TCB Classic: WWZD??

Summary

The Commercial Break – TCB Classic: WWZD?? (September 25, 2025)
Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley
Special Focus: Improv-comedy breakdown of “masculine energy” advice and the absurdity of pickup artist communities, featuring a deep-dive into a 21 Convention speech by Zan Perion

Episode Overview

In this “TCB Classic” episode, Bryan and Krissy revisit one of their all-time funniest breakdowns: their irreverent review of a notorious 21 Convention speech by pickup artist Zan Perion. Ostensibly about teaching “masculine energy” to men struggling with dating, the segment provides fertile ground for TCB’s signature comedic riffing on male “energy,” pseudo-spiritual jargon, chauvinistic advice, and the cottage industry of PUA (pickup artist) gurus. Along the way, Bryan and Krissy also riff on viral social videos, TikTok music licensing scandals, and the oddities of influencer culture, all wrapped up in their delightfully offbeat and self-deprecating banter.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. TCB Kicks Off: Quirky Banter & Technical Hiccups

• The hosts open the episode with their trademark improvisational chemistry, joking about the show’s “well-oiled machine” status amid ongoing technical difficulties and a missing guest.
  • “We got it dialed in. Dialed in… dialed into the phone number that doesn’t work anymore.” – Bryan (07:18)
• Krissy blames the chaos on a “new moon,” prompting Bryan to lampoon astrology influencers and “man moon circles.” (08:05)

2. Instagram Reels: Old Ladies Doing Drugs and Hippie Ayahuasca Ceremonies (09:00–13:10)

• Bryan recounts spotting Instagram reels of elderly women passing around “a huge plate of cocaine” at a European party.
  • “You do the drugs when you’re young… then you do them when you’re very old. Very young, very old. Because when you're old, what the fuck do you have to lose?" – Bryan (11:03)
• Krissy laughs at this “retirement plan.” Bryan transitions to a hippie ayahuasca ceremony video: he’d rather be the guy filming than participating.
  • "I’m just going to be here filming it for Instagram…” – Bryan (13:10)

3. Word of the Day: “Duende” (13:35–14:32)

• Krissy introduces “duende,” which Bryan jokes is the “Greek word for Mondays.” Turns out, the real meaning is “the quality of passion and inspiration.”
• Spiraling into a parody, they make up comical definitions and weave “duende” into old song lyrics.
  • “Desperado, why don’t you come to your shinshires? …I think this is about sex.” – Bryan (15:00)

4. Music Industry Rant: UMG vs. TikTok (17:11–28:46)

• Bryan explains Universal pulling its music from TikTok (“Heard it here last on The Commercial Break!”), bemoaning how little artists are paid per play.
• Hilarious, improvised ads for a fake "TCB Music" catalog of forgettable songs.
  • “We’ll literally take anybody as long as you can figure out how to get on our hosting system.” – Bryan (24:39)
• Krissy and Bryan lampoon their own negotiating skills with tongue-in-cheek “deals.”

5. PUA Culture, “John Anthony Lifestyle,” and the 21 Convention (33:18–39:10)

• The hosts discuss the “pickup artist” (PUA) scene, focusing on John Anthony Lifestyle rebranding from sleazy PUA to critic of other PUA tactics.
  • “It’s quite the kettle calling the pot black… He’s taking advantage of guys obviously in vulnerable positions…” – Bryan (34:23)
• Krissy voices sympathy for men who get duped by these schemes.

6. Main Event: The Absurdity of Pickup Artistry (WWZD/21 Convention Breakdown)

A. Introduction to Zan Perion’s Speech (39:10)

• Bryan sets up the infamous 21 Convention talk by Zan Perion, who preaches about “masculine energy” and balancing chakras to attract women.
  • “He’s got a Fu Manchu… like I could have been Johnny Depp, but I went to Krispy Kreme instead.” – Bryan (39:51)

B. The “Chakra” and Masculine Energy Farce (39:10–47:51)

• Zan’s advice involves channeling “upper energy” (humor, charm, politeness) from the chest/heart, and “lower energy”—which he eventually calls “dick energy”—from below.
  • “There’s my energy right on the floor, roiling around, screaming…” – Bryan (44:49)
• Zan says men fail God and society if they aren’t sexually assertive.
  • “You fail God, women, men, society, everything, when you, like, block off that energy.” – Zan (49:40)
• The hosts gleefully satirize every spiritual cliché and double entendre, performing mock “dick chakras,” “wine chakras,” and more.

C. “Nice Guys” vs. “Creeps” (59:01–60:46)

• Zan claims the world is full of “nice guys” who are too heavy on “upper energy” (being polite) and need more sexual drive, or as the hosts phrase it, "thrusting energy."
• Bryan: “You make nice guys sound like a bad thing. Guys should be nice in general. There are times to show your teeth—it’s not when you’re trying to pick up a woman.” (60:28)

D. The Logic Breakdown & Killshot Punchlines (61:00–69:39)

• Ridicules the idea that learning about anatomy or how to please women “isn’t what women actually want,” per Zan’s theory.
  • “Of course you do, Chrissy, because this guy is just talking shit. He just got paid $500 to get up there and give a speech he hasn’t even practiced.” – Bryan (63:32)
• With mock sincerity, Bryan and Krissy thank Zan for his “life-changing” advice and vow to practice their “dick energy.”

E. Bonus: The Woody Allen “Wisdom” (68:24)

• Zan (bizarrely) claims inspiration from Woody Allen, prompting a TCB critique of quoting problematic figures for advice about masculinity or relationships.
  • “Nothing says lower dick energy like the guy who married his daughter.” – Bryan (68:55)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Elderly Drug Parties:
  “This is where we go to retire—at the Western European Travelers parties where they just hand out free cocaine to old people.” (11:03)
• Instagram vs. Reality:
  “Nothing like going through an ayahuasca ceremony to make sure it gets on Instagram—otherwise you didn’t do it.” (13:22)
• Satirizing Masculine “Energy”:
  “He’s got a look… like I could have been Johnny Depp, but I went to Krispy Kreme instead.” (39:51)
  “Now I’m going to be thrusting my way into the bedroom tonight. Yes. I’m going to be dick energy all time.” (70:22)
• On PUA Culture:
  "He’s trying to make himself more presentable…there’s been a big backlash online about PUAs and their bullshittery…It’s taking advantage of guys obviously in vulnerable positions…” (34:23)
• On “Nice Guys” vs “Dick Energy”:
  “Our generation has only upper energy…and you're top heavy and you fall over.” – Zan (58:46)
  “You make nice guys sound like a bad thing. My God, this is the problem.” – Bryan (60:28)
• After Woody Allen Name-drop:
  “Nothing says lower dick energy like the guy who married his daughter.” – Bryan (68:55)

---

Timestamped Highlights

• [09:00] — Instagram reels: elderly party drugs and ayahuasca ceremonies.
• [13:35] — Word of the Day: “duende” leads to song parodies.
• [17:11] — Universal Music vs TikTok licensing rants; birth of “TCB Music” parody.
• [33:18] — PUA influencer John Anthony’s self-serving rebrand.
• [39:10] — Breakdown of Zan Perion’s 21 Convention “masculine energy” talk begins.
• [43:02] — The “whatever chakra” and “dick energy” farce peaks.
• [59:01] — “Nice guys” and why doing anatomy or massage is “wrong” (according to Zan).
• [68:24] — Woody Allen gets quoted—and immediately roasted.
• [70:22] — Hosts close with pledges to “thrust their way into the weekend” harnessing “dick energy.”

---

Tone & Style

• Breezy, rapid-fire improv banter, heavy on absurdity and hyperbole.
• Satirical, self-aware, intentionally chaotic—leaning into TCB’s reputation as “The Cheesecake Factory of comedy podcasts.”
• Riffs on pop culture, internet oddities, masculine self-help grifts, and their own status as “reluctant, forgotten influencers.”

---

A perfect “classic” episode for listeners who love podcasts that gleefully roast online self-improvement cultures, self-styled gurus, and wellness jargon with wit, warmth, and a touch of the ridiculous.

