
Episode #707: Bryan watched the Oscars, Krissy did not! The Oscars continue to be a snooze fest despite Conan's best efforts. Adrian Brody best his own persona record for longest (and worst) acceptance speech in history. While the producers of the Oscars forgot to make it interesting. Then, Bryan and Krissy decide to get into the drink business with TCB Coolers. Finally, Bryan has a run in with a few ornery tree guys and he runs away. Rev down everyone. Rev down!
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Brian Green
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Chris
This episode is sponsored in part by 5 Hour Energy I am not a fan of losing an hour of sleep. Daylight Savings Day is confidently the worst day of the year for me. It only takes me three to four months to recover from that drag I feel. But what if we could regain that energy from the time we lost? Well, five Hour Energy has now made a One Hour Energy drink. It's a tiny pick me up to.
Brian Green
Get us through the day.
Chris
Tiny bottle, but big energy. Whether I'm staying up late, editing the show, or getting early to drive my children to school, it's hard to power through. But I've got a secret weapon. New one Hour Energy. It's something that really gets me through those humps and especially that afternoon slump. This is not the same as five Hour Energy. This one is designed for that extra targeted boost when I need it the most. It's quick and effective energy. It provides a feeling of alertness, and it helps me fight that drag that I so often feel middle of the day. It's pretty convenient too. You can keep one in your gym bag, at your desk, in your car, and it might only be here for a limited time. So check out the One Hour Energy shot and conquer your day. Visit Five Hour Energy.com to find a retailer near you and then try the limited one Hour Energy Shot. One less hour in the day. Challenge accepted.
Joy Hoodley
And welcome back to WSHIT's Evening News. It's news you can use before you snooze. Wshit. Lean and mean and first on the scene, an update on the continuing health scare from Donna's Dairy Depot in Delicatessen. With over 137 people now affected by the ongoing disaster. Dysentery virus found in the milk and cheese buffet. Authorities have yet to stop the spread of the illness. With almost all FDA employees now unemployed, Crabapple continues to see its residents fall ill with symptoms ranging from violent vomiting and fever to explosive diarrhea and tooth loss. The head of Crabapple's health department, recent RFK junior appointee Dr. Herven Skulkel held a press conference to address the community and give his advice on the extreme symptoms. Let's listen now to what the doctor had to say to residents experiencing gastrointestinal issues.
Brian Green
A flame is going to come out because it will be on fire and nobody will ever stick a penis in your butthole again.
Joy Hoodley
And Dr. Skel also added that residents should take their daily dose of colloidal silver. And we wish all the best to our anally challenged friends. We'll be back after this commercial break.
Brian Green
On this episode of the commercial break. Listen, if we were in the wine cooler business, that's where it's at. We're gonna do a merch drop. I'm not even gonna say when. Cause then it'll never happen. But we're gonna do a merge drop. And like, Aster and I are talking about it. And now I'm thinking wine coolers. Why not wine coolers? Let's drop wine coolers. And then some weird hangover remedy made of beet juice. Beet juice and colloidal silver.
Rachel
I like it.
Brian Green
Maybe we should mix our wine cooler with our hangover remedy, the drink that gets you sober. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. The party of the morning. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the Mikey to my mower. Chris and Joy Hoodley. Best to you, Chris.
Rachel
Best to you, Brian.
Brian Green
To you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. Did you watch the Oscars? We haven't had a chance to talk about it because this is our first episode since the Oscars appeared. Did you watch the Oscars? The Oscars? If you didn't mean.
Rachel
I did not watch the whole thing.
Brian Green
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm doing that Conan thing where he takes his hip and he moves it back and forth, you know, you don't know the Conan thing. Yeah, he takes his hip, he moves it back and forth with a string.
Rachel
I love that.
Brian Green
Yeah. Okay. All right. So Conan. Conan did the Oscars. I think, you know, he did a job. He did just fine. Conan did just fine. He was a steady hand on the ship. He did a great, I think, intro monologue. He did a good job without offending too many people. He was really funny. I like the bit with John Lithgow. You know, Conan is a good host. He's done this for a long time. He did whatever it was. 26 years, 30 years of late night television. So he certainly knows how to work a crowd. He knows how to be in front of a crowd, how to deliver a monologue, how to be funny. He's got a team of writers.
Rachel
He kind of never ages. Now that I think about it, Conan doesn't age.
Brian Green
Good docs or good genes. Question mark. Yeah, you're right about that. Conan doesn't.
Rachel
He's been on for that long. He is, but yeah, I haven't seen an age.
Brian Green
Yeah. His first television show, of course, came on. Was it, Was he on NBC? Did he come on after the late night? Yeah, he came on after the late night, after the Tonight Show, I think, is what it was. But Conan O'Brien, you know, from moment one, was a very skilled comedian and a comedic writer. He's self effacing. He never takes himself too seriously. He's humble in the face of all successes. And then when he got fired from the Tonight show, he took over the Tonight show for two minutes. And then when he took over the Tonight show, he became an international superstar.
Rachel
Yeah.
Brian Green
Not because the Tonight show did well, it did not do well under him, but because he got fired in such an unceremonious way. And then that pompous jack off, Jay Leno came back after he promised he was retiring. Came back for another 10 years. You remember that? Yeah, yeah. That made me. I was never the biggest Jay Leno fan, but that kind of sealed it for me. I was like, that's a really shitty thing to do to your quote unquote friend. But I don't think Jay Leno is friends with anybody. I think Jay Leno is friends with Jay Leno. Do you know what I'm saying?
Rachel
Yeah. And his car.
Brian Green
Yeah. So I say all this to say that I think Conan is uniquely suited, like Jimmy Kimmel to handle the Oscars or something like the Oscars, an award show that really needs someone who can bounce it along, keep it on time, tell jokes in between, improv when necessary. When he sees things happening, do it on the fly and move to the next one. But it doesn't matter because the Oscars is a snore fest, no matter what.
Rachel
Kind of seems like that. That's why I didn't really tune in.
Brian Green
It has really become, you know, when.
Rachel
Ben Stiller came up and went like halfway up or something, he was introducing some category.
Brian Green
Oh, he was, Yeah. I must say, I must have taken a pee break during that because I think I watched most of it, but I don't remember Ben Stiller.
Rachel
Yeah, he came out, he was introducing something.
Brian Green
Speaking of Ben Stiller, Ben Stiller show severance has now become the most watched streamed television show ever. Yeah, something like, you know, 539 million minutes of streaming watched or something. So 7, 97% rotten tomato score. A lot of people don't like it, but I do. I think it's very good.
Rachel
I love it. I have a love hate with it though, because as soon as I watch the latest one, I immediately want to see the next one.
Brian Green
Yeah, you have to know what the next one is. And it's just, they just don't do it. Like, I wish they would just dump a season on us. Dump a season on us and then I can wait another two years for the next season. I'm okay with that. Yeah, they can move the production along a little faster. That would be great. But I also understand it must be very hard to write this show. There's a lot of loose ends you gotta wrap up. They don't want to make it. And then to film it like a puzzle. It is like a puzzle. Anyway, we've talked enough about severance. I'm a severance. I'm a cuck for severance here on the show. But you know, I thought Conan did just a fine job. I think the Oscars is a snooze fest. I think it's really just become kind of a boring, you know, jack off show. And so let's talk about it just for this segment and then we're gonna, we're gonna move on. You didn't watch the whole thing, did you?
