TCB is Verifiable!

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Commercial Break – "TCB is Verifiable!"

Date: March 13, 2025
Hosts: Bryan Green and Krissy Hoadley

Episode Overview

In this lively episode, Bryan and Krissy riff on the quirks of aging, their social media struggles (including getting "verified" on Instagram), the unavoidable grip of tech and streaming oligarchs, party supply nostalgia, dental conspiracy theories, the chaos of modern commerce, and their unapologetic approach to life and podcasting. The duo's signature blend of absurdist humor, self-deprecation, and tangent-loving banter is at the forefront as they dissect everything from root canals to why Party City is done for, all while proudly embracing their self-proclaimed "Cheesecake Factory of comedy podcasts" energy.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Crabapple College Corner: Satirical Local Radio & Spring Break Tips

• [00:03-02:06] The episode opens with a parody radio segment ("WSHIT Crabapple"), poking fun at small-town news and advice for college students. Professor Amanda Hunchbuckle, played by Bryan, gives spring break "safety" tips.
• Standout satirical moment: Amanda’s NSFW “tip” about sexual communication:

  “Ask him if he wants to finish in your mouth. Ask him.” [01:11, Amanda/Bryan]

  • The conversation parodies sex advice columns under the guise of college safety education.

2. Aging, Disillusionment, and the Never-Ending Youth Spiral

• [03:21-07:21] Bryan reflects on seeing the daughter of an old flame on Facebook and feeling unsettled by the relentless passage of time:

  “That was us just a minute ago…Now we’re saggy and old and gray…there’s gonna be no more late nights at McDonald’s, making movies and smoking pot in the walk-in cooler. It’s never gonna happen again.” [04:40, Bryan]

• Krissy and Bryan joke about their future plans to get wild again at The Villages (“When you get to a certain age, you should give no shits about it…” [05:30, Bryan]), referencing eccentric old-age party stories and the physical realities that limit such dreams.

3. Botox, Plastic Surgery, and "Camel Toe Fillers"

• [07:27-10:05] Discussion of cosmetic procedures, with Bryan joking about puffy eyes from Botox gone wrong (“I got puffy pussy of the eye” [08:15, Bryan]), and Krissy’s irreverent embrace of “camel toe” as a body-positive trend.
• The hosts mock influencer culture and riff on how going viral might require extreme stunts:

  “Maybe if we start showing your camel toe, we’ll get above 10,000 [followers].” [08:54, Bryan]

4. Dentist Drama, Healthcare Skepticism, and Root Canal Conspiracies

• [11:08-17:54] A conversation about dental upselling (“Dentists are like doctors with used cars out front” [11:13, Bryan]), unnecessary procedures, and viral anti-root canal posts.
• Bryan shares horror stories about difficult root canals and suspicious dental practices:

  “My first root canal…he said, ‘I don’t have drills long enough to get to the bottom of your root’... It’s a grand conspiracy by…big filling. By big tooth drill.” [15:05–17:02, Bryan]

5. Parenting, Tooth Scare Tactics, and Dental Hygiene

• [17:54–19:50] Both hosts recount scaring children into brushing their teeth—using graphic images and “the cavity monster” as deterrents.
• Discussion about veneers, the disturbing process of tooth shaving, and Bryan’s unique “fangs.”

6. Social Media Verification and the “Value” of Online Status

• [22:05–27:07] Main topic: TCB recently got “verified” on Instagram—and the hosts dive into the meaninglessness and pay-to-play game of verification.

  “It doesn’t really hold a lot of weight…the verification, because we don’t have all that many points.” [29:42, Bryan]

• Bryan expresses frustration comparing their slow growth to other oddball viral accounts:

  “I see people literally dressed up like Pokémon at 52 years old…they’ve got 50,000 followers and we have like 7,000 followers. And I’m like, how is this possible?” [24:25, Bryan]

• Insight into content strategy and the odd effect of their Venezuela-themed reels that bring in tons of Venezuelan followers who may not actually listen.

7. Rant: Oligarchs, Streaming Services, and the End of Party City

• [35:04–41:53] Bryan laments the dominance of tech billionaires (“I’m done giving all of these oligarchs money. That’s it. Except for Amazon and Facebook and occasionally… everybody else.” [37:19, Bryan]), how cable “broke” when everything went streaming (“Netflix is a channel. It’s a channel.” [38:10, Bryan]), and the financial drain of multiple streaming bills.
• Party City’s closure becomes a metaphor for a changing America, as Amazon’s convenience crushes retail tradition:

  “It was nice to go walk in and look at stuff…my kids are asking ‘why is it closing?’ and I literally had to explain to them that Amazon sells this stuff for 50% cheaper and they get it to your front door the next day.” [41:56, Bryan]

• Tangent about hoarding random wires and marital strife caused by “the wire box.”

8. British (and Australian) Comfort TV and Absurdist Comedy

• [45:21–46:24] Bryan’s late-night affinity for British and Australian TV—“Like a little baby…I go to sleep, I’m rewatching Kath and Kim.”
• Krissy debates adding “Britbox” to her subscription overload.

9. Self-Awareness and Running Podcast Gags

• [47:56-49:01] Bryan introduces “Brian Was Wrong,” a new segment for listener corrections; and they discuss their own verbal tics, with Bryan comparing his post-break “noise” to a smoke alarm.

10. Teslas, Elon Musk, and the Power of Brand Personalities

• [49:01–52:54] Noticing a glut of Teslas for sale, Bryan comments on how personal sentiment about Elon now shapes the car’s cultural image:

  “Never before has a brand and a person been so closely aligned since Walt Disney…I think.” [50:00, Bryan]

• They debate Tesla’s Uber deals and shifts in public perception.

11. Crabapple Comedy and Podcast ‘Bits’

• [53:31–55:31] Bryan loves creating recurring characters from the fictional town of Crabapple and hears from fans who enjoy these sketches.

  “I have this vision in my head of what Crabapple is…and it’s just a small town full of nudniks…they’re podunky, they’re small town, they get excited about the stupidest shit…” [54:47, Bryan]

• Krissy reflects on sound effects from recent bits, adding to the show’s chaotic, playful flavor.

12. Dead Bodies on Planes and Tool Fans Suing Tool

• [55:31–59:47] Bryan reacts to news stories:
  • Emirates Dead Body Lawsuit: A couple sued after being seated next to a covered corpse for a trans-oceanic flight (“Where in the fuck did they expect them to put the dead body?” [56:54, Bryan]).
  • Tool Fans Lawsuit: Fans threatened to sue Tool for repeating songs during a luxury beach retreat show, prompting Bryan to vent about entitlement in fandom.

    “You’re seeing Tool twice!…At what point do you just say to yourself, man, you’re really fucking entitled here?” [59:49, Bryan]

13. Final Tangents and Goodbyes

• [64:21–67:07] Final musings about Tool, Rush, and beach concerts; reminders to check the website, text/call the show, and gratitude for listeners.

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Notable Quotes & Time Stamps

• On Aging:
  “That was us just a minute ago…Now we’re saggy and old and gray…they rule the world and we don’t have anything to do with it anymore.”
  — Bryan [04:40]

• On Social Media Vainness:
  “I see people literally dressed up like Pokémon at 52 years old…they’ve got 50,000 followers and we have like 7,000 followers. And I’m like, how is this possible?”
  — Bryan [24:25]

• On Amazon’s Ubiquity:
  “They have seeped their way into every inch of our lives and we cannot unfuck this fuckery.”
  — Bryan [37:43]

• On Tool Fans Suing:
  “You’re seeing Tool twice!…At what point do you just say to yourself, man, you’re really fucking entitled here?”
  — Bryan [59:49]

• On Podcast Identity:
  “I have this vision in my head of what Crabapple is…and it’s just a small town full of nudniks…they’re podunky, they’re small town, they get excited about the stupidest shit…”
  — Bryan [54:47]

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Noteworthy Segments by Timestamp

• [00:03] – Crabapple College Corner satirical radio bit
• [03:21] – Reflections on aging, Facebook, and lost youth
• [11:08] – Dentist rants & root canal conspiracies
• [22:05] – TCB gets verified on Instagram; social media struggles
• [35:04] – Big Tech, streaming services, Amazon and Party City’s demise
• [45:21] – British/Australian TV comfort bingeing
• [47:56] – “Brian Was Wrong” segment intro
• [49:01] – Teslas, Elon Musk, and the blend of brand/personality
• [55:31] – Emirates lawsuit over dead body on flight
• [59:47] – Tool fans’ lawsuit and fan entitlement
• [67:07] – Closing remarks and gratitude

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Episode Tone & Style

• Loose, ad-libbed, and meta: Bryan and Krissy are fully aware of and delight in the show's chaotic, tangential structure.
• Irreverent, occasionally NSFW: The humor is dark, weird, and sometimes lands in blue territory.
• Very self-deprecating: The hosts poke fun at their own lack of social media prowess as much as anything else.
• Casual intimacy: The show feels like a hilarious, rambling catch-up between old friends that listeners are invited to overhear.

