Secrets, Secrets

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Commercial Break - Episode "Secrets, Secrets"

Introduction

In this episode of The Commercial Break titled "Secrets, Secrets," hosts Bryan Green and Kristen Joy Hoadley, alongside their friend Astro, delve into a variety of topics ranging from political discourse and pop culture to relationship advice and personal anecdotes. Skipping the sponsored segments, the episode primarily focuses on the aftermath of a recent election, the unexpected fire at Mark Wahlberg's Italian restaurant in Las Vegas, nostalgic discussions about iconic musical acts, and an engaging Q&A session addressing listeners' relationship dilemmas.

---

1. Election Results and Political Implications

The episode kicks off with a heated discussion about the recent election, revealing Astro's apprehensions about a potential Trump presidency. The hosts reflect on the societal divisions and the importance of voting, emphasizing personal responsibility in shaping the future.

• Astro (04:03): "The people have spoken. And so there you go. People have spoken, and we don't always win."

• Bryan Green (07:21): "No matter how you feel about Trump and his presidency, he will be the next president."

Astro expresses concerns about the impact of a Trump administration, particularly focusing on immigration policies and the potential denaturalization of certain citizens:

• Astro (04:55): "I get a little nervous about Trump presidency because my wife is a newly minted citizen and one of those yahoos on that side of the aisle is already talking about denaturalizing citizens from certain countries."

The hosts also touch upon economic disparities highlighted by the election results, noting the substantial increase in wealth among the top billionaires:

• Astro (02:53): "I just read that the top 10 billionaires in this country woke up $61 billion richer on Thursday."

Despite the bleak outlook, Bryan and Kristen maintain a hopeful stance, assuring listeners that the community will find ways to navigate through the challenging times with humor and solidarity.

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2. Mark Wahlberg's Italian Restaurant Fire in Las Vegas

Transitioning from politics to a shocking piece of news, the hosts discuss the recent fire that engulfed Mark Wahlberg's Italian restaurant in Las Vegas. They express their disbelief and concern over the incident, speculating about the extent of the damage and the future of the establishment.

• Astro (07:37): "Mark Wahlberg's Italian restaurant in Las Vegas apparently has been set ablaze and is currently burning."

Kristen adds a personal touch by mentioning the proximity of a nearby Wahlberg establishment, prompting a humorous debate about the quality of Wahlberg's culinary offerings:

• Kristen (07:51): "There's one down the street."

• Astro (07:56): "I just can't bring myself to walk in and order a Marky Mark burger."

The conversation shifts to favorite local eateries and the hosts share their preferences, debating the merits of national chains versus beloved local spots:

• Astro (08:27): "In N Out's just a sentimental favorite."

• Kristen (08:16): "I would put Shake Shack on there."

Bryan introduces a favored local burger joint, highlighting its exceptional offerings:

• Astro (09:11): "Fred's Meat and Bread has the most incredible burgers I have ever tasted in my entire life."

The segment provides listeners with insights into the hosts' personal tastes and underscores the importance of supporting local businesses.

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3. Nostalgia and Pop Culture: New Kids on the Block and Frankie Valli

Bryan and Kristen dive into a nostalgic discussion about the New Kids on the Block (NKOTB) and Frankie Valli, reminiscing about their impact on the music scene and their enduring legacy.

• Astro (15:00): "It's hard to be first. It's hard to be first."

The hosts reflect on the trajectory of NKOTB, noting their initial rise to fame, subsequent hiatus, and recent reunions:

• Astro (15:49): "Taylor Swift level famous could not go anywhere."

Kristen shares her parental perspective, highlighting how NKOTB's popularity transcended generations:

• Kristen (15:50): "It was my parents."

The conversation shifts to Frankie Valli, with Astro expressing skepticism about the authenticity of his performances given his age:

• Astro (21:16): "I have watched that Frankie Valli videos until I am blue in the... I have no idea whether or not he is lip syncing."

Bryan and Kristen discuss the challenges faced by aging performers in maintaining their vocal prowess, blending humor with genuine admiration:

• Kristen (17:09): "They keep on getting bigger and bigger stars to star in these Lifetime movies, which is fascinating to me because they are so incredibly terrible."

This segment not only evokes fond memories but also offers a critical lens on the sustainability of fame and performance longevity.

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4. Relationship Advice: Intimacy and Secrets

A substantial portion of the episode is dedicated to answering listener questions, where Bryan, Kristen, and Astro provide candid advice on sensitive relationship issues. The primary focus is on intimacy, consent, and the complexities of sharing secrets within personal relationships.

Question 1: Intimacy and Oral Sex

A listener, Spencer, seeks advice on his partner's reluctance to engage in oral sex, which he perceives as a rejection. The hosts approach this with empathy and practical guidance.

• Astro (40:16): "Listen, Chrissy, we are much closer to this than you think."

Bryen and Kristen emphasize the importance of communication and respecting boundaries:

• Kristen (41:37): "Maybe she didn't have a good experience in the past with it... You just need to kind of talk about it and be respectful of her boundaries."

Astro adds a humorous yet considerate perspective, encouraging Spencer to understand his partner's feelings without taking it personally:

• Astro (44:21): "If it's that important to you, let her know that it is very important to you. But you will wait until she's ready to maybe just explore it more."

Question 2: Sharing Secrets with a Spouse

Another listener grapples with the dilemma of sharing a secret with his wife that could potentially hurt a friend. The hosts tackle the ethical implications of trust and the consequences of withholding information.

• Astro (50:05): "Figure it out."

• Kristen (50:29): "If it's going to be hard for you, go back to the wife or go back to the friend and say, I think you need to tell the girl because it's going to be really hard for me to keep this."

Bryan and Astro share personal anecdotes to illustrate the challenges of maintaining secrecy and the importance of honesty in relationships:

• Astro (48:48): "It was so tough. Especially when I got drunk and I made a rule. I'm gonna do no cocaine around this guy. Because if I do that, the first thing that's coming out of my mouth is your girlfriend's cheating on you."

Kristen reinforces the balance between protecting friends and maintaining trust with a spouse, advising openness and clear communication.

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5. Pop Culture Commentary: 90 Day Fiance and Lifetime Movies

The hosts offer their takes on contemporary reality TV shows and Lifetime movies, blending critique with personal opinions.

90 Day Fiance

Astro discusses his fascination with the drama unfolding in the reality show "90 Day Fiance", particularly focusing on the challenges faced by couples dealing with cultural differences and personal struggles.

• Astro (35:32): "A lot of Colombians on these shows. And he's in a wheelchair... it was too much too soon."

He critiques the portrayal of sensitive issues and highlights the importance of understanding within relationships:

• Astro (37:57): "It's a very personal thing. And I think Chrissy's right... don't take it as a rejection."

Lifetime Christmas Movies

Bryan and Kristen share their experiences watching traditional Lifetime Christmas movies, noting the predictable formulas and recurring themes.

• Astro (32:59): "All Lifetime Christmas movies are exactly the same."

• Kristen (34:37): "They had to turn our street outside... into a winter wonderland."

Despite their criticisms, the hosts acknowledge the entertainment value these movies hold for many viewers, blending nostalgia with a critical eye.

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6. Music and Performance: Frankie Valli's Authenticity

Returning to the earlier discussion on Frankie Valli, Astro remains skeptical about the authenticity of Valli's performances given his advanced age. The conversation touches upon lip-syncing in modern performances and the challenges older artists face in maintaining vocal strength.

• Astro (21:57): "I have watched that Frankie Valli videos until I am blue in the... I have no idea whether or not he is lip syncing."

Bryen suggests that behind-the-scenes factors like auto-tuning might play a role in sustaining an artist's performance quality:

• Astro (21:16): "But I'm almost sure that it's Frankie Valli... someone is auto-tuning him."

Kristen provides a counterpoint by speculating on Frankie Valli's dedication and practice:

• Kristen (22:00): "He's been doing it so long, he's practiced at it, I guess."

The hosts blend humor with genuine curiosity, leaving listeners pondering the fine line between authentic performance and technological enhancement in music.

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7. Upcoming Changes and Community Engagement

Towards the end of the episode, Bryan and Kristen announce upcoming changes to the podcast, including a studio revamp and increased presence on platforms like YouTube. They encourage listener interaction through social media and direct communication channels, emphasizing their commitment to evolving the show based on audience feedback.

• Kristen (30:29): "We are putting a moratorium on broken penis questions. Here on the commercial break, no more."

