TCB Is On The Loose!

Summary

The Commercial Break: “TCB Is On The Loose!”

Release Date: July 2, 2025
Host: Bryan Green and Krissy (Chrissy) Hoadley
Guest: Courtney Michelle
Recording Location: Odyssey Studios, Downtown Atlanta

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1. Corporate Overlords and Studio Transition [02:30 - 05:32]

The episode kicks off with Bryan Green announcing a significant change: under the directive of their corporate sponsors at Odyssey, The Commercial Break team is now recording episodes in professional studios rather than their usual informal setups. Bryan humorously resists initially, stating, “I will not be pushed around by the man,” but eventually concedes to recording “under duress” at the prestigious Odyssey Studios in downtown Atlanta.

Notable Quote:

• Bryan Green [02:45]: “I will not be pushed around by the man.”

2. Welcoming Courtney Michelle and Disney World Anecdotes [05:32 - 18:46]

The hosts introduce their guest, Courtney Michelle, a social media influencer, comedian, and actress. The conversation swiftly transitions into Bryan’s recent family vacation to Disney World, highlighting the exorbitant costs and the pressure of curating perfect moments for social media. Bryan critiques the manipulative nature of Disney’s marketing strategies, particularly how they exploit social media trends to compel visitors to spend more.

Notable Quotes:

• Bryan Green [05:13]: “If I could use these studios all the time, I might consider it.”
• Bryan Green [06:40]: “They send you a bunch of reels with children that... It tear jerks right the fuck out of your eye sockets.”

Courtney shares her appreciation for the improved recording environment, while Bryan vents about the intense heat of Central Florida, describing it as “the surface of the sun.”

3. Jeff Bezos’s Lavish Venice Wedding [18:46 - 27:33]

The discussion shifts to the extravagant wedding of Jeff Bezos in Venice. Bryan expresses disbelief at the sheer opulence, noting how Bezos rented out entire islands for his ceremony. He contrasts this with the discreet high-profile weddings of celebrities like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, suggesting that modern wealthy individuals prefer to flaunt their riches openly.

Notable Quotes:

• Bryan Green [12:32]: “It’s ballsy, it’s brash, it’s brass.”
• Bryan Green [13:45]: “It's all very transactional because I'm just not really sure they're friends.”

Courtney agrees, emphasizing the transactional nature of friendships among the ultra-wealthy. They discuss how money complicates genuine relationships, with Bryan lamenting, “The more money that I come up on, the more problems I see.”

4. Typhoon Lagoon and Entitled Behavior [27:33 - 32:28]

Bryan recounts a frustrating experience at Disney’s Typhoon Lagoon water park, where entitled guests disrupted his family’s spot by moving their chairs and belongings. He uses this incident to critique entitled behavior, coining the term “Karen” to describe such individuals.

Notable Quotes:

• Bryan Green [32:07]: “I hate to, like, generalize, but I'm going to generalize because if I say that word, then you know who I'm talking about.”
• Bryan Green [32:16]: “Karen's.”

Chrissy and Bryan discuss the lack of kindness and understanding among crowded theme park visitors, highlighting the stress and discomfort caused by such interactions.

5. Reflections on Wealth, Friendships, and Personal Connections [32:28 - 37:10]

The conversation delves deeper into how wealth impacts personal relationships. Bryan shares anecdotes about how money can create transactional friendships, where loyalty is tied to financial gain rather than genuine connection. They discuss the isolation that often accompanies immense wealth, using Jeff Bezos as an example of someone who might lack true personal friendships despite his riches.

Notable Quotes:

• Bryan Green [15:50]: “The less money the more problems I have.”
• Bryan Green [16:05]: “The less money I have, the more problems I have. It’s unbelievable how that works.”

Courtney adds her perspectives on maintaining genuine relationships amidst financial success, reinforcing the idea that money complicates, rather than simplifies, personal connections.

6. Celebrity Interactions and Widespread Panic’s Red Rocks Sellout [37:10 - 39:58]

Bryan reminisces about past experiences at the Odyssey Studios, mentioning encounters with celebrities like Taylor Swift and Leon Dicaprio. The hosts then pivot to discussing the impressive achievement of Widespread Panic, who celebrated their 75th consecutive sellout at Red Rocks.

Notable Quotes:

• Bryan Green [38:00]: “75 is quite an accomplishment.”
• Courtney Michelle [38:06]: “It was exciting.”

They commend the longevity and dedication of bands like Widespread Panic, Blues Traveler, and Dave Matthews, acknowledging their enduring popularity and commitment to live performances.

7. "Would You Rather" Segment [40:28 - 58:00]

Introducing a playful twist to the episode, Bryan and Chrissy engage in a "Would You Rather" game, presenting each other with humorous and often risqué scenarios. This segment showcases their chemistry and improvisational skills, adding an element of fun and spontaneity to the episode.

Notable Moments:

• First Question:

  • Brian Green [43:34]: “Would you rather get caught watching porn by your grandparents or your boss?”
  • Courtney Michelle [43:44]: Chooses the boss, leading to humorous banter about job security.

• Relationship Dilemmas:

  • Brian Green [53:24]: “Would you rather date someone who's amazing in bed but terrible at communicating or someone who's an amazing communicator but terrible in bed?”
  • Courtney Michelle [53:33]: Chooses good communicator, emphasizing the importance of communication in relationships.

• Public vs. Silent Intimacy:

  • Brian Green [52:57]: “Would you rather have to have sex in public places or in complete silence?”
  • Courtney Michelle [52:58]: Opts for public places, leading to laughs about nervousness in silent scenarios.

The segment concludes with Bryan playfully stitching together the recording due to time constraints, reinforcing the episode's theme of adaptation and humor despite challenges.

8. Closing Remarks and Forward Look [58:00 - 59:17]

As the episode wraps up, Bryan thanks the Odyssey team, expresses excitement for future professional recordings, and solicits listener engagement through social media and the podcast’s website. They hint at more episodes featuring guests and underline their appreciation for their growing listener base.

Notable Quotes:

• Bryan Green [57:04]: “We thought Frankie B. was our guy, but I might be wrong. Pauly D. might be the new…”
• Bryan Green [58:03]: “Leave us a voicemail at 211-243-33-3822 and you could be the next TCB disembodied voice.”

The hosts end on a heartfelt note, expressing their bond and mutual support, while maintaining their characteristic humor and irreverence.

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Key Takeaways

• Adaptation Under Corporate Influence: The hosts navigate the shift from their typical recording environment to a professional studio, showcasing their resilience and humor.

• Candid Reflections on Wealth: Deep discussions on how wealth affects personal relationships and the authenticity of friendships among the rich.

• Humorous Anecdotes from Disney World: Sharing real-life frustrations and observations about social behaviors in high-stress, high-expense environments like Disney parks.

• Engaging Listener Segments: The "Would You Rather" game highlights the hosts' improvisational skills and provides entertaining, relatable content for listeners.

• Celebrity Insights and Achievements: Celebrating milestones of long-running bands and sharing memorable interactions with celebrities, adding depth and variety to the episode.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Bryan Green [02:45]: “I will not be pushed around by the man.”
• Bryan Green [06:40]: “They send you a bunch of reels with children that... It tear jerks right the fuck out of your eye sockets.”
• Bryan Green [15:50]: “The less money the more problems I have.”
• Bryan Green [16:05]: “The less money I have, the more problems I have. It’s unbelievable how that works.”
• Brian Green [43:34]: “Would you rather get caught watching porn by your grandparents or your boss?”
• Courtney Michelle [53:33]: “I think, of course.” (Choosing good communicator over amazing in bed)

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This episode of The Commercial Break masterfully blends humor, personal anecdotes, and insightful discussions, all while navigating unexpected challenges. Bryan and Chrissy’s dynamic interaction ensures an engaging and entertaining experience for both long-time listeners and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Brian Green]

Are you buying a home in California? Yeah. It can feel like trying to solve a puzzle with a hundred missing pieces. I remember searching for my first home, thinking, how does anyone do this without losing their mind? I wish I could go back and tell myself that the first step you should take is to find a realtor. They make everything make sense. From pre approvals to paperwork, from offers to closing. It's someone that you can trust that'll walk you through it all. They'll answer all the questions, even ones you don't know to ask. And when are feeling a little bit overwhelming, you can count on them to keep you grounded. That kind of steady support, you cannot get that from going it alone or guesswork. A realtor knows the ins and outs of the California real estate market and helps turn what feels like impossible into done. Don't let what you don't know stop you from starting your next chapter. Find your [e-mail] that's championsofhome.com at California Psychics. We know some people can't read the career warning signs like your boss. Still not knowing your name.

