Loading summary
Transcript214 lines
- [00:00]
Natural Cycles Advertiser
Why are more women than ever choosing Natural Cycles, the hormone free, side effect free way to take control of your fertility. Natural Cycles is a birth control app that uses your temperature to find your fertile window. It is more than a basic cycle tracking app. Natural Cycles is the only FDA cleared and CE marked birth control app and has helped millions prevent and plan for pregnancy naturally. Save 15% when you sign up today with code RADIO15. Learn more at Natural Cycles.com Abercrombie's vacation essentials are 25% off right now and Spotify listeners are getting an extra 15% off with code Spotify AF. Abercrombie's perfect pack means denim shorts, your favorite swimsuit and tons of boho dresses. So book the trip and use code Spotify AF for an extra 15% off through June 9, 2025. 25% off vacation essentials is valid in US and Canada through June 9, 2025. Available applies to select styles as indicated. Price Reflex Discount.
- [01:02]
Jizzy Jeff Hoadley
Guys, has this ever happened to you? Man, I'd love to go hit the dance floor and show off my new jitterbug, but I'm afraid the guys are gonna see my jitter rug. Ha. They call me Jizzy Jeff Hoadley and I know the feeling. Boys, over two decades ago I had a similar incident. I hit the local jitterbug juke join in my one piece unitard sweet started with a pair of jazz hand and a high kick to the low alley and what came of tumblin out my tumble weeds. That's when I started Jizzy Jeff's All Male Review Dance hall and Laser Hair Removal Studio. That's right, at Jizzy Jeff's All Male Review Dance hall and Laser Hair Removal Studio. You'll never worry about those dangling participles again. At Jizzy Jeff's, each client is treated with a patented 12 step laser procedure that's only legal in two states. The will remove every hair off your body with almost no pain that lasts more than four days or your money is almost guaranteed completely back. And when you're done recovering, come back to Jizzy Jeff's and show off your silky smooth marbles with a brand new lacy lombata for the ages. Every undercarriage is treated as if it was our own. We'll eat off of it or your money is almost guaranteed mostly back. So guys, what are you waiting for? Get your legs so silky smooth you'll glide across the dance floor with easies. Please come on down to Jizzy Jeff's All Male Dance hall and Laser Hair Removal Studio and as a special thank you to the township of Crabapple, Jeff is giving away a free back waxing with every single dance. Tell em Jizzy. Jeff sent ya. On this episode of the Commercial Break.
- [02:54]
Brian Green
Frankly, you're not always the funniest comedy podcast out there. You don't always have the most interesting topics. Your guest interviews are not always the most organized or in depth. Your show can be scattered and muddy. But that is exactly why we all love it. You are literally building the plane while you're flying it. It is a living. It is living and breathing and organic. It is sloppy and sharp and confused and focused and hapless and perfect and a total train wreck where the wheels happen to stay on the track. Your show is all of those things. All of those things that we need and a lot of the things we don't. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Don't dirty in the morning. Oh yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co host of this show, Chris and Joy Oley. Best you, Chris.
- [03:42]
Chris Oley
Best you, Brian.
- [03:43]
Brian Green
Best you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. Here we are back and alive and kicking after Brian put out a two hour best of best of classic. Two hours long. That's crazy. So if you didn't listen to Tuesday's episode, who can blame you? There were like 13 of them over the weekend. But Tuesday's TCB Classic was a TCB best of from early season two. I think I mistakenly said season one, but it was season two where I had put together. It was like our first or second best of. I had put together all of the time. We had done a Frankie B Video into one long supercar and it was two hours long. Coming in as the longest, longest episode of the commercial break. And you're going for all kinds of records. I am going for all kinds of records. Now they've got Chet TCB on my side. He and I are friends now and we're working together diligently to put together the super brain of the commercial break. Driving him and me crazy at the same time. Him. Oh no, she. I don't know it. I just play it's an it. I will always refer to it as an it. It should be referred to as an it. But it is coming up. It is coming up with some interesting statistics on the commercial break as it's going along. Showed me some of those as I asked it to. I said give me tidbits, informations, callbacks, taglines and. And then I said, you know, and anything that frequently pops up in these early seasons I'd love to know about. I might revisit them. Right. And so it gave me a heat map of the show and told me what we're talking about most frequently in which episodes and which seasons and stuff like that. It also cut all the bits out of the shows for me, and there's a lot more than I even thought I had. There are some that I went back to that it alerted me to that I don't even remember. Like the one where Jizzy Jazz Jeffs. Jizzy Jizzy Jeffs Dance Saloon and Panto and Ball Shaving Parlor.
- [05:43]
Chris Oley
I remember that one.
- [05:46]
Brian Green
Are you getting a high side to the low groin or whatever it was? Are you getting a bushel to the low side or something like that? Come on in to Jazzy Jeff's Dance Saloon and Ball Shaving Parlor. I listened to it and I was like, that's really funny, Brian. That's really funny.
- [06:01]
Chris Oley
Good job.
- [06:02]
Brian Green
Or I talked about the pantaloons or the. Oh, what was it?
- [06:07]
Chris Oley
We had a whole thing back in about talking about the pantaloons.
- [06:11]
Brian Green
Oh, the pantaloons. They were back in style, weren't they? For like a minute. There was a, like, pantaloons when the.
- [06:18]
Chris Oley
Yeah, that was that show around the time that we were talking about, like filling up your car with gas. Grass fed.
- [06:24]
Brian Green
Gas fed. Gas fed grass. There's a lot of ones that we could go back to. I will. I'm going to. I'm going to revisit it, and I'm going to pull out some of the good ones and we're going to go back to it because there's also one called the. The quitterbug phone that you can give your parents that has no Fox News or accessibility to Facebook. I did a whole commercial on quitterbug. The phone you can give your aging parents disconnects them from Facebook, Twitter, and Fox News. Man, do we need that more than ever. Wow. Unbelievable and sad news for anybody who's a podcast listener, follower, general, like, aficionado of the podcast universe. Marc Maron.
- [07:05]
Chris Oley
Yes.
- [07:06]
Brian Green
Who is one of the very early podcasters who kind of pioneered the space in a lot of ways.
- [07:11]
Chris Oley
16 years.
- [07:12]
Brian Green
16 years.
- [07:13]
Chris Oley
16.
- [07:14]
Brian Green
16 years. 2009, he put out his first podcast. 1600 episodes, thousands of hours. And he had so many guests on Mark. Had every comedian probably that has ever worked that is even remotely notable. Most comedians who have been on here that are notable were on Marc Maron's show. At some point. And he talked to them at length about the craft, about what it takes to be a good comedian, about the downfalls, the pitfalls of the entertainment industry. Really interesting dig in conversations. Kind of like Joe Rogan without a lot of the extemporaneous bullshit. And he had Obama on. He's had. I mean, he's had everybody on Go, but you can go back if you don't know. Marc Maron show. What the fuck With Mark Maron. WTF with Marc Mar. You should do yourself a favor. And before he leaves in late fall of this year, listen to a couple episodes go early, mid, late, maybe I'll suggest some as we go along. And we'll all say goodbye to Mark together, because there is no doubt about it, no Mark Marin, no commercial break. No Mark Marin, no Joe Rogan, no Mark Maron, no Dax Shepard.
- [08:26]
Chris Oley
He was a pioneer.
