Red Flag Rodeo!

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Commercial Break - Episode: Red Flag Rodeo!

Release Date: November 22, 2024
Host(s): Bryan Green and Kristen Joy Hoadley
Title: Red Flag Rodeo!
Description: In this episode of The Commercial Break, Bryan and Kristen delve into the intricate world of relationship red flags. Through personal anecdotes and listener-submitted stories, they explore the warning signs that can indicate toxic or unhealthy relationships. The hosts also touch upon recent celebrity drama and discuss the nuances of polyamorous relationships.

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1. Introduction to the Holiday Season and Upcoming Episodes

As the holiday season approaches, Bryan and Kristen announce their commitment to producing new episodes throughout this period, ensuring that listeners remain entertained despite the busy season. They introduce the "12 Days of TCB," a series of daily episodes from December 13th through Christmas Day, featuring favorite content from 2024 and special guests.

Bryan (02:19): "Stick with the Commercial Break and stay tuned for the 12 Days of TCB."

2. Celebrity Spotlight: Denzel Washington's Sobriety

Bryan shares a personal anecdote about meeting Denzel Washington at a bar, recalling Washington's habit of drinking red wine. Upon researching, Bryan discovers that Washington has been sober for a decade, shedding light on the challenges of overcoming substance abuse.

Bryan (03:43): "I remember this interaction, that Denzel was drinking wine... He's been sober for 10 years."

3. Drama in the Music World: Zach Bryan and Chicken Fry

The hosts shift focus to a contentious situation involving country singer Zach Bryan and fellow podcaster Chicken Fry. Chicken Fry accuses Bryan of being abusive, threatening to release a video of him throwing objects during an argument. Bryan and Kristen analyze the situation, highlighting the complexities of public personal disputes and the role of figures like Dave Portnoy in amplifying conflicts.

Bryan (08:34): "Chicken Fry now claims that she has video of Zach Bryan being abusive... This is becoming a real shit show."

4. Main Topic: Relationship Red Flags

a. Personal Experience with Toxic Relationships

Bryan opens up about his own tumultuous relationship, detailing instances of emotional manipulation and lack of support. He emphasizes the importance of recognizing red flags early to avoid prolonged emotional distress.

Bryan (12:30): "If someone tries to cordon you off from friends and family, get out immediately."

b. Listener Story: Red Flag Rodeo

A listener from Chicago shares a comprehensive story titled "Red Flag Rodeo," outlining ten specific red flags encountered in a relationship facilitated through a dating app. The narrative highlights issues such as lack of communication, controlling behavior, excessive jealousy, gaslighting, disrespectful language, inconsistent behavior, conflict avoidance, blame shifting, physical aggression, and lack of support.

Listener (33:35): "I met this guy on a dating app. He seemed awful, charming... But he became a whole buffet of red flags."

c. Detailed Analysis of Red Flags

Bryan and Kristen dissect each identified red flag from the listener's story, providing insights and personal opinions on the severity and potential impact of each warning sign.

• Lack of Communication: Difficulty in discussing personal feelings leads to unresolved issues.

  Bryan (34:24): "People that are shut down emotionally, certainly a red flag for sure."

• Controlling Behavior: Overstepping boundaries by dictating wardrobe choices and social interactions.

  Bryan (34:24): "Are you really wearing that blue shirt? That's a big red flag."

• Excessive Jealousy: Constant monitoring and questioning of interactions with others.

  Bryan (36:27): "Why do you constantly need the attention of other men?"

• Gaslighting: Dismissing legitimate concerns as overreactions, manipulating perception.

  Bryen (37:53): "Doing the exact opposite of caring, you're trying to control."

• Disrespectful Language: Making jokes at the partner's expense without remorse.

  Bryan (37:56): "It's highly disrespectful. It's a sign you're not caring for somebody."

• Inconsistent Behavior: Fluctuating between affection and detachment, creating emotional uncertainty.

  Bryan (40:13): "I could never figure out what color I was supposed to be."

• Conflict Resolution: Avoiding meaningful discussions and escalating tensions instead.

  Bryan (40:35): "A sign of emotional immaturity."

• Blame Shifting: Holding the partner responsible for all conflicts, negating personal accountability.

  Bryan (41:04): "He insisted that it was all my fault."

• Physical Aggression: Exhibiting anger through physical actions, even if seemingly minor.

  Bryan (42:53): "If he's mad at a video game and he knocked over the lamp, take note."

• Lack of Support: Failing to provide encouragement during critical moments.

  Bryan (43:40): "Instead of being encouraging, he just told me, I hope you don't mess it up."

5. Listener Story: Polyamorous Relationship Red Flags

A listener from Los Angeles shares their experience navigating a polyamorous relationship, highlighting challenges such as poor communication, jealousy, boundary issues, and inconsistent commitment from their partners. The story underscores the importance of clear boundaries and mutual respect in non-monogamous arrangements.

Listener (46:29): "I met an amazing couple... But communication was like a game of charades."

a. Analysis and Insights

Bryan and Kristen discuss the complexities of polyamorous relationships, emphasizing that while they can be fulfilling, they require robust communication and clearly defined boundaries to prevent misunderstandings and emotional turmoil.

Bryan (60:10): "Some things you just have to kind of go through on your own."

6. Conclusion: The Paramount Importance of Communication

Both hosts reiterate that effective communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. They encourage listeners to prioritize open dialogue, self-awareness, and mutual respect to identify and address red flags early on.

Kristen (69:27): "Communication is key in any relationship."

Bryan (69:38): "Trust and with love, you'll know it immediately and you won't like it."

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Key Takeaways:

• Identify Red Flags Early: Recognizing warning signs can prevent prolonged exposure to toxic relationships.

• Prioritize Communication: Open and honest dialogue is essential for resolving conflicts and understanding each other's needs.

• Set and Respect Boundaries: Clearly defined limits help maintain mutual respect and prevent controlling behaviors.

• Seek Support: In instances of abuse or manipulation, reaching out to friends, family, or professionals is crucial.

Notable Quotes:

• Bryan (34:24): "People that are shut down emotionally, certainly a red flag for sure."

• Kristen (69:27): "Communication is key in any relationship."

• Bryan (69:38): "Trust and with love, you'll know it immediately and you won't like it."

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Final Thoughts:

Red Flag Rodeo! serves as a comprehensive guide for listeners to navigate the complexities of modern relationships. Through relatable stories and expert commentary, Bryan and Kristen provide valuable insights into recognizing and addressing unhealthy patterns, ultimately fostering healthier and more fulfilling connections.

Stay Tuned: Don’t miss out on the upcoming "12 Days of TCB" series, featuring favorite moments from 2024 and engaging discussions with special guests.

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Connect with The Commercial Break:

• Website: tcbpodcast.com
• Instagram: @TCBPodcast
• TikTok: @TCBPodcast
• YouTube: The Commercial Break
• Spotify Video: The Commercial Break

For questions, comments, or to submit your own stories, text 212-433-3822 or visit the website.

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This summary captures the essence of the "Red Flag Rodeo!" episode, focusing on the core discussions about relationship red flags while omitting advertisements and non-content segments as per the instructions.

Transcript

[Brian Green]

This episode is sponsored in part by ZBiotics. Pre alcohol. Let's face it, most of us are not 21 years old partying like we used to. We have to make the choice between a great night or a great morning after. At least that's what we thought. Chrissy and I, until we tried pre alcohol. I don't drink a whole bunch anymore and I was on the fence about this one. But a few weeks ago, Aster and I went out for some drinks for my birthday. The pre alcohol was sitting on the counter and I decided why not give it a try. And let me tell you, pre alcohol is the real deal. ZBiotics Pre alcohol Probiotic drink is the world world's first genetically engineered probiotic. This was invented by PhD scientists to tackle rough mornings after drinking. Let me tell you how it works. When you drink, alcohol gets converted into a toxic byproduct in your gut. It's this byproduct, not dehydration, that's to blame for your rough next morning. But pre alcohol produces an enzyme to break this byproduct down. You just need to remember to make ZBiotics your first drink of the night. Drink responsibly and then you're going to feel your best tomorrow. I kept hearing about pre alcohol and I wondered what is it actually like? Now that I've tried it, I get why everyone is talking about it. And with their GMO technology, ZBiotics is continuing to invent probiotics that will help the everyday challenges of modern living. So go to ZBiotics.com commercial to learn more and get 15% off your first order when you use that code commercial at checkout. ZBiotics is backed by a 100% money back guarantee. So if you're unsatisfied for any reason, they will refund your money, no questions asked. All you have to do is head to ZBiotics.com commercial and use that code commercial at checkout for the 15% off. Thank you ZBiotics, for being a sponsor of a wonderful morning after drinks and of the commercial break. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Whether you love true crime or comedy, celebrity interviews or news, you call the shots on what's in your podcast queue. And guess what? Now you can call them on your auto insurance too. With the name your price tool from Progressive, it works just the way it sounds. You tell Progressive how much you want to pay for car insurance and they'll show you coverage options that fit your budget. Get your quote [e-mail] to join the over 28 million drivers who trust Progressive Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. Hey, Chrissy. Best to you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Best to you, Brian.