Transcript

[Brian Green]

I'm probably just a little bit too excited to explain that Joe's Jeans sponsors this episode Finding a pair of jeans. A good pair of jeans. Those jeans, the ones you wear everywhere, the ones you want to wear everywhere, the ones that fit you perfect just like a glove, is like finding a soulmate. You may only find one or two of them in your life if you're lucky. And almost a decade ago, I fell in love with the one and only soulmate of my life, Joe's Jeans. No joke, the these are the best jeans the universe has ever provided me. Joe's Kinetic 2.0 jeans are rugged on the outside, but honestly so soft and stretchy you may forget you're wearing denim at all. It's got style and versatility. I can get up in the morning, I can go grab my coffee in them. I can go to a concert, I can put on a button up shirt and maybe go to a semi fancy restaurant with my 12 to 13 children. They use premium materials designed with purpose and built to last. My favorite is the Brixton in Nod or the Asher and Doheny. Both styles are timeless and they're ready to your closet for years. I have pairs that I have had for five or six years. Still looking great. Do yourself and the people you love a favor and go to Joe's jeans.com and use the code BREAK at checkout for 20% off your first purchase. That's Joe's jeans.com code BREAK for 20% off. It's the one thing in my closet that I evangelize to all my friends, family and anyone who will listen. Joe's jeans go to Joe's jeans.com and use that code break for 20% off. And thank you to Joe's. Follow for being a sponsor of the commercial break. This episode is sponsored by five Hour Energy. If you're like me, you want your caffeine to do more than just wake you up. You want it to taste good too. That's why I've been reaching for five Hour Energy shots. These little two ounce bottles are packed with big bold flavors. Seventeen of them to be exact. Maybe you're craving something crisp like watermelon that tastes like summer. Or maybe you're in the mood for a smoothie inspired strawberry banana. And if you like your caffeine with a tangy kick, Sour Apple is my favorite. It's tart, sweet and seriously tasty. Each shot of five hour energy has about the same caffeine as a 12 ounce premium cup of coffee, but with zero sugar and none of the sugar crash. And because they're so portable, you can keep one in your bag, car or desk drawer, so you're ready whenever you need a boost. Give your caffeine a flavor upgrade with 5 Hour Energy Shots. Get it in store and online at Fiveourenergy.com or have it delivered by Amazon today. Thanks 5 Hour Energy for being a sponsor of the commercial break.

[Poetic Voice]

I walked in the door to grab a latte I paid $10 heard Ariana Grande but then I saw him and his big dog I felt my knees weak here came the brain fog and though I'm not gay you make me feel that way I hope it never ends my new Starbucks boyfriend All my toes curl, all the feels come my world the gold you are my shining sun we love to talk sports and swimming pools you like the patio I like the bar stools and we spill tea and we crochet the other tables might think we're gay I don't really care I hope it never ends you're my best Starbucks boyfriend and though we're still straight you make me feel a certain way I hope it never ends my new Starbucks boyfriend and though I'm not gay you make me feel that way I hope it never ends my new Starbucks boyfriend.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And though I'm not.

[Poetic Voice]

Gay you make me feel away I hope it never ends my new Starbucks boyfriend.

[Zan Perignon]

On this episode of the commercial.

[Brian Green]

Break in honor of the upcoming WWZD event, I felt it was only right, as we take our fall break, to get you prepped for an experience unlike any other. And if you're not familiar with wwzd, what in the fuck have you been doing with your life? Double WZD is an event put on by Zaun Perignon and the Double W's. Plus the ZD is an acronym for what would ZAUN Do? And Starting on the 29th of this month, you can spend an entire week with Zaun in a quote unquote entirely experiential event where you will learn the art of seducing a woman. I'm not sure Zahn's learned the art of seducing a woman, but if this is how you want to waste your hard earned cash, far be it from me. I've certainly spent more on worse. Let me give you a little quote from the website here. The WWZD Live experience is an amazing, interactive and deeply experiential week where you, a small cohort of compatriots, small being the underlined word, beautiful models and I will practice together, play together, and break bread together. I couldn't think of anything I would rather not do. One of the classes you will get to be entertained by is named her secret garden, quote unquote. It's the art of conspiracy. And metaphorically sneaking through the window into her secret garden. Magnificent and so much fun, says Zaun. It's limited to just a few participants, but I don't think Zaun's the one limiting that. I think it's the participants. And I couldn't find out any information on exactly where this is going to be held. I imagine this is one of those let's put the horse before the cart. And hey, it's expensive to rent out those holiday and ballrooms. Going to want to make sure you got enough sardines to pack in that can. But Zahn does promise it'll be one of the most beautiful cities in the world. How subjective and mysterious. So for you today on a TCB classic, I'm proud to republish one of the finer moments in tc My whatever chakra. I K N y k D y. If you know, you know. And if you don't, you're about to find out. We'll be back soon with fresh content. Bye.

[Zan Perignon]

The next episode of the commercial break starts now.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the beautiful co host of the commercial break, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chrissy and best you out there in the podcast universe. Started talking before the microphones were on. I was like professional organization, tip top ship shop over here in shape.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, it's running like a well oiled machine.

[Brian Green]

Today especially, we're just, we got it dialed in. Dialed in.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

We're dialed into the phone number that doesn't work anymore.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, you know, we'll get there, we'll get there. I'm almost ready to present a new phone number, but not quite yet. We're having all kind of technical misfires here at the commercial break. But we'll get there. We'll get there. I want to share that we had a planned today, the day that we're recording this episode. We had planned not to record this episode. We had planned to have a very special superstar guest for a TCB infomercial. And we could not get him for the life of us, could not get him into the actual studio from the, you know, Internet. Yeah. Technical issues. I don't know what was going on.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It is a new moon today, so maybe that has to do with it.

[Brian Green]

Oh, well, that explains that. Is the horseshit I was looking to excuse myself from Boom, boom, bam, Moon Psycho. I'm having my man Moon Psycho. I had some that was on my Instagram and it was like, have you been to a man moon circle? And I was like, a man moon circle? Well, yes, I think I have, actually. I think I've been to two or three man moon circle. Two things. Update about Instagram. They went to the word of the day. Number one, I found more. You remember I told you was it was this. You know, I think Tina or you. We talked about the Instagram reel. I saw where the old ladies were at a party and they were passing around a plate of cocaine. No, okay, that was Tina. Okay, so I saw this reel. It was, I'm assuming, somewhere in Western Europe.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, you sent me the reel, though. Oh, yes.

[Brian Green]

And they were doing blow. They were like old ladies sitting at a table, big party going on around them with lots of, you know, different age groups. Kids, kids, all the way up to very old folks. The old ladies were sitting at a table and they were passing around a huge plate of cocaine. And they were either sucking it in through their mouths and then, like, you could tell they were, like, licking their lips and, like, rubbing their teeth, just as you would if you had done cocaine. Or they were sucking it into their nose. So either inhaling it or sniffing it. I guess it gets. Goes to the same place either way. And then they showed them later on in the party. They were moving, dancing, like, follow up to that video. There is a second part to that video where more old ladies at the same party are passing around that same plate of cocaine. And I was like, this has gotta.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Be like, Pablo Escobar's family.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, no, no, I think these were Western European folks. They almost look like. I don't want to say the word gypsy, because someone wrote me and told me that was highly offensive. I'm sorry, I didn't know they have it on tlc. I thought if it's on tlc, it must be safe to say on the tcb, but that's apparently not. But they looked like Western European or like, you know, travelers, something like that. So what do you want me to say? I can't say gypsies. What do you want me to say? I mean, I'm sorry if I offended anybody, but I thought that was a term that they use for themselves on the fucking television show. Okay, all right, I'm going to calm down, though. I understand it might be offensive to people, so I'm going to call them travelers. Right? That's what they look like? Travelers. Travelers. I don't know. Okay, so here we go. And then I thought to myself, wow, this is either one big hoax video. Yeah, they're clearly sucking up sugar or something. Baby laxative or whatever. Or this is how you and I retire. This is where we go to retire at the Western European Travelers parties.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Where are you going? Traveling.

[Brian Green]

Yes, traveling. Travel to the parties where they just hand out free cocaine to old people. And I thought to myself, why the fuck not? Why the fuck not? Good for you. This made honestly, Chrissy and I told Tina this. It made me think about drug use in an entirely different way. You do the drugs when you're young, test them out, see how they go. See if you're one of those people that are gonna, you know, die on the side of the street or manage to pull through. And then you do them when you're very old. Very young. Very old. Because when you're old, what the fuck do you have to lose? You might as well have a party.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Now my luck, I take one little. I start sucking it because my. I got congestion now because of the young cocaine abuse I did. But I suck that first line and I plop down right there. Widowmaker, right? Or.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Or we have a really good time.

[Brian Green]

We go to a man moon cycle and we get it done. And then number two on Instagram, I wanted to share with you is that because of these hippie dippy that I follow sometimes. Sometimes to laugh at, and then sometimes I actually am into it. I saw a big circle of people. Imagine 80 hippies in a big circle. I'm assuming Costa Rica, Colombia. Nope, not on the beach, but that would have been nice. In the forest, in the rainforest somewhere.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It was one of those.

