The Alligator Alley 500

Summary

The Commercial Break – Episode: "The Alligator Alley 500" (July 30, 2025)

Episode Overview

Bryan Green and Krissy Hoadley return from vacation ready to riff on Florida heat, beach chaos, outrageous drivers, celebrity passings, tequila scams, and merch launches. As always, their improv-comedy style and camaraderie deliver the “Cheesecake Factory” blend of twisted humor, ranting, heartfelt moments, and listener shout-outs.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

WSHIT News Parody: Flat Earth, Space Programs & Local Weirdness

• (00:00–01:53) Opens with Bryan lampooning local "news," reporting that the director of “Crabapple’s Aeronautics and Space Project” was fired for refusing to filter applicants by podcast listenership—a nod to their own podcast’s inside jokes and an absurd mayoral ego wanting his face on rockets.
• The new director, Roger Spence Talwacker, goes off on a hysterical flat-earth, Shakespeare, and conspiracy rant, claiming:

  "That earth looks pretty flat from up here. It's flat and we're safe." (Roger Spence, 01:53)

• Signals a return to The Commercial Break’s foundational style—satirical mock-news, cult-favorite nonsense, and playful local politics parody.

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Florida Vacation: Heat, Beaches & Human Endurance

The Struggle is Real

• (03:22–08:53)
  • Bryan details his escape to Naples, Florida:

    "It is fucking hot in Naples, Florida. I mean, holy..." (Bryan, 03:30)
    "My Apple Watch... the ocean was 92 degrees. It was like sitting in someone's piss. It was not refreshing at all. No fresca about it, Chrissy." (Bryan, 04:36)

  • The hosts joke about being “sun baked but not burnt,” using enough sunscreen even for Bryan (!).
  • Clam Pass—iconic, beautiful, but a full-day endurance event in misery-level temperatures.
  • Bryan hauls “the entire house to the beach,” sweat-drenched and perilously close to passing out on the mile-long berm with no shade.

Naples vs. 30A Beach Experience

• (09:16–11:51)
  • Bryan’s anti-30A rant (the posh Panhandle strip favored by Atlantans):

    “Fuck 30A. Everything is locked, cordoned off, exclusive, private... It’s not an experience, it’s a mugging. It’s a mugging of your soul.” (Bryan, 10:04)

  • Contrasts to Naples’ public-access beaches:

    “I like going with the common folk. Because I’m a common folk. I’m not driving a Lambo around. I don’t need a seven million dollar house and a retina scan to get on the beach. Fuck you.” (Bryan, 10:38)

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Florida Driving & The Alligator Alley 500

(11:52–17:20)

• Bryan finds Florida drivers “absolutely insane,” despite his own self-confessed crazy driving:

  “If you see me on the streets ... you’re likely to say, ‘What the fuck is that moron doing?’ But when I go to Florida, I think I’m the most responsible driver on the road.” (Bryan, 11:51)

• The theory: aggressive driving is a survival skill developed from trying to pass elderly drivers “going 7 mph in the fast lane.”
• Alligator Alley: The infamous, desolate stretch from Miami to Naples.
  • “The fences aren’t to protect you. They’re to protect you from alligators walking out in the middle.” (Bryan, 15:46)
  • People fly past Bryan (“I’m going 82, people pass as if I’m stopped.”), reinforcing the Alligator Alley 500 comparison.

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TCB Merch Launch & Special Event

(17:37–24:22)

• Merch Announcement: First ever, limited edition TCB merchandise drop (Aug 4–18 at shoptcbpodcast.com).
  • “We have a great merch company... and Astrid has done a lot of work on this.” (Bryan, 18:05)
  • Stickers, in-jokes (“piggy fronting T-shirt”), fresh designs—“good luck explaining that one to your neighbors.”
• Upcoming Movie Event:
  • Live watch and commentary of the obscure “The Rally LA”—starring televangelist Kenneth Copeland (!!) and Eric Roberts.

    “I don’t think I’ve been so excited to watch a movie in my life.” (Bryan, 20:21)

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Listener Shout-Outs & Alligator Sightings

(25:40–28:22)

• Bella and her mother: Requests for more “Poly Couch Cushions”—promised!
• South Georgia Sean: Regular texter, guide for surviving the “alligator waters” of Naples.
• Rory: Concerned about whether skipping ads hurts podcast revenue.

  “If I skip the ads and that negatively impacts you, I will listen to them.” (Bryan relays Rory, 28:22)

  • Bryan: Listening to ads helps, but depends on the app (Spotify definitely tracks).
• Four five-foot alligators lurking in sight at the resort’s retention pond—“looking at me like dinner.”

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In Memoriam: Recent Celebrity Passings

(30:03–47:12)

Ozzy Osbourne (“The Prince of Darkness”)

> “Ozzy had been through everything. He’s like the reason people talk about rock stars being crazy.” (*Bryan, 36:34*)  
> “What a fitting time to go out, I guess ... Let all these people say their goodbyes as well as Ozzy come out, sit down, and do some music...” (*Bryan, 34:43*)

• Tribute with “Mama, I’m Coming Home” and Lita Ford duet reminiscing.
• “By all accounts, [Ozzy] was a good guy. He helped so many musicians ... Ozzy did that not out of sense of a need to make money, but out of a sense of obligation to pass the torch.” (Bryan, 41:48)

Hulk Hogan (Wrestling Legend—Noted Satirical Disdain)

> “Hulkamania was everywhere. ... But he turned out to be a real dipshit of a human being and that was disappointing.” (*Bryan, 30:30/31:48*)

Malcolm Jamal Warner (“Theo Huxtable” from The Cosby Show)

> “He got pulled from the undertow. The undertow took him away.” (*Krissy, 42:24*)

• Bryan and Krissy recall Cosby’s legacy, the show's former cultural ubiquity, and the tragic accident.

Anne Burrell (Chef, Food Network “Worst Cooks in America”)

> “By all accounts, loved and beloved... She died because she took her own life.” (*Bryan, 44:00–44:16*)

• Serious PSA from Bryan on mental health, urging listeners to seek help or reach out if struggling.

Golden Earring Band Member (“Radar Love”)

> “Radar Love. It’s a great song to drive to.” (*Krissy, 46:24*)

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The Diageo Tequila Scandal & Corporate Fakery

(48:00–62:20)

• Scam Details:
  • Diageo (liquor giant behind Don Julio, Casamigos, etc.) accused of watering down “100% agave” tequila with non-agave spirits; a class-action lawsuit ensues.
  • “Apparently the Mexican government is in cahoots with Diageo to ... make premium tequila, but put it in a bottle and sell it for $150 or whatever it is.” (Bryan, 51:08)
• Why It Matters:

  “What if you're buying a Don Julio $150 bottle of tequila, and you're really a connoisseur ... You're paying for that premium. But what you're really getting is 10% blue agave and then a cane, like a cane sugar or an additive.” (Bryan, 55:09)

• Fake Memorabilia:
  • Side story of a sports memorabilia auctioneer who forged athlete signatures, showcasing dishonest business practices at all levels.
• Rant on Corporate Culture & Society:

  “It's just a way for the company to make more money without giving people what they're actually saying that they're giving them. ... Getting one over on the next person ... has just become kind of like part and parcel of the American experience that really sucks.” (Bryan, 57:06 / 59:38)

• Takeaway: If big players cheat, why should anyone else play fair? Bryan calls for more accountability, transparency, and ethical behavior from the top down.