[Brian Green]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. It's the holiday season and a lot of times podcasts like ourselves will take off, but not Chrissy. We have bills to pay and miles to feed. So we are going to be producing brand new episodes of the commercial break this entire holiday season. And I thought it was important to let our audience know. Jingle, jingle all the way Jingle jangle your dingle dangles. Stick with the commercial break and stay tuned for the 12 days of TCB. Our first ever 12 days of TCB.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's right.

[Brian Green]

December 13th through Christmas Day. Brand new episodes every day. Here's me on the scale of caring. I'm at zero. Therefore, since negative caring is impossible, or rather is simply caring of another sort, love and hate being different sides of the same coin, etcetera, etc, etcetera, I couldn't care less on this episode of the commercial break. I do agree with Chrissy on this one. You will learn as you go along. It's not like I'm here to tell you that I'm some wise. Like I'm the third wise man.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Wait, you are Guru.

[Brian Green]

Guru. Gbg. That's true. I am. It's true. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. 30 in the morning. Oh, yeah. Guys and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co host of this show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Bestie.

[Brian Green]

Brian, best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. I'm reading an interesting story. You know, we were talking about how the one time I met Denzel Washington at like a bar. And I remember distinctly from that interaction, now that I'm reading this story, that Denzel was drinking wine. Wine. Like I just remember now. It's like standing out to me that I remember thinking that was odd that he was red wine. Maybe not odd. I think it was red.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

But I remember the wine glass. I just remember this distinctly. And now I'm reading that Denzel has been sober for 10 years and that he would drink two bottles of wine every day for years, for like 15 years on and off. And that he shot dope for a while and stuff like this, but he's been sober years. Yeah, good for him because he said the wine did a lot of damage to his body and that he at one point had a 10,000 bottle wine cellar. Oh, yeah, that'll do it. When you have the 10,000 bottle wine cellar, it's hard not to drink the wine. You know what I'm saying?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Absolutely.

[Brian Green]

God.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, how is he in such good shape over all those movies?

[Brian Green]

Well, I mean, I think Denzel is a big guy, right? In general, he's like a big boned guy. He's not a small human being. And when you see him in person, you realize that. But it's not like he's in great shape every movie. I mean, you know, think back on some of his. Like, now he looks a little skinnier, a little more tall, like older in age. He's lost some of that, like, muscle weight and body weight. But there's a few movies where he's kind of got like, dad bod going on, if I remember correctly. So that. That jives. That jives. You're drinking two bottles of wine a day, you're gonna have dad bod for some reason.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'm just picture him picturing him, like, buff, buff, with like fiery explosions happening in the back and him.

[Brian Green]

But if. Rescuing people. That's every movie Denzel's ever been in. He plays a badass who rescues people. He. That's really. He's really like a real life superhero. And the thing is, is that Denzel plays Denzel in every movie, just like Tom Cruise plays Tom Cruise in every movie. Like Will Ferrell plays Will Ferrell in every movie. Like, you know, there's just some people who don't act. They're just themselves. And we enjoy watching whatever version of themselves is. Is on. And Denzel's one of those. But I think if. Also, if you think back on Denzel's career, it's not like he's shirtless running through the scene, right? He's always got, like, some sweater on. Why are we talking about this? I have no idea. Anyway, Denzel drank a lot. I don't know. I love Denzel. I do. I love Denzel. He's one of my favorites.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And I guess. Is he in the new movie the Gladiators too? What?

[Brian Green]

Gladiators?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's the Gladiators too.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And that's. I was seeing some stuff in the news about the kiss or something.

[Brian Green]

The kiss?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, he said that he. There was a kiss scene, same sex kiss scene that was deleted. But then the director, Ridley Scott, was like, no, that's not true.

[Brian Green]

Oh, well, okay, maybe Denzel was back on the wine, making out with guys, and he thought it was on camera. I don't know. Cool. Dude, it's 2024. Whatevs. Yeah, exactly. Whatevs.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I meant to delve deeper into that story. Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Listen, I go kissing a guy, I want it to be in the movie. I'm with him. Yeah. If I go through all that trouble, I wanted to be in the movie. Yeah. Okay. All right. Gladiators 2 is coming out I think this weekend. It's Friday, so I think it's coming out this week. I think it's just like Twisters.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know. I was, I thought it came out. I was like, why did they have to redo that one too? Because.

[Brian Green]

But it's gonna make a billion dollars.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

It's a formula. And it's been 25 years since that other.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That first one is so good.

[Brian Green]

It wasn't my favorite movie, but I get it. I get why people like it. And so, yeah, so now the new version is coming out. It's already made like $100 million in globally, and so it's going to make another $500 million here in the United States. And you know, it's Thanksgiving weekend, so those movies tend, like those big tentpole movies tend to do, or will be Thanksgiving weekend. They tend to do very well. The studios know what they're doing. And then they're up against reindeer nose 5 or whatever. Santa Claus, Death Squad X. Yeah. With the Rock.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's the one I saw filming. That was.

[Brian Green]

Right.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. What a terrible idea. I mean, come on, it's PG13. First of all, if you're going to make a movie like that, go all in and just make it a ruckus rated R, you know, Die Hard type movie. But Santa Claus, X Ray Deer Number five or whatever it is, like, I don't know. I've seen the trailers and it looks terrible, but. And it is terrible according to everyone. But, you know, okay, I guess some people are going to go it already. That movie already made $38 million or something. It's just amazing how much cash those things bring in. But when it cost 200. $200 million to make, it's, you know, it's a gamble that you're taking. So we'll, we'll keep you posted on Gladiators too. Gladiators too.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'm sure everybody's going to be tuning in to expect that.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, everybody wants Brian to update them on how much money other people are making because that's exciting. I don't know. Consider me your trash can for all information you don't need. I'll put it out there for you drama. Drop in the. In the chicken fry drama, the Zach Brian chicken fry drama. Chicken Fry now claims that she has video of Zach Bryan being abusive, like throwing things at her during an argument. And she has threatened to release that video. And the guy from Bar Stool sports is saying, yeah, you gotta release the video. And she's just threatening to do it because Zach Bryant is saying some is saying something bad about her cats or something. Like he's talking shit about a cat or. I don't know. It's like it's gotten way out of hand. And why we even care at this point, I don't know. But Dave Portnoy is making this. Dave Portnoy is doing what I think Howard Stern has done so well for so long, which is make you care about people you otherwise don't give a about. Right. He makes it into a big drama. He puts it on the front page of some, you know, rags and stuff like that. But that chicken fry. Listen, it. Apparently, Zach Bryan is a walking red flag. And that's our topic today, is red relationship red flags. But Zach Bryan is apparently a walking red flag. I mean, you're throwing things at people. You're unfriending your girlfriend because she's wearing a certain type of clothing. You're talking. You're breaking up with people. He apparently was engaged.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'm just trying to figure out how this is, how this would go down. Say you and I are across the room, and you start throwing shit at me. And I immediately reach for my phone and start filming you. And you keep going.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, you keep going.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Or you're like this. Like, you're just holding your phone like this. Like you don't know that I'm filming you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, okay.

[Brian Green]

I got into an argument once with a girl that I was dating who, you know, like the. The. The one.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yep, yep, yep, yep.

