
EP932: We are going to play a little game....Bryan will pick a random episode from each of the TCB seasons and YOU listen! It's a win/win or lose/lose. You pick! good luck....Today, Season 3 is up to the wheel.
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Brian Greene
If you asked me to pick a season that was my favorite to do here in the room, it would be season three. Why, pray tell, Brian, was season three
Chrissy
your favorite to do?
Brian Greene
Well, quite frankly, I think we broke down a video like every single episode, making it extraordinarily easy. Sit back, watch tv, make fun of some goofballs with my best friend Chrissy. Now, that was not a sustainable podcast model for a thousand episodes. But as far as shits and giggles are concerned, there was lots of shitting and lots of giggling in season numero tres. So as we roll on with the TCB season lottery, as Chrissy and I complete our 12th vacation of the year, I honestly have no idea what's coming. Well, that's not true. I'm. I'm lying a little bit because all of these files are stacked on a server, and at one time we were putting the names of the episodes on the covers of the episode. Like the thing you see on Spotify or Apple.
Chrissy
The COVID for that particular episode had
Brian Greene
the name, so I managed to sneak a peek. I know everyone's gonna be delighted at the completely random episode I picked. I'll give you a little hint.
Brian
I don't want to cinema. Get too smart and you down the stone.
Unidentified Female Voice
Enjoy it.
Brian Greene
Enjoy.
Unidentified Male Voice
They are now going back on the conclusion we have all rightly drawn about
Chrissy
the shape of the planet we live on. And by people, I mean idiots.
Unidentified Male Voice
On this episode of the commercial break.
Chrissy
Hi, this is Chrissy in 104. Yeah, I need maintenance.
Safeway/Albertsons Announcer
Yes, ma'.
Chrissy
Am. What's the problem? I tied Jeff up by his penis and he's hanging from the balcony. It's turning purple.
Brian
Can you get up here quickly?
Mysterious Character (Woman of the Woods)
I never said I was after a Bigfoot.
Brian
I'm after the all you can eat Hardee's buffet. But they won't let me in since I don't have a body. Leave the fucking talking to a minimum. Wow. Discovery plus, leave it to a minimum.
Unidentified Female Voice
Uh, what's a minimum exactly? Is that three to five sentences? How many do you want in that minimum?
Jeff
Keep it to a minimum.
Unidentified Female Voice
I just don't want to make anybody upset so we can get some clarity on that. Do you have a memo?
Unidentified Male Voice
The next episode of the commercial break starts now.
Brian
Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I am Brian Greene.
Chrissy
This is my dear friend and co
Brian
host, Krista and Joy only. Best to you, Krista. Best to you, Brian, and best to you out there in the podcast universe.
Chrissy
How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us on yet another episode of this, the commercial break. They keep coming, Chrissy. We keep making them. It's not for everybody, but fact, news or fiction is guaranteed in 30 seconds or less. Go to the tcbpodcast.com website to collect your earnings. How are we not. How have we missed. How is it possible that we have not discussed army fucking Hammer?
Jeff
Yeah, I know.
Chrissy
What the fuck is going on with this guy?
Jeff
Reading about it a little while back. It was bizarre.
Chrissy
I just started. I'm 15 minutes in to this Netflix or is it not Netflix Discovery documentary about Army Hammer called House of hammer. I am 15 minutes in and I am highly disturbed. Highly disturbed.
Jeff
Very bizarre.
Chrissy
He's a cannibal. He wants to eat people. He wants to tie them up and eat people. He not. There's no fun to be made of this. But there's this one girl that he's like, he meets these chicks online. He starts Instagram intensely, like love bombing them, right? Like every minute of the day he's texting them. They. This one girl described it. There was no possible room for anything else in my life because I was in constant communication with Army. Meanwhile, he's fucking married. Yeah, right.
Jeff
I know.
Chrissy
And one of the girls that he like, he liked some photograph that she took, you know, years ago, Instagrams her. They start getting into a relationship and then he texts her the following. I have this fantasy that I'll tie you up in the middle of a park and you can be free to anybody that walks by, like, to have sex with anybody that walks by.
Brian
That's one fucked up. That's wild. That's insane.
Chrissy
Now people have weird fetishes. Totally get it. Right.
Jeff
We discussed them on the show before.
Chrissy
We've discussed all of them. I think we've covered every fetish possible. We missed that one. We missed tying you up and letting you have sex with everybody in the park.
Brian
Yeah.
Chrissy
That is insane. That's insane. And Then he's talking about cutting people up and eating them like he wants. Cannibalism is a fetish of his.
Jeff
Yes.
Chrissy
This guy is, like, cool. He's out there, man.
Jeff
I know. And it's a whole backstory, too, with, like, his family.
Chrissy
The Hammers were. They owned. Owned Occidental Petroleum, which was a 16 billion dollar company back in the 70s, when 16 billion dollars meant something like trillions. But all of the males in that family all have, like, these dark, twisted, weird. They're all.
Jeff
Why is the dad and the grandfather.
Chrissy
Why is it that the psychopaths always get rich?
Brian
You know what I'm saying?
Chrissy
I think you have to be a psychopath to get that rich because you got to step on people and lie, cheat, and steal.
Jeff
Yeah.
Chrissy
You don't get that rich without fucking stepping on a couple dicks. You know what I'm saying?
Jeff
Yeah.
Chrissy
You have to be an asshole to get that rich. And. Or if you're not an asshole to get that rich, you're an. Once you get that rich.
Brian
You know what I'm saying?
Chrissy
But this guy is wild, man.
Brian
He's wild.
Chrissy
Now he's living in the Cayman Islands and he's selling time shares.
Unidentified Female Voice
What?
Chrissy
Armie Hammer is now selling time shares. Of all the things that are weird about this story, this is it. He is literally the heir to a billion dollar fortune, and he's living in the Cayman Islands, so selling timeshares at, like, a resort.
Jeff
Okay. Strange.
Brian
Hey, do you want to buy a timeshare? Do you mind if I eat your toe? Is it okay if I eat your toe? I'll tell you what. I'll give you a 10 discount if you let me bite off your nipple. Just. Just a nipple one. I'll give it back to you when I'm done. So up.
Chrissy
Yeah, he's into this, like, Japanese rope tying. It's called like. I've seen that Shakudo or something that was on the.
Jeff
This. The Netflix show. The sex room show. Yeah.
Chrissy
I haven't watched it, but I know what you're talking about.
Jeff
They showed how to do that on there.
Chrissy
The Sakud or whatever it is.
Jeff
Jeff and I were watching Sudoku.
Brian
That's Sudoku.