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This episode is a showcase of The Commercial Break at its best: no topic is too absurd, no tangent too random, and no social platform’s blue check too sacred not to mock. Perfect for fans of improv banter, satirical sketches, and those looking for a podcast that isn’t afraid to pronounce itself “just fine.”

Transcript

[Radio Host]

And welcome back to wshit, Grab Apple's number one radio station, helping you get ahead from the moment you get out of bed. It's 6:09 on the Bronson Pontiac Oldsmobile studio clock. It's a beautiful Saturday morning, and that means it's time for College Corner here on wshit, focusing on the youth of today and the leaders of tomorrow. But first, a check of traffic and weather. It's a balmy 13 degrees with cloudy skies and a small chance of rain later on this afternoon. Traffic is still light throughout Crabapple as the city remains in partial lockdown after Patsy's Rubber palace works to contain yet another fire inside of the factory. The epa, however, says it's working to get one of two remaining employees out to the factory as soon as possible. Crabapple's community college spring break starts this week. So we here at wshit's College Corner asked Crabapple Community professor Amanda Hunchbuckle for some tips on keeping this annual rite of passage safe and fun for everyone. She gave us this tip when we caught up with her at the Hard Sword of the Lord church where she leads Bible study every Sunday morning.

[Amanda Hunchbuckle]

Ask him if he wants to finish in your mouth. Ask him.

[Chrissy]

Okay.

[Amanda Hunchbuckle]

A lot of men do not get to be fully empowered and have that full, wonderful feeling being asked. It's a question they want. Okay. They don't want to ask. They want to be asked. Do you want to finish in my mouth? Very simple question, very straightforward. Great way to set the tone. Let him know up front you are not here to play games. You want to get down to business. You want to be a rock star. Okay. You want to go the next level up is finish in my mouth, please.

[Brian Green]

Okay.

[Amanda Hunchbuckle]

Finish in my mouth, please. It's polite, direct to the point, and also sets the tone that you're going to be on top. Okay. Or you're topping from the bottom. Whatever your vibe is. Whatever is. I personally like topping from the bottom. Okay. I like being in power, but I also like being dominant.

[Chrissy]

So.

[Amanda Hunchbuckle]

So I like to do. Please finish my mouth, please finish hair or where do you want to finish? Okay, basic questions, beautiful ones.

[Radio Host]

The professor went on to add that reapplying sunscreen every four hours, drinking plenty of water throughout the day, and always traveling in groups are important tips to keep in mind. Age old wisdom, all of it. I cannot disagree with anything she has said today. So have fun out there, you little crab applians. You only get one life to live. Unless you believe in reincarnation. We'll be Right back after this. This commercial break.

[Brian Green]

On this episode of the commercial break, at 52 years old with a dad bod and a micro penis running around talking about how much they hate women. And they've got like 50,000 followers and we have like 7,000 followers. And I'm like, how is this possible? How is this possible? How is it that that content is better than content? But I'm starting to understand, I think, a little bit, why part of it is because we're just putting clips of our show out there and that may not always be. We're not all that funny. So maybe that's why we're not all that good at what we do.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

In plain terms, we're not all that good at what we do. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Yeah, boy. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co host of this show, Chris and Joy only. Best to you, Chris. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us. We appreciate it. I'm getting to this weird age. I mean, I've been at this weird age for as long as I can remember. Maybe I was just born weird. Maybe the age doesn't matter.

[Chrissy]

You were born this way.

[Brian Green]

I was born this way. I need my navage. Navage. Navaj. That thing that takes snot out of your brain. I'm getting to this weird age where. Let me explain. I just looked at a Facebook post of a girl that I met when I was a teenager, when I was like 15 or 16 years old, and we had a dalliance, like a moment. Right, right. Like you do when you're 15 or 16. Nothing of it wasn't the love of my life, but it's just something I remember. But we've been on. We've been Facebook friends since I've been on Facebook, and she has a daughter that she had at a relatively young age. I would say, like late teens, early 20s. And now that daughter is like in her early 20s. You know what I'm saying?

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

So that daughter's in her early 20s and looks exactly like her mother did when she was a teenager. So I'm at this weird age where I'm looking at these Facebook posts and I'm like, holy fuck, am I getting old? I mean, holy fuck, am I old. I'm old. That I. We used to look like that. That used to be us. We used to look like that. And now we're saggy and old and gray. And now they rule the world and we don't have anything to do with it anymore. There's gonna be no more late nights at McDonald's, making movies and smoking pot in the walk in cooler. It's never gonna happen again.

[Chrissy]

Speak for yourself.

[Brian Green]

Are you intend to go to McDonald's and smoke pot in the fuck cooler?

[Chrissy]

Well, I thought we already decided that. When we get older and at the Village is we're taking drugs again.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, but it's gonna be totally different. Then our bodies are gonna react different. I mean, listen, I agree with you. Yes. When you get to a certain age, you should give no shits about it head like. Like driving that train high on cocaine. Casey Jones, let's go. What does it matter anymore? It doesn't matter. It's like those old ladies at that Romanian.

[Chrissy]

You know, that's what I was thinking.

[Brian Green]

Traveler party, right? I'm gonna say it. At the gypsy party. And they were all doing blow. Huge plates of blow. And they were in their 80s. I agree we should be like that. But it's not going to be the same. We're not going to be as fresh faced, as young, as wild, as willing, as flexible. And I mean physically flexible. Like our ability to, you know, have sex without breaking a hip. Like all these things, they're back then, not now. And that's a little weird. But I know that we experience this at every age, right? It's not just at this age where you experience it. It happens to everybody. It's the wheel keeps on turning. Youth is wasted on the young. Although all the old adages we can put in there. But I look, I looked at this specific picture and I thought to myself, that was us. That was us just a minute ago. Like, where did we go? Where did we go? We were all young and fun and somewhat good looking back then. Now I'm just. I have a fear that I'm not the George Clooney I thought I might be. Like, you know, Clooney gets better looking with age. What did. He was on the ER. Was he on ER? He was ER. Yes, he was on ER. I think he started when he was on ER, when he's like 57 years old and now he's like 92 and the guy just keeps getting better looking. He's like Harrison Ford, George Clooney, Brad Pitt. They're all aging very gracefully, I must say.

[Chrissy]

Tequila and money.

[Brian Green]

That'll do it. Tequila and money. But I don't drink and I don't have any money.

[Chrissy]

You should take up.

[Brian Green]

So I just fear that I'm not going to be that Clooney I thought I was going to be.

[Chrissy]

Well, I'm holding out hope with all of this new, you know, I. Medical stuff that's supposed to happen.

[Brian Green]

True.

[Chrissy]

You know, just be some kind of huge breakthrough.

[Brian Green]

Listen, between jeans. Yeah. Between puffy pussy and Botox in your dick, there's something there. There's some combination of Fountain of youth that is brewing, I think, brewing right around the corner. We're learning more. We're figuring it out. And while I'm not, like, I'm not against plastic surgery or fillers or Botox or any of that stuff, I've decided it's not for me personally right now in my life, like, I don't know, just there's some things that I've seen. It makes me a little bit nervous that these type of elective procedures, should they go wrong, and they will go wrong with me because that. That's not my luck in life. Right. I'm going to end up having one eye that's just shut, like, permanently, like a pirate.

[Chrissy]

Hey, you can wear a fashionable patch.

[Brian Green]

I'm going to have big lips, and I'm going to be like, I got puffy pussy of the eye. I got puffing pushy.

[Chrissy]

That'll probably be the new trend.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. He's going to do Botox to get rid of some of the wrinkles in my head, and I'm going to end up with a camel toe. That's how it's going to happen.

[Chrissy]

I was thinking about the camel toe thing.

[Brian Green]

Oh, my God.

[Chrissy]

I'm like. I think, first of all, I think a camel toe is hilarious, so I'm all about it. I'm going to fucking test it out.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, you're going to test it out. You're going to go for it. You're going to go for some fillers in the vag?

[Chrissy]

No, no, I'm not going that far.

[Brian Green]

But you're going to get some tight pants and pull them hard.

[Chrissy]

Why not?

[Brian Green]

Hey, listen, all I ask is that you do it for Instagram so we can get a few our followers. Maybe if we start showing your camel toe, we'll get above 10,000. Camel toe is camel. It is what it is what it is.

[Rachel]

Yeah.

[Chrissy]

I think it's funny.

