The Blue Green Lagoon!

Summary

The Commercial Break: “The Blue Green Lagoon!”

Hosts: Bryan Green & Kristin Joy Hoadley
Date: April 8, 2026
Main Theme:
Bryan and Krissy deliver their signature spiraling improv as they unravel Bryan’s annual, disastrous struggle to maintain his backyard pool (“The Blue Green Lagoon”), riff about festival culture and Kanye West drama, review the new space movie Project Hail Mary, and geek out about human spaceflight, punctuating it all with punchy banter and self-aware, relatable comedy.

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Commercial Break exemplifies the show’s “Cheesecake Factory” podcast approach: wild, loosely-structured storytelling with off-the-cuff tangents and affectionate friendship. The main thread is Bryan’s endlessly vexing misadventures with his algae-ridden, frog-infested swimming pool, which snowballs into stories about water bills, neighbor drama, and chemical science experiments. Krissy and Bryan then shift to weigh in on Kanye West’s recent UK ban and the festival circuit, before delivering a heartfelt (and raunchy) review of Project Hail Mary. The concluding act is a gleeful romp through space exploration and astronaut toilet logistics, sealed with a loving nod to their listeners.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Pool from Hell: Bryan vs. The Blue-Green Lagoon

[00:08],[01:21]–[24:41]

• Bryan’s Pool Battles: Every spring, Bryan fights epic algae and pollen blooms caused by a giant oak tree, with his pool turning “as green as an army jacket.” He recounts past attempts to fix it, including expensive chemical cocktails that occasionally resulted in “science experiments” producing freakish blue water.

  • QUOTE: “The pool was as green as I have ever seen it...So I can't go to the store like I did last year and spend twelve hundred dollars in chemicals to then have it blow up the other way for three days.” —Bryan [03:24]

• The Disintegrating Pool Robot: Bryan’s beloved pool-cleaning robot finally dies from overuse, forcing him back to the “old vacuum.”

• DIY Trauma: Bryan’s storied incompetence with pool maintenance, highlighted by accidentally draining entire water towers via his garden hose, incurring epic water bills, and being saved by a “one-time dum dum credit.”

  • QUOTE: “‘One time dumb, dumb credit. Never to make that up.’” —Bryan [10:08]

• Frog & Fish Invasions: Dramatic retellings of the pool turning into a frog pond, complete with an unexplainable fish and runaway frogs that always find a way back.

  • QUOTE: “I gotta run around with the net trying to catch them. They're fast little fuckers.” —Bryan [23:59]

• Robot Down, Chemistry Experiments & Neon Water: After a miscalculation with pool chemicals, the water veers from “army green” to “neon blue,” alarming neighbors and housemates alike.

  • QUOTE: “It's just a bright blue out there. I can't wait to see this… literally this bright, unnatural blue. And I don't know what to do.”—Bryan [22:11]

• Themes: Suburban chaos, comedic defeat, neighborly misadventures, the futility of home-ownership, and triumph of friendship.

2. Kanye West, Festival Fiascos, and Ticket Economics

[26:48]–[37:48]

• Kanye’s UK Ban: The hosts react to Kanye West’s denial from entering the UK and the resulting festival cancellation. They criticize both Kanye’s anti-Semitism and the corporate machinery that continues to support him.

  • QUOTE: “There are just some things you just, you just don’t think and you just don’t say.” —Bryan [27:56]
  • QUOTE: “Where’s the outrage at Live Nation?” —Bryan [28:57]

• Behind the Scenes of Festival Business: Krissy and Bryan—speaking from some industry insight—walk listeners through the massive upfront payouts, sponsorship dependencies, and the razor-thin margins that threaten festivals, especially when megastars are involved.

  • QUOTE: “...That’s why Coachella is like $500 for a base ticket...You make your money on these sponsorship deals, on selling alcohol, on merch.” —Bryan [33:00]

• Radius Clauses and Financial Risks: Fun explainer on how bands like Pearl Jam negotiate for festivals, and what happens (or doesn’t) when events are canceled.

3. Review: Project Hail Mary and Movie Theater Rants

[37:48]–[49:23]

• Bryan & Astrid’s Movie Date: They use gifted tickets and buy an $18 popcorn, griping about theater snack prices—relatable comedy ensues.

• Project Hail Mary Review: Both hosts praise the movie’s blend of space adventure and emotional depth, especially the central friendship between Ryan Gosling’s character and his extraterrestrial friend.

  • QUOTE: “It’s a movie about friendship that Ryan Gosling and his alien buddy strike up in the middle of space trying to save the sun from being eaten by little bugs...It ends up being a real tear jerker.” —Bryan [48:24]
  • QUOTE: “Brian gives it two boners...a full hard on and two testicles. I give it the full shaft.” —Bryan [49:38]

• Movie Night, E.T., and Kids: Nostalgic fears about Steven Spielberg’s E.T. being secretly terrifying for young children.

4. Space, Humanity, & Toilet Training for Astronauts

[53:16]–[62:50]

• Artemis & Human Spaceflight: Bryan and Krissy geek out over NASA’s Artemis 2 mission slingshotting around the moon, marvel at the astronauts’ composure and fitness, and celebrate U.S. contributions to space science.

  • QUOTE: “It looks like you could reach and grab it, but you know, it's 250,000 miles away. That is insane that those people took that ride.” —Bryan [57:39]

• Astronaut Poop Science: Hilarious and detailed discussion about the (lack of) privacy in orbital toilets, gravity-free feces, and “shit training.”

  • QUOTE: “Now it's time for poop training. We're all going to stare at each other while we poop. Just to make sure.” —Bryan [59:51]

• Astronaut Abs On Camera: Bryan narrates an incident where a NASA astronaut is caught on internal video shirtless, leading to playful on-air commentary.

  • QUOTE: “We've cut off the stream. But we did capture your abs...He goes, ‘I don't care, whatever!’” —Bryan [60:23]

• Reflection on Human Progress: A rare, sincere moment—acknowledging the magnitude of space accomplishments and the possibilities of future friendship with “space spiders.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Pool Woes:

  • “I have never had more problems with one single...It's just a pipe. It's just a pipe that sucks water.” —Bryan [21:12]

• On DIY Water Mistakes:

  • “Basically, you drained the entirety of the water tower. And now we're having trouble with the pressure in the other houses.” —Bryan recounting the city water official’s response [07:57]

• On Frogs with Agency:

  • “He’s coming back. He’s like Native Americans returning to the reservation. That’s my land. I want that back.” —Bryan [24:39]

• On Kanye West:

  • “We shouldn’t be awarding him with yet more money and more riches.” —Bryan [30:16]

• On Movie Popcorn:

  • “The only option for popcorn I have is one size, and it's 17.99...Of course, we eat the entire popcorn.” —Bryan [44:06]

• On Project Hail Mary:

  • “No one else could have played this character except for Ryan Gosling, I'm sure of it.” —Bryan [49:23]

• On Artemis 2 and the Moon:

  • “It looked brilliant...there are people up there. It looks like you could reach and grab it, but...it's 250,000 miles away.” —Bryan [57:57]

• On Astronaut “Shit Training”:

  • “You do poop training, correct. Now it's time for poop training. We're all going to stare at each other while we poop. Just to make sure. Just get used to it.” —Bryan [59:49]

• On Closing:

  • “Pretty soon we'll be friends with space spiders. Rock spiders. That's right.” —Bryan [63:04]

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Important Timestamps for Segments

• The Pool Disaster Origin Story: [00:08]–[11:31]
• Green Pool Science, Neighbors & Robot Meltdown: [11:32]–[24:41]
• Festival/Kanye Discussion: [26:48]–[37:48]
• Project Hail Mary Review & Theater Rants: [37:48]–[49:23]
• Space Movies, E.T., and Parenting: [49:23]–[53:16]
• Artemis 2, Human Spaceflight & Astronaut Bathrooms: [53:16]–[62:50]
• Closing Reflections & Listener Shout-Out: [62:50]–end

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Tone & Style

• Language: Blunt, profane, and full of self-aware sarcasm (“Bryan gives it two boners...a full hard on and two testicles. I give it the full shaft.” [49:38])
• Chemistry: Warm, longstanding friendship with constant mutual ribbing and inside jokes
• Pace: Spirals with tangents, yet every segment loops back to a life lesson or comedic beat
• Vibe: Cracked Suburban Americana meets pop-culture geek-out, with occasional dark or absurdist edges

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Summary

This episode is classic TCB: It’s as much about enjoying the hosts’ candid, absurd, confession-filled rapport as it is about the topics themselves. From serial pool disasters (“the Blue Green Lagoon”) and laugh-out-loud pool chemistry anecdotes, to sharp pop-culture commentary (Kanye & festival drama), a playful but earnest sci-fi movie review, and topped off with sincere awe at humanity’s accomplishments in space, Bryan and Krissy deliver an hour-plus of immersive, unpredictable, and intentionally “just FINE” podcasting.

