TCB Season Roulette: Season 3

Summary

The Commercial Break – TCB Season Roulette: Season 3 (May 27, 2026)

Episode Overview

In this riotous improv-comedy installment, hosts Bryan Green and Krissy Hoadley take a "season roulette" detour, reminiscing about their favorite moments from Season 3 and revisiting the bizarre and beloved reality TV show Mountain Monsters. The conversation's signature TCB chaos unfolds, whirling from the darkly comic scandal of Armie Hammer to the mock science of monster-hunting, all while riffing on streaming services and the finer points of relationship dysfunction. Listeners are treated to the duo's signature blend of sharp satire, absurd tangents, and inside-joke banter, making even the wildest topics approachable and hilarious.

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Highlights & Key Discussion Points

1. Why Season 3? – Favorite Season Nostalgia

• Bryan describes Season 3 as the easiest and most fun:

  "I think we broke down a video like every single episode, making it extraordinarily easy. Sit back, watch TV, make fun of some goofballs with my best friend Chrissy. Now, that was not a sustainable podcast model for a thousand episodes. But... there was lots of shitting and lots of giggling in season numero tres." (00:45)

• Chrissy and Bryan set the stage for another wild, unfiltered spin through their archives.

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2. Armie Hammer Scandal Deep Dive ([03:12]–[11:53])

• Chrissy is 15 minutes into the House of Hammer documentary and is "highly disturbed":

  "He's a cannibal. He wants to eat people. He wants to tie them up and eat people... and these women... they're sharing all of their messages back and forth... he just love bombed the shit out of them and then turned into a monster. Like, overnight." (03:53, 10:21)

• The group discusses:

  • Love bombing and manipulative relationship dynamics ("They love bomb and then they take it away from you... it makes you think you're nuts." – Chrissy, [11:08])
  • Wealth, privilege, and family dysfunction (“Why is it that the psychopaths always get rich?” – Chrissy, [05:28])
  • Armie Hammer’s bizarre post-scandal life ("Armie Hammer is now selling timeshares...he’s literally the heir to a billion dollar fortune.” – Chrissy, [05:56])
  • Twisted sexual fetishes, rope play, and the normalization of kink through streaming docuseries, volleyed around with the hosts’ irreverent edge.

• Memorable Moment: The recurring improv bit about calling maintenance because a partner is tied up and "turning purple":

  "Yeah, I need maintenance...I tied Jeff up by his penis and he's hanging from the balcony. It's turning purple." – Chrissy (07:17, callback to intro joke)

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3. Streaming Service Overload ([11:58]–[14:29])

• Couldn’t discuss House of Hammer because of paywalls, leading into streaming exhaustion:
  • Exasperation over subscription stacking and password sharing.
  • “This TV alone is worth $7,000 a month!” – Chrissy, [12:01]
  • Quick side-rant on how Netflix is cracking down on password sharing:

    “I think this is a horrible move on behalf of Netflix… Now they're talking about commercials inside.” – Chrissy, [13:20]

• “How did we allow Discovery to buy Time Warner?...The people who brought us 90 Day Fiance and Dr. Pimple Popper to take over HBO?” – Chrissy, [14:17]

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4. Adult Swim and TCB's Dream TV Fit ([14:29]–[15:22])

• Nostalgically touting Adult Swim’s off-kilter streaming offerings.
• Bryan: “Don’t you think we’d be a perfect fit for Adult Swim?”
  Chrissy: “Or, or, or even those watchers. Too mature.”
  (14:41–15:10, playful fantasizing about TCB as an Adult Swim show.)

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5. Mountain Monsters Breakdown: Satirical Gold ([15:24]–[49:44])

The Mountain Monsters Premise ([15:41]–[16:56])

• The TCB crew’s second-favorite recurring show (after Frankie B.):

  “It’s about a couple of overweight hillbillies that run around fields, shaky camera views...and try and find all kind of different monsters. You can imagine Bigfoot, the Red Lady, the Timberwolves, the walking wolves, the Paw Paw Popper, who literally comes at the call of a harmonica." – Chrissy, [16:00]

• Chrissy: “If you’re taking this seriously, you need to get a hole put in your head and get your brain dragged because this is not real.” [16:25]

Live Commentary and Episode Recap ([19:09]–[49:44])

• Set-up: Three main “monster hunters” have been kidnapped in West Virginia—mocking the show’s faux-dramatic structure and lack of logic.

• The TCB hosts provide alternating play-by-play and improv riffing:

  • Lampooning the show's lack of realism:

    “Because that’s what you do when someone’s getting kidnapped by gunpoint. You film it. Don’t worry about that phone call to the police. It’s gonna be great content.” – Bryan, [20:09]

  • Recurring bits about “world-class criminals in the middle of a field in West Kentucky.” [24:32]
  • “Keep the talking to a minimum.” / “What’s a minimum exactly? Is that three to five sentences?” (24:34, 24:47)
    – The hosts and guests milk the awkward “direction” for all its worth.

• Scene Highlights:

  • “Billy...he’s huge. With that burlap sack, it just looks like one large bag of potatoes.” – Chrissy, [25:16]
  • “Why is he still filming? This is so realistic.” – Chrissy, [26:02]
  • “We could literally get up and walk out of here at any moment. But I don’t know if you noticed, I’m not very good at walking.” – Bryan spoofing the monster hunters, [30:29]
  • “If you want to see this, what you cannot see is that out of the mirror pops a monster...like something you would buy at Party City.” – Jeff, [32:48, 32:56]

• Memorable Quote:

  • “She touched my little mountain man.” – Brian satirizing the "woman of the woods" encounter, [35:52]

• Climactic Absurdity:

  • Escaping with a conveniently missed knife, chair through a mirror, Party City props, and a “hog’s head” turns the whole ‘kidnapping’ into pure parody.
  • “Well, I guess we’re having hog head for dinner. What’s that all about?” – Bryan, [46:40]
  • “Well, another case is unsolved by the mountain monsters.” – Chrissy, [48:08]

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6. TCB-Style Takeaways ([49:44]–End)

• Twisting the Mountain Monsters narrative back to Armie Hammer and pop culture:
  • “Maybe that guy behind the mirror was Armie Hammer.” – Brian, [49:16]
  • “All right, little advice from Chrissy and I to you out there in the audience, don’t date Armie Hammer. No matter how attractive...yeah, but there's somebody out there, somebody out there right now, is probably dating that guy...he is one handsome...I do have to say that.” – Chrissy, [49:20]
• Recap of Hammer’s film legacy and the impossibility of career recovery post-cannibal text leaks, with their signature bawdy twist (“...once you start leaving Instagram messages that you want to eat people, your career is likely to take a nose up, hightail it, shag, ass it down.” – Chrissy, [50:04])
• Krissy: “We know that it’s serious, but hey, listen, you don’t come to The Commercial Break for serious talk.” [50:13]

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Memorable Quotes & Timestamps

• "I think we broke down a video like every single episode, making it extraordinarily easy. Sit back, watch tv, make fun of some goofballs with my best friend Chrissy."
  – Bryan, [00:45]

• “He wants to tie them up and eat people...there’s no fun to be made of this.”
  – Chrissy, [03:53]

• “You don’t get that rich without fucking stepping on a couple dicks. You know what I’m saying?”
  – Chrissy on wealth and morality, [05:37]

• "This TV alone is worth $7,000 a month!"
  – Chrissy, [12:01]

• “If you’re taking this seriously, you need to get a hole put in your head and get your brain dragged because this is not real.”
  – Chrissy, [16:25]

• “Because that’s what you do when someone’s getting kidnapped by gunpoint. You film it.”
  – Bryan, [20:09]

• “She touched my little mountain man.”
  – Brian, [35:52]

• “All right, little advice from Chrissy and I to you out there in the audience, don't date Armie Hammer.”
  – Chrissy, [49:20]

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Notable Bits, Callbacks & Running Jokes

• Repeated riff on calling maintenance for BDSM mishaps.
• Improv about Armie Hammer selling timeshares—and offering discounts for cannibal “extras.” [06:12]
• Lampooning the wild implausibility of Mountain Monsters: fake drama, convenient props, and reality TV’s "shaky camera" style.
• Ongoing gags about streaming app overload, including barter systems for logins, and anger at networks for changing access rules.
• The connection between love bombing, toxic relationships, and the outlandish plotlines of both Hammer and Mountain Monsters.

