TCB Season Roulette: Season 1

Summary

The Commercial Break – TCB Season Roulette: Season 1 (Original Air Date: May 20, 2026)

Main Theme

This episode of The Commercial Break features a "Season Roulette" throwback from Season 1, offering new and veteran listeners a taste of the show's early, unfiltered humor. Bryan and Krissy riff through topics like sham massagers, royal family drama, Faraday cages, COVID conspiracies, and wrap it up with the surreal wisdom of recurring character "Henry Fonda," who gives ridiculously inappropriate "marriage tips." As always, it’s improv-driven, mock-serious, and full of sharp asides characteristic of their self-mocking "chaotic" energy.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Holiday Hiatus & "Best Of" Explanation

• [00:08-01:18]
  • Bryan and Krissy introduce the hiatus format: for a few weeks, they're replaying random episodes from each season so new listeners can catch up easily, interspersed with occasional new shows.
  • Self-mocking banter around vacations and low podcast income.
  • Bryan describes the chaos of podcast industry conferences, comparing it to a "nightmare."

2. Improvised Holiday Characters & Sharper Image Mockery

• [01:26-06:14]
  • Bryan delivers an over-the-top farewell from "Santa Sanderson," riffing about tax evasion, erotic massages, and failing reindeer careers.
    • Quote: “That was not a prostitute. That was an erotic massage. There is a difference.” – Bryan as Santa [01:27]
  • Pivot to discussing gag gifts from the Sharper Image catalog; make fun of “massage machines” that are obviously sex toys, laughing about overtly sexual product design and reviews.
    • Quote: “Looks like a dick. You can't know. It's just a dick, that's all it is.” – Bryan [05:24]
  • Exaggerate review ratings (“five stars, five squirts, and a pump”) and absurdly specific features (“horny white teenager” massage mode).

3. Royal Family & TV Show Commentary

• [07:30-10:58]
  • Krissy and Bryan dive into The Crown, bantering about the actual British monarchy and the show’s “boring but fascinating” appeal.
    • Quote: “It's the most boring show that's ever interesting.” – Bryan [07:39]
  • Commentary on Queen Elizabeth’s reign, Charles and Diana’s dysfunctional marriage, and the awkwardness of royal traditions.
  • Offbeat quiz about which “Jonas Brother” is next in line to the throne, then confirm it’s William, not Harry.
    • Quote: “Which one of the Jonas Brothers is going to be king again?” – Bryan [10:18]
  • Krissy admits a fandom for Meghan Markle due to Suits.

4. Podcast Promotion & Social Media Plea

• [10:58-13:47]
  • Push for listeners to follow their Instagram accounts and engage more, poking fun at their embarrassingly low social engagement vs. actual downloads.
    • Quote: “We got like 26 Instagram followers and they're our family and friends.” – Bryan [13:26]
  • Introduction of giveaway incentives, teasing forthcoming exclusive content.

5. Pop Science & 5G Conspiracies

• [13:47-20:28]
  • Explanation of a Faraday cage and its supposed utility against "5G and COVID-19."
  • Merciless takedown of conspiracy beliefs about WiFi/5G causing coronavirus (“no scientific proof whatsoever that 5G does anything except deliver content to your phone”).
    • Quote: “How does a wave that comes from electromagnetism then cause a virus in your body?” – Bryan [16:56]
  • Mock the emerging cottage industry selling “Faraday cages” for home WiFi—which, when used, naturally kill the WiFi (“You put a metal box around your WiFi receiver, you're not gonna get WiFi!”) [18:53]
  • Conclude that loss of common sense is the real epidemic.

6. Listener Shout-out & Glib Gender Banter

• [20:44-21:38]
  • Bryan jokes about his supposed sexual magnetism and a loyal listener in Venezuela.
  • Playful riff about building a Faraday cage to protect himself from admirers.

7. Henry Fonda’s Marriage Bootcamp Segment

• [23:13-40:50]: (Character/Improv Sketch)
  • "Henry Fonda" (an outlandish European character) takes over to offer nonsensical, warped marriage advice – parodying the genre of relationship advice and cultural stereotypes.
  • Henry Fonda’s Top Marriage Tips:
    1. Get right to baby-making.
    2. Use the "mashed potato" fertility technique (explicitly, “punch your husband in the penis”) [28:01]
    3. Men must maintain a “girlish figure” and eat only unhealthy/junk food.
    4. Go to bed angry: Distort the classic advice, arguing couples must always go to bed angry for marriage success:
    • Quote: “You must never go to bed without being angry.” – Henry Fonda [30:10]
    5. Make love quickly (“three to five seconds”)—praising the supposed national champion of fast lovemaking, Ron Paul Fantastico (inappropriate, absurd parody).
    • Quote: “Three to five seconds on foreplay, three to five seconds to complete the transaction. …In my culture, it’s a race.” – Henry Fonda [32:17/33:09]
    6. Communication is a "one-way street"; any “backtalk” merits “mashed potatoes” punishment.
    7. Attend weddings for “dating opportunity.”
    8. Quality time is dropping your spouse off at the mall while you go to a bar.
    9. Ignore infidelity, lies, and focus on looks; keep a “guy on the side.”
  • Nonstop deadpan delivery and hyperbole escalate the absurdity, e.g. “mashed potatoes are both punishment and reward” and a running gag where Henry seems to stalk Chrissy and her husband.
  • Open call for listener “marital questions” to infocbodcast.com, address it to Henry Fonda’s Marriage Bootcamp.

8. Post-Segment Reactions & Off-the-Rails Banter

• [42:01-49:42]
  • Bryan and Krissy react to “Henry Fonda’s” advice, trading personal anecdotes about "mashed potatoes" (i.e., sexual kinks like “dick torture”).
    • Quote: “The mashed potato… I haven’t heard that one before.” – Chrissy [42:51]
  • More jokes about Henry Fonda’s country of origin (Kazakhstan? South America?).
  • Return to discussing The Crown (Princess Diana’s bulimia and mental health), Big Mouth, and other TV binges, lamenting the end of "appointment TV" and the glut of streaming options.

9. Closing & Listener Engagement

• [49:42-50:56]
  • Remind listeners to share their favorite clips for the upcoming "Best Of" compilation.
  • Friendly but cheeky admonishments to follow on Instagram, reiterate that the podcast is “a one way street” (referencing Henry Fonda’s advice).
  • Wrap up with well-wishes for the holidays; tease coming improvements for Season 2.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Looks like a dick. You can't know. It's just a dick, that's all it is.”
  — Bryan, on Sharper Image massagers [05:24]

• “You must never go to bed without being angry.”
  — Henry Fonda, flipping marriage wisdom on its head [30:10]

• “Get to the mashed potatoes. You get the mashed potatoes right in the potatoes. Okay?”
  — Henry Fonda, explaining his fertility secret [28:41]

• On conspiracy beliefs:
  “How does a wave that comes from electromagnetism then cause a virus in your body?”
  — Bryan [16:56]

• “Which one of the Jonas Brothers is going to be king again?”
  — Bryan, mocking his own knowledge of the monarchy [10:18]