[Brian Green]

Listen, I mean, they're. They're all different, they're all beautiful, and there's some camel toe out there. I don't know. I agree with you. Free the toe, who cares? Honestly, at the end of the Day. Who gives a shit? It's a vagina. It's not. We all came from one. It's not going to kill you. And you know, listen, I think there are appropriate places to have, like, sexualized camel toe, if you know what I mean. And then there. But, you know, okay, if you're walking around the mall with jeans that are a little tight and you showing a little crack.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, why not?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, who cares? Get that puffy pussy out. I like your puffy pussy. What's wrong with your eye? It's my puffy pussy fillers. They migrated to my eye. What if I have camel toe of the eye? She's got a little crack in the middle of my eye.

[Chrissy]

It'll just be a camel toe the other way.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Just be opposite. That's right. That's a slit. Yeah. I mean, listen, there's a fountain of youth brewing somewhere. We got people out there that are spending millions of dollars trying to. That one guy. Oh, yeah, yeah. Our friend Allison did a whole podcast episode about that guy and that movie. Yeah. There's a documentary that now has been made about the. You probably.

[Chrissy]

I've seen it. I've almost watched it. And then like, no, I don't care.

[Brian Green]

No, I don't care. I care about the science and the technology.

[Chrissy]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

But I don't care that much about one egomaniac. Try and. But they say biologically that his body is the body of like a late 20 year old. Right. And he is in his mid-40s, so he has managed to beat. I think your phone's ringing. His. He has managed to beat back some of time. It's the dentist. Do you need to take it?

[Chrissy]

No.

[Brian Green]

Can we listen?

[Chrissy]

No. They call incessantly, trying to confirm. I'm like, yes, I will be there.

[Brian Green]

They call me incessantly trying to sell me something. I have decided.

[Chrissy]

Dentist, who has to sell you a bunch of stuff.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I mean, I get it. Like, you know, you're trying to make a business out of it. It's. Dentists are like doctors with used cars out front. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, there's something to be sold there. Like, a doctor's always pushing some kind of. You know, the medical reps come speaking of medicine and be trying beat the clock. You walk into a doctor's office, you tell them what's wrong, they diagnose you, and then they likely give you some kind of medication. That medication could be the best fit for the job. Or it could be the medication that they just got pitched that's supposedly doing new and wonderful things. That's the way it works. There's. Everything's about money. It's all driven by revenue. We know this. But what I have noticed about dentist office specifically is that there are a lot of ancillary services to be added on to a dental visit. And some of the dentists we've been to are really good at figuring out how to make it sound like you really need to get that done when the truth is you probably do not.

[Chrissy]

Yes. And I've been to those dentists before, and I have switched because. Yeah, I don't like all that.

[Brian Green]

I love my dentist, but.

[Chrissy]

Me too. The one that I go to. They don't try to pitch me anything.

[Brian Green]

I love my dentist. I can't say that they don't try and pitch me anything, but I can say that it's not a hard sell. They're not like, if I say no, then it's dropped. But they do. You know, they text me and, you know, thousand dollars off your, you know, Whitening. Yeah. Your intense whitening services. I can go to the Kroger and get Crest White.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, exactly.

[Brian Green]

I use a whitening toothpaste. I think my teeth are pretty white.

[Chrissy]

They are.

[Brian Green]

I don't smoke anymore, so I don't get those yellow stains anymore. So I think my teeth are pretty white. And I don't think I need $1,000 cleaning service. But should I. I'll let you know.

[Chrissy]

Right.

[Brian Green]

But there's, like. I want to be careful about how I say this because I really do like my dentist. I'm a. I'm a fan of the dental office. I'm a fan of the people that work there. I think they're kind, but.

[Chrissy]

Me, too.

[Brian Green]

It just seems like there's a lot of suggested dental work that needs to get done. But it didn't. But I'm not feeling like it. Like, I don't feel it. So do I really need to get it done? Like, there's something back there and we better spend a thousand dollars preemptively making sure that it's okay.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

But the preventative work doesn't always seem necessary. So I just push it off and push it off and push it off. But then again, then I'll end up in a dental chair. Yeah. Then I have root canal. That was seven months long. And that's the other thing is that I'm also reading and seeing a lot of Instagram reels now. I don't know if this is. This seems to be one guy pushing this narrative. But there also seem to be a lot of dentists who are latching on to this narrative that root canals are 100% ineffective. Ineffective. They cause nothing but back, like infections and bacteria in your mouth. And there's one dentist specifically who's got a lot of traction on Instagram, who says, if you're being told you need a root canal, you are being told that you need to have a lifelong infection in your tooth and forget about it. But I have yet to see what the alternative to the root canal is like. Just let it rot out of your head. Pull it.

[Chrissy]

I never had one. And I don't really had, you know, had anybody close that's had one besides you.

[Brian Green]

God bless. I've had three of them. Yeah, I've had three of them. And none of them went to plan. None of them. Not one of them. Now I get it. I'm Irish. I got those Irish, you know, I don't know, potato eating teeth. I'm not even sure what. What the thing is, but the roots of my teeth are very long. And I had the first dentist who did a root canal on me, who was Dr. Feelgood. He had a. And don't come calling to me because I think he's long since been out of business. I don't even think he lives in the state anymore. But he was my. I was a bartender. He sat at my bar.

[Chrissy]

Dr. Feel good.

[Brian Green]

Dr. Feel good.

[Chrissy]

He's no longer in the state.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I don't even think he's in the state anymore. I don't know. But just don't ask me. I don't want anyone trying to follow up with me because, you know, listen, this was the go go 2000s, and we were all just a little bit crazier back then. And everybody was hooked on pain pills. Let's just admit it, okay? Everybody. He had in his office a. Like a candy jar. But that candy jar had Demerol in it.

[Chrissy]

What?

[Brian Green]

Demerol. And he would give it to you. I know. And then forget about the amount of pain medication that he would prescribe you for one tooth procedure. It was silly. It was silly. But that was the norm back then. There were a lot of people prescribing a lot of pain medication. I'd go in and listen. In that sense, the root canal wasn't that bad. I mean, it wasn't that bad because I was so fucking doped up before, during, and after. But he said to me, when I got my first root canal, it had to be done in three separate parts because the first time he went into the mouth and he opened it up, he said, I don't have drills that are long enough to get to the bottom of your roof. God. He's like, I have to special order them. And I'm like, what? And he's like, so I'm gonna have to close you up, clean you out, close you up, put a temporary filling in there and then you got to come back when I get these back in a week. And he goes, here's the good news. The good news is you will never lose a tooth on its own. You, you like, you just won't lose a tooth on its own. Those roots are so far up into your head. He's like, but the bad news is you may go through this anytime you need a root canal. And he was right. Every time I get a root canal, those doctors, they gotta, they gotta bring out the extra long, whatever they call it. And it's not a drill, it's like a poker, those extra long pokers to get up into the roots. And so I've always had multi part root canals. They're always messy and they never stop the pain 100% and it's, it's really obnoxious. So I'm starting to kind of, you know, conspiracy thinking. This is as far as Brian's conspiracy thinking goes. The root canals are a grand conspiracy by, I don't know, big filling by big fillers, big tooth drill.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, I was about to say the instruments that get in there.

[Brian Green]

Oh yeah, it's a, I don't know. God bless dentists, man. God bless them. That's a tough job. No wonder a lot of them jump off a roof. It's like, who wants to be in somebody's mouth all day long? I don't. It's, it's such a weird profession and it's so important. And at the end of the day you should kiss your dentist on the mouth after the cleaning that you were, that they were kind enough to go inside your nasty ass mouth and clean it out. And you know, I, I talked to, that I talk. That hygienist that I have, you know, she likes to talk. And even though my mouth is wide open, I like, I enjoy hearing her talk. But she told some stories about some nasty ass mouths. I mean, there's some nasty ass mouths out there.

[Chrissy]

I can only.

[Brian Green]

What are you people doing? You got the breath of a thousand asses. That's all I got to say. The breath of a thousand asses. Do you remember that Chris Rock bit?

[Chrissy]

No.

[Brian Green]

You've Got the breath of a thousand asses. No. You don't remember that?

[Chrissy]

No, no. But it made me think about my nephews I was with this weekend, you know, and they. You know how kids don't want to brush their teeth?

[Brian Green]

Oh, man.

[Chrissy]

I mean, it's such a thing. And finally I said, look, I go, it's no joke. Let me just look up the pictures right now of tooth rot and children. And I gave them. I mean, I showed it, and they were like, ah, you don't want that. They ran in and brushed their teeth.

[Brian Green]

I am scared.

[Chrissy]

I'm like, no joke.