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Rants, Reflections & Show Wrap-Up

(62:28–65:15)

• Meta Rant:
  • “RPM: Rants Per Month” or “RPS: Rants Per Show” could be a new TCB metric.
  • “People love rage-bait... But I'm not gonna do it. That's not how I want to be remembered.” (Bryan, 63:15)
• Merch & Event Reminders:
  • August 4–18: Merch site open for preorders.
  • August 9: Live “The Rally LA” movie event, with bonus podcast episodes to follow.
  • Free TCB stickers with every merch order.
  • “Go get them, kids! Attack by the thousands. Swarm!” (Bryan, 64:02)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If you had to drive behind an 82-year-old man who only saw out of one eye... you too would learn how to drive aggressively.” (Bryan, 14:12)
• “Fuck 30A. ... It's a mugging of your soul.” (Bryan, 10:04)
• “Roger Spence was most recently the chief creative officer for failed NFT project Foreskin Kingdom.” (Bryan, 00:55)
• “Ozzy did it all. And then he was a hot mess. The music was fantastic. Oh my God, is fantastic. Will live on so good.” (Bryan, 36:22)
• “If Diageo is able to sell me Don Julio for $150 and it’s made with possum piss, then what comes next? La Poo Poos.” (Bryan, 62:07)

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Important Timestamps

• 00:00 – WSHIT News parody: Flat earth, rocket faces, and chaos
• 03:30 – Searing Florida vacation, Clam Pass, Apple Watch ocean temperatures
• 10:04 – Naples vs. 30A beach rant
• 11:51 – Florida drivers and the Alligator Alley 500
• 17:37 – TCB limited-edition merch drop & movie commentary event
• 25:40 – Listener shout-outs, alligators, ad-skipping, and podcast economics
• 30:03 – In Memoriam: Ozzy, Hogan, Malcolm Jamal Warner, Anne Burrell, Golden Earring
• 48:09 – Diageo tequila scandal, fake booze, fake memorabilia
• 59:38 – Corporate culture, trickle-down dishonesty rant
• 62:28 – Bryan’s meta rant; merch/event wrap-up

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Tone & Style

Bryan and Krissy's banter is deeply irreverent, pseudo-cynical, and bracingly self-deprecating—equal parts laugh-out-loud rant and genuine warmth. They balance wild tangents, rapid-fire asides, and sincere listener engagement with stories of family life, Florida absurdities, and reflections on mortality and mental health. The overall vibe: a chaotic, hilarious, occasionally poignant beach chat with your funniest, most neurotic friends.

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For New Listeners

If you like offbeat, uncensored comedy, skewed pop-culture takes, and podcasts with no rules, this episode is a perfect primer for what makes The Commercial Break the “Cheesecake Factory of comedy podcasts.” Don’t expect polish, but laughter and odd wisdom abound.

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Visit shoptcbpodcast.com (Aug 4–18, 2025) for TCB merch and tune in for the wild “The Rally LA” live event August 9.

Transcript

[A]

Foreign. Welcome back to WSHIT News. It's news your uncle can use to get uninvited to Thanksgiving dinner. A very mixed reaction this afternoon to the announcement of a firing and a new appointment to the director's chair of Crabapple's Aeronautics and Space project, or CASP for short. Early this morning, news broke that the mayor of Crabapple had fired longtime director Melanie Kassovich after she refused to accept applications into the space program based on the applicant's podcast listenership. She also quickly shot down an idea by the mayor to put an image of his face on any future rockets meant for space. Then, in a late day announcement by the mayoral office, Roger Spence Talwacker was picked to lead the local space agency. Roger Spence, of course, is a former business associate of the mayor and was the CEO for the mayor's for profit business school focusing on MLM sales training. He was most recently the chief creative officer officer for failed NFT project Foreskin Kingdom. Roger Spence gave his first press conference as the chief of cast today and here's what he had to say to reporters in the room.

[B]

Does it matter if the earth is round or flat? Well, the reason it matters if the earth is rounded flat, because if you're on a round ball spinning through space thousands of miles an hour, spinning thousand miles, that's scary, that's traumatizing. But if you know you're on a flat earth that's stationary with a bubble above you and God is protecting you, then you feel safe. So it's part of trauma based mind control is what it is. Trauma based mind control. That's why they got you on a globe. You know who came up with Globe? Shakespeare. Yeah, he brought English out into the open. English is witchcraft. Anyhow, that earth looks pretty flat from up here. It's flat and we're safe.

[A]

Roger Spence also added later on in the press conference to expect many flights to the ice wall and beyond the firmament. D wshit's editorial board was going to fact check Roger Spence, but we are expecting a vote by the mayor's office on future funding for wshit. We must pay some bills. We'll be back after this commercial break. On this episode of the commercial break.

[C]

Why are these people driving so incredibly aggressively, like literally cutting people off? If there's an inch in between cars, they just go and hope that someone, you know, slows down for them 100 miles per hour. A lot of these cars are Ferraris and Teslas, Porsches, Jaguars, because there's a lot of money down there. A lot of money down there. So I'm wondering to myself, why are they driving like this? This is a beach like is, isn't it like easygoing beach town, chill. You're supposed to be chilled out. And I think I figured it out. If you had to drive behind an 82 year old man who only saw out of one eye and was like a war veteran who forget refused to give up his driver's licen going 7 mph in the fast lane, you learn.

[D]

To to get around it six days.

[C]

A week, you too would learn how to drive aggressively.

[A]

The next episode of the commercial break starts now.

[C]

Oh yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green, this is my dear friend and the co host of this show, Chris and Joy Hley. Best to you Chris.

[D]

Best to you Brian.

[C]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. We're back from vacation feeling red and rested, red and ready to get on you look at the microphone. I am. I'm always tan. That's the benefit of going to the tanning. That's never really know when I'm on vacation because I always look this way. But no, I got to say this like the Epstein files. It's hot in Naples, Florida. It is fucking hot in Naples, Florida. I mean, holy.

[D]

Today in Atlanta, the heat index is going to be 108.

[C]

It's this is insane kind of heat. And I had to tell my children yesterday. It's too hot to go in the pool.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

It's too hot to go in a body of water meant to cool you off when it's too hot. It's insane.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

And when we went down to Naples, we went to go visit some family down in the Miami area. We stayed in Naples. So we're far enough away that we don't have to be bothered, right?

[D]

We stayed far enough.

[C]

No. We love the family dynamic, but Naples presents a nice place. We've been there before.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

So we go to Naples and the very first full day that we're there, we go to the beach like you do in Naples, Florida. There's nothing else to do. We don't have any money. We can't go anywhere anyway. Let's go to the beach. Yeah, we went to that beach and it was a type of hot that I don't think I've ever experienced in my life before. And we go in the water. I have the apple watch. I'm in the water with my apple watch. My apple watch tells me how deep it is and how warm the water Is how warm or cold the water is. The water is 92 degrees. The ocean was 92 degrees. It was like sitting in someone's piss. It was. It was not refreshing at all. No fresca about it, Chrissy. No fresca. And we spent a day out there. Five hours. And all of us were so sun baked and not burnt because we used sunscreen. Even I used sunscreen. That's how hot it was. Even Brian put on sunscreen. But the kids, the in laws, my wife and I, we were just fried. I mean, just fried.

[D]

It's just too hot to even be outside.

[C]

That's right. And then day number two, all of the family comes from Miami, drives over so that they can spend the day with us. And we go to this place called Clam Pass. Have you been to clam pass?

[D]

Yes, because Jeff's mom lives half the year down at Naples.

[C]

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's right.

[D]

That's very familiar.

[C]

Okay, so those who have never been to Clams Pass, it's. It's near Pelican Bay, near the Pelican bay resort. It's a free or you have to pay for parking. But then you park, you go to this little station. They have these big golf carts, these like 12 person golf carts that pick you up and drive you on an elevated walkway over the. The marsh.

[D]

The berm.

