She's Got Bette Beavis Eyes!

Summary

Summary of "She's Got Bette Beavis Eyes!" – The Commercial Break Podcast

Episode Release Date: July 17, 2025

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Introduction

In this episode of The Commercial Break, hosts Bryan Green and Krissy Hoadley delve into a blend of personal anecdotes, pop culture discussions, and humorous exchanges. True to their improvisational and unpolished style, the duo navigates through various topics with their signature chaotic charm.

Personal Anecdotes: Unforgettable Massage Experiences

Bryan Green kicks off the conversation by sharing a [03:09] wild story inspired by comedian Eric Andre. He recounts an incident where Andre inadvertently receives intimate attention during a couples massage in Europe:

"He crashes a car... he's getting head from a masseuse. Isn't that insane?" [07:42]

Bryan contrasts this with their own experience at the Boscolo hotel in Rome during a baby moon, highlighting cultural differences in massage practices:

"She's getting up into my glutes... This is what they do in Europe." [13:24]

Krissy Hoadley supplements Bryan's story by sharing her own encounter with a similarly unexpected massage experience, emphasizing the unspoken nuances and misunderstandings that can arise:

"I was like, oh, this is what they do in Europe... I just saw her starting to get all up in my stuff." [09:17]

The hosts humorously discuss the discomfort and awkwardness of these situations, blending personal humor with relatable experiences.

Celebrity Spotlight: JoJo Siwa and Pop Culture Commentary

Transitioning to pop culture, Bryan expresses his ambivalence towards JoJo Siwa, labeling her as his favorite internet oddity. He critically examines her latest cover of "Bette Davis Eyes," commenting on the overuse of auto-tune:

"When JoJo does it, it just sounds like she's hurting her voice and it's highly auto-tuned." [30:03]

He contrasts her with Miley Cyrus, appreciating Miley's authenticity despite her controversial image:

"I think Miley Cyrus has handled this the best of any of them... she just has no hang-ups about being naked." [31:05]

Bryan and Krissy further discuss the challenges child stars face transitioning into adulthood amidst public scrutiny, highlighting the pressures of maintaining relevance and authenticity in the entertainment industry.

Scientific Insights: The Battle of the Sexes – Flu Suffering

In a segment blending humor with scientific discourse, Bryan introduces a study (albeit humorously claiming it was conducted by men) about how men and women experience the flu differently:

"Estrogen naturally boosts the immune system's response more than men. Testosterone will lower the immune system's response." [52:11]

He elaborates on the findings, suggesting that men not only experience more severe symptoms but also tend to complain more about their ailments:

"Men are small children who whine and complain... Women have an extra layer of defense." [53:01]

Krissy engages with Bryan's explanation, adding her own perspective and reinforcing the humorous take on gender differences in handling sickness.

Relationship Dynamics: Navigating Breakups and New Beginnings

Bryan reflects on past relationships, sharing a particularly tumultuous breakup involving substance abuse and emotional turmoil:

"That's when I was introduced to Astrid. Isn't that insane?" [25:51]

He narrates how a breakup coincided with meeting his current partner, Astrid, attributing it to the unpredictable nature of life's timing. The conversation touches upon themes of trust, deceit, and the serendipitous events that lead to new relationships.

Krissy supports Bryan's narrative, empathetically discussing the complexities of relationships and the challenges of overcoming past traumas.

Humor and Light-Hearted Banter: The Whacking Circle Concept

Injecting their trademark humor, Bryan introduces the concept of a "whacking circle," a playful take on unconventional group activities centered around male bonding:

"We could do it right here in the studio... inviting Phil Hamlin, playing some instrumental deck." [62:33]

Krissy joins in the jest, exploring the idea with laughter and rhetorical questions, underscoring the show's blend of humor and candid conversations.

Closing Remarks and Future Plans

As the episode wraps up, Bryan and Krissy tease upcoming segments and interactive elements, encouraging listener engagement through social media and direct communication:

"212-4333 TCB... questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas, wack and tree." [64:01]

They express gratitude to their audience, reiterating their commitment to providing a variety of topics and maintaining an authentic connection with their listeners.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Bryan Green: "He crashes a car... he's getting head from a masseuse. Isn't that insane?" [07:42]

• Bryan Green: "She's getting up into my glutes... This is what they do in Europe." [13:24]

• Bryan Green: "When JoJo does it, it just sounds like she's hurting her voice and it's highly auto-tuned." [30:03]

• Bryan Green: "Estrogen naturally boosts the immune system's response more than men. Testosterone will lower the immune system's response." [52:11]

• Bryan Green: "We could do it right here in the studio... inviting Phil Hamlin, playing some instrumental deck." [62:33]

Conclusion

"She's Got Bette Beavis Eyes!" epitomizes The Commercial Break's ethos of blending chaotic humor with insightful discussions. Through personal stories, celebrity critiques, and light-hearted banter, Bryan and Krissy offer listeners an entertaining and relatable experience. This episode underscores their ability to navigate diverse topics while maintaining an authentic and unfiltered conversational style.

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Note: Advertisements, sponsored segments, and non-content sections have been excluded from this summary to focus solely on the main content of the podcast episode.

Transcript

[Unknown Host]

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[Brian Green]

Hey, I just want to let you ladies know. Hey, if you ain't 280, you can't be my lady. I like them thick in the waist and cute in the face. Only a dog on a bone and baby, I ain't no dog. On this episode of the commercial break, when JoJo does it, it just sounds like she's hurting her voice and it's highly auto tuned. Highly auto tuned. Now listen, I get that that's like the the standard of the day. Everybody's auto tuned. But I think JoJo would benefit from a little bit of like PR withdrawal. Do you know what I'm saying? When you get to this, this is just coming from Brian who is known to be a PR master. It's the reason why the commercial break is done so well for itself outside of the people who actually listen to the commercial Break the next episode of the commercial. Break now. Oh yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co host of this show, Chris. Enjoy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris.

[Chris Hoadley]

Best to you, Brian.

[Brian Green]

Best to you out there on the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. How the hell are you? I just listened to a crazy story by Eric Andre, who I love. He's one of my favorites.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, he's great.

[Brian Green]

He is Kaufman esque in some ways. Remember that movie he came out with a couple of years ago back during the pandemic where it was like kind of like a Borat type movie where he would go into certain situations and then just act fucking Looney Tunes. Didn't he go into the country bar and start puking all over everybody or something? He crashed a car. I mean, the guy is crazy. Like he's legitimately crazy. He's got one of my favorite shows, talk shows of all time, which is the Eric Andre show, which if I'm not mistaken, I think our friend Reggie Watts made a few turns on there. By the way, while we're talking about this, Reggie and Catherine have put together a late night talk show format show for Reggie. I am putting the information in the show notes. Let me, let me pull this up real quick while we're here talking about it because I know it's soon. Reggie, watch. Watch what happens live. Watch Watts happens live. Watts happens live with Reggie Watts. Wednesday, July 23, 7:30pm PT. That means it's going to be 10:30 time our time here on the East Coast. You can get more information about this by going to Reggie Watts on Instagram. Look for the reel. You can stream it or you can be there, but I'm not exactly sure how you be there. So check it out. Go find some information. Watch Watts happens live. It's being put together by Reggie and by Catherine. I want to give a special shout out. I talked to Catherine, she sent me some information about this. I'll put all of the links in the show notes. Check it out. I mean, it's Reggie doing a late night talk show. What else?