Rachel
No, but I got, I was getting updates too on my phone of like what's, you know, who won.
Brian Green
So there are two moments of the show that I think were very interesting and that was Conan's beginning monologue, kind of the, the first 15 minutes of the show. They did like a very nice tribute to LA and moviemaking and to the people who suffered the horrible things during the wildfires over there in L. A And the firefighters who of course were very brave and went in there and tried to save people's homes and businesses. So that was very nice. And then there had been a lot of talk and of course it came true that Ariana Grande teamed up with. Oh God, now I can't remember her.
Rachel
Or Vivo or Cynthia Erivo.
Brian Green
Yes, Cynthia Erivo. They teamed up to do their whole wicked thing. So Ariana Grande came out and she sang Somewhere over the Rainbow. I noticed that she was lip syncing Somewhere over the Rainbow. Now I would imagine this has something to do with maybe her voice wasn't in great shape, maybe she wasn't feeling Good. Something along those lines. But I noticed that the music, the actual backing track and her lips were not 100% aligned. The cameras did not show close ups when she was moving her lips in while she was doing the lyrics. But then I also noticed when Cynthia came out to do the Wicked song, you know, Defying Gravity that she was singing. It appeared that she was singing. You could hear the breaths, you could hear the, the lips. You could see that Ariana was singing.
Rachel
Your favorite pastime.
Brian Green
It is my favorite pastime. I love to determine whether or not someone is lip syncing and I like to call it out. Now I don't have any problem with it because it's the Oscars and you don't want to fall flat on your face during the Oscars, especially if you have a cold. Listen, this is coming from the former singer of 33, Penis. Okay? I'm not saying that I could do a better job. I'm just sharing with you that that's what I observed. I observed that she was lip syncing during Somewhere over the Rainbow and not during Defying Gravity. So Cynthia comes out. It's mainly a Cynthia song. That Defying Gravity. There's a few lines for Ariana. She fucking nailed it. I mean 100% chills up your spine. Nailed that song, every note of it. And that to me I'm convinced she's. That girl has got a voice among voice. Such a tiny little frame and such a huge voice comes out of it. I will share. Well, no, I'm not going to share that because then I'm going to get to comments and stuff like that. Brian, should you. This is one of those moments when Brian goes, should you or will you regret this 10 days from now when you have a list of text messages beating you up about what you just said. Okay, I'm not going to share it. Nevermind. You make your own judgment calls. But Cynthia has an amazing voice. She brought the house down, everybody standing up. And I thought to myself, okay, this is a great start to the Oscars. Let's keep it going as my children are screaming. My children doing their own version of.
Rachel
Defying Gravity in the background, the practicing.
Brian Green
But then honestly, it just became a snooze fest. It was, you know, award after award. The presentation style was not particularly interesting. Conan did not. He was not on camera enough, I think to make a super impact on what happened. He showed up for a few seconds, made a one liner and then went away introducing the next people who were introducing the next category. And that the way that they did it this year. For those of you that didn't watch, and most of you didn't watch, apparently, due to the. Because I looked at the ratings. They. Five people. Best cinematography. Five people nominated, five people came out on stage, and then they would talk a little bit about that cinematographer, but they wouldn't show the work that they were talking about enough for you to get an idea of what they were. They actually did. That's right. So how the fuck am I supposed to make a snap judgment about who's supposed to win? Is that the fun of the award shows is like, I have no fucking clue what they're talking about. I didn't see the movie. But if you show me 15 seconds of the cinematography work, then maybe I can make a snap judgment and be a Monday morning quarterback. That's what we all like to do. But they didn't give us a chance to do that because somebody yapping about them and I don't care. I want to see the work. If you're gonna do best costume, let's see the costumes. Let's not, please. What I don't understand. It was a gimmick. It was a gi. It was a gag. And I. I'm not sure it worked to great effect. That's my personal opinion. But then there were, you know, all the winners came up. They did their little spiel. Kieran Culkin, I thought, gave a great speech. Did you see Kieran Culkin's speech?
Rachel
No.
Brian Green
Okay, so I'm gonna talk to myself.
Rachel
Kieran Culkin, I read about it, though. It was something to do with his wife and then the baby. They would have another baby if. If he won the. And it was in an Emmy or.
Brian Green
Something or a SAG or a Golden.
Rachel
Globe and the Academy Award.
Brian Green
Yeah. If he. They had two kids, they were gonna have a third. If he won one award. When he won that third award, the third kid award, she said to him out in the parking lot, because he had always wanted four kids, she said to him, you win an Oscar and I'll give you the fourth kid. And he said, the fourth kid?
Rachel
Oh, yeah, they've already got three.
Brian Green
Yeah. So he goes. He goes, ye of little faith. We're getting working on the fourth kid. Which I thought was a very cute shout out. It was a. It was a very cute anecdote that he said. And I didn't see the movie that Kieran was in, but I don't care.
Rachel
I've almost watched it a few times, but I haven't.
Brian Green
What's that movie. Is it Jesse Eisenberg? What's it called? I Am Mine or you are.
Rachel
You know, something about pain, I think.
Brian Green
Oh, okay. I'm going to watch it when I have time. Astrid and I had the best of intentions. The best of intentions to at least watch two of the 50.
Rachel
Love is blind.
Brian Green
No, I don't care about Love is Blind anymore. I'm done with it. I don't give a shit. It's too boring. It's too. This year. That's just too boring. The Midwesterners are not bringing the heat, and I'm not all that interested in it. I understand that there's some drama going on behind the scenes, but it's more interesting to read about it on social media than it is to watch it on the actual show. I know we'll finish it at some point, but I'm just weak. We're just like, okay, we made it. We were going to make an effort to watch at least two of the 50 best motion picture. We're going to watch Anora and we're going to watch Conclave. We're going to watch those two.
Rachel
I saw Anora and Conclave.
Brian Green
We have not gotten to either of them.
Rachel
Well, the thing is, I saw that Anora won, and it was a good movie. It was not, in my opinion, was not a movie like, oh, my God, you know how some years there's those movies that win big, you know, and. Because it's just like, whoa. It's that movie that is, you know, see why it won? It was so good. Not that it happened for me this year.
Unknown
So many people are like, this movie is life changing.
Brian Green
And I'm like, life changing, Really? I saw Amy Schumer, like, doing a shout out to the Anora cast, really? And she was like, this movie was life changing. Life changing in every way. And I'm like, that's a big statement to make about a movie. And we've all seen those movies, for us personally, that have changed our lives. Mine is Pink Floyd, the Wall, because I was high in acid. But anyway, so, you know, it's it. I get it. But is it. Was it really that good? It only made $50 million at the box office.
Rachel
I thought it was a. It was a good movie, a great movie, but I wasn't like, oh, my God, this is so good, you know?
Brian Green
So Mikey Madsen wins for Best Actress, and she beats out Demi Moore. Yeah, I think Mikey is the safe choice for the Academy. And I think Demi Moore, her movie substance was good. Okay.
Rachel
I mean, I really enjoyed that here's my take.
