The Enya-Trap Comedy Club

Summary

The Commercial Break – "The Enya-Trap Comedy Club" (Feb 20, 2024)

Episode Overview

In this improv-comedy episode, Bryan Green and Krissy Hoadley riff on bizarre human behavior, dive deep into their mutual quirks (including “outside dumping” and the horrors of public restrooms), review an odd experience seeing Pete Davidson live in an Atlanta comedy club, and lovingly roast the absurd tapestry of modern life. Their signature rambling, irreverent style is present throughout, with detours into pop culture, internet fads, and everyday frustrations.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Milestones and TCB’s “500th” Episode

• Bryan and Krissy are uncertain of their true episode count, humorously acknowledging TCB’s chaotic style.
  • “[...] we should do something special, but then I know it's just not going to happen. So let's just make it a regular episode. This might be episode 500. I'm not really sure, depending on how many we throw away between here and there.” – Bryan (01:15)

2. Super Bowl Afterparty – The Travis Scott Hotel Sex Story

• The duo recounts a viral video of a couple having explicit sex in a hotel room overlooking a Travis Scott afterparty, which led to the audience and Scott himself reacting.
• They speculate whether the couple did it for an audience or were just oblivious.
  • “Travis stops the entire concert. And he's like, can we give it up for those two going at it?...I kind of felt a little jealous. [...] This guy's got stamina. We're already like two minutes into this reel and he's still going.” – Bryan (02:54–04:01)

3. The Art and Science of Edging (and Sex Stamina)

• A riff on “edging” as a method for sexual stamina, including pop culture references to Sting and tantric sex.
  • “Sting did this for like seven hours. He claimed at one time. I also have a friend who claimed he had sex for seven hours once. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I know you. [...] Seven hours is a long time to have sex." – Bryan (05:05)
• Bryan’s comedic “seven-hour sex session” itinerary:
  • “Foreplay at noon, sex at 12:03, cigarette at 12:05. Lunch, nap, watch a couple episodes of The Office, come back to it at 6:45…” (05:33)

4. Starbucks Olive Oil Coffee – A Digestive Adventure

• Bryan narrates trying Starbucks’ “OLEATO” olive oil coffee and describes its potent laxative effect.
  • “Putting olive oil in coffee is like coating your stomach with super slick...I am telling you, cleaned me right the fuck out.” (07:05–08:05)
• The duo laughs about unexpected “press conference”-length bathroom trips and rookie beverage mistakes.

5. The Great Starbucks WiFi Meltdown

• Bryan recounts witnessing an older man’s meltdown at Starbucks over WiFi, demanding staff connect his brand-new MacBook for him and then asking for a free coffee for his “trouble.”
  • “He’s like, ‘No, no, no. Don’t tell me how to do it. Come do it for me.’ [...] Now I notice the guy has no drinks, no water, no food…he's not even a patron of the Starbucks. [...] This guy gets into a brand new E series Mercedes, Ben. Shiny tires and all, brand new.” (10:28–17:03)
• They riff on cheapskate hacks, empathy for public freakouts, and how some people aim to “get rich” by pretending tech incompetence.

6. Public Restroom Hierarchies and the "Outside Dumper" Phobia

• Extended discussion about Bryan and Krissy’s aversion to pooping outside of home (“outside dumping”), sparked by locked Starbucks bathrooms and public hygiene horror stories.
  • “I'm just not an outside dumper. I don't know. I can't do it. I can't do it. I have to be inside my house. I will go days without pooping.” – Bryan (21:06)
• Krissy prefers Chick-fil-A for emergency pees:
  • “I'll usually go to a Chick-fil-a because, yeah, they're good. That they're gonna be good.” (24:04)
• Bryan references a job at McDonald's: “Not only were the restrooms wide open, but there were a lot of outside dumpers. Lot of outside dumpers.” (23:00)

7. Anti-Influencer Thirst Trap Hypocrisy

• Bryan roasts an Instagram “anti-influencer” who ironically posts racy thirst traps while claiming to satirize influencer culture.
  • “She will make duck faces, she will stick her ass out in pictures...but why are we showing, you know, why are we posing like this?...I had to send it to Chrissy immediately. Yeah, I was like, chrissy, look at this. Thirst trap, thirst trap, thirst trap.” (30:21–31:29)
• Krissy’s advice: “If you’re gonna go full thirst trap, go all the way. Show your face.” (31:29)

8. Review: Pete Davidson at a Seedy Atlanta Comedy Club

The Comedy Club Atmosphere ([38:55–49:23])

• Bryan describes the surreal scene: a tiny, smelly club in a strip mall, confusing bubble art, uncomfortable tables, and a DJ playing a loud “mix of Trap and Enya.”
  • “There's a DJ booth in back, and the guy is playing, like, a weird mix of Trap and Enya. I swear to God, he is. It's on just loud enough so you have to speak up when you're talking, but just, you know, low enough that you can't really make out which song it is.” (46:43)

Ticketing, Security, and Yonder Bags ([38:36–43:31])

• Major security with pat-downs and all electronics seized in Yonder bags. Babysitter panic as Bryan tries to slyly keep his smartwatch.
  • “Absolutely no phones, sold out show. Buy your food early. Get your check 50 minutes before the show ends.” (40:05)

Audience & Fellow Comics ([45:19–57:07])

• A mixed, eclectic crowd, from single hopefuls and “guy comics” to party girls and sorority types.
• Opening acts leave much to be desired:
  • First comic bombs (“way to ingratiate yourself right out of the door...this poor. This is going to be a long night for all of us if no one’s laughing.”) (53:37)
  • Second comic is “shock-jock” style, wins the crowd over by going in on controversial material and gently roasting the bizarre decor:
    • “Y' all are already talking about the art. You know, I don't need to say it.” (57:03)

Pete Davidson’s Set ([57:07–63:56])

• Described as witty, sincere, and engaging. Bryan admits to being skeptical initially but winds up impressed:

  • “I came out of there really fucking rooting for Pete. I mean, Pete, nice, entertained. He was sincere at moments. He was entertaining, always. He was hilarious most of the time.” (57:07)
  • Pete covers personal stories about Kim, Kanye, his car crash, PETA, and his own mental health.

• Notable Pete quote about Kanye and mental health:

  • “Everybody with him...Kanye was one of the first people that made other people feel comfortable, celebrities, about coming out with their mental health issues. [...] So in this sense, I feel for Kanye. He's bored, he's stressed, he's tired, and there's no good energy coming his way. So when Kanye says, I love Hitler, he doesn't really love Hitler. He's trolling you. He's bored. He wants to garner some kind of reaction...” – Pete Davidson, retold by Bryan (61:29)

• Pete’s own experience:

  • “Imagine me without medication. He goes, I'm like...like this with medication because I take my medication. He goes, imagine me without medication. That's Kanye.” – Pete Davidson, retold by Bryan (63:38)

• Show exceeded expectations – Pete “killed,” ran over time, and was authentic/hilarious.

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On the hotel sex couple:
  “They were like multiple positions. Her giving him head or even taking him from behind. It was outrageous.” – Bryan (03:21)
• On Starbucks olive oil coffee:
  “It really felt like a colonic is what it felt like.” – Bryan (08:58)
• On public restroom habits:
  “I just feel so discomforted by the knowing that other people have used the facility...the comfort of knowing my ass germs are my ass germs.” – Bryan (21:06)
• On Pete Davidson:
  “He had a way of really making the room much smaller than it was, and trust me, it was already pretty small. Pete was spot on and he lit up the room.” – Bryan (59:18)
• On mental health:
  “People get on medication and then they feel better, so they think they don't need it. But the reason they feel better is because they're taking it.” – Krissy (64:04)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |-----------|--------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:00 | Banter and “500th episode” discussion | | 01:46 | Travis Scott afterparty hotel sex story | | 04:25 | Edge talk: Edging and sexual stamina riffs | | 06:35 | Starbucks olive oil coffee and digestive disaster | | 10:27 | Starbucks WiFi incident: the “free coffee” Mercedes guy | | 21:06 | “Outside dumping” and public restroom anxieties | | 30:21 | Instagram “anti-influencer”/thirst trap commentary | | 38:36 | Start of Pete Davidson/club story: security, the comedy club vibe | | 45:19 | Comedy club crowd & decor, DJ mixing Enya and Trap | | 53:37 | Opening acts bomb; crowd awkwardness | | 57:07 | Pete Davidson’s set begins; personal stories, sincerity, mental health | | 61:29 | Pete’s compassionate take on Kanye and public mental health struggles | | 63:38 | Discussion of medication, erratic behavior, and stigma |

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Tone & Style

• Language: Breezy, unfiltered, self-deprecating, and irreverent; full of asides, punchlines, and giddy banter
• Energy: Chaotic, improvisational, candid
• Speaker Dynamic: True “best friend” chemistry, loving roasts, and open sharing

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For New Listeners

This episode is a prime slice of TCB’s unpredictable, rambling humor. If you enjoy offbeat comedy, real-talk about bodily functions, and quirky pop culture reviews—especially with a healthy dose of self-awareness—this is your vibe. The highlight: Bryan’s journey from “whatever” to “diehard Pete Davidson defender” after a surreal, unforgettable night at Atlanta’s Enya/Trap-soundtracked comedy club.