[C]

The berm a mile to the beach. When you get there, they drop you off at another station where there is a restaurant, a bar, and then some of the most beautiful beach you've ever seen in your entire life with some of the bluest water you've ever seen in your entire life. So we go on 94 degree day to meet all of these folks, were there an hour and a half before they get there. They get there at like 12:30. And then we spend the day till like 5:30 there. Chris. It wasn't nice. I love my family and I loved visiting with them. We even had like the, you know, the big tent set up. We had the umbrellas, we had ice, we had drinks, we had water. But I cannot explain how miserably hot I was by like hour number three or four. So everyone's visiting and having a good time, as the Venezuelans do. The party never ends. And at some point I'm watching the kids kind of fall one by one. Like one of my daughters falls under the tent. She just fell out. She fell out and she went instantly to sleep.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Then the next daughter falls out instantly asleep. One of my sons, who's just a sun baby. I Guess he's a different kind of color. Like he. I'm not even sure he's my own child because of how dark he is. He's really dark. Yeah, yeah, he's got the Venezuelan blood in him. Like he's very dark. The sun touches him and 30 seconds later he turns 13 shades darker. And he's out in the sun the entire time. And he doesn't care. It doesn't seem to bother him one bit. But I'm like, okay, let me start packing up this stuff and I'm going to start taking it to the car because we have brought the entire house to the beach and now we need to bring it back to the car. And one thing I forgot to mention is it's very nice of the resort there to offer this shuttle free to people to get back and forth. I guess that's the deal they make with the city is that, you know, you can have access to this elevated walkway and put a bar on the beach, but you have to shuttle people back and forth. It's a mile long elevated walkway, mostly in the sun, not a lot of shade. So I had to carry a bunch of stuff that mile. Well, carrying it there was hot, but I survived it, right? Carrying it back, I felt like I was going to pass out at some point.

[D]

You almost fell out.

[C]

I said to myself as I'm just drenched from head to toe, sand everywhere, salt everywhere. I was saying to myself, I've never been this hot in my entire life. I never recall being that hot in my entire life. It is miserable.

[D]

It's dangerous.

[C]

Too dangerous. It's miserable.

[D]

That's why Jeff's mom doesn't live there in the summer.

[C]

Listen, I know why snowbirds are snowbirds. Now is because that's the time to go. I mean, it really is. But that doesn't stop anybody from going to the beach down there. Oh, no, those beaches are packed. I mean, absolutely packed. And good for Naples, Florida, having all those free beaches where people can just go and hang out. They got free parking lot. I mean, they do it right down there in the sense that they don't make you jump through a bunch of hoops.

[D]

I like the 30A experience.

[C]

Oh my God. Fox 38. I'm sorry. Fuck 30A. Fuck 38. I know that there are beautiful homes down there. I've met really nice people who live down there. I've met certainly a lot of people who have traveled down there. I've traveled down there. I rented one of those nice, hot.

[D]

For people from Atlanta to go to.

[C]

But fuck. 38. Because everything is locked, cordoned off, exclusive, private. You can't do anything anywhere. It's not that Naples doesn't have that. They do, they have that, but for the most part, like the Ritz. There's a big Ritz down there. And they have a part of the beach that they kind of cordoned off. Doesn't say private. It just. You can tell. It's just their area, theirs. But no one stopped me from walking around or hanging out on the beach or going up to the bar. No one stopped me.

[D]

Chill down there.

[C]

Yeah, but when I went to 30A, I had to have seven different codes, a parking pass and a security guard escort me to the fucking beach. And then you get there, you had to sneak in. Yeah. And it's not as beautiful as a place like Naples, Florida. And it's absolutely packed full of sweaty ass human beings. It's not an experience, it's a mugging. It's a mugging of your soul. Fuck. 38. Don't go. All right, okay. Am I done? Go to. Go to Florida. Flora Bama Shore. That's where you should go. Go to Gulf Shore.

[D]

Well, you went there and you loved it.

[C]

I loved it. I love. It's my kind of place, my kind of people. I like the. I like the common folk. I like going with the common folk. Because I'm a common folk. I'm not saying I'm just a. I'm just an idiot. There's nothing special about me. I'm not driving a Lambo around. I don't need a seven million dollar house and a secret location and have, you know, I don't know, a retina scan to get on the beach. Fuck you. Fuck you. I'm sorry, sir, you can't go to the boot. I asked the guy, I asked the guy at 38. I asked the dude, how do I get on the beach? He goes, it's about two miles up that way. That's what he said to me. About two miles up that way there's a public beach. It was the most insane thing I had ever heard come out of somebody's mouth. You wait, I'm on the beach. But the access to the beach is two miles north of there. This is private, sir. It's private. To who? Who's it private to? The people who live here and the people who stay here. Why? Why is a beach private? You don't want the smelly folk coming around you. God damn it, Chrissy. Anyway, I go to the beach, I go that Naples. I'm Telling you what, it was just miserably hot. But we had a lovely time because, you know, you're on vacation, you have a lovely time. That's what you do.

[D]

You mostly did.

[C]

Mostly. Except for a lot of the time I spent in urgent care driving from Miami back and forth to my. Down Alligator Alley. For this reason, more than that. And I gotta tell you folks down in Florid, I got a lot of gripes about Georgia. I got a lot of gripes about Florida. I'm just a gripey kind of guy. That's. I'm kind of a miserable son of a bitch, in case you haven't noticed. But one of the things I do have to say about you Floridians is y' all are absolutely insane drivers. And this is coming from an absolutely insane driver. If you see me on the streets, if you're driving around me, I don't have my kids in the car, you're likely to say, that's a fuck. What the fuck is that moron doing driving around like an idiot? But when I go to Florida, I think I'm the most responsible driver on the road. I'm sure of it. Those people drive so fast and they cut in and out of traffic. Yeah, they. Without even looking. They don't even care. It's just if there's an.

[D]

A lot of them are too old to care.

[C]

I think that I. I was trying to figure out because I'm in Naples, Florida. Average age 106. Right. Naples is not like some party town where, you know, 20 year olds are going to. Everything closes at 9pm yes. Including the 24 hour CVS closes at 9pm that's how old people are down there. No one comes out past 9 o'. Clock. And I'm trying to figure out to myself as I'm driving down the big street down there, I'm trying to, you know the main drag.

[D]

Tamiami.

[C]

Tamiami, that's right. Ipalaka, I believe. 41 or whatever it is. I'm trying to figure out why are these people driving so incredibly aggressively, like literally cutting people off if there's an inch in between cars, they just go and hope that someone, you know, slows down for them 100 miles per hour. A lot of these cars are Ferraris and Teslas, Porsches, Jaguars. Because there's a lot of money down there. A lot of money down there. So I'm wondering to myself, why are they driving like this? This is a beach. Like is. Isn't it like easy going beach town. Chill. You're supposed to be chilled out and they think I figured it out. If you had to drive behind an 82 year old man who only saw out of one eye and was like a war veteran who forget refused to give up his driver's license going 7 mph in the fast lane, you'd learn.

[D]

To get around it six days a week.

[C]

You too would learn how to drive aggressively. Do you know what I'm saying? I think I licked it. I think I figured out and then I just took that and I expanded that to the entirety of Florida. Well, I know why my people drive crazy in Miami is because a lot of them are Latin American and I love my Latin Americans. I love my Latin American. I'm married to them.

[D]

Yes you are.

[C]

But there's, it's just a different kind of driving experience down there, right? It's just a different kind of driving experience. It's street signs are suggestions and people. It's bumper cars down there. They literally hit each other though. Like if, if someone doesn't go at the stoplight instead of giving him a honk, they just push him forward. That's how it goes. I swear to God. I was in Mexico City when I was a teenager and I was in a cab and the cab driver got bumped from behind because he, he wasn't going at the, at the green light. And I was like, aren't you going to stop? And he's like, oh no, he's just telling me to go. He's telling you to go by bumping you. And he's like it's a different kind of, it's a different kind of driving. So that's a different story. But the rest of Florida, I don't know why everyone's driving. So I'm driving down Alligator Alley. It's like, it's like dusk. So it's 7:30, 8:00 clock at night. Coming from Miami to Naples, it is a 72, 70, 80 mile drive with no gas stations, right? No nothing.

[D]

Yeah, I haven't done that drive yet.

[C]

You haven't done the 75 Alligator Alley Drive.

[D]

But I know a lot of people that have.

[C]

Yeah, it says like there's a sign when you get on the highway in Miami when you're getting on to that Alligator Alley and it says there is no gas station for 57 miles. So get gas now.

[D]

Yeah, get it now.

[C]

Yeah, get it now. Because no one wants to be stuck on Alligator Alley. They actually have fences around a highway in the middle of the swamp. And the fences aren't to protect you and they're not to protect the swampland, they're protect you from alligators walking out in the middle.

[D]

It's called alligator.

