The 700 Club!

Summary

Episode Summary: "The 700 Club!"
The Commercial Break
Release Date: February 20, 2025

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1. Celebrating the 700th Episode

In this landmark episode, hosts Bryan Green and Krissy Hoadley commemorate reaching 700 episodes of The Commercial Break. The conversation reflects on the podcast's journey, highlighting the challenges and triumphs experienced over nearly a decade of consistent content creation.

• Bryan Green [04:27]: "You made it to 700 episodes of The Commercial Break. It's unbelievable that this podcast made it to seven episodes, let alone 700 episodes."

• Krissy Hoadley [04:28]: "Best to you, Chrissy, and best to you, Brian."

2. Reflections on Podcast Longevity and Content Quality

Bryan and Krissy delve into the complexities of maintaining a podcast over hundreds of episodes. They discuss the balance between consistent content and maintaining quality, acknowledging that while many podcasts falter after a few episodes, theirs has persisted.

• Bryan Green [05:14]: "Only a couple thousand that have gotten to episode number 700. And if we get to a thousand, which if we're here and we're kicking and the fans are still listening to us, then we'll win just by staying steady."

• Krissy Hoadley [10:17]: "They're belly laughs once or twice in the episode. There's like 10%."

3. Evolution of the Show's Format and Content

The hosts examine how The Commercial Break has evolved since its inception. Initially focused on sketch comedy and structured segments, the show gradually embraced a more free-form, conversational style, allowing their long-standing friendship to take center stage.

• Brian Green [19:04]: "But after 50 episodes, I think it got really loose... By episode number 700, I think the episode has a following."

• Krissy Hoadley [18:05]: "We've added in some interviews, which I love, and very interesting."

4. Interaction with Listeners and Community Building

Bryan and Krissy emphasize the importance of listener engagement in sustaining the podcast. They acknowledge loyal listeners who have been with them since the beginning and encourage new audience participation.

• Bryan Green [05:14]: "We know one or two that write in often, and I think Marianne has probably been around since close to the beginning."

• Krissy Hoadley [25:19]: "Astrid, you're fired after 700 episodes."

5. Mocking and Parodying Pat Robertson’s "The 700 Club"

A significant portion of the episode parodies the well-known televangelist show, "The 700 Club." Bryan and Krissy adopt exaggerated Christian rhetoric to humorously critique and lampoon the show's format and content.

• Brian Green [33:52]: "Some of the more fiery clips... It was Pat Robertson, still a kook."

• Krissy Hoadley [35:56]: "My question is, who are the clouds of witnesses in the book of Hebrews? That's my question. Hope I can get an answer. Thank you so much."

• Bryan Green [37:18]: "So the answer, woo hoo."

6. Anecdotes and Humorous Banter

Throughout the episode, Bryan and Krissy share personal anecdotes and engage in lighthearted, irreverent humor. They discuss topics ranging from language learning and gambling to historical references and fictional scenarios, maintaining a chaotic yet engaging atmosphere.

• Bryan Green [11:15]: "I'm always chasing the dragon. It's like a heroin addiction."

• Krissy Hoadley [43:30]: "I ate oatmeal for breakfast. It runs right through me like a hot fire."

7. Looking Forward: Future Episodes and Aspirations

As they celebrate their milestone, Bryan and Krissy express optimism about the future of The Commercial Break. They humorously pledge to continue producing episodes, regardless of varying content quality, and tease potential changes in their show’s tagline.

• Bryan Green [55:45]: "If we get to a thousand, which if we're here and we're kicking and the fans are still listening to us... we'll add a 16th by episode 1000."

• Krissy Hoadley [22:52]: "That's our new tagline. Raw dog it."

8. Concluding Remarks and Final Jokes

In wrapping up the episode, the hosts continue their trademark humor, making playful comments and interacting with exaggerated personas. They reiterate their commitment to the podcast while maintaining a self-aware and comedic tone.

• Brian Green [72:23]: "Again, thanks for joining us on the 700th episode. Here's to 700 more."

• Krissy Hoadley [72:53]: "I'll take a raise now, bitches."

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Key Takeaways:

• The Commercial Break celebrates its 700th episode by reflecting on over a decade of podcasting, highlighting the perseverance required to maintain consistent content.

• The show has evolved from structured sketch comedy to a more free-form, conversational style, leveraging the hosts' long-term friendship.

• Listener engagement and community support have been pivotal in the podcast's longevity.

• A significant portion of the episode features a parody of Pat Robertson’s The 700 Club, showcasing the hosts' improvisational and comedic skills.

• Bryan and Krissy maintain an irreverent and humorous tone, ensuring the podcast remains a chaotic yet entertaining escape for their audience.

Notable Quotes:

• Bryan Green [05:14]: "Only a couple thousand that have gotten to episode number 700. And if we get to a thousand... we'll win just by staying steady."

• Krissy Hoadley [22:53]: "Raw dog it with The Commercial Break."

• Bryan Green [33:52]: "Welcome, folks."

• Krissy Hoadley [35:18]: "I'm gonna go to Mexico soon and I'm gonna investigate the coca leaf thing."

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This detailed summary captures the essence of The Commercial Break's 700th episode, providing insights into the hosts' reflections, humor, and interactions without delving into advertisements and non-content segments.

Transcript

[Rachel]

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[Brian Green]

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[Chrissy]

I love you with everything I got, I swear to God. But I don't care about nothing. I don't care about nothing, okay? You're all I need in life.

[Brian Green]

You're all I need.

[Chrissy]

I promise you. I don't need nothing else. Artist said, it's just for the birds, man. It's me and you forever. Till death do us part. Okay? Ain't no turning back now. They gonna respect us. They gonna hate us. That's better than death, you hear me?

[Brian Green]

Well, Mayor Tito's. I can confidently say a nickname has never been more rightfully earned. Hardest.

[Chrissy]

That is just for the birds, man.

[Brian Green]

On this episode of the commercial break, there's just a couple hundred thousand podcasts, I think, that have put out more than 100 episodes. You get up to 700. I don't know. Maybe there's a couple hundred of us.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, we need to look into that.

[Brian Green]

We do need to look into that.

[Joy Hoadley]

It's a hard thing.

[Brian Green]

It is.

[Joy Hoadley]

It's a hard thing to do. And I can only imagine, too, if somebody's doing it by themselves.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah.

[Joy Hoadley]

At least you and I have each other to be accountable to.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. That doesn't even work all that much.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Hey, I don't want to record today. Okay. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the Chrissy to my Brian. Chris and Joy Hoadley.

[Joy Hoadley]

Best to you, Chrissy, and best to you, Brian.

[Brian Green]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. You made it to 700 episodes of the commercial break. It's un fucking believable that this podcast made it to seven episodes, let alone 700 episodes. And you've been here with us for some of it, so thank you very much. We appreciate it. There's a few out there. I think there's a few. Tina's one. Tina might be one that's been listening since the very beginning, and I think there's a couple of others who claim that they've been listening since the beginning, so that's. That's good. I know one or two that write in often, and I think Marianne has probably been around since close to the beginning. Roxanne has been around since close. From the beginning. Gustavo has been around, but those are family members, so I don't know if we can count them.

[Joy Hoadley]

Rachel.

[Brian Green]

Rachel. Rachel's been around since the beginning. Rachel was on at the beginning, actually. She was on episode number, like, I don't know, 10 or 11 or 12 or something like that. Anyway, here we are, 700 episodes into the commercial break. Thank you for all of the love, the support, the kindness, the, you know, downloading on a consistent basis. It has been a wild ride, to say the least. And I don't want to get too celebratory. A thousand episodes, that's when we go fucking bananas. But 700. Every time we hit another hundred, it's amazing. Something to be said for it. Of course. We just hit 500, like, three months ago, so now we're at 700. It's also unbelievable how much content we put out. It's really. It's really a grind. It can really be a grind. I mean, not that I'm complaining. We don't dig ditches for a living. It's just anything you do has to be fed. The beast has to be fed. No rest for the weary. That contract does not flex. It just does not flex. And it says we are obligated to be here for a certain amount. Actually, I was the one who told them we would be here for a certain amount of time. So it's kind of my fault. I agreed to it. Odyssey was actually willing to let us be a little bit flexible, but I was like, no, no, no. We'll be here every day for the next 3,300,000 years. Don't worry about it. We'll figure it out. Yeah. But, hey, you know what? There is something to be said for longevity. I think there's something to be said for reps. Even ChatGPT agrees that the show. The consistent content that is put out on a frequent basis.