• On social engagement:
  “We got like 26 Instagram followers and they're our family and friends.”
  — Bryan [13:26]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

| Time | Segment | |:---------:|-------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:08 | Hiatus explanation, episode throwback intro | | 01:26 | “Santa Sanderson” character/holiday riff | | 03:34 | Sharper Image gag gifts, sex toy jokes | | 07:30 | The Crown and royal family discussion | | 10:58 | Urging listeners to follow Instagram/socials | | 13:49 | Faraday cage and conspiracy lampooning begins | | 18:53 | WiFi/Faraday cage punchline: “Now I can't get WiFi!” | | 23:13 | Henry Fonda’s Marriage Bootcamp (main character sketch segment) | | 28:01 | “Mashed potatoes” (penis punching for fertility) tip | | 30:10 | “Go to bed angry” marriage advice | | 32:11 | Fastest lover in the world: Ron Paul Fantastico | | 35:08 | Henry Fonda on “communication is one-way street” | | 36:13 | Weddings as “dating events” | | 42:01 | Post-sketch reaction; mashed potatoes origin story | | 44:40 | Return to The Crown, Princess Diana’s mental health arc | | 46:55 | TV recommendations: Kath and Kim, Big Mouth | | 49:42 | Podcast closing, Best Of teaser, social/Instagram push |

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Tone & Style

The episode is irreverent, meta, and gleefully non-PC. The hosts are self-aware, frequently mocking their own format (and listeners!) while maintaining a breezy, rapid-fire pattern of improv comedy and off-the-cuff pop culture analysis. “Henry Fonda” is the over-the-top wild card, lampooning advice genres with patently ridiculous tips.

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Summary

This “Season Roulette” installment captures the signature flavor of The Commercial Break: conversational chaos, parody, and sharp banter over all things trivial and weird. Listeners don't need prior episodes to jump in—the humor is contained, and the "best of" bits and ongoing gags (like Henry Fonda's surreal marriage advice) highlight the show's appeal to fans of unscripted, absurdist comedy podcasts.

Transcript

[Chrissy]

Foreign.

[Henry Fonda]

On this episode of the commercial break.

[Chrissy]

So for the next couple of weeks, there are going to be no streaming shows. Chrissy and I did the smart thing and recorded ahead of time as we're on our fifth vacation of the year. Listen to Chrissy and I complain about how little money this podcast makes and then count how many vacations Chrissy and I can take in six months. It's really not vacation. I'm off at a podcast conference doing what podcast industry professionals do, never shutting up and trying to get a word in edgewise. Imagine 500 of me running around a conference hall all day and night. It's the kind of event some people would call.

[Brian]

What's the word?

[Chrissy]

Nightmare. That's what it is, an absolute nightmare. So I thought I'd do something interesting. For the next three weeks, I'm gonna randomly take an episode from each season one through six and play them sequentially so some of you new listeners can get up to speed without having to listen to 1100 hours of the commercial break. You'll thank me later. So here's the dealio today. Best of tomorrow, new show Friday, besto, rinse, repeat. You get it? We'll be back before you know it. Here's a completely random episode from season number one. I'm not gonna listen to it. I just put a new intro on it. So I honestly have no idea what

[Brian]

you're about to hear. The next episode of the commercial break starts now.

[Chrissy]

Ticket, ticket.

[Brian]

Ta da doop. Or do whatever. Ho ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. And a merry Christmas to everyone out there in the radio world. Just wanted to take a few minutes and say this will be my last episode of Santa. Santa, Reindeer Santa. I've been arrested. Tax evasion, possibly messing with the prostitute. I'd like to apologize to both of my wives and all seven of my children at this time. My attorney has advised me to say not much more, but I do have a few extra words. That was not a prostitute. That was an erotic massage. There is a difference. As we get to my age, you're lucky if the tubing still works. You know what I'm saying, Chrissy?

[Chrissy]

Sure.

[Brian]

The piping still works. I'm Santa Sanderson saying see you later. Oh,

[Chrissy]

do you like my glasses?

[Brian]

Yeah, they're good. I like them. They got two little light bulbs on them.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian]

So you can see. You can find your way down the tube.

[Chrissy]

Let's go. Balls that hang from the sides of them.

[Brian]

Honey, I know about balls hanging out from the side. Let me tell you about. Let me tell you about that.

[Chrissy]

It's a shoe shiner.

[Brian]

I get a note of Scrooge in there. That is still one of the funniest things I think we have ever done on the show. And every couple notes of Scrub DD Canter. Can you bring a decanter? And by D, I mean my D.

[Henry Fonda]

That's right,

[Chrissy]

sir. Your balls have exquisite taste. Exquisite.

[Brian]

Your balls are one fine taster. Hi, I'm Steve. I'll be your scrotier today. Splash some of this Marmont on my balls and tell you whether or not

[Henry Fonda]

it's okay to drink.

[Brian]

It's coming. It's coming. Mark my words. We didn't. We didn't think a television star could be a president. And we've had two of them, so there you go.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, that's true.

[Brian]

We're doing a little Christmas shopping here at the commercial break at TCB Studios through the.

[Chrissy]

The Sharper Image get along.

[Brian]

Which I think Sharper Image has probably been responsible for more orgasms. Orgasms with their neck massagers and Dr. Drew. Yeah. Because, you know, it used to be that they actually tried to hide what was. What was going on. You know, it'd be some odd shaped machine that would vibrate at some frequency

[Henry Fonda]

that you could change.

[Brian]

Right. But it didn't actually look like a dick. Now it's just looks like a dick. Like shaped like your actual. Fits in your clitoris perfectly. And they're like, sure, use it on your neck. Why not? But I made it for your clitoris. They have a whole section of massagers just dedicated to your.

[Chrissy]

I love the one of the reviews from a woman that said, I'm very happy with this gift. Very happy.

[Brian]

We were in a Best Buy a couple days ago and Astrid and I are walking by the now. They have like the. They have like a little Sharper Image section, right? Yeah, it's not Sharper Image, but it's just like all different kind of variety of different gadget.

[Chrissy]

Gadget types.

[Brian]

Yeah, gadget type stuff. And it's like. It's a massager and it looks like a triangle. And then you put it as a handhold. So you put your handhold and then it's got one big thumper. And that thumper is supposed to like, you know, give you a back massage. What it really is for is just pounding your vagina into submission. And Astrid goes, what's that? And I'm like, oh, no, we're in that part of the relationship. Or Astrid starts a collection of massagers at the house.

[Chrissy]

This is literally the only product in the Whole catalog that has a review.

[Brian]

It says, very, very happy with this. Five stars, five squirts, and a pump. Looks like a dick. I don't know. You can't know.

[Henry Fonda]

You can see it.

[Brian]

It's just a dick. That's all it is.

[Henry Fonda]

It's.

[Brian]

It's meant to go in your body.

[Chrissy]

Yes.

[Henry Fonda]

Look at this.

[Brian]

What does it say? It says, he. The heated personal massager is velvety, soft cordless. That's good. You don't want to stick anything in your vagina with a cord, and it heats up to 102 degrees. Just happens to be the same temperature as your penis direction. Fourth soothing sensation. Choose from one of ten massage patterns. Horny white teenager. College. College age. Fap.

[Henry Fonda]

Or Big hang.

[Brian]

Big hairy man. That's what it says. And then it says, oh, my God. Listen to this. Are you ready for this? You haven't read through all this, have you? Silicone design is completely waterproof and washable.

[Chrissy]

That's right.

[Brian]

For use in the shower or the bathtub.

[Chrissy]

You know when your neck's really sore in the bathtub and you need that massager?

[Brian]

Oh, my God. This sharper image is just a smut peddler. That's all they are. Well, they have all kind of weird things.

[Chrissy]

They do. And a little while back, I think it was last year, and that why I was even on this list, to get the catalog, which they sent to me all the time now. But I had bought a couple things. I was like, you know, this stuff looks cool. Some of it. Like, there was a knife sharpener. I got that. It worked.