[Chris Hoadley]

You, Tina, Lisa, Sheila, whatever. Get that report to me by lunch. Okay? It's Carrie, ma' am. Just get it done, Terry.

[Brian Green]

So talk to California Psychics and receive the career guidance you need. We only connect you with the very best. So guarantee if your reading isn't life changing, it's free. California psychics call 1-800-PREDICT today and get 20 minutes for just $20. Essex is a continent.

[Chris Hoadley]

No, no, it's a county. A country.

[Brian Green]

A county. What's the difference between a county and a country? Country. So country is like England.

[Courtney Michelle]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

So Wales is in Cardiff.

[Chris Hoadley]

Cardiff, the capital of Wales.

[Brian Green]

So I'm from Liverpool, so I live in a country.

[Courtney Michelle]

No, Liverpool's a city.

[Brian Green]

A city? Yeah.

[Chris Hoadley]

If you go on a plane and.

[Brian Green]

Go to another place, that's still United Kingdom. So Spain, on this episode of the commercial break. Oh, you know it's going to be exciting when Brian comes on to talk to you before the episode. Sometime late last year, our corporate overlords at Odyssey came to me with a wise idea. Why don't we stick it to you little tiny creator podcasters by making you come into our beautiful studios and record in professional settings. To which I said, I will not be pushed around by the man. I will continue to record in my daughter's repurposed bedroom. Well, as corporate overlords do, they pushed us around and got their way with us. And we finally had to go to the Very nice studios in downtown Atlanta and record under duress that included us recording our very first in person interview coming up in just a couple weeks. And we had a little extra time, so we decided to record today's episode. Unfortunately, our overlord manager said Slim, who was very nice by the way, couldn't waste his entire day with the commercial break. So we did not get to record a whole episode. So this is a Frankenstein episode. 30 minutes of fresh content. And somewhere toward the end of the episode, I'm going to drop in 20 minutes of a TCB canned episode, an episode that has never run for one reason or the other. So I wouldn't shortchange you on an hour of the commercial break. Anyway, enjoy this very first episode from an actual studio provided to us by our corporate overlords, otherwise known as Michael at Odyssey. I see what you're trying to do, Michael, and I don't like it, not one bit. But I would like to come back to the studio frequently because it was very nice. Enjoy this episode. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. 2:30 in the morning. Oh yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co host of this show, Chris and Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris, Bestie, Brian, and best to you out there in the podcast universe today. We are coming to you live from the Odyssey studios in downtown Atlanta.

[Courtney Michelle]

Yep.

[Brian Green]

Odyssey, of course, is our podcast network. They also happen to own one and a half million radio stations throughout the country. Throughout the world.

[Courtney Michelle]

That's true.

[Brian Green]

I don't know that to be true. I'm just. Throughout the country. I said I'm with authority. That's right. They're a big company and so they have radio studios here in Atlanta and they have like a, like an artist lounge, an artist studio where they have a little stage and you can check it out. YouTube.com thecommercial break so thanks to the good people at Odyssey, Michael, Slim, Kimberly, Eric, Leah, all the people who have put this together. It's lovely and I hope we can do more of these.

[Courtney Michelle]

It's very, very nice.

[Brian Green]

I really do. We are interviewing Courtney Michelle, social media influencer, comedian and actress. We're interviewing her today at this location. So we thought we'd just pop on and do a regular episode since it's going to be hard to transport all of our equipment 70 miles north of here and Chrissy's going to be upset because she's got to sit in traffic and so will I.

[Courtney Michelle]

To be Honest, this is so much better for me.

[Brian Green]

I know, I know. I got to be careful, really.

[Courtney Michelle]

Like halfway in between, right?

[Brian Green]

I got to be careful. Be careful what you wish for. Well, if I could use these studios all the time, I might consider it.

[Courtney Michelle]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Maybe we just go down to recording two days a week and we just stay here all day.

[Courtney Michelle]

Maybe.

[Brian Green]

Maybe I'll do that. But I got to get the Odyssey people to agree to it, because I can't just commandeer their studios two days a week. I think they got other things going on in here. Yeah, I think there's other podcasts that do podcasts from here, which I would do if this was it. This is what I would do.

[Courtney Michelle]

I think. I think Kim might be our girl.

[Brian Green]

We have to talk to Kim or Slim. Kim and Slim and Slim and Kim. Yep, let's talk to Slim and Kim and we'll see how much. We'll figure out how much they really like us after two or three weeks of us being here taking up all their time. We'll see how it goes. Anyway, the comings and goings of this weekend. I just got back from my family vacation. I can't wait to the most magical place on earth, Walt is. And by magical, I mean they magically separate your American Express from your wallet, and then American Express comes, chases you down for the next 10 years to pay for that vacation. That shit ain't getting cheap. That shit ain't cheap. Never been cheap. Not cheap. Now. I'll tell you what I've heard. Yeah, but, you know, because Instagram knows exactly what I'm doing at all times. They follow me around and listen to my conversations and know my children and my name. That's what they do. That's what social media companies do. They knew I was in Disney World, and so what did they do while I was in Disney World? They fed me a bunch of reels that had. Have you ever heard the song Heartbeats now, like that song.

[Courtney Michelle]

Okay, the sappy song.

[Brian Green]

The sappy song, Right. Ast and I had it at our wedding. It's a beautiful song. It was in those Twilight movies, I think, is what it's from. But so now there's this whole fad going on, a trend on Instagram where they put that song to small children. Some of them have cancer. Some of them are disabled. Some of them are just regular children. Some of them are just scared children. To the images, videos of children meeting the characters that they are dressed up as. And it tear jerks. They jerks. The tears right the fuck out of your eye sockets. And then they send. They just constantly feed that to you while you're down at Disney World. So it. So it's almost like you're. You're drugged up with oxytocin so that you. So when your child goes, can I have the 75th bubble maker for $58? You go, well, if I don't do that, then I'm gonna be the bad dad that doesn't get on the Instagram reels.

[Courtney Michelle]

Yeah, you're trying to recreate.

[Brian Green]

I have to be that guy. How can I be the guy that doesn't let my child do that? Right. I gotta create these magical memories with all the hard earned money that American Express doesn't know. I make.

[Courtney Michelle]

All that hard earned credit.

[Brian Green]

All that hard earned credit that American Express so kindly gave me. And they give it and they take it away. What happened? I thought we were friends. Yeah, but it was, it was. It was a lot of fun. And I'll talk a lot more about that coming up in this week.

[Courtney Michelle]

But I down there during a heat dome too.

[Brian Green]

I will tell you what. June, late June, Central Florida is no fucking joke. It is the surface of the sun. Hot.

[Courtney Michelle]

I can only imagine.

[Brian Green]

And everybody is sweating like stuck pigs. Everybody. It's the most disgusting. I've never seen so many human beings sliding up against each other, exchanging bodily fluids.

[Courtney Michelle]

Because you love that.

[Brian Green]

I hated it. It drove me crazy. My OCD was an overdrive. I just looking at all the people, some of them in states of disrepair. I just got to be real honest about it. Have you seen America? We're not doing so great or eating turkey legs by the dozen. Yeah, corn dogs and turkey legs by the dozen down there at Disney. Cotton candy and all that. States of disrepair. And they are just profusely sweating. But I can't knock them because I also am soaked to the bone. I'm sure, because central Florida does that to you most times of the year. But then in late June, it's just hell. That's what it is. It's swamp ass. It's swamp ass country. And then it rains for like 15 minutes, it'll downpour, and then the sun comes right back out and turns it into a sauna. That's what it does. So everyone's sitting in a sauna for days on end waiting for Mickey Mouse to, you know, magically appear for three minutes. You had to wait in another line to get a picture so that I can be in one of those reels. I see those reels and I know exactly what happened. Before and after that magical three seconds of that reel is the parents were yelling and screaming at their kid, miserable as shit, wondering why they spent all this money. And then. But they put it on a reel with a pretty song, and so now it all makes sense.

