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The Commercial Break
Phil Mickelson's Half-Hard Monster
01:00:46
EP950: the Mountain Monsters have long been off air, but that won't stop TCB from revisiting some of their finest work! Like Dragons, Lizards and Phil Mickelson half-hard putter.
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- [00:09]
A
On this episode of the commercial break,
- [00:12]
B
running around the hills of. What do you call it?
- [00:15]
A
Patchouli?
- [00:16]
C
Wackahaca.
- [00:17]
A
Wackahaca. Pocahontas. Pocahontas Virginia. I think that's a made up name. I don't think there's a real Pocahontas, Virginia.
- [00:23]
D
Leave this video.
- [00:24]
E
I'm ready.
- [00:25]
D
You mind showing it to us?
- [00:25]
E
Yeah, I'm pretty anxious.
- [00:26]
D
Grizz is an avid hunter. He spends a lot of time in the woods. So if anybody.
- [00:30]
B
Chris is an avid drinker. He spends a lot of time by himself.
- [00:34]
C
Buck. He says Buck's a rookie.
- [00:36]
B
Hey. Oh, well.
- [00:37]
A
Oh, this must be a whale. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at him.
- [00:40]
C
He looks young.
- [00:41]
A
Buck, Young Buck, Young Buck.
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B
I love it. Uncle Buck.
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A
Young Buck knows what should and shouldn't
- [00:48]
D
be out in these woods. It'd be him.
- [00:50]
E
You guys, tell me what this is right there.
- [00:52]
B
That's Phil Mickelson's half erect.
- [00:59]
A
The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break.
- [01:09]
B
There we are. I'm Brian Green. Here's my dear friend and the co
- [01:13]
A
host, Chris Joy Oatley.
- [01:14]
B
Best to you, Chris. The best of you out there on
- [01:16]
A
the podcast and streaming audience. Thanks for joining us. Episode two in the day. Look, we're doing two in a day.
- [01:21]
C
Boom.
- [01:21]
A
A while since we've done that. We used to do three in a day.
- [01:24]
E
Do you remember that?
- [01:26]
C
Three in a day. Three a day, three times a week.
- [01:28]
A
Yeah, I know. That was crazy. We're doing nine episodes a week and I. I don't even know what was going on. I don't. How many were we putting out? I don't know. But alternately, we had episodes every day. We were supposed to have episodes. So maybe there's some, you know, maybe there's a method to that madness back then. But, you know, we're just together. Like, I don't want to burn ourselves out. We got to. We got to make sure we're taking it easy. Like Trump. We're going to spend 85% of our time not working, and then that 15% of the time, we're going to be really bad at what we do. Just like war with Iran continues as gas prices fly through the roof.
- [02:06]
B
Chrissy.
- [02:07]
A
407 at the old pump the other day.
- [02:10]
B
Another.
- [02:10]
A
Yeah, absolutely. But don't worry. Everything's. Everything's fine.
- [02:14]
B
Everything's fine.
- [02:16]
A
Everything is fine.
- [02:18]
F
Are you.
- [02:19]
B
Do you.
- [02:19]
A
Do the gas prices upset you?
- [02:22]
C
Yes and no. I mean, we have a hybrid.
- [02:25]
B
Oh, okay.
- [02:26]
A
Yeah.
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C
So that goes a lot further with
- [02:28]
A
how many miles you get to the gallon.
- [02:30]
C
I think it's like 32, 33.
- [02:34]
B
Okay. Something like that.
- [02:35]
A
So not as many as I thought you might, but 32 or 33.
- [02:39]
C
I think that's what it says. It does a little like miles to the gallon thing. 35. I don't know.
- [02:42]
A
Well, you do a lot of city driving, so.
- [02:44]
B
Yeah.
- [02:44]
C
Yeah.
- [02:45]
A
Okay.
- [02:45]
C
But then I also do the Kroger pump stuff.
- [02:49]
G
Yep.
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A
Of course. Kroger or Sam's, one of the two.
- [02:51]
C
Yeah. That really so. But yeah, no, it's annoying.
- [02:55]
A
It's. Yeah, it's annoying is what it is. I wouldn't say it's breaking the bank quite yet, but it does make a difference when you go to the gas station and you pay either 60 or $100 to fill up. Like that's a big difference. And you do start to notice that. And it does start to feel like you're getting squeezed at all corners is a little bit of extra. So, you know, we got to get out of these forever wars. And I know that's like a big buzzword right now, but this is exactly what Trump promised he was not going to do. And the one thing that I agreed with was let's not be internationalists and play the world's police officer every time there's a boo boo. Right. Let's be smart. Let's have really good diplomatic core that helps where needed. We'll have good aid programs to help those who are out there in need. And in, in cases like in Africa where, you know, 200,000 people get slaughtered in 13 days like that, that. That's where I could see intervention make sense. Why the fuck are we in Iran? You know, we were doing fine. Everything was not that we were doing fine. Iran wants us to die. They've always wanted us to die. At least the leadership does. Right? But it's not like we've exactly been good to them either. So, you know, here's the thing. We had this whole program with Obama, the jcop. What did Trump call it? The jctp. The jctp. We had this whole JCTP thing and everything was okay. We were doing all right every day. You know, we had monitors that were monitoring nuclear programs, and now it's just a big hot mess.
- [04:25]
C
He got cocky after the whole Venezuela thing and thought he could go in there and strong arm Iran and they're
- [04:31]
A
like, no, no, Iran wasn't Venezuela. It is like two different, two different things altogether. First of all, and you do have to say this You've got to give credit where credit is due. The men and women of our military, the best on Earth at what they do, they went into Venezuela with magic spaceship weapons and, you know, incapacitated everybody with some super weird weapon and then took Maduro out in bathrobe and wham, bam, thank you, ma'.
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D
Am.
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A
Everyone's gone. Four people died. Not on our side, but you know, four people total died and making a lot of Venezuelans very happy that Maduro was gone. But now they've left the same regime in charge. It's now the same mess with a different face. And so, you know, my thoughts on it back then were good, let's see what happens next. And now it's like, same old, same old. It's just the same stuff.
- [05:24]
F
Now.
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A
There have been some changes, you know, now that you can fly down there from the United States of America, the embassies are back open, there's small changes that are, that are meaningful for the people that live down there and live here. But Iran is just a whole different ball of wax. And just think like, let's get out, let's not not do this again where we're in Afghanistan for 14 years with no good way out and hundreds of thousands of people on both sides killed and maimed and, and forever changed. These wars, they do nothing but create extremism. That's it. That's all they do. They just create extremism. Because even if you are the most regime hating, democracy loving, you know, fucking Bruce Springsteen listening motherfucker in Iran and you just want the, you know, you're all about freedom and democracy of which there are millions of Iranians who are, and who have expressed that. If you're getting bombed night after night after night, I can see attitudes changing real quick. So I don't want to get into like a whole rant here, but I just say this to say that I, I have, I appreciate that now even Republicans are starting to go, ah, but you know, then we can't fund these wars. Then you can't then Mike Johnson pass these reconciliation bills with extra billions and billions of dollars to make more missiles and make more bombs that are going to continue to get us deeper and deeper. I swear to God, if boots go in the ground and Iran, I don't know, I don't know that a Republican will ever be voted back in office. I mean, that's, I, I think the Republicans are, and have a really hard choice to make right now. And, and that is, do they suck the eternal of their dear leader and Continue to get all the benefits that come with that, the riches and the gold plated, you know, penis trophies in
- [07:10]
B
the, in the Oval Office?
- [07:14]
A
Or do they stand up, they take a stand and say, we're not funding this war anymore. You got to find a way out. You got to sit down and talk to these people and find a way out and have a backbone and maybe suffer some election losses because of it. Or Trump just goes and gets pissed off. But, you know, I don't know. You think that, like, some of these Republicans and Democrats. Democrats are guilty of this too.
- [07:36]
F
A lot.