[Brian]

That's a saw. That's not a knife sharpener. Oh, you got a knife sharpener sharpener.

[Chrissy]

Yeah. No, there's. The picture of. The one in here, though, is. It's like a mini chainsaw.

[Brian]

It's a chainsaw for your table.

[Chrissy]

It's a mini chainsaw. I thought that was hilarious.

[Brian]

How many missing fingers are.

[Chrissy]

There's also. Wait. The one that I really thought of you for was the one.

[Brian]

The personal massager.

[Chrissy]

No, it's. It's the one that's the. Like. It's the ply plastic thing that straps around your waist and holds your phone

[Brian]

in front of you. Oh, yeah, it's got. It's like a wire. Like a metal wire thing, and it straps around your waist so the phone can be directly in your face no matter where you're traveling. I just see me walking down the busy streets of New York with one of these on. Watching the crown.

[Chrissy]

That would be me. I'm Still, Lady Di dies in the end.

[Brian]

Oh, my God. I have no idea.

[Chrissy]

I'm a little bit into the crown now.

[Brian]

Love that crown.

[Chrissy]

Oh, it's so good.

[Brian]

It's the most boring show that's ever interesting. I mean, that's. It's so slow. And you know what happens. It's clear what happens. Everybody knows what happens. Lady Die dies. That's what happens. Right. The queen hates Lady Die. Lady D is dead. That's what happens. And the. But yet they make it so interesting. I guess that's why they call it palace intrigue. There were things from, like, the first

[Chrissy]

and second season I didn't know about. Because they were back.

[Brian]

No, I don't know about any of that. Why I wasn't alive, nor did I care.

[Chrissy]

Crazy, though, to think. For me to think about her coming onto the. The throne.

[Brian]

Yeah.

[Chrissy]

Wearing the crown at 21.

[Brian]

21 years old.

[Chrissy]

She's 93 now.

[Brian]

I know. And she just won't give it up.

[Chrissy]

She's been the longest running.

[Brian]

She just won't give it up. She knows that Charles is going to just.

[Chrissy]

Well, based on what I'm seeing in this fourth episode or four season, I don't think she wants. I think she's hanging on. So Charles can't do it.

[Brian]

That's right.

[Chrissy]

She's like, he can't handle it.

[Brian]

He's. Yeah. I mean, his taste in women is atrocious. He married Camilla Parker Bowles and I'm sorry. But. But, I mean, he was cheating on her the entire time. He's a Lady Die. And Camilla Parker Bowles, while looks are not everything, they are something. And he is the king. He's going to be the king of the, you know, whatever they call it. The monarchy. Monarchy. Well, yeah, but they call it the commonwealth. The commonwealth at some point. And, you know, Lady D was beautiful.

[Chrissy]

She was gorgeous.

[Brian]

I know she was a little loopy, but, you know, she was gorgeous.

[Chrissy]

Well, again, she was a young. She met him when she was 18. He was 31.

[Brian]

He was 31.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian]

She was 18.

[Chrissy]

Yeah. So there's an age difference there, but Poor thing. I mean, she was kind of thrust into this.

[Brian]

She really had. That's got to be a tough life. Yeah, it's got to be a tough life. If you. Are you on the season with Lady Die.

[Chrissy]

Yes.

[Brian]

Okay. So you see that? You know, it's just like once you.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian]

They basically just turned the lights on one day and she was all of a sudden.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian]

Famous. She was living with like a pack of other college age Kids, right? And then all of a sudden she's like, you know, now she's learning curtsy

[Chrissy]

to first and who to say what to. It's.

[Brian]

If I was that. I just say all that. Y. We just. All that. Yeah.

[Chrissy]

Okay.

[Brian]

I don't need to. I mean, come on, guys. It's 2020. We really need to learn all that shit. But then again, no. No monarchy is going to come hang out with me.

[Henry Fonda]

That's.

[Brian]

That's for sure. Tc. TCB podcast. I'm the king of this throne. And I mean this throne. I mean, the ones I'm sitting on right here. It's got to be difficult to be a monarch. Once you watch that show, you understand that, like, I have no sympathy.

[Chrissy]

Why Harry and Meghan are like, see ya.

[Brian]

Yeah, like, see you later. He's never gonna be the king.

[Chrissy]

Well, right. I'm never gonna be the king. And this is crazy.

[Brian]

That's right.

[Chrissy]

Let's go live in California and Canada.

[Brian]

Which one of the Jonas Brothers is going to be king again? Which one? It's Harry, Mary and Larry. Harry, Curly. No, I mean, who's one of the lady dies? Children. What were the names? Harry and William. Okay, so William's gonna be the king.

[Chrissy]

Yes.

[Brian]

Because he's the firstborn.

[Chrissy]

Yes.

[Brian]

Okay.

[Chrissy]

And then after that, it would go to. Well, it would go to one of his sons.

[Brian]

That's right.

[Chrissy]

And I think he's got two. And then there's a girl, I think.

[Brian]

Yeah. So. I mean. And so like, Harry's out. He's never going to be anything. Yeah, he's just basically a sideshow. But he's. I mean, he's incredibly wealthy. He gets to do whatever he wants. You know, he's got that Meghan Markle, Meghan Sparkle, whatever her name is. You like her?

[Chrissy]

I love her.

[Brian]

I don't know anything about her.

[Chrissy]

I used to watch Beautiful. She was on the show Suits.

[Brian]

What is Suits? It was a show about what it was really about. Suits.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, it was set in like an attorney's office, so.

[Brian]

Oh. So it was like. Yeah, okay. Got it, got it. 10 4. That's right. Marriage. TCBpodcast.com is where you go to read all the show notes. You can find out more about Chrissy and I and you can join the break room. The break room will get you access to the after show YouTube channel. That's where we do 15, 20 minutes extra right after each show. And you can not to watch it. You're going to give people epilepsy. Chrissy has these for those of you listening. She's got these Christmas. She just described them, but yeah, but then there's like lights on them and they're pretty bright. Yeah, we were just outside, you know, with the studios inside my house. So we were just outside and showing my son and he just like ran off and hid under the couch. I think he had a seizure or something. Ah,

[Chrissy]

I was trying to be festive. It's our Christmas.

[Brian]

It is our Christmas. Oh, I forgot my mug. Oh, that's okay. You get cotton headed ninny Muggins. So TCP podcast.com is where you can go and watch the YouTube channel. Subscribe, please do that. And we made a plea last show. We'll make the plea again. We love the fact that there's a bunch of people listening and we want to get you involved in the show in many different ways. And one of the ways we want to get you involved is engage with us, talk with us and let us know what you'd like to hear on the show. Ask us questions. So send an email info@tcb podcast.com but we have a personal goal of getting a couple hundred additional Instagram followers in the next month or so. So at the commercial break. At the commercial break on Instagram. Follow us. We are creating a bunch of content almost daily. Creating a bunch of content that will be pumping out there. Only on our Instagram channel. Only on our Instagram account. Excuse me. So go to. At the commercial break on Instagram and

[Chrissy]

we're going to do giveaways and different things. All kinds of revamping it. Yeah, there's incentive to go on there.

[Brian]

We're putting new focus on ourselves.

[Chrissy]

Not just a picture of, of, you know, or a link to the next show.

[Brian]

We've been put, we've been told by the head honchos at podcast universe that if we want to turn this into a million at a million dollar podcast, we've got to get some people engaged in the social media. Because I was saying last show, I think with 50, 60, 70,000 people listening, however. Yeah, we got like 26 Instagram followers

[Chrissy]

and they're our family and friends.

