The Commercial Break - TCB Classic: Pulling Your V-Card
Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley
Release Date: October 8, 2025

Episode Overview

In this TCB Classic episode, Bryan and Krissy revisit the hilarious—and slightly traumatic—story of Bryan's vasectomy (“V-card” being humorously referenced). The episode is a candid, laugh-out-loud retelling of Bryan's experience going under the knife, with their signature blend of self-aware banter and unfiltered, irreverent humor. Listeners are treated to an insider’s perspective on one of life’s most memorable, if emasculating, medical procedures, peppered with signature TCB tangents about parenting, holiday chaos, and everyday mishaps.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Holiday Antics and Gift-Giving Woes

[01:02-08:35]

• Bryan kicks off discussing the looming holiday season and comedic struggles with gift-giving as adults.
  • References to “Happy Slappy Santa” and gag gifts—reminisces about giving a dirty ashtray, used T-shirts, and decapitated toys to family, which was not universally appreciated.
  • “When you don’t have money, you get creative.” —Bryan, [06:04]
• Krissy points out the joy of giving gifts to children, but both agree that noise-making toys are a universal parental nemesis.
• The duo commiserates over kids’ attachment to odd objects (sticks, balls) rather than the mountain of available toys, leading to attempts at charitable toy giveaways that result in hysterical kid resistance and hilarious negotiation scenarios.

2. Parenting, Reasoning With Kids, and Adult Wishes

[08:35-14:54]

• Bryan fantasizes about a genie granting wishes: making TCB profitable, more sleep, and 15 minutes daily when children have the reasoning skills of a 45-year-old:
  • “If I could have one thing... just 15 minutes where my kids were kids with a 45-year-old’s brain.” —Bryan, [11:58]
• Krissy reassures him that reasoning gets better as kids get older, leading to a brief tangent into adult wishlists (Bryan wants a private island, Krissy wants a personal driver).

3. Atlanta Traffic and Absurd Commuter Stories

[14:54-21:32]

• Krissy shares a recent Atlanta driving fiasco, getting cut off by a city bus—“It takes me 30 minutes to get here but the way home is another story. Traffic never stops!” —Krissy, [15:15]
• Bryan follows up with his own car accident stories about driving without a license, disastrous meetings, and questionable bosses asking him to hide guns post-accident.

4. The Main Event: Bryan's Vasectomy Saga

[29:03-64:46]

Pre-Procedure Jitters & Doctor Banter

[29:03-32:22]

• Bryan describes his nerves before the appointment, making awkward small talk with his openly gay doctor, who casually insists on examining Bryan “raw dog” (without gloves):
  • “My doctor goes in, he raw dogs it. No gloves. He washes up and then he just goes for it. Says, ‘I feel better without the gloves.’” —Bryan, [30:48]
• Quick, friendly arrangement to get the procedure done soon, with promises of “just a 15-minute procedure” using nitrous oxide (Pronox).

The Waiting Room & Surreal Patient Observations

[32:22-36:30]

• Amusing detail: Bryan notes an extremely elderly man (about 90) in a wheelchair also waiting for a vasectomy.
  • “Why would this 90-year-old need a vasectomy? He can’t even put his slippers on!” —Bryan, [35:25]
• Preps with a close shave and jokes about the precariousness of ball preparation:
  • “Shaving your balls is like shaving saran wrap.” —Bryan, [36:49]

The Procedure Experience: Pronox, Modesty, and Hallucinations

[40:13-57:27]

