The Gnome Gnows

Summary

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The Commercial Break – "The Gnome Gnows" (August 9, 2024)

Main Theme Overview

Bryan Green and Krissy Hoadley are back on The Commercial Break with an episode rooted in their signature improv banter, chaotic humor, and friendly irreverence. In “The Gnome Gnows,” the duo dives into tales of alien encounters—particularly the extraordinary claims of Earthlings who say they’ve had sex (and incredible orgasms) with extraterrestrials. Blending skepticism, laughter, and personal anecdotes—including Bryan’s experience with sleep paralysis—the episode swings between reviewing an outlandish ‘90s British TV interview and riffing on Olympic highlights, public skepticism, and the limits of open-mindedness.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Alien Sex Encounters: ITV Morning Show Breakdown

Starts at ~[18:00]

• Context Setup:
  Bryan and Krissy introduce a classic ITV Morning Show segment featuring guest “Stephanie Cohen,” who claims recurring sexual encounters with aliens, visible only to her, which result in “out of this world orgasms.”
• Stephanie’s Claims:
  • Encounters occur with multiple alien species—cat people, reptilians, and ‘Ian the Octopus Man.’
  • Travels with these beings, not physically but in spirit, during sleep (“astral experiences,” i.e., dreams).
  • Provides hand-drawn illustrations of UFOs and aliens instead of photographs, claiming these episodes are too ethereal for standard documentation.
• Panel’s Skepticism:
  • A reserved, academic ‘Professor Chalmers’ calmly questions the validity, suggesting medical explanations (persistent genital arousal disorder) and asking for empirical proof.

Memorable Quotes

• Stephanie Cohen:

  • “A dream is a friendly way of letting you know what you've been doing without scaring you.” ([22:07])
  • “Because then they don’t really—they’re not into showing off their genitalia, which is huge.” ([30:16])

• ITV Host (Philip):

  • “They have sex with you at a bus stop. That's not very reserved.” ([30:52])

• Bryan Green (on guest’s evidence):

  • “My kids draw pictures of UFOs all the time... My kids draw pictures of something. I just call them UFOs.” ([20:33])
  • “Show me any evidence whatsoever that you were probed, that there were scars, marks, you know, can you steal a piece of furniture or something? Like, isn’t there anything that you can bring back?” ([43:15])

• Professor Chalmers, skeptical but deadpan:

  • “If these are actually here... we could get the spirits to go into another room outside the studio and tell us what’s in there. And then you tell us.” ([37:17])
  • “There is a disorder known as persistent genital arousal disorder... Very often, usually people don’t find it very enjoyable. Good luck to Stephanie that she actually seems to enjoy the whole experience.” ([27:16])

The Hosts’ Commentary and Tangents

• Comedy & Chemistry:
  Bryan and Krissy riff on the ITV hosts’ overly serious tone, the wackiness of the claims, and the imaginative alien descriptions (“Ian the Octopus Man”—a cartoon character waiting to happen).
• Skepticism vs. Belief:
  The hosts admit their fascination with alien lore and sleep phenomena but draw the line at fully believing stories lacking tangible evidence.
• Live Show Plugs & Stand-Up Riffs:
  They joke about live improv, crowd interactions, and even reference the comedian Matt Rife’s crowd work.
• Olympic Digression:
  Mid-episode, Bryan and Krissy revel in Olympic highlights, particularly the impressive feats of pole vaulters and divers, using those stories as both an escape from heavier topics and another stage for their comic chemistry.

Notable Quotes & Banter

• Bryan (on comedy podcasts):
  • “You do six to seven hours of content a week, and then you tell me how easy it is to be funny.”
• Krissy (on synchronized diving):
  • “Other people were just doing it where they were just, you know, standing and then diving. But this girl... she just got on her hands on this little ledge.”
• Bryan (on his own experience):
  • “There was a night... I got paralysis, sleep paralysis... in the corner there was a strange alien, like short, tiny, little, dark skinned man... telling me, you can’t go out this door.” ([32:00]-[33:31])
• Krissy, supportively:
  • “Everybody’s got their own experience, their own energy, their own mind.” ([36:05])

The Gnome Gnows: Sleep Paralysis, Gnomes, and the Nature of Dreams

Key segment at [32:00–36:00]

• Bryan’s Personal Anecdote:
  Recounts a vivid sleep paralysis episode: seeing a small, dark, “gnome”-like presence barring his way, tying it back to folklore of aliens or spirits encountered during such experiences.
• Connection to Guest Stories:
  Hosts compare such hallucinations and sleep phenomena to Stephanie’s claims, drawing a playful but skeptical line between science, imagination, and outright fantasy.

