The Commercial Break – TCB Spring Breakin: The Rwar Package!
Episode Date: March 25, 2026
Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Joy Hoadley
Episode Overview
In this spring break "classic" episode, Bryan and Krissy recount Bryan’s family expedition to the Great Wolf Lodge—a notorious indoor water park and resort—delivering an epic, comedic breakdown of the highs, lows, and grimy realities of parenting through "adventure packs," chlorinated chaos, arcade money-pits, grown men on children’s slides, and the never-ending onslaught of germs. Interspersed are classic TCB tangents on podcasting (and its loneliness), listener shoutouts, pop culture scandals, and the perils of influencer meme-coins. All delivered with the pair’s signature irreverence and self-deprecating wit.
Listener Shoutouts & Podcasting Real Talk
[02:50 – 11:49]
- Bryan picks up the studio phone to check in on the audience, reflecting on listener feedback, giving shoutouts, and musing on positive vs. negative interactions.
- Notable mention of Brandon from Knoxville/Bristol/Johnson City and the success story of Raphael’s cousin—“that guy's into everything over there…restaurants, liquor stores, bars…”
- Hillbilly Horror Stories gets a mention for driving listeners to TCB; condolences for the recent passing of Jerry, one of their hosts.
- References to the “Naked Attraction” and “Frankie B” episodes, and ongoing requests for more wild content.
- On audience relationships & podcasting’s solitude:
“Podcasting can be a lonely venture...There’s literally no one on the other side...It's a camera, a mic, and no one else in the room.” – Bryan (09:07)
- Plans for upcoming special episode with “Gustavo” regarding USA vs. Venezuela soccer, working to ease his microphone-phobia.
Commentary on Viral Podcasts & Influencer Coin Disasters
[12:00 – 20:54]
- Bobby Althoff’s podcasting rise and fall:
- Bryan recaps Bobby’s explosion in fame after dry, off-kilter interviews with celebrities (most notably Drake), the subsequent "industry plant" accusations, and her rapid decline in popularity as the mystique wore off.
- ~“For every Joe Rogan...Conan O'Brien...there are 50 of us just paying the bills. That’s it. And barely.”
– Bryan (15:25) - Bryan empathizes: “Everybody’s playing a character when the camera turns on...I don’t fault Bobby for doing her thing. Right? No, I don’t find that shtick interesting, but it’s mean-spirited to stomp on her for not having the views anymore.”
- The Hawk Tuah Meme Coin Fiasco:
- Another social media trainwreck: Bryan and Krissy roast “Hawk Tuah” coin—the viral meme-token disaster that left some followers out thousands (or more) after influencer grifting and poor management.
- “One dude was like, ‘I lost $450,000 in Hawk tuah coin.’ And I’m like, who gave you $450,000 in the first place?” – Bryan (19:51)
- Both express exasperation at influencer fads, sketchy management, and people scammed by meme coins.
- Another social media trainwreck: Bryan and Krissy roast “Hawk Tuah” coin—the viral meme-token disaster that left some followers out thousands (or more) after influencer grifting and poor management.
Main Segment: A Great Wolf Lodge Recap
[21:51 – 69:36]
The Waterpark Experience
[21:51 – 32:39]
- Bryan describes being trapped in a “piss-soaked lazy river” and the infamous wave pool.
- His daughters’ first-time excitement collides with parental horror:
“It would have been like...going to Dunkin Donuts, watching some lady lick all the donuts, and then having to buy one...This is how I felt about the Great Wolf Lodge wave pool. Someone licked the donuts. But my kids are hungry.”
– Bryan (22:21) - Observational comedy on wave pool lifeguards, the new "scanning" head technique, and the surprising reality that adults are often bigger hazards than children.
- Lifeguards repeatedly have to intervene with intoxicated adults:
“There are small children around...you’re acting the fool...You don’t throw children at the wave when it’s coming their way.”