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Best to you, cats and kittens!

Transcript

[Brian Green]

Isn't it funny how we're mates, but if your mum would let me bury my face in a, I would, without hesitation. Isn't that weird? I've never really thought about it, mate. Would we really not be mates anymore? We'd get through it. Suppose. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

But I thought you'd ever come and.

[Brian Green]

Have a tea again, though. No, see, now that's a problem. Cause your ma makes a sick pork casserole. Now I'll have to rethink. On this episode of the commercial break, there's a DJ booth in back and the guy is playing like a weird mix of Trap and Enya. I swear to God he is. It's on just loud enough so you have to speak up when you're talking, but just, you know, low enough that you can't really make out which song it is. But I. Get him with the gap. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the Diggity diggity dink. Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chrissy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Best to you.

[Brian Green]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Good. I think we're Approaching Episode number 500. Of course, I really don't know because I don't. I don't know, but I feel like we're in the 500 range and I would say that we should do something special, but then I know it's just not going to happen. So let's just make it a regular episode. This might be episode 500. I'm not really sure, depending on how many we throw away between here and there.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Exactly.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Sometimes I think we're like maybe 20 episodes away. 20 episodes away.

[Brian Green]

20 or, yeah, maybe a little less than 20 episodes away. I think we'll do something special, but you'll just have to wait till the 500 episode to figure out because we'll also figure out on the same day as the 500th episode what special we're going to do. I am just, you know, there's a week after super bowl inundated with all this content about all the after parties and all the junk that went on afterwards. I'm not going to speak the name. I'm just not going to speak the name anymore on this show because I'm over it. But Travis Scott was doing some after party, pre show, whatever concert, and he's doing it in this, like, weird. I don't know where this was, but he's doing it in this let's call it a courtyard of what must be a hotel. And then there are hotel rooms that are overlooking this courtyard, but rather close. And so somebody's filming Travis Scott. And then they pan up and they know and notice that one of the rooms has a window wide open. And these two, a guy and a girl are fucking going at it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Chrissy.

[Brian Green]

And I mean banging hard, right? So everybody starts looking. Now the security guards are pointing. Now people in the audience are pointing. And Travis stops the entire concert. And he's like, can we give it up for those two going at it? And everyone's like, woo. These people have no idea. They're either. They're doing it because they know that people are going to be watching them.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Which is what I think.

[Brian Green]

They're just so up, they have no idea what's going on.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It is a 50. 50.

[Brian Green]

It's a 50 50.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Or could be both.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And I. I kind of felt a little jealous. I was like, wow, no one's ever going to find out who they are, right? Unless mom and dad see them on. Or friends see them on Instagram. Unless. This was like a lady of the night. And this guy just was wild that night, you know, he was like, up. He's like 667 Bunny Ranch or whatever. And get this girl over here, Chrissy. They were like multiple positions. Him give, you know, her giving him head or even taking him from behind. It was outrageous. And I. I thought to myself at first, I was like, wow, they should close the wind. Like, holy. They should close the windows. Then as the video went on, I found myself getting a little jealous. I was like, this guy's got stamina. We're already like two minutes into this reel and he's still going.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Two minutes.

[Brian Green]

Do tell. Show me. Do tell. Show me the secrets. Oh, Yoda.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, I guess you could have watched He Shall Come.

[Brian Green]

He does. Pre edging is the edging. He will edging. He does. I'm learning all about the edging. Have you heard about the edging? Do you know about the edging?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I have heard.

[Brian Green]

Are you guys practicing the edging at your house? Safe Edging practices over there.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

We haven't delved into the. The world of edging, the world of edging quite yet.

[Brian Green]

When you do, let me know so I can imagine it here at my house. Yeah, I just pretend now I'm just gonna talk about a lot I've known.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Not a lot, a lot.

[Brian Green]

But I've known it under a different name for a long time. Right. There's like a Yogatic, like attach your practice.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

That's what I meant.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, yeah. You go, go, go, go, go. But don't go all the way.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Right, right.

[Brian Green]

And they just come off the edge and then you go, go, go, go, go. And you come off the edge a little bit. And then that's practices. Your stamina keeps everybody happy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Sting do this practice.

[Brian Green]

Sting did this for like seven hours. He claimed at one time. I also have a friend who claimed he had sex for seven hours once. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I know you. I know you. You drink entirely too much whiskey to go anywhere for seven hours. I just don't believe it. I don't believe it. Seven hours is a long time to have sex. Yeah. Now I can understand if like multiple.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Like there's a stop and a start. Yeah.

[Brian Green]

There's inter. Breaks, interludes. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Intermissions.

[Brian Green]

Intermissions. Yeah. And by intermissions I mean start. Let's take like a typical seven hour sex session. This is how I would do it. This is how Brian would accomplish that. Foreplay at noon, sex at 1203, cigarette at 1205. Lunch, nap, watch a couple episodes of the Office, Come back to it at 6:45. I'll probably go a little bit longer the second session. You know what I'm saying? That's the benefit of the second session. You go a little bit longer. So now I'm thinking we're like at 6:51. By 6:57, we're done. Everything feels good. Another cigarette. Go put the children to bed. That's how I imagine my seven hours. If that is a seven hour sex session, what a day, Then I have done that plenty. That's what a. What a day. If I could actually accomplish two things in a day with all these children, I would be proud of myself.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Me too.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, you'd be proud of me too. I go to Starbucks a couple days ago and like, totally off topic. Sorry, just change topics real quick. I go to Starbucks.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Your favorite place?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, my favorite place. I go to Starbucks a couple of days ago and I order the drink. Talk to the people. No, I had the Evo. Well, let's. Let's talk about that for a second.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I had the Evo last time we talked. You were going to try it. Yes, but you hadn't yet.

[Brian Green]

The Olaid or the old lady or whatever they call it. The. So someone made it for me. Just. They just made it for me. They were like, here, just try it. And I will tell. I will confirm that. Putting olive oil in Coffee is like coating your stomach with super slick. Do you remember in Christmas vacation how he put that stuff on the bottom, sprayed the bottom of the aluminum sled and then he went flying down like this. Whatever was preservative or something. Yeah, like a flash of light. That indeed is what happens to your stomach when you drink the olive oil and fierce coffee. It just coats your stomach with super slick, slidey stuff. So anything that's trying to stick to the walls of your gut just runs right out. I am telling you, cleaned me right the fuck out. And I wasn't necessarily. Like, when someone makes the drink for you, you can't then just walk out the door when they're saying, oh, try this, you got to try it. Tell me how it is. It's really good.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

So good.

[Brian Green]

It was good. It was extra creamy. It was extra frothy. It was extra creamy. I liked it very much. But I had to go like, I drank two sips of it and I was like, whoa, see you later, guys. I was out of there, I swear. So I'm going to stay away from it because you never know when that's going to hit. Sometimes it goes instantaneously, but sometimes you're like in the middle of a meeting and then you're like, oh, is. Is that a fart? I hope so. I hope so. Excuse me for 30 to 40 minutes. I'll be right back. I gotta go have a press conference. But I will confirm that it was good.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

And I will also confirm that it helps you pass your morning. Pass your morning pleasures.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Maybe from the dinner last night, maybe.