[C]

That's it. Some of the most dangerous territory in the world by wildlife experts to like survival wise is alligator alley. You don't want to be in the middle of that big cypress, whatever.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

So we're driving down this at 7:30, 8 o' clock at night and I am, it's. The speed limit is 70. I am going 82 miles per hour and people are passing me as if I'm stopped, as if I'm dead stopped in the road.

[D]

People are going a hundred miles per hour just in. In that. Yeah. They're trying to get there quick.

[C]

It is. I just don't understand it. I, I mean listen, I'm all about driving fast as Georgia state patrol officer would know. I'm all about driving fast. But you have to be, you have to have like some common sense. You can't be going 110 miles per hour down south.

[D]

I can see how people would do that though. Just on a. You know, straightaway it's straight.

[C]

It's dead straight. You just go, it's dead straight. And you know, I get it, people are idiots and they drive slow in the left hand lane. But going 110 miles per hour.

[D]

Yeah, it's a little much.

[C]

At least that's my assumption about how fast they're going. I really don't know. I didn't clock them. Yeah. But I did want to keep up with that.

[D]

Your apple watch didn't tell you?

[C]

My apple watch did not tell me how fast they were going. Did tell me how warm the water was though. Honestly. We went to a. We go to one beach and then we go to the. So after the second day we had to take a two day time out from the beach.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Because we were so over it. We were just hot and miserable and so we wanted to stay in the air conditioning, quite frankly. But anyway, we're back. Chrissy went on vacation too. We got so much to talk about. Let's get to some action. You ready, Chrissy?

[D]

Let's do it.

[C]

Next Monday. That's August 4th. The commercial break will be dropping. It's very first and maybe very last merch line. It's limited edition. It's exclusive to this particular window. Once these items are gone, we won't make these items again. That's how all the kids are doing it these days. So we're following along.

[D]

We're really excited. We took a lot of time to do nothing.

[C]

To approve.

[D]

Yes. To approve the ones they suggested.

[C]

Yes. And we have a great merge company in conjunction and coordination with our network Odyssey. And of course Astrid, who has done a lot of work on this, that line with that website, shoptcb podcast.com will open up from August 4th through the 18th and then it will close. You pre order your items, you will get them a couple weeks later and then with every single order, we are also going to be putting in an exclusive TCB sticker only. You can only get this sticker by buying this merch line and then it's done, it's over. So please go to shop tcb podcast.com next Monday. Buy your merch. It's really good looking. We're really excited about it. Then, then and only then, Chrissy and I are going to we in my hands, which you can't see because you're listening. I have a copy of one of the best movies ever made. I don't know how many Academy awards this one I'll have to check. I'll have to look at IMDb. The Rally LA is a movie starring, partially written by and produced by the one and only. The one and only actor of actor of actors. A once in a generation kind of talent. Kenny Copeland, the preacher who blew coronavirus away. Yeah. He has a movie where he is a drug cartel kingpin. It's a drug cartel kingpin and his nemesis is played by Eric Roberts. The esteemed, the venerable Eric. I cannot wait to watch this along with another cast of characters. Rick Reyna, who directed the movie. You know, when the directors in it. It's good. I mean, Woody. Yeah, yeah, Woody, whatever his name is. Who is it?

[D]

Woody Allen.

[C]

Woody Allen. Woody Allen is a great director who's in a lot of his movies. He's. He's about as esteemed as Kenny Copeland. It's about as trustworthy as Kenny Copeland. You know, Chrissy, I. I don't think I can say confidently. I don't think I've been so excited to watch a movie in my life.

[D]

Well, and a DVD at that.

[C]

A dvd?

[D]

You had to order it. I had to pull out our old player we never use at the house, bring it over here.

[C]

We had to time travel to get equipment to make this happen because the Rally LA is not available for streaming in 2025, even though it was released in 2023. So how that happens, I don't know. No one's bought the rights to this yet. It must be so good that no streamer can afford it. Netflix with Their bundle of cash can't afford to stream the rally la. So Chrissy and I are going to watch this movie in its entirety. We're going to stream that live with you, the listener, and we'll give you more information on how to do that. That will be next Friday. Then those episodes will drop Saturday and Sunday. We'll chop them up, we'll edit them for audio and then they'll be available to listen as bonus episodes Saturday and Sunday. I really, really hope that you join us on the stream, at the very least to listen. To listen.

[D]

And you're so excited, you know, review of the movie that you just can't buy enough merch.

[C]

Yes, that's. That's. Let Chrissy just drop the curtain all the way down. We are so excited about streaming this and then putting bonus episodes out that, that we're going to do commercials about our merch while we're doing that. All right. It's at the hook to get you to buy our merch. No, I'm kidding. I had this idea and then the merch idea came along and we said, hey, let's combine those two and maybe generate some excitement between three of the five listeners that we have. How's that? But let me say this in all seriousness with about the merch, we would love it, honestly, if you got some extra change and you want to rock some commercial break gear out there. I think this stuff is really good looking. It is.

[D]

I'm going to be wearing it.

[C]

Yes, me too. Mainly because they're sending me one for free. But I am really excited about this because not only do we have like a surprise or two in there, like something that's, you know, funny to the show, an inside joke, piggy fronting T shirt, essentially. And as I've said on the, as I've said on the promotional advertisements, good luck explaining that one to your neighbors.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

But then there's classic, like TCB logo type stuff and I just love it. I think it's so good looking. I'm really proud of this. And we've tried 15 different iterations of merch that we would be proud to sell. And we came up woefully short with design.

[D]

There was that original one that I wore for a while, but those were just made just for us to go to, I think. Was it to go to Mempho?

[C]

It was to go to Memphis.

[E]

Okay.

[C]

We went to Mempho and we brought some extra T shirts and we gave a couple of them away and then we sent some to listeners and then we Gave more away to friends and family. But we only bought, like, 30 of them, right?

[D]

No, that. That was what, four years ago?

[C]

That was four years ago. And that was designed. God bless. By the original designer who originally designed the commercial break, like, neon sign logo. And it just, like, it looked good, but it didn't look great. And the quality was good, but it wasn't great. And so Astrid has been really. We've been talking about this for three years, and Astrid's like, I'm just. I don't want to do it unless the quality is good and the stuff looks great.

[D]

Agreed.

[C]

Stuff you would actually want to wear out in the universe. Now, whether or not you want to be associated with the commercial break, I guess the good news is the commercial breaks a pretty common phrase. So maybe people just think you really like advertising. Yeah, maybe that's what's going to go on. All right, so let's do this. We have so much to talk about. There is so many things that have gone on while we've been gone. I've been keeping my finger on the pulse. Lest you think I was just vacationing and being lazy. I was vacationing, being lazy, and keeping my finger on the pulse all at the same time. Only probably what I think. What I think is interesting is. Might be a little different from what you think is interesting. But let's do this. Why don't we take a break, Chrissy, and then when we get back, we'll talk all about this. I'm just trying to find. I put in new liners here.

[D]

Oh, you did?

[C]

Yeah, because it was pork chop day.

[D]

Every day.

[C]

Every day for six months.

[D]

For Axle.

[C]

Yes, for Axle. So I rotated the liners, and I know a couple of you have whatever you complain, but I think it was. I think you were right. So let's take a break. We'll be back.

[E]

Hey, it's Rachel, your new voice of God here on tcb. And just like you, I'm wondering just how much longer this podcast can continue. Let's all rejoice that another episode has made it to your ears. And I'll rejoice that my check is in the mail. Speaking of mail, get your free TCB sticker in the mail by going to tcbpodcast.com and visiting the Contact Us page. You can also find the entire commercial break library audio and video, just in case you want to look at chrissy@tcb podcast. Want your voice to be on an episode of the show? Leave us a message at 212-4333, TCB that's 212-433-3822. Tell us how much you love us and we'll be sure to let the world know on a future episode. Or you could make fun of us. That'd be fine, too. We might not air that, but maybe. Oh, and if you're shy, that's okay. Just send a text. We'll respond. Now. I'm gonna go check the mailbox for payment while you check out our sponsors and then we'll return to this episode of the commercial break.