Jeff
You do it. You do a Sudoku puzzle.
Chrissy
You do a Sudoku puzzle and then you cut the circulation off to your left breast.
Jeff
Jeff and I were watching that. I was like, you know, I mean, that looks interesting. However, I feel like I would miss a knot or something and just kill somebody.
Chrissy
Yes.
Brian
Chef's, like, hanging from the balcony.
Jeff
I Know.
Chrissy
Sorry, hon, I don't know how to get you down.
Jeff
I would feel confident in my nodding skills.
Chrissy
I can. I can see. Hi, this is Chrissy in 104. Yeah, I need maintenance. Yes, ma'.
Unidentified Female Voice
Am.
Chrissy
What's the problem? I tied Jeff up by his penis and he's hanging from the balcony. It's turning purple.
Brian
Can you get up here quickly?
Chrissy
We'll send the maintenance guys right away.
Brian
Yeah, maintenance.
Chrissy
You see how his dick's turning purple? What do we do about that?
Brian
Give it mouth to mouth.
Chrissy
That's. It's. It's weird, man. It's weird. I don't get the violence in this in the bedroom thing. I'm not. I'm just. It's just never has been anything that I'm interested in. Yeah, I understand it and I have friends who are into it.
Jeff
Sure.
Chrissy
I one time lived with a dominatrix and, like, what do you call the. A submissive. Like, when I was in a band for, like, two weeks, we all lived in this house. I became their singer. Like. Yeah, it was a band house. It was so bad. I mean, it was just like. It was the. It was the. It was a typical band going nowhere situation, right? They were looking for, I told you, the Grateful Dead. No.
Jeff
Their house in San Francisco.
Chrissy
It wasn't. No, it could have been. Had we had any actual people that
Brian
wanted to listen to the music. It could have been those guys.
Chrissy
Like, the second they started playing music, they were filling arenas. It's crazy. Their story, right, that's just one of those, like, kismet type things. But they. They put out this newspaper. I told you the story. They put out this newspaper. Like, in one of those Creative Loafing. They put an ad. I showed up. The guy didn't expect me to show up. Then I sat around, I became their singer overnight. And they asked me to come live with them. And so I live with them, basically, in 24 hours, I go from, you know, living in the. In a corner somewhere to living in this band house with a bassist. I had always was kind of dressed weird, like, in some leather with lipstick and eyeshadow and, you know, painted fingernails. Back at a time when that was strange. Back at a time when that was not the norm, but I thought it was cool. But what I didn't realize is about a weekend, his girlfriend, who was beautiful, would come in all dressed in, like, patent leather and, you know, and I. I started hearing noises in the back room. It was his house we all lived in. I started hearing noise in the back room and the drummer. We're. Him and I were like sitting in the living room watching TV or something. I'm like, what is going on with, you know, schnitzel tits and his girlfriend back there? He goes, oh, you don't know. But she's a dominatrix and he's a submissive. So there's some stuff going on back there. You know, we just kind of ignore it. We let it run.
Jeff
Right. It was the weirdest house.
Chrissy
Yeah, it is his house. And so he would go to like the kitchen and she would be. She would have him on a leash.
Brian
It was fucked up.
Jeff
Chrissy, A lot of people love that.
Chrissy
But they explained it to me. They. They tried to explain it to me what was going on and I just never really got into it. It was never my thing. Like, I just never thought violence was thing. I'm kind of a boring lover. I like a missionary style and tell me you love me and caress my forehead. I'm not into whips and chains.
Jeff
Somebody up on a walker.
Chrissy
Yes, that's right. I'm not into sudoku.
Brian
I don't want you to tie me up on my dick.
Chrissy
But Armie Hammer is all about this stuff. And these women. I feel bad for the women. Yeah, the women, some of which got roped in.
Jeff
Literally.
Chrissy
Chrissy's on fire today.
Brian
Look at that.
Chrissy
They are on the documentary and they're sharing all of their messages back and forth. They're sharing all this information with the documentarian and it is really intense. Some of the stuff that he said, he just love bombed the out of them and then turned into a monster. Like overnight. Like they. The second that he thought they were leaving, then he really turned into a monster. And I kind of demanded that they start getting. Pushing the envelope with all these weird things that he was doing.
Jeff
That's crazy. Well, I mean, it happens. I've been love bombed before and it's like, it's intense. It is intense. And then you get used to it and you kind of then are expecting that and so.
Chrissy
Yeah, but then they yank it away, right? Yeah.
Jeff
It's like when you off the wall.
Chrissy
Yeah. When you're in the, like a relationship with an egomaniac.
Brian Greene
Right.
Chrissy
Or narcissist or someone with, you know, borderline personality disorder.
Brian
That's what they do.
Chrissy
They love bomb and then they take it away from you. Then they love Bob again and then they take it away from you and it makes you think you're nuts. You're like, holy. What the is going on here? I thought everything was Cool.
Jeff
Yeah. You feel like the best person in the whole world. Like I'm so loved and they can't get enough of you.
Chrissy
Yeah. Then you might make the peanut butter and jelly sandwich the wrong way. And it's a 15 day argument with, it's like super intense about how shitty of a human being you are and you start to lose your sense of reality. It's really weird. So I understand what these, what I kind of understand. I mean I'm not, I didn't go through this kind of violence and weird picadillos in the bedroom. But these girls really, they got roped in. Literally, they got roped in.
Jeff
Yeah.
Chrissy
And so it's fascinating. You got to watch. I'm only 15 minutes in and I'm already like, holy, this guy is.
Jeff
I don't have Discovery plus it's the one thing I'm holding out on.
Chrissy
I know, I know.
Jeff
I've already now, Now I got PEAC
Chrissy
and Paramount plus this TV alone is worth $7,000 a month.
Jeff
Hulu. Yeah, like everything.
Chrissy
I paid less for the hundred dollars for the 100 cable. You have cable too?
Jeff
That's cuz Jeff likes to watch the Braves.
Brian
Oh my God.
Jeff
So we had to get the channel that was only offered on cable.
Chrissy
I know, we're the same way. We got Disney plus, we got Discovery plus we have Paramount plus we have. You know, I'll give you my login,
Jeff
I'll give you my login for Peacock. I'll give you any, any of them you would like.
Chrissy
I like Hulu is what I like. I want Hulu. You have Hulu, I want Hu. Give you Discovery. I'll trade you my Discovery plus for Hula.
Jeff
Sounds good.
Chrissy
And you know my dad, love him to death. He has all, like all of my logins. So his entire entertainment is just running on my login.
Jeff
Yeah.