• Bryan (63:23): "Next time, Chrissy and I always say we do say and we must say goodbye."

They also tease future content and improvements, inviting listeners to stay tuned for fresh and engaging episodes:

• Astro (63:29): "We're going to shake things up, freshen it up."

---

Conclusion

"Secrets, Secrets" offers a vibrant mix of political commentary, pop culture nostalgia, heartfelt relationship advice, and humorous banter. Bryan, Kristen, and Astro navigate through a plethora of topics with their signature wit and candidness, ensuring that listeners are both entertained and enlightened. The episode underscores the value of communication, understanding, and community in navigating the complexities of modern life, all while maintaining the light-hearted spirit that defines The Commercial Break.

Notable Quotes:

• Astro (04:03): "The people have spoken. And so there you go."

• Astro (07:37): "Mark Wahlberg's Italian restaurant in Las Vegas apparently has been set ablaze and is currently burning."

• Astro (15:00): "It's hard to be first. It's hard to be first."

• Astro (21:16): "I have watched that Frankie Valli videos until I am blue in the... I have no idea whether or not he is lip syncing."

• Astro (40:16): "Listen, Chrissy, we are much closer to this than you think."

• Kristen (41:37): "Maybe she didn't have a good experience in the past with it... You just need to kind of talk about it and be respectful of her boundaries."

These quotes encapsulate the essence of the hosts' perspectives and the dynamic nature of their conversations throughout the episode.

Transcript

[Brian Green]

This episode of the commercial break is sponsored by Ring. The holidays are almost here, and between traveling, hosting family, and finding the perfect gift, it's such an exciting, busy, and, yes, sometimes stressful time. Ring helps you stay connected to the home for all the merry moments. Even when you're on the go with Ring, you've got the whole home covered. Their video doorbells alert you when gifts arrive and you can even chat with the delivery people to let them know where to leave the packages. The indoor cam, it's a game changer. So easy to set up, you can use it to check in on your pets when you're. And with two way talk, you can even talk to them. Plus, if you want some privacy, you can just flip the manual cover to turn off the camera and microphone. Wherever the holidays take you, Ring makes sure that you're always home for the holidays. So head to Ring.com to find the latest deals on Ring, video doorbells, cams and alarm kits. Ring makes the perfect gift for everyone on your list. And thanks to Ring for being a sponsor of the commercial break.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Hey, comedy fans. The funniest comedians in the world are on tour and you can get tickets.

[Christina]

To see them live near you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Laugh at the biggest names in comedy like Atsuko Okatsuka, Chelsea Handler, Corey Holcomb, Matt Matthews, Nurse John, Ralph Barboza, Ronnie Chang, Sarah Silverman, Sebastian Maniscalco, Wanda Sykes.

[Christina]

And so many more.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

All kinds of shows, all kinds of venues, all kinds of funny. Head to livenation.comcomedy to get your tickets today. That's livenation.com fuck. Fake moaning. If he doesn't know how to rock your world, pull him in close and.

[Astro]

Start booing in his ear.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

We don't have time for that shit.

[Brian Green]

On this episode of the Commercial break.

[Astro]

I just started planting little seeds here and there. Yeah, that's a tough one. It was so tough. Especially when I got drunk and I made a rule. I'm gonna do no cocaine around this guy. Because if I do that, the first thing that's coming out of my mouth is your girlfriend's cheating on you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Astro]

Because again, you only have so much to talk about while you're high on cocain. Okay, yeah. Before we dissect the lyrics of Oasis Wonderwall yet again, let's talk about some good, juicy gossip. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Yeah, boy. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the Ivanka to my Jared, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Bestie you, Kristen.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Best to You, Brian, best to you.

[Astro]

Out there on the podcast universe. And I sincerely mean that we're all going to get through it. It's going to be okay. I don't want you to sweat too much yet. That's another two months. It'll be all right. Apply for your green cards now. You'll be fine. Everything will be okay. Half the country is waking up with a terrible hangover. The other half of the country is waking up with their truth social stock through the roof.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know, right?

[Astro]

I just read that the top 10 billionaires in this country woke up $61 billion richer on Thursday. On Wednesday morning.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Wow.

[Astro]

Wow.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, the market went crazy.

[Astro]

To be clear, I am not one of those 10 people. I am not. I'm not even a hundred there, let alone a billionaire. Anyway, here we are. We took a couple days off so we could get through the election. So you probably heard me yapping about something silly yesterday, and I just wanted to share with you that it's Friday now and we're all still here and everyone's still alive. And as Chrissy pointed out, now we don't have to go through civil war. Yeah, I guess it's the silver lining. No civil war. I said. Yeah, we don't have to go through it in the next three months. We're just gonna. We're gonna slowly go through it over the next four years.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Just be spread out.

[Astro]

Yeah, here we go. Here we go again. Be careful what you want. Be careful what you wish for.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Astro]

That's all I gotta say. Be careful what you wish for. So Trump will be the new president, according to some sources. And we give money. Morning, quarterback. All we want. But the truth is, people just didn't show up to vote. None. People showed up to vote for Kamala Harris, and many more people showed up.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

People have spoken.

[Astro]

The people have spoken. And so there you go. And, you know, we don't always win. And that's a lesson that I'm trying to teach the smallest of my children. And yet it seems like half the country doesn't understand that when it doesn't go their way. But I will share with you that I do understand that this is how it goes. And so if we're still able to vote, if we're still allowed to vote in four years from now, I will make sure that we go do that. If my wife is still a citizen and my kids are still allowed to live here, then go through that. And that's part of the reason why I. I get a little nervous about Trump presidency is because my wife is a newly minted citizen and one of those yahoos on that side of the aisle is already talking about denaturalizing citizens from certain countries. So. And I'm sure that Venezuela is in the crosshairs because for some reason, remember Trump came out when he, during his presidency, he was talking about how great Venezuelans are. We love the Venezuelans.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Astro]

We're going to do everything for the Venezuelan. Let the Venezuelans in. The Venezuelans are great. And now they're eating the cats and eating the dogs or something. I'm not sure. But anyway, so here you are and here we are together. We will get through this. I promise you. We will be here through every tough inch of it, hopefully providing a laugh every once in a while, though it does.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The world is still going to need laugh, laughter and music.

[Astro]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Somebody pointed that out.

[Astro]

Thank you, Chrissy. Yes. And so now Brian will bring out his guitar or the piano and play I'm on My Way. Just set me Free om sweet home. Because I impressed the Venezuelans with that.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes, you did.

[Astro]

That's how I got to become an honorary Venezuelan citizen.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I think, in spite of that.

[Astro]

Do you know the funniest thing? And I know in spite of that, but, I mean, look who's heading up that country. The Trump Venezuelan. Venezuela's Trump is running that country. Did you know, I want to share something very interesting with you is that actually, I'm not going to share this. Astro get pissed if I share this. So I won't share this. I will tell you off air what happened. But something very interesting happened on election day for us personally in this household. That. And, you know, I do believe that everything happens for a reason. I do believe it is what it is. Right. And I also do believe that in some sense, we create our own realities. Right.

[Brian Green]

And so we're here for a purpose.

[Astro]

We're here for a reason. We're all living through this time and place for a reason together. And we're helping each other create our own realities. You're playing a role in mine, I'm playing a role in yours, and all that other good stuff. And something so monumental happened to our family on election day that I'm not going to share here.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, great.

[Astro]

So sorry about that. Yeah, well, if I share it, then Astro is going to get pissed because I know this is one thing she probably wouldn't want me to share live on there. But anyway, okay, I'll move on. So, you know, no matter who, how you feel about Trump and his presidency, he will be the next president. And Chrissy and I have done this show, but we have done this show only for a very short amount of time during the last Trump presidency. So we'll see how this one goes. Chrissy, we will either be detained and cuffed into an internment camp. Yes. Or we will. We will find many points of laughter, as we have during Joe Biden's presidency also. So there you go. In other news, that's the way we.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Got to look at it.

[Astro]

Sad news coming out of Las Vegas this afternoon as we're recording this as Mark Wahlberg's Italian restaurant in Las Vegas apparently has been set ablaze and is currently burning. On fire. I know.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

In Las Vegas.

[Astro]

Yeah, I think it's Las Vegas. And it's the Italian restaurant, I believe not. The Mark Wahlbergers, which, as I pointed out to Chrissy before I got on the show, I said they must be very popular because I see them all over the place. As a matter of fact, we have one just down the street.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

There's one down the street.