Brian Green
And you tell me that substance is in some ways a grotesque and weird movie. It's a weird character that Demi Moore is playing. It's not like a traditional Oscar winning role. It's not a traditional Oscar winning movie, but it was a very good movie and she was very good in it. Yeah, but I think the Academy, who is now a little bit younger in age, right. They've kind of. They changed a number of years ago, they kind of, you know, put out the old and brought in the new. That maybe that particular performance is a hard one to move, like to check the box of. And they go, oh, well, Mikey was really good. And, you know, my opinion is, is that Demi Moore's. The role that she played was maybe not like an Oscar type of. It's not a traditional Oscar movie. You know, it's a weird French film about people crawling out of their skin. Isn't that essentially what it is? Isn't it about a substance that she takes?
Rachel
Well, yeah, it's. I mean, for me, it was more about like the take on Hollywood or just women in general, like aging and how if you had the opportunity to go back to being like a younger self of you would you. And so you take this pill, this substance, and then through that, though, there is a younger self that is born out of her body. And so that's the grotesque part. When you see the younger girl coming out of.
Brian Green
Coming out of her body. Right. It's like crawling out of her own skin. Right. So but let me ask you this. Like, you saw Anora and you saw.
Rachel
Yes.
Brian Green
Substance. Which one was. The more. Which one was, in your opinion, was the better performance?
Rachel
I mean, the substance was more of like a shocking.
Brian Green
You know, I think that's the point I'm making. Like, I don't know that the shock value of the performance outweighs Mikey playing kind of this vulnerable, edgy, sharp.
Rachel
Yeah, she was really good in that movie. But it wasn't life changing, I don't think, for me.
Brian Green
No, hey, listen, I mean, you know, to each their own. There you go. And Demi Moore, to be Demi Moore for just a moment and that moment to be sitting at the Oscars after all these years, 300 years of acting or however long she's been doing it all these years, from Bruce Springsteen videos to the Friends to being kind of called like, you know, know a bit of a popcorn actress, I would say, like someone who doesn't. Who can't do serious roles. She's just kind of one of these, you know, light on their feet, comedic actresses who did Friends. What other performance has Demi Moore done that has gotten such notoriety in such a meaningful way as far as a dramatic actress?
Rachel
So many things, though.
Brian Green
I mean, I know she's been in a lot of stuff.
Rachel
I mean, not Officer and Gentleman, what it was. You can't handle the truth. But, God, what is that movie? I can't believe it.
Brian Green
I don't know.
Rachel
A Few Good Men.
Brian Green
Oh, A Few Good Men. Oh, that's Good Men.
Rachel
She was bad. She was Indecent Proposal. I mean, St. Elmo's Fire, Charlie's Angels. She's been in so many things, it is hard to believe that she's, like, never been up for a huge award before.
Brian Green
I can't believe she didn't win. She wasn't up for GI Jane.
Rachel
GI Jane.
Brian Green
Wasn't she up for an award for GI Jane or Striptease or something? Ghost. Ghost, yeah.
Rachel
I mean, great movie.
Brian Green
I mean, all of these. You know, I get it so much. I get that they think that. I get that it's like, popcorn actress. Right. I understand what they're saying when they say that. But she. When you think back on it, she has chewed on a few roles that were pretty groundbreaking. Striptease made so much noise when it came out.
Rachel
Oh, yeah.
Brian Green
No, not Ghost. But GI Jane made so much noise when it came out. Ghost was a huge deal when it came out. Didn't Whoopi Goldberg win an Academy Award for that? I think she did. I know she did. I think she won an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress in that film. So to be her sitting in that seat for just a moment and recognize that the movie that she just made is essentially coming true in real life.
Rachel
Yeah.
Brian Green
The whole premise of substance is happening right in front of her eyes. The young lady beats out the older woman who has seen her better days in Hollywood and has aged to some degree. And it was just like life imitating art in such a weird way. And I'm sorry, but I know there's a lot of interpret. There's, like, a lot of reels going around with Demi Morris face when Mikey Madsen's called out.
Rachel
Oh, really?
Brian Green
I think she handled it as graciously as possible, but you can tell she was on a roll leading up to this. And then it just. She just didn't get it. It just didn't happen.
Rachel
Yeah. I think her daughter posted a post shot of, like, her in a bathrobe with two huge bowls of French fries afterwards. Like, whatever.
Brian Green
Somebody put it so sad that Courtney Cox didn't win an Oscar. I was like, that's not Courtney Cox. I get the joke. But it wasn't Courtney Cox. Okay. Quentin Tarantino did. Came out and announced best director. I do have to say that Quentin Tarantino, he's supposed to have a new.
Rachel
Movie coming out or something.
Brian Green
He's always. He's. He's retiring. He's doing one more movie. Well, that's.
Rachel
But the one more has been supposed to come out for a while.
Brian Green
Yeah, but that's Quentin all the time. He's always saying he's making the next movie, he's writing the next movie. Thing about Quentin is he's got to have his hands in every single bit of the movie, which I think makes those movies uniquely Quentin Tarantino. But he's got to write every line. He's got to do everything. He's got to make the lighting himself. He's like that. Not Christopher Nolan. The two of them, they and James Cameron. They're like super involved directors. But I guess the best directors in the world are the ones that really take control of every single bit of it. And listen, I haven't met a Quentin Tarantino movie that I don't like.
Rachel
Exactly.
Brian Green
And I gotta say that he is just such a cool cat. Like, he comes out on stage and he's talking to people, he's talking to the crowd as if it was one person at a bar. And you guys were best friends.
Rachel
Yeah.
Brian Green
You get this sense that Quentin Tarantino is cool in any situation. And I don't care how old the guy is, I think he's always going to be that way. He's just one of those cool cats. He came out. He did. Best director.
Rachel
Yeah, it's just him.
Brian Green
I just wanted to share that Quentin Tarantino coming on the Oscars made it just a little bit more interesting than it otherwise would be. Morgan Freeman showed up to talk about his friend Gene Hackman, who had just passed away under extraordinarily strange circumstances. Extraordinarily strange circumstances.
Rachel
Well, I don't know. I mean, I guess we're gonna find out what happened. But it seems like. And I've talked about it with a couple different people, it seems like maybe. I mean, Gene Hackman was 95 and.
Brian Green
In failing health, according to some people.
Rachel
It seems like maybe he died, and then the wife maybe committed suicide with the pills. And then there happened to be a dog that was in the kennel, and it died, too, of starvation.
Brian Green
Yeah. It's nine days.
Rachel
Yeah.
Brian Green
They didn't find him for, like, nine or 10 days. She was mummified.
Unknown
Yeah.
Rachel
I mean, that's a long time. So at first it was shocking because you're like, all three of them dead, and it seemed like it had fresh and it just happened. But I think the timeline of events may have been different for all of those things to have happened.
Brian Green
Yeah. I don't disagree with you. And when I first read about it, at first I thought, oh, there's something nefarious.
Rachel
Right.
Brian Green
Bandits going around Santa Fe, New Mexico.
Rachel
Killing people or carbon monoxide.
Brian Green
People were talking about or murder, suicide or something along those lines. But then when you hear the. At least the description of the scene, it appears one died first and the other one went after because of whatever. Or she died and she was his caretaker and he fell on the floor and couldn't get up. Right. Something along those lines. I don't really. Obviously, you know, more information to come. But when they talked about the dog dead, I was like, right. But the, you know, hey, listen, it is not strange for people, older people to die with their dogs in the house and they get eaten by the dog.
Rachel
Yeah.
