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- [00:01]
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- [00:37]
Brian Green
On this episode of the commercial break. They probably can't go to a restaurant without, you know, people being like, oh, look, it's the seven little Johnsons.
- [00:46]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Are they from Georgia?
- [00:47]
Brian Green
They are in Georgia.
- [00:48]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Oh, okay.
- [00:49]
Brian Green
Yeah, they're in Georgia. Yep. That's why I'm.
- [00:52]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
You're close.
- [00:52]
Brian Green
I just want to. I just want to hang out with the Johnsons. I really do. I just want to hang out with the Johnsons. I don't know. I think they look cool. Cool to me. I don't know. Yeah.
- [01:00]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
You wanted to be a part of the show.
- [01:01]
Brian Green
I did. I thought, let me in. You know, we're. We're all famous to a certain degree. Why not me? I mean, I know I'm a bit on the taller side, but you've got average sized people on your show too. Let me. And I'm not that tall. Let me come in and we'll. We'll do an episode. I don't know.
- [01:20]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
I like a little cross promotion.
- [01:23]
Brian Green
Yeah, that's a commercial break. I'm sure that's exactly what they're looking to do, is be the commercial break. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh, yeah. Guys and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co host of this show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen.
- [01:49]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Best you, Brian.
- [01:50]
Brian Green
Best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us on the RSS feed and on the live stream and on the YouTube and on the Twitch and on and on and on and on and on and on and on. To Jeju.
- [02:04]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
I have been to Jeju.
- [02:05]
Brian Green
What'd you think?
- [02:06]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
I liked it.
- [02:08]
Brian Green
For those who don't, Jeju is a Korean spa here in Atlanta. It's huge. It's been here forever. It takes up like the entire half of a strip mall.
- [02:17]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah.
- [02:17]
Brian Green
It's the size of A Walmart, basically. Many different rooms. Many different.
- [02:22]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
The salt, you know, the, the warm,
- [02:25]
Brian Green
the salt, the cold, the steam, the saunas, the massage tables, the exfoliation places, the place to stretch. And then of course the locker room where there's more swinging dicks and hot tits than you've seen in an entire lifetime. All hanging out already for you there. And it's separated by male. And then there's also the female area.
- [02:47]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yes.
- [02:47]
Brian Green
So that everyone can feel safe to be in any state of undress that they wish. And most people are.
- [02:53]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
I mean they are.
- [02:54]
Brian Green
You wear a frock around sometimes. But then in certain places, like the pools and stuff like that, most people are nude. I would say 70% of people are completely and totally in the locker rooms. Oh, in the locker rooms for sure.
- [03:09]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah. No, but no, out in the common areas you can't be nude.
- [03:12]
Brian Green
Yeah, well, in the guys, some of the guys areas, there's nudity.
- [03:15]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Oh, well, yeah, no, I'm, I'm saying that's. And aren't the locker rooms. Where are they separated by men's and women's. It's been a while since I've been
- [03:25]
Brian Green
there are men's and women's areas.
- [03:27]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Pools and areas.
- [03:28]
Brian Green
Pools and areas. There are common ones also. Yes. You had, you, you have. They give you uniform. Essentially. It's like scrubs. They're like, like.
- [03:37]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [03:39]
Brian Green
And so. But Jeju is the type of place that you go to and you can. It's open 24 hours.
- [03:44]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah.
- [03:45]
Brian Green
A lot of people go there overnight. Some people sleep there. They have like these warm heated floors. They'll give you a bamboo mat. You can take a nap there. It's a great place to go after a hangover. It's a great place to go after a long night. It's a good place to go. You can even get some work done there. They have a cafe. You can get Internet. There's lots of people who do work there. Like a Starbucks with hairy balls in your face. It's a, it's a day. You make a day of it sometimes or maybe you just go for a couple of hours. But this is not a, this is not like a secret underground place in Atlanta. Many, many famous people have been there. Many, many rap stars and singers and entertainers have talked about this in interviews and songs and stuff like that. Jeju is a well known place and it's been there for years. I have been going. I think the first time I went was maybe getting close to 30 years ago, 28 years ago. Something like that, long time ago was the first time I heard about it. I went, but now there is a lady who has been raising. She made a post about a rather disconcerting interaction she had. They, her and her friend went at midnight. They laid down on the heated floors, bamboo mat. They fell asleep like they had intended to do. And then they were going to get up, have a cup of coffee, get some massages and head home. And basically the way it works now is you get a bracelet when you walk, and then you can go to the different rooms, get the different services. They scan you like they would at a cruise ship, and then you get charged at the end. So her and her friend had just paid the entry fee, taken a nap. They Woke up around 5 in the morning. They got there at midnight, Woke up around 5 in the morning. And there was a guy that was walking in, like in. I. I don't know if this was specifically a female area or a common area, but he was walking around trying to convince one of the women that they needed to go into the sauna with him. Into the sauna hut with him.
- [05:32]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah, they've got igloo.
