The Commercial Break – "PossumLoverBG" (July 18, 2024)

Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley

Episode Overview

In this riotous and rambling episode, Bryan and Krissy bring their signature improv-comedy energy to everyday disasters, from spa adventures to pop culture commentary. The centerpiece story is Bryan’s unexpected affection for a baby possum at the local nature center, a sharp reversal from his usual disdain for the critters. Along the way, they riff on Atlanta’s omnipresent weed smell, the hazards of cheap cosmetic procedures, 80s nostalgia, Corey Feldman’s career (and newest song), and the relentless chaos of parenting.

Key Discussion Points & Highlights

1. Botox Gone Wrong & Questionable Medical Practices

[02:00–07:23]

• Fake Botox Outbreak: Bryan opens with concern about recent reports of fake Botox causing severe health issues.
  • "Hospitals are sounding the alarm because they're seeing, like, a 7,000% increase in patients who are coming in with some, like, blindness... Some kind of parallelism going on in their face or their arms or legs." (Bryan, 02:48)
• Botox Parties & Shady Providers: They joke about bargain cosmetic work and emphasize the risk.
  • "You can't just be willy-nilly putting poison in your face." (Krissy, 05:26)
• Dental Veneers Horror: Bryan cautions against unqualified veneer techs, especially those ‘certified’ in Atlanta after 4-day classes.

2. Bryan’s Injury & the Spa Adventure

[07:23–26:39]

• Sciatica Saga: Bryan recounts how a daring backflip at the lake led to a painful injury and ‘roid rage’ after treatment.
  • "I knew that this was coming because every time I take steroids, it comes that ugly, weird, testosterone-driven, royal." (Bryan, 08:57)
• Massage Parlor Escapade: Astrid, Bryan’s wife, insists on buying him an extravagant 2.5 hour massage to help his back.
• Masseuse Hijinks:
  • Funny mispronunciation of his name: "It's Ryan with a B." (Bryan, 12:41)
  • Candid behind-the-scenes stories: underwear, “flags flying,” and the realities of professional massage boundaries.
  • "There was a guy in here... he had a flag flying in the room, and he had no underwear on. ... To the point where we had to call him in." (Bryan quoting his masseuse, 17:11)
  • PT/massage add-ons cost extra, sparking a Disney World pricing reference.
• Stinky Atlanta Rant: After the massage, Bryan is overwhelmed by the intense weed smell in the spa.
  • "I came here to smell good candles, not to smell your stanky-ass weed." (Bryan, 20:13)

3. Weed, Atlanta, and Nostalgic Digressions

[19:19–26:39]

• The hosts commiserate about how Atlanta is permeated by marijuana odor, even in unexpected places (massage parlors, delivery drivers, kids’ birthday parties).
• "It's the worst offender of olfactory offenses." (Bryan, 23:04)
• Nostalgia about weak 90s weed vs. today’s potent "diggity dank".
  • "Now we're crack addicts. Now we got to get on the floor and look for the crystals." (Bryan on modern weed habits, 25:01)

4. Corey Feldman Breakdown

[27:19–41:25]

• Corey Feldman's new song "The Joke" prompts a deep-dive into Feldman’s musical career, full of affectionate mockery and bewilderment.
  • "Every live appearance that you watch, ...something happens at a Corey show, and it turns into a total show... trips over a wire, then starts yelling at the sound guy... lost a tooth one time on stage." (Bryan, 29:17)
• The debate: is Corey self-aware and trolling us, or does he take himself seriously?
• Hilarious accounts of trying (and failing) to book him for the podcast due to his pay-to-play requirement.
  • "How much do they pay?" (Bryan, 32:57, mocking Corey’s response)
• Live "review" of Corey’s new single—"straight Warrant, cherry pie," with all the 80s rock neon fashion.
• Corey’s endurance in show business is both ridiculed and, in a warped way, admired.

