Brian Green (0:02)

This episode is sponsored in part by Mint Mobile. Do you say data or do you say data? Either way, I used to pay way too much for mine. And at my house we say data. And we also say thank you to Mint Mobile. When I first heard about Mint Mobile's wireless plan starting at just 15 bucks a month, I was a bit skeptical. But after switching, I realized that my old provider was just robbing me. Mint Mobile gives me high speed data, unlimited talk and text, and it all runs on the nation's largest 5G network. And while we haven't noticed a single drop quality, we do notice the savings. Plus you don't have to get a new phone or change your phone number. Everything transfers over easily, including all your contacts. It's honestly been one of the easiest switches you can make. So say goodbye to sky high bills and hello to smarter spending. No matter how you say it, don't overpay for it. Shop data plans@mintmobile.com tcb that's mintmobile.com tcb upfront payment of $45 for a three month five gig plan required. That's the equivalent to $15 a month. New customer offer for the first only. Then full price plan options are available. Taxes and fees are extra. See Mint Mobile for details. This episode is sponsored by Discover. If there's one thing we've learned from the entertainment industry, it's just how easy it is to earn a reputation, even if it doesn't reflect who you really are. For example, everyone thinks that Discover is a card that isn't widely accepted. But in reality, it's accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide. Yeah, 99%. So maybe now you'll think twice before judging a book by its cover. Unless it's a celebrity cookbook. In that case, judge away. Based on the February 2024 Nelson Report. Learn more at discover.com credit card and welcome back to WSHIT. This hour of news sponsored by Jeannie Lou's Body Waxing and Elderly Care at Genie Lose, we'll freshen up your no no while we take care of your Na na. A follow up on yesterday's story brought to you first by WSHIT News. There was much public outcry after Tom Beetleberry was president of Crabapple's Women's Club. In response to many Crabappians calling for the dismissal of Tom Beetleberry, newly elected Mayor Slough Bush took to the government website to send out a pre recorded message to the ladies of Crabapple. And now here's the soundbite you will only hear on wshit. Breaking news. Women, let's get this stuff going. I'm not going to keep paying prostitutes, but even the electronic stuff, I mean, that's not actually in the bed. So, women, let's figure this out. I mean, it's not a big deal, but, you know, I think I'm just going to be celibate the rest of my life, as I tell my psychiatrist. I know, but I'm going to be celibate like this. What? The mayor then went on to sign a mayoral executive order declaring buy one, get one on mango margaritas at all three Margarita Chachorita locations in Crabapple. While most citizens are still angry about the appointment of Tom Beetleberry, they are also, for the most part, drunk. We'll be back after this commercial break. What? On this episode of the commercial break, Survivor was also one that was out there. The great, the greatest race. What was that called? No, that's the last. The Amazing Race. The Amazing Race. Yeah. And so Survivor, Survivor and Amazing Race survived the Amazing Race of bad reality television shows. And I loved to watch a lot of these shows as an exhibitionist. I thought they were stupid and funny and I kind of, I think, felt like I was in on the joke. Like, this is crazy that we're doing this, but a lot of people took them very seriously. A lot of people really got into them. My dad and I really wanted to do the Amazing Race. Too late. I did, too. But what happened? Did you. Did you, like, apply or anything? Okay, we talked about it. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Yeah, boy. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co host of this show, Chris and Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris. Hey, best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. Here we are just reading that Haley Jo Osmond, the kid from the Sixth Sense. Oh, yeah, Remember that kid? And he's done some other stuff, too. Like here, here's a picture of him. You've probably seen him in other things. Yep. I don't know what other things, but you've probably seen him in those other things. He got arrested for drunken disorderly conduct while on a skiing vacation and they just released his mug shot. And he looks just like he does in real life. The substance is unidentified, but mono county sheriff's office refused to comment. Alcohol and possession of marijuana and another substance unidentified. He's sentenced to three years probation. Where was this? Like in some Cause Colorado, Mammoth Lake weed's legal, but so is California. Yeah, so is California. Why do you have. Why, why are you. I don't know. Maybe there are. Maybe you can't be in public with it. Maybe you can't be smoking it in public. I think there are certain places, even though it's legal in California, you still can't smoke it in public. Like when I went to Las Vegas, they put it in some special bag that would explode if you opened it up while you're on the street. It's like some weird thing. It was like this weird lock bag that I had. Everyone had to have while they were traveling with it. And so, you know, I kept it in the lock bag and until I got back to the roach infested motel. And then I just. And I just, you know, I did what I did with it after that. So there you go. Listen, I want to talk about something. The 90s and the 2000s was a wild time for television. Especially for reality show television. Yes, yes. I mean, reality shows crazy. But then was really the Wild West. Yeah, it really was. Reality shows of the early. If I could spell early 2000s. I had a list here and I lost it. Hold on. Well, of course, American Idol, the Osbournes, the Simple Life. Yeah, let's go with. Let's go with some more here. Hold on. The Simple Life was just like the. One of the wildest shows that had been. It was all kind of staged, but, you know, it was. Didn't they just reboot that? I think they did the Simple Life. Yeah. With Paris and Nicole. Nicole. Oh, I think they did do like an extra season of that a couple of years ago or something. Or a year ago. I don't think. I don't think it took off because now they're married with children and it's like not. It doesn't have the same. And we've all grown a little bit older and a little bit more mature and as have they. Yes. So it didn't hit quite like it hit. It was like nothing you'd ever seen on television. These two absolute airheads. Party girls. Party girls. Rich going and like going to spend a week with a cow farm, you know, it was. And then they'd be like, that's hot. And sticking their hand in cow's asses. It was interesting at the time. America's Next Top Model. Punk'd Jersey Shore. Fear Factor from Joe Rogan fame. Yeah. The Bachelor started back then, Trading Spaces, where neighbors made other people's houses their neighbors. Houses look ugly and Then you had to pretend like you liked it. Remember that Making of the Band Next, which we have reviewed Newlyweds with Nick And Jessica, Nanny911, Cake Boss, which I never understood how anybody gave a