Strategic Interwebs Meeting

Summary

The Commercial Break: "Strategic Interwebs Meeting" (May 23, 2024)

Episode Overview

This episode of The Commercial Break features hosts Bryan Green and Krissy Hoadley diving into a signature blend of comedic banter, personal anecdotes, and irreverent takes on pop culture and internet oddities. They riff on reality TV controversies, the chaos of interactive art installations, challenges of parenthood and paternity leave, and Bryan’s dental woes—all articulated with their trademark unfiltered humor and relatable honesty.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Baby Reindeer Miniseries & Stalking (00:00–07:08)

• Bryan passionately recommends the Netflix miniseries "Baby Reindeer", describing it as uncomfortably accurate in its depiction of obsessive stalking and trauma.
  • "[Baby Reindeer] is simply one of the best miniseries I have ever seen in my entire life." (01:42)
  • He draws parallels to his own experience with a stalker, emphasizing the show's honest portrayal of obsession and empathy for troubled people.
  • Discussion of the real-life “Martha” being tracked down by internet sleuths and her strange denial of events on Piers Morgan, with Bryan criticizing the inevitable internet oversharing and sensationalism.

2. Reality TV Ethics & The "Love Is Blind" Controversy (07:09–22:55)

• In-depth debate about the treatment of reality show contestants, prompted by a New Yorker article on "Love Is Blind":
  • Cast members' complaints of manipulation, low pay, and long hours are met with skepticism.
    • "I'm having a hard time getting a whole bunch of empathy together for these folks who decided to go on Love is Blind... to be famous, and then complain about the hard work it takes." – Bryan (09:49)
    • "Of course they [producers] manipulate the drama… if it's not interesting, you're not famous. That's what happens." – Bryan (10:09)
  • They discuss the obviousness of storyline production, referencing how this has been the case since MTV’s "The Real World".
  • Shift to Bethenny Frankel’s movement for a reality TV performer union and protections, but Bryan doubles down: "If you don't want that kind of notoriety, don't go on the show. That's it." (15:00)
  • Krissy highlights similar issues on "The Bachelor" and "The Ultimatum", relating how producers intentionally cast chaos for engagement.
  • Sexual assault allegations are discussed with sensitivity; the hosts delineate the line between expected reality TV manipulation and outright abuse.
  • The segment underscores their belief in personal responsibility for voluntary fame-seeking.

3. Social Media, Image, and the New York–Dublin Portal (26:10–32:44)

• Bryan and Krissy lament the demise of a live video art installation ("portal") connecting New York City and Dublin:
  • What began as a heartwarming experiment devolved due to mooning, indecency, and hate symbols.
    • "As all things, it just turns to shit within a couple of weeks because now people are mooning each other... OnlyFans star flashed the people in Dublin " – Bryan (27:54)
    • "Why are we flashing Nazi... it was never interesting and certainly not your Nazi fucking salute. That's crazy." – Bryan (29:06)
  • The conversation shifts into how the internet and social platforms reward shock value and stunts, spiraling into a meta-comedy about going live on YouTube "by accident".
  • Reflections on the endless appetite for spectacle: "We're all reality show stars in our own right." – Bryan (26:52)

4. Parenting Realities & Paternity Leave (32:44–44:22)

• Spain’s generous paternity leave laws prompt a (hilarious) meditation on parenting roles:
  • According to Bryan, 79% of surveyed Spanish dads wished they'd not taken paternity leave after realizing how tough full-time parenting is.
    • "They were all back at work immediately and never missed another day." – Bryan (34:18)
  • Both hosts heap praise on single parents and mothers ("you’re a superhero"), noting that the “real job” is child-rearing, not corporate work—or even podcasting.
    • "I say this with all sincerity. That's the real job." – Bryan (37:46)
  • Anecdotes illustrate the endless demands and exhaustion of parenthood, especially during summer break ("make that month a summer month, because that's when the shit really hits the fan" – 43:43).
  • Humor arises from Bryan’s comparison of his own parenting stamina to the relentless energy and troubleshooting required by young kids—“why” phase and all.

5. Dental Disasters and Adult Fears (45:13–59:30)

• Bryan recounts in detail his Tooth Saga—a saga of failed root canals, recurring pain, and the dread of big, expensive oral surgery.
  • "I've got Irish teeth, so they're just bad in general, you know. The Irish aren't known for their teeth. That's not what we're doing. What are we known for? Being drunk? St. Patrick's Day? Potatoes?" – Bryan (46:19)
  • The pacing is equal parts horror story (multiple trips for root canals, long, twisty roots) and observational humor ("dental insurance is a mirage," "you don't have to be put to sleep!—fuck you!").
  • Bryan’s skepticism at the "It’s not a big deal" assurance from his petite dentist, his twin’s wisdom teeth story ("put a knee on his chest to pull out a tooth"), and the prospect of a 50/50 nitrous mix provide comedic highlights.
  • "I don't want to hear any more complaining about natural birth from anyone because my teeth are gonna have to come out while I'm awake." – Bryan (55:41)
  • The lesson: take care of your teeth—or "clean your teeth, kids"—as one small cavity can lead to years of expensive, painful drama (59:14).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote/Comment | |-----------|---------|----------------| | 01:42 | Bryan | “Baby Reindeer is simply one of the best miniseries I have ever seen in my entire life.” | | 09:49 | Bryan | “I'm having a hard time getting a whole bunch of empathy together for these folks who decided to go on Love is Blind...” | | 10:09 | Bryan | “There are producers and writers... those people are there to manipulate the drama and make sure they get a good edit in the final product.” | | 15:00 | Bryan | "If you don't want that kind of notoriety, don't go on the show. That's it." | | 27:54 | Bryan | “As all things, it just turns to shit within a couple of weeks because now people are mooning each other...” | | 34:18 | Bryan | “They were all back at work immediately and never missed another day.” (on Spanish dads’ paternity leave) | | 37:46 | Bryan | “I say this with all sincerity. That's the real job.” (about parenting) | | 43:43 | Bryan | “...make that month a summer month, because that's when the shit really hits the fan.” | | 46:19 | Bryan | “I've got Irish teeth, so they're just bad in general, you know...” | | 55:41 | Bryan | “I don't want to hear any more complaining about natural birth from anyone, because my teeth are gonna have to come out while I'm awake.” |

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:00–07:08: "Baby Reindeer" miniseries, stalking, and internet sleuthing
• 07:09–22:55: Reality TV, Love Is Blind controversy, labor rights, manipulation vs. abuse, The Bachelor, and the pipeline to fame
• 26:10–32:44: New York–Dublin portal project, internet behavior, accidental livestreams
• 32:44–44:22: Paternity leave, single parents, parental exhaustion, summer break chaos
• 45:13–59:30: Dental tragedy, oral surgery anxiety, the mysteries of dental insurance, and clean teeth PSA

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Episode Takeaway

This episode showcases Bryan and Krissy at their chaotic best—witty, self-deprecating, critical of pop culture clichés, and always quick to pivot from societal analysis to personal confession. Whether reflecting on the dark side of TV fame, dunking on viral stunts gone wrong, or commiserating over the everyday struggles of parenting and health, they remain hilariously and relatably themselves.

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For more information, highlights, and fan interaction, visit tcbpodcast.com or follow them on Instagram at @thecommercialbreak and on TikTok @TCBpodcast.

Transcript

[Brian Green]

I am in. To ginger ladies. All the gingers in the world. Hit me up.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Appreciate you very sorry for this confession.