[Brian Green]

And I got into an argument with her, and it was so bad. I mean, again, it takes two to tango. So I don't want to, like, throw all the blame on just one person. I don't want to sound like, you know, I. I'm great and everybody else is terrible, but this was a tough relationship, and. And there were issues. Yeah, it was toxic, and there were issues, and that probably went beyond anything I had the ability to help or whatever. But anyway, we got into an argument, and she went so insane that my best friend called me while the argument was happening, and I just answered the phone. That's what I didn't. I didn't say hello. I just answered the phone. And then this went on for like a half an hour. I mean, she was screaming, yelling, throwing things around.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Record that you wanted to witness.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I almost did. It was like a weird, I don't know, like, self preservation thing. I don't know why I did it, but I did it. And then I went to work later on that day, I saw my best friend, and he was like. I heard that whole thing. He's like, that is insane, bro. Geez. And I think part of the reason is because sometimes you get gaslit, right? It's like, things can be bad, but someone else can make it seem like it's bad because of you. Right? You're the one that's crazy. You're the one that's acting out. You're the one that. That's driving this behavior. You're so terrible. That's why I'm acting that way. And again, it's. There's two sides to every story. So I don't want to. I. I know sometimes I may come across when I'm talking about this particular relationship, like I did no wrong. That's not true. But the. The wrong that I did was stay in it way too long. And I. It was clear from the beginning that I was just an irritant to this human being. Why did I stay around? I mean, that was it, right? But. But it was just like some kind of self preservation that happened there.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, it was a bad cycle.

[Brian Green]

Oh, man. Was it?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

In and out, in and out, in and out. What is that? And it goes in and out, in and out.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Right?

[Brian Green]

Mama Has a Squeeze Box Never Lets Me Sleep at Night. The stupidest song that whoever wrote Chicken Fry responds. I'm just trying to. I want to. I want to get you up to speed on this, because if we're going to go. If we're going to do it, let's just do it. Oh. Chicken Fry now says she was in intensive therapy following the breakup. Country music ex girlfriend makes troubling abuse claims. And now deleted video. Wait, where is this about the and now deleted video? Now delete. She deleted the video.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

A video where she said she had a video?

[Brian Green]

Yes, she said she had a video. And then she deleted that video where she said she had a video. Video. Zach. Brian. Okay, I just.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Brianna. La Pago. Pago.

[Brian Green]

Laglia.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Laglia.

[Brian Green]

Laglia. Chicken Fried Laglia threatened to release a video of the country singer, singer Zack Bryant abusing her. This follows him taunting her with her beloved cat stumps. Their messy breakup has been incredibly messy after. And when it all started that Brian announced their breakup online. Leaving the podcast star blindsided you. Yeah. Brian, Zach. Brian. Zach, Brian. In a now deleted video, Chicken Fry can be seen saying that if Brian doesn't stop sharing pictures of her cat, she'll post a video of him whipping at my face. Quite. Quite a serious allegation that so far hasn't been pursued. Dave Portnoy, a firm friend of Chicken Fries and the co host of the BFF podcast, encouraged her to post it. I'll just send it to you. Said Chicken Fry. This is becoming a real shit show. This is like, now you're getting into he said, she said territory. I think he could have left it at Zach Bryan was a shithead. He's posting pictures of your cat. Who really fucking cares? I mean, honestly, just ignore the guy. He's. He's obviously trying to taunt you, but you could. I mean, there was he. If you would have looked into Zach Bryan's history, you would have known that he had a history of breaking up with people without telling them that he was breaking up with them. He had a fiance or he was like married or something, and the lady didn't know that they were getting divorced or breaking up until she got like, papers in the mail from an attorney. That is a really shitty way to do it. If you're going to get divorced, you have to have a conversation with somebody. Unless you're in a terribly abusive relationship and then you need to leave in the middle of the night or some like that. Right? There are certainly exceptions to the rule, but, Chrissy, you can't just imagine we're married for whatever period of time, and then the way you find out we're getting a divorce is because I send divorce papers to your house. That is. That's really terrible. That is really terrible. It is.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No, yeah, it's. It shouldn't be done like that.

[Brian Green]

Zach Bryan might be good at country music, but he's bad at relationships and maybe abusive. And so I would. I'd caution the next person who finds him on. What is that website?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, God.

[Brian Green]

Raya. Is it Raya? Is it Raya? Raya. Do you think we could get on that website? I don't think so. I think you got to have like more than a million followers or something and. I don't have more than a million followers. I don't have more than 100 followers. It's going to be. I do. I did find that I have a lot of LinkedIn contacts.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, me too.

[Brian Green]

Yes, a ton of LinkedIn. Like 10,000 LinkedIn contacts. It's so easy to collect the light, you know, because it's for business. Everybody wants to connect with you for some reason or the other. Yeah. And I never asked to connect to anyone else. I mean I think I did at first, but it's all just people just reaching out to me to connect or following me or whatever they do. And so I opened that up for the first time in years, probably yesterday.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Last night.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, last night. To check in on old comings and goings. Yeah, they were talking, I know all the old Clear Channel folks and you have 10,000 plus contacts. And I'm like, no shit, I'm pretty popular. Go figure. Of course, half of them are names I can't say. And they're looking for if they want to know if I want part time work from home where I make $10,000 a day.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I can't believe we're not following up on those.

[Brian Green]

No, you know, I just don't have that kind of time. I'm too busy making no money here.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

$10,000 a day.

[Brian Green]

I'm too busy making, trying to fulfill the promise here at the commercial break of making $10,000 a day. We'll get there, it'll happen soon. All we are talking about relationship red flags. And this is everyone's got them, everyone knows them, everyone's been in that toxic relation. I would think that most people, if you're over the age of, let's say 25, you've been in a relationship where hindsight 20 or maybe you're in a relationship where it's just plain toxic. And if you would have looked back, just, just taken the sheen off the relationship, taking the beer goggles off, maybe one less line of blow, you wouldn't see that it was clear from the beginning this wasn't going to work out for you. And that this person was in fact not your.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Remove the sex too.

[Brian Green]

Sex can be a good.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

They're a big clouder.

[Brian Green]

Drugs, alcohol, sex. Those three things are the, are their gateways to toxic relationships. Swear to God they are.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's why they're the things that make them keep going.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, they're yes. Gateway that like, like sleeping with somebody once. Not a toxic relationship. Of course. Unless then you need to, they, you know, then you get a restraining, order them.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Right.

[Brian Green]

Like I did. Yeah. Sleeping with them once, not a relationship. Right. Just having a good night. Had a few of those where I'm glad I didn't get into relationships with them. But you keep on drinking drug and, and, or you know, sleeping with Them the sex is good, and it could easily lead to a toxic relationship because you just keep on chasing that, right? Yeah. You keep on chasing that high. I mean, it's true.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It is.

[Brian Green]

We have all been there. And so I asked some people to. I asked you, the listener, to write in and tell about.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'm excited to hear these.

[Brian Green]

And we got. We got a number of you that. That wrote in. I can't go over every red flag, and I don't want to go over some of them twice, but. And a lot of them are very similar, some of them very serious. But I did get three really juicy, good stories out of this. I changed the names, the dates, and the places to make sure I kept your anonymity. I don't want the. I don't want you back in the toxic relationship. So let's do this. Let's take a break, and then I think we'll have time to get all three of them. Some of these are like a page long, like, so.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

Lots of detail to the conversation. I love it. I love when people take time. They do the homework for us.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Thank you.

[Brian Green]

It's great news. Also, a lot of great. A lot of great feedback about being on Twitch. So we will do that in 2025, just as soon as we learn how. We'll do that in 2025. Giving you the ability to look in live on Chrissy and I recording an episode. Yeah. And you'll be able to come in and make comments and ask us questions, talk and all that good stuff. Maybe even send us money. I see on that Twitch people are like, super chat, super chat $5. Super chat $10. I. I will literally, literally, handwritten note with lipstick. Kiss the first person who Super Chats the commercial break. And maybe I'll do it to every person that Super Chat in there. For sure.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I've got the lipstick right here.

[Brian Green]

Oh, look at you. You do have lipstick on today. Also, I wanted to let you know, just a reminder, I know you're hearing this before the show. Like, we have some ads that are running, some promos that are running. We will be here with you the entire Thanksgiving week, Christmas week, New Year's week, and beyond, forever and ever. We will be with you. So fear not. We're here bringing you brand new episodes, including the 12 Days of TCB. Please, on behalf of me and my network and my contractual obligations to hit a certain number of episodes, I request that you tune into the 12 days of TCP. Actually, it's going to be fun. I'm excited and here's how it's going to go. Lots of people have been asking us, what is the 12 days of. Yeah, I thought ugly Christmas sweater every day. And we'll be here in the new studio, hopefully by then, the new renovated studio by then, putting all the episodes out on YouTube and Spotify video. But people have been asking, what exactly is the 12 days of TCB? To which I respond, I don't know. I just agreed to it. I just thought it sounded cool. On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. Frankie B. Something like that. And then we're going to go down the road. We're going to review some of our favorite content from 2024. We're going to zoosh it up a little bit. And then we're going to, you know, hopefully new videos from Frankie B. And Teresa Caputo and Mountain Monsters and all the good stuff.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

All the faves.