- [05:34]
Brian Green
Yeah, that's like an igloo. And it's in their, Their saunas. Yeah, there's many of them, right? I say many of them. There's a number of them. And so he was trying to convince one of these women to go into this with him, and he became really aggressive about it. He's like, no, you need to come in the sauna with me. I can't go alone. You need to come with me. And the friend started to try and kind of like defend her friend. And then he got all irritated with her and. And then she took her concerns to the management. The management didn't seem to take it with a degree of seriousness. And then the guy walked into the female locker rooms where clearly he shouldn't have been, Right? Everybody is naked in the locker rooms. Almost everybody's naked in the locker rooms, unless you're leaving. And he got rather like he was trying to accost women. I don't know if he was assaulting women, but he was accosting them verbally. And she said. And she took her concerns to the management, and the management did. The management was there on site, did really nothing about it. They kind of called security, Security couldn't find the guy. The guy came back up front eventually, and the person who was on staff gave him his license back, gave him his ID back. He had to give your id. Gave his ID back and he headed out the door and that was it. That was the end of it. To me it would have seemed like that's a situation where maybe the police should be called and the guy should be talked to at the very least and at the very worst escorted out of the building and, and trespassed not to come back. But it didn'. Here's that's okay. No one was physically harmed in that situation that I understand, that I know of. But what I saw in the comments section really surprised me as many women, many women shared their discomfort with JJU because they had some, they had experienced similar things. Guys walking into women's locker rooms, guys in certain parts of the building, maybe they shouldn't have been, you know, guys being uncomfortable. Then there were some guys that were like, I had guys propositioning me here in the pools or in the cold plunge or whatever. Then girls saying girls were accosting them. You know, one girl kept on repeating to some woman she was following her around the building, basically saying, I'm going to eat you. I want to eat you. Open your legs, I want to eat you. Yeah, like weird stuff like that. And I thought to myself, huh, bringing up a point that I never thought about with jju. It's a very casual, I mean, it's not casual. Like the first time you go there, you're going to have a little bit of discomfort comfort around all the nudity and all the, it's big and there's a lot of different rooms you can go into and services you can get and, and. But there is kind of this casual nature of like, you know, walking in and out of JJU and all of these different rooms and people in states of undress and all it takes is one fucking whack ball, you know, to make the whole experience kind of unpleasant for everybody involved. And I'm not saying that's the majority of JJU people. It's not, It's. I've been there, I've never been across it.
- [08:31]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
I've never had a problem, but I'm
- [08:33]
Brian Green
not good looking so, you know, people just ignore me. I have. I'm a hairy, small dick human being. Like, no one's bothering me about anything. But it does bring up the point that like, you know, when you're at that JJU who's protecting you. Like one security guard paying $20 an hour.
- [08:50]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah, I don't remember. I mean, I think I've only been with Jeff.
- [08:52]
Brian Green
One security guard paying $20 an hour.
- [08:55]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Oh, yeah, yeah, I think I've only been with Jeff we went a couple times, but I never felt weird. I don't know. It is strange if you've never been to one of these, but, I mean, apparently these are everywhere in Asia.
- [09:08]
Brian Green
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, they're everywhere. Astrid and I went to a Greek bathhouse type place in Spain when we went to the wedding a couple of years ago. And it was literally on the inside of a building. It was, like nondescript building. And then you had to know the address. And it was down one of these cobblestone streets, you know, this wide. And when you took a turn, all of a sudden you're in a hallway, and then you open up the doors. It's this small entryway. And then when they take you. They take you up an elevator. And when they get you out, it's this huge bathhouse. Like, you know, cold, hot, warm, all this other stuff. This is where the. The ice was coming down the chute when Astrid and I were in the.
- [09:48]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yes, yes, I remember.
- [09:50]
Brian Green
Yes. But one of the more, I guess, uncomfortable moments was when they took us up to the locker rooms and the guy took us into the locker rooms. There was like. They took us up in a group in an elevator. It was like. There was specific times you would come in, you know, and we got the 12 o' clock or whatever. There's literally a line of people waiting to get into this place. We had the 12 o'. Clock. And so we just got escorted right in. And there was like a group of people, a couple girls, couple guys, you know, so it was like three other guys, four other guys. And we all got taken into this very small locker room. I mean, they're talking, like the size of this studio right now into this very small locker room and giving these. Given this clothing, this frock to wear, essentially, like a. Like a robe, right? And the guy was like, take all your clothes off. Yeah, take all your clothes off. And with the frock. And we were like, oh, okay. And I just.
- [10:39]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Europe's very free.
- [10:41]
Brian Green
Very free.
- [10:42]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah.
- [10:43]
Brian Green
But I think two of us were American. I think one guy was from Africa because. Just because of his. The way that he was talking, his accent. And then I think it was a German guy who spoke no English whatsoever, and he didn't understand, and he was like this. But then, you know, the African guy got right down to it, and I was like, huh. I guess. Here we go. I guess God gave you what? He gave you time to disrobe, time to size everybody up. Let's see what's going on. You try to hide yourself in the corner, like, you know, so you're not looking at anybody. Yeah, but, you know, it's. You know, everyone's curious here, but. But then we get into those. You know, you're in those pools. I was worried you. You're naked for this, like, first part where they, like, you know, shower you off and clean. They don't shower you off, you shower off.
- [11:27]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
They spray you off.
- [11:28]
Brian Green
Well, I think they're trying to, you know, make sure there's a limited fecal matter inside of the facility. So they tell you to get into a shower and then, you know, you come out and then you can go in these pools, these huge pools, like the kind you've seen in movies. Huge pool, stone. Old stone all around it. Stone, pool heated. And then they have these big chandeliers of candles, like real candles that are all lit 30ft above your head. Right. And you're swimming in these pools, and then there's multiple pools that you can like, jump into one pool to the next pool.
- [12:01]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah.
- [12:01]
Brian Green
And one of those pools, I quickly found out, was the cold plunge.
- [12:05]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Oh, the cold one.