shit about. Cake Boss, Dog, the Bounty Hunter, Laguna Beach. So many. I mean, Kitchen Nightmares, Flavor of Love, Rock of Love. So many weird and wild reality shows that it was hard to keep up with all of them, quite frankly. And when you look back on them now, most of them have not aged well. There is a certain amount of chauvinism and exhibitionism and just general disdain for other. For human life that goes on in some of these shows. It's really weird. Take Fear Factor, for example. People were eating, like, Madagascar cockroaches. Live one. Never liked that show. I never liked it. I never liked it. Not because of Joe Rogan. I actually thought Joe did a good job on the show. It was just. What would. They were doing. Yeah, it's what they were doing that was. That made my stomach turn. And anytime they brought out those insects, which was every fucking episode. Yeah. Or they'd like stick them 700ft in the air in a car. Like they were in the car with a helmet. Then they'd set the car on fire, you know, make it explode and hope that they dropped into the water. It was like this weird show where you knew that they were probably going to be safe. Well. Right. But they sure did make it look dangerous. And people would be competing for, like, you know, $10,000 and Chili's gift cards or something. It was so stupid. It was so stupid. But it was very popular for a couple of years anyway. Very pop. I think it ran on NBC and then on mtv and it. It went around the circuit. But one of the wildest. And American Idol, of course, kicked this. Kicked all of the singing competitions off and all of, like, the kind of competition. Survivor was also one that was out there. The great. The greatest race. What was that called? No, that's still the Amazing Race. Yeah. And so Survivor, Survivor and Amazing Race survived the Amazing Race of bad reality television shows. And I loved to watch a lot of these shows as an exhibitionist. I thought they were stupid and funny and I kind of, I think, felt like I was in on the joke. Like, this is crazy that we're doing this. But a lot of people took them very seriously. A lot of people really got into them. My dad and I really wanted to do the Amazing Race. It's too late. I did, too. But what happened? Did you, like, apply or anything? Okay. We talked about It. We said we would. In the family, we determined that the two of us would be the best. Would be the best, because I would be the daredevil, and he's an engineer and would be able to figure all the stuff out. Okay. So he would essentially be able to get you from point A to point B in the quickest manner. Figure out all that kind of the math part of it. And you would figure out the. I would do the stuff that required the no brains. Whatso. No brains. All balls. Yeah. Like go to the, you know, running of the bowls and make it out alive. Yeah. Okay. All right. I wanted to go on it, too, but I couldn't figure out which of my family members would agree to be with me for that long, so I decided not to do it. But I did get into that show for, like, two seasons. I just. It's still on. It's still great. I haven't watched it in a long time. I think I watched, like, the second and third season, and I was really into it. And then, I don't know, for whatever reason, I stopped watching it. But had 30 children. I did have 30 children, yes. I'm just getting to Top Chef, season seven. It's on 23. I mean, honestly. But that singing reality show kind of contest, listen, it just all got kicked off with MTV's the Real Life. The Real World. The Real World. The Real World was the og, I think, by a lot of people. It might not have been the very first reality show, television necessarily, per se, but it was the first one to gain mainstream attention and really kind of massage the format in a way that it was interesting. Put people in a room, let them be humans. Film all the drama in a house, living together for a month or two or whatever it was. Film all the drama, edit it in a way that is linear, so you can understand from one moment to the next what is going on. Cut out all the crap and just put the best, most interesting, juicy parts of it out there on television. And they did. And it was critically panned and acclaimed. People watched it in droves. Oh, it was huge. And the unintended consequence of this was that the people who were a part of these shows became famous in their own right, which I don't think anybody expected, but they did. And by season number three, it became clear that people who were going on the Real World were there in part to become famous, not for some human social experiment, but because there was fame and riches at the end of it. And when social media came, forget about it. Now it's a different game altogether. You're going to be famous if you go on a reality show, at least to some degree. And that is a big part of the reason why you would even want to partake in any of these shenanigans, so to speak. Well, I applied for the Real World. Yeah, you said that. I did for like season number six or something. Five, six, something like that. I obviously I didn't make it on the real. In case you didn't know, I didn't make it on the real world. One of the most famous podcasters on earth right now was on Road Rules, which was adjunct to Real World. It was like a competition. They got in a van, they lived together for a month, they did these competitive challenges, and then they would get knocked out or into the competition. Theo Vaughn was a Road Rules contestant also. I had many people, and I say many, I mean, like two people who had suggested that when American Idol started, I should go on American Idol and try and be a singer on American Idol, like a rock and roll edgy singer, like buck the trend. Don't be a pop star, be a rock star. That's not what American Idol was looking for. And I thought about going because they came to Atlanta early on, like season number two or three. But I just couldn't bring myself to do it because even though I watched it, I hated it because I thought I hated what it represented. A cheat code to the music industry when I had worked so very hard and failed. And when I say very hard. Numerous assisted homes, assisted living homes, numerous club dates with no patrons paying to see me, and one album that I will never make it on Spotify because probably no one has the master tapes. They said, well, tape over those. It's all good. But one channel decided to turn this whole thing on its head. It decided that this was a joke and we needed to treat it as such. American Idol, the American Idol esque type competitions were a joke and we needed to treat it as such. Let's make it a joke. Let's make it the joke that it is. Let's take these delusional human beings that think that they can be some pop superstar by using the cheat code. Let's take these delusional human beings and let's put them in a delusional world where all their dreams could come true, even if they were the worst singers on earth. How I missed this show when it came out, I have no idea. But there has been some videos going around the Internet lately that turned me on to this particular show that ran on the WB for one season, I think. And it is the meanest reality show that has ever existed or saw it either. It is called Superstar usa. No, the Next Superstar usa or