St. James the Trainer

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Commercial Break – "St. James the Trainer"

Date: January 23, 2026
Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley
Guest/Characters: James the Trainer, Rachel (voice of God)

---

Overview

In this sprawling, chaotic, and characteristically hilarious episode, Bryan and Krissy reconvene to discuss their latest life calamities: winter storm panic in Georgia, bizarre home repairs, gym woes, and the relentless pursuit of self-improvement (or something like it). The heart of the episode circles around Bryan's gym adventures and his persistent, overly enthusiastic trainer, James—a recurring character who serves up equal parts judgment and fitness advice, to Bryan's delight and horror. True to The Commercial Break's improvisational style, the conversation is peppered with tangents, personal anecdotes, pop culture quips, and live audience interactions.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Winter Storm Anxiety in Georgia

• Regional Chaos: Bryan and Krissy riff on how even the suggestion of a winter storm drives locals into a panic, despite those up North shrugging it off.
• Preparation Tactics: Essentials for Bryan: hot dogs, buns, Smarties, and secrecy from his kids about the candy stash.
  • “For us in Georgia, it’s like waiting to see if you get hit over the head with a pan.” – Bryan (01:20)
• Plumbing Fears: They debate the Armageddon scenarios—burst pipes versus power outages—and Bryan details his modern “PVX” piping and water heater woes.
  • “You get old, you can’t have hard candy anymore. That's just the way of the world, kids.” – Bryan (02:00)

2. The Horrors of Home Ownership

• Crawl Spaces & Creature Encounters: Both hosts share stories of terrifying basements and crawl spaces, complete with animal remains and “arrangements” with unseen basement dwellers.
  • “There are lined up on the floor of the garage…60 squirrel skeletons that have been pieced together by Scott. Well, first of all, Scott, what are you doing?” – Bryan (08:00)
• DIY Disasters: Bryan admits ignorance when it comes to DIY, relaying stories of backwards HVAC filters and near destruction of equipment.
  • “Are you having problems with your HVAC? That's because it's pulling no air because you put it in backwards.” – Bryan recalling a conversation with a store clerk (12:01)

3. Dead Animal Stories

• Bryan delivers a particularly gross highlight, describing the decomposing cat found in a whole-house fan at the old Vinings Inn, producing the worst smell ever experienced.
  • “When we turned on the whole house fan…it ran for about half a second and then a bunch of liquid fell out, including what we assumed was coagulated blood.” – Bryan (16:48)

4. Gym Adventures: The Legend of James the Trainer

(See timestamps 18:11, 29:59, 34:00+)

a. Return to the Gym

• Bryan attempts to stealthily work out at Crunch Fitness but finds himself repeatedly ambushed by staff recruited to upsell training, especially "James the Trainer".
  • “I just wanted to know how you check in—now that I know, can I use the tanning bed real quick?” – Bryan (30:43)

b. James’s Relentless Pursuit

• James, an earnest if slightly dense trainer, stalks Bryan throughout his workout, insisting on discussing 2026 fitness goals.
  • “Hey, Brian, I just wanted to talk to you about your technique a little bit. Cause I noticed. We all noticed.” – James (35:20)
• Bryan describes unintentionally performing hundreds of reps with almost no weight, attempting to look busy and avoid James.
  • “It’s clear that I need help. It’s clear that I need help. I don’t even know how to work the machine.” – Bryan (33:21)
• The absurdity escalates as James critiques Bryan’s technique, tries to enroll him in sessions, and brings a trainee to watch Bryan's questionable form.
  • “Can we put this up on our Instagram? Local Crunch Fitness. 600,000 members appreciate it.” – James (41:58)

c. Trainer Sales Tactics

• Krissy and Bryan lampoon the classic "first session free" scam, where most of the time is spent upselling expensive packages.
  • “It’s an hour long session. For 45 minutes, we’re sitting at a table and I take your license, so you can’t leave.” – James (38:03, satirical)

d. Gym Paranoia in 2026

• Jokes about not knowing gym etiquette—where looking at anyone is risky—and the lengths Bryan goes to not make eye contact.
  • “Instead of me just staring straight ahead, I have dirty, shifty eyes. I’m like...” – Bryan (32:13)

5. Irreverent Parenting & Family Talk

• Bryan discusses his kids, including a “three-nager” whose mischievous tendencies remind him of his own younger self.
  • “She’s ready to sneak out of the house and start snorting cocaine. That is the kind of person she is.” – Bryan (21:23)
• Debates on nature vs nurture, early signs of psychopathy (tongue-in-cheek), and his “distaste for authority”.

6. Grocery Store Sociology

• Remarkably, the winter storm brings out surprising friendliness at the local Kroger.
  • “People were being really nice to each other and I thought, yep, there’s still some humanity left.” – Bryan (58:38)
• Price-gouging and the new age of digital price discrimination at grocery stores comes up.
  • “There could be up to a $50 difference in what you buy and what I buy, and we’re buying the same thing.” – Bryan (48:11)

7. Other Tangents & Listener Interactions

• The value of Aldi and gas station food, the mythos of Chuck E. Cheese pizza, and “trainers” populating every corner.
• Live chat audience suggestions and jokes are woven in, adding to the improvisational anarchy.
• Notable shoutout to Billy Gardell, upcoming episode plans, and musings on podcast scheduling.

---

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On basement creatures:
  “I have an agreement with the things living down there…Stay there. I stay here.” – Bryan (06:23)

• On dumb DIY:
  “Are you having problems with your H vac? That’s because it’s pulling no air because you put it in backwards.” – HVAC clerk, relayed by Bryan (12:01)

• On James the Trainer’s persistence:
  “Thought I’d stop by and talk to you about your 2026 goals.” – James (34:28)
  “Honestly, James, let me just finish this set and, you know, I’m trying to hit the tanning bed and then I’m gonna go.” – Bryan (37:34)

• On gym etiquette:
  “You don’t know who to look at or who not to…Looking at someone is like an offense.” – Bryan (32:02)

• On trainer upsells:
  “That’s right. It’s an hour long session. For 45 minutes, we’re sitting at a table and I take your license, so you can’t leave.” – James, spoofing the trainer sales pitch (38:03)

• On storm panic:
  “This ice and snowstorm brought to you by Home Depot, Kroger, and Walmart, because they make a killing as everyone goes crazy.” – Bryan (55:42)

---

Important Timestamps

• Winter Storm & Home Stuff: 01:11–08:00
• Squirrel Skeletons & Crawl Spaces: 08:00–13:00
• Dead Cat in the Attic Story: 13:26–17:46
• Gym/James the Trainer Segment Start: 18:11, 29:59, deep dive at 34:00
• James Confronts Bryan on Workout Form: 34:00–39:30
• James Returns with Even More Judgement: 40:26–43:11
• Kroger Sociological Observations: 46:04–58:38

---

Recurring Gags & Tonal Highlights

• “2026 Goals”: Every gym staffer is laser-focused on Bryan’s “goals”—though he has none.
• Trainer Surveillance: Bryan details extensive and comical efforts to avoid both unwanted coaching and direct eye contact.
• Chaotic, Unstructured Banter: The intentionally meandering structure, random asides, and affectionate verbal abuse are the hallmarks of the show’s style, making listeners feel like they’re eavesdropping on a comedic private conversation.
• Audience Participation: The live chat offers an extra layer of running jokes, feeding the hosts with fresh one-liners and sarcastic suggestions.

---

Conclusion

Packed with wild stories, absurdist humor, and the never-ending gym saga with James the Trainer, this episode is a quintessential slice of The Commercial Break’s style: improvisational, irreverent, and deeply self-aware. Whether staving off crawlspace horrors, grocery store battles, or unsolicited fitness advice, Bryan and Krissy’s banter is the comedic glue that holds together the chaos, making even the most mundane disasters uproariously entertaining.

---

Best to you, kittens, stay safe—and remember, James is always watching.

Transcript

[James]

On this episode of the commercial break.

[Brian Green]

Hi, Brad. I go, did your stomach drop a little bit? Yes, it did.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I go, were you like, I thought. It's yourself. Were you like, I thought I had eyes on him.

[Brian Green]

I thought I did. He was over there. And then all of a sudden, he's right behind me. He's like, here. Because I have my earphones in.