[Brian Green]

Here on this episode of the commercial break. I don't want to discourage you from using your, you know, account, your expense account, but you wrote meeting with Hoadley on it and he's like, where? How did you spend 150.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Internet thing.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, Internet. The interwebs. We're gonna make money on the Internet. Strategizing with Chrissy Hoadley about how best to get cocaine. If that's not important, I don't know what is. The next episode of the commercial break starts. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green and this is my Martha to my Donnie. Kristen Joy, only best to you, Chris. She doesn't even know what I'm talking about. Best to you. In the podcast universe, I was like, donnie, like, you're the Martha to my Donnie. You're the. I'm baby reindeer and you're my stalker. Keep coming over to my house, bothering me, annoying. Walking right in my door.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

And then you. You just spy on me.

[Brian Green]

I do. Oh, yes, I do. Well, news flash, if you watch Baby reindeer, I can't believe you didn't stick with baby reindeer. We're just talking about this right before.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

We came on two episodes. But then I got distracted by other things.

[Brian Green]

I can't believe it.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

There's so much content.

[Brian Green]

I know, I know. But I'm telling you, I. I mean, I think my personal opinion is Baby Reindeer is simply one of the best miniseries I have ever seen in my entire life.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

That's strong.

[Brian Green]

And maybe it's because it feels like it hits home because I looking for experience. Trans. I'm also looking for trans relationship. No. Yeah, I have experienced some of it and it's scary and it doesn't feel good. And it's hard to explain to people. Except for you, who I did explain to. I kept a secret from everyone because I'm like, I'm gonna sound like a crazy. You know, my judgment is going to be questioned because of who I chose to get involved with. It's weird how it twists everything up. And a true stalker, someone who has that kind of obsessive personality or bipolar or whatever it is, whatever. The mental health issue that causes that kind of obsessive compulsive need to be around somebody and have them in your life is really unnerving. It's really unnerving. It's not like normal love. It's like love bombing followed by very dangerous activities. But Baby Reindeer on the surface as a piece of art is just simply brilliant. It really is. I love the way it's constructed. I love the story. I think it's brilliantly told and brilliantly acted. Why? Because the guy who wrote it and accented is the guy that it happened, that it happened to. And Martha, who is the stalker, is really well acted by the actress also. I can't remember her name now, but is well acted by the actress. But she is just unnerving in that role. It just, it's on the nose. They hit it on the nose 100% what it's like to be stalked in that manner. And it is disturbing and to get it right and in the end. And spoiler alert for anybody who's not watched the entire series, I think.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Like me.

[Brian Green]

Yes, like you. I'm sorry I gave you warning. I gave it three months that show has been out. I've given everybody warning that I'm going to talk about it. So here's a spoiler light. Spoiler alert. Turn it off for the next five minutes or fast forward if you don't want to hear. But in the end, and I don't think I'm really giving too much away, but in the end the question is, was Donnie obsessed with Martha or was Martha obsessed with Donnie? And how easy is it for someone to kind of get in that mind frame that, that like needing the attention, Needing the attention, loving the attention. The whole thing is about this guy who just can't come to grips with his own reality, his own life, his own.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Cuz he's like a comedian, right?

[Brian Green]

He's wanting to be a comedian. He's a bartender. He's wanting to be a comedian. He is, he has been struggling with his sexuality. He was abused and he has a lot of confusion around who he is as a human being. Like I think a lot of people go through these moments, right? And he has no clarity and he feels so shitty about his own life that he can't come to terms with reality. And so he allows in some sense this to go on because he likes the attention, he doesn't want to hurt anybody else's feelings and he has empathy for another lost human being who is Martha. But Martha is obviously dangerous, obviously obsessed, obviously just a, you know, strange, has strange behavior around Donnie. I love this television show. If you haven't seen baby reindeer, I highly suggest that you go watch it. And yeah, so. And here's why I want to bring it up now. I watched Martha. They, they of Course, people on the Internet found out who Martha was. It was bound to happen. It was never going to stay a secret because she has publicly stalked other people before. She has been in jail, she has been accused of it. She was accused of stalking a government official in the UK before she even met Donnie. This is how Donnie found out that, you know, Donnie in the character in the television show. This is how Donnie found out that she was dangerous because he googled her and he figured out that she was in fact a true life, real deal stalker who had been not convicted but had, had been accused of stalking this government official. And now this government official is backing up what Donnie said. He said, yeah, she sent like thousands of weird emails to me and she wouldn't leave me alone and all this other stuff. So. But Martha, the real Martha, was outed. And then she goes on Pierce Morgan's show and she spends an hour with Piers Morgan. The lady is disturbed. She is obviously lying. She tells what, she says one thing and then three minutes later she says the exact opposite. You kind of feel bad. Listen to me, I'm dying. You kind of feel bad for her. Yeah, you kind of do feel bad for her in some way, shape or form. But she claims she hasn't seen the show, but she knows a lot of details about, you know, it's like she's, she's trying to pretend like this all came out of left field and she has no idea why this guy is, you know, making a television show. But it's pretty obvious why this guy's making a television show about her. It is so good. It is so fudgeing good. It's so good that I wish I could go erase my mind of all baby reindeer related contents and then watch it again for the first time. I watched it in like two sittings and it's, I don't know, total of four hours of content. It's half hour, 40 minute episodes.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And so I really wish I could erase my mind. Then I just thought to myself, brian, you're like an old fucking dude. You just have to wait six months and it'll be completely erased from your brain. And then you go watch it fresh again. Just wait six months, it'll be fine. And I told you to watch that show and you ignored me. You ignored.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I'm now I'm on Dark matter and on Apple.

[Brian Green]

Okay, I'll get on that. I'll get on that. Yeah. I tell her to watch 90 Day Fiance. She runs and watches seven seasons, the shittiest show ever. I tell her to watch, baby.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Like two years. In fairness, it did take me like two years to come around to that show. But when I, when I did, you.

[Brian Green]

Were like, oh, I see what Brian said.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

But now I'm done.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, now I'm done. Completely done with 90 Day Fiance. Forget about it. Not interested. There's now there's one storyline maybe in each season for the last three seasons that I'm interested in. And it's just like they're just regurgitating the same characters, the same people.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I saw that.

[Brian Green]

And this kind of piggy fronts off something we wanted to talk about yesterday, which was the Love Is Blind. Big hubbub. The New Yorker article that was written, I think fairly well actually, about reality show stars and what they go through when they sign up for a reality television show and how people like what's her name, Bethany Frankel, are trying to start a union, have actors and actresses, quote unquote, for reality shows unionized, like some standard of pay, some standard of living, some standard of hours worked and protections on set and all that. Now I'll say about this New Yorker article and maybe Christina, you can put the link to the New Yorker article about the Love Is Blind drama that went on behind the scenes. I say this about the article. The article shares a number of stories from specifically the Love is Blind cast and how they feel they were mistreated during the filming. They were misled and mistreated during the filming of Love is Blind. They thought they were going to get one thing and they got another. I'll address that in a minute. But one of the things they address in the article is a supposed sexual assault that happens. I want to make clear I make no fun of anybody who has been sexually assaulted.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

No, absolutely not.

[Brian Green]

And I.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

And that that true sexual assault should.

[Brian Green]

Not happen, should never happen under any circumstances. And I stand with anybody that's been victimized by an abuser in any way, shape or form, quite frankly, fucking P. Diddy. Goddamn. Did you see that video of P. Diddy throwing that girl down? Cassie down the hallway in a hotel room?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I saw a headline about it.