[Courtney Michelle]

That shot.

[Brian Green]

Disney's fed me up a commercial while I was there, and it said, they don't stay this way forever is the name of the commercial. And it's this father. And the father's walking through his daughter's bedroom and he's looking at the. She came home from the. As a baby and he was holding her. She had her first. You know, she walked their marketing team.

[Courtney Michelle]

Kudos.

[Brian Green]

They know exactly what they're doing, right? And then it was like, they don't stay this way forever. Which way? The expensive way. Which way is that?

[Courtney Michelle]

Oh, no, they stay that way for forever.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah, they stay. They're getting more expensive by the moment anyway. Listen, I'll bitch and I'll complain till I'm blue in the face. And in five years from now, I'll take the whole family. I'll get the family Truckster and I'll take them all down there again. Because that's what you do as a.

[Courtney Michelle]

Parent after you've paid off this vacation.

[Brian Green]

I'll be lucky to pay off this vacation. This podcast, we need to do six episodes a week now.

[Courtney Michelle]

We do.

[Brian Green]

But I think really, what we.

[Courtney Michelle]

I'm so happy you went. And the pictures you sent me looked great.

[Brian Green]

That's it.

[Courtney Michelle]

Loved it.

[Brian Green]

That's all I got out of this. Spent $32,000 for two days at Disney. And what I got some pictures I sent Chrissy that are in my phone that I won't use until their graduation from high school, when I'll go, you didn't stay this way forever, you little shithead fucker. What happened to that little girl? Now you're. Now you want a what? Audi? Fuck you. But I think really, well, the Disney stuff can wait. Because I think really, what we need to talk about first, before we get to any Disney stuff, is that at the same weekend that I went down to Disney World was the same weekend Jeff Bezos rented out Venice for his wedding.

[Courtney Michelle]

That's right.

[Brian Green]

And that is incredible. That is a story that I just. That I cannot believe how filthy rich some people. It used to be, if you remember, remember Brad and Angelina. Brigelina. What was that? Jolene? Brad. What was that?

[Courtney Michelle]

And Brad, they had a big, lavish wedding, but they.

[Brian Green]

They hid it from everybody. They did, right? They hid it. They. They put it underground. They put tents up. They had people with an umbrellas. You didn't even know it was there. People was lucky. People. The magazine was lucky to get some exclusive photographs seven months later from the wedding that they paid $7 million for whatever it was. People who were filthy rich didn't want to rub it in everybody's faces, at least not in most people's faces. And so what did they do? They hid these things. But now I think it's very in vogue to show how filthy rich you are by doing filthy rich things with filthy rich people. And I'm not. Listen, I don't knock anybody's ability to make a living. I've said this a million times on the show. I believe in capitalism. I think it. By and large, it's got some problems. We're seeing those problems right now.

[Courtney Michelle]

It's come to surface.

[Brian Green]

Yes, it's got those problems. Mainly bitcoin is what the problem is. But crime coin, bitcoin. But the reality is that, like, the ostentatiousness of this wedding is just. It's ballsy, it's brash, it's brass. They rented out all of Venice, literally all of Venice. Every hotel, everything. Which it was all for Bezos and Lauren Sanchez. And then they. The most exclusive island in the world is not Venice, it's San Gian Giorgio or something like that. An island off the island, One of these little feeder islands to Venice, one of these satellite islands where they have something or other. And they rented out that entire island also. So they rented two islands so that they could get married with 200 of friends that I don't even think are really their friends. I think they're just people that made it to the guest list.

[Courtney Michelle]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Because I'm not sure when you're that filthy rich that you have a lot of personal friends that could be true. I think it's all very transactional. I think you just. I think you always have to be watching out behind your back. I don't think anybody wants. I don't think anybody wants to be your friend because you're a nice guy. Because you aren't a nice guy. Right. I think it's just very transactional. And so when Leonardo DiCaprio and whoever else. I don't even know who all the people that showed up.

[Courtney Michelle]

Kardashians.

[Brian Green]

All the Kardashians show up to Jeff Bezos wedding. It's not because Jeff Bezos and Kim Kardashian or Leonardo DiCaprio are best buddies. It's because they live in the Same universe up here, number one. And number two, it's because Leo wants movies to be made under the prime label and he's going to show up. And because Kim Kardashian wants her show to continue to survive on Amazon Prime. I feel like it's all very transactional because I'm just not really sure they're friends.

[Courtney Michelle]

What can this person do for.

[Brian Green]

Exactly, exactly. Listen, when you have to take a boat to a wedding, and I don't mean a boat like getting on a cruise ship or going down to the Bermuda or whatever, when you physically have to walk out of your hotel and take a boat to an island, to a wedding, you've done too much. You've done too much. I say that because I just went down to Disney World where I get out of my hotel and I have to take a boat to the same park that I'm going to, a private boat. It was crazy. Did you see some of those pictures of that wedding? Oh, crazy.

[Courtney Michelle]

Oh, yeah. That's all it's been in the news feed.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Courtney Michelle]

Yeah, it was days long. Days and days long.

[Brian Green]

And the only person who was hiding was Leonardo. Yeah, he was the only person who was hiding. He seemed to. He didn't want to be photographed, but I mean, he's going to be photographed because he's Leonardo DiCaprio. Yeah. Everybody else seemed to be happy that they were being photographed there. And listen, if I was invited to Bezos's wedding in Venice, would I say no? I can't imagine under what circumstances I would ever be invited, but if I had gotten that invite, would I say no on what I stand on principle? Would I stand on business? I don't know.

[Courtney Michelle]

If you actually got the invite, then it'd be transactional for you too.

[Brian Green]

Exactly. You're exactly right about that. It'd be transactional. If I don't go, I'm gonna piss em off. And they won't buy the commercial break for the next season. They won't buy the commercial break for the next season. Listen, I get it. And that's why I think, you know, money is not the. It doesn't answer all the problems. Doesn't answer all the more. What did they say, Chrissy?

[Courtney Michelle]

More money. Mo problems.

[Brian Green]

That's right. The more money that I come up on, the more problems I see. Because that's the truth. And then you never really know who's your friend. You just don't know that's true. It's happening to us in our own personal life, Chrissy. It's happening to Us.

[Courtney Michelle]

That's right.

[Brian Green]

The less money I have, the more problems I have. It's unbelievable how that works. The less money and the more money you have, there's just problems. You have problems. I don't know what. I don't know. There's gotta be some happy medium.

[Courtney Michelle]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

You would think couple billion. Couple billion. I think that solves problems.

[Courtney Michelle]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

And then you. If you don't have friends, you can buy them. Of course, the friend experience, you know, the girlfriend experience. There's gotta be like professional friends out there. I was thinking about this, about Jeff Bezos. Poor bastard probably has no friends. Right. He's just. He's kind of.

[Courtney Michelle]

I think maybe your friends too, become the people that work for you. You know, it's your personal security.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. The. Yes, Chef.

[Courtney Michelle]

It's your, you know, whoever is your driver.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I always had this thought, like, you remember Obama had a chef. A couple chefs throughout his time, but Obama had a chef. One of those chefs wrote a book. And the book was basically, you know, late Nights with Obama. Right. Where Obama would come down and he would get a snack and, you know, they would talk about different things. So late night conversations with Obama wanting a snack. And it seemed like from those conversations, it was a real friendship that grew there. And I. I liked the thought that Obama, with all that pressure on him, the craziness, the madness that just all the things that Obama walked into, any president has really, but Obama walked into specifically and had to deal with and all the people around him wanting certain things transactionally from him one way or the other. And he just had this one dude downstairs. And all Obama wanted was a chocolate cookie and a cigarette.