[James]

Hi, Brian.

[Brian Green]

No, he goes, hi, Brian. And I go, excuse me.

[James]

And he goes, brian, we met the other day.

[Brian Green]

No, my name is Brian.

[James]

Oh, Brian, that's right. Good to see you. Thought I'd stop by and talk to you about your 20, 26 goals.

[Brian Green]

Oh, God. I go, yeah, now not a great time. I'm in the middle of 300 reps.

[James]

The next episode of the commercial break starts now.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah. Guys and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co host of this show, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Best to you, Brian.

[Brian Green]

Best to you. Out there in the podcast universe, almost 100 million people under a winter storm advisory. Whatever will we do? I don't know. For us in Georgia, it's like waiting to see if you get hit over the head with a pan.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Exactly.

[Rachel]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

So I bought all the essentials. Hot dogs, buns, Smarties. I got smart. I'm all smartied up. Yeah, I got.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You gave me some of that.

[Brian Green]

Five of these a day. I'll ration them out and I won't let my children know. No, ma'. Am.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Careful of your tooth.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, the smarties weren't the ones that did it to my tooth. It was the. Yeah, Sweetheart. The sweet tarts. Yes, the sweethearts. Which I had to give up because my dentist did not approve. No, you get old. You can't have hard candy anymore. That's just the way that. It's the way of the world, kids. It's the way of the world I'm always jealous of. You know, sometimes I see, like, I don't know who it is, one of my friends, but he's older than I am and he's always chewing on, like, a mint. Like, you know, hard mints. And I'm like, how do you do that without killing you?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He's got veneers.

[Brian Green]

That's right. So. Yep. So we're all waiting to see exactly what happens with this winter storm. I think for some people, it's clearly obvious, but those people are prepared. Those people live in places where nothing is. Nothing is going to surprise them. They will be just fine. Tennessee Tennessee, Kentucky, the Carolinas, up in. Through New York and Virginia. And what are those other states? New Hampshire. The places we forget about New Hampshire, Vermont. They can handle it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh yeah, they're used to it.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. We will not handle it. It will be Armageddon here, I'm sure of it. I'm just praying I don't go without power for more than.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's the thing. Powers or burst pipes. That's the other thing. Don't forget about that.

[Brian Green]

I don't worry about that so much because I have pvx and pvx is the. Like the new. It's pvc, but it's new. It's the new stuff in most houses if you get your house re plumbed or if you've just built a house, you have pvx and it's meant to expand and contract. It's got flexibility in it so they will not burst. I also have a circulator, a water heater. Circulator.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

So it's a water heater?

[Brian Green]

Yes, my water heater working. Fantastic.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Thank God that all happened before this.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Amen. Thank God it happened while Daniel was here. Exactly. But I. You think I would have been able to fix that shit by myself? Fuck no.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No. You had guys giving you cards and depot.

[Brian Green]

They were. They saw a sucker a mile away. They were ready to charge me $1,000 just to diagnose the problem. And I know I would have needed it. I know they would have recommended any plumber come in here that would have come in here, would not have fixed the problem. They would have been like new water heater. That's what you need. And I. And it's only five years old.

[James]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

You should buy a new water heater every 30 years.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, our house is a hundred years old and so I don't.

[Brian Green]

What do you got down there? You got like. I don't know, there's like steam pipes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I don't know. Y.

[Brian Green]

Like you have to go downstairs. Jeff has to go downstairs and release the whistle.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Have really fully investigated any of that situation.

[Brian Green]

So you have a damper in your house or you turn up or down the moisture. Yeah. Coal, you gotta go feed it. Shoveling coal. Jeff put some more coal in the hot water boiler. You got a boiler down there? Yes. It's like the Titanic on land.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I don't know. There could be little men living down there. That would be.

[Brian Green]

You've never been down there?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I mean I. Down there. But just to quickly change out the air filtering.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, here's the other Thing. So the same day that my water heater went out, I noticed that this other side of the house was cold. It was like set at 68 or 69, but it was 65. And I was like, that's weird. You know. And then it said auxiliary heat. Now aux heat. Now I have a heat pump. And it does do this. It will turn itself pumping heat and then it spins the other way and pumps in some cool air to cool itself down. Right. So that's what auxiliary heat is. So I know enough to. That it's not totally strange that it's auxiliary heat, But I also know enough that it shouldn't be struggling to make the house 68 degrees.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

So I go outside the condenser, the thing that's outside your house, the fan that's outside your house. Completely frozen solid block of ice. But it's 58 degrees outside. So I'm like 55 degrees outside. So I'm like, oh, that's not good. That can't be good. So I go downstairs. My crawl space is a very scary nightmare of a place.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I don't like the crawl space at all.

[Brian Green]

Hate it. Hate it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

There could be little things that start out. I've never seen. I've never actually seen anything down there. And I mean, I've been down there, I don't know, 10 times, three years. But you know, there could be.

[Brian Green]

There is. They're there.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I've seen webs and I've seen different things.

[Brian Green]

I don't see webs. What I see are little scratch marks. I can see poop in the corners. Ah, dropping. Yeah. I know that there's some things that are living down there. And I have an agreement with the things that are living down there.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Stay there. I stay here.

[Brian Green]

Don't come up in the walls.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Right.

[Brian Green]

Stay down here. And whatever trickling of water is somewhere that you can get. I'm cool with that. And if you. You can find any food in this crawl space after a hundred years. Because my house also is. Yeah. About 90, 80 years old. The original frame of the house was built. Did I tell you what? We used to have this garage. I don't know if you remember, but there was this huge. Yeah. Before we renovated, this house, where my bedroom is now was just a big open garage. We're talking 30 foot ceilings. It was 40ft deep. And it was just this open garage. There was no garage door. There was no door to it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Like some big caddy.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I mean, I don't know, like, I don't know what they were Parking in there. Maybe that's where the boiler was originally. I guess. I don't know. So this big open garage that was literally taking up 500 square feet. And we would just put shit in there. There was like a. That's where Daniel's workbench was vaguely. Remember this? Okay.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

So when we started demoing the house, my friend Scott and I started demoing the garage. First we. There was this paneling, like this faux wood paneling, Right. That was all around and so. And this paneling was huge. It was like, you know, 20ft high. And then, of course, then like the. The brick wall at the bottom of the house, the foundation. So Scott and I started ripping it down, Right. And we were ripping it down one way to the other.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'm picturing like those shows I watch on hgtv. You've got the sledgehammer out and let's do it.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Demo day.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Isn't demo day fun?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it's fun for a minute.

[James]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And then you're like, it's hot outside. Let Scott do it. I gotta go to Home Depot for something. I'm not sure. And when I go to Home Depot, I'm not there for a few minutes. I don't know what I'm looking for and I don't know where it. So I'll be there forever. Hey, everybody in the chat. So lots of people excited, including the guy who still wants to get us a million views. Listen, I'll talk to you later about that. So the paneling, Scott. So we start one way and we're going to go around. And I halfway. I make an excuse. I got to go. I'll see you later. I come back the next day, and this is a non exaggerated story. There are lined up on the floor of the garage, the cement floor of the garage. There are 60 squirrel skeletons. Oh. That have been pieced together by Scott. Well, first of all, Scott, what are you doing? Why are we piecing together squirrel skeletons? Second of all, what had happened was one of the squirrels got up into the top of the wood paneling. And maybe there was food or stuff, the whole family. Or maybe they wanted to make a nest.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

And so he chewed through the wood and then he fell down to the bottom, thinking the squirrel was probably thinking, I can make a nest in here. But he fell down to the bottom. Then many other squirrels tried the same thing or went to go help their buddy. And it was like we ended up with like 60. It was like Scott took a picture of it. It was like, skeleton. Oh, my God, that's crazy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That sounds like a little dungeon type thing.

[Brian Green]

So I moment with the creatures that live down under the house. The. It that. The clown that I think is down there ready to eat my children. You stay down here and we are all good.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

There's been a little spider in my bathroom for like two weeks. And I don't. It's just crawling around the wall and doing stuff. And I'm like, cool, dude, do your thing. I'm not touching you. You don't touch me. As long as you. As long as I can see you and you can see me, we're good. I'm good. But I know there are creatures down there, so I go down there, I crawl. The further you get into the house, the smaller it gets.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Why is that?