[Joy Hoadley]

Mediocre content.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, the consistent. Mediocre content put out on a consistent basis is better or worse than really good content put out just a few times a year. You know, there are some podcasts who literally put out one or two episodes a year. I think there's a very famous podcast. I wish I could remember the name of the guy. He's a famous author. He puts out two podcasts a year, and they're less than 60 minutes each time, and people fiend over them. And sponsors pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to be attached to those two episodes.

[Joy Hoadley]

Let's do that.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, that's what I was going to say I. If we had that kind of cache, maybe we could. But let's be real. If the last 699 episodes have been any example of what we would put out twice a year, no one's paying $100,000 to be on that show.

[Joy Hoadley]

We could really work on them. You know, we could spend the rest of the year just really working on those.

[Brian Green]

If I could make the money that we're making now, which would still leave me in debt. But at least we, you know, at least it's something. It's better than some podcasters. If we can make the money we're making now, only putting out two episodes a year, you believe you me, I would be in Mallorca. Well, not on this paycheck, but it's on some paycheck. I would be in Mallorca for three months of the year. I would be at every school. If my kids would hate me by the end of it because I would just be lounging around the house. Yeah. Bothering them. Listen, there is a small sense of pride about hitting 700. I don't know what it is about the number 700, but it feels like we've really accomplished something. Yeah, I think there are.

[Joy Hoadley]

It's a lot.

[Brian Green]

I think there have been three and a half million podcasts, the individual podcasts that have been put out there. I think if the statistic that I remember correctly, is less than 50% of them will make it past episode number 10. Less than 50% of that will make it past episode 50. And the numbers just dwindle after you get past 100. There's just a couple hundred thousand podcasts, I think, that have put out more than a hundred episodes. You get up to 700. I don't know. Maybe there's a couple hundred of us.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, we need to look into that.

[Brian Green]

We do need to look into that.

[Joy Hoadley]

It's a hard thing.

[Brian Green]

It is.

[Joy Hoadley]

It's a hard thing to do. And I can only imagine, too, if somebody's doing it by themselves.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah.

[Joy Hoadley]

At least you and I have each other to be accountable to.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, that doesn't even work all that much.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, I was gonna say.

[Chrissy]

Sorry.

[Brian Green]

Hey, I don't wanna record today. Okay.

[Joy Hoadley]

Just make it up on another day.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, we'll just do it on another day. You know, But I was sharing with Chrissy and Tina, like, you know, when you do a podcast that is largely dependent on your personality, you do have days where it's just like, I'm not feeling it today. I'm just not feeling. I don't want to be fun. You know, it's kind of like, you know, ready, set, funny. That's hard to do, and that's not obvious by some of the episodes. Then I don't know what else to tell you. I mean, there's sometimes when it just falls flat, but you get to do another rep tomorrow and you get to hit it out. You know, you get to. There's one around the corner. This is how I feel about the podcast now. Most of them, I would say 65 to 70% of the shows I find to be okay, listenable. Right. There's like an additional 20 if we're saying 70% are okay listenable. Like, in other words, I think. I think it's worth listening to, but I'm not sure it's the funniest thing or the best thing that ever. There's another 20% of them that I think are funny. They're good episodes.

[Joy Hoadley]

They're belly laughs.

[Brian Green]

They're belly laughs once or twice in the episode. There's like 10%. So maybe like 70 of our episodes that I think I would consider, like, really good TCB episodes. Shining example of what we can do on our best days. Motivated, not feeling like shit. You know, just all the stars align, something funny comes along, and we hit it out of the park. And I think 60 of those include Frankie B. But anyway, okay, so then there's probably 10 episodes, 10 to 15 episodes of the commercial break that I would think. I would call classic. Like, really fucking great episodes of the commercial break. Hitting on all cylinders at all moments. We're just going. We're just. Someone has lit a fire under us, and we're just going. This is not one of those. But we are at 700, so that's how it rolls. But I also know that at any moment we can hit one of those episodes. So I feel like the more reps that we.

[Joy Hoadley]

Chasing the dragon.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I'm always chasing the dragon. It's like a heroin addiction. I'm always looking for the next high. Yeah, I'm always looking for that high. That first line of cocaine, that first hit of acid, that first time you take mushrooms.

[Joy Hoadley]

Cocoa leaf.

[Brian Green]

Cocoa leaf, yeah. I'm still up for cocoa. I'm still up for, you know, someone wants to go into a cocoa leaf business. Are cocoa leaves illegal to. To have. To possess? I have to imagine they are.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, I would think so.

[Brian Green]

Like unprocessed. Not cocaine, but cocoa leaves. I wonder. I wonder if that's true. We'll have to take A look at that. I know that it's legal. I think it's legal to grow poppy, but I think you have to grow it for, like, food purposes. Like the stuff that comes out of heroin.

[Joy Hoadley]

Poppy seeds.

[Brian Green]

Like, poppy seeds. So I think you can grow the poppy seeds, but only if you use them for tea. Speaking of poppy seeds, just on a totally different note, did you know that a lot of people buy poppy seeds in bulk and then make tea out of it to get high? Isn't that weird? That seems like a lot of effort. I don't like effort getting high. Like, I want Dee to show up at the front door. Yeah. I didn't even like leaving my house to get the drugs. Like, I had someone come to me, and I paid extra for that, a lot extra for shitty drugs that came, you know, to my house. But Anyway, I digress. 700 episodes, Chrissy. Congratulations.

[Joy Hoadley]

I'm gonna go to Mexico soon and I'm gonna investigate the coca leaf thing.

[Brian Green]

Though, in whether or not you can bring them back. Why are they legal in Mexico?

[Joy Hoadley]

I don't know.

[Brian Green]

Oh, okay.

[Joy Hoadley]

I'm gonna investigate.

[Brian Green]

They are IL here. They're a Schedule 2 substance. You have to have clearance from the.

[Joy Hoadley]

DEA to grow the plant that makes.

[Brian Green]

Sense, to grow the plan, to own it, to have them. Okay, I imagine. Don't bring them back, Chrissy. Don't bring them back. Well, that's just. I love you. That was kind of weird. Like, I'm going to go to Mexico and investigate. Why not investigate? She's got.

[Joy Hoadley]

I don't think I could get my hands on any here. That's what I was. Oh, yeah.

[Brian Green]

I don't think you probably get any in Mexico. It's got to be legal in Mexico, too. But I'm sure it's more likely that you could get your hands on some in Mexico. Like, I don't think there's any drug dealers running around with cocoa leaves in their pocket, you know? Hey, man, you got that cocoa leaf, and that's good. Yeah. You could clean them out of their jaws, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Joy Hoadley]

Like reboiling the same tea leaves.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, but you'll. You'll lose your teeth. That's the. That's the part about it.

[Joy Hoadley]

You'll lose your teeth with it.

[Brian Green]

Well, here is a fun fact that I believe is actually true. So this will count as something that I said that might be a fact. Novocaine is a derivative of cocaine of the. Of. It has the same structure as cocaine. That's the reason why it numbs Your mouth. And that's also the reason why your doctor might say to your dentist might say to you, you may feel your heart race a little bit after I give you this shot of Novocaine, it may raise your blood pressure a little bit, is because it's doing some of the same things that cocaine does to your body. So essentially we are still using this cocaine, you know, some derivative of cocaine in our medical procedures because it does provide, you know, anesthesia. Some people say it takes care. You know that when you go to another thing that my dad told me, when you go to, say, Peru, because parts of Peru are a mile above sea level.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

They will give you cocaine tea. Yeah. Tea made of cocoa leaves. Yeah. And. And my dad went to a hotel once where they prepared it like turn down service. They prepared it for you because you could get altitude sickness and they wanted to prevent you, you know, they were trying to help you from. From getting altitude sickness. I don't want that before my turn down service because I'm never turning down. You know what I'm saying? I'm turning right up. Let's turn up service. Turn up for what? But, you know, it's a product that's used throughout the. Anyway, whatever.