[Chris Hoadley]

I can't wait to see this.

[Brian Green]

What else could you want? I'm gonna say her name wrong here. You know, I did a whole commercial for her and I had to say this 72 times. Atsuko Okatsuka is going to be there on that show and she is a big deal in comedy right now. So check it out. Reggie Watts the 23rd, that's next week as this is airing. That's next week. 7:30p, 10:30e. Just to make sure we get it. All right, Chrissy. Because you know how many times in a month Chrissy and I have sat here waiting for a guest to show up because it was 7:30p and not 10:30e.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yes, it's happened.

[Brian Green]

It's happened so many times, it's not even funny. Um, okay, I was watching Eric Andre. I was watching a reel that he put together and here's the story. And now it's read. It's his, not Reggie. It's Eric's story to tell, but I'm going to try and recreate the scenario. Him and his girlfriend are somewhere in Europe and they are going to get a couple's massage together. A boscolo massage, if you will. Chrissy, girl is massaging his girlfriend. Man is massaging. Eric, very forward of you. Eric, very forward of you. They have a little screen that separates the two of them as they do sometimes in these couple massages. And Eric is getting the full wixing and waxing. He is up all in the meat and potatoes of Eric. And Eric is saying to himself like you will. Every man will recognize this if you have gone for a massage or you do, so please don't get a boner. Please don't get a boner. I'm sure that happens even when a man's massaging you because certain areas are just sensitive and it doesn't matter. Yeah, it doesn't matter who's touching you. You're going to get a boner or you're going to think about getting a boner or you're going to pray to God you don't get a boner. What happens? He gets a boner by his terms, a raging hard on. And then the guy says to him in a quiet whispered tone, it's okay, it's okay. And Eric says thinking to himself, yeah, it's okay. He thinks he's asking about the boner and the fact that he's close to the meat and potatoes, but he was.

[Chris Hoadley]

Maybe saying, is it okay?

[Brian Green]

Is it okay?

[Chris Hoadley]

I care that.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, he says, I hope you hear that. In the next 30 seconds, he feels this guy's hand, very warm, very oily, on his penis. And he looks up, he opens his eyes and he puts his head forward to find out that it's not in fact the guy's hand. It's his mouth.

[Chris Hoadley]

Whoa.

[Brian Green]

He's getting head from a masseuse.

[Chris Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

Wow, wow. And he taps the guy in the head and he's like, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, I'm okay.

[Brian Green]

I'm good. I'm good. And the guy backs off and finishes the massage, but doesn't finish Eric. Okay, there we go. All right. That's. It's about as gingerly as I'm going to put that. Of course, he tells his girlfriend about this right after. He says, oh, my God, you cannot believe what just fucking. I accidentally got head by a guy, you know. And she says, well, you should have just finished. Like, I mean, at that point, why not just finish? You're already there. Yeah, you're already gay. Go for it. And Eric said, well, you know, whatever. Blah, blah, blah. Anyway, that's the end of the real I. The rest of the story is. But that's a wild story. I mean, a wild story. Accidentally getting head from another man. I've never even been close to that situation.

[Chris Hoadley]

I just got a boob massage, you.

[Brian Green]

Know, from a guy. Yeah. In Europe. It's pretty typical.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, My sister and I were there and we were getting a. I. We were just getting two massages, but I think they thought it was couple because we walked in and it said, Mr. And Mrs. Who's the Mr.

[Brian Green]

In that situation?

[Chris Hoadley]

So I said, you know, I'm the mister. I'll be the Mr. Kelly. She was nervous about getting a massage anyways, and so I went in with the guy.

[Brian Green]

Why was she nervous? Her first massage?

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah. It was like she had not had a massage. And so I was like, you go with the woman, I'll go with the man. It's fine. But then it was.

[Brian Green]

Did he go, like, full boob, full nipple rub and everything?

[Chris Hoadley]

Yep. I was like, oh, this is what they do in Europe.

[Brian Green]

This is what they do in Europe. Yes, this is what they do in Europe. So it makes me feel much better about my Boscolo massage. I'll tell you two stories about a massage, in case you haven't heard them. If you're listening long enough, then you have heard them. Now, I'm sorry, I'm repeating myself. But listen, we're 800 episodes in almost. It's going to happen. Astrid and I, for the baby moon, we went to Rome, and we stayed at a hotel right there in downtown Rome, right near all the ruins, the heart of the action called the Boscolo. And they had a spa at the top of the hotel. And Astrid and I are big fans of getting a massage. I love it.

[Chris Hoadley]

Oh, yeah, we do, too.

[Brian Green]

I think it's part of my health, actually. And though I can't always Afford it. And it's not something I do like very frequently. At least three times, maybe four times a year, I go for a massage. And so we take the opportunity to order our stuff. Oh, actually what happened was something happened with the hotel. There was a mess up at the hotel. We had to wait for our room. We ended up getting upgraded into a nicer room. And then they gave us $250 a pounds. Whatever they use over there. Rupee. I don't know what they use over there. Rupees. Euros. I'm sorry, Rupees. I don't know why I said rupees. If you want to go to New Delhi and get yourself a massage and.

[Chris Hoadley]

Come back, your room should be ready by that. Here's a credit in India.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, you want to head to Bangladesh and come on back in a few minutes. So, so great. Astrid and I call them the upstairs and we say, hey, two for a massage? They say yes. We go there the next day in the afternoons, like noon, we go there. It is the top floor of this hotel, but there is not a window you o. The elevator opens and you're right there in the lobby of this at this spa, which is. It doesn't really look like a spa, but okay. It's a couple of chairs and a desk and we walk up and the lady's very nice and hey, okay, great. You know, the masseuses are coming and then five minutes later two masseuses come out from behind the curtain, so to speak. And two masseuses are your babushka, grandma. I mean an old Eastern European woman who looks the part, talks the part and has like forearms that are bigger than my biceps. I mean they're huge. Right? So she obviously has been doing this for a long time. And then a 21 year old woman from the like a Ukrainian beauty walks out and their barely speak any English. And if this was the United States of America, and I have said this a million times and I stand by this and I think you'll agree with me, our the grandma would have picked me and we would have gone back there. Why? Because it's obvious we're here for a couple's massage. We're Mr. And Mrs. Green. Yeah, we're here together, husband and wife. And in America it just would have been understood that the beautiful woman is going to massage the woman so that there's no feels caught either way.

[Chris Hoadley]

Well, also the, the babuska was stronger.

[Brian Green]

Stronger.

[Chris Hoadley]

And men usually like harder.