[C]

Okay, three things I want to get to listener wise. I'm checking the old TCB phone here. I actually had it with me when I was on vacation.

[D]

The hotline.

[C]

The hotline. I brought the hotline down with me. Why not? It was a little fun, you know, respond to listeners. I want to say hello to Bella and her mother. Her mother listens to the show, and Bella there by default listens to the show. Bella's on the younger side, so. And I don't need to give away her age or anything, but Bella was very sweet and wrote us a note on her mother's phone. Appropriate, completely appropriate. And said, you know, hey, I love the show. And you could do more of poly couch cushions. Oh, yeah, any day of the week. So, Bella, just for you later on this week, a poly couch cushions video coming up. And you're not the only one who's been requesting that. A lot of people do South Georgia Sean. I just want to shout out to South Georgia Sean.

[D]

Oh, hey, son.

[C]

He is always texting the commercial break, and I love him. I get that guy to start a Reddit page for us, I think, because I think he's got the, the skills to do that. So I'm going to talk to South Georgia Sean. But a big shout out to South Georgia Sean, who helped me navigate the alligator waters of Naples, by the way. We saw a lot of alligators down there.

[D]

And when we wanted to do it.

[C]

He'S one to do it. When we went to Clams Pass, there is that resort right there, and they have a pond, a retention pond in the resort. And as I was walking back, almost dying, you know, dragging coolers full of bullshit and, you know, chairs and tents and dirty diapers and all this other stuff, I had to stop at the resort's shower so that I could just get some water on my face.

[D]

Just get summer.

[C]

Yes. And as I was doing that, I was looking over the balcony, the little, you know, guard rail, and there is the retention pond, and there are four, count them, four. At least five foot alligators looking at me like dinner. I mean, they were all just staring at me. And I was like, wow, that's crazy. I'm so close to these things. And there's another guy who came up. They had names. He had named them. He was like, oh, yeah, it's Johnny. Johnny.

[D]

They always do.

[C]

Name Johnny has one bad eye and he's got hurt in the leg action. And we put him in there, like, oh, okay. I didn't know you guys were friends. And finally, as far as the listeners are concerned, I want to say I got this very incredibly intelligent, sweet and thoughtful message from a guy named Rory. I'm assuming a guy named Rory. Rory's texted before. Rory said, hey, I have a question for you. When I press skip on the advertisements, does that negatively impact your revenue? And I respond and I said, that's a great question. And I really only know that on Spotify, do they track the actual listening? I don't know.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

Of the other apps, I don't think it does, but I don't really know. He said, maybe you want to talk about this on air because I think other people might feel like me that if I skip the ads and that negatively impacts you, I will listen to them. Like, I will just let them play. I mean, how thoughtful is that text message? Very thoughtful of Rory. Big shout out to Rory and I will talk about it. I don't know the answer on all apps. I know on Spotify they do track the actual listening time. And I think if you skip through an ad, that may negatively impact us. I think in the other apps, it just matters if you download the show, if you listen to it and, you know, listen. I want to encourage you to listen to our advertisers. I don't want to discourage you from doing that. But I also understand practically.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

That maybe some people do skip through advertisements.

[D]

So the meat.

[C]

Yeah, they want to get to the meat and potatoes of the show. It's three minutes out of their day. They want to save. I totally understand that. So it may negatively impact our revenue. Depending on which app you're listening to. I encourage you to listen to the sponsors and if you ever buy any of their stuff, let them know that you. That they were sent through the commercial break. Because we don't have a subscription service. We don't charge you to listen to this. I don't anticipate a world in 2025 or anytime soon when that would happen. But, you know, so we give away the show for free and we put a Few advertisements in it. That's how we make our money. So if you want to listen to our advertisers, we certainly would appreciate it. That's the right thing for me to say, practically. I don't know whether or not it affects our. Our revenue negatively, but Rory was very sweet to engage us so thoughtful in that manner. Okay, now let's talk about what happened while it was gone.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

Hey, brother, I'm dead and I'm dying from the grave.

[D]

Brother.

[C]

What you gonna do when the whole maniac comes over? I can for you.

[D]

God. That's right. There were a lot of people that passed away.

[C]

The Hulk.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Passed away. Good riddance. I am a Hulkamania maniac till I die. Because I grew up in that era.

[D]

I was until he.

[C]

Yes.

[D]

Political.

[C]

I was until he started showing his true colors. And in now there are many people out there who will testify to their own interactions with Hulk and his true colors. And he apparently was not the best of human beings. And he had some really up ways of thinking. And he had sex with his best friend's wife. And he disowned his daughter because she dated a black man. And, oh, wow, all the stuff. And then he got political and forget about it. But. But he was an entertainer. Yeah. And when I was a kid, I did not know any of that stuff and all just like Michael Jackson. Like. Yeah, I didn't know about Michael Jackson, you know, having essentially lewd interactions with children. I didn't know about any of that. And I loved his music and I thought he was cool just like everybody else that I knew thought so too. Hulk was Hulk to me. He was not Terry Bolaya. He was Hulk to me. And during that time period, it was. Hulkamania was everywhere. You had the. You liked Hulk. He got you interested in professional wrestling. Now, I quickly outgrew that. I like 12 years old, one of.

[D]

The first or, you know, in that era of the first, like, superstars of wrestling.

[C]

Oh, I think he is the suit. Like, he.

[D]

There's like Andre the Giant.

[C]

Yes.

[D]

And Hulk. And maybe another one, the Iron Chic.

[C]

And all these, like a lot of these other folks.

[D]

First gen.

[C]

Yes. And first generation of entertainment wrestlers who took it to the next level when the WWF, then the WWF was exploding. Like people were paying $30 to watch WrestleMania because you kind of had to see Hulk and Andre the Giant.

[D]

There's a whole storyline they would play out each week.

[C]

It was a soap opera. It was soap opera that adults watched. It was a soap opera the kids watched. And I Think anybody who is a fan of wrestling or any like historian of wrestling would probably agree that Hulk is the reason Hulk is the Tiger woods of wrestling. Yes, it was around before then and there were stars, but they were niche. They were niche stars in certain markets. And then all of a sudden, like Tiger Woods, Hulk comes along and everybody's watching, everybody loves it. But he turned out to be a real dipshit of a human being and that was disappointing. But my 12 year old, 13 year old self left wrestling behind. So I, it like it didn't. I wasn't particularly surprised by it. It didn't really disappoint me. I didn't really give a shit. I knew that wrestling was. Wrestling was a work, it was a thing, it was a entertainment, was a soap opera. And when I outgrew it or when it became disinteresting to me, I really didn't think much about Hulk Hogan until he had that show on VH1.

[D]

Ye.

[C]

Yeah. But then just, it seemed like a weird life they were living. Like, I don't know, that show on VH1. Ozzy. God bless. God rest his soul. Yeah, that passed Black Sabbath till I die. Ozzy Osbourne till I die. I love Ozzy Osbourne. I love Sharon Osbourne. I know everybody does love Sharon Osbourne, but I loved Sharon Osbourne.

[D]

That television show, it was so entertaining.

[C]

Was groundbreaking to me. It was so funny, it was so good. It was one of the shows that I can remember from that time period that I waited for it to come on and I had to be there to watch it. Brand new when it came on, I.

[D]

Think it captured the nation, it captured.

[C]

All of our attention. And the producers of that show brilliantly putting like that 50s TV like you know, Leave it to Beaver theme music behind them. When Ozzy was just stumbling around, you know, not being very coherent and Sharon throwing at the neighbors and the two kids getting into all kind of trouble. That was a brilliant television show. And I also understood back then and I do now, that was a highly produced show. They made it seem that way, right? But Ozzy and Sharon, like I loved his music and then he came into my heart in a different way. And I always have like such a. I just love Ozzy Osbourne. And he just had that tribute concert.

[D]

And I mean it had just happened 10 days before he died.