[Brian Green]

From dinner two weeks ago. I mean, it really felt like a colonic is what it felt like. Like that time I had the high clonic and they had the bathroom right next door. And I could barely make it three steps after I got off that table before I just emptied the contents of everything I had ever eaten. This also felt like that. So congratulations, Starbucks, you have. Now you have a.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You need to lose a quick awesome diuretic.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Of five pounds. I think I lost 12. So I go to Starbucks the other morning and I'm just standing there. I go and I sit, I stand there, you know, saying hello to everybody. And then I go and I sit at the end of the counter.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I say hello to everybody.

[Brian Green]

I do. I say hello to everybody. Hey, Jennifer. Yeah. It's like cheers in there when I walk in. Yeah. Hey. Everyone's like, brian. And I'm like, hey, good morning.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Hello. Thirty minutes later, after I said hello.

[Brian Green]

To everybody, did you know He's a middling podcaster. I feel like that's what's coming next. I feel like Starbucks is safe too, because I don't think anybody's on to me over there. They're entirely too young to be onto the commercial break.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

So I say hi to everybody, and then I'm. And then I'm. As I'm standing there, I notice that there's a gentleman in the corner at one of the tables. He's, I'm gonna guess in his 60s. He's got very disheveled hair. He's got big old, like, I don't know, Walmart type T shirt. Like, long sleeve T shirt. You know what I'm talking about?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Worker type shirt.

[Brian Green]

Now, like a pastel shirt.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, okay.

[Brian Green]

That obviously has seen its better days. Probably could use some washing. He's got those khaki pants on that often times men of a certain flavor will. Will like. And then they're all dirty on the knees are all dirty and everything. But he's, he's over there with a, like a brand new Apple laptop. So I, at first I thought, is he dehomed? No, he's not dehomed. He's got a new Apple laptop. Like, you know, he's, he's okay over there, but he's like banging on the count. He's like banging on the table. And I was like, oh, here we go. I've been waiting for someone to come shoot up the local Starbucks. Here it comes. He's like. And so then I go, and I sit down at the end of the bar and I can hear him continue. God damn. Every state has a different rule. And I'm like, what? Every state has a different rule. What is he talking about? Every state. Why does Starbucks do this? And I was like, every state has a different rule. I'm not, I'm not understanding now. I think, clearly the guy has mental illness, right? So I'm trying to put my empathy hat on. Right? Okay. Guy's a little disturbed over there. He's having a bad day. Every state has a different rule. I agree. Every state has a different rule. I just can't keep up with all of them. So I'm like, just thinking to myself, well, I hope this doesn't escalate. He gets up, he walks over to the barista counter, and he's like, excuse me, excuse me. And I was like, whoa, dude. And I'm standing right next to the guy because I'm at the, I'm at the end of the counter, one of those Seats. And he's like, excuse me. And so finally someone's, like, turns around and said, yes, sir, can I help you? I don't understand why I cannot connect to your Internet. And he. The guy was like, well, you just. All you have to do is just, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't tell me how to do it. Come do it for me. Oh. And I was like, geez, that's a little demandy of you. And the gentleman behind the. The barista says, I'm sorry, just let me. I can explain to you. No, no, no. Every state has a different rule. These goddamn Starbucks. And I don't know how to connect. And I thought, well, change my oil while you're at it. I mean, while you're at it, can you change my oil? Give me a prostate massage? Brush my teeth.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Also, maybe don't go to a Starbucks if you're so frustrated.

[Brian Green]

Chrissy. I couldn't understand for the life of me why this guy was asked all of a sudden, like, are these who were at Best Buy? Is this the geek squad? Why are you asking him to connect your Internet for you? If you can't do that, you probably should not have a computer where you're getting on WI Fi.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

So what about your old hotspot?

[Brian Green]

I. I don't know.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I have.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Or like anybody else in the world, go home and use your computer.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Exactly.

[Brian Green]

Like anybody else in the world, go steal your neighbor's Internet. Right. FBI. That's my favorite. When people put FBI, we put virus. You put virus? Yeah, my dad put off or something like that. It's pretty funny. So here he is pounding the. The top of the counter just. God damn it. Every state has a different rule. I don't understand why you can't connect. Why can't I connect? You have to do this for me. So finally, someone walks around the counter. The manager walks around the counter and says, I'm sorry you're having trouble connecting, sir, I don't think I can touch your laptop, but I would be happy to stand there and see if you're connecting correctly.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Right? I mean, I would think it's as soon as. If he touched it, then something could be broken. Whatever.

[Brian Green]

I was one second away from getting involved. I was real close to getting involved. It was real close to being like, hey, dude, you got to settle down just a little bit. Like, I'm happy to explain to you how to use your laptop. But then, you know, he seems so disturbed about this that I felt it was best left to the professionals. Yeah. I don't want to get involved in any draw. I don't want to be on TikTok or anything like that. You know, arguing with an old man about how you get on.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No, you want to be on TikTok talking in the hotel.

[Brian Green]

Yes, that's exactly what I want to do. I want to be on tik tok with a large schlong, getting action in Travis Scott's concert, which conveniently happens to be in the middle of a hotel. I don't know how that worked out. So bam, bam, bam. Slamming at the guy. Okay, I'll. Let me go over there. So now I'm like, well, I better stay here and pay attention and videotape this for posterity. No, I didn't. I did. But he goes over there, and this is. The guy goes like this. The manager is like, sir, you gotta turn your WI fi on. Ha. You gotta turn the WI fi on. You gotta actually have it on your computer. You got to be able to connect. You have to turn it on. And he's like, I didn't have to do that at the last Starbucks. The guy was like, I don't know. I don't know what to tell you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And he's like, that's generally the way it works.

[Brian Green]

He goes, you should be able to connect automatically. And the managers automatically, like, what? Like there's some magic WI fi genie that's just gonna connect automatically to every Internet.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes, you're online.

[Brian Green]

Starbucks, Internet. So. So finally, the guy. They. They connect, and the guy says this. And the manager goes, well, thank you very much. Have a nice day. You just let me know if you need anything. And he goes, well, I think I need a cup of coffee. And he goes, okay, well, just come up to the thing and order it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I should get a cup of coffee for the trouble Starbucks has put me through connected to their Internet. So then I notice. Then I notice the guy has no drinks, has no water, has no food. He does not. He's not even a patron of the Starbucks. He's sitting there, and now he's demanding a free cup of coffee because he could not connect to the Internet. The balls on this guy. The cojones on this guy. Now, let me tell you the kicker. Let me tell you the kicker. So I leave. I come back an hour later to get a refill on my coffee because I spilled my coffee. So I come to get a refill on my coffee and the guy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And to get away from the kids.

[Brian Green]

And to get away from the kids, which is my favorite part of the day, right. I come back and this guy is packing up and he's leaving. And I thought to myself, well, now I got to say and see what the punchline is here, right? Where is this guy going? Is he walking down the street? Does he have a shopping cart somewhere full of his stuff? Or is he getting into a car that's got like Alabama license plate? Now I just need to know.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Some more about this guy. I'm so fascinated because it's been stuck in my head for the last hour. Why would that guy demand that someone connect him to the Internet, then demand a free cup of coffee? Because he couldn't turn on his WI Fi. This guy gets into I you negatively. A brand new E series Mercedes, Ben. Shiny tires and all brand new. 20, 24. I know my bends. This was one of them. 20. I know my Benz because I would desperately want one someday. And this guy got into a brand new E series Benz with his brand new Apple laptop and he was. I think this was all a ploy to get a free cup of coffee. Now some of you might say to yourself, God, Brian, that's really shitty of that guy who probably has money to go in there and bother everybody to look for a free cup of coffee. But as they say, as our friend Mark Cuban would tell us, it's not about how much money you make, it's about how much money you save. So in my advanced age, I think what I'm going to do is get. Go get myself a pair of Dickies Kackers, you know, the khaki slacks. I'm gonna get some Kackers, an old Walmart T shirt, and I'm gonna start walking around demanding free stuff because I cannot connect to their Internet. It's my new ploy to get rich, Chrissy.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, let me know how that goes. Let us know how that goes.