- [08:27]
Brian Green
Theo Vaughn, he truly was a pioneer. And I think he was even like, maybe earlier that way, earlier than Serial was even on. Like, Serial is like the noted podcast that kind of made podcasting a word that everybody knew and that people all of a sudden started downloading podcasts. The Mark was doing it before that. So Mark announced today, as we're recording this in the morning, he announced on his Instagram that it's time. He is burnt out. He does not find. I'm putting words in his mouth, but the joyfulness of showing up every day and having these conversations is not there anymore. And he feels, in his words, incredibly accomplished. So after 1600 episodes, what else is there to say, really? And when you had, you know, Obama and I don't know who else he's had. He's had a bunch of people.
- [09:15]
Chris Oley
Yeah. Very famous people.
- [09:17]
Brian Green
Yeah. When you've had all these famous people on and you pick their brains, they've even written books, like, taking insights from all of the episodes of. Of the WTF show. And his producer, I think the guy's name is Andrew, together they said to each. And they've said this on the show before, when we're done, we're done. Like, when it's no longer the thing, it's no longer the thing, and we'll just move on. And he made an announcement, and it said, andrew and I have come to the conclusion at the same time that we're done. It's just it. That's it.
- [09:45]
Chris Oley
That new show with Owen Wilson that's on about, like, the golf.
- [09:50]
Brian Green
Oh, the golf.
- [09:51]
Chris Oley
Yeah.
- [09:51]
Brian Green
Oh, Marc Maron is.
- [09:52]
Chris Oley
I think he is.
- [09:52]
Brian Green
Okay. All right. Marc Maron, an accomplished comedian in and of himself. Like he really was one of those early Comedy Central comedians. Like some of these people that we have been talking to who just kind of rode that wave. Tom Papa. Who else did we have? Margaret Cho, Kathy.
- [10:19]
Chris Oley
Oh, yes.
- [10:20]
Brian Green
Kathleen Madigan, Lewis Black. Margaret Cho was even before Comedy Central, I think. I think she was more of like abc, Fox News, hbo, like that. Or Fox, early Fox, hbo. She was even a little bit before the time of Comedy Central. But there's like this group of Kyle Kanane, these group of comedians that came up in the very hot Comedy Central era and they kind of rode those 30 minute specials to fame. And Mark was one of those. And he just got the idea early on. He heard about podcasting, got the idea, jumped on, invited some of his comedian friends to come on and talk to him for an hour or two, and there you go. And away it went. And for a long time, Marc Marin's podcast was number one, number two or number three for a long time. It hasn't been in a while. It's like still in the top 20, top 25. And the charts don't mean I got to be real honest with you. Yeah. Wow. If there's a weird cut in the podcast, it's because all of the sudden the power popped. It just like popped, went off, popped again and then went off and then popped a third time and then went off for a few seconds and then turned back on, which is really strange. But they're doing construction on the highway down the, or the road down the street, and I think they might be moving the power poles. So anyway, we're back. I was talking about Marc Maron and I was talking about the charts. Listen, Mark. Regardless of where Mark sits on the charts or where he has been sitting on the charts, I think it's clear to any observer, casual or otherwise that Marc Maron has had a huge impact on the podcast industry. And I think he was one of the first to have commercials. If I'm. If I'm not mistaken, I think like dollar Shave Club or whatever was one of the first. I don't know this for sure, but I do remember listening to early Marc Maron podcasts and hearing commercials in there and thinking to myself, wow, he's selling commercials. Even though, like, I didn't really get into podcasting until much later after the it had started. Like, I really didn't jump on the bandwagon until Serial. When Serial came on, I started listening to Marc Maron's podcast and I was like, wow, that's great. Commercials. Can you do that for a living. Because if you can do that for a living, in 10 years from now, I am also going to do that for a living. So anyway, Marc Maron gets all the props he should rightfully get for really turning this into an art form. A radio show, a late night TV talk show. A place where people can come and sit and have long conversations, long in depth conversations that are meaningful and change the world. The exact opposite of what we do here at the commercial break. I didn't say we were going to take Mark Maron's thing and make it better, but maybe. Listen, not to dance on anybody's grave, Chrissy, but maybe there's a small chance that we will get some of those Mark Maron listeners. People who are looking for smart, intelligent, witty comedy podcasts. They'll go that commercial break. That's not it, but I'll download it once just for shits and giggles. I was saying yesterday when I put out the Best of, I was saying that chatty tcb, I asked it, hey, what is a good, like, snapshot of what? What's indicative of season one, early season two?
- [13:35]
Chris Oley
Yeah.
- [13:36]
Brian Green
And is indicative, like an indication of where the podcast is going? Raw kind of. Whatever. So it came up with this whole dissertation, right, where it's basically blowing smoke up our asses and it says, you know, this episode, it gave me three episodes. One of them was this Frankie B. Best of episode. And it says, this episode is early riffing, high brow. It says highbrow comedy with low brow jokes. It's sharp, witty satire with something or other. And I was like, wow, this thing is really good at kissing my ass. But then what it said at the end was an early indication of what a cult classic the commercial break would become. Cult classic means no listeners.
- [14:19]
Chris Oley
Right.
- [14:20]
Brian Green
Has anybody ever said, wow, I made a million dollars off my cult classic movie, or wow, my one hit wonder music group that became a, you know. Do you understand what I'm saying here? I do, yeah. Okay. So like. Right, said Fred.
- [14:34]
Chris Oley
Blue also agrees.
- [14:36]
Brian Green
Yes, Blue. Fuck you, Blue. Right, said Fred.
- [14:39]
Chris Oley
Right, said Fred. I forgot about him.
- [14:41]
Brian Green
Did not be. He was not excited about being a cult classic in the underground music scene. I can guarantee you he wanted the money. But you know what? We do this because we love it. Back then it was just a hobby for us. Honestly, it just was. Speaking of back then, back then, when we did 13 episodes of the commercial break in one day, kind of went off without a hitch, I think.
- [15:04]
Chris Oley
Oh, yeah, you're talking about back then.
- [15:06]
Brian Green
The tcb, MSA A few days ago. That feels like a year ago at this point.
- [15:10]
Chris Oley
No, I thought it did go pretty smoothly. I think maybe we had built it up in our heads.
- [15:14]
Brian Green
We did, yeah.
- [15:15]
Chris Oley
To be more chaotic or something.
- [15:19]
Brian Green
We built it up in our heads to be.
- [15:20]
Chris Oley
I brought three bags.
- [15:22]
Brian Green
I know I was telling somebody this. Yeah. I was telling my little brother, this. Patrick. We went out for his birthday. Like the brothers and. And the new girlfriend. Oh, okay. I gotta be careful about how much I say. It's early days here. Early days.
- [15:38]
Chris Oley
Yeah. You'll have to fill me in later.
- [15:39]
Brian Green
Yeah. I don't know if she's ready to be a PODC character quite yet. You know what I'm saying? Lovely. Lovely human being. Lovely human. But anyway, we were all talking out there, and I was. They were. We were chatting about the TCB's endless day because I went out to dinner with him on Sunday. I was just butt exhausted. I mean, wiped. Because here's the thing about tcb's Endless Day. My day really didn't end. I walked right out that door, had to bathe, you know, feed and put children to bed. And then they were up the next morning early, ready for me to rock. And it just didn't like. I realized on Sunday, I really don't get a fucking break. Like, Chrissy right now is sleeping. She's gonna go have a boozy brunch. Her and Jeff are gonna walk around the house in robes, catching up on all their favorite Netflix shows. You got a fucking massage? Yes, I got a fucking kick in the potatoes is what I got by my youngest kid who decided she now wanted to play footsie with my son.
- [16:35]
Chris Oley
I know. And I was thinking about you guys a lot after that, and it did make me, you know, text you last night. And so it was very sweet. I would be happy to help do a little babysitting.