5. Atlanta Lore: The Chattahoochee, Shoot the Hooch, and Possum Epiphany

[42:20–59:37]

• Shoot the Hooch: The hosts recount the Atlanta rite of passage—rafting down the Chattahoochee—which is more misery than fun in adulthood.
  • "It's a hangover in a box, basically, is what it is." (Bryan, 43:05)
• Nature Center Adventure:
  • Bryan gets “ambushed” into a lengthy tour by an overzealous nature volunteer obsessed with pitcher plants, using every teachable moment to quiz and explain (to Bryan’s mounting exasperation).
  • "I'm not the right person to get excited about the pitcher plant flower. I'm just not." (Bryan, 52:43)
• Possum Encounter:
  • The climax: Bryan, who abhors opossums, melts at the sight of a baby at the nature center.
    • "I got taken by the possum... I took a bunch of pictures. Ah, God damn it. I still don't like the old, old possums. But I'll give it to you." (Bryan, 56:37)
    • "These little possums are cute." (Krissy, 57:02)
• Other rescued animals, like the beaver with a "weird" tail, also feature.

6. Parenting, Modern Day Distractions, and Existential Sighs

• Parenting Struggles: Bryan jokes about running down the clock to bedtime.
• Technology vs. Nature: Despite their adventures, devices still win the battle for the kids’ attention.
  • "Not that they cared. They went right back to the video games and iPads when we got home. But whatever. At least for 10 minutes they were away from it." (Bryan, 59:08)
• Life’s a Wheel: The episode closes with both hosts musing about life’s futility.
  • "It's all a cog in the wheel, Krissy. We're all just cogs in the wheel." (Bryan, 59:26)

Notable Quotes & Timestamps

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|---------|-------| | 02:48 | Bryan | "Hospitals are sounding the alarm because they're seeing, like, a 7,000% increase... blindness, parallelism going on in their face or their arms or their legs." | | 05:26 | Krissy | "You can't just be willy-nilly putting poison in your face." | | 12:41 | Bryan | "Ryan with a B. What? Okay, all right, got it." | | 17:11 | Bryan (quoting masseuse) | "He had a flag flying in the room, and he had no underwear on... we had to call him in." | | 23:04 | Bryan | "It's the worst offender of olfactory offenses." | | 25:01 | Bryan | "Now we're crack addicts. Now we got to get on the floor and look for the crystals." | | 29:17 | Bryan | "Every live appearance that you watch...something happens at a Corey show, and it turns into a total show..." | | 32:57 | Bryan | "[Corey Feldman asks]: How much do they pay?" | | 43:05 | Bryan | "It's a hangover in a box, basically, is what it is." | | 56:37 | Bryan | "I got taken by the possum. I really did. I got taken by the possum. I took a bunch of pictures...I still don't like the old, old possums. But I'll give it to you." | | 57:02 | Krissy | "These little possums are cute." | | 59:26 | Bryan | "It's all a cog in the wheel, Krissy. We're all just cogs in the wheel." |

Memorable Moments

• Bryan’s astonished conversion to a possum fan.
• The immersive weed-smell rant about Atlanta, culminating in delivery drivers who reek.
• Hilarious stories of massages gone awry, flying “flags,” and therapists with no filter.
• Doubts about whether Corey Feldman is a master troll or the butt of his own joke – and Krissy’s unexpectedly on-point 80s references.
• Bryan’s vocal exasperation with well-meaning nature volunteers and his family’s indifference to “important” lessons.

Timestamps for Major Segments

• 00:00–07:23: Botox, fake medical procedures, and dental veneers.
• 07:23–26:39: Sciatica, steroid side effects, and massage parlor stories.
• 19:19–26:39: Atlanta weed smell saga.
• 27:19–41:25: Corey Feldman musical breakdown.
• 42:20–59:37: Chattahoochee adventures, nature center, and the possum epiphany.

Tone & Language

The tone is classic TCB—irreverent, self-aware, and peppered with expletives and asides. Bryan’s storytelling is boisterous and meandering, while Krissy plays the straight-woman with laid-back, amused retorts. Their friendship and “just fine” vibe shine through with each digression and callback.

In Summary

This episode delivers a layered mix of relatable chaos, from marijuana-saturated city life and dodgy cosmetic culture to pop culture deep-cuts and awkward animal encounters. Whether you’re here for the Corey Feldman takedown, the sauna-side weed rants, or Bryan’s shocking turn as a possum lover, the Commercial Break’s particular blend of improv and banter assures a wild, laugh-filled ride.