[Brian Green]

It can happen. One of my kids has already had two cavities filled. Now they're tiny little cavities. So we got them filled. Just. They weren't hurting him, but just as a precautionary measure. But after that, I scared the holy shit out of my kids. And I don't care. They brush those teeth in the morning and in the night and sometimes in between, because they are literally worried about the repercussions of getting a cavity. And I don't care if I'm being a weird dad by scaring them with the cavity monster, but the cavity monster's coming for them.

[Chrissy]

Oh. I was scared of my nephews with the rot. Rot monster, saying, look, you. I mean, and then I was like, then it's irreparable. You're going to have to have surgery to remove your teeth, and then you'll have fake teeth. They're like, what?

[Brian Green]

Show them a. Show them a picture of people who are getting veneers. And what happens right before you get the veneers? Have you ever seen. That is disturbing. Astrid has a picture of hers because she has veneers.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And I refuse to look at that picture. I'm like, I don't want my opinion of you to change forever. I don't want us to be, you know, mid coitus. And then I had to come into my head, all those little nubbies, like, I just wanted.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, they drill them down.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. That's why I won't get veneers. I won't do it. I like my teeth. They're a little crooked on the bottom, but I like them in general. I think that's okay. It gives character, you know, My kids have started to notice that I have fangs, and they're like, how do I get fanged? Have you noticed that I have fangs?

[Chrissy]

Now that you say it, yeah.

[Brian Green]

I got pretty big fangs. And they're really sharp, too. Maybe that's from that girl who Bit me the first time we had sex. Made me bleed. The vampire chick. Yeah. I know you're out there. What's that?

[Chrissy]

You got bitten.

[Brian Green]

I did get bitten, and it was bloody. And it was. It was the. That hurt. That hurt bad. So, anyway, girl I dated on Facebook is now has a daughter that looks like the girl I dated on Facebook. So there you go. It's a weird time to be alive, kids. It's a weird time to be alive. And. And we're happy that you're here for the ride. I'd like to remind you that Kathleen Madigan was on Tuesday. Kathleen was a doll face, and we had a lot of great feedback about Kathleen. A lot of people really are into Kathleen, and she is just as fantastic as she sounds. She is just as wonderful as she could be. Like, she was a really, really nice person. And very funny. Go listen to that episode. It's Tuesday's TCB infomercial. And links to her tour tickets, links to her specials, of which she's got a million of them. She's got just so much material out there. When I was doing the episode, you know, when we have people on, if they're comics especially.

[Chrissy]

Oh, I love the intro.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chrissy]

I listened to it.

[Brian Green]

I like to cut the intro. I went down such a rabbit hole with Kathleen. I just wanted to cut a quick clip. And 58 minutes later, I'm still watching, like, her special. It was like this super cut of a bunch of her specials put together. Like, the best parts of her super specials, A super cut of her specials. And I just could not get out of there. I was like, oh, my God. Okay, let me listen to the next. Okay, let me get the next bit. Okay, let me try this one. Yeah, I'll wait for the payoff. And then. And then 58 minutes later, I was still watching. I'm like, I gotta get out of here. I got kids. I don't have time for all this. I got kids and a podcast that's, you know, in the bottom half of the top of the bottom half of the charts.

[Chrissy]

And a Facebook page to check.

[Brian Green]

And a Facebook page to check. It's the first time I've been on Facebook in a long time. And I'm telling you what, nothing's changed over there. It's still a hot mess. And I've done. I think I've called most of the idiots, but somehow the idiotic thinking just find. Has a way of finding itself in front of my face.

[Chrissy]

Instagram, you know, how they're connected.

[Brian Green]

Oh, man, that Those two fuckers. And okay, I'll tell you about Instagram verified.

[Chrissy]

Oh, okay.

[Brian Green]

I don't know if you noticed that the commercial break is now verified. For what reason, I don't know. You did notice that.

[Chrissy]

I did?

[Brian Green]

You did. Oh, look at you. Chrissy got on Instagram. So proud of you, Chrissy.

[Chrissy]

Thanks.

[Brian Green]

All right, we'll take a break. We'll be back.

[Rachel]

Hey, it's Rachel, your new voice of God here on tcb. And just like you, I'm wondering just how much longer this podcast can continue. Let's all rejoice that another episode has made it to your ears. And I'll rejoice that my check is in the mail. Speaking of mail, get your free TCB sticker in the mail by going to tcbpodcast.com and visiting the Contact Us page. You can also find the entire commercial break library, audio and video, just in case you want to look at [e-mail] Want your voice to be on an episode of the show? Leave us a message at 212-4333, TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Tell us how much you love us and we'll be sure to let the world know on a future episode. Or you could make fun of us. That'd be fine, too. We might not air that, but maybe. Oh, and if you're shy, that's okay. Just send a text. We'll respond. Now I'm gonna go check the mailbox for payment while you check out our sponsors, and then we'll return to this episode of the commercial break.

[Brian Green]

All right, so the commercial break is now Verified on Instagram. You know the commercial Instagram, like, I don't know, maybe two years ago, three years ago, during the pandemic, at some point them in Twitter, Twitter and Instagram decided that they could, since they weren't making any money directly off people, that they could get a few bucks off you if they did this program called Verified, which basically means that you probably are the person you say you are. It doesn't even mean that you really are. I mean, the amount of checking. I don't know what the amount of checking is. I don't know that LexisNexis or they connect to someone or they verify you through email or whatever they do. I know you have to have like two. Two factor authentication, two fa, but put on. So I guess they're doing the best they can to figure out if you're the actual person or company that you say you are. And so we've been talking to various AI platforms about growing the social media, which has been a pain point of ours for years. And it turns out that if you don't put any effort into growing, then you're likely not going to grow. That's what it turns out. Okay.

[Chrissy]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

I mean, I see people literally dressed up like Pokemon at 52 years old with a dad bod and a micro penis running around talking about how much they hate women. And they've got like 50,000 followers, and we have like 7,000 followers. And I'm like, how is this possible? How is this possible? How is it that that content is better than this content? But I'm starting to understand, I think, a little bit, why. Part of it is because we're just putting clips of our show out there, and that may not always be. We're not all that funny. So maybe that's. That's why we're not all that good at what we do.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Green]

In plain terms, we're not all that good at what we do, and we're not really capturing people's attention. And therefore, Instagram doesn't really push us out there. The we. We certainly have had a lot more traffic recently than we ever have, and a few of those reels have gone viral. But those reels are, like, mainly about Venezuela. So it's like anytime we talk about Venezuela, we get a ton of new followers and media and personalities and soccer players and professional baseball players and, you know, all kind of like superstars in the Venezuelan community, like our stuff, follow us, all that. And I love it, too. I love it. And there's nothing about it that I wish I could change. Not a thing. I love having a Venezuelan audience, but let's all be real about it. The Venezuelans are great. We also need some other people, too. Right? We need some. Because I don't know that the Venezuelans are always listening to the show. I think they like to follow us on Instagram because we put out reels on occasion that this green. This gringo's talking about Venezuela, and he actually might know what he's talking about, right? Or he doesn't know what he's talking. Depends on who you are. Depends on which comments you read. But. But. Okay, you get what I'm saying? But I'm not always sure that they ended up being listeners of the show because there are some really great Venezuelan podcasts, and we are not one of them. And so. So I'm talking to the AI platforms, and I'm like, okay, tell me about how we can grow this Instagram. And one of the things that keeps getting repeated is, is that those who are verified tend to get more views than those who aren't verified.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, that kind of makes sense.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Of course, because you're paying Instagram, so you're juicing. You're asking them to juice your views, essentially, by being verified, they know who you are. They can. I guess there's some kind of. Let's just put it. They put their thumb on the scale a little bit for those who are verified. But now, over the years, as I've been watching this verified thing, like, let's take, for example, we had a reel that went viral about the New Year's Eve Venezuelan traditions.

[Chrissy]

Right?

[Brian Green]

Okay.

[Chrissy]

I remember that.

[Brian Green]

That reel went nuts on January 1st, Astrid cut. Our video editor cut it up. Astrid put it on Instagram. Within hours, we had tens of thousands of views. Within days, we had hundreds of thousands of views. Thousands. Tens of thousands of shares, comments, likes, all this other stuff, it went crazy in the Venezuelan community.

[Chrissy]

Like, this is it.

[Brian Green]

This is it. This is our moment. We're going viral. Then, like, Lady Gaga burps, and she gets 17 million views in an hour. And we're happy about 10,000. Got 10,000 views. I'm, like, running through the house, batting down the hatches. I remember that TMZ's gonna be at our front door pretty soon. What's crazy, Do I look tan enough? Yeah. Am I tan? I gotta go to the tanning bed. How's my parathyroid look? Extra bumpy. Okay, good.

[Chrissy]

What about my eye?

