That's Lynda With a Y To You!

Summary

The Commercial Break

Episode: "That's Lynda With a Y To You!"

Date: June 12, 2024
Hosts: Brian Green & Kristen Joy "Chrissy" Oatley

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Episode Overview

In this improvisational, freewheeling episode, Bryan and Chrissy dive into two primary comedic topics: their ongoing "possum controversy" with listeners, and Bryan's relentless trolling of text scammers. True to the podcast's chaotic, self-aware style, the duo weave personal stories, bizarre tangents, and local Atlanta social media absurdities (notably, the Nextdoor app) for a blend of relatable humor and outlandish banter. The episode is punctuated by running jokes, callbacks, and a tongue-in-cheek but affectionate roasting of their own audience and themselves.

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Main Segments & Key Discussion Points

1. Revisiting the Great Possum Debate (00:41–08:26)

• Recap: Bryan and Chrissy discuss recent feedback from a listener upset over anti-possum sentiments aired a week prior.
• Listener Caitlin’s Help: They thank listener Caitlin for sending in the episode where Bryan went off on possums, highlighting the show’s own inability to remember what they discussed a week before.
• Audio Flashback: Bryan replays his past rant (05:04–07:41) about his general dislike for possums, equating them to "little aliens crawling around the earth."
• Emotional Honesty: The hosts reaffirm that while Bryan may not love possums, he wouldn’t hurt one—"I would swerve to miss it if I saw it running across the street" (07:54).
• Comic Acceptance: Despite the listener drama, Bryan stands by his "alien" description, but admits improv and long weekly recording hours may contribute to his bluntness.

Notable Quotes:

• “My goodwill stops at roaches and possums. You know what I'm saying? I don't feel bad for you...you're like little aliens crawling around this earth.”
  — Brian Greene (06:10)
• “We agreed baby possums get a break. They didn't choose to be here.”
  — Brian Greene (07:37)
• “Possum haters unite!”
  — Brian Greene (08:26)

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2. Scammer Text Message Shenanigans (08:27–32:32)

• Introduction: Bryan and Chrissy transition into a lengthy discussion about spam texts and scam calls, with Bryan explaining his hobby: stringing along would-be scammers for his (and the podcast's) amusement.
• Old Scammer War Stories: Bryan shares anecdotes, including a 2.5-year email correspondence with a "Nigerian prince" (09:53) during his Clear Channel days, noting how quickly the scammers cycled personnel but stuck to the same script.
• Modern Tactics: Focus shifts to Bryan's current favorite pastime—baiting text scammers with increasingly absurd, sometimes explicit, responses to waste their time and prevent them from scamming more vulnerable people.
  • Scammer strategies: Pretending to be a wrong number, sending personal photos (often AI-generated or fake), offering "friendly" conversation that leads to requests for money or personal info.
  • Bryan’s methods: Responding as outlandish characters, referencing exploding hemorrhoids, gerbils stuck in inappropriate places, chicken anus inspectors, fake bank transfers, and often ending with sending ridiculous pictures such as "Long Dong Silver" (16:17).
• Live Readings: Bryan reads actual scammer text exchanges from his phone, with real-time play-by-play and comic commentary.
  • Highlight: The Lynda/Linda Exchange: (21:48–23:06) The episode’s title is drawn from Bryan’s persistent correction of a scammer calling him "Linda":
    • "This is Linda with a Y, not with an I. You know that, Diana...Why are you asking me stupid questions? By the way, how's your mom?" (21:48)
    • "If you continue to call me Linda with an I, I'm gonna get very angry." (22:23)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments:

• “One time I had a guy... I kept telling him I needed my grandma to take me to Walmart... took screenshots of Walmart gift card racks... it ends with me sending a picture of Long Dong Silver, half hard. The guy is like ‘You should go to hell for all your dirty talking.’”
  — Brian Greene (14:36–16:29)
• “If my wife ever looked at my phone, she’d be like, ‘what are you doing?’ ‘Oh, just sending big dick pics to my friends across the sea.’”
  — Brian Greene (16:46)
• “Are you at work today?” “Yes, we have 242,000 chicken anuses to test.”
  — Bryan reading a scam text (18:55)
• “I hope this brings you many happy holidays.” (Referring to sending a picture of a man holding a dildo between his ass cheeks in response to a scammer’s request for an address.)
  — Brian Greene (24:21)

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3. A Tour through Nextdoor Absurdity & Atlanta Water Crisis (34:48–52:12)

• Local News Setup: Chrissy recounts Atlanta’s recent string of water main breaks and boil water advisories, and Bryan offers context on the city’s infrastructure woes.
• Nextdoor App Commentary: They turn to reading and deconstructing the bizarre, unhelpful, or clueless posts found on their local Nextdoor app.
  • Examples:
    • “This is my cat, Andre needs fresh water. Do I have to boil?”
    • “I saw this snake in the park… I think it’s because of the water main break.”
    • “Looking for office person one day a week. Medical clinic.”
    • “Looking for outside membership to tennis.”
    • “Does anybody else like the band Kiss? Looking to start a fan club.”
    • “Yamaha keyboard. Keyboard doesn’t work, but you’re welcome to have it.”
• Social Media Generations: Bryan reflects on age/generational divides seen in Nextdoor users’ reactions, referencing an early-pandemic post that accidentally incited 650 cranky responses.
• Brief Clubhouse Nostalgia: They digress into the rise and fall of Clubhouse, comparing it to Nextdoor as an example of how quickly online communities can implode or turn bizarre.
• Running Jokes: “Petting the chickens” as a euphemism, Bryan’s “third grade responses”, and the ever-present dumbfounding logic of Nextdoor posters.

Notable Quotes:

• “Looking for someone to replace cabinet door… please make sure I talk to the manager.”
  — Bryan reading Nextdoor (50:38)
• “Can anyone recommend a gutter cleaning service? My husband recently fell off the roof...I refuse to let him give it a second try.”
  — Bryan reading Nextdoor (51:22)

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• “My goodwill stops at roaches and possums. You know what I'm saying? I don't feel bad for you...you're like little aliens crawling around this earth.”
  — Brian Greene (06:10)
• “We agreed baby possums get a break. They didn't choose to be here.”
  — Brian Greene (07:37)
• “One of my favorite things in the world is chicken anus. I guess it’s not that bad.”
  — Brian Greene (19:12)
• “If you continue to call me Linda with an I, I’m gonna get very angry.”
  — Brian Greene (22:23)
• “I hope this brings you many happy holidays.”
  — Brian Greene (24:21)

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Memorable Moments & Running Gags

• Bryan’s on-air improv responses to actual scam texts—especially the Linda/Lynda ("with a Y!") exchange
• The absurd detail and quick escalation of Brian’s scammer conversations, often involving animal anatomy or geriatric complaints
• The duo’s wonderment at the uselessness or dysfunctionality of Nextdoor posts (“Yamaha keyboard doesn’t work, but you’re welcome to have it.”)
• Callbacks to longstanding show absurdities: “Cats and kittens”, “opossums vs. possums”, and recurring riffing on pet names like Cornelius and Delilah
• The gentle self-mockery about their aging memories, podcasting stamina, and tendency to create and forget running bits (“We talk so much we can’t remember.” 01:43)

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Conclusion and Listener Interaction

• Chrissy and Bryan encourage listeners to keep sending in scam texts for Bryan to respond to, thanking fans and reminding everyone about their hotline and upcoming merch.
• The show ends with typical over-the-top affection and signature farewells: “I'll tell you that I love you.” (54:42), “Best to you and best to you [out] there in the podcast universe… we must say goodbye, Sack, and keep on licking.”

