Chrissy Hoadley (2:48)

I loved her, too.

Brian Green (2:49)

Woman with boobs that I could almost see that I was like, oh, my God, that's crazy. Beautiful woman. She was very popular in the very early 80s and 90s. And then she came back in the 2010s. I think she's a much older woman now, probably in her 70s, but she had this show called Elvira Macabre or something like that. Elvira Macabre, whatever it's called, however you say it, because I'm not sure somebody will correct me. I know they will. The television show is now re running on this station like marathons of it are running. And what Elvira does is talk in and out like a VJ talk in and out of bad B horror films. We're watching one where the President has turned into a werewolf. And they're trying to decide what to. Now all the cabinet members know, and we're trying to. They're trying to decide exactly what to do with him. So let's tune in as we. I think this is getting toward the climax of the movie here. Here we go.

Movie Character / Narrator (3:43)

I can't believe I have to go through another night of this.

Brian Green (3:45)

He's.

Chrissy Hoadley (3:46)

He's in a. He's in a rocking chair chain.

Brian Green (3:48)

Yes. They've now decided that the President, in fact, needs to be caught. Like, they need to destroy him. That's. Let's tune in a little bit early. They need to destroy him because he knows he's a werewolf. He's out of control. And they know he's a werewolf. And you can't have the President running around killing people as a werewolf at night. But they're going to figure out what to do. Oh, Dr. Kiss. Dr. Kiss. Old Dr. Kiss, Dr. Smoochy Pants.

Chrissy Hoadley (4:19)

They're in the bathroom. They're in a men's bathroom.

Brian Green (4:21)

There's a lot of. This film is in a men's bathroom for some reason. There's a lot of homoerotic overtones, I think, to this movie. Dr. Kiss, what do you think of my southeast Asian? Oh, Dr. Kiss has disappeared.

Chrissy Hoadley (4:37)

What do you think of my Southeast Asian?

Brian Green (4:39)

Paul? What do you think of my Southeast. Hey, I know the President's a werewolf and everything, but what do you think about trade tariffs with Southeast Asia? Dr. Kiss is a small person. It's about two foot, two in a lab coat. In a lab coat and sunglasses. Dr. Strangelove glasses. Yes, that's right. Now they're walking in the bellows of the White House right now to go to his secret laboratory because there's. Because every administration has a doctor Kiss in the bellows of the belly of the White House. Oh, no. It's just another men's bathroom.

Chrissy Hoadley (5:18)

How did Dr. Kiss disappear from a stall?

Brian Green (5:20)

I know what's going on. Okay, here's the cat, here's the. They're in the cabinet Room now making decisions.

Movie Character / Narrator (5:27)

Mrs. Captree, the publisher. The black kid. The garden of Pentagon last night. They all know the same shape as the scar on my shoulder. With just one night to fill in the shape of the five pointed star.

Brian Green (5:45)

Five pointed star. Also known as the devil's another star.

Chrissy Hoadley (5:50)

Right.

Brian Green (5:50)

Yeah.

Chrissy Hoadley (5:51)

Satan.

Brian Green (5:52)

Satan symbol. This is why satanic hysteria took hold in the 1980s. Metallica and Elvira at Watergate.

Movie Character / Narrator (6:04)

My apartment. And there's no doubt about it, the shoes we found at the Pentagon are his. And the shirt. And the shirt. If I could just catch a plane tomorrow, I'll have a full month to find that old gypsy woman before the full moon rises again.

Chrissy Hoadley (6:27)

The whole gypsy.

Brian Green (6:28)

Gypsy woman that turned the president into a loyal woman.

Chrissy Hoadley (6:31)

Gotta go after the old gypsy.

Brian Green (6:32)

That's right.

Chrissy Hoadley (6:34)

That's how you handle things at the White House.

Brian Green (6:36)

So good. Yeah.

Movie Character / Narrator (6:36)

You can find a way to tell the President so that there won't be a search for me tonight or investigation. But you have to lock me up tonight.

Brian Green (6:47)

You have to put me in a wheelchair and lock me up real tight so I don't turn into a werewolf. And make sure you tell my wife.

Movie Character / Narrator (6:54)

All right, I'm convinced.

Brian Green (6:56)

I'm convinced you're. The asshole's been running around murdering people in a. In a pentagram.

Movie Character / Narrator (7:04)

We can't let the press know about this. We can't let anybody know about it. Yeah, there's no doubt the press would seize on your. There's no tragedy to describe.

Brian Green (7:13)

Yeah, there's no doubt the press would probably wouldn't take kindly to a werewolf president.

Chrissy Hoadley (7:18)

Tell Marion.

Movie Character / Narrator (7:21)

Well, frankly, I don't even want him to know. He's got enough on his mind already.