Brian Green
And I know Blue would be the first one to take a bite out of me. I know she would. Okay. That's why I don't like Blue, because I know that Blue would turn on me in a heartbeat. She may seem all, you know, small and not. Not very ferocious, but if she didn't have food, that dog wouldn't go three hours and she'd start chewing on my penis. I know it. I just know it. All right. I do have to also share that. You know, I liked the. They did a performance of the Wiz, which I thought was fine. Queen Latifah did a fine job. It was fine. And Ariana Grande and Cynthia and a couple other people in the front row started dancing, but the rest of the Academy didn't even bother to stand up. And, I mean, it's the Whiz. It's like, you know, I don't know. I thought it just showed. Just everybody in the audience is boring, too. None of them are standing up and dancing in this extremely soulful, you know, catchy song. Ariana and Cynthia figured it out. Why didn't everybody else stand up? You don't have to dance. You can just stand up and do a little, you know, head bopping. But they didn't put any other great music in the show. I mean, you had the Bob Dylan biopic that was there. There's so much great music from some of these movies every year. You could have showcased Some of this stuff. And instead you pick the Wiz. Really. I mean, I know that Quincy Jones was winning an award, but the Wiz was like the only song besides the Wicked song that made any kind of impression on me whatsoever. There are only three songs played the entire time. The other one was. The other one was. I think it was another whiz song. I think they did two whiz songs. Two whiz songs. The Wiz came out in 1971. It's 2025. I get it. I get why you're doing it. I get the through line here. But I think you could have added some pop, some music, something to move the festivities along just a little bit. Because then in the end, the most boring thing that happened the entire night was Adrien Brody's insufferable six minute acceptance speech. Adrian did this 26 years ago when he won for the Pianist. And then he did it again. This time he literally told them to shut the music off while he finished what he had to say. And then he had to say nothing. Not a fucking thing that meant anything. Be good to each other. Okay? That's great, Adrian. We already know that. We get it. He basically made the same speech. 26 years difference and just almost the same length. He beat out everybody else for the longest acceptance speech ever present ever, really, ever, in the history of the Academy, ever. And he only beat himself out for that particular award. He is insufferable. Patting himself on the back and talking about acting is a tough job and it's a fragile profession. I don't disagree. But this is like, there's millions of people across the world that are watching you. Like, I don't know, it just came across as very insufficient, like very jerking himself off. And it didn't. I didn't care for it. Adrian's a fine actor. I've seen him in films and a lot of stuff, and I like him when he's in.
Rachel
I want to watch the Brutalist, but it's three and a half hours long.
Brian Green
It's just as long as that fucking acceptance speech, for God's sake.
Rachel
You really have to walk off some serious time.
Brian Green
It was so long that Hulu decided to cut off the last 12 minutes of the show because they had a hard out at whatever time. It was 10:45. Hulu was live streaming it because ABC, Hulu, Disney, and they cut off the last 12 minutes of the show, which.
Rachel
Is basically where the you find out Best Picture, right?
Brian Green
Where you find out Best Picture. Now listen, you didn't miss anything. I'm just sharing with you. You didn't miss anything. They could have cut out Adrian's fucking half of his acceptance speech and probably gotten an extra 30 minutes on there. I think went on forever. Anybody who watched it lives knows what I'm talking about. It was insufferable, incoherent, and irrelevant as far as I'm concerned. I think we should all be good to each other. I get the message, Adrian, but honestly, enough is enough. 30 seconds. Fine. Move on to the next one and play a song that's been made in the last 50 years. All right, we'll take a break, and I'll stop talking about the Oscars. We'll be back.
Unknown
Hey, it's Rachel, your new voice of God here on tcb. And just like you, I'm wondering just how much longer this podcast podcast can continue. Let's all rejoice that another episode has made it to your ears. And I'll rejoice that my check is in the mail. Speaking of mail, get your free TCB sticker in the mail by going to tcbpodcast.com and visiting the Contact Us page. You can also find the entire commercial break library audio and video, just in case you want to look at chrissy@tcbpodcast.com Want your voice to be on an episode of the show? Leave us a message at 212-433. That's 212-433-3822. Tell us how much you love us, and we'll be sure to let the world know on a future episode. Or you could make fun of us. That'd be fine, too. We might not air that, but maybe. Oh, and if you're shy, that's okay. Just send a text. We'll respond. Now, I'm gonna go check the mailbox for payment while you check out our sponsors, and then we'll return to this episode of the commercial break.
Chris
This episode is sponsored by Squarespace. As a lifelong entrepreneur, business owner of a mediocre comedy podcast, I do earnestly get excited when I get to share a tool or a resource that I use to better my business. And along with being a longtime entrepreneur, I am a longtime customer of Squarespace. Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online, whether you're scaling a larger business or you're just starting out. We are currently helping one of our family members build a website on Squarespace. And like everybody else in the world, they want to use video to highlight their products and services. Squarespace makes that easy by allowing you to upload and organize your videos, create stunning libraries, and even monetize that content by adding a paywall. And now Squarespace even offers business loans. You can get fast easy finance through Squarespace Capital. And if you're approved, it'll be in your bank account in three to four business days so that you can grow quickly. Of course, all loans are subject to credit approval, but just the knowledge that Squarespace is now trying to help business owners and entrepreneurs in many facets of their business journey puts another check mark on my personal endorsement. So go ahead, check all this out for yourself@squarespace.com commercial and you'll get a free trial. And then when you're ready to launch, you can use the offer code commercial and you'll save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's squarespace.com commercial then use that offer code commerc to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. And thank you to Squarespace for continuing to support entrepreneurs like myself and the commercial break.
Unknown
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Brian Green
All right. I do also have to just say I won't. I promise this will be the last thing I say about the Oscars. Where was the star power for the Oscars? No Clooney? No. Brad Pitt? No. Uma Thurman? No. I mean, there were like all the regular, kind of like, you know, grandfathered in actors and actresses that we usually see all dialed up, you know, sitting there in the front row, none of them there. And I.
Rachel
Maybe Uma Thurman was there.
Brian Green
I didn't read this. I didn't see Uma Thurman there, but I just noticed. And then I read there was a lack of kind of that, you know, typical Hollywood elite, that they're there. Not that, not that it would have made it any different, but at least you, you know, seeing Clooney all dressed up, yeah, that's a nice thing. You like to see Clooney dressed up. He's a handsome guy.
Rachel
He is a handsome guy.
Brian Green
You look at the Oscars and they probably show at the end, if Clooney's there. They're showing him six or seven times during the Oscar. He's got that expressive face where you.
Rachel
Didn'T really have a movie out.
Brian Green
No, Clooney hasn't had a movie in like 10 years. Where did Clooney go? What's the last movie he did?
Rachel
Lake Como. I mean.
Brian Green
Yeah, Lake Como. That's it. Yeah. I guess when you have a private island in Italy, you don't go many places.
Rachel
Palatial estate.
Brian Green
Oh, my God. To be Clooney. And all you have to do is those coffee commercials every couple of weeks and you make.
Rachel
I mean, we also sold their tequila, you know, the tequila brand.
Brian Green
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Rachel
They don't need anything.
Brian Green
Why don't we have a Tequila brand? Why don't we have something that's like, of value? Because the content certainly isn't it. I mean, I'd like it to be, but that's not making us any money. Why don't we start a wine or something?
Rachel
I would love that.
Brian Green
Brian and Chrissy's Wine Coolers. TCB Lights, tcb, bubbles.
Rachel
A wine cooler.
Brian Green
A wine cooler? Like a really syrupy blue raspberry wine cooler.
