The Commercial Break – "Putt Putt Rawr"
January 16, 2025 | Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley
Episode Overview
In this lively, irreverent episode of The Commercial Break, Bryan and Krissy return to riff on Bryan's misadventures at the Great Wolf Lodge indoor water park with his family. Along the way, they skewer adult behavior at kid-centric venues, unpack podcasting industry drama (including discussion of “industry plant” podcasters), and read out heartfelt and hilarious messages from their listeners. True to form, the duo swings between absurdity, relatable life rants, and slyly twisted insights, all while maintaining the show’s signature blend of self-deprecating humor and chaotic, conversational energy.
Listener Mailbag & Shoutouts (01:00–09:58)
Key Points:
- Bryan expresses gratitude to listeners and shares funny, bizarre, and touching messages from fans.
- Stories about small-town successes and learning about other podcasts (Hillbilly Horror Stories).
- Listener tributes: Remembering Jerry from Hillbilly Horror Stories.
- Shoutouts to regulars like Brandon (Tri Cities), Sidney (clarifies “Sid” is a boy), Taj (holiday fostering cats), and other quirky listeners.
- Comments on podcasting loneliness and the weirdness of negative reviews.
Notable Quotes:
- “Podcasting can be a lonely venture...it’s a camera, a mic, and no one else in the room.” – Bryan (07:16)
- “I do, do, do love our listeners. They are absolutely, absolutely...I’ve said this before. Podcasting can be a lonely venture...” – Bryan (06:31)
Memorable Moment:
Bryan likens reading negative reviews to voluntarily jumping into a pit of snakes, so he just avoids them now.
The Perils of Podcasting – Plant Theories, Fame & Fades (10:10–18:37)
Key Points:
- Discussion of Bobby Althoff, the "weird, dry" podcast interviewer who skyrocketed to viral fame and then quickly faded amid rumors of being an “industry plant.”
- Industry insider gossip: WME allegedly orchestrated her rapid rise using celebrity client crossovers.
- Bryan reflects on the harshness directed at fallen creators and draws a line between playful critique and “dancing on graves.”
- Quick turn to the “Hawk Tuah” meme and her disastrous foray into meme coins, critiquing online grifters and the people who fall for “Tua Coin.”
Notable Quotes:
- “Everybody’s playing a character when the camera turns on.” – Bryan (14:26)
- “There’s no millions of dollars in this type of podcasting...for every Joe Rogan, there are 50 of us just paying the bills.” – Bryan (13:35)
- “If you bought Tua Coin...you also gotta take some personal responsibility. You bought Tua Coin. It’s a coin based on a gross-in Octua!” – Bryan (18:01)
Memorable Moment:
Bryan’s deadpan breakdown of meme coin economics: “Only 90% of the supply was controlled by, like, 10 different wallets...and that’s exactly what they did.” (18:37)
The Great Wolf Lodge Odyssey: Kids, Chaos & Adult Fails (20:01–41:57)
Key Points:
- Bryan resumes his saga at Great Wolf Lodge (“piss-soaked lazy river with my young children”) with Krissy egging him on.
- His children’s innocent delight at the wave pool clashes with his horror at the hygiene situation and the adult hijinks.
- Lifeguards blowing whistles primarily at adults, not kids; Bryan’s pointed analogy compares the pool to "having to buy a donut after someone licked them all."
- Rants about adults acting the fool—throwing kids into waves, hogging the kiddie slides, and clinging to ropes like it’s their first day out.
Notable Quotes:
- “Someone licked the donuts. But my kids are hungry, so I have to buy them. And I’m going to have to put it in my mouth.” – Bryan (20:33)
- “Can you not control yourself for two seconds? There are small children around, and you’re acting the fool.” – Bryan (21:47)
- “There’s no human being on earth who’d look at this pool and say, ‘This is made for me as an adult.’” – Bryan (28:49)
Memorable Moments:
- Adult man clings to rope in kiddie pool while a lifeguard repeatedly whistles; Bryan muses, “Did someone not give you a kiss as a child?” (25:49)
- “Either you are challenged in some kind of way...or you are in desperate need of a blowjob to mature your ass a little bit.” – Bryan’s blunt diagnosis of grownups hogging the little slides (29:47)
Germaphobia & The Hotel Hygiene Spiral (35:29–38:46)
Key Points:
- Bryan details the family post-pool decontamination ritual, forced showers (“Would you want to take a shower if you just peed on your own leg?”), and deep mistrust of communal soap.
- Confesses to bringing his own soaps and towels, avoiding hotel bathtubs, and treating every surface as a norovirus “peach tree dish” (his repeated malapropism for 'petri dish').