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Summary Table of Key Segments

| Segment | Topic | Notable Timestamps | Notable Quotes/Moments | |-----------------------------------|---------------------------------|--------------------|-----------------------------------------------| | Possum Debate Redux | Listener feedback; animal rant | 00:41–08:26 | “Possums are like little aliens…” 06:10 | | Scam Text Comedy | Bryan trolling scammers | 08:27–32:32 | “This is Lynda with a Y!” 21:48–22:23 | | Nextdoor & Atlanta Water Crisis | Social media absurdity/local news| 34:48–52:12 | “Yamaha keyboard doesn’t work…” 50:17 |

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TL;DR

Bryan and Chrissy revisit their infamous possum rant, field absurd listener feedback, and delight in trolling text scammers with comedic improv. Their playful spirit carries into a satirical reading of local Nextdoor app posts, lampooning social media’s oddest corners and Atlanta’s recent water woes. The episode is a bounty of off-the-cuff humor, signature banter, and a reminder that sometimes, the internet is best enjoyed as absurdist theater.

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For New Listeners

This episode is quintessential TCB—irreverent, improvised, occasionally mischievous, never afraid to chase a tangent, and always aiming to laugh hardest at themselves.

Transcript

[Brian Greene]

God, when people tell me, you're gonna regret that in the morning, I sleep till noon. Cause you know, I'm a problem solver.

On this episode of the commercial break. That's weird. I just got another picture from another person named Diana. Is she your twin? He says, I don't know. Excuse me, are you Linda? And I said, this is Linda with a Y, not with an I. You know that, Diana.

Why are you asking me stupid questions? By the way, how's your mom?

What are you trying to tell me? I'm sorry. It was a mistake that I added the wrong number and I got you. I hope you don't mind. And I said, if you continue to.

Call me lindo with an I, I'm gonna get very angry.

The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Greene. This is the opossum to my opossum, Kristen Joy Oatley. Best to you, Chrissy. Bestie to you out there in the podcast universe. Yes, yes, yes. They're aliens. And we know there's been a lot. There's a long, deep divide amongst the commercial rig listeners right now about opossum or opossum. And then whether or not. Yeah. Or just possum or whether or not we even have possums on this earth. I want to settle everybody down. I'm not looking to divide the country any more than it's already divided. We got enough troubles to worry about. We're not going to go over possums. But I do want to thank one of our listeners. Caitlin is a great listener, been listening for a long time, communicates with us frequently. She found the episode where we are talking about possums, and I've got that tape to roll.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

It wasn't too long ago either.

[Brian Greene]

It was less than a month ago.

It was a month and a couple days ago.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

We talk so much on this show that we.

[Brian Greene]

We don't even remember. I don't remember that just a month ago we had had this whole conversation about possums. I thought for sure it was years ago. I was like, oh, she must have gone deep in the catalog and found me saying something about possums she wasn't happy about.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

But no, just like 10 episodes ago.

[Brian Greene]

N. Yeah, it was like seven days ago. I mean, it's crazy that we couldn't remember that. It's so insane. We are old, Chrissy.

We are old.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Okay, Again, I think we just talk so much. We do that we can't remember.

[Brian Greene]

Flows what are you going to do?

We're.

We're.

We're at that point in life where.

There'S only so much information we can.

Stuff in our brains. We're at the point in our life where four days a week is even too much for us and we're the ones creating it.

I'm sure a lot of listeners would agree.

Shut Brian up is basically the sentiment on the Apple reviews right now.

Okay, okay.

You're not gonna. Not everyone's gonna be happy.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

It's not for everyone.

[Brian Greene]

But those of you that don't know Joe Dombrowski was our guest last week. Go take a listen to that episode. Joe was great, but Joe at the end, he apparently did his homework on the commercial because at the end he said, before I let you guys go, I have one more thing for you. I was reading your reviews and I found one and I'd like to let you know. And the review basically said, I was a big fan of your show until you started talking about possums. They belong here on earth more than humans do. And I was like, well, that's where we're at. Possums. Over the commercial break. It got that bad. But I could not, for the life of me, Chrissy.

Or I could now.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

We were like, when did we talk about possums?

[Brian Greene]

I have no idea. I had no idea. Well, it turns out just a week ago is when we talked about possums. And so I actually have that tape. I've pulled it. Do you want to hear it?

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Yes.

[Brian Greene]

Okay. This is from the episode the Kids Are not all right. I don't particularly remember what we were talking about.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

I don't either.

[Brian Greene]

But I. I actually think I. Since I listened to it, I do recall us having this conversation about me saving a seagull. Yes. A baby seagull or a young seagull at the beach. Because it had gotten some kind of cleaning solution for the submarine base that was down the street. It got some kind of cleaning solution on it that was toxic to this poor bird. And we took a 40 minute drive to go drop it off in the middle of the swamp in Florida. And that bird got loose in the car and started flying everywhere. So that's where we're picking up on the conversation now. What I'm about to play to you.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Somehow it segued into possums.

[Brian Greene]

Sounds exactly like the commercial break. Somehow we couldn't keep our train of thought. Sounds like us. That tracks.

I remember that.

Yes.

That math is mapping.

If someone says ADHD podcast and the commercial Break in the same sentence. It resonates. Yes. It tickles me in my warm spot. You know what I'm saying? Okay, so here we go. I'm gonna play this for you. This is not Chrissy and I talking live. Know that probably about the next minute. This is actually from that episode. The kids are not. All right, here you go. This is what I said. This is what got this person so upset. And by the way, this person, well, I'm not going to name because, you know, we don't need to start some big, you know, doxing war or anything. But I'm just going to share that if you want to come on air and talk to me about this, I'd be happy to have that conversation.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

We would love that.

[Brian Greene]

I'm open minded. That's still not going to like possums at the end of it. But that doesn't. We don't have to hate each other because of it. Okay, ready?

Here we go.

Here's the. Here's the bit of tape. So it, you know, like, I have this empathy for animals and when I see something that looks helpless, says Brian right before he says possums shouldn't be on earth, hurt, I want to help it. I nurtured a squirrel once back to health. Like, I want to help it, but I can't take all of them in and then just leave them there indefinitely. It's. It's insane to me. I have a friend who's got basically an animal hospital going on in their house any given time. There's snakes and reptiles and, you know, squirrels and possums. And this is true. I do have a friend. And on the other day on Facebook, when I looked at her Facebook page, she had a bird of some sort. Like a brown bird, like a. Like a regular bird, you know, just a bird. The brown bird you see outside and the brown. The brown thrasher and the bird was ch.