[Brian Green]

I'll just skip that bullshit. But yeah, anybody who's been abused. So I want to preface this whole thing by saying that because I don't want anybody to get it wrong that said Love is Blind. Big New Yorker article. People are. Some former cast members are complaining about the way that they were treated on the Love is Blind set. They were saying they they only got minimum wage or less than minimum wage, that they had to work long Producers manipulated their stories. No, no.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Right.

[Brian Green]

I am having a hard time getting a whole bunch of empathy together for these folks who decided to go on Love is Blind to basically to be famous. To be famous and then complain about the hard work it takes to get famous and complain about the fact that the producers manipulated their stories.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I mean, of course they said, have.

[Brian Green]

You never read a news article? Have you never seen a reality television show? You think all that stuff happens naturally, organically? Fuck no. There are producers and writers. Why do they. Writers go watch any of your favorite reality shows and wait until the ending credits come on and tell me if you see writers as one of the bullet points on the credits. Of course you do, because. Or storyline producer or whatever, those people are there to manipulate the drama and make sure they get a good edit in the final product. Because if it's not interesting, you're not famous. That's what happens.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

No one's going to watch it.

[Brian Green]

No.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

People watch for the drama.

[Brian Green]

No one's going to watch it if it's not interesting.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

The storyline, plot twists and things like that. And the arguments.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I mean, yeah, you kind of know what you're signing up for at this point.

[Brian Green]

If they put a sheet up between the two of you and put you in a fucking pod and then all you do is fall in love and make kissy kissy smoochy noises. It's not interesting. We don't watch because of that. We watch for the blow ups and the drama and the walkouts and the throwing of the chairs. That's why we watch. It's a storied reality show. Favorite pastime to go ahead and just be an asshole or throw things against the wall or kick over a table, whatever it is. Since Real World on mtv.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yep.

[Brian Green]

Came into our lives a long time ago, which is the first, not the first ever reality show, but credited with really bringing reality television to the United States in a big way. Since the first season of the Real World, just where there was no storyline producers, they were literally just sitting around an apartment staring at each other and there was drunk drama, drama, drama in that. We couldn't believe it. We were amazed at how dramatic people were. Why? Because it's manufactured drama. They put alcohol in the room. They put seven strangers in a room and they said, let it fly, let it rip. And of course it did. There was racism and yelling and name calling and people screwing other people. People fucking other people. That's what happens. Because it's not interesting if that doesn't happen. And the fact that you had to work a 20 hour day. Boo. Who? You know how many free 20 hour days I've worked on this podcast alone? Most of them. Most of them. And I'm still not half as famous as those people. That's the truth. Some of these people go on to live incredible lives of wealth and fame because that's what it's a pipeline, it's a shortcut. You don't have to go to acting classes, you don't have to go to auditions. You don't have to wait tables while you're trying to, you know, do. Who was it?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Hone your craft.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, you're gonna hear this episode next week. But we had an interview with Wendy Covey McClendon. Wendy McClendon Covey. Was that.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Okay. Who is the blonde lady in Reno 911? She is the mother on the Goldberg. She is in Big City Greens.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

You know, she was in the Girls. I'm sorry, I'm drawing.

[Brian Green]

Oh, she. She was bridesmaid. Bridesmaids, yes. Yes. She was Sergeant Clementine and Reno nine one one. You know her, she's like a super legend of comedy shows. And you know what she said to us? That she just quit her day job, like when she got the Goldbergs. That lady was on one of the most hilarious comedy shows when I was a kid. Reno911 for years. And she just quit her day job when she got the Goldbergs, like well into her 30s or 40s. I don't know. And you know what? That's because it's really tough to be a famous person and just like head to the mainstream. But with reality shows, you can cut all that drama out and just go on reality show. And the trade off is, is that it's not going to be all that comfortable and the producers are going to manipulate your story and you could be a bad guy or you could be a good guy. It doesn't. You don't know because that's what you're signing up for. And if you don't know that, then you have been hiding in a cave like Osama bin Laden for the last 40 fucking years. I mean, I'm dead serious about this.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

I'm all about protections and safety. Like you can't be physically sure is physically harmed during taping. But.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

But if you're doing a shower scene. A shower makeout scene.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. If you're doing a shower makeout scene and they and the producers say we want to film you doing a shower makeout scene and then somebody like touches your boob what did you, what did you think was gonna happen in a shower makeout scene? I mean, I, I don't know. I'm just like, maybe I'm being a little too.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah. I mean, it's one thing if she specifically said, here are my boundaries, and then those were crossed, but if it's just kind of like, oh, I got in the shower scene, that's actually not what I want.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Her argument was that, you know, she wasn't prepped accordingly for what was going to go on. But, you know, first of all, you.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Two, you're marrying somebody on that show, right?

[Brian Green]

You're engaged. What did you think? I mean, I, I don't know, like.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

You agree to get engaged.

[Brian Green]

Poor baby. 20, 20 hour days in Cabo San Lucas, all inclusive resort. I feel bad for you. I don'. Feel bad for you. This is what you signed up for. And you know what? If you don't want that kind of notoriety, don't go on the show. That's it. This one guy's complaining that, you know, he, you know, they manipulated my storyline. Of course they did. You're boring. They had to manipulate your storyline. You are boring as. They had to manipulate your storyline. Blah, blah, blah. That's the way that it is. Like, I just have. I, I mean, some of the stories that were told in the New Yorker, I found myself siding with the, with the contestants of the reality show. I found myself like, yeah, you probably. That probably shouldn't have been done to you, that producers are manipulating you to manipulate the conversation. Right. I get that. That's a little shitty. But, you know, did you. When you go to bed with a snake, don't be upset when you get bit. You're going on a reality show. What makes Love is Blind any different than any other reality show? Because Nick Lachey says it's an, it's an earnest experiment. Nick Lachey spends three and a half minutes every year on Love is blind. Gets $500,000, doesn't give a shit about any of those contestants. I guarantee you that's not what he's thinking about when he goes to bed at night. It's just not.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, it's like the other show too. What did? The ultimatum, these people going on there. I don't even know how much of that is even real to begin with. That they're actually a couple and going on a show to go sleep in a bed with another person.

[Brian Green]

I know.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

And see. Yes, see if there's an ultimatum, that happens.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, let's. Let's get, let's Get a bunch of engaged couples together and see if they sleep with each other. Whoopty. And then be upset that you're broke up afterwards. You were never gonna stay together in the first place. Why? Because your husband ran to some other chick the second he got an opportunity to. Let's put him in the same room on tv. Come on, guys. Come on. Really. This is the way that it works. This is the shortcut to fame and fortune and all the money that you could ever want. But there are some trade offs because when you dance with the devil, you're gonna get burned. It's going to happen. Listen, I. I will never get another job in an actual industry that has any kind of respect for itself ever again. It's the trade off that I made. Yes, Chrissy's along with me. It was not even her fault. It's mine. But you know what? She. I guess I got my wagon hitch to this asshole. You're on the train now. There's no stopping it. This is not. I don't. I don't think I'm giving a hot take here. I think I'm saying what probably most of us are thinking, which is you gave us 7, 8, 10 hours of entertainment. Thank you very much for the Love is Mine. But if you don't think that after season number one and probably still during season number one, after season number one of love is blind that anybody after that was going on there for love and love only, then you are a nud, Nick. You're a nudnik. This is not an experiment. It's a reality show. They have to make it entertaining. How do they do that? They manipulate you to manipulate the storyline. If you don't want to be manipulated and you don't want your storyline manipulated, then do what everybody else does and start a YouTube channel. Manipulated all you want.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Exactly.