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A
They, like, worry about how they're going to be perceived like 50 years from now. Do you ever think about that? Like, what's my legacy? How am I going to be perceived? How are things going to go down? How am I going to be remembered? And it's like, Lindsey Graham, the guy died. What's he going to be remembered for? His flippity floppity nature on everything. His. His chameleon like, ability to change his mind at any given moment to fit whatever, you know, no pun intended. Pun intended. Whatever ball he's going to lick next. Like, that's. That's just it. That's how he was. That's how he will be remembered. He will not be remembered for anything else except for his vitriol around abortion and then his hawkishness about sending our troops anywhere in the world to kill people. And then also his ability to never say the same thing twice. I mean, don't you think?
- [08:28]
C
And his whole gay situation.
- [08:31]
A
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God, that's. That's the worst. The worst is to be, like, so self hating that you have to make life miserable for everybody else that is in your exact same position. That's like, it's just, it's mind blowing knowing to me that even as late as 20, 25 and 26, that Lindsey Graham was still so damn anti homosexual. LGBTQ and clearly homosexual. Yeah, clearly. It's no secret. There's like, lovers that have written books and articles and talked online. There's like, they're coming out of the woodwork on Instagram.
- [09:05]
B
They're like, yeah, Lindsey Graham paid me
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A
700 to lick him like a dog. And it's like, oh, my God, you know, and he was pushing anti LGBTQ agendas left, right and center. Mainly right, but, you know, left, right and center. There you go.
- [09:19]
B
All right.
- [09:20]
A
So I say all this to say that Mountain Monsters is still a show that's on.
- [09:26]
C
Thank God for Mountain Monsters.
- [09:28]
A
Someone says, gotta take care of that shithouse on fire before helping the neighbors with theirs. You're right. You got. You do have to. You gotta put out the fire in your own house before you go get buckets of water for somebody else's house.
- [09:41]
C
Yes. And there's enough problems in our own country.
- [09:44]
A
Yes. I almost didn't even disagree with them bombing the nuclear facilities in Iran. I almost thought, okay, I can see why that would be a thing that especially Israel. And I think. I think here's part of the challenge is that I think we're really a puppet for Israel right now. And that bothers me. That really does not. Because I am proud. You know, I think the Israeli people should have a place to live, and I think that they should be able to live in peace and all that other stuff, as do I think that of the Palestines and the Lebanese and all the other people. But I think that this Netanyahu is gotten inside of Trump's mushy brain and found a way to stick in the. Netanyahu has pictures or something of Trump because Trump is so willing to do anything that Netanyahu says. And now he's got us in a war. And the Israelis have now said they are not going to take part in any more bombing campaigns over there. So they're now letting us do their dirty work and we're paying for it. And that is fucking bullshit. But you're exactly right. Slap that base. The reality is we have so many problems here at home and we're paying attention to none of them because we're over somewhere else in a far flung world fighting a pretend ghost. And everything was okay until we started bombing them. And now the whole global economy is about to shut down anyway. Okay. He says, I always pictured Lindsey Graham as a little yappy lap dog to whoever is in charge. So true. He did the same thing with Bush Jr. If I remember correctly, that was his first term. Same thing with Obama. Same thing with. Same thing with. He was even like, didn't he become, like a reasonable voice during the Biden administration? He was like, yes, hanging out with Biden. Unbelievable. Anyway, okay, I know you have to be a bit of a chameleon to be in politics anyway, so I get the game. That's the way the game is played. But what I really am concerned about is Mountain Monsters. Let's talk about that. So Mountain Monsters is a show that Chrissy and I used to take great joy in reviewing.
- [11:47]
C
It's just the best.
- [11:48]
A
But it is. But we got away from it for a minute and I'M sorry about that. I want to get back to where we used to be.
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C
Our roots.
- [11:54]
A
Back to our roots. So I went searching a couple days ago for a new Mountain Monsters episode. Now I don't know if they still make new Mountain Monster episodes. I'm not 100% sure. It's unclear to me. I guess they're like on a break, but they have ordered another season or something like that.
- [12:09]
F
That.
- [12:11]
A
But what Travel Channel is doing Travel Channel because that's where you should get Mountain Monsters. Travel Channel is exactly where Mountain Monsters should be. The Travel Channel. Travel Channel.
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C
I know. It all changed.
- [12:22]
B
They even talk about travel anymore. I remember a time when Travel Channel
- [12:25]
A
you would turn on and they would tell you about far flung beautiful locations that you could go visit. They would give you tours of hotels or be on a cruise ship or you know, all these travel related shows and there's no, I don't think there's a single travel related show on the Travel Channel.
- [12:39]
C
No. We'll all got grouped under that Discovery.
- [12:41]
B
Yeah.
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C
So.
- [12:42]
A
And then they all just now. That's right. They're all just showing 90 Day Fiance reruns. Okay, so Mountain Monsters, what they're doing now is they are, it looks like repurposing some older and some newer content into episodes like the Best of this, the Countdown that. But I saw one, it was like dragons. They're chasing dragons and say no more. Let's, let's, let's chase dragons. Flying, fire breathing dragons in the mountains of South Kakalaki.
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B
I'm all about it.
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C
Absolutely. We haven't done a dragon.
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B
Huck, Buck, Chuck, let's get down to it.
- [13:16]
A
We haven't done a good Mountain Monsters in a long time. So let's do this. Why don't we take a short break and when we get back, as we promised, we'll talk with our good friends Huck, Chuck. Buck Fuck. That's right, Uncle Barry.
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B
What a name.
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A
All right, give us a. Give us two and two.
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E
We'll be back.
- [13:39]
H
Let me do something Brian has never done.
- [13:42]
B
Be brief.
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H
Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break. Text or call us 212-4333. TCB. That's 212-43822. Visit our website tcbpodcast.com for all the audio, video and your free sticker. Then watch all the videos@YouTube.com thecommercialbreak and finally share the show. It's the best gift you could give a few aging podcasters. See, Brian, that really wasn't that difficult. Now Was it? You're welcome.
- [14:11]
I
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- [14:44]
J
I've been putting in the work, I've been working out hard I've been trying my best to make it this far. I've been driving so fast I've been living so I've been waxing my balls. Will it ever be enough? Why won't you look at my body? Why do you cheat on me? Don't you love my money on my san en suite. I'm such a lonely Frankie B.
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C
I've
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J
seen a lot of action, I've been around the world But I just can't find a lady who wants to be my girl I've been getting new hair plucks I've never been so tan I'm living with my daughter eating tuna from a can why won't you look at my body? Why do your friends hate me? Don't I impress you, honey with my san on sweets? I'm such a lonely Frankie B. I know we could be lovers I know I'm just your type why don't you come to my place? I'll touch your face. Please, girl, swipe right.
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A
Yeah.
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B
Wow. Yeah. Oh my God.
- [16:24]
A
I am reading this Phil Mickelson thing is out of control. Phil Mickelson is out of fucking control. Another allegation from Pat Perez's wife that Phil was showing her nude photographs of his erect ding dong, his half hard, you know, 50 year old cock while Pat Perez was like in the bathroom at a restaurant, he was like, hey, take a look at my jing dang.
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B
It's like, oh my God.
- [16:50]
A
Why would you be taking. Why would you be showing your ping pang to anybody at a dinner? Even if you are. I mean, I have been incredibly drunk. Chrissy, have you ever seen one photograph of my half hard penis? No, because first of all, I just know, even in my drunken state, I'm like, no one wants to see that. Turn off the lights. But second of all, like, what?
- [17:09]
B
What?
- [17:10]
A
Hairy testicles must Phil Mickelson have on his choo cha to like break out a erect. A photo of his erect penis at a dinner while someone else's husband is in the bathroom.
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B
He's lost it. Wow.
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J
Wow.
- [17:26]
A
No wonder he's golfing with Trump. The two of them have brains for mush for brains. All right. Okay. Mountain monsters is back here at the commercial break. The long awaited return of our friends. Huckleberry, chuckleberry, fuckleberry, tickleberry, dingleberry. Here we go.