Transcript

[Brian Green]

On this episode of the commercial break, you turn the hose off, no problems. And I'm like, oh, thank God. And he goes, and I gotta admire the color of your pool right now. It's like you got quite the horticultural exhibit going on in that pool. And then I wonder why, when we tell them they can use the pool at any time they want to, they're like, we saw it a couple months ago. I don't know what magic trick you pulled to make it magically clear now, but I saw the frogs in there. Yeah. So. So then I. I just. I told ass. I said, I don't know what we got to do, but we got to clean up that pool. It's just going to get worse. So I go to Home Depot. I think I know what to do. I'm just going to shock the out of the pool. So here's how it works.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Old shocker.

[Brian Green]

The old shocker. Give him the old shocker. One in the pink, two in the stick. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co host of this show, Kristin Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Best to you, Brian.

[Brian Green]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Look at us getting an episode in this week. Wow. So proud of us.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

We're on top of things.

[Brian Green]

We're right on top of it. Hopefully we'll get some kind of regular schedule going on here again. A lot of things, a lot of moving parts here at the commercial break. But that doesn't mean we don't love you, and it doesn't mean that we think any less of you. We're here. We're here. We're doing it. We're committed to it. We're just. This last couple of weeks have been a little rocky, a little bumpy. A lot of traveling, a lot of stuff going on in everybody's personal lives. I have been. It's that time of year when I fight my pool. So I'm out there fighting my pool every day, desperately begging it to come back to life. It's that fucking pollen, man. That's the thing. I got this tree, this huge oak tree, some kind of oak tree, and it sits right at the end of the pool. And I used to have two of them, but I cut one of them down. I really felt bad about it, actually. I had a little ceremony for the tree.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, you should have.

[Brian Green]

They were twin trees, but one of them was leaning toward the house and they Were choking each other out. And I was like, okay, only one of you is going to survive. I'm going to pick. And I just took one of them down. But the second one is a huge oak tree. And then it's got those pol. Those yellow pollen, pollen everywhere. Those little fucking things that fall off right before the leaves come. And they fall off and they make the yellow pollen that is so synonymous with Atlanta this time of year. It is just. I mean, a gust of wind blows and you can see a patch of yellow smoke.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

It's like a dust storm.

[Brian Green]

It's a dust storm. A pollen. It gets everywhere. It gets all the time everywhere. And the only thing that solves the problem is the rain. But the rain then exacerbates more pollen. And all of that pollen and all of those polyps fall directly in my pool. If it's in within a mile radius, it just somehow finds its way to my pool. And without fail, for the last three years, not the first two years, I don't know what's going on. The first two years, I managed to stave off the. The pollen situation in my pool. But the polyps fall in the pool, then they get wet, they fall to the bottom, and the. The. It turns into just an algae bloom of epic proportions. The pool was as green as I have ever seen it. Green as an army jacket just two days ago. So I go this, but I can't go to the store like I did last year and spend twelve hundred dollars in chemicals to then have it blow up the other way for three days.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Right. That was a great turn for me though, I have to say.

[Brian Green]

Last year, weird blue color, it just like blew up. It was like a bomb went off in the pool. I slowly watched a mushroom cloud fill the pool with a super dark unnatural blue. And it stayed that way for days. And I was like, what happened?

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

You went back to that store like 30.

[Brian Green]

I went back to that store like 30 times. I was like, dude, you told me. It's like, well, that's not good. I'm like, okay, you tested my water. You told me what to put in there and how many bags you put in there. 37 bags of salt and 22 declared like water clarifiers and 44d algaecides. And he's like, yeah, maybe our math was wrong on that. Let's do it again. Do it again. I just spent a thousand dollars with you. So this year I said, fuck that guy at the pool store. I know what to do. I know what to do.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, you do.

[Brian Green]

So I got a pool vacuum. It's a robot. You press the button. Robot goes up and down and back and forth. It's a little. Like a little friend of mine. Takes about four hours. It'll go the entire pool, and it'll clean it. You got to clean out the basket every couple of hours.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

If it's really dirty.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, if it's really dirty. And then you have the skimmers. Skimmers pull the stuff off the top of the water, but because the pool is so big, it takes 20 hours for the entire pool to be circulated. It's a big pool. It's not small.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

It is.

[Brian Green]

And then now that all these pollen polyps have fallen at the bottom, the pool robot cannot keep up. I'm just taxing it. I'm asking it to do too much. I'm saying, go, little guy. Go.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Like a car.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

You're rubbing the hood.

[Brian Green]

I was. I'm talking to it. I'm unplugging it, plugging it back in. I'm asking it to go a million times, and it's finally said you. After six years of being at the bottom of this pool. Cold, hot polyps, winter algae blooms. I've decided you. I'm in retirement. Yeah. And the thing just stopped working. And I kicked it, and I took screwdrivers to it, and I knocked it against the wall, and it just didn't want to work. So I was like, this is a real problem. And these things are expensive, too, right? They're like twelve hundred dollars also now. They last a couple years if you. If you treat them right, which I. I didn't. You just take it out after it's done. I don't. I just leave it in there all day, all night. It's freezing cold out there. The pool robots out there doing its thing. So I'd say, all right. I. I cannot right now get a new pool robot. It's too expensive. I just. Not in the cards for me. Let's not. I can't do it. So I have to go back to the old vacuum. Like the old. You buy a vacuum, and essentially what it is for a pool is it's a tube, and you stick the tube inside of one of the pool filters. So, you know skimmers. You've seen them. There's pool skimmers. They're at the top of the water, and they're usually on the sides of the pool, and they suck in the water, and then they pull these things, and they pull whatever's on top though the water to the basket. And then you clean out the basket. That's how it works, right? Now, I've told you about pool mechanics. Now, you know, you can go get your own pool, but if you pull the basket out, there's a little hole, half inch hole, and you can take a hose and stick it into that half inch hole. And then you can put a vacuum stick the other side of the hose onto this little.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Like a real vacuum or this is a special vacuum.

[Brian Green]

It's a special pool vacuum, but it's really what it is. It's a piece of plastic with a hole at the bottom of it where you stick the hose at the top and then it's got a hole. So I would say if your normal vacuum is covering, you know, vacuum, like, you know, the kind you have on your carpet has like 5, 6 inches, maybe 10 inches wide of coverage. So it, you know, it's not. It. It takes time to cover the entire area of your floor, but you're going to get it done. It's like a lawnmower, right? If you have a riding lawnmower, you get a big area done. If you have a pushing mower, you get a small area done. This is one and a half inch hole that you have to have directly over whatever it is you're trying to vacuum. And I have a 120,000 square foot pool. Okay? So I already know this is gonna be a real nightmare, but I'm like, okay, I gotta do it. I mean, it's just. Look, I wake up one morning, it's

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

gonna get worse and worse.

[Brian Green]

It's gonna get worse. It's gonna cost more money. The longer it goes, the more algae that blooms, the more that this thing turns green, the more money I'm gonna have to spend on chemicals trying to get it right. And I have never once in the entirety of owning this. Right. I just don't know how to do it.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Dating all the way back to when you filled it up with the garden hose.

[Brian Green]

That's right. Which you're not supposed to do apparently. But hey, listen, what did I know?

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Every year you pay thousands of dollars.

[Brian Green]

That's right.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

To do this. Because what was your water bill that year?

[Brian Green]

It's $4,000. I think it's $4,000 to fill up the pool. And they called you, they came to the door.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

The water guy was out in front of my house at the water meter and he knocked on the door. I saw him out there and I was like, what is he doing? But, you know, it's the city and that's their meter. And I figured he'd just checking it, you know, I don't know. And then I hey, we got an alert on our rain guard system. And I was like, oh, what's that? And he's like, well, anytime someone's water is running for an immense amount of time, it sends a signal to us, like a bat signal through that, which is good. It's great. Yeah. I came in yesterday, it gave me yellow warning. I came in today's flashing hot red. Brian's house. Brian's house, greenhouse. Immediately all water is leaving. Basically, you drained the entirety the water tower of the water tower. And now we're having trouble with the pressure in the other houses. So I'm just here wondering what the is going on. I said, I don't know. I got. I got a pool. You got a pool? Yeah, I got a pool. What you doing with that pool? I'm filling it up. With what? A hose. A garden hose? I said, yeah. He goes, how big is the pool? I said, well, come on back, take a look. It's like 2/3 of the way you filled by then. And he's like, jesus H. Christ. That's where all the water went. It went from the tower into your pool. That's what it did. How many gallons is that? I don't know. I figure about 120,000. Well, the water tank only got 70 in it, so I figured we got to fill it up twice. Get your pool filled. You know, you can call the fire department, have them put one of them hoses in there, and it'll probably be done in a couple minutes. I said, I did not know that. Yeah, and it's free. All right. So when the bill came. So he told me, he said, when the bill comes, you come on down to yonder and you talk to old Cindy Lou down there and she'll help you out. And she did. She was like, okay, one time credit. And I think I ended up paying $400 for the $4,000 worth of water.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

One time dum dum credit.