- [16:45]
Brian Green
Well, I told Astrid. Astrid went to Shakira last night. And let me. I'll tell this. Shakira.
- [16:50]
Rachel
Wow.
- [16:51]
Brian Green
All right, let me tell this. But first I want to say I love Shakira. Endless day with. It went. Went off pretty much without a hitch. We did build it up to be some long, dramatic thing that we were. We were. It was going to be like we were scratching to get to the last minutes. And it really didn't feel like that big of a deal.
- [17:06]
Chris Oley
We took our breaks and in the right places.
- [17:09]
Brian Green
I didn't leave the studio for nine hours, but we did take breaks. So it felt okay. Yeah, it felt like. It felt like there was some breathing Room. But here's the point. Thank you to everybody who called and texted, wrote in and gave us, you know, a little fuel for the tank to move on to the next episode.
- [17:24]
Chris Oley
It was really nice, too, with the live. When we did the live episode and then the Instagram comments and things, it was great.
- [17:32]
Brian Green
So thank you very much. And we will be announcing here shortly that we will be doing more Twitch live streaming recording in the future, maybe once, maybe twice a month. So stay tuned at TCB podcast on Twitch if you just want to follow us and hit the notifications so that when we do decide to go live. But we will keep you informed on. At the commercial break on Instagram. Okay, so Astrid's birthday in December. There are three concerts that are announced, two of which we really want to go to Pearl Jam or I want to go to Pearl Jam. I want to go to Pearl Jam. And Shakira. I don't want to go to Shakira. I want to go to Pearl Jam. Astrid doesn't go to Pearl Jam. She wants to go to Shakira. But Astrid doesn't have someone that's like, a super Shakira fan to go with her. And it's. It's going to be just as hard to get tickets to Shakira as it is to see Pearl Jam, because Shakira is the Taylor Swift of everywhere else in the world. Yeah, she really is. Yeah, she's a superstar. Mega superstar. People scream and yell and. And, you know, wait in line for days to see that shaky little booty. That girl can't lie. Those hips don't lie. So get online to go get Pearl Jam tickets. But I've got brothers that are going to also be online to get Pearl Jam tickets. They're all going on sale the same day in the same time. And the. The absolute gem of a husband that I am, I decide let my brothers knock out Pearl Jam if they can. Let me try to get Shakira tickets for my lovely wife.
- [19:11]
Chris Oley
You are a gem.
- [19:12]
Brian Green
And I do. And I get the exact same tickets to Shakira that my brother got to Pearl Jam.
- [19:22]
Chris Oley
The ones at the very top, I.
- [19:23]
Brian Green
E. The worst tickets you could possibly get. But they're the only tickets that I could get. The only. You know, that fucking Ticketmaster is so goddamn convoluted that I, as. As I grab them, I'm like, okay, I guess, you know, there are other seats around, but I'm afraid to lose the two that I have in the basket. So I'm like, just check out. And then you can figure it out later. If you want to get upgrade to seats, you go to one of those, you know, off market sites. Hey. Hey, brother. Hey, brother. I got two tickets to Shakira on the floor. $7200 a piece. PayPal me at you got scammed.
- [20:00]
Chris Oley
Yeah.
- [20:01]
Brian Green
Okay. Got those tickets. Astrid comes home. Happy birthday. You're going to Shakira?
- [20:08]
Chris Oley
You did it for the birthday too.
- [20:10]
Brian Green
I'm going with you. Don't worry. I'm your ride or die. I've been to Taylor Swift. I've been to the Jonas Brothers. I've been to concerts where I can barely pronounce the names of the artist. I've been to Luis Fonse, you know. Okay. I've been. I'm deep. I'm deep in the Venezuelans. Yes. I'm deep in the Venezuelan culture. I one time went to a Venezuelan restaurant like 20 miles outside of the. Outside of where I live. So it was like 50 miles outside of the city. I went to a restaurant where they literally took the tables and chairs and put them to the side and put rows of chairs to see a former boy band from Venezuela, a bunch of brothers get up and do two hours acapella. Really? In a restaurant that they just put a bunch of chairs on. And it was like, I didn't know a fucking thing. I didn't know a fucking word, and I didn't know a fucking human being in there. But I went, because that's my wife, Bastard love. She is excited, and I'm gonna make sure that she has a good time, even if it's not my thing. I don't care. That's what we do. That's what you do. With a good partner, of course. Right? And she has been to Pearl Jam, Fish and those two. But to be fair to Astrid, I have been living here all my life. There are people that I know that can go with me to these concerts. Astor has lots of friends here now, but she didn't back then. So I would be her ride or die. Okay, so that concert was Monday, right? And last week, Aster, we're dropping the kids off at camp, and we see a lady that we know, another Hispanic lady that we know that's friends with the family. Gabby Gabrielle. Okay. Lovely lady. She taught a number of our children. She's a teacher, super awesome human being. The kind of person you just want around in your life because she's just that kind of human being. And so we see Gabby, and Astrid spends some time with Gabby. And then Astrid comes home from spending time with Gabby, and I'm going to tell you about what happened after these messages. I would have gotten this all in before the break had we not had some power explosion. So hopefully we'll be back after this.
- [22:22]
Rachel
Okay, you're probably wondering why I, Rachel, have taken over the voice duties at tcb. It's pretty simple. Astrid asked me to shut Brian up, even for a minute. Well, lovely Astrid, your wish is my command. Do you want to help Astrid, too? You know you do. Leave a message for her or me or Chrissy at 212-4333, TCB. That's 212-443-3333, 3822. You can be on the show too. Just call and say something, anything. Or text us and we'll text you right back. Promise. Then head over to tcbpodcast.com and get your free sticker. It's your constitutional right to a sticker and we must abide. You get the point? Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and watch all the episodes on video@YouTube.com TheCommercialBreak. Best to you and Astrid, especially Astrid. Summer is coming right to your door.
- [23:19]
Brian Green
With target circle 360. Get all the season go to's at home with same day delivery snacks for the pool party delivered sun lotion and.
- [23:27]
Rachel
Towels for a beach day delivered pillows.
- [23:30]
Brian Green
And lights to deck out the deck that too delivered just when you want them summer your way quick and easy join now and get all the summer fun delivered right to your home with target circle 360.
- [23:42]
Rachel
Membership required. Subject to terms and conditions. Applies to orders over $35.
- [23:47]
Brian Green
Hey there cats and kittens. I want to tell you about a podcast from Headgum I think you're gonna like. It's Handsome with Tig Notaro, Fortune Femster and May Martin. Two of those people have appeared here on the commercial break. The third is conspicuously absent and I will be following up. Every week the Handsome hosts field a question from a friend and ATT answer it together, covering every subject you could think of, from psychic experiences and reoccurring dreams to secret talents and favorite pop divas along the way, Tig Fortune and May tell plenty of stories and just generally have a ridiculous time. Sound familiar? Both Chrissy and I listen to this show and exactly like the commercial break, they get questions from people like Jennifer Aniston, Paul Simon, Conan O' Brien, Tom Hanks, Sheryl Lee Ralph, Melissa McCarthy and other notable listeners. Just like the commercial break does. Handsome is a great podcast with two of the three hosts being some of our favorite guests and I will work on May Martin. Subscribe to Handsome wherever you listen to podcasts and check out the full episodes on YouTube. New episodes drop every Tuesday and Friday. Headgum.com handsome for a full episode list.
