Red Flag Rodeo!

Summary

The Commercial Break – Episode Summary

Podcast: The Commercial Break
Hosts: Bryan Green & Kristen Joy Hoadley
Episode: Red Flag Rodeo!
Date: November 22, 2024

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Overview

This "Red Flag Rodeo" edition of The Commercial Break centers on toxic relationships and the all-too-familiar “red flags” that signal trouble ahead. With their signature irreverence, long-time friends and hosts Bryan and Krissy blend personal anecdotes, listener stories, and half-serious advice, all served with plenty of self-awareness and comic detours. The episode features a lively review of relationship mishaps, listener-submitted red flag stories (including polyamory gone awry), hot pop culture gossip, and pop-in discussions about Hollywood's new releases.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

Hollywood Banter & Celebrity News

• Denzel Washington’s Sobriety:
  • Bryan reminisces about seeing Denzel at a bar ("I remember distinctly from that interaction... Denzel was drinking wine." [01:00]), and they discuss Denzel’s recent sobriety.
  • Discussion about how actors (Denzel, Tom Cruise, Will Ferrell) often just play themselves – to great effect.
  • The duo riff on why blockbuster movies (Gladiator 2, Santa Claus sequels) keep getting made.

Pop Culture Drama: Chicken Fry & Zach Bryan

• Country Star Melodrama:

  • Bryan breaks down the feud between Barstool’s “Chicken Fry” and country singer Zach Bryan, referencing a (now deleted) video supposedly showing Zach’s abusive behavior.
  • They poke fun at why anyone cares: "Dave Portnoy is doing what Howard Stern has done so well — make you care about people you otherwise don't give a shit about." [07:00]
  • Krissy questions how these viral dramas would even get filmed ("I immediately reach for my phone and start filming you. And you keep going." [07:24]).

• Toxic Relationship Reflection:

  • Bryan brings up his own past toxic relationship:

    "I got into an argument with her, and it was so bad... My best friend called me... I just answered the phone, and this went on for like a half an hour. She was screaming, yelling, throwing things around." [07:47]

  • Observes how such relationships lead to self-doubt and “gaslighting,” often causing you to stay too long.

Listener Letters: Relationship Red Flags

1. Silent Treatment in Public (Listener from North Carolina)

• Red flag: Being affectionate in private but cold/quiet around friends and family.

• Bryan adds:

  "When someone is a different person with you outside of the house than they are inside... that is a huge red flag." [21:52]

• The hosts discuss how isolating partners from loved ones is a major warning sign:

  "When someone tries to cordon you off from friends and family, you gotta get out. Get out immediately." [25:50]

2. Red Flag Rodeo (Chicago Listener) – “Love is Blind… to Red Flags” [26:42]

• Listener details dating a man whose charming surface masked…

  1. Lack of Communication
     • Unwillingness to discuss feelings or be emotionally present.
  2. Controlling Behavior
     • Comments about wardrobe and social circle ("He'd say things like, are you really wearing that to the bar?" [28:15]).
  3. Excessive Jealousy
     • Obsessed with who she spoke to during outings; blew up her phone if she went out.
  4. Gaslighting
     • Made her question her reactions by calling her "dramatic" for objecting to jealousy.
  5. Public Put-downs
     • Made jokes at her expense in front of friends, dismissing her discomfort.

     "It's highly disrespectful... if someone has anxieties... you don't then bounce on those and use it for outside laughter." [31:19]

  6. Inconsistent/“Mood Ring” Behavior
     • Hot and cold, never predictable.
  7. Conflict Avoidance
     • Refused to resolve arguments or communicate through issues.
  8. Blame Shifting
     • Made her feel responsible for every conflict.
  9. Physical Aggression (Minor)
     • Knocked over a lamp in anger. Bryan and Krissy note this is a concern but treat as a warning unless directed at her.
  10. Lack of Support
      • Was dismissive before her big work presentation ("I hope you don't mess it up." [37:03])

  • Key Quote:

    "After a couple of months, I finally had enough when he suggested I should quit my job because it was stressing me out too much. I realized I had been losing myself in this relationship." [38:08]

  • Hosts’ Take:

    • "Each one on its own you could maybe work through. But all together, they add up." [39:09]

3. Polyamorous Pitfalls (Los Angeles Listener) [41:30]

• 23-year-old joins a throuple ("I met an amazing couple, Alex and Jamie… They invited me to join their relationship.") [42:00]
• Red Flags:

  • No boundaries or expectations set ("They just say ‘we'll figure it out as we go’." [43:13])

  • Jealousy from partner left out of events ("I hope you're having fun without me. Thanks for the invite.") [43:55]

  • Inconsistency and exclusion (sometimes part of family activities, sometimes ignored for days)

  • Deflection, avoidance, stonewalling when she seeks clarity ("Let's just enjoy the moment.")

  • Pressuring boundaries ("Made me feel like needing alone time was wrong.")

  • Upon exit, couple simply says: "This is how polyamory works. You have to be flexible." [50:33]

  • Key Learning:

    "While polyamory can be beautiful, it needs to be built on strong communication, respect, and understanding." [51:01]

  • Bryan’s Reflection:

    "Throuples... tricky. Polyamory: French for 'my relationship's not working.' (kidding!)" [50:17]
    "It's hard enough figuring it out with one person... when you make the conscious choice to have multiple people in the mix, it's going to be much harder." [52:17]

4. The Rainbow Red Flag Story (Miami Listener) [54:12]

• 34-year-old from Miami details dating "Brad the Red Flag":

  • Evasive in conversation, withholding personality details.

  • Critiqued wardrobe/appearance ("If I wanted a stylist, I'd call my mother." [56:10])

  • Became intensely jealous and possessive in public.

  • Swung between energetic and sullen moods, leaving partner uncertain what to expect.

  • Sulked or lashed out instead of resolving minor issues (fight over pizza).

  • Ultimately just “the wrong guy”: not outright abusive, but fundamentally mismatched.

  • Key Reflection:

    "If you had known what you wanted, this was not it... This seems more of a mismatched couple to me." [59:00]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Bryan on Relationship Denial:

  "The wrong that I did was stay in it way too long. It was clear from the beginning I was just an irritant to this human being. Why did I stay around?" [08:32]

• On Emotional Games:

  "Love is not bouncing on an open nerve." [31:19]

• On Communication:

  "Whether you're in a monogamous or polyamorous relationship, communication is the key. Don't ignore red flags." [51:10]

• Krissy on Learning the Hard Way:

  "It's also hard for somebody else to tell somebody else what to do... You learned it yourself and you said they were right." [52:13]

• Guru BG & Yogi Hoadley Wrap-up:

  "You gotta pay attention to yourself first... Then you'll never question how someone else communicates with you." [60:34]

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Timestamps for Key Segments:

• Denzel & Movie Banter: 00:55 – 05:44
• Chicken Fry & Zach Bryan Drama: 05:44 – 10:44
• Toxic Relationships, Gaslighting: 10:44 – 15:39
• Red Flags – Listener Letter #1: 20:07 – 26:39
• Red Flag Rodeo – Listener Letter #2: 26:39 – 39:34
• Polyamory & Throupling – Listener Letter #3: 41:30 – 51:46
• Rainbow Red Flag Story – Listener Letter #4: 54:12 – 59:48
• Closing Takeaways: 60:00 – end

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Tone and Style

• Self-aware, goofy, and openly unstructured.
• The hosts riff on each other’s stories with a blend of sincerity ("communication is key") and jest ("Polyamory, French for 'my relationship's not working.'")
• Warm acknowledgment of listener submissions: "Can we just commend all our listeners? They are very cute." [54:54]

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Final Takeaways

• Red flags can be mundane or dramatic, but a pile of small ones can add up to big trouble.
• Communication, trust, and personal boundaries stand at the core of a healthy relationship of any kind.
• Don’t let comedy disguise real wisdom: Bryan and Krissy may keep it silly, but their bottom line is serious—pay attention to warning signs, and don’t ignore your own gut.
• Listeners’ stories were both cathartic and instructive, showing just how common (and unique) red flag experiences can be.