[Brian Green]

That was my puffy, bushy eye. Quick, take shots of my eye. Toe. Get my toe side. Arg. Quick, Astrid, put your camel toe out there. Let's go. We gotta hop on this. Go, go, go.

[Chrissy]

Quick, Astrid, put your camel toe. Get your camel toe.

[Brian Green]

Get your camel toe out.

[Chrissy]

Get your camel toe pants on.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I need five of your best camel toe shots now, stat. It was just like. It was a couple days of madness. Because it really. It really was that I had to turn off notifications because it. We were. I would get off Instagram and two minutes later, I would get back and it'd be like, a hundred more likes, a hundred more comments. It was nuts, you know, 100 more followers. So anyway, here. That's not even the point. The point is, is that when these people were coming through and I was, like, watching who was liking the reel and who was commenting on the reel, anytime that I would see a verified check mark, I'd be like, oh, this is someone fantastic. I must go check out and see who they are. And you'd go. And it was, you know, likely someone with like, a thousand followers. Right. Anybody can get verified. And anybody is getting verified.

[Chrissy]

Well, right. No, I know. I. It pulled up the other day for me to, like, get verified, and I was like, well, okay, maybe, you know, my TCV account. But then it was like, well, you had to do all these steps and then pay something. And I was like.

[Brian Green]

Because he goes, you had to do something.

[Chrissy]

I was like, I'll come back to that later. And I haven't.

[Brian Green]

I haven't even finished this bottle of wine, and they want me to do things. Let me get through this second bottle of wine, and then I'll make a decision. Yes. Yeah, you should get verified. But anyway, so it doesn't really hold a lot of weight, the verification, because we don't have all that many points.

[Chrissy]

Why should I get verified?

[Brian Green]

Because it can juice the engine. And then. Because there could be people that want to, like, make an account with your pictures and your stuff, and you got to know who the real.

[Chrissy]

Bastard goes, well, we would be so lucky.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, we could be so lucky. Go ahead. Feel free, please. TCB fan account Cristian Ronaldo has 312 million. I don't know what it is. 300 million plus. I think 300 million plus followers on Instagram. But when you search for Cristiano Ronaldo, the first account that will come up is like, you know, Cristiano Ronaldo is like, you know the name.

[Chrissy]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

That guy has, like, 58 million followers, and he is simply a Finsta. That's it. It's just a fan account, and he's got 58 million followers. Now, I don't believe that he can monetize that account, because I think the Instagram has some rules around monetizing other people's likenesses and stuff like that, I think. I don't know. Who knows? But I'll tell you right now, it's like. For a while, I thought about calling the commercial break Instagram account Cristiano Ronaldo break, because anything having to do with these super famous human beings, they have gravity and they come along. So there's so many, like, different derivatives and fake accounts and Finsta and all this. So I made the decision to go ahead and get verified. But it's such. It's. It's. I don't say it's a ripoff. I want to say it's a lot of money. And then for Just a few extra views. I'm not sure. But I guess at some point you do have to go ahead and take the steps that people take when they're in the public eye. And since we're definitely in the public eye, and by the public eye, I mean all three of you, both of you know who we are. Yeah. Maybe I should have waited until we actually got. Because it's not that like when I. I guess my point was, is like when I go to a verified account, when I look at a verified account, I'm always expecting that they're going to be some heavy hitter. So hundreds of thousands, millions of followers, you know, somebody that, that we should know, that should be in the know. And when I look at most verified accounts, it's like people with 300 followers. Yeah. And I guess they're thinking, thing I am, which is, maybe this will do the trick. Maybe this will do the trick. Maybe this will be it. Maybe we'll get it now. Maybe my puffy eye will blow. Maybe I'll get puffy followers. Maybe my follower count will get puffy. ARR. So we're verified and that's all there is to it. Chrissy, we're not going to get unverified unless we get unverified. Actually, we tried to get verified on the commercial break. We tried to do that multiple times over the years and for some reason they, they didn't think we were who we were. They thought we might have been a finsta and they declined to verify us. And then finally it happened. We got it. We did it. Congratulations.

[Chrissy]

Show like some kind of specific stuff.

[Brian Green]

No. When you do. Well, listen, you don't have a lot of interaction on your account, so you might have to go through an extra step or two. I don't know. I really don't. I don't know what the protocol is, but when I went to go get my personal account verified, so the chatty GPT or whatever AI we were using was like, get verified. And then anybody associated with the show get verified.

[Chrissy]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

Make sure those accounts are interacting with each other. Right. This is part of the social media game. So I'm like, okay, I'll get verified. And when I went through the process of getting verified, it, I think because my Facebook is connected to it, I'm sure that it ran checks, like AI checks on the pictures that were there and the pictures that are here. Are they the same person? Do they have the same, you know, eye measurements or. I don't know how all that works, but what they. The one thing that they did make me do is you must turn on to FA on your account. You must have two FA on your account. If you don't, you can't get verified. In some cases they do. They will ask you for identification like a state ID or a passport. But the commercial break, all I had to do was just ask to be verified.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And I'm assuming that because I just got verified, so now I'm verified. I'm someone on the show, I own the account that all of that stuff kind of came together and they said, hey, yeah, yeah. So it's a process.

[Chrissy]

I'll look into it when I'm drinking wine again tonight.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, get, get into it. And it's not cheap either. That's the thing is it's like 15 bucks a month. 15 bucks a month. I'm now paying Mark Zuckerberg, which is. I hate it. I really do. I don't like the thought of giving that guy any more money. I'm done giving all of these oligarchs money. I'm done with it. I'm done giving all of these, these boneheads money. I'm not buying a Tesla. Couldn't afford one if I wanted to. I'm not giving Mark any more money unless I click on one of his ads because I want to go to that concert. And who's the other billionaire that I'm not going to. And I'm not. I'm not subscribing to the Washington Post anymore. That's it. Those three things. I'm done. I'm done.

[Chrissy]

You've made your stance.

[Brian Green]

I'd like to really take a stance and not use Amazon anymore. But let's be real about it, they kind of got us by the balls there. Yeah. Who's not going to use Amazon? Amazon is amazing. Party City is going on a business.

[Chrissy]

Oh, I know.

[Brian Green]

Did you see that?

[Chrissy]

That's been dying a slow death, actually.

[Brian Green]

Well, listen, there's now all kind of layoffs going on everywhere, including people at our own network, Odyssey. Now, radio has been shrinking since 2008. It's just been shrinking. It's saw its heyday. It's been shrinking. It's, you know, we all. We don't have to go through the. We don't have to like rake people over the coals. Rake the radio industry over the coals. It's just a dying industry. That's it. Because less and less people are listening to actual on air radio. It'll always be around, but it's not, it's not going to see the 90s again. That's not going to happen. The early 90s again. So even our network Odyssey laid some people off, but there are layoffs happening all over the place. And then you add in all of the craziness that's going on with Elon's chainsaw or whatever's going on, and we're likely going to have a dramatic economic downturn. Dramatic? Oh, it's happening. It's already happening. And that's why these companies, companies are laying people off is because it's like 2008 all over again. But this time they can see it coming. So they are not going to be caught flat footed. They're preemptively cutting labor. And you know, that's just the way that's what you do when you're in one of those boardrooms and you start getting nervous. You don't know. Just like everybody doesn't know what's going to happen from one day to the next. They're not fortune tellers, but they can sense on the streets that things are not going to be easy. And no one's making it easier. Just like destroying a very healthy economy. For what reason? I don't know. I mean, I know there are reasons and. But I'm not here to talk about all those. But here's my point. So you know all of these things that are, you know, kind of happening at one time, like there's all of these layoffs and all this other shit going. What was my point? What was I talking about? I don't know.

[Chrissy]

Here's my point.

[Brian Green]

Here's my point. I had a point.

[Chrissy]

I took a sip.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I was talking about Amazon and then all of a sudden I forgot what I was talking about.

[Chrissy]

Said, you're not giving any more money.

[Brian Green]

Oh yeah, I'm not giving out any more money. To which was leading in from being.

[Chrissy]

Verified and $15 a month.

[Brian Green]

There you go. $15 a month. Now I'm giving these oligarchs money. I'm done giving all of these oligarchs money. That's it. That is my point. My point is I am done giving the oligarchs money. There you go. How's that? Except for Amazon and Facebook and occasionally.

[Chrissy]

Everybody else, every month they have us.

[Brian Green]

All wrapped by the balls. They really do.

[Chrissy]

Integrated.

[Brian Green]

It's all inte into our lives. They have seeped their way into every inch of our lives and we cannot unfuck this fuckery. And that makes me upset to some degree, but I certainly enjoy the perks of it. So it's Hard. It's a hard.

[Chrissy]

Same with the streaming services for me, because I'm like, well, excuse me, can I just go back to one bill a month, like, whatever. Which I guess Amazon once again is also coming in on that, where you can subscribe through them.