[Courtney Michelle]

Yeah. Some rice pudding.

[Brian Green]

And some rice pudding. And the dude would just be there to listen and hang out. He had one friend.

[Courtney Michelle]

Chefs are cool.

[Brian Green]

Chefs are cool. That's. Yeah, that's what I get. Yes. Rich enough is when you can have a personal chef, but you don't have to take a boat to a wedding. That's like the sweet spot right there. That's where all the problems dissipate. When you have a chef, that's your friend that lives in your house downstairs and makes you good pudding. But when you go upstairs, you don't, you know, there's not a helicopter on the top of your.

[Courtney Michelle]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

So listen, congratulations to Jeff and Lauren. I'm not sure what's going on with Lauren. I've seen pictures. I don't want to comment. I don't want to be one of the many men online and women that are commenting on Lauren, but something's going on there. Did you see the pictures?

[Courtney Michelle]

I mean.

[Brian Green]

Yes, I'll show you one of the pictures that I saw. Yeah, it's that look.

[Courtney Michelle]

I expect nothing less, though.

[Brian Green]

It's that look that. Yeah, it's that look. It's that, like, what do they call that? Where does. What's Trump's thing down there? Mar a Lago. It's that Mar a Lago look.

[Courtney Michelle]

The big lips, the tight.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it looks like the Joker. Like they, they. They cut their lips like this, all the fillers. It looks really weird to me. I don't know. To me, that's not an attractive look.

[Courtney Michelle]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

But I'm also not that person looking at myself in the mirror, and I don't want to knock anybody for feeling good about themselves. If that's what makes you feel good, knock yourself out. But I also don't think you want to look like the Catwoman. But the Catwoman thought she looked perfectly normal. That's the crazy part.

[Courtney Michelle]

Speaking of having tons of money.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. The Catwoman had.

[Courtney Michelle]

She was a child.

[Brian Green]

Yes. That had billions of dollars. It's literally insane. All right, let's do this. Let's take a break, and we'll be back with more. Live from the Odyssey Studios in downtown Atlanta.

[Chris Hoadley]

Let me do something Brian has never done. Be brief. Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break. Text or call us. 212-4333, tcb. That's 212-433-822. Visit our website tcbpodcast.com for all the audio, video, and your free sticker. Then watch all the [e-mail] thecommercialbreak and finally share the show. It's the best gift you could give a few aging podcasters. See, Brian? That really wasn't that difficult, now, was it? You're welcome.

[Brian Green]

This episode is sponsored in part by our longtime sponsor, Squarespace. I say Squarespace. You say what? Squarespace, the all in one website platform. It's designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or you're scaling a business like we are, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings, put it all on a professional website to help you grow your brand and get paid. If it sounds like a lot, it is. It's all in one place. Without a website, you cannot do anything in 2025. You can't create and distribute content. You can't create and sell products. You can't showcase your services, and you certainly can't be a mediocre comedy podcast without a great looking website. Oh, but Brian, I don't have $50,000 to help me create a beautiful website. Squarespace does it for you. They have cutting edge blueprint AI. It helps you build a fully custom website in just a few steps using just basic information about your industry goals and personality. Wa bam. Beautiful website. But Brian, I don't have $50,000 to do search engine optimization. Some companies might charge you $50,000. Not Squarespace. Every website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions and auto generated sitemap with so much more to help you show up on the search engines more often. Go to squarespace.com commercial for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use the offer code commercial to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Business cards and handshakes are great, but a website is your salesperson that never sleeps. Squarespace.com Commercial and then make sure to use the code commercial to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. And thank you to Squarespace for being a continued sponsor of the commercial break. Hey, what's up flies? This is David Spade. Dana Carvey. Look at. I know we never actually left, but I'll just say it. We are back with another season of Fly on the Wall. Every episode, including ones with guests, will now be on video. Every Thursday you'll hear us and see us chatting with big name celebrities. And every Monday, you're stuck with just me and Dana. We react to news, what's trending, viral clips follow and listen to Fly on the Wall Everywhere you get your podcasts.

[Chris Hoadley]

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[Brian Green]

Okay. And we're back live from the Odyssey Studios downtown Atlanta. I mentioned before, the people at Odyssey are really nice enough to allow us to come here and record. It's a beautiful space.

[Courtney Michelle]

Their performance studio. Yeah, well, professional.

[Brian Green]

Professional performance studio. Well, you know, we had one of these at iHeart.

[Courtney Michelle]

We did.

[Brian Green]

We had the. I don't know. I don't Want to name it? Because we're here at the Verizon Artist studio. But we had one of these and then the musicians would come in. Who did you see there? I saw Jewel. I saw Hootie. Lady A. I remember Lady A. I saw Lady A.

[Courtney Michelle]

We had like Taylor Swift come through.

[Brian Green]

Taylor Swift. I met Taylor Swift. And Juliana Hough.

[Courtney Michelle]

Yeah, Juliana Huff. I remember her. Hootie from the Blowfish.

[Brian Green]

Hoodie from the Blow. Darius Rucker. He was very nice and that's when he made. Was making his first like foray into country. No one was taking him serious. But then he played and he was very good. Very good. I don't, I'm not a country music fan, but it was very good. But then Taylor Swift came in and I remember all of the people making such a huge deal out of a 18 year old Taylor Swift coming in. 18, 19 years old.

[Courtney Michelle]

She was still just a songwriter really, that had just kind of come out with something.

[Brian Green]

She had that, that young girl song, right? The young girl who was in love, you know?

[Courtney Michelle]

Huh.

[Brian Green]

Baby Juliet, come in. I don't know. My daughter sings it all the time. But anyway. Julie. Yeah, that's right. And then.

[Courtney Michelle]

Just say yes.

[Brian Green]

Maybe just say yes. Never more a white song. Never a whiter song in the world. Indeed. But I remember a few things about those two women. Specifically, not trying to be creepy, just saying it out loud. They both smelled amazing. Where did that smell like? What were they wearing? What was that smell? I wasn't even in. I wasn't even close proximity. I took a picture next to Jamie. Huh? Yeah. How about Beyonce hanging upside down?

[Courtney Michelle]

I know.

[Brian Green]

Did you see that?

[Courtney Michelle]

Yes. And then something happened though. There was like a malfunction in Houston.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. There was another. Yeah. Like the car went sideways. Like there was a car floating. Yeah. And we've all seen the video. I mean, you have to be ahead of your head and all. Not seen the video. The car was floating around on, over the crowd. It was this red whatever it was, Corvette or Cadillac convertible. And she was sitting in the corve in the Cadillac singing 40, 50ft up in the air. And there was a wire that was driving the car around, up in the air. And then all of a sudden the car started to tilt to one side and it almost tilted all the way to 90 degrees. Had she not had a harness on, she would have been on the floor. But of course she was going to have a harness.

[Courtney Michelle]

Yeah, of course.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And then she smiled and just took it like a champ and. But that's what she does what Beyonce does. Because any, you know, at that level, you just let. The show must go on.

[Courtney Michelle]

Right?

[Brian Green]

You're not gonna let that. You're not gonna disappoint 40,000 people. Her two are doing. Doing quite well. Speaking of tours doing quite well, I wanted to mention not the world's biggest WSP fan, but I know a lot of my friends are, and I know some people who listen are. Widespread panic celebrated their 75th sellout of red rocks. 75 in a row. First of all, you got to be old to do that. Okay? There's no young whippersnappers that are doing that. I think Blues Traveler also has like 53 sellouts in a row. Dave Matthews has like 57 in a row. So that all those guys have been touring for a very long time. But 75 is quite an accomplishment.

[Courtney Michelle]

It was exciting.

[Brian Green]

That's quite an accomplishment.

[Courtney Michelle]

Yeah, we stream the shows.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I saw your. Your what is the uncle in law who is.

[Courtney Michelle]

Oh, yeah, Chuck.