[Brian Green]

Because of the. Because of the, like the way that the foundations were built back then. They essentially just built a brick wall around the house. And then they would put, you know, rafters. Like now the. Usually a foundation is encased in cement, right. There's a cement floor. And then they put cement walls up to hold up the house. Even if you don't have a basement.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

It's. You're sitting on cement and it's flat now. But back then, crawl spaces, they would just build brick walls around the edges of the house. So an outline of the house. And then they would strap, you know.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Because I can walk into ours. I'm ducking a little bit also because I'm scared.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. I can walk in and crouch. But then. Yeah, all the way back on the other side. I see. You would have to get on your belly, like.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And I'm not. I'm never doing.

[Brian Green]

I don't want to. I'm not volunteer doing that. I'm not volunteering to do that. But that is where they. I felt bad for the guys who had. When we did the renovation, who had to completely redo the H Vac system down there, or Scott, who did all of the plumbing down there. He had to get to the very corner of the house where the kitchen is. And he said he was like pulling himself by the rafters and he was hitting his nose on the rafters. No, I don't have to go that far, but I have to be on. I have to be on my belly to get there to the H Vac unit, the new one on this side of the house that's giving us trouble. That's frozen like a fudgeing ice block. So I. I'm like, filter. It's always the fucking filter. The filter. But I just changed the filter like five months ago. You should be able to go like eight months with a filter and not.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Have every like three months.

[Brian Green]

I know, but they. Who are they? What do they know?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The experts.

[Brian Green]

The experts, that's right. The H vac guys, probably they who have to come replace the H vac unit. So I crawl all the way down there, I pull out the filter and it's completely clean on one side. Completely. Like, not dirty, but just like full of like micro dust on the other side. And I'm like, that's weird. Usually they're like dirty on both sides, right? And I think that's weird. So I take a picture of everything, just so when I get to Home Depot I don't forget and I can tell the guy what I'm looking at, right? So I'm like, hey, dude, you know, I'm looking for this filter, but this last filter didn't really look all that dirty. And he's like, it doesn't look all that dirty because you put it in backwards. And then he goes, let me ask you a question. Are you having problems with your H vac? And I go, yeah, actually, it's a block of ice. He goes, that's because it's pulling no air because you put it in backwards. He's like, you're lucky you didn't blow that thing up. And I'm like, really? Is that being dramatic? And he's like, no, there's a reason why there's an arrow on the filter and an arrow inside of the machine that says, put filter this way, dumbass. Someone says they had the same issue with opossum in their house. The possum fell down and got in the. Yeah, that's not good.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, when we first moved into our house, there was this awful smell in this one closet and dead animal.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It was like a chipmunk or something. And in order to get into it and get it out of there, we would have had to like completely rip through the wall and do all this stuff.

[Brian Green]

So what did you do?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

We had to just leave it and kind of let the stink go, air it out. We bought all this industrial smell stuff and.

[Brian Green]

Are you ready for the most horrific story you've ever heard? Do you want to hear it?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Okay. If you're eating lunch, I forgive you. If you're gone, I forgive you. If you're gone. If you're eating lunch. If you're queasy, don't listen to the next seven minutes of the show. Fast forward through the next commercial. Through the first commercial break. I worked at old Vining Zen.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

All right. Yep.

[Brian Green]

Old Vining Zen is a old inn. That's what it is. It's an old inn that. And it was built in like the 1800s, back during the civil, like, survived the civil war. It's in a place called Vinings. It is a house, essentially. So they turned it into a restaurant.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Right.

[Brian Green]

And the upstairs, what they called the addict bar, was the place where I would, you know, I've talked a lot. There's a lot of stories about the old attic bar. Right. A lot of shenanigans going on in that attic bar.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I can only imagine.

[Brian Green]

But the upstairs had a low ceiling. It was like eight foot ceiling, seven foot ceilings. It was not high. It was a couple feet above your head. And the attic bar was probably a little bit bigger than this room. Maybe twice the size of this room. Okay. So we're talking like 20 by 20, not very big. And we would put a band in the corner. It was crazy. And then we would have like, you know, 100 people. And then standing room only. It got crazy in there on Friday and Saturday nights till 2 or 3 in the morning anyway. It had a whole house fan, like a lot of them do. But we didn't use the whole house fan because we actually had air conditioning units. So we never used the whole house fan. The whole house fan that had survived some version of the hundred, 200 years that has been around. So we are up there on a very sweltering summer afternoon.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

What is the whole house fan?

[Brian Green]

Whole house fan is a fan that you turn on that sucks air through the house. Oh, we actually had one in this house. Yeah, it's just a big fan that's in the ceiling. It's huge though. It's probably like 3ft by 3ft. A lot of houses have them. You can turn them on, you can open the windows, and it just sucks air through. Cools off the attic, first of all. Second of all, on a nice day, it can pull the air into your house. So it feels circulation. Yeah, so it feels good. So there were tables at old tiny, little tiny, like two person tables. And we had like 12, six, 12 of them inside of this little room. And we started to notice that there was stuff dripping from the. From the whole house fan. Water dripping from the whole house fan.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Condensation.

[Brian Green]

Condensation. And okay, you know, it was falling on the table. We'd swipe it up. Some people had complained, like, there's water dripping on my table. You know, at night, blah, blah, blah, blah. This went on for a couple of days. And then after about a week of 90 plus degree weather, the water started turning into liquid, like some kind of liquid. They're like, oh, that's weird. And it was kind of coming down out of the fan and we're like, ah, that's weird. And. And then we noticed a smell and we were like, that's really not good. And after a couple of more days, that smell was over. Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

A dead animal smell.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Overwhelming. It smelled like. You know what a dead animal smells like. And so there were guys that were doing construction. We were doing a renovation downstairs. And so we said, let's turn on the hull house fan. Let's turn it on. And we turned on the whole house fan. And when we turned it on, it ran for about half a second.

[James]

Oh.

[Brian Green]

And then a bunch of liquid fell out of the bottom, including what we assumed was coagulated blood.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, God.

[Brian Green]

And we all screamed. We were all out of there. We're like, that's enough. And we convinced for $100 some of the construction workers to go up there to figure out what was going on, clean it out and figure it out. And what they pulled out of there was a cat. That's what they pulled out of there. A cat had gotten into the top of the old Vining Zen and it found its way into. Somehow got stuck into the fan and died. Probably from the heat. Right. From its 90 degree weather being so hot up there, it probably died. But I will tell you that I will never seen anything like that until I started watching the pit. And I have never smelled anything like that until you reminded me of the terribleness of a dead animal.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

We had a dead possum out here in front of our house, and I could smell it in the house. I swear to God I could. I was like, that is overwhelming.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

How do you work in a morgue now? I. I never. I always used to think it was dramatic when you'd like, you know, silence of the Lambs. They were like. They had that scene where it's like putting the stuff out of the nose. Yeah. The Noxzema, whatever it is, the Vicks Vapor rub under your nose. And it's. I always thought that was dramatic until you smell a dead animal and then, you know. So I hope you all enjoyed your lunch. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

On that happy note.

[Brian Green]

On that happy note, I also do have to tell you, and we'll be talking about this, that I did find a way to make it back to the gym. And I did get accosted by our friend, the trainer.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

James.

[Brian Green]

James.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

James.

[Brian Green]

James the trainer.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I can't wait.

[Brian Green]

Which is his real name. So I hope he's listening as I wear a commercial break sweater to the gym.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You're proud of me for going back?

[Brian Green]

I did. I said, okay, well, I'm paying for it. And actually, I didn't feel good. I got this damn cough cold thing going on forever and ever and now I'm like, not feeling good too, you know? It's like first it was just a cough and I was fine. What is it, that Special K? What is going around? EK2 or something?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I don't know.

[Brian Green]

There's like the cold flu. EK2. Why, why in the world am I wasting my time getting a flu shot when it never seems to be the right flu shot? You know what I'm saying? Why am I doing that?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know.

[Brian Green]

I don't know.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I got mine though, and I haven't been sick. Knock on wood.