- [12:05]
Brian Green
Yeah. Because literally blocks of ice were being shot through this chute. It was just like. Just ice coming down into it. It was. It was cold, it was chilly. But, you know, there is this sense of sensuality, I guess, about a massage place, a spa. Do you know what I'm saying? It's dark, it's romantic. The scent, there's blowing scents through the place, you know, candles, and everyone's in some state of disrobe. And, you know, it's.
- [12:35]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
I feel like it's more relaxing.
- [12:37]
Brian Green
But yeah, I like. I get a boner every time. You know, that's my. That's like my least favorite part about massage is worrying about a boner. And I've had so many masseuses. Like, I know they're like, what are you. Don't even. Don't even worry about it. But I think they're trained to say that because I think it's probably. It is uncomfortable. If you're a female and you're massaging a guy, then all of a sudden, they pitching a flag, you turn them over and it's just like, bing. Yeah, you gotta imagine, right?
- [13:07]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah. But I mean, again, I think they're trained to ignore it.
- [13:12]
Brian Green
Yeah. With mine it would be easy to ignore, but I'm sure there's some people who it's not easy to ignore. Listen, I get all in my head about this stuff you do. I love a good massage, but I always Say, just do my back. Just do my. Don't roll me over. Cause you roll me over and then you start rubbing on my thighs. It's a reaction. It's just reaction to being touched. That's it. It's like. It's not. I'm not, you know, I'm not going for it. I'm not. This doesn't mean I'm. I'm ready to rock. This just means your body. Your body is reacting to a touch. That's it. That's how it is. And so, you know, but at the same time, I don't even want to be put in that position. Just lay me down face first. Do my back the whole way.
- [13:52]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah.
- [13:53]
Brian Green
And, you know, if you want to get into my, you know, my gluteus maximus, I'm okay with that. Like, do a little butt rub. I'm good with that. But, you know, then you go.
- [14:00]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
You could always just say, you could turn and just don't go below the waist. Just only do, like, the shoulders and chest.
- [14:07]
Brian Green
Don't touch my dick.
- [14:09]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Arms.
- [14:10]
Brian Green
Don't touch my dick. Yeah, but you know, when you.
- [14:13]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Feet, you could also say, just do the feet.
- [14:14]
Brian Green
Feet. Feet are good. I like. I. I'm very ticklish. But if you use pressure, I'm okay with it. That's what I always tell them. I said, I don't want to kick you. So if you're going to do my feet. Do. Do pressure like a donkey kick. Oh, I've. I have come close sometimes, but the difference I've noticed between some of the. The American spas, it is unlikely anyone's going to get anywhere close to any area that you need to be concerned about. My experience. Right. And I go to, like, the legitimate spas. I'm not going to, like, you know, the right ho spa down the street, right? One open 24 hours a day. That's. Now, I'm sure it happens all the time. I know it does. We. We know that it does. We know that there are spas of impropriety and spas of sexuality, but in the. With the European spas and the Korean spas and other places like that, they don't give a shit. It's part of the body. They're rubbing it. You know what I'm saying? They just. They just go for it. They're like, well, they get all up in your balls. That's what's gonna happen.
- [15:07]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
I got the boob massage in Italy. Yeah.
- [15:08]
Brian Green
You got the boob massage in Italy.
- [15:12]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah.
- [15:13]
Brian Green
I told that story about someone I was Dating who got full on happy ending.
- [15:18]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah, I've never gotten that.
- [15:19]
Brian Green
Came home and told me about it and I was like, like, didn't you think to say stop?
- [15:23]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah.
- [15:24]
Brian Green
And she was like, no, no. But you know, she was weird anyway. But you know, listen, these, these Jaeju, I, I, she, this lady swears up and down, never go there again. As did many people in the comments. But I liked Jeju. And it's likely I will be back to Jeju. I have never.
- [15:42]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
I forget about Jeju.
- [15:43]
Brian Green
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you do. It's actually right up here, right up of the street. It's not that far away off from, I mean, it's 15, 20 minutes from Oreos.
- [15:50]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah.
- [15:51]
Brian Green
But, you know, you do have to just kind of keep your eyes open, though, because of course you're with a bunch of other people and you're in a compromising position.
- [15:59]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah. And it's like 25 to get in for the whole 24 hours, right? 25, $30, something like that.
- [16:05]
Brian Green
Yeah. You can, you just.
- [16:06]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
To have access to $30.
- [16:08]
Brian Green
I think last time I went, it was like 30 bucks. And you could stay there up to 24 hours. They would change the color of the wristbands at midnight or whatever it was so you could be there until the next color change. So you could go there basically as long as you wanted and stay there and then you just add on. So if you go and you lay down and you take a sleepies, you know, you go, sleepy time. And then you wake up and decide, I want a back massage. Someone's there. They'll help you out. You know, if you want to get exfoliated, they will take these really incredibly rough sandpaper and scrape your back till it's bleeding. That's what they do if you want.
- [16:38]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Jeff got lit on fire.
- [16:40]
Brian Green
He did. He got the fire treatment.
- [16:43]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Small Asian man, wrapped him up and then doused him and lit him on fire.
- [16:49]
Brian Green
What?
- [16:49]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Some kind of sunburst.
- [16:50]
Brian Green
I've never seen that treatment. Really?
- [16:53]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
It just made me laugh so hard.
- [16:54]
Brian Green
What is that? The sunburn treatment? What is that weird?
- [16:57]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Like get toxins out or something? I don't know.
- [17:00]
Brian Green
Okay, all right, cool. I want to hear that whole story. That sounds interesting.
- [17:05]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
It's pretty funny.
- [17:05]
Brian Green
I think I got cupped once there. I think there was some kind of cupping.
- [17:08]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Oh, the cupping on the back?