Brian Green (7:27)

That Southeast Asia policy has been driving him crazy. Could you not tell him, please? Oh my God. Chrissy. This is the. This is the greatest channel that we have found here. And I don't know what to do with myself because now I just want to stop recording and drink some of that juice that Reggie Watts sent us. I want to go to Starbucks to get extra caffeinated fruit berry juice and sit around and watch this all day. I really do. This is insane. I love it. I love that we now have the Elvira Channel. The popular this is about the Elvira show is an American hosted horror movie television program that originally aired locally from 1981 to 1986. The show features B movies, particularly those in the horror and science fiction genre, and is hosted by Elvira, a character with a black dress and a heavy bump hairstyle, played by Cassandra Peterson. Elvira occasionally interrupts the films with comments and jokes. I mean, if you haven't seen Elvira, you gotta check out Elvira. If you're too young to know who Elvira is or for some reason you had her head in a hole, go check out Elvira. She's a stunningly beautiful woman who wears very revealing clothing, but then she's really also very funny. She's got a great personality. Yeah, for sure. Hurt. I think, if I'm not mistaken, like wrapping it all around, I do believe that Phil Donahue had Elvira on one stirring like the satanic craze back in the 80s. And Phil just died. Phil Donahue just died. I didn't know he wasn't dead, actually, if I'm being honest with you, I didn't know that Phil Donahue wasn't dead.

Chrissy Hoadley (9:00)

Well, he hadn't been in the public for a while. I think he was sick.

Brian Green (9:02)

Well, he also had gray hair since he was 10. So he was one of those guys who just looked old, even though he may not have been. He may have been in his 30s, but he looked old. Phil Donahue, I think, really started the daytime television craze along with Jenny Jones and who is the other one with Glad Sally? Jesse Raphael.

Chrissy Hoadley (9:20)

Yeah.

Brian Green (9:20)

And that's when I was like a little, tiny little tyke. Oh, yeah, the big red glasses. When I was a little, tiny little tyke. I used to. My mom used to watch that along with the Oprah Winfrey show, which was local in Chicago for a minute before it went national.

Chrissy Hoadley (9:33)

Yeah, that's right.

Brian Green (9:34)

Yeah. And my mom, like latched on to it almost immediately, I would say. She was a very early fan of Oprah Winfrey's and Oprah Winfrey was a totally different type of television show when it first came out. It was, was. It was like a trashy daytime, you know, talk show, essentially is what it was. And now we don't really have any trashy daytime talk show. I mean, we have trashy daytime judge shows. But I've noticed that the trashy talk shows.

Chrissy Hoadley (9:58)

Yeah, the trashy.

Brian Green (9:59)

Largely gone.

Chrissy Hoadley (10:00)

Yeah.

Brian Green (10:00)

Yeah.

Chrissy Hoadley (10:00)

Jerry Springer would have been the last one. Is that Salon?

Brian Green (10:04)

No, Jerry's. Jerry's been off the air for a long time now. I think the Steve Wilko show, like his bodyguard that he had there for a while now has his own show, and I think that may be on, like, upn, if that still exists. But, you know, I, I.

Chrissy Hoadley (10:21)

It's gone in a more positive direction.

Brian Green (10:22)

It has now. You've got Drew Barrymore and Drew Barrymore and Drew Barrymore. I can't think of another one that's on there, can you?

Chrissy Hoadley (10:31)

Kelly?

Brian Green (10:32)

Oh, Kelly Clarkson. That's right. It's all very on the up and up. It's one big pr. It's an hour of PR and giving away things and handing money to people and saying hi to the fans and stuff like that. Which is fine. I guess. That's fine. You can do that. It's not my ver. It's not my. I'm not saying the trashy talk shows were my thing. They never were. I never got into Jerry Spring or anything like that. I would much rather watch a game show or Cheaters or something like that.

Chrissy Hoadley (10:57)

Cheaters. I just saw that the other day.

Brian Green (11:00)

Oh, my God. Joey Greco. Yeah.

Chrissy Hoadley (11:04)

He got stabbed.

Brian Green (11:06)

Yeah. For like, the longest time. No one could figure out if that was real or fake. But after review, I think it's very real. Yeah.

Chrissy Hoadley (11:14)

Oh, my God. We need to do a review of that show.

Brian Green (11:16)

Oh, man. It was a super crazy show. I mean, just the premise of it is pretty crazy.

Chrissy Hoadley (11:22)

Yeah. Catching cheaters.

Brian Green (11:23)

Catching cheaters in the act.

Chrissy Hoadley (11:24)

They build a case, too. It goes on for, like, a week.

Brian Green (11:28)

Yeah, they have, like, a lot of private detectives that, that go around chasing the cheater, and then they always find them in some weird compromising position. As a matter of fact, I think Cheaters, for those of you that know what I'm talking about, I think it's in reruns on VH1 right now. VH1 has turned into a real shit channel, actually. Yeah. Cheaters was a television show, I guess, back in the late 90s, it started or the early 2000s. And what they would do is someone would suspect that their loved one was cheating on them. Then Cheaters would get, like, a real detective organization, like a PI Company to go and follow their loved one around and get evidence of them cheating. And then they would show it to the forlorn lover, who would then be, of course, upset and usually pissed off. And then they would wait. Yeah, they Would wait until they were and then they would bust in on them. Or not always, but a lot of.

Chrissy Hoadley (12:22)

Times they were together.

Brian Green (12:23)

Yes. Yeah. Joey Greco, who I don't think was the original host of the show, but I think he was the probably the most well known host of the show. He would, I mean they would find these people in the super compromising positions. And one time they found two lovers out on a boat.

Chrissy Hoadley (12:41)

I think it was, I think.

Brian Green (12:42)

And they pulled up on another boat, bunch of cameras. And then Joey was like trying to interview the two cheaters, you know, like.

Chrissy Hoadley (12:49)

What do you say for yourself?