[Brian Green]

And they were doing the ayahuasca ceremony. They all had the ayahuasca cups and they were all sucking it up. So the beginning is they're, you know, chanting to the new man moon cycle or whatever. Oh, you know, whatever. They slurp down that nasty ass drink of ayahuasca. And then fat. Then the quick cut. Now they're all out in the middle of the rainforest, tripping their brains out, throwing up. And it was reminded me it was filming this. The one guy who did not do ayahuasca that day. Yes, the one guy who was like, yeah, I'm good. That's me. Yeah, that would be me.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'm gonna wait and see what happens.

[Brian Green]

Listen, I'm gonna let you finish, but before you do, I'm really cool with whatever you guys are about to do. Let me step back and film it for posterity's sake.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Right.

[Brian Green]

You're gonna want to see yourself screaming like a howler monkey because you're dying a thousand deaths on the inside, throwing up blood out your nose. I'm just gonna be here filming it for Instagram because that's what you're gonna.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Pop it up on Instagram?

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Nothing like going through an ayahuasca ceremony to make sure it gets on instag Believable.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Otherwise you didn't do it.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Other picture didn't happen. Isn't that what they say? Receipts? It didn't happen. Yeah. Word of the day.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, the word of the day today. Are you ready? I think you ask me that a lot. Are you ready?

[Brian Green]

Are you ready?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Like, I guess.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You're gonna do it anyways, right?

[Brian Green]

Yeah. You're gonna do it anyways. Why would I not do the day? Duend Day Duende.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

D U, E, N, D E. Yes.

[Brian Green]

That is the alternate. That is the Greek word for Mondays. Do I get to the end of the day shortened to duende.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I like that.

[Brian Green]

Thank you. Okay. Use it in a sentence. Let me see if I can actually get the real meaning of it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The duende behind his song comes from nature.

[Brian Green]

The inspiration behind that song comes inspirado. Inspirado. Why don't you come to your senses?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Quality of passion and inspiration.

[Brian Green]

There you go.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's it.

[Brian Green]

Sorry.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That song would be now be in my head for the rest of the day.

[Brian Green]

What a great song. What a great song. Desperado, why don't you come to your shinshires? You've been out riding fences for so long now. Riding fences. Never got it, but sounds, you know.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Is that what it says?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, but different. Yeah. Riding fences or making fences or something. I don't know. You're out making fences cause you're high on that myth. You better calm down and get some good. I got some Mountain Dew in the wind. What is it? Yeah. Despa. Desperado. Desperado lyrics. Let's see here. Oh, Desperado lyrics. Let me make sure that I get this one right. Lyrics. Because now I'm thinking to myself, I don't know if he says riding fences, but maybe Desperado, why don't you come to your city? You've been out riding fences for so long now. Oh, you're a hard one. I think this is about sex.

[Energy Speaker]

But.

[Brian Green]

I know that you've got your reasons These things that are pleasing could hurt you somehow. This is about riding the dildo I'm sure of it now.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Or you remember that one episode that we did with the people who want to have sex with inanimate objects? There was a fence in the wall.

[Brian Green]

There was. You are so correct about that.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

My memory hasn't gone yet.

[Brian Green]

Your memory hasn't gone yet?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I can't remember where I put my chapstick five minutes ago.

[Brian Green]

Oh, that is the worst. I am terrible.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I have 15 chapstick chapsticks and I can never find one. Chrissy, when I go to get one.

[Brian Green]

I have to keep one. I know I have to keep one here just so I don't forget where I forgot to forget it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, exactly.

[Brian Green]

I forgot where I forgot I put that thing. I mean, I'm forgetting my forgetting now. You know what I'm saying? I'll forget something. I'll go looking for it, and then I forget I can't find it, but then I forget what I'm looking for. I'm like, I forgot what I'm forgetting. It's unbelievable. I'm like, I'm going like, I hear you. I'm going three levels deep into forgetting. And it's really sad. And why does that happen? I don't know. I feel like Covid has something to do with it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'm gonna blame it on Covid.

[Brian Green]

I like to blame it on Covid too. I think I have that long Covid brain fog. Or it just accelerated my already intense brain fog. All right, let's do some headlines. Universal Music Group pulling the entire catalog from TikTok. Did you hear this one?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I did not.

[Brian Green]

According to the Morning Morning brew, the biggest hurdle to get. Excuse me. When future archaeologists find the TikTok catalog, they're going to be so bored watching the post Barbie homages to girlhood without the haunting Billie Eilish song. Universal Music Group umg, which is a music label for huge artists like Eilish, Taylor Swift and Drake, said it would pull its catalog from the platform after failing to negotiate a new contract with TikTok. The app's nearly 1.4 billion users should start to hear the change today. That was two weeks ago, now that I'm reading this.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

So it may have changed, but you heard it last.

[Brian Green]

Heard it here last on the commercial. The commercial break. The change will be happening today in songs and videos as the old contract expired at midnight. This was February. This is like February 3rd. This happened.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

So what happens if you're looking at a tick tock that had one of these songs that's been pulled? Is it just silence Yeah, I think.

[Brian Green]

It gets pulled automatically. I mean, I don't know for sure, but I imagine that's how licensing works. Like you can't then continue to gain views if you don't have a contract for those views to be played on music to be played with that music. The biggest hurdle to getting a new deal was royalty payments. UMG accused TikTok of building a music based business without paying fair value for that music. That comes after the app reportedly brought in nearly $20 billion in ad revenue last year.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Wow, that's insane.

[Brian Green]

Online safety concerns, worries that TikTok isn't doing enough to protect artists from AI are some of the other issues UMG discussed. The company pushed back. TikTok is sweating this issue, saying that there's a false narrative from umg. It reached an artist first deal with other labels. But this could meant represent a major snag in TikTok's future music plans, especially after it launched TikTok Music back in 21. In some countries, including Ireland, Australia and Mexico, they did that to take on Spotify and Apple Music. Listen, they already have the established user base. They do to become the place and to become the place to listen to music because everyone's familiar with the app. It's right there at their fingertips. They don't have to deal with that Apple turning on every goddamn time you turn on your car and still happening to me today.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, the line. I know you want to know.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'm like, I listened to that like three months ago. Why?

[Brian Green]

I know it's so random. It's so random. But once it gets stuck, it just.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Keeps playing the same song and then.

[Brian Green]

All of a sudden it'll play a new song. You know what? It's playing in me now. Playing in me. You know it's playing in me now.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

What's the duende?

[Brian Green]

What's the duende? The duende is I googled or I, excuse me. On Apple Music. I searched for a remix of that Creed song because I was gonna play it. So now it's, I've got that, you know, whatever that was from the other day. Oh my God, I can't stand it. I'm going six feet under. Maybe six feet under ain't that far. Drop the Creed. Drop the Creed. You know they're a Christian band who didn't intend to be Christian but now are Christian, don't you? She got all the young ones up in, up in arms. I think this is a big deal for Tick Tock because I think part of the allure Of Tick Tock. Sounds like it is the music. And so many people do dancing and things. And so many artists have broke big on Breaking Bad, essentially on Tick Tock. And when you can't then distribute your music. Big broke big. We broke big on the backs of nobody's music. On the backs of 33p. Owned by no catalog company.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, call me Tick Tock.

[Brian Green]

Hey, umg, I'm ready to strike a deal. I hear you and Tick Tock are on the outs. What about TCB music? The Line of the Lamb? Now, from umg, the people who brought you music on Tick Tock comes the unbelievable TCB music With such classic favorites as the lion and the Lame and Sunny side Up. And you've been out riding fences for so long now, I think we probably put a good catalog together.

[Zan Perignon]

The only place to get all your favorite music, DCB music.

[Brian Green]

Listen to these classic songs, Fiddle Diddle Doodle.

[Zan Perignon]

Who can forget Sunny side Up, Sonny Got up, or Dying in the Grass?

[Brian Green]

She was dying in the Grass.

[Zan Perignon]

Don't forget this Pearl Jam classic.

[Brian Green]

The Waiting Drove me Mad.

[Zan Perignon]

All your forgettable, favorite forgettable songs live on tc, baby. Music. Hey, it's better than Apple Carplay.

[Brian Green]

We've sung quite a few songs on this. On this show. I think none of them remarkably well. But, you know, hey, why not?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

We'll do a little diddy.

[Zan Perignon]

Who can forget r. Tony.