[Brian Green]

Be Mr. Beast for all I care. I mean, come on, what's going on here? It doesn't make sense. Now sexual assault, that's a different story altogether.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, any kind of abuse.

[Brian Green]

Producers should have been on that. They should have figured out how to keep. There's one person in the article and I'm not even say the names of these people. There's one person in the article who got attached to. This is the. Here, here's how it goes. She's an ultra wealthy prim and proper human being who then marries the guy without a job, an apartment or. Or a credit score. And then.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

And complained about that.

[Brian Green]

Surprise. Yeah, surprise. He might or might not be a dangerous. Congratulations. But you picked him. And he was transparent about the fact that he did not have a job. Now, the guy was an asshole. I don't like him. I don't think. You know, I think he probably was not a great dude. But guess what they did. They cut his storyline out entirely. They just like, never showed the story at all. But from the article, and if you read it, you'll pick up on it. He apparently was not a very nice dude in the first place. So in that sense, like, okay, you know, I guess. But the producers are going to put people in there to stir the pot. That's what they're going to do. This last season, they had two people, a woman and a man. And the man and woman had dated previously. You don't think the producers knew that? You don't think for a fucking second that they didn't do the biggest deep dive research on all those people's lives that they ever have. They have entire law firms that do nothing but hunt down people's past lives. And they will go to your neighbor's house and your school and they'll pull your phone. First grade, fucking.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Your permanent record.

[Brian Green]

Your permanent record. It's on your permanent record. And they do that because they know exactly who they're getting and they know exactly what they're expecting. They're expecting those two people to meet and that something's going to blow up. And that's what happened. So, guys and gals and anything in between, if you don't want your life exposed and manipulated like that, I've got an idea. Do not audition for a reality show. Just don't do it. If you want fortune and fame and you're willing to get dragged through the mud and take your kicks and, you know, jump up through a few hoops, then go on a reality show. It's a perfectly legitimate way at this point to get your bag. I guess is the best way to say it. To get your bag. Look at some of those bachelor and bachelorette contestants.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Well, that's been talked about for a year. Yeah, they've been talking about that show for years, too, with all the alcohol they're supplying them. And you're in this fantasy land.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

You know, beautiful mansions and helicopter trips to the private islands. I mean, you know, of course that's not reality.

[Brian Green]

No, no.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

You think prices are not reality.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. You think hopping on a private 747 to fly to Italy with 75 other guys who are trying to date one woman and then spend three weeks gallivanting around in limousines and High dollar restaurants is real life. No, it's not. Ask the guy who doesn't have a job or a place to live how things were after he left. Yeah. And they didn't even show his storyline, so he benefit nor. Neither did she. And apparently she's a very sweet woman. So I'm saying all of this to say there is no surprises in this article, except to say that what's going on behind the scenes of reality is exactly what we all expected. It's highly manipulative, highly storyboarded, and people are working long days and long nights. But, you know, and people can't get.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

It and the audiences can't get enough of it. And there's plenty of people out there that will. That they can turn to.

[Brian Green]

Sure.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

To do it.

[Brian Green]

Sure. Yeah. Listen. There is literally an idiot born every second. I've had 12 of them. So I. So I know I am one of them. And then I've had many offspring that are probably not on the bright side of the turnip truck. But I will say this, and I love them very much, by the way. I will say that so that when they're listening 15 years from now, they're. They don't think I'm making.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

They're extremely bright.

[Brian Green]

They are one of them. They're all smarter than I am, I'll tell you that.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

But there's an. There's an idiot born every second. Like, I mean, if you want to go on a reality show, go. If you don't want to go, somebody else will take your place. It's. I don't. I think people have this impression that when they go on a reality show, they're going to be pampered and work three hours a day and, you know, fall in love and have all of the. All of the wonderfuls and none of the uglies. And that's just. That's not how any part of life works. Reality show or no reality show podcasting. Let me tell you. And we will tell the full story someday. We will share it with you someday. But I'm going to explain to you right now, it's the exact same thing. There's lots of wonderfuls about it, but there's lots of ugly about it, too. And you got to take it. You got to take your lumps when they come. When they come. It just. That's it. That's what you got to do.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I mean, it's like Instagram, too. You have something that you. I mean, when I see a lot of these things on Instagram, I'm like, well, that's not every day. No, they're not showing the bumps and breezes of all that. You're just going to show the best parts. And it's the same way with tv.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. If you want a highly shined version of your life to be out there in the world, be an Instagram model. Because that's, because that's, that's. You have 100 control over what goes out there in the world. Your journey, your journey, your spiritual journey. And look at my nipples. And now I see there's guys too, that do this too.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Brian Green]

He's like working out his glutes with like super short shorts on his 20 year old taught body. And he's like the Buddha said, to be or not to be. No, that's not what the Buddhist said. But okay, I guess that's not the point of the video in the first place, right? I doubt half the people who watched it even read the caption because that's not what they're in it for. They're in it for that hot, tight 20 year old ass. And hey, listen, I have no argument about Hot 20. You know, if you got it, flaunt it, and flaunt it for that five years, you got it. Because it'll go away just as quickly as it came, I promise you. I don't personally know that. I never had that kind of body, but, you know, I had friends. I saw locker rooms, there were some guys and I was like, fuck, why did I get this? And he got that. I remember being like 16 in a locker room, looked over at, you know, Joe Huskey or whatever his name was, you know, Chad, quarterback, you know, of the football team. He's taking off his shirt, you know, good. Good job, boys. Good job, boys. Brian, you'll do better next time. Good job, boys. And here I am with my Irish belly, my tiny little nipples, with hair all over my chest and legs and I was like, huh? He's literally shining. And I've got.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

He's glowing.

[Brian Green]

He's literally shining. I've got an afro on my chest. What happened, God? What happened, God? Never explained it to me, by the way. Never explained it to me. So in case you didn't know about my stance on reality show stars. There you go. There we go. All right, let's think of.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

It's been made.

[Brian Green]

The gauntlet has been thrown. I welcome. I welcome feedback. I will be back.

[Christina]

Well, thank the baby Jesus. Brian took a breath. And now I will use this opportunity to let you know that we've got a brand new phone number. That's right. It's 212433. And you can text us anytime you want or you can call and leave us a voicemail and we might just use your message on the show once Brian gets through all the messages he missed last year, of course. Anyway, you can also find and DM us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok CBpodcast. And of course, all of our audio and video is easily found on tcbpodcast.com now I'm going to thank G one more time that we have sponsors. So thank G. And here they are.

[Brian Green]

We talked about this, but it was an episode that we can't air because we never press record. But I wanted to share again.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Again.

[Brian Green]

Did you hear about that New York to Dublin portal? I mean, you did, because I talked to you about it just two days ago when we forgot to press record. But the New York to Dublin portal was this. It's an art installation. For those of you who don't know, you can Google it. It's an art installation that was put down in Times Square and then it was put in downtown Dublin. And basically it's like looks like a big, I don't know, cloud or something or a rock or a cloud. It's shaped like something, I don't know. And then it's got a big circular video screen in the middle of it. Huge, like, you know, maybe 20ft in diameter. And there is a camera implanted into that art installation and it's live from each end. So when you're in New York, you can see the people in Dublin. And when you're in Dublin, you can see the people in New York.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Such a cool concept.

[Brian Green]

It is such a cool concept. But we can't have nice things because we are nudniks. We're morons, all of us. We're all reality show stars in our own right. Or we want to be. And by the way, just to piggyback on picking front of what I said earlier, I know we all want to be reality show stars. I know it. I got it. I am for. I understand. You don't.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I do not.