[C]

10 days before he dies. And it's, it's like what a, what a fitting time to go out, I guess is the best way to put it. I didn't want to Ozzy to die. But if he was going to go, what a fitting time to go, right? Let all these people come out and say their goodbyes as well as Ozzy come out, sit down and do some music to hundreds of thousands of people, millions watching across the world. And let all these stars pay tribute to Ozzy. And I just can't think of something more serendipitous, if I'm being real honest with you. I love Ozzy. I love Ozzy. And I'm sad that he went because he was always entertaining.

[D]

On the flip side of that, I have to say kudos to him for living that long. I mean, he really had some close calls. I think over the years.

[C]

He gets struck by lightning or something.

[D]

I mean, I think everything happened to him.

[C]

Yeah, terrible. Drug and alcohol. Drug addict and alcoholic. You know, a lot of people said he had been sober for a long time, but I think he was medicated in some way, shape or form for most of his life. Something was physically different about Azie. Anybody who watched him on that television show or any other time could tell. Even in his younger years, like you go back and watch the video, you can tell he's kind of mumbling, stumbling around his words. So I don't know what it was. It doesn't really matter to me. I don't care. But Ozzy had been through everything. He's like the reason people talk about rock stars being crazy. Yeah, I think Ozzy Osbourne's probably one of the reasons why of course, we all.

[D]

The whole bat. He ate the head of the bat.

[C]

He did bite a head of a bat off, you know, it's not very.

[D]

That's pretty crazy.

[C]

That's how we got Covid. Ozzy Osbourne's how we got Covid. Yeah. I mean, Ozzy did it. He did it. He did it all. And then he was a hot mess.

[D]

The music was fantastic.

[C]

Oh, my God, is fantastic. We'll live on so Good War Pigs. Probably one of my favorite songs of all time, the Black Sabbath version, the Faith no More version, which is a fantastic cover. One of the best covers songs, I think, ever. And then everybody else who already did it. But also Ozzy had a soft side. And in the 80s and 90s, he put out some music that was not so heavy metal that was just as fantastic. Mama, I'm coming home Let me see if I could do this. I don't know the words, though. That's the problem. I'm sure I could remember.

[D]

I don't think Mama, I'm coming home is that Is with.

[C]

No, no, no, no. I'm just talking about my mom coming home.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah, let's.

[D]

What was the leader for when it was. If I close my eyes forever.

[C]

If I close my eyes.

[D]

Something like that. Yeah, we looked it up when he died.

[C]

Yeah, that's. Oh, you did? Were you listening to some of his stuff? Okay, let's see here. I'm gonna. Because we should do this. Let's do this. Hold on.

[D]

Do our own little tribute.

[C]

Yeah. And then I'll probably get this blacklisted, you know. Oh, this one's good. Yeah. Oh, what happened?

[D]

It filtered you.

[C]

Yeah. Or my kids are playing with it. Oh, it's. It's going to the car. Oh, you know what this is. Spotify is so advanced. Oh, here it is. Lost and found and turned around by the fire in your eyes. You made me cry, you told me lies But I can't stand to say goodbye. Mama, I'm coming home. What a great song. It is, honestly, a great song. And then here's the Lita Ford one, which is just as good. It's my. My opinions.

[D]

Oh, yeah. She was such a badass woman rocker.

[C]

She. She played with Michael Jackson, didn't she?

[D]

Did she?

[C]

Yeah, I think she did. Heaven is in the palm of my hand and it's waiting here for you what am I supposed to do. If I close my eyes forever?

[D]

I remember the video for this.

[C]

Oh, I do remember the video for this. Lita Ford and a hot top and.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, what a great song. Ozzy Osbourne will be missed terribly. And, you know, they. I heard his isolated vocals from the tribute concert. There's no doubt that Ozzy, you know, listen, as you get older, I'm sure as a former singer myself, I understand the trials and tribulations of getting older and how your voice changes. So, of course your voice is not going to be the same as it was when you were doing Lita Ford back in the, you know, 1988. But his voice, while doubled on stage just to make it stronger, was certainly not the same as it was. He was still singing those notes.

[D]

Oh, yeah, Yeah.

[C]

I mean, what else is there to say about Ozzy that hasn't already been said? He's a legend. By all accounts, he was loved. By all accounts. He was a good guy. He helped so many of the musicians that we know not only learn their craft, but he helped them by bringing them on stage and giving them an opportunity to share their craft with the world. Bands that we all know and love. And Ozzy did that not out Of a sense of like a need to make money, but out of a sense of obligation to pass the torch from one person to the next person and give them opportunities that he didn't have. So for all of the dark night, kind of mysterious that Ozzy Osbourne is tied with in Lure, in reality, I think he was just like a good, kind of mumbly stumbly, soft hearted.

[D]

I think so too.

[C]

And I love him and I, I hope, Yeah, I hope he's with all the bats in heaven and, and not Hulk Hogan, but yeah, it's. It's really sad. And then I wanted to mention one more passing that I thought was.

[D]

Let's see, let's see who you. I've got two more.

[C]

Okay, go. You go one and I'll go one.

[D]

We got Theo Huxtable.

[C]

Oh, Malcolm Jamal. Malcolm Jamal Warner and died in a.

[D]

Freak accident and surfing in Costa Rica.

[C]

Malcolm Jamal Warner?

[D]

Yeah, he got pulled under.

[C]

I mean, I know he passed, but I didn't know he was surfing. And he got pulled from the undertow. The undertow took him away. Is dangerous. God damn.

[D]

I know Malcolm Jamal Warner in Atlanta too.

[C]

I knew that Malcolm Jamal Warner was a Huxtable.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

And Bill Cosby, another, you know, fantastic human being that no one knew about back then.

[D]

No, he was like the beloved dad of the nation.

[C]

He was. That was the most popular television show for years and years and years. And you better believe I was watching it too. And Theo Huxtable is one of my favorite characters on that show. So bye to Theo Huxtable. That's a terrible. That's terrible to hear about just surfing in Costa Rica. But Costa Rica is no joke. Those. That ocean is different. I mean, they're. Oceans are different all around the world. But I've been in that water and that is not like the tame water of Naples, Florida. That's a no, especially not on. Where was he in the East Coast?

[D]

Naples is the Atlanta.

[C]

No, it's the Gulf. Gulf of Mexico. That's right, that's where it is.

[D]

That side where he was on in Costa Rica was the Pacific. And that can be rough.

[C]

Yeah, it can for sure. I wanted to mention that Anne Burrell had passed away. Anne Burrell, the TV chef from Worst Cooks in America. The spiky haired, spicy, feisty young lady who kind of took the Food Network by storm with her rock and roll attitude. Now, I wasn't a particular, like huge Anne Burrell fan. It wasn't like I tuned in to watch Anne Burrell, but I watched her a lot. Of.

[D]

She was just part of the whole network.

[C]

It seemed like she was. Yeah, for sure. She was friends with Anthony Bourdain, so she showed up on occasion with Anthony Bourdain. By all accounts, loved and beloved. Also, Anne Burrell was. And she died because she took her own life.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

And so I thought this was an opportunity. And they just released this kind of finding a couple of days ago. I thought I would take the opportunity to share once again, as we did a month ago, on our. On our. What was that called? What do we do? The Endless Day. I just. I'm trying to. I was gonna say 12 hours, and then I was like, wait, hold on. As we changed the name on our Endless day, as we did that. Help is always available, regardless of your resources or ability to pay. There are people and places that you can call and you can reach out and get help. There's a lot of. A lot of things have happened in the last couple of days, and it's obvious that some people are really struggling with their mental health. So if you are struggling with your mental health, reach out to a friend, reach out to a family member, reach out to anybody. Because honestly, it's that one conversation that could change the. Change every bit of your perspective. You just never know what's around the next corner. So stick with us.

[D]

And then there's one more in memoriam that I wanted to mention. Golden Earring, the guy from the Golden Earring band. And Radar Love.

[C]

Radar what? Who?

[D]

Radar Love.

[C]

I know Radar Love. He's from the Golden Earring Band.

[D]

Well, the Golden Earring is who wrote that and recorded it.

[C]

Oh, I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm so sorry. He died.

[D]

He died. Well, just right around the same time, too.