[Brian Green]

Someone says they work in vascular and we have smells like that. Okay, what is vascular? And it's going to take a couple veins like you work with. You're a phlebotomist. Is that what you do? Someone on our stream share more about me. I will get back to James. I will talk about James in the next segment. Yes, we'll talk about that. We're by the way, join us on the streams every Tuesday and Thursday. Today we started a little later than we normally do because I had to move furniture in the rain because of my wife, I have to move furniture in the rain. Furniture we owned a long time ago and sold it. Now somehow we became possessed with it again. Full of cat hair and dust, driving me crazy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, God.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I guess vascular. That would be blood. You're working with blood. Oh, vascular surgery. Ah, Yeah. I guess when you cut somebody open, it probably doesn't smell good, huh? Well, I have been in births and I have been in C sections and I will tell you, there are smells. It's just part of the. Part of the deal. Part of the body part of the deal. When they take your wife's guts out and put them on a table, hand them over there. We were looking at. One of my daughters had a birthday party and we were looking at pictures. Oh. Veins and arteries. So decaying flesh due to no blood flow. Got it? Yeah. Okay. 10, 4.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Like in the legs.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah. God bless you. You're a saint. I don't know how y' all do that. I mean, I don't get queasy with blood, but I wouldn't want to work around it every day. So we're looking at these pictures. It's my daughter's birthday, so you want to see pictures of the lead. Like, you know, we take a lot of pictures before all the births, like during the pregnancy and then the day of, and then at the hospital, and then getting ready and kissing the baby and the whole nine yards. And we. I found my. I guess I got brave on the third one. And I looked. I took some pictures over the. The guard.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, oh, oh.

[Brian Green]

And I was freaked out by the pictures I took. I didn't even know I had taken these pictures. I was freaked out. I was like, oh, oh. So I. I take the phone away from her real quick, like, you know, oh, you don't need to see that. And she goes, no, I want to see. And I'm like, no, you don't. She was fascinated by the pictures. I'm like, early signs of a psychopath right there. Got to watch that one. Yeah, got to watch that one. I will be keeping one of those.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

She's a little devilish. She is so cute, though.

[Brian Green]

She is the cutest thing you have ever seen in your entire life. But she is a mix of my boy and my girl. My boy, who's incredibly intelligent and extremely sweet. Very innocent, very sweet. My girl, who's already a. She's not three, but she's a three. Nager. She's already a three. Nager wants dresses and makeup and all this other stuff. And then we have a third one that is like a mix of the two with the worst impulses of Brian already she's ready to sneak out of the house and start snorting cocaine. That is the kind of person she is. And so I got my eye directly on her, and I don't take no shit from her. Yeah, she. She wants me 24 hours a day because she. Because I think she knows I'm the only one who's going to keep her in check, because I know. I've been there. You can't outsmart the joker. You just can't do it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

They're not going to be able to get anything past you.

[Brian Green]

No. No, you're not. Sorry. I mean, you might slip one by the goalie here or there, but generally, I'm going to be pretty in tune with what's going on. I did. I always gave in to my worst impulses. Always. I was extremely impulsive. I didn't care what anybody else said. I had an extreme distaste for Authority. Authority. I would never, like, spit in a police officer's face. No, no, no, no. I wouldn't do that. I'm too smart for that. I would go around the back of the police officer. There you go.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You just want to do what you wanted to do.

[Brian Green]

I wanted to do what I wanted to do. Be a leader, just not of a prison gang. We did just start. Shannon. I think that's Shannon. I can't read very well, but I think we did just start. It's the first segment, and we're doing, like, hour and a half long shows now that we're going live. So you guys keep talking, and we just keep talking also. All right, so let's do this. Let's take our first break. What you didn't miss is that I have been back to the gym for a second time and. And I got accosted by James. I will share with you all of that.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Can't wait.

[Brian Green]

And then kisses and hugs to everybody out in the streets.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes. Thanks for joining.

[Brian Green]

Thanks for joining it. We'll be back.

[Rachel]

Hey, it's Rachel, your new voice of God here on tcb. And just like you, I'm wondering just how much longer this podcast can continue. Let's all rejoice that another episode has made it to your ears. And I'll rejoice that my check is in the mail. So, speaking of mail, get your free TCB sticker in the mail by going to tcbpodcast.com and visiting the contact us page. You can also find the entire commercial break library, audio and video, just in case you want to look at [e-mail]. want your voice to be on an episode of the show? Leave us a message at 212-4333, TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Tell us how much you love us and we'll be sure to let the world know on a future episode. Or you could make fun of us. That'd be fine, too. We might not air that, but maybe. Oh, and if you're shy, that's okay. Just send a text. We'll respond. Now I'm gonna go check the mailbox for payment while you check out our sponsors. And then we'll return to this episode of the commercial break.

[Frankie B]

I've been putting in the work. I've been working out hard. I've been trying my best to make it this long. I've been driving so fast. I've been living so tough. I've been waxing my balls. Will it ever be enough why won't you look at my body? Why do you cheat on me? Don't you love my money? All my san on sweets I'm such a lonely Frankie B. I've seen a lot of action I've been around the world But I just can't find a lady who wants to be my girl I've been getting new hair plucks I've never been so tan I'm living with my daughter Eating tuna from a can why won't you look at my body? Why do your friends hate me? Don't I impress you, honey with my. And I'm Swee I'm such a lonely Frankie babe. I know we could be lovers I know I'm just your type why don't you come to my place? I'll touch your face Please, girl, swipe right.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Frankie B]

Why won't you look at my body? Why do you cheat on me? Don't you love my body? With my sister salon Sweet why won't look at my body?

[Brian Green]

All right. Good old Frankie B. I love Frankie. I think Frankie put out a new video. Maybe we'll have to do that. I got to figure out how to put it up on the live screen, though. That's the. That's the. Well, I think I can do it. I think we did it one time, didn't we? Did we put a video? I don't know. I don't know about anything anymore.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know.

[Brian Green]

Do you think I remember anything? Look at me.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I think we did do it one time.

[Brian Green]

I fried myself to death. My brain is like egg. Put myself in a microwave. I do have to say there is a distinct advantage to going to. I'm going to Crunch Fitness. And I like Crunch Fitness for two reasons. Number one is highly entertaining. Highly entertaining. Those gyms are huge. And for the most part, it is not beefcakes and beauty pageants. Like when I went to LA Fitness many years ago, when I went to LA Fitness, it was a lot of that. It was a lot peacocking. Peacocking and piggy fronting. These guys do some reps with me. No, I don't do any reps with you. What are you talking about? Remember there was that guy? There was a guy that. When I went to the LA Fitness, I told these stories early in the podcast history. There was a guy, and he was, like, so weird. He'd, like, stop by and he was the puniest, scrawniest little dude. He was wearing a MAGA hat and the Making America Great Again shirt, not whatever. Okay, cool. But he would walk around and he'd be talking to people. So I got a brand new 45. And you'd be like, oh, cool, Nice.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. He would just say random.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, you say random things to you while he was walking by. And I thought to myself, okay, dude, cool. All right. You got a new 45. And he never worked out. He was never working out. He was there to socialize. This was his place. The only place on earth that allowed him to actually go. I thought you go to a bar. But he's probably one of those dry drunks, you know, sobered up years ago and just decided to bother people. So I go to the Crunch Fitness. I check in, but I don't have the app. So I'm like, oh, shit. Like, I didn't know I needed the app. I just thought I could say my name or whatever, you know. So I go up to the front. There's third. Yeah, there's 30 people up there. It's like a Tuesday afternoon. There's 30 people up there, work there. They're all salespeople. All of them are sales.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, they've called in extra reinforcements for the January.

[Brian Green]

That's right. Half those people won't be working there in February. On February 1, they didn't make their quota. They won't be there. So I'm like, fuck. So I go up and the girl, welcome, new member. Yeah. And. Yeah, I know.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Brian Green.