[Brian Green]

Got your lover Got, Got your lover making pasta Rig rig. Gatoni.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, man. That poor bastard.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I know.

[Brian Green]

You may go. There's an episode of the commercial break called Rigatoni. Reggae. Tony. Yeah, like reggae. And then the. And then the name. Tony. It's probably episode. I don't. It's got to be in the first 50 episodes. We were reviewing bad music auditions, and there was one from. I think it was American Idol. Maybe in Europe somewhere, two guys come up, up. They look perfectly normal, perfectly like decent human beings. But this is back in the late 90s, I think, early 2000s, something like that. It's from a long time ago. And the judges were like, okay, what you gonna sing? And the guy's like, well, I'm gonna sing a song we actually made up ourselves. And he's like, oh, okay, great. And the guy. One of the guys starts off lovely. It's a lovely. Sounds great song. Yeah. He's like, I wanna take you home I won't leave.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. The judges are looking and they're like.

[Brian Green]

Oh, wow, this guy. And then reigatoni, the guy standing next to him, doing nothing for the first six Verses of the song is like, lay you down girl, gets you down girl. Yeah, Yaman, come on now he starts like doing this reggae rap in the background, completely destroying any chances of the other guy to get in. And it was just so, so funny. I, I wish, I wish we could have those guys on. You know what I. Whatever happened to rigatoni? That's what I want to know. Did they, did they break big on Tick Tock or are they headed straight for tcb? Minus.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Latter may be true.

[Brian Green]

The latter is probably true because it's not hard to break it big here. We'll literally take anybody as long as you can figure out how to get on our hosting system. We'll be happy to have you as a guest. Yeah. So I think big deal for Universal and TikTok. I probably imagine by the time this airs they've already figured it out. Yeah, but it's a big deal even to pull it for just a couple of weeks because you're right. So many of those TikTok fads are around dancing and dancing to very popular music. Not like, you know, but I wonder how much an artist gets paid per view on Tick Tock.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I don't know.

[Brian Green]

It's got to be pennies, no thousandths of a penny.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Because when you are.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's the way Spotify.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. When you're on Spotify, I. It didn't. Taylor Swift made like what, like a hundred million dollars on Spotify in 2023 or something like that. Like the. She was the most popular artist. And then there's Bad Bunny, he was the second most popular artist and I think he made like, you know, $93 million or whatever it is. But they had been billions of plays of their songs. So if you're the average artist like 33 Penis or Chopper Johnny Johnson and you're getting hun. You know, I don't know, for me, tens of plays every day. But let's say you're getting hundreds of thousands of plays every month. You aren't making any money on Spotify. You might be getting an 80 check from them and someone's listened to your music hundreds of thousands of times. I can understand why you'd be upset because if you had to go to Turtles Music and buy a CD to listen. Yeah. You'd pay 29.99 or whatever. At the beginning it was 1999. By the end it was like 29.99 for a CD, an entire album's worth of music. But there was a good chance that the artist actually saw some cut of that two or $3 from every sale. So if you sold hundreds of thousands, let's say there was hundreds of thousands of people generating those hundreds of thousands of views. There's hundreds of thousands of people buying your music. If I do my quick math. Math. You're making $57 million per CD.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's good math.

[Brian Green]

Thanks. I carried the one this time. So I do think this is a big deal. And of course, UMG is trying to get their. Their take, and Tick Tock doesn't want to pay as much, but they made $20 billion last year. Is it really a big deal to cut off an extra billion to the artists who are making your platform so popular? But you know what they say. You know what they say? TikTok is a Chinese owned application, and the Chinese are known to be the toughest negotiators in the world. Except for me. I am also the toughest negotiator in the world. If you want me to lose money, all you have to do is negotiate with me. I will make it tough for myself to make any money in a negotiation. That's how I roll.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Buy high, sell low. That's your motto.

[Brian Green]

Yes, that's right. Okay, Brian, we've come to the conclusion that your catalog is worth $10,000. Well, I've come to the conclusion that I'll sell it to you for $3,000, not a penny less and not a penny more. Okay, we'll check our math real quick on this one. Yep, I'm getting universal consent here.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Manager approved.

[Brian Green]

I'm going behind my manager's back to make myself an even worse deal. Okay, I'm checking in the boardroom here. Yes, we all agree. $3,000 and not a penny more. $11,000. I thought we agreed on three. Well, now I want one. Okay, we'll go down to one.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I just need it in cash right now.

[Brian Green]

Yes, I'll take $58, and I want you to PayPal it to me immediately. Okay, what about $30 and we'll cover the PayPal fee. 27. Okay, that's a good deal. Can you sign the contract? I already signed it. I crossed out 10,000. I put $7.27.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You've already sent it to me to sign. Chrissy just signed this. I mean, sign it, take a picture, get it back to me.

[Brian Green]

Quick, quick, quick, quick. So we can not get paid for three months. I need you to make that check payable to Georgia Power to Verizon Wireless, cell phone services, Phone dot com. Phone dot com. Oh, yeah. Well, in Life. You know, in life, you're good at some stuff, you're not good at others, and some will. That's why you hire somebody else to do all the tough talking for you. All right, we'll take a break. We'll be back.

[Rachel]

Okay. You're probably wondering why I, Rachel, have taken over the voice duties at tcb. It's pretty simple. Astrid asked me to shut Brian up, even for a minute. Well, lovely Astrid, your wish is my command. Do you want to help Astrid, too? You know you do. Leave a message for her or me or Chrissy at 212-4333, TCB. That's 21 32, 22. You can be on the show, too. Just call and say something, anything. Or text us, and we'll text you right back. Promise. Then head over to tcbpodcast.com and get your free sticker. It's your constitutional right to a sticker, and we must abide. You get the point? Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and watch all the episodes on [e-mail] thecommercial break. Best to you and Astrid, especially Astrid.

[Brian Green]

This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. I'm out on our little break. I'm over at the local coffee shop and I'm talking to one of the people behind the counter, and they say, I want to start my own podcast. To which I reply, you already have more listeners than we do. But their question to me was, what do I need in order to launch a podcast? Three things. A microphone, an idea, and a website. And our good friends at Squarespace, they have the all in one website platform designed to help you stand out, out and succeed online. Whether you're creating content, selling something, offering a service, or just want to keep people informed about your comings and goings, you can build your website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place. And if a website is a building block of a business, what's the building blocks of the website? Two things, in my opinion. Number one, design. You gotta have a good looking design. And Squarespace has a collection of cutting edge design tools that anyone can use to build a website that fits your brand perfectly. Number two, building block, you have to be found. As I've often said about podcasting, if you want to be heard, you have to get found. No different out there on the World Wide Web. And search engine optimization is the key to doing that. While some companies and services may charge thousands or tens of thousands of dollars for search engine optimization, it's included with every single website on Squarespace. And the great news about all of this is you do not have to be some designer, programmer, search engine optimization expert. Squarespace is designed to help me build a website and if I can do it, you can do it. I'm really not all that smart. Go to squarespace.com commercial to save 10 off your purchase of a website or domain using the code commercial and start building your business or grow the one that you have or refresh that multi billion dollar conglomerate squarespace.com commercial and when you're ready to launch, make sure to use the code commercial. And thank you to Squarespace for always being a sponsor of the commercial break.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Hi, I'm Nancy Cartwright. You may know me better as the voice of Bart Simpson on Simpsons Declassified. We're diving into the mysteries that keep the Simpsons forever young. Have you ever wondered how the Simpsons regularly predicts future events? Who better to ask than the show's creators, performers and writers, the celebrity guests? Be sure to follow. Follow and listen to Simpsons Declassified wherever you get your podcasts. Hi DSW Earth, place of the humble. Brag here. The shoes are so good. No one would ever know how little you paid if you didn't go telling everyone that is. And with never ending options for every style, mood and occasion, all at really great prices, we'll definitely give you something to brag about. So go ahead, stock up on fresh sneakers from your favorite brand or try those boots you always secretly knew you could pull off. Find the shoes that get you at prices that get your budget at DSW stores [e-mail] let us surprise you.