Notable Quote:
- “We just peed on our own leg. But it wasn’t our pee.” – Bryan (36:00)
Memorable Moment:
Bryan’s ET-style hazmat routine after his youngest poops in the shower.
The Great Adventure Pack Scam & The Putt Putt Trap (38:46–41:57)
Key Points:
- Discovery that the all-inclusive “Rawr Pack” mainly covers endless rounds of putting (“The activities that are included are putt putt and putt putt and putt putt.”)
- Bryan’s frustration: all the best activities (ropes course, climbing wall) are upcharged; only putt putt is truly included—“No one likes putt putt. Let’s be honest. It’s played out.”
Notable Quote:
- “I have the rawr pack. I’m supposed to have the rawr here. And he’s like, ‘You just get a fucking discount.’” – Bryan (40:38)
The Big Climbing Wall Challenge – Bryan’s Accidental Heroism (41:57–48:53)
Key Points:
- Astrid and Bryan’s daughter brave the climbing wall. Peer-pressured by Gustavo and Astrid’s casual “He’s not gonna do that,” Bryan’s pride is triggered, so he climbs the wall.
- Miraculously, Bryan makes it to the top, rings the bell—and then “lands directly on my back” as the auto-belay slams him down, to the teen attendant’s stunned “Whoa, dude.”
- Reflection on how moments of pride are always followed by public embarrassment.
Notable Quotes:
- “Something about those words compelled my balls to release a high dose of testosterone.” – Bryan (44:15)
- “I have never been in a harness...but instinct takes over, and I quickly, quickly, and not looking down once, climbed right up that wall and rang that bell...” – Bryan (44:41)
- “You still got it. – Astrid // Got what? I probably look like a back problem.” – Bryan & Astrid (48:38–48:40)
Memorable Moment:
Bryan’s slow-motion crash landing, and his fear that the epic, ungraceful fall has been captured on video for Instagram infamy.
Arcade & Pizza Bedlam: Prizes, Scams, & Peach Tree Dishes (49:29–63:33)
Key Points:
- The money-pit arcade: $25 yields four miserable claw attempts per child, but staff are sympathetic and sometimes let kids have their toy anyway.
- Bryan observes a “pudgy little redhead” winning thousands of tickets, speculates about his parents “smoking meth,” and marvels at the futility of these games.
- Pizza pickup is a study in low-grade human chaos: a woman pilfers plastic bags, drinks, and utensils while a frazzled teen cashier tries to keep order.
- A near-meltdown erupts over delayed pizza orders, and Bryan gently defuses a would-be parental brawl.
- Bryan’s son sagely observes, “Yeah, but we did wait a long time for the pizza” (63:11), leading Bryan to conclude, “We are all fucked.”
Notable Quotes:
- “I am also growing a shithead in a peach tree dish. We are all fucked.” – Bryan (63:11)
- “It’s Petri. What? Did I say peach tree? The entire episode I say peach tree dish?” – Bryan (63:23–63:33)
Final Reflections: Will He Return? (64:00–66:00)
Key Points:
- Despite his misery, Bryan says he’d return for the kids’ sake: “For once in my goddamn life, I’m not going to be selfish.”
- Surprises: No one seemed to clean the waterpark after closing, though perhaps it happens later.
- Closes with gratitude for listeners, and sly humor about the perils and minor victories of family life.
Notable Quote:
- “We will at some point go back to the Great Wolf Lodge because the kids had so much fun and no one ended up with their anuses falling out.” – Bryan (64:52)
Timestamps for Key Segments
- Listener Mailbag & Tributes: 01:00–09:58
- Podcasting Drama & Industry Plants: 10:10–18:37
- Great Wolf Lodge Waterpark Rant: 20:01–41:57
- Climbing Wall Adventure: 41:57–48:53
- Arcade/Pizza Mayhem: 49:29–63:33
- Final Thoughts & Goodbye: 64:00–end
Tone & Style
True to The Commercial Break’s self-aware, off-color reputation, this episode is fast-paced and only barely contained. Bryan’s exasperation is tempered by Krissy’s eye-rolling empathy, and the pair’s ability to turn personal disaster into comedy gold is on full display. The language is irreverent, raw, and peppered with adult humor and pop culture snark—a “Cheesecake Factory of comedy podcasts” at its most chaotic and most relatable.
For New Listeners
Whether or not you’ve braved an indoor water park with your own kids (or survived a wild meme-coin ride), Bryan and Krissy’s storytelling puts you right at the heart of parental (and societal) absurdity—with just enough side-eye wisdom to make you laugh at it all.
Listener’s Choice:
Listen for the laughs, commiserate with the cringe, and never underestimate the carnage that a grown man at a kiddie slide, or an enraged pizza-seeker, can unleash.