[Brian Green]

Brian Green, welcome new member Brian Greene. Currently weighing in at £210. I have to lose some. Look at this picture of him. I don't have my glasses on. I look a total idiot. So I go up, I go, hey, hey. And she's like, hey. And she does one of those with the machine, you know, the little scanners. And she's like. Like this. And I go, are you supposed to scan something? Because this. I just. I just signed up a couple of weeks ago. A couple days ago. So I. I don't know what I'm supposed to do here. And she goes, do you have the app? And I go, I don't have the app, but I bet I could get the app. And she's like, great, why don't you go ahead and download the app? Have you talked to James yet? Here we go, here we go, the guy. And I go, hey, listen, I actually did talk to James the other day, but I don't have time. And she goes, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Great. Why don't you download the app? I'll check you in. Download the app. Go ahead, get Your workout started. I'll send James over to you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes. There you go.

[Brian Green]

He's busy right now. And I go, hey, listen, I'm just trying to get a quick workout in. I don't know if I have time for James today. I'm trying to get her to commiserate with me, you know?

[Rachel]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

She knows what you're doing, though.

[Brian Green]

Let's cut the bullshit. But she is so trained to not lose her edge when it comes to selling me something that she doesn't let it fucking go. She's like, no, no, no, no. Cool. What do you think you're gonna be here for, like, 20 or 30 minutes? And now I gotta be like, yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I was thinking five.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I was thinking. I was thinking.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I was thinking it was a couple quick crunches.

[Brian Green]

I was thinking it was an accomplishment just to walk in.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes. And it is.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I just wanted to know how you check in now that I know I.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Need the m. That was the first step.

[Brian Green]

Can I use the tanning bed real quick where no one else can come in? So she goes, what are you thinking? You're here for 20, 30 minutes, and I have to, like, now be honest with her. I go, maybe a little bit longer. You've got plenty of times. James just needs five minutes of your time. Wants to talk to you about your 2026 goals. There it is again. They're, like, trained to say this. And I go, I think I already mentioned my goals to James.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

There are none.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I have zero goals. I have 12 children, a podcast that makes no money, and two cars that are in the shop. My goals are to survive the next couple of weeks. Right. So I tell you what, why don't I do this? Why don't I work out? And then when I see James, if I get a chance, I'll have a conversation with him. And then she goes, great, I'll send him over.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Right, Exactly.

[Brian Green]

And I'm like, fuck it, eat. So I go straight to the treadmill. I figure he can't bother me. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Too much.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You know, you're running.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, you're running. I put my headphones in. I stare at the ceiling. Yeah. I don't look at anybody else. Plus now in 2026, you don't know who to look at or who not to like. You don't like. It's entertaining, but you have to be careful, because looking at someone is like an offense. Like, you like.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

I've seen these videos of the gym and some of these girls and guys, like, you're looking at Them while they're working out. That's a problem. They are upset by that. So I'm real careful.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, you're staying in your lane.

[Brian Green]

Yes. So instead of me just staring straight ahead, I have dirty, shifty eyes. I'm like.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Quick, look over there.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I must look like I have Tourette's syndrome or something. Like looking all over the place. But, you know. And of course, every single television is on Fox News and it's just like, oh, God, I wish they would just like, put some sports on. Like, let's put some sports on. Something neutral. Like something neutral that all of us can enjoy. Anyway, so I'm. My eyes are darting all over the place. And then I could see James over in the corner. Him and another trainer are talking to each other. And I'm like, I can do this. Let me get off the treadmill. I'll find my way to a machine. I'll put my head down. I know what I can do. I'll put my iPhone on one of the machines with a movie playing. And that way no one's gonna bother you. Like, who the fuck is gonna bother you? Right? Okay. So I'm sitting there doing the curls, right? First of all, with like £10 on it. It's clear that I need help. It's clear that I need help. I don't even know how to work the machine. I'm just like. So I start going. And I'm like, oh, this is really light. But they have these new fangled machines and I don't know how to. I don't know how to work.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, I haven't been to a gym.

[Brian Green]

In so long, but Because I don't want to look like I don't know what I'm doing. Because that's an immediate reason to talk to Brian. Yeah, I just keep on going with the 10. I'm like, 10 pack?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, yeah, that's what I want to do.

[Brian Green]

Just a hundred seven hundred ten pound curls. I have no weight on it and I'm just. I'm doing this number. Woo. Watching Jack Ryan on Amazon, you should.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Have gone like, really slow.

[Brian Green]

And then highbrow.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I go, oh, did your stomach drop a little bit?

[Rachel]

Yes, it did.

[Brian Green]

I go, were you like.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I thought to yourself, were you like. I thought I had eyes on him.

[Brian Green]

I thought I did. He was over there. And then all of a sudden he's right behind me. He's like, here? Because I have my earphones in.

[James]

Hi, Brian.

[Brian Green]

No, he goes, hi, Ryan. And I go, excuse me.

[James]

And he goes, ryan, we Met the other day.

[Brian Green]

No, my name is Brian.

[James]

Oh, Brian, that's right. Good to see you. Thought I'd stop by and talk to you about your 20, 26 goals.

[Brian Green]

Oh, God. I go, yeah, now, Not a great time. I'm in the middle of 300 reps.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'm gonna be here.

[Brian Green]

It's gonna take me a long time to do all of these reps, so if you don't mind.

[James]

Listen, have you thought about straightening your back a little bit, putting your arms into it, actually working out the muscle you're trying to improve?

[Brian Green]

I had thought about that, James. But I figure if I just keep twisting my legs like this, everything will work out. Come up roses for me.

[James]

I just wanted to talk to you about your technique a little bit. Cause I noticed. We all noticed.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Wait, things weren't really.

[James]

I don't know. We've never seen that kind of technique here. I think you said you did the 666. What does that mean?

[Brian Green]

Well, it means I'm the devil. Stay away from me. That's what it means. I'm here to inflict evil on all of you.

[James]

Well, I was talking with my colleagues over there, and we thought we could offer you some help.

[Brian Green]

I go, hey, James, listen, I really appreciate the offer. I really do, but I'm just trying to zip in, zip out, do these things wrong. Yeah. Do these 700. Do these 700 things. Like this.

[James]

What's the next. What's the next muscle group you're gonna work.

[Brian Green]

Now? I don't know. Yeah, my fingers. I'm gonna dial my wife and tell her to call me back with an emergency, a pretend emergency. I go, I. You know, I was gonna do some biceps and then maybe some triceps.

[James]

Well, you realize you actually gotta put weight on it for it to work. Yeah, I'm not trying to offend. I'm here to help.

[Brian Green]

I go, I hear you. While you're here, how do you put weight on this?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, well, you see where the numbers are?

[James]

You just flip that switch. It's pretty easy. They actually built it for pretty dumb people.

[Brian Green]

I go, hey, thanks, James. I really appreciate your help. Listen, I know we have something on the calendar years from now that you put on my calendar. Logged into my computer and put on your calendar. But I promise I'll get to you sometime, James. I promise you.

[James]

Looks like you got a few minutes. Now, why don't we go show you how to do the triceps?

[Brian Green]

I go, really? Honestly, James, let me just finish this set and, you know, I'll. I I'm trying to hit the tanning bed and then I'm gonna go.

[James]

All right, well, we got that on the calendar. So if I see you before then, you know, I can offer some help anytime. You got one free session and so just let me know.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, thank you for that one free session.

[James]

Where they teach you nothing.

[Brian Green]

Right.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

They just hard sell you on more stuff.

[James]

That's right. It's an hour long session. We're 45 minutes, we're sitting at a table, and I take your license, so you can't leave. It's a great deal for everyone there. $165 an hour. After that, minimum 10 classes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[James]

Come on, sign up now.

[Brian Green]

So I'm like, hey, good, great. All right, I'll see you, James. I gotta get listen on to the next one. You know what they say, no rest for the we.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You gotta keep in motion.

[Brian Green]

Look at these legs. You think you get legs like these just twiddling around? Come on, James. I've done this before.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

How dare you put weight on.

[Brian Green]

I did it. Now he's like, you flipped the switch. I was like, oh, I do remember seeing those at one point.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, you take out the pin and clip the pins. Right?