[Brian Green]

Do you remember I was telling you about how or maybe I was telling you this off air. John Anthony Lifestyle, the PUA that we have talked about many times on this show, who pickup artist. Pickup artist who was just, just like a terrible human being in general, based on his videos, was a terrible human being. He couldn't even remember the name of the girl that supposedly had, you know, been running around town grabbing threesomes with him. Yeah, couldn't even remember. Couldn't be bothered to remember her name. He was picking up girls at the mall, at the jewelry stand. All kind of crazy. Starbucks. All kind of crazy. He is turning a corner on his channels. I've just been watching some of his videos and he's been turning a corner. He is now a critic of other pause. He is a like a guy who's just going straight at other PUAs for their techniques and their tactics, saying they're misogynistic and they're bad and they never work. I mean, it's quite the kettle calling. It's quite the kettle calling the pot black. I'm not even sure how that saying goes. It's quite the kettle calling the Q tip white. And I'm just saying that for.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's a good new one.

[Brian Green]

Thank you. And I'm. And I'm saying that from the perspective of a guy who knows not anything about picking up women, but I know that these tactics don't work. I'm smart enough to know that I've got enough common sense in my head to understand that this stuff just doesn't work under any circumstance. I mean, maybe every once in a. Even a blind squirrel gets a nut. Even a blind squirrel makes his way to a tree. Even a blind squirrel gets a strawberry every once in a while. And so I just can't believe the. The corner this guy is turning. He's trying to make himself more presentable. Yeah. And I think it's generally because there's been a big backlash online about pause and their bullshittery. It doesn't make sense. It probably was never going to work. It's taking advantage of guys who are obviously in vulnerable positions and are willing to do anything just to find some company, which I don't feel bad for the pause. I feel bad for the guys in the audience, and I don't.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That are paying money to go through the program.

[Brian Green]

These programs or these guys that get wrapped up with Andrew Tate and his fucking money, you know, his scam kingdom or whatever it is, they're paying really good money. They're paying, like, thousands of dollars to get these courses that are 30 minutes long and include guys like John Anthony talking about making out with three women at the same time. That doesn't help them get women. It just makes you feel better about yourself. John Anthony lifestyle. I'm keeping an eye on you, but I don't believe a fucking word you say. And I think if the money was in the Pois community, you would be back with them in a heartbeat. Well, you're seeing the tide turn, and you have enough common sense up in this noggin of yours to turn that corner with them. So you also don't get the end of this.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

What's he doing now?

[Brian Green]

He's, like, reviewing all of the paws for money. Oh, he's still doing the same thing. He's still going to coach you. He's just. He just slyly puts it in there while he's criticizing other paws. He tells you that he's the better part. Right. But he's taking a little bit more of a soft touch.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

Okay. So he's doing these breakdown videos like we do of other paws. And to be fair, I mean, not to be fair. To be fair to us, John Anthony started doing these breakdown videos of other paws suspiciously after we started breaking down John Anthony's PO videos. I'm not saying he did it because we didn't. I'm saying that it's in trend, and I think he's just following the trends like a lot of influencers do. Exactly. Like we do when it's trendy. To talk about something four and a half years later, we'll catch up to it. We just learned there was a pandemic. You want to talk about it? Trump won. He won. So last time we did a breakdown, and I noticed that John is now going after the 21 convention.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, the one that we reviewed a little while back.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Where the other guy. Who's the other guy?

[Brian Green]

Adam.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Adam. Adam the lion.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. So there are many, many guys that talk about the 21 Convention. The 21 Convention in of itself, in the 21 Group.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Legendary.

[Brian Green]

It's legendary. It's still out there. They get at least 50 to 60 views per YouTube video. They are really doing what? They get as many views as we do on our YouTube videos. Come on, guys. Watch a YouTube video. Is that really that hard? Could you do a favor for us, please? Pretty please? I will literally pay you $1,000 to watch 10 minutes of my video. I got to up that average watch time from 1 second to 7 seconds. So the 21 convention apparently is a big deal in this community, and it's a whole lifestyle. Like, it's not just about.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Of course it is.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. It's not just about picking up women. It's about being a man and asserting yourself and taking control of the.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Having the right lighting.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, having the right lighting.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Lamps.

[Brian Green]

Lamps.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I like lamps.

[Brian Green]

I like lamp. So I went back and I watched some of the videos at the 21 convention, and I found. And a very interesting segment about what it takes to have that masculine energy that women really want. This guy is a one of a kind. I don't know if he came from the party in the woods or if he came from the POI community. I think he's a good mix of alien light language and the POI community.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

I thought we'd take a look at him.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Spiritualness.

[Brian Green]

I think that's what he's trying to go for. I'm not sure with any effect, but a for effort.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The Moon cycle. Man moon cycle.

[Brian Green]

Man moon cycle. Just go for the man moon cycle. The man moon cycle. But I found it interesting enough that we should review here. Commercial break. Which is a low bar, by the way, but. Okay, there we go. So I was trolling on the Internet as you do, as I do like to do.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And I'm ready, just so you know. Okay.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. You're answering me before I ask. We've gotten to that point. We're like, I'm old married couple. Finish each other's sentences. All right, let's take a listen to what it takes to get that masculine energy that women are so attracted to.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Energy Speaker]

What I tried to capture in here.

[Brian Green]

His name is Zan Peronan. Is that Perionin? What's his name? I don't know. Whatever. Zahn. He probably says it's on Zon.

[Energy Speaker]

I tried to capture in here, and it's so powerful. I tried to write about the energy of men who women adore. They get a free pass. I tried to write about, what is it? What do they have? What is the qualities that they have? What is the spirit that they have?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Why is he holding his pants like Michael Jackson?

[Brian Green]

Guys who hold their belt. Yeah. That makes them look like, you know, their dick's about to pop out of their pants. They gotta.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I gotta hold it.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I gotta keep it in. He's wearing an entirely too small gray shirt.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

A T shirt.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, his dad bought all over the place. He's got a Fu Manchu and a scruffy way too wide goatee. This guy's got a look. It's like I could have been Johnny Depp, but I went to Krispy Kreme instead. You know what I'm saying? I could have been the Johnny Depp of fun. Yeah. God, I'm not. I'm not gonna make fun of teeth because, you know, teeth are not something you can control. But he's got a gray V neck shirt on, dad bod in full effect. And then he's holding his belt buckle as this is.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Got quite a few bracelets and necklaces.

[Brian Green]

As if his anaconda is about to slip out of the Amazon.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And ring. Oh, yeah, he's jewelry it up.

[Brian Green]

That's a thing. That's a thing with guys. More rings and like me, the more bracelets you wear, the more pussy you get. It's like there's an equation there somewhere.

[Energy Speaker]

And, you know, if you start from here, which is the center of gravity is a man here. I don't.

[Brian Green]

It's not the center of gravity. For a woman.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Also, he's pointing to his chest.

[Brian Green]

Okay. Yep. He looks like he's about to kung Fu us all into paying more money.

[Energy Speaker]

What chakra is. But if you do, imagine he's your center, whatever, chest, heart, chakra. You start from an energy force from here. As a man. Okay.

[Brian Green]

I like when you go to talk about the chakras and you say, whatever. Yeah, whatever it's called. I've studied it for 3,000 years. I am the last of the kung.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Fu chakras or whatever.

[Brian Green]

I was literally given my chakras by the Dalai Lama himself, but I can't remember what it's called. Whatever. Onward and upward. You paid good money to be here. Look at this Samsung TV behind me. They don't even have a screen. Like, you know, you go to a convention and they have the big screens behind them. Yeah, those big complicated setups with the stage and the lighting. Nope. They don't spend money on frilly shit here at the 21 convention. They're just going to go get a Walmart.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yep.

[Brian Green]

Please don't take it out of the wrapping. You know, the little wrap that comes around it, little plastic.

[Energy Speaker]

This is. This is incredibly important. You start from here like this. Your energy as a man moves out into the world from here. And it goes up and out like a breath.

[Brian Green]

Just like my dick. Just like my dick. Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

There it is.

[Brian Green]

Do it with me. Yeah, there it is.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

There it was.

[Brian Green]

There's my energy right on the floor, roiling around, roiling around, screaming, thank God.

[Wine Enthusiast]

I was stuck in his dick chakra or whatever.

[Energy Speaker]

It goes like this, and it's a beautiful masculine energy. This is you being charming, being humorous, being inviting, being gracious. This is you saying, would you like some more wine? This is you saying, hey, can I get.

[Brian Green]

Whoa. All that from your whatever chakra? I didn't know your whatever chakra was in charge of getting people wine, but that's awesome.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Would you like some more wine?

[Brian Green]

Hey, whatever chakra, let's get to action.

[Wine Enthusiast]

What do you need? I was asking her if she wants some more wine or maybe one of those pigs in a blanket. Those are really good.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, whatever chakra. Get to work.

[Wine Enthusiast]

All right, all right. Can we come up with a name, please? Whatever chakra sounds kind of shitty to the other chakra is. I'm here talking to the anus chakra and he says he's got a name. Anus chakra.