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C
This is about monsters.
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J
Yeah.
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C
Is that one guy that yells that's awesome.
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A
Oh God, he's.
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B
Yeah, he's.
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A
He's just awesome. All right, hold on one second.
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E
We're here in Pocahontas County, West Virginia and we're going after the fire dragon.
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B
Fire dragon. Woo hoo.
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E
1920s when this creature was first sighted, it's been hunting down heat. This critter is dangerous.
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B
I would say so. I would say if there's a fire. What did he call, what is it called?
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C
Fire dragon.
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B
Fire dragon. Running around the hills of. What did he call it?
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A
Patchouli Wackahaca. Wackahacka. Pocahontas.
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B
Pocahontas, Virginia.
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A
I think that's a made up name. I don't think there's a real Pocahontas, Virginia.
- [18:23]
D
See this video?
- [18:23]
E
I'm ready.
- [18:24]
D
You mind showing up to us?
- [18:25]
E
Yeah, I'm pretty.
- [18:25]
D
Grizz is an avid hunter. He spends a lot of time in the woods.
- [18:28]
B
So if anybody is an avid drinker, he spends a lot of time by himself.
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C
Buck. It says Buck's a rookie.
- [18:36]
B
Hey.
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A
Well. Oh, this must be a whale. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at him.
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J
He looks young.
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A
Buck, young Buck, Young Buck.
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B
I love it. Uncle Buck.
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A
Young Buck knows what should and shouldn't
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D
be out in these woods. It'd be him.
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E
Guys, tell me what this is right there.
- [18:51]
B
That's Phil Mickelson's half erect. I, I should, I know what should be in these woods. It's not Phil Mickelson's dick.
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E
Whoa. I see you right there. Big me.
- [19:11]
A
I don't see anything.
- [19:12]
C
I know.
- [19:13]
A
Well, there's so much glare on this tv. First of all, I can see it over there.
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D
Never seen nothing like that. I think he was standing there getting some sun. That is an incredible video.
- [19:25]
E
I can actually see the bent over.
- [19:27]
A
That's a dog. What are you guys talking about? They, they highlight it like it's. First of all, it's not very big or impressive. Second of all, it looks like a dog. Third of all, it's AI. Everything's AI tree right there.
- [19:39]
E
The video told me that the creature was probably six, six and a half foot tall. And he's standing on his hind legs and he has a tail out behind him. And then just instantly he drops down on all fours and takes off down over the mountain.
- [19:53]
B
This third, just like my wife did. Night of our first wedding.
- [19:58]
E
The son of a bitch has been after heat. We need to create heat for this creature. If we don't create that heat and he don't come to us, he's going to go down for the winter. He's going to hibernate.
- [20:07]
A
So Huckleberry is going to take his belly and rub it real fast along this tree.
- [20:12]
B
We're going to create ourselves a mountain monster. A whacking tree fire.
- [20:18]
E
This investigation would be over. We're going to head back out of here.
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A
Here they are, Pocahontas County.
- [20:31]
D
And we're hunting the fire driver.
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A
Pocahontas County.
- [20:34]
B
That's.
- [20:34]
F
That's.
- [20:34]
A
That's not a thing.
- [20:36]
B
A fire dragon.
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D
Dragon is a huge reptilian creature. It's got a real long tail and it's over 10ft long.
- [20:44]
A
But you said it was 6ft long. So it's not over 10ft long, is it? Buck, you're just lying to us.
- [20:50]
F
Whoa.
- [20:51]
E
Oh.
- [20:51]
B
Hey, sit him down there.
- [20:53]
D
Will he walking away.
- [20:56]
B
He's right there. Everything's okay.
- [20:58]
A
He just fell.
- [20:59]
B
It's so dramatic. I know.
- [21:01]
A
It's so dramatic.
- [21:02]
D
And Willie fell into a real deep hole.
- [21:04]
F
Will, you all right?
- [21:05]
A
He didn' fall into a deep hole. There's no hole. Stop it.
- [21:09]
F
All right.
- [21:11]
D
That's a tunnel.
- [21:13]
B
What the hell? What the hell? The fire breathing dragon with no imposable thumbs takes a shovel to build a tunnel.
- [21:22]
A
I was scared that there was a snake in our backyard. I saw holes in the backyard. This is years ago. I had my neighbor over and I said, you think that's a snake hole? And he goes, how do you think a snake would dig a hole?
- [21:42]
B
Fair point. Justice. Fair point. But I don't know.
- [21:47]
A
But I'd like to think that I do.
- [21:48]
F
Oh, man, that's a big ass hole back down in there, guys.
- [21:52]
D
He could be nesting way back up in there.
- [21:54]
F
Well, gets the temperatures like it is now.
- [21:56]
D
I think it's fighting hibernation now.
- [21:58]
F
It'll stay same temperature that ground is underneath. Yeah, this could be definitely a hibernation hole.
- [22:03]
D
A hibernation hole where the fire dragon is laying up and nesting. Or could possibly be an access to another waterway.
- [22:10]
E
Trapper.
- [22:11]
C
What?
- [22:12]
D
Trapper, there's a Big hole in the ground. Willie actually fell on it.
- [22:15]
F
That's a tunnel that goes underneath the ground.
- [22:18]
B
No, he didn't.
- [22:18]
F
He's lying. I don't know if it's a nest
- [22:20]
D
where he's been sleeping or what it is, but we just found it.
- [22:23]
F
Okay, be careful.
- [22:24]
E
We're clear back on the ridge line above that body of water.
- [22:27]
F
We're gonna push him right towards the river.
- [22:28]
E
He's heading exactly the right direction.
- [22:30]
D
Tell Ford we'll get up out of here.
- [22:32]
A
Gen 4, we'll keep pushing him down this pipe hole here, right down this poop chute.
- [22:36]
B
We'll send them right your direction like a sludgy turd.
- [22:39]
A
Right over there. He's heading in the right direction. You haven't even seen him. How do you know he's heading in the right direction? It's all just like. These are kids. These are children making make believe games. We used to do this when we were kids in the woods. Like, pretend like stuff was out there. Just a creepy neighbor taking pictures of us in his underwear.
- [23:03]
B
Oh, the. Take out the thermals, the heat map.
- [23:09]
E
Poet, front of us. Jeff, in front of us.
- [23:12]
A
Jeff, in front of us.
- [23:13]
B
What is it?
- [23:14]
A
It's a dead branch.
- [23:16]
B
It doesn't fall off that tree.
- [23:18]
D
Tree.
- [23:19]
A
What is it? It's right up there on that log.
- [23:21]
B
Oh, hell, yeah. Oh, hell yeah. I love me a good old fire dragon.
- [23:26]
A
You know what I'm saying? Smooth, slimy skin.
- [23:32]
B
Yeah. You know what I like to do
- [23:33]
A
on a Friday night? Get myself some of those fire Cheetos, stick them up my anus, and I go.
- [23:40]
B
Breathe some fire, dragon. Breathe some fire. Love it.
- [23:44]
A
It gets me hot. Chrissy.
- [23:45]
E
How big it is.
- [23:47]
G
Damn.
- [23:48]
E
I don't think he knows we're here yet.
- [23:51]
B
It's Phil Mickelson's half erect.
- [23:55]
C
It kind of does look like.
- [23:56]
B
It does look like a Phil Mikkelsen's half erect penis.
- [23:59]
E
Okay, I'm gonna just. I wanna ease on him. I don't wanna shove him too hard. Okay, I'm going down that trail. Jeff, you go down this one.
- [24:06]
A
Huckleberry, you won't. I'm gonna get some flowers and some chocolate.
- [24:10]
B
You get the ky. We'll light some incense and draw him a bath. Then when he's nice and relaxed, bam. We fuck it in the mouth, create some heat.