[Brian Green]

That was too hard for most people. So now you just flip the switch. That was too hard for even me. So now they figured, Brian can do this one. I think he can do that. But the real problem was not that I didn't know that, is that I had flipped all of the switches, like 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, which then just then none of them work. Okay, all right, got it. So I go over to the triceps.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And you were at the one where you go back.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, the one where you do this.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Brian Green]

Well, actually, it's like you put your arms up like this.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

And then you go like this. It's really hard. Triceps are hard. And I am obviously struggling. And here's my fat, flabby arms on the thing. Like that. Yeah. And so, yes, Smush. All smushed. Yeah. Meanwhile, you know, this is in front of all the free weight guys. Like the free weight guys and girls, you know, immensely in shape. Human beings who are doing like, you know, deadlifts. 700. And I'm like, you know.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

350, 351.

[Brian Green]

52, 680, 681, 682. So I'm doing this, and then guess who comes over? James. And the other guy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And then the other guy, he's brought his other guy.

[Brian Green]

He's training somebody else. How to be a trainer.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

And so now they're doing like, you know, some free weight something or other right in front of me. And I'm like. And I can't put a phone down right there. So I'm doing this whole number. And then. And. And James and this other guy, they're talking right there. And I can see James, like, this.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Is how not to.

[James]

Hey, Brian, I want to introduce you to Sam. Sam's going to be a new trainer around here. You're going to see him around the gym a lot. He can also help with your technique if you didn't. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what's going on here, but if you wanted to actually make a difference, if you actually wanted to make best use of your time here, it might help if you knew how to do the things right. Sam, no judgment of crunch. We're a judge free zone. But, but, but this is a little bit. I mean, we have rules. People get hurt. We have to tell you if we see you doing things where you can actually be worse off when you get home. So you wanna put some.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Can I make a video real quick for what not to do?

[James]

James and I are taking some pictures for. Yeah, we're gonna. Instead of Fox News, we're just gonna scroll pictures of Brian doing things incorrectly. How not to do it. Hey, thanks, Brian. Can we put this up on our Instagram? Local Crunch Fitness. 600,000 members appreciate it. Oh. When you sign the agreement, it says we can use your likeness and image. So it doesn't matter if you agree. We're gonna do it anyway. All right, well, Sam and I gotta get back to actually improving our physique. I'm gonna let you do whatever it is you're doing.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, James, I'm totally picturing this interview driving me crazy.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, James, listen. Some people are saying I get a restraining order. I chose to go there. Yeah, yeah, it's his house. I'm just visiting. Right.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I mean, honestly, you really want access to that tanning.

[Brian Green]

I really want access to the tanning bed for under 180amonth. No, there's no. Listen, it's.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It there, There's a given dancing around this.

[Brian Green]

I'm just going to be jumping around. That's right. Absolutely, I am. But I noticed there was like. I, you know, I. Maybe I don't have the best technique in the world. All right? Maybe the guy's right. I don't have the best technique in the world, but it feels good to me. Whatever. I'm Doing. So I'm just gonna keep on doing it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

There you go.

[Brian Green]

I remember when I was 12 years old, I got a weight set for Christmas or for my birthday, one of the two. I got a weight set. And my dad. Well, I didn't want a weight set, but I got a weight set. And my dad was like, I figured you could do a little working out. And I'm like, why did you figure that? And I go back and I look at pictures like Kevin, my twin brother, he was the sports guy. People used to be like, yeah, Kevin. He's soccer, basketball, all this other stuff. And I always thought I was a sports guy until I went back and watched videos of me doing sports or pictures of me doing sports. And what I realized is that my parents were gently trying to explain to me that you should probably work on.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Your sports, your technique.

[Brian Green]

That's right. Little did they know I would be the singer.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Right.

[Brian Green]

Of the ever popular 33 penis.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Showing them.

[Brian Green]

I showed them, fuckers. I outwitted you all. I am now the co host and creator of the commercial break with over nine people currently streaming.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's right.

[Brian Green]

It's okay. The Venezuelans love me. I don't care. Whatever. The Venezuelans love me. Is Sean in here? Some of the people are looking for Sean.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, yeah, he was the moderator last time.

[Brian Green]

Oh. Someone says they tell their daughter who stares at people. Use sprinkler. Eyes dart back and forth. That's a good one. Yeah, I got a kid who stares, too, but no one, you know. Okay. Stare. What? You know, just don't stare. Like, don't stare inappropriately. You know, don't stare when someone's bending over.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, right. Yes.

[Brian Green]

But if you're just curious. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You're looking at the world and say hi. When, of course, kids stare.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. You know, it's 2026. People love to be friendly in 2026. As a matter of fact, I'll tell you about a rather strange night at Kroger last night as everyone's getting ready for the crazies. Yeah, you can tell me. You were telling me about your dad. I share that story. Oh, your dad went to Costco. Yeah, I went to the crochet. And I always go to the crochet. I go to the crochet so much after the kids are sleeping, Astrid's starting to wonder if there's someone at the crochet. And I said, no, it's just James.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, also just the stock guy that knew you. Right. From the stock boy.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

There's a Stock guy that, yeah, that recognized.

[Brian Green]

He recognized me. That's right. He recognized me from the commercial break. He was listening to the commercial break as I came around.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And now that's your favorite grocery store.

[Brian Green]

That's on favorite grocery store. I don't see that guy very often.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

But I go, is this the gambling Kroger?

[Brian Green]

This is the gambling Kroger, yeah. It's the only one that's open late at night. You know, the Publix closes at 5, 15 or whatever. Yeah, it's like the average age of someone at Publix is 90, but I go to Publix. But the thing is that Kroger really is the most affordable unless you want to go to Walmart. And I do not want to go to Walmart. It's too big, it's too bright, it's always a zoo. And you know, I don't know, I feel like trouble awaits at a Walmart if you go there to grocery shop late at night. So I just, I leave it alone. I go to the Kroger. It's a good mix between Publix and Walmart. Trouble probably awaits, but I think I could get out quickly, you know what I'm saying? And I feel safe shopping there, let's put it that way. But yeah, you know, it's just me and James at the grocery store.

[James]

Well, if you wanted to meet any goals in 2026, I'm not sure that Nathan's famous cheddar filled hot dogs are gonna get you there. I'm not judging, I'm just saying. What is that? A bag of Doritos and some Intamin.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Chocolate chips donuts which are now loaded with protein. That's the thing. Everything's protein.

[James]

Jake.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Hot protein.

[Brian Green]

Kroger is the best. People agree with me.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Kroger is great.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, Kroger's a great, great place. I mean, you know, and they've got.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The gas and the loyalty and all of that that mixes in.

[Brian Green]

So I like that they do. They're also tracking every purchase you make and they have been caught price fixing for certain people, which is not great. So based on your, based on what you buy, if you shop online, they will change the price for you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh yeah.

[Brian Green]

Or down. And that is like user generated pricing, pricing, demand. And it has been stopped by Aldi. It has been stopped by some of the people.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Public said they stopped it.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, public said they stopped it. Kroger said they stopped it. Walmart has not said they stopped it. But it mainly happens when you use the shopping Apps. Instacart. Instacart was the one that got caught. Yeah. Doing this. And they did a huge study like this, a couple of expose across thousands of people. And they found that there could be up to a $50 difference in what you buy and what I buy. And we're buying the same thing. And that is insane because you like it more than I do or you have more money than I do. It is. It is.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's crazy.

[Brian Green]

Insane. But real quick, before we take a break, price tags were an introduction in the late 1800s. Before that, there was absolutely. A shopkeeper would judge how much they wanted to charge you, or they would negotiate with you or you would make them an offer. Even in a market with apples and, you know, corn or whatever. Until the late 1800s, when a very famous store on Broadway in New York, a grocery store, started advertising one price for all people and they started using a price tag. And that price tag became the standard over the next couple of decades. But until then, it wasn't yet. Until now. Now we're going back. Aldi is great. I do like Aldi, too. I had to be convinced by my wife. Just like that commercial where the wife is trying to convince the husband to go to Aldi, it'll be okay. Put the quarter in the thing to push the cart around or whatever. They had to convince and Astrid had to convince me. But I do not mind Aldi. However, the options are limited at Aldi. So if you want something and Little is the same way, if you want something specific that they don't carry, you have to go somewhere else because they're just small stores with limited stuff. But if you're just looking to save a buck, best place to go is to Aldi or to Little. Okay. Way over. We're already an hour in. I guess this is going to be the new normal. I don't know. Whatever. You start talking, then we start talking, and then we respond. And two of us were bloviating before. Now add more people were really bloviating. All right, we'll be back.