[Brian Green]

All the faves. Basically, we'll turn back the dial to early 2024, when we all felt like the world might have a chance of hanging on.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's a new year.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it's a new year.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Fresh year.

[Brian Green]

Yes. And we'll look forward to Armageddon in 2025. All right, let's take a break. And we'll be back.

[Christina]

Brian might have just said it's time to take a break, but some of us have to work right now. And by work, I mean gently nudge you, nay beg you to follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok @TCB podcast. Because, listen, the more followers we get, the more clout I get with Chrissy and Brian. If you've got something to say, give us a call and leave us a voicemail at 212-4333, TCV or shoot us a text. One more thing. Check out our website, tcvpodcast.com where you can find all of our audio and video and even request a new sticker from the Contact Us form. Bye.

[Brian Green]

This episode is sponsored by Squarespace. Okay, the year is early 2000 and I got my first real office job at a company that was selling websites and search engine optimization. We came up with this pitch that the website was the business card of the future. And now, 20 something years later is not the business card for your business. It's just your business. And that's why I highly recommend Squarespace. It's an all in one website platform for entrepreneurs to succeed online. You don't have to be a programmer or a coder or a designer to develop your presence online. Just as unique as you and your business are three really important reasons why I believe Squarespace is the leader in this industry. Design Intelligence they combine two decades of industry leading design and expertise with cutting edge AI technology to unlock your strongest creative potential. Number 2 Squarespace payments this is the part that befuddles a lot of people who go out and try and build their own website. Onboarding is fast and simple and you can take payments from some of the most popular payment methods. Klarna Ach, Apple Pay afterpay, Clearpay. If you're going to put your business online, people have to to be able to pay you online. And number three but no less important SEO Tools. If you want to be noticed, you have to be found. And with Squarespace's integrated SEO tools, every Squarespace website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions and auto generated sitemap and more. Check out squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch squarespace.com commercial to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Again, squarespace.com commercial to save ten percent off your first purchase of of a website or a domain using that code Commercial Thanks Squarespace for being a sponsor of the commercial break.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'm Jenna Fisher. And I'm Angela Kinsey. We are best friends and together we have the podcast Office Ladies where we rewatched every single episode of the Office with insane behind the scenes stories, hilarious guests and lots of laughs.

[Brian Green]

Guess who's sitting next to me? Eve. It's kind of corral in studio.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Every Wednesday we'll be sharing even more.

[Christina]

Exclusive stories from the Office and our friendship with brand new guests and we'll.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Be digging into our mailbag to answer your questions and comments. So join us for Brand new Office Ladies 6.0 episodes every Wednesday. Plus on Mondays we are taking a second drink. You can revisit all the Office Ladies rewatch episodes every Monday with new bonus tidbits before every episode. Well, we can't wait to see you there. Follow and listen to Office Ladies on the free Odyssey app and wherever you get your podcasts.

[Brian Green]

This episode of the Commercial Break is sponsored by Ring. The holidays are almost here and between traveling, hosting, family and finding the perfect gift, it's such an exciting, busy and yes, sometimes stressful time. Ring helps you stay connected to the home for all the merry moments. Even when you're on the go. With Ring, you've got the whole home cover. Their video doorbells alert you when gifts arrive and you can even chat with the delivery people to let them know where to leave the packages. The indoor cam. It's a game changer. So easy to set up. You can use it to check in on your pets when you're away. And with two way talk, you can even talk to them. Plus, if you want some privacy, you can just flip the manual cover to turn off the camera and microphone. Wherever the holidays take you, Ring makes sure that you're always home for the holidays. So head to Ring.com to find the latest deals on Ring video doorbell cams and alarm kits. Ring makes the perfect gift for everyone on your list. And thanks to Ring for being a sponsor of the commercial break. Oh, I also wanted to tell you that next Saturday, the Saturday after Thanksgiving, Chrissy, we will have a bonus TCB infomercial episode with a very special guest. I hope you tune in. One of the most more popular actresses act comedians of our time right now is going to be coming in and speaking with us and we will broadcast that on a Saturday for you so you have a little something extra while you're putting up the Christmas tree.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Nice.

[Brian Green]

So tune in. That's Saturday after Thanksgiving. I wish I could tell you the date, but I don't even know what day it is today.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

So it will be 29th, 30th.

[Brian Green]

It'll be the 30th. It'll be the30th. November 30th. Special TCB infomercial. Tune in. You'll know who it is once you see it. And why can't I tell you who it is now? Because I'm not 100% sure that they're actually coming in to do the interview. So there you go. Sometimes we get ghosted. Get ghost. Okay, first we have a very simple red flag from one of our listeners. Not going to name it just in case. Not going to name her, just in case. But I know it is a her. And here it is. It says. Okay, red flags. You wanted one. And here's one that I wish I had seen and recognized in my partner long before I got involved. When your partner is uncharacter, uncharacteristically quiet around your family and friends, it's as if they can't even fake pleasantries. But then they shower you with love and affection in private. Sincerely, the survivor of long time abuse. So, from North Carolina, Yes, I agree with you. When someone is a different person with you outside of the house than they are inside the house or in private, that is a huge red flag and one that I experienced in said relationship. That was toxic for me is that things were different inside the house than they were outside the house. Whether it be they were worse inside the house than they were outside. It's almost as if nothing happened. I mean, sometimes there would be acting out outside the house, but. Or sometimes there would be. It would be like we were boyfriend, girlfriend inside the house. But then when we go to social functions, as if we didn't know each other or we were just friends or, you know, it was really strange. It was like a. A switch flipped. I don't know if you've ever experienced this, but it is rather disconcerting. And I do think it's a big, big red flag when someone can switch like that or they refuse to give you the kind of attention and affection that they do normally. Listen, I can understand people don't like pda. Like, some people just are not into pda, right? Astrid's not into pda. She doesn't like a bunch of, like, physics, like, you know, someone sucking her neck while you're out.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Right.

[Brian Green]

French kissing while you're out. Right? Yeah. Going to second base at the Chili's. She doesn't like that kind of shit. And some people do, right? And some people love it. Like the time I went to town with somebody in a movie theater, got kicked out. Yeah. But it's when there is, like, a total flip of the switch. Like, it's lights on, lights off as soon as you exit the home or get in a social situation, especially around your friends and family, that is weird. And you do need to be. You do need to monitor behavior closely at that point. Because why, why are you being so different when we're in a social situation than you would be. It's either because you want to, I.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You know, portray one thing outside.

[Brian Green]

Yes. It's. It's. I call it being hidden. Right. It's like when people want to hide you or they want to hide the relationship or they want to hide the fact that you're together. And we're not talking about people who are having affairs where it is known that you're just going to be hidden. Right. We're talking about, like, an open relationship where they're hiding you for some reason, they're hiding their affection or hiding their attention. That's a huge red flag. Like, I. I think. I think in that case you should probably think long and hard about whether or not you really want to be in a relationship with somebody. What do you think?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I do. I mean, I. Well, I don't know. It's kind of Tough. Like, again, hindsight's 20 20.

[Brian Green]

Sure.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

But, yeah, like, in the moment, I think I would maybe if it consistently is happening, then you bring it up and see what they say there.

[Brian Green]

You and Jeff are first dating, right? And you're in the house and it's all shits and giggles and you're making love and having fun and, you know, all of this other stuff. Maybe even, like, holding hands around the apartment complex or when you take a private walk together, you know? Private walk together. What's a private walk together? I don't know.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Brian, what are you doing down in our pasture?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, right, in your pasture.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Down the field.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, down the beach. Private beach in the Hamptons and the Hamptons and the Hamptons property. Yeah. Yeah, right on the belt line, that private walkway that you guys have right behind you. But then you get into a social situation where his friends and family or other people that he knows are there, and he kind of, like, puts you off. He's like, won't hold your hand. He doesn't want to be affectionate. He doesn't like. You know, there's no Terms of Endearment. It's almost as if you guys are friends, right? Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No, that would be weird.

[Brian Green]

That would be a red flag. I think that's what she is referring to here. I think she's saying that it just got really. She got. He got standoffish almost when he was. When she was around. In social situations with friends and family, too, which is like, a huge one because. Because you would think even if you don't like pda, like, the place you could be safe, giving attention and affection to your loved one would be around friends and family. Like, that's. That's your tree of trust. That's your little nest, right?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That is the nest.