Brian Green (12:50)

Yeah, what do you have to say for yourself? And the guy yanked out a fit like a fish gutting knife and stabbed Joey and he started bleeding all over the place. And they called the ambulance and this is all ran on the show Cheaters. Like they actually put the episode out there and it was pretty intense, pretty crazy actually. And so. But you never really knew if Cheaters was real or not. Now if there was any doubt that Cheaters was real, I think after that stabbing incident, I believe the Cheaters went.

Chrissy Hoadley (13:16)

The direction it was fully real.

Brian Green (13:18)

I think it was real. So upset until that actual stabbing incident. And then I think it's pretty clear that a lot of them were actually just made up. And actually actors have come out and said, I was on Cheaters as an actor and an actress.

Chrissy Hoadley (13:31)

Burst my bubble.

Brian Green (13:31)

I'm sorry, I hate to. I hate to burst your bubble. Well, fear not. They have. MTV has a new version of that show. It's called like Caught in the act or something like that. I don't know. But it doesn't have like the kind of heat that the old Cheaters did. Cheaters was just like a shitty show made with shitty quality film with shitty hosts and shitty human being. You know, like everybody was shitty and it was just like it was. What do they call it now? I think they call it. It's not poverty porn. I know what poverty, poverty porn is, but it's kind of like shithead porn, right? You're just watching other people's lives basically blow up in front of you. But it's like a train wreck sometimes that's. You can't stop but. But you can't help but stop and take a look. Yeah. I mean, when we pass a traffic accident, no matter how terrible the. The traffic accident and actually the worse the better as far as our eyeballs are concerned, we're going to take a look to see if there's a white sheet over somebody. And that's terribly it's terribly human and it's terribly shitty of us also. But that's why there's always traffic on both sides of the highway, is because everyone else is on the other side of the highway trying to look over the media. Oh, my God, is anybody dead in there? And Cheaters is that show Cheaters? Is you looking on the other side of the hallway on the other side of the highway going, hmm, in there? That's right. But I also feel that's how Jerry Springer was. And Jerry Springer is largely an offshoot of Phil Donahue and Geraldo Rivera and all those shows where you were just kind of looking at people who were, you know, either having a tough time in life, were outcasts, or he just controversial. And they would put him on television and then they would poke him around and poke him and poke him and poke him until they invoked a reaction. And that became a certain type of television that all led to the destruction of us in the year 2020-24.

Chrissy Hoadley (15:31)

Correct.

Brian Green (15:31)

I mean, I'm being said serious. It's so insane. Remember Geraldo?

Chrissy Hoadley (15:37)

Oh, yeah.

Brian Green (15:38)

Geraldo Rivera, who until very recently was a Fox probably, I guess, best known over recent years for like a FOX contributor, a Fox News contributor, used to have his own talk show called the Geraldo Rivera Talk Show. And it was scandalous. This show was scandalous. One time he had a bunch of skinheads on, like KKK member Sky skinheads and KKK members with a black community organization. And they literally started a fistfight that went on like a melee that went on for like five and a half minutes where Geraldo got, tried to get in the middle of it to stop it, and he got his nose broken. He was like bleeding all over the place on television as it happened. Geraldo also was famous for his shitty investigative journalism where one time he decided he knew where Al Capone's vault was. The vault where Al Capone kept all his secrets. Possibly gold, maybe dead bodies. Who really fucking knew. So he went to Chicago, he got a permit.

Chrissy Hoadley (16:39)

Just like on a prime Time at night special.

Brian Green (16:43)

Yes, it was on it like 8pm live. Everyone in the world tuned in because Geraldo was going to find Capone's vault. And certainly we're all going to figure out, I don't know what we're going to figure out. We're going to figure out something, right? It could have just been like, I don't know, a collection of old ties or something, who knows? But he got a permit, he gets a bunch of cameras, he gets all of this Television time, in prime time, like Chrissy said, live. And then he has a bunch of people knocking down walls to get into this vault. He's sure it's under this building and it's been hidden over, you know, building on. It's been built on top of building, has been built on top of building. And he breaks into this room where he thinks Capone's vault was, and there is not a fucking thing in there. It's just a room on top of a room that has nothing in it. Not a thing. And, you know, part of me thought, well, wow. Don't you think by broadcasting for two and a half months that you're going to, you know, uncover Capone's vault would encourage anybody that was remaining in Capone's family or extended family, quote unquote, to get out whatever was in the vault? And second of all, you're taking a huge fucking risk. Everybody knew it, and there was nothing in there. And Geraldo went away because the network's millions and millions of dollars. It was like one of the most famous live television flops ever. It's on YouTube if you want to. If you want to go watch two hours of Geraldo, you know, building up the fact that they're going to find all this stuff in a vault while guys with jackhammers behind him try and open up a wall and then finds nothing. If you're interested in that kind of thing. I ruined the plot. But go ahead, watch it. It is like this. These were simpler times.

Chrissy Hoadley (18:28)

Yeah.

Brian Green (18:28)

Now, if you did something like that, like Mr. Beast did something like that, it wouldn't be considered a failure. It would just be a cool stunt that they happened to not find anything and Mr. Beast would do another episode tomorrow. But Geraldo ruined his career basically to. To great effect in front of millions and millions of people for nothing.

Chrissy Hoadley (18:49)

Yeah.

Brian Green (18:49)

For not a fucking thing. It was. And what if he did find something in there? Would he have been allowed to keep it? I mean, I don't know. I don't know what would have happened.