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Best to you, and best to you out there in the podcast universe!

Transcript

[Brian Green]

Is me. On the scale of caring, I'm at zero. Therefore, since negative caring is impossible, or rather is simply caring of another sort, love and hate being different sides of the same coin, etc. Etc. I couldn't care less. On this episode of the commercial break. I do agree with Chrissy on this one. You will learn as you go along. It's not like I'm here to tell you that I'm some wise. Like I'm the third wise man.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Wait, you are Guru, Guru, gbg.

[Brian Green]

That's true. I am. It's true. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. 12:30 in the morning. Oh, yeah. Guys and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co host of this show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Best to you, Brian.

[Brian Green]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. I'm reading an interesting story. You know, we were talking about how the one time I met Denzel Washington at like a bar. And I remember distinctly from that interaction, now that I'm reading this story, that Denzel was drinking wine. Wine. Like I just remember now. It's like standing out to me that I remember thinking that was odd. That he was maybe not odd. I think it was red.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

But I remember the wine glass. I just remember this distinctly. And now I'm reading that Denzel has been sober for 10 years and that he would drink two bottles of wine and every day for years for like 15 years on and off. And that he shot dope for a while and stuff like this. But he's been sober for 10 years.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Good for him because he said the wine did a lot of damage to his body and that he at one point had a 10,000 bottle wine cellar. Oh, yeah, that'll do it. When you have the 10,000 bottle wine cellar, it's hard not to drink the wine. You know what I'm saying?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Absolutely. God. Well, how is he in such good shape over all those movies?

[Brian Green]

Well, I mean, I think Denzel is a big guy, right? In general, he's like a big boned guy. He's not a small human being. And when you see him in person, you realize that. But it's not like he's in great shape every movie. I mean, you know, think back on some of his, like now he looks a little skinnier, a little more top, like older in age. He's lost some of that like muscle weight and body weight. But there's a few movies where he's kind of got like dad bod going on, if I remember correctly. So that. That jives. That jives. You're drinking two bottles of wine a day. You're going to have dad bod for some reason.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'm just picture him picturing him, like, buff, buff with like, fiery explosions happening in the back and him rescuing.

[Brian Green]

That's every movie Denzel's ever been in. He plays a badass who rescues people. He. That's really. He's really like a real life superhero. And the thing is, is that Denzel plays Denzel in every movie. Just like Tom Cruise plays Tom Cruise in every movie. Like Will Ferrell plays Will Ferrell in every move. Like, you know, there's just some people who don't act. They're just themselves. And we enjoy watching whatever version of themselves is. Is on. And Denzel's one of those. But I think if. Also, if you think back on Denzel's career, it's not like he's shirtless, running through the scene. Right. He's always got like some sweater on. I mean, why are we talking about this? I have no idea. Anyway, Denzel drank a lot. I don't know. I love Denzel. I do. I love Denzel.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I love Denzel.

[Brian Green]

He's one of my favorites.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And I guess. Is he in the new movie the Gladiators 2?

[Brian Green]

What? Gladiators.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's the Gladiators too.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And that's. I was seeing some stuff in the news about the kiss or something.

[Brian Green]

The kiss?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, he said that he. There was a kiss scene, same sex kiss scene with him that was deleted. But then the. The director, Ridley Scott was like, no, that's not true.

[Brian Green]

Oh, well, okay, maybe back on the line, making out with guys and he thought I was on camera. I don't know. Cool. Dude, it's 2024. Whatevs. Yeah, exactly, whatevs.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I meant to delve deeper into.

[Brian Green]

Listen, I go kissing a guy, I want it to be in the movie. I'm with him. Yeah. If I go through all that trouble, I want it to be in the movie. Yeah. Okay. All right. Gladiators 2 is coming out, I think this weekend. It's Friday, so I think it's coming out this weekend. I think it's just like Twisters. I know I was.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Came out. I was like, why did they have to redo that one too? Because.

[Brian Green]

But it's going to make a billion dollars.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's a formula.

[Brian Green]

It's a formula. And it's been 25 years since that, that first one.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Is so good.

[Brian Green]

It wasn't my favorite movie, but I get it, I get why people like it. And so, yeah, so now the new version is coming out. It's already made like $100 million in globally and so it's going to make another $500 million here in the United States. And you know, it's Thanksgiving weekend, so those movies tend, like those big tent pole movies tend to do or will be Thanksgiving weekend. They tend to do very well. The studios know what they're doing. And then they're up against reindeer nose 5 or whatever. Santa Claus, Death Squad X. Yeah, with the ro.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's the one I saw filming. That was.

[Brian Green]

Right, yeah, yeah, terrible idea. I mean, come on, it's PG13. First of all, if you're gonna make a movie like that, go all in and just make it a ruckus rated R, you know, Die Hard type movie. But Santa Claus, X Ray Deer Number five or whatever it is like, I don't know. I, I, I've seen the trailers and it looks terrible, but, and it is terrible according to everyone. But, you know, okay, I guess it's, some people are going to go it already. That movie already made $38 million or something. It's just amazing how much cash those things bring in. But when it costs 200, $200 million to make, it's, you know, it's a gamble that you're taking. So we'll, we'll keep you posted on gladiators too. Gladiators.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'm sure everybody's gonna be tuning in to expect that.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, everybody wants Brian to update them on how much money other people are making because that's exciting. I don't know. Consider me your trash can. For all information you don't need. I'll put it out there for you. Drama. Drop in the, in the chicken fry drama, the Zach Brian chicken fry Java chicken fry now claims that she has video of Zach Brian being abusive, like throwing things at her during an argument. And she has threatened to release that video. And the guy from Barstool Sports is saying, yeah, you got to release the video. And she's just threatening to do it because Zach Bryan is saying some is saying something bad about her cats or something like he's talking shit about a cat or I don't know. It's like it's gotten way out of hand. And why we even care at this point, I don't know. But Dave Portnoy is making this. Dave Portnoy is doing what I think Howard Stern has done so well for so long. Which is make you care about people you otherwise don't give a shit about. Right. He makes it into a big drama. He puts it on the front page of some, you know, rags and stuff like that. But that chicken fry, listen, it. Apparently Zach Brian is a walking red flag. And that's our topic today, is red relationship red flags. But Zach Brian is apparently a walking red flag. I mean, you're throwing things at people. You're unfriending your girlfriend because she's wearing a certain type of clothing. You're talking. You're breaking up with people. He apparently was engaged.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Get the video. I'm just trying to figure out how this is, how this would go down. Say you and I are across the room and you start throwing shit at me. And I immediately reach for my phone and start filming you. And you keep going.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, you keep going.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Or you're like this. Like you're just holding your phone like this. Like you don't know that I'm filming you. I got into an argument once with a girl that I was dating who, you know, like the. The. The one.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yep, yep, yep, yep.