Rachel
I like that idea.
Brian Green
TCP Giving you a headache on a Tuesday night. Yeah.
Rachel
Like really cheap.
Brian Green
Yes. We'll get you drunk and make you feel like junk. Why not? TCB Wine coolers for teenagers. Yeah, we'll target. We'll target teenagers for our sales. Yeah, you know, we'll get like a. I don't know, like a cam. Like a Joe Camel character going on so we can target the teenagers.
Rachel
We'll sell them at the vape shop.
Brian Green
Yeah. I think due to doge deregulations, I think you can now market alcohol and cigarettes to kids. Isn't that true? Yeah, it's gotta be. I don't know. Yeah. Listen, if we were in the wine cooler business, that's where it's at. We're gonna do a merch drop. I'm not even gonna say when, because then it'll never happen, but we're gonna do a merch drop. And, like, Astor and I are talking about it, and now I'm thinking wine coolers. Why not wine coolers? Let's drop wine coolers. And then some weird hangover remedy made of beet juice. Beet juice and colloidal silver.
Rachel
I like it.
Brian Green
Maybe we should mix our wine ju cooler with our hangover remedy. The drink tasty that gets you sober. The alcoholic drink that gets you sober Brian. TCV Wine coolers. That's good for the kids. TCV wine cooler. Take the kids. Take the keys away. Hey, listen, it works for everybody else. You know, I see that Sam Morrill and his buddy Mark Norman, and they have a. They have a whiskey brand. I think it's a whiskey brand. They have a whiskey brand brand. And I see them out there promoting that all the time. And they're at parties and they're at restaurants and they're eating steaks and they're drinking their drinks and they're taking promotional pictures. It looks like a ton of fun. Yeah. And while I don't drink all that much. That's not to say I wouldn't just to get. Become a billionaire. I'd stay drunk for a couple more years. You know what I'm saying? I could deal with my kids if I had a private plane. If I had a private plane, I could. I could drink wine coolers till I'm blue in the face. TCB wine coolers.
Rachel
Helps with the.
Brian Green
May turn your skin blue. Colloidal silver. That's it. Colloidal silver. We're making Wine coolers. And the flavors are going to be colloidal, silver, homegrown vaccine. We're going to do a bunch of them. It's just going to all be weird conspiracy theory names. And we're going to mix all kind of tonics and, and, and stuff in there because the content is not making us a millionaire for sure. We're far from that. But if we could get some kind of cocktail or something that we could go sell and then just. We sell it to the bigger liquor distributors. Right. Isn't that how it works?
Rachel
Yeah, I guess. I don't know. I feel like I've known a couple people that have tried to break into that.
Brian Green
It's so hard.
Rachel
Yeah, it's really hard.
Brian Green
Yeah.
Rachel
I had a guy that's maybe why the celebrities do it, is because they at least have a name.
Brian Green
Yes. Yeah, that's. That's it. You gotta have, like. It's really hard to convince a distributor to put those on shelves. And then it's super hard to convince the people who own the stores to give you shelf space. And if you don't have the shelf space, you're not selling the liquor. Like, it's all. It's. It's really a racket is what it is. But so are cereal aisles too. It's the same thing. You can't make a new cereal.
Rachel
Yeah.
Brian Green
And get into Publix. It just doesn't work that way. You have to show them that you can sell. Convince them to, you know, you've watched an episode of Shark Tank. You know how it goes. I get all my information from Shark tank. Okay. Kevin O'Leary. But I will share that. I had a friend who started a energy drink business like an energy drink water. And they went around to every mom and pop gas station. We all know the ones, the ones that sell crack pipes. And they have a bitcoin. And why Brian 3000 Y. Brian 3000. They have a bitcoin machine in the corner. You know, you could buy bitcoin by putting money into the till. We all know those gas stations. And they went around to every gas station in the Southeast trying to get that sold. And they did. They would sell like a case at a time or whatever. And they were doing this all out of the back of their truck. And this went on for seven years. They tried to get Coca Cola to buy it. They tried to get Pepsi to buy it. They tried to get, you know, distributors to buy it. They tried to get some kind of help. And no one. And no one would even take a Meeting with them, they were like, yeah, get. Get a number. Everybody's got the same idea, and everybody's doing the same thing that you're doing. And by the way, we can just make our own. Why would we buy yours? We can just make our own. We already have all the facilities and everything to do it. It's a really, really. Retail is a really, really tough business to get into. But then soda drinks or energy drinks or waters, forget about it. That's really tough. But since we are such notable podcasters, I mean, we're like number 106 on the comedy charts. So since we're like number 106 on the comedy chart, I think we could sell a case or two of this blue colloidal silver energy slash COVID vaccine slash drink and I'll get you sober before you get drunk kind of drink. It's a magical drink. It fixes everything. And it's endorsed by RFK Jr. That's all I gotta say. What else do you need?
Rachel
Yeah.
Brian Green
By the way, not, you know, not gonna talk too much politics here, but you notice that RFK Jr singing a new tune about the measles vaccine? Yeah. He's realiz that under his watch, he doesn't want millions of people to die. So he's like, about that measles vaccine.
Rachel
That measles thing is scary.
Brian Green
That's very scary.
Rachel
I know. I started thinking about. I was like, am I updated? I don't remember when I had mine.
Brian Green
I don't know.
Rachel
Are you just updated for the rest of your life?
Brian Green
Yeah, I got one like 10 years ago, I think. I think I got one about a decade ago.
Rachel
Okay.
Brian Green
When I turned a certain age, when I turned 20, about a decade ago, I. Yes, I did get an update. I got like, tetanus.
Rachel
I remember getting, like, an updated tetanus shot.
Brian Green
Tetanus and an MMR shot. I think measles, mumps, and rubella. Yeah, that's all we need is rubella to come back. What is rubella? And I don't want it to come back.
Rachel
Measles sounds terrible.
Brian Green
Measles is like chickenpox on fire.
Rachel
It sounds really bad.
Brian Green
Yeah. You do not want the measles. I think, too brain swells, you get.
Rachel
Super fevers and you don't get rid of it.
Brian Green
No, it stays with your body the entire time. It's just like the chickenpox virus. It stays in you dormant, ready to come alive at the next, you know, shitty, stressful period in your life and attack you. It's not a good thing and you know, it can morph, it can mutate. And that's why in the last hundred years or whenever they've started the measles vaccine, there have been few if any fatal cases of the measles. And now there have been six in a short period of time. And you know, I think, listen, listen, people can be wrong and then they can be right and you gotta applaud them when they're right. Right? And so I do applaud the fact that RFK has come out and said, take the measles vaccine, it does save lives. Yeah, I can applaud that. But I mean the damage is already done. There's like 168 people in Texas that have the fucking measles. And most of them are children. And it's like some of my kids do not have their full course of vaccinations yet. And I, and I just sharing that I firmly believe in the science and every other doctor that I've talked to has said so. The only people who have cautioned me against vaccines are people who don't wear shoes and smell like a dirty rat. Do you know what I'm saying? They're still looking for their career path at 67 years old and that seems to be following fish in a van. So listen, whatever it is you personally choose to do, do it, that's fine. But also there is this community aspect that is to be considered that if it, if the measles mutates and becomes something we're not vaccinated against, most of us, then it becomes a real shit show. And I think that is the concern now. It's like, yay, yeah, yay. Welcome. Round two. We're all going to God. Yes. This is Idiocracy live. It's happening to us live. It's fucking insane.