[C]

Well, to the many people who have listened to that, he wrote Radar Love.

[D]

Yes.

[C]

Radar Love.

[D]

Radar Love. I'm half past that and I'm switching gears.

[C]

That was sung by the Golden Earring Band?

[D]

Yes.

[C]

Really? Why did I think that was, like, I don't know, Sticks or Twisted Sister or something?

[D]

Golden Earring.

[C]

I don't know. I thought. No. Really?

[D]

Yes.

[C]

Wow. Okay. You learn something new every day. To the Golden Earring guy. May you live on forever in our hearts and in our minds. Radar Love.

[D]

It's a great song to drive to.

[C]

Yeah. 185 miles per hour on Alligator Alley. On Alligator Alley. All right, we'll be back.

[E]

Let me do something Brian has never done.

[C]

Be brief.

[E]

Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break. Text or call us 212-4333, tcb. That's 212-433-3822. Visit our website, tcbpodcast.com for all the audio, video and your free sticker. Then watch all the [e-mail] thecommercial break and finally share the show. It's the best gift you could give a few aging podcasters. See, Brian, that really wasn't that difficult, now, was it? You're welcome.

[C]

We're still trying to figure out where Golden Earring fits in.

[D]

Well, I love that song. Radar love.

[C]

I really wanted to end on, like, a. Get help if you need it. And you're like, one more thing. Golden Earring.

[D]

Well, because I have a group text with some friends, and we were going back and forth on all of the people that just died, and that was one of them that was mentioned.

[C]

Threw in golden earrings. I want to throw in Judith Hedberg from 444 Crabapple St.

[D]

I know. Finally, I just, like, researched obituaries from Atlanta and sent one. I was like, here's the one. Rounds out everything. Everybody was like, it goes in threes.

[C]

It goes in threes. Who's next?

[D]

Yeah, I was like, this guy, he just went, okay. He was 98, from Atlanta.

[C]

That's too funny. There is something crazy going on in the alcohol industry. Have you heard about the Diego lawsuit? Have you heard about this?

[D]

No.

[C]

Diego is one of the largest liquor brands in the world.

[D]

Diageo.

[C]

Diageo. Sorry.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

Diageo. I'm sorry. I don't know why it's Diego. I'm thinking of your friend Diego because wasn't he involved in liquor at some point or something?

[D]

No.

[C]

Okay. All right. I'm totally on.

[D]

He could have been.

[C]

Yeah, he probably.

[D]

He likes liquor.

[C]

Yeah, he does. Involved in the sense that he raised their stock price by buying more of it.

[D]

Diageo. Diageo is a big brand.

[C]

Diageo is huge.

[D]

They own a lot.

[C]

Let me name a few when I find it.

[D]

Yeah, I know the name, too, because I used to watch that show Bar Rescue.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And there would be, like, a portion sponsored by Diageo.

[C]

Captain Morgan, Johnny Walker Baileys, Don Julio Smirnoff, jnb, Casamigos, Kettle one. They own, I mean, just so many different brands, and they distribute those brands.

[D]

And they might have been involved with Ciroc, too.

[C]

You might be right.

[D]

Oh, and they dropped him.

[C]

Tangeray, which is one of something I used to drink a lot of, actually. So A lot of actually. A lot of actually. Actually a whole bunch of.

[D]

I don't remember you being a gin drinker.

[C]

Oh, Chrissy, before I met you, when Raphael and I first met Raphael, my other best friend. Otro. Otro amigo. When Raphael and I first met, I had already been drinking gin for a long time, but that became our drink of choice. And Bombay or Tanqueray would be. And Tanqueray was the more expensive one. So a lot of times we drink Bombay so that the owner wouldn't notice how much Tanqueray was gone. But tangerine and tonic was my thing for a very long time. And I used to drink a whole shitload of it. I loved gin and tonic. Gin and tonic. Three limes, please.

[D]

I'm not a gin girl.

[C]

I loved it. But it started like you it. I started to feel a little creaky. And someone told me that because of the juniper, it can make. It's like a. It can make your joint swell. And I stopped drinking. Anyway, whatever. I went to Bud Light and that didn't get much. I didn't get it. I didn't feel any better. I didn't feel any better. So you. Whoever told me that. So follow the bouncing ball. Okay, so Don Julio, Casamigos and a couple of other liquor brands that. A couple of tequila brands that we all know and love and probably you have had lots of shots of inside of your margaritas and just maybe tequila on ice.

[D]

Tequila and soda now.

[C]

Oh, yeah. You like that? Yeah. Oh, okay. Do you have some last night?

[D]

I did not.

[C]

Okay, what about this week?

[D]

The night before?

[C]

Yeah, There you go. Well, you were out last night, so I thought maybe.

[D]

I didn't go out last night.

[C]

I thought you said you stayed somewhere last night.

[D]

No, we got back.

[C]

Oh, okay. I misunderstood. I thought you guys were out last night. All these tequila brands have to be certified with a certain amount of agave in order to be considered a premium tequila or tequila at all, quite frankly. And the people who are certifying apparently work for the companies who are making. Appears that the Mexican government has put the people who make it in charge of also certifying it. And there is now a class action lawsuit, a rather big one, that says that a lot of the tequila that is very popular and that we drink is not at all tequila. It's just watered down liquor, essentially is what it is. Watered down alcohol, not specifically tequila, because it is not a certain percentage of agave because the agave is very expensive. That's the most expensive thing in a tequila, right? It's water agave and probably some kind of, I don't know, fermentation additive. I'm not really sure how it's made, but apparently the Mexican government is in cahoots with Diageo to water down to not make premium tequila, but put it in a bottle and sell it for $150 or whatever it is. This probably stands to mark a very large turning point in the liquor industry. Should it be true? And apparently there's a lot of proof that it is like no, no offense, proof. Not 100 proof. Now that's not what I'm talking about. The claims are that Diageo, the company behind popular tequila brands Casamigo and Don Julio, is facing multiple class action lawsuits alleging These brands labeled 100% Agave, contain significant concentrations of cane or other types of alcohol that is not derived from the blue Weber agave it is certified to. Diageo has vehemently denied these claims, stating that their tequilas are crafted from 100% blue Weber Agave under a rigorous certification process by the crt. This association and are in full compliance with the official tequila standard. They call the allegations outrageous, categorically false, and vowed to defend themselves vigorously in court. Of course they do. The lawsuit has been has brought renewed attention to the ongoing debate within the tequila industry regarding transparency, labeling standards and the role of the CRT in regulating tequila purity. Some speculate about the potential weaknesses in the certification process and call for increased scrutiny. Petrone faced legal challenges from the CRT regarding its marketing campaign that emphasized the tequila's additive the tequila's additive free status. The CRT temporary blocked Petrone's exports to the US Asserting it's the only body with the authority to certify additive free tequila. And then Jose Cuervo was involved in a long standing lawsuit also.

[D]

So it's interesting.

[C]

It is very interesting.

[D]

Yeah. I mean, does that mean it's like less proof or just the agave part of it?

[C]

Yeah. So I mean, I guess it doesn't really matter if you're buying a shit arena at Chili's.

[D]

Yeah, right.

[C]

I mean those things are wine readers, let's be honest. And wine is a substitute for tequila in some, in some cheap margarita mixes that you might buy at a restaurant rather than like the slushy kind that are always sloshing in some machine and they pour it out. It's not uncommon. I don't think it's widely common, but it's not uncommon for some unscrupulous bar keepers like yourself or myself to pour wine in there instead of tequila or to cut it with wine rather than than tequila. And I And I know that this is done right, so it doesn't really matter if you're buying a shit arena and you're just looking to get a buzz. But what if you're buying a Don Julio 150 Baht Dollar bottle of tequila, and you're really a connoisseur of tequila, and you're expecting. You're getting 100% blue agave?

[D]

Yeah, exactly. You're paying for.

[C]

You're paying for that premium. But what you're really getting is 10% blue agave and then a cane, like a cane sugar or an additive, something that else that is fermenting, not the actual blue agave. Now, some people like the regular average Joe, like myself. Okay, why does that. How does that affect me? I don't care. I don't drink. Don Julio. I'm not buying 150.