[Brian Green]

So.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Well.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And it would. I think, too. I guess I'm trying to figure out, too, is it. Would it be his friends and family that he then is all of a sudden not being very affectionate or nice? Or would it be her friends and family or both? I don't know.

[Brian Green]

But her friends and family. Her.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, I mean, her family. Maybe he doesn't want to be too. Like, maybe he's scared of her dad.

[Brian Green]

Maybe. Maybe. But, you know, I think there's also this thing, and I think we might get into this later on in some other stories, but there's also this thing that I noticed was happening in my own toxic relationship, is that the slow nature of cutting off friends and family.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, well, that's true.

[Brian Green]

Right, Right. The Kind of the cornering of energy. Like if you were spending time, energy, or effort somewhere else besides on them directly, that was a no, no. And you all of a sudden, like, you started to get cordoned off.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And so sometimes I think when, and I may be misinterpreting this, but I think I'm not, is that sometimes when the energy changes, it's in an effort to wrangle your energy. Like it has to be on me at all times. I'm not going to give you anything right now, but I don't want you spending that energy on time on anyone. El, that is dangerous. When someone tries to cordon you off from friends and family, you gotta get out, get out immediately. Don't. The first sign of that, get out immediately. Because it's never gonna end well. You don't wanna be isolated in a relationship with a fucking dick. That's not what you wanna do. That's why for many years, no one dated Brian. No one wanted to be in a room with a dick.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's not true.

[Brian Green]

All right. This one is affectionately referred to as the Red Flag Rodeo. Chrissy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The Red Flag Rodeo, I like.

[Brian Green]

Here we go. They're naming their stories now. Hey there, TCB crew. 30 year old single woman living in the fabulous city of Chicago. And boy, do I have a wild story for you. Buckle up. Because I think it's a classic case of not love is blind, but love is blind to red flags.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Green]

Okay, here we go. I met this guy on a dating app. He seemed awful, charming. He had a killer smile. And we hit it off over our mutual love of pizza and terrible puns. I thought, finally, this is my catch. This is my dude. But as I quickly learned, this guy became a whole buffet of red flags. 10 red flags I'm going to name, to be exact, 10. She's going to give us 10. Here we go. Ready? Number one, the lack of communication. At first he was very sweet, but after a few dates, I noticed he never wanted to talk about his own feelings. When I brought up my bad day or anything personal, he just changed the subject to fantasy football or some other bullshit I didn't care about. I was like, dude, I'm not trying to draft a quarterback. I just want to share what my weekend was like, okay? Yeah. All right, dude.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's number one.

[Brian Green]

People that are shut down emotionally, certainly a red flag for sure. Number two, his controlling behavior. It started small. He'd make comments about my wardrobe choices or what makeup I was wearing. He'd say things like, are you really wearing to the bar? I mean, that's like. That's not a little red flag. That's not subtle. That's a big one. Eventually, he would suggest that I hang out with only certain friends. It seems like a red flag, right? Who knew that my friends were going to be a threat to him and his goddamn fantasy football league? Okay, I can see where this is going. Excessive jealousy. One night I went out with my girlfriends and he blew up my phone. He would not stop texting and calling. He would say things like, who's guy you're talking to? Do you think he's cute? How did he even know he was. That's weird. And I mean, yes, the dude I was talking to was cute, but that's not the point. Did I sign up for a relationship with a personal investigator or a real human being? Okay, yes. Well, listen, this one I got to take a little umbrage with. If you are talking to cute dudes at the bar, like, if that's a pattern of yours, I can understand where someone might be a little bit upset. Like. Like, I find myself to be a very not jealous person. Like, you really have to. You'd have to be sucking dick for me to get like, oh, come on. Really? You know, I don't find myself to be jealous. Like, I don't get all upset about Astrid making comments about people that are cute or handsome or, you know, watching smut on TV or, you know, interacting. But if she was, like, in an emotional affair with somebody, like, texting hot and heavy back and forth, that kind of stuff would bother me. But, you know, talking to a handsome dude at the bar and then saying that he was handsome is not going to really upset me all that much. But if it was a pattern, if it was going on all the time, I would see that as a red flag for you. I'd be like, why do you constantly need the attention of other men? Like, that feels to me like you're.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Looking for kind of like if you go out to the bar, too, with a person that you came with, you kind of want to hang out with.

[Brian Green]

Absolutely. Absolutely. But this sounds like she went out with this, her girlfriend, and then all of a sudden, he. I think he. Was he following camera? Yeah, that's what.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, camera somewhere.

[Brian Green]

That is a red flag. Now it's Frankie B. Now the phone out, and shit's going sideways. All right, Gaslighting. When I confront him about the jealousy, confronted about the jealousy, he acted as if I was overreacting. He said, you're being dramatic. I. It was just me caring about you. You. I just wanted to make sure that you were safe and okay. Nobody. I said, that's not caring about me. That is manipulation. Again, I think this is a bit of a gray area here. Like, I don't think he's caring about you, but I think he's caring about whether or not you're going to be hooking up with other dudes that I can kind of understand. So I'm just trying to play devil's advocate here a little bit. Otherwise, I think you're spot on. Disrespectful language. One time we went out with friends and he made a joke at my expense. Oh, this continued at this particular or. Everyone laughed and it continued, but I felt like I had been slapped in the face. I told him it wasn't funny and he responded, you really need to lighten up. And I said, sure, let's just throw my self esteem. Throw my self esteem down where your fantasy football league is. Okay? Yep.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

There's a fantasy football theme going on too.

[Brian Green]

I think she hated the dude who spent a lot of time on fantasy football, I think is what's going on. Well, let me share this. This is true. Is that there people, when you make fun of each other inside the room. Right. When it's the two of you, it. It's scientifically noted that that is a way to deep, deepen your relationship when you can poke fun at each other's foibles and coybles. But I have often said, and I say this to Astrid all the time, time love is not bouncing on an open nerve. If someone has anxieties or is self conscious or has some kind of, you know, issues around themselves, and we all know what these are. If you've been in a relationship for a while, you don't then bounce on those and use it for either laughter or to poke at someone outside of the room, you just don't do it. Yeah, it's highly disrespectful. And quite frankly, it's the sign that you're not caring for somebody. You're doing the exact opposite. You're not caring for them. It's not that you are caring for them. It's that you're not caring for them. I agree with this one 100%. I'm with you. We're here. Dr. Phil in the house. Inconsistent behavior. One minute he told me I was sweet as pie, and the next he'd act cold and distant, just like our first, the lady from North Carolina. I felt like I was Dating a mood ring. I could never figure out what color I was supposed to be. Yes, this is. I forget what they call this, but this is when. Love bombing. When you love bomb somebody. They're the best that you can't. You know I love you. There's nothing wrong with you. I can't believe you're with me. You're my savior. You're my hero. And then 15 minutes later, you cannot do a goddamn thing right. It's called love bomb coming. They give you the love and then they take it away. They give you the love and then they take it away. And it's in an effort to control your emotional well being. It's in an effort to break you down. Whether they consciously understand that or not. I think some people do, but what they're doing is that they're trying to control you. Just like you. You say here I felt like I was dating a mood ring. I couldn't figure out what color I was supposed to be. You're not supposed to be any color. You're supposed to be how you are. You're supposed to feel how you're supposed to feel. Yes, big red flag, Chrissy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I agree.

[Brian Green]

Okay, conflict resolution. If I tried to bring up anything that bothered me, he'd raise his voice or he'd just go silent. I was always left standing there like a deer in the headlights, wondering if I should just start talking to myself. He never wanted to resolve conflict after it happened or headed off at the pass. Huge red flag.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

That's just a sign of emotional immaturity, quite frankly.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Right. And bad communication.

[Brian Green]

You ever been with someone who gets so fucking defensive? They get defensive about every fucking thing that you want to talk about. That drives me crazy. And I know I've been guilty of this too. Sometimes we all get defensive about one thing or the other. But this is one where I would say, yes, big red flag. It's. It's a sign that you have the emotional maturity to try and figure things out. And your partner does not have the emotional maturity to sit there with you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, you got to work through things.

[Brian Green]

Of course you do. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. Or they just fester too.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Blame shifting. When we had our first real argument, he insisted that it was all my fault. He said if you hadn't brought that up, we wouldn't be fighting. So basically the mess that we were in was me just having feelings. I understood in that moment that I had to walk on eggshells around what I was saying and how I was sharing my own feelings. Yeah, that's That's. This is tough. Yeah. This sounds like a shitty relationship altogether. I don't know. You were in this one. Number nine, physical aggression.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, well, that.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, that's just a line. That's not even a red flag. That's a line.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's definitely a line. It's not allowed.