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Timestamps for Notable Segments

• [00:55] – Opening and quick recap of past alien-themed episodes
• [06:00] – Shoutout to Gina Gershon and promo (skip)
• [07:30] – Paris Olympics riffing: pole vault, synchronized diving
• [13:40] – Discussion of Olympics as a summer-long emotional escape
• [16:50] – Preview of ITV segment, “alien orgasms” tease
• [18:00] – Start of review: ITV's interview with Stephanie Cohen
• [22:01] – “A dream is a friendly way...” quote
• [26:10] – Professor Chalmers offers a medical explanation
• [32:00] – Bryan’s story: sleep paralysis and “the gnome”
• [40:00] – Stephanie attempts psychic “proof” of aliens, flounders
• [43:15] – Bryan presses for evidence of alien encounters
• [44:15] – Discussion: what counts as alien “proof”
• [45:38] – Krissy’s take: “If she’s happy, then... sounds like she’s got a great [life].”

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Memorable Moments & Running Gags

• Stephanie’s drawings standing in for “photographic proof,” with Bryan and Krissy comparing them to their kids’ art or cake contest sketches ([20:29]).
• Repeated riff on “Ian the Octopus Man” as the archetype of a cartoonish, sexually-prolific alien suitor ([24:14], [24:21]).
• Encounter with the “cat gran” alien, who, in comically confusing lore, is both a feline alien and Stephanie’s grandmother ([29:37]).
• The ITV professor’s deadpan: “There’s a disorder known as persistent genital arousal disorder...” ([27:16]).
• Bryan’s rhyming Dr. Seuss riff on alien sex:
  “I do not like those aliens on Uranus...” ([46:30])
• Krissy’s understated, kind wrap-up:
  “If she’s happy... sounds like she’s got a great [life].” ([45:38])

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Overall Tone & Flow

• Wry, playful skepticism runs throughout, often undercutting the bizarre subject matter with self-aware jokes, callbacks, and running gags about the proof required for wild claims.
• The hosts maintain their improv, “riffing off each other” dynamic, jumping from satirical meta-commentary (on their own show, live shows, and comedy at large) into the absurd specifics of the alien story.
• Despite ridicule, there’s a thread of empathy and openness, especially when Bryan shares his sleep paralysis experience.

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Summary Takeaway

“The Gnome Gnows” delivers a quintessential Commercial Break experience: a freewheeling, laughter-layered cruise through the most eccentric corners of internet and TV culture. Bryan and Krissy keep listeners hooked by oscillating between sharp-witted skepticism and playful acceptance of the unknown, ultimately balancing entertainment with the comforting message: It's okay not to take everything—or yourself—too seriously.

Transcript

[Brian Green]

I don't know what to say. So I'm hoping that the tone of my voice makes you think that I do. Okay, sweetie. Thanks, Tess. On this episode of the commercial break, a little dark gnome keeping you from bad things or keeping you from good things? I'm not really sure, but it was keeping me from. Raphael is right. Yes. Maybe I was having a moment of interlockery sexual whatever they call it. Maybe he's like, don't go out there. Be filled with sperm. Your life will be changed forever. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the pence to my Harris, Kristen Joy Ho. Best of you, Kristen Best. Brian Besty you out there in the podcast universe. I think an appropriate opening for the show today is the Aliens Aliens clip or the aliens drop. Because we will be talking about aliens most of the episode.

[Harris]

Yay.

[Brian Green]

You know, one of our most popular episodes by views and by downloads is the guy from itv. Remember the, remember the morning show itv? What was that guy's name? Holly and whatever his name were. Yeah. Until he got. Until he started dating a 17 year old intern and forgot failed to tell anybody about it. But anyway, so one of the morning show clips that we did from ITV was a guy who had sex with aliens and then claimed he had millions of space babies and he was visiting them all on a regular basis.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

They were in pods.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. And we wondered, you know, what is he saving for college?

[Kristen Joy Ho]

He better, he better have started early.

[Brian Green]

That's right. Anyway, he enjoyed going to the trees, going to the wacking tree down by the creek and space alien, he just.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Never happened to grab a picture.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, he never went asked if he had ever gotten a picture. He said, well, I never really thought about it, to be honest with you. I'm like, you never thought, you never thought in the two decades you've been space aliens, you never thought for one second to take a picture of, you know, the tits of a space alien? Like, come on. Yeah. Why would you.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Why would. That's not like.

[Brian Green]

It's not like cameras are readily available.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

You gotta go down, you gotta run.

[Brian Green]

To your local Walgreens and get rolls of film, put it in that canon 350. Anyway, we're gonna. Later on we're gonna review lest we think that we're being sexist about it, that only guys have sex with aliens. That's not true. Women apparently do also. And we have found one with Holly and what's his name, which I can't. Why can't I remember his name anyway? The morning show, the original crew.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

He's so funny.

[Brian Green]

I know he is.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Because he gets so serious.

[Brian Green]

Well, they both do.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Yeah, they both do.

[Brian Green]

They both take it way too seriously. But I guess that's the joke, right? The joke is, we think it's serious. Or we want you to think we're serious. But they're always giving Sly on the side. They're really good at what they do, actually. I'm sad to see them go. But I guess at some point you got to bring in the new blood. And I've watched the new blood. It's not.

[Stephanie Cohen]

It's not.

[Brian Green]

But listen, maybe it just takes time. Like, you know, you and I, it only took us 500 episodes to figure out what was funny and what was not. And I think some people would argue that we still haven't gotten it.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

That's right.