- [24:57]
Rachel
With a Venmo debit card, you can Venmo more than just your friends. You can use your balance in so many ways. You can Venmo everything. Need gas? You can Venmo this. How about snacks? You can Venmo that. Your favorite band's merch? You can Venmo this or their next show? You can Venmo that. Visit Venmo Me Debit to learn more. The Venmo MasterCard is issued by the Bancorp bank and a pursuant to license, my MasterCard International Incorporated card may be used everywhere. MasterCard is accepted. Venmo purchase restrictions apply.
- [25:28]
Brian Green
Okay, so every single married couple, and probably couples that are married, been together for some period of time, any period of time, really. Three months, eight months, nine months, you start to understand a small change in the tone of voice, the way they breathe, the way they walk, the way they swing their arms, the way their eyeballs are moving. You start to pick up on body language. And, you know, it's just like, I'm selling this story the other day to a pregnant girl at Starbucks who's her first pregnancy. She's early on. It's early days. She's like four or five months pregnant. Maybe it's not early days. It's days. And she's having. So, you know, it's not the easiest pregnancy in the world. And every time I go up there and I see her, she says, hey, how you doing? Hi, how you doing? And I check in, hey, you know, I feel like my back hurts. And I go, yeah, you're literally getting ripped open. You know.
- [26:18]
Chris Oley
Does she work there?
- [26:19]
Brian Green
She works there. Ok. She's working there.
- [26:20]
Chris Oley
Yeah.
- [26:20]
Brian Green
And so I said to her, she was talking to me about the concerns about birth, and I said about labor. And I said, you know, I don't think it really often happens the way it's pictured on tv. Like, water breaks. You're screaming all of a sudden.
- [26:34]
Chris Oley
Yeah.
- [26:34]
Brian Green
I think a lot of times it's like a slow buildup and you already know long before the action's gonna happen. I'm sure a lot of, for a lot of women, the water breaks. And it is like that. But I don't think it's like that for everybody, because that's what she was saying. And I was like. Because my people could do it for like 24.
- [26:50]
Chris Oley
I've heard of like 24 hours. You know, somebody being in labor.
- [26:52]
Brian Green
Astrid was in labor for. With our first one for like 18 or 19 hours. But she started labor at 2 in the morning and woke me up at like 7 with one word, honey. And when she said it and then the way in which she said it, she did not need to say anything else. I already knew exactly that honey was not the same honey that was always there. It was a honey of it's going to be a long day and you're about to. Your whole life's about to change and the whole world is gonna come crashing down. So Astrid comes in the door the other day after being with Gabriella and she pops open the door and I say, oh, honey, welcome home. Like I always. Like I always do. Welcome home, my love. You look beautiful today. I'm so happy you came back through the threshold of the door. I missed you so much. What can I do to make your life easier? Back massage? Foot massage. Can I take the kids for a couple of hours like I always do? And she says, yeah, it was great. It was wonderful. Gabby's great. I have an idea. And when she said that the way that she said that, I already knew. I'm getting fucked. Something's happening here. I'm getting fucked. That idea does not include me. Something about something happened and I'm gonna get the small end of the dick. You know what I'm saying? I have an idea. And I was like, okay, how much is it? What are we gonna do? How long do I have to watch the children or where are we driving? Right? And she said, well, I was talking to Gabby and she really likes Shakira. And so she thought if you thought that you didn't wanna go see Shakira because, you know, we know you don't like Shakira all that much. She's already convincing me that I don't like Shakira. And in my mind, I had already said to myself, watching Shakira shake her ass for two hours is not exactly the worst thing in. No offense. She's got a beautiful female form and she knows how to work it. Why would it that. And she does that. Part of the reason why she's so world famous is because she does. That's what she's known for, along with the singing and the great music. She's known to shake her patootie. That's what happens at a Shakira concert. God love it. And then I also knew that it's just going to be a room Full of happy people dancing their patooties off. What am I? What? Of all the stuff I've seen with Astrid, including the restaurant boy band, this could be the least of my concerns, right? I can deal with this.
- [29:25]
Chris Oley
Yeah.
- [29:26]
Brian Green
And I thought to myself, okay, here comes. You know, Gabby said if you don't want to go because you don't like Shakira all that much, she really likes Shakira and she would be happy to take your ticket. And I thought to myself, well, this is a no win situation that I'm putting that she's putting me in right here. I could say, no, I really want to go with you. And then she could say, yeah, of course. I know, I know. And then she, in her head is going to be just a little bit pissed off that she could be standing next to someone who knows every word, English and Spanish, to every song Shakira every did, every move, every album, every next song coming up, a playlist, all the how many times it's been played, in what city, in which live venue, just like I would with the Pearl Jam show or whatever. Or she could be stuck with Brian, 60 year old white man who's got bad knees and has never danced a day in his life. Not worthy of, not worthy of Shakira, that's for sure. So there's going to be, you know, 28,000 people in there screaming in Spanish about whatever. And Brian's going to be going, hola, come on, zombie amigas. Or I could say, sure, absolutely sounds like a good idea. And then Astrid in her head is gonna go, he never wanted to go in the first place. Whoa. He's just doing this to pacify me. The double edged sword it is. And I don't know what to do. In your head, in my head, in her head. Just. Just give up the ticket. Yeah, just give up the ticket, you dumb. Dumb. Then we don't need a babysitter and we don't need a babysitter and I can go have actual fun at the concert.
- [31:10]
Chris Oley
Right?
- [31:11]
Brian Green
Right. But in my head I'm like, oh, this is a husband quandary. It's like, do I look fat in this? Of course not.
- [31:19]
Chris Oley
I can't believe you were double thinking it.
- [31:21]
Brian Green
Oh, I was triple thinking it. I was down a rabbit hole for a few seconds there, but then I was like, okay, pretend like you want to go, but be the hero.
- [31:32]
Chris Oley
Right, right. That was a good move.
- [31:33]
Brian Green
Yes. So I said, oh, you know, I was looking forward to spending time with you. Yeah, it's not my favorite artist in the world, and I don't know a ton of her music, but I was really looking forward to it. You know, that's what I said. I go, you know, like a puppy dog. Like a puppy. I gave the hands and the puppy dog look. I'm like, eh, eh. And she goes, you know what? You're right. That's fine. You know what? I told Gabby he's probably gonna go, so don't worry about it. Let's go. We're gon have a great time. And then I'm like, oh, chance is slipping away. Chance is slipping away to get out of the Shakira concert. And I said, yeah, you're right. You're right. We should go. We should go. We'll have a good time. Play this out for a few minutes, Brian. Play it out for a few minutes. Okay. All right. And then we go our separate ways. I had to go somewhere. I was out the door. And then we're texting with each other about an hour later. And then I wait for a pregnant pause, and I put together the text message that's gonna win me marriage points probably for the next year. I said, you know what? I was thinking about it as I'm at the tanning bed, because she's gonna get mad at me for being at the tanning bed, so I'm gonna soften it up a little bit. I say, you know, I was thinking about it. I really do want you to have a good time at Shakira. And I know that it's important to you to have somebody with you that knows Shakira like, you know Shakira and enjoys Shakira like, you enjoy Shakira and can sing along and do all the things, and you can take pictures and buy merch and all that with the same level of excitement that you have. So go ahead, tell Gabby. And she responds right away, are you sure? And then I said, listen, I really want to spend time with you. Dink, dink, dink. I really want to spend time. Which I do, but maybe not a Shakura, but I do. I really want to spend time with you, but it's okay. Go ahead. Go with Gabby. If you don't call her and tell her, I will.
- [33:25]
Chris Oley
You're so dramatic.
- [33:28]
Brian Green
5:30.
- [33:32]
Chris Oley
Oh, my God.
- [33:36]
Brian Green
So Astrid comes home. So I babysit the kids last night?