Chrissy
And you know they're going to stop that someday. Netflix is already yanking it away from
Jeff
people, which I think is a certain amount of users.
Chrissy
Yeah, you're up to five or something. And you can now they allow you to. I saw this last time I was looking at Netflix like in my account services or whatever the settings they say share your login with a non household member. Right, right. For a dollar 99. So essentially they have like this discount plan where you can share your login. You can give it to someone outside of your IP address for 1.99. I think this is a horrible move on behalf of Netflix. You know Netflix is starting to talk about commercials inside.
Jeff
I saw the commercial
Chrissy
commercials. It's like the first time I got serious for Howard Stern. I was like, okay, now finally I'm in Atlanta. I can listen to Howard ad free. And 24 hours of talking.
Jeff
Next up on the commercial break. Yeah, here's our next ad.
Chrissy
This episode of the commercial break brought to you by SiriusXM. SiriusXM. For all your SiriusXM, you can listen to the commercial break anywhere but SiriusXM.
Jeff
Maybe we should actually get the TCB Minus up and running.
Chrissy
This episode brought to you by TCB Minus, not yet running, but 4.99amonth.
Brian
Maybe we should.
Chrissy
But the thing is, I think we're about to hit some economic headwinds and I think people are gonna start shedding this left and right. And now they're talking about destroying hbo. Max. It's a whole fucking thing. Why would they do that? It's one of the best apps out there. Why would they do that?
Jeff
I know. Because they got bought. It was like, Time Warner, what a mess. And this, that.
Chrissy
How did we allow Discovery to buy Time Warner? How did we allow that to happen?
Jeff
I don't know.
Chrissy
How did we allow the people that brought us 90 Day Fiance and Dr. Pimple Popper to take over HBO?
Brian
HBO.
Chrissy
That brought us some of the best television shows ever. Yes. And now it's gonna all go away. And you know what the best part about HBO plus is? Adult Swim. That's the best part about it. You can go back in their whole cat.
Jeff
I love Adult Swim.
Brian
Jesus.
Chrissy
I'm like a 14 year old boy who doesn't have any friends. I sit around watching Adult Stream. You know what the craziest part about Adult Swim is? They have like these. They literally have television channels on the app that you can only watch on the app or online. And they stream 24 hours a day. And they're just weird. They're just weird people doing weird for 24 hours. That kind of turns me on.
Jeff
I love it.
Chrissy
I don't like the Sudoku.
Jeff
Works for, for Adult Swim.
Chrissy
Get us a show over there. Don't you think we'd be a perfect fit for Adult Swim?
Jeff
Yes.
Chrissy
Or, or, or even those watchers. Too mature.
Brian
The commercial, Brick. Well, hey, listen, it's not for everyone. It's not for everyone.
Chrissy
Hey, Chrissy.
Jeff
Yes.
Chrissy
It's been a while and we've had some. I saw some reviews talking about this and then I got a couple of text messages and. Okay, one of Frankie B. Is certainly the person we talk about the most on this show. He's. He's got the Most episodes in commercial break history. I think he's up to nine.
Jeff
Okay.
Chrissy
But right behind it with six, I think, is Mountain Monsters. Oh, yeah, Mountain Monsters. You know the show. You know it, you love it. Chrissy and I just. We just love this show. It's about a couple of. It's a couple. About a couple of overweight hillbillies that run around field. Run around fields, shaky camera views.
Brian
Yeah.
Chrissy
And try and find all kind of different monsters. You can imagine Bigfoot, the Red lady, the Timberwolves, the walking wolves, the Paw Paw. Paw Paw Popper, who literally comes at the call of a harmonica.
Jeff
Yes.
Chrissy
I mean, this show is ridiculous.
Brian
It's fucking ridiculous. It is one of the funniest satirical.
Chrissy
If you watch it, I think, as intended, which is a satire show.
Jeff
Yes.
Chrissy
It is too fucking funny. If you're taking this seriously, you need to get a hole put in your head and get your brain dragged because
Brian
this is not real. Yeah.
Jeff
They never find it. They never actually find it.
Chrissy
They have a shaky cameraman name.
Unidentified Female Voice
Oh, guys, come on.
Jeff
Yeah. This cameraman who never.
Unidentified Female Voice
I mean, this is right. I mean, there's nothing scary out here. There's a Walmart right there. What are we scared of? I'm more scared of the Walmart than I am in this field. People get killed at the Walmart.
Chrissy
One of the. One of the things I've noticed is that the more seasons that come out, the more ridiculous this show gets. At first it was almost.
Jeff
Yeah, it was Bigfoot, you know, and they chased that. Then there was a crazy wolf.
Chrissy
The whisper wolf.
Jeff
The Whisper wolf.
Chrissy
And then they had like the Timber Reds or something in the West Kentucky.
Jeff
Well, it's like content for us.
Brian
Oh, my God.
Jeff
It's hard. I know. It's hard to come up with.
Chrissy
It's hard to come up with so
Brian
many monsters, but this is brilliant.
Chrissy
Yeah, that's true. Right? There's only so many monsters out there. You got to start making up now. It's a full blown drama about a
Brian
couple of overweight hillbillies that run around with a shaky camera.
Chrissy
It has gotten ridiculous. And I found an episode that I just can't even wrap my head around how anybody would be sitting at home and believing any of this. But you know that there are people.
Jeff
Oh, yeah.
Chrissy
Who are fully convinced that Mountain Monsters is a scientific show based in fact and reality. But without further ado, I was trolling on the Internet, as I do like to do, and I came up with what I think might be the best mountain monsters.
Jeff
Oh, my gosh. I'm so excited.
Chrissy
The boys are getting kidnapped, Chrissy. We're gonna take a ride with it.
Rachel
Okay. You're probably wondering why I, Rachel, have taken over the voice duties at tcb. It's pretty simple. Astrid asked me to shut Brian up, even for a minute. Well, lovely Astrid, your wish is my command. Do you want to help Astrid, too? You know you do. Leave a message for her or me or Chrissy at 212-4333, TCB. That's 212-433-3822. You can be on the show, too. Just call and say something, anything. Or text us, and we'll text you right back. Promise. Then head over to tcbpodcast.com and get your free sticker. It's your constitutional right to a sticker, and we must abide. You get the point? Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and watch all the episodes on video@YouTube.com thecommercial break. Best to you and Astrid. Especially Astrid.
Chrissy
Let me just press play.
Jeff
Okay. We're in Wood County, Virginia.
Unidentified Male Voice
Oh, we're in Wood County, West Virginia. And that road team pushed all three of our guys in the back of that van. Me and Wild Bill's gonna haul ass across this field and trying to get.