[Brian Green]

And I got into an argument with her, and it was so bad. I mean, again, it takes two to tango. So I don't want to, like, throw all the blame on just one person. I don't want to sound like, you know, I. I'm great and everybody else is terrible, but this was a tough relationship and. And there were issues. Yeah, it was toxic and there were issues. And that probably went beyond anything I had the ability to help or whatever. But anyway, we got into an argument and she went so insane that my best friend called me while the argument was happening. And I just answered the phone. That's what I didn't. I didn't say hello. I just answered the phone. And then this went on for like a half an hour. I mean, she was screaming, yelling, throwing things around.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Record that you wanted to witness.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I almost did. It was like a weird, I don't know, like, self preservation thing. I don't know why I did it, but I did it. And then I went to work later on that day, saw my best friend and he was like, I heard that whole thing. He's like, that is insane, bro. And I think part of the reason is because sometimes you get gaslit, right? It's like, things can be bad, but someone else can make it seem like it's bad because of you. Right? You're the one that's crazy. You're the one that's Acting out. You're the one that's driving this behavior. You, you're so terrible. That's why I'm acting that way. And again, it's. There's two sides to every story. So I don't want to. I know sometimes I may come across when I'm talking about this particular relationship, like I did no wrong. That's not true. But the wrong that I did was stay in it way too long. And I. It was clear from the beginning that I was just an irritant to this human being. Why did I stay around? I mean, that was it, right? But. But it was just like some kind of self preservation that happened there.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, it was a bad cycle.

[Brian Green]

Oh, man. Was it? Yeah. In and out, in and out, in and out. What is that? And it goes in and out, in and out, Right? Mama has a squeeze a box Never lets me Sleep at Night. The stupidest song that who ever wrote. Chicken Fry responds. I'm just trying to. I want to, I want to get you up to speed on this because if we're going to go. Going to do it, let's just do it. Oh. Chicken Fry now says she was in intensive therapy following the breakup. Country music ex girlfriend makes troubling abuse claims and now deleted video. Wait, where is this about the and now deleted video? Now delete. She deleted the video where she said.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

She had a video.

[Brian Green]

Yes, she said she had a video and then she deleted that video where she said she had a video video. Zach, Brian. Okay, I just.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Brianna La Pago Pagolia Paglia.

[Brian Green]

Chicken Fried lapaglia threatened to release a video of the country singing singer Zach Bryant abusing her. This follows him taunting her with her beloved cat stumps. Their messy breakup has been incredibly messy after when it all started that Brian announced their breakup online, leaving the podcast star blindside. Yeah, Brian. Zach. Brian. Zach, Brian. In a now deleted video, Chicken Fry can be seen saying that if Brian doesn't stop sharing pictures of her cat, she'll post a video of him whipping shit at my face. Quite. Quite a serious allegation that so far hasn't been pursued. Dave Portnoy, a firm friend of Chicken Fries and the co host of the BFF podcast, encouraged her to post it. I'll just send it to you. Said Chicken Fry. This is becoming a real show. This is like now you're getting into he said, she said territory. I, I think he could have left it at Zach. Brian was a. He's posting pictures of your cat. Who really cares. I mean, honestly, just ignore the guy. He's, he's obviously trying to taunt you, but you could. I mean, there was he. If you would have looked into Zach Bryan's history, you would have known that he had a history of breaking up with people without telling them that he was breaking up with them. He had a fiance or he was like married or something. And the lady didn't know that they were getting divorced or breaking up until she got like papers in the mail from an attorney. That is a really shitty way to do it. If you're going to get divorced, you have to have a conversation with somebody. Unless you're in a terribly abusive relationship and then you need to leave in the middle of the night or some like that. Right. There are certainly exceptions to the rule, but Chrissy, you can't just imagine we're married for whatever period of time and then the way you find out we're getting a divorce is because I send divorce papers to your house. That is. That's really terrible. That really.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, yeah, It's. It shouldn't be done like that.

[Brian Green]

Zach Bryan might be good at country music, but he's bad at relationships and maybe abusive. And so I would, I'd caution the next person who finds him on. What is that website?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, God.

[Brian Green]

Raya. Raya. Is it Raya? Raya. Do you think we could get on on that website? I don't think so. I think you got to have like more than a million followers or something and. I don't have more than a million followers. I don't have more than 100 followers. It's gonna be a. Sorry. I do. I did find that I have a lot of LinkedIn contacts.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, me too.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, a ton of LinkedIn. Like 10,000 LinkedIn contacts. It's so easy to collect the light, you know, because it's for business. Everybody wants to connect with you for some reason or the other. Yeah. And I never asked to connect to anyone else. I mean, I think I did at first, but it's all just people just reaching out to me to connect or following me or whatever they do. And so I opened that up for the first time in years, probably yesterday.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Last night.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, last night. To check in on old comings and goings.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, they were talking.

[Brian Green]

I know all the old Clear channel. And you have 10,000 plus contacts. And I'm like, no shit, I'm pretty popular. Go figure. Of course, half of them are names. I can't say. And they're looking for. If I. They want to know if I want part time work from home, where I make $10,000 a day.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I can't believe we're not following up on those.

[Brian Green]

No, you know, I just don't have that kind of time. I'm too busy making no money here.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Make $10,000 a day.

[Brian Green]

I'm too busy making. Trying to fulfill the promise here at the commercial break of making $10,000 a day. We'll get there. It'll happen soon. All right, so today we are talking about relationship bags. And this is. Everyone's got them, everyone knows them. Everyone's been in that toxic relationship. I would think that most people, if you're over the age of, let's say, 25, you've been in a relationship where. Hindsight. 20, or maybe you're in a relationship where it's just plain toxic. And if you would have looked back, just, Just taking the sheen off the relationship, taking the beer goggles off, maybe one less line of blow, you wouldn't see that it was clear from the beginning this wasn't going to work out for you and that this person was, in fact, not your move.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The sex to be a good big clouder.

[Brian Green]

Drugs, alcohol, sex. Those three things are the other gateways to toxic relationships. Swear to God they are.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's why the things that make them keep going.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Yes. Gateway. That like, like sleeping with somebody once, not a toxic relationship, of course. Unless then you need to. They, you know, then you need to get a restraining, order them like I did. Yeah. Sleeping with them once, not a relationship. Right. Just having a. Had a few of those where I'm glad I didn't get into relationships with them. But you keep on drinking, drugging and, and, or, you know, sleeping with them. The sex is good, and it could easily lead to a toxic relationship because you just keep on chasing that. Right? Yeah, you keep on chasing that high. I mean, it's true.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It is.

[Brian Green]

We have all been there. And so I asked some people to. I asked you, the listener, to write in and tell me about.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'm excited to hear these.

[Brian Green]

And we got, we got a number of you that, that wrote in. I can't go over every red flag, and I don't want over some of them twice. But. And a lot of them are very similar, some of them very serious. But I did get three really juicy, good stories out of this. I changed the names, the dates and the places to make sure I kept your anonymity. I don't want the. I don't want you back in the toxic relationship. So let's do this. Let's take a break and Then I think we'll have time to get all three of them. Some of these are like a page long, like so.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

Lots of detail to the conversation. I love it. I love when people take time. They do the homework for us.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Thank you.

[Brian Green]

It's great news. Also, a lot of great. A lot of great feedback about being on Twitch. So we will do that in 2025, just as soon as we learn how we'll do that in 2025. Giving you the ability to look in live on Chrissy and I recording an episode. Yeah. And you'll be able to come in and make comments and ask us questions and talk and all that good stuff. Maybe even send us money. I see on that Twitch people are like, super chat, super chat $5. Super chat $10. I. I will literally, literally handwritten note with lipstick. Kiss the first person who super chats the commercial break. And maybe I'll do it to every person that Super Chat commercial break. For sure.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I've got the lipstick right here.