- [33:40]
Chris Oley
Yep.
- [33:41]
Brian Green
Astrid comes home. And by the way, Shakira has had a number of show cancellations due to stage mismanagement or something. Something about the stage not being safe. Boston, D.C. she fell somewhere, like, somewhere in California. She Fell off the stage and had a problem and whatever. But the Shakira Atlanta concert went off without a hitch. And so a couple of hours before the show, Astrid had sent the tickets to her. And Astrid checks the seats and she's like, oh, my God, these are like the very last row. And I go, well, I didn't say they were good tickets. I said they were tickets. Yeah, they are in the building at least. And she said, no, no, no, you're right. You know, she's trying to play it off. You're right. We're gonna have fun.
- [34:23]
Chris Oley
Yeah.
- [34:24]
Brian Green
And I said, well, listen, if it's only if it's not a lot of money, why don't you check one of the ticket burgers and get an upgrade? Go down in the lower bowl, right? Or whatever, you know, pay a couple hundred dollars and get them there. Well, she goes and she checks, and there are tickets in the same section a couple of rows up from where Astrid is going to be sitting, and they are selling for five or six hundred dollars a piece. And she tells me this, and I said, can we sell the tickets? Right?
- [34:46]
Chris Oley
Yeah. Can no one go to the show?
- [34:48]
Brian Green
And I will cancel with Gabby. Yes. I will babysit the kids on this end of the house and we will put Shakira on YouTube here on this side of the house, you can buy all the friends you want. You guys can have your own Shakira concert right here. Because that. Twelve hundred dollars, that's insane. That is insane. That's crazy. But she went. She had a great time. I watched the kids. Little to little to no drama. As soon as she left the door, almost all the kids were asleep, which never happens. Never ever, ever. But she doesn't get home until like 12, you know, 12 at night, 12:30 at night. And so I went straight from Endless Day to putting all the children to sleep, to waking up early the next day, to then taking the kids for periods of time on Sunday because Astrid really was very.
- [35:33]
Chris Oley
Going to the tanning bed.
- [35:34]
Brian Green
Going to the tanning bed. Well, I had to go to the tanning bed. I mean, come on, what did you expect? What? What'd you think? I was not going to treat myself. After all, I got no sun on Saturday. I had to get some sun on Sunday. No, I actually didn't go to the tanning bed on Sunday, but I watched the kids. We, you know, took them out to the pool, did the thing, yada, yada, yada, yada, and then rolls right into yesterday, you know, TCB Classic. Do all the videos for the endless day La la la la la la la la. Then up all night and then here I am again, early for another interview. TCB's endless day is just a description for TCB in general. That's never ends.
- [36:16]
Chris Oley
I know. As I walked in today, I was like, and we're back.
- [36:18]
Brian Green
And we're back. Mercifully, not for long. Not for 12 hours today.
- [36:23]
Chris Oley
Well, the good thing is you have a very relaxing vacation coming up.
- [36:27]
Brian Green
Oh, yeah, no problem. No problem, Chrissy. That's gonna be fun. Get it wrong again. Brian got it wrong again. Agreeing to go to Disney World for five days. I love Disney World. Love it. I'm not a Disney adult, per se. Like, I don't go that crazy.
- [36:58]
Chris Oley
You're to the edge.
- [36:59]
Brian Green
Yeah, I'm, Yeah, I'm way. I'm past Disney adult. I'm like, actually, I think I'm right on the edge.
- [37:05]
Chris Oley
That's what I was saying. Yeah, you're at the edge.
- [37:07]
Brian Green
I'm not gonna wear the ears. I don't buy the merch. Yeah, I don't do all that. I just like to go to Disney World. I do think in some sense it's a magical place. It reminds me of good times when I was a. When I was a child and a teenager and in my 20s and in my 30s and in my 40s. Yeah, I've been a lot. And every time I go, it gets a little bit more stressful because it's a little bit more crowded, it's a little less have fun at a theme park and a little bit more like what's on the spreadsheet. Right?
- [37:34]
Chris Oley
Yeah, it seems like that.
- [37:35]
Brian Green
It very much is. And if you don't do that, you're not going to get the most out of a very expensive vacation. But I love Disney World. I love the Disney cruises. I love everything about it.
- [37:44]
Chris Oley
There's something new too that they've got down there.
- [37:47]
Brian Green
It's always, they're always changing. They just plant. They just announced a billion dollar investment into the parks down there. Like, there's a lot of stuff that's going on that's coming up, but now it's just mainly things that are closed so they make room for Universal or something. Universal has that new epic universe.
- [38:04]
Chris Oley
That's what it is.
- [38:06]
Brian Green
But I hear they're having all kinds of troubles with that. Really? Yeah. Like brides breaking down, things not working. Some people went, they bought tickets to go to like the, you know, a restaurant opens. They have like preview week, soft opening. Soft opening, where you go in, you Eat at a very low or free price. But they're training the staff and the cooks and the chefs and the busboys and everybody. They're training everybody. So they give you free food so that they have a dress rehearsal. But you can't get pissed when everything turns out terrible. All right? You can't get pissed. Well, TCB's. I mean, TCB.
- [38:44]
Chris Oley
We're still practicing.
- [38:46]
Brian Green
We're still practicing. Universal did the same thing with their new park, but they offered very discounted tickets. And then they limited the tickets so that it's not super crowded. You can go in. But don't expect any magic because it may or may not happen. The rides may or may not be working. Things may or may not be clean or in order. It's just a driver, just a dry run. Well, apparently some people were extra pissed. As. For almost two days in a row, none of the rides were working. None of the rides were working? No, they paid, they got in, none of the rides were working.
- [39:21]
Chris Oley
Why would they even open it?
- [39:22]
Brian Green
It's just there's. It's a very complicated. Like these are all state of the art rides, right? And they're brand new and they're just bound to have hiccups every new ride does. The difference between Disney World and Universal is that Disney would have tested the whole. It takes Disney. It took Universal four years to build this huge brand new theme park. This multibillion dollar theme park. It would have taken Disney a decade to do that. Here's why. Because Disney would have made sure that every fucking thing was working six ways to Sunday before they ever let a guest see it. That Star wars land. They kind of rushed that open Star wars thing.
- [40:02]
Chris Oley
Is that even still.
- [40:03]
Brian Green
It is. It's still there.
- [40:04]
Chris Oley
The hotel, Remember that hotel?
- [40:06]
Brian Green
No. The hotel closed because no one wants to be locked into an underground chamber with fucking Jar jar Binks for 10 days drinking fruity pineapple space bubbles. No one gives a shit.
- [40:19]
Chris Oley
It was a disaster.
- [40:20]
Brian Green
Yeah, listen, I'm a Disney fan, but that one was. You could have seen that one coming down the tracks and everybody did yet. They can't. They. They went down. Now it's just an empty building. They're using it for, like, storage. Oh, really? Yes, yes, because it's a hotel with no windows.
- [40:36]
Chris Oley
Yeah. And it was like super expensive.
- [40:38]
Brian Green
$5,000 for like the. For. And you had to stay for at least three days. Listen, cruise ship is as close as I get to this kind of scenario. And they have balconies.
- [40:49]
Chris Oley
Yeah, exactly.