[Brian Green]

But when you listen, you do six to seven hours of content a week, and then you tell me how easy it is to be funny. That's my favorite thing. When people are like, oh, you do a comedy podcast. So, yeah, we're gonna comedy. You tell a joke and I'm like, yeah, I can tell a joke. I'm Grandp. I'm Grandpa Joke master. Shaving a haircut.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Like, it's not a stand up comedy podcast. No improv. We're just riffing off each other.

[Brian Green]

Well, we'll see when we stand up to do our show live.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

True.

[Brian Green]

Danya beach improv.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

But we're gonna have a lot of crowd.

[Brian Green]

Orlando Funny bone. Yeah. Oh, yeah, we're gonna have crowd interact. I'm actually gonna ask the crowd to do the show on our behalf.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Exactly.

[Brian Green]

I get why people do crowd interaction. It kills time. It just kills time. All you gotta do is talk to people. Listen, love or hate, Matt Rife. And I stand on the fence about it. I've seen a lot of stuff where I do laugh out loud. I think he's pretty funny. He's obviously got a great sense of humor and very quick at it, too. And then I've seen some stuff where I'm like, you're. You're just trying a little bit too hard. But he's a young kid and he's trying to make his way in the comedy world and whatever. Anyway, I did see, like, a crowd interaction that he did. It's like a five minute TikTok video where he did. And it had me laughing so fucking hard. Two people in the front of the crowd. Let me just Give you, like, the specs on it. Two people right in the front. He's. You jump into the video, and he's already asking them questions. And he's like, so is this your wife? And they said, yeah, we're recently married. And he goes, oh, they're recently married. The whole crowd goes crazy. How long you guys been married? And he said, this time, 10 days. And he goes, this time, 10 days? What do you mean, this time? And they're like, oh, we used to be married then, blah, blah, blah. You know, I've got divorced, like your parents, you know, and now we got remarried. We've been together, you know, again for two years. Just got recently married. And then he says, well, what broke you up the first time? And the lady goes, ask him. And he goes, well, we went to a high school. I went to a high school reunion, and I end up one of my old flames. And then he's like, you, the old flame? And everyone goes crazy. And then he goes, yeah, but ask her what she did.

[Stephanie Cohen]

She goes, I.

[Brian Green]

My divorce attorney. And he goes, that happened. He goes, that's one way to get the house in the divorce. Yeah, it was pretty funny. It was good, but it made me feel like it was. It had to have been a plant. Like, right up front, really, that.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

That story.

[Brian Green]

Right up front. You just happen to talk to those people. Anyway, Matt Rife. Rather funny. I want to thank very much Gina Gershon for coming in earlier this week. I said it on the show when we were talking to her to her face, which I'm sure she didn't appreciate. I said, you're a living legend, and asked her go, does that mean you think she's old? And I go, no, but it might sound like I think she's old. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say it like that, but Gina's.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

I thought it was a compliment.

[Brian Green]

It was a compliment. It was the highest compliment that I could pay. I really do.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

I mean, it's not like she can get away from her age. It's all over the place. And she's been in so many movies, so many great movies. And that was part of the legend part.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, that was part of the legend part, is that she's been. Her body of work is literally her body, and her body of work have literally been in so many movies. And she's not only, to me, physically gorgeous, but then she is whip smart. And I really enjoyed the conversation.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

She got a lot of substance.

[Brian Green]

Gina is one of those people where I, you know, we've done not a lot of interviews, but we're getting there. We're, you know, we're building up a nice little rapport of interviews and I'm feeling more. More comfortable talking to whoever comes on the screen. But you still get a little nerves around individual personalities because we've had a few people come in and what you saw was what you got, but not necessarily like in a surprising way, like, oh, okay, that's where they're gonna go with this. The stick. It's not either. It's not a shtick or the shticked continues. One of the two. But Gina was like. And. And I built up a little bit of nerves feeling like every single. Not every single, but 90 of her characters are sultry, sassy, smart, but like, you know, smart assy also. So I felt like, oh, is that like the. Could that be her personality in real life? It was not. She was very pleasant and really easy to talk to. So thanks, Gina, for coming out. And I just wanted to mention that because Borderlands comes out today. Borderlands, based on the best selling video game series Borderlands. Kevin Hart.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

There's so many people.

[Brian Green]

Gina Kershawn.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Jamie Lee Curtis, Cate Blanchette, Jack Black and so many others are in there. There's a lot of. There's a lot of folks in that movie. So if you're interested in that kind of thing, go watch it too. It's up in your movie theaters. Thank you very much. So we're coming to the end of the Olympics, sad to say, because I've really been enjoying all of this.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Oh, God. I know.

[Brian Green]

And I'll probably be watching this for months to come. I'll probably be turning on that peacock since now I'm paying for it and watching all of the replays. I watched the other day, the mo. Did you see that guy who did the. I think. I think he's. Is he Canadian or is he. No, he's Swedish. The Swedish pole vaulter who got the world record at like 6 meter, 6.25 meters.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

I did. I saw a replay of that.