something like that. I'd like to watch this, at least in part. The. The first episode of this because I never saw it when it was on air. No, I didn't either. But just watching 15 minutes of it last night, after seeing some reels over the last couple of weeks, I thought that these were delusional people that were singing in front of a crowd. And the crowd, for some reason didn't have ears. Like, you know, it was a crowd full of people who couldn't hear because it was clear that they were singing terribly. But the crowd was going wild. And I was like, where? Where did this run? Who? How did these people get on this very highly produced event and then sing this badly and have all these people that are telling them how good it really is? It's because it's the whole premise of the show. Take the worst, most delusional people in the musical business that want to be in the music business and pretend like they are the best and then at the end pull the rug out from under their feet. So, damn, this is crazy. Crazy, mean crazy in general. Hilarious. Very funny, but at the expense of a lot of different people's dreams. And not one of these people, at least none of them that I have seen so far became actually famous for any particular reason. And so it really ended up just being a cruel prank show is what it ended up being. If you don't mind, Chrissy, let's take some time. Let's review the pilot episode and let's see what we think about this. You want to do that? Let's do it. Okay, so quick segment, quick flip. I want to dedicate as much time as I can to this particular video. So let's take a break and when we get back, I'm going to put this on the old screen of a later and then the old podcast emulator screen here. And then when we get back, we'll review it together like that. That love connection noise. Yes, we'll be back. Why don't you text us and we can text back and then you can text us and reply then so on. It's a fun little game I've been playing and I think you'll be great at it. 212-4333, TCB. That's 212-433-3822. You could leave a message too. If you do, maybe you'll end up being the voice of the show. But be warned, the pay is not great. You could go to the website and drop us an email. Also tcbpodcast.com and while you're there you can get a free sticker. Who doesn't want a free sticker? Just go to the contact us button and ask for one. Follow us on Insta at the commercial break and watch the episodes at YouTube.com/the commercial break. Now I'm going to go back to that texting game you want to play. Come on. Bye. This episode is sponsored by one of our favorites, Squarespace. I was having a conversation with my brother Patrick the other day about all of the challenges and hurdles that come with being an entrepreneur. Making revenue is just one of many things you have to deal with when you're starting or scaling a business. So when I find a tool that helps me knock down multiple bullet points on the to do list of entrepreneurship, I get excited to share. And that's why Squarespace is a tool that we use ourselves. Squarespace is an all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just going into business for yourself or you're scaling a business you've had for a while, Squarespace gives you all the tools you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings and get paid. Squarespace allows you to have cutting edge design even if you're not a designer with their blueprint AI and you get SEO tools Search engine optimization is not something on the wish list anymore. It's a must. Squarespace has integrated search engine optimization tools to help you get noticed when people are searching for your product or service online. And of course, once you get those customers, you're going to need to nurture that relationship over time. Squarespace email campaigns gives you all the tools you need to engage with your client, promote your services, and grow your revenue. Head to squarespace.com commercial for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use the offer code commercial to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. We use Squarespace. We love Squarespace. We endorse Squarespace and we thank Squarespace for being a sponsor of the commercial break. Hey all you cats and kittens out there in the podcast universe, I want to tell you about Rule breakers with Soraya. It's a new podcast from our partners at Odyssey that celebrates the rebels, the risk takers, and the ones who make their own way. It's these people who often change the lives of the people around them and the world at large. And while in the moment it may be hard to see the forest through the trees, those rule breakers often define what it means to be a success. Each week, former wrestling superstar Saraya sits down with the boldest voices in sports, entertainment and beyond to talk about breaking barriers, defying expectations and rewriting the rules. They're talking about it all the fights, the failures and the moments that changed everything. You can follow and listen to Rule breakers with Saraya on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts. And here here to the rule breakers for keeping life interesting. This episode is sponsored in part by Liquid iv. I love a beach trip and I'm going on one. Can you hear in my voice just how excited I am to get out of this studio? That family beach trip is right around the corner and there will be no rest for the weary there either. We will be running around fun in the sun and I will be bringing along some Liquid IV to help get the most out of these old bones. On warm beach days. Liquid IV helps me stay hydrated so I can take on the activities and feel better for longer. Liquid IV is easy to use, it's convenient and it tastes great. And I'll certainly have some in my bag that I'm taking to the beach. There's true to fruit flavors to keep me hydrated. Flavors like lemon, lime or pina colada with their hydration multiplier. Or if I want to keep my beach body slim and trim, I'll use a sugar free flavor like raspberry lemonade, white peach or rainbow sherbet. It's got an optimized ratio of electrolytes, essential vitamins and clinically tested nutrients that turn ordinary water into extraordinary hydration. Get ready for the summer with extraordinary hydration from Liquid IV. Get 20% off your first order of Liquid IV when you go to Liquid IV.com and use the code COMMERCIAL at checkout. That's 20% off your first order with code COMMERCIAL@Liquid IV.com get that bathing suit out, pack a bag, throw in some Liquid IV and take on the summer with extraordinary hydration. Liquid I.com and use the code COMMERCIAL. Thanks to Liquid IV for being a sponsor of the commercial break. Okay, in my opinion, the cruelest reality show that has ever existed. Some would call this a prank show. I think that's probably the best way to put it. But man, is this wild. Are you ready for this? I think so. Let's, let's get into it here. America's a USA's next superstar superstar USA something because they could only do it for one season because then everybody would know. Yeah, it's true. Once you know the characters in it, then it's going to be hard to find the next season. Brian McFadden here in Hollywood, home to the WB superstar USA. You remember this guy, Brian McFadden. He was in a lot of WB stuff. I