- [24:22]
E
It works that way. Okay, Jeff, you take my rifle.
- [24:27]
G
We're creeping down this trail. And Jeff caught what he thought to be the fire dragon on his thermal. So we sort of split up. Trapper went to the Left. Jeff stayed in the middle.
- [24:36]
C
Now I went to the right. Well oiled.
- [24:38]
B
I know.
- [24:38]
A
Well oiled machine.
- [24:40]
C
Yeah.
- [24:40]
B
Hey, you go that way and we'll go this way.
- [24:45]
A
Here, you take my gun.
- [24:47]
B
Cause I don't need a gun.
- [24:48]
A
We're gonna split up. I'll be alone with the fire dragon.
- [24:51]
B
I don't need a gun. And.
- [24:52]
A
And then you take the thermal.
- [24:54]
B
You know what, guys? What do we do this. Just do whatever you want to do, and we'll stay in contact via these
- [25:00]
A
here Fisher Price walkie Talkies on sale Amazon 19.99.
- [25:09]
G
You ready, Jeff?
- [25:10]
E
I am. See anything, Huck? No.
- [25:13]
B
No.
- [25:14]
G
Got down there A little closer to the.
- [25:16]
B
I'm taking a shit. Leave me alone. I'm over here digging a hole, dropping the kids off at the pool.
- [25:24]
A
Go get your own fire dragon brush, Paul.
- [25:27]
G
Where Jeff? Seen him at, Jeff? Stay tight.
- [25:31]
B
Oh, I've been tight all my life.
- [25:36]
A
That's an exit only sign, if you know what I mean, Huck.
- [25:39]
G
Bible to pop up anytime.
- [25:50]
F
There he goes. Trapper's coming your way.
- [25:52]
B
Shoot him. He's coming your way. I'm gonna point my gun in that direction. I'm gonna start blindly shooting because he's coming your way. Safety first. I love it. He's coming your way. And then he starts pointing the gun in that direction. It's really amazing.
- [26:19]
A
No one's died making this show, quite frankly.
- [26:22]
F
Dad. Right there.
- [26:23]
E
Holy. He's right on top of me.
- [26:27]
B
Oh.
- [26:27]
J
Ow.
- [26:28]
F
He's right.
- [26:28]
E
There he is right behind that tree.
- [26:32]
F
Oh, there he goes.
- [26:34]
B
Shoot him. Wow.
- [26:36]
A
I've never seen the mountain monsters actually fire a gun. That's quite impressive. It looks fake, but, you know, at the same time, they're all just running randomly through the woods and shooting at each other. And this, you know, probably the cameraman.
- [26:52]
F
Come on, Bill, let's go once a far.
- [26:55]
A
I love how the cameraman is in front of them, like he's recording in front of them while they're running. Yeah. Must. I bet it's must be easy to be in the woods with a fire dragon in the world's scariest, darkest place and running backwards through the woods to get the good shot.
- [27:11]
G
Trapper, we heard him. Shoot it. Duck.
- [27:14]
B
I'd do anything for the good shot. Guys, do me a favor. When you start shooting the gun, just remember that I'm directly in front of
- [27:21]
G
you, right towards the river.
- [27:23]
F
Damn.
- [27:24]
E
That's too close, guys.
- [27:25]
G
Hit him?
- [27:26]
E
I think so. Oh, he's fast. When he came by me, he was a blur.
- [27:31]
B
Why are we standing Here talking while
- [27:33]
A
the fire dragon is wounded directly in front of us.
- [27:37]
B
Don't worry, it's all good.
- [27:39]
E
Push away. He went right towards your river.
- [27:41]
A
All right, Buck.
- [27:43]
F
Trevor, I just shot at the fire Dragon. I think I might have hit the
- [27:46]
E
son of a bit.
- [27:47]
F
I got off three quick rounds. He ducked down right over a trail
- [27:50]
E
leading to the water.
- [27:51]
F
We got to get down there and push him to that water.
- [27:54]
C
Push him to the water.
- [27:56]
A
This walkie talkie sounds extra realistic. We gotta get down to the water. I know I shot him. We won't check for blood or anything because that would be the obvious way to track him.
- [28:10]
B
Yeah, these guys are trackers and they just, they miss the point.
- [28:14]
A
Why don't you just follow the blood trail? If you hit him far from the
- [28:17]
D
water, we've got him going right the perfect direction.
- [28:19]
A
Keep after him.
- [28:20]
E
Keep him moving. Tiff. What?
- [28:21]
D
We're going in.
- [28:23]
C
Why do you want to keep him moving?
- [28:26]
A
I don't know. I mean, to get him in the trap, I guess. I'm not really sure, like if these guys really shot a fire breathing, 10 foot lizard that lives in Pocahontas County, Virginia, Even West Virginia. Even a little bit of blood from that animal would be the biggest scientific discovery since amoeba. So why. I don't know. We know it's fake. I'm trying to. I'm trying to convince you that it's fake. And you already know that Mr. Power
- [28:55]
F
Dragon, he might have a big old mouthful of sharp teeth. Got something right here for that. Some old carbon steel. Right here, bub. Get you some of this.
- [29:05]
B
I got something for him right here. Phil Mickelson's half erect penis.
- [29:11]
C
Get you some of this.
- [29:12]
B
Oh, number two. Oh, we're in one of these, you
- [29:15]
A
know, best dubs here from Pocahontas county.
- [29:17]
D
And we're hunting the fire dragon.
- [29:18]
A
Okay, back to the fire dragon. All right.
- [29:21]
F
Who's that?
- [29:22]
B
That's a four wheeler. That's a four wheeler. The Fire dragon got a badass four wheeler. He's got a driver's license in Pocahontas County. This is amazing. Quick, shoot at it. Additional strangers in the woods. Stop for us. We have guns. Make sure you stop to say hello.
- [29:56]
J
What?
- [29:56]
F
We just come across couples. Absolute.
- [29:59]
B
It's a party in the woods. Brian and Raphael are naked doing yoga back there. They're high on ayahuasca.
- [30:10]
J
Run.
- [30:16]
B
Yeah, they just.
- [30:17]
C
That couple just pulled up, yelled and then drove off.
- [30:19]
B
Yeah, I'm with Moon Taxi. I'm going to get beer scared to death.
- [30:31]
F
I mean, they come up there, slam the brakes.
- [30:33]
B
I mean, they come up there slamming on the brakes and hitting the gas and saying low. And that's the first females we've seen since. Since I went to the quick trip in the big city.
- [30:48]
F
I mean, with a tear down here, I thought they was going to run over. Something attacked them down there. Let's go, let's go. Come on.
- [30:54]
B
Let's go, let's go, let'.
- [30:54]
E
Go.
- [30:55]
A
We can run as fast as the four wheeler.
- [30:57]
F
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Holy the hell, man? What in the world? Look like something tore up. Whoa.
- [31:04]
B
Look like something tore up. What is that? Well, I've been doing this for almost 62 years. My grandfather used to tell me about this. I knew I'd see it one day. This right here is a campfire. Sit with a bic lighter, and we're gonna get to the bottom of it.
- [31:30]
F
People scared to death.
- [31:32]
D
Chairs are flipped. Look, it knocked the fire all over the place.
- [31:35]
F
Rip the fire, rain, Claire, up, out. He must really want to get into them ambers.
- [31:38]
D
We just came down to this fire, and it's completely destroyed. The cooler's flipped up. There's ambers everywhere. When the fire dragon gets warmed up like this, it really gets dangerous. He gets energized. He starts hunting. He starts killing. There's scratch marks in this tree.
- [31:54]
B
It gets all crazy around campfires.
- [31:57]
C
I energized.
- [31:59]
B
He's like a couple people I know. A campfire comes out, and all of
- [32:02]
A
a sudden, all hell breaks loose.
- [32:05]
E
Holy cow.
- [32:06]
D
I found scratch marks on the tree right by the fire. And it was on this back side of the tree, which showed us that it was going the direction right towards the river.