Brian
They threw all three of our guns.
Chrissy
So what we're. What we're jumping into right now is that three of the Mountain Monsters crew. That would be. Yeah. Billy. What was the other. What's the other guy's name? The one with the big beard? No, not Crow. Crow.
Brian
Huckleberry. Huckleberry. Billy.
Chrissy
And the other Huckleberry.
Brian
Huckleberry one, Huckleberry two. And then.
Chrissy
And then Billy.
Brian
I don't even know what his name is. He doesn't talk.
Jeff
This guy's Willie.
Brian
Yeah.
Chrissy
This guy's Willy. We don't talk to Willie much. Willie's Willie.
Jeff
His eyes are crazy.
Chrissy
I know. Willie hasn't negotiated a great contract with Mountain Monsters yet. He's like a sub. He's like a bit player. But what we're jumping into is they've been kidnapped. The three main characters have been kidnapped in the back of a white van. And it's all being filmed by.
Brian
Because that's what you do when someone's getting kidnapped by gunpoint. You film it. Don't worry about that phone call to the police. It's gonna be great content.
Unidentified Female Voice
Oh, guys, I'm just gonna keep shooting. We need to deliver a couple episodes over there to discover it. Plus.
Brian
Oh, let's go.
Chrissy
Hold on one second.
Brian
Let's Go. Let's go. Let's go.
Jeff
Who said damn. Don't you feel alive? The kidnapper.
Unidentified Female Voice
Yeah. The guy. The kidnapper. That's right. I don't know what his name is. I saw him at craft services a couple minutes ago. He's real nice guy. He's got two kids and a wife. He's just doing this for money. They're gonna bail them out when this is all said and done. I'm just gonna shake the camera real fast. In the dark. Guys. What do you think about that shot?
Brian
All right. Here we go. Where are we going? We're gonna go for a little ride. Because we have some.
Chrissy
Because that's what you asked the kidnappers.
Jeff
Yeah.
Brian
Where are we going?
Chrissy
Like you're sitting around drinking a beer.
Brian
Hey. Where are we going? Taco Bell. Now shut up. I got two for one yourself. Burritos.
Unidentified Male Voice
But it wants to talk to you guys.
Chrissy
Somebody wants to talk to them.
Brian
Let's go. Come on. Let's go.
Unidentified Male Voice
Him brother willing to beat feet over
Brian
and getting buck truck and follow yell we're all out loud up in front of them. J. That day.
Jeff
The.
Brian
Did he just.
Jeff
I love his name's Water.
Brian
Nobody said it loud. They always scream.
Jeff
They scream.
Brian
It's kind of like the commercial break. Everyone's always screaming.
Unidentified Male Voice
We're the only backup.
Brian
The team's gotta catch up with them. Bill.
Chrissy
I see him. Now.
Brian
Stay back.
Chrissy
I don't want to get too close.
Brian
Stay back.
Chrissy
Stay back.
Brian
They can.
Chrissy
They can't see your headlights if you're more than four feet away.
Brian
They're in the middle of a dark field.
Chrissy
They're right behind this truck that's been kidnapped. They're saying stay back.
Brian
Stay back. So you don't get noticed. You don't get noticed. You're the only thing for miles. You're driving a truck with headlights on it. You don't think the Canavers are smart enough to look behind them?
Carl
Only stopping for.
Brian
I gotta take a piss. I drink too much Mountain Dew. I'm all hopped up on my claw. I gotta pee. I got a bladder like a three year old. Now you can have your camera back.
Unidentified Male Voice
You don't know where the hell.
Jeff
You're right.
Chrissy
Wait. They drove exactly 15ft down the road.
Brian
And he's like. You don't know where the hill you're at. Let me take a guess. There's the camera crew. So I'm assuming we're just a little
Chrissy
yonder down from where we were.
Jeff
Then the guy's saying. The kidnapper is saying you can film all you want, big boy.
Brian
Yeah.
Jeff
Camera back. Why is he giving him.
Chrissy
They're all big boys, by the way.
Brian
I don't think we should throw stones in a glass ass house here, buddy. First of all. Second of all, you could have your camera back.
Jeff
I know why, okay?
Chrissy
I don't know.
Brian
Nothing says smart kidnapper like literally handing
Chrissy
them a camera for evidence.
Unidentified Male Voice
The van stops, a guy gets out and comes back and gives us our camera. We must be so far out that it don't matter if we start recording because no one's going to recognize where we're at anyway.
Jeff
What?
Brian
How good was that?
Jeff
What? That doesn't make any sense.
Brian
We must have gone to Portugal. No one's gonna recognize these three hillbillies in the middle of the woods.
Chrissy
I think his reasoning was a little slim on that.
Jeff
Yeah, it was.
Chrissy
If you're. If you have a camera and you're videotaping everything, including the. The faces and the voices.
Jeff
The kidnappers. Let's give a recap. The kidnappers kidnapped.
Chrissy
Kidnappers kidnapped three. Three.
Jeff
Three of them. One of them is maybe Wild Bill is going.
Chrissy
Huckleberry 2. And Billy. Billy.
Jeff
Okay, sorry. And then, and then they've stopped now. They've stopped and he goes. Nobody's moving.
Chrissy
Yeah.
Brian
No one move. You guys won't know where we're at.
Chrissy
We're so far out. They literally drove 15 yards down.
Jeff
Yeah, they're giving them their camera back.
Chrissy
Yes, they're giving them camera. There's might be method to these guys. Madness. These are. We're talking about world class criminals, right? That's where you find world class criminals. In the middle of a field in West Kentucky.
Brian
It. Yeah, I'm doing fine. Keep the talking to a minimum, you guys. Keep it to a minimum. Leave the talking to a minimum. Wow. Discovery plus. Leave it to a minimum.
Unidentified Female Voice
What's a minimum exactly? Is that three to five sentences? How. How many do you want in that? Minimum?
Jeff
Even to a minimum.
Unidentified Female Voice
I just don't want to make anybody upset so we get some clarity on that. Do you have a memoir?
Brian
He's making a left, right to see.
Unidentified Male Voice
Here we go, guys.
Chrissy
What are they stopping for?
Unidentified Male Voice
Just showing up a little bit.
Brian
Let me see what's going on.
Jeff
They come and he is a big boy.
Chrissy
Yeah, he is a big boy. Billy, the main character is in the back of a white van. He's got a burlap sack over his head like the rest of them do. And he is huge. Yeah. With that burlap sack. It just looks like one large bag. Of potatoes. You know what I'm saying?