Seeing a cat around the house, wrecking it. It was so crazy. Oh, that's funny.

Okay, back to the tape. Raccoons are all running around everywhere. Every time I see a Facebook page, there's another weird animal in their hands. The other day, they're like petting a possum. I'm like, what are you doing? I think it's full of disease and nastiness. Like, my goodwill stops at roaches and possums. You know what I'm saying? I don't feel bad for you. I'm sorry, I just don't. Because you're kind of weird. You're like little Aliens crawling around this earth, and I'm not sure you should be here. So I don't know if my empathy extends that far. If you're a dog or a cat or a cute little bird. Those things I want.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

I mean, I'll swerve to miss it.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, of course you swerve to miss it.

It took me, like, five seconds.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Yeah, you thought about that?

[Brian Greene]

Yeah.

Okay, first of all, you realize that I got to do Chrissy and I got to do six hours of talking a week, right? So, yeah. My opinion on possums is just based on my initial reaction. I'm trying to tell a story that.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Turns out to be improv.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, we're improv. So I'm improving my opinion on. On possums. But I do agree with myself.

I do agree with myself. That's good.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

You stay in firm.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, I don't think I said all that.

Well, the weird.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

The weird, weird, weird part about all of this, and we probably need to put a pin in the whole possum situation. We've talked about it so much.

[Brian Greene]

No, I'm keeping this going. I'm going to roll.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

This weird, weird part was that right after that, there' baby possum in my yard.

[Brian Greene]

I know. That is kind of silly.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

I've never seen that before. And I had to take a picture of it and send it to Brian. And Brian goes, see? It does look like an alien.

[Brian Greene]

It does look like an alien. It's got that long, weird tail. It's got those beady little eyes. But we agreed yesterday, last week on the show that babies baby possums. Okay, we're gonna give a. We're gonna give a break to the baby possums. They didn't choose to be here.

They didn't choose to be possums.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

What if you're a possum in your next life now? So.

[Brian Greene]

Oh, I know. I'm gonna be a possum in a possum or, I don't know, possum or. I'm not gonna say it. All right, so there's your.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Thank you, Caitlin, for helping us jog our memory.

[Brian Greene]

That's right. Let's wrap this argument up with. Brian's not a huge fan of possums, but I would swerve to miss it if I saw it running across the street. I know it serves a purpose here on earth and. But my opinion doesn't change. I still think they look like aliens and, you know, they're a little bit strange and roaches and possums. I just noticed I just don't care for them. So whoever made the comment, whatever your name is, whoever made that, that post, I welcome you onto the show. We can talk about this like adults. Or at least you can talk about it like an adult. And I'll continue to be a child about it. And yeah, possum haters unite.

Here we are at the commercial break.

Are you getting these phone calls, text messages from random people asking you if you're a certain name. Like, hey, Bob, how are you? Been a long time.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Yeah, no, I do and I get them and I'm assuming they're scams, so I just block them.

[Brian Greene]

Yes, I. They are a scam.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Yeah, right.

[Brian Greene]

They're trying to get you into one of these scams where they build a relationship with you.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Oh, well, who are you? What's your name? Well, yeah, send me some money.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, send me your account number and I'll. We can be many happy friends if you just send me your account number. What? What'd I do?

I thought we were friends.

You can't send me $5,000. Western Union, right? No. Okay.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

The old gold card.

[Brian Greene]

Send it to the. To Bob, care of Darjeeling Limited.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Green cards or whatever they are. Green dot.

[Brian Greene]

Green dot gift card. Green dot gold cards from the American Express. The money. The FedEx Men's are on their way.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

The plane. Full of money.

[Brian Greene]

Playing full of money.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

That's really funny. That was back from. Was that back from our first season?

[Brian Greene]

Yeah. I had had a. So one of my pastimes because I don't. Because I don't have enough free time.

Because I have so much free time.

To be doing this. One of my pastimes.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Back when there was just one child.

[Brian Greene]

I think that was back when there was one listener.

Astrid.

The FedEx Men's are coming. I think is the name of. Is the name of the episodes probably in the first 50 episodes, I gotta imagine.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Yeah.

[Brian Greene]

But one of the things that I like to do is I don't let the opportunity go by. When a Nigerian prince wants to give me money, I take it all the way. I. I was sharing this with my brothers. I one time on an old email account. I one time had like a two and a half year long conversation started at Clear Channel. When I worked at Clear Channel. So this is going back to the. And it went on long after I left Clear Channel. What would happen is the guy, you know, told me he was a night. You know, he's Nigerian and he needed to get money out of the country and blah, blah, blah. I strung that guy along for two and a half years with the most ridiculous of requests responses. You know, I have one leg. I'm trying to get the cow to take me to the thing. You know, my grandma won't let me out of the house because she's having a bad hemorrhoid day. I mean, it's like I had everything under the sun. I, I just thought it was funny. I was entertaining myself and what I think was actually going on. And then he would stop talking to me, he would stop sending emails for a while and then it picked back up three months later. And the thing was I start to realize that I'm not talking to the same person. They're just selling it to the next person. See if you can get money out of this guy. See, you know, these are big, big organizations and operations usually run by, you know, underworld criminal gangs. But they are run very much like a professional office. If you've ever seen these guys that professionally, but not professionally, but they bust these guys on YouTube, they're like, Netflix.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Had a whole series after it too.

[Brian Greene]

I know. And you know, I'm watching these guys who invite the scammers to interact with them. And specifically the type of phishing where they will say, you need to go to this website and type in some information and then we're going to fix your computer. We're going to get to the bottom of a bank. Yeah, we, I get, sometimes I get the one that says, did you just order this $8,500 thing on Amazon? Please log into your Amazon account And it's like www.scam-2-1-india-.com, right?

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Yeah.

[Brian Greene]

And you're like, that's not Amazon. You don't never click a link that someone sends you. You don't know them. But these guys on the, on YouTube, guys and girls, I assume on YouTube who are fighting this kind of scamming, what they do is they get engaged with the particular guy, they get them all hot and bothered that they're going to get money and then what happens is they turn it around on the scammer. They're so good at, I guess, programming and computer stuff that they will find the IP address that the scammer is writing from and then they will log into their cameras.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Yeah. They will say, we're looking at.

[Brian Greene]

Is that you? Because I'm looking at you. And the scammers get all freaked out.

Right?

It's great. It's high entertainment. It's high entertainment for 2024. I can't do that. So what I do is when some. What I've been doing for the last couple years, as we all are starting to get these spam text messages, trying to get you fishing. They're basically fishing for you. What I've been doing is I've been responding to them in multiple different ways and multiple different Personas, just hoping I can have a good time with them, hoping I can at least distract them for a couple of days so that they don't have time to scam somebody else. Right.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

I like that.