- [32:14]
E
Trevor, Trapper, Buck.
- [32:15]
A
We just ran into two people out here.
- [32:17]
F
They had a camp out here.
- [32:18]
D
They just tore out on a four wheeler.
- [32:20]
F
This thing just come into their camp and tore it up. They tore the fire up. There's claw marks on the tree.
- [32:25]
D
Claw slipped over the claw marks on the back side of the tree. It's heading straight towards the river.
- [32:29]
E
How far behind him are you?
- [32:30]
D
We're right on his tail. He was just right here.
- [32:32]
B
We're right on his tail.
- [32:34]
A
We've been filming cutaways for about an
- [32:36]
B
hour and 30 minutes, but I imagine he's not too far away. Listen, I'm gonna stop by craft services real quick, and then I'll catch up
- [32:45]
A
with you guys a little bit later.
- [32:47]
E
Group up. We got to get together. Put the heat on him.
- [32:50]
D
10, 4. We'll meet you at the river.
- [32:51]
A
104 meet you at the river. Exactly where we need to be.
- [32:55]
G
You guys hear that?
- [32:57]
B
Yeah, Right over there.
- [32:58]
A
Wasn't it?
- [33:02]
B
Scary noises.
- [33:03]
E
Come moving. I come moving. Let's get him. He's in the water.
- [33:09]
F
Right there's where he went in. Look where he went. Right there.
- [33:11]
G
He went in right here.
- [33:12]
F
I got him in the water.
- [33:13]
E
It's going downstream. Look, the mud's still in the tracks.
- [33:15]
B
How about he's going downstream. How do you know?
- [33:22]
F
Good. Trevor got it in the water.
- [33:25]
D
You got him in the water. Let's go, let's go, let's go.
- [33:28]
B
He's on one of those unicorn rafts everyone's doing this summer.
- [33:31]
C
A swan.
- [33:32]
B
Yes. He's drinking one of those culada coolers.
- [33:43]
C
He's shooting the hooch.
- [33:45]
B
He's got a pack of Marlboro lights. He's shooting the hooch. He's got dysentery. I saw some kids with their parents
- [33:56]
A
out there, and they weren't. The English wasn't their first language. I don't know Russian or something, but there was like a whole family of them.
- [34:01]
F
Them.
- [34:01]
A
And they were, like, on one of these side streams off the hooch. And I was running and the kids were, like, swimming in the water.
- [34:07]
B
And I was like, well, hope you have travel insurance.
- [34:11]
J
Yeah.
- [34:12]
B
This is how Ceclo Spora started.
- [34:14]
A
Right there.
- [34:18]
B
Look at that.
- [34:19]
E
He slid right in right there.
- [34:21]
F
Where? Yeah, right over there. Over here, guys. Where's that?
- [34:25]
E
Right here.
- [34:26]
B
Right over here with all the TV line.
- [34:29]
E
Right here where he went in.
- [34:30]
F
Jesus, Pete.
- [34:31]
E
He slid in and he headed downstream right towards the damn trap. We need to get in the boat, get in the side by sides and push him.
- [34:38]
B
Let's get in the boat and get in the side by sides and push him. Push him.
- [34:42]
F
Come on, guys.
- [34:43]
D
Trapper just spotted the fire dragon getting in the river. We gotta get in the boat and push him towards the trap now.
- [34:47]
F
Absolutely. Come on, buck. Come on, buck. Come on, buck.
- [34:49]
B
Come on, buck. Come on, Buck. I'm £480. I don't. Come on, ddle.
- [34:55]
F
Let's go.
- [34:56]
C
I don't know. Bucks should be in that boat, that small boat.
- [34:59]
A
Yeah, I know. I'd be nervous if I was Huck. I mean, just like the minutia of a big boy like that in a boat like that. Let's go.
- [35:06]
E
The far dragon's in the water. We got a team behind him in a boat. We're paralleling him with a side beside.
- [35:11]
F
Get on him, Tav.
- [35:13]
B
But if we get him all warmed up, we'll get a really nice hot cup of tea he'll be boiling in the water around him.
- [35:20]
A
It's going to be advantageous for everybody.
- [35:22]
D
Let's go.
- [35:23]
F
I'm watching forever.
- [35:25]
B
Ah, certain death. Woohoo.
- [35:29]
F
We run in and jumped in the boat. Tucked down the river. It's foggy, we can't see nothing. We're talking down.
- [35:35]
B
Turn down the river, go up there to go left. See what you're doing, Right.
- [35:38]
C
He's got like, marbles in his mouth.
- [35:41]
B
Not marbles. It's little packets of crystal meth. I'm hiding behind my gums trying to get that far.
- [35:49]
F
Dragon push toward the track.
- [35:52]
D
See anything, Bill?
- [35:53]
F
No. Don't say nothing. Can't see. I'm watching that bank in the water. I can't see Jack Dillon.
- [35:59]
B
Can't see a goddamn thing. But just keep driving fast.
- [36:02]
E
Slow down.
- [36:03]
D
Slow it will it.
- [36:04]
F
We're in the fog.
- [36:05]
C
So fast.
- [36:06]
B
I think this is how the Murgdon murder started. Yeah. Why are they going so fast?
- [36:14]
A
Settle down. If you can't see anything, let's not drive too fast. Why don't we just let the current take us? How's that? I mean, how fast can the Fire Dragon really be going? I don't know. I've never met one personally, but I can't imagine that fast.
- [36:26]
F
See in front of him, that water just about 30 foot deep. 20, 30ft. You couldn't see nothing? No way.
- [36:32]
D
Trapper's got that bank taken care of.
- [36:34]
F
We got him moving. We got him moving.
- [36:36]
B
We got him moving. We got him moving. No one sees him. But I think he's moving. No one exactly knows what, where or how he is even alive. But you know he's moving. We got.
- [36:48]
F
We're.
- [36:49]
B
He's moving just like my imagination. He's moving
- [36:55]
F
right in front of a moat.
- [36:57]
B
Right in front of it. He swung it down.
- [36:59]
F
Y' all see him now? He's headed towards the trap. He's headed towards the trap. And that's what we want to do. We're gonna keep pushing him towards that trap.
- [37:05]
B
Keep pushing him towards that trap.
- [37:07]
A
Once we get him, these are gonna be riches and fame and we'll be national heroes.
- [37:11]
B
Keep going.
- [37:13]
F
Here we go.
- [37:17]
B
Just go faster. We can't see, but just go faster. Don't know where he is or what's going on, but if we go faster, then it'll lessen the confusion.
- [37:41]
C
Doors down.
- [37:41]
A
Doors down.
- [37:43]
B
What is that?
- [37:44]
A
Apocalypse Now?
- [37:45]
B
I mean, it looks like the scene where they meet Kurtz. They get to the village of Kurtz. I'm just waiting for all the Village
- [37:55]
A
People with, you know, the heads or something. Oh, my God. All right, okay. Let's take a break. You know what? I watched for the first time ever because I never wanted to ruin the mythology in my mind of Apocalypse Now. I never watched. Watched Hearts of Darkness.
- [38:10]
C
Oh, yeah.
- [38:10]
A
And I watched it over when I was in New York one night when I was going to bed. It's a fascinating documentary.
- [38:16]
C
I haven't seen it in a while.
- [38:17]
A
I mean, I knew all of the stories, like, they didn't tell me anything that I didn't already know. But just to hear some of the cast members talk about their own experiences and how really like this movie became the story of making the movie.
- [38:32]
C
Yeah.
- [38:33]
A
Which was kind of crazy. And, you know, Charlie Sheen, Martin Sheen had a heart attack. Just wild. Just wild. Okay, let's do this. Let's. Let's take a short break, and then we'll come back with more fire breathing dragon from Pocahontas. From Pocahontas County, West Virginia. We'll be back.