[Brian Green]

Oh, look at you. You. You do have lipstick on today. Also, I wanted to let you know, just a reminder, I know you're hearing this before the show. Like, we have some ads that are running, some promos that are running. We will be here with you the entire Thanksgiving week, Christmas week, New Year's week, and beyond. Forever and ever. We will be with you. So fear not. We're here bringing you brand new episodes, including the 12 Days of TCB. Please, on behalf of me and my network and my contractual obligations to hit a certain number of episodes, I request that you tune into the 12 days of TCB. Actually, it's going to be fun. I'm excited. And here's how it's going to go. Lots of people have been asking, what is the 12 days of. Yeah, I thought ugly Christmas sweater every day. And we'll be here in the new studio, hopefully by then, the new renovated studio, by then putting all the episodes out on YouTube and Spotify video. But people have been asking, what exactly is the 12 days of TCB? To which I respond, I don't know. I just agreed to it. I just thought it sounded cool. On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. Frankie B. Something like that. And then we're gonna go down the road. We're gonna review some of our favorite content from 2024. We're gonna zhoosh it up a little bit, and then we're gonna, you know, hopefully new videos from Frankie B. And Teresa Caputo and Mountain Monsters and all the good stuff.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

All the faves.

[Brian Green]

All the faves. Basically, it'll turn back the dial to early 2024, when we all felt like the world might have a chance of hanging on. It's a new year. Yeah, it's a new year. Yes. And we'll look forward to Armageddon in 2025. All right, let's take a break. And we'll be back.

[Christina]

Brian might have just said it's time to take a break, but some of us have to work right now. And by work, I mean gently nudge you, nay beg you to follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok @TCB podcast. Because, listen, the more followers we get, the more clout I get with Chrissy and Brian. If you've got something to say, give us a call and leave us a voicemail at 212-433-3333, TCV or shoot us a text. One more thing, check out our website, tcvpodcast.com where you can find all of our audio and video and even request a new sticker from the contact Us form.

[Brian Green]

Bye. Oh, I also wanted to tell you that next Saturday, the Saturday after Thanksgiving, Chrissy, we will have a BO TCB infomercial episode with a very special guest. I hope you tune in. One of the more popular actresses act comedians of our time right now is going to be coming in and speaking with us. And we will broadcast that on a Saturday for you so you have a little something extra while you're putting up the Christmas tree. Nice. So tune in. That's Saturday after Thanksgiving. I wish I could tell you the date, but I don't even know what day it is today.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

So it will be 27, 29th. 30th.

[Brian Green]

It'll be the 30th. It'll be the30th. November 30th, special TCB infomercial. Tune in. You'll know who it is once you see it. And why can't I tell you who it is now? Because I'm not 100% sure that they're actually coming in to do the interview. So there you go. Sometimes we get ghosted. Get ghost. Okay, first, we have a very simple red flag from one of our listeners. Not going to name it just in case. I'm not going to name her just in case, but I know it is a her. And here it is. It says, okay, red flags. You wanted one. And here's one that I wish I had seen and recognized in my partner long before I got involved. When your partner is uncharacter Uncharacteristically quiet around your family and friends. It's as if they can't even fake pleasantries. But then they shower you with love and affection in private. Sincerely, the survivor of longtime abuse. So, from North Carolina. Yes, I agree with you. When someone is a different person with you outside of the house than they are inside the house or in private, that is a huge red flag. And one that I experienced in said relationship that was toxic for me is that things were different inside the house than they were outside the house. Whether it be they were worse inside the house than they were outside. It's almost as if nothing happened. I mean, sometimes there would be acting out outside the house, but. Or sometimes there would be. It would be like we were boyfriend, girlfriend inside the house. But then when we go to social functions, as if we didn't know each other or we were just friends or, you know, it was really strange. It was like a switch flipped. I don't know if you've ever experienced this, but it is rather disconcerting. And I do think it's a big red flag when someone can switch like that or they refuse to give you the kind of attention and affection that they do normally. Listen, I can understand people don't like pda. Like, some people just are not into pda, right? Astro's not into pda. She doesn't like a bunch of, like, phys. Like, you know, someone sucking her neck.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

While you're out, right?

[Brian Green]

French kissing while you're out, right?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Going to second base at the Chili's. She doesn't like that kind of shit. And some people do, right? And some people love it. Like the time I went to town with somebody in a movie theater, got kicked out. But it's when there is, like a total flip of the switch. Like it's lights on, lights off as soon as you exit the home or get in a social situation, especially around your friends and family. That is weird. And you do need to be. You do need to monitor behavior closely at that point. Because why. Why are you being so different when we're in a social situation than you would be? It's either because you want to, you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Know, portray one thing outside.

[Brian Green]

Yes. It's it. I call it being hidden. Right? It's like when people want to hide you or they want to hide the relationship or they want to hide the fact that you're together. And we're not talking about people who are having affairs where it is known that you're just going to be hidden. Right? We're talking about, like, an open relationship where they're hiding you for some reason. They're hiding their affection, they're hiding their attention. That's a huge red flag. Like, I. I think. I think in that case, you should probably think long and hard about whether or not you really want to be in a relationship with somebody. What do you think I do?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I mean, I. Well, I don't know. It's kind of tough. Like, again, hindsight's 20 20.

[Brian Green]

Sure.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

But, yeah, like, in the moment, I think I would maybe if it consistently is happening, then you bring it up and see what they say there.

[Brian Green]

You and Jeff are first dating, Right. And you're in the house and it's all shits and giggles and you're making love and having fun and, you know, all of this other stuff. Maybe even, like, holding hands around the apartment complex or when you take a private walk together, you know? Private walk together. With a private walk together. I thought, Brian, down our.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

In our pasture.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, right. In your pasture.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Down the field.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Down the beach. Your private beach in the Hamptons. And the Hamptons. And the Hamptons property. Yeah, yeah. Right on the belt line, that private walkway that you guys have right behind you. But then you get into a social situation where his friends and family or other people that he knows are there, and he kind of, like, puts you off. He's like, won't hold your hand. He doesn't want to be affectionate. He doesn't like, you know, there's no Terms of Endearment. It's almost as if you guys are friends, right?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. No, that would be weird.

[Brian Green]

That would be a red flag. I think that's what she is referring to here. I think she's saying that it just got really. She got. He got standoffish almost when he was. When she was around in social situations with friends and family, too, which is like a huge, huge one, because you would think even if you don't like pda, like, the place you could be safe, giving attention and affection to your loved one would be around friends and family. Like, that's. That's your tree of trust. That's your little nest, right?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That is the nest. Well, and it would. I think, too. I guess I'm trying to figure out, too, is it. Would it be his friends and family that he then is all of a sudden not being very affectionate or nice? Or would it be her friends and family or both? I don't know.

[Brian Green]

But her friends and family. Her.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, I mean, her family. Maybe he doesn't want to be Too. Like maybe he's scared of her dad.

[Brian Green]

Maybe, maybe. But you know, I think there's also this thing, and, and I think we might get into this later on in some other stories, but there's also this thing that I noticed was happening in, in my own toxic relationship. Is that the slow nature of cutting off friends and family.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, well, that's true.

[Brian Green]

Right? The kind of the cornering of energy. Like if you were spending time, energy or effort somewhere else besides on them directly, that was a no. No. And you all of a sudden, like you started to get cordoned off.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And so sometimes I think when I may be misinterpreting this, but I think I'm not, is that sometimes when the energy changes, it's in an effort to wrangle your energy. Like it has to be on me at all times. I'm not going to give you anything right now, but I don't want you spending that energy on time on anyone. El, that is dangerous. When someone tries to cordon you off from friends and family, you gotta get out. Get out immediately. Don't. The first sign of that, get out immediately. Because it's never gonna end. Well, you don't want to be isolated in a relationship with a fucking dick. That's not what you want to do. That's why for many years no one dated Brian. No one wanted to be in a room with a dick.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's not true.