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Timestamps of Important Segments

• [00:33] – Favorite Season 3 reflections & show format jokes
• [03:12–11:53] – Armie Hammer, love bombing, and kink discussion
• [11:58–14:29] – Streaming services fatigue
• [15:41–16:56] – Setup: Mountain Monsters fandom explained
• [19:09–49:44] – Mountain Monsters live commentary episode play-by-play, with full absurdity breakdown
• [49:44–51:16] – Compare Mountain Monsters to Armie Hammer’s fallout; lighthearted wrap-up and listener advice

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a showcase of TCB’s improvisational comedy and satirical pop culture commentary. Bryan and Chrissy strike a rare balance between skewering dark celebrity scandals, mocking reality TV, and finding comedic joy in weirdness and tragedy alike. The rapid-fire riffs, running inside jokes, and playful disrespect for any boundary between serious and ridiculous give this episode its signature “cheesecake factory of comedy podcasts” flavor.

Signature Sign-Off:
Chrissy: "I love you."
Jeff: "I love you."
Chrissy: "And best to you."
Brian: "Best to you and best to you out there in the podcast universe."
[51:11]

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For listeners who crave irreverence, friendship chemistry, and the comfort of hearing reality lampooned with wild abandon, this is The Commercial Break at its best.

Transcript

[Instacart Narrator]

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[Brian Greene]

If you asked me to pick a season that was my favorite to do here in the room, it would be season three. Why, pray tell, Brian, was season three

[Chrissy]

your favorite to do?

[Brian Greene]

Well, quite frankly, I think we broke down a video like every single episode, making it extraordinarily easy. Sit back, watch tv, make fun of some goofballs with my best friend Chrissy. Now, that was not a sustainable podcast model for a thousand episodes. But as far as shits and giggles are concerned, there was lots of shitting and lots of giggling in season numero tres. So as we roll on with the TCB season lottery, as Chrissy and I complete our 12th vacation of the year, I honestly have no idea what's coming. Well, that's not true. I'm. I'm lying a little bit because all of these files are stacked on a server, and at one time we were putting the names of the episodes on the covers of the episode. Like the thing you see on Spotify or Apple.

[Chrissy]

The COVID for that particular episode had

[Brian Greene]

the name, so I managed to sneak a peek. I know everyone's gonna be delighted at the completely random episode I picked. I'll give you a little hint.

[Brian]

I don't want to cinema. Get too smart and you down the stone.

[Unidentified Female Voice]

Enjoy it.

[Brian Greene]

Enjoy.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

They are now going back on the conclusion we have all rightly drawn about

[Chrissy]

the shape of the planet we live on. And by people, I mean idiots.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

On this episode of the commercial break.

[Chrissy]

Hi, this is Chrissy in 104. Yeah, I need maintenance.

[Safeway/Albertsons Announcer]

Yes, ma'.

[Chrissy]

Am. What's the problem? I tied Jeff up by his penis and he's hanging from the balcony. It's turning purple.

[Brian]

Can you get up here quickly?

[Mysterious Character (Woman of the Woods)]

I never said I was after a Bigfoot.

[Brian]

I'm after the all you can eat Hardee's buffet. But they won't let me in since I don't have a body. Leave the fucking talking to a minimum. Wow. Discovery plus, leave it to a minimum.

[Unidentified Female Voice]

Uh, what's a minimum exactly? Is that three to five sentences? How many do you want in that minimum?

[Jeff]

Keep it to a minimum.

[Unidentified Female Voice]

I just don't want to make anybody upset so we can get some clarity on that. Do you have a memo?

[Unidentified Male Voice]

The next episode of the commercial break starts now.

[Brian]

Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I am Brian Greene.

[Chrissy]

This is my dear friend and co

[Brian]

host, Krista and Joy only. Best to you, Krista. Best to you, Brian, and best to you out there in the podcast universe.

[Chrissy]

How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us on yet another episode of this, the commercial break. They keep coming, Chrissy. We keep making them. It's not for everybody, but fact, news or fiction is guaranteed in 30 seconds or less. Go to the tcbpodcast.com website to collect your earnings. How are we not. How have we missed. How is it possible that we have not discussed army fucking Hammer?

[Jeff]

Yeah, I know.

[Chrissy]

What the fuck is going on with this guy?

[Jeff]

Reading about it a little while back. It was bizarre.

[Chrissy]

I just started. I'm 15 minutes in to this Netflix or is it not Netflix Discovery documentary about Army Hammer called House of hammer. I am 15 minutes in and I am highly disturbed. Highly disturbed.

[Jeff]

Very bizarre.

[Chrissy]

He's a cannibal. He wants to eat people. He wants to tie them up and eat people. He not. There's no fun to be made of this. But there's this one girl that he's like, he meets these chicks online. He starts Instagram intensely, like love bombing them, right? Like every minute of the day he's texting them. They. This one girl described it. There was no possible room for anything else in my life because I was in constant communication with Army. Meanwhile, he's fucking married. Yeah, right.

[Jeff]

I know.

[Chrissy]

And one of the girls that he like, he liked some photograph that she took, you know, years ago, Instagrams her. They start getting into a relationship and then he texts her the following. I have this fantasy that I'll tie you up in the middle of a park and you can be free to anybody that walks by, like, to have sex with anybody that walks by.

[Brian]

That's one fucked up. That's wild. That's insane.

[Chrissy]

Now people have weird fetishes. Totally get it. Right.

[Jeff]

We discussed them on the show before.

[Chrissy]

We've discussed all of them. I think we've covered every fetish possible. We missed that one. We missed tying you up and letting you have sex with everybody in the park.

[Brian]

Yeah.

[Chrissy]

That is insane. That's insane. And Then he's talking about cutting people up and eating them like he wants. Cannibalism is a fetish of his.

[Jeff]

Yes.

[Chrissy]

This guy is, like, cool. He's out there, man.

[Jeff]

I know. And it's a whole backstory, too, with, like, his family.

[Chrissy]

The Hammers were. They owned. Owned Occidental Petroleum, which was a 16 billion dollar company back in the 70s, when 16 billion dollars meant something like trillions. But all of the males in that family all have, like, these dark, twisted, weird. They're all.

[Jeff]

Why is the dad and the grandfather.

[Chrissy]

Why is it that the psychopaths always get rich?

[Brian]

You know what I'm saying?