- [40:49]
Brian Green
And they stop places you can get off the boat on occasion. And they're huge. This thing was not huge. And it was just a bad idea. Even if people are in character and you're in the space Star wars land, I just think that it either had to be much better, it had to be done much better, much shorter or much differently for it to work. But a small building with a bunch of dressed up people running around telling you to do a scavenger hunt here, Go find, you know, go find Attu Bapu Tatu, Patu Patus. Golden coin around the ship. You were supposed to be on a ship and then you would like walk and to be stuck, you know, the coin to be stuck to the wall and take a picture of it, It'd be like 10 points. Fucking cares. Honestly. Who fucking cares? It's just dumb. It's just dumb. Anyway, I forgot what I was talking about. Yes. I'm going on vacation. I'm gonna go on vacation. I'm gonna take the kids. I want the kids to experience the same kind of magic that I did. But part of me believes, you know, we did this in Paris. We went to Disneyland Paris for the kid's birthday a couple of years ago. Very excited about this. Much smaller parks, much less crowded, much different. And just in general different. Same kind of flavor, magic, cleanliness, all that stuff you expect from Disney. But it's just different. It just is. It's in Paris, for God's sakes. But I realized about part of the way through the trip. But as I'm looking around as kids are scry, you know, crying, screaming, throwing up, you know, everybody's just kind of some state of disarray that I wonder if sometimes this is a little bit of sensory overload.
- [42:29]
Chris Oley
It can be, for sure.
- [42:31]
Brian Green
Yeah. So that's my relaxing vacation. Go down there and I'm going to relax. Nice and relaxed. Nice and relaxed. We honestly almost planned an extra five days afterwards. Beach condo. Yeah, yeah. Just to decompress. Just to get away from all the noise and the sounds and just so we could feel like we actually went on vacation. But then we realized it doesn't matter where we go. We have 13 children. We're not getting away from it, so might as well just get back home and relax. Try and relax here. Anyway, listen, we got some great.
- [43:05]
Chris Oley
Are you all driving or flying down?
- [43:07]
Brian Green
Oh, gonna drive, please. Flying is crazy expensive these days. It really is. I mean, and it's not that bad of a drive from Atlanta. Six and a half hours. Probably eight hours by the time we get done with it. Couple Tanks of gas there and back. You know, even in the family Truckster that burns, you know, that's like. Goes one mile per the gallon. It's still going to be less expensive than flying so many people down there.
- [43:30]
Chris Oley
Yeah.
- [43:31]
Brian Green
You know, and flying by the time you leave the house, all the bags get there, check in, pack up, get all your bags checked in, go through security, tuck everybody in, do the whole nine yards. You could have driven to Disney World. Right. It's about a six hour thing. It's two hour flight down to Orlando. Hour and a half. You have to add an hour and a half onto each end to get to and from. It's six hours.
- [43:58]
Chris Oley
Yeah.
- [43:58]
Brian Green
So I don't. I just mother. I'd rather drive. And that way if anything happens and the kids get upset.
- [44:04]
Chris Oley
Right. You'll have your car too.
- [44:05]
Brian Green
Yeah, the car and sound like an old man going to Disney World, you know, which is something some people don't ever get a chance to do. So I'm not trying to sound like bratty about it. I'm glad. Yeah, I'm grateful. I'm grateful that we're able to do it. I'm grateful that American Express allowed me to do it before they shut off my card. You know, I'll be paying it back for the next 30 years, but whatever. At least we have something magic. It's. It's magic. We're fucked.
- [44:43]
Chris Oley
I know. Disney's kind of your Wally World.
- [44:47]
Brian Green
Oh, it's definitely my Wally World. And I am definitely Clark Griswold when it comes to a road trip to Disney World. I'm like Marty Moose. Let's go. Grandma's dead. Put her on top of the car. We're making it there. We paid for this. We can't miss it. So all the. I want to wrap back around to one thing. All the well wishes, all the wonderfulness about tcb's endless day. And again, so many of you really gave us fuel for the fire before, during and after. But there's one person who I think stands out in the crowd that they wrote me an email yesterday. It dropped into my email really early in the morning. It has one of those icloud masking email addresses. It's got no name on it, no identifying information. It's completely anonymous. And maybe there's a reason why. And you'll hear in the email, maybe that's just something they didn't want to announce to the world. And that's fine. But when we get back, I'd like to read you maybe the single greatest Comment, review, email that we have ever received here at commercial break. It's emotional, it's funny, it's sad. It's all the things.
- [45:53]
Chris Oley
Oh, wow. Okay. I have not heard this yet.
- [45:55]
Brian Green
All right, Put on your listening ears. Yeah, you haven't heard it because I want. I want to. I want this to be first strike kind of material. You know, Ukraine just bombed a bunch of planes in Russia. Did you hear about that? Okay, first strike material. Surprise at dawn. Good for you. Ukraine, keep going. We stand by Ukraine. All right, we'll be back.
- [46:15]
Rachel
Why don't you text us and we can text back and then you can text us in reply, then so on. It's a fun little game I've been playing, and I think you'll be great at 212-4333, TCB. That's 212-433-3822. You could leave a message, too. If you do, maybe you'll end up being the voice of the show. But be warned, the pay is not great. You could go to the website and drop us an email. Also tcbpodcast.com and while you're there, you can get a free sticker. Who doesn't want a free sticker? Just go to the contact us button and ask for one. Follow us on Insta at the commercial break and watch the episodes@YouTube.com thecommercial break. Now I'm gonna go back to that texting game you wanna play. Come on. Bye.
- [47:05]
Jizzy Jeff Hoadley
Craftsman days are here at Lowe's with big savings on the tools you need. Save $100 on the Craftsman V26 Tool Power Tool Combo Kit now at $199, no matter what the project is, Craftsman's high quality, high performance products empower you to build on. Stop by your nearest Lowe's store and check out the full line of Craftsman tools Today, valid through 618. While supplies last. Selection varies by location.
- [47:33]
Rachel
Close your eyes.
- [47:35]
Brian Green
Exhale.
- [47:36]
Rachel
Feel your body relax and let go of whatever you're carrying. Today, while I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contact in time for this class, I got them delivered free from 1-800-contacts. Oh, my gosh, they're so fast. And breathe.
- [47:50]
Chris Oley
Oh, sorry.
- [47:51]
Rachel
I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste.
- [47:58]
Chris Oley
Visit 1-800-contacts.com today to save on your first order.
- [48:01]
Brian Green
1-800-Contacts. All right. You ready for this?
- [48:07]
Chris Oley
I am ready.
- [48:09]
Brian Green
This email comes into my personal email address. So even though I mean I think it's out there somewhere, but I don't know necessarily how they got this. This is someone we've corresponded with before, and I responded with my personal email address. I don't know. This one's got me stumped, but I guess it doesn't matter. At the end of the day, it was a. Someone wrote in. They felt the need to do that. I don't think it's someone that we know personally, but here we go. This. Blue. You have something to say about this? Oh, my God.
- [48:36]
Chris Oley
It was her.
- [48:37]
Brian Green
She wrote, every time Noemi's over, Blue goes fucking bananas. She is crazy. Anyway, here's an E. Do you want me to wait? Should I just wait, Blue, till you're done talking? Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Like I said. You know how many mentions? I'm going to ask Chat tcb. How many? I call it. I called it now Chat tcb. I'm going to find out how many mentions of Blue or Barks are in the background. I'm going to ask it. I guarantee it's every episode.
- [49:08]
Chris Oley
Guarantee it'll just make you mad.