- [38:57]
H
Okay. You're probably wondering why I, Rachel, have taken over the voice duties at tcb. It's pretty simple. Astrid asked me to shut Brian up, even for a minute. Well, lovely Astrid, your wish is my command. Do you want to help Astrid, too? You know you do. Leave a message for her or me or Chrissy at 212-4333, TCB. That's 212-433-3822. You can be on the show, too. Just call and say something, anything. Or text us and we'll text you right back. Promise. Then head over to tcbpodcast.com and get your free sticker. It's your constitutional right to a sticker, and we must abide. You get the point? Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and watch all the episodes on video@YouTube.com thecommercial break. Best to you and Astrid, especially Astrid.
- [39:51]
I
Instacart makes grocery shopping easier. And just because you're not doing the shopping yourself doesn't mean you don't care how it's done. With Instacart Shopper notes, you can get particular about what you want right in the app, like rotisserie chicken that's extra crispy steak with marbling the Romans would have loved. And lettuce you'd actually pick yourself. Just leave a note for your shopper so they can get it right for you without having to ask. That way you can get groceries just how you like. Download the Instacart App and shop today.
- [40:26]
B
All right, all right, all right, all right. Get back to him.
- [40:28]
D
Let's go.
- [40:30]
F
Oh, hold up. Willie.
- [40:32]
B
Go on.
- [40:32]
F
Go. Go Willie, go out.
- [40:35]
G
He tore the hell out of.
- [40:38]
C
Is that the trap?
- [40:40]
B
That's the trap.
- [40:42]
A
First of all, I mean if you're gonna capture 10 foot fire breathing dragon.
- [40:48]
D
Yeah.
- [40:48]
C
You might wanna steal it.
- [40:50]
I
Yeah.
- [40:50]
B
Like get some alloy metal.
- [40:53]
A
I mean even some. Yeah, that looks like bamboo. Which I think my child could escape with a little thought. Do you know what I'm saying? There's clearly glaring weak spots in your trap. It's a problem.
- [41:10]
B
Who's the trapper here?
- [41:11]
A
Because I think we need to replace him. I think they do replace him at some point.
- [41:15]
G
I don't see nothing in here.
- [41:17]
F
Yeez. Look at that carnage. We get back on.
- [41:20]
B
Look at that. There's no top on it. Yeah, I know. Hard to believe he got through this impenetrable force. And here I thought we built the
- [41:31]
A
world's best fire breathing fire dragon trap.
- [41:36]
F
Trap. I mean hit was tore up jockey look like a mortar round hit.
- [41:40]
B
I mean mortar round to hit but don't bad corn.
- [41:48]
F
He wiped her out, didn't he?
- [41:50]
E
He ran right up in that corner and swung that big tail against that wall and whacked.
- [41:55]
B
He ran right up against that corner. He took his left paw. You put your right paw in, you put your right paw out. You take your fire breathing tongue, you take your fire breathing tongue out and then you whip your tail around. That's exactly what happened.
- [42:08]
C
So it shot down the river. Shot down the river and then got out quickly to the trap and swung.
- [42:13]
A
Bleeding from all the gunshots. Yes, yes. Winded from swimming real fast because we were chasing it ever increasingly quicker.
- [42:23]
B
He went zip up the bank of the river exactly like we intended him to do. He went into the trap that had no door and a no top made
- [42:32]
A
of sticks and stones.
- [42:35]
C
He swung its tail.
- [42:36]
B
Yes. Swung its tail, breathed the holy shitload of fire.
- [42:40]
A
And now here we are without any evidence to prove our claim.
- [42:44]
B
Unfortunate yet again.
- [42:49]
G
Right out through there we got back to the trap. It was carnage. My damn torch was tore all the hell. The trap was tore all to hell. The damn thing was on far the son of a.
- [42:59]
F
Far.
- [43:00]
J
Far.
- [43:03]
D
There's teeth marks in this barrel.
- [43:05]
F
Look.
- [43:05]
E
Holy.
- [43:07]
D
He must have got energized.
- [43:10]
B
No need to collect that for evidence.
- [43:12]
A
Let's leave that there off that fire
- [43:15]
D
and just went nuts.
- [43:16]
F
That's exactly what happened, Buck.
- [43:18]
B
Yep, that's exactly what happened. Cause I said it was.
- [43:23]
E
I think we heated the son of a bitch up too much.
- [43:25]
D
He got too energized and got in there and he just destroyed it. We had actually trapped the fire dragon. But he got so energized that he used that.
- [43:33]
B
That trap. You gotta watch this.
- [43:36]
A
YouTube.com TheCommercialFrake I mean that trap is a piece of work.
- [43:39]
B
Work.
- [43:39]
A
It's not a trap.
- [43:41]
B
It's one wall of bamboo.
- [43:43]
A
But one wall is not a trap. It's a wall. But even that is probably not going to stop anything from doing anything. But they're saying they got him so energized he got so crazed down, he
- [43:56]
D
just knocked down the whole side of that trap.
- [43:58]
A
And I've been known to do this to fire dragons before. They get smell of a whiff of my musk, of my. I don't know if you know Chrissy, but my chef boyardee ravioli musk. And when that happens they just go wow, that's it.
- [44:15]
C
Energized.
- [44:16]
A
Energized. Usually to run as fast and far as they can.
- [44:20]
D
Really thick wood. It was buried in the mud. There's no way that thing should have went over the way it did.
- [44:25]
E
This thing's more powerful than we ever saw.
- [44:27]
C
There's like 10 guys.
- [44:29]
A
Yeah, there's 30 now men standing around. And here comes the funny. Let's bring the funny.
- [44:36]
D
Doubt.
- [44:36]
F
Loud. A doubt. He went through that thing like it wasn't nothing.
- [44:41]
A
I'll tell you what, it wasn't anything.
- [44:43]
F
That's right.
- [44:44]
A
He went through it like it was it. He went through it exactly the way you would expect.
- [44:49]
F
Seen the last of the old Wayne team. He thinks the heat was on him now. Wait. The old second time around brother.
- [44:57]
B
Wait, you just went.
- [44:58]
E
Wait.
- [44:58]
B
You think I. You think the fire breathing dragon holds in a grudge now?
- [45:03]
A
You just wait.
- [45:05]
B
The fire. He'll be thinking about us all night long. He's a fire breathing dragon
- [45:11]
A
number one.
- [45:13]
E
We're in Preston County, West Virginia and we're going after the snout agaskar.
- [45:18]
A
The snat agascar.
- [45:21]
B
Is that a pterodactyl?
- [45:23]
A
I didn't know those things are still around.
- [45:25]
B
Oh good.
- [45:26]
A
I want to see one of those.
- [45:27]
E
Esther is a huge winged creature. There seems to be a battle going on between the snallygaster and the coyotes.
- [45:34]
B
The snallagaster and the coyotes like calm mortal enemies.
- [45:41]
A
That's right. Oh, snallagaster. That sounds made up. It's like when my mom called me and said I have.
- [45:49]
B
I have to have a lambda lambda nectomy.
- [45:51]
A
I'm like, what's a lambda lambda nectar?
- [45:54]
B
I don't know. That's what they said.
- [45:55]
A
And I'm like, that's not a thing, mom. And then I looked it up. It's laminectomy.
- [45:59]
B
Yep, it is a thing.
- [46:00]
D
Mark said he found something that night that showed him the schnallagaster wasn't attacking the k. Snallagaster.
- [46:05]
A
He's for food now.
- [46:06]
B
It's Jewish.
- [46:07]
A
It's a schnallagaster.
- [46:08]
D
I've got to find out what it is.
- [46:10]
B
This is why I knew he was mad.
- [46:12]
A
Oh, it's the same guy from pocahontas county.
- [46:14]
J
Uhhuh.
- [46:14]
A
Yeah. Okay. He's now living in Preston county.
- [46:23]
D
How many of these things are we up against?
- [46:26]
F
Whoa.
- [46:28]
A
It's an onion.
- [46:29]
B
Oh, it's. It's an egg.