[Brian Green]

All right, this one is affectionately referred to as the Red Flag Rodeo. Chrissy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The Red Flag Rodeo I like.

[Brian Green]

Here we go. They're naming their stories now. Hey there, TCB crew. 30 year old single woman living in the fabulous city of Chicago. And boy, do I have a wild story for you. Buckle up, because I think it's a classic case of not love is blind, but love is blind to red flags.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Green]

Okay, here we go. I met this guy in a dating app. He seemed awful charming. He had a killer smile. And we hit it off over our mutual love of pizza and terrible puns. I thought, finally, this is my catch, this is my dude. But as I quickly learned, this guy became a whole buffet of red flags. 10 red flags I'm going to name, to be exact, 10. She's going to give us 10. Here we go. Ready? Number one, the lack of communication. At first he was very sweet, but after a few dates, I noticed he never wanted to talk about his own feelings. When I brought up my bad day or anything personal, he just changed the subject to fantasy football or some other bullshit. I didn't care About? I was like, dude, I'm not trying to draft a quarterback. I just want to share what my weekend was like. Okay? Yeah. All right, dudes. Number one, people that are shut down emotionally, certainly a red flag for sure. Number two, his trolling, controlling behavior. It started small. He'd make comments about my wardrobe choices or what makeup I was wearing. He'd say things like, are you really wearing that to the bar? I mean, that's like. That's not a little red flag. That's not subtle. That's a big one. Eventually, he would suggest that I hang out with only certain friends. It seems like a red flag, right? Who knew that my friends were going to be a threat to him and his goddamn fantasy football league? Okay, I can see where this is going. Excessive jealousy. One night I went out with my girlfriends and he blew up my phone. He would not stop texting and calling. He would say things like, who's that guy you're talking to? Do you think he's cute? How did he even know? That's weird. And, I mean, yes, the dude I was talking to was cute, but that's not the point. Did I sign up for a relationship with a personal investigator or a real human being? Okay, yes. Well, listen, this one I gotta take a little umbrage with. If you are talking to cute dudes at the bar, like, if that's a pattern of yours, I can understand where someone might be a little bit upset. Like, I find myself to be a very not jealous person. Like, you really have to. You'd have to be sucking dick for me to get, like, oh, come on. Really? You know, I don't.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Myself. Like, I don't get all upset about Astrid making comments about people that are cute or handsome or, you know, watching smut on TV or, you know, interacting. But if she was, like, in an emotional affair with somebody, like, texting hot and heavy back and forth, that kind of stuff would bother me. But, you know, talking to a handsome dude at the bar and then saying that he was handsome is not going to really upset me all that much. But if it was a pattern, if it was going on all the time, I would see that as a red flag for you. I'd be like, why do you constantly need the attention of other men? Like, that feels to me like you're.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Looking for kind of like, if you go out to the bar, too, with a person that you came with, you kind of want to hang out with that person.

[Brian Green]

Absolutely. Absolutely. But this sounds like she went out with this, her girlfriend and then all of a sudden, he. I think he. Was he following camera? Yeah, that's what.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, camera's somewhere in your glass.

[Brian Green]

That is a red flag. Now it's Frankie V. He got the phone out and shit's going sideways. All right. Gaslighting. When I confront him about the jealousy, confronted about the jealousy, he acted as if I was overreacting. He said, you're being dramatic. I. It was just me caring about you. I just wanted to make sure that you were safe and okay. Nobody. I said, that's not caring about me. That is manipulation. Again, I think this is a bit of a gray area here. Like, I don't think he's caring about you, but I think he's caring about whether or not you're going to be hooking up with other dudes that I can kind of understand. So I'm just trying to play devil's advocate here a little bit. Otherwise, I think you're spot on. Disrespectful language. One time we went out with friends and he made a joke at my expense. Oh, this continued at this particular or. Everyone laughed and it continued, but I felt like I had been slapped in the face. I told him it wasn't funny, and he responded, you really need to lighten up. And I said, sure, let's just throw my self esteem. Throw my self esteem down where your fantasy football league is. Okay. Yep.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

There's a fantasy football theme going on too.

[Brian Green]

I think she hated the dude who spent a lot of time on fantasy football, I think is what's going on. Well, let me share this. This is true. Is that there people, when you make fun of each other inside the room. Right. When it's the two of you, it. It's scientifically noted that that is a way to deepen. Deepen your relationship when you can poke fun at each other's foibles and coibles. But I have often said, and I say this to Astrid all the time, love is not bouncing on an open nerve. If someone has anxieties or is self conscious or has some kind of, you know, issues around themselves, and we all know what these are. After you've been in a relationship for a while, you don't then bounce on those and use it for either laughter or to poke at someone outside of the room, you just don't do it. Yeah, it's highly disrespectful. And quite frankly, it's the sign that you're not caring for somebody. You're doing the exact opposite. You're not caring for them. It's not that you are caring for them, it's that you're not caring for them. I agree with this one, a hundred percent. I'm with you. We're here. Dr. Phil in the house. Inconsistent behavior. One minute he told me I was sweet as pie, and the next he'd act cold and distant, just like our first, the lady from North Carolina. I felt like I was dating a mood ring. I could never figure out what color I was supposed to be. Yes, this is. I forget what they call this, but this is when. Love bombing. When you love bomb somebody, you, you. They're the best that you can't. You know I love you. There's nothing wrong with you. I can't believe you're with me. You're my savior. You're my hero. And then 15 minutes later, you cannot do a goddamn thing right. It's called love bombing. They give you the love and then they take it away. They give you the love and then they take it away. And it's in an effort to control your emotional well being. It's in an effort to break you down. Whether they consciously understand that or not. I think some people do, but what they're doing is, is that they're trying to control you. Just like, say here I felt like I was dating a mood ring. I couldn't figure out what color I was supposed to be. You're not supposed to be any color you're supposed to be how you are, you're supposed to feel how you're supposed to feel. Yes. Big red flag, Chrissy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I agree.

[Brian Green]

Okay, conflict resolution. If I tried to bring up anything that bothered me, he'd raise his voice or he'd just go silent. I was always left standing there like a deer in the headlights, wondering if I should just start talking to myself. He never wanted to resolve conflict after it happened or headed off at the pass. Huge red flag.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

That's just a sign of emotional immaturity, quite frankly.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Right. And bad communication.

[Brian Green]

You ever been with someone who gets so defensive? They get defensive about every thing that you want to talk about. That drives me crazy. And I know I've been guilty of this too. Sometimes we all get defensive about one thing or the other. But this is one where I would say, yes, big red flag. It's. It's a sign that you have the emotional maturity to try and figure things out. And your partner does not have the emotional maturity to sit there with you. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You got to work through things.

[Brian Green]

Of course you do.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. Or they just fester, too.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Blame Shifting. When we had our first real argument, he insisted that it was all my fault. He said, if you hadn't brought that up, we wouldn't be fighting. So basically, the message that we were in was me just having feelings. I understood in that moment that I had to walk on eggshells around what I was saying and how I was sharing my own feelings. Yeah, that's. This is tough. Yeah. This sounds like a shitty relationship altogether. I don't know. You were in this one. Number nine, physical aggression.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, well, that.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, that's just a line. That's not even a red flag. That's a line.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's definitely a line. It's not allowed.