[Chrissy]

I think you have to be a psychopath to get that rich because you got to step on people and lie, cheat, and steal.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Chrissy]

You don't get that rich without fucking stepping on a couple dicks. You know what I'm saying?

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Chrissy]

You have to be an asshole to get that rich. And. Or if you're not an asshole to get that rich, you're an. Once you get that rich.

[Brian]

You know what I'm saying?

[Chrissy]

But this guy is wild, man.

[Brian]

He's wild.

[Chrissy]

Now he's living in the Cayman Islands and he's selling time shares.

[Unidentified Female Voice]

What?

[Chrissy]

Armie Hammer is now selling time shares. Of all the things that are weird about this story, this is it. He is literally the heir to a billion dollar fortune, and he's living in the Cayman Islands, so selling timeshares at, like, a resort.

[Jeff]

Okay. Strange.

[Brian]

Hey, do you want to buy a timeshare? Do you mind if I eat your toe? Is it okay if I eat your toe? I'll tell you what. I'll give you a 10 discount if you let me bite off your nipple. Just. Just a nipple one. I'll give it back to you when I'm done. So up.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, he's into this, like, Japanese rope tying. It's called like. I've seen that Shakudo or something that was on the.

[Jeff]

This. The Netflix show. The sex room show. Yeah.

[Chrissy]

I haven't watched it, but I know what you're talking about.

[Jeff]

They showed how to do that on there.

[Chrissy]

The Sakud or whatever it is.

[Jeff]

Jeff and I were watching Sudoku.

[Brian]

That's Sudoku.

[Jeff]

You do it. You do a Sudoku puzzle.

[Chrissy]

You do a Sudoku puzzle and then you cut the circulation off to your left breast.

[Jeff]

Jeff and I were watching that. I was like, you know, I mean, that looks interesting. However, I feel like I would miss a knot or something and just kill somebody.

[Chrissy]

Yes.

[Brian]

Chef's, like, hanging from the balcony.

[Jeff]

I Know.

[Chrissy]

Sorry, hon, I don't know how to get you down.

[Jeff]

I would feel confident in my nodding skills.

[Chrissy]

I can. I can see. Hi, this is Chrissy in 104. Yeah, I need maintenance. Yes, ma'.

[Unidentified Female Voice]

Am.

[Chrissy]

What's the problem? I tied Jeff up by his penis and he's hanging from the balcony. It's turning purple.

[Brian]

Can you get up here quickly?

[Chrissy]

We'll send the maintenance guys right away.

[Brian]

Yeah, maintenance.

[Chrissy]

You see how his dick's turning purple? What do we do about that?

[Brian]

Give it mouth to mouth.

[Chrissy]

That's. It's. It's weird, man. It's weird. I don't get the violence in this in the bedroom thing. I'm not. I'm just. It's just never has been anything that I'm interested in. Yeah, I understand it and I have friends who are into it.

[Jeff]

Sure.

[Chrissy]

I one time lived with a dominatrix and, like, what do you call the. A submissive. Like, when I was in a band for, like, two weeks, we all lived in this house. I became their singer. Like. Yeah, it was a band house. It was so bad. I mean, it was just like. It was the. It was the. It was a typical band going nowhere situation, right? They were looking for, I told you, the Grateful Dead. No.

[Jeff]

Their house in San Francisco.

[Chrissy]

It wasn't. No, it could have been. Had we had any actual people that

[Brian]

wanted to listen to the music. It could have been those guys.

[Chrissy]

Like, the second they started playing music, they were filling arenas. It's crazy. Their story, right, that's just one of those, like, kismet type things. But they. They put out this newspaper. I told you the story. They put out this newspaper. Like, in one of those Creative Loafing. They put an ad. I showed up. The guy didn't expect me to show up. Then I sat around, I became their singer overnight. And they asked me to come live with them. And so I live with them, basically, in 24 hours, I go from, you know, living in the. In a corner somewhere to living in this band house with a bassist. I had always was kind of dressed weird, like, in some leather with lipstick and eyeshadow and, you know, painted fingernails. Back at a time when that was strange. Back at a time when that was not the norm, but I thought it was cool. But what I didn't realize is about a weekend, his girlfriend, who was beautiful, would come in all dressed in, like, patent leather and, you know, and I. I started hearing noises in the back room. It was his house we all lived in. I started hearing noise in the back room and the drummer. We're. Him and I were like sitting in the living room watching TV or something. I'm like, what is going on with, you know, schnitzel tits and his girlfriend back there? He goes, oh, you don't know. But she's a dominatrix and he's a submissive. So there's some stuff going on back there. You know, we just kind of ignore it. We let it run.

[Jeff]

Right. It was the weirdest house.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, it is his house. And so he would go to like the kitchen and she would be. She would have him on a leash.

[Brian]

It was fucked up.

[Jeff]

Chrissy, A lot of people love that.

[Chrissy]

But they explained it to me. They. They tried to explain it to me what was going on and I just never really got into it. It was never my thing. Like, I just never thought violence was thing. I'm kind of a boring lover. I like a missionary style and tell me you love me and caress my forehead. I'm not into whips and chains.

[Jeff]

Somebody up on a walker.

[Chrissy]

Yes, that's right. I'm not into sudoku.

[Brian]

I don't want you to tie me up on my dick.

[Chrissy]

But Armie Hammer is all about this stuff. And these women. I feel bad for the women. Yeah, the women, some of which got roped in.

[Jeff]

Literally.

[Chrissy]

Chrissy's on fire today.

[Brian]

Look at that.

[Chrissy]

They are on the documentary and they're sharing all of their messages back and forth. They're sharing all this information with the documentarian and it is really intense. Some of the stuff that he said, he just love bombed the out of them and then turned into a monster. Like overnight. Like they. The second that he thought they were leaving, then he really turned into a monster. And I kind of demanded that they start getting. Pushing the envelope with all these weird things that he was doing.

[Jeff]

That's crazy. Well, I mean, it happens. I've been love bombed before and it's like, it's intense. It is intense. And then you get used to it and you kind of then are expecting that and so.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, but then they yank it away, right? Yeah.

[Jeff]

It's like when you off the wall.

[Chrissy]

Yeah. When you're in the, like a relationship with an egomaniac.

[Brian Greene]

Right.

[Chrissy]

Or narcissist or someone with, you know, borderline personality disorder.

[Brian]

That's what they do.

[Chrissy]

They love bomb and then they take it away from you. Then they love Bob again and then they take it away from you and it makes you think you're nuts. You're like, holy. What the is going on here? I thought everything was Cool.

[Jeff]

Yeah. You feel like the best person in the whole world. Like I'm so loved and they can't get enough of you.

[Chrissy]

Yeah. Then you might make the peanut butter and jelly sandwich the wrong way. And it's a 15 day argument with, it's like super intense about how shitty of a human being you are and you start to lose your sense of reality. It's really weird. So I understand what these, what I kind of understand. I mean I'm not, I didn't go through this kind of violence and weird picadillos in the bedroom. But these girls really, they got roped in. Literally, they got roped in.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Chrissy]

And so it's fascinating. You got to watch. I'm only 15 minutes in and I'm already like, holy, this guy is.

[Jeff]

I don't have Discovery plus it's the one thing I'm holding out on.

[Chrissy]

I know, I know.

[Jeff]

I've already now, Now I got PEAC

[Chrissy]

and Paramount plus this TV alone is worth $7,000 a month.