[Brian Green]

Chuck. Chuck Lavelle. He was playing Rolling Stones with him up there.

[Courtney Michelle]

Yeah, by marriage.

[Brian Green]

He's. Yeah, by marriage.

[Courtney Michelle]

He's your step uncle in law.

[Brian Green]

He's your ex step uncle in law, second removed. So one of the things that I thought was interesting about why he's Jeff's.

[Courtney Michelle]

Brother'S father in law, so whatever.

[Brian Green]

Jeff's brother's father in law.

[Courtney Michelle]

So whatever that makes you're an uncle.

[Brian Green]

He's your uncle in law.

[Courtney Michelle]

Uncle in law.

[Brian Green]

He's your uncle in law. Because I think by marriage there's just one definition. When there's like blood involved. It's like second cousin once removed times two. I don't know any of it.

[Courtney Michelle]

I can't decide.

[Brian Green]

I tried to figure it out.

[Courtney Michelle]

The once removed thing.

[Brian Green]

Once removed. Once removed from who? Who were you once removed from and who are you twice removed from? That's when it really gets weird. You were twice removed from the family. I'm Brian once removed from my brother. I'm Brian once. I'm Brian once removed from my mother and father. That's what I am. Once removed. I removed myself also. Yeah, it's really confusing. I don't understand any of it. But one of the things that I found very interesting about the widespread panic Red Rocks thing specifically.

[Courtney Michelle]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Was the mad. The mad blanket dash that goes on at the beginning.

[Courtney Michelle]

Yeah, it's called like the tarp dash.

[Brian Green]

The run of the tarps or something. What in the good fuck?

[Courtney Michelle]

I don't know.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Guys, come on. We're gonna noodle all night long. Do we have to kill each other for the. I mean, it doesn't seem like anybody's getting hurt that badly anyway. It is a little much.

[Courtney Michelle]

And to come and save all that stuff. Space for people that aren't there yet.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. So here. So Red Rocks is bleachers.

[Courtney Michelle]

It's like the pool. Like saving a bunch of chairs at the pool.

[Brian Green]

Fucking assholes. You know we went to Typhoon Lagoon.

[Courtney Michelle]

One or two fine. But yeah, not all this is what.

[Brian Green]

Reminded me of this. We went to Typhoon Lagoon, which is Disney's Typhoon Lagoon, Disney's water park down there. Typhoon Lagoon comes with a story and everything about the Typhoon Lagoon. You can read it as you drive in. We go there. Surface of the sun, hot. Everybody's there. The whole park is there. But you go. Disney is this thing you go for free on the day you check in or check out because they want to keep you. They want to. They want to get you into some park to spend money. So why not give you the admission to the water park? You can go cool down and spend money there on their expensive drinks and food. Yes. $10 for a fucking Mickey Pretzel this big. So we go to this place and we're there pretty early. I'd say 11, 10:30. 11. The place opened at 10. We're there 10:30 or 11, and there are people. The thing is, is that Typhoon Lagoon, they have chairs. Certain chairs are set up. Certain, you know, lounge chairs, regular chairs, all set up. You know, you have to pay if you want an umbrella or a cabana or any of that stuff. They have a wave pool. That wave pool is huge. It's huge. And the waves get 13ft tall at the front. And then by the time they get to the way back, where the, you know, where the beaches are team feet. 13ft. And there are kids that are riding these waves 13ft all the way to the fucking. It's amazing. It's. It's quite cool, actually. But not for my kids. My kids, you know. Yeah, they're 13ft, they're not 3ft. I'm not going to lose them. But it's Disney, so there's a million lifeguards. I'm not too worried about it, but kind of worried about. It's also very crowded. Anyway, you can take. They have stacks of chairs. You can take those chairs and put them on the little beach where the waves come up, Right? It's a cement beach, but it's a beach. So you can place them where you want to. But just know the waves are coming. So, you know, they're going to go under the chair. You're going to get splashed. Whatever. Animals. People are fucking animals. They're animals. I don't understand human beings. I really don't. It's like they. It's like some people feel like they have a right to. To certain things that are not theirs. They never earned. And no one told them they could have. We find a couple of chairs and a stack. There's a space that's open way at the back of the beach against this fake rock. I put a couple chairs or two chairs, because I'm not gonna be greedy because there's other people and they need chairs. I don't need more than two chairs because I know my children aren't gonna sit. Let me put the two chairs there. I put my towels. I put a couple of items. Not important, not valuable. And we go off into the wave pool and go do a slide or whatever. I come back and there's two ladies that are moving, that are like sitting on the chairs, moving our stuff onto the ground where it's going to get wet. Animals. And I said, I'm sorry, ladies. I really apologize. But we were sitting in these chairs. That was our stuff.

[Courtney Michelle]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And this lady gets huffy with me. She goes, huffy. Fucking puffy. And she's like, who told you you could have this? I didn't see anyone here. And I said, who told you you could have it? The fuck are you talking about? I'm not trying to be entitled to something I didn't earn, but I'm pretty sure the universal sign for it's taken is my shit on the chair.

[Courtney Michelle]

Exactly.

[Brian Green]

I have to sit on it the entire time we're here so that you don't get it.

[Courtney Michelle]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

It's like they were entitled to take it just because they needed it. And it was really, really rude. But it wasn't the first time it happened with those two chairs. I mean, it was the first time. It wasn't the last time it happened with those two chairs. I came back an hour later. There was a lady telling her kids to move our stuff while I was walking. And I was like, I'm sorry, these are our chairs. I had to defend my territory, and I don't want to defend territory that's not mine. Right. I'm not that patriotic about anything, let alone two chairs. A typhoon fucking lagoon. But if I don't have those two chairs and there's nothing, there's nowhere to put our shit.

[Courtney Michelle]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

It's just really rude. It's like the. You know, you go into a line and people like, you know, they, they feel like it's their space. And I just feel like we could be a little kinder to each other, especially when we're all melting at the same time. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Courtney Michelle]

At a place called Typhoon Lagoon.

[Brian Green]

At a place called Typhoon Lagoon or the Magic fucking Kingdom. It's called the Magic Kingdom for a reason. We're all supposed to act magically happy.

[Courtney Michelle]

That we're spending all time swimming. It's not going to be this way forever.

[Brian Green]

They already know that because they are not that way. I mean, honestly, these two ladies were, like, out of a book somewhere.

[Courtney Michelle]

Like, you know, Karen's.

[Brian Green]

Karen's. Yes, that's it. That's all I can say. I hate to, like, generalize, but I'm going to generalize because if I say that word, then you know who I'm talking about? I'm talking about a white, entitled, privileged, you know, woman who's of a certain age and a certain ilk, and she's just entitled to everything, and if it doesn't go her way, she's gonna get upset. I don't know why. I don't know why. I don't feel that way. I'm, I'm, I'm of the age to be a Karen, and I don't feel that way. You're not a Karen. Are you a Karen? Are you secretly a Karen? When I don't.

[Courtney Michelle]

Absolutely.

[Brian Green]

When I'm not around. Are you secretly a Karen? Have you ever been a Karen?

[Courtney Michelle]

No, but I'm not at the Magic Kingdom either. At Typhoon Lagoon.

[Brian Green]

Well, thank God you're, It's not this way forever situations. I have small children. What else am I, I have to put myself in that situation. When you have kids that love it, you know, you want to do what's, you know. I also read this, this article, and I, and I thought it was very interesting, and I forgot who, who, who said it?

[Courtney Michelle]

Was it the Buddhist monk?

[Brian Green]

No, I, I, I don't think it's the Buddhist monk. Ram Dass. I actually think it might have been Denzel Washington. Denzel Washington's te.

[Courtney Michelle]

I think Denzel got some good advice.

[Brian Green]

Denzel said, I think I remember seeing him say this on a video. When you count the amount of summers or particular events that you have with small children before they start getting their own autonomous life, it's like 12, right? And three of those, they're too young to understand anything. And three of those are going to be shitty little brats. So you really have like six, you know.