[Brian Green]

This one is a bit extreme, but let me clarify. One time he got frustrated while playing a video game. Video games and fantasy. Fantasy football. Sounds like you just have a. It sounds like your pickers off. Actually, he got mad while playing a video game and accidentally knocked over a lamp. But it didn't feel accident. Even though that's what he said, it didn't feel accidental. I was like, whoa, dude, that's not cool. But he brushed it off. He said that it was just an accident. And it felt like a small thing at the time, but it left me feeling uneasy in general.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

God, it could have been an accident.

[Brian Green]

And who amongst us hasn't thrown something against the wall at some point? Like, you know, sometimes you hit a pillow, you know, kick the dirt.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You sometimes throw a golf club.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Toss blue in the pool. You know, like, who amongst us hasn't gotten a little frustrated? I mean, if it's not physical aggression toward you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, I thought that's what it was.

[Brian Green]

Okay, me too. But if it's physical aggression and you feel like it could have been you then, or if it was because of you. Like, if you're in an argument and he threw the lamp against the wall. Bad news. If he's mad at a video game and he knocked over the lamp, like, you know, shoved over the lamp because he was mad at the video game. Yeah, I. I would take note of it, but I don't know that that would be, like, a huge red flag for me. It would just be like, we, dude, you need to learn how to control your anger a little bit. It's a video game.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Rev down.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, rev down. As Chrissy would say, rev down. And number 10, finally, lack of support. One time I had a big presentation and at work, and instead of being encouraging, he just told me, I hope you don't mess it up.

[Christina]

Oh.

[Brian Green]

And then didn't. Didn't support me in any other way when I really needed this presentation to work out. I just wish that he had spent some time boosting my confidence. Instead of saying trite words, I thought, thanks for the vote of confidence, man. Maybe I'll just walk into the meeting with a sign that says, I'm going to be a disaster. Yeah, that's.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's. Yeah, that's a big red flag.

[Brian Green]

If asterisk didn't support me, we would have ended this podcast episode number three. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Same with Jeff.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Jeff tells me every day. He gives me my little lunch and he. A kiss, and he. And he walks me out the door and he says, be safe. Be funny. I love you so much.

[Brian Green]

Be safe. Be funny. I'm going to whack off. I love you. Yeah, no, it's true. You have to have.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You have to.

[Brian Green]

Your partner has to be supportive.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Especially, too. If it was, like, something that had been building up, it was a big presentation. She'd been working on it for weeks, months, whatever. And the day of he says, I hope you don't mess it up. Boom. I would be like, fuck you, dude.

[Brian Green]

I mean, we do that as friends. Yeah, we do that as friends. You should certainly have that as a partner, right? Absolutely. Okay, so wrap it up. After a couple of months, I finally had enough when he suggested I should quit my job because it was stressing me out too much. I realized myself. I realized that I had been losing myself in this relationship, and it was time to run off into the sunset solo style. I ended up. I ended things, and let me tell you, it felt like shedding a hundred pounds. I learned that sometime, sometimes love blinds you to the red flags. But it's critical to pay attention to those flags, or you might find yourself in a rodeo of emotional chaos. Thanks for listening. And remember, when dating, keep your eyes peeled for those red flags, because nobody needs a rodeo in their love life. Love you guys. Podcast Listener, Chicago, Illinois.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, we love you.

[Brian Green]

Be listeners. What they said. But I say podcast listener. Okay, thank you. That was. That was good. I liked it. And she broke it down step by step so that we could tell which red flags. I agree with most of them. Some of them, I think, are a little bit gray area.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. And. And each one on its own. If that was it, maybe that's something you could work through. But all together, they add up.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. A few of those were bigger than others, but. And some of them had a little bit of gray area. We would probably need more detail or to know the person directly. But I will say in some, in total, huge, huge toxic red flag. That guy was going to be no good for you in the long run. So a few months. I think you consider yourself lucky that.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You just have experience for a few months. Not a few months, a few years.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, let's. Let's get a little bit more complicated. Chrissy in a polyamorous relationship. Polyamory red flags when we return.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Exciting.

[Brian Green]

We'll get to that from one of our wonderful listeners. We'll be back.

[Christina]

In case you guys were wondering, I am currently trapped in the closet in the studio being forced to record liner after liner and I never get to leave. So help me by following us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok @TCB podcast and go to our website, tcbpodcast.com for more information about Ryan and Chrissy and access to our massive catalog of video and audio episodes. Now Please text us at 212-4333, TCB and tell Brian and Chrissy to let.

[Brian Green]

Me out of the closet. All right, I'll turn on my microphone. Why not?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's good. Start there.

[Brian Green]

Well, I just thought it was broken as it is. So I've decided that in the new studio configuration that the commercial break is going to spend wisely and get a new microphone for Brian and give the broken one to Christina. So that way, hopefully when I don't like what she's saying, it'll just cut itself off.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It'll just crackle.

[Brian Green]

Yes, poor Christina. Actually, we love Christina and she'll be here with us pretty soon every episode here in the studio, producing us live and hopefully sharing her thoughts here and there when appropriate. Christina, learn to stay in your lane. Red flag from Brian. Learn to stay in your lane.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Also, she can also do the research so we're not googling things as we talk.

[Brian Green]

Yes, that's true. Like, we've decided that we just need some backup here because we so many times don't know what the fuck we're talking about and we don't. It's not a good look to just then spend 30 dead air seconds trying to google something.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Or is it.

[Brian Green]

So plus just so many wonderful things we could do if we had an extra pair of hands and an actual brain in here. So between the three of us, we'll have one brain and we'll be able to figure things out. All right. Our polyamorous friend from Los Angeles wrote us a letter and 23 year old living in Los Angeles and they Have a story that hopefully will make us laugh, cringe, and maybe even rethink our dating choices. Chrissy. Okay, so grab your kombucha, she says, and settle in as I take you through a whirlwind experience and a polyamorous relationship that was more tangled than my earbuds on a trip to the gym. Well, you shouldn't be using. First of all, you should never use wires at the gym. You know what I'm saying? I've seen so many people with those wired things, they just fly out of their heads and their heads go knocking into something. Don't use wires at the gym. Go to earth. Okay. I met an amazing couple, Alex and Jamie, at a local queer coffee shop one night. They were fun, charismatic, and they also had effortless chemistry that was downright enviable. After a few flirty conversations and a couple of mind blowing group hangouts, they invited me to join their relationship. I thought, what could go wrong? I mean, it's la. We're all about love, acceptance, and sharing, right? And to be honest, polyamory and the queer lifestyle in LA is spot on. It's not unusual. Spoiler. What could go wrong? Spoiler alert. A lot. Right off the bat, I noticed that communication was like a game of charades. But nobody knew the rules. When I'd ask about their boundaries or how they envisioned our dynamic, it was like trying to extract information from some secret society. They just would say things like, we'll figure it out as we go. Yeah. Because that always ends well.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

No, yeah. No, no, no, no, no. I hear you. You got to have clear boundaries right off, right off the bat. And oh boy, did the jealousy rear its ugly head right from the beginning. One night, I ended up going to a concert with Alex. I'm assuming this is the. The male in the relationship. I don't know if Alex and Jamie, our man and a woman or a man and a man, I'm not really sure. But when Jamie found out, they sent me a text message that read, I hope you're having fun without me. Thanks for the invite. I mean, it was a concert, not a funeral. And I tried to reassure them, but it felt like I was navigating a minefield with every word. Yeah, one minute.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I hope you're having fun.