[Jeff]

Hulu. Yeah, like everything.

[Chrissy]

I paid less for the hundred dollars for the 100 cable. You have cable too?

[Jeff]

That's cuz Jeff likes to watch the Braves.

[Brian]

Oh my God.

[Jeff]

So we had to get the channel that was only offered on cable.

[Chrissy]

I know, we're the same way. We got Disney plus, we got Discovery plus we have Paramount plus we have. You know, I'll give you my login,

[Jeff]

I'll give you my login for Peacock. I'll give you any, any of them you would like.

[Chrissy]

I like Hulu is what I like. I want Hulu. You have Hulu, I want Hu. Give you Discovery. I'll trade you my Discovery plus for Hula.

[Jeff]

Sounds good.

[Chrissy]

And you know my dad, love him to death. He has all, like all of my logins. So his entire entertainment is just running on my login.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Chrissy]

And you know they're going to stop that someday. Netflix is already yanking it away from

[Jeff]

people, which I think is a certain amount of users.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, you're up to five or something. And you can now they allow you to. I saw this last time I was looking at Netflix like in my account services or whatever the settings they say share your login with a non household member. Right, right. For a dollar 99. So essentially they have like this discount plan where you can share your login. You can give it to someone outside of your IP address for 1.99. I think this is a horrible move on behalf of Netflix. You know Netflix is starting to talk about commercials inside.

[Jeff]

I saw the commercial

[Chrissy]

commercials. It's like the first time I got serious for Howard Stern. I was like, okay, now finally I'm in Atlanta. I can listen to Howard ad free. And 24 hours of talking.

[Jeff]

Next up on the commercial break. Yeah, here's our next ad.

[Chrissy]

This episode of the commercial break brought to you by SiriusXM. SiriusXM. For all your SiriusXM, you can listen to the commercial break anywhere but SiriusXM.

[Jeff]

Maybe we should actually get the TCB Minus up and running.

[Chrissy]

This episode brought to you by TCB Minus, not yet running, but 4.99amonth.

[Brian]

Maybe we should.

[Chrissy]

But the thing is, I think we're about to hit some economic headwinds and I think people are gonna start shedding this left and right. And now they're talking about destroying hbo. Max. It's a whole fucking thing. Why would they do that? It's one of the best apps out there. Why would they do that?

[Jeff]

I know. Because they got bought. It was like, Time Warner, what a mess. And this, that.

[Chrissy]

How did we allow Discovery to buy Time Warner? How did we allow that to happen?

[Jeff]

I don't know.

[Chrissy]

How did we allow the people that brought us 90 Day Fiance and Dr. Pimple Popper to take over HBO?

[Brian]

HBO.

[Chrissy]

That brought us some of the best television shows ever. Yes. And now it's gonna all go away. And you know what the best part about HBO plus is? Adult Swim. That's the best part about it. You can go back in their whole cat.

[Jeff]

I love Adult Swim.

[Brian]

Jesus.

[Chrissy]

I'm like a 14 year old boy who doesn't have any friends. I sit around watching Adult Stream. You know what the craziest part about Adult Swim is? They have like these. They literally have television channels on the app that you can only watch on the app or online. And they stream 24 hours a day. And they're just weird. They're just weird people doing weird for 24 hours. That kind of turns me on.

[Jeff]

I love it.

[Chrissy]

I don't like the Sudoku.

[Jeff]

Works for, for Adult Swim.

[Chrissy]

Get us a show over there. Don't you think we'd be a perfect fit for Adult Swim?

[Jeff]

Yes.

[Chrissy]

Or, or, or even those watchers. Too mature.

[Brian]

The commercial, Brick. Well, hey, listen, it's not for everyone. It's not for everyone.

[Chrissy]

Hey, Chrissy.

[Jeff]

Yes.

[Chrissy]

It's been a while and we've had some. I saw some reviews talking about this and then I got a couple of text messages and. Okay, one of Frankie B. Is certainly the person we talk about the most on this show. He's. He's got the Most episodes in commercial break history. I think he's up to nine.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Chrissy]

But right behind it with six, I think, is Mountain Monsters. Oh, yeah, Mountain Monsters. You know the show. You know it, you love it. Chrissy and I just. We just love this show. It's about a couple of. It's a couple. About a couple of overweight hillbillies that run around field. Run around fields, shaky camera views.

[Brian]

Yeah.

[Chrissy]

And try and find all kind of different monsters. You can imagine Bigfoot, the Red lady, the Timberwolves, the walking wolves, the Paw Paw. Paw Paw Popper, who literally comes at the call of a harmonica.

[Jeff]

Yes.

[Chrissy]

I mean, this show is ridiculous.

[Brian]

It's fucking ridiculous. It is one of the funniest satirical.

[Chrissy]

If you watch it, I think, as intended, which is a satire show.

[Jeff]

Yes.

[Chrissy]

It is too fucking funny. If you're taking this seriously, you need to get a hole put in your head and get your brain dragged because

[Brian]

this is not real. Yeah.

[Jeff]

They never find it. They never actually find it.

[Chrissy]

They have a shaky cameraman name.

[Unidentified Female Voice]

Oh, guys, come on.

[Jeff]

Yeah. This cameraman who never.

[Unidentified Female Voice]

I mean, this is right. I mean, there's nothing scary out here. There's a Walmart right there. What are we scared of? I'm more scared of the Walmart than I am in this field. People get killed at the Walmart.

[Chrissy]

One of the. One of the things I've noticed is that the more seasons that come out, the more ridiculous this show gets. At first it was almost.

[Jeff]

Yeah, it was Bigfoot, you know, and they chased that. Then there was a crazy wolf.

[Chrissy]

The whisper wolf.

[Jeff]

The Whisper wolf.

[Chrissy]

And then they had like the Timber Reds or something in the West Kentucky.

[Jeff]

Well, it's like content for us.

[Brian]

Oh, my God.

[Jeff]

It's hard. I know. It's hard to come up with.

[Chrissy]

It's hard to come up with so

[Brian]

many monsters, but this is brilliant.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, that's true. Right? There's only so many monsters out there. You got to start making up now. It's a full blown drama about a

[Brian]

couple of overweight hillbillies that run around with a shaky camera.

[Chrissy]

It has gotten ridiculous. And I found an episode that I just can't even wrap my head around how anybody would be sitting at home and believing any of this. But you know that there are people.

[Jeff]

Oh, yeah.

[Chrissy]

Who are fully convinced that Mountain Monsters is a scientific show based in fact and reality. But without further ado, I was trolling on the Internet, as I do like to do, and I came up with what I think might be the best mountain monsters.

[Jeff]

Oh, my gosh. I'm so excited.

[Chrissy]

The boys are getting kidnapped, Chrissy. We're gonna take a ride with it.

[Rachel]

Okay. You're probably wondering why I, Rachel, have taken over the voice duties at tcb. It's pretty simple. Astrid asked me to shut Brian up, even for a minute. Well, lovely Astrid, your wish is my command. Do you want to help Astrid, too? You know you do. Leave a message for her or me or Chrissy at 212-4333, TCB. That's 212-433-3822. You can be on the show, too. Just call and say something, anything. Or text us, and we'll text you right back. Promise. Then head over to tcbpodcast.com and get your free sticker. It's your constitutional right to a sticker, and we must abide. You get the point? Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and watch all the episodes on [e-mail] thecommercial break. Best to you and Astrid. Especially Astrid.

