeat looks bigger than Mempho… just crowd-wise.” — Brian, 18:31).
• The Toll of Multi-day Festivals:
  Brian reflects (with mock elder statesmanship) on how attending multi-day festivals gets physically taxing with age—and gently ribs Chrissy for her stamina:

  “Pace yourself, buddy. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should…” (25:11)

3. Met Gala: Fashion, Absurdity, and Technical Fails (28:49 – 57:12)

• Met Gala Primer:
  Brian explains the gala’s origins — a high-fashion fundraiser for NYC’s Metropolitan Museum of Art, long curated by Anna Wintour, this year featuring “Black Dandy” as the theme and Pharrell Williams as host.
  • He commends Pharrell for articulating the historical arc from “slaves to the stairways of the Met Gala” (30:35).
• “Fashionista” Credentials:
  Brian pokes fun at his own non-celebrity sartorial risks (Le Gap, Le Jo’s, Le Target, and beloved Lululemon knockoff Walmart sweatpants).
• Inside the Gala:
  They joke about the “months of prep for one hour of enough awkwardness that people want to leave” inside the Met (34:54).
• The E! Network Creator Cam Disaster:
  Brian mercilessly reviews E! Network’s flawed “Creator King Cam” with Flau’jae Johnson as the hapless young host:
  • Technical difficulties, no celebrity access, a meandering cameraman, and a disorganized crew resulted in a “commercial break level” fiasco.
  • Notable quote:

    “This poor woman had the worst luck… This was on par with anything we’ve ever done. Like, commercial break-level bad.” — Brian (36:44)

  • Flau’jae is left filling dead air, chasing interviews, and being moved repeatedly by security (“Her microphone is wide open and you hear her assistant… apologizing for all this drama…” — 41:45).
  • Krissy expresses sympathy: “Yeah, it looks chaotic.” (42:38)

4. Fashion Hot Takes & the ‘It’s Giving Me’ Era (47:03 – 56:53)

• Red Carpet Looks:
  Brian and Krissy riff on various Met Gala looks, joking about the phrase “it’s giving me” saturating red carpet commentary:
  • On one look:

    “It’s giving me cat that just ate a steak but has to take a big shit.” — Brian (47:41)

  • They note the logistical (and sometimes aesthetic) awkwardness of ultra-long capes and trains (“when you travel with a crew of people just to hold your dress up, it kind of breaks the mystery” — 49:43).
• Absurdities in Pop Stardom:
  Lampooning Katy Perry’s recent tour (giant puppets, singing toilets), and contrasting it with Lady Gaga’s massive Rio performance (allegedly 2 million attendees), Brian and Krissy marvel at the extremes of modern celebrity spectacle.
  • On Lady Gaga’s record-breaking crowd:

    “The moment when you realize there’s no higher to go, right? It’s like: that’s it.” — Brian (55:05)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Vatican Intrigue:
  “The Italian paparazzi, they’re like a dog on a bone. They love all the palace drama around the pomp and circumstance…” — Brian (01:25)

• On American Donors Influencing the Papacy:
  “I know the Catholic Church is up to some hanky-panky, but I don’t think they’re biting the ear of the Pope…” — Brian (03:45)

• On Out-of-Touch Tradition:
  “You’d think that in the steps of Jesus Christ… the most humble… But this whole religion… is trying to sway influence with literally billions of dollars.” — Brian (05:47)

• Personal Election Trauma:
  “My dad said… ‘You always vote for yourself.’… And there was a tie for that secretary position and I did not vote for myself.” — Brian (12:54)

• Music Festival Mayhem:
  “You’re at a constant three day festival…” — Krissy (26:22)

• Met Gala Madness:
  “It has become kind of a costume show almost… the costumes get more outrageous, and more outrageous…” — Brian (30:52)

• On E! Creator Cam Chaos:
  “This girl got hung out to dry… you give her a cameraman that’s got ADHD of the epic proportions…” — Brian (44:26)

• On the Overuse of Trendy Phrases:
  “It’s giving me… headache. That’s what it’s giving me.” — Brian (48:10)

• Pop Spectacle Absurdity:
  “She had a puppet shit that was human-sized, singing along with her to one of her songs.” — Brian (51:40), on Katy Perry’s concert

Important Timestamps

• 01:14 – Start of the “papal conclave” discussion, Vatican intrigue, and American lobbying
• 05:20 – Secret US billionaires’ club funding the papacy
• 12:54 – Brian’s student council trauma (vote for yourself!)
• 16:15 – Transition to Riverbeat festival: lineup, stories, and festival strains
• 27:11 – Lead-in to Met Gala talk
• 30:35 – Pharrell’s “slaves to the stairway” quote
• 36:44 – Breakdown of the E! Network Creator Cam disaster
• 41:45 – The chaos fully unfolds for Flau’jae Johnson
• 47:41 – “It’s giving me” fashion roast begins
• 51:40 – Katy Perry “puppet shit” anecdote
• 55:05 – Lady Gaga’s 2 million-strong Rio concert
• 57:12 – Final Met Gala hot takes and E! Network shaming

Tone & Style

The tone is irreverent, conversational, and heavy with self-aware, offbeat banter. Both hosts embrace the show’s “chaotic, unpolished charm,” mixing sharp pop-culture critique with deeply personal, shameless anecdotes. The language is direct, a bit crass, and peppered with signature phrases (“tickles my taint a little bit,” “commercial break level bad,” etc.). There’s a knowing wink behind every tangent.

For New Listeners

This episode is a whirlwind of pop culture, institution-skewering, and festival FOMO. Whether you’re here for the inside dirt on the Vatican, cringe-worthy live TV fails, or just want recommendations on which Walmart sweatpants rival Lululemon, you’ll feel like you’re eavesdropping on a raucous, unfiltered night out with two best friends who embrace (and roast) the absurdity of modern life.

Best to you and best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time…