[Astro]

But I just can't bring myself to walk in and order a Marky Mark burger.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I just can't.

[Astro]

A Funky Bunch cheeseburger. I can't. I'm sorry. I just can't. I cannot bring myself to be. Because I know what's going to happen. I'm going to walk in there and I'm going to get one of those Mark Wahlberger burgers, and it's going to taste good to me, and then I'm going to be like, I'm a Wahlburger kind of guy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I have to say, I never see it on the best of lists, though.

[Astro]

No, no, you never do see that. But. But you never see any of those chain restaurants on the best of lists either, because those critics are way too poncy to put one of those, like.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

In N Out always is pretty up there.

[Astro]

Well, yeah, In N Out's just a sentimental favorite, though. You know what I'm saying? I've been to an In N Out burger, and I do agree they have really good burgers, but I would not put it in my top five burgers of all times. I just wouldn't. I would put Shake Shack on there.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Shake Shack is really good.

[Astro]

I would put them. I would put a local place here, Lucky's, I think is really good. But on the top of my list, if I had to name my top three and I had to name a top one, I would put Fred's Meat and Bread. Fred's Meat and Bread has the most Incredible burgers I have ever tasted in my entire life.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Really good cheesesteak, too.

[Astro]

Oh, those cheesesteaks. You know, before I lost all this weight, when I was just starting to date Astrid and I was living in that house after my girlfriend ran off to California to trim weed in the nude. And that's all my guitar. After all that. No, I'm kidding. Perfectly lovely human being. She's doing fine now. Everything's better. Everything's better now. She got better. And so did I, by the way. Yeah. What was I thinking? I was really thinking someone 22 years my junior was going to. Was not going to leave me to go trim weed in the nude. I mean, the story she told me about trimming weed out in California was. And I know a lot of people who have gone and done this.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, yeah.

[Astro]

It's a young man or girl's game, that's for sure. But apparently in some places, in some of the more danger, like trimming weed in California, still not legal for the most part. And we're not talking about like a legal farm. We're talking about like trimming weed in the middle of the woods and somebody's private property. Yeah. Like Humboldt county, where things are still very dangerous for everybody. And the working conditions are dangerous. Dangerous. And they like have to ship portable water to the potable water to the top of the mountain.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Astro]

We've all. If you've seen that documentary, that is where she was going. And apparently you would trim weed in the nude for two reasons. Number one, it was so hot and there was no air conditioning. Hot and moist, you know, wet with all the sprayers and all that. But number two, so you were not stealing the wheat. That was like the main concern. This is like a. Like a heroin den or something. Like first of all. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You don't see that on movies too, where they're doing the cocaine.

[Astro]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

In the nude or in bras or whatever.

[Astro]

Yeah. And can I ask a question? Like, with heroin, I can understand you could probably slip enough heroin into a bra to make a dent in the supply. But weed is pretty bulky. Like, wouldn't you realize, recognize if someone went up three cup sizes in lumpy tits. Like, let's just be honest about it. And so anyway, what the fuck is going on in here? Exactly. When, when I go to. When I was living there and I would go to Fred meat and three and bread.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

They deliver. We just had to deliver now.

[Astro]

Yeah. Then when they started delivering, I would. On three nights a week, I would get a burger and a cheesesteak and I would eat the burger and half of the cheesesteak. That's what I would do. And they also make their own ketchup. Now, normally I say, what is wrong with your fucking brain making your own ketchup? Do you know what I'm saying? Like, what, you think you're that good at making everything? That ketchup is going to taste better because you made it. Fred's ketchup tastes better because they made it. It's the only ketchup I've ever had, homemade ketchup. Where I was like, that is really good fucking ketchup.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Astro]

Some people might say, brian, you haven't had enough homemade ketchup. Of course I haven't. Heinz has been doing it just fine for a long time.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know. I think I tried to make my own ketchup one time. It didn't turn out well.

[Astro]

Of course it doesn't.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Plus, I'm not a big ketchup person, so I don't even know why I tried it.

[Astro]

Yeah. You don't have citric acid and yellow number six and dye glominate escanate in your fucking cabinet. Of course. You don't think that's tomatoes? No, it's not. And when RFK is in charge, all that stuff will be gone. Well, I'll be eating just tomato juice for our ketchup. I could take the fluoride out of the water. So, yeah, so Marky Mark's Italian restaurant is. And that. That got me to thinking that fucking Marky Mark, that Mark Wahlberg went from being a guy who danced with his shirt off in his underwear to a multi, multi, multi millionaire and took his entire family with him from the streets of Philly, which I think is where he's from. Is it the streets of Philadelphia? I'm not sure. Boston. Wherever he's from. From the streets of Wherever it is to. And I'm sure by the streets, I mean some bedroom suburban community. I don't think he was like hardcore streets. He wasn't Tupac Shakur. But anyway, from the streets of wherever to the streets of la, to the streets of la, to Hollywood, to one of the. Probably one of the better paid actors, entertainers in the industry.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I have to say. I enjoy them in movies, too, sometimes.

[Astro]

Sometimes I can.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The ones that I watch, I can.

[Astro]

Get down with it. Yeah. The ones that I watch.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Right. Watching it, but.

[Astro]

That's right.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The ones that I do watch is. He's good.

[Astro]

Some of those movies I watch. And then some of them, I just. I'm not interested whatsoever.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I loved Marky Mark back in the day.

[Astro]

I did love that one song. Marky Mark did. I gotta say, it got me. It got me. But that was the time of MC Hammer, when everything was just universally terrible. And we all liked it because that's what we had to ingest. Because MTV was pushing it down our throats. We had no other options. You think I could dial up pastemagazine.com and see what the top 10 songs were? No, I had to listen to the radio until Marky came on again. Oh, can you feel it now?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I can feel it, too.

[Astro]

Oh.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Good vibration, I need that Good.

[Astro]

Vibration I need that sweet.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That woman that sang, that was good.

[Astro]

Oh, yeah, she was good.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

She was part of the Funky Bunch.

[Astro]

Monkey Mark in the Funky Bunch Gonna get in her underwear Scrunchie scrunch Gonna hug you, girl Gonna make out tight It's 1990, all right. Yeah, back when. Ah, that was a good time. Now it's all scissor and creek. That was a time when a. When a white guy like Michael Walford could make a living in hip hop. I don't think he could replicate that.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I don't think you could replicate that kind of success. He parlayed it.

[Astro]

Yeah. And all his brothers went along well.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

His brother at the time, though, Donnie Wahlberg, was in a huge band, too.

[Astro]

Oh, New Kids on the Block.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, that's actually kind of first. And then Marky Mark came out.

[Astro]

Scott, it's hard to be first. It's hard to be first. Yeah. But, you know, the New Kids on the Block are still touring. They are still touring.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

They went away for a little while.

[Astro]

Well, yeah, you had. They had to go.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

But like everything else, they reunited and have now come back.

[Astro]

Mark, the New Kids on the Block. And I know this is hard to believe. NKOTB K NK O T B K N Y A K Y was if, you know, you know, was Taylor Swift level famous back in the day. And I'm not joking about that. Taylor Swift level famous could not go anywhere.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It was my parents.

[Astro]

You went to a Ktown I.B. yeah. You did.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

K O T B.

[Astro]

Well, okay. I'm making a joke. Okay.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Astro]

What was. What was that song that they sang?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, God.

[Astro]

Come on. You got to know it. It was your first concert.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know.

[Astro]

Did they sing anything, though? Yeah, I don't remember any of those songs. Let's see here. Hold on one second. Let us not be. Let us not be wasteful with our time here with the listeners. Let us dial up in NK New Kids.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

There are so many songs. I mean, you know, those boy bands, that's just what happens. They become, I guess, really the Beatles. The right stuff.

[Astro]

The right stuff. Oh, ketchup, cheese and mayonnaise. Put it on your burger. The right stuff. Oh, yeah, yeah. I remember. I remember Taylor Swift, level famous and just like unlike Taylor Swift and just like most of these other like, you know, one hit, two, three hit wonders. They had to go away for a while. Yeah. Because they were so incredibly famous that by, you know, within a year, everybody hated them. Everybody hated them. Universally hated them. I was never a fan, but I don't think I was the target market.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Astro]

And I might have been just a little bit too old. I knew some kids. I knew some guys that started dressing like, you know, the new kids on the bus.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, well. Yeah.