[Brian Greene]

So I'd like to. I would love to go through some of these text messages with you because I think. And you know, you know, just to kind of add some more color commentary to this. I understand that if they have your phone number, then your phone number has been leaked on a database of someone that could be scammed. They have more information about you. Right. It's not just that they're randomly texting your phone number. They actually know who they're texting, likely who they're texting, where they're located, and that they have money. You have gotten it all wrong, Mr. Scammer. I don't have any money. Good luck scamming me out of any money. I mean, I don't know where you got my name and information. I don't know how much you paid for it, but it's wrong. And what happens is if you respond to them once, then they pass that information along over and over and over again, hoping the next person on their scam chain can get somewhere with you. To all the frustration in the world, I have. I have responded to so many of these people that I now know I'm in the crosshairs. They're really trying to get. Someone's trying to get money out of me, but I don't even let it go that far. I mean, I'm never going to give them any bank account information. I'm just having fun with them. I keep on asking them questions. One time I had a guy, and I could share this with you. If you want to go that far into it, I can share this with you. I had a guy, he. He called, he texted me, I responded. Then he said, you know, oh, listen, you know, I actually have a problem. I need to get some money out of this bank account that I have. Like a typical Nigerian.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Yeah, it's frozen.

[Brian Greene]

It's frozen.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

As soon as I can, if you'll just pay me first, I'll pay you back. That's $1 million.

[Brian Greene]

So I had him. I had him going. I Got him all hot and bothered. I told him I was going to get my grandma to take me to the Walmart.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Yes.

[Brian Greene]

That I just shat myself. I needed to change my diaper. I took it all the way to Walmart. Taking screenshots of other images online of Walmart's gift card racks. The manager at Walmart, and I kept sending him this stuff as if I was in the Walmart myself, right? And this guy was like, please don't tell anybody what you're doing because then the managers will catch on and they'll want to ask you questions. Did you send it? Did you send it? Did you send it? It ends with me sending a picture of Long Dong Silver. Half hard right. Yeah. And the guy is like, you, you should go to hell for all of your dirty talking.

And I'm like, and where are you.

Gonna go for all your dirty scamming? If I'm gonna go to hell, we're gonna go together, brother. You know what I'm saying?

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

He was sending you pictures of like, piles of cash.

[Brian Greene]

Remember that was way back in the day. The FedEx monies guy. Yes. He was sending me pictures of piles of cash that he was loading into a plane. A plane that they were going to send to my front door. How do you want the money? I want it in cash. Great. The FedEx Men's are on their way. That's what he said. The FedEx Men's are on their way. And he had a picture of someone pushing like a, like a crate full of money into like a C150 cargo plane. And he was like, we wrapped it individually for you.

Oh, thanks. I appreciate that.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

It was awesome.

[Brian Greene]

I should have said, can you Christmas wrap it for me and show me a picture?

My son likes Mickey.

Please do that.

I mean, these guys, they never stop. They're. They're just as bullshitty as I am and they're good at it. So it takes one to know one.

We go back and forth, left and.

Right, but most of the time it ends after five or six text messages. But I have gotten a few of them to take it pretty far. And it always ends with a picture of Long Dong Silver. Because that's my calling card.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Exactly.

[Brian Greene]

Here's a big dick.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Take a look at it.

[Brian Greene]

All right, I'm going to get my phone. We'll read through some of these. I think you'll be highly entertained by this, Kirsty.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

I think so.

[Brian Greene]

Let's do that.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

If I know you, I will be.

[Brian Greene]

Oh, you know that when I'm sitting here at 10 o' clock at night editing as my children are screaming and my wife is wondering whether or not she has a husband.

Brian's just responding to sending dick back. The scammers from Indonesia sending dick pics to Indonesia. If my wife ever looked at my phone, she'd be like, what are you doing? Oh, just sending big dick pics to my friends across the sea.

You know how it goes. All right, let me take a break. I'll get my phone and we'll talk through this. We'll be back.

[Christina]

Well, thank the baby Jesus. Brian took a breath. And now I will use this opportunity to let you know that we've got a brand new phone number. That's right, it's 212-4333, TCB. And you can text us anytime you want or you can call and leave us a voicemail and we might just use your message on the show once you Brian gets through all the messages he missed last year.

[Brian Greene]

Of course.

[Christina]

Anyway, you can also find and DM us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok, CBpodcast. And of course, all of our audio and video is easily found on tcbpodcast.com now I'm going to thank G one more time that we have sponsors, so thank G. And here they are.

[Brian Greene]

Okay, so I got my phone and I just happened to get one of these before we came on air. So I thought I'd talk to you about this one. Ready? This is what made me think about this in the first place, is that I've been doing this for a while. All right, so this text message, random text message from a random, what seems like United States based prefix, but clearly they're not from the United States. I haven't seen you for a while, comma, let's meet. It's great English. Actually, it's pretty good. I guess they're using AI or something. And I say, oh, yes, it's been a long time. After the gerbil got stuck in my anus, I didn't have much free time on my hands as they were stuck in my anus.

How are you doing?

I miss you so much. To which they just responded, aren't you Isabella? I'm Eileen. And I said, yes, it's me, it's me, Isabella. Okay, so we got that one going. We'll see how that one, we'll see how that one works out. But I've got so many more of these. Hold on one second. Anna, are you at work today? And I said, hey, yes, I am. We have 242,000 chicken anuses to test today.

So my fingers are a little bit tired, but it's almost Friday, so hopefully we get all those anuses checked in time. To which they responded, oh, I'm sorry, my assistant left the wrong number.

I hope I'm not interrupting your beautiful day. I go, well, one of my favorite.

Things in the world is chicken anus. I guess it's not that bad.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

I'm doing what I love.

[Brian Greene]

And then I said, how are you doing?

They didn't respond.

I think they figured out that I.

Was fucking around with them.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Okay, my assistant gave me the wrong number.

[Brian Greene]

Here we go.

Hey, Delilah, long time.

Not Delilah, it's in 1927.

Delilah. Hi, Delilah, it's long time no see. Are you free next weekend? Let's get together and have dinner. And I said, hey, Susan, I'm actually flying to Malibu to meet Ron, and then we're gonna drive up the coast to go to the winery where we're.

Gonna watch whales and then San Clemente, and then we're going to take the wagon to get service down in Barksdale. And after that we're going to go.

To Hollywood to have dinner with Robbie De Niro. So I'm not available next week, but can I send my helicopter to pick you up? Are you still getting vaginal rejuvenation done at Dr.

Swamp Ass? I've recently had some problems. And they said, sorry, I think I have the wrong number.

I hope I didn't disturb your wonderful day. And I said, no, Susan, it's me. By the way, Craig tried to send you that $12,000.

Can you give me your bank info.

Again so I can wire it stopped right there.

Of course it did.

Oh, here's one where he says it says, hi, how are you? I said, oh, Lord, my exploding hemorrhoids.

Are back and my gout is flaring up, hanging in there just like my balls. And he says, what are you talking about? And I said, is this my grandson Hoagie? And he says, do you want to suck my cock? I want to, yes. And then he goes, I won't allow.

You to suck my cock because you don't deserve it. And I go, that is very nasty language, mister. I'm going to report you to the International Council for Small Penises. Do you want it? You want me to just send you.