[Brian]

Yeah, and our family and friends. So it's all my fake accounts.

[Chrissy]

We started new accounts too though.

[Brian]

TCB Chrissy and TCB Brian. That's Brian with a Y. Chrissy with a K and a Y. So. So make sure you follow us on all of the socials. I certainly would appreciate it. I. Speaking of if Sharper image. Now I know that I don't think they have one here, but do you Know what a Faraday cage is?

[Chrissy]

I don't.

[Brian]

Okay, so a Faraday cage, in case you're unfamiliar, is a metal wire cage that you build. Some people build them around, like server centers, you know, like where all the servers are. They'll build an entire. The server center is wrapped in what's called a Faraday cage.

[Chrissy]

Why is it called Faraday?

[Brian]

The guy was Faraday, the guy from Lost.

[Chrissy]

There was this character on Lost, called Faraday. Did you watch Lost?

[Brian]

No, I didn't.

[Chrissy]

Oh, God.

[Brian]

I had.

[Henry Fonda]

No.

[Brian]

I watched one episode of Lost and I was Lost. I was like, I'm out. See you later.

[Henry Fonda]

I don't even want to know.

[Chrissy]

That was so good. One of the best shows.

[Brian]

I thought the plane crash was cool. And then I thought it was going to be about them living on an island and surviving. I know, but then there's like magical things happening. It's so hard to follow. And, you know, at that time you couldn't, you know, barely DVRS around. You couldn't just go and binge watch it. It really became like, honestly, after the first episode, the second episode, when magical things started happening, I was like, I don't want to watch about magical things. I just want to watch them eat each other or something. Like, you know, like each other up. And I just. I thought it was going to be like a survival. Yeah. Gilligan's island type, but more serious.

[Chrissy]

It was really good. I loved it the whole time. Until the end, of course.

[Brian]

So I don't even know. Don't tell me, because maybe one day. Yeah. There are 21 seasons of it, though.

[Chrissy]

There's a lot.

[Brian]

Yeah. I'm never gonna get to it. Never gonna get to it.

[Chrissy]

And that's so funny to think about, though. Real quick. Sorry. Yeah, ok. That's so funny to think about. Back before there was binging.

[Brian]

That's right.

[Chrissy]

You had to set your VHS to record or your DVR when those came out.

[Brian]

Yep. Your TiVo.

[Chrissy]

And it was appointment viewing where. I mean, you. You got the one episode a week.

[Henry Fonda]

Absolutely.

[Chrissy]

You had to wait.

[Brian]

Absolutely.

[Chrissy]

You had to wait.

[Brian]

Wait until it came on next week. We don't have that anymore. You can just re. You know, you can like literally wait for an entire season to just finish itself and then watch it in one day. You don't have to worry about it. Any of that other stuff. Thanks. Thanks, Blue Nico, for jumping in on that. Those are my dogs in the back. We're just going to leave this in because this is real stuff. This is what happens during the show. I've got two really obnoxious dogs and they bark at everything. And that's what they're barking. They're probably barking at someone coming in the door. But the Faraday cage is like this. Get back to this metal cage that they build around things to protect it from electromagnetic like electricity and electromagnetism and all this other stuff. It's supposed to protect you. So say your car is a Faraday cage. When you're in a thunderstorm, even if lightning hits it, you're protected by the metal cage, essentially. So it deflects the electromagnetism. That's basically the principle of a Faraday cage. So people have been building these for a long time for many different reasons. Tesla built them and, you know, Edison built. And all this other stuff. People. I don't know who these people are. I'm not friends with them.

[Chrissy]

People.

[Brian]

People.

[Henry Fonda]

Bye.

[Brian]

Bye. Have decided that 5G is causing coronavirus. Don't. Don't know why. Has something to do with Captain America and a picture of spaghetti in the Times Square. I don't want to get into everything, right? But some people have made up this entire whole horseshit bullshit. No scientific proof whatsoever that 5G does anything except deliver content to your phone. I mean, that's basically what it does. It's not. It doesn't fry your brain or cause ball cancer.

[Chrissy]

I mean, give you Covid.

[Brian]

What? I mean, guys, come on. Give you Covid. How does a. How does a wave that comes from. From electromagnetism then cause a virus in your body?

[Henry Fonda]

What?

[Chrissy]

It doesn't.

[Brian]

It doesn't. It doesn't work like that. But listen, some people believe this, okay? And you know, I could do one

[Chrissy]

of those shows again, those conspiracy theories.

[Brian]

We will do a conspiracy theory show in season two. Maybe it'll be our show opener. Because there's a lot of them now and they're all in P. And a lot of people are believing them. And I want to say how fucking silly, but the truth is, is that so many believe them. There's a reason why they're believing. They want to believe that there's something nefarious going on. And that's the reason why things in this world are so up when the truth is that things are just up. So bye bye. It just happens. Bad happens, right? Strange happens sometimes. Unexplainable happens. It's just the way of the world. But scientifically, it's impossible for electromagnetism to carry a virus into your body, your brain, your nose or anything. Yeah, but here's the point. People have been convinced by hucksters that by buying a Faraday cage for their WI FI receiver at home that they can protect their themselves. In other words, they think that 5G is being carried into their WI FI receiver. Then the WI FI receivers, then spreading it all over their house. The virus caused by 5G waves. It's unreal. The. The people.

[Chrissy]

It wasn't just because they went to a rally.

[Henry Fonda]

No.

[Chrissy]

Didn't wear a mask.

[Brian]

Well, that could be possible too, right? I mean, hey, listen, I don't get. I'm a scientist.

[Chrissy]

No, I'm saying that's what.

[Brian]

I know what you're saying.

[Chrissy]

That is what happened.

[Brian]

That is what happened. The entire. Yes. Ha ha ha. You've been Copeland. So. So they buy these Faraday cages and now all online they're like from these Amazon sellers and Etsy sellers and all this other stuff and getting pissed. And you know why they're getting pissed?

[Chrissy]

Why?

[Brian]

Because it's a Faraday cage. And you put it around your WI FI receptacle, you're not gonna get WI Fi. Dumb as if you put a metal box around your WI FI receiver or distributor, you're not gonna get WI fi. People are like, I put the Faraday cage around my WI fi. Now I can't get WI fi. This thing doesn't work. Of course it doesn't work. You do. You think it did. You think it's like a two way mirror. It just lets it out, but it doesn't let it back in. It's a metal cage built in someone's fucking backyard for 50 cents. And you're buying it to put around your WI FI receiver. Where did you. What did you think was going to happen? Don't get upset. It worked. It worked. You're certainly not gonna get coronavirus now because you can't get WI fi. So if you don't know about it, it doesn't exist. That's the way it is now. You can't have any of that science in your phone. Science is causing five GS. Many science. Science five GS and like that. I swear on all that's holy, we have lost all common sense. Yeah, it's all common sense.

[Chrissy]

Please.

[Brian]

It's a virus. Yes. Did it come from China? I don't know. That's debatable. That I can understand. You might have some suspicions about where it came from and why it came from there. I get that part of it. But to believe that it came from an electro. It's like, yeah, brains full of electricity. Static electricity out there. I don't know what's going on.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian]

I wonder if they can build, like, a Faraday lay cage. A fair. A farale cage.

[Chrissy]

Can we put a. Build a Faraday cage to put every. All these people into?

[Brian]

Yeah.

[Chrissy]

Is that possible?