– Bryan (26:49)
- His daughters’ first-time excitement collides with parental horror:
The Splash Park, Big Kids & Grown-Ass Children
[32:39 – 36:30]
- Bryan’s disgust at adults using the children’s splash slides:
- “There’s no human being on earth that would look at this pool and say ‘This is made for me as an adult.’ ...You are in desperate need of a blowjob...some sexual affection to mature your ass a little bit.”
– Bryan (33:03) - Krissy: “No, that should not be allowed.”
– (32:39)
- “There’s no human being on earth that would look at this pool and say ‘This is made for me as an adult.’ ...You are in desperate need of a blowjob...some sexual affection to mature your ass a little bit.”
The Rwar! (Rawr?) Adventure Pack Scandal
[42:27 – 44:42]
- The “Rwar package” is promoted as an all-access deal—but only gets you discounts and endless putt-putt, not access to the sought-after ropes course.
- “And I’m like, I have the Rawr pack. I’m roaring. I’m supposed to have the rawr here. And he’s like, you just get a fucking discount. ... And I’m like, I don’t want to play putt putt. No one likes putt putt. Let’s be honest. It’s played out a little bit. Okay? But guess what we do? We play putt putt.”
– Bryan (43:13) - Memorable comedic beat as the only thing included is repetitive mini-golf.
- “And I’m like, I have the Rawr pack. I’m roaring. I’m supposed to have the rawr here. And he’s like, you just get a fucking discount. ... And I’m like, I don’t want to play putt putt. No one likes putt putt. Let’s be honest. It’s played out a little bit. Okay? But guess what we do? We play putt putt.”
The Climbing Wall & Bryan's Accidental Show of Bravery
[45:47 – 52:35]
- The family gets drawn into the massive climbing wall. Bryan’s competitive instincts kick in after Astrid and Gustavo try it; he can’t refuse:
- “Something about those words compelled my balls to release a high dose of testosterone and my brain went into auto shut-off mode.”
– Bryan (48:04) - Bryan, afraid of heights, adrenaline-climbs to the top—then promptly falls:
“But like most of my life, most accomplishments are then superseded by some embarrassment. I must have looked like an idiot...falling non-gracefully three stories down and landing directly on my back.”
– Bryan (49:57)
- “Something about those words compelled my balls to release a high dose of testosterone and my brain went into auto shut-off mode.”
The Arcade: Childhood Fleshpot & Germ Factory
[52:43 – 55:42]
- The arcade is another notorious money pit:
- Claw games, ticket machines, marginal prizes, and maximum germs:
“But you know, [they’re] not going in and cleaning after all of those kids...I give in because I’m like, germs. I know.”
– Bryan (53:21) - Shoutout to the helpful (but probably over-it) staff:
“We actually didn’t have the tickets to get them what they wanted...the people just let us. But then I thought about it. I just spent $110 at your arcade. Thanks for the bouncy ball. That cost a cent.”
– Bryan (55:42)
- Claw games, ticket machines, marginal prizes, and maximum germs:
Late Night Pizza Chaos
[56:12 – 67:12]
- Ordering “Wolfie’s pizza” turns into a sociological deep dive as Bryan witnesses families slowly losing their minds during long waits.
- Lady and her kids openly pilfering drinks and supplies:
“These people are stealing from the Great Wolf Lodge. Drinks, waters, sodas, utensils, napkins...This is going to make it twice as expensive next time I decide to come, because you’re on scam, the honor system.”
– Bryan (61:11) - A tense near-meltdown between an angry dad and an overworked teen worker. Bryan steps in to pacify the situation:
“Hey man, he’s a kid. He’s just doing what he’s told to do...He’s not the one that’s making this all...Just give him a break, right?”
– Bryan (65:48) - Bryan’s son, processing it all:
“Daddy, I think that guy said the word asshole.”
– (63:41)
- Lady and her kids openly pilfering drinks and supplies:
Petri (Peach Tree?) Dishes and Germaphobia
[39:21 – 44:17; 67:12 – 69:13]
- Bryan’s children debate showering post-pool; he explains:
“Would you want to take a shower if you had just peed on your own leg? ... That’s why we’re taking a shower after we got out of the pool, because we just peed on our own leg. But it wasn’t our pee. Someone else, and it was more than our leg.”