[Brian Green]

Here's the only problem. You know when they say that it's not about how much money you make, it's about how much money you save. We actually have to make money in order to save it. So if you would do us a favor and send in donations to my gofundme page. Brian can't connect. Gofundme page. Brian can't connect. That's my new Floyd. I can't connect. That's why you get rich. Quick scheme. Brian can't connect with listeners or to the. Or to the WI Fi.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I'll donate.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I just, I just had. There was a moment at the Starbucks. I thought, I've been going to that Starbucks for years. Never had one strange thing happen. There was that one time when they shut down for like a week because it was a crazy person stalking one of the employees or something. But I didn't see any of that go. I mean, I saw, I knew who the guy was. I'd seen him in there before, but I, I didn't. Wasn't a party to any craziness. And besides the really handsome dude that comes in every once in a while that smells like an angel, there's nothing particularly ordinary extraordinary about this Starbucks until this couple days ago when this guy was making a big stink for a free cup of coffee. Is this where society is at?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, I bet they see all kinds of stuff. I remember I used to have to go to Starbucks to meet people for when I was doing recruiting and just to meet them and talk. Be sure go the resume, that kind of thing. And I would see a lot of crazy stuff at Starbucks.

[Brian Green]

Oh, you did?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Well, I mean, you live in that part of town where there's crazy stuff happening anyway. Like every big city has its issues, right? And Atlanta is no stranger to kind of it's, it's weirdness. And so you live in that part of town. And I probably know which Starbucks you go to. Well, maybe not at your new house, but at your old house. I knew which Starbucks you went to.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It was the Midtown.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I went to that Midtown one a couple of days. Scary, scary in there a couple times. Very nice people there. But there's some scary, scary, scary people there.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I can only imagine what the people at Star that work at Starbucks see.

[Brian Green]

Oh, throughout the day they're closing Starbucks left and right over there in California and other places because it's just like the situation's out of control and people, you know, they lock the bathrooms here at this Starbucks. Yeah. So I think I've used the restroom one time to pee. Like, I'm not going to take a dump at Starbucks. It's just not my thing. I'm just not an outside dumper. Are you an outside dumper? I'm not an outside dumper unless there's an emergency.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Who?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, unless there's a poop urgency, I don't go to outside dumping. I don't know. I had a friend one time, he had to visit every bathroom we ever went to. Like every time we went somewhere he had to go to the bathroom.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Have to, I mean, for me, got.

[Brian Green]

To go drop a deuce.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I have got like, it's an emergency, dude. No, no, no. I want the comfort of my own bathroom.

[Brian Green]

I had this friend in like privacy, privacy and let the smell toilet paper. Exactly, yes. The comfort of knowing my ass germs are my ass germs and my fecal matter stays here in my own fecal matter world. Right. You know, I hate, I hate. It's like my nightmare when the urge comes and I'm somewhere out in the universe, I'm like, oh, how quickly can I get right? I mean, I have been in Spain before and literally been like, how quickly can I get back? Can I fly home to north of Atlanta before I really have to do this? I'm just not an outside dumper. I don't know. I can't do it. I can't do it. I have to be inside my house. I will go days without pooping. You know, sometimes there's hotel rooms, I'm not comfortable. I'm like, well, it was nice while I knew like I've been on cruises before and I tiny little room and you know, I'm like, oh, it's a seven day cruise. Keep the food light. Juice and ice cream, that's all we need, Brian. Well, nope, juice and ice cream is gonna make it go through you. So cheese platters and rye crackers, let's do that. Cheese and rye crackers, let's go that direction. I just feel so discomforted by the knowing that other people have used the facility so they lock this Starbucks bathroom. And one time I asked, why do you lock the Starbucks bathroom? Because I've been in plenty of Starbucks where there's not lock bathrooms. And she said, well, it's a corporate policy for most stores now because people will go in there and they will do drugs. People will go in there and they'll be in there for two hours and we don't know what they're doing.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Right.

[Brian Green]

And then it's just a general safety issue. Like, you know, we don't want people just like hanging out in the bathrooms for days at a time.

[Christina]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And that's a, that's a terrible reflection on society.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes, it is.

[Brian Green]

My first job at McDonald's, not only were the bathrooms wide open, but there were a lot of outside dumpers. Lot of outside dumpers. It was two or three guys who came in every morning. I worked mornings, came in, same thing. Bacon, egg and cheese bagel or whatever, you know, give me four packets of mayonnaise and a cup of coffee. And they'd just be like eating their. And we'd have the free Newspapers. That's right. They take their newspaper. They take their cup of coffee. They'd go in there with an ashtray and a cigarette. And I'm. Then my manager would be like, you know, let's do a Restroom check at 10 and 20 after. 10 after, 20 before. And I'd be like, oh, man, can someone else do the morning bathroom check? You're 14. It's your job. I don't want it to be my. I think that's honestly where I got some of my fear.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Probably the things that I saw, well founded.

[Brian Green]

It was like a war. Ptsd.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I bet that's why if I'm on the road, you know, you're traveling and you've got to go. And I normally, thank goodness, don't have to go number two.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

But if I have to pee, I have to pee. So I will usually go to a chick fil a because. Yeah, yeah, they're good. That they're gonna be good.

[Brian Green]

You're so right. Tino Venturi, my mentor in all things Italian, trattorias and, you know, fine wine, used to say, brian, give them a bottle of Giant Classic or get him some soft shell crabs. Come on, Brian, what are you doing? And remember, when someone goes into the bathroom, it is the cleanliness of the bathroom that determines the cleanliness of the restaurant. And I thought to myself, those bathrooms looks pretty good. But that restaurant back there, you are literally using old bread to make croutons. There's nothing cleanly about that back there. It's all unsanitary. But it was true. But it felt true to me, and it felt it. I've carried that with me through the rest of my life. And you're right. The chick fil a's chick fil a just does it different. I don't know what to tell you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

They have flowers on the tables.

[Brian Green]

They have flowers on the tables. They make two things, chicken and French fries. And they're both goddamn good. So I don't agree with all of chick fil a comings and goings and musings about this and that are the owners or whoever it is, the Kathy or whatever.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

But the food is.

[Brian Green]

But the food is delicious. And so I will separate the chaff from the whey or whatever you say, the chick from the filet. We'll separate the chick from the filet and say to you, now the chick fil a just does it different. That's why there's lines out the door every time they fucking open. A fucking chick fil a, they even.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Do A great job with their drive thrus.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, what's up with that? Yeah, go to old Wendy's. Yeah, go to a Wendy's and try and get anything correct in your order. I'm not knocking on the people that work on Wendy's. I know it's a tough job. You're slinging fucking burgers and fries for nothing. Yeah, I get it. But go to a Wendy's at 11pm and see what's happening. See what's doing at that Wendy's and then go into their bathroom and see if you want to be an outside dumper. You want to be an outside dumper after you visit a Wendy's bathroom? That's on you, my friend. Not for me. I go to the Ritz Carlton and I'm afraid to take a shit. You know what I'm saying? I want to tell you about seeing Pete Davidson.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, that's right.

[Brian Green]

Over the weekend, a couple Saturdays ago. Yeah, it was. All right, so let's take a break and we'll be back.

[Christina]

What? Oh, hi, it's Christina again, here to remind you to go to tcvpodcast.com for all things audio, video and TCBDO. Give us a follow on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok CBpodcast. And guess what? We have a new phone number. I know what you're thinking, but I promise this is the last TCB phone number you will ever have to remember. So call us and leave us a voicemail or text us at 212-4333, TCB. Once more for the people in the back. That's 212-4333, TCB. Oh, and check out our YouTube channel at YouTube.com thecommercialbreak. That's all for now. Let's listen to our sponsors and get back to the show.

[Brian Green]

Okay. You know, I'm not 100% sure, but I think Christina has the new phone numbers in the liners now. She has new liners. But just in case you're still stuck on that old phone number, I want you to remember that due to phone.com's incompetency, we are now have a brand. We now have a brand new phone number. Our fifth one in the history of the commercial break. It is and it's ours. We own it. Forever and ever. Amen will probably not be a show forever and ever, Amen. Maybe not even for two more weeks, but 212-4333, TCB. That's 1212-4333, TCB. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas, you get it? Okay.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And it goes directly to a phone.

[Brian Green]

It does. Our studio phone standing right there. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Sitting far away from us.