[Brian]

They have one of those. It's called the United States of America. We're all living here, stuck unbeknownst to us. Yeah, I wanted like a. I'm put a. Kate, you know how the women are constantly bothering me? They're always up in my. Up in my.

[Chrissy]

Bothering you? Yeah.

[Brian]

You know, they want to have sex with me and stuff like that, you know?

[Henry Fonda]

You know.

[Brian]

You know how all the fans out there are constantly writing. That's right. I've got one lady in Venezuela I don't know, and neither does my wife, but she just. I mean, she doesn't say anything rude. She's very nice, actually, but she. She responds to everything. Everything. Everything we do. She's always, like, right on it. Like a minute later. Bing. It's as if she's waiting for the commercial break to say something, and then she's like, love it. Perfect. So funny.

[Chrissy]

That's great.

[Henry Fonda]

I know.

[Brian]

It is great. I love it. So. Okay, so. But you know how the lady. So I'm wondering if we can, like, build a cage where we're around me. So protect me from all of these, you know, vibes that are coming in, because I don't think that's causing rifts in our. In my marriage. I don't think it's going to be honest with you. Don't think it's needed?

[Chrissy]

I don't know. The electromagnetic static.

[Brian]

Electromagnetic.

[Rachel]

Okay. You're probably wondering why I, Rachel, have taken over the voice duties at tcb. It's pretty simple. Astrid asked me to shut Brian up, even for a minute. Well, lovely Astrid, your wish is my command. Do you want to help Astrid, too? You know you do. Leave a message for her or me or Chrissy at 212-4333 TCB. That's 212-433-3822. You can be on the show, too. Just call and say something.

[Henry Fonda]

Anything.

[Rachel]

Or text us, and we'll text you right back. Promise. Then head over to tcbpodcast.com and get your free sticker. It's your constitutional right to a sticker, and we must abide. You get the point? Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and watch all the episodes on [e-mail] TheCommercialBreak. Best to you and Astrid, especially Astrid

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[Chrissy]

Hey, you should listen to your inner voice, by the way.

[Henry Fonda]

It's a lecture of magnetic, oddly. Don't know what you're talking about.

[Brian]

Oh, look, it's our old friend Henry Fonda.

[Chrissy]

Hello, Henry.

[Henry Fonda]

Hi, everybody. How's everyone doing? Happy Christmas, Merry holidays, all that. Well, listen, I mean, I don't know. People practice, you know, there's the dreidel, dreidel, dreidel, and then there's a Hanukkah, there's a Festimus, there's all that Christmas. In our country, we call it the Day of no Presents. You know, there's a. There's a couple different. You are. Listen, I mean, we have other things more important shit to worry about than Santa Claus or whatever you call it.

[Brian]

Oh.

[Henry Fonda]

So I heard Brian talking about that maybe he's having problems in his marriage, and I thought I'd. Come on. I've recently got my PhD from the local college down here, the University of I Know Everything. And it's partly online, partly in person. I just took the online portion of it. But I am now a certified psychologist and marriage counselor.

[Chrissy]

Nice. Congratulations.

[Henry Fonda]

Thank you. And I wanted to be, because, you know, you and I have had a hard time connecting on some things. I know that. I know Jeff is being very protective of you. He's very concerned. Concerned that I may step on his toes or his balls or whatever is going. Low hanging balls. Get that together, Jeff. You need a. You need one of those ball straps. You know the one, the kind that you just. You. You hook two clips and then you put it. Put it up. You hook two clips to your balls and then one on your headboard, and then you just stretch your scrot sack.

[Chrissy]

I saw that in Sharper Image.

[Henry Fonda]

Sharper Image is one of my favorite catalogs, let me tell you. We also have podcast Universe Image, which is another place that's full of dildos. It's full of fruit shaped fruit that you can use for whatever you want.

[Chrissy]

For a neck massager?

[Henry Fonda]

Yeah, we sell apple massagers for your apple bags, if you know what I mean. But anyway, with my newfound degree in marriage psychology, I thought I'd want to come on and share some of the customs and cultures and things that in my country, the things I've been learning about the marriage.

[Chrissy]

Okay, that sounds good.

[Henry Fonda]

Okay, so first, a little update. How are you and Jeff doing?

[Chrissy]

Jeff and I are fantastic.

[Henry Fonda]

Jeff looks great. I'm telling you, he looks fantastic in those pictures. And every time I see him come out of the apartment, he looks wonderful.

[Chrissy]

I'm glad you've been watching us.

[Henry Fonda]

Well, you know, I live in the same neighborhood. I'm around the corner. Just checking to make sure that you're okay. I'm a little suspicious of Jeff. I'm just going to be honest with you.

[Chrissy]

Why?

[Henry Fonda]

Well, he's so protective of you. I mean, usually in my country, when we get married, it's the last thing we're worried about is our wife. You know what I mean? This is important, you know, if we're going to keep the species going, we've got to get out there and make babies. But not with our wives. That's terrible. Marriage is not for sex.

[Brian]

It's for.

[Henry Fonda]

It's for toiletries and nice towels that

[Chrissy]

you get when you get the gifts.

[Henry Fonda]

For the gifts, basically. So let's go through a few things that I think you and Jeff and possibly Brian and Astrid may be doing wrong. Or maybe we can just. Maybe there's a little help that I can offer you. Is that okay? You don't mind if I give? These are Henry Fondas Top 10 Marriage Tips and tricks.

[Chrissy]

Okay. Yes.

[Henry Fonda]

Okay. I took some notes. If everyone doesn't mind, I'll keep my notes here because, you know, I've got a lot of things on my mind lately with the divorce going on with Ariana Grande. She now refuses to show up to court. She claims she does not even know who I am. This is crazy business. I took picture. I took picture. I buried in ground. I did ceremonial dance. I set two llama feet on fire. And I sent her notification by uspsts, which is our local postal system. Not so good. Just going to be real honest. Listen, I think one of the things that Astrid and Brian did correctly that you and Jeff may be missing is you've got to get right to the baby making. I mean, listen. Right to the baby making. There's no other point in being married except appropriate to pop up little children that can then pay your bills down the line, right?

[Chrissy]

And Take care of you when you're old.

[Henry Fonda]

And if this is a matter of fertility, I can give you a little help in this department, too. There's a fertility technique that I call mashed potatoes. And this is. This has been going on for a long time in my culture. What I want you to do is next time Jeff comes in the door, the first thing is you tell Jeff, stay right there. You're going to come over to him. You're going to kneel down before him. Head right around the crotch, heel area. Right there. Yes, that's what it's called. I think that's the technical name. You guys have had your noob shields. So, you know, do you understand what a man and a woman do when woman gets on her knees? I want you to constantly punch Jeff right in his penis.

[Chrissy]

Oh, that's the mashed potatoes.

[Henry Fonda]

Well, it gets the sperm going. It wakes them up, lets them know it's time to go to work. Right? It's like sometimes you can't wake up for work and you need this. You need a head snooze toy. Sometimes you need two punches in the feed. This is long standing family tradition. And I'm telling you what, my mom, My aunt had 12 children this way. Swearing on the top. Now, they're different colors, but, you know, that's the story for a different day. That's a story for a different podcast. I'm just letting you know so, you know, get. Get to the mashed potatoes.

[Chrissy]

You get the mashed potatoes right in the potatoes. Okay?

[Henry Fonda]

Bang, bang, keep on going. And if he's. If he screams in pain, this is okay. That's just him waking up to the reality of marriage. We all go through it. This is no big deal.