[Brian Green]

This one is a bit extreme, but let me clarify. One time he got frustrated while playing a video game. Video games and fantasy football. Fantasy football sounds like you just have a. Yeah, it sounds like your pickers off. Actually, he got mad while playing a video game and accidentally knocked over a lamp. But it didn't feel accident. Even though that's what he said, it didn't feel accidental. I was like, whoa, dude, that's not cool. But he brushed it off. He said that it was just an accident, and it felt like a small thing at the time, but it left me feeling uneasy in general.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

God, it could have been an accident.

[Brian Green]

And who amongst us hasn't thrown something against the wall at some point? Like, you know, sometimes hit a pillow, you know, kick the dirt? You sometimes throw a golf club. Yeah. Toss blue in the pool. You know, like, who amongst us hasn't gotten a little frustrated? I mean, if it's not physical aggression towards you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, I thought that's what it was at first.

[Brian Green]

But if it's physical aggression and you feel like it could have been you then, or if it was because of you, like, if you're in an argument and he threw the lamp against the wall, bad news. If he's mad at a video game and he knocked over the lamp, like, you know, shoved over the lamp because he was mad at the video game. Yeah, I. I would take note of it, but I don't know that that would be, like, a huge red flag for me. It would just be like, we, dude, you need to learn how to control your anger a little bit. It's a video game.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Rev down.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, rev down. Down. As Christy would say, rev down. And number 10. Finally, lack of support. One time I had a big presentation and at work, and instead of being encouraging, he just told me, I hope you don't mess it up.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh.

[Brian Green]

And then didn't. Didn't support me in any other way when I really needed this presentation to work out. I just wish that he had spent some time boosting my confidence. Instead of saying trite words, I thought, thanks for the vote of confidence, man. Maybe I'll just walk into the meeting with a sign that says, I'm going to be a disaster. Yeah, that's.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. That's a big red flag.

[Brian Green]

If Astrid didn't support me, we would have ended this podcast episode number three. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Same with Jeff.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Jeff tells me every day. He gives me my little lunch and he. A kiss, and he. And he walks me out the door and he says, be safe. Be funny. I love you so much.

[Brian Green]

Be safe. Be funny. I'm going to whack off.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I love you later.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, no, it's true. You have to have. You have to. Your partner has to be supportive. Especially, too.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

If it was like, something that had been building up, it was a big presentation. She'd been working on it for weeks, months, whatever. And the day of, he says, I hope you don't mess it up. Boom. I would be like, fuck you, dude.

[Brian Green]

I mean, we do that as friends. Yeah, we do that as friends. You should certainly have that as a partner, right? Absolutely. Absolutely. Okay, so wrap it up. After a couple of months, I finally had enough. When he suggested I should quit my job because it was stressing me out too much. I realized myself. I realized that I had been losing myself in this relationship and it was time to run off into the sunset solo style. I ended up. I ended things, and let me tell you, it felt like shedding a hundred pounds. I learned that sometime. Sometimes love blinds you to the red flags. But it's critical to pay attention to those flags flags or you might find yourself in a rodeo of emotional chaos. Thanks for listening. And remember, when dating, keep your eyes peeled for those red flags, because nobody needs a rodeo in their love life. Love you guys. Podcast LISTENER Chicago, Illinois oh, we love you. Be listeners. What they said. But I say podcast listener. Okay, thank you. That was. That was good. I liked it. And she broke it down step by step so that we could tell which red flag bags. I agree with most of them. Some of them, I think, are a little bit gray area.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. And each one on its own. If that was it, maybe that's something you could work through. But all together, they add up.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. A few of those were bigger than others, but. And some of them had a little bit of gray area. We would probably need more detail or to know the person directly. But I will say in some, in total, huge, huge toxic red flag. That guy was going to be no good for you in the long run. So a few months. I think you should consider yourself lucky that you just have.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Exactly. Experience for months, not a few months. Years.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, let's. Let's get a little bit more complicated. Chrissy. In a polyamorous relationship. Polyamory Red flags. All right, when we return, we'll get to that from one of our wonderful listeners. We'll be back.

[Christina]

In case you guys were wondering, I am currently trapped in the closet in the studio being forced to record liner after liner and I never get to leave. So help me by following us on Instagram at the commercial break break and on TikTok CBP podcast and go to our website, tcbpodcast.com for more information about Ryan and Chrissy and access to our massive catalog of video and audio episodes. Now please text us at 212-4333, TCB. And tell Brian and Chrissy to let me out of the closet.

[Brian Green]

This episode is sponsored in part by Klarna. Well, Halloween is over and you know what that means. It's time to gorge yourself on candy and start searching for that perfect gift to give those you care yourself. And in this household, that means buying gifts for the 12 to 18 children we've got running around. And while the season is festive and we always love giving gifts, paying attention to our finances always gets a little bit more attention this time of year. Astrid and I have used Klarna as our everyday smarter spending partner. Klarna allows you to split a purchase up into four interest free payments. So choose Klarna at your favorite retailers or shop [e-mail] Klarna really has helped us be a little bit smarter about our shopping for the holiday seasons. So head over to Klarna.com to see their offerings and make Klarna your smarter spending partner for the holiday season. California resident loans made or arranged pursuant to a California finance law license, NLS number 1353190. Klarna balance account required. Klarna may get a commission. Limitations, terms and conditions do apply. This episode is sponsored in part by Live Nation. All right, you're a fan of the commercial break, so I know you're a fan of comedy. And good news for you, some of the best comedians in the world world are touring right now. In my humble opinion, the best way to see comedy is to see it live. It's that energy in the room. It's the infectious laughter. It's the sense that someone is doing a high wire act right in front of your face and at any moment the train can come off the tracks. And that is always just as entertaining as when your favorite comedian sets the room on fire. Nasser and I have become big fans of watching live comedy. Never once have we walked out of a comedy show, regretting the three were about to pay the teenage babysitter to obsessively text her boyfriend and doom scroll on Instagram. Never once. Let me punch up a few of the comedians I know are on tour right now. There's the ever lovely Sarah Silverman, hilarious Brian Regan, Chelsea Handler, who I kind of have a crush on, Sarah Milliken, Kevin Hart, the always funny Atsuko Okatsuka, and the literal man of the hour, Sebastian Maniscalco. If that guy doesn't give you a tickle, you just don't own a funny bone. There are all kind of live shows, there are all kind of venues and there are all flavors of comedy. So head over to livenation.comcomedy to get your tickets today. That's livenation.comcomedy. times are tough. The entire world's stressed out. You deserve it. Go see some live comedy. Livenation.com comedy and thanks to Live Nation for being a sponsor of another kind of comedy show. The commercial break. All right, I'll turn on my microphone. Why not? That's good.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Start there.

[Brian Green]

Well, I just thought it was broken as it is. So I've decided that in the new studio configuration, the commercial break is going to spend wisely and get a new microphone for Brian and give the broken one to Christina. So that way, hopefully when I don't like what she's saying, it'll just cut itself off.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It'll just crackle.

[Brian Green]

Yes, poor Christina. Actually, we love Christina and she'll be here with us pretty soon every episode here in the studio, producing us live and hopefully sharing her thoughts here and there when, when appropriate. Christina, learn. Learn to stay in your lane. Red flag from Brian. Learn to stay in your lane.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Also. She can also do the research so we're not googling things as we talk.

[Brian Green]

Yes, that's true. Like, we've decided that we just need some backup here because we so many times don't know what the fuck we're talking about and we don't. It's not a good look to just then spend 30 dead air seconds trying to google something.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Or is it.