Chrissy Hoadley (18:56)

I don't know. It's funny to look back and think.

Brian Green (18:58)

About, oh, my God, it really is. Wow. The 80s 90s and early 2000s were a very simpler time. Before iPhones, things were simpler. And you got excited about, like, collectively, people got excited about stuff. Can you imagine? Now you could fucking a King Tut himself could come back to life and grow an erection, and you'd probably only get about 300 people to tune in to ABC to watch that. Because people are like, Ah, Mr. Beast has another video on. Let's watch that. Speaking of Mr. Beast, he's in his own speckle of trouble, huh? What's going on? I thought Mr. Beast was one. Like, I mean, I don't. Whatever, I don't. I've never seen a full Mr. Beast video. So I don't know, I'm not an expert, but I thought he was like the YouTube king, the Mr. Good Guy handing out millions of dollars, blah, blah, blah. And it doesn't.

Chrissy Hoadley (19:48)

I guess I don't even know what happened, but I saw he was in trouble.

Brian Green (19:51)

You're not gonna get that popular without pissing off a few people. You know what I'm saying? That's just what I'm saying. Now I know there's like some sexual abuse or sexual misconduct allegations about his company. Not him, but his company. People in his company. That's nothing to joke about. But you know these other people saying he tricked me into staying in a room for 48 hours with out proper food. It's like, dude, you were trying to win $200,000, you had to starve yourself for two days. I 1 time applied to sit in a vehicle, a four door vehicle with 12 other people for as long as it took to get that vehicle at the mall. At the mall, in front of everybody, shitting, pissing, smoking cigarettes in front of everybody. You think, you think they gave a shit whether or not I had proper medical condition, like proper medical care around me now? Things were different before iPhones, I'm telling you. All right, well, enough of my old man bitching. Let's take a break and we'll be back.

Show Announcer / Promo Voice (20:56)

We're not a real podcast if we're not plugging our Instagram, right? That's right, honey. So follow us on Instagram at the commercial break. And don't you forget TikTok at TCB podcast so you can see Brian and Chrissy on your homepage every day, which I know you're just simply desperate for. And if you want to see us in person, guess what? You finally can because we're coming to Florida. Because only Florida would let TCB come there. Just kidding. Kind of. You can come see us at Daniel beach improv on Tuesday, September 24, and at the Funny Bone Orlando on Wednesday, September 25. Yeah, I know you want to come to Both days. That's right. Anyway, the links to both of those are in our show notes. So go get them, get your tickets, and then tell us that you're coming by Texting us at 212-433-3822. And if there's anything else you need from us, I am sure you can find it on our website, tcbpodcast.com live laugh, love.

Brian Green (22:00)

Now, I usually don't give a about the comings and goings of sports mega stars, but I will say this, that Tom Brady is living the life. He's living the life. He's got a house in the Bahama. Did I tell you that when we went on a cruise last year and we went on this cruise to the Bahamas with the kids and we, and, and the grandparents, we went on this cruise and then we go on one of those day trips to a separate island.

Chrissy Hoadley (22:26)

Okay, was that the Disney cruise?

Brian Green (22:28)

Was it the Disney cruise? I don't know. We've been on a couple. Yes, it was one of the Disney cruises. But not to the Disney island, which you also go to. But this was like to another island in the Bahamas, like a second day in a different island in the Bahamas. And then you can like go on, oh, this. Remember that water taxi that day trip? Taxi, water taxi that sunk and everybody was trying to get out. Remember that? That same exact boat months before I had been on to get me to this secret island, whatever it was, you know, cat, you know, castaway day at Castaway Key or whatever, you know. Okay, all right, so this was the second island that we were gonna go to and spend the day for 40, 50 bucks per person. You could go there and get lunch and play in the water and you know, water slide, have, have fun. But when we were on our way on, when we were on our way to this, you had to go from like Grand Bahama to this. So you took a water taxi, it's about a 45 minute ride. And they went around the island. And as they go around the island to the back end of the island, you are seeing some of the largest houses you have ever seen on water, huge estates. And the guy that we happen to be sitting near, one of the workers, he was pointing or one of the guys on the boat, he was pointing out whose house that was. That's Tiger woods house. And that's, you know, this guy's house. And that's that guy's house. And that's, you know, Pete Corell's house or whatever it is. He points out Tom Brady's house that he was building. He said it used to be Tom and Giselle's. Now it's just Tom's because they've been through a divorce. Is that right, Tom? And yeah, Giselle have been through a divorce because he Wouldn't stop playing football. According to sources, my own sources, my independently mind sources, yes, he wouldn't stop playing football. And I will tell you you that this was one of the most picturesque houses I have ever seen on a beach ever on like an outcropping, white sands, big house, pool, infinity pool, you know, just luxurious palm trees and everything. Picture perfect house. And I was like, wow. And now I see that he's down there a lot and he's hanging out at his house and he's having a good time and now I see that he's, you know, has some ladies sometimes around him. What a life, Chrissy. I mean, what a life. Now I realize that pain and drama are all relative and we experience it in our own ways in whatever point in life we are. You can be rich with a 17 houses, one of them down in the Bahamas that's picturesque and still feel shitty about your divorce and wake up and have pain, you know, in your knee or whatever. But I feel like it would be a lot easier if I woke up to about my divorce and had pain in my knee if I also had the crystal blue water and 75 acres of this beautiful island and two super yachts and all this. I feel like it, I feel like soften the blow just a little bit. Yeah, right. And I'm, I, I, Chrissy, I'm telling you what that same with. Is it a rod? I think a rod is also divorced from Jen Lopez now Ben is ever actually got married. I thought they did. No, I think so.