- [17:10]
Brian Green
Yeah.
- [17:10]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
I don't like the cupping.
- [17:11]
Brian Green
I don't either. It wasn't funny.
- [17:12]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
It leaves those big marks, and I never really felt a big difference. It's just suctioned and it can be
- [17:17]
Brian Green
a little uncomfortable, too.
- [17:18]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
It is.
- [17:19]
Brian Green
Yeah. And then the. But that one, they did light on fire. Like, that's how they put the cup on it.
- [17:23]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
I've seen that. Yeah.
- [17:24]
Brian Green
I've seen the kind where they have a machine that will do it. And I've seen the kind where they light the. I've done the kind where you light it on fire and then put it on there. The atmospheric pressure between the difference.
- [17:32]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yes.
- [17:33]
Brian Green
Makes it latch on like a fucking octopus.
- [17:37]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah, I'm good on the cupping.
- [17:38]
Brian Green
Yeah. And then I think I was with Raphael one time, and he's like, oh, you gotta get this treatment, the bamboo bullshit treatment. And so I told the lady and I said, yeah, give me the bamboo bullshit treatment. And she comes out with literally, like, leaves, sticks of bamboo whacking me. Yes. Down my thighs, at the back of my thighs. I was like, ow, ow, ow. And she was like, you shut up.
- [18:02]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yes.
- [18:02]
Brian Green
Ow, ow, ow.
- [18:04]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah, they don't mess around.
- [18:05]
Brian Green
No, they don't care. Most of the. At least when I went. Most of the people who work there are ladies, they are older. They have been doing this since they were born. I mean, they're like. They're really good at what they do.
- [18:15]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yes.
- [18:16]
Brian Green
But they don't care if you're hurting. That's part of the experience. Right. And so it was just like. She was flying in my ass. Yeah. Down my legs. And I was like, ow, ow, ow. And she was like, you shut up.
- [18:28]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Nice.
- [18:29]
Brian Green
I think that's not what she said. She goes, it doesn't hurt. And I was like, it does. I'm doing it lightly. And I was like, it doesn't feel lightly. The bullshit treatment. It was terrible. All right, let's take a short break and we'll be back. Lots more to talk about here on the commercial, Right?
- [18:50]
Rachel
Let me do something Brian has never done. Be brief. Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break. Text or call us 212-4333, tcb. That's 212-433-3822. Visit our website tcbpodcast.com for all the audio, video and your free sticker. Then watch all the videos@YouTube.com the commercial break and finally share the show. It's the best gift you could give a few aging podcasters. See, Brian, that really wasn't that difficult, now, was it? You're welcome.
- [19:25]
Brian Green
I forgot to turn off the. The camera. Oh, we're just sitting here talking. Who cares? Whatever. Cool. Hey. Hey, everybody. That's what happens on a break. We do Nothing. We stare at our phones instead of each other.
- [19:36]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah.
- [19:37]
Brian Green
We're like every other person in the world. I was going to. We were talking, I don't know, some. The. Oh, my 600 pound life. Someone died about that.
- [19:53]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
I thought about you with that.
- [19:54]
Brian Green
Yeah.
- [19:54]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
She was only like 30.
- [19:56]
Brian Green
Congestive heart failure in a Fort Worth hospital. She'd been sick for a while. She had fluid on her heart and her lungs. She would put into a coma. She weighed 593 pounds. She only lost about 40 pounds after the surgery. That's what they do not tell you. What they do tell you actually at the beginning of the show is that, you know, this show, my son, my 600 pound life. Dr. Niles Arden is one of the few, I guess, gastro surgeons that will do this surgery on people who are or have been more than £600. I guess that's kind of like the line of demarcation for having surgery is extraordinarily dangerous when you're that big to do surgery if, if anything, because of all the layers that you have to cut through all the blood vessels. Yeah. Just like, you know, in general, it's just a dangerous surgery to do anyway. You're making your stomach a third of the size. So that's how kind of doctor now, if you've watched the show, got in, came into prominence. He was the guy who would do the surgeries based out of Houston. People would travel from all around the world to see him do this. And now of course, he's just way famous. And so he does this surgery and they follow a few of these people around. What they will tell you though, is that out of the hundreds that get this surgery every year, that are that big, that are have that much weight on them, very few of them maintain the weight loss. They go right back to where they were, even with the surgery. So you're having one of these incredibly dangerous surgeries.
- [21:28]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah. It's not a quick fix. I mean, if you don't change your lifestyle.
- [21:33]
Brian Green
Yeah.
- [21:33]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
And how you think about food, you're just gonna do the same things you were doing.
- [21:37]
Brian Green
That's why Dr. Now every time those people come in there, he's always bitching and complaining. He's like, you gotta lose £100 before I'm doing this surgery. I don't think it's really about the hundred pounds. I think it's about, you gotta show me that you can change your diet and change your eating habits and change your compulsion to eat these particular foods all the time. And I mean, you get to six or seven hundred pounds. I mean, God bless, you're still a human being and you deserve every dignity in the world. But you are clearly have a problem with food. And you are ingesting tens of thousands of calories worth of food every single day. And they show it on my 600 pound life. Now, some people will say this is just the. Like. What we're really doing is we're taking advantage of these people and watching their suffering and getting joy out of it. I never got joy out of my 600 pound life. I like the show, but I clearly see it for what it is, a very sad situation. Every single time that show comes on, it's sad. I actually don't watch it as much as I used to because I do find it to be a little bit depressed.
- [22:32]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah, I could.