[Astro]

And so they went away and then I think back in like the early 2000s, mid 2000s, they came back, they reunited, they did a tour, and then I think now they are again back on tour. How do I know this? Because on Instagram, I have seen some of the reels of them live. Now the audiences are a little bit smaller and the girls are much older and the guys are now huffing and puffing their way across the stage. But I can't blame them. They're like the same age as I am. Well, they're probably older than I am, but. But I mean, some of those guys are huffing and puffing their way across stage. It looks it not.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I mean, nobody.

[Astro]

It's like Frankie Valli. They're like, you know, rolling Frankie Valli out to.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Nobody will ever huff and puff. They're like Vince Neil.

[Astro]

Oh, no one huffs and puffs like Vince. Vince. But Vince is still a three pack, you know, three pack of Camels, 12 pack of Bud Light. Kind of guy, you know, kicks down my heart.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's still so funny. I think about that video.

[Astro]

It's our most viewed YouTube video ever. Still gets views. Still gets haters like. So you try that. I would love to try it. I'd love to. I'd love to go out on stage to 50, 60,000 screaming people just paid $600 to see me and take a dump on the stage with a backing track. Nonetheless, just let the backing track do the work. Why even bother? My.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's the ultimate huffer puffer.

[Astro]

That was the ma. No, seriously, My Heart for Vids still kicking it all those times. Yeah, but I saw those New Kids on the Block videos and I was just. I was amazed. I Was bedazzled by the energy on the stage.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Very nostalgic.

[Astro]

Speaking of New Kids on the Block on stage, being a little bit older. Have you seen those I showed you? I think the Frankie Valli videos. The videos of Frankie Valli. That is criminal. Whatever is going on there is criminal. I don't care what he says. Frankie Valli. Google it. Put it up there. Christina, put a link to his Frankie Valley. To a Frankie Valley live video from recently from like the last two years. He's still out there touring. If you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He's gonna go out doing what he loves. I guess though.

[Astro]

That's what he says. That's what he put out on Twitter or something like that.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

His guardian put out.

[Astro]

I don't even think Frankie Valli has the use of his fingers anymore to let alone put out a tweet like that. The guy looks. He moves his mouth just the littlest bit and the most amazing noises come out of it. It's. He's singing as if he was 16 again. And so many people are like. And let me share this with you. I think that I am probably one of. If I've got to be in the top five lip syncing experts in the world. The ability to look and see if someone is lip syncing. I've got to be. I've got to be in the top five. I know I am. It's a one talent that I am almost sure of. And as long as I still have use in my ears and my eyes, I think I'll be able to tell forever and ever. Always. I can tell when Taylor's. I can tell when they're. You. You know, they had the Taylor Swift video on Disney plus and my daughter's listening. Okay, that's because you don't have two daughters that incessantly watch that. She. I am 99 sure that 90% of Taylor on stage is her singing. I saw her live too.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, you did.

[Astro]

But I am also sure that there are backing tracks.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

There's got to be.

[Astro]

Of course.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Everybody has.

[Astro]

Of course. Yeah. And you know, you're handing. You're running around with a microphone, shaking it around and you know, you might hit your costume or something like that. You know what those annoying noises to like go through the microphone. So there are points when I think Taylor uses a backing track. Okay, no problem. I don't have any. Whatever.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Astro]

I wish Vince Neil would use them. But I can tell when I watch that Vi. And they. They recorded two separate nights. I was. I was actually at one of them and I Think I can tell when they're using a different track. The different audio track. Right, because her lips are just a little bit off. Just a little bit off. Well, let me tell you something, children. I have watched that Frankie Valley videos until I am blue in the fucking face. And I have no idea whether or not he is lip syncing. None. I don't know. Even though his lips are just moving just a little bit, I. I think I'm convinced that it's actually him singing. Now there's auto tune. Somewhere behind him. Someone is auto tuning him, but I'm almost sure that it's Frankie Valli. And how does a man in his advanced hundreds sing with that falsetto? How does that happen, Chrissy?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I don't know. He's been doing it so long, he's practiced at it, I guess.

[Astro]

Yeah, but doesn't your voice change over time?

[Brian Green]

Wouldn't you think?

[Astro]

Let me see. Yeah, Big Girls don't cry. Two girls for every guy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's Beach Boys.

[Astro]

Well, whatever. Okay, here, listen to Frankie Valli at 130 years old, or however old he is, like 90. Okay, here we go. Wait one second. Oh, here he is. Here he's giving. It's an announcement. Frankie Valley. Here, Check it in with you guys to see if everybody's okay. Just hope that everybody staying in and doing everything they're supposed to do. Oh, this is during the pandemic. No, we're checking in with you, Frankie. Okay, that was five years ago.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's obviously not him singing.

[Astro]

No, that can't be here. Hold on one second. I'm gonna get one where he's like, oh, here he is now. That's from a couple years ago. Oh, God. Frankie, you want to know that.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I believe that is. I'm just listening. I'm not even looking at.

[Astro]

Okay, I believe that that is Frankie Valley. But which version of Frankie Valley is it? Is it the version from 1932 when he was actually singing as a star? Or is it the version from 2022 when he' I think so, yeah. Listen, I'm not here to throw cash cast dispersions, Frankie, you can answer me yourself. I'd like a rhetoric video, if you don't mind. Because I know the first thing that Frankie gets up into the morning is checking in on the commercial break.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He does.

[Astro]

What's a podcast like Irving? What channel is that? How do you tune it in? Oh, good old Irving. I kind of miss that guy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, swerving Irving.

[Astro]

Anyway, I just wanted to say to all the Wahlbergs, I'M sorry about your Italian restaurant. And yeah, our condolences. Our condolences to all the bottles of that have gone. All your pasta fazzolis, all your rigatonis. They'll rebuild, Chrissy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

They will. He's got the money.

[Astro]

Yeah, I don't care who's president. I want Mark Wahlberg's Italian restaurant fixed, cleaned, and ready for operation by the next time I come to Las Vegas. That's all I care about. All right, let's take a break and we'll continue to get through this together. We'll be back. Back.

[Christina]

Since you clearly haven't had enough of me yet, I am back to yap in your ear and subsequently into your heart to tell you to follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok CBP podcast. You've heard these liners enough to know that we are desperate for followers. So help a girl out while you're at it. Maybe shoot us a text at 212-4333, TCB or leave us a voicemail spilling your guts and asking for advice. You can also check out our website, tcbpodcast.com if you feel like perusing our catalog or if you're just bored. Now let's listen to some sponsors because they keep me paid.

[Brian Green]

This episode is sponsored in part by ZBiotics pre alcohol.

[Astro]

Let's face it, most of us are not 21 years old partying like we used to. We have to make the choice between a great night or a great morning after. At least that's what we thought. Chrissy and I, until we tried Pre Alcohol. I don't drink a whole bunch anymore and I was on the fence about this one.

[Brian Green]

But a few weeks ago, Aster and.

[Astro]

I went out for some drinks for my birthday. The pre alcohol was sitting on the counter and I decided why not give it a try.

[Brian Green]

And let me tell you, pre Alcohol.

[Astro]

Is the real deal. ZBiotics Pre alcohol Probiotic drink is the world's first genetically engineered probiotic. This was invented by PhD scientists to tackle rough mornings after drinking. Let me tell you how it works. When you drink, alcohol gets converted into a toxic byproduct in your gut. It's this byproduct, not dehydration, that's to blame for your rough next morning. But Pre Alcohol produces an enzyme to break this byproduct down. You just need to remember to make ZBiotics your first drink of the night. Drink responsibly and then you're going to feel your best tomorrow. I kept hearing about pre alcohol and I wondered what is it actually like? Now that I've tried it, I get why everyone is talking about it. And with their GMO technology, ZBiotics is continuing to invent Probiotics that will help the everyday challenges of modern living. So go to ZBiotics.com commercial to learn more and get 15% off your first order when you use that code commercial at checkout. ZBiotics is backed by a 100% money back guarantee so if you're unsatisfied for any reason they will refund your money, no questions asked.

[Brian Green]

All you have to do is head.

[Astro]

To zbiotics.com commercial and use that code commercial at checkout for the 15% off. Thank you ZBiotics for being a sponsor of a wonderful morning after drinks and of the commercial break.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'm Jenna Fisher. And I'm Angela Kinsey. We are best friends and together we have the podcast Office Ladies where we rewatched every single episode of the Office.

[Christina]

With insane behind the scenes stories, hilarious guests and lots of laughs.