[Brian Green]

Well, one day you did want to be. At some point you wanted to be. Now you're just wiser. I still want to be a reality show star. Bachelor. Call me up. Can you imagine me on the Bachelorette? I'd be gone the first night. Folks, we have one more rose left. Me, me, me me me me me me me me me me me me, me yeah, me, they cut me out of the whole. And at first it started off everything was just fine. It was cute. Kids were waving to each other from across the ocean. People were saying nice things. There was even reportedly some romance that went on between two people. They shared phone numbers, they got in touch. Now they're. I don't know what you call that.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Pen pals.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, they're pen pals sending postcards back and forth. But as all things, it just turns to shit within a couple of weeks because now people are mooning each other. They're flat. There was an only fan star who flashed the people in Dublin. And then people were putting like, you know, swastikas. They were bringing Nazi flags and. And showing them on each side. What in the. Good. I mean, I get it, you know, it's a new toy and we all want to play with it until it's broken. But the truth is, do we have to go there? We have to go there. We have to go that far? No, I mean, I don't know under what roof a Nazi flag is okay, but your parents raised you like a fucking animal. Honestly. What are you doing? Why are we flashing Nazi the tits? I'm not saying it's the best thing in the world, but let's say it's late at night, you know, 1:30 in the morning and you're in Times Square after a long night of drinking.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Somebody gets a boob.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, you're just have. Someone gets a set of tits. Oh, okay. You know, that's fun. But if you're doing like a full jerking off session in front of me, that's not cool. It's not cool. Yeah. Peeing or defecating, whatever it is you're deciding to do that you think is, you know, this is gonna be so funny if it's on Twitter. It's not funny. It was never interesting and certainly not your Nazi fucking salute. That's crazy. That's insane. Why are we doing this? I don't understand. I was a teenager once and I was a hell raising teenager. I did so many bad things to. And sometimes good people got hurt because of it. And I'm really apologetic for that, but I never took it that far. I was never running around like drawing swastikas on someone's front lawn. It's just ridiculous. Stop it already. Stop it already with all the hate. You know, flashing your tits. I know that's can be. Some people would show that a sign of. It's a term of endearment. It's a sign of Affection. Right. I'm just showing you my lovely boobs. Okay, I can understand that it's still not, you know, still going to get the thing shut down, but at the end of the day, it's a harmless pair of boobs. And then, by the way, in Ireland, you can watch dating naked 24 hours a day on the regular cable station. So I don't think the people in Dublin are really all that shocked by your boobs. I'm just sharing that with you. But it's all the hate symbology and all that other. That people. Where were they raised? In what farm? In what cow dung patty were they raised at that? They feel like that is something that's at all interesting at all. And I don't get it. I don't get what is shock value? Is that what it is? It's shock value? Well, guess what, guys? It's not very. It's not all that shocking. We've had that. That symbol's been around for a long time. The symbol of hate and. And disrespect. And quite fr. Frankly, I just don't understand. So here's the bottom line. It's shut down now because we can't have nice things. And everybody's an. And I'm really disappointed because I thought it was. I watched a. Like, there was a. Somebody was filming it live from YouTube and so they had like two hours of it on live. And I was watching it one night when it first opened up and I was like, oh, that's cool. Look at those people. They're all, you know, everyone's hanging out, waiting, portable in portal into the other city. You know, the portal into this studio is what we should. Oh, that's a good idea. I didn't even think about this. Let's put that in the notebook. We should keep this camera on live. You know what I thought about doing one time going on TikTok live and then just putting a camera somewhere here in the studio and they could watch me as I talk to myself and obsessively edit our show over and over again.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Live cam.

[Brian Green]

Yes. But I actually just tried to go live one time and Instagram cut me off. They, like, said, nope, you're not allowed to go live. And I. I thought to myself, what?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Really?

[Brian Green]

Yes. And I even contacted them. I was. I said, why? Why can't I go live? And they were like, oh, sorry, I can't help you at this time. I was like, why? What happened? Astrid got kicked off of Instagram. She never even made a post. Oh, she was like you've been banned from TikTok and what she do? She didn't do anything. She's associated with the commercial breakout.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I think that's what it is. That's right.

[Brian Green]

That's hate right there. That's hate talk, hate speech right there. What are you doing?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

You can do it on YouTube. Can you do YouTube live?

[Brian Green]

I'm sure I can.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

We did it for years.

[Brian Green]

We did an accident. Yeah, that's true. We used to have a button on this machine and if you pressed it, it would go to YouTube live. Our the guy who said helped us set up the studio did that because he said, oh, someday you want to go live. And so I'll connect it to your thing and then you just press this button and go. And then there was like four or five different times when Chrissy and I would get off air and then there'd be a message on our YouTube, like the commercial break is live.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I'd look at my phone and it would have said, you know, one hour before TCB is live, going live now.

[Brian Green]

I was like, wow, there you go.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, we had like two people.

[Brian Green]

We still have like two people. I don't know who I'm talking to about the reality show stuff. It's like we have six listeners who none of which probably have any interest in. In love is, I'm sure. Hey, speaking of over there across the pond, I read an interesting, like research paper and the research paper was done on dads in Spain. New dads in Spain get quite a bit of paternity time. Not like here in the United States where it's like you get one week paternity time. But I think some people in the United. I think whoever's making those rules may understand what Spain is now figuring out. So Spain for a long time has had this paternity law and you can take off almost as much paternity time as you can take maternity leave. Like six weeks or something like that. Six or eight weeks. It's a long time. But of course these, this is coming from the same country that has a three month long vacation in the middle of summer. I mean, they really do it right over there.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

They do.

[Brian Green]

Of course you have to pay 90% taxes. But you know, again, life is about trade off kids. There's good and there's bad is what I'm trying to tell you. It's never black and white. It's never all good. It's never all bad. So they did this study, they did this survey and they asked recently parent dads who had come back recently from paternity leave. They asked them, would you like to have more paternity leave on your next child or would you have preferred to have less paternity leave? And every dad, almost every dad, like 79% of them said, I wish I had taken no paternity leave. And I am happy to be back.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I'm sure a new baby is no joke.

[Brian Green]

Yes. And a follow up to that, none of them had taken additional days off since they had gotten back to Saturday. They were all back at work immediately and never missed another day. And I thought, that is so telling. It is really tough to raise children. Just, just a sampling of it. It's like when Astrid went to Miami. I mean, just a sample of what it takes to raise those children. I'm telling you, women are built differently. Y' all are just built differently in so many ways, so many great and wonderful ways. And this is one of them. You're able to keep it together. I, I lost it. I just had, I had 10 hours. That was it, 10 hours. And I lost my. I sympathize and I empathize with these guys who are answering these questions because it's true. It's like, wow, that was really tough.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And I'm glad to be at work where I could, you know, off and read Twitter while my boss is not looking. When I didn't have a lot of work, when I didn't have kids, playing hooky from work was my favorite thing to do. We loved it, Chrissy.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Green]

I don't think there was one day for like a year where we made it past 2 o' clock in the afternoon before we were going to, quote, unquote, visit clients. That's right, visit clients.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Right across the street at the bar, the Mexican place.

[Brian Green]

I know. I so surprised. We never got busted more for just walking over to lunch and never coming back.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I think somebody said something one time and, but laughed about it.