Chrissy Hoadley (25:57)

I think they're just together.

Brian Green (25:59)

But these sports. Yeah. And, and now remember Chipper Jones? Yeah, Chipper's now divorced. He's been divorced for a number of years. These old sports stars, and I say old, they're probably younger than I am because they only, you know, sports. You got a minute. You do it for a minute and if you're lucky, you do it like Tom BRADY Till you're 42 or 43. But most of them will just make a ton of money for like five to six years and then they have to get out of the sport because the sport outgrows them. Younger, faster, stronger kids essentially come in and take their place. But what a way to. I would have loved it is better to, I guess, ignite and explode than to sparkle and fade, is my opinion. I would have rather us done this from 21 to 26. Made a shitload of money. Made the 3 or $400 we've made already on this podcast. Shitload made that? Yes, shitload. Made that early and then been able to just retire in style, you know, Just kind of hang out for the rest of my life. Be like a drunk who just walks around saying stupid things to people who aren't reporters but have iPhones. I would have rather done that back then and then just be free of it now than to have to know I'm going to have to work until I'm 90 to get my island, and then I'm not going to be able to enjoy it because I'm going to be sitting on a wheelchair shitting myself. Fuck. I look at that Tom Brady and I am so jealous. I'm not even kidding.

Chrissy Hoadley (27:30)

You can tell.

Brian Green (27:31)

Jellos. Jellos. And then I look at. Let's. Let's take an example. I don't know. Pull one out of thin air. Eddie. Veteran Foo Fighters, Dave Grohl. These guys have already made their millions, you know, and I understand it might be compulsory to play music, and you could do that till you're dead. Right, but why, like, go by your island and chill the fuck out? I don't understand what's motivating you so much. I'm motivated. Well, first of all, I got things to say. And second of all, I do enjoy this, so that. That helps. But then third of all, I still got some money to make. I'm looking for that next, you know, contract where we get $10,000 and free ice cream from the yogurt shop, frozen yogurt shop, for the free for the year. You know what I'm saying? Chrissy, I need those free samples to show up at the door from hellofresh. I need that. I need to stock them up and then maybe I'll get an island. But these guys, I mean, what are you doing? What's Dave? He's 50. He in his 50s. Chill, relax. Go buy an island.

Chrissy Hoadley (28:34)

He loves doing it.

Brian Green (28:35)

Yeah. And everybody's buying an island and everybody's living in Hawaii. And I did. Yeah. I just. I'm so jealous. I wish I had it. I really do. I really do. I'm man enough. I am man enough. I'm human enough to know that I'm. That I get upset about this stuff. It's. It's the opposite of poverty porn. It's rich porn. I'm watching rich porn and I'm getting upset. I'm like, shit. I know.

Chrissy Hoadley (28:59)

That's half the reason I'm not on social media. I don't look at it.

Brian Green (29:03)

I was a good T ball player, Chrissy. I could hit a ball. That wasn't Moving really well. And I think if I had just stuck with it.

Chrissy Hoadley (29:11)

Yeah, you missed.

Brian Green (29:12)

Maybe there was something there for me. Yeah, I could have played baseball. Kickball, kickball. Not so good. I am not. I wasn't. I'm just going to admit it. Dodgeball, kickball. I couldn't get out of the way fast enough. It took my brain a few seconds to register what was going on. I got dizzy real easy. I couldn't spin around like some of the guys. But baseball was pretty straightforward. You swing, you hit it, and you didn't have to worry about, like, you know, CT and all those terrible sports. I told you, I played football for exactly one day. Well, that's not true. I played football for two days. Once when I was in middle school and once when I was in high school. But I didn't actually play football in the high school version. I just went to practice and did the warmups, and then I was so over it that I left halfway through the warmup.

Chrissy Hoadley (30:02)

You gave it a shot.

Brian Green (30:03)

I did.

Chrissy Hoadley (30:04)

You put yourself out there.

Brian Green (30:05)

That's right. Thank you, Chrissy. I've always been patting myself on the back about that. Maybe my coach wasn't, but I was. And I'm telling you what, it wasn't like one of those schools where you had to try out for football. It was like one of those schools you showed up, you were on the football team. You know what I'm saying? I didn't want to do anything that was too particular. Dangerous. I tried out for the basketball team. Even my dad, when he coached our basketball team team when we were kids, even he didn't put me in. He would not. He would. He wouldn't put me in as a starter. Yeah, he would just like, you know. All right, we're down by 70. Go ahead, Brian. You're not going to cause too much more damage. I suppose so. I don't think any of those would have really done me well. And you've heard my singing. Let's admit it. I wasn't going to be any Eddie veteran Dave Grohl. So T ball would have been my answer. I think if there was a professional T ball league, then I. I would have been in. I. I could have been curling. I love curling. I love.

Chrissy Hoadley (31:08)

Would you be the. Like, the scraper that.

Brian Green (31:09)

Yeah, Yeah. I don't think I would be good at releasing it because I'd want to just like, you zam it down there.