[Courtney Michelle]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

In that sweet spot. Yeah, the sweet spot. And what I mean by that, there's all. I'm sure they're all sweet in their. In different ways. Least they have been for me. I'm talking about the sweet spot where they're like, you know, mommy, daddy, you know. Oh. Like the awe in their eyes. Seeing something for the first time or doing. I'm never gonna get the first time my kid rode a roller coaster back. I'm never gonna get the first time my daughter saw the princess that she loved back. I'm never gonna get that moment again. And Denzel's right. You only got so many of them, so why sit around, you know, like my parents did. Not taking us anywhere. Go in the backyard and cook bugs with your. Yeah, with your spyglass or whatever it was. Which I guess is magical in its own way. But. But I go to that magic fucking kingdom. Everybody's entitled. There's like, I saw this, this guy at one of the shops. He's like, Disney shops. And they have these like, I don't know what they call them. Fluffer fucking nutter. I don't even know what they call them. Like fluffy bunnies or something. They're all the rage. They're all the rage. They're collectibles.

[Courtney Michelle]

Oh, okay.

[Brian Green]

And there's. There's a line because they're going to restock the collectibles. There's a line of three old men who have, you know, they're wearing princess backpacks and Mickey ears. I mean, honestly, people need to grow up. They just need to grow up and get a life. And the lady comes and she puts the box down and she puts the mash. The 10 of them. It's not a mad dash. Cause she says, she says, remember, there's no limit to how many you buy, but there are children behind you because there were like four or five children with their parents lined up to get it. And guess what? It didn't matter. The first two guys took them all. Didn't matter. Took them all. And it's like, dude, wow. Honestly, bro, is your life so fucking miserable that the Disney Fluffernutter is going to make it any better? Because by the looks of it, you're going to go home to a sad basement, you're going to be on Reddit all day long, and you're going to be talking about your brand new Fluffernutters. It's like a fucking Labubu craze, you know what I'm saying?

[Courtney Michelle]

That's all they're fake laboo, and people don't care.

[Brian Green]

People think Labubu is the devil. Have you heard this one? Oh, people are saying that the boo boos are giving. Biting them at night and bringing in bad juju. Like little trolls opening the doors. I have a whole video to do on this, and I can't wait to do it because, I mean, I can't argue that it's not. I can't argue that I don't think it's true. But it's based on, like, a Norwegian.

[Courtney Michelle]

Well, I was going to say, like, trolls.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Troll. Yes. That's what it's based on. That's what the original artist did it on. And so now people are burning their labubus. There's ladies showing up, you know, more adult Disney adults with too much time on their hands. I got bit by my Labubu. Like, no, you know, you're pining for attention is what you're doing. Yeah, I mean, listen, there's one in every crowd. You know what I'm saying? There's just a lot of. There's just a big crowd at Instagram. So that's what's going on right there. So. All right, let's take a break, and we'll be back in just a few minutes.

[Chris Hoadley]

Rachel here. While Brian takes his old man bladder to the little boys room. Let's talk turkey. TCD needs your help. If you love the show, do us all a favor and share. Sharing is caring, and we know you care, don't you? Well, don't you? Oh, that was some childhood trauma rearing its ugly head. Do you want to be on the show? Leave us a voicemail at 211-243-33-3822 and you could be the next TCD disembodied voice. Ooh, what'd you do today? I was a disembodied voice. You know, that sounds more dangerous than it actually is. Find us on Insta at the commercial break on the [e-mail] and all the episodes on video are available the same [e-mail] the commercial break. I'm gonna go help Brian get back up the stairs while you listen to the sponsors. And then we'll all meet back here and get back to this episode of the commercial break. I'll take a raise now, bitches. Bye. Planning a trip this year? Imagine how much richer your travel experience could be if you could speak the local language. Whether you're traveling abroad, planning a staycation, or just shaking up your routine. What better time to dive into a new language. With Rosetta Stone, you'll gain the confidence to have real conversations and create deeper connections wherever you go. Rosetta Stone is the trusted leader in language learning for over 30 years. Their immersive, intuitive method helps you naturally absorb and retain your new language on desktop or mobile, whenever and wherever it fits your summer schedule. With 30 years of experience, millions of users, and 25 languages to choose from, Rosetta Stone is the go to tool for real language growth. Don't wait. Unlock your language learning potential now. Listeners of this podcast can grab Rosetta Stone's lifetime membership for 50% off. That's unlimited access to 25 language courses for life. Visit RosettaStone.com RS10 to get started and claim your 50% off today. Don't miss out. Go to RosettaStone.com RS10 and start learning today. Get smoother, brighter skin instantly. In one easy step, Dermalogica's daily Microfoliant gives you the smooth, glowy skin you want without damaging your barrier. This gentle exfoliating powder activates with water to smooth out rough texture and brighten skin. It's powerful enough to deliver results, yet gentle enough to use every single day, even on sensitive skin. See the results for yourself. Visit dermalogica.com and use code smooth at cart for an exclusive free gift with 65 purchase.

[Brian Green]

Is that Bert Kreischer at Widespread Panic? That's Bert Kreischer at Widespread Panic at Red Rocks.

[Courtney Michelle]

Well, and I think I saw a picture with Bill Murray.

[Brian Green]

Oh, Bill Murray was at Widespread Panic at Red Rocks. Wow, that's amazing. Okay, here's what I'm gonna do. We're running short on studio time for today here at Odyssey, so I am gonna. What I'm gonna do is I'm just letting the audience know this. I'm gonna stop right here, and then we'll come back for the close. But I'm gonna put in a little clip of one of our canned episodes, something that I think is good. So we're gonna give you a little tasty Ted of a canned episode just to stretch this out a little bit longer. We usually. We usually go an hour, but Slim and Kim and everybody's been very nice here, and they got other things to do with their time to around with the commercial break, you know what I'm saying?

[Courtney Michelle]

That's right.

[Brian Green]

I have other things to do with my time than around with the commercial break, if I'm being real honest about it. I know just around with the commercial break that seems to be my life. I don't know what to tell you. All right, so let's do this. We'll take a break and then we'll take a break. I'll drop that in and then we'll come back with the clothes. Okay. All right. Here's the part I was talking about at the beginning of the episode. Because we had just a few minutes to record and we couldn't get a full episode in, I decided to leave a little break so we could Frankenstein together. Here's 20 minutes of an episode where Chrissy and I play a game. Would you rather. I thought it was interesting then. I think it's interesting now. I'm not sure exactly why I didn't run this. It probably has to do with childhood insecurities. Anyway, listen to this. 20 minutes and then Chrissy and I will wrap it up live from the Odyssey studios. All right. And we're back. We're doing a little. Would you rather let's do it without the music this time because I think the music felt a little too loud in my ears for some reason. Sometimes I like the music and sometimes I'm like, yeah, I think it just depends on what kind of mood I'm in. Brian on a tan. Brian on an angry day. Here I am. I can't believe it said that. It did. All right, so these are not specific to tcb. These are some Would you rathers not specific to tcb. But I thought we'd ask them anyway. Ask them. Ask them anyway. Okay. Let me take a drink of water while we're at it because I feel like fun fact.

[Chris Hoadley]

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[Brian Green]

My mouth is dry and I'll spill it all over myself in the process. The older I get, the more I'm just like spilling and dribbling. Sometimes I'm eating and my nose starts to run like my grandpa's did and I'm like, what? Why is my nose running?

[Courtney Michelle]

Cuz you keep it freezing wherever you go.

[Brian Green]

I do keep it freezing wherever I go and I have absolutely no nose hair. Because I cannot stand it. And I know that every single, like, ear, nose, and throat doctor will tell you that that's the worst possible thing you can do. You're inviting disease and sickness. But I just can't take it. I'm not going to be one of those guys who's got nose hair.

[Courtney Michelle]

You know, you can just trim a little bit.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I let it. I just. I. I'm all the. I'm, like, sticking that thing halfway up my sinus cavity. I can't stand it if I see a hair. I'm like, ah. And why is it that when you get to a certain age, your ear and nose hair grows faster than anything else on your body? It's like, where did that come from? Yeah, Esther and I were talking about, like, we each have, like, one eyebrow hair that when I wake up in the morning, all of a sudden it'll just be, like, sticking out. It was like, it wasn't there yesterday, and now it's three inches long. What happened overnight? The little goblin come and pull it out. I mean, it's so weird, so strange how your body works. All right, ready?