Some gift cards now, or do you want to continue the conversation?

Okay, so let's see here. There's another one down here. Okay. Hi, how are you doing? How's it going? I Said, oh, things are good, but.

The leakage has gotten worse and my.

Aunt.

Thalia is dying because of the terrible llama related accident. Thank God you called.

I need a ride to the veterinarian. Oh, here it is. Okay. Here's one of them. It says, hi, how are you? And I said, not good. And then it says, hi, I'm Diane. Nice to meet you. And she sends a picture of a beautiful Asian woman.

Right, right.

Three pictures in a row, actually. Same picture. And by the way, I put this in Google Images Images, and it came up a million different places.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Yeah.

[Brian Greene]

And I said, that's weird. I just got another picture from another person named Diana. Is she your twin? He says, I don't know. Excuse me, are you Linda? And I said, this is Linda with a Y, not with an I. You know that Diana.

Why are you asking me stupid questions? By the way, how's your mom?

What are you trying to tell me? I'm sorry, it was a mistake that I added the wrong number. And I got you. I hope you don't mind. And I said, if you continue to.

Call me Linda with an I, I'm gonna get very angry. I asked you how your mom was. She said, she's good. Thank you.

Are you a woman? And I said, I'm a woman, 89.

Years old with a dog named Francine. But Francine isn't doing so well. She got her back leg stuck in her ass, and I don't have a ride to the vet. Can you help?

And she says, oh, I'm so sorry to hear about your dog, but I would like to be friends.

I said, said. And I said, only my friends. My friends would know how to spell Linda. She never responded. Oh, this is.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

So that was a newbie. Yes, I think.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, that one. That one went on a little too, too long. These come, like, every day. So it's just, you know, that one. Cornelius. I didn't respond to that one.

Cornelius.

Cornelius. I want to find the one that I went all the way to that. Thank you for choosing. No, that's Angie's List, which is almost. Which is almost as bad as these guys.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

That thing's still around.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, it is actually. Huh. They're now called Angie.com and they're actually a sponsor of the show. And I actually use them. This is not a. This is not an advertisement. But I've actually used Angie. And they. Sometimes they're lickety split quick, and you get it. You get someone good. Okay, here it is. It's a really nice weekend. Let's Go for an outdoor trip tomorrow. What do you think? And I said, oh, that would be great. I'm taking the Learjet back home in a few hours. Hey, I wanted to send you some money for your trip. Can I get you American Express gold dot gift cards? Does that work for you? What's your address again? I want to make sure that that gets to you quickly. That $10,000 doesn't need to go. And he says, just send it to the White House Presidential Palace. To which I send him a picture of a guy holding a dong in.

Between his ass cheeks.

And I said, I put this in there, too. I hope this brings you many happy holidays.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

The Presidential White House Palace.

[Brian Greene]

The Presidential White House Palace.

Clearly from the United States. Oh, my gosh, Chrissy, I love these. Anytime you get them, send them to me so that I can respond. Give me the number so that I can respond. And finally. Hi, Jenny. I'm traveling to Atlanta to Mary next month. Would you like to come with us? And I said, oh, yes. I just need a chair for my dog. My dog doesn't do so well on the floor, so I'm always having to roll it around in a chair. And she says, oh, my God, I'm sorry. I think I entered the wrong digit. I hope I'm not disturbing you. And I said, you're more disturbing the dog than you are me. As the dog got scared and jumped on the floor. Now I'm afraid he's dying. Do you have a veterinary phone number? And he or she says, I'm sorry, I don't understand what you're talking about. And I said, you don't know what a chair is?

And she says, yes, but I think.

I have the wrong phone number. And I said, no, you most definitely have the right phone number.

I'm just wondering if you know what a chair is.

She says, I think I have the wrong phone number, but I'd like to be friends. Would you like to be friends?

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Greene]

And I said, if my dog survives the floor, I might call you back.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Oh, that was pretty specific, too. I'm going to the wedding.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah. And they said, Atlanta. So they clearly knew where I was, if that makes sense. Oh, here's one I didn't respond to. I wish. I wish I would have. Hi, Daisy. Do you have time to travel for Italy together over the Christmas holidays? I said, oh, my God. You know what's crazy? I'm in Italy right now. I came to Rome to check out the opening of Guy Fieri's new chicken.

Wing and tuna Salad buffet. Have you ever smelled Guy Fieri? He smells like Dracar Noir chicken wings. When are you coming? And she says, oh, I'm sorry.

Isn't it Daisy from Thailand? And I said, no, but I do happen to have a Thai food place.

Right down the street from my house.

Would you like to meet there?

And she says, I'm sorry. I looked up Daisy's phone number and found yours.

I guess it's very close to Daisy's phone number.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Oh, yeah. A person in Thailand has a very close phone number.

[Brian Greene]

Is you. Yeah, that's right.

So I said, so? She says, I. Or he. Or she says, so I sent the wrong message. I hope I didn't bother you. And I said, oh, no. No bother at all.

I haven't had human contact in almost three years. I said, I came to Italy, but I've been locked in the room by my parents.

And she said, oh, no, I'm not.

Trying to talk to a child.

Are you an adult?

And I said, it depends on what you call an adult. I have hair on my penis. So my mommy says that makes me an adult. No response after that.

Oh, Chrissy.

Oh, this is so much fun.

I wish we could do these all day long. Hi, Cornelius. Blah, blah, blah.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Cornelius. Delilah.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, Cornelius and Delilah seem to be popular names with these. It's. It's Emily, the veterinarian. My pet is sick. Are you free right now? Things are bad now. Can you come to my house?

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Wow.

[Brian Greene]

And I said, no, unfortunately, we. Unfortunately, a man just walked in with his head stuck in a horse ass. This could be a while. Please send me pictures of your sick pet and I'll do my best to help you. To which they said, oh, I'm sorry. I think this might be the wrong phone number.

And I said, how many other people.

How many other vets have a similar phone number? Don't waste my time or I'll have to charge you for the missed appointment.

Oh, I love it.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

I had no idea you were carrying on with all these people.

[Brian Greene]

Oh, here's one. Hello. Hello, I'm Vanessa. Anna. You ordered a painting last week. It's finished. Do you have time to pick it up for tomorrow? I said, oh, that must be my mom. She has had my phone, and I've been the hospital with painful propriety from.

All the video chatting.

And she says, do you have time to pick it up this afternoon? Wish you a speedy recovery.

And I said, sure.

What's your address?

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Greene]

And she says, ana, don't you know who I am? Don't you know where I live, you often an order. You often order from my shop. And I said, oh, that's my mom. She's been doing the online shopping, but.

She has clitoproprism from taking the blue meds.

I have to do it because I have hyperhemoroidceta. I thought it would be a help since my soft schlong disease is really bothering me, but this must be a big mistake. Her schlong is different than mine.

Okay, do you use telegram?

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

The they said that?

[Brian Greene]

Yes.

Okay, do you use telegram?

They completely ignored what I just said. Okay to use telegram. And I said, my mom might be using telegrams. I think that's the way she talks to people when she was young.