Jeff
We're home.
Brian
We're home. All right, now, you guys ease on out of here. Don't anyone hurt themselves.
Jeff
Remember, keep it to a minimum.
Brian
That's right. My insurance premium went up ever since that tree fell on the house. So you guys be careful. You want a stool? Let me put some pillows down behind you. Back up. Camera, back up.
Chrissy
Let's go Check. Why doesn't camera just run for help?
Brian
Why is he still filming?
Chrissy
This is so realistic.
Jeff
Oh, God.
Carl
Well, I hope we meet again, guys, Right now I'm getting led into this old creepy.
Brian
Well, I hope we meet again. You guys have been real sweet to me. Can I get your phone numbers?
Jeff
Follow me on Instagram.
Brian
Can I have your ig? It gets lonely out here in the woods.
Chrissy
I'm huckleberry number 14.
Brian
Nice to meet you.
Carl
We have no idea what these guys want or what the hell they're capable of.
Brian
Cameraman, get right on in there.
Unidentified Male Voice
We gotta get to them. Guys.
Brian
We gotta sneak through the woods with all this lighting equipment, make sure that we gotta get.
Unidentified Male Voice
Oh, we go into our camera guy.
Jeff
What are they gonna do anyways when they get in there? Like, save the day.
Chrissy
You have to wait and see. Okay, settle down. Astrid, That cabin should be right up here.
Unidentified Male Voice
Me and brother Willie, we're recon around this cabin. We're gonna get up there and put our eyeball on it, see what the hell is going on with our team members.
Brian
We're gonna start shooting indiscriminately into the cabin and killing people.
Jeff
We gotta get our eyeball on it.
Brian
Yeah. By the way, what you've got is
Chrissy
you got three people inside. Three kidnapped people inside a cabin right now with two kidnappers, with a cameraman
Brian
and a cameraman and a kid kidnapper.
Chrissy
Two kidnappers.
Brian
And then you've got two other billies. There's a lot of billies. Got two other billies outside with guns
Chrissy
sneaking up on this property because they're going to come and save the day. I'm assuming that's what's going to happen.
Unidentified Male Voice
Go easy, guys.
Brian
Go easy, guys. Go easy. I got a bad nut. My left testicle was taken off in an unfortunate crow. Crow accident. Oh, my God. Sit down. Go easy, guys. That's how you talk to the kidnappers. Go away. What's all the fuss about? Why are you guys getting so upset? Yeah, come on. Oh, yeah.
Chrissy
Come on.
Unidentified Male Voice
It's pitch dark. They slam us down into these chairs. I can only imagine what's going to happen next Yep.
Brian
You're gonna. You're gonna get it in the ass. I can only dream about what's gonna happen next. They're gonna lube me up.
Unidentified Male Voice
Yeah.
Brian
Holy.
Unidentified Male Voice
The light kicks on right in our face. You can see a mirror on the wall. And you can see a speaker and a camera. I've never seen a place like this.
Chrissy
Yeah, You've never watched an episode of Law and Order.
Brian
You've never seen an interrogation room. Come on, man.
Jeff
Obviously a light, a mirror.
Chrissy
And a speaker.
Jeff
And a speaker.
Chrissy
I can only hope what's gonna happen next is gonna happen. And I know what's gonna happen, Chrissy. So here it goes.
Unidentified Male Voice
It looks like an interrogation room. Why are we here?
Brian
You'll find out soon enough.
Jeff
I love how it went from black and white to color.
Chrissy
Yeah, well, once the light came on, then they turned off their night vision goggles. That's right. What are we doing here?
Brian
You're gonna do some yoga poses for my Instagram. We're starting an only fans page. Against your will. Now, Buck, get those pants off real quick.
Chrissy
Well, I tell you what.
Brian
What if you fellas just sit back. You're doing shows.
Jeff
Sit back and enjoy the show.
Brian
Sit back and enjoy the show.
Jeff
I pictured, like this old peep show.
Chrissy
Yeah,
Jeff
where you put a quarter in.
Brian
And now Justin Bieber. Now Armie Hammer performs his one man play called Sudoku.
Jeff
Live from the Cayman Islands.
Brian
Yeah. Live from the Cayman Islands. Enjoy, boys.
Unidentified Male Voice
This whole situation is weird.
Brian
You don't say, Buck.
Chrissy
You don't say get up and walk
Unidentified Male Voice
out of here at any time. But if we want answers, we gotta see what's next.
Jeff
We gotta watch the show.
Brian
We could literally get up and walk it out of here at any moment. But I don't know if you noticed, but I'm not too good at walking. And I probably won't get very far without a Taco Bell. Stop. This episode of Mountain Monster brought to you by Taco Bell. Try our new fuego sauce.
Jeff
They need answers.
Unidentified Male Voice
There's somebody in there.
Chrissy
So what's going on now is the three boys are lined up in a. In a.
Brian
Like.
Chrissy
Like a cabin made at Home Depot. They're lined up in front of a mirror, and what they're hearing. They're hearing noises and behind the mirror. So I'm assuming there's something back there that's soon gonna. Gonna do something to themselves. Yes.
Brian
Hello?
Carl
Hello?
Jeff
Hey,
Brian
who's that?
Chrissy
It's me, Carl. What's going on, guys? Hey, Huck. I just want to give you a call and let you know that my little P's rocking it for Jesus. It's also rocking it for you. These things that you don't talk about, these weird things we don't believe about. We don't believe any of that here at my church. But I just want to let you know, you're one big boy and you need a ride. You know what I'm saying?
Brian
You need a ride, Buck.
Chrissy
What if I drop some cash right
Brian
on your front door? The picture of my little Pete.
Chrissy
My preaching penis.
Brian
What do you hashtag? Preaching penis?
Rachel
Carl.
Jeff
I bet Carl's a love bomber.
Chrissy
Oh, yeah.
Brian
Oh, I'm a love bomber. You better believe it. I'm dropping bombs all over the place. Carl is a love bomb. You know he is.
Chrissy
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Unidentified Male Voice
Why are we here?
Jeff
Somebody's making a move to do my taxes.
Brian
Is this an itemized deduction?
Unidentified Male Voice
Hello?
Jeff
Oh,
Brian
exactly. So what, you can't see YouTube.com the commercial break.
Chrissy
If you want to see this, what you cannot see is that out of the mirror pops a monster.
Jeff
A monster mask thing you would buy at Party City.
Chrissy
Yeah. Something you would buy at Party City,
Jeff
like for Halloween decoration.
Brian
And Buck goes, oh,
Unidentified Male Voice
I'm sitting.