[Brian Green]

And then Apple TV's the same way.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, Apple TV's doing the same.

[Brian Green]

And now Disney plus and HBO Max.

[Chrissy]

Because I like a little something on each one of them. Yeah, I don't want to give any of them up.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I mean, I do. And I know this is like, this is a totally ADHD segment, but let me share this. As far as the streaming services are concerned, I've said it before, and I'm going to say it again. I really think we broke something that wasn't broken. If you think about it, Netflix is a channel. It's a channel. And there. Yeah, there's lots of content on that channel, and you can pick and choose what you want to watch, when you want to watch it. It. But it is a television channel. That's what it is. And it is a big television channel. And they have billions and billions of dollars they throw at creating content. Apple TV is a channel. It is a television channel. You watch it on your television or on your phone maybe, but it's a screen. And all of These cable providers at&t. Comcast, Charter, Charter. I see you out there. Charter.

[Chrissy]

I used to work for Charter.

[Brian Green]

Pretending that you're an actual cable company.

[Chrissy]

I know the Main Street.

[Brian Green]

I know there used to be a time when you'd look at Charter and you'd go, yeah, Charter. Go, Charter. Right. And they were all over the place and sponsoring the Braves. And I'd be like, yeah, Charter. And then I got Charter, and I. Now I realize why you don't hear about them anymore. Anyway, Cox Communications, all of those people, they provided a service. They essentially, they were the people who carried those channels into your house. And they still do that, but just via a different. A different band on the wire, which is interactive Internet. And so it's the exact same thing. Only now every one of these channels has found a way to squeeze an immense amount of money out of us. If we would have all let the cable companies just negotiate all of these carriage fees and all that other shit. Yeah, maybe Netflix wouldn't have $100 billion a year to spend on content, but they could have still created really great content. It still could have all been on demand, and we just would have had a little, tiny little box sitting on our television that would have allowed Us to flip through. And we would have paid one bill. One bill.

[Chrissy]

I know.

[Brian Green]

I am paying $300 a month for content. $300 a month for content. Between the cable that I still want.

[Chrissy]

Cable, Internet and streaming services.

[Brian Green]

That's it. Yeah, yeah. Oh, add the Internet, forget about it. I've got like 10 gig Internet or whatever it is. I'm paying like 150. I mean, because we need it. There's so much shit going in and out of this fucking room right here. But you know, the truth is, is that I'm paying 300, $400 for all of that every single month. I would have rather paid 250 every month. Get all of it.

[Chrissy]

The gold package.

[Brian Green]

Get the gold package. Have it all on demand and have a little box sitting there and just flip through the channels. And then when I want to watch, I don't know, Kath and Kim or the. The Crown or whatever it is, I just go to the Netflix channel like I would on, like I do on directv on Demand. The Crown, let me watch it. That's it. I can do that. And then Netflix can put television commercials in there and I'll feel like it's okay that they do, so. But now I gotta watch fucking television commercials anyway on Amazon.

[Chrissy]

Oh, Amazon does it? Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Come on, Bezos. Really? You're charging me all of this money? You're getting me seven ways to Sunday on every single thing that I buy. Here was the point. Now remember, I got it. I full circle. Bardy City is going out of business. And my Astrid took the kids to Party City and they went to the going out of business sale. They got like two more weeks left or a week left or whatever it is. And she cleaned up. She bought like a thousand dollars worth of stuff, 780 worth of stuff for like less than $200. All this stuff that you can use at parties, birthdays, you know, and we just put it in the corner and we use it when we want it. Party City was never the cheapest place in the world to. To buy stuff, but it was nice to go walk in there and look at stuff.

[Chrissy]

It was. Yeah. That's the end of an era that's gone.

[Brian Green]

Absolutely. I used to go to part my gr. Remember the. When I told you about the New Year's Eve parties down in the bar basement that my grandma had used to walk us up to Party City? And you know, anyway, my kids are asking why? Why is it closing? Why is it closing? Why is it closing? And I literally had to explain to them that Amazon sells this stuff for 50% cheaper and they get it to your front door the next day. And there is, because it's unlikely that most people are going to get in their car, dress up, get in their car, go pay double, walk through a store, spend an hour fisting and futing around when they could lay on their couch, press the button, and have it there the next day. And this is happening all over the place. Now, with Party City, there might be other factors. They might be owned by a hedge fund or random into the ground. I'm not sure what it is, but I can understand that. Party City must be hard to make a living doing that when you sell streamers for $5 and you can buy them on Amazon for two and get them here tomorrow or tonight. It's just a whole fucking clusterfuck. Amazon is so wonderful, and the convenience of it is so lovely. And those people that work so hard to bring those packages to your door so quickly. I just bought another random wire. That random wire got here in a day, and it's a random wire. You wouldn't be able to find this anywhere else. It's a random wire. I got it in a day.

[Chrissy]

Gonna come in here one day and just organize.

[Brian Green]

I know. And the wire didn't work, so it goes in the wire box. And Astrid's gonna get upset at me, and we'll have to have a whole conversation about how there's thousands of dollars of wires that I never used in that box. And I'm gonna say, yeah, but maybe someday we'll need it. And she'll go, yeah, maybe someday you will. But you will buy a new one, the exact same wire again. You will. I know you. And I'll say, yeah, okay, babe. And, you know, more marital strife because of this commercial break. Anyway, my point was, I'm giving all my money to the oligarchs. Amazon's coming in here, and then they're killing local business. I mean, not the Party City was a local business, but, you know, they're. They. They kill these other businesses and. Yeah, yeah. Happy days, Happy days, Happy days are here again.

[Chrissy]

I know, I know.

[Brian Green]

Do you remember when Party City was here and everyone would cheer? Cause you miss Party City for the job.

[Chrissy]

I'm gonna miss Party City for the. For the balloons, for one thing. Costumes during Halloween.

[Brian Green]

That's true. But there is a Halloween.

[Chrissy]

Now. There's that other store thing that pops up, whatever that is.

[Brian Green]

They take over, like, high school gymnasiums or whatever.

[Chrissy]

They take over empty party cities.

[Brian Green]

Empty party cities and petsmarts that's what they do. Old, old Kohl's. And you know, they have a smart business model. They know they're seasonal and so they go in and they look for people who are desperate to make a couple bucks with that empty shit that they got sitting there and they just go in there for a couple months, pay them cheap rent, get in, get out. I guess they have a warehouse somewhere where they keep all that stuff and that's it. It's really quite amazing logistically. Of course it is. Of course it is. They. You. Where do you think they get their stuff from? It's Amazon. Yes. Oh, Amazon. I have a love hate relationship with you. I really, really do.

[Chrissy]

I know.

[Brian Green]

And then on top of that you got BritBox and BBC. So, you know, I got, I turn on that prom.

[Chrissy]

I've seen some good stuff coming out on Britbox. I might have to look into it. Although I'm telling you, I'm just like taking my heels and not subscribing to any more stuff. But I've seen some good stuff. It looks like coming on Britbox.

[Brian Green]

There is such good television coming out of Britbox. They are also, they're having their moment. I mean, they like everybody else in the world, that prestige TV is also hitting hit. BBC and, and all. I don't know what the other channels are, but the other channels, the other channels out there. But I do love some British television. I love it dearly. And it's almost like now if, if after a certain time of night, like 11 o', clock, I only want to hear a British accent or maybe an Australian accent. That's it. That's all I want to hear. It soothes me. I'm like a little baby. I'm like, oh, my British accent. I go to sleep, I'm rewatching Kath and Kim.

[Chrissy]

Oh, you talked about that.

[Brian Green]

Oh my God, what a fucking hilarious show. It's an Australian show. What a hilarious show about a mother and a daughter. Kath and Kim, if you haven't seen the show and you're into like kind of like absurdist humor, which of course you must be because you're listening to the commercial break.

[Chrissy]

If you're still here.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. This is the absurd of the absurd. This 15, 20 minute segment has been a perfect encapsulation of what the commercial break has always been about. Nothing. Nothing. Brian being adhd. That's it. All right, Speaking of adhd, we got to take a break. Speaking of oligarchs, we got to take a break so we can pay Some bills. Well, let's listen to this Amazon commercial and we'll be right back.

[Rachel]

Hey, it's Rachel, your new voice of God here on tcb. And just like you, I'm wondering just how much longer this podcast can continue. Let's all rejoice that another episode has made it to your ears. And I'll rejoice that my check is in the mail. Speaking of mail, get your free TCB sticker in the mail by going to tcbpodcast.com and visiting the contact us page. You can also find the entire commercial break library audio and video, just in case you want to look at [e-mail] Want your voice to be on an episode of the show? Leave us a message at 221-24333. TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Tell us how much you love us and we'll be sure to let the world know on a future episode. Or you could make fun of us. That'd be fine, too. We might not air that, but maybe. Oh, and if you're shy, that's okay. Just send a text. We'll respond. Now I'm gonna go check the mailbox for payment while you check out our sponsors. And then we'll return to this episode of the commercial break.