[Astro]

Guess who's sitting next to me? Steve is and I grow in studio.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Every Wednesday we'll be sharing even more.

[Christina]

Exclusive stories from the Office and our friendship with brand new guests and we'll be digging into our mailbag to answer your questions and comments.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

So join us for brand new Office Ladies 6.0 episodes every Wednesday.

[Christina]

Plus on Mondays we are taking a second drink. You can revisit all the Office Ladies rewatch episodes every Monday with new bonus.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Tidbits before every episode. Well, we can't wait to see you there. Follow and listen to Office Ladies on the free Odyssey app and wherever you get your podcasts.

[Brian Green]

This episode is sponsored by Squarespace. Okay, the year is early 2000 and something and I got my first real office job at a company that was selling websites and search engine optimization. We came up with this pitch that the website was the business card of the future. And now 20 something years long later, it's not the business card for your business, it's just your business. And that's why I highly recommend Squarespace. It's an all in one website platform for entrepreneurs to succeed online. You don't have to be a programmer or a coder or a designer to develop your presence online. Just as unique as you and your business are three really important reasons why I believe Squarespace is the leader in this industry. Design Intelligence. They combine two decades of industry leading design and expertise with cutting edge AI technology to unlock your strong, strongest creative potential. Number two Squarespace Payments. This is the part that befuddles a lot of people who go out and try and build their own website. Onboarding is fast and simple and you can take payments from some of the most popular payment methods. Klarna Ach, Apple Pay afterpay, clearpay. If you're going to put your business online, people have to be able to pay you online. And number three, but no less important, SEO tools. If you want to be noticed, you have to be found. And with Squarespace's integrated SEO tools, every Squarespace website is optimized to be indexed with meta meta descriptions, an auto generated sitemap and more. Check out squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're Ready to launch squarespace.com commercial to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Again, squarespace.com commercial to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain using that code Commercial. Thanks Squarespace for being a sponsor of the commercial break.

[Astro]

All right, so way to have something to say.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Just to follow up from our last conversation on Frankie Valley. He's 90.

[Astro]

90.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He's 90.

[Astro]

Okay. After 70, doesn't even matter.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He's been married four times.

[Astro]

Four.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He's outlasted all of his wives except the current one which he just got married to last year.

[Astro]

What? At 89 years old. And how old is she?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I don't know. Jackie Jacobs is her name that says married 20, 23.

[Astro]

I'm gonna guess Jackie is a hot, young, spry 60 years old. My guess. All right.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Astro]

Well, good for you, Frankie. I love it. I love it. I love to see old folks doing well and it living their lives and being energetic because I know I'm right around the corner. And so I'm hoping that things turn out just as well for me. I'm getting really annoyed by this curtain blowing in the background here. Hold on one second. We're in the process, kids. We're in the process. Just to let you know, we've just made these final decisions.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

We had a big meeting.

[Astro]

We had a big meeting earlier which consisted of Chrissy and I drinking our water woes away, hoping that we're still citizens tomorrow. We're in the we're going to make some big changes for season number six, maybe even beforehand. And we're going to revamp the studio, which means you're probably going to hear best of while Brian tries to figure out which wire goes into which plug.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

There's a lot of them.

[Astro]

There's a lot of them. But we're going to make some big changes, including putting all episodes and many, many clips of the commercial break back on YouTube and the other platforms. We were doing it there for a while, but then.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Then we stopped.

[Astro]

Yeah, our video editor left for Paris, so we couldn't find her anymore. So. No, I love Morgan. I love her. I watch her on. I watch her on. On Instagram. She's. She's doing well for herself, let's put it that way.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Good.

[Astro]

So I was watching the other day. So if you're anything like me, Chrissy, you've been not paying attention to any news. Oh, I did, too. I too. I turned it off at about 10:30 on Tuesday night and just, it's.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I watched Jon Stewart and then I.

[Astro]

Yeah, it's kind of like going to the doctor for an annual. I know I'm going to get a finger in my ass. So let me just not worry about it until the moment that it's happening. You know what I'm saying? Just let me ignore that. I'm going to have that happen until the moment that it happens. And so I just let the cold water wash right over me. I tried to go to sleep. I didn't get much sleep, but tried to go to sleep. And then I woke up the next day and decided I am taking all of the news channels off my favorites and I'm going to start watching what I know best. 90 day fiance and all the other. Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I asked you, I reached out to you.

[Astro]

Yeah. You said, which bad TV show should.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I start watching TV should I start with?

[Astro]

And I said, even though I've been talking 90 Day Fiance lately, start with 90 Day Fiance. The other way.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, the other.

[Astro]

The other way. Yeah. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, I thought it was before the 90. I don't know.

[Astro]

Oh, there's two versions. There's two versions. So I think I said, anyway, whatever. Who cares? I want to get to the point here. The point is I've been watching that, and this morning I caught myself watching a Lifetime Christmas movie called Christmas Lover Anonymous, about a girl in a small town. Why are all Lifetime Christmas movies in a small town and some big city slicker comes in.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, yeah.

[Astro]

And falls in love with somebody. You know what I'm saying? Every Lifetime Christmas movie is exactly the same.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Astro]

They have a formula, and it just works. And they keep on getting bigger and bigger stars to star in these Lifetime movies, which is fascinating to me because they are so incredibly terrible.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

They really are.

[Astro]

And I know lots of people who love them. I really do like young people who love these movies. I Think Christina likes these movies? I'm not mistaken. Sorry, Christina, if I'm saying this wrong, but pretty soon she'll be able to respond to us. But I think she does like those Lifetime movies. Anyway, the Lifetime movie I was watching was called Christmas Lovers Anonymous. Now this was on at 8:00 this morning. And this is exactly where this movie needed to be, is where no one was going to see it because it was terrible. But I was just like wrapped into this.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You get. You get wrapped.

[Astro]

This big city slicker newspaper editor comes into town and then there's somebody writing anonymous stuff to this. Like, you know, these anonymous letters. I love Christmas. Spicy news. Sometimes I look at my boyfriend's girlfriend, you know, like stuff like that. Like, you know, but not like that because that's Lifetime movie. And it wasn't like that. You know, these little Christmas notes that she was writing, they were taking the small town by storm, right? And so, you know, of course I didn't see the end of it, but I'm sure he found her. They fell in love and everything.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And a beautiful snowy Christmas.

[Astro]

And the snowy Christmas filmed in downtown LA or in the middle of Canada.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Filmed in the middle of Atlanta. Did I tell you this was just two years ago? They filled some huge, huge, big time Christmas movie with like. I think it was. Chris Pratt was the star.

[Astro]

Oh, really?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And anyways, they turned our street outside, right outside of our apartments into a winter wonderland.

[Astro]

Is this movie with Chris Pratt is coming out this. I think.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I think so.

[Astro]

And it's called like Christmas Excalibur or something.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I think the rock is in it too.

[Astro]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay. They filmed it right outside.

[Astro]

I saw a trailer for this. It looks terrible. I'm sure it's like a violent we have to save Santa Claus movie. Like an action movie. It's like Die Hard, Meet Santa Claus. The Tim. Whatever those movies are. The, those terrible set of movies. Santa Claus. Anyway, we. I'm sure we'll have plenty of time to talk about Christmas movie. I was sharing with you that I'm on a string of watching bad TV for last 72 hours. And one of the shows that I have been watching is this 90 day the other way. And there's a guy in this story who's dating a girl that lives down in. I want to say it's Mexico. She's. She's dating. He's dating a guy. A girl that lives down. No, Colombia. Colombia.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Astro]

A lot of Colombians on these shows. And he's in a wheelchair. He is a paraplegic. I think is what it is. He's got most of the use of his hands, no use of his legs. He does have the use of his penis, though, apparently, Right? So there's this. He goes down to visit her. This is the first time they're meeting. Pretty cute couple. The way that he lost the use of his limbs is he was shot during some kind of drug deal gone wrong or something along those lines. It was because he was up to no good. He was running with the bad crowd. And it came back to her. Haunt him or whatever, whatever. He's changed his life and now, you know, he's trying to do better. And he's a upstanding citizen and all this other stuff. I like the guy. I like him a lot. But during the show, he goes one night with this girl and all you see the next day is that the two of them aren't there. Now, you don't see what happens that night, but you see that they're not together and there's big drama.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

They're in a fight.