[Brian Green]

Sitting far away from the studio. Yeah. I don't know who it was, but one of our guests the other day was like, now I'm talking to you guys from your basement. And I was like, does it look like we're in our basement? Most people are complimentary, but someone saw right through us. They were like, from your basement. So I am scrolling through Instagram a number of weeks ago as you do. As I do. Oh, man, do I. You do? Yes. Well, before I tell the Pete Davidson story, I'm scrolling through Instagram and I follow this person who is the anti influencer influencer. Her whole life has on social media has been dedicated to being the anti influencer influencer. She will make duck faces, she will stick her ass out in pictures. And she's generally trying to be. I think it's like she's trying to be a little satirical. Satirical about this and say that, you know, I can't believe all these girls with the fillers and the liners and the hairs and the blah, blah, blah. They're all trying to be influencers, you know, so thirsty, thirsty, thirsty, thirsty this. And then I wake up the other day and. And by the way, she's been saying this forever, but then she's posting these pictures and they're a little too on the nose, if you know what I mean. It's like she'll say that she's the anti influencer influencer. But why are we showing, you know, why are we posing like this? Why? I believe she's embarrassed by her own behavior. So she has to make it look satirical because even she feels like she's a little thirsty. And whatever you do with Instagram is up to you. I don't give a. I'm not a hater. I'm just find it very funny because the other day I wake up. Now, I'm not going to describe the pose because I don't want necessarily, like, I. I don't want this to come back in any way, shape or form. I don't want to embarrass anybody in any way, shape or form, but we've talked about this before on the show. I wake up and this girl is half naked on Instagram and JM Jam, I normally don't post pics like this, but I wanted you to see the results of my working out. And I mean, this was a rat. Am I right? It was a rather risque photo. Yeah. Yeah, it was not something that I think.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I mean, I wouldn't send my dad that picture and say, hey, look at me.

[Brian Green]

No, look at.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I've been working out.

[Brian Green]

I think she's married. Look at me. Yeah, I know. Look at me. I've been working out. Here is the under. Here's my undercarriage, which is basically what the picture was up. Yes, Undercarriage. Like, you know, not even a good, you know, cleavage pick. It was undercarriage. It's the kind of post, you know, the girls who are on Instagram doing the yoga poses when it has nothing to do with yoga and everything to do with the fact that you can see their vagina through their yoga pants. You get it, You've seen it. We do it. Some inspirational quote down behind it. And I just thought to myself, the fucking hypocrisy that we also probably do all the time too. But the fucking hypocrisy. It was so fucking funny to me. I had to send it to Chrissy immediately. Yeah, I was like, chrissy, look at this. Thirst trap, thirst trap, thirst trap. I guess we've gone from anti influencer to full fucking influencer, by the way. She got like 12 followers, so I don't know who she's influencing, but so do we. So I'm not going to throw stones in a glass house. So I got.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

So if you're gonna go to me, and I think I brought this up in the text back to you. To me. If you're gonna go full thirst trap, go all the way.

[Brian Green]

Amen.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Show your face. Look at me.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, she was covering her face. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Don't go halfway in.

[Brian Green]

Well, I don't think you go out tonight without pants on, but I mean, that's just. And it's another bathroom selfie, which is the most. Which is the strangest part about all the postings of this particular person. They are always in public bathrooms somewhere. So she's in a public dumper. She's an outside dumper for sure. She takes pleasure in outside dumping. She's like, let me take a quick shit and then I'm gonna snap a photograph of my ass and send it out there to the world. Just lost £12. Outside dumper. Hashtag outside hashtag outside dumper. But hey, listen, no shame if you're an outside dumper. It's just not for me. It's not for me. I'm an inside dumper. I like to dump inside my own house. I like to remove the contents of my tummy here in the comfort privacy of my own home. So a couple weeks ago, scrolling through Instagram and I see Pete Davidson's mug, but it's one of those sponsored posts. And I was like, oh, it was a peed up, too.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Which hot chick is he dating now? Yeah. And it says down below, working out new material. And click here. And I was like, working out new material. Click here. What is that? Now I'm thinking it's just clickbait, but I'm bought in. Now I see Pete Davidson. I'm like, okay, let me see. So I click the bait. I took the bait. I did. I took the clickbait. Absolutely. It was Pete Davidson. I take the bait. I don't know.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Seems like the kind of guy you take the bait for. So I click over, and what happened or where I went was this tiny little comedy club north of Atlanta. Not in the city of Atlanta. North of Atlanta. Definitely not in the city of Atlanta. North of Atlanta. And Pete is putting on two performances. And I guess working out new material is either the name of the show or what I'm really assuming is that he's working out new material for his next special.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Right.

[Brian Green]

He's going to do that in small rooms where he can kind of throw stuff at the wall. Of course, everybody does it. Jerry Seinfeld still does it. You know, he says, I'm going to do a new hour. I. I hit the clubs and I go around New York, and, you know, Chris Rock, everybody does it. Because that way you have to figure out the timing. You have to hone in the jokes that are working. Sure, yeah, absolutely. I just saw Rolling Stones the other day at Buffalo Wild Wings.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Right.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. They're working on their new album. It's Eddie Vedders over at the Shake Shack tomorrow night for his new solo record.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

So I meant. Yeah, they do it in, like, obscure cities to start.

[Brian Green]

Yes. And I do remember when Rolling Stone did, like, that tour of small club. They had. They have 75 albums, but they had this one album, I don't know, maybe like 10 years ago, and they were going to these tiny little rooms to play acoustically, to work out their new music. And I think that, if I'm not mistaken, they came here to Atlanta and played one of the small rooms around here. And that's an amazing opportunity. Right. If you can actually get a ticket. What an amazing opportunity to see someone that. That you like close up, Close and personal.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I mean, Pete Davidson is the Rolling Stones of comedy.

[Brian Green]

He's the Rolling Stones of people who got famous for dating famous people. But he also was on Saturday Night Live. And he. He has gotten a chuckle or two out of me. And I generally think Pete's an okay guy. All right. Sure. I don't feel anything about Pete one way or the other. Up until this performance, I don't feel anything thing. So here we go. Tiny little club north of Atlanta.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You got tickets?

[Brian Green]

I got tickets. Pete's gonna. I got tickets. And there's only a hundred tickets in the entire room. It's a tiny room. And so I managed to get two seats. Astrid and I decide we're gonna go. The show's at 10pm so we get a babysitter. Unbelievably. I know. Unbelievable.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I can't believe it.

[Brian Green]

Babysitter will be important here in a second. So we get a babysitter for this. Like, you know, let us go out between 8 and midnight. There's a second show at 11:55 I should also mention. So I thought, okay, for this amount of money, which wasn't a small amount of money, but it wasn't crazy either. For this amount of money, I'm going to get 30 to 40 minutes of Pete Davidson working on new material. At the very least, it's going to be entertaining. Sure, it might not be hilarious.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Stuff's always better in person.

[Brian Green]

And we're. And we're right there. We're sitting 15ft from Pete, so. So he's going to be working out some new material. I'm sure he's going to have something interesting to say. I'll be entertained at the very least. And if I get a chuckle or two out of it, well, then that's good news, too. I. I don't think anybody would argue that Pete, as a standup comic, doesn't exactly have a huge, long resume. It's only got 13 Netflix specials or something like that. I know he's got the one special, but I thought, well, okay, let's go give this guy a try. It's interesting. He's here. I'm 15ft from, like, seeing the Rolling Stone. Not like seeing the Rolling Stones, but it's kind of like seeing the Rolling Stones right there. So day comes around Saturday night. Astron and I pop in the car. Kids are sleeping. Lovely. Jump in the car. And we drive, I don't know, maybe 30 minutes from the house.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

To a part of Atlanta that is maybe not known as the best part of Atlanta. Right. It's not the rolling hills of Hollywood, California. It's not Buckhead Atlanta. It is off the beaten path.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, it's part of the metro it is. It's part of the Metro. But it's seen better days. How about that?

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I think so. It's seen better days or it will see better days. One of the things.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

It'S in a transition.