[Brian Green]

So plus we just so many wonderful things we could do if we had an extra pair of hands and an actual brain in here. So between the three of us, we'll have one brain and we'll be able to figure things out. All right. Our polyamorous friend, friend from Los Angeles wrote us a letter and 23 year old living in Los Angeles and they have a story that hopefully will make us laugh, cringe, and maybe even rethink our dating choices, Chrissy. Okay, so grab your kombucha, she says, and settle in as I take you through a whirlwind experience and a polyamorous relationship that was more tangled than my earbuds on a trip to the gym. Well, you shouldn't be using. First of all, you should never use wires at the gym. You know what I'm saying? I've seen so many people with those wired things. They just fly out of their heads. Their heads go knocking into something. Don't use wires at the gym. Go to Earls. Okay. I met an amazing couple, Alex and Jamie, at a local queer coffee shop one night. They were fun, charismatic, and they also had effortless chemistry that was downright enviable. After a few flirty conversations and a couple of mind blowing group hangouts, they invited me to join their relationship. I thought, what could go wrong? I mean, it's laughing. We're all about love, acceptance, and sharing, right? And to be honest, polyamory and the queer lifestyle in LA is spot on. It's not unusual. Spoiler. What could go wrong? Spoiler alert. A lot. Right off the bat, I noticed that communication was like a game of charades. But nobody knew the rules. When I'd ask about their boundaries or how they envisioned our dynamic, it was like trying to extract information from some secret society. Society. They just would say things like, we'll figure it out as we go. Yeah. Because that always ends well.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

No, yeah. No, no, no, no, no. I hear you. You got to have clear boundaries right off, right off the bat. And oh, boy, did the jealousy rare its ugly head right from the beginning. One night, I ended up going to a concert with Alex. I'm assuming this is the male in the relationship. I don't know if Alex and Jamie are man and a woman or a man and a man. I'm not really sure. Sure. But when Jamie found out, they sent me a text message that read, I hope you're having fun without me. Thanks for the invite. I mean, it was a concert, not a funeral. And I tried to reassure them, but it felt like I was navigating a minefield with every word. Yeah, one minute. They hope you're having fun without me. Hope you're having fun without me. I'll have the dead rabbit waiting when you get home. I mean, come on. Yeah, I agree. If you're going to be in a throuple, then you got to understand that at times it's not going to include you. Isn't that, like, the benefit of being in a throuple Sometimes, like, you know, okay, I don't have to worry about.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

One person doesn't feel like going to the concert.

[Brian Green]

That's right. That's right. Ask that guy from Sister Wives. He's.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's working out.

[Brian Green]

It's working out just fine for him. Everything turned out roses. One minute they were all in, inviting me to join, family dinners and movies. The next night, it was like I had vanished into thin air. Thin air. I'd text and I'd get crickets in response. Sometimes for hours and sometimes for days. Whoa. I felt like I was in a relationship with a couple of magicians. Now you see me, now you don't. Well, yeah, that's a red flag, definitely. If you're going to be in, like, a.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Every single one of these have been.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The definable red flag.

[Brian Green]

Absolutely. First of all, no boundaries.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, we'll figure it out.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, we'll figure it out.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You're horrible. Yeah, now you see me, now you don't.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, that's like. I don't know. That's like trying to stick it in the butt the first time you make out with somebody. Right. It's like when you have no boundaries, then the boundaries are everywhere, and then they're just going to pop up here and there, and it's going to make for everyone being upset.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, they're going to pop up. When there is a. When you hit a boundary.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, when you hit a boundary. That's right. A conflict when you cross the line. And then when you cross the line, there's conflict. And it's unnecessary because you could have said from the beginning. Beginning.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

I don't like you going out with Alex unless you ask if that's okay.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Communicate with me.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, okay. All right. I got it right. Or, you know, at times, Alex and I would. Or Jamie and I, or whatever, we would like to have our own space. So from time to time, we're going to take a little break here and there. During the week, we like to just go to work and do our thing. We'll see on the weekends, whatever this sounds like. No expectations were set from the beginning. Beginning. And you're just bumping into the wall as you go along. So this is. I see this. This is definitely a red flag. But I have to say this, my friend, I do believe some of this. And you're 23 and everyone's learning, but I do have to say you'll learn this as you go along. Some of this might be on you a little bit, too. Like you could have also said, hey, what are the dynamics here? What are we, what's going to go on? Or I don't like this, or I would like this. So. But let's read through it and maybe we'll find out. They did after. One night, after a particularly awkward group outing, I tried to adjust how I felt as the third wheel. Instead of owning up to any miscommunications. Alex shot back with, maybe if you hadn't been so quiet, we wouldn't have had these problems. I was like, excuse me. I didn't realize that I needed to be the one directing the relationship to fit in. Uh, yeah, this is all miscommunication.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Exactly.

[Brian Green]

This is really about miscommunication. This is a tale as old as time. Miscommunication. Both Alex and Jamie were very sweet, but when it came to discussing feelings, it really was like pulling teeth. I tried to have heart to heart conversations. They deflect with jokes or they would change the subject. I felt like I was trying to perform brain surgery without any training. Extremely difficult, slightly terrifying. It was like a high wire act and I always fell off the wire. Yeah, okay. Yeah, this is it. When I broached the subject example. When I broached the subject of where we were heading as a trio, the conversation often turned awkward. Jamie would say things like, let's just enjoy the moment. Well, that's great and all, but I'm not trying to invest in a relationship that's like a pop up store at the mall. I need some stability. I need to know where we're going and what we're doing. Fair enough. Okay. There's more to this. And after a few months, I noticed that the boundaries were more like suggestions to them. I'd express my boundaries were more like suggestions to them. I'd express something like, I need some time alone. And they'd respond with, oh, come on, we just need one more game. Game night. Or why don't you feel like hanging out with us? Does that mean you don't want to be with us? They pressured me into feeling like my boundaries weren't real. Expectations that needed to be met. I felt like I was always on this tight and I would and. And I was just one step from the abyss. I always felt guilty for wanting personal space or trying to get my personal needs met. Yes. Miscommunication, all of it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. I mean, it almost sounds like the. The couple wanted to kind of just hang out at coffee shops and game nights and hook up and not really have it her be or that person other Person be a part of the relationship.

[Brian Green]

Yes. I think this is a tale about a couple who was looking for a little bit of excitement, brought you into the relationship, played with you like a toy, and then decided when or when not to discard you and your feelings. Which, by the way, from my own knowledge of throuples, it's kind of how it goes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, right.

[Brian Green]

I mean, I, we, we know some people and for years they wanted a girlfriend. It's a couple. They wanted a girlfriend. And they would bring in young girl after young girl after young girl, some for longer times than others that really ended up becoming babysitters, nannies, people to clean their house. But they would come and go not as the girl pleased, but as they pleased.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And it became very, very difficult for every one of those young ladies who all left in tatters because they felt like they were getting invested in this relationship that was going to mean, be meaningful and mean something. And really what it was was just a play thing for the couple. I mean, that's how I saw it. And love these people to death. I think they're wonderful. I don't think they were trying to be. I don't think I'm trying to misrepresent or be mean or be abusive. I don't think that's what it was. I think that's just what happened in the end. So, you know, throuples again seems tricky. Polyamory French from my relationships not working. I'm kidding. I, I, I, it just seems very, very tricky. Yeah. I don't know any polyamory relationships that worked super long term, but that I only have. No, my limited scope is my limited scope. I don't know. After a few months of the emotional roller coaster, I decided I was more stressed than happy. I left and I had, or I had decided to have a sit down with them to express my concerns. And when I brought up these red flags, they just shrugged and said, this is how polyamory works. You have to be flexible. Flexible. Okay, true. And that was my aha moment. Flexibility is great, but not at the expense of my own emotional health. So I made a tough decision to stay away from the relationship and I left. I realized that while polyamory can be beautiful, it needs to be built on strong communication. Respect.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Strong communication. Like the number one thing.

[Brian Green]

Absolutely. So here I am, single and ready to mingle, but with a much clearer vision of what I want in a relationship.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, you live and you learn.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Thanks for listening. If you know anybody that needs a, that's looking for a 23 year old. Third. Let me know whether you're in a monogamous or polyamorous relationship. Communication is the key. Don't ignore red flags. Cheers to you all. Navigating the wild world of love with laughter and care, as you always do. Oh, that's very sweet.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Thank you very much.

[Brian Green]

You obviously haven't been listening for very long. There you go. There you have it. I mean, she said it. She. She got it in the end. Is that it really was just about communication. You want to hear one more?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Let's do it.

[Brian Green]

Why not? Let's go for. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And, you know, just thinking back, you know, some of these things are where you. You learn as you go.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Of what is good, what works for you, what doesn't work for you. And that's life.

[Brian Green]

That is life.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's also hard for somebody else to tell somebody else what to do. Like, you know when your parents told you, like, yes, something, and you were like, I don't know. And then you learned it yourself and you said that they were right.

[Brian Green]

Yes. I agree with you. I.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Some things you just have to kind of go through.

