The Commercial Break

Episode: "Poli-charged Potato Prince"

Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley
Release Date: September 25, 2024

Overview

This episode opens with Bryan revealing the real and rather health-related reason behind the postponement of the podcast’s highly anticipated Florida live shows. The duo then shift into their signature blend of unfiltered banter, diving into a satirical roast of RFK Jr.'s bizarre campaign headlines, the challenges of political relationships, and viral DNA/ancestry stories. As always, the episode is wrapped in TCB’s offbeat humor and self-aware chaos, balancing candid personal disclosures with wild, comedic takes on current events and internet oddities.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Health Scare & Show Postponement (00:00–16:55)

• Bryan’s Health Journey:
  Bryan details an ongoing struggle with persistent fatigue, headaches, and general malaise spanning several years. Initially chalked up to age, stress, and parenting, symptoms worsened—culminating in chest pain and a trip to the ER. Doctors noticed a recurring high calcium level and, through diligent follow-up (including a new, thorough doctor), diagnosed Bryan with primary hyperparathyroidism (PHT), a rare and often overlooked thyroid disorder.
• Parathyroid Explained:
  The hosts riff humorously while discussing what the parathyroid does and why its malfunction is such a big deal, emphasizing the importance of self-advocacy in health matters.
• Impact on Live Shows:
  The diagnosis means Bryan cannot travel or perform for now, so Florida dates are postponed. They promise to honor tickets or provide refunds and assure fans the shows will eventually happen.

Notable Quotes

• “I just assumed that because I was not 22 and still had very young children...I was excusing a lot of this.” — Bryan (03:37)
• “Who knew? You need [calcium] for everything. Every electrical current in your body uses calcium...” — Bryan (08:52)
• “I am not dying. I don’t think. As of now, although some in the podcast industry probably would like me dead.” — Bryan (11:47)
• “If you sense something’s wrong with your body, you know it.” — Bryan (20:23)

2. Medical Intuition & Trusting Your Gut (16:55–21:19)

• Bryan recounts a “psychic” diagnosis anecdote:
  A Venezuelan family member once felt his neck at a party and insisted he see an endocrinologist—an incident he originally dismissed but now finds eerily prescient. The segment wraps with advice to trust your body, advocate for thorough medical care, and sometimes listen to “crazy aunts.”

Notable Quotes

• “If you’re a crazy aunt from a South American country who’s known as the family witch...go get it checked out for everybody’s sake, please.” — Bryan (20:23)

3. Satirical RFK Jr. Roast & The Absurdities of Political Drama (22:22–39:42)

• RFK Jr. “Wackadoo” Watch:
  The duo lampoons recent news about RFK Jr., including his alleged sexting with a reporter—delighting in absurd details like “demure nudes,” his reputation as a “legendary coxman,” and his shifting politics. They weave in stories of whale heads, dead baby bears, and wild conspiracy rumors—all in their trademark improv.
• Cheryl Hines’ Dilemma:
  Empathy is extended to Cheryl Hines, RFK’s wife and beloved “Curb Your Enthusiasm” star, speculating on the strain of public scandal and personal differences in high-profile relationships.
• Political Ideology and Relationships:
  Wistful (and comedic) musings on whether modern couples of strongly differing politics could even connect anymore.

Notable Quotes

• “I thought he was one of the good guys for like seven minutes, right? Then he fell off the turnip truck about nine years ago and hasn’t come back yet.” — Bryan (22:37)
• “What is a demure nude? I’m not spreading...I’m just showing it like it is. And soft lighting.” — Bryan & Krissy (24:58)
• “RFK Jr. is a legendary coxman. He has been for a long time...” — Bryan (26:17)
• “Could you love Jeff if he had a different political ideology?...I don’t think we would’ve gotten together.” — Krissy (35:27)

Timestamps

• RFK Jr. headlines & scandals: 22:22–29:36
• Cheryl Hines discussion & guest booking story: 27:51–28:40
• Political differences in relationships: 34:59–36:39

4. Wild DNA & Ancestry Stories (40:29–49:47)

• 70-Year Reunion Thanks to DNA Test:
  Bryan shares the real-life resolution of a child’s 1951 kidnapping, reuniting him—at 76—with his long-lost family thanks to an online DNA test and determined relatives. The hosts celebrate this “feel-good” amidst the usual grim news cycle.
• Comparisons to Reality TV DNA Surprises:
  Krissy and Bryan share further wild ancestry finds—from surprise siblings to “Lamborghini Lady” and the fantasy of finding oneself heir to an “O’Malley potato fortune.” (49:19)
• Reluctance and Paranoia Over DNA Tests:
  The conversation humorously explores Bryan’s DNA-test paranoia about false criminal accusations, with Krissy pointing out that his twin already submitted theirs anyway.

Notable Quotes

• “It’s like a shitty story, but it’s feel-good in so many ways...tickles the cockles of my heart, Chrissy—warms the cold, dead, calcium-filled heart I have.” — Bryan (43:36)
• “Wouldn’t that be awesome if I was like some Irish, you know... Prince ... heir to a potato fortune?” — Bryan (49:19)

5. P. Diddy Scandal & Closing Banter (51:33–52:52)

• Celebrity Silence:
  The hosts briefly touch on the ongoing P. Diddy scandal, commenting on celebrity silence and the feeling that “we’re just at the tip of the iceberg.”
• Wrapping Up:
  Bryan jokes about using his parathyroid as a perfect excuse for any obligation, and the duo reaffirms their love for listeners—and each other.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (by Timestamp)

• On the PSA:
  “Your prostate, serum estrogen...PSA, that’s the screening you get for your prostate.” — Bryan, 02:01
• On the diagnosis:
  “I am not dying. I don’t think. As of now, although...some in my own family, I think, might like me dead.” — Bryan, 11:47
• On RFK Jr.:
  “He’s out there cutting off the heads of whales and throwing baby bears in Central Park...” — Bryan, 26:47
• On political couples:
  “How do you have two totally different philosophies and maintain a relationship?” — Krissy, 35:20
• On Irish fortune:
  “You’re a potato heir. An heir to a potato fortune. To the O’Malley potato fortune. Unfortunately, we’re bankrupt because we no longer grow potatoes here.” — Bryan, 49:47
• On using health as an excuse:
  “My parathyroid is telling me it’s nap time.” — Bryan, 52:46

Important Segment Timestamps

• 00:00–16:55 – Bryan's health struggles, show cancellation, and parathyroid explanation
• 20:03–21:19 – Bryan’s “psychic” thyroid diagnosis anecdote, advice on self-advocacy
• 22:22–30:40 – Satirical RFK Jr. & Cheryl Hines section
• 35:07–36:39 – Relationship politics discussion
• 40:29–44:44 – 70-year kidnapping/DNA reunion story
• 49:19–50:33 – Potato prince/ancestry riff
• 51:33–52:46 – P. Diddy, celebrity silence, episode wrap

Tone & Overall Vibe

The episode is candid, irreverent, and full of dark, twisted humor, lightening serious topics with self-deprecation, inside jokes, and their signature chaotic, “we’re just fine” charm. The camaraderie is strong, making even discussions of illness and political chaos feel like an off-the-cuff hang with old friends.

For listeners:
If you need a mix of real talk, wild tangents, and sharp-witted improv about pop culture, politics, health, and DNA-fueled soap opera, this episode serves it all—“just FINE,” and proud of it.