[Courtney Michelle]

I'm ready.

[Brian Green]

Would you rather get caught watching porn by your grandparents or your boss? Oh, that's a good one, I think.

[Courtney Michelle]

Boss.

[Brian Green]

Boss. Yeah, boss. Listen, I'm gonna have. I'll have no job after this.

[Courtney Michelle]

Yeah, exactly.

[Brian Green]

One could make the argument that you would have a bunch of bosses over the course of a lifetime. And if you got a cool one, they'll understand. Even. Even at the office, sometimes you need to get one out. But your grandparents, it's a hard thing to put back in the bag, you know, they see you as their little. My little kitty, My little sassy baby. Honey, it's time for dinner. Oh, my God. Is that a penis going into an asshole? Yeah, Grandma, I'm just jerking one off. Oh, I'm not making any more pancakes for you. But your boss would be like, oh, who is that?

[Courtney Michelle]

Which one is that? I saw that one.

[Brian Green]

Is that Tina Taylor? Is that Tina Taylor? And Double bang action. I love that one. That's great. Would you rather accidentally text I'm horny, to your family or to your landlord? Oh, oh.

[Courtney Michelle]

To your family or to your landlord like me?

[Brian Green]

Oh, God, I'd rather die than do either of those things.

[Courtney Michelle]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Cause your landlord, like, they can kick you out. And your family, they already hate you. You know what I'm saying? I'm horny. Well, I'd rather do it to my family because they think I'm a weird human being. Anyway, they probably just go, what is Brian doing? What is he. What joke was that? You know, they think it was jokey. Would you rather have to give a TED Talk about your last sexual experience or your search history projected on a billboard for three days? Oh, God. Well, I do the TED Talk because it would. Like my last sexual experience. It would be very short. I just feel like I came, I saw, I came. That was it.

[Courtney Michelle]

Yeah, I might go TED Talk too. Although that's kind of a nightmare to even think about doing a TED Talk. You've done many talks. But it.

[Brian Green]

I've done a lot of talks.

[Courtney Michelle]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And. And it gets easier with time. Of course, though, the nerves never go away. You know, a lot of. We have these comics up. One of my favorite questions to ask is, do you still get the nerves? Are you still nervous before you go out on stage? I think they call it like the longest 15ft or something like that. Eddie Brill used to say, he termed it the LA. The longest 15ft. And what he meant by that was the 15ft between backstage and the microphone is where it all starts flooding in. Right. You get nervous. You get the. You know. Know. I've heard comics say that they have like this irrational fear that they're going to pee themselves on stage. And I heard one comic who no one you would know. It was like a comic on another comic show he was. Ended up being a comedy writer for tv. But he had to stop doing comedy for like six years because he had an irrational fear that he was going to pee himself on the stage. So irrational that it paralyzed him from going out on stage for five years. He couldn't do stand up. So going out and talking in front of public is never easy. I don't care who you are. And if you don't have that fear, then you're just not human. I don't think so. Doing a TED Talk, one of that prestige, would be really difficult. You do not want to fuck that one up. You get one shot at it, usually. And people are really expecting something fantastic to come out of a TED Talk. They paid a thousand dollars to be there. They want to hear you say something brilliant. My last sexual experience is not gonna be that. That is not what it's gonna be. And I can choose any sexual experience and it's all gonna be the same. It's not gonna be super impressive. You know what I'm saying? But my search history.

[Courtney Michelle]

Yeah, that's projected on a billboard for three days.

[Brian Green]

No, thank you. How do you Lengthen. How do you lengthen your penis? Would you rather have a one night stand with someone who won't stop crying or won't stop talking? Ooh, gosh, wow. Neither.

[Courtney Michelle]

Neither.

[Brian Green]

Thanks.

[Courtney Michelle]

Yeah, I've had it. Go talking. I guess.

[Brian Green]

I think I've had both. Yeah, I think I've had both. And I don't think either were fun.

[Courtney Michelle]

No.

[Brian Green]

Crying in bed is a disconcerting thing and I've had it happen a number of times and I can understand why. Look at me. No one. I mean, you come to the realization that this might be as good as it gets. This bald, hairy, fat man writhing around on you. And I've had. I've been in bed with people who. Yeah, with talkers.

[Courtney Michelle]

Remind me to tell you what they're saying. You know, if they're giving direction and saying encouraging things of what you're doing, then talk away.

[Brian Green]

I had an experience with a.

[Courtney Michelle]

But if you're talking about what you did at work earlier, that's different.

[Brian Green]

I had a couple of experiences with a mutual friend and the talk was not sexual in nature. I think they were trying to deflect the intimacy of the moment or the tenderness of the moment or the maybe the embarrassment of the moment. I'm not really sure what it was, but it was kind of like this incessant need to talk so that I. I don't know, but I didn't want to talk like, okay, can we stop talking for a. So we can enjoy this? And she just kept on talking and I didn't find it to be very interesting. Yeah, but then the crying part of it. If you've been a bit of. If you ever been in bed with someone that cries, that. That is a reason for concern, no matter what. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. There's usually some kind of trauma behind, you know? Yeah, no, thanks. Neither. I'll take neither. Would you rather have an orgasm every time you hear your name? Every time you hear your name or never be able to orgasm while music is playing?

[Courtney Michelle]

Oh.

[Brian Green]

Oh, that's terrible. Either way, I think. Yeah, I think. Orgasm every time I hear my name. I guess.

[Courtney Michelle]

Yeah, I guess that too.

[Brian Green]

We reviewed a video.

[Courtney Michelle]

Yes, we did.

[Brian Green]

I was about a guy who control. Couldn't control his orgasm. On a follow up note, I found a video where it was clear that that guy was making it all up, even to the doctors. Like the doctors kind of caught on.

[Courtney Michelle]

That they were like really far fetched.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it did. He was just.

[Courtney Michelle]

Yeah, he was like at the park.

[Brian Green]

Around kids and he was like. It was weird holding his balls. It was. It seemed a little. It seemed a little acty to me. It turned out it was acty. Would you rather moan every time you stretch or gasp dramatically every time you sit down?

[Courtney Michelle]

That's funny.

[Brian Green]

That is a good one.

[Courtney Michelle]

Moan when he strikes. Like.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it's like that guy that I saw at the gym one time.

[Courtney Michelle]

Oh, right.

[Brian Green]

And every time he was punching something, he'd be like. And everybody in the gym was looking at him going, what in the world is going on with you? He was fully committed to the bit, too. Fully committed to the bit. I think dramatically gasp every time I sit down.

[Chris Hoadley]

Like.

[Brian Green]

I think I do that now. I'm surprised I still can sit down with my. These aging bones. Would you rather have your partner's parents walk in on you? On. Would you rather have your in laws walk in while you're having sex or have your boss walk in while you're having sex? I'd say, again, it's his boss. Yeah. Yeah. I can get another job. I can't get more in laws.

[Courtney Michelle]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Would you rather have your phone autocorrect every word into something sexual or turn every emoji into an eggplant and a water symbol? The eggplants and the water symbol.

[Courtney Michelle]

I was gonna say.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Something's wrong with my phone. That's all I have to say. Yeah. Would you rather have to wear lingerie to work for a week or go commando for a year? Well, commando can be covered up. You know what I'm saying? You can put a pair of jeans on and go commando, and I don't think I'd want to wear anything to work that reveals anything.

[Courtney Michelle]

Not for a whole week.

[Brian Green]

No. No.

[Courtney Michelle]

Go commando.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Would you rather accidentally scream the wrong name during sex or have your partner do it to you?

[Chris Hoadley]

Oh.

[Brian Green]

Oh, that is a good one.