[Joy Hoadley]

You know, there's, I think apparently at Machu Picchu, they give it to you or used to give it to you on your ascent up.

[Brian Green]

Oh, I just read a story about a couple that broke up while going to Machu Picchu, which I think is a weird place to break up. Like, the guy broke up with somebody. Machu Picchu. He was like, I didn't want to date her. And I didn't know what to say. We ended up on the trip and I thought, well, Machu Picchu would be a good place. It's like Machu Picchu. You're going to break up with somebody with Machu Picchu, just text her, bro, you'd rather listen. That's a story you don't want getting around that you broke up with somebody while you were on a trip to Machu Picchu, one of the most remote places on earth, by the way, doesn't it? It's not like you just like zipping on a car up onto Machu Picchu. Didn't take like three days to get up there or something. Right. You have to hike into the wood. Yeah. Anyway, I know that there's a squirrely motherfucker or two out there who grow cocoa leaves. There's got to be here in the United States. I mean, I don't know how you grow more, you get a hold of cocoa seeds. But you know there's a squirrely son of a bitch out there.

[Joy Hoadley]

You would think so.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, because you know, if you look at it, I don't even know what a cocoa plant looks like. I think it just looks like a plant, like a fern. So you know what we should do? Go to Mexico, get yourself a hold of some, you know, cocoa stems, like, you know, the. Just pull, pluck a couple out of the ground or find somebody who can do that for you, bring it back, say it's a fern and let's start growing them in my house as ferns. And then, you know, the kids will never go to sleep. They hate chewing on the ferns. It kind of does look like a fern, doesn't it?

[Joy Hoadley]

I'll investigate.

[Brian Green]

Looks like a bay leaf. Looks like a bay leaf. Yeah. See, I told you we should have these right next to the bay leafs. I think you're onto something in the publix. Yeah, I back it. Uh huh, uh huh. I'm just gonna make. Let's bring em back and put em in a bay leaf package. No one will be the wiser. Except for the drug dogs. They're bay leaves. Yeah, I use them in my stew. That's right. I don't want you to get a. I don't want you to get an anal cavity search like I had that one time. So don't bring bay leaves back. I'm gonna need you because we need to get on with the next 700 episodes. We're about to sign another contract. This time I might be a little smarter and I might say, well, I promise to try. How's that? I'm gonna put it in the verbiage in the contract. I promise to try to make these many episodes per year. It's been a ride. It's been a ride.

[Joy Hoadley]

It has a lot of, a lot of good times.

[Brian Green]

How do you feel the evolution of the podcast has taken hold?

[Joy Hoadley]

Good.

[Brian Green]

Well, we'll be here for the next couple days, folks.

[Joy Hoadley]

Take a sip of water.

[Brian Green]

Okay. Take your sip of water.

[Joy Hoadley]

I should be sipping champagne. We should be celebrating.

[Brian Green]

No, no, no, no. A thousand. We'll go for a thousand. We'll do a bottle of champagne. That's when you get to drink. Chrissy, add a thousand.

[Joy Hoadley]

I should have brought the same pain.

[Brian Green]

What is your perspective on the evolution of the podcast over the last 700 episodes? I love it. Yeah?

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Cool, cool.

[Joy Hoadley]

I mean, I don't know. It started off with us telling crazy stories and we're still doing that.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, we're still doing that. Remarkably, there's still a story or two.

[Joy Hoadley]

Left in us and dissecting videos, and we're still doing that. We've added in some interviews, which I love, and very interesting.

[Brian Green]

I think that's been a. I think that's probably been one of the biggest changes about the content is the interviews. And it's something that I found myself really enjoying. I haven't enjoyed every moment of every interview, but I've enjoyed in general having people come in and breaking up the content a little bit and allowing us to talk and find other people's perspectives and, you know, just talk over the guests, as Bob would say.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. Learning about different people.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I think the first. You know, if I had to, like, if. Let's say that. Let's pretend we were doing a documentary, right. Like a VH1, behind the podcast, behind TCB, TCB, behind the podcast. And the interviewer was like, you know, tell us about your journey on the podcasting. I would say that for the first 10 or 15 episodes, I had a loose thought that this would be kind of sketch comedy satire, and maybe a little bit of improv. I felt like maybe we could structure it a little bit. And at times we tried.

[Joy Hoadley]

But that was work.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, but that was work. It was work, and it felt constricting. And I don't feel that I found the funny in, like, when I was doing the bits. I remember that for the first 20 or 30 episodes, that was fun because I got to manufacture that out of whole cloth, but it took a lot of time, and I had to write everything down, and I had to practice, and then I had to do it over again. It took hours to create those things, sometimes days to create those things. And so. And then when I tried to structure the show, like, put more structure to the actual content of the show, I found the more that I put structure to it, the less I felt there was freedom to have fun with it. I always felt like we had to hit the next beat. Hit the next beat. Hit the next beat. So then after 50 episodes, I think it got really loose. And I would say that, you know, in that 100 to 200 range, I think we relied a lot on other people to bring the funny. And I don't mean other people like guests. I mean, like videos, right? Yes, we're doing a whole lot of videos. I think the nature of the podcast, really, quite frankly, there. I think for, like, a string of 100 episodes, I would say that 70 of them had videos, and we were Doing a video every single day, but also we're only doing two episodes a week, so it was a little bit different. Right. We. You know, and even then, I found that the improv was where the freedom was to have some fun and to be funny. So by the time we turned the corner on, like, episode number 350, I felt like I. At least from my sitting in my chair, I felt like the. The podcast had a personality. I don't know necessarily what that was kind of goofy and ADHD and all over the place, but I felt like it had a personality, and all we needed to do was just have the freedom to find the funny, and eventually we would get there. It might take us 10 or 15 episodes, but we would find a good episode in there somewhere.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And I think after episode, like, let's say 500, I felt like we knew what we were doing. We could turn on the microphone, we could figure out an hour of content. We could talk, you know, incessantly for 45 straight minutes and not have to worry about it. And now at episode number 700, you know, I think the episode has a following. I think the commercial break has a following. I think there are people who really enjoy hearing us talk for whatever crazy reason. Yeah. And I think the. The podcast has taken on a personality of its own.

[Rachel]

Aw.

[Joy Hoadley]

Our little baby is growing up.

[Brian Green]

And then Brian died in a tr. Tragic cream and cereal accident, chewing cocoa leaves with his cream and cereal. Brian had a massive coronary right there at the kitchen table. His children cried, but the listeners did not, for their long suffering is over the commercial break. The worst podcast ever. Yeah. That's how I feel about the podcast. I feel like it's. It's taken on a life of its own. There is a weird thing that has happened with the commercial break that I've. Over the last 50 episodes, I've really noticed it does have a life of its own. There are people out there who really enjoy the show, and they have.

[Joy Hoadley]

Bless you.

[Brian Green]

I know. God bless you. Seriously.

[Joy Hoadley]

Thank you.

[Brian Green]

What are you thinking? What are you doing? What are you doing with your life when you're just listening to us? I mean, I thank you from the bottom of my heart because it provides us a living, but I cannot imagine. I. I never listen. I mean, when I'm editing, I listen to parts of our episode, but I used to listen to every episode because I wanted to hear it and I wanted to listen to what we were doing and see if we could make it better. I gave up on making it better. I just decided I don't need to listen to it. I just did it. What do I need to listen to it for?

[Joy Hoadley]

Raw dog it.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Thank you, Chrissy. Raw dog it. Exactly. Exactly.

[Joy Hoadley]

That's our new tagline.

[Brian Green]

Raw dog.

[Joy Hoadley]

Just raw it. Yeah, Just raw dog it.

[Brian Green]

Raw dog. Chrissy and Brian, raw dog you. Every Tuesday through Friday. We're going in bald, baby. Going in bald. No hat needed. Yeah. That should be our new tagline. Raw dog it with the commercial break.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yes. I like it. Those have changed the commercial break.

[Brian Green]

We jizz on it.

[Joy Hoadley]

Our taglines have certainly changed the tagline.

[Brian Green]

Every 50 episodes we find something different.

[Joy Hoadley]

It's not for everyone.