I don't know how to do a telegram. She says, no, download telegram on the app store.

And there's a bunch of interesting little stickers on it. We can have interesting conversation. I said, oh, my mom doesn't allow me to download those kind of things. When I turn 30, she gave me my own phone, but I can't download anything. But I do have a PayPal and I could send you money.

Just ask. And she says, no, thanks.

Tell me when you have time to.

Pick up the painting. And I said, as soon as my. As soon as my mom recovers from her clinto proprietor.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Pick up the painting. I mean, it's so strange.

[Brian Greene]

Pick up a painting? Chrissy, everybody's got to pick up a painting. Don't you understand?

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

But also, get. Go ahead and get on telegram.

[Brian Greene]

What's that? Go on telegram. Where nothing can be tracked or traced.

That thing cuts both ways, my friend. You know what I'm saying?

Okay. And I thought there was gonna be. There was one more that I wanted to share with you. Oh, as promised, here's your Delta Airlines thing. To which I said, I never fly Delta. I. Hey, are you Dominic Martha? To which I said, no, I'm Martha Dominic.

But you almost got it right. They said, oh, I'm sorry.

I must have gotten the wrong phone number.

And I said, did you really?

They said, yes.

I'm so sorry to ruin your beautiful day.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

God, there's like a script.

[Brian Greene]

I know.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Yeah.

[Brian Greene]

And I said, no, no problem. I'm just here trying to get my wife pregnant. Do you want pictures? And the guy said, fuck you.

You could have so much fun with these guys. So much fun with these. Why don't we do this?

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

I'll forward you mine.

[Brian Greene]

Okay, forward me yours. Just give me the phone number and tell me what they said, and then I'll respond to them from my phone and they'll be totally confused. I'll be like, hey, I just got this text message on my other line.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Is this Anna?

[Brian Greene]

What's that?

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Is this.

[Brian Greene]

Is this Anna? Is this Delilah? Is this Dominic? Martha? No, it's Martha. Donna.

Cornelius, Cornelius, Cornelius, Delilah.

I think OpenAI is going sideways on this one. I really do. By the way, do you like my third grade responses?

I'm here testing chicken anus.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Yes. They're amazing.

[Brian Greene]

What, does my mind always go to the anus? I don't know.

It's just one of those things.

I wonder if anybody out there does this too. I mean, I can't be the only one that has fun. They're going to come anyway. You know, somebody's got my number. Somebody at least somewhere. So if it leaked somewhere, then, you know, I'm just going to expect that this is going to come. So what I usually do is after a period of time, then I'll report it as junk, right? I'll just go back, I'll block it and I'll report it as junk. That's not going to stop them from getting new phone numbers. I mean, for God's sakes, there's a million different apps that you can get burner phone numbers from. You can use those things left and right now. Don't. Don't ask me how I know that, but. Might have something to do with the show. But I'm just saying.

That's right.

One of these days I'm going to break out that old. Because I printed it out and I actually gave it to, like, I think my brother. One time for Christmas, I put it in a box, I wrapped it, and it was like 27 pages of emails back and forth between me and this guy from back when I. Back in 2008 or whatever it was.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Yeah.

[Brian Greene]

And he was a little pissed about the present that was not there. When he opened up the box, he's like, what the.

Is this, Brian?

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Your brother?

[Brian Greene]

My brother.

And I said, listen, it's just me being funny. So he got a little fluffed, but he took it home. And like two weeks later, he was like, I just took the time to read through most of this. And I got to be honest, it's really funny.

He's like, they're trying so hard.

And I was like, I know. Can you see how frustrated they're getting?

Can you see?

You know, this reminds me of. This reminds me that we have not actually checked next door in a while. The Next door app. Maybe we should go ahead and see what's up. See what's up on next door. What do you think?

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

I like it.

[Brian Greene]

All right, we're gonna have a, I guess a tomfoolery related episode as they always are. And yeah, let's take a break and then we'll be back.

[Christina]

What? Oh, hi, it's Christina again here to remind you to go to tcbpodcast.com for all things audio, video and TC video. Give us a follow on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok TCBpodcast. And guess what? We have a new phone number. I know what you're thinking, but I promise this is the last TCV phone number you will ever have to remember. So call us and leave us a voicemail or text us at 212-4333 TCB. Once more for the people in the back. That's 212-4333 TCB. Oh, and check out our YouTube channel at YouTube.com the commercial break. That's all for now. Let's listen to our sponsors and get back to the show.

[Brian Greene]

Okay, for those of you that don't know a about a week, week and a half ago, Atlanta had two, three major water main breaks. Tell me more about this.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Five.

[Brian Greene]

Five. Yeah, they just, I don't read local, local news. So I'm totally clueless about this. And because I don't live in the city of Atlanta proper, I don't get any of those notifications or anything like that. But. So what happened?

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Yes, there were a couple of water main breaks and businesses had to close. People had no water. We had water but you know, did.

[Brian Greene]

You have to boil it?

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Yes, it was all boil water advisory. And this went on for days. And then there were, there were just, there was just another one in total, I think there's been six or seven.

[Brian Greene]

But why is there like an explanation for this? Was there like water pressure went wild or something?

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

I don't. Oh yeah, they haven't come out with that yet. These pipes are like 100 years old, so.

[Brian Greene]

Oh yeah, yeah. More than 100 years old. When. So here's a little story and this is piggyback on the next door stuff. I'm prefacing this because I want you to know that some of these next door related posts have to do with the water. But I'll say this is that, you know, Atlanta has been notoriously behind on updating its sewer and wattage water, water and sewage systems. So much so that back when we won the Olympics, the 96 Summer Olympics to come here In Atlanta, the. I forget. The Environmental Protection Agency started fining the city of Atlanta like $50,000 a day for years because they were dumping raw sewage into the Chattahoochee River.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Yeah, that's right.

[Brian Greene]

Because they did not have a sewage treatment plan for all the sewage. Given the growth of the city on the back of the announcement that the Olympics was coming here, that's really when the city boomed. You know, in Google Earth you can do it like a time lapse.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Yeah, that's.

[Brian Greene]

And so it goes back as far as 1986, I think it is. So if you watch 1986 through 1996, the city goes AP. It's like it goes from, you know, like a smallish medium sized city to a huge city in just a decade. It's crazy. But Atlanta had to get their together by the 1996 Olympics or the EPA was going to do something about it. I know, but I remember it being a big deal. And so we kind of got our shit together. And they've been doing water patched other patched other things. Put steel plates on this here in Atlanta, we fix roads by putting big steel plates that kill your tires. There are great things about Atlanta and I do love our city, but just like every other city and other cities who have had much more serious water problems, like lead in the water. Is that, where is that in Detroit? Detroit. Yeah. So we, so far we've avoided that kind of disaster. But to have five or six water mains break overnight, businesses had it like the aquarium.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

I could. We, my nephews came in town, we were supposed to go to the aquarium. The aquarium had to close Saturday.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

When school's out.