- [22:33]
Brian Green
And watch Astard used to like to watch it for like a season. And then she's like, it's just such a sad show. And they put all that sad music on top of it. It's like, listen, I was talking to somebody the other day. Guy lost £100 on Manjaro. I guess it was Manjaro. Low doses of Manjaro.
- [22:49]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah.
- [22:50]
Brian Green
But he said to me I had to also change everything about the way that I was eating and change my diet and exercise. Change my exercise, he said, because. Because the doctor gave me a heads up and this guy's in the medical community, so he knows. He said, listen, if I didn't then the body doesn't know the difference between fat and muscle. It doesn't know the difference. Your cholesterol level doesn't know that you've lost weight. It's still there. Your body can still be sick even though you're skinnier. I would think that with these type of drugs that doctor. Now Zardens, that doctor Nosarden, I would imagine is putting some of these things into play now that he's like, hey, we're gonna put you on Manjaro for. Or whatever we gov or ozempic. We're gonna put you on this for a couple of months. We're gonna let you drop some weight, and then we'll get to the surgery. Just so you get the idea of what it's like to just. And one of the things I always give to Dr. Narzen too is he always will. Not always, but 90% of the time, he'll send these people to a therapist or a psychiatrist too. Yeah, that's part of that. You gotta fix what's going on inside your head. Right. He gives those people no shit. I mean, he suffers. Anybody watch that show?
- [23:57]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Only when I've been in here and you've had it all.
- [23:59]
Brian Green
Yeah. Yeah. It's like for a while there, the whole TLC network was. Was my 600 pound. It's my 600 pound life. And then it became my 90 day fiance.
- [24:09]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yes.
- [24:09]
Brian Green
And now it's, you know, a mix between 7 little Johnstons and still 90 day fiance. I can't wait to do that anymore. I can't do that. No. I'm out. I'm out, guys. I'm sorry. I'm out. Same storyline now, just crazier people, because everyone wants to get famous. They see that this is their gravy train, their one shot at success. And so it's like every failed actor and actress in the world gets hooked up with some person from far flung locations and they decide, right, that they're going to apply to be on tlc and they just make it as crazy as possible. Not every storyline is like that, but 90% of them are. And now they're all just these like the, these D list celebrities. I don't have anything against it. Cool. I like some of the personalities involved. But now it's just like this D list celebrity fest with this little universe of I. I bet they have like TLC Con. They must have TLC Con. Right, where you can meet these people. Let's see.
- [25:02]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
I mean, they do. Bravo con TLC
- [25:08]
Brian Green
Con. Meet.
- [25:10]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
You'd want to meet Ed.
- [25:12]
Brian Green
I would, I would. 90 days and the Johnsons stars. Yeah. The thing is, I don't think the Johnstons do anything except for record their show. I think that they are. I don't know how, but you know, the Johnstons, for all of their bullshit, do seem to be pretty well adjusted human beings. And here's what I mean by that. They don't seem to be fame seekers. Like, I don't see them online. I don't see them at red carpet events. I don't see them, you know, selling, I don't know, reticular bikes. Like, I don't see them out there, like, you know, blenders and I don't see them out there doing that. I think those two parents, because they're so damn helicoptery, I think they managed to keep a lid on that situation as much as possible.
- [26:04]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
That's good.
- [26:04]
Brian Green
Yeah, yeah. And you know, like, I think what happens with the seven little Johnsons, my imagination tells me this, is that the camera crew comes in once every three, six months. Records for a couple weeks. Then they're out. And the Johnsons say, we are now again a normal family. But when you are physically different, when it's easy to point you out in a crowd and you've been on TV for now 10 years or something like that, I gotta imagine they're the most famous people in Grace and Georgia or wherever they're from. Right. I mean, like, they probably can't go to a restaurant without, you know, people being like, oh, look, it's the Seven Little Johnsons.
- [26:40]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Are they from Georgia?
- [26:41]
Brian Green
They are in Georgia.
- [26:42]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Oh, okay.
- [26:42]
Brian Green
Yeah, they're in Georgia. Yep. That's why I'm.
- [26:45]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
You're close.
- [26:46]
Brian Green
I just want to. I just want to hang out with the Johnsons. I really do. I just want to hang out with the Johnsons. I don't know, I think they look cool to me. I don't know. Yeah.
- [26:53]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
You wanted to be a part of the show.
- [26:55]
Brian Green
I did. I thought, let me in. You know, we're a. We're all famous to a certain degree. Why not me? I mean, I know I'm a bit on the taller side, but you've got average sized people on your show too. Let me. And I'm not that tall. Let me come in and we'll. We'll do an episode. I don't know.
- [27:14]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
I like a little cross promotion.
- [27:17]
Brian Green
Yeah, that's a commercial break. I'm sure that's exactly what they're looking to do is be on the commercial break to keep, you know, keep that level headedness about them. I'm trying to see. Is there a. I'm trying to see. Let me see here. Is there a place where I can meet the stars of tlc? Question mark? The stars of tlc. Oh, it's saying TLC is playing the Tabernacle next Monday.
- [27:49]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
That's right, they are. TLC's back.
- [27:53]
Brian Green
Oh, roster Con. Roster Con. What the is Roster Con? Huh? Huh? Okay. Yeah, there's gotta be like, those people are gonna make money the rest of their life. I know a lot of them do that. What is that? The thing where you can go online and tell them to say something to one of your friends?
- [28:12]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I forgot what that is.
- [28:15]
Brian Green
Cameo.
- [28:15]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Cameo.
- [28:16]
Brian Green
Yeah, cameo. I know. Ed was like one of the most most popular cameo personalities out there.