[Brian Green]

A nice hard massage. But that's not what happened. And I looked at Astrid As. As. As they separated in. In the lobby as the. The young lady came toward me, Mr. Green. And I looked at Astrid and I was like, oh, fuck, no. Don't make me make this decision. And I was. And she goes, no, no, go, go, go. Yeah, yeah, go, go. Whatever. I don't care about you. Whatever. I'm already over you. You got. You put this thing in my belly. You take it out. Get out of here. All right. So I reluctantly go back, but I decide this is a massage. It's professional. We're here in Rome. We're at a nice hotel. We're at a very nice hotel. This is a professional setting. Yes. She's a beautiful woman. I'm just going to talk myself out of a boner. When she gets to the, you know, the thighs, like, just like Aragon. And like every man does, it doesn't matter what the masseuse looks like. And so the massage goes, full body massage. Start on my front. She's working my back. She's getting up there in my glutes. She's rubbing my butt. She's doing.

[Chris Hoadley]

The whole back muscles are there.

[Brian Green]

Yes. And then she starts doing the inner part of my thighs. And she is getting up there. She's getting up into the sausage patties. I mean, she is really far up there. And I think to myself, this is just how they do it in Europe. Yeah, just what they do in Europe. Oh, I have to tell you that when we got in, I always wear underwear. Always. I don't want that. I don't want anybody to feel uncomfortable. I do. Always. I don't want anybody to feel uncomfortable, including myself. I just feel like it's the best thing. And if someone wants to tug my underwear down a little bit or push it up a little bit. Right? But this. This girl, before we even got started, was like, everything off, close off. I'll close off. I'll close off. And I thought to myself, this is Europe. This is what you.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, exactly.

[Brian Green]

Right. Okay. Free your balls for once. Brian, stop being such a prude. Let it go. Okay. And now she's up in the meat and potatoes. Up in the meat and potatoes. And I'm like, jesus, she's really getting in there to the point where I'm talking to myself so much. It's becoming uncomfortable.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, it's not relaxing.

[Brian Green]

And then she's like, flip over. Well, I have managed to keep myself flaccid for this long. And I flip because I know the flip over is coming. And I don't want to have a big Boner when she flips me over. So she flips over and most masseuses will take the sheet and they will pull it toward them so they can't see you flipping over. But this one takes the sheet and pulls it so she's looking directly at me while she's flipping me over. And I'm like, okay, this is just what they do in Europe, I guess. And then comes the most uncomfortable massage I've ever had for a number of different reasons. First of all, this girl is a very good looking woman, right? And I am, my eyes are closed and I'm trying my best not to think about any of that. Cuz I just got married to Astrid and I love her very much and I still do. This has nothing against Astrid. This is just what happened. Yeah, this is just the facts, ma'. Am. Second of all, I need not get a boner. And I know how difficult that can be when someone's massaging your thighs, right? And number three, I'm starting to believe that even though this is just Europe, I'm. Now I'm. I have a question mark in my head. I'm in this dark room at the top of this hotel and there's this girl who's now like eyeing my patino, right? My little Boscolo, My Boscolo junior. So here comes the massage. So she starts going up my legs and now she's rubbing up into my thighs and she's like scraping up against my balls, right? And I'm like, please don't get a boner. Please don't get a boner. But it's starting to happen because it's next to impossible. This could have been the babushka and it probably still would have happened too, right? Just like Eric Andre said, it's nearly impossible in certain areas. But then she does something that masseuse has never done before, ever. She starts to massage my stomach.

[Chris Hoadley]

Oh, right.

[Brian Green]

And she starts to massage the middle of my stomach. And then she's slowly going down. And now I have a half hard. And she's rubbing her hand underneath the half hard in the lower abdomen of my stomach to the point where I know something's coming next, right? And by the way, I open my eyes and I see that she is looking at me. She's staring at me. She's like going like this and staring at me and I'm like. So I said, I go, can, can we work on my back a little? Yeah, a little bit more. Can we work on my back a little bit more? And she didn't understand what I was telling her. And I said, can I flip over? Can I. Can you work on my back a little bit more? It's like. Hurts up.

[Chris Hoadley]

I need a flip.

[Brian Green]

I need a flip. I need a flip. And eventually, I think we got that through and I flipped. And there was like five. Mercifully, there was like five more minutes of it left. But I know now. I knew. I told Astrid immediately. I was like, that was the strangest massage I've ever gotten. I'm pretty sure that that girl was ready to jack me off. Yeah, I just needed to give her the same. Right. And instead I flipped over. She probably thought to herself, he's gay. But that happened. So I guess in Eastern Europe or in Europe in general? In Western Europe, yeah.

[Chris Hoadley]

I was in Italy too.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it's just a thing. They just get really up close and personal in the massages. And Chrissy and I have known masseuses who do this for a living.

[Chris Hoadley]

That's true.

[Brian Green]

They're like sexual surrogates almost. They're ready to release you. I told you about the. The foot massage, the Asian foot massage that I. That we used to go to. And the. The old lady, it was like 106 years old, told me to take all my clothes off. And she was asking if I wanted to jack up. You need release. You need release. I was like, no, you mean like a form to sign? What are you talking about? I was out of there. I was like, I'm out of here. I'll see you later. No, thanks. But the second and strangest massage story I have ever heard was a girl I was dating went to Denver to go see one of her friends. And when they went. When she went to Denver, she came back and her and her friend had. Her friend who had lived in Denver were now in Atlanta. They were sitting in my apartment. They were talking about the good old trip that they had taken. And the friend goes, and the massage. And this girl that I was dating, I had been dating for a while, was like, oh, the massage. He was the best, wasn't he? And she was like, that's crazy. And they go on to explain in front of my face that this masseuse is known for his massages because he will give you an orgasm with his fingers during the massage. That's what he does. That's what he's known to do. And they talked about it as if it was just another day at the office. Like this was another. Like a treatment you ordered, like the hot wax or the hot stones or the Special tea tree oil that you get.

[Chris Hoadley]

That is a stress release.

[Brian Green]

Sure, I'm. Listen, I'm not opposed to it. I'm not a. Do what you're going to do. I don't give a shit. I got a. There's a hot stone massage place right down the street. Well, no, it's not about hots or stones and they're only open from midnight till six in the morning. I know all about it. I got it. But you're my girlfriend and you didn't think for one second to have a conversation with me about it beforehand, right?

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Am I right? I mean, I don't know. Am I just being a prude or. Or what?

[Chris Hoadley]

I. I don't know. I don't know what the relationship was like then and I. Did she know beforehand or did it just kind of happen during the massage?

[Brian Green]

Here's all I know.

[Chris Hoadley]

Or did they order it?

[Brian Green]

They went to this guy specifically because the friend had been there because one of her friends had recommended. But her friend was single. This is all I know. We were supposed to go to Denver together, her and I, but last minute it turned into a girls trip and she didn't want me to go. And I already had my plane tickets and I had to cancel my plane tickets. This was like days before. And it all seemed very strange to me in the first place. Why all of a sudden I can't go? Even though you've been asking me to come for a month and now I have a plane ticket. Now you don't want me to go? Now I can't go because it's just going to be a girls trip and the girls trip, by the way, was just her and her friend, so. Okay, I get it. Maybe you didn't want a third wheel, right? @ the time I didn't have a choice in the matter. This girl was a total. She would have flipped her fucking. I wasn't getting on that plane anyway. Right. That was just the way it was in that relationship. But I found it to be.