[Brian Green]

One time dumb, dumb credit. Never to make that up. Because honestly, if I thought that I could convince the fire department every year to come out, I would just drain it and refill it. But there's another. There's an un consequence. Here's the thing. What about the COVID Yeah, they're dangerous. That's the pro. They're dangerous. And the. And the size of my pool, they don't make them. Just like, you have to get a custom one done.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Okay, gotcha.

[Brian Green]

And so the Ones that are safe, like really safe, like the ones you can walk on and you. You. And it would just stay there. I have the anchors for them, but I would have to get it custom made. And that in and of itself is extremely expensive. And it does not prevent. You're still going to have a ton of fall on that cover and you're going to have to clean it, right? So there's like one. There's. It's problem after problem and there's no solution. And it's not. There's nothing good happens. So I go to. So we're about to go to my dad's house for Easter, for Saturday, for the day before Easter. And it's Friday and I'm out on a phone call and I noticed the pool's low on water. The very green pool is low on water. But you can't have it go too low because then the skimmer starts stuck in there. And then water breaks. And it's a whole thing. So I know that every couple, probably once a week, I put about half an inch of water in the pool. It takes me an hour to put in that half an inch of water. That's how big the fucking pool is. So I throw the hose in there, I turn it on, which is really fun.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

In the summer.

[Brian Green]

It's the best in the summer when there's no leaves falling. When I pay somebody in the summer to come keep the chemicals managed so that I don't kill my children with some kind of encephalitis that I'm growing in the bottom of the pool. So I stick the hose in, and then I'm on the phone call, and then everyone's in a rush to get out to go to Dad's house. And so I get in the car and I go. And I get halfway up there and I'm thinking to my. It's like leaving the iron on, right? I'm like, oh, fuck. Because two years ago, I did the exact same thing and I totally forgot about it.

[National Debt Relief Announcer]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Green]

And I came back home and I could hear, like, I opened the door and I could hear. I could hear that the water was running somewhere, right? And I was like, oh, that's weird. Maybe the water heater. It took me about another hour to look out back of the house and see that the hose was stuck in the pool. The emergency valve could not handle all the water that was going in there. So the pool was to the very, very tippy top. And just like your bathtub, there is an emergency hole. There's A little tiny hole. And it is a pipe that goes out to a little. I call it a riverbed. It's a bunch of river stone that we put down there.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

And so when water. When the kids are in there and it's splashing, the extra water goes down there and it runs down the back into my neighbor's yard. So the one time that I have drained the pool, which is when I owned it, when the very first time, when we were going to get it renovated and we had to drain, that was the worst I've ever. There were frogs living in the pool. Frogs and fish living in the pool. You think I'm joking. I'm not. It was a frog pound. That's exact. And I don't know how fish.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

I've seen those on shows before.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And I don't know how the fish got there, but there were fish in there. Fish, they fly. Do the fish fly? Do they walk? Do they flip and flop over? I don't know. But we found a fish in there, so I think somebody threw it in there. I think they were being smart. Yeah. So the one time that we drained the pool was the very first time I got it and we drained the pool. I had no house over the pool equipment. The pool equipment was very old, and we had no clue what we were doing. And the guy who was coming to renovate the pool said, the only thing I need you to do is drain the pool. All you gotta do is take this cap off the back and start the motor, and it's just gonna spit it out. And I said, oh, okay. Like, I was on the phone with him, and I just. I don't think I listened to him quite way I should have. I said, yep. Cap, motor. Got it. Turn it on. Go. Take off, cap. Take off, cap, Turn on motor. And wouldn't you know, it just. Water just comes pouring out the back. I had no river stone. I had no river rock. I just had a slope down into my neighbor's backyard. So six hours later, I had the neighbor knocking on my back door. And I was like, who's that guy? And I opened the sliding glass door, and he goes, hey, man, nice to meet you. I know you're new in the neighborhood, but you're causing a real problem in my backyard. And I was like, what are you talking about? And he goes, you're draining the pool or whatever you're doing. He goes, I got a half an inch of water on my grass back there. And I was like, oh, shit. I'm so sorry. I Didn't realize. I didn't realize. So I go run out there, I turn it off, and I swear to God, half an inch of water. It looked like rice fields. I was, we're both going back there. And he's like, I do. I work real hard to try and keep. And he goes. And listen, I don't think I'd be so bothered. Or he goes. He goes. I don't think he goes, I think I'd be more bothered if this water wasn't like natural water. And I go, what do you mean? And he goes, well, clearly it's got no chlorine in it. Look at the color. It's just rainwater. And I was like, fair. Fair point. Yeah, that's fertilizer. I'm fertilizing your grass.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Right, right.

[Brian Green]

So what the guy told me was, please, the pool guy. So when I tell the pool guy this, he's like, yeah, dude, I told you. Turn it on for an hour, Turn it off for two hours. Turn it on for an hour, turn it off for two hours. It's going to take you a whole day. You got to do this, because if you don't, you're just going to dump 70,000 gallons of water into your neighborhood. I don't think anybody wants that. Well, I probably dump 35 of the 70 gallons into my neighbors anyway. So I call. I call Justice. I know. So this is. So now fast forward to this Saturday. Can't remember whether or not I turned off the hose. Remembering the last time I put the hose in there in a day and a half. And I caused another drama in the back of my neighbor's yard. Luckily, I don't think he was home because he never came over. But I saw it. It was a lot of fucking water in his backyard. I ran. That's like turning the hose on and just leaving it in your neighbor's backyard for two days. That's it. That was also a hell of a water bill, by the way. And no credit for that one. No credit for fucking moron. Okay.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

No, they gave you the credit once.

[Brian Green]

They gave me the credit once. So I. So I get up to halfway up to my dad's, and I'm like, I can't remember. Did I. I think I did. I think I didn't. I think I did. So I get up to Dad's and I text justice of my neigh. And I say, hey, man, do me a favor. Can you run over and check? He says, yeah, I'll go over there right now. And, you know, justice responds he's like, well, you, you turn the hose off, no problems. And I'm like, oh, thank God. And he goes, and I gotta admire the color of your pool right now. It's like you got quite the horticultural exhibit going on in that pool. And then I wonder why, when we tell them they can use the pool at any time they want to, they're like, we saw it a couple months ago. I don't know what magic trick you've pulled to make it magically clear now, but I saw the frogs in there. Yeah, so. So then I, I just, I told ass. I said, I don't know what we got to do, but we got to clean up that pool. It's just going to get worse. So I go to Home Depot, I think I know what to do. I'm just going to shock the out of the pool. So here's how it works. The old shocker. Give him the old shocker. One in the pink, two in the stick. So you can go and you can buy something called shock. And that's what it's. Yeah, it's just a bag.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

You tried that last year, didn't you?

[Brian Green]

Well, the problem was I added the shock with a bunch of other chemicals and the chemicals started working against each other. Caused a science experiment in my pool. There's like smoke coming off the water. I swear to God, I read about it online. It was like, you know, stay out. Burning. Yeah, it's like burning my eyes. I'm like, I put lye in there. I put lye in the pool with d alga fire with some other stuff that algifies with chlorine. It just, I just put a toxic soup of chemicals. I'm surprised anybody survived swimming in that pool last year. But hey, six weeks later it was perfectly clear. So I say, all right, so I, I know I got a job. I know one little bag of shock is supposed to make your pool supposed to make 20,000 up to 20,000 gallons of water clear and clean and ready to swim in 15min. But that's when the pool is kind of like at a baseline, not when it's completely dark green, hunter green. So I'm like, let me get a box of this stuff. Which is like 10 bags, right? So I get 10 bags of shock, a box. I get a, I have my pool broom, right? You can, you can brush the algae off and it'll come off the, the bottom or the sides of the pool in kind of like a fog. It'll make the pool fog. And here's in principle what's supposed to happen. You put the shock in there. The shock eats the algae. Kills the algae, right?