[Brian Green]

Un. Fucking believable. I remember people doing pole vaulting in high school and it looked like a real fucking shit show to me. And there were broken arms and broken limbs and shoulders and knees wrapped up in ice because no one seemed to know how to do it very well. They all just kind of fell back.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Here's a stick. Now go.

[Doctor/Professor]

Yeah, exactly.

[Brian Green]

And they were doing like six meters. They were doing like a meter and a half, like three and a half feet. And they would try and plant the stick and it would break or they would fall backwards. Yeah, I thought to myself, I'm never. Fuck that. That just looks like an accident waiting to happen. So when I can see somebody doing it at that level, it's unbelievable. The reaction to me after he did it was unbelievable. It's obviously just like testosterone filled, screaming and yelling, bouncing around. Let's fucking go. Runs up, gives his teammate, who is his girlfriend, but that wasn't known until like days ago when some investigative reporter uncovered it or whatever, runs up, gives her a big fat smack on the lips. And you know, everybody in the stadium is going bananas. It's so fucking loud in there. And then one of his teammates comes up to give him a hug and gives him kind of like one of those punches in the chest that guys do that would probably break my ribs, but okay, that's a thing, I guess, you know, gives him kind of a punch in the chest and is like, yeah, man, you fucking dead ass. You fucking dead end. And then the pole vaulter, filled with adrenaline, testosterone and whatever else courses through your body after you go 18,000ft in the air on some skinny little toothpick, he punches him back and the guy falls backwards and then like runs up the stage. He, like walks away from him like, oh, man, that really hurt. Really hurt. You started it, you badge. He was. That's amazing.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Congratulations to him. There's so much good stuff.

[Brian Green]

So much good stuff. Swimmers are doing well. The divers, well, we're not doing all that great in diving, but there are divers that are doing well.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

No, I know. I saw this one this morning actually, and she was doing her own diving, which I was watching synchronized diving the other day. And that was amazing. I mean, you have to practice with that person for so long to be able to even think about being in sync. But this was a person on their own. And she got up on her hands and. And did the dot. Like she stood on her hands.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, that's the thing.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Other people were just doing it where they were just, you know, standing and then diving. But this girl, I mean, she just got on her hands on this little ledge.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

And put her feet directly.

[Brian Green]

They like body walk their hands and then stand on it. And then you. So the commentator was saying, and I've.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Seen, I mean, people who do yoga can't do that.

[Brian Green]

I know. And this is the thing that, like they do to add a degree of difficulty, obviously try and try to jump off a 3 meter diving board, because you say to yourself, oh, that's not. No, you can't do that. Go up to a 3 meter diving board, especially if you have any kind of fear of heights. Go up on a 3 meter diving board and tell me it doesn't look scary looking down at that water. I have dove off of 3 meter diving boards and it took like minutes for me to get up the courage. I was just scared shitless. I have been up to the top of a 10 meter diving board because I, you know, again, Brian, someone challenged is Brian's fear of heights. And I have to show everybody that my balls are bigger than my fear. I didn't even get halfway out to the ledge and I, I turned back, I was like, no, because if you.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

In your head, you know, if you hit the water the wrong way, it's like cement.

[Brian Green]

Yes. And controlling your body all the way down to the bottom is not as.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Easy as it seems. Yeah, these look very seamless with the. Yeah, just a tiny little splash.

[Brian Green]

They're getting like deducted points because there's a little tiny splash. And those Chinese divers, they make the water disappear. Like you're going into like, one of the commentators said you're going into quicks. Yeah, it's weird, dude. It's just weird. But then add on top of that that you're doing it upside down while you're doing a handstand and add three double twists in a turn or whatever the it is. It's. And on top of that you're in a thong and all the camera people are taking a picture of your ass. It's like, it's all the fears together, all of them just like jumbled up into one. And these girls, some of them are only like 17, 18, 19, 20 years old. They're incredibly young to be doing that. I guess you have to do it when you're young.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

So you just, you just made the point.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

You're young. You have something to prove and no fear.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. You also have knees and, you know, joints that aren't yet broken. Yeah. As you see, some of those divers are all taped up. There's a lot of tape going on. Yeah, man. God bless. God bless. I really am enjoying the Paris Olympics, I got to say. Paris is putting on a show and the Olympic, the athletes are putting on a show. And thank God for it. It's kind of occupied most of the summer. I can otherwise not be depressed about everything else in my life because I.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Know I thought the same thing the other day. I was like feeling kind of a little melancholy about something and then I was like, wait, let me turn on the Olympics.

[Brian Green]

Turn on those Olympics. Get to get in a good mood, see what the best. See what it's like to actually have a body that works, not a body that fails me after, you know, 15 minutes of sleep and I wake up and I'm like, oh, my back. Oh, my hip. Oh, I gotta pee for the 15th time. Oh, one of my kids needs is in my balls. Oh, these people are like highly finely tuned machines.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Even if they hurt something, they get right back.

[Brian Green]

That's right. Yeah. The doctor shoots them up with something and they're right back out there.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Dr.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Tape and a shot in there.