[Brian Green]

It's not for everyone. Thank God we don't do that anymore. I'd have to add we raw dog it to the end of that. Welcome back to another episode. This the commercial break. Hey, it's not for everybody, but at least it's free. Fag news or fiction. 15 minutes or less or your money back. Go to tcbpodcast.com to collect your earnings. TCB. We raw dog it. Raw dog it. With the commercial break. Brian and Chrissy.

[Joy Hoadley]

The intro would just be the whole first segment.

[Brian Green]

Oh, yeah, it was. Well, that was also a way to kill minutes. I mean, I think we were doing three minutes of Intro for about 180 episodes there. Brian was just blabbering on, you know, if you know, you know, I K n y k d y. Oh, my God. I was on Instagram the other day and the worst offender of iknykydy or whatever that is. If you know, you know, the worst offender literally put it four stories in a row. I k, whatever that is. If you know, you know, if you know, you know, if you know, you know, if you know, you know, showing an inside of a random bar or restaurant on every photo and it's like, well, I don't know, because not everybody lives in your fucking town. So why don't you let us know so that way we're in on the joke. Also, this must be the coolest place on earth. If you know, you know are the only people that know. Like, I'd like to know too. Can you let me in? Doesn't have the name of the place. Doesn't say why they're there. Doesn't give any information about why or why or why not it's cool or not. It's like, it's so dumb. And then Astrid puts it on our Instagram post just to piss me off.

[Joy Hoadley]

She does.

[Brian Green]

Astrid, you're fired after 700 episodes. Astrid's fired. All right, let's take a break. We'll be back celebrating 700 with 700. I'll explain after this break.

[Rachel]

Hey, it's Rachel, your new voice of God here on tcb. And just like you, I'm wondering just how much longer this podcast can continue. Let's all rejoice that another episode has made it to your ears. And I'll rejoice that my check is in the mail. Speaking of mail, get your free TCB sticker in the mail by going to tcbpodcast.com and visiting the Contact Us page. You can also find the entire commercial break library audio and video just in case you want to look at [e-mail] Want your voice to be on an episode of the show? Leave us a message at 212-4333, TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Tell us how much you love us and we'll be sure to let the world know on a future episode. Or you could make fun of us. That'd be fine too. We might not air that, but maybe. Oh, and if you're shy, that's okay. Just send a text. We'll respond. Now I'm gonna go check the mailbox for payment while you check out our sponsors and then we'll return to this episode of the commercial break.

[Brian Green]

This cold and flu season, Instacart is here to help deliver all your sick day essentials. Whether you're in prevention mode and need vitamins, hand sanitizer, and that lemon tea your nana swears by. Or you're in healing mode and need medicine, soup and a lot more tissues. Simply download the Instacart app to get sick day supplies that reinvigorate or relieve. Delivered in as fast as 30 minutes. Plus enjoy. Zero delivery fees on your first three orders. Excludes restaurant orders, service fees and terms apply. Hey, you out there in the podcast universe. I'm dropping in to share with you a podcast that I am currently enjoying. I only agree to this a couple times a year because, let's face it, I really want all the attention on me and my show. But Odyssey, our network, has dropped a true gem. All right, some free word association here. Young adults looking to have the time of their life, billions of dollars in free flowing revenue. Secret administrators who will do anything to avoid bad press and cover ups with endless twists and turns. Put them all together, mix them up, and you've got the wild universe of college campus life. And now, the Odyssey original podcast, Campus Files takes a deep dive into some of the wildest scandals that have taken place within colleges and universities across this country. While these universities are attracting some of America's brightest minds, some of the most absurd things are happen there. The rigged admissions, the sports scandals, and of course, a good Greek life drama. Who doesn't enjoy a good Greek life drama? The Campus Files podcast is exposing the stories you will not hear on the campus tours. Listen and follow Campus Files and Odyssey Original Podcast, available now on the free Odyssey app or wherever you're listening to podcasts. And thanks to Odyssey for supporting good content and great content creators. This episode is brought to you by the Nissan Armada Pro 4X. With a twin turbo V6 engine ready to propel your adventures. Up to 8,500 pounds of towing capacity to haul all your favorite toys and space for eight passengers, Nissan's most powerful car yet will chew up and spit out anything you throw at it. Learn more about the all new 2025 Nissan Armada at nissanusa.com Towing capacity varies by configuration. See Nissan Towing Guide and Owner's Manual for additional information. Always secure cargo. Yeah, we're doing a little math here in the studio. So 3.5 to 4 million podcasts that have ever been ever since it started 2009, 2010. Only Tina did some research. Only two and a half percent of those have made it past episode 300, which in the most liberal of math probably put somewhere in the neighborhood of 8,000 that have been over 300. There's no specific stats on over 300. So it doesn't. They don't. They're not really tracking that. But you have to imagine that if you double that, at least half of those are out. At least half of those are out the door. And then you add some more. I would say we're probably one of a couple thousand that have gotten to episode number 700. And if we get to a thousand, which if we're here and we're kicking and the fans are still listening to us. Fans, the listener. I hate saying that word. Hate saying that word. If the listeners are still here, then we will, I think, in the apparatus, we will win just because we did it for this long. Do you know what I'm saying? I mean, at some point Joe Rogan just became famous because he was 7,000 episodes in and people were like, there's so much of Joe Rogan that how can I ignore it? Do you know what I'm saying? We will win just by staying steady, staying the course. Mediocre all the way. Doesn't matter. The only 15 episodes are good. We're going to keep on going. We'll add a 16th by episode 1000. I promise, when we get to episode 1000, at least 0.15% of our episodes will be ones you want to listen to. Also, I wanted to say this, and I didn't. I kind of got lost in my thought, which happens often here. The podcast has taken a life of its own. And for the listeners who at least the ones that interact with us, it's interesting to see what the podcast means to them, how it affects them in their daily life, how when they listen, they get a giggle or it helps them through their workday, or it's helping them through a divorce or whatever the situation may be. The stories are endless, but that, to me, feels like, you know, I don't feel like we're saving little kittens from trees, but we're doing something. We're doing something.

[Joy Hoadley]

Appreciate that.

[Brian Green]

Brian's ranting all the time about something or other. Brian's getting more miserable in his old age. And you're listening. Okay, I guess we're all going to get cranky together. Let's do that. 700 episodes. Chrissy. There's only one other content creator that I can think of where the number 700 really means something, and that's, of course, the 700 Club. Yes, yes, the venerable morning show that is paid, bought and paid for on your local cbs, NBC, your own personal cw, your own personal Jesus. That's a good one. That's a good way to put it. It's your own personal Jesus. The televangelists that have enough money to take over an hour of morning television every day. And it's not because the network wants that content. It's because they pay for that airtime. The 700 Club, of course, is headed up, or was headed up, I think. Now his son does it. By the Robertson family. Pat Robertson and his whole Pat Robertson Ministry bullshit. He's one of the few televangelists from the 80s that kind of survived the downfall of all the 80s televangelists who were in some way, shape or form absconding with cash. So I guess you give him a little bit of credit there, but Pat Robertson has got to be one of the biggest idiots that ever lived in this entire world. He's dead now, and, you know, I'm not going to dance on somebody's grave, but I don't miss him because he was a bigot, a racist, an interpreter of the Bible in any which way he saw fit to Twist the words to make sure that it fit his narrative. And his narrative was always crooked. It was always wrong. It was always weird. And Pat Robertson was an old kook, if you ask me. He was just a weirdo. He was an old kook. I mean, he was. He was an old coot. Somebody said to me the other day, they go, he's an old coot. And I go, what's a coot? He goes, I don't know. It's a crazy person. I said, okay, I call him a kook, not a coot. But anyway, he's an old kook. The guy was just a Looney Tune. And he. And he had been for years. And the older he got, the more strange he got. Him and that Kenneth Copeland, they're both just got old and got crazier than they ever have been. And it's just amazing to me the way that he takes scripture and he interpreted it. He one time told a man, wrote in and asked if he should divorce his wife who had Alzheimer's because he didn't recognize her anymore. And Pat said yes, if she was still in her right mind, she would agree that you needed to go on and find a wife who could fulfill her wifely duties. And unfortunately, the time was up for whatever. I mean, just a crazy AIDS had caused, you know, or, I don't know, the tsunami and the hurricane was coming for Florida because that's where the gay people live. I mean, the guy was just all over the place. Terrible human being. Terrible human being. But there is comedy in some of these situations, as we found over our 700 episodes. I waited respectfully, at least a year or two after Pat Robertson died. But now I think it's fair game. I think it's probably fair game the day after he died. But you know what? But here we are, the CBN network, the 700 Club. Let's review one of my favorite segments with Pat, which was when Pat took phone calls and answered questions. You ready?

[Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

I was trolling on the Internet, as you do, as I do like to do. Here's some 700 club. Oh, is there a. Do we have that on mute? Yeah, let's try that again. Huh. That's weird, but. Oh, there we go.

[Rachel]

Some life's biggest issues, such as why does God heal some and not others? How can you love a toxic family member? Do pets go to heaven? Has the Ark of the Covenant been found?

[Brian Green]

Yes, it has.

[Joy Hoadley]

The Ark of the Covenant.

[Brian Green]

Indiana Jones number four. It was found. Actually, the first Indiana Jones Ark of the Covenant was found.

[Rachel]

What About Noah's Ark and more. Your questions take center stage.

[Brian Green]

Look at this stock photography guy on the phone, very concerned about whether or not the Ark of the Covenant has been found. Hey, Jim, it's me, Bob. Hey, did they find the Ark of the Covenant? I got a meeting later on today. I need the answer all show long on today's 700 Club showing young people on the telephone, you know, hey, what up, flippity flop, jizzity jizz, I'm on fleek. Did they find the Ark of the Covenant yet? Well, I think Pat got liberal in his old age because there was stock photography of a black person. So there you go. The times do change. Old coots get a little less cootie in their old age. You know what I'm saying? Welcome, folks.

[Chrissy]

It's wonderful.

[Brian Green]

Oh, look, he's got tales from the crypt.

[Joy Hoadley]

He does look like the Crypt Keeper.

[Brian Green]

He is the Crypt Keeper. What are you talking about?

[Joy Hoadley]

In a blue sweater?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, this is right before he died, by the way. I think this is from 2020 and. Or 2021 or something like that. But that blue shredder is something straight out of Mr. Rogers. And that face is something straight out of hell. I mean, listen, everyone's going to get old and nasty at some point. It just happens to us, right? Could have happened to a nicer person, let's put it that way.

[Chrissy]

Be back with you at this particular place and to talk today about your questions and hopefully some honest answers.

[Brian Green]

And hopefully my chin don't fall off. Hopefully my jaw don't separate from my face.

[Chrissy]

You call from all over America and you left your voicemail questions today. We're going to hear your voices on the air. And I will do my best to answer.

[Brian Green]

I'll do my best to offend as many people as possible so I can make the news tomorrow. That's. That's what he did. He'd like to make the news. Chrissy.

[Joy Hoadley]

And it really is true how the ears get bigger.

[Brian Green]

Ears got huge. Have you not noticed? Brian's ears are getting big. Because he's a sinner, Chrissy. A sinner.

[Chrissy]

Wendy's here with us, the lovely lady. And she.

[Brian Green]

She's got tits. I enjoy.

[Chrissy]

Just back from the Ukraine, she's been in the war zone, Wendy.

[Brian Green]

There's so many killings and murders going on.

[Rachel]

It wasn't the same without you because you and I were in the war zone in Israel one time.

[Chrissy]

But if the smell of Corona isn't there, it's no fun.

[Brian Green]

But it's good. If the Smell of dead bodies doesn't get you going? I don't know what will. She's like, I smell a dead body right now, I think it's yours.

[Rachel]

Pat. Pat. Great to have Pat with us today. And we've got a question. We're gonna start with Patricia, she's from Hawthorne, California.

[Chrissy]

Go ahead. My question is, can people get saved when they're on their deathbed and go to heaven? Because I'm confused there. Because in that case, we could all just sin our whole lives and then just get saved when we're ready to die. Could you please clear up that question?

[Brian Green]

Well, that's what I'm hoping for, Katherine. That's what I'm hoping for.

[Joy Hoadley]

Damn it. I wanted to sin all of this, my life, but I didn't.

[Brian Green]

She's like, my husband is a fuck nut and he been sinning his entire life and now claims he wants to be saved. Can you please explain why he's gonna go to hell?

[Chrissy]

Confusion for me. Thank you, Pat.

[Brian Green]

Clear up the confusion for me. Like Pat knows, Like anybody knows.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, well, the thing of it is, you never know when you're gonna die. So if you decide you want to spend your life sinning, death may come sooner than you thought. But you remember the thief on the cross, he said to Jesus, he said, remember me, Lord, when you come into your kingdom. And Jesus said, this day you will be with me in paradise. So the answer, woo hoo.

[Brian Green]

We can all go crazy, I love it. But remember, you never know when you're going to die.

[Chrissy]

He didn't say, have you said the sinner's prayer? Do you go to church? Have you done this? He said this day because it was a confession of faith in Christ. And yes, you can make it on your deathbed, but I wouldn't presume on saying, well, I'll sin boldly, that grace may abound. You know, you don't even.

[Brian Green]

I wouldn't presume Grace May or Bradley Brown and Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston. I wouldn't presume. Does that answer your question? What did he just fucking say?

[Joy Hoadley]

I don't know.

[Brian Green]

Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston. That's what I heard.

[Rachel]

Yeah, good advice.

[Brian Green]

All right, Great advice, Great advice on the Bobby Brown there, Pat. She has to say that she's so beholden to him.

[Rachel]

Thanks, Pat. Phyllis from Cincinnati, Ohio, has this question for Pat.

[Chrissy]

I was calling to ask a question about retirement savings and investing.

[Brian Green]

Oh my God.

[Chrissy]

Perspective on that. And is that important or are we being too worldly when we think that way?

[Brian Green]

Well, God forbid we'd be too worldly. Phyllis from Cincinnati.

[Chrissy]

I don't think there's anything close worldly. I think we're all supposed to manage our affairs properly. And I think we should give to.

[Brian Green]

The church and tithe and buy another airplane and put me in these pretty blue sweaters and get me Viagra and a pretty co host and wheel me around from strip club to str club when no one's looking. Oh, my teeth fell out.

[Chrissy]

Invest for their retirement. There's nothing in the world wrong with that. You know, we. We, I believe.

[Brian Green]

Sounds like Daffy Duck in the stock market.

[Chrissy]

I believe in investing and I think that we should be intelligent with our hand.

[Brian Green]

And you are one of the richest Christian preachers that has ever lived. Of course you believe. Investing. Investing in you tithing to the church to make you and your family personally wealthy without taxation. Congratulations, Pat. You have pulled off one of the biggest con jobs in television history.

[Chrissy]

Our money. You know, we're stewards and we're stewards of our life. We're stewards of what we do and we're stewards of who we are. So you are a steward and I'm not.

[Brian Green]

I'm a Phyllis, not a steward.

[Chrissy]

Remember Jesus said, well, you render to Caesar. What's Caesar? You render to God. What's God?

[Brian Green]

When you buy Little Caesars and Little Caesars, then you get pizza with God. Chrissy, just remember those words.

[Joy Hoadley]

You paused it on right where his tongue is sticking out.

[Brian Green]

Excuse me, my lips are dry. Give Uncle Pat a kiss, Chrissy. Give. Uncle Pat had a kiss on his penis.

[Joy Hoadley]

Don't let me picture that.

[Brian Green]

Ah. Do you remember when Pat was a younger man and he had the nipples of a bodybuilder? I'll show you.

[Chrissy]

Well, I mean, for example, giving. You've got to have some money to give. The more you get, the more you can give away.

[Brian Green]

The more you get, the more you can give Uncle Pat fur kisses on his penis.

[Chrissy]

That's what I think. And I think God says, look, if you prove me with tithes and offerings you read Malachi, I'll open the windows of heaven and pour you as such a blessing.

[Brian Green]

You can open the windows with manna kind. Pour the water out of the blessings. Don't you see? Come here. Give Uncle Pat another kiss on the lips. Let me get them. Let me moisten them for you. Don't mind the makeup. It'll come off later.

[Chrissy]

Contain. What do you do with that blessing? Well, you can give more away. That's the way I think. Okay.

[Brian Green]

That's Right. He found a way to make it a vibe.

[Joy Hoadley]

Oh, he totally did. Give more to us.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Give more to the church and less to your. To your family. Hey.