- [49:09]
Brian Green
Oh, it's already making me mad. Drives me crazy. Yesterday, I. I go to pick up my daughter from a camp, and I go out, and then we were driving around for an hour or two or whatever it is, and then I come home, and I can't find Blue anywhere in the house. And I'm like, where the fuck did the dog go? Where's the dog? And sometimes she likes to hide under a bed. I think she might be a little hard of hearing. She's getting older, so sometimes she doesn't come as quickly as she used to, or at all, because she's a bitch. And so I'm like, what the fuck? So now I'm freaking out. I'm like, where is Blue? Oh, my God. So after like, 15 minutes, I'm like, she's not outside. I didn't let her outside. I opened the back door, but I say, okay, well, let's just start yelling outside. I'm freaking out kind of now, you know, I hope nothing happened to her. I open the door, I look, she's in the neighbor's backyard digging through like old coals from the barbecue. She's got ash all over her face. And I'm like, how did you get out? Why are you in my neighbor's yard? We like these people. We don't want you fucking it up. Please stop it. Even though my neighbor's very sweet, he's like, my yard is your yard, dude. Don't worry. Just think of it as an extension of your yard. Blue can be back there all you. All she wants. That is, until like a couple of weeks ago when Blue took a hot, steaming shit out there, and I'm pretty sure one of the kids next door stepped in it. Thanks, Blue. Thanks, Blue can't take you anywhere. And I don't because you're crazy. All right. Hi, Brian. It's been a couple of months since I tuned into the commercial break. Not because I don't love the show, I would certainly consider myself a super fan, but because life circumstances have kept me pretty busy and I'm unable to tune in on a regular basis right now. I certainly will get back to it. I just so happened to catch a few notifications this morning and saw that TCB's endless day was going on. I otherwise had no idea that this thing was happening or what it was. I just noticed multiple episodes in one day. I'm not sure which episode it was on Saturday. Maybe it was the last. But you made an. You made an impassioned plea for people to get help with their mental health. You mentioned that if it helped just one person, then the entire podcast would have been worth doing. Well, let me share my story. In mid 2023, I was engaged to be married to my longtime girlfriend. We had met in high school and we'd been together for about nine years as we both worked our way through graduate school. We lived together, struggled together, stressed together together, and fought together. And when I turned 26 and finished my post education, we moved into an apartment together to start the rest of our lives. It seemed like a pretty damn good time to ask her to marry me. And I did. And what do you know it? Against all odds, she said yes. Early in the summer, we had a vacation planned. We were very excited to take this trip together and it was going to be the much needed break after the school. After school, we both needed two weeks on the beach. That was the vacation. That was the plan. Today was the day. We were getting ready. Wow. So far, so good here, bud. I like this story. This sounds great. Waiting for the shoe to drop. As we were packing up to leave that morning, she asked me to grab something out of her school bag. I reached into the grabbed. I reached into the bag to grab the requested item and I pulled out a piece of paper. The front of the paper was schoolwork printed text. However, the back of the paper was written text in two different colors of ink and in two different styles of handwriting. It was a love note that was seemingly passed Back and forth between her and a classmate. There was nothing to lose. There was no interpretation to be lost here. This was a steamy, sultry, seduction squib. I instantly fell to pieces. I could not control myself. I knew exactly what this meant. As it turns out, the gentleman responder was her study partner had come to our house for dinners and parties, came over for Thanksgiving because he had nowhere else to go, and even met my parents multiple times. And my dad invited him to a baseball game. Anyway, everybody has a sad love song somewhere in their history. Mine is no different. Needless to say, the wedding was called off and I was distraught. Over the next few months, I fell into a deep and overwhelming depression, something I had never experienced before in my life. Every day darker than the last, I just couldn't get the racing thoughts and images of my fiance with this guy out of my head. All the things that could have been, all the memories that we shared, all the pain constantly and continually came striking back. I could not shake it. I was falling and falling fast. Then, about four months after that faithful day, I woke up with a solution in my head. I could not make the pain go away, but I could make it go away if I could make the thought stop. I could make the thought stop. If I could make my brain stop. And I could make my brain stop. Well, we all know how that happens. I had reached the ultimate and terrible conclusion, and I was thoroughly convinced it was the right one. I was as determined as I had ever been to complete this act. I even went through the rest of this day quietly saying my goodbyes to the ones that I love. I was sad, but I longed for relief. My plan was to grab a hotel room many miles from my house so that my family or my friends would not be the ones to find me. So on this Wednesday, I booked a room for that Saturday night. Jesus, get me choked up.
- [55:14]
Chris Oley
God, I know.
- [55:16]
Brian Green
On Thursday, I woke up just as determined. I got into the. I started my morning walk. I started my morning walk to go somewhere I needed to be. And I started listening to a podcast that a friend had recommended. During a commercial break on that podcast, a commercial break for your podcast came on. Honestly, the commercial was so terrible and so silly. I really wanted to hate. Listen, I was miserable. You were miserable. We were going to be miserable together. So I turned on an episode. So I turned on an episode. My first episode of the commercial break, from the moment it started, I wanted to be irritated with you. I really wanted to dislike you so much. And I did. Probably for the first five or six minutes. But then you went on one of your signature rants and I found solace in your comedic anger. I believed you were ta. I believe you were talking about people walking on the wrong side of the sidewalk. What a dumb fucking treaty. What a dumb fucking thing to be angry about. I thought to myself. But he's absolutely right. I also thought to myself as I walked down the street and witnessed the same thing happening over and over again. As you yelled, I witnessed as you screamed. I saw as you went on and on and on. I understood and found the funny in all of it. Before I knew it, an entire hour had gone by. I had walked well past my intended destination. And I did that on purpose just so I could listen a little bit longer, so I could figure out how exactly I was going to hate you guys. But it never happened. Quite the opposite. I fell into a trance. One episode turned into two. I took a walk at my local park so I could listen to yet another episode. Now I was four episodes in and it was only 1pm I got into the car and I drove aimlessly for three hours so I could listen to just one more episode. Find one reason, one more reason to hate you. They were not all funny. They were not all extremely interesting. But there was something about the friendship between you and Chrissy. The self effacing humor and at times the childlike behavior. There was something almost indescribably magic about your show.
- [57:41]
Chris Oley
Oh my God.
- [57:42]
Brian Green
You tackled highbrow concepts with low brow humor. This is where I heard this from. You injected sharp, sophisticated satire into sophomore jokes. You never let it go to your head. And you always knew exactly where your place was. You were in on the joke and that meant I was in on the joke. And I was starting to feel something that I was desperately missing. Something that got ripped away from me in a moment's notice. A sense of comfort, of humor, of belonging. Excuse me, I'm getting choked up here.
- [58:11]
Chris Oley
Yeah, I know, it's. Yeah, it's heavy.
- [58:14]
Brian Green
A sense that I was a part of something bigger than myself. And I know this sounds spiritual and maybe it is, but it's the truth. Frankly, you're not always the funniest comedy podcast out there. You don't always have the most interesting topics. Your guest interviews are not always the most organized or in depth. Your show can be scattered and muddy, but that is exactly why we all love it. You are literally building the plane. While you're flying is living and breathing and organic. It is sloppy and sharp and confused and focused and hapless. And perfect and a total train wreck where the wheels happen to stay on the track. Your show is all of those things. All of those things that we need and a lot of the things we don't. There was an episode where you once talked about the Grateful Dead. You said that part of the reason why people like the Grateful Dead so much was that they weren't perfect. And it was always an experiment, and it was changing and morphing and getting better and getting worse with every show every time. I think the commercial break would be well described in that way. I know you get a lot of emails, and I'm sure I'm not the first one to say you helped out in a dark spot. But I hope you read this message. And I hope if you take one thing away from this extremely lengthy scribe, it's this. You are exactly where you should be. And everyone who has ever listened to the commercial break and gotten something out of it should be grateful that we were alive during the time of tcb. I know the show is already popular, but I think someday people will look back on all of these episodes and fall in love again with the mediocre podcast that is the commercial break. Because here we find humor and belonging and comfort. Love you and best to you.