[Brian Green]

I hope you're having fun without me. I'll have the dead rabbit waiting when you get home. I mean, come on. Yeah, I agree. If you're going to be in a throuple, then you got to understand that at times it's not going to include you. Isn't that, like, the benefit of being in a throuple sometimes? Like, you know, okay, I don't have to worry about.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

One person doesn't feel like going to the concert.

[Brian Green]

That's right. That's right. Ask that guy from Sister Wives. He's.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's working out.

[Brian Green]

It's working out just fine for him. Everything turned out roses. One minute they were all in, inviting me to join, family dinners and movies. The next night, it was like I had vanished into thin air. Thin air. I'd text, and I'd get crickets in response. Sometimes for hours and sometimes for days. Whoa. I felt like I was in a relationship with a couple of magicians. Now you see me, now you don't. Well, yeah, that's a red flag, definitely, if you're going to be in, like, a relationship.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Every single one of these have been.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The definable red flag.

[Brian Green]

Absolutely. First of all, no boundaries.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, we'll figure it out.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, we'll figure it out. Yeah. You're horrible. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Now you see me, now you don't.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, that's like. I don't know. That's like trying to stick it in the butt the first time you make out with somebody. Right. It's like when you have no boundaries, then the. The boundaries are everywhere, and then they're just going to pop up here and there, and it's going to make for everyone being upset.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, they're going to pop up. When there is a. When you hit a boundary.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, when you hit a boundary, that's a conflict when you cross the line. And then when you cross the line, there's conflict, and it's unnecessary because you could have said from the beginning, yeah, I don't like you going out with Alex unless you ask if that's okay.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Communicate with me.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, okay. All right. I got it right. Or, you know, at times, Alex and I would. Or Jamie and I, or whatever, we would like to have our own space. So from time to time, we're going to take a little break here and there. During the week, we like to just go to work and do our thing. We'll see on the weekends, whatever. This sounds like. No expectations were set from the beginning, and you're just bumping into the wall as you go along. So this is. I see this. This is definitely a red flag. But I. I have to say this, my friend. I do believe some of this. And you're 23 and everyone's learning, but I do have to say, you'll learn this as you go along. Some of this might be on you a little bit too. Like you could have also said, hey, what are the dynamics here? What are we. What's going to go on? Or. Or I don't like this, or I would like this. So. But let's read through it and maybe we'll find out. They did after one night, after a particularly awkward group outing, I tried to adjust how I felt as the third wheel. Instead of owning up to any miscommunications. Alex shot back with, maybe if you hadn't been so quiet, we wouldn't have had these problems. I was like, excuse me. I didn't realize that I needed to be the one directing the relationship to fit in. Yeah, this is all miscommunication.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Exactly.

[Brian Green]

This is really a bit of it about miscommunication. This is a tale as old as time. Miscommunication. Both Alex and Jamie were very sweet, but when it came to discussing feelings, it really was like pulling teeth. I tried to have heart to heart conversations. They deflect with jokes or they would change the subject. I felt like I was trying to perform brain surgery without any training. Extremely difficult, Slightly terrifying. It was like a high wire act and I always fell off the wire. Yeah, okay, this is it. When I broached the subject. Example. When I broached the subject of where we were heading as a trio, the conversation often turned awkward. Jamie would say things like, let's just enjoy the moment. Well, that's great and all, but I'm not trying to invest in a relationship that's like a pop up store at the mall. I need some stability. I need to know where we're going and what we're doing. Fair enough. Okay. There's more to this. And after a few months, I noticed that the boundaries were more like suggestions to them. I'd express my boundaries were more like suggestions to them. I'd express something like, I need some time alone. And they'd respond with, oh, come on, we just need one more game. Game night. Or why don't you feel like hanging out with us? Does that mean you don't want to be with us? They pressured me into feeling like my boundaries weren't real. Expectations that needed to be met. I felt like I was always on this tightrope and I would and. And I was just one step from the abyss. I always felt guilty for wanting personal space or trying to get my personal needs met. Yes. Miscommunication. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I mean, it almost sounds like the. The couple wanted to kind of just hang out at Coffee shops and game nights and hook up and not really have it. Her be or that person, other person, be a part of the relationship.

[Brian Green]

Yes. I think this is a tale about a couple who was looking for a little bit of excitement, brought you into the relationship, played with you like a toy, and then decided when or when not to discard you and your feelings. Which, by the way, from my own knowledge of throuples, it's kind of how it goes. Yeah, right. I mean, I, we, we know some people, and for years they wanted a girlfriend. It's a couple. They wanted a girlfriend, and they would bring in young girl after young girl after young girl, some for longer times than others that really ended up becoming babysitters, nannies, people to clean their house. But they would come and go not as, as the girl pleased, but as they pleased.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And it became very, very difficult for every one of those young ladies who all left in tatters because they felt like they were getting invested in this relationship that was going to mean, be meaningful and mean something. And really what it was was just a plaything for the couple. I mean, that's how I saw it and love these people to death. I think they're wonderful. I don't think they were trying to be. I don't think they were trying to misrepresent or be mean or, or be abusive. I don't think that's what it was. I think that's just what happened in the end. So I, you know, throuples again, seems tricky. Polyamory, French for my relationship's not working. I'm kidding. I, I, it just seems very, I.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Don'T know, very tricky.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I don't know any polyamory relationships that worked super long term, but that I only have no, my limited scope is my limited scope. I don't know. After a few months of the emotional roller coaster, I decided I was more stressed than happy. I left and I had, or I had decided to have a sit down with them to express my concerns. And when I brought up these red flags, they just shrugged and said, this is how polyamory works. You have to be flexible. Okay, true. And that was my aha moment. Flexibility is great, but not at the expense of my own emotional health. So I made a tough decision to stay away from the relationship and I left. I realized that while polyamory can be beautiful, it needs to be built on strong communication, respect, strong and understanding communication.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Like the number one thing.

[Brian Green]

Absolutely. So here I am, single and ready to mingle, but with, with a much clearer vision. Of what I want in a relationship.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You live and you learn.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Thanks for listening. If you know anybody that needs a, that's looking for a 23 year old third, let me know Whether you're in a monogamous or polyamorous relationship, communication is the key. Don't ignore red flags. Cheers to you all. Navigating the wild world of love. Love with laughter and care, as you always do. Oh, that's very sweet.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Thank you very much.

[Brian Green]

You obviously haven't been listening for very long. There you go. There you have it. I mean, she said it. She, she got it in the end is she did really was just about communication. You want to hear one more?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Let's do it.

[Brian Green]

Why not? Let's go for.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And you know, just thinking back, you know, some of these things are where you, you learn as you go.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Of what is good, what works for you, what doesn't work for you. And that's life.

[Brian Green]

That is life.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Mm. It's also hard for somebody else to tell somebody else what to do. Like, you know when your parents told you, like, yes, something, and you were like, I don't know. And then you learned it yourself and you said that they were right.

[Brian Green]

Yes, I, I, I agree with you. I, I think some things you just.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Have to kind of go through.

[Brian Green]

Some things you do just kind of have to go through on your own when you're 23 years old. And this is like, it's hard enough figuring it out with one person involved in the mix. When you make the conscious choice to have multiple people in the mix, then you're going to have to deal with multiple emotional situations and varying levels of emotional maturity and varying boundaries and varying levels of respect. That is really difficult to do. Like, when I was 23 years old, I could barely understand what my own boundaries were, let alone anybody else's. I'm not even sure I had any right. And so I do agree with Chrissy on this one. You will learn as you go along. It's not like I'm here to tell you that I'm some wise. Like I'm the third wise man.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Wait, you are guru.

[Brian Green]

Guru. Gbg. That's true. I am. It's true. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Get some kundalini yoga going.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Dragon fire. Fire breath of dragon.