- [28:22]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Go ahead.
- [28:22]
Brian Green
For like a year. Yeah, but now he's not on any more 90 Day Fiance shows they don't have. I don't see him on any of the rosters anymore.
- [28:29]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Well, he was on for a long time.
- [28:31]
Brian Green
Yeah, I mean, I think he did
- [28:33]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
like the follow up shows. And then we broke up. Now we're back together shows.
- [28:37]
Brian Green
And yeah, isn't a decade of pretty long run for a 90 Day Fiance star who never really got buried by anybody. Yeah, it's like three failed relationships.
- [28:48]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah.
- [28:48]
Brian Green
Yeah. He's kind of a, I mean I like Ed, I think he's funny, but he's kind of a miserable sack of shit. He's, you know, he's a little bit, he's a little bit rowdy. So they got it, they got the new fresh batch. You know, it's like from season 10.
- [28:59]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Oh yeah.
- [28:59]
Brian Green
Following them around, you know, this girl and that guy. But the, the, the reality about the reality shows is if you're not directly involved in the personalities of these particular people, you could give a shit less what happens after the 90 days. The 90 days I get. But the problem I have with 90 day fiance now is that 90 day fiance now is just as. It's like Star Search for future D list celebrities. No one gives a shit. No one. And they almost always end up in some kind of disaster. I don't see many of these people actually getting married. Are any of them even married anymore? Do we have any, do we have one 90 day fiance couple? Let's see here. 90 day fiance couples still together. Let's see here.
- [29:53]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
I can't imagine very many.
- [29:56]
Brian Green
Kyle and Noon from season three are still together. Don't even remember them. Russ and Paola. I do remember Russ and Paola. I do remember Russ and Paola. And now I remember Russ because Russ follows me on Instagram and said something to me the other day. Alan and Kiri am from season one are still married. They have children. Lauren and Alexi. Okay. We know that.
- [30:20]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
See, those first few seasons were real.
- [30:21]
Brian Green
Yes, exactly. Kenny and Armando. Love them. They're still there from 90 day. The other way. The two guys, Robert and Annie. Okay. The big guy and the. Was she Korean? I think she was Korean. They're still together. That's season seven. So there's a late season one. Josh and Alex. They're still together. They're season three. Three. Melanie and Davar. Melanie and Davar. Who are they? Patrick and Tyus are still together. Emily and Kobe are still together. I know that. Statler and Dempsey are still together. Misha and Nicola are still together. But there's. But okay, so I just named 10 and there must be 160,000 90 day fiance couples between all of the shows now. And so it just runs its course. It's like the Bachelor of the Bachelorette it's run its course.
- [31:10]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Love is blind.
- [31:11]
Brian Green
Love is blind Line that. That jumped the shark, season three, in my opinion, that jumped the shark, season three. There's very few shows that can live in a space for that long and get it right.
- [31:23]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Be authentic. I mean, be real.
- [31:26]
Brian Green
Yeah. That's why some of our favorite shows in the world, the Seinfelds and Friends. How many seasons are there? Friends? 12.
- [31:33]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Sounds right.
- [31:34]
Brian Green
Yeah. What? Seinfeld was like eight or nine. Yeah. Season cheers was like seven seasons. Golden Girls was like six seasons. There's a reason why. It's because Breaking Bad was six seasons. Better Call Saul was four seasons. Five seasons. There's a reason why. And reality shows, haven't it raised the stakes even higher? It's because eventually the storyline gets old. There's only so many ways to rehash the same thing over and over again. And Seven Little Johnstons is an example of a show I, Seven Little Johnson's. I can tell you what's going to happen on an episode before I even press play on the episode. I can tell you what's going to happen. There are very few reality shows that can do this well and reinvent themselves season after season. Top Chef and Top Shelf. That's it. Top Chef and Top Chef, those are the only ones that can reinvent themselves. Top Chef, Simpsons is still. Fuck it. Does Simpsons.
- [32:36]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Oh, it's still so funny.
- [32:38]
Brian Green
But the reason why the Simpsons I think does so well is because it's a parody show. And so they're taking real life events and parroting them just like South Park. And they can probably do that forever. As long as new audiences keep finding them and liking what they're doing. They can do that forever. You can't do that with 90 Day Fiance. The whole shebang was that, oh my God, these people have 90 days to get married and they're having a long distance relationship. And will it or won't it work out now? Now we know it won't work out. We already know that 90 days is too short a time for anybody to fall in love with each other. And we already know that you've hired or you're following the most crazy human. We already know that you're taping scenes three and four times to get the take that you want. We already know that most of it is probably, if not bullet pointed, scripted altogether. And we already know that all these people are train wrecks and none of them are going to work out in the end. So fool me once, shame on you.
- [33:32]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Fool me nine seasons, fool Me. Twelve seasons.
- [33:35]
Brian Green
Shame on me. Me. The reason why I'm still into the Seven Little Johnsons is because, yeah, it's boring. It's formulaic. It's rinse and repeat every single week.
- [33:44]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
You've come in to have a love for them.
- [33:46]
Brian Green
It's my comfort food. I like the Seven Little Johnsons. So Johnston's, whenever you're ready to do that, TCB 7 Little Johnston's crossover promotion. I'm here for you. That's what I have to say. All right, this time I'll turn off the cameras while we're taking a break. We'll be back.