Brian
Damn, I'm sitting.
Unidentified Male Voice
As soon as that skeleton appeared in
Brian
my face and said, ah, my drawers,
Jeff
I had to sit back down.
Unidentified Male Voice
Sit down. I sat down. There's not a whole lot of things that scare me, but that did.
Brian
There's not a whole lot of things that scare me, but a $99 mask from Walmart gave me the runs immediately.
Jeff
I'm good with big Pigfoot.
Chrissy
Yeah.
Brian
Bigfoot, whisper wolves, anything. The lady in the woods. That's right. But however, this running mask got me nervous. Or maybe it was the mirror. I'm not sure. I haven't seen myself in a long time.
Unidentified Female Voice
I got.
Brian
I got big.
Mysterious Character (Woman of the Woods)
Do you know who I am?
Brian
Are you Jason, the guy that killed
Unidentified Male Voice
the stone as giant?
Brian
Yeah, yeah.
Mysterious Character (Woman of the Woods)
No.
Carl
What do you want with us?
Mysterious Character (Woman of the Woods)
I want to make a deal.
Carl
A deal?
Brian
I need a back rub. You do my back, I'll do yours.
Jeff
I need to make a deal.
Brian
I want Billy, your cameraman.
Unidentified Female Voice
No, guys, that ain't fair.
Brian
He's delicious. He's a twink. I want him now.
Carl
Let me tell you what right now, boy. There's no way in hell we're gonna help you kill another damn Bigfoot.
Mysterious Character (Woman of the Woods)
I never said I was after a Bigfoot.
Brian
I'm after the all you can eat Hardee's buffet. But they won't let me in since I don't have A body
Jeff
need your help.
Brian
I need your help grabbing the food and putting it into my mouth. I'm so hungry.
Unidentified Male Voice
What are you after?
Mysterious Character (Woman of the Woods)
I want you to go back County, Virginia, back to the dark forest.
Brian
What an original name for a forest. The dark forest. Aren't they all dark at some point?
Jeff
The woman of the woods.
Chrissy
He wants him to capture the woman of the woods, which the party city's goal. Party city demanding Party city mask wants
Brian
them to catch another woman running around in party city paraphernalia.
Chrissy
That's right.
Brian
It.
Unidentified Male Voice
The woman of the woods. The woman of the woods is someone we don't want to mess with. This team's already had one heck of encounter with her. When we were in Lee County. She touched Huckleberry and Jeff.
Brian
She touched my little. She touched my little mountain man.
Unidentified Female Voice
She touched them.
Brian
She got me riding the poop shoot.
Unidentified Female Voice
I didn't get it on camera, but I saw it.
Jeff
She touched it. Oh, my God.
Unidentified Female Voice
She took a big old dong and put it right up. Huckleberry I saw was. It was ugly, to say the least,
Unidentified Male Voice
and marked him for death. Jeff ended up facing off with her.
Chrissy
His hu.
Unidentified Male Voice
Collapsed down on him and walked off with him.
Brian
Wait, that woman in the woods took off with Jeff?
Jeff
That's why they keep having, you know, Jeff number one. Jeff number two.
Chrissy
That's right.
Jeff
Huckleberry.
Chrissy
Billy. Billy junior.
Jeff
Well, we lost another one.
Brian
Hi, I'm Brian from Atlanta, and I'm here to read for Jeff. I thought you had a Jeff. Well, we did. We've had a couple. But the women of the woods took him away. His hut collapsed. It's a whole story I don't want to get into. But we found his mutilated bottle. If he found his mutilated body a
Chrissy
couple miles down the road, it was unfortunate.
Brian
It looked like he died. It looked like he died from constant anal beads going in and out of his ears.
Chrissy
It's a bad scene.
Unidentified Male Voice
Then when we found him, he's bleeding.
Carl
He's bleeding.
Unidentified Male Voice
He was covered in blood. She threw this team for a loop and she affected Jeff's mind, maybe for life.
Brian
Yep. He looks like he's been affected for life. Look at him. He's like, oh, the woman of the woods. Oh, my butt already hurts.
Unidentified Male Voice
All right, we help you get this woman of the woods. How's this benefit us?
Brian
You'll get an Emmy nomination. An Emmy nomination for best scientific program.
Mysterious Character (Woman of the Woods)
I have something you want.
Unidentified Male Voice
What's that?
Jeff
Huckleberry number one.
Brian
A free. A lifetime pass to the old country buffet. Huckleberry number One Huckleberry number one through five.
Unidentified Female Voice
Oh guys, we've been looking for that guy for a long time. Quick, make the deal.
Mysterious Character (Woman of the Woods)
If you capture the one of the woods in exchange I'll bring you those who killed.
Chrissy
Oops, sorry.
Jeff
Stoneish giant.
Chrissy
The stoneish giant. The stonish giant was.
Brian
No, no. What do you think I am? A murderer? You think I'm a violent man?
Carl
But you.
Unidentified Male Voice
He says he can deliver who killed the stone as giant and let us know where the body is.
Jeff
Not the son.
Unidentified Male Voice
If he can make good on that
Chrissy
deal the person who killed him and the body of the stone is giant which would pretty much.
Jeff
Oh, okay. Tie things up in a neat bow.
Chrissy
Listen, they've been looking for Bigfoot for 13 seasons. So if they can find the stone ish giant then it's all over.
Brian
We can all go home and call it a day on the mountain. Monsters.
Chrissy
You make this rather snappy, won't you? I have some very heavy thinking to do before 10 o'.
Brian
Clock.
Rachel
Hi cats and kittens. Rachel here. Do you ever get the urge to speak endlessly into the void like Brian? Well, I've got just the place for you to do that. 212-4333, TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Feel free to call and yell all you want. Tell Brian I need a raise. Call. Compliment Chrissy's innate ability to put up with all his shenanigans or tell us a little story. The juicier the better. By the way, we love to hear your voice because Lord knows we're done listening to ourselves. Also give us a follow on your favorite socials at the commercial break on Insta TCB podcast on TikTok. And for those of you who like to watch. Oh, that came out wrong. We put all the episodes out on video, YouTube.com thecommercial break break and tcbpodcast.com for all the info on the show, your free sticker or just to see how pretty we look. Okay, I gotta go now. I've got a date with my dog. No, seriously. Axel needs food. Today is pork chop day.
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Mysterious Character (Woman of the Woods)
Go to the Dark Forest and you will find what you're looking for.
Chrissy
Right down through there.
Unidentified Male Voice
How do we know you'll keep good on your deal?
Mysterious Character (Woman of the Woods)
I've never lied to you and I never will.