[Chrissy]

I'm making notes.

[Henry Fonda]

Yes. Okay. Now it's important for Jeff to keep his girlish figure. I'm talking to you, Jeff, so I know you're listening. Okay? And I'm telling you, when I say girlish figure, I'm talking about the man. Men should be on a constant diet. In my culture, men are on constant diets. I personally like a diet of hash browns, smothered and covered, and paw patrol gogurt. And I don't know if you're into probiotics. Are you into probiotics?

[Chrissy]

I am.

[Henry Fonda]

Yeah, we are into probiotics. Have you seen this one?

[Chrissy]

Yes.

[Henry Fonda]

Yes. Okay. Really what it is is just ground up dandelion. But Jeff needs to maintain his girlish figure because this is very important to keep the marriage going, to keep him healthy, in good spirits. In the. In. And. And additionally, we don't want to waste a lot of money on extra clothing for Jeff. This is supposed to go toward the woman, not toward the man. Just want to let you know that. So if Jeff keeps his girl this figure, you won't have to buy new. New clothing.

[Chrissy]

He's keeping it. He looks good.

[Henry Fonda]

One of the most important things that I've noticed that you and Jeff do that is very. It's very bad for your. It's just tearing you two apart right now is that you guys never go to bed angry.

[Brian]

This is like.

[Henry Fonda]

This is number. This is number one thing in marriage. I'm sure you've heard this from many people. You must go to bed. Never go to bed without being angry.

[Chrissy]

I thought it was the other way around.

[Henry Fonda]

No, no, no, no. This got messed up many times ago. This is long standing tradition that got messed up. Someone said it wrongly and it's like a game of telephone and now everyone believes it. But the truth is you're supposed to be angry when you go to bed. This is a very important step in a healthy man. How are you supposed to wake up and find your mistress attractive if you're still happy at home? It's just. This doesn't work. And let me tell you something. We all know a mistress is a key to a happy marriage. Many mistresses, in my case. And so this is. So listen, you tell Jeff right before you go to bed if you guys are having a really good night and things are going very well.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Henry Fonda]

Say, Jeff, you got a small dick. That's all you say. That's. Just leave it there and then say, I'm going to bed.

[Brian]

Good night.

[Henry Fonda]

I'm going to be.

[Chrissy]

Good night.

[Henry Fonda]

Yes, you have a small dick.

[Brian]

Love you.

[Henry Fonda]

Talk to you soon. You are ill equipped to provide for this family.

[Chrissy]

Good night.

[Henry Fonda]

Good night.

[Chrissy]

I love you.

[Henry Fonda]

I can't believe I married you. I should have married. Should have married Henry. Say that. Okay, this is good. Another thing that you and Jeff are doing completely wrong. And this is. I know this because I just suspect this. I haven't seen it actually. Not in a long time anyway. You changed your WI FI password. You put your WI fi in a Faraday cage. And now I can get through it.

[Chrissy]

We did.

[Henry Fonda]

You need to make love as quickly as possible. This is number one important thing when we're having nuptials. If I may, please. And this is very important because as the story goes, the longer you're in the watering hole, the more chances you have to drown. So just. I just Want Jeff. Just want Jeff to know. Just want Jeff to know that quicker is better when it comes to making love to your. To your wife. That's right.

[Chrissy]

Fast, quick, rabbit. Like

[Henry Fonda]

three to five seconds. I spend three to five seconds on foreplay, which is typically me talking a good. You know, women like to get excited through their ears.

[Brian]

Right.

[Henry Fonda]

And so I say a few things like, hey, how are you? Or it's nice to meet you,

[Brian]

Or

[Henry Fonda]

you're a little fatter than you were in the picture, but what the hell?

[Brian]

Something like that.

[Henry Fonda]

Something along the lines, that was a compliment.

[Chrissy]

Sweet talking.

[Henry Fonda]

That's right. They're right to the right to their brain. That's how it goes. They'll joke. They make sure he knows. And then I typically spend three to five seconds fluffing. And then. And then I typically spend three to five seconds completing the transaction. And then, you know, I have other things to do.

[Chrissy]

Wow, that is quick.

[Henry Fonda]

Well, what did you expect? I mean, in my culture, it's a race. It's a race to get things done very quickly. Yes. As a matter of fact, we are very fond of the world's fastest lovemaker, Ron Paul Fantastico. His name is Ron Paul Fantastico. He's 3 foot 7. He used to be a jockey. He used to ride horses. And then he had a terrible accident.

[Brian]

Terrible accident.

[Henry Fonda]

And. Yes, and. But what he found was, after the terrible accident, while his. While his unit did not look quite the same, he actually split into three different penises. But what he found was the middle penis was as quick as it could possibly be. And so he actually holds our nation's world record for fastest level.

[Chrissy]

Wow.

[Henry Fonda]

1.6 seconds. That is quick.

[Chrissy]

That is very even for me.

[Henry Fonda]

I've done. My personal best is six seconds. But I'm working on it. Remember, anniversaries.

[Chrissy]

Yes.

[Henry Fonda]

That's it. That's all. Just remember. Anniversary.

[Chrissy]

That makes sense.

[Henry Fonda]

Don't do anything. Just remember.

[Chrissy]

Just remember it.

[Henry Fonda]

That's right. When you wake up in the morning. Yeah. You remember. It's a day of morning, really.

[Brian]

It's what it is.

[Henry Fonda]

It's like, oh, my God, another year has gone by. I like to mark mine weekly. Another week, another Thursday gone by. I got married on Thursday morning at the coffee shop. Just the thing. You know that communication is key, Hodley, if you're going to maintain this marriage in the long term, communication is key.

[Chrissy]

Very true.

[Henry Fonda]

That's right. If you're going to earn the respect of your partner, you must communicate. So let me give you an example of me and Ariana before the unfortunate accident where we got the divorce, I would call her up and I would often say, honey, I feel like we're not communicating well. So did you do the laundry?

[Chrissy]

That went over well.

[Henry Fonda]

What's for dinner?

[Chrissy]

Yeah, what time are we eating?

[Henry Fonda]

Do you have a few dollars? I could say,

[Brian]

Do you mind if

[Henry Fonda]

I bring another woman into the bedroom? Communication is key. Just letting you know. But remember, communication is a one way street. You don't want a lot of.

[Brian]

A lot of back talking.

[Chrissy]

If you get a lot, it's a one way street.

[Brian]

It's a one way street.

[Henry Fonda]

So if you get a lot of back talking, you go back to the mashed potatoes.

[Chrissy]

It all goes back to the mashed potatoes.

[Henry Fonda]

Back to the mashed. Mashed potatoes are both punishment and reward. It's like doggy treats with nails in them. Don't argue over other people's finances. Oh, wait. Don't argue over other people's fiance. I'm sorry, we wrote that down the wrong way. Don't argue over other people's fiance. Because it's probably just give it a couple weeks and then you go in for the kill. You know what I'm saying? This is pretty common in my, in my part of the world, actually. You go to a wedding not necessarily to celebrate someone else's love, but to check them out and see if they're good mistress material.

[Chrissy]

Wow.

[Henry Fonda]

Yes.

[Chrissy]

This is how it's more of like a dating site.

[Henry Fonda]

That's right.

[Chrissy]

On site.

[Henry Fonda]

How I've gotten six or seven of my past girlfriends wedding things. Yeah, it's like a Tinder date. You never know what you're gonna show up with. But when you see him in the wedding dress, I typically give a little. We give, in our country, we give a little hoot or howl. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Brian]

Oh, mama. Nice ass.