[Brian Green]

Oh, I have noticed. And you can call me out on this listener. I want you to call me out on a few things. First of all, we're going to start doing a segment on this show called Brian Was Wrong. So when you hear me say something that is wrong, text in and we're going to keep a running list. And then every couple of weeks, we're going to get it out of our system and make fun of Brian about how long, how wrong Brian is and for how long he has been wrong, number one. Number two, I am noticing that I often start, I start the next segment with this. It's kind of like, do you remember this?

[Chrissy]

Oh, yeah. It's kind of like the smoke alarm.

[Brian Green]

The smoke alarm. I'm like a smoke alarm. Every time we come back from a break, I'm like, ah. I asked chat GPT. What's the thing that Brian says the most on the show? Like, what's the word he uses? I want to know what my crutch word was. And it was and like, so those two words as there are a lot.

[Chrissy]

Of people's, I'm sure.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. I'm not, you know, but I, I want to clean it up. We're professional broadcasters now, Chrissy, we have have to clean this up. We got to get better. We got to get better. I'm noticing that there are a lot of Teslas on sale on Facebook. I just saw another one. This is probably the fifth one that I've seen in, like, I don't know, two weeks. People are selling their Teslas. They want to get rid of it. $24,000. 20. 20 Tesla less than 50,000 miles is a pretty good deal. It's a Tesla model Y. That's a pretty good deal. $24,000 and a $4,000 tax credit. So essentially it's just 20 grand. Right. That's like you mo. You can't buy a lot of used cars for 20 grand. That's a lot. And I was reading that people are putting like, Toyota St. Back of their Teslas. So that. And. Or there's us. There's a sticker that you can buy now from a guy that's. That is creating them. And it says, yes, I bought the Tesla, but I do not like Elon. Right. I don't support.

[Chrissy]

I've seen a similar one.

[Brian Green]

And so, yeah, it's never before has a brand and a person been so closely aligned since Walt Disney, I think. Right. As a brand and a person been so closely aligned. And the fate of the brand is going with the fate of the sentiment around that person. It's. That's all I got to say. I mean, I don't know how you feel about Elon or whatever, but I think it's very interesting that there is such blowback.

[Chrissy]

Listen, I'm not surprised.

[Brian Green]

Well, when Tesla came on the market, I got to be honest, I was with everybody else. I'm like, finally, we're going to solve this problem. Everybody and every liberal in California bought a Tesla, and there were lines for them and waiting lists, and we all. And I went and looked at them multiple times, and I almost pulled the trigger, but I just felt like it was a very expensive car. And it was also going to be hard for the way that my particular living situation is. It was going to be hard for me to find a place to put the outlet. But we have a Tesla charging station near our house, and there's like 30 of those stations sitting in a parking lot. Yeah, they're everywhere, and they're always full, and there's always someone waiting to go. I guess you make a resident reservation. There's always extra cars sitting there. So it's. There's a lot of them on the road here in Atlanta especially.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

There are. And they had some kind of agreement.

[Chrissy]

Too, I think with Uber. Where. Because I, for a while there, I was getting in a lot of Uber Teslas and I talking to a driver and they said that there was some kind of deal.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I saw one. I went in one in Denver.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, Denver. Yeah, I did it in Denver too.

[Brian Green]

I was coming, I was going back to the airport. Airport. It's about a 30, 40 minute ride. I asked for an Uber X or whatever. I was traveling for business. So I was like Uber X or Uber Comfort or something. One of those things, you know, one of the many things that Uber now offers.

[Chrissy]

There's like 10.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And so what showed up? A brand new, spanking new smelling like it just came off the lot. Uber, Tesla. And the guy said to me, he said, I just got this car a couple weeks ago. I said, oh, that's great, you got a Tesla and now you're driving for Uber that, you know, it must pay well. And he said, no, no, no, no. I get this from the company. Like he was some kind of deal where they were getting it through the company and they could take it home at night and they were paying a certain amount of the money that they had. So I don't know. But now that the sentiment is changing, you know, Tesla feels like a different company. Yeah, it's like, feels like a different company. And that's the thing, it feels like a different company. It's not a different company, but it feels like a different company to a lot of people. People. And people are. There's a, there's a big backlash. And I find it fascinating how the human brain works that there's hard to compartmentalize those two things. But I guess then again, you don't see the CEO of Chevrolet, you know, running up and doing a salute that hasn't been used in 80 years.

[Chrissy]

I mean, that's. Advertising has done the psychology around that for years.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. That's true.

[Chrissy]

Associate something with the brand.

[Brian Green]

What do you associate with the commercial break?

[Chrissy]

Laughter.

[Brian Green]

Love.

[Chrissy]

Laughter. Friendship.

[Brian Green]

Friendship, drinking. It's about friendship, drinking, drugs, general scallywagging. My puffy, pushy eyes out of control. I can't get it to open.

[Chrissy]

Crabapple.

[Brian Green]

Crab apple. Crabapple. That's true. Make a whole series. I'm going to make a series called Crabapple.

[Chrissy]

Oh, yeah. The town of Crab.

[Brian Green]

Oh. I just love making characters for Crabapple. I really do. And people have said, and I've said this before, I'm not tooting my own home, but People have said, I really like the fact that the bits are back. You know, there was one of our listeners said, I actually went back and listened to your first, first 15 or 20 episodes. And he said, I think you guys, this is a very kind compliment. He said, I think you've been funny since the beginning. And so congratulations to you. You know, it's not every episode is hilarious. We understand that. But he said, I think you guys have been funny from the beginning. And then someone else commented, I went back and listened to the bits at the beginning of the show since you've been starting doing them again. And you know, they're really hilarious. Here's the thing about the bits. They do take a lot of time and you got to script them out and I do all the voices and all the production and it's a little bit of a pain in the ass.

[Chrissy]

The noise things on the one you did recently with the Tina Tannen tweeze. Well, that one. And the guy that was getting the injections or the energy drink.

[Brian Green]

Oh, tcb. Colloidal colada coolers, Triple C.

[Chrissy]

The sound.

[Brian Green]

Effects you do y. Brian 3000. The woodpecker. I loved it. I had so much fun. That's the point. It brings me so much joy. I love creating these characters. Like I just have this. I have this vision in my head of what Crabapple is. And it's just a small town full of nudniks. Like all the worst people that I see over the course of a day, I just imagine they all go to Crabapple at the end of the night. They're dim witted, you know, they're podunky, they're small town. They get excited about the stupidest shit. And WSHIT is their community radio station.

[Chrissy]

Local comedy show.

[Brian Green]

In dating school or no, clown school. And dating. Dating. I'll have to bring Yuckels back for sure. But here's what I really wanted to talk about. Not Elon, not Tesla, not Crybabble. I wanted to talk about the couple. Two things. Number one, the couple who is now suing. Is it Emirates Airline? I think because Emirates put a dead body next to them. First class. Did you see that? Yeah. They had to fly like 12 hours next to a dead body.

[Chrissy]

What do you mean?

[Brian Green]

And they were in first class, like strapped in.

[Chrissy]

In a seat belt.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Someone passed away on the. On the plane. They had a heart attack or a stroke or something. An older woman, which is sad, of course.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Green]

But she died of natural causes and it was just an event that happens on a Plane probably happens. Listen, there have been pilots that have died, like co pilots that have died. And the other pilot has to fly the plane home. You know, it's. Or. Or make a landing. But they were over the ocean and there was nothing they could do. So the pilots made the decision, which is the right decision to make, that let's get to where we're going and maybe this person that has family that's waiting there or whatever, they're going home. Let's get to where we're going and then we'll deal with it when we get there. And this couple is very upset. They have pictures and videos, video of them sitting next to a sheet, essentially a woman. And there's a sheet and she's buckled in. And that's it. Right.

[Chrissy]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Green]

And it's in first class, so there's a little bit of separation. But there's still a dead body next to you. I understand just how disconcerting this must have been, but where in the fuck did they expect them to put the dead body? Other people were saying, put them. Put her in the bathroom. And I'm like, yeah, but then you take up a whole restroom and you've seen those plain restrooms at the end of a flight of especially an international flight, there's a lot of people have to travel in and out of those bathrooms. There's only so many places you can put them.

[Chrissy]

Yeah. And there's no, like, seat belt in the bathroom.

[Brian Green]

Right, Exactly.

[Chrissy]

Banging around.