Rachel
I know.
Brian Green
Speaking of idiocracy, I share a personal story that I, I'm sharing this as a cautionary tale and I will say this before I get started. I am not proud of the way anybody acted here except for the innocent person involved in this. And I, and then I'll share this. The other day I go to pick up one of my kids from school, one of my daughters from school, and this, her school is in a. I don't even want to say that. It's in a building that cannot, that is multi purpose. So it's not just a school. There are other things that are going on there, but it's very small. It's not a big school at all. It's probably 70 kids in the entire school. And this is a. Not a regular school. This is like a preschool.
Unknown
Right.
Brian Green
So there is, you know, a decent sized parking lot there. And the parking lot is like every other parking lot you have ever been in in your entire life. Life. And that is two rows on opposite sides of parking spaces. One side on one side. Behind it is the building. On the other side is a forest, a county forest.
Rachel
Okay, okay.
Brian Green
And walking trails and stuff like that. But that is also very small. So parking lot, two rows of parking spots and then a lane for people to drive in. You understand what a parking lot is? I don't need to explain it to you.
Rachel
Yeah, thanks for the visual.
Brian Green
All right, so I go in this little traffic circle to go pick up my daughter. And then you can either go right into the parking lot, you can go out that way, or you can go left into the parking lot and you can go that way. Two different streets, two different ways to go. And I like to go left. I could go right, but I like to go left. That's just the way that it is. When I am approaching the traffic circle, I notice that there are cones in the parking space. If I was to take that left, there are cones in those parking spaces. And I can see at the corner of the parking lot lot near the exit is a tree truck. Someone is cutting down trees. It's got the big, you know, grinder on the back of it. And there are a couple of guys over there with the yellow vests on. And I can see that they're doing some work. Fine, whatever. Okay. I guess they block off the parking spaces so that in case any tree limbs fall, no one gets hurt, or they need the room to navigate. I don't know. I don't care. I don't think much of it. So as I'm. As I pick up my daughter around the traffic circle and the middle of the parking lot, and then I go to the left. I'm driving by the. Where the cones are, and there is a guy that's picking up one of the cones from one of the parking spaces. I've got my windows down. It's a nice day. As I'm driving by him, he whips around, whips the cone at my car and screams obscenely. Now I'm not listen. I'm not throwing stones in a glass house. I do not have the. I am not exactly the picture of vocabulary. I often use cuss words in my daily life. And I don't shy away from doing that over around my children either. I think they need to understand how real people talk. I think we were talking about this with Kathleen Madigan, who will be on next week. So he goes, did you not fucking see I'm putting fucking cones here? He's screaming at me. He's got a hard hat on. He's probably 20 something years old, long hair, long beard, you know, screaming at me. Windows are down. Daughter's in the car seat in the back. And I was like, no, I did not. And I was like, you right? Because now I'm pissed. He's thrown a cone at the car.
Rachel
Yeah.
Brian Green
He's screaming obscenities while my daughter is in the back. That's a scary thing, probably for a little kid. But it's also scary for me because I don't know what this guy's intentions are. You know, I see that you have the yellow vest on. I understand that you're upset, but I don't know what about. I don't. I don't see you putting cones anywhere where I'm not supposed to be driving. The lane is clear. That's where I'm going. And so he runs around the car to the side of my car, grabs on the inside of the car and is screaming at me through the window. Y'all fucking see I'm fucking blocking this lane here. Can you fucking see that? And I drove. I just drove. That's what I did. Yeah, I just said, yep. Not even staying here for this.
Rachel
Right?
Brian Green
I am driving. But. But as I am driving forward, another young guy. They're like twins, right? But long hair, long beard, the whole hard hat, yellow vest, the whole nine yards on jumps from. So now I'm driving toward the exit, and there is a guy there sitting near the truck, and he runs out into the middle of the road and throws his hands up.
Rachel
Really?
Brian Green
Yes. And now he's screaming at me, there's a fucking tree coming fucking down. The fuck you think you're doing, you fucking asshole? And I'm like, I don't care. That's what I said to him. I don't care. And I drove. And he. Now both of them are. By the way, now the other guy has run up to the car. So now there's two guys standing there screaming profanities into my window. And I say, I don't care. I'm going home. That's what I said. And I drove. And I drove out of the parking lot. There was no tree down. There was. You know, it was. They were feet, you know, 50ft away from anything that I didn't see. Any work being done in the middle of the road, I wasn't endangering anybody's life, including myself or my daughters. Had I thought that, as embarrassing as it would have been, I would have backed up and gone the other way. But that was not happening. There was no tree. There were no tree limbs. There was no. I don't even. Those guys weren't even working. They were sitting there yelling at me. It's like, what are you doing? So I drove as fast as I could, and I sped out of the parking. And as I sped out of the parking lot, I'm like, holy shit. Because I'm sure some of the parents saw that, right? They had to have. It's not that far from where the traffic circle is, number one. Number two. I probably could have reacted a little bit differently. Maybe cooler heads could have prevailed. Maybe I could have said there were no cones blocking the area, but maybe I could have said, hey, do me a favor, stand behind my car while I run over you real quick. We'll make sure it doesn't. We'll make sure everything's okay. Hey, second of all, it's not a police officer. It's not like this guy has some measure of control over what happens. And there's clearly no present danger in front of me. So if he was going to put cones in the lane so that people couldn't drive there, he hadn't yet done that. He was in the process, but it didn't look like that to me. It looked like he was picking up cones from the parking spaces and he didn't need to scream obscenities.
Rachel
Yeah, that. That was uncalled for.
Brian Green
You can see my daughter in the backseat because the windows are down. Like, I can see that. I know that you can see this. And screaming and yelling like a fool is not helping anybody. The guy simply could have put his hand up, right. And just said, hey, bro, listen, there's a tree being cut down there. Can you back up for me right now? I also could have just backed up and turned around, but I. I just felt like I just, in the moment adrenaline took over, screamed at.
Rachel
I was going to say, your adrenaline had to have been totally pumping.
Brian Green
Well, he threw the cone at the car, too. Like, that's a little.
Rachel
Yeah, that's aggressive of just to start.
Brian Green
Yeah. It's like everybody is so on fucking edge all the time that it's really. It's.
Chris
It.
Brian Green
It really is a scary time to be alive. Right. This guy was so on edge about someone driving past him that he was Willing to put people in danger, including himself, in order to get his point across. But what was the point? The point was what? You know, there was no tree down. There was. If you. If you really thought that people were in danger, you should have put the cones on there long before you decided to cut any trees down. Do you know what I'm saying?
Rachel
All right. That's bad coordination, too, on their part. I mean, it's pickup time.
Brian Green
Yeah, it's pickup time. It's pickup time at school, you know. Yeah, let's not cut down trees. Anyway, I'll talk more about it. Let's take a short break and then we'll get back.
Unknown
Rachel here while Brian takes his old man bladder to the little boys room.
Brian Green
Room.
Unknown
Let's talk turkey. TCB needs your help. If you love the show, do us all a favor and share. Sharing is caring. And we know you care, don't you? Well, don't you? Oh, that was some childhood trauma rearing its ugly head. Do you want to be on the show? Leave us a voicemail at 212-433-3822 and you could be the next TCD disembodied voice. What'd you do today? I'll was a disembodied voice. You know, that sounds more dangerous than it actually is. Find us on Insta at the commercial break on the web@tcbpodcast.com and all the episodes on video are available the same day@YouTube.com the commercial break. I'm gonna go help Brian get back up the stairs while you listen to the sponsors. And then we'll all meet back here and get back to this episode of the commercial break. I'll take a raise now, bitches. Bye.