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And this process, when it happens, turns like a turquoise blue. Like the blue of the ocean. Like the bluest blue you've ever seen of the ocean. That's not a natural, beautiful blue. Beautiful blue. That's not a natural color that happens in swimming pools. It's not supposed to. You're really just supposed to be clear, like to be able to see the bottom. Yeah, it's not supposed to add any color. So I go around the pool and I'm pouring all these bags in. Then I sweep up the, the. The sides of the pool, you know, which takes like an hour is quite the workout. And then I take a look and this thing is just like neon blue. Neon blue. It's lighting half the neighborhood. The sun is out, but the pools, it's actually emanating light. It's eating so much algae. It's like. It's like on fire. The turquoise blue fire. And I'm like, like, wow, is that supposed to happen? I asked Chat and Chad's like, yeah, not really. You know, I don't know what you're doing, but I can't test water, unfortunately. I don't know what's happening in there. So I look at the. So I get one of those, those test strips. I have those. I don't know what they mean, but you know, I put them in there and match it up to the thing,

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

thinking, I know I have those for drinking water.

[Brian Green]

But. Yeah, yeah, the chlorine level, the hard chlorine level is that, you know, red is the highest level. It's like a dark brown. It's beyond chlorinated. And Astrid comes out and she's like, well, it looks better. And I go, I think it went the other direction.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Don't touch it.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, don't touch the water. Yeah, get your goggles on, hun. Keep the kids inside the eclipse glasses. Close the window. Don't turn on the air conditioner. So I'm out there sweeping and then I'm trying to vacuum all this shit from the bottom. And I will tell you what, I have never had more problems with one single. It's just a pipe. It's just a pipe that sucks water that you're supposed to then put on the bottom of the pool and suck all the junk up. But when the junk gets sucked up, it goes into a separate basket in the pool equipment that then you have to clean out. Right. It's like a catcher. It's the Emergency catcher. In a normal situation, this pool baskets catch most of the junk and then the emergency catcher catches the remainder of the junk. And then if all else fails, it goes into your jandy filter, which is this big thing. Yeah. It's got these, like, filters on them, like these. There's no other way to put it except like a filter you would put on your. On your heater or your H vac.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Green]

Except they're like tightly wound and. And put in these, like, cylinders, these three and a half feet hall cylinders. There's four of them in there. Water. All the water gets poured in there. And then the water gets sucked through these filters and then back into the pool. So all else fails. It's just supposed to stop anything from going in the pool. But the thing is, is that the filters themselves can get dirty. And every six months you have to clean them. Chrissy. I cleaned them three times just yesterday. That's how fucking dirty this pool is. Wow. You're supposed to clean them every six months. I cleaned them three times. In a fucking day. In a day. I hate this pool. With all my might. The pool and blue hold equal places in my heart. They are awful. Awful. I don't know what to do. And so now it's just a bright blue out there.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

It's just, oh, I can't wait to see this.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it's bright blue. I don't know what. I don't know what to do.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

It went from army green to bright

[Brian Green]

blue to bright blue to like literally this bright, unnatural blue. And I don't know what to do.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Right. You don't know how to counter it. Like, if you put too much salt in something, then you can add like

[Brian Green]

a little base and then.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, yeah, Flour or something.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. But she's just like, this is not baking. This is 70,000 gallons of water. So my inclination is just to buy more shock and shock the shit out of it. Yeah, I know.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

It might have been too much.

[Brian Green]

The problem is, is that chlorine will stay in your pool. I have a salt. I have a filter, like a salt cell, so it shocks the water to make more chlorine. So the more chlorine I put in there, the more chlorine I get. It's like an amplifier for chlorine. So I don't know what to do. So Astrid, this morning, I come in and Astrid's doing like a household budget. And she's like, how much is a pool guy? Yeah, exactly. And I'm like, I don't know.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Exactly.

[Brian Green]

And I go, why? And she goes, cause it was. Get the pool.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Let's do that.

[Brian Green]

Do the pool. Let's do that. Yeah, yeah. Let's all fuck it around. Let's figure out how to get another robot and let's get the pool. That seemed to be working well last year, but you can't figure it out. She was like, I'll go out there and vacuum. And I go, honey, it's not that I don't believe you can do the vacuuming.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

I don't want you.

[Brian Green]

This is a dangerous place. You're working with wall. You're working with high pressure pumps and water that is clearly not okay. And the animals that I don't know. The other day I was watching the birds were swerving down and drinking the water like in a bird bath. You know, we've all seen bird bath water. That's basically what my pool. Bird bath water. They were swooping down and drinking the

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

water before you put the shock in it.

[Brian Green]

Before I put the shock in it, yeah. They were so happy. They were like, oh, look at this.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Thank you.

[Brian Green]

Squirrels. There's like a whole Disney movie going on outside.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. You had the frog last time. That was, you know. Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Every. Every year we get a couple frogs that just make a home in the pool, and I gotta run around with the net trying to catch them. They're fast little fuckers.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

They are.

[Brian Green]

They know how to swim underwater. I don't. You know what I'm saying? I don't know how to maneuver the. The thing, so you got to kind of corner them and then just hope they jump out. But one year, I had a whole thing with a frog. I would get him out and I put him out in the back of the yard, and he. Two minutes later, he bounced right back in the water. This went on like six times. It was like a show. We were doing a cartoon in my backyard. So finally I had to walk him down the street and put him out on the side of the road. I mean, I don't want to be mean, but what else was I to do?

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

But you should have tossed him into the neighbor's yard.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, well, I did at one point. And he found his way under the fence and came back. He knew what he wanted. He's like, fuck you. I was here first. Remember when the pool was green? That was my family. I own this pool. Exactly. He's coming back. He's like Native Americans returning to the reservation. That's my land. You. I want that back. All right, we'll take a break and. Yeah, we'll be back.

[Rachel (Voice of God on TCB)]

Hey, it's Rachel, your new voice of God here on tcb. And just like you, I'm wondering just how much longer this podcast podcast can continue. Let's all rejoice that another episode has made it to your ears. And I'll rejoice that my check is in the mail. Speaking of mail, get your free TCB sticker in the mail by going to tcbpodcast.com and visiting the Contact Us page. You can also find the entire commercial break library audio and video, just in case you want to look at [e-mail] Want your voice to be on an episode of the show? Leave us a message at 212-433. That's 212-433-3822. Tell us how much you love us and we'll be sure to let the world know on a future episode. Or you could make fun of us. That'd be fine, too. We might not air that, but maybe. Oh, and if you're shy, that's okay. Just send a text. We'll respond. Now, I'm gonna go check the mailbox for payment while you check out our sponsors, and then we'll return to this episode of the Commercial break.

[Brian Green]

Best to you. Best to you. Best to you. Best to you. I hate how that song just ends like that.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

I don't know.

[Brian Green]

I don't know why it cuts off like that. It's a little. It's a little weird little. It's a little piccadillo about that particular song as it just ends. I don't know if that. Whatever. Anyway, Kanye West. Yes.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Denied entry. Entry into the uk yeah. And now that whole festival has been canceled.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, the whole festival's been canceled, which

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

is a big deal. I mean, I've seen with Jeff every year putting on these festivals. It's a lot of work.

[Brian Green]

How do you.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, the announcement.

[Brian Green]

How do you. I mean, I guess you just refund everybody the tickets and you pay your fines from the. Certain companies, the venue and the. Yeah, all the people you hired to do all the stuff, the porta Potties. I mean, there must be. Well, here's the thing, is that it actually wasn't canceled because the festival didn't want Kanye to play. It was canceled because Kanye was denied entry into the UK Based on his clear anti. Semitism. He's like online bragging about how he sold, you know, $20 million worth of swastikas.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

I mean, I know he's mentally ill, and I don't want to make fundamentally ill people. Because I know a few myself, I might be one of them, we all

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

are to some degree.

[Brian Green]

But I know the difference between right and wrong and I know the difference between, you know, saying things that are like. There are just some things you just, you just don't think and you just don't say. There's. Well, right.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

And didn't he just recently I read that he took out some full page ad and he said he was sorry. Paper saying I'm sorry, that must have been somehow tied to all of this. But the UK still just said, nope,

[Brian Green]

yeah, no, they said, no, we're not doing it. The Keir Starmer said, no, you're not allowed in. The government voted or they did whatever, they revoked the passport or the visa, whatever it was. And I think that's the right call. Listen, we are going to have to draw a line in the sand somewhere. And unlike the United States, Keir Starmer has some balls and willing to do it right. You know, there's just some stuff that we just have to say as a society that we're not willing to accept. And your one page apology in LA Weekly is not enough. You have to show a pattern of being humbled and apologetic. And the truth is, is that he can still make millions of dollars. He just did. He just did two, three shows in LA.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

I can't even believe the demand.