- [46:31]
A
It's an onion. It's shredded lettuce from taco bell
- [46:42]
B
and
- [46:42]
A
Phil Mickelson's half erect penis Gastro egg.
- [46:45]
E
Look at that. That's definite proof there's more than one, guys.
- [46:48]
A
Oh my God.
- [46:49]
B
That's different.
- [46:52]
D
That tells us that there's more than one snag.
- [46:54]
A
That is an ostrich egg, by the way.
- [46:56]
D
They're out here. We don't know how many, but we know there's more than one.
- [46:59]
G
We're in a world of guys.
- [47:01]
E
I'll tell you what was going on up there.
- [47:08]
A
Like Jurassic park.
- [47:10]
B
And there's only five guys on the
- [47:13]
A
face of the earth that could take down a schneligaster who is in the middle of it. A lifelong war with coyotes and fire dragons and ether monsters. And that is us.
- [47:25]
C
Yep.
- [47:26]
A
However, the crack team, we will not. The crack team of non evidence collecting unscientific cowboys who can't build a trap or shoot a gun. But.
- [47:37]
B
But in the bright side. What?
- [47:42]
A
I just can't think of anything.
- [47:43]
B
We do like cracker barrel.
- [47:46]
A
We have been there a couple times.
- [47:48]
E
Coyotes. The coyotes steals them scaligasters eggs. There's a battle royale going on on that mountain. Damn.
- [47:54]
A
Look at bucky's. Like damn. I don't know what you're saying, but damn sounds pretty serious to me.
- [48:01]
B
That's a battle royale going down on the mountain between the flying 50 foot creature, the schnallagaster and the tiny little coyotes.
- [48:13]
E
Gaster was going after the coyotes because they stole this egg. That's what the ruckus was all about.
- [48:18]
B
Oh yeah.
- [48:19]
C
It's tit for tat. Tit for tat on that one.
- [48:23]
B
It's the Hatfields and mccoys.
- [48:27]
E
We now know for a fact there's a pair up.
- [48:30]
D
Yes.
- [48:31]
F
There's a male and a female.
- [48:32]
B
I don't know if you should pay.
- [48:33]
H
Fact.
- [48:33]
B
Yeah, well, we haven't tested the egg.
- [48:37]
A
Nor have we tested Bill here for drugs.
- [48:41]
B
But, however, I do have to say as close as I can be to a fact without proving anything.
- [48:50]
A
That's how close we are.
- [48:52]
E
And we don't know how many might be lurking in those mountains. Oh, he's gonna be violent with a family unit.
- [48:59]
D
Especially now.
- [49:00]
B
Especially now, now that Bill's done. Fuck the egg. Now that Bill cracked it and had it for breakfast. We're all fucked. Bill, you have anything to say for yourself?
- [49:12]
C
I don't have anything.
- [49:13]
B
I don't have a goddamn thing to say. You stay up here in these mountains by yourself all fucking weekend long without anything to fuck or eat. God damn it. I found a stalagaster and I fucked it. What do you want? I ate it. What do you want me to do? You want me to apologize? Well, I will not apologize. Who built the trap that let the Fire Dragons get away? Wasn't me. I did my part. I took a pretend photograph. I showed it to you, okay? So excuse me for fucking the only Snallagaster egg ever found. That's right.
- [49:49]
G
You.
- [49:49]
J
What?
- [49:51]
B
You fucked a Snallagaster?
- [49:56]
C
Oh, my God.
- [49:58]
B
I did a reverse cowboy on the Snallagaster. We're in love, okay? So sue me. The hard wants.
- [50:09]
C
What?
- [50:09]
B
The hard wants. No damn coyote's been bothering Schnally for a long time. And I started feeling sorry for it. Then it got a little cute with all 300 of its teeth. And I said, hey, I don't like the looks of your front end, but you're backing it. It's looking pretty good. Can I go down the Schnally alley? That's what I was saying. Do you mind if I get in on the Schnally alley? And it said, so, okay. And then shat out the zig. I was hungry. Okay, okay. Yeah, that's what happened. Now can we go hunt or what? Why are we focusing on me?
- [50:56]
E
Yes. One Snallygaster. One may be the most dangerous creature we've ever faced. But now that we know there's more than one Snallygaster, it strikes fear in our hearts. I can see it in the men's eyes.
- [51:11]
B
Not Bill.
- [51:12]
C
No.
- [51:13]
B
Not Belle. Nope. No siree Bob. He's got an N. He's got an N. Now he thinks he's the King Shit. Okay. Fall in love with a Snallagaster and
- [51:22]
A
all of a sudden you're not afraid anymore.
- [51:24]
B
I get it.
- [51:25]
E
Well, thank you, Mark, for your.
- [51:28]
B
I'm sorry. I've been calling you Bill the whole time.
- [51:29]
A
Your name's Mark?
- [51:31]
C
There is a Bill?
- [51:32]
B
Yeah.
- [51:33]
A
Oh, there is a Bill.
- [51:34]
C
He's the one that yells
- [51:39]
B
the schnally alley. Oh, my God. I can't stop laughing. It's too funny. These guys are too good.
- [51:51]
C
They are so good.
- [51:51]
E
I may have a hard time getting them on that mountain.
- [51:58]
C
Boom. Oh, my God. Final night hunt.
- [52:04]
B
Final night.
- [52:04]
E
Guys, this is a bad one. I mean, a damn bad one. This snally gas that took us out the other night. He'll attack you on the ground. He'll get you from the air. I'll tell you what we're gonna do. I'm gonna take Huckleberry and Jeff. We're gonna work this high ridge line.
- [52:20]
B
Buck, we're gonna work the high ridgeline. Buck, you work the low ridgeline. For obvious reasons.
- [52:26]
A
I mean, not to offend, but we
- [52:29]
B
did try to set you up with that personal trainer.
- [52:32]
A
Not much come of it, has it?
- [52:33]
E
If you take Wild Bill and Willie, you're gonna work the load. Timber. All right, both teams is gonna work to the south. Right towards that son of a bitch's feeding area where Willie has a trap set.
- [52:45]
F
Great.
- [52:46]
B
How do we know which way is set?
- [52:49]
D
We're they're gonna catch a snallygaster in there. Or about 400 rabbits.
- [52:55]
A
A certain death. Let's take a laugh.
- [52:58]
G
Keep your wits about you, keep your senses about you. That's all we can do.
- [53:02]
F
Keep your eyeball peeled in there, boys.
- [53:04]
E
We're all war.
- [53:06]
B
Keep your hairy balls out, boys. You get up on that snallygaster, you head straight for the snally alley. That's the sweet spot. That's the way to do it. Here, you want to see a picture of Phil Mickelson's half heartbeat? It's fucking A Snallagaster out.
- [53:27]
G
Dead. Tarred when you get dead tarred, your senses get numb.
- [53:30]
A
Tarred when you get tarred.
- [53:31]
G
So we're gonna have to keep on our toes. I'm gonna have to keep on these boys. Get them fired up. We gotta stay awake, stay alert and be ready.
- [53:38]
E
We better get their asses outta here.
- [53:40]
G
Lock and load, boy. Lock and load.
- [53:42]
D
Let's go for tonight's huh?
- [53:45]
B
Lock em up, lick em up.
- [53:46]
A
That's what I say.
- [53:47]
B
Lock em, lick em.
- [53:48]
D
This trapper's gonna take his team up in the high timber. I'm gonna take my team in low timber. And we're both gonna push to the south, right towards the trap, right in the Snallagaster's feeding area.
- [53:58]
F
Well, it's gonna be tough.
- [53:59]
C
Meanwhile, this thing can fly.
- [54:01]
B
I mean, I know.
- [54:06]
A
Oh, people are telling us that YouTube has shut down our stream because of a violation of policy. They may have identified the lot on stream that we are are running a mountain. Monsters. They probably have.
- [54:20]
C
Yeah.