think it was like a. I think he did like a. What was that show? Aisha Tyler, Remember her? And she did the bus thing. Get on the bus. Bus, something. Love bus. And I think he was also part of that crew or part of that show. The most anticipated show of the year. You know, people said we couldn't do it. People said we shouldn't do it. The most anticipated show of the year. A Hulk so ambitious you won't believe your eyes or ears. Thousands of singers auditioned, all believing that we were searching for America's best singer, but we're not. We're actually searching for America's worth, but we're not. We're fucking with them all, but we're not. We're crushing their little hearts. How happy you are to be doing this singer. And to pull it off, we enlisted dozens of crew members, teams of dancers, and hundreds of screaming fans to create the illusion of a real talent show. Now, why do we do this? Because we were bored by all the cookie cutter pop idols being crammed down our throats. Now forget. But because we're bored by all the cookie cutter pop, we decided to crush people's spirits and any possible dreams they have of success. Because we're bored. Forget vocal ability. We're looking for a true entertainer, someone who is fun to watch. So do yourself a favor, America, get ready. Our search for America's worst singer starts right now. The WB was wild. The WB was. Who greenlit this. Yeah. And they were probably getting bad press for it beforehand. I imagine that promo, that intro was cut after they had done run some commercials and stuff. And people were like, no way you're going to do this. And Brian Dunkleman, number two here has to get on and apologize before it even starts. Yeah. Clearly a ripoff intro of American Idol. Right? Lots of flashing stars. Yeah. The WB's superstar USA. Yeah, lots of stars. Lots of weird graphic stars. All right, now, before we get to the audition process, let me break it down for you one more time. We're out to find a new kind of singing superstar. So while the kind that can't make an album, other talent shows are looking for this. And it was just my mind playing tricks on me. Yeah, we're looking for this. Well, people did love to hate watch American idol for the bad stuff, you know. Yeah. They took the best part of American idol's audition process and they just juiced it. And so for that, I guess you. They're taking what works about another show and they're just extending it or this. All I'm asking is for respect when you get home or this window. It chills me to the bone. But on our show, it's not enough for singers to be bad. They have to believe they're great. I'm a superstar because I am a star in itself. I have charisma. And you guys will have to see. I have a feeling that some of these people are plants. They are actors and actresses that are on the show because I actually don't. I think there's too much liability and having actual people have the rug pulled out from under them like this, you know, they could be. Who knows, they could hurt themselves or whatever. Why? Because we're out to find America's unlikeliest singing sensation and make them a star. We scour the country and auditioned thousands of singers in hopes for their big break. In cities like Orlando, Philadelphia, Las Vegas and Minneapolis, the superstar wannabe showed up in force for their chance to fly to Hollywood and battled out for superstardom, never realizing that on this show, only the bad survive. How do you get the audience in on this? I guess you have to tell them all. Yeah, yeah. That they need to cheer loudly no matter what happens, happens. To help us find our superstar, we assembled a distinguished panel of experts. A distinguished panel of experts. Let's see, they have. I mean, this is. You're gonna laugh. First up, you know her from her hits graduation and smile. Platinum selling recording artist, vitamin c. One hit wonder, vitamin C. I even remember vitamin C. Hey, listen, Chrissy, she had two hits. I remember that song. That song played on rotation like in 2003. Yeah, that's right. You're cocky and confident and you don't have the goods to back it up. You're exactly what we're looking for. I wonder why vitamin c never stayed in the conscious collective. Well, probably because she was on this horribly cruel show, part of the cruelest show ever. Grammy nominated rap pioneer, the wild thing himself, Mr. Tone Loke. Tone Loke was Tone Lo Funkin cold Medina. No, Tone don't doing. Ask the guy. Why you so fly S funky coma? You're going to turn everything you ever heard about singing upside down on this show. You know what I mean? The good singers are whack and the Whack singers are good. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? They pay me a lot of money to be out here. You know what I'm saying? And finally, our resident straight shooter, superstar USA producer Briggs Briggs. Ah, Briggs. And Briggs looks like a guy I've seen on other reality television shows because he probably is an actor. So what do you say to people who. I mean, obviously he's an actor. Actor, but I think the show is cruel and offensive. I'd have to say you face two distinct challenges. He's the Simon caliber. He is. He's got the glasses and spiky hair, Pleather jacket. Number one. How to look unimpressed and completely bored by all the good singers. All that's left is a band of gold all that's left all the dreams I hold is a band of gold. Stop. We're looking for a superstar, and you don't quite have the voice. I just don't think you're right for this show. I think it was kind of. Let me use the word whack. Oh, my God. So not only do you have to pretend like the bad singers are good, you have to tell the good singers that they're shit. Yes. Yes. Oh, brother. And challenge number two. How to heat praise on bad singers while keeping a straight face. Come on. Oh, yeah. Look at that spin. Celebrate great times. Come on. Celebrate everyone around the world. Come on. I thought it was really good. I thought it was great. I thought you rocked the mic, playboy. You handled your biz, so congratulations. You're one step closer. You handled your biz. Oh, my God. Poor kid. Being superstar. Thank you. And once the audition process is completed, the 12 worst singers will face off in Hollywood for their shot at fame and fortune. And the hoax gets even bigger when they're given the superstar treatment. They'll receive image enhancements. So they're showing them flying hazmat? Yeah, they're flying them. They're limousine. Yeah, they're getting their haircut and their new duds. And they're in the studio with professionals, work with vocal coaches, learn dance moves, face the media, and shop for expensive cars and multi million dollar homes. Why? Why? What? Why? I don't know. I didn't even know in American Idol you just went and shopped for a new car. Million dollar home. There's the obligatory bikini shot. Yes. Voice will determine their fate when they hit the stage to sing. Until we reach our finale where the last singer standing will be crowned the WB Superstar usa. Walk away. With a recording contract and in advance of $100,000 cash. And that's when we finally reveal our hoax. We lifeline. That's when we we finally with you for good. We finally smash your little dreams into a million pieces. If my name is in Brian Dunkleman. But that's not