Where'd you get those shoes?
Brian Green
Easy.
Unknown
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Brian Green
Yeah. So there's my Tuesday afternoon.
Rachel
Okay.
Brian Green
There's my Tuesday afternoon.
Rachel
Damn.
Brian Green
Yeah, it was. And then it kind of like it stuck with me for the rest of the day.
Rachel
Of course it did.
Brian Green
Right? I'm replaying it in my head. My daughter is scared. She didn't like, say a word the entire ride home. And I was like, listen, honey, this is a little hard to explain plane. But I drove by those guys asking me to stop because I didn't want to get into any more of an argument with them. And I'm sorry that you had to see that. And even daddy probably could have been a little. A little cool, cooler head. Like 99% of the time. I'm really not that guy. Like, I don't go around yelling at people. I'm actually quite the opposite if you find me in real life.
Rachel
Yes.
Brian Green
I'm just kind of. I'm just kind of. I'm not quiet, but I certainly wouldn't be the guy yelling in the middle of a grocery store or something like that. But, man, it just all happened so quickly. I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I got nervous that my daughter was in the back. I didn't like the fact that the guys were in my car yelling at me, essentially. And I re. I quickly recognized that they are no state authority that I have to listen to. Get out of here. Right, right. Get out of here before it escalates and someone says or does something stupid that you can't take back. I mean, whipping a cone in the car is. It's a pretty, you know, it's a pretty extreme measure to take. It really is over your tree job. You know what I'm saying? Not the tree job isn't cool. It's cool tree job. I know that I've had whatever tree guys are tree guys, but it just seemed a little hot headed for the moment.
Rachel
Like, yeah, hit the car.
Brian Green
Yes. He whipped it right at the bumper. And I was like, wow. You know what just happened? Where? Anyway, that was my Tuesday afternoon. Chrissy, the world is on fire. Everyone needs to take a breath. Rev down. Rev down. Everybody rev down. Hey, tree Guy, if you're listening, I could have handled it better, but you could have also. We all could have handled that a little bit better. Better. And especially around the children.
Rachel
The second guy came jumping.
Brian Green
The second guy came to his defense. He literally popped out of nowhere and he had his hands up with that yellow thing. And I thought for a second, really.
Rachel
Should have locked down that area way before any school pickup was happening, if that was that important.
Brian Green
Absolutely. If you're cutting down trees and you're concerned about cars getting hit, don't even allow that lane to be open.
Rachel
Exactly.
Brian Green
Close it down. And it wasn't closed. I didn't run over any car cones. There was no, like, tape or cones or anything in front of me. I was driving on a clear lane, which anybody would have done because the part that was closed off were the parking spaces, not the lane.
Rachel
Yeah.
Brian Green
If you needed that lane clear for the work that you're going to do for safety purposes, insurance reasons, whatever, do it like, 40 minutes before you intend to cut down any trees, that's the first action you should have taken. But no, you thought whipping cones at cars would be a better way to stop them from. From getting around the danger. I. I don't know. I' sharing that with you. So, tree Guy, if you're listening, tree company, we all could have handled that better. I think that's clear. Okay, all right, all right, enough. Speaking of, you know, let's all rev down. Casey Anthony is back. Did you see this?
Rachel
I did see this. In the news. As like, a educational person or. No, a defendant.
Brian Green
Wait, she is legal. Legal.
Rachel
Legal analyst.
Brian Green
Legal analyst. Analyst, Yeah. A legal analyst because you've been encased in the judicial system for years of your life. Listen, Casey Anthony popped on TikTok, and I don't think she's had social media ever. Okay, so. Or maybe certainly not since, you know, Kaylee Anthony went missing and then was found dead in the trunk of a car. Her daughter, Casey Anthony comes on TikTok and shares that she has been in the legal field, quote, unquote, quote, for 20 plus years, and that she is going to now be a legal advocate for those that are missing or murdered, young children that are missing or murdered, including her daughter. Hey, here's a little advocacy work on behalf of your daughter. Don't kill her in the first place. Unbelievable. Is Casey Anthony like the last person we really need to come trouncing into this shit show that we already have? Yeah, I'm being dead serious. Serious. Please do not give this lady any air, like any breath of air into her social media. There are going to be lots of people who buy into this. But I got to be honest, I, I, when I saw this TikTok like pop up, it was somebody else's reel that they were showing, basically saying the same thing that I'm saying. I was like no way did Casey Anthony just talk to the camera and say she's going to become a legal advocate for children in trouble. I mean this girl was out partying while her daughter was missing for 31 days until she called 91 1. That's unbelie. That's like the worst parent ever. And now she's gonna be a legal advocate for kids. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Casey Anthony was like that trial, remember that trial? It was like the O.J. simpson trial of the 2000s.
Rachel
Yeah.
Brian Green
Everybody had their eyes on that Casey Anthony trial because it was just such a weird thing that happened. Casey Anthony claimed that she left her daughter with some nanny, a Mexican lady. She left her with a nanny while she went out partying with her, the guy that she was dating for a couple of days. And then she came back and the nanny said she didn't know where her daughter was. Well, it turns out that she was in the trunk of a car the entire time. And then she was buried outside in a plot of land not too far from her parents house. And then her parents were strangely like defending but not defending her. Her dad was supposedly may have covered some of this stuff up. I mean the details of the trial are just horrific. And a guy that's having children, I can't understand for the life of me how 31 days passes before you notify the authorities that your daughter is gone. That's insane to me. But that's what happened. And why anybody would ever take legal advice from Casey Anthony is beyond me. It's beyond me why she would have the audacity to think that anybody would want to accept that advice. I hope this is playing just like it's playing for me. And that is what a terrible fucking idea. But you know what, Chrissy? There is a dum dum born every second. There are a lot of people on this earth and most of them are not well. And some people will follow Casey Anthony thinking that she's innocent. Some people may not even know who she is.
Rachel
I'm sure.
Brian Green
And she will have her moment in the sunlight. Light. And that's the part that drives me crazy. Just like that. O.J. funkin Simpson. O.J. funkin simpson. I watched another documentary on that.
Rachel
Oh, I saw that. There's another documentary. I was like, h. Not. Not going there.
Brian Green
I am so down the rabbit hole with anything O.J. simpson. And I don't know why. I think because it consumed such a large part of my formative years. Like, it was like two and a half years of all of our lives wrapped up and ensconced in Nothing but the O.J. simpson trial. Right. And just like everybody else on earth at the time, we were all big fans of the Naked Gun and all the movies that he was in. You know, everybody loved O.J. simpson. And then to think for a second that he would essentially brutally murder these two people was a crazy idea at first. Then the slow chase and then all the drama and then the trial and the backdrop of the Rodney King. And it's like, it's a very weird period of time in American history, pop culture, certainly, but that O.J. simpson went twiddling away free as a bird, and he couldn't even keep himself out of trouble for, like, more than 15 minutes. No.
Rachel
He got arrested again.