- [34:08]
Rachel
Hey, it's Rachel, your new voice of God here on tcb. And just like you, I'm wondering just how much longer this podcast can continue. Let's all rejoice that another episode has made it to your ears. And I'll rejoice that my check is in the mail. Speaking of mail, get your free TCB sticker in the mail by going to tcbpodcast.com and visiting the Contact Us page. You can also find the entire commercial break library audio and video, just in case you want to look at chrissy@tcbpodcast.com Want your voice to be on an episode of the show? Leave us a message at 212-4333, TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Tell us how much you love us and we'll be sure to let the world know on a future episode. Or you could make fun of us. That'd be fine. Too.
- [34:52]
Brian Green
Too.
- [34:52]
Rachel
We might not air that, but maybe. Oh, and if you're shy, that's okay. Just send a text. We'll respond. Now I'm gonna go check the mailbox for payment while you check out our sponsors. And then we'll return to this episode of the commercial break.
- [35:08]
Brian Green
And it still didn't put the logo up there. What in the world's going on with our. I don't know.
- [35:11]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
We're having some technical issues.
- [35:12]
Brian Green
Technical difficulties here. Well, whatever. Careful. Whatever. Who cares? Time for these two old people to be rolled on out and go to bed.
- [35:25]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
It is about bedtime.
- [35:26]
Brian Green
It is nap time. What is it? It's past 2:30. Time for Chrissy and I to have a cocktail and go to sleep. I was going to share with everybody that here's how it's going to go. For the next couple of weeks, Chrissy and I will be batch recording. So if you're used to watching this on stream, which I know at least three of you are, if you're used to watching this on stream. We will now be streaming live every other week just to accommodate some schedules. So the rest of this week we will be out, and then I'll be back next week to do some recording and then so on and so forth. We will give you a heads up. There is just some scheduling stuff that keeps us from going live streaming, but you will be getting new episodes at least two a week from the commercial break. So I thought that that was nice of me to tell you that.
- [36:18]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
So nice.
- [36:18]
Brian Green
That was kind of considerate to tell you that. Don't. Don't you. Don't you think that was nice? Thank you. I really appreciate it. What else. What else happened over here?
- [36:28]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
I think we need to update on the pool. I mean, we did spend an entire episode.
- [36:32]
Brian Green
We spent an entire week talking about the pool. Not an episode.
- [36:35]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
I'm curious. When I first got here, I ran straight back to see what it looked like.
- [36:39]
Brian Green
The pool is blue. That's all I got to say. It's blue. I'm not sure it's blue because the chlorine is currently eating as much organic material as possible.
- [36:49]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Not as neon blue as the picture you sent me.
- [36:52]
Brian Green
Oh, my God. Well, I sent it to you over the weekend. I shocked the pool again. I gave it another 55,000 grams of chlorine. And it really. I mean, within an hour, that thing turned so bright blue. It was crazy. It's like unnatural blue. You know, you would. You wouldn't go in there.
- [37:08]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Like Gatorade blue.
- [37:09]
Brian Green
Yeah, Gatorade. Yeah. Powerade blue. That's what it was. I shocked it over the weekend. You know, what happened was this is
- [37:17]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
after you sent me the picture of the bird taking a little bath.
- [37:19]
Brian Green
Yes. There was a bird taking a bath in the pool. It's a bird bath. He was having a good old time. He was getting his face.
- [37:29]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
I love watching birds do that.
- [37:31]
Brian Green
Yeah. He was giving himself a bath. I've noticed the birds like to swoop. Not today. Super bright. No smell.
- [37:37]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
The danger.
- [37:37]
Brian Green
Well, it's got smoke coming off the top of it. It's burning the nostrils of all my neighbors. The first cleaning slash, couple of shocks, it knocked down the green, most of the green, but there was still some algae clinging to the walls and clinging to the bottom. And so I know enough to know that if there's any algae in your pool, the chlorine level is too low. And what happens is when the chlorine eats the algae, I say it eats when it's killing the algae chlorine is killing the algae. The algae is essentially putting the ph balance. It's. It's knocking down the chlorine. So it's like a fight. You're doing this dance. It's like, you know, this back and forth, this push and pull. And so the more that the chlorine kills the algae, the more the chlorine itself is becoming ineffective.
- [38:27]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
So, right. It's using its powers.
- [38:29]
Brian Green
It's using its powers. Its powers are being denied. So I knew that it was going to take more than one shock to get the pool that was extraordinarily green to be blue. I knew it was going to take more than just a little bit of chlorine. So I put. I shocked it. I scraped all the walls. I managed to get the organic material, the algae, up into the middle of the pool so it was mixing with the chlorine. And then I noticed something interesting last week. I noticed that while it was still a little bit green, I could see some algae on the floors and other places. What I noticed was, was it maintained its same color for like three days in a row. And so this is what that told me, that there was some kind of leveling in the pool. And I decided, that's not good. We need to put more chemicals in my pool. So I ran with what little money I have to Home Depot, and I bought another box of murderous chlorine and I poured it all in the pool. And then I just started scraping the pool, essentially pulling up any algae that's on them, stirring it up, just stirring up the pool. I cleaned those filters again. That is the fourth time in one month that I have cleaned those filters. You're supposed to do it on average every six to nine months. I've done it four times in one month. It's unbelievable how dirty that pool was. And then it just turned this super bright blue. I sent Chrissy a picture of the Powerade blue. And now today, there is some semblance of calm going on in that pool.
- [39:59]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Look like it. Like I said, I ran right back to go look at it. When I first got in, I thought, oh, okay, it's calming down.
- [40:04]
Brian Green
That's right. I don't see a lot of organic material in there anymore. There is still or actual, like, pollen polyps, I guess, is the best way to explain it.
- [40:14]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
God, those things.
- [40:15]
Brian Green
Those things are obnoxious and they're everywhere.