- [54:20]
A
And so they've probably blocked the stream. So I'm sorry about that. Restream IO. You can also watch us on Twitch. It's tcb. Tcb, I think is what it is. Sorry about that.
- [54:30]
F
Up in this rain, everything's quiet.
- [54:32]
D
What's bad is you don't know whether to look on the ground or look in the sky.
- [54:37]
F
That son of a can be hiding up in one of these big old pine trees. You never see it.
- [54:46]
E
Man, it's thick in here, isn't it? You seen tops of the trees broke out? Not yet, Jeff.
- [54:52]
A
I've been keeping an eye out for it.
- [54:55]
E
You just don't know where he's gonna be.
- [54:57]
B
Not yet. I haven't waited 206 episodes.
- [55:01]
A
Not yet.
- [55:02]
E
That's the problem.
- [55:04]
F
Kinda gives you that eerie feeling.
- [55:06]
A
Here's the problem. You guys are always out at night.
- [55:08]
C
Night.
- [55:08]
A
Why don't you do one of these during the day?
- [55:11]
F
Something's staring down on us.
- [55:13]
A
Yeah, I mean, honestly, all these creatures have to be somewhere during the day also, right?
- [55:17]
C
Yep.
- [55:18]
A
So why not hunt them during the day? Maybe they're tired. Maybe they're taking nippy naps.
- [55:22]
C
They can't use the thermals at night.
- [55:23]
A
During the day, yeah, sure they can. Absolutely. You can use thermals. It's just thermals, right? It's thermal energy.
- [55:28]
C
That's true. Yeah.
- [55:28]
A
But I guess if the sun's out and it's very hot, maybe you can.
- [55:34]
D
That was on the ground, guys.
- [55:35]
F
I heard 100.
- [55:36]
A
Sound like he who smelled it dealt
- [55:38]
E
it down from your left.
- [55:41]
D
Plus he's down that way.
- [55:43]
F
Nice and slow, brother.
- [55:46]
C
Nice and slow, brother.
- [55:47]
D
Oh, man.
- [55:48]
B
There's no other way I can do it.
- [55:49]
C
Yeah, he can't.
- [55:51]
A
I am a pretty big boy.
- [55:52]
D
Guess. Out. Guys.
- [55:53]
I
What?
- [55:54]
F
You see it?
- [55:54]
D
Ground is all tore up. Something big's been coming through here.
- [55:58]
F
Well, I'll tell you one thing. We better pick keep our old wide ball peeled.
- [56:01]
D
You ain't a kid. We know.
- [56:02]
B
That's the third time you've said that. We don't.
- [56:05]
D
On the ground. That's the best part of a bad situation.
- [56:07]
A
Something's got the ground.
- [56:09]
B
What do you Say, I don't know.
- [56:11]
A
Stay on the ground. That's the best part of a bad situation.
- [56:13]
F
Top broke out of all these. Whoa. Who's that right there?
- [56:16]
B
Whoa. Hey, hey.
- [56:19]
F
I see eyes.
- [56:20]
B
I see eyes.
- [56:22]
F
Yeah, right there.
- [56:23]
B
There, right. It's me, mark.
- [56:25]
C
Mark.
- [56:26]
B
Sorry. I heard you were in wish schnalley, and I couldn't help it. I came back for just one more trip down schnally alley. I told her you were coming.
- [56:40]
C
There it is.
- [56:41]
F
I'll get a shot at. Oh, hell. Something just took off out of there, guys.
- [56:44]
D
Where'd they go? How many eyes did you see, bill?
- [56:46]
F
I seen at least four or five.
- [56:48]
B
Let's shoot at them. Not having to identify them first.
- [56:53]
A
Oh, boy.
- [56:54]
D
We was working this big trowel that we had found, and we heard a horrible commotion up on the head.
- [56:59]
A
And then when we looked up, a horrible commotion.
- [57:01]
C
It was the battle royale.
- [57:02]
A
Yeah, it was a battle royale.
- [57:03]
D
We seen not one set of eyes, but at least two set of eyes. We seen brush shaking, and then they just took off like it was nothing.
- [57:09]
F
Nothing.
- [57:10]
D
These things are just as agile on the ground as they are in the air. Driver.
- [57:15]
A
Go ahead, bucks.
- [57:16]
F
Hey, we just seen at least a couple of them. We heard a loud crash in the brush above us, and there was at least two sets of eyes that bailed
- [57:23]
E
off over the hill.
- [57:24]
D
We just cleared the area.
- [57:26]
A
You do you think these guys, like, they. They, like, sketch out how they're gonna. They must, right? Sketch out how they're gonna do this. But then they have to, like, work themselves up into a tizzy to pretend, much like actors do. Right. You got to kind of get yourself in character and all this.
- [57:39]
C
Well, once you're out in the woods, too, you know, there's.
- [57:43]
A
Yeah, it's just like the environment. Yeah, you spook yourself out, but there's so many cameramen and all this other stuff. What I'm wondering is, when these guys turn the cameras off and they go back to the trailers or wherever, Whatever filming location they have, do you think they, like, ever talk about creatures in a real way?
- [58:01]
B
Or do you think they're like, ah,
- [58:02]
A
you know, I think we went too far on that one.
- [58:07]
B
I think the schnally gaster was a little too far.
- [58:10]
C
That was too far.
- [58:11]
B
That was a bridge too far for the snowy gasser.
- [58:13]
A
All right, there's plenty of this left. I tell you what we're gonna do. We'll get back to this. Let's get back to this on. On Wednesday of next week. That way we've got. Got we can see the end of it. We promise. I promise we'll get back to Schnallygaster. Because I'm just shally alley. Taking it down the snally alley.
- [58:34]
B
Going down the alley with sn snally caster. I love it. Ah, the mountain Monsters I had.
- [58:43]
A
Oh, I miss them. Yeah, me too. I miss them. Love you guys.
- [58:48]
B
I don't know.
- [58:48]
A
Let's. Let me see if I can get a for sure update on this. Let's see. Mountain. Mountain Monsters new season. Let's see here.
- [59:01]
C
And there's no reason to stop.
- [59:03]
B
You can just keep making up creatures
- [59:05]
A
for as long as you want. Mountain monsters will not be returning for a ninth season after the eighth season, which aired in 2022. Oh, okay.
- [59:15]
C
Okay.
- [59:17]
A
It's all free to watch on YouTube. Our Mountain Monsters coming back. No, there's no official word yet. While There was an April 26, April 2026 update from Cast member Jeff that a new version of the show was in the works for fall release, several members, including Buck and Wild Bill, are acting, creating their own cryptid content through the Sons of Appalachia series on YouTube. Oh, okay. I'll look at this. I'll take a look at them.
- [59:50]
E
All right.
- [59:51]
A
If you guys want Sons of Appalachia and. And you know, I know they'll get notified. Usually when we. When we do these, somebody will get notified that, you know, we're doing this. So, guys, if you got a new show and you want to come on and talk to us about it, we'd love to have you.
- [60:04]
C
Oh, yeah.
- [60:05]
A
We'll pretend with you for a little while while I want to know about the Schnallgaster. That's. That's what I'm now most interested in. So.
- [60:11]
B
All right.
- [60:12]
A
Reruns you can watch on YouTube@YouTube.com the commercial break. You can watch our reruns, too. Our. Our also rans. You can do that. Additionally, you can go to the commercial break on Instagram at the commercial break. I'd also like to tell you that there's a new podcast. You should go listen to it with Megan Phelps Roper, called bookkeeper, former Westboro Baptist church leader and member. Also take a listen to the gist. Go take a listen to the gist because I'm the guest host. Okay, Chrissy. I guess that's all I could do for today.
- [60:49]
C
I think so.
- [60:50]
A
But I'll tell you that I love you.
- [60:51]
C
I love you.
- [60:52]
B
I'll say best to you.
- [60:53]
A
Best you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy. And I will say we do say. And we must say goodbye, Sam.