[Rachel]

Okay. You're probably wondering why I, Rachel, have taken over the voice duties at tcb. It's pretty simple. Astrid asked me to shut Brian up, even for a minute. Well, lovely Astrid, your wish is my command. Do you want to help Astrid, too? You know you do. Leave a message for her or me or chrissy. And at 212-4333, TCB. That's 212-433-3822. You can be on the show, too. Just call and say something, anything. Or text us and we'll text you right back. Promise. Then head over to tcbpodcast.com and get your free sticker. It's your constitutional right to a sticker. And we must abide. You get the point. Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and watch all the episodes on video at YouTube.com/the commercial break. Best to you and Astrid. Especially Astrid.

[Brian Green]

It's like the AI went crazy at the end. Yeah, well, listen, I am gonna go to the gym to see more of James because quite frankly, he's comedy gold. Yeah, he's just that guy. If someone said in the chat, everybody knows that guy. Guy. Yeah, everybody knows that guy. Let me put the chat up here. Why?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Rachel dated that guy.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I remember. He was a real jerk off actually. Let's show on the stream here. We'll show on the stream. You guys can now you chat. Chat amongst yourselves. And I know it cuts off the screen a little bit, but. Chad, chat amongst yourself. Yeah, Rachel dated this guy. He absolutely. She absolutely dated personal trainer. And I remember him being a real nudnik actually. Yeah, yeah. Remember he was like such an asshole. He ended up being a real douchebag. Well, we're all getting ready. You know, 100 million of us currently are under this storm watch right now.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Which, except for Ted Cruz. He flew out.

[Brian Green]

Ted Cruz is down in the Caribbean. You think Teddy's gonna stay around? Teddy doesn't stay around for any of that stuff. Hell no. Teddy's got the places to do people to be such an idiot. So Teddy's. Teddy's down in wherever Teddy is. And that's how you know probably going to be a bad ice storm. Plus he also knows that the Texas grid is terrible. So if things go haywire, it's not like there is a public service utility like there is here in America. I feel like this is cutting half of you off, so I'm gonna not do that right now. We'll get our framing a little better next time and then I'll put up the chat on this. So. So Ted Cruz heads. Heads down to wherever he's going. So, you know, it's probably going to be bad. He's probably got the inside track from Noah. But all you need to do is listen to a weather report to know that many of us are underneath this same ice. Snow, blizzard, storm. It's supposed to be the big one. This is it. Once in a generation, once in a lifetime, whatever. They're always saying that. And so I take everything with a Grain of salt. We have the guys that we trust here in Atlanta. One of the guys has been run off the Internet.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

God, poor guy.

[Brian Green]

Glenn Burns.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

People, people are really negative, are very negative. Let the guy just do his forecast. And. And he's a trusted guy here in Atlanta for a really long time.

[Brian Green]

And he's the guy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, he's the guy.

[Brian Green]

He's the guy. He's the guy you trust. He's the guy you trust. He doesn't get too crazy. He usually gives you straight shit if he doesn't know. He tells you, we don't know, and so take precautions. But we don't know. And that's what he's been saying for the last week. We don't know. But here's the information, because if it happens, it could be bad, right? And so some of us, we could see a catastrophic ice storm. Stuff that really cripples the whole power system, the roads and all of this.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

North Georgia's definitely going to get some stuff.

[Brian Green]

North Georgia and the Carolinas, Kentucky, Tennessee. I mean, there's a huge swath that's. Of the entire United States that is now under this winter storm advisory, including us. Here is the thing. In Georgia, as we have described before, you know, you've. Everyone's seen the memes. Sorry, folks, Georgia's closed. Like, it really does get that bad here. People start going fucking bananas anytime. The weather people start saying something about ice or snow because we cannot drive in it. Because we have explained there's many curves and hills and it's just hard to drive in. People don't have the equipment to do so. And it doesn't happen that often. It's not worth the investment. So I went, so, Astrid. So I, I.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Speaking of the investment, I went and looked at those generators because we were talking about it the other day. Yeah, it's like, well, wait, I want to spend like a thousand dollars.

[Brian Green]

The real generators.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, no, that was a portable. No, the real ones are like, yeah.

[Brian Green]

That'S the other home. I have said this for years. This ice and snowstorm brought to you by Home Depot, Kroger and Walmart, because they make a killing as everyone goes crazy. This is the time when they raise prices, too, on salt water, milk, eggs, bread. The essentials. The stuff that people say, if we get into some kind of trouble where we have to stay at home for a couple days, what do we really need, right? And we're no different. We got so many kids, we need to make sure that they're fed. So we ordered at Costco Or Sam's or whatever. And I went and picked it up yesterday. Just enough, just enough to get by for two or three days, a few days and stuff. You could cook on a. On a gas stove or pop a can and eat it, you know, pastas, stuff like that. But last night I decide, well, there's a couple other things that I would like. Yeah, you know, some snick snacks around the house. As my grandma would say, you want some snake snacks? You want some snake snacks? You know, Doritos are on sale, four for a dollar or whatever. Four bags for a dollar. They're getting rid of everything in the store. So I usually, I go to Kroger a lot after the kids go to sleep, because that's when I can go and I like to go to the store and I'll get whatever I want to get or milk for the house or whatever. It's a nice break, you know, drive out of the house, get 15 minutes, put on my headset, see my friends who are mainly people who work at.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Kroger over there who've become your friends.

[Brian Green]

They become my friends. Those are the only friends I have, the people at Kroger. And so I went into Kroger last night. Usually on any given night maybe, except for a Friday night when it. Or a Sunday night when it could be a little bit busier, people getting ready for the week or the end of the week, you will see 10 or 20 people in the store at 10am 10pm 10 or 20 people in the store. A couple people at the self checkout. All the other lanes are closed. Yeah, that's it. There's just a self checkout. That's it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, near the gambling.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, right near the gambling. That's right.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Right.

[Brian Green]

You shoot you out to the lotto and then through the gift shop you could buy your Kroger T shirts and hats. So last night I noticed that the parking lot was much more full than it had ever been this time of night. It would look like an afternoo in there. And I walked in and there were four cashiers there and there were. Every self checkout was open on both sides of the store and there were lines at all of them. So it was definitely busy. Bread was. There was bread, but not a lot. There was milk, but not a lot. There was water, but only some. There were lots of snake snacks and stuff like that, you know. So I got some stuff that, you know, just comfort food that you could eat. But I noticed, what I noticed was how nice everybody was being to each other. Lady at the bread aisle was looking to grab the last. Whatever, you know, a whole week.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Dave's killer bread, huh? And so was another guy, so they kind of were going for it at the same time. And the guy said, you know what, ma'? Am, you can have it. And she said. She goes, no, no, it's okay. I have some bread at home. You can have it. And he said, no, it's. Honestly, I don't need it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That is so nice to hear.

[Brian Green]

Then as. Then I was. I was walking down the aisle, I saw another guy helping an older lady grab something off the shelf. People were being really nice to each other, and I thought, yep, there's still some humanity left. And not much, but there's still some humanity left in the world. See, Greenland, Everything will be okay. We're really nice people down here.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, my God. I can't even keep up with.

[Brian Green]

Oh, that's too funny. That is too funny. I'm gonna take Greenland any way I can. Oh. Oh, no, never mind. I don't want green. It's like. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And then it was Iceland, too.

[Brian Green]

It was Iceland.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And greenway was mixed in. Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Anyway, I think we can all agree it's not. Whatever. Okay, so. But I really noticed how nice people were being.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That is nice.

[Brian Green]

But I also noticed that people are heeding this warning. They are getting out there and they're getting their stuff. I'm waiting for the school to tell me that my kids are going to be home for extra days. I say, slide them on down to school. That's what I say. Get that bus out and stick him on the bus and slide them on over to school. Listen, everybody else off the roads. Let the buses do their work.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Let the buses slide all the way to school. Teachers have to spend the night there. That's your job. I don't know why I have to take care of the kids. It's your job to take care of my kids. Not my job. What are you talking about? But your dad went to Costco and he saw.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He did.