[Chris Hoadley]

Was it. Is this the reason relationship that I think it is? Okay. Okay.

[Brian Green]

I found it to be very.

[Chris Hoadley]

I wonder if she made that up.

[Brian Green]

Her friend and her were talking about it in front of me. Do you think they made it up just for shits and giggles? I don't know.

[Chris Hoadley]

She's kind of. She was kind of devious.

[Brian Green]

She was very devious. Yeah. Yeah, she would. She and manipulative would go right for the. Right for the heart. There was no.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

You know, sometimes in relationships you get your feelings hurt you play hurt people. Hurt people. Right. You play little games and you get back at people and you say little snarky little things and you hope that that hurts their feelings like you're feeling hurt. She was not like that. She would slit your throat. That's what she would do. She wanted to. She wanted to gut you.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Anytime her feelings were hurt in the least. And I didn't do anything to hurt her. I don't know. I mean, I'm sure I did lots of things to hurt her feelings. That's not true. I'm sure I did lots of things. I started playing the games too. Right. That's what happens when you're in that kind of relationship. But her friend I liked a lot and I thought I felt her to be a very nice person. Right. But then again, she was. They were friends. Yeah. There.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

All right, okay, maybe. I don't know. I don't know. I mean, I'm over there.

[Chris Hoadley]

I wonder what the game they were playing.

[Brian Green]

Maybe, but they. There was a lot of descriptive word. I mean, it seemed like something that happened, but they could have on the plane said, let's make up this story.

[Chris Hoadley]

And just see what Brian says.

[Brian Green]

See what Brian says. And what did I say? Absolutely nothing. I didn't say anything. I just said, sounds like a good massage. That's what I said. I wasn't gonna let it get to me.

[Chris Hoadley]

No, I can see.

[Brian Green]

But inside, oh yeah. I was stoicism. Stoicism level a thousand. Feeling level negative 100. I was inside. I was crying like a little boy.

[Chris Hoadley]

She's the type of person that maybe wanted that.

[Brian Green]

Of course she did, Chrissy. Yeah.

[Chris Hoadley]

Well, I think we might have cracked the code.

[Brian Green]

I think we cracked the code a long. I think we cracked the code about two weeks into the relationship. I just can. I just stayed on the path.

[Chris Hoadley]

Why, thank God you got off that train.

[Brian Green]

The huh, wants what the hot wants.

[Chris Hoadley]

That's what she would say every time you got back together.

[Brian Green]

All 312 times. Thank God for Astrid. That's all I gotta say.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yes, thank God Astrid. Was my prayers answered for you?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I mean, I think it was a lot of people's prayers answered for me, but I mean, by that point this young lady was long gone. But.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, yeah, you were a couple in between.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, there was a couple others that weren't much better.

[Chris Hoadley]

As we remember.

[Brian Green]

There was one girl that I dated to tell the story real quick. There was one girl that I dated. She lived right down the street from me. She was friends with my Little brother. It was like, you know, she was cute, we had a good time, all this other stuff. But then, like, things started to fall apart very quickly. She would, like, show up at my house at 2 in the morning and like, oh, hey, I just wanted to see if you were home. And I'd be like, why? And she was like, because you said you were home. And I'd be like, oh, okay. Can I come in? Sure. I guess, like two in the morning, it was like. It was. Yeah, right. And then, I don't know, maybe fifth, sixth, seventh date, she went online and she bought tickets for us to go to the Caribbean.

[Chris Hoadley]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Green]

Do you remember this?

[Chris Hoadley]

That's right. That's right.

[Brian Green]

And I was. I was drunk, so I was like, oh, okay, I guess we're going to the Caribbean. Then two days later, she came to my house crying, a miserable mess. And she started pulling out, like, empty bags and full bags of cocaine. Now, at this point in my life, I was pretty much over it, right? I wasn't 100% over. I was pretty much over it. I was like, I'm not interested in this. And then she started explaining to me that she started pulling out bottles of medication, psychiatric medication. And I was like, oh, okay. Well, no, no shade. You got take sick and no shade. That wasn't the shade.

[Chris Hoadley]

But.

[Brian Green]

But when you're mixing it with cocaine.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And alcohol, now I know why you're showing up at 2 in the morning.

[Chris Hoadley]

Right?

[Brian Green]

And so the very next day, I said, this is crazy. Actually, this is February 11th. I'll never forget February 11th. The next day after she spent a long night at my house and I kind of babysat her, so to speak, as she twisted wildly out of control, getting higher and higher on prescription and medication and bad cocaine. And I stayed there sober, taking care of her. The next day, got her home. And that night I wrote a text message, hey, listen, sorry, don't think this is gonna work out, but, you know, I hope we get to remain friends. And she spun outta control about the fact that we were supposed to go to the Caribbean and all this stuff. And I largely ignored the text messages. That was a Wednesday. On Friday night, I drove up to North Carolina to see my best friend's dying father. And there was a bunch of us over there. And it was on that night, on that night, two days after I wrote that text message to the girl to break up. I'm not going to Caribbean. This is over. Thank you. Anyway, that night is when I was introduced to Astrid. Isn't that insane?

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

February. I think it was February 13th. I think it was the day before Valentine's Day. February 13th.

[Chris Hoadley]

The universe.

[Brian Green]

The universe.

[Chris Hoadley]

Magic.

[Brian Green]

She giveth and she taketh away. Unbelievable. All right, we'll take a break and we'll be back. You make this rather snappy, won't you? I have some very heavy thinking to do before 10 o'. Clock.

[Rachel]

Hi, cats and kittens. Rachel here. Do you ever get the urge to speak endlessly into the void like Brian? Well, I've got just the place for you to do that. 212-4333. TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Feel free to call and yell all you want. Tell Brian I need a raise. Compliment Chrissy's innate ability to put up with all his shenanigans or tell us a little story. The juicier the better. By the way, we love to hear your voice because Lord knows we're done listening to ourselves. Also, give us a follow on your favorite socials. He commercial break on Insta, TCB podcast on TikTok. And for those of you who like to watch. Oh, that came out wrong. We put all the episodes out on video, YouTube.com/the commercial break and tcbpodcast.com for all the info on the show, your free sticker or just to see how pretty we look. Okay, I gotta go now. I've got a date with my dog. No, seriously. Axel needs food. Today is pork chop day.