[Brian Green]

It's definitely a transitional neighborhood. But I explained to Astrid, I said these comedy clubs, they don't have Pete Davidson every night, so they don't make a ton of money. You get 100 people in a room paying $50 a ticket, you've made $5,000, a two item minimum. Maybe you make another $5,000 on cheap food and cheap liquor. So you're making $10,000 on the best night of the year inside of this comedy club.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

So you got to have cheap rent and you just got to hope you survive from one show to the next because probably most shows, it's less than 20 people in the room. So we pull up to this strip mall in this not so great part of town, and I am telling you what, Chrissy, I am instantaneously nervous because there are a lot of people that are mulling around, and I think to myself, wow, there's a lot of people mulling around at 11, at 11pm at night. And here I am pulling up with Astrid and I just hope that I'm safe. Not that I had any reason to be, like, concerned, but it was unfamiliar territory, let's put it that way. So the strip mall has, like coin laundry mats, you know, empty. Lots of empty spaces. What looked like it once may have been a Kohl's is now like a thrift store owned by the guy who collects a lot of stuff, you know what I'm saying? Old washer and dryer parts just in case you need them. So we pull up, and outside there's a number of police officers. So you're like, okay, at least they know this. You got to put, you know, let's. Let's be safe about this.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah, let's add a little security.

[Brian Green]

Pull up. We're a little bit early, but they told us to be there early. They said be there early. It's going to be a process to get in the show. You got to be there early. Be there at least 30 minutes early. Asher and I are there 45 minutes early. One of the first people inside the club. So here we are. Imagine this walking into this dark, dingy strip mall, you know, place. And we walk in the front door. There's a big.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Come on, Astrid. Yeah, taking you out.

[Brian Green]

Hey, baby. I got one hell of a night plan.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

We haven't been out in forever.

[Brian Green]

We're gonna go to the gun range, only it's not a range. It's just where people shoot and everybody shoots because we're all allowed to carry guns in Georgia, no matter what. Don't worry about it. Carry your gun everywhere. I probably should have carried a gun. So we walk up, we get close parking, so that's good. The police officers are right there. So that's extra good. Because, you know, Astra doesn't deal well with some of these situations. She's got some PTSD from Venezuela.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

So we walking in red velvet rope. But we didn't have to wait because we're one of the first people in there. We go in, they scan, they ask for our id. The ID has to be connected to the name on the ticket. Like a whole process getting in. And then we go through security, which is a very nice off duty police officer I must mention. But he gives me the full pat down up into my crotch and everything, as if I'm being arrested. Just. I just didn't have to put my hands on the wall. I just had to put them directly up in the air. And trust me, this is a. This. I know this position. So I'm like, all right, don't reach for anything. Don't make any sudden movements.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I've been here before.

[Brian Green]

I've been here before. I know how to do this. I'm. Hey, I'm part of the Five Time club. Here we go. All right, hands up. So I put my hands up. He gives me the full, you know, proctor exam. Like, he's just giving it to me. And he's like, I'm sorry, man. And I go, hey, listen, if you're buying me a drink later, I'm cool. But he goes, now I gotta do with everybody. I'm like, no, I understand. Totally cool. All right, so we get into this room. Now imagine a room, let's call it 20 by 20. Not a particularly bigger, a little bigger than this studio that we're sitting in here right now, which is tiny, by the way. And there's two couches lining each end of the wall. There's a big desk, like a desk, the hostess desk for a restaurant. But it's big. It's like six feet long, and it has two double doors behind it. So I'm imagining there's the club, it's in there. There is a guy standing behind. There's a lot of security in the room. There's a couple of us that have come for the show. And then there is a huge and When I say huge, Chrissy, he must have been 600 pounds, guy standing behind that desk, and he's like, all right, listen up. Absolutely no phones, sold out show. Buy your food early. Get your check 50 minutes before the show ends. Do you understand? We're like, yeah, okay. Watches, cell phones, electronic items, security cameras, you know, pacemakers, brain implants, screws and plates and legs and knees all need to go in a bag, A yonder bag. Absolutely no telephone communications during any part of the show. And I'm like, all right, dude, we got it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

And then out come the yonder people. You know, they got the yonder bags. You know what I'm talking about? Those locked bags that they do we have a babysitter. So I'm like, oh, shit. You know, we got a babysitter. So instantaneously. So the lady comes up, hey, I need to check your phone. And then your watch. I thought. I thought I'd get away with the watch. So you know what I did? I had this coat on, so I kind of slid it up my arm a little bit. I kind of did this number, like, while she wasn't looking. I, like, shook my hand a little bit. You know, she found it. And I was like, this? Yeah. And then she goes, do you have a watch on? And I was like, do I have a watch on? That's what I said. I go, do I? I'm holding my hand up like this. Like, I'm holding the coat on my fingers. Like, yeah, like a three year. I got my coat over my hands. Do I? I don't think so. I don't remember. I can't remember if I put on a watch today. Let me check when I get in there. I'll let you know.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

All right.

[Brian Green]

So I give her the watch, we stuff it into this yonder. This poor yonder bag is like, oh, I can't take anymore. I've got my watch in there. I got my phone in there. But I quickly, like, dial through the phone, and I'm like, okay, I got the babysitter's phone number. Let me turn on emergency contact real quick. So at least I will get some kind of notification.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Astrid says, well, make sure that it's on buzz. And I go, yeah, yeah, yeah. The lady's standing right there. And I'm like, yeah, it's on buzz. Buzz, okay. And she's like, well, as long as it doesn't make any noise, right? As long as it's buzzing. And I'm like. And she goes, and you can always come back Out. I'll open it for you if you get, you know, if you need to check or whatever. And I'm like, oh, thank you so much. But I know, I know she doesn't know. But I know that when I put on my emergency contacts, that phone is ringing. It is ringing and I will hear it. And I don't give two fucks who said what because it's my children.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

And I know my babysitter's not gonna call unless it's an absolute emergency. Okay? So phones on buzz, except for emergency contacts. Watches away. Everybody's happy. We go, we sit down at the table, they open these doors, and Chrissy, it is the strangest comedy. It's the strangest room I've ever been in, period. In the sentence. There are paintings on the wall of people, all like, you know, the face paintings of people with these weird colored bubbles around their head. It is. It is surreal painting, but I can't make out who one of those people is. I'm sure they're supposed to be famous people, but I cannot.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Bubbles, like small bubbles or like they've got a astronaut bubble head?

[Brian Green]

No, like, small. Like, I don't know if, you know, like, imagine if my head is the actual picture. The bubbles are like this big, like the size of my hand.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Okay, but they're bigger than your eyes.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, bigger than. Way bigger than my. They're placed all around the face so you can make out the face, the silhouette of the face, but you're not. It's not like, immediately apparent who it was. I spent the next 20 minutes trying to figure out who any of these people were. Like, has someone famous photographs or.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

They were.

[Brian Green]

No, they were paintings, but they were like, you know, pretty realistic renditions. If it had been someone famous, you know, I don't know, Chris Rock, somebody, you know, somebody you would have known. I would have been able to tell, but I could not for the life of me figure out who it was. Now the room has seven tables up front, seven tables right behind them, two foot tables, two feet wide, and then five chairs along each table. So we've got like, I don't know, whatever it is. Do the math. That's pads. Carry the 1 7. 16,000 people in this one room. And. And I am sitting right next to. Right across from bastard on the street.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

They're round tables.

[Brian Green]

Nope, they're straight. Like card tables.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, okay.

[Brian Green]

But like card tables that have been cut in half. Like they were just. There was no room. You could barely put your elbow. It's like a You know the airplanes, how they have those little dividers. It felt like that width, like you were uncomfortable. Like, if I put my elbow there. And then these terrible chairs. Listen, it was just. It wasn't great. There was a smell in the room. A smell like dirty feet, you know, There was a bar on the side.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Smoke from 10 years ago.

[Brian Green]

Oh, God. It was just, like, weird and disgusting. But I'm not here for the room, and I understand. It's got to be hard to make a comedy club work. I'm here to see Pete Davidson. There's a DJ booth in back, and the guy is playing, like, a weird mix of Trap and Enya. I swear to God, he is. It's on just loud enough so you have to speak up when you're talking, but just, you know, low enough that you can't really make out which song it is. But ay, ay, ay, ay. I don't know what's going on. I have no idea. I'm like, H the D. He looks like he's doing having fun back there. He's like. He's got his one earphone on, like. But there's no wiki wiki Wiki going on. It's just him, like, playing this weird music on top of other weird music. And I thought, okay, here. It's a vibe. I don't know what kind of vibe it is, but it's something I can.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Confusing vibe because you can't tell. Make out who's on the walls music.

[Brian Green]

It was so strange.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

You can't put your elbow down.