[Henry Fonda]

Really gets the crowd going, if you know what I'm talking.

[Brian]

Yes, things are a little bit different

[Henry Fonda]

in my country, but not too much from yours. Spend quality time together. Really spend a lot of quality time together. This is very important.

[Chrissy]

That makes sense.

[Henry Fonda]

What I like to do is I like to get up early on Saturday mornings and I say, you know what, honey? We're going to spend some quality the time together today. So get in the car and you and me, we're gonna go on a nice shopping trip. And I always find this is. My ladies have always loved this. I'm gonna say we're gonna go on a nice shopping trip and we get to the mall and I drop her off And I tell her I'll pick her back up in four or five hours. I didn't say we had to be

[Brian]

in the same room.

[Henry Fonda]

I just want us to spend quality doing something at the same time in different places.

[Chrissy]

Oh, okay.

[Brian]

Yes.

[Henry Fonda]

I go to the bar, she goes to the shopping. It's. It's much better that way. Don't sweat the small stuff. Other men and women, infidelity, lying. These are small issues not even worth discussing.

[Brian]

This is not. This is not worth.

[Henry Fonda]

And remember, ladies, when it comes to your man, looks are everything. Don't marry a man for his wallet. Don't marry him for his personality. He's got to be sexy. This is all I'm saying. You need to keep this in mind. These are just a few of the tips that I came up with in my dissertation to get my PhD. Yes, I think that you can get a copy of this [e-mail] Henry FondasMarriagebootcamp.

[Chrissy]

We'll post them to Instagram too.

[Henry Fonda]

I'd like to know if anybody has any additional marriage questions they would like answered. Please. Can I use your email address? Is that okay?

[Chrissy]

Sure.

[Henry Fonda]

Infocbodcast.com address it to Henry Fonda's Marriage Bootcamp and ask me anything. I'm sure that I can help you out with whatever nuptial problem you are having.

[Rachel]

Having.

[Henry Fonda]

It's important that we keep the strong family nuclear unit together, too. And that can be two men, two women.

[Chrissy]

I appreciate you taking the time, Henry.

[Henry Fonda]

I appreciate you being here.

[Chrissy]

Now, my show, I do this show with Brian.

[Henry Fonda]

What happens to Brian? Every time I come on, he seems to make himself scarce.

[Chrissy]

He's no match.

[Henry Fonda]

I think he's got a drug problem. That's my personal opinion. He likes it so he can go in the room. And I don't know what the kids are doing these days. What are they doing? The peyote that the kids are into these days. Peyote, muffin, paint cleaner, maybe.

[Chrissy]

Maybe still.

[Henry Fonda]

That's right. Okay, remember, mashed potatoes. Go to bed angry. Don't sweat the smart stuff. Those are three most important.

[Chrissy]

Okay. I've taken notes.

[Henry Fonda]

Yes. And always have a guy on the side just in case things fall through with you and Jeff. I consider myself in the running.

[Chrissy]

Yes.

[Henry Fonda]

When are you gonna come over? When are we gonna consummate this flirtation? We have been going on for a long time.

[Chrissy]

I'm really busy through the holidays. But let's talk again. Let's talk again New Year in our season two.

[Henry Fonda]

Season two. I don't know if I'll be invited back after this. I don't even know if people be listening after this episode. But yeah, listen, you discuss it with Brian and you let me know. I don't have anything to do for the holidays. Actually, I do. Not invited by anyone. So if you and Jeff have extra room under the tree and then between the two of you in the bedroom, let me know and we'll get together. I'm not too afraid. I'll do a little. A little sword fighting with Jeff.

[Chrissy]

I'll check.

[Henry Fonda]

We'll get it figured out. We can see who's the quickest. Guarantee I win. We can have a race. We can have a practice race. Don't worry about it. Don't worry. We won't use you as the track. We'll do a little practice, okay? We'll go into the closet and we'll, you know, we'll show each other what we're made of. This is how we do it in my country. Are you ready for a race? Get in the closet. Show me what you're made of. We bring flashlight and put rocky music getting hotter. Okay, gotta go. Things are looking so good for me. Okay, bye, everybody.

[Chrissy]

Happy holiday.

[Henry Fonda]

Happy holiday. Remember, we here at Henry Fonda's boot camp, Barrett's boot camp, are always here to stroke your ego. Okay, Go. Bye.

[Chrissy]

Bye.

[Henry Fonda]

You make this rather snappy, won't you? I have some very heavy thinking to do before 10 o'.

[Brian]

Clock.

[Rachel]

Hi, cats and kittens. Rachel here. Do you ever get the urge to speak endlessly into the void like Brian? Well, I've got just the place for you to do that. 212-4333, TCB. That's 2 1-38-22. Feel free to call and yell all you want. Tell Brian I need a raise. Compliment Chrissy's innate ability to put up with all his shenanigans or tell us a little story. The juicier the better. By the way, we love to hear your voice because lord knows we're done listening to ourselves. Also, give us a follow on your favorite socials at the commercial break on insta tcpodcast on TikTok. And for those of you, you who like to watch. Oh, that came out wrong. We put all the episodes out on video, YouTube.com thecommercial break and tcbpodcast.com for all the info on the show, your free sticker or just to see how pretty we look. Okay, I gotta go now. I've got a date with my dog. No, seriously, Axel needs food today is Pork chop day.

[Brian]

Wow. Another rousing, another show stopping appearance by Henry Fonda.

[Chrissy]

Oh, he's a classic. Classic, classic.

[Brian]

Wearing his sunglasses. I feel like he was.

[Henry Fonda]

I think he's on the run from

[Brian]

the law or something.

[Chrissy]

Well, I think he's Ariana Grande stalker.

[Brian]

Yeah, I don't think he's actually. I don't think he's actually married to Ariana Grande. I feel like we would have heard about that. He's on drugs or something. Yeah, yeah, he's really on drugs.

[Chrissy]

Mary's chips were quite interesting. Did you hear those? I know. You were in the bathroom.

[Brian]

I was in the bathroom doing mine. Yeah. Yeah, I did. I heard a couple of them. The mashed potato was an interesting approach.

[Chrissy]

The mashed potato, Yeah. I haven't heard that one before.

[Brian]

I feel like. I feel like I have known somebody, a girl who told me that the guy that she was dating at the time was into this.

[Chrissy]

The mashed potatoes.

[Brian]

Yeah, was into the mashed potatoes. Like into penis torture or penis. I don't even know what you call it, you know, dick torture. I feel like if I'm remembering correctly, she dated a guy. This is so long ago. She dated a guy. And the guy, one night they were drunk and they were making love and the guy was like, can you knee me in the balls?

[Chrissy]

Oh.

[Brian]

And she said, she. If I remember the story correctly, and she might. She may be listening. She can refresh my memory if she wants to. And she said, what? And I said, and. And he said, can you knee me in the balls? It heightens the excitement.

[Chrissy]

Was this you?

[Brian]

Yes.

[Chrissy]

I said yes.

[Brian]

I was making love to a man. I was making love to a man. And he said, can you need me in the balls?

[Henry Fonda]

But yeah.

[Brian]

So the mashed potato go to bed angry. Those. Those all sound like perfectly reasonable requests of a marriage on Mars. Like, I don't know. I'm still wondering where he. Where he. Where he's coming from. Like literally where he's coming from. Which country?

[Chrissy]

Yeah, we need to do a look on the map.

[Brian]

Yeah. Or like ancestry DNA or something.