[Brian Greene]

They had to drain the water out of the aquarium to feed the rest of the city. And so is that right? Is that how the story goes? Okay. All right, just checking. Yeah, but that's an interesting question.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

How do they get off closed. Yeah, people didn't have, I mean whole neighborhoods did not have any water.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, there was any councilmen who were trying to like get special provisions to pay pay businesses that were unable to make money because of this. And this went on for like four or five, six days in some cases. So next door is going crazy about this. Of course, I don't live in the city proper, so it really has nothing to do with where I live. We did not have a boil watery water advisory. And nextdoor is local. If you ever been on the Nextdoor app. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

You have to put your address in and get confirmed.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah. And then there's like a 10 mile radius that it'll send you the news unless you request to put it out. But I don't play with the settings on Next Door because I only read it for entertainment. The one post I made on next door got 650 responses, all of them terrible. Like every person was a. Basically a moron.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

What did you say?

[Brian Greene]

I don't even want to share it here because I don't want to get everyone on that end of this. It was early on in the pandemic, right? And I put. I made this. Some lady was having trouble. Something was going on because of the pandemic. There was trouble. Like she needed something. She couldn't get something. She was sick. And so I re. I think I like copied and pasted it. And I said, you know, now's the time to come together as neighbors. Like, you know, we should all band together. We can get through this if we just, you know, a little bit of love, a little bit of care. Yeah, right? And I think this is like, right. First, second, third episode. We. I know we had started doing the podcast, but I just kind of put this heartfelt, we should help this lady and we should help each other because it's scary time for everybody, right? Well, I didn't know. The average age of the Next door user was 99 years old. And they had certain philosophies about life that didn't include caring about giving a shit about anybody else in this world.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Wow.

[Brian Greene]

Because they were like, you know, fuck this fake pandemic and fuck this bull, you know, I mean, they were like literally going crazy. I mean, there was a couple people in there who were like, you know, well, said we should help, blah, blah, blah. But most people, it was just a platform for them to get on their high horse and talk about, you know, all the problems that the Democrats caused. I guess. I guess that's what they were trying to say. Okay, so. So I'm. So I never posted on Next Door again because I realized quickly that this was not my scene. These were not the people. This is not my vibe.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Instead, he jumped on Clubhouse.

[Brian Greene]

Instead, I jumped on Clubhouse to realize it was my vibe.

But everybody else left. It's like going to the party.

It's like you walked in with a turd hanging out of your ass.

Everybody laughed. It's like he took a shit on the floor. I swear to God.

We got in there, everything was great.

For two months and then just shut down. I don't know what happened. That Clubhouse, man.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Oh, that Clubhouse. That was your thing for a While.

[Brian Greene]

There'S got to be a documentary made about that.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

There has to be.

[Brian Greene]

Yes.

Somebody has to get to the rise and fall, the rise and three month fall of the best social media app that never was. I know, it was like an illusion.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

It had all that valuation and people were just millions of dollars out over Clubhouse and then freaking out.

[Brian Greene]

Chrissy, they were freaking out. I mean, at first it was invite only. I got an invite early on. I joined. Right. You know, when it started to kind of get. Get some traction and. But I didn't know much.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

And for those of you that don't know, it was an app that you.

[Brian Greene]

Would talk audio social.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

It was just audio social.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah, yeah. So you would. It was. It was like a zoom call on an app without video. So basically your little avatar would be in a room and then there would be speakers up above and the audience down below. And this person who was hosting the room could pull people up to speak, or they could push people down, back into the audience if they were done speaking or just didn't like them or whatever. And it became this whole thing. I mean, there was dramas, problems.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

You were hosting. I mean, that was fun. You were hosting some comedy nights type things.

[Brian Greene]

Well, it depends on who you ask if I was hosting or if they were hosting. You know, depends on who you ask. But I had this idea to start the comedy podcast group, Right?

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Yeah.

[Brian Greene]

And so I started the comedy podcast group. We hooked up with this guy named Eddie Brill, who booked David Letterman's comedians for years and years and years. And Eddie was like a stalwart of the comedy community. Everybody who was famous, who was a notable comedian, had at some point interacted with Eddie because of his position with David Letterman. So Eddie. All credit to Eddie, not to anybody else. No one else interviewed anybody. No one else made those phone. No one else connected this. Just to be clear about this, I want to set the record straight. Eddie said, let's get Bill Burr in. Let's get. Who else? There was Susie Essman from Curb. Your enthusiasm was on there.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

There's some good people.

[Brian Greene]

Who's the Boston comic that everybody loves? The guy, he wears a hat, he talks really in low tones, like very monotone. Stephen, right? Yeah, Stephen Wright was on there. But what broke Clubhouse was the Bill Burr interview. And it almost broke me. It was insane. There were thousands and thousands of people in that room. Anyway, I say this to say that Clubhouse was a thing for a minute and we were on it, and then it was as if, poof, it just went away. It just Went away. Sorry. No more clubhouse. Oh, I guess we're not doing this anymore. We went from having like 800 people in a room to having like eight people in a room basically overnight.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Well, what it kind of morphed into then was a lot of conspiracy theory stuff.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah. Yeah, it always does.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Yeah.

[Brian Greene]

Okay. Okay.

Yeah.

Let's read next door apps. Here we go. Okay, enough with the clubhouse. I don't want to get into it. Okay. I have heard about all the trouble with Atlanta water. I think this is because we have a black mayor.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Greene]

You don't even live in the fucking city and you're going to be racist by default. That's fucking insane. Oh, my God. And they don't take it down like. I mean, it's just incredible.

Okay, that. Okay, we're starting off with a. With a one banger. This is my cat, Andrew. Andre needs fresh water. Do I have to boil? Living nowhere near the boil. Watery advisory. I found this. I'd like to alert all Brookhaven residents. I saw this snake in the park the other day. I think it's because of the water main break. You think the snake came out because of the water main break? And thank you for alerting all Brookhaven residents. Brookhaven is like 20 square miles.

Don't be more specific or anything.

Don't worry about the snake's path.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Is it a big snake?

[Brian Greene]

What's that?

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Is it a big snake?

[Brian Greene]

It actually is a big snake. It looks like the snake that I put in the river one day, so maybe it is. Maybe. Hey, maybe it got stuck in the thing. I don't know. Black lab looks lost. I don't want to approach.

Senseless picture of a Black Labrador about 300 yards away. Black lab looks lost. I don't want to approach.

I'm looking for office person one day a week. Tuesdays, four to six hours. Medical clinic.

No more information. We have a bathroom wall with a lamp that needs repair. Thanks in advance. No problem.

So I just moved and have some appliances I need to buy. Overall. What would you say my next step should be?

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Greene]

Go look at appliances. Yeah, Chrissy, I'm not even. I don't even have to look too hard for these. This is insane.

Okay. I am recently going to be. I am recently going to be in the city for a while on business and would like someone to look over my cat. Any good recommendations for interesting places to visit?

Puts picture of cat.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Look over my cat.

[Brian Greene]

Look over my cat. Don't look under. Look over my cat. Looking for recommendations in The John's Creek area. Thanks.