[Chrissy]

Let me just press play.

[Jeff]

Okay. We're in Wood County, Virginia.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

Oh, we're in Wood County, West Virginia. And that road team pushed all three of our guys in the back of that van. Me and Wild Bill's gonna haul ass across this field and trying to get.

[Brian]

They threw all three of our guns.

[Chrissy]

So what we're. What we're jumping into right now is that three of the Mountain Monsters crew. That would be. Yeah. Billy. What was the other. What's the other guy's name? The one with the big beard? No, not Crow. Crow.

[Brian]

Huckleberry. Huckleberry. Billy.

[Chrissy]

And the other Huckleberry.

[Brian]

Huckleberry one, Huckleberry two. And then.

[Chrissy]

And then Billy.

[Brian]

I don't even know what his name is. He doesn't talk.

[Jeff]

This guy's Willie.

[Brian]

Yeah.

[Chrissy]

This guy's Willy. We don't talk to Willie much. Willie's Willie.

[Jeff]

His eyes are crazy.

[Chrissy]

I know. Willie hasn't negotiated a great contract with Mountain Monsters yet. He's like a sub. He's like a bit player. But what we're jumping into is they've been kidnapped. The three main characters have been kidnapped in the back of a white van. And it's all being filmed by.

[Brian]

Because that's what you do when someone's getting kidnapped by gunpoint. You film it. Don't worry about that phone call to the police. It's gonna be great content.

[Unidentified Female Voice]

Oh, guys, I'm just gonna keep shooting. We need to deliver a couple episodes over there to discover it. Plus.

[Brian]

Oh, let's go.

[Chrissy]

Hold on one second.

[Brian]

Let's Go. Let's go. Let's go.

[Jeff]

Who said damn. Don't you feel alive? The kidnapper.

[Unidentified Female Voice]

Yeah. The guy. The kidnapper. That's right. I don't know what his name is. I saw him at craft services a couple minutes ago. He's real nice guy. He's got two kids and a wife. He's just doing this for money. They're gonna bail them out when this is all said and done. I'm just gonna shake the camera real fast. In the dark. Guys. What do you think about that shot?

[Brian]

All right. Here we go. Where are we going? We're gonna go for a little ride. Because we have some.

[Chrissy]

Because that's what you asked the kidnappers.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Brian]

Where are we going?

[Chrissy]

Like you're sitting around drinking a beer.

[Brian]

Hey. Where are we going? Taco Bell. Now shut up. I got two for one yourself. Burritos.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

But it wants to talk to you guys.

[Chrissy]

Somebody wants to talk to them.

[Brian]

Let's go. Come on. Let's go.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

Him brother willing to beat feet over

[Brian]

and getting buck truck and follow yell we're all out loud up in front of them. J. That day.

[Jeff]

The.

[Brian]

Did he just.

[Jeff]

I love his name's Water.

[Brian]

Nobody said it loud. They always scream.

[Jeff]

They scream.

[Brian]

It's kind of like the commercial break. Everyone's always screaming.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

We're the only backup.

[Brian]

The team's gotta catch up with them. Bill.

[Chrissy]

I see him. Now.

[Brian]

Stay back.

[Chrissy]

I don't want to get too close.

[Brian]

Stay back.

[Chrissy]

Stay back.

[Brian]

They can.

[Chrissy]

They can't see your headlights if you're more than four feet away.

[Brian]

They're in the middle of a dark field.

[Chrissy]

They're right behind this truck that's been kidnapped. They're saying stay back.

[Brian]

Stay back. So you don't get noticed. You don't get noticed. You're the only thing for miles. You're driving a truck with headlights on it. You don't think the Canavers are smart enough to look behind them?

[Carl]

Only stopping for.

[Brian]

I gotta take a piss. I drink too much Mountain Dew. I'm all hopped up on my claw. I gotta pee. I got a bladder like a three year old. Now you can have your camera back.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

You don't know where the hell.

[Jeff]

You're right.

[Chrissy]

Wait. They drove exactly 15ft down the road.

[Brian]

And he's like. You don't know where the hill you're at. Let me take a guess. There's the camera crew. So I'm assuming we're just a little

[Chrissy]

yonder down from where we were.

[Jeff]

Then the guy's saying. The kidnapper is saying you can film all you want, big boy.

[Brian]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Camera back. Why is he giving him.

[Chrissy]

They're all big boys, by the way.

[Brian]

I don't think we should throw stones in a glass ass house here, buddy. First of all. Second of all, you could have your camera back.

[Jeff]

I know why, okay?

[Chrissy]

I don't know.

[Brian]

Nothing says smart kidnapper like literally handing

[Chrissy]

them a camera for evidence.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

The van stops, a guy gets out and comes back and gives us our camera. We must be so far out that it don't matter if we start recording because no one's going to recognize where we're at anyway.

[Jeff]

What?

[Brian]

How good was that?

[Jeff]

What? That doesn't make any sense.

[Brian]

We must have gone to Portugal. No one's gonna recognize these three hillbillies in the middle of the woods.

[Chrissy]

I think his reasoning was a little slim on that.

[Jeff]

Yeah, it was.

[Chrissy]

If you're. If you have a camera and you're videotaping everything, including the. The faces and the voices.

[Jeff]

The kidnappers. Let's give a recap. The kidnappers kidnapped.

[Chrissy]

Kidnappers kidnapped three. Three.

[Jeff]

Three of them. One of them is maybe Wild Bill is going.

[Chrissy]

Huckleberry 2. And Billy. Billy.

[Jeff]

Okay, sorry. And then, and then they've stopped now. They've stopped and he goes. Nobody's moving.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian]

No one move. You guys won't know where we're at.

[Chrissy]

We're so far out. They literally drove 15 yards down.

[Jeff]

Yeah, they're giving them their camera back.

[Chrissy]

Yes, they're giving them camera. There's might be method to these guys. Madness. These are. We're talking about world class criminals, right? That's where you find world class criminals. In the middle of a field in West Kentucky.

[Brian]

It. Yeah, I'm doing fine. Keep the talking to a minimum, you guys. Keep it to a minimum. Leave the talking to a minimum. Wow. Discovery plus. Leave it to a minimum.

[Unidentified Female Voice]

What's a minimum exactly? Is that three to five sentences? How. How many do you want in that? Minimum?

[Jeff]

Even to a minimum.

[Unidentified Female Voice]

I just don't want to make anybody upset so we get some clarity on that. Do you have a memoir?

[Brian]

He's making a left, right to see.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

Here we go, guys.

[Chrissy]

What are they stopping for?

[Unidentified Male Voice]

Just showing up a little bit.

[Brian]

Let me see what's going on.

[Jeff]

They come and he is a big boy.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, he is a big boy. Billy, the main character is in the back of a white van. He's got a burlap sack over his head like the rest of them do. And he is huge. Yeah. With that burlap sack. It just looks like one large bag. Of potatoes. You know what I'm saying?

[Jeff]

We're home.

[Brian]

We're home. All right, now, you guys ease on out of here. Don't anyone hurt themselves.

[Jeff]

Remember, keep it to a minimum.

[Brian]

That's right. My insurance premium went up ever since that tree fell on the house. So you guys be careful. You want a stool? Let me put some pillows down behind you. Back up. Camera, back up.

[Chrissy]

Let's go Check. Why doesn't camera just run for help?