[Brian Green]

$35 million. Live Nation paid him to do those two shows. $35 million. Where's the outrage at Live Nation? Yeah, where's the out outrage at Live Nation? There's no Jewish people that work at Live Nation. I mean like, there's no like reasonable sane human being. It's just about the almighty dollar. And I realize a corporation is not a person and does not have morals and it is only driven by the people who are inside the organization willing to make tough decisions. Even when it comes to.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

There are people that are in the process.

[Brian Green]

Yes, that's right. But they don't give a shit. They just want to make the fucking money. And listen, I don't care how good Kanye, how you good you think Kanye west is, he's got a few good songs, great. But I just think he just took it. He just went way, way too far. And you can say he was trolling or he was mentally ill or whatever. Great, go get help. Do the thing that everybody does when they clearly are having a problem and that is go work on yourself and then come back and explain to us all what happened and say your apologies and let us make A decision then, whether or not you are worthy of my $185 to see you from the 155th row, SoFi Stadium. But, you know, these. These people who booked him in the festival, they should have known better. In the first fucking place, they should have known better. I mean, it's just a dumb. It was just a dumb thing to do. And listen, I don't have anything against Kanye west personally, except for the fact that he's a terrible human being.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

The last couple years, he's displayed horrible behavior.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Horrible behaviors. Chumming up to some of the worst people in the world, amplifying some of the worst sentiments in the world, and conspiracy theories and all this shit. He's fucking out of control, that Kanye West. We shouldn't be awarding him with yet more money and more riches.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

He just in court, too, with the contractor from his house. You know, he totally just left that thing. Yeah, he bought that house and across the street from.

[Brian Green]

From.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. Doing all kinds of stuff to it. And then I think he just totally left it and didn't pay people. So, I mean, that adds up.

[Brian Green]

That adds up. Him and all of his buddies. Donald Trump's known for doing that.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

It's festival season and not. And just like to get away from Kanye west just for a second. I mean, there's a lot of work that goes into those festivals. Having put on, you know, my own Mountain Jam festival myself, I know that there's logistics involved that are tons, tons of logistics. Just to have a hundred people half naked up on the top of a mountain, listen to shitty music for a day. I mean, I know that there's lots of logistics that go into this. You have to think about a lot of things, pay a lot of people, sign a lot of contracts, sponsors.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

I mean, that's another thing with all this. I think that's. That's kind of what started it. Right. One of the sponsors pulled out PayPal,

[Brian Green]

Pepsi and Diego, all.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Diageo.

[Brian Green]

Diageo, they all canceled. Diego, Jeff's friend. I know. I don't know why I think that every time Diageo, Pepsi, PepsiCo, and then PayPal, they all pulled out of the festival after.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

I mean, that's a big deal. You can't run the festival without getting the sponsors. You really can't. Unless somebody's just funding it.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I mean, like, people might think, oh, half a million people are going to show up. Ticket sales typically cover some of the costs. You have someone like Kanye, you might be paying him $5 million just to do an hour. Of music. That's not unusual. Right? I think, I don't know, I heard this somewhere in the universe between you and I, that Pearl Jam was asking for like $5 million to play for about an hour and a half or something like that on one of their festivals. Well, guess what? All the ticket sales in the world are not going to cover Pearl Jam plus Kanye plus, you know, Dave Matthews plus Counting Crows, plus Diplo. Diplo. I'm going to Coachella to see Diplo. It's not going to cover all of the Crash Test Dummies. I mean, when you're trying to get Crash Test Dummies in there, you got to have a good 30, 40 hundred dollars in your account to do that. But you do that times these big festivals do that times 30 or 40 where they're paying, they might outlay 50 million, $60 million just for the, the talent. And that doesn't include any of the

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

infrastructure for sure has to put that out.

[Brian Green]

Oh yeah. And so that's why coachella is like $500 for a base ticket, thousand dollars for a base ticket is because they don't, they have activations, but they tend not to have like big overarching sponsors. At least they, they didn't at some point. And so, so they, they charged it straight to the people who were showing up. You've got to, because that's where you make your money on these sponsorship deals, on selling alcohol, on selling merch, on, you know, Budweiser will come in and pay you a million dollars to sell, you know, their beer at the festival and they'll set up all the infrastructure there. It's a weird, wacky, wild world. And these festivals keep getting bigger and they keep. And it's harder and harder to make money doing them.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And you can exit times 10. It doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to ex Your profit times 10 if you make any profit at all. Bonnaroo. I, you know, I know Bonnaroo is probably turns a profit almost every year. Right. And even on the years it rains because they cash in on the rain insurance. But you know, even, even a, a festival like Bonnaroo that is tried and true, that is really the OG big time, three day, you know, festival with big names out there. For years, they were not making money doing that festival. You don't, they were, they were being propped up by investors and people who just had a lot of money and were willing to see it through in and bought it. And you know, now it's a kind of a different Animal. They can, they. They can stuff it in a line and say, oh, we lost a couple million dollars, but, you know, the name Bonnaroo means enough to our ticket sales, or we're making enough off service.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

If you want to have a quality festival that people want to return to each year, you got to put money into it.

[Brian Green]

You got to put money into it.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

It's not just about the talent.

[Brian Green]

So now. Yeah, so now imagine this, and you probably can confirm this. You got $50 million worth of outlay for bands, right. Let's say that at least. At least 10% of that is due upon signing. Right. No band in the world is just going to show up and trust that you're going to pay them. It's due on signing, when you sign the contract, maybe a year before the festival even happens. Right. As soon as the. That's correct, Festival 25 is over, you're signing for 2026. Yeah, because that's how it goes. And then you're going to. Let's. Let's take Pearl Jam, for example. All right? Pearl Jam is going to go play Memphote. They're not. But I'm just saying. An example. Pearl Jam's going to go play Memphis Mempho. Jeff gets done with Mempho 2025. He's already in negotiations with the talent management with Pearl Jam for 2026. Shortly after 2025 is over, Pearl Jam says, yes, we'll play. And Jeff puts in his contract. Great. You're not going to play another festival within 500 miles.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, there's a radius clause.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, a radius clause or two weeks. And. And that's that. So now Pearl Jam is locked in. That's their date. They're going to make $5 million in that two weeks. And they've taken themselves off the marks and market for 500, 600 miles, whatever it is. Thousand miles, I don't know. So they've taken themselves off the market, and Jeff goes ahead and pays them a $500,000 deposit upon signing. And then the moment that Pearl Jam shows up on the property, they are due the other 450. I mean, $4,500,000. And if you don't send. If you don't have that check in your hand, they're not. They're not playing. And that's just a fact. And there are so many stories out there about festivals where, where, you know, promoters are rushing to get somebody a check, you know, last minute, or someone has to be shuffled in the order because they weren't paid on Time or. Or whatever, all that money has to be outlaid ahead of time, not. Not after you sell all the tickets. You can't hedge your bet like that. You have to be well funded in the sense that you have to pay a bunch of money out front. You think the staging company is going to take your word for it that you'll get paid later? Nope. Gotta put a 50% deposit down and then pay us the other 50% after we wrap up, or however the deal is, are arranged. So when you have a festival like this where Yee's playing, or whatever the his name is now. Yeah, Ye's playing. Everybody's gonna show up. There's gonna be hundreds of thousands of people. That's tens of millions of dollars that you better have in your pocket. You better be ready to pay. So when they cancel a concert like this, there's at least millions of dollars that will never be seen again. At least someone's losing millions of dollars. And I don't think insurance is going to cover it. Or maybe they do. Maybe.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

I don't know how that works. I'd have to ask Jeff about that because, I mean, if literally the artist was allowed into the country to play at the festival, I don't know.

[Brian Green]

There's got to be some kind of insurance that covers that, right?

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Well, I mean, I guess you don't pay Kanye anymore, too.

[Brian Green]

Oh, certainly you're getting your money back from Kanye. Yeah, I can't imagine that. Well, I'm sure there'll be a big legal fight about that too. He probably got paid something crazy. It is crazy, but, I mean, he's got enough money. He got paid $35 million. Do two or three shows in LA, and. And if they're sold out and people are paying thousands of dollars to see them, fucking cares. Who fucking cares? Honestly, you know what she'd do? Take that money and go see Project Hail Mary. It was a good movie.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Oh, yeah. I meant to ask you about that.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, we got. We got some free tickets.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

It's getting good reviews.