[Brian Green]

Some things you do just kind of have to go through on your own. When you're 23 years old. And this is like, it's hard enough figuring it out with one person involved in the mix. When you make the conscious choice to have multiple people in the mix, then you're going to have to deal with multiple emotional situations and varying levels of emotional maturity and varying boundaries and varying levels of respect. That is really difficult to do. Like, when I was 23 years old, I could barely understand what my own boundaries were, let alone anybody else's. I'm not even sure I had any right. And so I do agree with Chrissy on this one. You will learn as you go along. It's not like I'm here to tell you that I'm some wise. I'm like I'm the third wise man.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Wait, you are guru.

[Brian Green]

Guru. Gbg. That's true. May. It's true. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You going?

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Dragon. Fire. Fire. Drag. Breath of dragon.

[Brian Green]

That's right. I'm the fire breath.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Dragon breath.

[Brian Green]

Dragon. I do have dragon breath. I got the breath of a thousand asses. Welcome to the studio, Christina. I'm gonna meet Christina with my coffee breath every morning. Hey, love what you're wearing.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The fire bracket. Dragon.

[Brian Green]

The fire breath. The breath of fire. Oh, my God. That lady was crazy. All right, I don't know if I might get my pages mixed up here, but let's Just see if we could put this together.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You have quite a few pages.

[Brian Green]

I do have quite a few pages, actually. You know what? I have it on my phone so that I don't mess it up.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, it's a good thing you printed out that book.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Well, this is seven years of, you know, papers that I've sitting on this desk. I should probably clean that out at some. At some moment.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

There it is.

[Brian Green]

Okay. Oh, here we go. I see what's going on here now. Okay. All right. I'm going to call this the rainbow Red Flag story. Hey, everyone. 30, furry old guy living in sunny Miami, Florida. Let me tell you, my dating life has been. Been a tropical storm. Beautiful from afar.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Can we just commend all the listeners for their.

[Brian Green]

They're very cute.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

They are very cute.

[Brian Green]

They're very cute. Well, there was many of them, and I took the cutest ones. I took the best writers of them, and there's a few people who just obviously took a lot of time to write these. And so I felt like. Felt it was important to get to them. My relationship life is beautiful from afar, but it's really full of a bunch of turbulence. So please grab your mojitos and let me share about my brief romance. I'll call. Call Brad the Red Flag. Okay. I met Brad at a local bar during Drag Queen bingo night. Nice. He was charming, had great taste in cocktails, and could recite every lyric from Wrecking Ball like he was auditioning for a Broadway show. I thought to myself, finally, a catch. But soon I realized he was more like a catch and release. Fun of games until you realize he's slippery and slimy. Our first date went smoothly until I realized I had to pull teeth to find out anything about him. So what do you do for fun? I asked. And he would reply with something like, I watch Netflix. Great, but what shows? I mean, this man treated conversation like a game of dodgeball. Every question, every question that was thrown his way would be answered with the fewest amount of words possible. After a few dates, he started suggesting what I should wear. He would say stuff like, you should never really wear that blue shirt.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

God.

[Brian Green]

Or that red brings out the worst in your eyes. What? I mean, sure, I can appreciate a compliment, but if I wanted a stylist, I'd call my mother. One evening, I was chatting with a cute guy at a bar, for research purposes, of course. And Brad stormed over like a hurricane. Who's this? He demanded, pointing out. Out my new friend. I chuckled. I'm just. I chuckled that he Was just a fellow bingo enthusiast, but Brad wasn't having it. Well, I don't like him. Oh, cool. I didn't realize I needed your approval to talk to other human beings. I said, okay, but come on, man, really? I mean, you're over there chatting up hot guys again. Here. Here we go with this kind of gray area. When I tried to express my comfort over his jealousy, he turned it around on me. Me. You know, you're always so sensitive. It's just me caring about you, never the other way around. And I thought to myself, caring? Is that what we're calling it now? I mean, I didn't know I signed up for a relationship. I didn't know I signed up for a relationship with a mind reader. One minute he'd be the life of the party, and the next minute he act like someone stole his last slice of cake. One night he was dancing on tables, the next he'd be sulking in the corner, staring into his drink, and it was like. Like a crystal ball was trying to predict his future. I felt like I was dating two different people. Or maybe this was just a Jekyll and Hyde situation. Or a bipolar or Bipolar. That's right.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I mean, that's a real thing.

[Brian Green]

Of course, our first fight was over the last slice of pizza. Yes, I said it. That's true. Instead of talking about it, he slammed the pizza box, shot shut, and refused to talk to me. This whole situation. Oh, wait one second. This whole situation. I'm sorry, there's another story that I mixed in here. I don't want to. I don't want to mingle the two. This whole situation was confusing from beginning to end. And at the end of the day, I just couldn't handle it anymore. I know these red flags are small, but they ended up becoming big deals. In the end, it was a firework display of red flags, and I should have seen it from the beginning. We only lasted a few months, and now I know what to avoid when looking for my next Bingo Bob partner.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Once again, love.

[Brian Green]

Gay in Florida.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Thank you. Gay in Florida.

[Brian Green]

Thank you. Gay and Florida. Once again, communication and not paying attention to some pretty obvious red flags. Though I do have to say, like, if he's telling you that maybe that shirt doesn't look good on you. He's upset that you're talking to hot guys at the bar, and he, on occasion, is a little bit moody. I don't know if those are red flags or if you just met the wrong guy for you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

You know what I'm saying? This is not like our first writer who, like, clearly had really serious red flags that she was avoiding or not or not paying attention to. This seems more of like a mismatched couple to me. I'm just saying that no offense to you or to Brad, I'm just thinking to myself that if you had. If you knew what you wanted, this was not it. If you wanted to be able to talk to hot guys at the bar and not have someone that was jealous, if you wanted someone that was consistently upbeat and never, you know, kind of got in a sour mood, always looked at the glass house half full and you wanted someone who would not talk, you know, like, not tell you what they think of what you're wearing. There is a person out there for you. Right. And it just didn't seem like Brad was that guy. I'm just trying to give Brad a little bit of a break here because it doesn't sound like Brad was a bad guy. Just sounds like Brad was, you know, the wrong guy. Your guy. Yeah, that's right. So there you go. Look at that. We got a kaleidoscope of stories from our wonderful listeners. I really appreciate it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know. I really do too. I'm so proud of everybody for taking.

[Brian Green]

The time they took the time. They wrote it out. One even had bullet points. Yeah, they bulletproofed out the behavior. Yeah, that's right. So thank you very much. We really appreciate it. And thank you to everybody who wrote in about the red flags. I'm sorry I couldn't get to everybody, but I only have so much time and that's the way the cookie crumbles.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Communication is key in any relationship. Be it want on one, one with yourself even.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

If I'm being honest.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Communication is just number one at folks out there. Just keep that in mind for everything.

[Brian Green]

I think that's the number one thing you should do, is learn how to communicate with yourself first. And then you will never question how somebody else communicates with you because if they don't do it the right way, it's not respectful. With trust and with love, you'll know it immediately and you won't like it. Right, that's it. Gotta pay attention to yourself first. But don't let me be the person who stops you from learning your own lessons, because I certainly. No one could tell me any different when I was young either. So there you go, Chrissy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, there you go, Guru BG and.

[Brian Green]

Yogi Hoadly, do it again. Yogi Hoadley, do it again. We've come to the rescue. Of course, all three of those people are now out of those relationships. But we could have told you if you would have hit us up back then. Or maybe you did and I just didn't respond. Oh Lord. Okay, well, listen, everybody. Have a fantastic weekend. We'll be back here with you on Tuesday.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Forever.

[Brian Green]

Forever. Never. Are we leaving? It's going to go on forever and ever. We just love you to death. Thank you so much for all the kind words. Stick with us. It's gonna get better. I promise. The show and life in general. Text us 212-433-TCB212 4333822 questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. We take them all tcbpodcast.com more information about the show, the audio, the video and your free sticker at the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on tick tock and YouTube.com the commercial break for soon every episode of the commercial break on YouTube and Spotify video. All right, Chrissy, that's all I can do for right now.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

But I'll tell you that I love.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You and I love you.

[Brian Green]

Best to you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Best to you.

[Brian Green]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say we do say and we must say good bye.

[Narrator]

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[Brian Green]

I get Ass. Got something on your mind you need to talk about? Forget texting. Just call up a friend so you can hear a voice. It might be old school, but it helps. This healthy suggestion is brought to you by Regents Blue Cross Blue Shield of Oregon. Together we help have no family to celebrate Christmas with this year. The Commercial break is live the entire holiday season to make you even more miserable than you currently are. So put your Christmas pajamas on, gather around the Christmas tree and listen to prayer. Brand new episodes of the Commercial Break.