[Brian Green]

That's right. I'm the fire breath.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Dragon breath.

[Brian Green]

Dragon. I do have dragon breath. I got the breath of a thousand asses. Welcome to the studio, Christina. I'm gonna meet Christina with my coffee breath every morning. Love what you're wearing.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The fire bracket Dragon.

[Brian Green]

The fire breath. The breath of fire. Oh, my God. That lady was crazy. All right, I don't know if I might have got my pages mixed up here, but let's just see if. If we could put this together.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You have quite a few pages.

[Brian Green]

I do have quite a few pages, actually. You know what? I have it on my phone so that I don't mess it up.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, it's a good thing you printed out that book.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, well, this is seven years of, you know, papers that I've sitting on this desk. I should probably clean that out at some. At some moment.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

There it is.

[Brian Green]

Okay. Oh, here we go. I see what's going on here now. Okay. All right. I'm going to call this the rainbow Red flag story. Hey, everyone. 30 fur year old guy living in sunny Miami, Florida. Let me tell you, my dating life has been a tropical storm. Beautiful from afar.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Can we just commend all the. Our listeners for their.

[Brian Green]

They're very cute.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

They are very cute.

[Brian Green]

They're very cute. Well, there was many of them and I took the cutest ones. I took the best writers of them and there's a few people who just obviously took a lot of time to write these. And so I felt like. Felt it was important to get to them. I'm. My relationship. Life is beautiful from afar, but it's really full of a bunch of turbulence. So please grab your mojitos and let me share about my brief romance. I'll call Brad the Red Flag. Okay. I met Brad at a local bar during Drag Queen bingo night.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Nice.

[Brian Green]

He was charming, had great taste in cocktails, and could recite every lyric from Wrecking Ball like he was auditioning for a Broadway show. I thought to myself, finally a catch. But soon I realized he was more like a catch and release. Fun of games until you realize he's slippery and slimy. Our first date went smoothly until I realized I had to pull teeth to find out anything about him. So what do you do for fun? I asked. And he would reply with something like, I watch Netflix. Great, but what shows? I mean, this man treated conversation like a game of dodgeball. Every question, every question that was thrown his way would be answered with the fewest amount of words possible. After a few dates, he started suggesting what I should wear. He would say stuff like, you should never really wear that blue shirt. Or that red brings out the worst in your eyes. What? I mean, sure, I can appreciate a compliment, but if I wanted a stylist, I'd call my mother. One evening, I was chatting with a Cute guy at a bar. For research purposes, of course. And Brad stormed over like a hurricane. Who's this? He demanded, pointing out my new friend. I chuckled. Jim just. I chuckled that he was just a fellow bingo enthusiast, but Brad wasn't having it. Well, I don't like him. Oh, cool. I didn't realize I needed your approval to talk to other human beings. I said, okay, but come on, man, really? I mean, you're over there chatting up hot guys again. Here. Here we go with this kind of gray area. When I tried to express my comfort over his jealousy, he turned it around on me. You know, you're always so sensitive. It's just me caring about you, never the other way around. And I thought to myself, caring? Is that what we're calling it now? I mean, I didn't know I signed up for a relationship. I didn't know I signed up for a relationship with a mind reader. One minute he'd be the life of the party, and the next minute he act like someone stole his last slice of cake. One night he was dancing on tables, the next he'd be sulking in the corner, staring into his drink. And it was like. Like. Like a crystal ball was trying to predict his future. I felt like I was dating two different people. Or maybe this was just a Jekyll and Hyde situation.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Or a bipolar.

[Brian Green]

Or bipolar. That's right.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I mean, that's a real thing.

[Brian Green]

Of course, our first fight was over the last slice of pizza. Yes, I said it. That's true. Instead of talking about it, he slammed the pizza box, shot shut, and. And refused to talk to me. This whole situation. Oh, wait one second. This whole situation. I'm sorry, there's another story that I mixed in here. I don't want to. I don't want to mingle the two. This whole situation was confusing from beginning to end. And at the end of the day, I just couldn't handle it anymore. I know these red flags are small, but they ended up becoming big deals. In the end, it was a firework display of red flags. And I should have seen it from the beginning. We only lasted a few months, and now I know what to avoid when looking for my next bingo Bob Partner.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Once again, love.

[Brian Green]

Gay in Florida.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Thank you, gay in Florida.

[Brian Green]

Thank you, gay in Florida. Once again, communication and not paying attention to some pretty obvious red flags. Though I do have to say, like, if he's telling you that maybe that shirt doesn't look good on you, he's upset that you're talking to hot guys at the bar. And he, on occasion, is a little bit moody. I don't know if those are red flags or if you just met the wrong guy for you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

You know what I'm saying? This is not like our first writer who, like, clearly had really serious red flags that she was avoiding or not or not paying attention to. This seems more of like a mismatched couple to me. I'm just saying that no offense to you or to Brad. I'm just thinking to myself that if you had. If you knew what you wanted, this was not it. If you wanted to be able to talk to hot guys at the bar and not have someone that was jealous, if you wanted someone that was consistently upbeat and never really, you know, kind of got in the sour mood, always looked at the glass half full, and you wanted someone who would not talk, you know, like not tell you what they think of what you're wearing. There is a person out there for you. Right. And it just didn't seem like Brad was that guy. I'm just trying to give Brad a little bit of a break here because it's not like Brad was a bad guy guy just sounds like Brad was.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You know, the wrong.

[Brian Green]

Your guy. Yeah, that's right. So there you go. Look at that. We got a kaleidoscope of stories from our wonderful listeners. I really appreciate it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know. I really do too. I'm so proud of everybody for taking.

[Brian Green]

The time they took the time. They wrote it out. One even had bullet points. Yeah, they bullet out the behavior. Yeah, that's right. So thank you very much. We really appreciate. Appreciate it. And thank you to everybody who wrote in about the red flags. I'm sorry I couldn't get to everybody, but I only have so much time and that's the way the cookie crumbles.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Communication is key in any relationship. Be it one on one, one with yourself even.

[Brian Green]

Yes, yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

If I'm being honest.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Communication is just number one at folks out there. Just keep that in mind for everything.

[Brian Green]

I think that's the number one thing you should do, is learn how to communicate with yourself first. And then you will never question how somebody else communicates with you. Because if they don't do it the right way, it's not respectful. With trust and with love, you'll know it immediately and you won't like it. Right. That's it. Gotta pay attention to yourself first. But don't let me be the person who stops you from learning your own lessons, because I certainly. No one could tell me any different when I was young either. So there you go, Chrissy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, there you go.

[Brian Green]

Good. Guru BG and Yogi Hoadley. Do it again. Yogi Hoadly, do it again.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I love it.

[Brian Green]

We've come to the rescue. Of course, all three of those people are now out of those relationships, but we could have told you if you would have hit us up back then. Or maybe you did and I just didn't respond. Oh, Lord. Okay, well, listen, everybody, have a fantastic, fantastic weekend. We'll be back here with you on Tuesday forever. Forever. Never. Are we leaving? It's gonna go on forever and ever. We just love you to death. Thank you so much for all the kind words. Stick with us. It's gonna get better, I promise. The show and life in general. Text us 212-433. TCB 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas, we take them all. TCBpodcast.com More information about the show, the audio, the video, and your free sticker. Add the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on tick tock and YouTube.com the commercial break for soon, every episode of the commercial break on YouTube and Spotify video. All right, Chrissy, that's all I can do for right now.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

But I'll tell you that I love you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And I love you.

[Brian Green]

Best to you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Best to you.

[Brian Green]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say goodbye. Sa.