Brian Green
Yes. For, like, kidnapping. Yeah, he was. He brought a gun to get some of his signed helmets back. I mean, O.J. honestly, if I had one piece of advice for O.J. if I'm a friend of O.J. j's, it's like, dude, God just kissed you on the forehead. Never even think about jaywalking again. Don't even think about it. Go to the golf course. Make new friends. Live your life. Be a good citizen. Never get in the crosshairs of anything legal again. And yet he tempted fate over and over and over again. He did that. Remember, Fox bought that if I Did it documentary. He wrote a book. O.J. ballsy. Ballsy. O.J. wrote a book called if I Did It. And then he wrote how he would do it if he did it, if he murdered his wife and Ron Goldman. And the crazy part was, is that it didn't matter because he was acquitted, so no one could say anything to him. And he just pretended like if I had done it, this is how I would do it. And then five, Fox bought a documentary that had O.J. talking about how he would do it if he did it, so that they could put it on air. Fox, a bastion of class and taste. Ah, Fox. When I think about class and taste, I think about Fox. That's What I think about. All right, well, listen, we're gonna be back tomorrow. Fear not.
Rachel
Hopefully everything goes okay in the parking lot today.
Brian Green
Well, I'm not going back to that parking lot.
Rachel
Okay, you're done.
Brian Green
Really? I really thought some of the parents might start texting Astrid because Astrid knows a lot of the parents and be like, what just happened? Why was your husband in the parking lot screeching away? I got so nervous and Astrid was like, who fucking care? What? No one cares. You know, whatever. It's just a thing. It happened. And I'm like, yeah, but I don't know, it felt bad to me.
Rachel
Right?
Brian Green
It felt like an exchange of negative energy in a way that I usually don't navigate in the world. So I got kind of upset about the whole situation.
Rachel
I can understand.
Brian Green
Yeah, but, you know, what are you going to do? I apologize to the tree guy for driving around you, so now you can apologize to me for being an asshole. You're probably like that all the time. Yeah, you're probably a jerk off most of the time. No, I'm kidding. I don't know. Probably. 212-4333. TCB 212-4333. TCB questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. You can text them there or you can go one step further, rev down, leave us a message, tell us your crazy story that happened to you today. And then maybe, maybe, just maybe, we'll review that on a future episode. Also, if you would like to be on the commercial break as a guest, you got something interesting to say, you just want to join the show. You want to say hello to us, text us or call us and leave us a message and let us know and then someone will get in touch with you if we find you suitable for the show. And by suitable I mean you are breathing. Yeah, you can talk and you can breathe and you got a good cell phone connection. We're gonna start taking listener phone calls, Chrissy, if you don't mind, if that's okay with you, I would love that. What else? Tcbpodcast.com all the audio, all the video, more information about Chrissy and I. You can also get your free TCB schwag right there on the website. There's a drop down menu says I want my free sticker. If you leave us your physical address, we'll send you something. No must, no fuss. We don't even keep your email addresses. That's how dumb we are. At the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on Tick Tock and all the episodes on video, the same day. They air here on audio@YouTube.com thecommercial break okay Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.
Rachel
I think so.
Brian Green
But I'll tell you that I love you.
Rachel
I do love you.
Brian Green
Best to you and best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say we do say and we must say goodbye.
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Rachel
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Brian Green
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Rachel
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Brian Green
I doing.
Podcast Summary: The Commercial Break – Episode: TCB Coloidal Colada Coolers Release Date: March 5, 2025
Hosts: Bryan Green and Krissy Hoadley
Episode Title: TCB Coloidal Colada Coolers
In this engaging episode of The Commercial Break, hosts Bryan Green and Krissy Hoadley dive into a multifaceted discussion blending pop culture critiques, personal anecdotes, and humorous banter. The episode notably covers their take on the recent Oscars, the popularity of the TV show Severance, and a personal encounter that left a lasting impression on Bryan. True to their improv-comedy and variety style, the hosts effortlessly shift between serious commentary and lighthearted humor, providing listeners with both insightful observations and plenty of laughs.
The episode opens with Bryan and Krissy discussing the recent Oscars, focusing on Conan O’Brien’s role as host. Bryan praises Conan's handling of the event but expresses a general disappointment with the ceremony's overall execution.
Bryan Green (04:20):
“I think Conan is uniquely suited to handle the Oscars... But it doesn't matter because the Oscars is a snore fest, no matter what.”
Krissy Hoadley (04:31): “He kind of never ages. Now that I think about it, Conan doesn't age.”
They delve into the specifics of performances by Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo, critiquing the lip-syncing and overall engagement of the audience.
The hosts also touch upon Kieran Culkin’s Oscar speech, contrasting it with other less impactful moments of the night.
Bryan and Krissy shift their focus to the TV show Severance, discussing its immense streaming numbers and complex narrative. While some listeners may not resonate with the show's intricate plot, the hosts share their personal appreciation for its uniqueness.
Krissy highlights the challenges in writing such a puzzle-like series, commending the show's depth despite its slow release schedule.
One of the standout segments involves Bryan recounting a tense encounter in a school parking lot. As he attempts to pick up his daughter, two individuals in yellow vests confront him aggressively over perceived parking violations, leading to a chaotic and stressful situation.
Bryan Green (43:13):
“He’s screaming obscenities while my daughter is in the back. That's a scary thing.”
Bryan Green (48:47):
“But as I sped out of the parking lot, I'm like, holy shit.”
Krissy empathizes with Bryan’s unease, highlighting the importance of maintaining composure in such unforeseen confrontations.
This segment showcases the hosts' ability to blend personal stories with broader reflections on societal tensions and interpersonal conflicts.
Bryan offers a vehement critique of Casey Anthony’s recent foray into social media, questioning her credibility and suitability as a legal advocate based on her notorious past.
Krissy supports Bryan’s stance, emphasizing the inappropriateness of Casey Anthony’s involvement in sensitive advocacy work.
The conversation takes a nostalgic turn as Bryan reminisces about the O.J. Simpson trial, drawing parallels between public perception and media portrayal of high-profile legal cases.
Krissy adds to the discussion by reflecting on the lengthy and publicized nature of such trials.
Bryan Green (04:20):
“I think Conan is uniquely suited to handle the Oscars... But it doesn't matter because the Oscars is a snore fest, no matter what.”
Krissy Hoadley (04:31):
“He kind of never ages. Now that I think about it, Conan doesn't age.”
Bryan Green (07:00):
“They don’t do it. Like, I wish they would just dump a season on us.”
Bryan Green (41:51):
“He’s screaming obscenities while my daughter is in the back. That's a scary thing.”
Bryan Green (55:21):
“This girl was out partying while her daughter was missing for 31 days until she called 911. That's unbelievable. That's like the worst parent ever.”
The episode wraps up with Bryan and Krissy reiterating their appreciation for the listeners and encouraging audience engagement through sharing stories and feedback. Their candid and relatable approach makes complex topics accessible and entertaining, ensuring that both regular listeners and newcomers find value in their conversations.
The Commercial Break continues to deliver its signature blend of humor, candid discussions, and pop culture insights. In this episode, Bryan and Krissy effectively balance critiques of high-profile events with personal stories, maintaining the chaotic yet charming vibe that defines their podcast. Whether dissecting award ceremonies or sharing personal anecdotes, the hosts ensure that each episode is both entertaining and thought-provoking.
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Disclaimer: This summary is based on the transcript provided and aims to encapsulate the key discussions and highlights of the episode without including advertisements, intros, outros, or non-content sections.