[Brian Green]

All right. Whatever chakra. Get to work.

[Energy Speaker]

Vote for you. This is you telling a joke, and this is you. Hey, guys. Nice to meet you. This is a great, beautiful upper energy. Masculine beauty. Charm, empathy, sympathy, whatever. Humor. All these beautiful.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

All of it.

[Brian Green]

Whatever.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Just breathe.

[Brian Green]

By the way, I didn't know that was masculine energy. Just to be polite. Yeah, I thought polite was being polite. Yeah. Empathy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's masculine.

[Brian Green]

I'm sorry. I've got my whatever chakra turned off. Fuck you.

[Energy Speaker]

Qualities of man comes from here and moves out into the world. Imagine you're on a job interview. Everything about you is high. You're sitting across the table from the interview. Yes, I did this. And even your eye contact is high. You can feel it, right? You're like, lifting. You're straight up as an arrow.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Like that should be high, too.

[Wine Enthusiast]

I am so fucked up, man. We're ready to go kill this interview. I got those dibbity dabs right in my whatever chakra. Let's go. I'm gonna jizz out my energy. I'm just gonna jizz it out onto the floor. Up and out, up and out. Just like the dick chakra.

[Energy Speaker]

And now I did this. And.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Energy Speaker]

And everything is high energy. And it's a beautiful energy. It's a beautiful masculine energy.

[Brian Green]

Energy.

[Energy Speaker]

And it's needed. Okay.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Is that the floor about to break?

[Energy Speaker]

Now imagine from the same center.

[Brian Green]

Yep. The whole room that they're in is about to collapse. But whatever.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Whatever.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, you paid good money. I got my belt buckle on. It's my superhero belt buckle. As long as I keep touching it, we're all in. Good space buddy of gravity here.

[Energy Speaker]

You sent your same heart or originating place.

[Brian Green]

It's got that same heart.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Not a different heart.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Do you have any cue cards or anything? Did you think about memorizing this before you came on your heart? He's trying to say chakra, but he can't remember. He's like, they originate in place. Originating place. You know, your center of gravity. Center of gravity. Not your center of gravity. You shit for brain.

[Energy Speaker]

There's an equal counterbalancing energy that is necessary to be a man. This is your dick energy.

[Zan Perignon]

Dick energy. Your dick chakra. Finally, we get to be white. Ryan 3000. My little 33p. That's right. Shut up.

[Brian Green]

Whatever.

[Zan Perignon]

Shut up, you whatever jocker.

[Wine Enthusiast]

Hey, man, I'm just up here trying to get some wine.

[Zan Perignon]

Get some wine for the pitches so they can get drunk and I can get to screw it. Yeah. Wine Ride 3000. I literally got bottles and bottles slipping on my dick. I am dripping with wine. Brian, 3000.

[Wine Enthusiast]

Hey, settle down. Be polite.

[Zan Perignon]

You whatever chakra.

[Wine Enthusiast]

Hey, if you don't settle down. I'm gonna tell Brian you said fuck.

[Brian Green]

Fuck you.

[Zan Perignon]

I'm the new center of gravity around here. I'm on the floor begging bitches and having fun.

[Wine Enthusiast]

You are so rude.

[Zan Perignon]

Goddamn right I'm rude. That's how you get the ladies.

[Wine Enthusiast]

I thought I was being polite.

[Zan Perignon]

Ah, he's lying to everybody. He. Another thousand dollars.

[Energy Speaker]

An energy that goes down and out into the world.

[Zan Perignon]

Goddamn right. We go down, down into the interior of the vulva.

[Wine Enthusiast]

Oh, my God, you're so rude.

[Brian Green]

Fuck off. I will not.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, I will not.

[Energy Speaker]

It's low on the floor. She vibrates. There's a vibration.

[Brian Green]

Can you feel the vibration coming from the floor? It's the floor collapsing. Could you feel the vibration? This Holiday Inn Express is about to fold. I didn't think this was gonna be this much fun, but I love it now.

[Energy Speaker]

Everything's about is lower. Your voice is lower. Everything's lower. This is your sexual desire.

[Brian Green]

This is. He's pointing like he's.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He's revealed like he's something that no one, no one's ever said before.

[Brian Green]

He's Sir Olivier and doing Shakespeare. He's like, this is your dick energy. Do you see it? Do you see my dick energy? It's coming from the floor. It's coming from the floor. It's about to rumble up. What if you just had like a huge erection?

[Zan Perignon]

It's time to show up. Oh, yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's what he was holding his belt buckle for.

[Zan Perignon]

That's right. Put that center of gravity back in your little heart cavity or whatever. We're going to now vibrate the floor with our balls. Bing, bang, bing bang. Here comes my dick right in your bum.

[Energy Speaker]

Which in the west is a bad thing. Toxic, you rapist.

[Brian Green]

Whoa. What? What? I don't think you're a rapist because you have sexual energy. Right? Right? Am I right? Right? Was that right with the rape thing? Am I right? He's trying to build his. Yeah. The whole audience is probably like, huh, Jesus Christ. My mom told me not to. I shouldn't listen to her.

[Energy Speaker]

This is you wanting to bend the world over. This is you seeing a heart shaped asset. I like this. I like that.

[Zan Perignon]

God damn right. Now we're talking turkey. This is you looking at a fat, fat ass going, God damn.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Hard shaped ass, hard shaped.

[Zan Perignon]

I don't care what shape it is, really. I don't have eyes. I'm just a dick jocker.

[Energy Speaker]

That's your. And I tell you this. It's. It's given to you by God. You fail God, women, men, society, everything. When you, like, block off that energy, which we all do, you fail God.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Women, men and society.

[Zan Perignon]

Exactly right.

[Wine Enthusiast]

Why do we have to get God involved?

[Brian Green]

Shut up.

[Zan Perignon]

Whatever chakra.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He is all over the place.

[Wine Enthusiast]

He is.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He's.

[Wine Enthusiast]

He's not using his center of gravity right now. Just settle down. I'll give it back to him.

[Zan Perignon]

My goddamn balls.

[Brian Green]

You will.

[Zan Perignon]

Let the tiger loose. You know what I'm saying?

[Wine Enthusiast]

I do not know what you're saying.

[Zan Perignon]

I told you to off off.

[Energy Speaker]

Society has been taught, eyes front, respectful, don't have any kind of this sexual energy at all. And it's wrong.

[Brian Green]

Wrong.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's wrong saying don't have any sexual.

[Brian Green]

No one said, don't have any sexual energy. You're taking it to the extreme. This is what all the. I've been watching some more recent 21 conventions, and this is what they all say. There's one guy that I watch on a video, he could not say. He could not have said more in his conversation. He was like, men in. And I was like, wow, that's. That's super intelligent conversation right there. Sorry, I was just getting a phone call from someone I owe money to and. And they're all, like, so angry because they think that this is how society has told them to be. That's not the case. Yes. They do not. Society generally does not want you going around raping people.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Right.

[Brian Green]

That's not the point. They are not asking you to not be sexual. As a matter of fact, I think we could use a little bit more sexual energy out there in the right way. Yeah, but just because you have a dick doesn't mean you don't have control over your dick. And that's the point. And he's playing into it. He's saying that everyone thinks you're a rapist just because you have a dick. That's not true. That is not true. Saying to men that they don't have control over their own bodies is. And it is proliferating the problem, not fixing the problem. My opinion. Right. And guys like this are just playing into it left and right. So that was my serious talk for the day.

[Zan Perignon]

We get back to the dick chakra.

[Brian Green]

Sure. I know, I agree. I know you don't like it when Brian gets all fluffed. All right, okay. But first, a break. We'll be back. Well, you know, a break generally taking a break. Pretty soon. I'm pretty soon taking a break. You make this rather snappy, won't you? I have some very heavy thinking to do. Before 10 o'. Clock.

[Rachel]

Hi cats and kittens. Rachel here. Do you ever get the urge to speak? Endless into the void like Brian. Well, I've got just the place for you to do that. 212-4333. TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Feel free to call and yell all you want. Tell Brian I need a raise. Compliment Chrissy's innate ability to put up with all his shenanigans or tell us a little story. The juicier the better. By the way, we'd love to hear your voice because Lord knows we're done listening to ourselves. Also, give us a follow on your favorite socials hecommercial break on Insta, TCB podcast on TikTok. And for those of you who like to watch. Oh, that came out wrong. We put all the episodes out on video. YouTube.com thecommercialbreak and tcbpodcast.com for all the info on the show, your free sticker or just to see how pretty we look. Okay, I gotta go now. I've got a date with my dog. No, seriously. Axel needs food. Today is pork chop day.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Why are more women than ever choosing Natural Cycles, the hormone free, side effect free way to take control of your fertility? Natural Cycles is a birth control app that uses your temperature to find your fertile window. It is more than a basic cycle tracking app. Natural Cycles is the only FDA cleared and CE marked birth control app and has helped millions prevent and plan for pregnancy naturally. Save 15% when you sign up today with code RADIO15. Learn more@natural cycles.com thanks for selling your car to Carvana. Here's your check.