[Chrissy]

I think it's like Kazakhstan. I'm gonna say it's. He sounds and seems kind of similar.

[Brian]

At first it sounded like South America, but now it's starting to going like

[Chrissy]

in the region of Borat.

[Brian]

Yeah, it might be. Be right about that. I felt like it was South America at first, but over the months it's turned into something completely different.

[Henry Fonda]

Doesn't.

[Brian]

Doesn't make any sense to me. So there you go. Yeah, the. I wanted to say one more thing about the crown.

[Chrissy]

Oh, yes.

[Brian]

I wanted to get back to the crown just for a second. I didn't know. I guess maybe I did. I guess I knew this, but I didn't realize that Princess Diana was, like, struggling with mental health as much as she was.

[Chrissy]

Bulimia.

[Brian]

Yeah. But I had heard she was also, like, borderline personality disorder. Someone had said once, but the crown does a good job of articulating it. But that. That princess, that Prince Charles, he's such a dick.

[Chrissy]

Well, I know. And they actually. That was talking to my best friend the other day, too, about it. They really make the. In the first couple of seasons, especially. Prince Philip is, like, a total dick, too. He's, like, flandering around.

[Brian]

He is. Yeah.

[Chrissy]

And stuff. And he's mean.

[Brian]

But then he turns out to be like a. Yeah, he turns out to be like a nice father.

[Chrissy]

And I guess, I mean, he's 99 now.

[Brian]

He's 99.

[Chrissy]

Really old. And in fact, the. He just got into, like, a car accident a little while he was driving.

[Brian]

They let him drive. That's. Oh, that's the other thing that surprised me about the crown is to learn that at some point, not anymore, but at some point, the royals literally, like, drove themselves around. They'd, like, come out of the garage and just, like, hang a left, and I'm going to this. I'm not. They wouldn't go to the store, but, yeah, you know, I'm going to whoever's house. And they just drove themselves around. They didn't have any protection or anything. They did whatever they did. Now, as the years go on, you know, you'll see an episode coming up here soon where someone actually broke into the Queen.

[Chrissy]

I saw that bedroom. That's crazy. Asked her for a cigarette.

[Brian]

Asked her for a cigarette. Wanted to look at what kind of towels she had in the bathroom. I wanted her to know that things were tough there out in the streets. But then. But meant no harm whatsoever. Was just like, I just wanted to talk to you. I just wanted to tell you that things are rough.

[Chrissy]

I mean, there was an elaborate security system that he got through.

[Brian]

I mean, the elaborate security system looked like two guys smoking cigarettes outside the wall. Honestly, that's what it looked like to me. Yeah. Elaborate security system. How are you? Just good. How are you?

[Henry Fonda]

Fine.

[Brian]

Okay. Just having a fan.

[Henry Fonda]

No problem,

[Brian]

man. Running up the gutter. You know what show I'm into? I'm going to tell you real quick. And then. And then I know we got to go, but you know, what show that I'm into on. On Netflix for, like, the last couple of months. Kath and Kim. Have you seen this? Have you seen this show, Kath and Kim?

[Chrissy]

No.

[Brian]

Okay. Kath and Kim is like a. It's an Australian show, and it's about a mother and a daughter. Like a grown. You know, grown daughter and a mother in Australia. Just like their comings and goings. This is their average everyday life. It is the. The funniest show. I swear to God it is.

[Chrissy]

Okay, I'm gonna check it out.

[Brian]

Kath and Kim. And it's again.

[Chrissy]

Have you watched Big Mouth?

[Brian]

No, not yet, but I know that I. I know I gotta get into it.

[Chrissy]

It took me a little while to get into it, like, get past the first couple episodes of the shock of what Nick Crawl is saying. And it's all about puberty. You know, these kids that are going through puberty and they get real and they have hormone monsters and it's really, really funny.

[Brian]

I'm gonna watch the new season.

[Chrissy]

Just.

[Brian]

Is it a cartoon?

[Chrissy]

Yes. Jeff and I were last night just hollering. We were laughing so hard.

[Brian]

I liked the. The In Betweeners. Have you seen that one? The In Between. All mine are like British comedies. The In Betweeners are about a bunch of high school guys that are, you know, can't find girls to date and stuff like this. That was a really funny one, too. There's not again, there's only three or four seasons of each of these shows. I don't understand, like, if it's a good show. Keep it going. Why do you. Why do you cut me off at 3 or 4?

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian]

So ridiculous.

[Chrissy]

Well, I wonder what shows our listeners are watching.

[Brian]

Info. Tcb, podcast dot com. That was a perfect segue. Hey, now, high five. We're professional and. Yeah, so go ahead and email us. Let us know what shows you're watching. Ask us any questions. Follow us on the Instagram. Our goal is a couple hundred followers in the next couple of months. I know you can help us achieve that. Please go to. At the commercial break. At the commercial break on Instagram or at tcb, Chrissy. Or at tcb. Brian. Brian with a Y. Chrissy with a. Yeah. And Chrissy with a K. Go there and follow us. We're gonna put new content on almost every day that you cannot get on the show. I mean, you know, you know what kind of content they have on Instagram? Pictures and small videos and stuff like that. But we're making enough stories. Yeah, we're making an effort to do that. Because we want this to be our show. We feel like so many people are listening. We want to. We want you to be a part of it. So that's our only goal. We don't get paid for your Instagram. We don't get paid through any.

[Henry Fonda]

Anything.

[Chrissy]

We don't get paid for anything.

[Brian]

This is a one way street. Remember how Henry said the communication is a one way street? This is a one way street. We keep talking to you and spending money on it and you do nothing back for us. Not a thing. But maybe someday we'll. We'll find. We'll find a way for you to return the favor someday.

[Chrissy]

Yes.

[Brian]

We don't put commercials in there. We don't bother you with all that.

[Henry Fonda]

While we could.

[Brian]

We don't. So look at all this. Look at all. Look how wonderful we are. And then you can't even like our Instagram page. Kind of listener are you? Kind of friend listener. What kind of stranger are you? And on that note, happy holidays. I'm wearing my Happy Hanukkah. She's wearing a Santa shirt.

[Chrissy]

I had my glasses on, but they were piercing my skull. Yeah, with the headphones.

[Brian]

I know, me too.

[Henry Fonda]

This is.

[Brian]

It happens every day. But like every time these glasses just go right into the side of my head. By the end of the show.

[Chrissy]

There's a certain point, like pressure point.

[Brian]

That's why I put them up a little bit. Right just over the thing. We got to get new headphones. I think we need those like, like the inner ear stuff. Because that stuff is tailor made just for you so you can like, you know, just put them in there and all that. Good jazz.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian]

So, and just letting you know in case you're still hanging around, here we are at the last two weeks of the year, the last week in December, Christmas into New Year's, we are going to be taking off, taking a break to get ready for season two. New studio, new, all that stuff. And so therefore you will be hearing season one, the Best of. I'm gonna put together all your favorite clips or all our favorite clips from.

[Chrissy]

If you have a favorite clip, let us know.

[Brian]

Yeah, right now info@tcp podcast. Right now info podcast.com. but you gotta let us know soon. Yeah, don't write us in February and let us know what your favorite clip is. Yeah, yeah, but let us know if you have a favorite clip or you have a favorite bit. We used to do the long bits at the beginning of the show. If you have something like that. We're gonna put about four hours of content out the best of at the end of the year. So we hope you look forward to that and we'll catch you in the new year. So from Brian and Chrissy to you, our strangers, we love you. Not our friends, we love you. We'll all get through this. Bye bye.