Jeff
Have they had communication with him before?
Brian
Finders keepers, losers weepers. I promise. I promise. Pinky swear? I don't have a pinky. But if I did, how do I know? I've never lied to you and I never will. In the one and a half minutes of conversation that we've had, I haven't said one dishonest thing.
Unidentified Male Voice
Yeah, you kind of did. Because you told us she was going to contact us. We sat around by the phone for months.
Unidentified Female Voice
We sat around by the phone for months.
Jeff
That's what happens with a love bomb.
Brian
Yep.
Chrissy
Domino's Pizza. Yeah. Yeah, we'd like to get 27 pizzas delivered.
Brian
Oh, wait, I gotta let you go. This could be the Stone Ish Giant. Hello?
Unidentified Female Voice
Hi, Buck. It's your mom.
Brian
Mom, I gotta go. I'm ordering Domino's. Waiting for Stoney's Giant to call. God damn it, Mom. We've been waiting around for months.
Jeff
By the phone.
Brian
Yeah, by the phone.
Jeff
For the skeleton to call.
Chrissy
For the skeleton to call.
Brian
He didn't even know who he was at first. Like what? Just doesn't make any sense.
Chrissy
It this is thin writing skills on behalf of I want to see who the writers are.
Mysterious Character (Woman of the Woods)
For this you speak. There are secrets you've yet to learn, Jedi Master.
Unidentified Male Voice
I don't know what that means. So far it seems like one big riddle after the next.
Brian
Right now I've got the solution to pie. I'm going to share it with you. I know how to do a Rubik's Cube in under a minute.
Unidentified Male Voice
We're playing by his rules and I'm about tired of it.
Mysterious Character (Woman of the Woods)
Everything you need is in front of you.
Brian
Where'd you go?
Carl
Hey, I don't know who in the hell this guy.
Brian
Where'd you go? I'm a dismembered head. I can go wherever I want. Shithead. Everything you need is right in front of you. It's a box of 12 tacos from Taco Bell. What do you want me to do with that?
Carl
Is. But he claims that everything we need to catch this woman of the woods is right in front of us.
Brian
See that moving in that left window again? Yeah, I see somebody moving around a bunch. Shoot it. Kill them all.
Unidentified Male Voice
Jeff, I had you zip Tied in front for a reason. I know you don't have no shoulder problems. When they patted Huck down, they missed a knife in the right top part of his boot. We're getting antsy. It's about time to get out of here.
Jeff
Now's the time.
Chrissy
Yeah, because when you pat somebody down,
Brian
you don't look right in their sock. That's you. Don't worry. Don't worry about the sock. No one puts a knife in there.
Unidentified Male Voice
Just get the hell out of here.
Jeff
He's actually in his pocket.
Unidentified Male Voice
Get that off.
Jeff
Where's the camera?
Chrissy
Yeah, this is all being filmed and recorded for posterity. He say, chrissy,
Unidentified Male Voice
answer's right in front of our face. I'm tired of these games. The answer's right in front of our face. I want to see yours.
Brian
Oh.
Jeff
Leave a chair.
Brian
Buck's lost his. Buck.
Chrissy
Just so you know, that Buck got. They untied themselves. They.
Brian
They. They had a knife.
Jeff
Very easily.
Chrissy
They had a knife.
Brian
So they cut themselves free.
Chrissy
They had a knife the whole time.
Brian
Why did they leave? A long time ago.
Chrissy
But, you know, they had to say what? To see what the dismembered head had to say. And then Buck got so upset, he threw a chair through the mirror. Yeah, I wonder where that mirror was
Brian
made, because it came down pretty easily, didn't. Yeah. What the hell?
Jeff
Now the other two are moving in.
Carl
What? What in the world?
Jeff
Hell. Damn.
Unidentified Male Voice
Oh, my God.
Chrissy
Holy.
Unidentified Male Voice
It's a hog's head.
Carl
What the hell? Buck throws that chair through that mirror. All of a sudden, right there behind it, there's a damn hog's head on a.
Brian
There's a stuffed animal hog's head with some fake blood running out of it.
Unidentified Female Voice
What do you think, guys? Did pretty good job on that one, huh? Scared you? Scared you.
Chrissy
I don't understand at all what's going on here.
Carl
Blood coming out of its nose, its ears, its eyes. What the hell does that mean?
Unidentified Male Voice
Whatever.
Brian
Whatever. Whatever. Do we miss it?
Jeff
Yeah. The other two.
Brian
Yeah. These guys decide to burst in after
Chrissy
all the action is over.
Jeff
Yeah.
Unidentified Male Voice
Look in here. Check it out. What the hell? What do you mean, damn?
Brian
What's that all about?
Chrissy
I don't know.
Brian
Well, I guess we're having hog head for dinner. What's that all about? So ridiculous.
Unidentified Male Voice
We gotta figure out how we're gonna get Zach unchained. I'm getting chained up like an elephant. Are you freaking serious?
Brian Greene
What?
Brian
He's laying right there.
Chrissy
They found a key. He found a key that happens to go to the leg shackles that the Cameraman is wearing the leg shackles that the cameraman.
Brian
Look at that. He just gets to take his foot out of there. It's just a chain. Yeah, on his right leg.
Unidentified Male Voice
Let's get out here and look and see if we can see anybody.
Brian
Yeah, let's do that. You guys see this blood?
Unidentified Male Voice
Anybody in here?
Carl
Holy.
Unidentified Male Voice
I'm telling you guys, there was someone in here. He was standing right there talking to us.
Brian
Right yonder talking to us. Let's bring in the CSI team and get some collective evidence. We never seen nobody leave.
Unidentified Male Voice
Guys, they're gone. There's nothing else we can do. We have a lot to fill you two in on.
Chrissy
You didn't even look outside.
Brian
How can you make you claim that they're gone? There's nothing else here for us to do. Well, another case is unsolved by the
Chrissy
mountain monsters
Unidentified Male Voice
away from here. I don't feel safe. We need to go get in my truck, get out of here. And we need to find Trapper.
Brian
Hell yes, we do.
Carl
Tonight we met with that rogue team, but we still ain't been able to get a hold of Trapper. We got a shag ass out of here here.
Jeff
Never heard that.
Brian
I never heard that either. It's kind of a cool saying, Huckleberry.
Carl
The hell's going on with him?
Brian
Okay, well, there you go.
Chrissy
We have to wait till another episode of Mountain Monsters in order to finish this off. Well, Chrissy and I got a shag
Brian
ass out of here, so
Jeff
I love it.