[Brian]

Why is he still filming?

[Chrissy]

This is so realistic.

[Jeff]

Oh, God.

[Carl]

Well, I hope we meet again, guys, Right now I'm getting led into this old creepy.

[Brian]

Well, I hope we meet again. You guys have been real sweet to me. Can I get your phone numbers?

[Jeff]

Follow me on Instagram.

[Brian]

Can I have your ig? It gets lonely out here in the woods.

[Chrissy]

I'm huckleberry number 14.

[Brian]

Nice to meet you.

[Carl]

We have no idea what these guys want or what the hell they're capable of.

[Brian]

Cameraman, get right on in there.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

We gotta get to them. Guys.

[Brian]

We gotta sneak through the woods with all this lighting equipment, make sure that we gotta get.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

Oh, we go into our camera guy.

[Jeff]

What are they gonna do anyways when they get in there? Like, save the day.

[Chrissy]

You have to wait and see. Okay, settle down. Astrid, That cabin should be right up here.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

Me and brother Willie, we're recon around this cabin. We're gonna get up there and put our eyeball on it, see what the hell is going on with our team members.

[Brian]

We're gonna start shooting indiscriminately into the cabin and killing people.

[Jeff]

We gotta get our eyeball on it.

[Brian]

Yeah. By the way, what you've got is

[Chrissy]

you got three people inside. Three kidnapped people inside a cabin right now with two kidnappers, with a cameraman

[Brian]

and a cameraman and a kid kidnapper.

[Chrissy]

Two kidnappers.

[Brian]

And then you've got two other billies. There's a lot of billies. Got two other billies outside with guns

[Chrissy]

sneaking up on this property because they're going to come and save the day. I'm assuming that's what's going to happen.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

Go easy, guys.

[Brian]

Go easy, guys. Go easy. I got a bad nut. My left testicle was taken off in an unfortunate crow. Crow accident. Oh, my God. Sit down. Go easy, guys. That's how you talk to the kidnappers. Go away. What's all the fuss about? Why are you guys getting so upset? Yeah, come on. Oh, yeah.

[Chrissy]

Come on.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

It's pitch dark. They slam us down into these chairs. I can only imagine what's going to happen next Yep.

[Brian]

You're gonna. You're gonna get it in the ass. I can only dream about what's gonna happen next. They're gonna lube me up.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

Yeah.

[Brian]

Holy.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

The light kicks on right in our face. You can see a mirror on the wall. And you can see a speaker and a camera. I've never seen a place like this.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, You've never watched an episode of Law and Order.

[Brian]

You've never seen an interrogation room. Come on, man.

[Jeff]

Obviously a light, a mirror.

[Chrissy]

And a speaker.

[Jeff]

And a speaker.

[Chrissy]

I can only hope what's gonna happen next is gonna happen. And I know what's gonna happen, Chrissy. So here it goes.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

It looks like an interrogation room. Why are we here?

[Brian]

You'll find out soon enough.

[Jeff]

I love how it went from black and white to color.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, well, once the light came on, then they turned off their night vision goggles. That's right. What are we doing here?

[Brian]

You're gonna do some yoga poses for my Instagram. We're starting an only fans page. Against your will. Now, Buck, get those pants off real quick.

[Chrissy]

Well, I tell you what.

[Brian]

What if you fellas just sit back. You're doing shows.

[Jeff]

Sit back and enjoy the show.

[Brian]

Sit back and enjoy the show.

[Jeff]

I pictured, like this old peep show.

[Chrissy]

Yeah,

[Jeff]

where you put a quarter in.

[Brian]

And now Justin Bieber. Now Armie Hammer performs his one man play called Sudoku.

[Jeff]

Live from the Cayman Islands.

[Brian]

Yeah. Live from the Cayman Islands. Enjoy, boys.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

This whole situation is weird.

[Brian]

You don't say, Buck.

[Chrissy]

You don't say get up and walk

[Unidentified Male Voice]

out of here at any time. But if we want answers, we gotta see what's next.

[Jeff]

We gotta watch the show.

[Brian]

We could literally get up and walk it out of here at any moment. But I don't know if you noticed, but I'm not too good at walking. And I probably won't get very far without a Taco Bell. Stop. This episode of Mountain Monster brought to you by Taco Bell. Try our new fuego sauce.

[Jeff]

They need answers.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

There's somebody in there.

[Chrissy]

So what's going on now is the three boys are lined up in a. In a.

[Brian]

Like.

[Chrissy]

Like a cabin made at Home Depot. They're lined up in front of a mirror, and what they're hearing. They're hearing noises and behind the mirror. So I'm assuming there's something back there that's soon gonna. Gonna do something to themselves. Yes.

[Brian]

Hello?

[Carl]

Hello?

[Jeff]

Hey,

[Brian]

who's that?

[Chrissy]

It's me, Carl. What's going on, guys? Hey, Huck. I just want to give you a call and let you know that my little P's rocking it for Jesus. It's also rocking it for you. These things that you don't talk about, these weird things we don't believe about. We don't believe any of that here at my church. But I just want to let you know, you're one big boy and you need a ride. You know what I'm saying?

[Brian]

You need a ride, Buck.

[Chrissy]

What if I drop some cash right

[Brian]

on your front door? The picture of my little Pete.

[Chrissy]

My preaching penis.

[Brian]

What do you hashtag? Preaching penis?

[Rachel]

Carl.

[Jeff]

I bet Carl's a love bomber.

[Chrissy]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian]

Oh, I'm a love bomber. You better believe it. I'm dropping bombs all over the place. Carl is a love bomb. You know he is.

[Chrissy]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

Why are we here?

[Jeff]

Somebody's making a move to do my taxes.

[Brian]

Is this an itemized deduction?

[Unidentified Male Voice]

Hello?

[Jeff]

Oh,

[Brian]

exactly. So what, you can't see YouTube.com the commercial break.

[Chrissy]

If you want to see this, what you cannot see is that out of the mirror pops a monster.

[Jeff]

A monster mask thing you would buy at Party City.

[Chrissy]

Yeah. Something you would buy at Party City,

[Jeff]

like for Halloween decoration.

[Brian]

And Buck goes, oh,

[Unidentified Male Voice]

I'm sitting.

[Brian]

Damn, I'm sitting.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

As soon as that skeleton appeared in

[Brian]

my face and said, ah, my drawers,

[Jeff]

I had to sit back down.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

Sit down. I sat down. There's not a whole lot of things that scare me, but that did.

[Brian]

There's not a whole lot of things that scare me, but a $99 mask from Walmart gave me the runs immediately.

[Jeff]

I'm good with big Pigfoot.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian]

Bigfoot, whisper wolves, anything. The lady in the woods. That's right. But however, this running mask got me nervous. Or maybe it was the mirror. I'm not sure. I haven't seen myself in a long time.

[Unidentified Female Voice]

I got.

[Brian]

I got big.

[Mysterious Character (Woman of the Woods)]

Do you know who I am?

[Brian]

Are you Jason, the guy that killed

[Unidentified Male Voice]

the stone as giant?

[Brian]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mysterious Character (Woman of the Woods)]

No.

[Carl]

What do you want with us?

[Mysterious Character (Woman of the Woods)]

I want to make a deal.

[Carl]

A deal?

[Brian]

I need a back rub. You do my back, I'll do yours.

[Jeff]

I need to make a deal.

[Brian]

I want Billy, your cameraman.