Chrissy Hoadley (31:15)

Like, wow, why don't we join a bowling league? That might be your sport.

Brian Green (31:20)

I am not that bad at Bowling, I usually score above 150.

Chrissy Hoadley (31:25)

I've gotten some turkeys.

Brian Green (31:27)

I've gotten a number of turkeys if I. But I also have a bad back, so. So when you see me throw a bowling ball, it looks a little strange because I. I have to throw it in a way where I don't hurt my back.

Chrissy Hoadley (31:43)

Okay. Scratch.

Brian Green (31:45)

Yeah. You know, most professional bowlers, they'll, like, run down the. And then they'll slide into it. Right. And just kind of throw it. I don't. I walk up and then I just stand there and throw it like that. But if I position myself in the right way, it's almost like I know if once I get how the lane, like, moves left or right, if I position myself in the right way, I can throw it directly straight.

Chrissy Hoadley (32:08)

You got it down.

Brian Green (32:08)

Yeah. They say you're working with your injury. That's right. I'm working with my injury. And most professional players have a draw or a fade, like, they clearly move the ball. I am good at not moving the ball not one inch down the entire thing. So I know if I can get the right, you know, get started in the right place, that I can hit it all day long. Bowling. You know, bowling could make you some money. I don't think you're going to become a billionaire on bowling, but I know that it's. It's popular in some circles, especially in the north. You know, every. Every once in a while, I wake up on a Saturday, I see a professional bowling tournament on, and I go, yep, I could fall asleep today.

Chrissy Hoadley (32:47)

That's right.

Brian Green (32:48)

That's my dog. Yeah, but that curling. I would be a sweeper. That would. That's what I would. Then again, with my bad back, maybe.

Chrissy Hoadley (32:56)

Yeah, you'd have to bend over for that.

Brian Green (32:59)

Let's just face it. This is my best hope for success and fame. The window's closing quickly, Chrissy. The window's closing quickly. I think we gotta be careful.

Chrissy Hoadley (33:11)

I'm gonna keep springstorming.

Brian Green (33:13)

Yeah. I don't know why I'm sharing this, but I was just sharing that this morning. Last night before I went to sleep and this morning I got up and I'm seeing pictures of all these old sports stars just living the life, getting after it, living their life. And I am so riled up. I'm like, fuck, how do you get super duper rich? Like. Like, you either can throw football really well and they just hand gobs of money at you to stay with the team, or you podcast and hope that HelloFresh gives you another free box of, By the way, HelloFresh. Backslash TCV brought to you by hello Fresh. All right, enough of my rich porn. Let's take a break. Take a break. And we'll be back.

Show Announcer / Promo Voice (34:04)

Okay, you guys, I have an idea. Why don't we take a break? Gotcha. This is the break. And you already know when you hear my sexy voice, it's time to whip your phone out and follow us on Instagram or skip the ads at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCV podcast. And of course, course, you know, if you want to get involved, you can always give us a call or text us at 212-4333, TCB. That is 212-433-3822. And guess what? I finally have information on TCB Live. So the links are in the show notes. But let me tell you right now, you can come see us at Danya beach improv on Tuesday, September 24, or at the Funny Bone Orlando on Wednesday, September 25. It's going to be fab. So go buy your tickets and we'll see you in Florida.

Brian Green (35:02)

Okay, this story got my interest, by.

Chrissy Hoadley (35:04)

The way, I have to say, I like that music that Christina's picking.

Brian Green (35:06)

Yeah, it's good. Yeah. We had a little chitchat about the music when she started doing the liners. Yeah. And I said, eh. Like, she had some music. And I was like, eh. And then she changed it up, and now it's great. I didn't pick the music. She picked the music. But I was just saying, can change it up a little bit. Go a little bit like pop, Like a little bit poppy or more beat, you know, and she's. It's good. It's like funk. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it's a little poppy. Yeah. Although we have. We have had a couple people that have said, can. I don't like that Christina's so snarky towards you in the liners. Well, it's all in good fun, guys. And. And listen, I can take a joke. If I can give it, I can take it. And it's all in good fun. Christine is just being Christina. You know, she hates me because she's got to listen to my voice all the time. And if you. If you didn't want to listen to my voice, but it was job, you would also hate me. So good point. You know what I'm saying? I mean, imagine your boss was talking in your ear all day long about his inner thoughts. His ID is just throwing up on you all day long. And he's 80 years older than you and keeps using the word on fleek.

Chrissy Hoadley (36:11)

Thanks for staying on board, Christina.

Brian Green (36:15)