Brian
Oh, I love it too. The mountain monsters bring us so much joy and so much, much fun. It's so much.
Jeff
It really is.
Chrissy
It's. It's ridiculous. I mean, come on. It's all being filmed in multiple camera angles. Yeah, I can't get enough either. I could do this all day. I could literally do us a Frankie B. A mountain monsters and a Teresa Caputo. I could do those three at a separate podcast and feel really happy about it.
Brian
Oh, my gosh. Well, there you go.
Chrissy
That.
Unidentified Female Voice
That.
Brian
Maybe that guy behind the. The mirror was Army Hammer.
Jeff
He might have been.
Chrissy
He's eating the hog head back there. All right, little advice from Chrissy to Chrissy and I to you out there in the audience, don't date Armie Hammer. No matter how much. How attractive. They're living in the Cayman Islands in a timeshare. Look. Yeah, but you know, there's. There's somebody out there. Somebody out there right now is probably dating that guy. Yeah, because he is one handsome. I do have to say that. Yeah.
Jeff
And he's been on some shows and movies or something.
Chrissy
He was in the Social Network and Call Me by their name or something like that where he played a gay man having an affair with a younger gay man, a gay boy, really. And he was like an Oscar contender, I think. Or there was some talk about it. But, you know, once you start, once you start leaving Instagram messages that you want to eat people, your career is likely to take a nose up, hightail
Jeff
it, shag, ass it down.
Chrissy
I see Armie Hammer beef being huckleberry number 52, like 10 years from.
Jeff
Yes, that's it. So.
Chrissy
Well, let's hope he gets the help he needs. Let's hope the women who are victims of his get the help that they need. We don't mean to make fun. We know that. We know that it's here. But hey, listen, you don't come to the commercial break for serious talk.
Jeff
No, I hope not to put a
Chrissy
trigger warning on this episode. All right, go to tcbpodcast.com that's where you find out out more about Chrissy and I. You'll watch all the video, you'll listen to all the audio. It's quite simply the place to go for anything. Tcb, hit the contact us button. Send us your stories, ask for advice. We'll take it all. Comments, questions, concerns, content, ideas all right there on the website tcbpodcast.com or 661-2378-296666 Best to Yo Text us, leave us a voicemail. We're here for you. YouTube.com the commercial break for all the full episodes. A few days after they air clips, every single day of the week, it's a whole different show. Go watch it. All right, Chrissy. I think that's all I can do.
Jeff
I think so, Brian.
Chrissy
So I love you.
Jeff
I love you.
Chrissy
And best to you.
Brian
Best to you and best to you out there in the podcast universe.
Chrissy
Until next time. We always say, we do say, we must say.
Brian Greene
Bye,
Brian
Sam.
In this riotous improv-comedy installment, hosts Bryan Green and Krissy Hoadley take a "season roulette" detour, reminiscing about their favorite moments from Season 3 and revisiting the bizarre and beloved reality TV show Mountain Monsters. The conversation's signature TCB chaos unfolds, whirling from the darkly comic scandal of Armie Hammer to the mock science of monster-hunting, all while riffing on streaming services and the finer points of relationship dysfunction. Listeners are treated to the duo's signature blend of sharp satire, absurd tangents, and inside-joke banter, making even the wildest topics approachable and hilarious.
"I think we broke down a video like every single episode, making it extraordinarily easy. Sit back, watch TV, make fun of some goofballs with my best friend Chrissy. Now, that was not a sustainable podcast model for a thousand episodes. But... there was lots of shitting and lots of giggling in season numero tres." (00:45)
Chrissy is 15 minutes into the House of Hammer documentary and is "highly disturbed":
"He's a cannibal. He wants to eat people. He wants to tie them up and eat people... and these women... they're sharing all of their messages back and forth... he just love bombed the shit out of them and then turned into a monster. Like, overnight." (03:53, 10:21)
The group discusses:
Memorable Moment: The recurring improv bit about calling maintenance because a partner is tied up and "turning purple":
"Yeah, I need maintenance...I tied Jeff up by his penis and he's hanging from the balcony. It's turning purple." – Chrissy (07:17, callback to intro joke)
“I think this is a horrible move on behalf of Netflix… Now they're talking about commercials inside.” – Chrissy, [13:20]
“It’s about a couple of overweight hillbillies that run around fields, shaky camera views...and try and find all kind of different monsters. You can imagine Bigfoot, the Red Lady, the Timberwolves, the walking wolves, the Paw Paw Popper, who literally comes at the call of a harmonica." – Chrissy, [16:00]
Set-up: Three main “monster hunters” have been kidnapped in West Virginia—mocking the show’s faux-dramatic structure and lack of logic.
The TCB hosts provide alternating play-by-play and improv riffing:
“Because that’s what you do when someone’s getting kidnapped by gunpoint. You film it. Don’t worry about that phone call to the police. It’s gonna be great content.” – Bryan, [20:09]
Scene Highlights:
Memorable Quote:
Climactic Absurdity:
"I think we broke down a video like every single episode, making it extraordinarily easy. Sit back, watch tv, make fun of some goofballs with my best friend Chrissy."
– Bryan, [00:45]
“He wants to tie them up and eat people...there’s no fun to be made of this.”
– Chrissy, [03:53]
“You don’t get that rich without fucking stepping on a couple dicks. You know what I’m saying?”
– Chrissy on wealth and morality, [05:37]
"This TV alone is worth $7,000 a month!"
– Chrissy, [12:01]
“If you’re taking this seriously, you need to get a hole put in your head and get your brain dragged because this is not real.”
– Chrissy, [16:25]
“Because that’s what you do when someone’s getting kidnapped by gunpoint. You film it.”
– Bryan, [20:09]
“She touched my little mountain man.”
– Brian, [35:52]
“All right, little advice from Chrissy and I to you out there in the audience, don't date Armie Hammer.”
– Chrissy, [49:20]
This episode is a showcase of TCB’s improvisational comedy and satirical pop culture commentary. Bryan and Chrissy strike a rare balance between skewering dark celebrity scandals, mocking reality TV, and finding comedic joy in weirdness and tragedy alike. The rapid-fire riffs, running inside jokes, and playful disrespect for any boundary between serious and ridiculous give this episode its signature “cheesecake factory of comedy podcasts” flavor.
Signature Sign-Off:
Chrissy: "I love you."
Jeff: "I love you."
Chrissy: "And best to you."
Brian: "Best to you and best to you out there in the podcast universe."
[51:11]
For listeners who crave irreverence, friendship chemistry, and the comfort of hearing reality lampooned with wild abandon, this is The Commercial Break at its best.