my name. You are a great singer. And how will the superstar react? How could they react? You're on national television. Yes. So now that you're in on our hoax, don't go anywhere. The search for America's newest unlike now that you're in on our hoax, don't go anywhere. Our sponsor Velveeta will be has a few words. A singing sensation gets underway also like then. I mean, think about they had to go through the taping of this and then air it. So the people that were on the show had to relive it. Had to relive it all over again. And did they. Were they. They must have been under some kind of agreement not to say anything. Well, of course you wouldn't want to say anything. I. I was crowned America's next superstar. But it was all a joke. Right after this. Up next, our auditions kick off in Las Vegas. And only the bad survive. Love can. It's all it want. Why does the rain fall from above? Superstardom begins with you, Robert. Thank you. Oh, no. I do think this is funny, but it's just cruel at the same time. It's hard to laugh. Well, thank God many years have passed. Hopefully these people. Hopefully they gave him therapy afterwards. Exactly. Then our panel falls head over heels for the sexy Jamie Such for the very first time. We think you have great potential. Oh, my gosh. Thank you. She's clearly an actress. Plus, later, a heavy metal heartthrob rocks our world. Fire. That was sick, man. Tonight's singers will be plugged from obscurity and flown to Hollywood to fight for fame and fortune. It's a band of gold whose impossible dream will come true. And will anyone figure out it's all just a giant practical joke? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do that same song, but wherever you say yeah. Say no. Oh, my God. I said no. No, no. Find out when the WB super. The first stop on our search for the WB superstar USA was Las Vegas. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to fabulous Viva Las Vegas, where we hope to find an entertainer with such an unconditional belief in their talent. They wouldn't let anything stop them. Not even a bad singing voice. One of these superstars waited in line for hours, all believing that this was a real talent show. And as they prepare to face the panel, as they prepared to meet superstars Tone Loke at Vitamin C and Briggs. Yeah, I mean, let's be honest about it. Vitamin C and Tone Loke are not exactly the A list musicians that you think they are. Many were overwhelmed with last minute jitters. I can't stop shaking. I don't want to go first, but Robert's confidence was unshakable. Well, Robert, tell us, why are you a superstar? I think I have a great voice. I think a lot of people will also. I've been singing in the shower for most of my life, think the same thing. And I sing from my heart. And I think people can feel that when I sing. All right, man, well, what are you gonna sing for us today? Why do fools fall in love? Whenever you're ready. Why does the brain fall from above? I'd rather listen to blues barking if I'm being honest. Yeah, me too. Love is a losing game Love can be ashamed I know I'm a fool, you see Fool. Death bullies me. Tell me why. Well, to be fair to him, he is in the falsetto range. He's got something. There's something going on there. Some kind of rhythm. He's got a gold chain that counts for something, Chrissy. Kind of like a velour Jack. In all my years in the musical industry. If you don't mind, Chrissy, I'll interject a story as a professional. From a professional point of view here. In all my years in the musical business, there's one thing that I knew about a cocksure rock star is that a gold chain was the accoutrement you absolutely needed. Oh, yeah. Falsetto voice and a gold chain. Robert. Yes, Robert, Robert, Robert. Superstardom begins with you, Robert. You understand what I'm saying? Oh, my man. What's happening? Rob, I must say, I like what you did with it. And I'm totally feeling you. And I give you a big yes, man. Totally. Okay. Even Tone Loke knows this is cruel. He's phoning this in. Yes. You hit some notes. I don't even know how you hit them. Do you have both your testicles? Yes. Missing one? Nope. All right, well, see, yes for you, Tone. Yeah, I like him a lot. Okay, congratulations. You are one step closer to being a superstar. Thank you very much. Oh, wow. Did you know you could sing? I thought I could. And like everybody. Did you know you could sing? Did you know you could sing? I thought I could. No. I came to audition for this reality show about singing, and I had no Idea. I could sing, right? And I think I have a higher voice than a lot of people do. I can hit the high notes that no one else can hit. You can hit notes that I've. I couldn't even imagine dogs hitting. Now, what makes you the next big superstar in the usa? Because I got the voice. I got the looks. I got everything. Huh? You got the voice and the lyrics. You remember? Oh, I thought she said the lyrics. I'm like, oh, you remembered the lyrics. I have everything. As we say break it on down. Okay, Ready? Yeah. I get so emotional, baby Every time I think of you I get so emotional, baby and all in one love can do it is all in one love can do it's all in one to be fair, that's the best I've ever heard Taylor Dane sing live. Love can do it all one love can do you have some talent, girl. You have some voice. Thank you. I like. I like a lot of the little things you did. The way you kind of take a word and kind of make it your own and, you know, make it so it wasn't that recognizable from the Whitney Houston version. I mean, you brought your own kind of. Oh, I thought that was Taylor Dane. That was Whitney Houston. Sorry, Taylor and Whitney. Sorry to both of you. Are you both still alive? I don't know, but sorry to both of you. Flavor to it. Thank you. Thank you. Say to you. They said that I made the song my own and that really sound good. So I'm just waiting for the next step. You know, this is not over yet, so I don't want to get over excited. You don't want to jinx yourself. Yeah, you're right. I mean, there's still a long way to go, and I want to wait. I don't want to take anything for granted yet, so. Oh, my God, this poor girl. I mean, honestly, this is a little cruel. I know. And funny and cruel. So I guess what they did, they went to different cities, just like America. Yeah. They went to different cities to make sure that they, you know, fucked with a lot of different people. It was a tough act to follow, but Lance came prepared to pull out. Oh, Lance. Glitter shirt on. Since you've been gone, Gary Glitter appeared on all that's left is a band of gold. All that's left are the dreams I hold is a band of gold It's a band of gold It's a band of gold where did he get that? What is this? It's like a calliope or something. This is. This is from the Days of before Broadway. It's a band of gold. Woo. That was. You own that song and you know what? Sex sells. We all know that. Sure. I never even heard it sing like that before. Some of those words I didn't even know were like that. Thank you very much. Thank you. The voice is obvious. Some of those words I didn't even know were like that. Amazing. You're selling the sex appeal a little bit. You've got the, you know, the tight shirt and the muscles and the sparkles. Thank you. Well, they said they liked the image I was