• Bryan is highly anxious while waiting on a tiny surgical table, musing about his lack of modesty in nothing but socks and a t-shirt.
• Describes the thrill of Pronox (nitrous oxide):
  • “I’m in a new zip code. Chrissy, did it hit. It hit hard. Tunnel vision. Zaza, Zuzu, wah wah.” —Bryan, [43:54]
  • “The only thing my brain keeps saying is ‘keep on breathing deep, keep on breathing deep...’” —Bryan, [45:04]
• Embarrassed but amused by the nurse’s clinical handling, taping his penis to his belly and prepping with ice-cold iodine:
  • “Never have I felt something so cold as the washcloth full of iodine all over the shaft of my penis.” —Bryan, [51:08]
  • Nurse shrugs off his jokes, replying: “It’s just medical to me. It’s like another organ. I see so many of them, so many shapes and sizes.” —Nurse, [52:18]
• Doctor arrives, apologizes for being late:
  • “I hope you’re not, like, having a bad day. Isn’t that what you do for a living? Deal with little things?” —Bryan, [54:10]
  • Gives multiple lidocaine shots: “I don’t care how much nitrous you’re on, when someone’s sticking a needle in your dick, you know about it.” —Bryan, [54:22]
• Doctor stops Bryan from peeking at the surgery:
  • “The doctor literally takes his elbow... pushes my head back down. ‘Let me deal with this end.’” —Bryan, [56:15]
• Continues to crack jokes through haze:
  • “So, hey doc, is this the best looking penis you’ve seen today?
    • ‘You don’t want to hear my truthful answer to that.’” —Bryan and Doctor, [56:19]

Aftermath: Bruises, Parenting, and Roach Trauma

[57:27-62:31]

• Bryan keeps using the Pronox hose for as long as possible post-procedure, much to the nurse’s annoyance.
• Leaves coated in iodine (“Red as a rabbit”) and ignores post-op instructions, which he soon regrets.
• Develops dramatic bruising (“Black as that screen”) and swelling, gets comically bad advice from Jeff and patient reminders from Astrid, his wife.
• The kicker: his son accidentally strikes him in the groin, and a large bug happens to appear at that moment:
  • “My son thought he hit me so hard a roach came out of my penis.” —Bryan, [61:33]

Reflections and Closing

[62:31-64:46]

• Krissy reassures Bryan that healing from a vasectomy is rough but survivable: “Looking back, it was just a couple days... but at the time, it’s more of an ordeal.” —Krissy, [62:49]
• Bryan ties it up with characteristic self-deprecation and plugs for their socials.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Parent-Child Negotiations:
  “You try and teach these kids lessons. They don’t get it. And I don’t understand... my one wish is that for 15 minutes, they could just be like adults so I could reason with them.” —Bryan, [11:58]

• On Vasectomy Fears:
  “Shaving your balls is like shaving Saran Wrap. Hi, I’m Bryan Green.” —Bryan, [36:49]

• On Nitrous Oxide (Pronox):
  “Chrissy, this Pronox shit, I’m telling you—it is the jam. If you’re ever looking to get high, get a vasectomy, ask for the Pronox.” —Bryan, [44:23]

• On Unwanted Surgical Erection Anxiety:
  “Please don’t get a boner, please don’t get a boner, please don’t get a boner. Why I would get a boner, I don’t know, but please don’t let it happen here.” —Bryan, [41:56]

• On Procedural Modesty:
  “The nurse tapes my twig to my stomach. Now I’m in Middle Earth thinking — please don’t get a boner!” —Bryan, [46:56]

• Post-Surgery Chaos:
  “My son thought he hit me so hard a roach came out of my penis. That’s what was in his head. Took three hours to convince him roaches don’t come out of your penis.” —Bryan, [61:33]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Holiday Banter & Secret Santa: [01:02–08:35]
• Parenting Philosophies & Wishes: [08:35–14:54]
• Atlanta Driving Ordeals: [14:54–21:32]
• Vasectomy Saga—Start to Finish: [29:03–64:46]
  • Pre-op Nerves: [29:03–36:30]
  • Waiting Room & Set-Up: [36:30–42:51]
  • Nitrous, Prep, and Embarrassment: [42:51–57:27]
  • Aftermath & Roach Incident: [57:27–62:31]
  • Reflections & Sign-Off: [62:31–64:46]

Final Takeaway

This episode is TCB at its finest: a deeply personal story delivered with relentless self-mockery, absurdist detail, and the side-splitting riffs that have made the show “the Cheesecake Factory of comedy podcasts.” Whether cringing or cackling at Bryan’s vasectomy debacle, listeners are reminded that even life’s most embarrassing moments make for great content when you’re “just fine” with being unpolished and unfiltered.

Best to you, as always, in the podcast universe!