[Brian Green]

I think one time the, the market president came to me and he said, I got this. You know, you submitted a receipt for Central City Tavern, which was like the local bar.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Oh, that was our spot.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And he said, you, you, you have a receipt for Central City tavern for like 150 bucks. And he's like, now I, I don't want to, like, I don't want to discourage you from using your, you know, account, your expense account. But you wrote meeting with Hoadley and he's like, where did, how did we.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Spend $150 talking Internet things.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, Internet. The interwebs we're gonna make money on the interwebs. I am strategizing with Chrissy Hoadley about how best to get cocaine. If that's not important, I don't know what is. Chrissy and I are over here burning up our own phone. Yeah, but, you know, paternities, being a father. And this is why I say this, and I'll say it forever, until the day that I die. I have mad respect for single parents.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Me too.

[Brian Green]

I don't care who you are. I don't care. I don't care what else you do in life. I don't care if you're a serial killer at night, if you're a single parent during the day. God bless America, because you are a superhero. Superhero. What did I say? Superhero. I feel like I'm Trump or Biden just taking a nap halfway through a sentence. You are a superhero.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Takes a lot to raise a child. And if you do it on your own, spaghetti and meat sauce for you, my friend. Spaghetti and extra meat sauce. Because that's the real job.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, you got no relief.

[Brian Green]

I'd say this, you know, this is, like, trite, and it's. I guess it's just something that's said in passing a lot, you know. Oh. You know, you're the one who brings home the money and. And then you say back, oh, no. But taking care of the kids is a real job too, you know. You say that. It's the truth. I say that with all sincerity. That's the real job. The real job is not coming in here and talking on the mic. Listen, this was never a real job in the first. This is about as real of a job as love is blind as a right job, you know what I'm saying? But a real job is taken care of.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

It's 24 hours a day. Yes. Seven days a week it is.

[Brian Green]

You know how many nights. You know, how many mornings I wake up and I. You know, birds are chirping.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Is that your morning ring or your.

[Brian Green]

And I wake up, you know, whatever time it is. I wake up and I'm like, oh, God. I really didn't sleep all that good. I tossed and turned a little bit at 3am wow, this really sucks. I get up and then I get up, and astrid's, like, wrangling 13 children.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

She's been up for three hours.

[Brian Green]

She's been up for seven hours. And. And I'm like, hey, how was your night? She's. She. She always says, how'd you sleep? And I was like, you know, okay. I tossed and turned a little bit. I don't know, maybe I'm just a little. Is that pillow, I can't get that pillow comfortable. Is that fella. Yeah. That I refuse to change is 40 dust mites. And I know it is uncomfortable six of the seven nights a week. But I'll go, you know, I'll do this little complaining thing that I do, you know, pillow my neck and my back. How's your night? Oh, the baby wake up at 3:30 in the morning. Oh, how long was she up for till now? And I don't even know. I don't even know. I just slept through the whole thing. It's insane. And I'm like, aren't you tired? And she's like, I'm fine.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

There's some kind of like reserve energy, I think that mothers have that.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Like it kicks in to where you've got to just be on at all times.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Well, I've said this before. There is a tank. When I had one kid, I thought there was no way that tank had any more energy left in it. But I didn't realize until I had my second kid that that tank was actually a little deeper than I thought. And then the third, and then, and then, and that like eventually you realize that the tank is endless. When you realize you literally have to keep these things breathing. That's. Yes. You have to teach them how to breathe. That's what you have to do. They don't come with handbooks. I've said this before.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

You have to keep them alive.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. There is no software to start flourishing in. Flourishing, nourished. Yeah. Feed them, make sure they don't fall down the stairs. Don't. Please don't play with that knife. Electric sockets are not for licking. There's a bunch of stuff that you have to teach them that they don't already know. And it's exhausting. Exhausting.

[Christina]

Why?

[Brian Green]

Why? Yeah, that's it. One of my kids is going through that stage for like three years now. Why, why, where, when, how, what we want? Sometimes I have to be like, son, take a breath. I don't know, I just, I don't.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Know all of it.

[Brian Green]

You have this vision when you are going to be a parent and I'm sure this will resonate with a lot of people out there who are either parents or have seen parents. You have this vision that you're going to be omniscient, all knowing, godlike creature to your parent, to your kids, and you're going to be the parents that know everything. Teach Them everything. You will understand when they get to be three and they start the Y phase that you give up on that notion real quick because you actually don't want to know anything. Why? I don't know why. Because I just don't. I don't know everything. I'm not God. I don't want to be. I don't know. I don't know why Walt Disney made Steamboat Willie before he made Mickey. I just don't know, son. I don't know. It's just the way it was. It's. That's what God decided. That's it. That's what God decided. Yeah. Now we believe in God and that's what God decided. Muhammad, Jesus, Buddha, whoever, whatever, he decided, not me. Ask him. Write him a letter. What's his address? I don't know.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I know questions are crazy. Thank goodness for Google, though. In a lot of instances.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, but you can't get. You can't let them loose on Google. And you think I'm gonna be taking the time to Google every. Why that it's that I already spent enough time on the Internet as it is. I'm not gonna spend that additional time. Well, I don't know. Let me look it up. Let me kill 14 people on the highway so I can figure. So I can figure out why Universal Pictures didn't make, you know, buddy. Buddy 2. Hold on one second.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Maybe you need a notebook. Tell the kids to put it in the notebook.

[Brian Green]

That's what I should do. I should have a notebook for the kids. That's a question I can't answer here.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, just say write it down. And then we'll take time at the end of the day to kind of go through these.

[Brian Green]

Yes. I think if life was fair. If life was fair and they won't remember. Yeah. And then they're never going to remember. That's the thing. I feel good. Okay. But sometimes about just saying I don't know. First of all, I don't know and I'm sorry, I don't know everything. That's the truth. And second of all, you're not going to remember if I know or if I don't know. So if I say I don't know, what does it really matter? You just move on to the next one.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Exactly.

[Brian Green]

Eventually you'll get one I do know. And if, depending on my mood, I'll answer it or I won't answer it, it. Here's a follow up to the paternity leave thing. I think in Spain and in the United States, fathers should have paternity leave one month a year. One month a year. They should have to go home and take care of their children. It'll remind us. It'll remind us of how difficult that job really is and how much mad respect you should give to the love of your life, the female who is taking care of your children. If it's a nuclear family or your husband, Husbands and husbands, or whatever the. Whatever situation you got going on, whoever's taking care of the children. Yes, in a more than one single relationship, you should have to spend one month at home with your children and make that month a summer month, because that's when really hits the fan.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

School's out.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I used to love. I just couldn't wait until school was. Yes. Now I'm starting to turn a little bit on summer now. I see.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, you have to plan. I mean, you have got to plan with all the activities and the things to do to keep.

[Brian Green]

I thought I was paying a lot of money for the kids to go to school. Now they're out of school, and I'm like, jesus Christ, you kids are expensive. Gotta take a library and Six Flags and the dinosaur exhibit and all this other stuff, but it's just so that we don't have to listen to why 24 hours a day. It's a whole fucking thing, I'm telling you. All right, let's. Let's take a break and we'll be back.

[Christina]

What? Oh, hi, it's Christina again, here to remind you to go to tcbpodcast.com for all things audio, video, and TCBDO. Give us a follow on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok. TCBpodcast. And guess what? We have a new phone number. I know what you're thinking, but I promise this is the last TCV phone number you will ever have to remember. So call us and leave us a voicemail or text us at 212-4333, TCB. Once more for the people in the back. That's 212-4333, TCB. Oh, and check out our YouTube channel at YouTube.com thecommercialbreak. That's all for now. Let's listen to our sponsors and get back to the show.