I'm looking for what kind of recipe.

Lost Kitty found. I caught him in a humane trap.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

A humane trap?

[Brian Greene]

Oh, look. Night Ranger. Photo by Chuck.

Simplest picture of lead singer of Night Ranger.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Whoa, Sister Christian.

[Brian Greene]

I'm a lonely one.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

It's just a picture of that singer.

[Brian Greene]

That's it. That's all they did. Okay. Looking for outside membership to tennis.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Okay.

[Brian Greene]

Okay, great.

We had a couple of visitors yesterday.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

It's like no one has a computer.

[Brian Greene]

It's like they don't.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

They have a computer in their hand. It's their phone.

[Brian Greene]

It's like they don't speak proper English or something. They're just making weird sentences. Has anyone ever had experience with angel companion? Oh, no. This is not a funny one. Never mind. Looking for bubble wraps and other packing materials. Do you know where I could get.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Greene]

FedEx.com.

I don't know any peeps.

Have good contacts for a criminal attorney. Thanks.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

I love you. Regional next door for a criminal attorney.

[Brian Greene]

We need to get our dryer out of our house. Any suggestions for a reputable company who.

Does this to get your dryer out of your house?

Okay, I guess that's kind of. At least it's giving some more information. Oh, this one is funny. I read this one the other day. I realized that if I needed to take my cat, God forbid, to an emergency vet, I have no clue where to take her. I just recently went to emergency vet. What?

Near my house. Any suggestions? You just realize you have nowhere to take her, but you just recently took her?

Yes. Key found picture of key.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

No other information.

[Brian Greene]

Oh, this is where.

Yeah, this is cute. Sweet robo hamster. Sweet robo hamster.

Robo hamster. What's a robo hamster?

I don't know, but I call.

Color me interested. This could be fun.

Sweet robo hamster. Looking for forever home. How long do gerbils last? Forever home.

It's not a fucking toucan. It's not gonna live 200 years old.

What is this, a sea turtle?

No, it's a hamster. Okay.

Comes with cage. A bag full of food my daughter.

Never plays with, and I feel bad.

It's low maintenance and the cage tends not to smell. If someone is planning on getting a small pet for their family, this could.

Be a great opportunity to save money.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Because they cost so much.

[Brian Greene]

I know. This is a very tiny hamster, so it's not for young children. Okay. Thanks, Kelly. Actually, I probably would have taken that hand. Looks like some. Somebody's already Responded to that.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Well, that could have been like a rat.

[Brian Greene]

Yeah.

Looking for a fun bus to take 30 older adults to the winery in October.

To take older adults. 30? 30? You're looking for a bus to take.

30 older adults to the winery in October? Please, no stripper bus suggestions.

Stripper bus? Where is there a stripper bus? You mean like with a pole?

Yes. Oh, my God. This used to be my favorite ice cream dessert.

Picture of Sense. Picture of a box from 1928 called.

Ice Cream cake roll. Oh, the ice cream cake roll was good. Does anybody else like the band Kiss? Looking to start a fan club.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Wow.

[Brian Greene]

Wow.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Yours is way better than mine.

[Brian Greene]

Oh, Chrissy, you just say you have younger people living down there, so I guess that's.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

That's what it is.

[Brian Greene]

Yamaha keyboard. Keyboard doesn't work, but you're welcome to have it.

I'm calling immediately.

That's what I'm looking for.

Yeah, I'm looking for more shit in my house that doesn't work. I got a room full of it called the studio. Looking for additional stuff.

Looking for someone to replace cabinet door, expose hinges and hidden hinges. Please make sure I talk to the manager.

Please make sure I talk to the manager. Oh, this is so much fun.

Grilled kielbasa lunch special till noon. IOS 17 has me a little bit confused. Where.

Where did my photos with my husband go? What are you talking about, lady? Oh, I love it.

Oh, here's one. This. Oh, this is. Oh, Chrissy, this is, like, classic. Can anyone recommend a gutter cleaning service? My husband recently fell off the roof.

Trying to do it himself, and I refused to let him give it a second try. This may be a stretch since it's not in the area, but anyone have recommendations for a farmhouse where I can fet the chickens? That's what they say. Fed the chickens. I think you probably don't fet chickens. I'm just taking a wild guess. I haven't been around too many chickens myself, but. Oh, my God.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Wow, that's too much fun. I need to go through.

[Brian Greene]

We could go through.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Oh, mine are just. Mine are not as good as yours.

[Brian Greene]

Oh, I wish that I could just do a whole podcast about next door. That is funny. That gave me the laugh I was looking for. I woke up kind of wound up this morning and I needed something to decompress.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

You need to pet some chickens?

[Brian Greene]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Is that.

[Brian Greene]

Well, you can pet my chicken.

You can choke my chicken too, if you want. Check with Jeff on that one.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

Oh, yeah, I will.

[Brian Greene]

Oh, man. I'll tell you What? Okay. Thanks to Caitlyn. Caitlyn's got her week's worth of coffee for doing us a favor. We certainly appreciate it. If you have any of these scammer text messages and you've been responding or you like someone to respond, send me the information. Do it on our phone line. 212-4333 TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Toll free from anywhere in the world. Don't worry, we'll pick up the charges. You can leave a voicemail or you can send us a text message, which is what 95 of the people do. And so many of you texting us, and we really appreciate it. Sometimes it takes a day or two to get back, but we have some. We got some great listeners out there. I mean, you guys are wonderful and we certainly do appreciate it. And then we have some shitty listeners out there, too. But we'll. I guess you got to take the good with the bad, right?

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

You have to.

[Brian Greene]

You absolutely do. So, comments, questions, concerns, content, ideas? Ask Brian's mom. My mom's coming back on the show. I think next week maybe. My mom's coming on the show. So ask for mom's advice. I miss her, too. She's feeling better. So you can ask for my mom's advice. No matter what it is. Sex, drugs, rock and roll, she'll take it all. She dealt with me, me.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

She's exactly.

[Brian Greene]

She's seen it all. Trust me, there's nothing. You're not gonna, you're not gonna throw any curveballs her way. And if you would like to be on the show, tell the story, ask a question, whatever it is, let us know. Hit us up on that text message hotline. [phone], tcb tcbpodcast.com that's where you go. You find out more information about the show, all the audio, all the video, and your free sticker. Hit the contact us button, give us your physical address and. And we will send you a sticker. Guess what, Chrissy? What? It's really coming true. It's really coming true. It's really coming true. We put it in the book and it's going to come true. Merch drop soon as it's working on it. Right now, stay tuned. At the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on TikTok and YouTube.com the commercial break. Thanks, Dr. Phil. I feel like Dr. Phil would use nextdoor. I'm just sharing. All right. Right. Okay. I guess that's all I can do for now.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

I think so.

[Brian Greene]

I'll tell you that I love you.

[Kristen Joy Oatley]

I love you.

[Brian Greene]

Best to you.

Best to you and best to you.

Out there in the podcast universe. Until next time. Chrissy and I always say. We do say, and we must say goodbye, Sack, and keep on licking.