[Unidentified Female Voice]

No, guys, that ain't fair.

[Brian]

He's delicious. He's a twink. I want him now.

[Carl]

Let me tell you what right now, boy. There's no way in hell we're gonna help you kill another damn Bigfoot.

[Mysterious Character (Woman of the Woods)]

I never said I was after a Bigfoot.

[Brian]

I'm after the all you can eat Hardee's buffet. But they won't let me in since I don't have A body

[Jeff]

need your help.

[Brian]

I need your help grabbing the food and putting it into my mouth. I'm so hungry.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

What are you after?

[Mysterious Character (Woman of the Woods)]

I want you to go back County, Virginia, back to the dark forest.

[Brian]

What an original name for a forest. The dark forest. Aren't they all dark at some point?

[Jeff]

The woman of the woods.

[Chrissy]

He wants him to capture the woman of the woods, which the party city's goal. Party city demanding Party city mask wants

[Brian]

them to catch another woman running around in party city paraphernalia.

[Chrissy]

That's right.

[Brian]

It.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

The woman of the woods. The woman of the woods is someone we don't want to mess with. This team's already had one heck of encounter with her. When we were in Lee County. She touched Huckleberry and Jeff.

[Brian]

She touched my little. She touched my little mountain man.

[Unidentified Female Voice]

She touched them.

[Brian]

She got me riding the poop shoot.

[Unidentified Female Voice]

I didn't get it on camera, but I saw it.

[Jeff]

She touched it. Oh, my God.

[Unidentified Female Voice]

She took a big old dong and put it right up. Huckleberry I saw was. It was ugly, to say the least,

[Unidentified Male Voice]

and marked him for death. Jeff ended up facing off with her.

[Chrissy]

His hu.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

Collapsed down on him and walked off with him.

[Brian]

Wait, that woman in the woods took off with Jeff?

[Jeff]

That's why they keep having, you know, Jeff number one. Jeff number two.

[Chrissy]

That's right.

[Jeff]

Huckleberry.

[Chrissy]

Billy. Billy junior.

[Jeff]

Well, we lost another one.

[Brian]

Hi, I'm Brian from Atlanta, and I'm here to read for Jeff. I thought you had a Jeff. Well, we did. We've had a couple. But the women of the woods took him away. His hut collapsed. It's a whole story I don't want to get into. But we found his mutilated bottle. If he found his mutilated body a

[Chrissy]

couple miles down the road, it was unfortunate.

[Brian]

It looked like he died. It looked like he died from constant anal beads going in and out of his ears.

[Chrissy]

It's a bad scene.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

Then when we found him, he's bleeding.

[Carl]

He's bleeding.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

He was covered in blood. She threw this team for a loop and she affected Jeff's mind, maybe for life.

[Brian]

Yep. He looks like he's been affected for life. Look at him. He's like, oh, the woman of the woods. Oh, my butt already hurts.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

All right, we help you get this woman of the woods. How's this benefit us?

[Brian]

You'll get an Emmy nomination. An Emmy nomination for best scientific program.

[Mysterious Character (Woman of the Woods)]

I have something you want.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

What's that?

[Jeff]

Huckleberry number one.

[Brian]

A free. A lifetime pass to the old country buffet. Huckleberry number One Huckleberry number one through five.

[Unidentified Female Voice]

Oh guys, we've been looking for that guy for a long time. Quick, make the deal.

[Mysterious Character (Woman of the Woods)]

If you capture the one of the woods in exchange I'll bring you those who killed.

[Chrissy]

Oops, sorry.

[Jeff]

Stoneish giant.

[Chrissy]

The stoneish giant. The stonish giant was.

[Brian]

No, no. What do you think I am? A murderer? You think I'm a violent man?

[Carl]

But you.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

He says he can deliver who killed the stone as giant and let us know where the body is.

[Jeff]

Not the son.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

If he can make good on that

[Chrissy]

deal the person who killed him and the body of the stone is giant which would pretty much.

[Jeff]

Oh, okay. Tie things up in a neat bow.

[Chrissy]

Listen, they've been looking for Bigfoot for 13 seasons. So if they can find the stone ish giant then it's all over.

[Brian]

We can all go home and call it a day on the mountain. Monsters.

[Chrissy]

You make this rather snappy, won't you? I have some very heavy thinking to do before 10 o'.

[Brian]

Clock.

[Rachel]

Hi cats and kittens. Rachel here. Do you ever get the urge to speak endlessly into the void like Brian? Well, I've got just the place for you to do that. 212-4333, TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Feel free to call and yell all you want. Tell Brian I need a raise. Call. Compliment Chrissy's innate ability to put up with all his shenanigans or tell us a little story. The juicier the better. By the way, we love to hear your voice because Lord knows we're done listening to ourselves. Also give us a follow on your favorite socials at the commercial break on Insta TCB podcast on TikTok. And for those of you who like to watch. Oh, that came out wrong. We put all the episodes out on video, YouTube.com thecommercial break break and tcbpodcast.com for all the info on the show, your free sticker or just to see how pretty we look. Okay, I gotta go now. I've got a date with my dog. No, seriously. Axel needs food. Today is pork chop day.

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[Mysterious Character (Woman of the Woods)]

Go to the Dark Forest and you will find what you're looking for.

[Chrissy]

Right down through there.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

How do we know you'll keep good on your deal?

[Mysterious Character (Woman of the Woods)]

I've never lied to you and I never will.

[Jeff]

Have they had communication with him before?

[Brian]

Finders keepers, losers weepers. I promise. I promise. Pinky swear? I don't have a pinky. But if I did, how do I know? I've never lied to you and I never will. In the one and a half minutes of conversation that we've had, I haven't said one dishonest thing.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

Yeah, you kind of did. Because you told us she was going to contact us. We sat around by the phone for months.

[Unidentified Female Voice]

We sat around by the phone for months.

[Jeff]

That's what happens with a love bomb.

[Brian]

Yep.

[Chrissy]

Domino's Pizza. Yeah. Yeah, we'd like to get 27 pizzas delivered.

[Brian]

Oh, wait, I gotta let you go. This could be the Stone Ish Giant. Hello?

[Unidentified Female Voice]

Hi, Buck. It's your mom.

[Brian]

Mom, I gotta go. I'm ordering Domino's. Waiting for Stoney's Giant to call. God damn it, Mom. We've been waiting around for months.

[Jeff]

By the phone.

[Brian]

Yeah, by the phone.

[Jeff]

For the skeleton to call.

[Chrissy]

For the skeleton to call.

[Brian]

He didn't even know who he was at first. Like what? Just doesn't make any sense.

[Chrissy]

It this is thin writing skills on behalf of I want to see who the writers are.

[Mysterious Character (Woman of the Woods)]

For this you speak. There are secrets you've yet to learn, Jedi Master.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

I don't know what that means. So far it seems like one big riddle after the next.

[Brian]

Right now I've got the solution to pie. I'm going to share it with you. I know how to do a Rubik's Cube in under a minute.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

We're playing by his rules and I'm about tired of it.

[Mysterious Character (Woman of the Woods)]

Everything you need is in front of you.

[Brian]

Where'd you go?

[Carl]

Hey, I don't know who in the hell this guy.

[Brian]

Where'd you go? I'm a dismembered head. I can go wherever I want. Shithead. Everything you need is right in front of you. It's a box of 12 tacos from Taco Bell. What do you want me to do with that?