trying to portray with the tight shirt and the muscles and the tight shirt. It's cool. The glitter look. They said that? Yeah, because of the sex appeal. I said that's what I was trying to go for, which is what I was trying to go for. Lance's phrase from the panel had him jumping for joy. Clearly, our hoax was working. And with Omar, we kept it going, going strong. May I warm up before I start, please? Come on. Can I warm up before I start? Can I warm up? I was trying to look where vitamin C is now. What is she up to? Well, she's 52. She's 52? Yeah. And it says that her name's Colleen Ann Fitzpatrick. Yeah. She's an American record executive, singer, songwriter, record producer and actress. Isn't everybody a record executive these days? The record business even exists anymore? Are any of these people, like, let me see something. Years out what WB's Superstar USA staged? Yes. Okay. Oh, right. The show was a spoof of a popular the finalist. The finalists were chosen on Mary Norris. The prank was exposed. Expose has noted humorous and outrageous parody. Listen. In March 2012, Fitzpatrick was appointed as vice president of music at Nickelodeon. And since early 2019, vitamin C has served as music executive for Netflix. Oh, really? Yes. Oh, okay. She parlayed into a career. She did parlay the. This appearance on this clearly terrible idea of a show. But you know what? I'm so fascinated by what happens next that. Okay, let's do this. Let's take a break and we'll get back. We'll watch a couple more minutes of this. We'll be back. Okay. You're probably wondering why I, Rachel, have taken over the voice duties at tcb. It's pretty simple. Astrid asked me to shut Brian up, even for a minute. Well, lovely Astrid, your wish is my command. Do you want to help Astrid, too? You know you do. Leave a message for her or me or Chrissy at 212-4333, TCB. That's 212-433-3822. You can be on the show too. Just call and say something, anything. Or text us and we'll text you right back. Promise. Then head over to tcbpodcast.com and get your free sticker. It's your constitutional right to a sticker and we must abide. You get the point? Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and watch all the episodes on video@YouTube.com thecommercial break. Best to you and Astrid. Especially Astrid. This episode is sponsored in part by Chime Credit. Unless you've been hibernating for the last two or three years, then you are well aware that the price of everything has skyrocketed. And when the cost of living is so high high, the last thing any of us need is more credit card debt. And when your credit is less than perfect, you're going to pay more for everything. But there is a better way. You can build credit with money you set aside and avoid interest and expensive debt using Chime's Credit Builder Card. It's a secured card. It's got no credit check or minimum deposit required. Take it from a guy who's been there. When you have better credit, it's easier to plan and pay for family vacations and unexpected expenses. You get lower rates on loans for things like cars and homes. A good credit score makes a difference. The Chime Credit Builder Visa credit card has no annual fees, interest or credit check. And we all know what it's like to stretch a PayCheck. But with Chime's Credit Builder card, you can get paid up to two days early when you use direct deposit. Plus you'll get access to 50,000 fee free ATMs. Turn your everyday purchases and one time payments into steps toward your financial goals with Chimes Secured Credit Builder Visa Credit Card get started today@chime.com commercial that's chime.com commercial Chime feels like progress. The Chime Credit Builder Visa credit card is issued by the Bancorp NA or Stride Bank NA SpotMe eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Chime Checking account required to apply out of network ATM withdrawal and OTC advance fees may apply. Timing depends on submission of payment file. Late payments may negatively impact your credit score. Results may vary. Go to chime.com for details. And we want to thank Chime Credit for being a sponsor of the commercial break. Whether you're traveling, advancing your career or just love learning, speaking a new language can create incredible opportunities. Rosetta Stone makes it easier and more immersive than ever. Rosetta Stone helps you absorb a language the way you learned your first, through real world context and conversation. No memorization, just practical skills you can use right away. For 30 years, they've been the trusted experts in language learning, helping millions of people get the chance to learn different languages. Rosetta Stone immerses you in the language from day one. No English translations, so you truly learn to think, speak, and listen in that new language. Don't wait. Unlock your language learning potential. Now, listeners of this podcast can grab Rosetta Stone's lifetime membership for 50% off. That's unlimited access to 25 language courses for life. Life. Visit Rosetta Stone.com RS10 to get started and claim your 50% off today. Don't miss out. Go to RosettaStone.com RS10 and start learning today. Ready for this? Yes. They did not use actors as contestants. These are real people who thought that they were involved in an actual music competition. I really find that hard to believe. I know that at least one of these people, to me, appears to be a plant, but, I mean, I guess not, but you know how. Maybe the Internet is wrong, but I don't know. Let's. Let's. Let's keep listening. Similance. Similance. He's warming up. I'm feeling good from my head to my shoes. I know where I'm going and I know what to do. I tidied up my point of view. I've got a new attitude. Well, that's not what I expected to come out of this guy's mouth. He's wearing a beanie, dark sunglasses. This guy looks like a tough guy. He's like 7 foot 10 and he's. It's 500 pounds and he comes in and sings new attitudes. It is so funny. Running cold I was running into overload. It was extreme glitch in the matrix. I'm in control my worries a few. Cause I got love like I never knew I got a new attitude. Yeah. Passion, Omar. Passion. You have Omar. Omar. With all that yelling she did, that was a big yes. Listen, Omar, that was awesome, man. That was awesome. Thank you. I mean, that's. It's unanimous, man. Omar, congratulations. You are one step closer to being a superstar. All right. All right. My man. Thank you. Thank you. It was really entertaining. Thank you, Omar. All right, he's in. He's in. Now we've got a cast coming together here. Chrissy progressed. I will survive. Hearing bad singer after bad singer, we finally found one who stood out from the rest. This is the one I think is an actress. I'm a superstar because I am a star in itself. I have charisma. And you guys will have to see I am a star when I sing. And what's the key to being a superstar in Jamie's book? Apparently writing your lyrics on your hand. I was beat incomplete I've been held, I was sad in blue but you made me feel here you made me feel shiny and new. She's looking at the lyrics. Like a virgin. Hey, Just for the very first time. Like a virgin let your heart beat next to my. Okay, so I was right. Listen, this girl's name is Jamie. Jamie Floss. Jamie Floss on. On Superstar USA was in television shows long before