- [59:49]
Chris Oley
Best to you.
- [59:51]
Brian Green
Wow. Best to you, buddy.
- [59:52]
Chris Oley
I don't know who you are, man.
- [59:54]
Brian Green
I don't know who you are. I'm assuming you're a man. But, you know, I don't know that I could have. I don't know that I can take that kind of compliment. I think it's a very grand compliment, and I'm not sure that it's worthy of that kind of well written, well written review. But I will say this. I could not be more grateful that we found you at the right time. So here's to you and to you being here with us.
- [60:26]
Chris Oley
Yeah.
- [60:27]
Brian Green
Because we certainly glad you are. Yeah. We certainly all do understand what it feels like to be in that place of absolute desperation where there is maybe only one solution in our heads. And I've been there. It's years ago as a teenager, you know, I was all up on Accutane and hormones and love and love gone wrong and unrequited attraction and all that other stuff. But, you know, I do remember feeling that extreme sense of desperation, like that solution was the solution, because then at least I got relief and the people around me didn't have to listen to it anymore. But that's never the solution because it only leaves a wake of destruction. And when so many people out there would die to have someone back. It's a shame that you would ever give that up willingly. You know, we're built to move on one more day. That's just the way it is. And they're not always good days. A lot of them are bad. And the commercial break is exactly what you said it is. It's imperfect. We're building the plane as we fly it. There's often nothing funny about it. There's interviews are boring and shows are long and Ryan rants about nothing. But you do have a sense of. You do have a place here. There is some belonging here. If you listen to the commercial break, and I think this is. I think what you said, it played out on Saturday, is that there are a lot of people in the universe of the commercial break who are wonderful and loving and empathetic and right here with us.
- [61:56]
Chris Oley
So, yeah, 100%.
- [62:01]
Brian Green
I don't know what else to say.
- [62:03]
Chris Oley
I know. I'm kind of speechless.
- [62:04]
Brian Green
Yeah. I didn't get that emotional when I read it the first time, but I did the second time. I think reading it out loud has a different takes on a different connotation. So to whoever you are, wherever you are, thanks. Thanks very much. It's the grandest compliment we've ever received, and I don't think it could have been said any better. And again, while I don't think I can accept it, I heard it. I heard it and it touched me. So there you go. Wow. Okay. One, two, three. Be funny. Yeah.
- [62:34]
Chris Oley
Now, funniness.
- [62:35]
Brian Green
Oh, wow. Okay. All right. There you go. Shake it off, Brian. Silly emotions. All right, so if you haven't listened to commercial breaks Endless day, go ahead and do so. Those are probably in your inbox, in your podcast inbox.
- [62:53]
Chris Oley
I have to say, I was kind of laughing at the. I kept getting notifications thinking like, ding. Yep, ding.
- [62:59]
Brian Green
I'm sure. I'm sure we lost a few people on that one. I almost. I can almost guarantee we lost some people who were like, what the fuck? But, you know, hey, listen, you go. You go out in the world and you try, and if it works, it works. And if it doesn't, it doesn't. If you lose a few along the way, well, that's just the way it is. We didn't need them anyway, Chrissy. We don't need those people. We don't need to pay more mortgage next month. What are you talking about?
- [63:30]
Chris Oley
Oh, well, absolutely. I mean, it was a. It was a couple of pronged approach to that endless day.
- [63:37]
Brian Green
Yeah.
- [63:38]
Chris Oley
And I mean, the big overarching one was to raise awareness for mental health.
- [63:41]
Brian Green
That's right.
- [63:42]
Chris Oley
So I'm so happy that, you know, like you said, we touched one person.
- [63:46]
Brian Green
It touched one person. And, well, I know the endless day wasn't the thing that got you over the hump. It was just regular episodes of the commercial break. Maybe somebody. Maybe it did touch somebody out there. I have to believe it did. Somebody out there somewhere. There was, like I said yesterday. Oh, actually, I don't know if you heard this. There was a guy from India who was listening to us and he reviewed my resume and offered me a job. $500 an hour, right on the TCV phone. So if this all falls off the tracks, at least I got that. Yeah, he loved us. He thought it was great. I was perfect for the position. He didn't tell me what the position was.
- [64:25]
Chris Oley
We'll train you too.
- [64:26]
Brian Green
I got.
- [64:26]
Chris Oley
I got one recently that said something about we'll train you too. Oh, kinds of money.
- [64:31]
Brian Green
Awesome. I'm not good enough yet. I'm no Mark Maron. I'm only halfway to 1600, so let's put it that way. All right. At the commercial break on Instagram tcbpodcast.com you can get your free TCB endless day sticker. Go to the contact us Button, drop down menu 2124-333822-22433-3822 questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas and YouTube.com the commercial break. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for now.
- [64:59]
Chris Oley
I think so.
- [65:00]
Brian Green
I'll tell you that I love you.
- [65:01]
Chris Oley
I love you.
- [65:01]
Brian Green
Best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, we will say, we do say and we must say good goodbye.
- [65:11]
Rachel
Hey there travelers. Kaley Cuoco here. Sorry to interrupt your music, great artist, BT Dubs, but wouldn't you rather be there to hear it live? With Priceline, you can get out of your dreams and into your dream concert. They've got millions of travel deals to get you to that festival, gig, rave, sound bath or sonic experience you've been dreaming of. Download the Priceline app today and you can save up to 60% off hotels and up to 50% off flights. So don't just dream about that trip. Book it with Priceline.
- [65:37]
Brian Green
Go to your happy price, Priceline.
- [65:40]
Rachel
Get into your body's vitals with the Vitals app on Apple Watch.
- [65:43]
Brian Green
I want to get into my body and then my skin.
- [65:46]
Chris Oley
Don't you talking.
- [65:47]
Rachel
I wanna feel about myself again. The Vitals app tracks key overnight metrics so you can spot changes in your health before you feel them. The Vitals app on Apple Watch iPhone Xs are later required. The Vitals app is for wellness purposes only and not for medical use use.
- [66:08]
Brian Green
Race the rudders. Raise the sails. Raise the sails. Captain, an unidentified ship is approaching. Over. Roger, wait. Is that an enterprise sales solution?
- [66:19]
Jizzy Jeff Hoadley
Reach sales professionals, not professional sailors. With LinkedIn ads, you can target the.
- [66:25]
Brian Green
Right people by industry, job title and more.
- [66:28]
Jizzy Jeff Hoadley
We'll even give you a $100 credit.
- [66:30]
Brian Green
On your next campaign.
- [66:31]
Jizzy Jeff Hoadley
Get started today at LinkedIn.com results, terms and conditions app.
- [67:08]
Brian Green
I gotta get some cocaine. That'll be crazy. All right, here we go.
- [67:15]
Jizzy Jeff Hoadley
New Phineas and Ferb is here.
- [67:17]
Brian Green
We're back, baby.
- [67:19]
Jizzy Jeff Hoadley
For 104 more days.
- [67:20]
Brian Green
I know what we're going to do. Today of summer vacation.
- [67:23]
Jizzy Jeff Hoadley
I am ready for summer shenanigans.
- [67:25]
Brian Green
Let's do it.
- [67:26]
Chris Oley
Oh, yeah.
- [67:27]
Rachel
We're gonna bust Fiddie's birth once and for all. Are we gonna do this again?
- [67:31]
Jizzy Jeff Hoadley
New inventions, shenanigans, innators, adventures and songs. New Phidias and Ferb. Starts June 5th on Disney Channel. And next day on Disney plus on disneyplus.disney.com.