[Brian Green]

This episode is sponsored in part by our longtime sponsor, Squarespace. I say Squarespace, you safe. What? Squarespace, the all in one website platform. It's designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or you're scaling a business like we are. Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings, put it all on a professional website to help you grow your brand and get paid. If it sounds like a lot, it is. It's all in one place. Without a website, you cannot do anything in 2025. You can't create and distribute content. You can't create and sell products. Products. You can't showcase your services. And you certainly can't be a mediocre comedy podcast without a great looking website. Oh, but Brian, I don't have $50,000 to help me create a beautiful website. Squarespace does it for you. They have cutting edge blueprint AI. It helps you build a fully custom website in just a few steps using just basic information about your industry goals and personality. Wa Bam. Beautiful website. But Brian, I don't have $50,000 to do so. Search Engine Optimization Some companies might charge you $50,000. Not Squarespace. Every website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions and autogenerated sitemap. With so much more to help you show up on the search engines more often. Go to squarespace.com commercial for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use the offer code commercial to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Business cards and handshakes are great, but a website is your salesperson that never sleeps. Squarespace.com Commercial and then make sure to use the code commercial to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. And thank you to Squarespace for being a continued sponsor of the commercial break hey, what's up Flies? This is David Spade. Dana Carvey. Look at I know we never actually left, but I'll just say it. We are back with another season of Fly on the Wall. Every episode, including ones with guests, will now be on Vimeo. Every Thursday you'll hear us and see us chatting with big name celebrities. And every Monday, you're stuck with just me and Dana. We react to news, what's trending, viral clips. Follow and listen to Fly on the Wall. Everywhere you get your podcasts, you buy.

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[Brian Green]

Can we take a minute to talk about JoJo Siwa?

[Chris Hoadley]

Sure.

[Brian Green]

It's going on with JoJo Siwa.

[Chris Hoadley]

I don't know. I don't keep up with her. I rely on you.

[Brian Green]

She is. She is my favorite Internet oddity. JoJo Siwa is. And I don't know whether I like her or I or I just feel ambivalent about her. But there's something about JoJo Siwa that is enduring and laughable and interesting and fake and authentic and silly. I don't. It's all things. I get all the things going the.

[Chris Hoadley]

Way of the the normal child star path yes.

[Brian Green]

Which is Looney Tune when you go.

[Chris Hoadley]

From adolescence to T. Exactly.

[Brian Green]

I think Lindsay. Not Lindsay Lohan. I think Billy Ray Cyrus's daughter. Oh, Miley. Miley. I think Miley Cyrus has handled this the best of any of them. Any of them. Because every other child star seems to fall the apart during this part of their life. Of their life. Now I realize that Miley was swinging naked.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Wrecking Ball. But she's continued to be naked. So it just goes to prove that she just has no hang ups about being naked.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And she's a very attractive young lady. So God bless her, you know, show that body. You want to show the body? I'll look. I'm okay with that. I like Miley Cyrus. I think she's very pretty. I like her and I like her in general. I think Miley Cyrus seems to be a cool cat. Now, Jojo Siwa, she was a child star of some Nickelodeon or one of those things.

[Chris Hoadley]

No, I remember ordering like JoJo stuff for my best friend's daughter.

[Brian Green]

Oh, really?

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, because I mean, she was huge all over. I think it was Nickelodeon.

[Brian Green]

Okay.

[Chris Hoadley]

So, yeah, she was like a big deal. And then she had.

[Brian Green]

And then she had puberty. Yeah. And God, it's gotta be so fucking difficult. God, so fucking difficult to go from a child to a woman in the spotlight. Especially in this like hyper sexualized world that we live in. What do you do? How do you come out as an adult? And there are probably a team of people telling you exactly how to do it. Show your tits, Show a little ass, Shake it down. Make sure you tell everybody about your relationships and how, you know, mature physically and otherwise you are. It's gotta be difficult because the pressure to be a certain way is immense, I would imagine. But she's really out there. I mean, Jojo seems to be just like really out there in general. I've seen a lot of interviews where she gives the weirdest answers to questions.

[Chris Hoadley]

And the other day, didn't she get drunk at Disney?

[Brian Green]

She got a while back she put out a song. Let me see if I can find it. She put out a song where she did this crazy video where she was shaking all over the place. Like shaking uncontrollably. I think we can all remember this video. Let me see if I can find the song. Here it is. I think this is it.

[Chris Hoadley]

Like, like, like physically, like just shaking?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, physically shaking. As if she was having a seizure almost. So she's physically shaking in this video. Like she's having a seizure and then she's grinding on other women in the video, simulating sex in some way, shape or form in this other video. And everyone is befuddled by the whole thing. She shows up at a bunch of Pride activities. I think this is last year or the year before. She supports LGBTQ because she's gay. Right. And so she's got a girlfriend. Okay, congratulations. Cool. Then about a month ago, something happens at a live show, and she announces that now she's dating, like, a male model, their boyfriend, girlfriend. And apparently the girl the longtime girlfriend didn't even know until she heard from the live show.

[Chris Hoadley]

Oh, wow.

[Brian Green]

And now she's all over Instagram professing her love in really, like, childlike ways for this man that she's now dating. Right? And it's so bizarre to me. I mean, listen, my sex life is pretty uncomplicated. I'm pretty basic. My sex life is uncomplicated, but I can't imagine having my sex life all over the front pages. But when you're putting it out there, I mean, yeah, that's another thing altogether.

[Chris Hoadley]

Like, everybody's fluid these days.

[Brian Green]

That's what she said. She said, I. I know this little.

[Chris Hoadley]

Of that a little bit. Try that.

[Brian Green]

Hey, listen, Eric Andre's into it. I'm into it. You know what? I'm. Eric Andre can get ahead. I can get ahead. And then four days ago, five days ago, she puts out a little snippet of a video and a song. I want you to listen to this and tell me how you feel about this. You'll know the song, but I want you to listen to how she's doing it.

[Chris Hoadley]

Her hair is hollow gold her lips sweet her hands are never cold she's got better days. I do love that song.

[Brian Green]

Kim KSI. Okay, so. Okay, so now. Okay, not bad. Way auto tuned, but not bad. But then listen to this part of the song. It sounds like she ate an ashtray for breakfast.

[Chris Hoadley]

I know she was trying to. To do something that the original song just did. Naturally.

[Brian Green]

The great thing about Kim K's original version of this song, let's see if I can find it.

[Chris Hoadley]

Crazy love.

[Brian Green]

Okay, let's listen to a little bit of this. For those of you that don't know, this is. And maybe you've been keeping up with this jojo Siwa thing. Maybe you're relying on Brian to keep up with JoJo Siwa on your behalf. Hey, listen, I would be too, if I had a Brian in my life. Okay? Okay, now listen to Kim Karn's voice.

[Chris Hoadley]

Her hands are Never cold. She's got better. Yeah, hers is more like. Like sultry.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it's sultry and it's that gravel in her voice is natural to her voice where it feels like JoJo. Even though if you hear her talk, she does have a gravelly voice. It feels like she's forcing the gravel out of. It's like it where Kim. It's just naturally smoky. It's naturally like that.

[Chris Hoadley]

That was before Auto Tune too.

[Brian Green]

Way before Auto Tune. This is like. Here's the thing. JoJo and I think the Internet is largely divided on this. They she kept saying, I'm gonna put this song out on Friday if you want me to, because she's been doing it live as a cover and everyone apparently wanted her to do it, you know, as a single. So she says, if you want me to, I'll put it out. Vote here. You know, say yes, whatever. It's largely divided. It's yes, no, yes, no, yes, no. A lot of no's, few yeses, you.

[Chris Hoadley]

Know, that kind of thing.