[Astro]

They're in a fight. Here's the drama. They go back to the hotel and he decides, or she asks, like, it's time to get spicy. Let's get spicy. How do we do this? Now remember, this guy has no use of his legs, no use of his limbs, basically from the stomach down. So there's a lot involved in this. And he says. Or she says, do you have a condom? To which he replies, no, I don't have a condom, so I'll go down on you. And when he says this, she says, no, don't go down on me. I don't want you to go down on me. And he gets in a big huff, gets in his wheelchair and rolls off. Right. Now there's a big follow up to this where she explains that in my opinion, he didn't ask me if that was okay with me. And to me, that's a more intimate thing to do than actually having penetrative sex. Like, it's more intimate. It's something that I would only do with someone I felt extremely close with. And I'm not sure I'm there yet. It was too soon. Too much too soon.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Astro]

And he stormed off. Off. And his opinion was, she rejected me. I was trying to service her some other way because she didn't want to have sex without a condom.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And why did he just bring a condom?

[Astro]

Why don't you just bring a condom? Come on, why don't you? This also plays a role in the new Love Is Blind by The way when you get to that, there's a whole scene about he doesn't want to use condoms, she can't take contraception. You know, it's like this whole thing and he acts like a real dick. The guy in the scene acts like a real dick, but you'll get there. So there's this whole back and forth that goes on. And he. This guy in the wheelchair finally calls his sister for some advice.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And his sister says, I saw this.

[Astro]

You did?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Astro]

Okay. All right. His sister says, listen.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, yeah, I agree with her.

[Astro]

I agree with her. You've been insensitive. This is insensitive. Has nothing to do with you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Astro]

It has to do with the way you approach the situation and the fact that she just might not want to go there yet. Like, your head is down inside your vagina. Maybe that's just not where she wanted to go that night. She wasn't ready. She wasn't prepared. She felt self conscious, whatever it was. Right. And you, you took it as a rejection and you decided that, you know, she was being a bitch and you rolled off. I would say walked off, but that's not exactly what happened. Stop it, Chrissy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You're going out. It was you that said it.

[Astro]

Well, that's. I'm trying to use the proper terminology.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay, okay, okay. He huffed.

[Astro]

He huffed and puffed and rolled off. And so this reminded me that a couple of maybe years ago, we got an ask a TCB about this exact same thing about intimate sex. Not about wheelchair type stuff. Right. Just to be clear, no one's rolling off in this stcb.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Astro]

Okay. Here you go. Here you go. Are you ready for this?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'm ready.

[Astro]

Okay. Dear Brian and Chrissy, I love the show. Some of my favorite episodes are when you guys do Mountain Monsters. I have a question. I'm hoping that you can help me. Well, we'll certainly try. Oh, hold on one second. I just lost it. I'm. I'm hoping you. I'm hoping you two can help me. My girlfriend and I have been dating for about six months. We've been intimate since about the first month. And by intimate, I mean having. Having vaginal intercourse. However, I tried to go down on her a number of times, but every time that I do, she says no. I take this as a flat out rejection, and I don't understand why she doesn't want me to go down on her. Every time that I ask her, she says, I'm just not into it. No, thank you. But there's no deeper conversation as to why? She's not into it. It is one of my favorite things to do. I am really fascinated by licking pussy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Cool.

[Astro]

Yeah, cool, dude. Awesome, bro. And I'm wondering if you have any advice as to how I could break the ice or make this happen. Yours truly, Spencer. Okay, so Spencer, I don't really know anything about this because I don't have that kind of machinery, but maybe our friend Chrissy here can lend some information as to why some. Listen, I know some guys that don't like blowjobs. I really do. And if I'm being honest, if I am being honest with you, Chrissy, here's a, here's an admission. I. It's not my favorite thing in the world either. Blowjobs are not my favorite thing in the world. I like them, I'm okay with them. I'm not going to turn one down, but if I had to like put it on a list, it probably fall down below anal beads. I don't know, it falls somewhere a little lower than, you know, me having oral sex with a woman or, you know, some kind of position that I enjoy. So tell me, Chrissy, why would some girls maybe not want to go that route?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, I mean, I think each to their own and maybe she didn't have a good experience in the past with it, you know, with past partners and, you know, and maybe within six months that's still too, it's still too little of a time for her to feel comfortable with it again and maybe giving him an opportunity again. And it is a very personal thing.

[Astro]

It is a very personal thing.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I think, yes, as is just, you know, sexual intercourse. But I think the mouth thing, being involved on either end, guy, girl, whatever, I think is very personal. And so I think you just need to kind of talk about it and be, you know, respect her boundaries and, and maybe at some point she'll feel more comfortable.

[Astro]

Yeah, listen, I know to explore. I know that you're feeling like this.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Is something, but don't take it as a rejection.

[Astro]

No, don't take it as a rejection. It's not a rejection. It's just a personal preference. And I think Chrissy's right in, in my estimation as the guy giving advice to the guy. And in this situation. I have always believed this since I tripped on peyote 30 years ago. And here's. Since my first trip on peyote 30 years ago, I had this vision. Vision about sex and sexuality. Sex for a guy is the act of stabbing something that's outside of our bodies into something. Right. But Sex for a girl is the acceptance of something into her body. And that is a whole different animal than poking yourself into something. It's just a whole different animal. And I think, and I don't want to speak for women because they can speak for themselves, but think about this. It's a whole different sensation. The accepting of someone is the difference of giving of something.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

There's so much mental involved with women too.

[Astro]

Yes, she might be self conscious of her smell. She may just not like the sensation. She may not have ever had it presented to her properly. She may feel like her vagina doesn't look good. Listen. All the same things that you probably feel when you are in a Roman bath house and you take down your pants are probably the same things that she might be feeling when you try and go down on her. It's a gift that she's going to give to you and vice versa. But sometimes gifts are unwanted. Do you know what I'm saying? So just respect her boundaries. Or maybe it's not the right time, maybe it's not Christmas time yet. And just respect her boundaries. It's different for a lady than it is for a man. And your tongue repeatedly darting on her clitoris in some sloppy and weird way is probably just not what she wants right now. You're okay, dude. You. You'll. You'll be okay.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Astro]

Just maybe it's not happening in this relationship. And if it's that important to you, then maybe you need to find someone else. That's my advice. If it's that important to you. Maybe this just isn't working out.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Astro]

I mean, if it's also pocket pussy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, well, also pocket pussy.

[Astro]

I mean, if you really want to go there, dude, just get yourself like a manufactured toy, bring it into bed, ask her, say, can we get a sex doll? Can I eat the sex doll out while I'm having. Having physical sex with you? I mean like whatever, Nick. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And if it is that important to you, let her know that it is very important to you. But you will wait until she's ready to maybe just explore it more.

[Astro]

That's right. Opening up is a whole different thing than like the acceptance is different than the giving. Right? And so us guys, we're the givers. We're the pokers. Like that guy said, we're stabbing with sexual energy all around the world. Right? But the acceptance of something is different. And I just think it's different. Different to stick your penis in somebody's mouth than it is to have something stuck inside of you and While we may never understand that sensation fully or what it. All the things that it entails, we never will. Just give that a little thought. Like, a little thought. And don't be too pushy about this. If she really doesn't want it, just leave it alone. Get that sex doll, throw it on top of her head while you're. While you're stabbing her with your sexual energy. Get that sex doll, put it in some weird position and just go to town, bud. Stick your face wherever you want to.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, there's the AI robots out there.

[Astro]

There is the AI robots out there. Okay, so you want to go for another ask, tcb?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Sure.

[Astro]

Okay, hold on one second since I know you enjoyed that one. Chrissy. Oh, where did it go? Okay. Hey, Brian and Chrissy. One of my friends the other day. One of my friends the other day told me something in secret. I'm trying to decide whether or not I tell my wife about this. Period. My wife. I'm saying period. Like, I'm, like I'm talking to, talking to, text. My wife is friends with someone who would be hurt by this particular secret. While I want to confide in my wife, and I always do, I'm afraid it'll get back to the person who might be hurt. Hurt. Any ideas about how I can present this to my wife to make and make sure that she does not share this information? No. Women are chatty patties and you have to be careful with any information you give them. Women will always blab.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's not true. And I think that fully depends on what the secret is. For us not to know what the secret is makes all the difference.

[Astro]

Yeah, dude, it's not a very informative email. Like, you're kind of leaving. How do. How do you present this to your wife without trust your wife? How's that trust that your wife won't say anything.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Exactly.