[Courtney Michelle]

Whoa. Because I was gonna say whatever is the opposite of calling out someone else's name. I would say that, but not if they're calling out someone else's name.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Not if they're. No, no, no, no, no, no. I think I'd much rather do it to them because I'm kind of a numbskull. Anyway.

[Chris Hoadley]

That's.

[Brian Green]

That's.

[Courtney Michelle]

You're not finishing the sex.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Either way, no one's having an orgasm.

[Courtney Michelle]

Either way, you're done.

[Brian Green]

Either way, there's going to be a long conversation. It's going to be a long night. All right, how about two more? Three more about relationships? Would you rather be able to only have sex in public places or in complete silence?

[Courtney Michelle]

Public places.

[Brian Green]

Public places. Yeah. I don't like silence. That makes me nervous when someone doesn't say anything. Been there, done that too. That's a, that's a nerve wracking. Would you rather date someone who's amazing in bed but terrible at communicating communication or someone who's an amazing communicator but terrible in bed? Oh. Huh. I'd rather them be average at both, kind of.

[Courtney Michelle]

I think, of course.

[Brian Green]

Because at least I get something out of, out of everything. Yeah.

[Courtney Michelle]

But if you have to choose.

[Brian Green]

I think eventually.

[Courtney Michelle]

I, I would say good communicator.

[Brian Green]

Good communicator. Better and bad. Because you can teach somebody.

[Courtney Michelle]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

You can teach somebody.

[Courtney Michelle]

They're already a good communicator. They're open to it.

[Brian Green]

Yes. And let's be real about the nature of sexual attraction and sex and long term relationships. It ebbs and it flows, it comes and it goes. But communication you always need. Yes. Right. So you might have periods where you're, you know, six nights a week and you might have periods where you're one time a month. You, you know, that's just the way that relationships are, are for so many different reasons. But you always need to have good communication, especially during the times when there's a lull in sex.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

So I'm gonna go with that one. Would you rather have to role play as a different character every time you have sex or never be able to role play again? I'm saying never be able to role play again.

[Courtney Michelle]

Oh, no, I'm going every time.

[Brian Green]

You're going every time?

[Courtney Michelle]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Oh, such a. I need those cameras in that house. Desperate. Yeah. That was easy. Chrissy, what's going on over there? Would you rather have sex with your celebrity crush once but no one believes you or never get to do it but everyone believes you have? Oh, oh, I want to have sex with Dua Lipa. Regardless of who believes.

[Courtney Michelle]

Right. I was gonna say I would do the crush and never have anybody believe me. That's fine.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I don't give a shit if you.

[Courtney Michelle]

Think if I don't care what I know it happened. I got the memory.

[Brian Green]

Until this show. I've never been one to talk about my sexual exploits anyway. I don't care. Who cares?

[Courtney Michelle]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Would you rather, Would you rather find out your partner is secretly running an only fans or secretly has a foot fetish? Oh, oh, foot fetish. Yeah, for sure.

[Courtney Michelle]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Would you rather your partner never shave again or never wear deodorant again? Oh, neither. Yeah.

[Courtney Michelle]

I Might go deodorant.

[Brian Green]

Deodorant. Yeah. I guess I can deal with your musk.

[Courtney Michelle]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

But you know, there is a point when it's too hairy. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, I don't mind hair down there. God bless you. God bless America. As a matter of fact, just a personal preference. I'm not a huge fan of, like, the totally bald thing. That to me feels a little weird. It always has.

[Courtney Michelle]

Bush is back. I read something the other day.

[Brian Green]

Bush never went anywhere. There's a feel.

[Courtney Michelle]

That's what Jeff said.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Bush is back. A few of us have been ringing that bell the whole time. Bring it back 70 style. I don't care. But there is too far. There is a little bit too far, but it's running down the side of your legs. Yeah.

[Courtney Michelle]

Not even have the option.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Would you rather date someone who's way too loud during sex or never makes a noise while orgasming?

[Courtney Michelle]

Oh, way too loud.

[Brian Green]

Way too loud. I agree with that one.

[Courtney Michelle]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

You could put me in that category. Way too loud. All right. There you go.

[Courtney Michelle]

There we go.

[Brian Green]

We have no idea.

[Courtney Michelle]

Frankenstein.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, Frankenstein. We stitched it together. I have no idea what I just played. But you know what? There you go. Congratulations to you. You got a little tasty tuner. A little segment that we've never aired before that we've probably aired before because I'm dumb. But anyway, all right. Thanks to Slim, Kim, Michael, Eric. Eric, everybody at Odyssey for letting us use these studios today. Hopefully we'll do more of this. I know that we have some guests in the future. Some really cool shit.

[Courtney Michelle]

In the queue.

[Brian Green]

In the queue. And if they agree, if we can somehow convince them that we are the people they want to do this with. And it's going to be fantastic.

[Courtney Michelle]

I mean, we've got a professional building for them to go to now.

[Brian Green]

Yes. They won't show up at my one story blue.

[Courtney Michelle]

Greeting them at the.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. One story double wide ranch trash house north of Atlanta. Yeah. My driveway, it's barely there anymore because the tree is taking it out. But anyway, there's parking. You could valet. Take an Uber. Do what you want. It's Odyssey. They're good. This is one of the most prestigious buildings in all of Atlanta.

[Courtney Michelle]

It really isn't. It's just been redone. Done too. And it's gorgeous.

[Brian Green]

Very nice. Very nice. I do have to say Colony Square. There you go. 212-4333. TCB 2124333. 822 questions comments, concerns, content, ideas. We take them all right there at that phone number. Don't be a stranger. Text in. So many people texting in. I just said this on the Courtney Michelle episode about poly couch cushions. We hit on something there. Something's going on. On.

[Courtney Michelle]

We thought it was gold.

[Brian Green]

We thought it was gold. And now you think it's gold.

[Courtney Michelle]

You never know if it's gonna actually translate.

[Brian Green]

I got the character. He is. And I got home from Disney and I had so many text messages on that phone about that guy. They loved it. They want more of it immediately. I thought Frankie B. Was our guy, but I might be wrong. Pauly D. Might be the new. Yeah, might be the new Frankie B. All right, add the commercial break on Instagram. Please, please, please do us a favor and follow us. So many of you have been doing that. We appreciate it. Let's get there. I don't know where there is, but let's get somewhere north of 100 people. North of 100 people. Yes. Tcppodcast.com all the audio, all the video right there in one location and your free sticker and YouTube.com the commercial break for all the episodes the same day. They air here on the video. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.

[Courtney Michelle]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

I will tell you that I love you.

[Courtney Michelle]

I love you.

[Brian Green]

I will say best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast universe and all the good people at Odyssey. Until next time, Chrissy. And I will say. We do say. And we must say goodbye.

[Chris Hoadley]

Thanks for selling your car to Carvana. Here's your check.

[Brian Green]

Whoa. When did I get here?

[Chris Hoadley]

What do you mean?

[Brian Green]

I swear it was just moments ago that I accepted a great offer from Carvana online. I must have time traveled to the future. It was just moments ago.

[Chris Hoadley]

We do same day pickup. Here's your check for that great offer.

[Brian Green]

It is the future. It's.

[Chris Hoadley]

It's the present and just the convenience of Carvana. Sorry to blow your mind.

[Brian Green]

It's all good. Happens all the time.

[Chris Hoadley]

Sell your car the convenient way to Carvana. Pick up. Times may vary and fees may apply. This summer, Instacart is bringing back your favorites from 1999 with prices from 1999. That means 90s prices on juice pouches that oughta be respected. 90s prices on box Mac and cheese, and 90s prices on ham, cheese and cracker lunches. Enjoy all those throwbacks and more at throwback prices only through Instacart. $4.72. Maximum discount per $10 of eligible items. Limit one offer per order expires 95 while supplies last discount based on CPI.

[Courtney Michelle]

Comparison.

[Brian Green]

At new Balance, we believe if you run, you're a runner, however you choose to do it. Because when you're not worried about doing things the right way, you're free to discover your way. And that's what running is all about.

[Chris Hoadley]

Run your [e-mail] Running.

[Brian Green]

Sake a dick and keep on licking.