[Brian Green]

But she put it out. Of course she was going to put out. She always going to put it out. You don't go into a studio and waste $100,000 of everyone's time unless you're going to put it out. And I listened to the song and I can say that it's a very highly produced cover of Kim Kard's amazing original song Bette Davis Eyes, which when it came out was a beautiful song that gave you the feels every time you heard it did because of the gravel in her voice, because of the way she was singing this in the imagery it invoked. When JoJo does it, it just sounds like she's hurting her voice and it's highly auto tuned. Highly auto tuned. Now listen, I get that that's like the. The standard of the day, everybody's Auto Tune, But I think JoJo would benefit from a little bit of like PR withdrawal. Do you know what I'm saying? When you get to this, this is just coming from Brian, who is known to be a PR master. It's the reason why the commercial break is done so well for itself. Outside of the people who actually listen to the commercial break. You got to know, you got to play with PR like fire. You got to play with fame like fire. You got to master the fire too close and everyone gets burned too far away and you can't feel it. There's like a sweet spot right there.

[Chris Hoadley]

That's true.

[Brian Green]

And sometimes the fire gets big and you got to back up. You got to back up a little bit, just like pull yourself out of the limelight. And then sometimes you got to get in there, dig it. Like Taylor Swift. Have we heard from Taylor Swift? No, we haven't heard from Taylor Swift. You want to know what? We haven't heard from Taylor Swift. I mean, I'm sure people who pay attention to her are here from here, but largely since last year's ballyhooed, you know, 70 billion dollar concert tour. You know why we haven't heard from Taylor? Because her PR people are saying, settle down.

[Chris Hoadley]

That's right.

[Brian Green]

Take a break. You're too close to the fire. The fire got so big that everyone's getting burned by it. Settle down. You and Travis go fly around in your private.

[Chris Hoadley]

Exactly.

[Brian Green]

For like two years, and then come back with something amazing. Get creative again, do something amazing, and we'll do this all over again. But she's got smart people on her side who are telling her not to be making noise every 15 minutes right now, because we've already heard it. We already did it. We did it for an entire fucking year. We did it.

[Chris Hoadley]

Multiple years.

[Brian Green]

Multiple years. Two years, three years. However long it was. Now it's on Disney Plus. Everyone can see Taylor if they need to say, Taylor, you don't need to go far. Jojo is getting into the fire. She's, like, diving into the fire without clothes on. She's diving into the fire and rolling around and hoping to God that the flame is stoked. But the. The problem is there's lots of fire around you. Jojo, you need to back up a little bit. It's too hot. Everything you do is being ridiculed. And I think that's a sign that you should probably just back up.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Take a couple years, Date the boys, date the girls, date the in betweens, figure it all out, and then come back with something original and organic and authentic to who you are after. You've kind of gone through this little phase right now and people will still be interested in what you're doing. It's. The interest is not going to go away two years from now.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, exactly. Take a break.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. But it will go away if you keep pushing it in people's faces every five seconds. Yeah.

[Chris Hoadley]

Well, then you're going to have to do the other pr. The. The damage control pr.

[Brian Green]

Yes, that's right. And that's a different kind of pr. That's the kind of PR the commercial break does all the time. And that's not the good kind of pr. Not all PR is good pr. Despite what some people might say you.

[Chris Hoadley]

Can'T get the damage done and then go away because then that's what people are going to remember you for.

[Brian Green]

Exactly, Chrissy. Oh, sorry about that. Exactly. Okay. Speaking of auto tune, one thing before we take a break. I wanted to, I wanted to let you listen to this. JLO is now on her tour. I guess, you know, some of it got canceled.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, I thought it got canceled.

[Brian Green]

A good chunk of it got canceled because they couldn't sell any tickets. And, and by the way, you know, they were saying the same thing about Beyonce when her tour first started that, oh, she, she had canceled some dates and they said. Because some people were saying. Because she didn't sell tickets. I don't know. Every time I look at a Beyonce concert footage, it's 100% sold. I mean, there's wall.

[Chris Hoadley]

Four shows here in Atlanta just sold out.

[Brian Green]

Four shows in Atlanta. Four.

[Chris Hoadley]

It's close to selling out.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I'm sure there's still some tickets available because it's four shows.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Green]

And what, like 72,000 people can fit in the. Where is State Farm?

[Chris Hoadley]

At the Dome.

[Brian Green]

Oh, she's playing at the Dome.

[Chris Hoadley]

Mercedes. Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Jeez. Yeah, there's like 82, 000 people. That's crazy. In concert formation. That's like 82, 000 people. All right. JLO does one of her concerts, she comes out with a new song. Everyone largely think that this is about Ben Affleck. I want you to listen to the first part of the song. Lots of backing vocals, lots of tracks.

[Chris Hoadley]

Lots of instruments burn. That was. Can we just rip.

[Brian Green]

Who? Ben and JLo Benefer Dose Benef Bedos. Yeah, but you know, I think Ben is. I think Ben is authentic and organic and I think he. He's really. I think his feelings are really close to the surface. And I don't think Ben deals with super fame really well because I think he's a very emotional kind of person. Right. I think JLO is very manufactured and PR ready and very glossy and she's ready for it. I'm not saying that's good or bad or indifferent. I just think she's very media trained.

[Chris Hoadley]

Different.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, she's just different. A different level of fame, a different level of pop star than Ben Affleck. And I don't think he does well when all of that attention is on him. I think that's not for him. I think he likes to go to Dunkin Donuts and smoke a cigarette. Yeah, that's what I think Ben likes to do. Get a cup of coffee, smoke a cigarette, take a shit, eat a donut, walk around the park. I think that's what Ben likes to do. I don't think he likes, like, you know, 55,000 paparazzi, you know, looking at his every move. And if you see and he doesn't, he wears his heart on his sleeve. You can see when they're in a fight and they're in public or they have a disagreement, you can tell he's, like, snickering at her. I mean, it's just so obvious. Her, on the other hand, she just knows what to do, right? Some people do. That's just the way they are. She's born and bred to be famous, I suppose. All right, backing tracks, vocals. You can hear how slick this production is. This is live, this is a new song. But then I'm gonna stop it and listen to the second part of the song. Oh, wait.

[Chris Hoadley]

That I want to sing for the first time tonight. There's nothing going to stop me. Better than I've ever been.

[Brian Green]

I will let you no longer no longer be part of my history that second part of the song is no auto tune or auto tune fell off or something. And the backing vocals were not there. That I think is pretty indicative of a pop star in 2025. Like all the backing vocals, all the backing tracks, all the auto tune in the world, and when it turns off, it just can't save you. I mean, you know, all of that said, but you do have to give credit to the. It seems like mainly women who are running around the stage for three and a half hours.

[Chris Hoadley]

It's very physical.

[Brian Green]

It's got to be very physical.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, those shows are.

[Brian Green]

I did it. I did it. No auto tune, no auto tune whatsoever. As a matter of fact, I think auto tune probably would have helped the cause.

[Chris Hoadley]

It was invented because of you.