this show ever aired. So clearly there were plants in the audience. Wow. Wow. She is sassy. She is sassy. Lassie, that was very good. I would encourage you to be even more sexual. Sex sells. Sex sells. I can be sexual. Okay. I must say, you are a very sexy person. And you know what impressed me the most is that you were moving around and you were dancing. You had your little charisma, and I like that. I like when a person moves around, it doesn't just stand right there in one spot. You know what I'm saying? That's cool. I'm actually. I'm a bit embarrassed, but I have to be honest. I don't know if you know this. Jamie, you have very large breasts. Oh, God. This, kids, is 2003 in a nutshell, right here. This is 2003. It was a different time, and it wasn't so long ago. It really wasn't so long ago. Probably most of our listeners born either at, you know, around 2003 or after or before 2003. And this is the kind of schmaltz that they would be on TV and got away with it constantly. Oh, yeah, he's. He just said, you have nice tits. They are real. Okay. I'm not kidding. The problem is I was distracted, and I didn't pay attention to your singing voice. So I'm gonna have to leave this decision to you two. I think Tone agrees with me. We. To the fullest. We think you have great potential. She was an actress, though, before she. She was in at least three television shows before 2004 when this aired and 2003 when it was recorded. So that tells me that they did, in fact, get actors and actresses to play a role here. Thank you, guys. Thank you. Thank you. Up next on our show, it pays to be bad. Everyone around the world. Come on. So what happens when a good Singer meets the panel, wondering if we ought to stay. Okay, please stop. I'm sorry. You're fired. And later, Jackson. How's this for a wardrobe malfunction? Ready? Kind of which of tonight's. Yeah, they're showing these clips of obviously what they're going to show ahead of time. By the way, the clip intros and outros on the show take up half the show. I know. Like, it's like six and a half minutes long. Long. It's like a goddamn commercial break intro. And what they showed was someone walking in. A beautiful woman walking in and taking off all her clothes. Yeah. I think singers will be selected to face off in Hollywood for a shot at fame and fortune. Will they be ready for a life of superstar luxury? And how will they react when they discover it's all a giant hoax? We like when we say you were a great singer. Find out when the WB Superstar usa. In order to find the nation's worst singer, our hoax had to be airtight from the moment our hopefuls walked through the door. And this is where it all begins. The line to get into the WB Superstar usa. Come follow me. He's no Ryan Seacrest. Yeah, no, he is no Ryan Seacrest. He's not even a Brian Dunkleman. If I'm being honest. I like Brian Dunkleman better. Come over here, grab a clipboard, piece of paper. You write your name, number down, your height, date of birth weight. Of course you're gonna lie about that. And then you're off over here, kind of a holding area until you finish filling them out. You nervous? You should be. Anyway, you fill this all out, then they go. And then someone comes in here and says, okay, follow me. So I hope he got a good paycheck for this. Do you know what I'm saying? I hope there's, like, a reason why he had to do this. He's a little smarmy. He's a little smirky. You get up, you walk through these doors, and this is where the nerves start to build up, up. I wonder if he also thought that this was his big break. I think he thought the WB was going to be his second success. Yeah, you're right. I think the big joke is on Tone Locan, this guy. And your clipboard and your piece of paper. Put it on your chest. Put it on your chest so you can see it. Stand back here and smile. And then it's the. I think he hosted, like, E. Entertainment's weekend for a few years or something. As one by one, hopefuls enter the Audition room. If they were bad, our panel showered them with praise. Way home, Alabama. That was pretty tight, I must say. And if you were good, watch out. You know I need it. Yeah. Kind of loved it, and I kind of hated it, but I mostly hated it fine. One of the best singers the panel encountered was Doris, who traveled all the way from Canada for her shot at fame. You should have picked American Idol, girl. Yeah, girl. You should have gone for the real deal. But then again, you probably imagine a lot of these people who are good singers did go to American Idol and got rejected there. I mean, you got to think about the incredible odds of just even getting on a show like American Idol. It's tens of thousands of people to one. It actually makes me sick to listen to the Canadian national anthem. This is Superstar usa. I'm so tired of Canadians coming across the border and taking superstar jobs from American superstars Bryan Adams and Lover boy and Celine Dion. It's not having it. I can't. I can't. Not on my watch. Well, how'd it go? I didn't do so good. Why? Homeboy at the end, Briggs, he just. He don't like Canadians or he just don't like people. Next up was Teresa. Unfortunately, she was far too talented for us and had to be disposed of quickly. Freedom. Freedom. Freedom. Okay, Teresa, Lisa, I've got. I've got good news. Had to be disposed of, right? Had to be disposed of. The bad news is you are not a strong singer. Good news is you're hot, and I would love to take you out to dinner. Oh, my. Oh, my God. Todd quickly annoyed the panel with his boy band good looks and exceptional. Okay, you get the point. You know what we should do? You know what we should do, Chrissy? What's that? You know what I think we should do? What's that? America's next top mediocre comedy podcaster. We should do a contest test here at the commercial break, where we. Let's say we take some applications, and then we take six to eight aspiring podcasters, people who like to do what we can do. Now, to be fair, podcasting, unlike music, is a very low barrier to entry. You could be any money. You can pretty much do it. All you need is a microphone. Not even a microphone. You just need a way to record yourself and a hosting platform to send out the RSS feed. Good luck finding listeners. That's the hardest part. But, you know, we should do a contest where we interview a few folks, we put them through a few rounds of tests, you know, maybe some Maybe we do an interview. Maybe we have them put together a sketch or a parody or a segment or whatever. And then we kind of whittle it down to two, and then we pick a winner, and then we give them some airtime on the commercial break or on the RSS feed on like a Saturday afternoon, 20, 30 minutes to let them send out their brand new podcast to the world. A Kickstart, if you will. That's the count. That's the prize. The prize is take our five listeners and hopefully three of them will be listening to your show by the end of it. What do you think? Yeah, let's. Do you like this idea? I think we should. I think this is an idea. That's. That whose time has come. America's Next Top Mediocre Comedy Podcaster. It's a long title, but it makes. I wonder if there's anybody out there interested in that. Do you? I wonder if people aspire to be a mediocre comedy podcast just like we have here at the