[Brian Green]

Oh, I just realized that I had the microphones open the whole time we were. We were in that break, so I hope you didn't hear me cussing you out. No, I'm kidding. I like that power jazz battle that she's getting.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

We always do a little dance.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, we did a little dance. We didn't say anything. Luckily, we didn't have any conversation between. About our rude listeners and how much we dislike them. No kidding. So you don't know and. But now you'll know. But. Or maybe I mentioned it at the end of last episode, but I. I got a tooth problem, Chrissy. I got a bad tooth problem now. It's been ongoing, too. It's been going on for a year, maybe some change. I got this tooth and this tooth had a cavity in it 10 years ago. And I got the cavity filled. And then about a year ago, I started experiencing some pain because the cavity filling started to come loose. You know, it was one of those where they just pour hot molten lava in your mouth and wait for it to cool down. You know, one of those old ones that's silver that you can see a mile away when you open your mouth, it's like. It's like, oh, that's.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

They still do that.

[Brian Green]

They. Well, 10 years ago or whenever I got it filled, maybe it was longer than that. Maybe it was 20 years ago, I don't know. But I got Irish teeth, so they're never going to fall out of their head. My head, naturally. It's not like that. You know, they're going to come out. They've roots up into my brain. But they're Irish teeth, so they're just bad in general, you know, The Irish aren't known for their teeth. That's not what we're doing. What are we known for? Being drunk?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

St. Patrick's Day potatoes.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, something like that. I actually loved Ireland when I went.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Beautiful country, Beautiful country. The Blarney Stone, Guinness.

[Brian Green]

Guinness. That Guinness factory is a whole city. You should go.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I've heard.

[Brian Green]

All right. So I have this tooth. It starts bothering me about a year, year and a half ago, and I reluctantly go to the dentist. And she's like, got to get a root canal. There's an infection in there. We just got to dig it out. Right. You're not going to be able to. You're not going to be able to just patch it up. This. You gotta just go the full Monty. So this root canal is three separate trips with three different drillings into my head because I have roots that are a mile and a half long. They literally. My hair is leaving my head because the roots of my teeth are taking over. Yes. They're going up into there and they're killing all the hair. It's unbelievable. Every time that I've had to have a root canal, it's not one trip. It's not an hour in the dentist and then go home. It is hours in the dentist's chair. It is going back time after time because they can't finish it because they need longer drills and all this other stuff. It's a miserable experience. I'm not even kidding. It's happened now three times I've had three root canals in my life. And all three times it was at least three trips to the dentist. At least. Because my roots are so long and weird and twisty into my sinuses that they have to go and get longer drills. And they're not really drills. If you've ever had a root canal, you know what I'm talking about. It's like a long, pin, like, structure.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I don't know.

[Brian Green]

And it flexes. I know. Don't ever get a root canal. Just have them take the tooth out. Just say, take the tooth out. And. And then it gets infected. You know, it's a whole thing. Like, you know, somebody's got your tooth open for two hours, you're gonna get an infection. You gotta take antibiotics. Antibiotics make you feel sick. It's a whole, whole thing. So I suffered in pain for, like, three months after the root canal was completed. After the three trips to the dentist, I was still in pain for, like, three months. And I go back to the dentist. She sends me to a specialist and a specialist, and the specialist says, hey, listen, sometimes these teeth are just notoriously fussy. You got really long roots. I see a hairline fracture in one of those roots. Sometimes those hairline fractures never quite heal themselves. And, you know, there's just nothing we can do about it. Either live with the pain and hope that it doesn't get massively infected, or you could take it out of your head.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

God, this is a nightmare.

[Brian Green]

It's a whole nightmare. So I said, okay. She goes, listen. But there's also the reality that the actual socket it sits in may be inflamed, and it just might be causing additional pain. Might take a while for that inflammation to go away, maybe months. And I said, okay, let's writhe it out. So I ride it out through Christmas. It finally starts feeling better in January. Then about three weeks ago, I get a sinus infection because of allergies. And when I get that sinus infection, that tooth set on fire. I mean, I. When I walked, just the act of walking would cause pain in that tooth. And so I'm like, okay, there's probably something going on here, and I need to go see the dentist. Because I do know one thing about dentistry. I'm now religious about cleaning my teeth. I'm religious. I go through four times a year to get my teeth clean. I floss twice. I mean, I'm just so obsessive about it. And so I do know one thing about teeth. They can kill you. You can get an infection. It can go into your brain or your sinuses, and it can be a really big deal. So you have to get it addressed. You can't just let tooth pain go on forever.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, it doesn't go away.

[Brian Green]

No, it doesn't go away on its own. I mean, I, I, I, I don't think so. I've heard nightmare stories and I don't want to be one of those nightmares. As if the three trip root canal wasn't enough. I don't want to be in a hospitalized because my sinus is turning black. I got the black lung of the sinus. I got black sinus because of my toe. So I'm like, okay, let's get, yeah, get over to that specialist and see what's doing. And so I go over there and she's like this Russian lady, right? And she's like, oh, this, this is really bad, Brian. You need to get this taken care of right now. You're going to get. As I see it, the root is in your sinus. Your sinus is inflamed. I'm gonna have to do a bone graft. I'm gonna, she's talking about all this stuff and I'm like, settle down. I thought like, maybe you just give me some antibiotics and we, we call it a day. And she's like, you got to take that too. Without, this is not doing good. And I was like, oh, fuck, I got to take the tooth out. No. And I say, don't you just want.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

It to be out now at this point and done?

[Brian Green]

Kind of. But here's what is really making me reluctant to go get this done and I'll explain. I've only had one. I've had my wisdom teeth pulled.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

And then I had another tooth away in the back of my head pulled. I had like an extra tooth. And it also was a problematic tooth that I had multiple root canals on. And after a while, I was just in so much pain. I was like, take it out.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Extra?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it's extra. I don't need it. Why? You can't see it. It's all the way in the back of my mouth. What do I care? It's going to take me a couple months to get used to chewing without that. Tooth, but I'll figure it out. So I go to an oral surgeon who's an expert at doing this kind of thing, but the oral surgeon. Because there is no such thing as dental insurance. I don't care if your company says they have it, they don't have it. It doesn't exist. Dental insurance is a mirage. It's a mirage. You get a free cleaning once every three and a half years and maybe laughing gas if you're lucky. And that's it.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, you have to pay.

[Brian Green]

You have to pay. And so I go to the oral surgeon, and at that time, my father paid for that tooth to come out of my head because it was causing me so much pain. This was like years and years and years and years ago. I go to the oral surgeon, and he put me to sleep during the procedure. He put me in twilight. They call twilight, which is propofol. That's what that Michael Jackson used to suck down. You know, that Michael Jackson, the one who was. I'm sorry, I just fiddly did. A little kid. I'm sorry.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I remember.