[D]

Me either.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, but there's. They sell this by the billions. And so there are lots of people out there who do. And they may care. And it goes to the larger conversation of, like the Boo Boos and lefoufoos, right? I mean, some people don't care that they're buying Lefoufu. They just want to have something that looks like a loboo. But to many people, it does matter. It doesn't matter whether or not they're getting an actual le Booboo or a lefufu. Even when it's hard to tell the difference, they want to know it's real. This also goes. There's another big lawsuit about fakery. And that is that this guy who owned this online auction site for sports memorabilia for years and years and years was selling millions of dollars worth of certified, signed pieces of memorabilia. Turns out he was the one signing them.

[D]

He certified it himself.

[C]

He certified it himself. He signed it himself. So this guy just went on and made millions of dollars pretending that something was. That it wasn't. Now, some say buyer beware. And others will say, well, you get. Get what you know you got. What was coming to you for paying $150 for Don Julio, you know, expensive bottle of premium tequila. You shouldn't be spending your money on that. That may be an attitude or a perspective, but if you're the one spending $150 on it, maybe you do give a shit that it is what it actually says it is.

[D]

Well, yeah, if you're paying for it to be pure, then I would want that to be the truth. Maybe I wouldn't pay that for myself, but maybe somebody I know I wanted to get it for A gift.

[C]

Yes, absolutely.

[D]

Very nice. A very nice present. And then it's not. Not.

[C]

And then it's not. Then it's not at all what it says it is. Yeah, I'd be pissed too. And it's just a way for the company to make more money without giving people what they're actually saying that they're giving them. And this is just like everyone's trying to get one out over on the next person. And I think we've talked about this before on the show also.

[D]

Everyone is creating a tequila.

[C]

Everyone, like everyone. Everyone is to creating it. Creating a tequila or a whiskey or a whatever. Because it's a very lucrative business to be in. Anybody who's ever worked in the restaurant business knows that if you're at a very fine dining restaurant, the food will make money. But if you're at most restaurants, the food makes no money. That's not a place where you make money. You might make like 17%. You make 150% on every drink that walks out the door. And those drinks get more and more expensive every year.

[D]

True.

[C]

I went to Todd, we went to dinner, and my in laws, even my wife, you know, have a. A drink with dinner.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

It's the most expensive part of the dinner. And I'm feeding nine people. I mean, I'm not feeding. We're having dinner. But yeah, it's insane for it. 15, 16, $20 a drink. I went to one of the bars down there to go grab a couple of virgin daiquiris and stuff and then a couple of real drinks. It's 20 fucking bucks a pop.

[D]

Oh. I mean, I went to a restaurant the other night. It was one that, you know, and it's fine dining here in Atlanta if it was for a birthday. And I ordered a glass of wine and then turns out later it was $25.

[C]

Jesus Jones, have mercy on my soul. Yeah, $25. And you can go and buy a bottle at Kroger for $15. An entire bottle of wine for $15. And I guarantee 90% of people on this earth would probably not know the difference between the two, because let's be honest, as long as it doesn't taste like, you know, rat stick. That's right. You're probably gonna drink it, right? And that's just like. It's the constant getting one over on the next person, getting one over on the next person, getting one over on the next person, that's just become kind of like part and parcel of the American experience that really sucks. And so, you know, this is A Diageo, you know, this Mexican brand, but they're selling largely into the United States. And you know, the guy who's signing his own baseball bats and the Lafu foos and all this other stuff, Stuff, it's just like. I guess it's a sign of the times. And this has been going on forever and ever and ever. It's not any. There's nothing new here. People have been hoodwinking people forever. But it's at a corporate scale that is massive. It's. And it's true.

[D]

It's insane following this story.

[C]

We should all kind of be following this story because I think that these people being held to account, right? The insider dealing, the insider trading, the insider patting you on the back and, you know, it's okay, you're slipping. Slipping the guy a couple bucks to certify your blue agave or whatever it is, it's happening at the highest levels of government and corporations, and it's happening at the lowest levels of Lafufus and la cucus. You know what I'm saying? Okay. All right. And maybe we should all start paying attention a little bit and decide whether or not this is a really a sustainable way of treating each other, a sustainable way of living in general. Now, I'm not going to go politics on this, but I'm going to go politics on this, right? When people at the highest levels of our government are using their positions to make billions of dollars for themselves, their family members, and anybody else associated with them and are blatantly and obviously giving it away to the highest bidder, what would you expect the corporations would do also? And then what would you expect the guy on Instagram is selling them the foo foos to do? If they're doing it, I should be doing it. It. If he's doing it, they should be doing it. It's just one of those things. It trickles down from the top. And if the people all the way up there are doing it, what makes me any different? Why shouldn't I also get mine? It's an attitude. It's a mood. It's a. It's a vibe. And we all had a vibe check a little bit because that's fine, you know, hey, listen, I don't argue with anybody's opportunity to get. To get theirs. I've always said it. I'm a capitalist through and through. Go get yours. But when the way in which you do that screws everybody else along the way and you're using your.

[D]

Yeah, when it's dishonest.

[C]

Dishonest Slippery slidy, you know, sideways, you know, I don't have a $400 million plane from anybody. No one's offered me a $400 million plane that I get to use after I get out of the chair at the commercial break. It's fucked up. It's just fucked up. It's fucked up. It's not right. It's not good. And we should all start thinking about, what's this going to look like 10 years from now? If this is what's going on now, what's this going to look like 10 years from now when the next person comes in or the next person comes in? And if Diageo is able to sell me don Julio for $150 and it's made with possum piss, then what comes next? La Poo Poos. That's what's next. La Poopoos. Pretty soon we're gonna be selling each other shit colored dolls for $300.

[D]

What were we watching? Oh, it was that show. It was the show where everything was painted, decorating scents, shit color.

[C]

That's right. I feel like I'm living in a shit colored world. We're all treating each other like shit. All right, well, it's good to be back. I got on the rant. Now I feel so much fun. Yeah. I didn't have one in 10 days. It's like a. It's like an orgasm every once in a while. You got to do it.

[D]

We need to come up with a sticker for that or saying for that instead of EPMs.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Rants per month.

[C]

Yeah. RPM RPM rants per show. RPSs. Yeah. Rants per show. Chad, TCB said I should start cutting up all my rants and putting them on TikTok because people love rage bait.

[D]

That's true.

[C]

It is true. But I'm not gonna do it.

[D]

Yeah, don't.

[C]

Yeah, I'm not gonna do it. Number one, because I'm entirely too lazy. But number two, because that's. That's not how I want to be remembered.

[D]

I was gonna say that's. You don't want that to be the image of the show?

[C]

Yeah, I mean, it is the image of the show, but I don't want it to be the image of the show. It is the image of the show, but I like the people who are listening now. I don't want additional people coming to listen to me rant. You know what I'm saying? You never know what you're gonna attract. True, true. I don't want it. I don't know what it is, but I don't want it. I don't know who it is, but I don't want them. All right, August 4th, that's this next Monday as this show is being broadcast as it's being distributed next Monday, August 4, 2025, through the 18th of August and through the 18th only shop tcb podcast.com that's shoptcbpodcast.com the website should open up sometime, you know, early morning, midnight or whatever. So don't go there now. It's not available now, but it'll open up. You'll be able to pre order our very first merch, vine and we would love to it if you would please, please do your free TCB exclusive sticker and any merch in any size. Go get it. Go get them, kids. Attack. Attack by the thousands. Swarm. Let's see if chat TCB can buy some too. Hey Chad, GCB, you want some? And then August 9, Chrissy and I, that Friday, August 9, Chrissy and I will be here watching the rally LA live on streaming and distributing those episodes Saturday and Sunday. So pay attention. TCBpodcast.com your free sticker there. Also all the audio, all the video, YouTube.com the commercial break. Add the commercial break on Instagram at 212-4333. TCB questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. We take them all. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for now.

[D]

I think so.

[C]

I'll tell you that I love you. Best to you and best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say and we must say goodbye. It.