[Brian Green]

Someone 97% rotten tomatoes.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

Someone that's big. Yeah. It was one of Astrid's friends, knowing that we, you know, don't have a pot to piss in, said, hey, I've got these free tickets to go see Project Hail Marion. If you want to use them, you're welcome to do it. And Gustavo and LA were in town, so we had some babysitters. And so Astro, they were like movie passes and you could just go use them, Right. And Astro said, what are you gonna See? And I said, I don't know what's out there. She said, project Home. I said, yeah, I like that Ryan Gosling guy. And I've seen the commercials and it looks good. I don't know what the it's about. Little spider. Alien. Space movie.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

So let's talk about space movies. Let's take a break and we'll talk about movies.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Slingshotting around the moon.

[Brian Green]

That's going to be a segue to talk about a slingshot around the moon. We'll take a break. We'll take a break, and we'll be back.

[Rachel (Voice of God on TCB)]

Let me do something Brian has never done.

[Brian Green]

Be brief.

[Rachel (Voice of God on TCB)]

Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break. Text or call us. 212-4333, tcb. That's 212-433-3822. Visit our website tcb podcast for all the audio, video, and your free sticker. Then watch all the [e-mail] the commercial break and finally share the show. It's the best gift you could give a few aging podcasters. See, Brian, that really wasn't that difficult, now, was it? You're welcome.

[Brian Green]

Liberty Mutual customizes your car and home insurance. And now we're customizing this rush hour ad to keep you calm, which could help your driving. And science says therapy is great for a healthy mindset. So enjoy this 14 second session on us. I think you've done everything right and absolutely nothing wrong. In fact, anything that hasn't gone your way could probably be blamed on your father not being emotionally available because his father wasn't emotionally available, and so on. And now that you're calm and healing, you're probably driving better, too.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.

[Brian Green]

Okay, I have to tell you, I was just looking on ebay where I

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

go for all kinds of things I love. And there it was.

[Brian Green]

That hologram trading card. One of the rarest. The last one I needed for my set. Shiny like the designer handbag of my dreams. One of a kind. Ebay had it.

[Ebay/Strayer University/Cancer Claims Announcer]

And now everyone's asking, ooh, where'd you

[Brian Green]

get your windshield wipers? Ebay has all the parts that fit my car. No more annoying, just beautiful. Millions of finds, each with a story. EBay. Things people love.

[Ebay/Strayer University/Cancer Claims Announcer]

A cancer diagnosis can turn life upside down. If you or a loved one drank alcohol and was later diagnosed with cancer, you may have legal options and could be eligible for compensation. Get a free confidential claim review today. It only takes a few minutes. Visit cancerclaims.info again. Cancerclaims.info prefer to call dial 866-986-2429 again 866-986-2429.

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[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

that's straight up golden. And McDonald's is proud to help keep it that way. Since 2021, the Golden Arches has connected with the Thurgood Marshall College fund to provide $1 million in scholarships for students headed to our HBCUs. That kind of cash helps keep bright minds on the yard, dreams within reach and the future golden. Learn more about McDonald's Black and Positively Golden Scholarships at mcdblackscholars.com I sold my

[Brian Green]

car in Carvana last night.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Well, that's cool.

[Brian Green]

No, you don't understand. It went perfectly. Real offer down to the penny. They're picking it up tomorrow. Nothing went wrong.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

So what's the problem?

[Brian Green]

That is the problem. Nothing in my life goes as smoothly. I'm waiting for the cash. Maybe there's no catch. That's exactly what a catch would want me to think.

[Rachel (Voice of God on TCB)]

Wow.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

You need to relax.

[Brian Green]

I need to knock on wood. Do we have. What is this table wood?

[Ebay/Strayer University/Cancer Claims Announcer]

I think it's laminate.

[Brian Green]

Okay. Yeah, that's good. That's close enough.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Car selling without a catch Sell your car today on Carvana. Pick up these may apply.

[Brian Green]

Ryan got it wrong yeah Brian got it wrong yeah Brian got it wrong yeah when would it ever end? Ryan got it wrong yeah Ryan got it wrong yeah Ryan got it wrong yeah when would it ever end? Ryan got it wrong yeah Ryan got it wrong yeah Brian got it wrong yeah when it. All right. There we go. Yeah, boy. So we get these free tickets from the lady and she says to go out and have a good time. Treat yourself, be young again is what she says. So ask her. Tonight we did. We split a popcorn and a Sodi Pop. And those popcorns are huge.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Even the small.

[Brian Green]

Damn, dude. And they're expensive, man. I mean, we got free tickets and end up spending $38.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Anyway, my nephews to the movies a little while back and it was crazy. I was like, what?

[Brian Green]

We got this movie theater up here, mainly plays, family movies, and like old run movies. Kind of like a dollar theater, but not really a dollar theater. But if you go before 7 o' clock or 6 o' clock on a Saturday or a Sunday, the Movie tickets are $7.50 for kids, $9 for adults. And then it's reasonable. Like the snacks are reasonable. Yeah. I go to AMC and it's like the only option for popcorn I have is one size and it's 17.99 and it's like 17 fucking 99. I really don't need that much popcorn. And then of course, we eat the entire popcorn.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

I know. You end up eating it. It's so hard to put down.

[Brian Green]

I know. Richard said this and it's right.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

I don't like the butter on it either. They're butter. It's already buttered.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, it's already buttered. Let it be buttered. And it stinks. That butter stinks. What are they putting? Cheese. I like that ranch stuff you can put on there. Like you get the little ranch shakers. Yeah, but now they charge $10 for those things too. You used to be able to do that for free. Now they get you. They get you. You get a little. Now I'm taking condiments. You know, I've got a seat. I got a spice rack I'm bringing into the movie theater.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Right.

[Brian Green]

Fucked up.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Sneaking in my ranch.

[Brian Green]

Yes, I'm sneaking in my ranch salt. So. Oh. In answer to something that's absolutely true is that the M M's, the peanut M M's at the movie theaters are hands down the best peanut M M's anywhere in the world. And I don't know why. I don't know if they make them differently for the movie theaters, but they just. They just taste different and they're just better. I don't know. She's right. I agree.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

You're in the dark eating them.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, you're in the dark, you're eating them.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Nobody's watching.

[Brian Green]

Nobody's watching you. The bag is different, you know, it's not that cheap. Each plastic bag, it's like a real, you know, carton. Yeah, it's like a real this is gon up in the ocean and never degrade bag. You're like, ah, this is good. None of that fucking recyclable bullshit. So we go and 6 o' clock movie time. 6:30 the movie starts for a 6pm showing.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Oh, I realized this as well. And when I took my nephews. Yes, 30 minutes.

[Brian Green]

30 minutes out of control now. I love the trailers. I honestly love watching this.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

That's even only like 15 minutes. The rest of it is just other stuff.

[Brian Green]

Well no, this was 30 minutes of trailers.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

In front of project same like commercials. No, there was maybe one commercial, maybe two. Maybe there's like a PepsiCo. And then Nicole Kidman, you know, talking about how she loves the movies.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

That's right.

[Brian Green]

But the rest of it was previews. We saw a Star wars preview for the Grogu movie. We saw the Dune preview which I was really excited about.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, you love Dune.

[Brian Green]

And then a couple of other ones, I can't, I can't remember, I can't recall. But I am very excited about Dune coming this December. Part 3. It looks very good. It's just such a great series of movies and I can't wait to the final part. But anyway, so then 6:30 it starts. It's a two and a half hour long movie. So we get there at six, we're not leaving till nine o'. Clock. It's a long, it's a long time to be sitting in, in the chair. Even though they have those comfortable chairs. This movie was excellent. It was excellent. Now I think they probably could have shaved 30 minutes off of the movie here or there. Right? And just like found some scenes that are like not a little non congruent to the story. And this movie, while a space movie movie is really a movie about friendship. That's exactly what it is. It's a movie about the friendship that Ryan Gosling and his alien buddy strike up in the middle of space trying to save the sun from being eaten by little bugs. I mean it's a, it's a far fetched idea but apparently Project Hail Mary is such a popular book that it's like one of the top audiobooks ever sold. They had the guy who did the audio, like the reading of the audio. They had him do a pre, like a prelog to the movie because I guess he's so, his voice is so popular doing this movie. I don't fucking know. But anyway, maybe he did like the alien voice or whatever. The alien, I come to find out in this movie is actually A puppet and not cgi. So this was being puppeteered by someone. And the puppeteer also did the voice of the alien, which is not speaking, it's making a series of noises, right? Grunts, you know. And then Ryan Gosling's character figures out how to translate, you know, and they're up there for years. I don't know, so long they're up there and it's day after day and you know, the alien ends up being like a really annoying roommate. Like a blue. Essentially always on top of Ryan, never letting him be, you know, running around, causing problems. He's like a little. It's like a little comedy character, right? But it's the fucking cutest little thing thing. And, and, and it ends up becoming a movie about friendship and sacrifice and what you do for a friend. And that ends up being a real tear jerker in the end. I'm not going to give away. You go see it. You figure it out.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, I want to see it.