[Rachel]

Amen. An interesting question from a viewer in Norfolk, Virginia.

[Brian Green]

Hello, Pat. I like to think that we live.

[Chrissy]

At a pretty good time in history. If you could choose any other time throughout history, when would you want to live?

[Brian Green]

Oh, here we go.

[Chrissy]

You know something? I think this is as good a time as we could possibly have had.

[Joy Hoadley]

By the way, I'm the richest I've ever been.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, yeah. Pat, there's no problem with the time you're living here because you have done very well for yourself. I will say this about Pat and take this for what it's worth, but I think it's important to point out in 2020, Pat Robertson did correctly predict that Donald Trump would be. There would be attempted assassinations on his life twice. He predicted it would happen in 2020, but he predicted it would happen now. He was wrong about the year. But that. That when I heard that, I was like, wow, can you imagine?

[Chrissy]

I was thinking today as I was eating, I ate oatmeal for breakfast.

[Brian Green]

It runs right through me like a hot fire. But, yeah, I love that oatmeal, Chrissy. It just soft and soft and it's lovely. It's like my mother's bosom. And I was thinking the other day, if I could be alive in the time of the Romans, I could have bathed with other men without promiscuity. But I'm not alive then, so I bathe with other men in secrecy. It's just a little bit different, Chris.

[Chrissy]

We live in a world of plenty. We have warm clothes. We have beautiful food. We have the abundance of food at the grocery store where you can get. And we have freedom in America.

[Brian Green]

That's right. When you live in Carmel, California, you get anything you want.

[Chrissy]

Pat, I really think, you know, heaven is going to be wonderful. But I do think that he's given us a right nice world to live in right now. And I don't think, you know, if I lived at the time of Jesus, I wouldn't have believed in him. And he was an itinerant preacher. And, you know, I wouldn't have believed in him. So many, only a few did.

[Brian Green]

And they had floppy, floppity, flippity, floppy. I believe in Jesus. I wouldn't have believed in him, but I believe in him now.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

What does he say?

[Joy Hoadley]

I don't know.

[Brian Green]

He wouldn't have believed in Jesus back then, but he believed in him. Now he's too much of a hippie, I think, is what he's saying. He's an itinerant preacher, which I think means liberal. Liberal, yeah, yeah.

[Chrissy]

Wait to see the fulfillment of prophecy, even then. So what time? I believe.

[Brian Green]

What time is it? Lunchtime. I believe. I believe. Oh, what are we doing? We're reading emails. Okay, let me put my teeth back in.

[Chrissy]

This is as good a time in this country as you could possibly have. And I'm very grateful that I was born. As was said, I won the ovarian lottery.

[Brian Green]

I'm white and I'm smart and I'm living in heaven. Yeah. He's so evil. I won the ovarian lottery. Look at that face. Oh, that's a face of a lover.

[Chrissy]

I could have been born in India to a poor family.

[Brian Green]

Did I? How highly offensive. How highly offensive, Pat. You could have been born a different color and poor. You're right. You could have. Now, listen, to defend. What he's trying to say, I think means he's taking some realization that he, in fact, has been lucky in his life. But since I know Pat Robertson and I've heard all of the terrible things he's ever said as a noted racist and bigot and homophobe, I think he's just pouring more salt in the wounds of people who can't afford a pretty television studio and three private planes. That's right.

[Rachel]

And God says he appoints the times and the seasons.

[Chrissy]

Exactly.

[Rachel]

And so we're all supposed to be here.

[Brian Green]

That's right.

[Rachel]

You know, I love the fashion in the 40s. So if I could go back.

[Brian Green]

I love TradWife. I love TradWife. It's so awesome.

[Rachel]

Wise. I go back to the 40s.

[Chrissy]

I don't care about fashions. I care about life and health.

[Brian Green]

I don't care about you, you silly little bitch. Who's this woman talking over me? Stop it.

[Chrissy]

We've had so many breakthroughs in health care and everything. I mean, this has been a wonderful time to live. All right.

[Rachel]

Amen.

[Brian Green]

Amen. I'm trying to keep my job. Amen. Let's move on.

[Rachel]

Lee from Kenner, Louisiana, has this question.

[Chrissy]

Hello, Pat. My question for you today is. I understand loving unconditionally and to love your neighbor as yourself, but.

[Brian Green]

But here comes.

[Chrissy]

How do you love a family that is very toxic and still glorify God? What boundaries do I have and still walk into Christian values? Thank you.

[Brian Green]

I can't wait for this one. Watch the hypocrisy flow through the scripture now, kids.

[Chrissy]

I think you can love them yourself if they've hurt you, if you have ought against any, you forgive them. But you don't have to be in the presence of somebody that's toxic. You know, the Apostle Paul said you don't even have to eat with certain kind of people. And I think if somebody's a Christian, for example.

[Brian Green]

But if you eat, if you eat with homosexual. Chrissy, Paul says you don't have to eat with a homosexual, but you can lay with a homosexual. If I, if I'm understanding the scripture correctly. And while Jesus said unconditional love to everyone, there were some conditions on that love. Ezekiel 3.4.4 said, he who has dark skin need not love, he needs a shunning. So just remember that. And by the way, I need an eyebrow trimming.

[Chrissy]

You don't have to expose yourself to people who are unpleasant, who are, you know, they'll, they'll tear you down always. You know, you get in the presence of a negative thinking, well, this is terrible. I feel so bad. Isn't the weather awful? You know, isn't the government terrible? They're all a bunch of crooks. You don't want to listen to that junk. So you're better.

[Brian Green]

He would not have been a fan of the commercial break.

[Joy Hoadley]

No, not at all.

[Chrissy]

It's like, would you want to take a garbage can and pour it on your head?

[Joy Hoadley]

Was that his hand?

[Brian Green]

Jeez. That was his hand. Oh, God.

[Joy Hoadley]

That looked like from Lord of the Rings.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, Gollum. Yeah.

[Chrissy]

She puts the Peshes in the basket every morning. The answer is no. So you don't have to be around them. So the fact that they're there in the neighborhood, just avoid them. You go someplace. There are lots of people in America and around the world there are about 7 billion people. So surely you can find companions that are, quote, not toxic.

[Brian Green]

Love them. Unconditional love doesn't mean without condition. That's not what that means. It's the, it's not the definition.

[Rachel]

From a distance.

[Brian Green]

Is this stupid still sitting next to me? Somebody get my hand and fell on the floor. I made a boo boo in my pants. Can I get a cleanup aisle too?

[Rachel]

From New York City.

[Brian Green]

Hi, Pat. My name is Luke. Is it okay for a Christian to.

[Chrissy]

Play lotto and play flesh game for money, being that it's legal.

[Brian Green]

Oh, I'm interested to hear this answer, actually.

[Chrissy]

Well, I, you know, the question about money is, are you depending on, for example, are you praying? You know, before I came to the Lord, I played poker and I mean, I'D sit there praying to pull to an inside straight.

[Joy Hoadley]

I'm picturing him at a table with Kenny Rogers.

[Brian Green]

I know. You gotta know when to hold him. Know when to fold em.

[Joy Hoadley]

Praying for an inside strike.

[Brian Green]

Know when to pray for help. Oh, God, what an interesting life Pat has lived.

[Chrissy]

They have a flush.

[Rachel]

Did you ever get one?

[Chrissy]

I mean, sometimes yes, sometimes no. But I mean, you know, if you put all your money out and you're gambling, that. That is so destructive. But, you know, and I also think it's the wrong way to finance a country or a state with having legal gambling and all these.

[Brian Green]

Sending all the poor people to college and giving them meals before school and helping out with different things. This isn't that, Chrissy. It's. I just think that's the wrong way to finance things. What you need to do is ask people to send you money in an envelope for holy water that I basically got out of my sink. That is a more better way to go about things. Chrissy.

[Chrissy]

Rich quick skate.

[Brian Green]

What was that? No, that wasn't. That wasn't me. Roll it back, roll it back. Take your finger. Roll it back. Hold on one second. Honestly, I want to hear this.

[Joy Hoadley]

Hold on one second.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, just swipe your finger backward just a little bit. Like over to the left. There you go. Okay, one more time. Just swipe it over to the left. Okay. Listen to this family.

[Chrissy]

And all these get Rich quick skins.