We appreciate it. Speaking of Christina, I read this. I want to read this article with you because I saw this today and I'm like, oh my God. A Tick Tocker says she was forced to babysit a stranger's kid at the pool because she's a woman. Okay, let's go with this. A woman has said that her that a dad left her to babysit his kid at their apartment's pool complex while he went to the gym. First of all, who forces you to babysit like you're under a. You're under arrest. You're babysitting. Like you're under babysitting around. Well, how do you do that? Talk. Talking to Tick Tock. She shared her I don't think you talk to Tick Tock. I think you talk on Tick Tock. Even I know that she shared her frustrations about being forced to look after a stranger's child because she's a woman. But people argued that it might not have anything to do with her gender and the dad would have done the same thing to whomever was sitting by the pool. I might agree. So which one is it? In the clip posted by this girl, I won't say her Tick Tock username him Being a woman is being alone at the pool so a random man can drop off his kid with me. Question mark. She explains that the boy six years old. She was explained that the boy was six years old and didn't have a life jacket on him, which meant that instead of relaxing by the pool, she had to look after the child to ensure his safety. I'm a babysitter babysitting a baby because how can I not watch him? Well, that's true. Many people echoed the poster's annoyance with the one person saying I hate this. It's like they know most women will not ignore a child, so they do this crap and it pisses me off. Someone else said they spot a woman and they immediately think equals free babysitting. Not everyone is a mom or likes kids or even is just a safe stranger. Yeah, just because we have vaginas doesn't mean we're qualified to handle your random kids kid. This is also true. And a fourth person replied, I would have called the police for child abandonment. Meanwhile, a fifth agreed that they would have also escalated it, but perhaps just to the building management, like they were going to do anything. But on the other hand, there was one person's perspective. This is just shitty parenting. Women have done that to me also. You should have stood up for yourself. And another Tik tok urged. Another tiktoker urged, ladies, please learn to say no. Yes. It's hard, but learn. But the woman from the video replied, he didn't ask me. Lol. So what are your thoughts on this?

Chrissy Hoadley (38:44)

Me?

Brian Green (38:45)

What would you do? Yes. No. Oh, last time I talked.

Chrissy Hoadley (38:49)

Well, I guess I'm picturing the scene going down as you were recounting the story here. So at my previous apartment there used to be a gym that there that looked out over the pool.

Brian Green (39:02)

Yes.

Chrissy Hoadley (39:04)

And I think that I would have maybe said, hey kid, come on, go with me. And I would have gone into the gym with the kid and said, here you go. And then left and gone to my apartment.

Brian Green (39:14)

Correct. Rather than post on Tick Tock the entire time about the kid that you have to watch because, because of course you're being a good human being by making sure the child doesn't drown. That's, I'm giving you that credit and I don't know you, so I'm not gonna bust on you. I don't know know. But if you're, maybe that was keeping.

Chrissy Hoadley (39:32)

Like an eye on things from the gym.

Brian Green (39:35)

Possibly. But the right solution there doesn't get anyway. Yeah, that's true. I agree. The parent is a shitty parent. You don't drop your kid off at the pool so you can spend an hour in the gym. Especially if they're six years old.

Chrissy Hoadley (39:48)

Six is young.

Brian Green (39:49)

That's terribly dangerous if they're 10, 12, 13. Okay, I can understand that. But I would have absolutely been like, hi, young. Yes, come here, we're gonna go find your dad.

Chrissy Hoadley (40:00)

Yeah.

Brian Green (40:00)

And I would have walked in there and I would have said, hey, you can't let a 6 year old just hang out at a pool by himself. So either you take him or I will call the police for child abandonment. Now maybe she didn't, maybe that's not in her personality or whatever, but I don't think this, I, I, I also understand that her assumption is he saw a woman at the pool and thought she'll take care of it, she'll keep an eye on. But I think that's taking a big leap. I think he's just a shitty parent. And you as a human being should have said you're a shitty parent. Yeah, you need to take care of your child or where's your mommy? Or is there somebody else in the family we can call to come get you? Because clearly your dad is not in the right headspace. Right now I think, think this, but all the blame, all of it lies on the father, not on, not on women, men. It's not a gender thing, it's a. This should have been a story about a shitty parent, not about a woman at the pool. That's my opinion. And who leaves their kid at a pool, six year old at a pool without at all. But then without a life jacket. It's double dum dum. It's double down dum dum is what it is. Is. Why don't we find this dad? That's who should be on Tik tok. That's who she should be filming. Is that dad? I want to see why that dad. Is this dad buff? This is. Is he like one of these like, you know, weekend warrior gym guys like me who's got like a dad bod. And then every third month I decide to go to the gym and lift two weights and say yeah, I got it in. Woohoo. Or is he like a really buff guy? This is like, you know, what he does for a living is workout. That's gym is, you know, I just drove by the gym today, I just drove by the gym today and there was let's say three people that were walking into the gym. One was a guy like me, not a guy who probably visits the gym. Ron, the regular, right. One was a young lady who was obviously in shape, on her way though, she had her creatine jug or whatever. She was on her way. And the third one was a dude that was the size of a fucking house. A one story house. I will mind you, it's very short, but he was a house. And he had two jugs in his hand. Like two jug, like one with green juice and one, I don't know what was in it.

Chrissy Hoadley (42:23)

Prepared.

Brian Green (42:24)

He was prepared. And he was the size of his house and his eyes were like bulging out of his head because I stopped to let him walk in front of me and he was like. And I was like, wow, is that your job? Do you do that for a living? Like how do you, how do you keep yourself that like veins all popping out of his arms? I think you have to be at the gym a lot to do that. And what do you do for a living when you do that? That's, that's always my question about the guys at the gym in the afternoon who are doing that.

Chrissy Hoadley (42:51)

They work from home.

Brian Green (42:53)

You think so? Yeah, they work from home and they just.

Chrissy Hoadley (42:55)

So I saw that there was. The gyms are in trouble right now because people are actually Using their gym memberships a lot. And they count. Part of their business model is. Is count the fact that they would sell the membership and people wouldn't go.

Brian Green (43:10)

Correct.

Chrissy Hoadley (43:11)

Now people are going and using it and it's causing extra work and extra things there.