[Brian Green]

But it's a real tear jerker in the end. My wife was crying for the last 15 minutes of the movie. I even found myself with some tears. It was sweet. It was tugging at your heartstrings at times. It felt very sad at other others and then it was sweet like, you know, all those emotions wrapped up along with the big swooping music and you know, it just ended up being a well put together movie. No one else could have played this character except for Ryan Gosling, I'm sure of it. And whoever did the puppeteering, whatever his name is, he. He's like a Sesame street guy. Whatever. He is really good in this playing essentially a rock with legs. That's what it's. What it is. It's a rock with legs. The character doesn't even have a face. It just like it sees things through sonar. Okay, so it doesn't have a face. It's got like a serial series of sensors. I don't know how to say it, but is it alien? What do you want me to do? I guess hard time describing. It's a. It's a spider rock. It's a rock spider. I don't know. Whatever it is. And he communicates clicks and noises. He's a rock spider. That's what he is. Go look at the trailer. You can see it.

[Rachel (Voice of God on TCB)]

Right?

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

And it's just really well done. It's got 97 on rotten tomatoes and every bit deserves. I agree. 100.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

I think we could have cut a few minutes off of it.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Two thumbs up, Brian.

[Brian Green]

Brian gives It. Two boners. That's it.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Two bones up.

[Brian Green]

I give it a full hard on. That's what I give it a full hard on and two testicles. I give it the full shaft.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Nice.

[Brian Green]

Okay. No softy here. Yeah. No half hard. No softy. No. Any? No cold water. Any. This one's a full hard on. 20 year old hard on. That's right. Yes.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Strong.

[Brian Green]

That's right. That's math class. That's high school math class. Boner on this one for sure. I loved it. I thought it was great. And maybe the kids can see it. You know, there's not a lot of cussing. There's nothing to be concerned about. It's just. It's complicated. When certain things happen, I think they might scared or whatever. They wouldn't catch it or they might be a little nervous about some stuff. Actually, they got so excited. I have these magazines from 10 years ago, I don't know. It's called the 100 Greatest Science Fiction movies by Time. And there's another magazine, you know, the Disney World, whatever. And in both of those magazines they dedicate a couple of pages to the. To the movie E.T. to Lucasfilm and Steven Spielberg and E.T. and so my kids get this thing in their head a couple weeks ago, last week, whenever it was, they have to see E.T. they want to see E.T. and I said, well, I don't know. Because we all know that while ET an extremely cute family movie, is horrifyingly scary at points, it just is. It's just Steven, Spielberg, Spielberg. I think he's at the top of his powers, right? And it's like maybe a boxer with a punch too strong just doesn't know how strong he is. And he punches above his weight. And he's trying to make this kid's movie, but he takes it a little bit too. He hits a little bit too hard sometimes with E. T. And there are parts that are hard to understand that deal with life and death and that are just scary. You just understand. Tell me it didn't scare the out of you when you were a kid and saw an entire house wrapped in plastic. It's big scary men with space helmets on, taking care of dying, E.T. and Elliot. Right? It's scary. So I show my kids a couple of trailers, a couple of scenes in the movie on YouTube and I say and they're like, yeah, let's see it. Let's do it. And so we all sit down, except for my youngest. We all sit down last week and we turned it on and we probably didn't get an hour into that movie before one of my kids was hiding under the couch.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

The other kid was like, I don't think I want to watch the rest of this.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

It's a hard time.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Sweet spot, as far as the age,

[Brian Green]

I think, you know, eight or nine, maybe. Might be that sweet spot where you can understand and you can understand it's not, in fact, real. I mean, when you look at it now through the eyes of a. However old I am, when you look at it through my eyes, it's clear that ET Is a really terrible puppet. You know what I'm saying? It's not, like, particularly impressive puppet, even though they try to jazz it up with a little bit of cgi still, some. Some of the.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

And a scarf and a hat.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, and a scarf and a hat. Little Drew Barrymore. It's just adorable.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

I know.

[Brian Green]

She really is. Yeah. What's her name? Tudy or Rudy or something like that. I can't remember. Yeah. Anyway, she was cute as a button, but ET Is, you know, it's just a great movie. Asher and I were talking about as we were leaving last night. It's like all these space movies, from Apollo 13 to, you know, Project Hail Mary to Inception to. Oh, no, not Inception. Interstellar to. I mean, all these movies. Contact. They're all so fantastic. There is something about aliens and space that make a good storyline, a good base for a story. And so you walk into Project Hail Mary and you think you're gonna see a space movie, and what you end up seeing is just a movie.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Did Spielberg do Project Hail Mary or. He's coming out, I think, with another. He's got another one. Or space.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Oh, that's the other trailer that we saw. It's called Discovery Day. Disclosure day. It's a Disclosure day.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

Wow, does that look wild? I mean, the trailer was. I didn't understand a thing about the trailer, and it was wild. Some of the things. Some of the visuals that were in that trailer, I was like, holy. I mean, listen, Steven Spielberg, I'm in. I'm in. Yeah, he's a mainstream director. He's probably the best that ever. Yeah, him and Coppola and Lucas. Well, Lucas had a short run, but he had a good run. He had a short run, but he had a good run. Then he tried to revamp his own Star wars, ended up being real shitty. But you. Francis Ford Coppola, you think of.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Although. Did you see that? What was the one that he just did? You got a call coming?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I got a Call coming in. I should probably turn that off.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

What was the one that he just did here in Georgia?

[Brian Green]

Georgia.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

I still haven't seen that one yet. It kind of flopped, unfortunately.

[Brian Green]

But, yeah, Metropolis.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Metropolis.

[Brian Green]

But apparently it's supposed to be Megalopolis. Megalopolis.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Yes, you're right.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Brian did not get it wrong.

[Brian Green]

I did not get it wrong.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

You corrected yourself and you got that here. High five.

[Brian Green]

Didn't. Didn't he buy an entire, like.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, he bought a whole hotel. Hotel and stuff.

[Brian Green]

Called it the Megalopolis Hotel or whatever.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Yeah. But apparently it's one of those movies that you'll watch in 20 years or something.

[Brian Green]

And then really some people have said, wow, brilliant. Right? Well, listen, a lot of people didn't get Apocalypse now when it came out either. Right. And now we think of it as one of the best movies ever made. But a lot of people thought it was just, you know, essentially Vietnam porn. Right. They just thought it was just like a weird movie that had nothing. He was trying to make a point, but there was no point to it or whatever. Now I watched that movie and I am in awe. Oh, I know that movie every time I watch. Watching Charlie Sheen is great. Anyway, who's the other one who just. Who does all the. The gangster movies? Not Coppola.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Oh, sorry. God, why am I blanking?

[Brian Green]

Why are we blanking? Short guy.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Yes, of course.

[Brian Green]

Funny. He does the Rolling Stones movies, too. Scorsese. Okay. Scorsese. Yeah, Listen, we can go on and on with directors. There's a lot of them. There's a lot of them that are fans. Fantastic. But I will say that I'm in on the Steven Spielberg. I'm in on the disclosure day. I just don't understand what the fuck it's about. Obviously, it's about the day of disclosure. It's about someone figures out that the government has been hiding and he has, like, proof of it and he's going to disclose it to someone. Looks like a weather. Weather lady. For whatever reason.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

I need to watch the trailer. I just watch an article about it.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, watch the trailer. I can't explain it. I didn't understand it. So how can I explain it? It's all weird anyway. Really good. And that just put a perfect CA cap on the day after. We spent hours watching the Artemis 2. The Orion.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

The Gemini Capsule.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

That was so cool yesterday. I. I was even walking around the house. I was doing stuff. I had the headphones in, listening.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

To everything. And it was just so cool.

[Brian Green]

Quite amazing. Yes, Quite amazing. That it that we've done this and that we have now traveled as far as humans will have ever traveled. Craters, two new craters all the way around the dark side of the moon. Something that we can never see, that we don't. We can't see with our naked eye anyway, that I'm sure that we've seen with other probes and stuff like that, but we've never seen. And just to listen to them describing what they were seeing the entire way was really bright.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

It was very, very bright.