[Brian Green]

Dr. Shoots me up with cortisone. The other week, I feel like I have to take a nap for five days. I know it's crazy, but you were saying about the synchronized diving, and I think I said this on an episode you may or may not ever hear, but those synchronized divers are insane. Astrid and I cannot hold hands together walking down the street without changing position four times because we can't figure it out. How are they doing that? And you know, they talk to each other under their breath. They're like, ready?

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

They do the count, 1, 2, 3. But it never starts on three. Then they take a beat and then there's like four bounces and then they do it. It's like, what clock are they using? Because on mine if you go 1, 2, 3, you just bounce on 3. Yeah, but no, it's like a song going on in their head that only they understand. It's really quite. It's really quite fascinating and amazing and I'll sad to see it come to an end, but at least I got it. Forever and ever. I haven't watched. I haven't watched half the sports I want to watch. And when does that breaking come on?

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Oh, it's this weekend.

[Brian Green]

Oh, it's this weekend?

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Okay. A short competition. Yeah, it's like a test trial.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

And apparently they're not going to have break dancing in la. I didn't know you could choose. I thought like, once something's in, it's in.

[Brian Green]

I thought so too.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Yeah. Not, not so.

[Brian Green]

Why wouldn't the Olympic committee be the ones who choose that?

[Kristen Joy Ho]

I don't know. I guess it's per city and I did not know this, but they were doing a whole thing on the breakdancing this morning while I was watching one of the news things and they said, yeah, LA is not gonna have it. And I thought, well, that sucks.

[Brian Green]

So you just pick and choose which ones you Want to have?

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

This doesn't sound like very much fun. And why wouldn't LA choose to have break dancing?

[Kristen Joy Ho]

LA's got a great street scene.

[Brian Green]

Isn't LA like, kind of where break dancing started?

[Kristen Joy Ho]

New York, Louisiana? Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. What the fuck? Come on, LA, get it. You're already disappointed. Come on, get it together. I better see a horse riding down that rain channel you got down there where the Terminator was from. I better see a silver horse with a big eagle riding down that for 58 minutes before you like that thing, or I'm gonna fall asleep on you. It better be as crazy as Paris. It better be twice as crazy as Paris.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

And I know crazy.

[Brian Green]

And I don't want you to just fill it with a bunch of celebrities saying things and doing, you know, doing acting pieces or rap video, whatever. I want true, batshit crazy bullshit.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

That's what I want from Paris has up the ante.

[Brian Green]

Yes, they have. You know, when China did theirs in Beijing, we all went, oh, shit. Right. But then Paris blew it out of the water. It's like, you know, China did the precision. They had like a precision show with thousands of drummers and flag waivers and fireworks and all this. But then Paris just, like, took some acid.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

To go crazy. And I'm here for it. I love it, too. I think it's great. Yeah. And I know a lot of other people are loving it, too, from our audience, because we're getting a lot feedback on the Olympic content. It's not my Olympic content. There are the ones actually doing it. I'm just talking about it. It's the Olympic of the mouth here at the commercial break. All right, when we get back, we're going to be introduced to a lady who claims that she has been having sex with aliens for many years, giving her incredible orgasms. And Holly and whatever his name is, will bring us. Will bring. I can't remember his name.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Alex or something.

[Brian Green]

Mike? Paul, John.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

We'll find out.

[Brian Green]

We'll find out.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Let's all find out together.

[Brian Green]

We'll all find out together when we come back.

[Announcer]

You already know who it is. Christina, here to keep you actually informed. Unlike some people we know, Brian, I've got certified, verified, factual information about our Florida shows. So listen up. We are coming to Dania beach improv on Tuesday, September 24, and the Funny Bone in Orlando on Wednesday, September 25. And links to those tickets are in the show notes, so go get em. In other completely new and interesting news, you should follow us on Instagram. Hecommercial break and on TikTok, cvpodcast, and of course, go to our website, tcbpodcast.com for all of our audio and video content. And finally, if you want to tell Brian and Chrissy that I am a pretty, pretty princess or that you hate me, text us or leave us a voicemail at 212-4333, TCV. That's 212-433-3822. Bye.

[Brian Green]

All right, so let's just get right into it. Here is ITV morning show. This is a one. I think this is from the 90s, if I'm not mistaken.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Yeah, they don't have the beautiful view of the city.

[Brian Green]

No, it's like a weird ET tents behind them. Remember an ET when they covered everything in plastic? That's what it looks like. I think that's for effect. Either that or they're really literally doing renovations on the set and just decided to leave it alone. All right, here they are. Let's listen. Let's listen in and see what's going on.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Stephanie Cohen. Stephanie claims that she is often visited by aliens who help to guide her through life. Not only does she claim aliens sneak into her room at night, she also says that she has sex with them and has out of this world orgasms.

[Brian Green]

Professor Chris out of this world orgasms.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

I always see what you did there.

[Brian Green]

He says it so politely. Out of this world orgasms. And he made a joke there. He slid it in. You see it. Out of this world orgasms. By the way, the woman that they're showing is lovely.

[Stephanie Cohen]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

And she just laughed.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

While he was saying she's heard it all.

[Brian Green]

If you're claiming you're having sex with aliens and you're willing to go on TV about it, you've probably heard it.