[Astro]

Yeah. I mean, like, I do get it though. Like, here's what I think the deeper question is. When you have a best friend, right? Or a friend and you know they need to know something, is the trust between a man and a wife, Is it. Does it override your want and need to protect your friend from something? So I go and I tell you, hey, Chrissy, I don't know.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Let me just say I feel like I totally expect that if I tell a best friend something, they will tell their husband.

[Astro]

So do I. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Otherwise I don't say it.

[Astro]

I think that's husband wife rules, actually. Yeah, that's husband wife rules. You cannot keep something from your husband. Or wife. It's just really hard to do because here's the. How much do you guys really have to talk about? And if something exciting happens, you've got to say it. Yeah. Let's be real about it. If there's some big scoop. Yeah. If there's a big secret running around the gossip channel, you have to play telephone with your wife. That's just the way that it is. What else do Astrid and I have to talk about? Another episode of the commercial break? Why do you think there are episodes of the commercial break? Because Astrid and I ran out of things to talk about.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Exactly.

[Astro]

Yes. Here. Or Astrid just wants to hear when she.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

So the friend here. This goes back to the friend that told that guy. Guy. He should have expected that it could be said to the wife.

[Astro]

Yes. Let me get. Here's an example. One time I had a girlfriend that I had had for a while, and I was good friends with this guy. This guy was dating one of her friends. She came and told me that that friend had confided in her that our. The couple friend that we had, that she was cheating on him and had been for a while. Right. And please don't say anything. This was very tough for me.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, that's a tough one.

[Astro]

Very tough for me to do because I felt protective over my friend. Of course, he was blindsided. He had no idea what was going on. He was clueless. Really. He was clueless. And so I just found, like, little ways.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Astro]

To kind of lead him on to the situation. Like, hey, where. Where's Jenny tonight? Right. Oh, I don't know. She's out with her girlfriends. Which. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. Which girlfriends is she out with? I don't know. I think she might have gone out with your girlfriend. Oh, I don't think so. I think my girlfriend's working today. You know, like little. Little tiny little things to kind of lead him on. I made him suspicious about his own girlfriend, and eventually he found out what was going on. Now, could he have eventually found that out on his own? Maybe. Right. But I just started planting little seeds here and there.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's a tough one.

[Astro]

It was so tough. Especially when I got drunk and I made a rule. I'm going to do no cocaine around this guy. Because if I do that, the first thing that's coming out of my mouth is, your girlfriend's cheating on you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Astro]

Because again, you only have so much to talk about while you're high on cocaine. Okay.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Astro]

Before we dissect the lyrics of Oasis Wonder Wall yet again, let's talk about some good juicy gossip. Here's my advice. There's wife and husband rule. You have to live by those rules. The rules are what happens here and what's said here stays here. You should be able to trust your loved one. If you can't, you might be in the wrong situation. I know this is very difficult and I know it's hard to believe that your wife would keep this secret, but I think she can. Why? I don't know. I just. That's just a gut feeling that I have.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, yeah, and I think too, if it's like really such an explosive secret, it, that it's going to be hard for you to keep it from your friend or I can't remember who we're talking about now, but anyways, if it's going to be hard for you, go back to the wife or go back to the friend and say, I think you need to tell the girl because it's going to be really hard for me to keep this.

[Astro]

Yes, I think that's, that's the right.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Thing to do, to come clean.

[Astro]

You put it back on the other person. You say you tell them or I'm going to. Yeah, yeah, you tell them or she's going to. Yeah. I can only keep this husband and wife secret thing for so long. 24 hour expiration date, you know what I'm saying? I'm going to get bored at some point. There's going to be nothing else to talk about by 6:00 tonight. So you better share that information.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Figure it out.

[Astro]

Yes, and my wife is a fast texter. There's a WhatsApp group for everything. So you better, you better start sharing information right now. All right, we'll be back.

[Christina]

In case you guys were wondering, I am currently trapped in the closet in the studio being forced to record liner after liner and I never get to leave. So help me by following us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok CBP podcast and go to our website, tcbpodcast.com for more information about Brian and Chrissy and access to our massive catalog of video and audio episodes. Now please text us at 212-4333, TCB and tell Brian and Chrissy to let me out of the closet.

[Brian Green]

This episode is sponsored in part by Klarna. Well, Halloween is over and you know what that means. It's time to gorge yourself on candy and start searching for that perfect gift to give those you care about or yourself. And in this household, that means buying gifts for the 12 to 18 children we've got running around. And while the season is festive and we always love giving gifts, paying attention to our finances always gets a little.

[Astro]

Bit more attention this time of year.

[Brian Green]

Astrid and I have used Klarna as our everyday Smarter Spending Partner. Klarna allows you to split a purchase up into four interest free payments. So choose Klarna at your favorite retailers or shop [e-mail] Klarna really has helped us be a little bit smarter about.

[Astro]

Our shopping for the holiday seasons.

[Brian Green]

So head over to Klarna.com to see their offerings and make Klarna your Smarter Spending Partners partner for the holiday season. California Resident Loans made or arranged pursuant to a California finance law license NMLS number 1353190 Klarna balance account required Klarna may get a commission Limitations, Terms and conditions do apply. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Whether you love true crime or comedy, celebrity interviews or news, you call the shots on what's in your podcast queue. And guess what? Now you can call them on your auto insurance too. With the name your price tool from Progressive. It works just the way it sounds. You tell Progressive how much you want to pay for car insurance and they'll show you coverage options that fit your budget. Get your quote [e-mail] to join the over 28 million drivers who trust Progressive Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates price and coverage match limited by state law.

[Astro]

Okay, one last ask TCB. That is quite frankly a crazy question that I don't even know why anybody would present to me. Brian, I recently broke my penis. Had this ever happened to you? What did you do during that situation? Like there's a. There's a little bit more to it, but I don't want to go into detail because I might be giving something away. But basically he's asking, have you ever broken your penis? No, I have never broken my penis, but I know people who yeah, it happens. And the strangest thing is and how this wraps all back into 90 Day Fiance is this situation just happened on 90 Day Fiance. Also is that. Or at least they were talking about a broken penis and how this guy had months and months of recovery and that it was a bloody affair. A bloody affair. I think because of all the veins down there, sometimes it breaks and you can have blood oozing out of your. I don't even want to think about it, to be honest with you. I haven't broken my penis, but I've had it bent in ways where I thought it might be broken it's, you know, when you're going at it, Going at it, going at it, Chrissy, and it comes out and then you hits. Hits hard on something, something that it's not going to go into and it just kind of bends in a weird way. That's a really, really painful thing to happen. But I don't think I've ever had an officially broken penis. I've had it hurt, but I haven't had it broken.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You should consult your medical professional.

[Astro]

Yeah, I mean, what did you do? What did I do? I mean, what do you. Oh, I think he was trying to say, like, what did I. What did you do to like, get yourself off? No, like what did you do during that period to get yourself off? Don't touch your penis, dude. That's the thing. If it's broken, you got to let it heal. You can't go right back to it. What are you, an idiot? You're dong dong, dude. Yeah, don't go back to it. Go to. You go to a medical professional for medical advice. I am not a medical professional. And these are some of the STCBs that I get sometimes where I'm like, medical, what's that? Yeah, they're medical questions. Like they're in a medical emergency. What's TCB gonna do? I don't know. I don't know. What do you want to do? What did I do to get off while my penis was broken? Token. I. I don't. I don't know. Listen, I am seeing more and more that there are classes online, teachers online videos on how to do orgasm less or semenless orgasms.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Astro]

Now this has been around since time almighty and I'm sure you'd have to have your head in a hole not to have heard of this. But there is a way to. There's a number of different ways to have orgasms as a guy without actually, actually shooting your load. Now, I'm not going to get into all the secrets here because this is a family friendly show. The ancient wisdom, the ancient technologies of the yvedic yogas. But here's the thing, Chrissy, is that you can do this. It's very possible and I have done it. It's a wonderful thing to go through. But I would say consult your local medical tantra yoga practitioner. That's right. Go to a tantra yoga conference and it'll answer. Answer many questions you have about. I've been to them. I've been to many prostate massage conferences. Right story. I've been to many. Party in the woods. Where we're all transmuting our own orgasmic energy. It's a lovely, lovely thing. And so if you really want to know how to get off without getting off, you could figure it out. Dude, you're. You're smart.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

There's lots of books.

[Astro]

Yeah, but I'm not a doctor. I can't tell you how to fix your broken penis so it can jizz again. I mean, I just can't. Speaking of ancient yic yogic practices, have you watched the new documentary series on HBO about Kundalini Yoga?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes, I'm. I'm in the process of watching it.