[Brian Green]

Oh, sorry, Jen. I didn't mean to kick you, like, kick you while you were down. Jed. Speaking of no auto tune, I gotta tell you something, and I'm gonna play this for you later on this week. Our editor, our video editor, Kevin. Yeah, He's a musician and he's got videos online of him being a musician, singing and playing. And I just got to say one thing to Kevin. Fuck you. Fuck you. Because I'm a little older than Kevin, probably by like 52 years. I'm a little older than Kevin. And my one dream in life, my one thing, the one thing that I had thought about all my growing up was just being on stage and wooing a crowd with My magical vocals and sweet serenades and gravelly voice. And that didn't work out for me the way I had intended, mainly because I would fall off stage in a drunken stupor.

[Chris Hoadley]

But that's how physical your shows were.

[Brian Green]

That's how physical my shows were. I would fall off stage and get back up and finish the song. Can you do that, J.

[Chris Hoadley]

Lo?

[Brian Green]

But this kid Kevin, he's handsome. He's got a voice to go with it, and he's a talented musician. And I get jealous. Yeah, I get jealous. So I'm going to play his music here on the commercial break. We're going to compare it to some 33 pieces, and we're gonna make a real decision about which one of us deserves the musical fame. Is it Kevin?

[Chris Hoadley]

Are you gonna do this?

[Brian Green]

Video editing.

[Chris Hoadley]

Voting?

[Brian Green]

Yes. No. No. I'm not gonna be embarrassed on my own social media, although I should.

[Chris Hoadley]

We might get over 10,000 with that.

[Brian Green]

I think we would probably. We should put out Kevin's reel instead of our own. Cause then maybe. Maybe we get some traction at that point. Maybe the algorithm would shine on us if we could just have somebody that had talent. We're. We're running on the backs of Venezuela, all the Venezuelans. Kevin's Venezuelan, by the way.

[Chris Hoadley]

I know.

[Brian Green]

All right. We won't do that today, but we're going to do that this week. I think I'm going to pull some clips, and we're going to let you decide who's a better musician, me or Kevin. I already know the answer. I don't even know why I'm gonna put myself through this. All right. Okay. We'll be back.

[Rachel]

Why don't you text us and we can text back and then you can text us in reply, then so on. It's a fun little game I've been playing, and I think you'll be great at it. 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-438-822. You could leave a message, too. If you do, maybe you'll end up being the voice of the show. But be warned, the pay is not great. You could go to the website and drop us an email. Also tcbpodcast.com and while you're there, you can get a free sticker. Who doesn't want a free sticker? Just go to the contact us button and ask for one. Follow us on Insta at the commercial break and watch the [e-mail] the commercial break. Now I'm gonna go back to that texting game. You want to play? Come on. Bye.

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[Brian Green]

All right. In the battle of the sexes, Brian wants to stake one for the guys here. Chrissy Even though I'm not sure I've earned my man card in any way, especially not on this show, me and my Starbucks boyfriend, we want to in the battle of the sexes. I want to nail one for the boys here. It has long been said, and I think we can all agree it's probably some version of true that a man when he's sick and a woman when he's sick. Let's take a man when he has the flu and a woman when they when, when she has the flu. There's no comparison. Men are small children who whine and complain. I do it. I know it's it. I I don't even have to. There's no conjecture about this. I am a big fucking baby. When I get the flu or a viral infection, I'm a small child. I revert back to three years old, four years old. I need my mommy, I want my baba, I need my binky. I need to go to bed. I need to be there for a couple of days. I don't want anyone bothering me. Don't touch me. I hurt. I ache, and all this other stuff. But scientists have been keeping up with this phenomenon, wondering if there's any truth to the matter that men suffer the flu worse than women do. Is it in fact science that men are worse off than women are when they get viral infections?

[Chris Hoadley]

Who did this research?

[Brian Green]

Men.

[Chris Hoadley]

Okay, just want to clear that.

[Brian Green]

Men did the research. Men did the research. Because we have to justify everything we do. And the verdict is in. And the truth is this, and I've been seeing this on a couple of different reels. And then I read like a summary of a study because I don't understand all that jargon, but I read a summary of a study that was done. And men do complain more. They do say they. They register their pain higher, they register their discomfort higher when they have a viral infection than women do. And there are many different reasons for this, but there are a few that are assigned. Many of them have to do with men just being babies in general and not having a threshold for pain that is similar than women. Women give birth right? Men don't do that. And that is apparently one of the more painful things you can go through.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, I would say so.

[Brian Green]

But when women get the flu or a viral infection, estrogen naturally boosts the immunes, the immune system's response more than men. As a matter of fact, testosterone will lower the immune system's response to a viral infection. So testosterone has the opposite intended effect of what is needed in order to get over the viral infection to blunt the worst of it. So women have an extra layer of defense and men don't. Secondarily, there is an inflammatory reaction that happens in your body when you get the flu, the aches, the pains, all that other stuff, the viral infection, you know how it goes that that inflammatory response by men is higher than it is by women. So that. So we are feeling the aches and the pains more because our. We're inflamed more than women are. So these are like the two substantial findings from these scientific studies done by men about why I saw on Instagram about why men are worse off than women when it Comes to the flu. And I'm saying this out loud here on the commercial break because I refuse to tell my wife this. She'll make fun of me additionally. And I don't want that. I want to be left alone when I have a viral infection. I mean, it is true. I don't know what it is. I don't know any. Any man that I've known, any woman that I've dated, any woman that I've been close to. You got you. Girls get the flu, and it's like, oh, yeah, I'm, you know, a half a day in bed, and I'm good. I'm good. I'm going back. Meanwhile, I get the flu, and I'm down for four days. I can't get up. I need help. I mean, and it gets worse as I get older. I'm like, oh, man, I got the. I think it's because I have children and, like, the flu is. Is a legitimate excuse to stay away from the children.

[Chris Hoadley]

Oh, there you go.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I don't want to get them sick. That's what I say. So I get. You know, I. I have to say that this is science. And how can we refute science? We don't refute science around here at the commercial break. We live embrace science. We embrace it. So next time I have the flu, I don't want to hear any bitching and complaining about Brian. Such a baby. I'm not. I'm just. My cyclotones, or whatever they call them, are in high gain.

[Chris Hoadley]

Your testosterone is. Is defeating me.

[Brian Green]

Well, it's.

[Chris Hoadley]

It's hindering me.

[Brian Green]

I'm not so sure about my testosterone specifically. I think I have low t. I think I have extra estrogen, actually, going on. I have extra estrogen.

[Chris Hoadley]

You need to load up on Y, Brian 3000.

[Brian Green]

Y, Brian 3000. Good for the flu, bad for the flu. Good for your dick, Good for your boscolo. Bad for the flu. The boscolo. I'm still having a hard time rapping my stuff. Head around that Eric entre story.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, that would be surprising.

[Brian Green]

I would freak out. Listen, I had a friend one time ask me a question. His name is Raphael. And this is the exact type of question that would come from Raphael. Would it be gay if a man gave you a hand job? And I was like, I think so. I don't. You know. Yes. I mean, gay in the sense that, like, is that a he he was talking about? I mean, I can explain this without making Raphael sound too weird.