Brian Green (43:16)

Yeah, they have to have people there to wash the towels and do the thing and. Yeah. You know, make sure that the bathrooms are clean and all that. Yeah. Sorry, your business model didn't work out because. No, because everyone showed up to what they actually paid for. Yeah, it's. Yeah, there's a lot of businesses that. I mean, this is cyclical, so. So it has always been going on like this. But there are a lot. A lot of businesses are in trouble. We were talking about Starbucks the other day. Gyms are in trouble. You know who else is not in trouble? I mean, they guess they are in trouble are the pharmacies. The pharmacies are in trouble because no one goes to the pharmacy to shop for anything except for drugs and possibly a soda and a candy. They're not going there and like vitamins and stuff like that. Typical, like drugstore stuff. But you can go to. To Publix, Kroger, Walmart, Sam's, get all the same. Get it same stuff much cheaper than you can at, say, a CVS or a Walgreens. So they're closing all of these stores because they have a lot of retail stores. So they're. I forget what they call it. Like, also, they were in a lawsuit.

Chrissy Hoadley (44:15)

Over all the oxy stuff that was sold.

Brian Green (44:18)

A few of them were, yes. And they came to a settlement agreement with the Department of Justice for not basically not doing. Not doing a great job of monitoring how many pills someone was getting and whether they were, you know, know, counteracting with other drugs that they were getting. Like, if you were getting 400 Xanax a month, should you also be getting 400 Oxycontin a month? Or should the pharmacist say, whoa, let me call the doctor and make sure that, you know, there's nothing funky going on here. But all of those pharmacies. All the pharmacies, no matter which pharmacy you go to, I can guarantee you have long lines, irritated pharmacists, and bad customer service because they don't get paid a lot of money. And everyone's trying to use a reduced amount of pharmacies right now.

Movie Character / Narrator (44:57)

Now.

Brian Green (44:58)

So there's two things that are happening. Number one, I'm really disliking the big box pharmacy stores right now because they're just miserable experiences. But Number two, many more mom and pop pharmacies like there were when we. I mean, the big box have always been around since I was alive, but these. There used to be random pharmacies like mom and Pop pharmacies, Independent, all over the place. Then for like 20 years there was none. And now they're coming back. Now people are going back to them because they're saying, hey, hey, listen, I don't want to wait in line for three hours to get a fucking attitude. And my prescription won't be ready till next Tuesday. And you know, but while I'm standing here, let me buy a $10 candy bar instead. Let me go to a pharmacy that gives a shit. And that's how it should be. So it's kind of crazy. They put them out of business and now they're coming back. Look at that. Boom. Yes, boom. And that, my friends, is why I hate Tom Brady. It's all his fault the pharmacies are in trouble.

Chrissy Hoadley (46:00)

Yeah, harshly.

Brian Green (46:03)

Oh, I gotta wrap up the show. I gotta go watch more. Elvira.

Chrissy Hoadley (46:11)

I know. I want to know what happens to the President.

Brian Green (46:15)

I do too. I have it on pause, so I'm gonna get back to it. All right. We're super excited to be in Florida just a couple short weeks away. We should probably think of something. We should get say down there. Chrissy. We should probably start working on that.

Chrissy Hoadley (46:27)

I know, I'm. We're going to start soon.

Brian Green (46:29)

Soon. Soon enough.

Chrissy Hoadley (46:31)

Like the night before.

Brian Green (46:32)

Yeah. Well, hey, we could just go on there and totally improv, but then you just get a bad episode of the commercial break. All right, so let us know if you're going to be down there and buy your tickets. Please do. You can buy your tickets in a number of ways. You can go to the show show notes of this episode. There's links to both shows to Damia beach improv on the 24th, Orlando on the 25th. Links right in the show notes. Go buy those tickets. You can also click on the links on our website tcbpodcast.com you can go to our Instagram at the commercial break and Lincoln bio type. If you do go buy those tickets, please Let us know. Know 212-433-3822. That's 212-433-TCB. Let us know when you're going to. If you're going to be down there so that Chrissy and I can give you the extra attention and love that you deserve. Cuz you'll be one of three audience members and we want to know that you are the one who texted us.

Chrissy Hoadley (47:31)

Say thank you.

Brian Green (47:32)

Come say thank you. I'll sign.

Chrissy Hoadley (47:34)

I will say thank you.

Brian Green (47:35)

Oh, we'll say thank you. I'll sign your forehead for you.

Chrissy Hoadley (47:38)

Say thank you.

Brian Green (47:41)

Come say thank you for all the joy we've given you over the years. We'll go down to one of those Florida cvss and wait in line together.

Chrissy Hoadley (47:50)

Yep.

Brian Green (47:52)

Also get your free sticker on the website tcbpodcast.com hit the contact us button, drop down menu. I want my free sticker. Give us your physical address and away it will go. We will send you a free sticker. No must, no Fuss, no problem. YouTube.com the commercial break for all of our interviews, selected episodes and clips. And what else is there to say? Chrissy?

Chrissy Hoadley (48:16)

I think.

Brian Green (48:17)

I think I got it all in. Oh. At the @TCB podcast on tick Tock. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.

Chrissy Hoadley (48:23)

I think so.

Brian Green (48:23)

I'll tell you that I love you. I love you bestie. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time. Chrissy and I always say. We do say and we must say goodbye. No, hell not.