[Harris]

All, believes there is a rational explanation, and welcome to you.

[Brian Green]

Oh, good. We brought a doctor on set to talk about the aliens.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

What set? I do have to say, this is wild. It looks like a video. I don't know, like one from the 80s video.

[Brian Green]

This looks like a Liberace sex room or something.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Mirrors.

[Brian Green]

Weird. Yeah, there's like a bunch of clear plastic around them like Saran Wrap. And I don't even know. You gotta go to the YouTube.com the commercial break, and check this one out.

[Harris]

It's utterly fascinating and we should say, Stephanie, we're glad to have you here this morning because as you've been in this morning talking to us, last night, did you.

[Brian Green]

You got boned by a big fat alien.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Just like.

[Brian Green]

Just last night. They came, I came we all came.

[Harris]

Traveled out to the solar system. Where did you go?

[Kristen Joy Ho]

And she travels out.

[Brian Green]

Oh, she goes there. Well, yeah, it makes sense.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

You know, they come and scoop. They pick her up for the date.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. When you're making the booty call, you got to do the drive. You know what I'm saying? That's what I've learned in my life. If you pick up the phone to make the booty call, you better be ready to get into a cab and Uber or drive yourself over there.

[Stephanie Cohen]

Well, we the. My group, I call them Team Spirit.

[Brian Green]

And, oh, what a cute name. Smells like team spirits been jizzing all over me.

[Stephanie Cohen]

We have a ufo flying saucer.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

And we've got a photo.

[Stephanie Cohen]

No, it's not a photo. It's a picture I drew.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

This is a drawing I was about to say.

[Stephanie Cohen]

What?

[Kristen Joy Ho]

We have a photo.

[Brian Green]

I was kind of excited.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

I know. It was a picture I drew.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. You know that if there was an actual photo of this, this lady would be way more famous than itv. It's a picture I drew. My kids draw pictures of UFOs all the time. They draw pictures of something. I just. Them UFOs.

[Harris]

This is the UFO that you went in?

[Stephanie Cohen]

Yeah, sure.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

That looks like a big mar. Like marshmallows.

[Brian Green]

It looks like a cake. Looks like it's about to be on.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

A cake contest with rainbow lights coming down.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, Rainbow fire.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

They've got some French double doors there.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, well, you got to, you know, make it nice. Couple windows designed by Joanna and Chip.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

That's really funny.

[Brian Green]

I didn't know.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

That does look like your kid could draw that.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, that looks like Disney World fireworks to me. And you remember, you know, when they could do those cake competitions, they always draw what they're going to do first, but they're not artists in that way. So it always looks very childlike. That's what this seems like to me. Why not the photo? That's what I asked.

[Stephanie Cohen]

And we go off to planets within our own solar system, but also to way out into the solar system.

[Guest/Interviewer]

You go in mind or do you go in body?

[Brian Green]

Are you crazy? Are you crazy? Or are you on some kind of absolutely spectacular narcotic in mind?

[Stephanie Cohen]

Because it happens when I'm. When my physical body is asleep, but my spirit will then.

[Brian Green]

Oh, that's called a dream.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Exactly.

[Brian Green]

It's called a 990A dream.

[Harris]

I mean, would that be what most people.

[Stephanie Cohen]

A dream is a friendly way of letting you know what you've been doing without scaring you. Or that's what Dreams really are.

[Brian Green]

Oh, that's interesting way to look at dreams. An interesting friendly way of showing you what a murderous you are.

[Stephanie Cohen]

Because people would be afraid to. Actually.

[Brian Green]

Yes, I would be afraid to travel to other planets in or outside of our solar system to have sex with large slimy like creatures. That would be, would be a definite fear of mine.

[Stephanie Cohen]

Be afraid if they were face to face with say an alien.

[Guest/Interviewer]

So the different species.

[Brian Green]

Let's talk about different species. Yes, more than one kind of alien.

[Guest/Interviewer]

These different beings. You say that there are cat people, there are reptilians. They're not part of the same race. So these are separate.

[Stephanie Cohen]

No, they're very separate. But. But they do come from the same.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

They work together on the gang bang.

[Brian Green]

That's right Chrissy. We have a. If you will, an intra web dating site where we can all swing around with cats or they work together. Yes, stick figure. Whatever kind of alien you're into. Oh, do I love the reptilians for they have multiple penises to hit you in all the right spots. Chrissy.

[Stephanie Cohen]

The solar system that they come from, which is within the Canis Major, the Cannabis Major.

[Brian Green]

Oh, I go to that solar system a couple times a week.

[Guest/Interviewer]

So that's where they, that's where they originate.

[Stephanie Cohen]

They're. They're different planets within the Canis Major system.

[Guest/Interviewer]

So you I assume have seen.

[Brian Green]

Wow. She takes this very seriously. She looks like she's fully convinced of.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Her own story in life and other civilizations on other planets.

[Stephanie Cohen]

Yeah.

[Guest/Interviewer]

And how, and how prolific is life in the universe?

[Stephanie Cohen]

When you look up at the stars at night, that's how prolific it is.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Who is Ian the Octopus Man?