[Brian Green]

That's right. So you end up with a woman just flying everywhere.

[Chrissy]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Green]

You gotta secure her. I mean, she. You can't have her flying all over the place. Right. There's. There's not many options. And I understand you wanna sue because you didn't have a nice flight, but you're in first class on your way. Yeah. Come on, guys. Really, honestly, Honestly, the. Think about the poor lady's family.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

It's the right thing to do to make sure that she gets at least in one piece back to wherever it is she's going. So that the people that love her, you know, can do whatever they need to do to get some closure and not have, you know, I don't know if you bruise after you die or whatever, but not have, you know, open wounds or something. Because you're flying around the bathroom.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Or flying around the floor. What, Whatever. You can't put her in the overhead bin. We've all seen that. It's really hard to get big stuff into an overhead bin.

[Chrissy]

Definitely not the overhead bin.

[Brian Green]

You can't put her in the overhead bin.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And you can't put her in the crew's sleeping quarters. How do you get it?

[Chrissy]

I think a sheet over it was the best that you could do.

[Brian Green]

They did the right thing, in my opinion. They did the right thing. It probably happens all the time, but, you know, rare enough that you'll probably never experience it, but you are sitting in the open seat. What are you gonna do? I mean, you gotta. You gotta do what you gotta do. If it was me, I would have been gracious about it and I would have said, well, can I get a free bottle of champagne? Can I get some free booze? Because if you give me. And I'm sure they did.

[Chrissy]

I'm sure they did.

[Brian Green]

I'm sure they did.

[Chrissy]

First in first class anyway.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. They didn't just go, oh, hey, I'm gonna put this dead body.

[Chrissy]

Some kind of credit to something.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, of course it was an inconvenient. Probably the whole flight got something right. Because it's a stressful thing to go through, but it does happen as part of life. And what are you going to do? And stop being such a dick. Don't sue anybody. That's. That's the ridiculous. It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous. It was a circumstance and you should have been gracious in the moment because it wasn't about you. It was about the lady and her family. Leave it alone. Number two thing that I'm upset about as far as lawsuits are concerned, some Tools Tool fans are suing Tool. Like there's a class action lawsuit because Tool recently played their Tool in the sand at the Hard Rock Dominican Republic.

[Chrissy]

Oh, okay.

[Brian Green]

Which you and I.

[Chrissy]

They've got one of those.

[Brian Green]

They got one of those.

[Chrissy]

No, I mean, they've got one of those, like island retreat things.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, everybody does.

[Chrissy]

They do.

[Brian Green]

Everybody. Our cruise, I think I saw one. Candle box. Candle box in the sand or Candle box in the sand or something. I mean, everybody does. Yes, it's a cruise or it's an island retreat retreat. It's big business. And you can go to a place like the Hard Rock in the Dominican where they are literally set up for it. You go. You don't have to do anything as a band except for bring your gear and. And play a show. Yeah, they're going to play two nights, Friday and Saturday. On those two nights, they are promising that the two unique sets of Tool. Right. So everybody goes to the first show and they play six or seven songs, whatever it is. And because Tool songs are 86 minutes long. They play two songs. Right? Essentially. Then on Saturday, Maynard asked the crowd, who was here last night? Well, everybody was there last night because everybody's there for the entire weekend. Yeah, you don't have an opportunity just to go for one night. And Tool does not play in, like, the most unique set because they repeat some of the songs that they played from the night before, which upsets some fans to the point where they start booing Tool. They start booing them during their set in the Dominican Republic on a beautiful beach. So I gotta say, at what point do you just say to yourself, man, you're really fucking entitled here? Yeah, like, I get it. You're there for the weekend and you want to see all of your favorite Tool songs and you don't want to hear it twice. I understand, but Tool is entitled to play whatever it is they want to play because they're the artists. And if they feel like repeating a couple of songs, it sucks for you, but that's what they're choosing to do. And who knows, production wise, they might have to do that because they have the visuals for these songs or whatever the case may be. It doesn't really matter. You're seeing Tool twice. Listen, if it was me and I was seeing whoever, I don't know. Pearl Jam, let's say. I was saying Pearl Jam. Pearl Jam also is in this. We don't do set lists except for 15 minutes before, and we always try and change it up every single show and blah, blah, blah. If I heard, you know, three of the songs on Friday and then three of the same songs on Saturday, I wouldn't complain. I'd feel grateful to have been in the room to hear any of it. And it just seems like a shitty reaction to playing a couple of songs, repeating a couple of songs. Now, that all said, I do have to say this about Tool. They seem to really dislike their fans in general. Maynard seems to be really like kind of a fussy character who doesn't really care for the fans. And I understand. He. I get it. He's. He's making the music for him, not for you. But if that's the case, then don't go out there and play in the sand. I mean, you're playing in the Dominican. It's clearly a money. It's a. It's a money thing, right?

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

If there's any band in the world that I don't think about when I'm on the beach, it's Tool. I don't think about Tool when I'm drinking a Fruity cocktail. I really don't. That's like the last thing that I would think about would be any kind of Tool album. It's not beach music. It's just not. But it's big business. To each their own. It must be a fun time to get together with other Tool fans.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, exactly. And be at the beach at a beautiful resort.

[Brian Green]

Get together with other Tool fans. Meet the one or two women that decided brave enough to show up inside the crowd.

[Chrissy]

Exactly.

[Brian Green]

And you know, have some fun for the weekend. That must have been the most. Most male skewing weekend in hard rock history. But apparently they have been doing this for a couple of years. This wasn't even the first time. They've been doing it for a couple years. So Tool fans, stop being so entitled. You don't have to sue the band because they played a couple of songs over again night after night. That's a ridiculous thing. And Tool, if you really don't like the fans, then don't put out any more music and don't play. Do it in your basement for yourselves to yourselves. Make your own mixtapes or whatever. But stop treating the fans like they're a bunch of assholes. When they're paying money to see you. They're flying down to the Dominican Republic. The least you could do is be respectful of your fans. That's the least you could do. And listen, this has been going on time immorium. Every rock and roll band at some point starts to argue with themselves and the fans. They, they're all the. It's all the wall. Pinky and Floyd are arguing about the fans and they're slowly building a wall between them. But I now I kind of understand why. Because your fans want to sue you when all you do is play the music. That's it. That's crazy to me that now they're going to do a class action lawsuit simply because they played a couple extra songs over.

[Chrissy]

I don't see that happening going anywhere.

[Brian Green]

I don't see them winning a fucking penny. I really don't. Because they said two unique sets. Sets of music. Yes, two unique sets of music. That could mean the same songs in a different order. Just remember that. Take that from a guy. Guy who was the frontman for some of the world's most unknown music.

[Chrissy]

Yeah. I'm picturing Tool down at the beach.

[Rachel]

Huh.

[Brian Green]

It just doesn't sound right. Yeah, like I'm imagining guys with big black boots on and like long sleeve, you know, black Tool shirts and maybe.

[Chrissy]

It was a bunch of like black jean Cut offs.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I'm imagining a lot of guys in the pool with their T shirts still on. Do you know what I'm saying? That's what I'm imagining. Like jorts and a long sleeve T shirt so it doesn't get wet. I'm a Tool fan, so there you go. I'm making fun of myself. What's that?

[Chrissy]

I like some of it.

[Brian Green]

I don't love every single thing that Tool's ever done, but I am a Tool fan and I think their music is technically beautiful. Yeah, but I get it. It's kind of like Rush, you know, the band Rush. Like, I think you have to have a certain mindset to be into Rush. And I was not. I never had that mindset. Tool, I think, is the same way. You gotta. You gotta be into very technical music to get it. But I was hooked from that video Sober. Remember the video for Sober with the little like claymation character? Character was a very scary video. And I was convinced from moment one. I was like, oh, this band. I like this band. So I'd probably go down there to the Dominican Republic and see T. I've seen Tool a couple times. I've seen Tool a couple times. It's a weird show. Maynard is always like hiding in the corner in some weird get up. He's always behind the drums. Like he doesn't really show his face. It's not his thing. He's not like he's a performer, but not like, I don't know, know. It's all weird. If. If you like Tool, then, you know, if you don't. Why am I talking about Tool fucking cares. Don't sue Tool. Stop it. Stop it. Big babies. All right. Tcb podcast dot com. That's where you go. More information about the show, all the audio, all the video right there from one location and your free TCB schwag at the contact us button. 212-4333, tcb 212-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas? We take them all right there via text message or voicemail. You could be the next voice on the show at the commercial break on Verified Instagram, TCB podcast on TikTok and YouTube.com thecommercial break for all the episodes the same day. They air here on the audio feed. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.

[Chrissy]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

I'll tell you that I love you. I love you, best of you and best you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say we do say. And we must say goodbye. Sa. It.