[Chris Hoadley]

Did this involve a tantric class? I Feel like, I feel like there's no rules in the, in the, in the realm of the tantric.

[Brian Green]

There is no rules in the realm of the tantric. It, you know, would it be gay if. Guys, there's a, Let me, let me start here. There is a whole online community of dudes. The guy who's talking about, we talked about this. This guy went on like, the, the Bert Kreischer Show. You've probably seen him. He's a weird, like, hippie dude. He's drinking his own pee. He's sunning his manhole. He's smelling his own man musk. He's, he's whacking off with other guys.

[Chris Hoadley]

Oh, that's right.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, they do, like, retreat. Yeah, they have a whack off retreat.

[Chris Hoadley]

And they gather around the tree.

[Brian Green]

It's actually a zoom phone call. And they do it like once a week and they all whack off together. Right? It's called, it's like a whacking circle. Now, he claims there are some benefits, that this is like going back to the roots of caveman days. And, you know, this is how men did it in the Roman times. You know, they whacked each other off and they whacked off together. And it showed how strong and virile you were and was. It raised your testosterone and it did this and it did that. Okay, maybe, I don't know. Maybe doesn't sound like something I'm interested in. But it's not, it's not for me. To each their own. So I think Raphael was talking about something similar to this long before Instagram was telling us that this is the thing that actually happens. He was saying that, not. He wasn't asking me to get involved. He was just like, what do you think? And I was like, well, I don't know.

[Chris Hoadley]

He wasn't asking me to get involved.

[Brian Green]

I, I, I, oh. He wasn't asking me to be a part of it. He wasn't asking me to do it to him. Let's put it that way. He was asking me if he did it to me. No kidding. Where am I going with this? I don't know. I dug myself a hole where I can't get out of. No more talking about whacking each other off. I don't know. There's always this part of me, if I'm being real honest, that, like, dances this line of, like, yeah, maybe we should abort. I dance. I could care less who you love. I could care less what you do with your sex life. I just think it's important that you be loved and that you're able to do what you want in your sex as long as it's not harming anybody else. And it's consensual.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

That you'd be able to do whatever it is you want to do. I am honestly so pro love and prologue. Yeah, exactly. I'm pro. All of it. Pro love, pro sex. Whatever that looks like for you. Whatever. Whatever freak you have. Freak it on, man. Get it on. I don't care. Right. When I. When a. Like a question like that comes my way, I don't want to sound like anti love and free sex.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

I don't want to sound, you know, like I have something against people being gay or gay activity. I don't. It's just not my personal predilection. It's not my personal thing. That doesn't mean I. I'm not okay with other people doing it. Go for it. You want to have a whacking circle? Have a wacking circle. Cool, dude. Have a wacking circle. Yeah.

[Chris Hoadley]

It's not for you.

[Brian Green]

It's not for me.

[Chris Hoadley]

You're pro if it's for other people, I'm pro.

[Brian Green]

If it's other people, God bless you. Right. And so when I hear that Eric Andre story and I think about, like, I put myself in a similar situation, I think that just like with Raphael, I'd start to oscillate between whether. I don't want to offend anybody while you're down there. I don't want to offend you. I don't want to make you feel bad for your personal sexual choices. What do I do? How do I handle it? Right. But I think I would freak out. I would be like, oh, whoa, whoa. That's not what I meant. That's when I said it to you.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah. Well, you did the flip with a woman, so I did the flip with.

[Brian Green]

A woman, so maybe I would prefer the Eric Andre story. At least then Astrid could feel secure that I just love her.

[Chris Hoadley]

You're a one woman.

[Brian Green]

Well, I'm a one woman kind of man. However, guys, three or four of them. Yeah. We get together on a Zoom call and we whack it. I mean, when I saw that guy doing those Zoom phone calls, I thought, this is wild. This is wild. But. And some people think it's a parody account, but I. I don't think so. I think the guy is actually really into it. Cool. Dude, if.

[Chris Hoadley]

Are you into Community for everyone?

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I wonder if anybody out there in our audience or is into zoom. Whacking is into zoom. Whacking is into, like, this wacky way out there, like, tantra, tribal type of sexual activity. I wonder, and I would love to hear if you are. You don't have to give me name or anything. Just text us to. Just give me your phone number. 212-4333, TCB. I. I would love to hear about it. I honestly would have somebody on the show just to have a conversation about. I wish I get Raphael to come on the show and have a conversation about it. But he's sworn off the commercial break a long time ago. I think he listened to episode one, maybe half of two, and he decided it's not for him, but it's not for everybody, including my best friend. Yeah. My other best friend. He wants to have nothing to do with him. Yeah, Yeah. I got one best friend roped in, but she's never asked me to be in a whacking circle. Not yet, anyway.

[Chris Hoadley]

What we do for the show, though, you know, research.

[Brian Green]

Hey, listen, now, when it comes to the commercial break, I have a chip on my shoulder. I'm almost willing to do anything. Whacking circle sounds good. Let's do it right here in the studio. Clear the kids on the big screen. On the big screen. We're having a whacking circle.

[Chris Hoadley]

Light a candle.

[Brian Green]

We're inviting Phil Hamlin.

[Chris Hoadley]

Play some instrumental deck. Yes.

[Brian Green]

That. Yes. Some elevator dead. I'll play some elevator dead. We'll get some scented candles. I'll get some of that lube I got free with the car masturbator. I bought that one time.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

The VW bus or the. In the back of it. There you go. All right. Well, another interesting episode of the commercial.

[Chris Hoadley]

Know where it's going to lead?

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I wonder how many people are at the office turning us down right now.

[Chris Hoadley]

Quietly put it in their headphones.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Oh, qu. Putting in the headphones so they can turn it to smartless. Smartless. Whatever Conan's talking about today. How's Rogan doing?

[Chris Hoadley]

I like to provide variety.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, Variety is the spices. Sometimes you gotta have a wagon circle. That's just how it goes, according to some people out there on the Internet.

[Chris Hoadley]

You could also, like, on your other screen, have a. A picture of a tree.

[Brian Green]

A tree? Yes. A wacking tree. Down there by the wacking tree. Down by the crick. Over by the wacking tree. They did say they had a wacking tree.

[Chris Hoadley]

They did.

[Brian Green]

They did. And I always have wondered what that meant. The wacking truth.

[Chris Hoadley]

Now we know. I think we know.

[Brian Green]

I think we I think we have a pretty educated guess about what the wacket was. All right. 212-4333 tcb212 4333822 questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas, wack and tree. You let us know tcb podcast.com all the information about Chrissy and I audio, video and your free sticker at the commercial commercial break on Instagram TCB podcast on tick tock and YouTube.com the commercial break for all the episodes on video same day they are here on the audio. Okay Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.

[Chris Hoadley]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

I love you.

[Chris Hoadley]

I love you.

[Brian Green]

Best you you and best you out there on the podcast universe. Until next time we will say, we do say and we must say goodbye.

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[Rachel]

Amazon. Amazon.

[Brian Green]

Gastamenos. Sonrimas.