[Kristen Joy Ho]

He just jumped right in.

[Brian Green]

He's a new cartoon character on Disney Junior. Ian the Octopus Man.

[Stephanie Cohen]

He's an octopus man.

[Brian Green]

He, he's an eight peen eyed reptilian.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

It's what he sounds like. He's an octopus man.

[Brian Green]

That's right. No, what do you mean? It's, it's pretty self explanatory.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

His name's Ian.

[Stephanie Cohen]

Yeah, he stays quite close to me. Sort of like a spirit kind of boyfriend, but not really boyfriend. I don't call it boyfriend. Just.

[Brian Green]

I don't want to be tied down like that. I mean there are also cat penises. Cat alien penises. I like to have sex with.

[Stephanie Cohen]

Good spirit friend. And he happens to be from the octopus race. I mean all of them indulge in.

[Brian Green]

Insects, but particularly the cat incest or incest insects.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

I think she said insect but we might want to reply that.

[Brian Green]

I Mean, let's. Let's see if we can hear what she's saying and maybe we'll get some clarification from Holly, but probably not.

[Stephanie Cohen]

Octopus race. I mean, all of them indulge in insects.

[Brian Green]

Insects, insects, insects.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

They all have sex with each other.

[Brian Green]

Oh, okay.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

I think, yeah.

[Brian Green]

Incest, insects or. Yeah, or maybe that's just like you. Like, instead of having a phallus, you're going inward. I don't know. Let's find out more particularly, the cat.

[Stephanie Cohen]

People are extremely highly charged sexually.

[Brian Green]

Cats. I knew it. They could kill me. And they're highly charged sex creatures, you.

[Stephanie Cohen]

Know, and it's part of our culture, the cat people culture.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

This guy.

[Brian Green]

There's a doctor on set, by the way, who hasn't said anything yet, but he's very much calculating in his head how crazy his client is.

[Harris]

What do you make of this? You're not convinced, are you?

[Doctor/Professor]

I'm not convinced, no. I mean, I think the viewers at home will make their own mind up about what they think about what we've just heard.

[Brian Green]

Do you think the viewers are going to make their own mind up? Thanks, Doc.

[Doctor/Professor]

The obvious question is, was there any kind of external proof for any of this? I mean, there's lots of claims being made about.

[Brian Green]

I think Doc wants to see her undressed. That's what I think. Doc, is there any extra. Any external proof? Come to my office.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

She already said it. It just happens in her mind.

[Brian Green]

Well, she said it happens in her mind, but that is her spirit. Yeah. The dream is just an indicator of what's going on with her body.

[Doctor/Professor]

Various kind of expeditions to the solar system and elsewhere in the universe. But it's all happening in Stephanie's head, basically, as she. As she admits herself.

[Brian Green]

Professor Chalmers, supernatural skeptic, Professor Elf.

[Doctor/Professor]

Now, I mean, there is this thing about the. The orgasms. That's clearly a very physical event, which, you know, we wouldn't choose to, but one could actually observe that.

[Brian Green]

Doctor, professor, you're such a naughty man.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

I see what he's suggesting, by the way.

[Brian Green]

The professor looks like right straight out of casting for an English professor at, like, Cambridge or something. He's got glasses on, the gray, you know, fading sides, the. Yeah, he's. He looks like he's never actually seen an orgasm in person.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

It's been a long time.

[Brian Green]

It's been a while.

[Doctor/Professor]

Again, there are alternative explanat. There is a. There is a disorder known as persistent genital arousal disorder. It's quite.

[Brian Green]

Oh, I've got that interview.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Someone on here With Absolutely.

[Doctor/Professor]

And very often, usually people kind of don't find it very enjoyable. Good luck to Stephanie that she actually seems to enjoy the whole experience.

[Brian Green]

But good luck. Cheers to you. We've got a little trophy for you behind stage.

[Doctor/Professor]

Alternative explanations for absolutely everything that Stephanie's mentioned.

[Guest/Interviewer]

But it's a lovely thing to imagine, though, isn't it?

[Brian Green]

No, it's not. What are you talking about? Getting abducted by aliens and having sex with cat people?

[Guest/Interviewer]

That we are all. We happen to have a sort of flesh aspect, that there's a spiritual side to us that could travel the universe.

[Doctor/Professor]

It's not a new claim by any means. I mean, claims like this for centuries.

[Brian Green]

She's getting irritated because she's like, no, this shit is real. If my Froot Loops color hair doesn't say. Doesn't tell you how serious I am. By the way, the woman has dreadlocks. And the dreadlocks are really Fruit loops. They're wraps with different rainbow colors or dyed or something. Yeah.

[Doctor/Professor]

There were claims, you know, back in previous centuries that people had gone to other planets and observed things. But of course, now we've actually been there ourselves and we can see what is actually there. We know that all those claims were wrong.

[Harris]

So are they with you all the time? I mean, are they. Are they here now, for example?

[Stephanie Cohen]

Yes.

[Guest/Interviewer]

And what is the reason for them being.

[Brian Green]

I've got one under my dress.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Very matter of fact said yes.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Why are they here? Why did they choose to come in today?