[Brian Green]

Yes, it was so strange. So stage up front, two, three feet riser. And then on the back wall, there's two red velvet curtains to the floor. And then this big sign that says the name of the comedy theater. Right. And I'm like, oh, okay. You know, interesting. The decor in there, it looked. I don't know how to explain it. It looked like. It looked like my basement when I was 13 years old. Like, I had got, you know, we get really high, put a couple of those, you know, glow in the dark posters.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Some, you know, mood lighting. And then just really, like, paint the walls black because, I don't know, that's just the thing to do it. There's. There's really a weird essence going on in this room. And the mix in the crowd as that people start filing in. It was some of the most fun people watching I've done since I've been to the airport. Because it was all kinds of people. Black, white, yellow, green, big, small, Short, tall. It was everybody, everybody was there guys with guys, girls with girls, the girls out, you know, single girls out for one. There was one girl who. There were seats up front and there was one girl by herself that she made it known when she came in the club that she was there by her. I thought to myself, this girl wants to get that Pete. She was like, dressed, Boop. You know, Cha Cha's out the whole nine yards, okay? And she was like, hey, hey, hey, hey to everybody. And I thought, oh, there she is. There's Pete Stalker walking right in the door. Kim Kardashian, too, walking in the door. Or maybe she was someone famous. And I just didn't know. Then you had the four white guy comics and you know that they were white guy comics because, you know, two were already seated and two came in the door. You know, give me a Brusky, you know, 420. And they're like cracking jokes that each. I could hear them, like, cracking. Yeah, I use this line on the. And they were talking loud enough that you. That everybody around them knew that they had been on a stage before they. Oh, yeah, one time I used that set at the punchline. It was a one time. I'm a podcast. That's what I thought. I thought, okay, I'm gonna go for it. Let me start screaming about the podcast. All right, so we're getting to the show. Let me tell you about it and we'll do that right after these messages. I'm using this against you now. I'm wielding it as a tool.

[Christina]

Well, thank the baby Jesus. Brian took a breath. And now I will use this opportunity to let you know that we've got a brand new phone number. That's right, it's 2:1. And you can text us anytime you want, or you can call and leave us a voicemail. And we might just use your message on the show once Brian gets through all the messages he missed last year, of course. Anyway, you can also find and DM us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok, CBpodcast. And of course, all of our audio and video is easily found on tcbpodcast.com now I'm going to thank G one more time that we have have sponsors. So thank G. And here they are.

[Brian Green]

Okay, so the witching hour is upon it. You can tell like the. Now it took a long time for the room to fill up, but I think that was because it was like this four step process to get inside. And so then in that sense I was glad we were the first ones in the door, literally. And so then in that sense, I was glad they were the first ones in the door. Cuz you know how much I like waiting around in line. Like, said, I. I hate it.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

And did you get to choose your seat?

[Brian Green]

No, it was assigned seating. Okay, so we're on one of the back tables where if you're look, if you're out at the stage looking right, we're like right side. We're over near this right hand bar, but we are right in between. Like we're at the end of the table where the next table starts. And the hallway or the walkway to get between those two tables is not but two feet wide. And I have these gangly legs. I mean, I'm not particularly tall, but I'm like all leg. And so, so I'm, you know, I'm trying to get to a comfortable position, but everybody's stepping on my feet. It happened. It happened every three seconds. A waitress was stepping on my feet, and at some point I just had to give up. I was like, oh, whatever. And I couldn't move backwards because it was a girl literally breathing down my neck the entire time. I had like three sorority sisters behind me. And then a single guy who had friends in the room, but they were at a different table. He, like, got that extra ticket, you know, last minute, extra ticket. And he was hitting on them hard. I mean, hard. He's like, so we're bringing you to Atlanta. And they're like, well, we live here. And he's like, oh, yeah, I live here too. I got some friends that are over there. What are you guys doing after the show? And these girls are like, I don't know. We're going back to the sorority house. I don't know.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Or cover where you're not.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're not. I am. We'll see you later. This guy was like, oh. And he, at one point he went to the bathroom and he like, he was like waving at his friend. His friend was waving him back and he's like, he's pointing toward the bathroom. And then they get up and go to the bathroom together. It took them at least 12 minutes to get back to the room. And so I knew exactly what was going on. Little toot, snoot and boogie. You know what I'm talking about? Little toot, snoot and boogie. All right, so now I can feel the witching hours upon us. Room's filling. There's. There's not a particular mood. Everyone's just talking and mingling. The guy's playing weird music in the background. You're trying to figure out who the paintings are. Everyone's trying to figure out who the paintings are. And then, you know, finally the guy says, in five minutes, you're gonna see the show of a lifetime at Pete Davidson. Remember, absolutely no flash photography. Anybody that has flash photography will be arrested on site, shot and killed. Don't talk about it. Don't look at him. Don't think about him. He's Pete Davidson. We're like, okay, do we get it? All right, we got it. We all have our phones locked in this fucking bag. What do you want us to do? Right? Meanwhile, they have menus on the table, but they only put two menus per table. So we've got to share the menu around. You have to buy two things. But they do have convenient table toppers. You know those little table toppers. Yes. With the QR code, says scan here for menu. I'm like, how the fuck do you want me to scan here for menu?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

So wishing hour. And then. And then Astron is like, oh, no. What? The phone is buzzing. And I'm like, okay, all right. The phone's buzzing. Well, it could be. Could be the babysitter. I go, could be. Could just be American Express reminding me that I haven't paid my bill in a couple months. I don't know, you know, what do we do? And so she's like. And I'm like, the obligatory husband thing. I'm like, do you want me to go outside and check? You know, because it's a whole fucking production. You want me to go outside and check? Would you? Sure, babe, no problem. So I scoot myself along this two foot path while everybody's. It's like a plane. People are coming toward me and I gotta move over to the side, inconvenience everybody.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Like send somebody's lap.

[Brian Green]

Exactly. Yes, I know. Yeah. I'm basically on my ass in someone's face. While so weird and uncomfortable. It just really was. The comfort level in this place was zero. But I was optimistic that the show was going to be good. So I get out, I check it, of course, it is American Express. And then I come back and I'm like, nope, just someone we owe money to. Talk to you later. And so lights go down, you know. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage Pete Davidson and Friends. And I was like, and Friends? I didn't buy an and Friends ticket. I bought a Pete Davidson ticket. What do you mean and Friends? And I think everyone was a little stunned. Because we're all like. And friends. Who are the friends right now? Welcome for all the way from New Jersey. Boogity. You know, whatever whoever the guy's name was. I'm not going to mention the comic because I'm about to tell the story and I, I felt really terrible for the guy. Guy, guy comes out, he's obviously out of his element. He comes out pro. He, this may, may be his stick. I don't know, I've, I've never seen him before. The face looked kind of familiar, but I don't know. He comes out and he's like, is, hey Atlanta, Is this whole town kind of cracky or is it just this side of the town? And everyone's like, oh, you know. And then he goes, I'm serious, this is the weirdest place I've ever seen. I, I don't know. I've, I've done comedy for 26 years and I've never seen a comedy club sh. Than this. And I thought to myself, wow, way to ingratiate yourself right out of the door. Not gonna give his whole set. But the guy bombed spectacularly to the point where he was telling jokes and I was the only one laughing in the entire room. I got his vibe. His vibe was like a little bit off kilter. He kind of wanted to like catch you on your back foot a little bit. His timing might have been a little bit off, but I actually thought he was very funny. But no one else did. And I mean no one else. So then he started with crowd work because I think he, he thought he knew his set had gone sideways and he didn't do a great job of like connecting his jokes. So he started telling these one off jokes, right? And then he started doing crowd work. And not even the people he was doing the crowd work with were engaging with him. And I thought to myself, geez, this poor. This is going to be a long night for all of us. If no one's laughing, no one's laughing. Laughing. So this guy bombed. At the end of the set he goes, honestly, this is the best show I've ever done. This is as good as it's ever been. And I just could not stop laughing. I thought it was so funny how self effacing he was. He gets off stage, next guy comes out, this is his stick. His stick is I am going to shock you and then make you laugh. So he gets out there, he's kind of got this dopey, like, you know, stoned personality. He's probably in his 30s and you know, cute looking kid. And he's like, Like a cute looking kid. Like, like I'm 80 years older than him. He goes, israel Hamas. Yeah, I'll talk about it. And then he starts going into it. And then he's like, I'm giving an example. I don't want to give his set away. But he was like, abortion. Yeah, right. Why not? Let's talk about it. So his whole shtick was, let's talk about super controversial things. And then, okay, he got the crowd worked up. Now the crowd is laughing and oohing and laughing and oohing and like, oh.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Right.