- [40:17]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah.
- [40:18]
Brian Green
And when they get wet, they turn soggy and gross in this dark color is weird. But if they get on the top of the po they will manage eventually to float down to the bottom of the pool. They'll get wet and they'll die, and they'll go down to the bottom of the pool. And so there is still some of that on the floor of the pool. I don't have a vacuum that works effectively enough. So I'm waiting for the robot motor to get here. And so for right now, there is some level of balance in the universe in that pool. And I can't promise it's going to be that way when I return home, but at least in a. At least today, it's okay.
- [40:54]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yes.
- [40:54]
Brian Green
You know, I took one of my kids to a birthday party over the weekend. And that birthday party was supposed to be like a backyard movie viewing party. And they were going to put a big screen in the backyard.
- [41:05]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Fun.
- [41:05]
Brian Green
This really nice house, and the kids popcorn and pizza and candy and the whole nine yards. And they were going to sit there and they were going to watch a movie. But these people had a pool in their backyard. So we were, I think, the first or second to arrive. And we arrived, arrived the birthday girl and some of a couple of her, I guess, local friends, they were in the pool. And the mom was like, I'm sorry. Like, five minutes ago, this turned into a pool party. And my kid didn't bring a bathing suit, but he had shorts on. So I said, you know what, buddy? Go for it, go for it, go for it. How can I deny you? How can I deny you the fun? And we were there all night long as those kids, swam in that pool, got in, got out, ran around the yard, had pizzas, you know, cake, all that whole nine yards. And so I thought to myself, myself, this guy's doing it right. His pool looks good. How do you do it? So I said, hey, how do you keep your pool so it looks good. It looks like, you know, it's blue, it's clear, I can see to the bottom. How do you do that? And he said, pool guy, pool guy. And I said, I said what? I said to you? And we said to each other, do you ever wonder who trains. Yeah. Who trains the pool guys? Like, is that like a magic, a science, an art? I'm not really sure. But in any case, someone is doing it right, and I'm going to hire that person. I promise I will.
- [42:21]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yes.
- [42:21]
Brian Green
But before I pay $3,000 to have them turn the pool blue, I figure I can do it for 90 bucks and just have a little chemical soup going on back there for a while.
- [42:31]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah. You get the professional in Here to make sure you're not killing anybody.
- [42:35]
Brian Green
Yes.
- [42:36]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Burning people.
- [42:36]
Brian Green
Burning people. That's right. Absolutely. And by the way, my neighbor's yard, still wet from as I drained half the apple.
- [42:45]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Half the rice field is back there.
- [42:47]
Brian Green
Oh, my God. It's still soppy back there. He hasn't said anything to me. Yeah, I think he's out of town. He's going to come home and because the other thing is that's chlorinated salt water back there, so whatever it touches, it's going to die. Any organic material is going to die. So it's likely, you know, he's going to come home to half his grass dead. And I'm going to be like, I
- [43:08]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
don't know, the emoji.
- [43:11]
Brian Green
Acid rain.
- [43:13]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Climate change.
- [43:14]
Brian Green
Climate change. It has to do with the Straits of Harmuth. Oh, wait, what was that? It's going to run a commercial. Time to pay some bills. We're now running commercials while we're talking to get you to pay attention. All right. Okay.
- [43:33]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
This episode's sponsored by Powerade.
- [43:35]
Brian Green
Yeah, Powerade. I have a pool full of it. Take a sip. It's delicious. Oh, my gosh. Woo wee. So much fun. Everyone's having a good time.
- [43:51]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah.
- [43:53]
Brian Green
All right, so next. The rest of this week we won't be here, but next week we will be here. We will be running up episodes you haven't heard because we couldn't figure out how to stream them this morning. So take a listen, have some fun. Everyone's having fun. And then we'll be back next week with live episodes. We might even do a special weekend episode. You never know with us. You just got to keep that.
- [44:14]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yeah, I think we are going to do a weekend.
- [44:15]
Brian Green
Yeah, you got to Keep subscribed to YouTube. You got to put those notifications on. That way when we go live, you'll get notified and you can jump right in. Everyone's having a wonderful, wonderful day. Also. You can. Yeah. Did I say YouTube.com YouTube.com thecommercial break. You can also watch. All of the episodes are there. I just noticed we have over like 1100 videos on that YouTube channel. 1100 videos on our YouTube channel. YouTube's gonna start charging us pretty soon. They're gonna be like, we don't really make us any money and we're hosting terabytes of information to keep your stupid show alive. Could you do us a favor? Could you send in a check every once in a while? I got a check from Facebook for my. For my social medias. $1.67. I think that's 10 views. I think 10 views. I got 10 views. I am in the money. Oh, speaking of Facebook, Facebook, go to Instagram at the commercial break. Follow us. You can also follow Chrissy and I personally. She's TCB Chrissy on Brian W. Green. Follow us personally and watch the fun videos. All the kids are having fun and talking about it. It's all the rage at Coachella. Brian and Chris Instagram. Justin Trudeau is talking about Brian. Katy Perry's talking about Tracy. It's the only thing Britney's Spears is allowed to watch in rehab is the commercial break.
- [45:44]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
Yep.
- [45:45]
Brian Green
No fear of looking less crazy with that. And tcpodcast.com all the audio, all the video and your free sticker. That's just the kind of people we are. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.
- [45:59]
Kristen Joy Hoadley
I think so.
- [45:59]
Brian Green
I'll tell you that I love you. I love you best you best you out there in the podcast and streaming audience. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say we do say say and we must say goodbye. And yeah, boy.