[Carl]

Is. But he claims that everything we need to catch this woman of the woods is right in front of us.

[Brian]

See that moving in that left window again? Yeah, I see somebody moving around a bunch. Shoot it. Kill them all.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

Jeff, I had you zip Tied in front for a reason. I know you don't have no shoulder problems. When they patted Huck down, they missed a knife in the right top part of his boot. We're getting antsy. It's about time to get out of here.

[Jeff]

Now's the time.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, because when you pat somebody down,

[Brian]

you don't look right in their sock. That's you. Don't worry. Don't worry about the sock. No one puts a knife in there.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

Just get the hell out of here.

[Jeff]

He's actually in his pocket.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

Get that off.

[Jeff]

Where's the camera?

[Chrissy]

Yeah, this is all being filmed and recorded for posterity. He say, chrissy,

[Unidentified Male Voice]

answer's right in front of our face. I'm tired of these games. The answer's right in front of our face. I want to see yours.

[Brian]

Oh.

[Jeff]

Leave a chair.

[Brian]

Buck's lost his. Buck.

[Chrissy]

Just so you know, that Buck got. They untied themselves. They.

[Brian]

They. They had a knife.

[Jeff]

Very easily.

[Chrissy]

They had a knife.

[Brian]

So they cut themselves free.

[Chrissy]

They had a knife the whole time.

[Brian]

Why did they leave? A long time ago.

[Chrissy]

But, you know, they had to say what? To see what the dismembered head had to say. And then Buck got so upset, he threw a chair through the mirror. Yeah, I wonder where that mirror was

[Brian]

made, because it came down pretty easily, didn't. Yeah. What the hell?

[Jeff]

Now the other two are moving in.

[Carl]

What? What in the world?

[Jeff]

Hell. Damn.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

Oh, my God.

[Chrissy]

Holy.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

It's a hog's head.

[Carl]

What the hell? Buck throws that chair through that mirror. All of a sudden, right there behind it, there's a damn hog's head on a.

[Brian]

There's a stuffed animal hog's head with some fake blood running out of it.

[Unidentified Female Voice]

What do you think, guys? Did pretty good job on that one, huh? Scared you? Scared you.

[Chrissy]

I don't understand at all what's going on here.

[Carl]

Blood coming out of its nose, its ears, its eyes. What the hell does that mean?

[Unidentified Male Voice]

Whatever.

[Brian]

Whatever. Whatever. Do we miss it?

[Jeff]

Yeah. The other two.

[Brian]

Yeah. These guys decide to burst in after

[Chrissy]

all the action is over.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

Look in here. Check it out. What the hell? What do you mean, damn?

[Brian]

What's that all about?

[Chrissy]

I don't know.

[Brian]

Well, I guess we're having hog head for dinner. What's that all about? So ridiculous.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

We gotta figure out how we're gonna get Zach unchained. I'm getting chained up like an elephant. Are you freaking serious?

[Brian Greene]

What?

[Brian]

He's laying right there.

[Chrissy]

They found a key. He found a key that happens to go to the leg shackles that the Cameraman is wearing the leg shackles that the cameraman.

[Brian]

Look at that. He just gets to take his foot out of there. It's just a chain. Yeah, on his right leg.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

Let's get out here and look and see if we can see anybody.

[Brian]

Yeah, let's do that. You guys see this blood?

[Unidentified Male Voice]

Anybody in here?

[Carl]

Holy.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

I'm telling you guys, there was someone in here. He was standing right there talking to us.

[Brian]

Right yonder talking to us. Let's bring in the CSI team and get some collective evidence. We never seen nobody leave.

[Unidentified Male Voice]

Guys, they're gone. There's nothing else we can do. We have a lot to fill you two in on.

[Chrissy]

You didn't even look outside.

[Brian]

How can you make you claim that they're gone? There's nothing else here for us to do. Well, another case is unsolved by the

[Chrissy]

mountain monsters

[Unidentified Male Voice]

away from here. I don't feel safe. We need to go get in my truck, get out of here. And we need to find Trapper.

[Brian]

Hell yes, we do.

[Carl]

Tonight we met with that rogue team, but we still ain't been able to get a hold of Trapper. We got a shag ass out of here here.

[Jeff]

Never heard that.

[Brian]

I never heard that either. It's kind of a cool saying, Huckleberry.

[Carl]

The hell's going on with him?

[Brian]

Okay, well, there you go.

[Chrissy]

We have to wait till another episode of Mountain Monsters in order to finish this off. Well, Chrissy and I got a shag

[Brian]

ass out of here, so

[Jeff]

I love it.

[Brian]

Oh, I love it too. The mountain monsters bring us so much joy and so much, much fun. It's so much.

[Jeff]

It really is.

[Chrissy]

It's. It's ridiculous. I mean, come on. It's all being filmed in multiple camera angles. Yeah, I can't get enough either. I could do this all day. I could literally do us a Frankie B. A mountain monsters and a Teresa Caputo. I could do those three at a separate podcast and feel really happy about it.

[Brian]

Oh, my gosh. Well, there you go.

[Chrissy]

That.

[Unidentified Female Voice]

That.

[Brian]

Maybe that guy behind the. The mirror was Army Hammer.

[Jeff]

He might have been.

[Chrissy]

He's eating the hog head back there. All right, little advice from Chrissy to Chrissy and I to you out there in the audience, don't date Armie Hammer. No matter how much. How attractive. They're living in the Cayman Islands in a timeshare. Look. Yeah, but you know, there's. There's somebody out there. Somebody out there right now is probably dating that guy. Yeah, because he is one handsome. I do have to say that. Yeah.

[Jeff]

And he's been on some shows and movies or something.

[Chrissy]

He was in the Social Network and Call Me by their name or something like that where he played a gay man having an affair with a younger gay man, a gay boy, really. And he was like an Oscar contender, I think. Or there was some talk about it. But, you know, once you start, once you start leaving Instagram messages that you want to eat people, your career is likely to take a nose up, hightail

[Jeff]

it, shag, ass it down.

[Chrissy]

I see Armie Hammer beef being huckleberry number 52, like 10 years from.

[Jeff]

Yes, that's it. So.

[Chrissy]

Well, let's hope he gets the help he needs. Let's hope the women who are victims of his get the help that they need. We don't mean to make fun. We know that. We know that it's here. But hey, listen, you don't come to the commercial break for serious talk.

[Jeff]

No, I hope not to put a

[Chrissy]

trigger warning on this episode. All right, go to tcbpodcast.com that's where you find out out more about Chrissy and I. You'll watch all the video, you'll listen to all the audio. It's quite simply the place to go for anything. Tcb, hit the contact us button. Send us your stories, ask for advice. We'll take it all. Comments, questions, concerns, content, ideas all right there on the website tcbpodcast.com or 661-2378-296666 Best to Yo Text us, leave us a voicemail. We're here for you. YouTube.com the commercial break for all the full episodes. A few days after they air clips, every single day of the week, it's a whole different show. Go watch it. All right, Chrissy. I think that's all I can do.

[Jeff]

I think so, Brian.

[Chrissy]

So I love you.

[Jeff]

I love you.

[Chrissy]

And best to you.

[Brian]

Best to you and best to you out there in the podcast universe.

[Chrissy]

Until next time. We always say, we do say, we must say.

[Brian Greene]

Bye,

[Brian]

Sam.