[Brian Green]

That was not me. I did not do that. That was Pat Robertson farting.

[Joy Hoadley]

That's incredible.

[Brian Green]

That sounded like. And trying to escape. Oh, my God. Oh, I got an unholy monster in my anus. Do that again. Turn that back. Go. Three swipes. Three swipes. Let's lead up to it. I want to see what happens. Everybody looked at me.

[Chrissy]

And I also think it's the wrong way to finance a country or a state with having legal gambling and all these get rich quick.

[Brian Green]

Oh, my God. They caught that on the hot mic. Someone just let out an unholy wind. That was an unholy wind, my friends. Okay. I think that's a good place for a prank. Everybody looked at me. I was like, I wanted you. No. Oh, my God. That was funny. That was good. Good job.

[Joy Hoadley]

Praise God.

[Brian Green]

All right. Praise God. He dropped a bomb. I dropped my phone. There we go. All right, we'll take a break. We'll be back.

[Rachel]

Rachel here. While Brian takes his old man bladder to the little boys room. Let's talk turkey. TCB needs your help. If you love the show, do us all a favor and Share. Share is caring. And we know you care, don't you? Well, don't you? Oh, that was some childhood trauma rearing its ugly head. Do you want to be on the show? Leave us a voicemail at 212-433-3822 and you could be the next TCD disembodied voice. Ooh, what'd you do today? I was a disembodied voice. You know, that sounds more dangerous than it actually is. Find us on Insta at the commercial voice break on the [e-mail] and all the episodes on video are available the same [e-mail] thecommercial break. I'm gonna go help Brian get back up the stairs while you listen to the sponsors. And then we'll all meet back here and get back to this episode of the commercial break. I'll take a raise now, bitches. Bye. I can say to my new Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra, hey, find a keto friendly restaurant nearby and text it to Beth instead. And it does without me lifting a finger so I can get in more squats anywhere I can. 1, 2, 3.

[Brian Green]

Will that be cash or credit? Credit. 4 Galaxy S25 Ultra, the AI companion that does the heavy lifting. So you can do. You get [e-mail] compatible with select apps.

[Chrissy]

Requires Google Gemini account.

[Brian Green]

Results may vary based on input. Check responses for accuracy.

[Rachel]

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[Brian Green]

Ooh, Rachel sounds good on those lines. Yes, she does. She's a laugh a minute. All right, we're listening to Pat Robertson trying to digest it.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, that might have been his stomach.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it was his oatmeal. I don't know what that was, but that was unholy. That's either someone like in the behind the scenes with a hot mic or the lady just farted. Or he just farted and it just sounded terrible. I mean, terrible. All right, let's get back to Pat answering whether or not we should be playing lotto. Scratch off his answer so far, nonsensical.

[Chrissy]

He was. I think the best way to achieve money is little by increase the law of use exponential curve. If you do that There'll be plenty of money.

[Joy Hoadley]

The law of curves.

[Brian Green]

The law of curve, Chrissy. The law of curves. I've been following them my entire life. The law of curve. What is that? What is the law of curve?

[Joy Hoadley]

Financial curve.

[Brian Green]

The law of use. The financial curve, little by little. Is that how you did it, Pat?

[Chrissy]

Yeah, well, playing the games. I mean, if you want to take $5 and put it in a thing like that and don't worry about it. I mean, I can't say that's a sin, that's your business. But if you begin to pray and let that be the source of your income, it is such utter foolishness.

[Brian Green]

It's such utter foolishness to spend your money on the scratch cards and the lap dances and the booze and the beer and all wine and the women. Send it to me and I'll do that on your behalf.

[Rachel]

Lynn from Clarion, Pennsylvania has this question for Pat.

[Chrissy]

My name is Lynn and I'm from rural Pennsylvania. We have a bunch of rural churches in our area that have anywhere from 15 to 100 people in their congregation. And it seems like people are not wanting to come into the church buildings. My question is, what are some ideas on how to take our church out in the community that you might have for us? Us?

[Brian Green]

Oh, well, people don't want to come into the church building because they don't want to get sanctified in your, you know, in your hypocrite box. That's just what's going on. People are becoming less and less secular because they feel like religion is not very modern. It doesn't fit the modern idea of spirituality. And I think that while religion in and of itself is. Is not always harmful and that there's lots of people who go to churches and different religions and they make great use of their time here on earth, doing lots of good for other people. I don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. I think religion has done a lot of good. I also think it's done a lot of not so good. And when you walk in and all you're doing is getting a lecture from somebody about how wrong your life is and they're sitting there probably doing the same thing or worse. Why are you so connected to God that you can talk down to me, but I have to sit here and give you my money and listen to the beat up session, feel guilty, walk out, listen. It's all a big racket. That's what it is. It's a big fucking racket. It's been going on since the Beginning of time. I'm not saying every single piece of religion should be, you know, tossed out or whatever, but I just think the way that it's been interpreted. Interpreted, Interpretated, Interpretated. Chrissy, it's utter foolishness.

[Joy Hoadley]

Praise Jesus, brother.

[Brian Green]

Praise Jesus. And this oatmeal getting down my tummy me. I think the way it's been interpreted, it leaves power and money to a few while the rest of the people feed into it. It's another mlm. That's all it is. But there's, you know, the product they're selling is your soul. That's it. It's like life coaching.

[Chrissy]

Think. You know, one of the biggest churches I think was out there in Arizona where the pastor rented some buses and he went out in the neighborhood to bring the kids to Sunday school. And you know, a lot of people.

[Brian Green]

Oh, sounds perfectly safe. Religion has a track record of being great for kids. Yeah, bus those kids on in. Hey kids, come on the happy bus. We're gonna go to church, go to church.

[Chrissy]

But they love to have their children go to church. So if you've got a bus in the church and you say, I'll pick up your children at 9am on Sunday morning.

[Brian Green]

How tone deaf is this? How absolutely tone deaf is this?

[Joy Hoadley]

And also he's saying that the parents don't want to go to church, but they want to send their kids to church.

[Brian Green]

I'm sorry, that's. I don't. As a parent, that does not ring true to me. I don't mind my kids learning about religion. As a matter of fact, we have considered bringing them to like non denominational church or even the Catholic Church just so they can go and get an idea of what God is and Jesus and how it all came into Mother Mary and all that other shit. They want to believe in that. That if that's what they choose to do, I'm not going to stop them. Nor am I. They might listen to the commercial break and think I'm not a big fan. But I'm not going to tell them to their face. They shouldn't be doing that. As long as I think it's healthy and safe for them. But what's not healthy and safe is sending your kids on a random bus to a church because you feel too lazy to go. Then again, that is two hours alone with my wife. Where's the local church bus when you need it? Yes. Sorry, kids. We're taking our chances. We're gambling in a different way.

[Chrissy]

And the next thing you know, mom and dad will follow and I think that that's how one pastor in Phoenix grew to one of the biggest churches in America by having a. A fleet of buses. Got some old buses.

[Joy Hoadley]

I'm sure a little rural church in Pennsylvania that has 15 people going can afford a fleet of buses.

[Brian Green]

Well, you don't need a bus, Chris. That's right.

[Joy Hoadley]

Second off, the kids. The whole kid thing is you get.

[Brian Green]

An old ice cream van and you paint it a dark color so the kids know you're coming. And then you slide open the door, maybe you put a waterbed in there so that the kids can have some fun. And you slide open the door and you say, come, kids, come with me. Come with Uncle Pat. Kiss his penis. Kiss me on the penis.

[Chrissy]

They're out picking up people.

[Rachel]

That's very creative.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, it works. It works.

[Brian Green]

You know what's creative is that lady's hairdo. That's what's creative.

[Chrissy]

Tell me more than that. Okay.

[Rachel]

Okay. Well, here's Cindy from Louisville, Kentucky.

[Brian Green]

Keep. She's there to just keep him moving along.

[Joy Hoadley]

She is, yeah.

[Chrissy]

My question is concerning the Ark of the Covenant. Do you think it's still out there, will ever be found, or has it been lost forever? Thank you.

[Brian Green]

And why, Cindy, are you thinking about this in Louisville, Kentucky? What are you thinking about? What are you. Have you been watching Indiana Jones?

[Joy Hoadley]

Thinking about things?