– Bryan (39:21) - Ongoing horror at hotel germ culture: “We don’t allow for baths anymore because who knows what’s going on in those bathtubs... This is the Great Wolf Lodge. This ain’t the Ritz fucking Carlton.”
- Krissy calls out Bryan’s repeated mispronunciation:
“Did you say peach tree dish?”
– Krissy (67:07)
“Thank you, Chrissy. It’s Petri.”
– Bryan (67:12)- “Peach tree just a Georgia thing.”
– Krissy (67:23)
- “Peach tree just a Georgia thing.”
Final Reflections: Would You Go Back?
[67:54 – 69:36]
- While Bryan swears he’ll return for his kids’ sake, parental apprehension remains high, especially after realizing he never saw a cleaning crew enter the pool area post-closure.
- “...But the children love it and it’s not about me...no one ended up with their anuses falling out. So there you go.”
- On Great Wolf Lodge guests:
“Where do we find these people? Where do we find, amongst us...They’re all living amongst us. They’re your neighbors, your friends, the people you’re passing on the highway. These are the people in your neighborhood. And they’re all fucked up.”
– Bryan (37:42)
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- “It would have been like, I don’t know, going to Dunkin Donuts, watching some lady lick all the donuts, and then having to buy one…This is how I felt about walking into the Great Wolf Lodge wave pool.” (22:21 – Bryan)
- “You don’t throw children at the wave when it’s coming their way, right? That’s like some form of child abuse.” (26:49 – Bryan)
- “There’s no human being on earth that would look at this pool and say this is made for me as an adult…you are in desperate need of a blowjob.” (33:03 – Bryan)
- “I have the Rawr pack. I’m roaring. I’m supposed to have the rawr here. And he’s like, you just get a fucking discount. …well, the activities that are included are putt putt and putt putt and putt putt. And I’m like, I don’t want to play putt putt.” (43:13 – Bryan)
- “Something about those words compelled my balls to release a high dose of testosterone and my brain went into auto shut-off mode.” (48:03 – Bryan, on climbing wall challenge)
- “But like most of my life, most accomplishments are then superseded by some embarrassment. I can’t win for losing.” (49:57 – Bryan, after falling off climbing wall)
- “Daddy, I think that guy said the word asshole.” (63:41 – Bryan’s son, during pizza shop meltdown)
- “Did you say peach tree dish?” (67:07 – Krissy)
Timestamps for Major Sections
- Listener Shoutouts/Podcast Solitude: 02:50 – 11:49
- Podcast Industry Riffs & Meme Coin Rant: 12:00 – 20:54
- Wave Pool Horror: 21:51 – 32:39
- Splash Park Grownups: 32:39 – 36:30
- Rawr Pack & Ropes Course: 42:27 – 44:42
- Climbing Wall Adventure: 45:47 – 52:35
- Arcade Mayhem: 52:43 – 55:42
- Late Night Pizza Saga: 56:12 – 67:12
- Petri/Peach Tree Dishes & Germaphobia: 39:21 – 44:17; 67:12 – 69:13
- Reflections, Cleaning Woes & Wrap-up: 67:54 – 69:36
Episode Tone & Style
- Unfiltered, self-deprecating, observational, and at times darkly absurd—Bryan and Krissy riff with improvisational energy, drawing humor from both personal humiliation and humanity’s collective weirdness.
- The friendship and inside jokes between the hosts carry throughout, giving listeners the familiar “fly-on-the-wall” vibe TCB is known for.
Summary Usefulness:
Great for anyone who wants a vivid, hilarious peek at both the realities of indoor family “fun” and the strange, supportive world of the TCB podcast community. Not just for TCB super-fans, but anyone who’s ever navigated group activities, awkward public parenting, or the pitfalls of American waterparks and influencer culture.
Skip the Putt Putt, but don’t skip this episode recap!