[Brian Green]

The weird thing was I was driving this morning, I got a cup of coffee at like 5 in the morning and I was coming home from coffee and there it was, the half moon in the sky. You know, no light outside. You know, the city is dark. It's the best time to see the moon if you can catch it right before the sun comes up. And I'll tell you what, it just looked brilliant. It looked brilliant. And I don't know if that's because I was just looking at it a different way or because it was particularly brilliant, but it was just brilliant and made me think that there are people that up there, up there, all the way up there, out there. It looks like you could reach and grab it, but you know, it's 250,000 miles away. That is insane that those people took that ride and I hope they get home safely.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

They came within like 4,000 miles.

[Brian Green]

4,000 miles.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, that's right. Moon.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Which is, you know, close. Ish. I guess. Yeah, you know, I. Hey, listen, if I'm traveling, keep me out of the moon, you know what I'm saying? I don't want to get sucked into that gravity. I just want to be slingshot around, around. I want to get home so I can take a shit in my own bathroom.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Right. The poor shit are still in the toilet.

[Brian Green]

I know, I was listening yesterday on the radio.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, the toilet's still not working.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, they're like.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

It was the first time they were attempting that. A space toilet. Normally you just go in bags.

[Brian Green]

Gemini, this is Houston. Yeah, listen, we're now going to have a 1 hour and 15 minute no toilet break. It's perfect. It's scheduled. You're going to use your personal cacs. Yeah, I was like, cacs? What are those, Cass? Whatever they were, you know, I don't know. Yeah, it's a cabin full of shit. It's a bag. And I thought to myself, jesus fucking Christ, this has got to be a stinky minky up there right now. You have no way to jettison the shit. And that's what they do. They jettison it. They just. Just let it out, let it go. I guess that's what you do, right?

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Well, this is the first time they did the tour. Toilet.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. They used to just have a tube you stuck up your ass, I guess. Bags. Yeah, they would go in, piss in a bag. But it's got to be a messy affair when you have no gravity. Ah, I just don't want to think about. I just hold it. I just hold it.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

You would probably.

[Brian Green]

I would. I would. I'd have. I'd be shy. I bet. Part of the training I would. Got to imagine is learning how to poop in front of other people.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

That's true.

[Brian Green]

It's gotta happen.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Well, there's probably a private space.

[Brian Green]

There is. It's a little door you can close. I saw like you. You go in there, there's a little door that you can. Clothes. But you still can see their head like, you know, So I don't.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, that's got to be part of the tr.

[Brian Green]

There's no gravity. I think it's going back up. I think it's going up. Yeah. Yeah. I wonder if it vacuums like that one in the airplane, you know, like it's got to do that. That's you pro. There's probably a couple days on training on that, I would imagine.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

I would think so.

[Brian Green]

Got to have shit training.

[Ebay/Strayer University/Cancer Claims Announcer]

Yeah.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

You do poop training, Correct.

[Brian Green]

Now it's time for poop training. We're all going to stare at each other while we poop. Just to make sure.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Just get used to it.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Hey, listen, you know, they cover all bases up there. I gotta imagine there's just like a whole protocol about that in a training and a conversation that happens in the most, you know, professional astronaut way. Astronaut way. And then I saw the other day, I saw this and maybe I'll get the video, we'll play it tomorrow. The. The black guy that's up there, I can't remember his name. I can't remember any of their names.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

No. Is the one the woman?

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Okay. All right. The black handsome dude. Handsome man, stacked, built like a brick. You know the guys, Guys, guys.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Well, they've all got to be fit.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, well, he's fit, right? And he looks fit with a shirt on and a spacesuit on. So if you look fit with a spacesuit on, you can only imagine what you look like without the clothes on. So there he is in his little, you know, NASA shorts, little three inch seam NASA shorts. And he Takes off his shirt. Shirt, right. To go change shirts, I imagine. I don't know what he was doing, but he's floating around changing shirts. And it's like three in the morning and the people in. So there's one camera on Houston where there's a bunch of people watching, all of you know, watching and monitoring. Nothing's going on. He's just changed. And then there's another camera of them inside the vehicle. And one of the girls, like the flight director, it's like. Let's say his name is Jason Orion. This is Houston. Yeah, go ahead, Houston. Just want to let you know that the camera is streaming. Jason, if you. We did. We cut off the stream just in case. In case you did not want that to go out. We've cut off the stream. But we did capture your abs. We did capture you. We all captured. I'm capturing, yes. I've captured a load of liquid in my antis. And we just wanted to let you know that. So let us know when we'll turn it back on. And he goes, yeah, it's all good, it's all good. I don't care. Out of my. That's what he said. He goes, I don't care, whatever. Yeah, if I looked at it, I wouldn't care either. Right? Yeah. Built like that, fuck, I'd be walking around with my shirt off all day long. Yeah, he's looking, looking for those sponsorship dollars after he gets down back from the moon. Yeah, he's going to be on the Wheaties box with his shirt off. The guy's handsome. Got to tell you. I was like, wow. But the. Just his response was like. Told me everything I needed to know. Yeah, he said, he said, I don't care. Whatever. Let it rip. Let it rip.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Turn back on.

[Brian Green]

Turn it. Taking my, Taking my space undies off next. You thought that was impressive. Have you ever seen a weightless anaconda. Coming up next?

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

That's great.

[Brian Green]

The first space dick measuring contest. Oh, God, I wonder what Cindy Lou is doing up there or whatever her name. Cynthia. Cynthia Christine.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Wow. Geez. She's, you know, good for. Good for all of them. Congratulations. Yes.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

It was a moment. So I was watching it when they, you know, broke the record.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

And they all hugged and they were crying and took. Took a few moments to like really celebrate. I was celebrating too. I was like, yes.

[Brian Green]

You got to compose yourself. You got to understand your place in history now. You know, it'll be a small one. When all is said and done, there's going to be People who actually go to the moon and then folks who go to Mars and it'll be a small one, but it's it. We've gone back and they're very brave. And all the hundreds of thousands of people that put it all together, including one of our listeners who works down at NASA. I don't know if I want to say his name. But anyway, you know, we know we have listeners that have been contributed to the space program in some way. I don't know if they worked on this. I think they did. But just a great accomplishment for the United States and a great accomplishment for all mankind and humans. Humans. We're doing it. Look at us. Pretty soon we'll be friends with space spiders. Rock spiders. That's right. You know, and then, of course, Donald Trump's got to ruin everything by calling him up there and, you know, staying quiet for a minute. He doesn't even know how to work the phone.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

Oh, my God. Oh, God, I can't even believe the headlines coming out. I guess we'll know tomorrow what happens tonight.

[Brian Green]

I got

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

a whole civilization.

[Brian Green]

I hope this is bluster. I really hope this is bluster and. Or I hope there is someone or multiple people who are going to find their better angels in this situation. I mean, if he intends to really decimate. And it's the Persians, they're, like, responsible for humanity. You can't just decimate them. You can take umbra with their leadership and how they behave. And I agree that they're dangerous and that we got to put them in check somehow so that they don't get nuclear weapons. I agree with that, all of that. But this is out of control, spiraling out of control so quickly. And, you know, but luckily we have cool heads at the top just like. Yeah, thanks, Seth. Did you hear him fart the other day? Did you see that? Look up Hegseth fart. Funniest thing you've seen all week. Hegseth press conference. Fart at the commercial break on Instagram YouTube.com the commercial break. You can watch us live as we stream 1pm most days and tcvpodcast.com free sticker, all the audio, all the video. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

I think so I'll tell you that I love you. I love you.

[Brian Green]

I say best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say we do say and. And we must say goodbye. Okay, I have to tell you, I was just looking on ebay where I

[Kristin Joy Hoadley]

go for all kinds of things I love. And there it was.

[Brian Green]

That hologram trading card. One of the rarest. The last one I needed for my set. Shiny like the designer handbag of my dreams. One of a kind.

[Ebay/Strayer University/Cancer Claims Announcer]

Ebay had it and now everyone's asking,

[Brian Green]

ooh, where'd you get your windshield wipers? Ebay has all the parts that fit my car. No more annoying, just beautiful. Millions of finds, each with a story. Ebay Things People Love At Strayer University,

[Ebay/Strayer University/Cancer Claims Announcer]

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[Brian Green]

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[Brian Green]

Visit strayer.edu to learn more. No cost gen eds provided by strayer

[Ebay/Strayer University/Cancer Claims Announcer]

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[Brian Green]

Strayer University is certified to operate in Virginia by Chev and has many campuses,

[Ebay/Strayer University/Cancer Claims Announcer]

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[Brian Green]

Yeah boy.

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