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Well, she says my question is considering the Ark of the Covenant. Is that the question? We're considering the Ark of the Covenant. I don't get the beginning of the question, but do you think it's still out there, will ever be found?

[Joy Hoadley]

Pertains to the Ark.

[Brian Green]

My question has to do with. Pertains to. Is about the Ark of the Covenant. Not considering. But I get where you're going, Cindy. I'm just wondering exactly why you're going there. What made you wake up on this side of the bed this morning? Morning.

[Chrissy]

It made Steven Spielberg a pretty good movie. In Search of the. The missing Ark of the Covenant. I. I think it's long gone. I. I don't think there's any hidden arc, but it did make an interesting movie. And that's where you've got In Search of the Lost Ark.

[Joy Hoadley]

Sure was a good movie.

[Brian Green]

Good movie. Let's move on, sinners.

[Rachel]

Okay, this question from a viewer in Florida. Flagstaff, Arizona.

[Chrissy]

Yes. My question for Pat is on the second coming of the Lord. On the one side, the word says Jesus is coming back as a thief in the night. On the other side, Jesus is coming back and the whole world will see him when he descends from heaven onto the Mount of Olives. I'm a little confused. On the one hand a thief, on the other hand, everybody will see him. Pat, could you explain the differences in the two statements I just mentioned?

[Brian Green]

Again, what made you wake up on this side of the.

[Joy Hoadley]

I mean people are really trusting Pat. You have all answers of everything.

[Brian Green]

People think Pat is onto something here, that he has some wisdom. Pat, life coach Pat, would you, would you take Pat as a life coach? Me personally, no. But some people apparently put a lot of, put a lot of faith in his answers.

[Chrissy]

So much appreciate the show. I think the idea of a thief in the night means, you know, you're sleeping and you're not paying attention and all of a sudden this thief comes and you weren't expecting him. I think that's the concept is that he's going to come at a time when we're not really awaiting him and the world is not going to expect Jesus to come back again. But in terms when he does come, he will come with a shout of command, with the voice of the ark of Abel, the trump of God, the.

[Brian Green]

Trump of the dude, the ark of the gable and the fields in the fable. And hickory dickory dock. She was sucking my cock. Listen, I don't really know. I'm almost dead, so I'm not too concerned about any of this right now. Did he just say Trump?

[Joy Hoadley]

He said Trump something.

[Chrissy]

But it's going to be a big, big deal. It's not going to be quiet. It's going to be a big one. He will descend from heaven.

[Joy Hoadley]

Trumpet.

[Brian Green]

Oh yeah. Oh, the trumpet. Yeah. The second coming of Christ. I mean, please welcome thief in the night, Jesus Christ all the way from the Mount of Olives, coming down from top of Mount Rushmore, the big guy himself, the one, the only, preaching on an empty dick. Jesus Christ. Let's get ready to mumble my dick.

[Chrissy]

With the trumpet of God. But the thief and the knight out there is that it's going to be unexpected even for believers.

[Rachel]

Will we have a sense of the time?

[Brian Green]

Well, yes, we'll get a text message. There's a national alert system out for, for this kind of event. You see.

[Chrissy]

Paul said it won't come upon you unawares because we are expecting. We know the scriptures, but the world doesn't know the scriptures. And so the world, you know, in the days of Noah, they were spending their time with all kinds of marriage and giving in marriage and having parties and all the rest of it.

[Brian Green]

Woo hoo. Sounds like a Great Gatsby kind of time. You know what I'm saying?

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

It sounds like you and Jeff over there in your little house.

[Joy Hoadley]

Are you, Jesus, partying it up?

[Brian Green]

You're waiting for the. What are you waiting for? Two camels and two giraffes and Jesus Christ on the mountain of the olives with little jalapenos and blue cheese in them.

[Chrissy]

And then he said the flood came and swept them all away. That's the unexpected part of it.

[Rachel]

Gotcha.

[Brian Green]

Interesting. Be careful. Gotcha. Totally understand. Thanks. All right, one more question for Pat before we wrap it up here.

[Rachel]

Judy from Chico, California, has this question for Pat.

[Chrissy]

My question is, who are the clouds of witnesses in the book of Hebrews? That's my question. Hope I can get an answer. Thank you so much.

[Brian Green]

Wow, she sounds very serious. My question is, who are the clouds of witnesses in the Hebrews? That's my question. Answer it now.

[Chrissy]

The cloud of wishes of those who have gone before, who have known the Lord. And he lists some of the champions of the faith who have. They're kind of like the witnesses that have lived before us.

[Brian Green]

And they get Mike Tyson, Tiger Buck, an example.

[Chrissy]

And so when we read the Bible, we read about these champions of the faith, one after the other, that are in these wonderful experiences with God.

[Rachel]

Here's an interesting question from Vincent.

[Brian Green]

Oh, that was a very short answer. I didn't understand. Sorry. One more.

[Rachel]

Pennsylvania.

[Chrissy]

My question is, what has been the greatest battle that the ministry, the 700 Club, has had?

[Brian Green]

Well, that was the battle of 1912, I think.

[Chrissy]

I think the biggest one was getting started. I mean, you know, we started. I started this thing with $70. I had a u haul trailer, 4 kids and no money. And I think we were up against it month after month after month. We didn't have enough money to do anything and we were just crying, depending on God for his mercy. That was the big struggle.

[Brian Green]

Well, after 700 episodes. Yeah, after 700 episodes, Chrissy. And reviewing the 700 Club, I can now confirm Pat Robertson and the commercial break do indeed have something in common. We are up against it month after month. Getting started was the hardest part. We had $70 in our pocket, trailer full of kids, and we're just trying to make it work. Well, congratulations, my friend.

[Joy Hoadley]

Congratulations.

[Brian Green]

After 700 episodes. Here's to 700 more. I hope you're sitting right there next to me at 1400, just like you were at 700. And thank everybody out there for taking part in a part of the TCB history. Listen, I didn't have any answers for you on Jesus or God or the Second Coming or the clouds of Wisdom or whatever it is. But I will tell you this. It's highly likely we'll be here tomorrow. All right? Right. What else can I say? Pat Robertson, still a kook. He is kooky, man. And that, by the way, this is Pat Robertson. Rather tame, some of the stuff he said. And I thought about pulling some of the more like some of the more fiery clips.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

But I just didn't want to piss everybody in the entire audience off. I felt like it wouldn't be as funny if we were just. If he was talking.

[Joy Hoadley]

Oh, he's funnier as a Crypt K. Yeah, I agree.

[Brian Green]

This must be right before he died.

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

I mean, he really does look very old. How old was it he died? 90. 90 something. I mean, listen, if you're 90 something and still rolling in the TV studio and answering questions, I guess you got something to say for yourself, right?

[Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

All right. Okay. Well, I hope that you're happy out there in heaven, buddy, looking down on all of us. Send me a message. Tell me what it's like. Teresa Caputo. It's Piggy Frontmate.

[Joy Hoadley]

That'd be interesting. Oh, it would be interesting with Pat.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I'd like to know what Pat's up to. Is he still rolling? Is he piggy fronting around here? That's right. Okay. All right. Hey, listen, Ari Shafir was our guest last week. We would appreciate it. You go watch his new special, America's Sweetheart, on Netflix, available now for you to consume. Ari was certainly one of the more interesting guests we've had in here. Interesting conversation. Go take a listen to that episode if you haven't heard it. Also, if you'd like to be on the commercial break, if you'd like to be on one of the next 700 episodes, do us a favor, Leave us a message at 212-4333, tcb 212-433-3822. I might use you to open up the next show. Leave me a short message. Be mindful of what you say and what name you use, because if I. I put it out there, I can't undo it. I won't undo it. You can also leave us a text message. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. Send a text message and we'll get back to you at the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on Tik Tok, if you care, tcbpodcast.com for all the audio, all the video right there from one location. Also, your free TCB sticker hit the contact contact us but drop down menu. I want my free sticker. Give us your address and we'll send it off. And please if you would check out the new studio and all the episodes YouTube.com the commercial break available the same day they air here. Okay Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.

[Joy Hoadley]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

But I'll tell you that I love you. I'll say best to you, best to you out there on the podcast universe unto until next time we will say we do say we must say goodbye.

[Rachel]

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[Joy Hoadley]

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[Rachel]

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