[Brian Green]

That genocide is funny. We're amongst friends. We can laugh about it. He also makes mention. He's like, I don't know who decorated this place, but I felt like it's my blind grandpa. He goes, I don't want to talk about the art, but. And then everyone starts laughing. He's like, y' all are already talking about the art. You know, I don't need to say it. I thought that was such a funny line. Y' all are already talking about. I don't even. So he gets a crowd worked up for 10 minutes. And then on time for the big show, it's Beat Davidson. I'm not going to repeat his jokes because if he's working on new material, I don't want to be the reveals everything. New material. Yeah. There's a reason why he didn't want phones in there. And I'm not going to be. And besides, I'm not. Could never be, you know, as funny as Pete was. Because I do have to say this, I didn't expect much, but I came out of there really fucking rooting for Pete. I mean, Pete, nice, entertained. He was sincere at moments. He was entertaining. Always. He was hilarious most of the time. He told stories about his personal life, including Kim and Kanye. He told the story about how he drove into the house. Remember he drove into a house about a year ago?

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. He told the story about how he drove into the house and how that all happened and what actually. What got reported. But what actually happened, which, you know, it's his side of the story, I'm sure the time he called PETA and said, you, you bunch of cunts, you remember that? Yeah, yeah. He said, he explained why that, you know, he's. He needed a hypoallergenic dog and he's like, you go to the pound and try and find a labradoodle. I dare you. And he was so funny. He was so good. He was so engaging. He, he, it felt like you were talking to him. It felt like you were just having a conversation with Pete Davidson. He had a way of really making the room much smaller than it was, and trust me, it was already pretty small. Pete was spot on and he lit up the room. I mean, people were dying, laughing, and I was one of them. He, I, I, he won me over. The guy won me over.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Maybe we can get him for the interview.

[Brian Green]

I'd love to have him on the interview, but he doesn't have a cell phone, so it's hard to reach him. He doesn't have a cell phone. I didn't know this because of his mental health, he doesn't have a cell phone. He talked a lot about his mental health issues. Right. He said he doesn't drive much because, yeah, probably Brian should be one of them or maybe an American Express. Seems like they have a problem too. You're so stalky. When it's time for my bill to come due. Laughs I've gotten less text messages from a crazy ex girlfriend. Swear to God I have. I have to tell you, Pete killed it. He, absolutely.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Sometimes you go in with a lower expectation, you are pleasantly surprised.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And so Pete comes out and now I'm thinking to myself, I don't have a good sense of time because I have no watch. I've checked in almost two hours. Right. But I know he's got another show at 11:55. So my thought is they need at least 30 minutes to turn the room they got, you know, get everybody out.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Clean it up, process again.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And then do it all over again. So I'm thinking, you know, 11:15 is probably the latest this show is going to go. And now these first two guys probably took 10 to 12 minutes themselves. And they started a little bit late. In my, in my mind, they started a little bit late. So now I'm thinking, oh, we got maybe 25 minutes with people beat. Right. Maybe 25 minutes would be sure. And he starts going down this road talking about the story about the car. And I thought that was it. He's just working on this piece of his hour long special. Right. He's gonna, this is going to be the piece that he works on. He kept going and going and going and going. And he even asked like somebody on the side of the stage, he's like, can I, can I have five more minutes? I want to tell one more story to these guys. Can I have five more minutes? And he's feeling it. Yeah, he was feeling it. He was, he was feeling it. He's like, I really want to tell this one more thing. I really want to say this about Kanye. Yeah, you know, blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada. He's feeling it. We get out of the room and we get that. First of all, it's like de planing, right? Everyone's got to shuffle out. And of course, we're the first ones in, so we're the last ones out. We're trying to squeeze through this crowd. I have to, you know, then you got to get your yonder bag opened up. So by the time we get our yonder bag opened up, it's 12:15.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Oh, wow.

[Brian Green]

And when we leave the club, that. That velvet rope, that red rope sure did come in handy because now there are people, like, lined up down the strip mall to get in. You could tell they're not too plussed about having stood out. Like, the show's supposed to start 11:55. It's 12 fucking 15. They probably got off stage at 2:30 in the morning. But I wanted to mention one more thing. I didn't want to say one thing about what Pete said. And I'll repeat this. And Pete, I apologize to you if this is like a super thing you want to keep secret. Pete mentioned his story about Kanye, about how in him and Kanye got into it. And he said this about Kanye. He said, you know, Kanye has Grammys, he's written albums, he's got more money than God. He married Kim Kardashian. He's got children, he's got that clothing brand that you guys keep buying. I don't know why. And he says, but at the end of the day, Kanye is a human being, and everybody with him, he goes, kanye was one of the first people that made other people feel comfortable celebrities about coming out with their mental health issues. And he goes, and when people found out, they spent about a month going, good for you, Kanye. And then they started with him and with him and with him, he's like, there is no good day for Kanye. No one says anything nice to him. No one comes at him in a nice way. They're all looking to prod him into some kind of action that makes him look like an. So they can get clicks. And he's like, so in this sense, I feel for Kanye. He's bored, he's stressed, he's tired, and there's no good energy coming his way. So when Kanye says, I love Hitler, he doesn't really love Hitler. He's trolling you. He's bored. He wants to have. He wants to garner some kind of reaction that's going to make his day a little bit more exciting than the normal bullshit he goes through. I'm not sure I believe 100% of what Pete said, but it made me think about the whole communist situation just a little bit differently because, yeah, he's a human being with mental health issues, and everybody with him, and Good night.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Everybody. Keep up with your mental health.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Keep up with your mental health. Yeah. Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

If you need medication, there's no shame in taking it.

[Brian Green]

No, no. And one other thing he said. I don't. I don't want to give too much away, but one other thing he said is imagine me without medication. He goes, I'm like. Like this with medication because I take my medication. He goes, imagine me without medication. That's Kanye. Right? And he goes, kanye just won't take his medication.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

A lot of people do that.

[Brian Green]

A lot of people. We know this from our own personal life experiences. People close to us, Chrissy and I, we both have mental health times.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

People get on medication and then they feel better, so they think they don't need it. But the reason they feel better is because they're taking it.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Because they're taking it. That's right.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Keep taking it.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I've. I've seen that cycle a couple of times with people that I know, with people that I've dated, you know, they feel good because they're taking their medication. So they say, oh, I don't need my medication anymore. But what's making you feel good is the medication. Now, I'm not saying everybody should take medication.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

No.

[Brian Green]

For every little issue. But I am also saying that if you need it, there's no shame in taking it. Go ahead, take it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Especially if you're displaying erratic. Erratic behavior and saying awful things.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I think Kanye is on the, like, high. High end of erratic behavior.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. He really says some. That's way out there that I completely don't agree with. But then he'll say a few things that I do agree with. He'll be like, well, I don't want to get it. He said some things. And you're like, wow, yeah, absolutely. You're right, Kanye. But then he says, like, something really crazy, and this is kind of. Kind of along the lines of something Pete would say. He said something really crazy, and everybody's like, oh, oh, yeah. I agree with two of the three things.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Well, that's good to know about Pete, though, and I'll be looking forward to seeing the new special.

[Brian Green]

If you get a chance and he comes to a town near you, I promise he won't disappoint. That's my two cents. I'm throwing it out there. I walked in feeling like whatever, you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

Know, let's see what this is about.

[Brian Green]

A knight of entertainment. Entertainment. And I got a night of fun. All right. TCBpodcast.com it's where you go to find out more information about Chrissy. And I read all the show notes, get all the sponsors codes. You can also get your free piggy fronting sticker. 212-4333, TCB. That's 212-4333 TCB. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas? YouTube.com the commercial break at the commercial break on Instagram. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for right now.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

But I'll tell you that I love you.

[Kristen Joy Hoadley]

I love you.

[Brian Green]

Best you. Best to you and best you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, me, Chrissy and Pete Davidson must say, we will say and we should say goodbye. Sa.