[Brian Green]

It's a mistake. Oh, it's all just a mistake. It's just a misunderstanding. So that propofol put me to sleep. I don't remember a thing until I woke up.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Good.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, good. Great. Wonderful. Couple days of recovery. Real bad, you know, headache and sinus pain and all this other stuff. But it eventually got better. And I learned to chew without that tooth. I asked about an implant, and even the oral surgeon was like, you got an extra tooth? You really don't need an implant back there. Like, it's just gonna. It's going to push all your other teeth forward.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And I'm like, since I have Irish teeth, let me not with them anymore. So I said to myself, okay, I. I'll get it done. And she. And I go, do I need to go to an oral surgeon? She goes, well, you can, but just the imaging alone is probably going to be like $750. And I'm like, really? And she's like, well, the oral surgeon really deals with complicated situations. And she's like, you can certainly go there. I'm not telling you not to, but I'm just sharing with you that that's all said and done, it's going to be like five grand. And I was like, five fucking grand. And she's like, yep, they're going to put you to sleep. They got all kind of medications. They have to have a specialized doctor and a nurse to watch you while you're asleep. Plus they're working in your mouth, say, to make sure nothing goes down your throat. It sounded like the whole thing, it sounded very, like, weird and complicated. I didn't realize way back then that this is what was going on. So she says, but I can probably do it for like 12 or 1500 dollars. I might have to do a bone graft. If I have to do that, it'd be on the more expensive end. If I don't, it'll be on the lesser end. I'll take that tooth out, I'll get it prepped for an implant. Because this one's like, it's not. It's not the last tooth in my head. And I'm like, okay, fine, but what are you gonna do? You're gonna put me to sleep? And she goes, oh, no, no, no, no. You don't have to be put to sleep. It's fine. I promise you, it's not that big of a deal. Fuck you. Fuck you. If you don't think for a second that it's not a big. It's a. That it's not a big deal to have an adult sized tooth cracked out of your head when you can't even find drills long enough to cover my roots. You are insane. She's literally got a picture up on that big screen that sits right above your head. You know, when I lay you back, she's literally showing me my tooth where the tooth is going through my sinus cavity. The root is in my sinus cavity. And she's like, ah, don't worry about it. I might perforate your sinus cavity, but I'll put a bone graft there, a little piece of fuzz or something. And I'm like, and you want me to be awake during this? What are you gonna do?

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Picturing her to, like, you know, pulling it with a wrench or something and popping up.

[Brian Green]

Hey, what? But they do, they have a specialized wrench and they start cracking it until it comes out. My twin brother had his wisdom teeth pulled while he was awake. While he was awake. And the thing that he can never forget that he always says that, he always tells me. And that's why I won't call him and tell him I have to have this tooth pulled out because it. Tell me the story again is when the dentist put a knee on his chest to pull out one of his teeth.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Green]

It's fucked up. Man up, dude, I can't take it. I'm getting chills just talking about it. So I now have to go get this Tooth pulled out without anesthesia, without general anesthesia or twilight. Because my doctor promises me that everything's going to be just fine. But that is cold comfort to a guy who has heard repeatedly and known repeatedly that I have roots that are stuck in my skull. And he's going to. She's going to have to find a way to yank it out. She's a lovely lady, but she ain't that big. She's like a little like. Hey, she weighs like 30 pounds, sopping wet. How's she gonna pull that thing out of my head? Chrissy, I'm scared shitless.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I would be, too. I'm sorry.

[Brian Green]

Fuck. Fuck birth.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Good luck.

[Brian Green]

You know, I heard that birth is scary, but fuck that. You know what's really scary? Getting your tooth pulled out of your head while you're awake. I don't want to hear any more complaining about natural birth from anyone, because my teeth is gonna have to come out, and it's gonna have to come out while I'm awake. So I said, you don't put me awake. You don't put me to sleep. I'm gonna be awake. And she goes, listen, trust me. Now the nurse is trying to convince me. So now I've got three women in there. You know, the nurse, the lady from the front desk and, you know, showing me the bill. You know, this is gonna cost. And the doctor, and they're all trying to convince me that I'm just being a big baby. They're like, don't worry about it. It's fine. You're not. You're not gonna feel the thing. We're gonna dope you up with novocaine. We have laughing gas. So I just turn to her, I turn to the dentist and I say, can you turn the laughing gas up as high as possible? And she goes, I don't actually think I can use that terminology. Get you as high as possible. She goes, but I can promise you that I'll give you enough glass. Yeah, we'll go. She goes, I'll give you enough laughing gas that you won't feel like you're here. And I was like, okay, if you can assure me that, you know, the normal mix is 20, 80, 20% nitrous, 80% oxygen, and then sometimes they go to 30%. For what? You know, if you're like me, way used to drugs, you got a high tolerance. Tolerance. Yeah. And so if you could promise me that you're going to give me, like, the 50, 50 mix. Remember when I went and got my vasectomy and I Was just up and down. He left me alone in the room. And I was just like.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

That'S right. He came back. He was like, whoa, whoa.

[Brian Green]

Slow. Yeah. He's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. He told me to breathe hard. He was like, you don't have to take that. Don't breathe like that. You're going to be fine. It's going to work either way. Actually, if you slow down, it'll work better. If you could promise me that, then I guess I'll go with you guys. Meanwhile, I don't have five fucking extra thousand dollars laying around to go to an oral surgeon anyway. So I'm like, I guess this is what I'm going to have to do.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, that's a good question.

[Brian Green]

So if for the next three weeks you hear repeats of the commercial break, it's because Brian is crying in his bedroom about the nightmare with your bad pillow. Oh, my God. With that bad pillow. Maybe now it's time to get a good pillow. I think. Think so. I don't think it's gonna make a lick of difference, but I was literally up last night tossing and turning about my tooth.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Oh, yeah, it's a big deal. Yeah.

[Brian Green]

It hurts right now. I kind of do want to get it taken out. At this point.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I kind of would, too.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Just be done with it.

[Brian Green]

You know, I went to them, and then they gave me that. They gave me some kind of antibiotic. Strong antibiotic. Like, she's like, you need a. We need to give you a really strong antibiotic to knock it. Any sinus infection or whatever's going on in that sinus. And then also to cover the procedure. We want to make sure that you're. You have plenty of antibiotics in your blood. She gave it to me. I took one of those pills yesterday morning, and I was. I had, like, the worst kind of seasickness I've ever had.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Yeah, you were a little loopy.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it lasted into the night. It was crazy. It's awful. You know, I used to do an eight ball, take six Vicodin and 12, but Bud Light and be fine and go to Kroger and do my weekly shopping. And I was fine. Now I take one amoxicillin and I have to stay in bed for three days. What happened to me? I'm such a lightweight. I gotta get back to drugs and alcohol. Fix everything.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Well, I think we said we were gonna do that once we get old.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I think I'm there. Once you start getting teeth pulled, I'm pretty sure that you're old. Enough to go back to drugs. Clean your teeth, kids. Clean your teeth. That's all I gotta say.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

That is right.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Don't. Don't let anybody dissuade you from making sure those teeth are nice and clean. There's one small cavity is causing all this drama, you know, 20 years later. It's insane. It's crazy.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Sorry to hear about that.

[Brian Green]

Well, thank you. We'll see if I show up for work.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I know.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, we'll see what happens. I'll keep you posted. Of course I will.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Of course.

[Brian Green]

But if you do hear a repeat, you'll know why. Just.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

That's right.

[Brian Green]

Just being. Just giving you a warning. All right. We want to hear from you. We'd love you to be on the show. Dial up 212-4333. TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Text us questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas, or if you want to be on the show, let us know what you want to talk about. Ask us a question.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

Text the Quantum Witch.

[Brian Green]

Twex. The quantum witch twexed me science. Yes. All my pretties. Add the commercial break on Instagram. TCB Podcast is the website. All the audio, all the video and your free sticker on the contact us button. Give us your address. YouTube.com the commercial break for the guest interviews and selected shows. All right, Chrissy. I guess that's all I can do for today.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

But I love you.

[Chrissy Hoadley]

And I love you.

[Brian Green]

Best you. Best to you and best of my dentist. May you have a good day. Until next time. Christy and I always say. We do say and we must say goodbye. Sam.