[Brian Green]

Whoa. When did I get here?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

What do you mean?

[Brian Green]

I swear it was just moments ago that I accepted a great offer from Carvana online. I must have time traveled to the future.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It was just moments ago. We do same day pickup. Here's your check for that great offer.

[Brian Green]

It is the future.

[Energy Speaker]

It's.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's the present. And just the convenience of Carvana. Sorry to blow your mind.

[Brian Green]

It's all good. Happens all the time.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Sell your car the convenient way to Carvana. Pick up. Times may vary and fees may apply. Get smoother, brighter skin instantly. In one easy step. Dermalogica's daily microfoliant gives you the smooth, glowy skin you want without damaging your skin barrier. This gentle exfoliating powder activates with water to smooth out rough texture and brighten skin skin. It's powerful enough to deliver results, yet gentle enough to use every single day. Even on Sensitive skin. See the results for yourself. Visit dermalogica.com and use code smooth at cart for an exclusive free gift with 65 purchase.

[Brian Green]

Okay, we're back. Just where you wanted to be today on your morning drive or your afternoon run or whatever. Whenever you're listening to this at the 21 convention with Zaun.

[Energy Speaker]

Your sexual energy that moves onto the. It's like. It's kind of like bass that flows in the floor. Boom, boom, boom. And women can feel it. They can feel it when they're energy of. In the. In the, in the energy of a man.

[Brian Green]

Drop the dick chakra. Drop your energy. That's so stupid. So stupid.

[Energy Speaker]

That sexual vibration that floats on the floor. But here's the key. And here's the key.

[Brian Green]

Obviously this guy has never studied chakras. Never. He's happy to piggy front off of it, but he's never learned about it.

[Energy Speaker]

Yeah, you need both. Both energies. If you're only this upper energy guy which all the dating advice out there, all the mainstream media, how to be more humorous. How to take toastmasters, how to be tell a joke, how to be more.

[Brian Green]

Tell stories, storytelling, mainstream media. Come to Yuckel's dating class down on 955 Center Avenue. We'll teach you how to tell jokes, how to pull endless flowers out of your coat pocket and how to make coins magically appear behind girls ears. Nothing gets you line. Nothing gets you laid. Like chuckle. So come on down to Chuckles, Laugh Factory and dating advice.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He said Yuckles.

[Brian Green]

Yuckles. Hi, I'm Yuckles. And I too used to struggle with dating just like you. That's until I learned how to pull 14 people out of my clown car. Now I'm getting pusse everywhere I go. It's literally impossible to miss. I could put a blindfold on and end up with two children. I'm getting so much pussy. Don't listen to those other whatever chakra guys. Come on down and you'll learn classics like hey, what's that up your nose? Oh, it's a fake rose. What's on your shirt? What?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Pull my finger.

[Brian Green]

Pull my finger. Or the classic let me give you a wedgie. That's Yuckles Clown show and dating advice at 555 Central Ave. Now under Chapter 11, Yuckel's dating, dating advice, Clown school and dating advice. Yuckles, Cloud school and dating advice.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's right.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Mainstream media pushing Yuckels all over us. That's the problem. That's why we got all these issues. Mainstream Media pushing, knuckles all over us. We need more sincere, deep thinkers and men lot like chakra. Whatever chakra. Nothing says deep and sincere, spiritual and alive, energetic and manly like whatever chakra.

[Energy Speaker]

Interesting. How to be where to? Girl. Take a girl on a date is all.

[Brian Green]

I want to take a girl on a date, so I find a shirt two sizes too small.

[Energy Speaker]

All of the instruction for men is how to be more of this nice guy. Upper energy. If you're only upper energy, when you say to a girl, hey, I like you, would you like to go for coffee? And she says, I have a boyfriend. You're top heavy and you fall over, you flinch right in.

[Brian Green]

See how you fuck things up for us?

[Zan Perignon]

Whatever energy.

[Wine Enthusiast]

Sorry. I can't help it. Every time I get in front of somebody, I just fall right over.

[Brian Green]

You stop heavy and you fall over. What is this, a pratfall class? You fall over.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He's been to Yuckles.

[Brian Green]

Obviously he's been to Yuckles. What he has not been to is fucking, you know, super cuts. No one's washed that hair in two years. Oh, God, it's dripping with something.

[Energy Speaker]

You didn't mean anything by it. He didn't you. I have a boyfriend. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know he had a boyfriend. You're sorry because she had a boyfriend.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Never be sorry.

[Energy Speaker]

Okay, I respect that. And I'm.

[Zan Perignon]

Never say sorry. Never surrender.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I mean, what?

[Zan Perignon]

Don't say sorry. Don't say sorry. Don't say sorry.

[Wine Enthusiast]

Sorry.

[Zan Perignon]

You fucker. Now we're fucked.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

We just fell down.

[Zan Perignon]

You know what I would have said? I would have said, well, call him up and tell him you found a new dick to ride. That's what you say.

[Wine Enthusiast]

How rude.

[Zan Perignon]

Exactly. Too much of that upper energy, always making us fall over at coffee shops.

[Energy Speaker]

My job as a man. So this upper energy is what's being taught. This is why we have a generation of nice guys. You're either in your basement.

[Brian Green]

A generation of nice guys. You make that sound like a bad thing. My God, this is the problem. You make it. You make nice guys sound like a bad thing. Guys should be nice in general. There are times to show your teeth. It's not when you're trying to pick up a woman.

[Energy Speaker]

It's not, we playing World of Warcraft, not going out and meeting girls. Or you're being taught upper energy things, which are good things.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Nothing says nice guy like playing World of Warcraft all day long.

[Energy Speaker]

But if they don't have the counterbalance of that beautiful lower thrusting energy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It'S so beautiful.

[Zan Perignon]

Oh, it's delicious.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's beautiful.

[Brian Green]

Good.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

So good.

[Zan Perignon]

You want me to show you? Come over here, Chrissy with your apple bottom.

[Wine Enthusiast]

Settle down. She's your friend. Let's get her a drink first.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'll take some more wine.

[Wine Enthusiast]

You want some more wine? I got that covered upper energy here. Yeah, see? Now go hoof, hoofs. Fuck it off.

[Zan Perignon]

Now, don't worry, I'll be thrusting that glass of wine right at her.

[Energy Speaker]

That's spanking energy.

[Brian Green]

If you don't have that, the spanking energy. Someone literally just fell off their chair. They were like, has the check cleared yet? Because I want my money back. You could just hear somebody running to the door. Let's listen to that again. Listen, listen closely. It fell over.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Spanking energy.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, his nice guy energy just fell over.

[Energy Speaker]

Then you're a nice guy.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, he's too top heavy.

[Energy Speaker]

Women are dating nice guys and men are learning, okay. How to go down on a woman, how to her anatomy. They're reading all these books and programs and like how to please a woman.

[Brian Green]

Oh, God forbid. God forbid. We both get enjoyment out of sex.

[Energy Speaker]

How to massage her with right oils and candles for the right. They're pleasing women. And women say, I want that guy. Yeah, sign me up. No, you don't.

[Brian Green]

No, you want a guy who doesn't even know where the hole is.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No, you don't. I'm a man and I know. Yeah, I know what you want.

[Zan Perignon]

I'm just gonna start poking around until I find something to stick into. You don't mind, do you? That's thrusting energy, that guy.

[Brian Green]

What are you talking about, dude? You make no sense whatsoever. So guys getting educated about female anatomy to make this, the act of sex more pleasurable is a bad thing. Thing. Massaging them with oils is not what women want. Listen, I am no Casanova, trust me, no Casanova. But I'm also have. I don't think I'm going to be at a point where I'm going to complain about my sexual experience in life. My sexual experience is. I've had plenty of them, many of them bad.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'm a woman and I'm saying I like that stuff.

[Brian Green]

Of course you do, Chrissy, because I. Because this guy is just talking shit. He just got paid 500 to get up there and give a speech. He hasn't even practiced.