commercial. I think there's a lot of people that have thought about starting a podcast. Yeah, but it's gotta be comedy. I don't want. Actually, no, I don't care. Whatever. You know what? We're gonna call it? America's Next Top Mediocre Comedy Podcast Dir. But if you have a different idea, then we'll jam you in there. We'll figure, yeah, because there aren't that many listeners. And so I want to make sure we have enough people to actually have a contest. We need a good pool. This is an idea. And if you're interested, text us. 212-4333, tcb 212-433-3822. And let's see if we can kind of frame this a little bit. If we get enough people that are interested, we'll mention it a couple times. If we get enough people that are interested, then we'll do it over the course of a couple weeks. We'll dedicate some Thursdays to it, and we'll see if we can whittle it down to just a couple who have the real talent, the real gusto we think it takes to be mediocre enough to, you know, play with the big boys, like the commercial break the big boys. And if they do, and if we think it's good and they win, we'll give them a kickstart. We'll give them a 30 minute consultation on mediocre comedy podcasting, and we'll let them use our RSS feed for a few minutes on A Saturday afternoon to get the word out there about their branding. New mediocre comedy podcast. Yeah, I like it. And I think this. I think this would be good. And. And if it. And if it works, and if people like it, we could do it every year. That's true. And we could start a whole batch of mediocre comedy podcasts. Maybe we'll start our own network. There you go. That's an idea whose time has come. There you go. All right, you got the information. 212-4333. TC Virginia, let us know if you're interested. Don't give me a whole dissertation on the podcast idea yet. We'll get there. Just let me know you're interested, tell me your name, and then we'll start collecting those names. Wow. Imagine this becomes, like, a thing. We'll get a television show. I'm dreaming that your aspirations become my riches. No money, though. There's no money in this. Don't, don't. Don't come here expecting that there's going to be some big cash prize or gold at the end of it. We've been doing this five years and are barely breaking even. It's tough. It's tough to make a living as a podcaster. All right, there you go. Superstar USA. WB. Superstar USA. The cruelest prank in history. But again, I'm not 100% sure it's all real. Did you see, like, who in your research? Did you see who won and who then? What happened to them? Yes. Oh, she won. Jamie won. Oh, Jamie won. And she went on to star in other TV shows. Y. So there you go. Maybe what we'll do is in a couple weeks, if this, like, kind of idea takes off, maybe what we'll do is we'll follow up by watching the finale and see what happens and see how she reacts when they pull the rug out from under her. Yeah, and maybe we'll just go straight to the payoff, because I don't think I could listen to all this bad singing. There's like, 12 episodes. How do you get through that? No wonder there's not a season. Number two. I mean, number one. Yeah, the joke can only go so far. But number two, how can you listen to all that bad singing for an hour, 12 hours of it? Vitamin C said, screw this and went on to become a Netflix executive. Yeah, that's what happens. All the has beens are a net, okay? Everybody works for Netflix. That's probably the best way to put it. All right. 2, 1, 2, 4, 3, 3, 3. TCB. 2, 1, 2, 333-3822. You want to be America's Next Top Mediocre Company Podcaster? Let us know or Questions, Comments Concerns Content Ideas? We take them all May 31st the 12 hours of TCB. It's a Saturday starting at 10am Mark your calendars at the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on tick tock and YouTube.com the commercial break +tcbpodcast.com for all the audio, the video and your free swing. Okay Chrissy, that's all I can do for today. I think so. But I'll tell you that I love you. I'll say best to you and best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say we do say and we must say goodbye. Hey, I'm Andy. If you don't know me, it's probably because I'm not famous. But I did start a men's grooming company called Harry's. The idea for Harry's came out of a frustrating experience I had buying razor blades. Most brands were overpriced over, designed and out of touch. At Harry's, our approach is simple. Here's our secret. We make sharp, durable blades and sell them at honest prices for as low as $2 each. We care about quality so much that we do some crazy things like buy a world class German blade factory. Obsessing over every detail means we're confident in offering 100% quality guarantee. Millions of guys have already made the switch to Harry's, so thank you if you're one of them. And if you're not, we hope you give us a try with this special offer. Get a Harry Starter set with a five blade razor weighted handle, shave gel and a travel cover. All for just three bucks plus free shipping. Just go to Harrys.com and enter Code man at check checkout. That's Harry's.com Code Man. Enjoy. As a parent, you want to give your child every opportunity to succeed. But let's be honest, sometimes homework questions leave us stumped or we wish they had it a bit more challenging when they're ahead in class. That's where IXL Learning can help. IXL is an online learning program that supports kids from Pre K to 12th grade in math, language arts, science and social studies. It's designed to help kids truly master time topics while keeping learning fun and engaging. Whether your child is catching up, staying on track, or aiming to get ahead, IXL offers personalized learning to meet their needs. Plus it saves you time and money. No more searching for multiple tutors or programs. IXL is like having everything you need in one place. The best part? It's backed by research. Kids using IXL consistently score higher on tests and it works for all kids, no matter their grade or learning style. IXL is used in 96 of the top 100 school districts in the U.S. so you know it's the real deal. Make an impact on your child's learning. Get IXL now and listeners of this podcast can get an exclusive 20% off IXL membership when they sign up today at ixlearning.com audio visit ixllearning.com audio to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price. You just realized your business needed to hire someone yesterday. How can you find amazing candidates fast? Easy. Just use Indeed Stop struggling to get your job posts seen on other job sites. Indeed's Sponsored Jobs help you stand out and hire fast. With Sponsored Jobs, your post jumps to the top of the page for your relevant candidates so you can reach the people you want faster and it makes a huge difference. According to Indeed data, Sponsored Jobs posted directly on Indeed have 45% more applications than non sponsored jobs. Plus with Indeed sponsored Jobs, there are no monthly subscriptions, no long term contracts, and you only pay for results. And listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit to get your jobs more visibility@indeed.com listen just go to indeed.com listen right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast. Indeed.com listen terms and conditions apply. Hiring Indeed is all you need. SA it.