[Brian Green]

He saw the difference.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, like I was telling you, I mean, he's. He's an engineer by trade, and so he just. He has prepared stuff. Just always around anyways. Yeah, he just happened to be. He was going for a doctor's appointment. They happened to be in the area of the Costco. They just went because they like it. I think the older you get, the more you really like Costco.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And so they were in there, and my dad was like, what's going on? I mean, all of a sudden there was just a flood of people coming in with the guards.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And he said in the back area people were fighting over the water.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, people are fighting over the water because why do you need water?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, I guess if pipes burst or something, I don't know, I guess you could freeze the water and that could then help with the cooling of the refrigerator. But anyways, you don't need to go crazy.

[Rachel]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

We have extra water. We bought it a couple years ago when there was going to be a hurricane or whatever, when there was a chance of flooding. And in that case, sometimes the water systems get overwhelmed and you get bacteria and they say, don't drink the water for a while. While. But in this case, the ice storm, there's going to be plenty of water. Go outside, break some ice and drink some water, boil it and drink some water. But in the first place, second place, it doesn't matter if your power's out, your water's still going to work 90% of the time, 95% of the time. Because they have their own power plants over there and generators. If you live in a municipality that's worth a shit, then they have a backup plan for stuff just like this. If you live.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

We've got a steam engine down underneath.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, you got a steam engine. You have a boiler. Look at you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

We just had to load up on coal.

[Brian Green]

Someone's got a. Oh, you have a lawnmower with chains 30 minutes from the nearest store. Now let me ask you this. Is it 30 minutes from the nearest store on the lawnmower or in a car? Because if you have to drive your lawnmower. But I guess you could drive your lawnmower down there. Sure, if I had to, I would.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. That's all you could. That's what you had to work with.

[Brian Green]

There is a gas station in somewhere ville. I don't even know. I don't even know what state it is. Idaho, South Dakota. Note. Dakota, Minnesota. I'm not sure. It's in the middle of nowhere and it's a gas station and there is a guy and they have a buffet for the locals to come in. Oh, yeah, buffet. Gas station food. This place has been around forever. I did.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Some of that food is good, that gas station food.

[Brian Green]

The chef is exactly who you think would be cooking gas station food for a buffet. And he is famous on the Internet because he is the nicest guy you have ever seen. And his reels are gold. Oh, he talks about the meatloaf and the hamburgers and he's Going to refresh the pizza every 20 minutes. Minutes. And don't, don't get. Be careful. The weather's.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Was it like a buc ee's?

[Brian Green]

It's not a buc ee's. No, no, no, no. This is like a family owned gas station. Been around for a hundred years. This guy's, you know, wearing the hairnet and the whole thing and he comes out and he does the reels and he's like, I know everyone's going to be cold out there, so I made you chowder. Come on in, get your chowder. Don't forget meatloaf Fridays. We know you love the meatloaf. And they get like 10,000 likes on this. 10,000 likes on this. And he is famous. There's like 250,000 people that are following him on Instagram. And I love it. It's the feel good story of the year. The feel good story of the year is the fact.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Chef, the buffet.

[Brian Green]

The buffet. Chef at the gas station in the middle of nowhere. I can't.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The little things.

[Brian Green]

It's always the little things. He's the best. I wish we had one of those. But no, no, we don't have. I don't. I don't think if I. Any of the gas stations around here had a buffet, I don't think I'd trust them. No one bit.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No, no.

[Brian Green]

The guys around here, they're all locked in cages like the independent gas stations. All the cashiers are locked in.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

There's some kind of famous pizza that I was just reading about in Atlanta magazine that's inside of a gas station. They purposely did that. And it's very famous and apparently very delicious.

[Brian Green]

There is a whole cadre, a contingent of the Internet who swears that Chuck E. Cheese pizza is the best pizza.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You said that before.

[Brian Green]

I don't think it's the best pizza. But I don't mind it. If you take me to a Chuck E. Cheese, I will be eating their pizza.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, it's not bad.

[Brian Green]

Sure. Okay. Stay safe out there. Yes, we'll talk to you next week. Hopefully if we don't, we'll put something out there. I don't know what we'll put out there, but we have interviews. We just interviewed.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes, we did.

[Brian Green]

We interviewed Billy Gardell.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

From Mike and Molly.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Let me tell you, we didn't know what to think.

[Brian Green]

We didn't know what to think.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

But he was amazing.

[Brian Green]

Incredible. He was an incredible guest. He was wise, he was funny, he was sweet. He knew us. He took the time to get to Know us before he jumped on. He knew who we were. He knew what the show was about. He. We pushed back on this a little bit when our booking agency said, you know, you want to talk to Billy Gardell? And I said, billy Gardell? He hasn't been on the show since Mike and Molly. What do you want? Or I love another show after that. I love Abishola. And I said, you know, he's back out there doing stand up. And so finally we said, okay. You know, our, our booking agent really wanted us to take this guy and so we said, okay. Not that we have anything against Billy. We just didn't really know what we would talk to him about.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And 90% of the time when our agent says, do this guests, even though we don't want to do this guest, that's the truth. It turns out she ends up being right. She was right. He was such a fucking good guy. So maybe I'll put that out if we're not here next Tuesday. And I do think we are probably going to go back to three episodes a week.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Just to let you know, because I think two is too few. Two doesn't feel right.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And it doesn't.

[Brian Green]

Four feels like too much.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Right. We went from so many to so little.

[Brian Green]

So I think we'll probably do three shows. I don't know if we'll do all of those live streaming, but I do think coming up very soon, you're going to get three episodes. Three new episodes a week. We will not be doing guests for right now, though. I'll stand by that decision for right now. Tell us what you think. You can let us know. Not right now. Think about it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Tell James and then James.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, tell you. Call James. Call the Crunch Fitness. Tell James to tell me. Yeah, I have a feeling James and I are going to be really good friends. I think after he finds out that I'm the co host of the commercial break.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. We are going back to our roots. We did do three episodes a week for a long time. We did that probably the most of the commercial. Commercial break was three episodes a week. Season two, season three, most of season four. And then at the end of season four is when we started doing four.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And we'll figure out how to check in too. With the. With Frankie on the video.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I think. I think we can do it. I think I can put it up in a box in between us and then we can.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, that's right.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. We did it before when we used.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

To have the tv.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Rachel]

Yeah. Right.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. We did. We had a TV here. I actually like that setup, if I'm being honest.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know I liked it.

[Brian Green]

I liked the desk. I liked sitting at something.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I don't know. I kind of like spinning in these. And these are comfortable.

[Brian Green]

I like spinning in these. But if there was a mix of spinning and desk. Yeah, I think that would be good.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

A spinning desk.

[Brian Green]

A spinning desk. What if we spun the desk instead of the chairs? How about that? All right. Yeah, guys used to stay safe, too. Love you all.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

We'll check in. You'll hear from us. I'll be on. You know, even if we don't get a new episode out on Tuesday, you'll hear from me. I'll make sure you hear from me. Okay. At the commercial break on Instagram. If you're not already following us, please do follow us, because Astrid's starting to put up the information about when we're going live. That's the best way to know when we're going live. Although today she put live between one one and two.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And it's like what I wanted her to say was, we'll go live sometime between 1 and 2.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

We'll get it down.

[Brian Green]

Then we'll get it down.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Also change it.

[Brian Green]

And then we'll change it, because that's what we do. Also YouTube.com the commercial break, all the episodes are there on video. You can also stream us live from there. Live on Twitch, live on Kick, live on Instagram. We're trying to go live as many places as we can to make it as confusing as possible. So. But go to YouTube. That's the easy one. And then there's a little up atop it says, you know, videos, shorts, live. If you go to that live page and we're live, that's where you'll see it. And then you can watch the videos when we're done, you can go and watch them so you don't have to see it live. Also, you, tcbpodcast.com is where you get your free sticker. You can send us a message. You can see all the video, listen to all the audio. It's all right there. One location. Okay, Chrissy. Hour and a half later. I guess that's all I can do today. I'll tell you that I love you. I'll say best to you. Best you out there in the podcast and streaming audience. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say. We do say, and we must say goodbye. Sam.

[James]

5:30.