[Energy Speaker]

Practice guy goes down to you for 45 minutes. You could get yourself off in two minutes with your fingers. But it's nice, it feels good, it's cool. But you Have.

[Brian Green]

No.

[Energy Speaker]

There's nothing in him that makes it. Makes you.

[Brian Green]

What is he talking about? I don't know. He went from chakras to going down on someone for 45 minutes. First of all, don't know anyone who goes down on anyone for 45 minutes. That hurts your jaw. That's just bad. Bad. That's just bad physio right there.

[Energy Speaker]

This guy's incredible. You see?

[Brian Green]

No, I don't. Nope. I have no idea. Just as clueless as when you started.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Did you provide a handout?

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Is there a PowerPoint to go on?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'll call you back tomorrow and let you know about this proposal.

[Brian Green]

Are there follow up questions on this one?

[Energy Speaker]

Nothing in us that makes women say, wow, I can't stop thinking about that guy. He's never.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He's never what?

[Energy Speaker]

That's what's missing.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. He doesn't finish his sentences because he doesn't know what he's talking about. I bet these guys are all in the audience like, ah, right, so.

[Energy Speaker]

And if you're only lower energy, you're a creep.

[Brian Green]

Oh, well, thank God you've got a good balance because I don't know, I'd put you at the top of the creep heap myself.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Energy Speaker]

If you don't have it balanced, if you're the sexual guy looking at women's boobs and you don't have a balance with charm and humor and empathy and kindness and full respect.

[Brian Green]

Literally crawling around on the floor. The hot ones with the hard one. I'm down here with the lower energy, getting ready to thrust my way to you. You just see guys on the floor just thrusting across the coffee shop. Creep.

[Energy Speaker]

You're a creep. But if you have both, our generation has only upper energy. There you go. That's what we have.

[Brian Green]

Your generation. Yeah. There you go. There you go. Come to daddy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

He has both his arms outstretched. There you go.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That was the revelation.

[Brian Green]

Come to Johnny Depp Jr come to greasy Hair Johnny Depp. Somehow Johnny Depp makes greasy hair look good. This guy does not.

[Energy Speaker]

Welcome to my history. Oh, only upper energy. So afraid to show that we have this sexual desire to. Which is on this bill buckle.

[Brian Green]

I put on my magic belt buckle that I got in the Lucky Charms box. Look at me now. I'm dripping with lower dick energy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And grease.

[Brian Green]

And grease. I can't afford a shower. Thank God we're staying here at the Holiday Inn Express. They promised me a shower in return for my speech.

[Energy Speaker]

God. So afraid to show it in society. You can't say it.

[Zan Perignon]

Oh, no.

[Energy Speaker]

That's bad. That right?

[Brian Green]

No, you're not right? No, not right. Not at all.

[Energy Speaker]

Is this landing with you guys?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Because I've seen a lot of black faces out there.

[Brian Green]

Because all three of you seem to be kind of confused. Is the lighting good? You can't hear me? What's going on? Because I don't see a lot of shaking heads. That one dude fell off his chair a couple minutes ago and he hasn't recovered yet. He's just on the ground thrusting around. I'm just the AP guy. Well, then is that one guy. Are you getting this? Is this landing with you? What? I'm sorry, I had my headphones in. I'm on a conference call.

[Energy Speaker]

Makes sense. This is why we're here. It's why we have this problem in our lives which we're trying to sort this thing out. It's why women are going, where's the real men? Men every.

[Brian Green]

Oh, they're at the 21 convention. They're all at the 21 convention.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, my God. Almost spit my.

[Brian Green]

They're all giving speeches at the 21 Convention.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Real men, not.

[Brian Green]

They're giving speeches at the 21 Convention.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

The 21 Convention. That is what I'm going to start telling my single friends.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Forget about anything else.

[Brian Green]

I've already been posting on my Facebook about it and my next door convention.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Is where the real men are spotted.

[Brian Green]

21 convention tickets on my next door app. Spreading the good word.

[Energy Speaker]

Well, the women are saying, where are the real men? Women are doing both roles. They're being the man and the woman because the men are not showing up. Woody Allen said, oh, Woody Allen said this.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, Woody.

[Brian Green]

Good old Woody. He stops right there. That's it. That's all that happens. You get the Woody Allen ending with no Woody Allen. Woody Allen said this. This bad. Choppy cut. Wow. I'm going to have to find more Z Z's. Good.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You should always take advice from Woody Allen.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, and the guy. Yeah, exactly. Nothing says lower dick energy like the guy who married his daughter. I mean, honestly.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Oh, I know they weren't blood related, but I don't think it matters, actually. Not sure. He left his wife for his adopted daughter.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

They lived together.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Now, has he made some good movies? Of course he has. Everybody likes a good Woody Allen fable. But I don't like Woody Allen. So sometimes it's hard to watch his movies now because I'm like he. His daughter. That's not a good thing. I don't care. What kind of chakra. Whatever chakras you got going on that.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, Brian, that was a gem. That was a gem.

[Brian Green]

That was Z.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That was a zan.

[Brian Green]

We got to get Z back on. We should get Z on.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

We'll break him big.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, Z, you want to hit the big time. You want an additional three views? Come on the commercial break. Give us that same speech. I wonder if we could get Z on. I bet Z would be happy to come on, actually.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Well, that was terribly enlightening. I'm. I feel better already. I'm going into the weekend feeling great.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

About this laughter therapy.

[Brian Green]

Oh, I'm going to be thrusting my way into the bedroom tonight. Yes. I'm going to be dick energy all time.

[Wine Enthusiast]

The.

[Brian Green]

The way. All the way home.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Ho, ho, ho.

[Brian Green]

All the way home. Hi ho, hi ho. Whatever chakra we go. There we go.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

All right. Well, I don't have a phone number to give you, but I'll tell you to go to tcbpodcast.com that's where you find all the audio and all the video right there from one location. TCBpodcast.com you can go to the contact us page for right now. Send us emails because we're getting our phone situation straightened out after our phone number was stolen from us. Don't text the old number because you won't get a response. Add the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on tick tock and YouTube.com the commercial break. Okay, Chrissy, that was a good one.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

All right. But that's all I can do for this week.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

But I'll tell you that I love you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I love you.

[Brian Green]

Best to you and best you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I and our chakra or whatever chakras must say, we will say and we do say.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Goodbye when you can't agree on what to order or you're settling for whatever. Mealtime can be a major. That's where Wonder comes in. Download the app for access to everything you're craving. Mix and match hundreds of freshly prepared dishes from menus by renowned chefs delivered in one order. Say goodbye to compromise. From poke bowls to filet mignon, it's all on Wonder. Order fast free delivery or pick up and dine in at a Wonder location near you. Wonder the cravings expert. Get the app today.

[Advertiser Voice]

You just realized your business needed to hire someone yesterday. How can you find amazing candidates fast? Easy. Just use Indeed. Stop struggling to get your job posts seen on other job sites. Indeed's sponsored jobs help you stand out and hire fast. With Sponsored Jobs, your post jumps to the top of the page for your relevant candidates so you can reach the people you want faster and it makes a huge difference. According to Indeed data, Sponsored jobs posted directly on Indeed have 45% more applications than non sponsored jobs. Plus with Indeed sponsored Jobs, there are no monthly subscriptions, no long term contracts, and you only pay for results. And listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsor job credit to get your jobs more [e-mail] listen just go to indeed.com listen right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast. Indeed.com listen terms and conditions apply. Hiring Indeed is all you need.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It's Kelly Clarkson here to talk all things Wayfair. The best place to buy furniture, decor and anything else you can think of to create a home. You add absolutely love. I know when I shop with Wayfair I find options for every style. Whether I'm feeling boho or farmhouse, modern traditional French country, I can find exactly what I need for my home and more. No matter your space, style or budget. Shopwayfair.com to make your home way more you Wayfair Every style, every home.

[Brian Green]

Sam take a dick and keep on licking. And Doug Here we have the Limu Emu in its natural habitat, helping people customize their car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual. Fascinating. It's accompanied by his natural ally, Doug.

[Energy Speaker]

Limu is that guy with the binoculars.

[Advertiser Voice]

What, watching us?

[Brian Green]

Cut the camera. They see us. Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty Liberty Liberty Liberty Savings vary and written by Liberty Mutual Insurance Company affiliates excludes Massachusetts that's the sound of the fully electric Audi Q6E Tron and the quiet confidence of ultra smooth handling. The elevated interior reminds you this is more than an ev. This is electric performance redefined.