[Brian Green]

Oh, you are?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'm on the second one. There's only two or three.

[Astro]

There's been three. And I wonder if that's. Is it like new? Are they going to have more episodes? Oh, it is.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Astro]

Okay, I'm in the middle of episode two. Somewhere in the episode of Me Too.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

They send the girl to this boarding school.

[Astro]

Yes. And this, this. Oh, no, I haven't gotten to that part yet.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Astro]

But I am really fascinated by this young lady, the Santa Java or whatever her name is. Santa Java. Whatever her name is, yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

She was a disciple of the other guy. Right.

[Astro]

The guy who started Kudali Kundalini.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Who there was also a big expose on like Netflix about. I think.

[Astro]

Yeah, that he. That was a different guy that they did the expose on Netflix. But this guy who started Kundalini yoga, which is a practice that I know many people. Many people I know have done, basically made it up out of thin. Out of whole country.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, I was going to say, they were saying in the documentary he was like a janitor in India or something. And then he came to the us he was a customs agent, wore a turban.

[Astro]

And everybody, everybody thought he was a yoga teacher. And so he started teaching yoga. It's so funny. It only can happen in America. Only in America are we. Well, I say only in America are we dumb enough. Listen, it's true. The guy who started Kundalini Yoga, moved to America with $35 in his pocket, was wearing a turban and white robes, and people thought he was a yoga master. So he became a yoga master, made up his own yoga practice that he said was from ancient secrets, ancient secret yoga technology, which he just started picking apart other things that he had learned in the Sikh culture. Culture. And then kind of installed himself as a God basically amongst men. Meanwhile, he was a customs official.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Astro]

In Pakistan or something. I mean, it's insane. It's insane to think about. And what's it called?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Breath of Fire or something?

[Astro]

The Breath of Fire. I have done the fire breath for a long time and I swear to God it can get you high. There's no doubt about it. Right? But I think that's from years and years and years of people trying to like kind of figuring out how to manipulate the body in a way where you open up your third eye and listen. I don't want to get into all the chakra stuff. You either believe in it or you don't. A good chunk of it I believe in some of it I think is just people trying to make a buck off the next person. Right. There's a lot of that that goes on. There's a lot of charlatan scammers and I. And, and then some people who I don't think intend to scam other people they just happen to along the way. But there's a. There's a lot of this going on. People are desperate for information, they're desperate to connect. They're desperate for spiritual meaning in their lives. And when you're desperate for that, you know, you look this way and that way. And a lot of people are turned off by traditional religions. It's just the way that it is. Especially the younger folks, I think we're. Me too. That turned off by the idea that I have to walk into a church, give $10 and listen to some shithead, you know, priest tell me all the things that I'm doing wrong. It's based on guilt. And you could like kind of guilt yourself into that. But the thing is that in the pursuit of some of this, some of these people become exactly what they don't want to become. They become like, you know, just priests essentially. They're deities. They're telling you what to do and what not to do. And some of it really quite ridiculous, if I'm being honest with you. Really quite ridiculous and hurtful. Yes. So this guy who started Kunali Yoga, he had like a. They call, he called it the Secretariat, which was like 13 women who would follow him around everywhere, run. Running these multi, multi million dollar businesses that he started because he had so many people following him for this Kundalini Yoga practice. Well, then one of these young girls who maybe, or maybe even not ever met this guy decided she was going to take over the practice.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

There is that question in Los Angeles.

[Astro]

Yeah, I don't know because we haven't gotten to that part in the documentary. But I'm fascinated by it. I had heard of this person, this lady, this woman And I had heard of her practices. Listen, Chrissy, we are much closer to this than you think. I'll share with you all fair. We are much closer to this than you think. Listen, Kundalini only goes so far, you know what I'm saying? And if you've been to a couple workshops, then you're going to know who you know and you're going to see what you see. And you know, I'm not here to tell you whether or not that's good or bad or indifferent. I don't know. I think Kundalini Yoga is fine. And I think it can help you connect in some way, shape or form energetically with the universe. But what that means, I don't know. That's different for every single person. Person. What I do know, here's what I do know, is that I'm not going to sit around and start following someone blindly because they tell me that they have like the ancient wisdom, ancient secret to connect with God, you know?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Right.

[Astro]

I just, I just don't. I don't know. I don't buy it. I. Dr. Wayne Dyer said, be careful when the ego walks out the front door that it doesn't come in the back door. Right. And here's what I mean by that. A lot of people, some, some with the best of intentions become exactly what they walked away from. They become the thing they never. They become the thing that. Not that they despise the most, but they are trying to not to be the most. You know, you try and get away from like these kind of dogmatic religions that keep you boxed in. And now you're praying to some, you know, star child in the sky or something like that. And then all of a sudden, sudden, 15 years later, you're sitting at top of an altar praying to some star child in the sky, shaking your hands around wildly, calling it the breath of fire. I mean, yeah, I don't know, it just seems it. Be careful. You have to be careful. Don't follow anyone, become no God.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

There you go.

[Astro]

And that's it. And that's why I don't give advice out on broken penises. Okay? Now you've got the answers, Chrissy. That's why here on this show we are putting a moratorium on broken penis questions. Here on the commercial break, no more.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, just if you think you have one, go see a doctor.

[Astro]

No, he has one. It's broken.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Go see a doctor.

[Astro]

Go see a doctor. I mean, I'm sure you have seen a doctor. If you break your penis, you're going to know it. I've had friends who have had broken penises, and it is no joke and sometimes takes a long time to recover.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I can imagine.

[Astro]

Yeah. So. But when you have a broken penis, at least you can say you were doing it, right. You know what I'm saying?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Astro]

I mean, you don't break a penis from boring sex, Chrissy. I'll tell you that.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No.

[Astro]

No, you don't. There's no boring sex. Broken penises. Yep. All right, stick with us. So much new cool coming to the commercial break. You're gonna be so excited. And at the end of the day, it'll still just be Chrissy and I here answering silly questions from silly people.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's exciting. We're gonna shake things up, freshen.

[Astro]

I'm excited. I am excited.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Me, too.

[Astro]

I am excited energetically. We need some new Kundalini.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

We're going to bring it in the door. We're going to start wearing turbans.

[Astro]

That's right. We're going to start wearing turbines and making granola that we sell at whole foods for 35. And ketchup. Ketchup. Well, now that the water doesn't have any fluoride in it, we're going to. We're going to have to start making toothpaste. No fluoride in the water. Let's start with that. That's a good one. Deport everybody. No fluoride in the water. Sounds like a great place to stay. So many problems on this earth, but let's start with those two, right? Yeah. All right. We'd love to hear from you. 212-4333 TCB. That's 212-433-3822. You can text message us questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. Ask tcb. I have made a promise to myself that I will get to these much quicker than I have been. I mean, literally, we're. We're reading these from years ago, and I'm so sorry.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

This has already been fixed.

[Astro]

No, that guy's penis has been fixed for three years. This is like. He. He emailed us. He emailed us when we were. When I. When I was talking about the Turkey gobbler. Do you remember the Turkey Gobbler? Okay. And I think I had said that, you know, like, whatever. Anyway, you get it. All right. Tcb, podcast dot com. That's where you go. All the show notes, all the links that I talk about. Christina will put them in the show notes. You can go to the website, see them there, or on your podcast player, you can get your free sticker at the website, hit the contact us button. Drop down menu says I want my free sticker. Give us your physical address and away it will go. No muss, no fuss, no charge to you. We're happy to send it. What else do I have to say at the commercial break on Instagram TCB podcast on tick tock YouTube.com the commercial break. If you're not subscribed, please go do so. Go do so because soon every episode of the commercial break will be on YouTube. Okay Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for today. But I'll tell you that I love you. I'll say best to you and best to you out there on the podcast universe. Until now. Next time. Chrissy and I always say we do say and we must say goodbye Where'd.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You get those shoes?

[Christina]

Easy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

They're from dsw. Because DSW has the exact right shoes for whatever you're into right now. You know, like the sneakers that make office hours feel like happy hour, the boots that turn grocery aisles into runways, and all the styles that show off the many sides of you, from daydreamer to multitasker, and everything in between. Because you do it all in really great shoes. Find a shoe for every you at your DSW store or dsw.com Today's podcast.

[Jenna Fischer]

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[Brian Green]

The quadruple fister.