[Brian Green]

Well, they want to be on tv. Everyone wants to be famous. Hello.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Ian the Octopus.

[Brian Green]

I want to bring out Ian. What if she just lifted her dress and out came an octopus started talking and he was like, let's see, what would. What would he sound like if he.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

I mean, I think he'd be British.

[Brian Green]

Hello, my name is Ian the Octopus. I am a multi penis, multiorgasmic giving. Chrissy. What are you doing for the next 10 to 15 minutes? Would you like to travel to Jupiter?

[Announcer]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

And I'll give you eight boners at a time.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Let's go.

[Brian Green]

Okay.

[Stephanie Cohen]

Hey, now, because I'm here.

[Guest/Interviewer]

So they've been coming.

[Stephanie Cohen]

They've been coming all week. Yeah, actually, yeah, my grand's been sitting on the sofa over there doing her knitting. My cat, grand grandmother.

[Brian Green]

So your cat, Gran. Cat Gran is also having sex with you? It's getting a little weird for my taste.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Wow, it's hard to keep up.

[Brian Green]

Hey, listen, I got an open mind about anything, but my grand is just right over there.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

My cat, my cat Gran.

[Brian Green]

Cat Grant forgot to mention you're related.

[Stephanie Cohen]

Well, she's. She takes on the human form. She has been in human incarnation.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Why don't they show themselves? If we are. If you. If they're.

[Brian Green]

If.

[Guest/Interviewer]

If they're here now. And one of the greatest things, one of the greatest revelations for mankind would be one of these beings to manifest themselves right behind me now. Why don't they show themselves?

[Stephanie Cohen]

Because then they don't really. They're not into showing off their genitalia, which is huge.

[Brian Green]

Rock on.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

I'm picturing like a little cat grandma.

[Brian Green]

Knitting, like knitting with a big boner. Like a big cat boner. Well, they do show themselves, actually. I don't know if you know of the Olympic pole vaulter, but he's. He's a cat gran also, and he's got a huge member.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Very.

[Stephanie Cohen]

Quite reserved in themselves.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Well, they have sex with you at a bus stop. That's not very reserved.

[Brian Green]

Oh, my God.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Well played, sir. Well played.

[Stephanie Cohen]

No, no, what I mean is they don't.

[Brian Green]

Philip. His name is Philip. Philip and Holly. I just thought of that. I don't know.

[Stephanie Cohen]

They don't show themselves to the world like that. They tend to deal on a personal level with individuals because they are. We all have guides, our own guides. And they are my guides. And so they interact with me, if you want.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Did you see that?

[Brian Green]

I did.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

In the middle, they've got a TV set up, like wheeled out and they just had a alien face.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, like a kid drew, like the alien face, you know, and love. Yeah, the big eyes and the like weird like cone shaped head even.

[Stephanie Cohen]

They would do that through your guides or your guides would allow them to come through so that you can.

[Brian Green]

I do have to say this. I think this might be a time now to admit something to the audience here. There was a night and I. Maybe I've shared this with you. Maybe I haven't. There was a night many years ago when I lived in an apartment by myself and my friend, my best friend Rafael had come in from Costa Rica, where he was living at the time. And he was spending a couple of weeks with me. He was on the couch and I was in the bedroom. And we went to sleep. It was one of the nights we decided not to drink and drug ourselves to death. And so I was in the bedroom. We had fallen asleep and I got paralysis, sleep paralysis. And I had had this a number of times before. I haven't really had it since, but I had it a number of times before. And I really chalked it up to drugs and alcohol is what I chalked it up to. But I floated out of my body and saw myself sleeping, as some people do when they have sleep paralysis. But in the corner there was a strange alien, like short, tiny, little, dark skinned man I can only describe that was telling me that I couldn't go outside the door. He's like standing by my bedroom door and he was telling me, you can't go out this door, you can't go out the store. And I tried to scream for Raphael because I was getting scared that I was dying, right. I thought, I thought maybe this was it. And I was consciously aware of what was going on to the point where I can think about it right now and still remember that feeling. And I fought and I fought and I fought to either get myself out of the door or back in my body. And after what seemed like like minutes, 20 minutes, I finally fell back into my body. I woke up, I took a huge breath and I picked up the phone to call my mother to tell her that I thought I had just had a heart attack. It was one of the scariest things I have ever been through.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Wow.

[Brian Green]

And I know that sleep paralysis is very scary. There's lots of people who have it and lots of people who describe it.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

I've had it once or twice before. Yeah, it's terrifying. It is, yeah.

[Brian Green]

Terrifying. You can't move sometimes. It's described as an out of body experience. And oftentimes people will include small, dark skinned creatures in these sleep paralysis moments in these, these episodes.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Just come back from the party in the woods. Were you on your way there?

[Brian Green]

I, you know, I actually reconsidered. That's what it was.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Raphael came in town so you guys could head off.

[Brian Green]

I might have been at the party in the woods and just not remembered it. And that was, was. It just went like my memory of it was just that 15 minutes. But I do have to say this was a rather strange and odd experience. And it happened as if it was real. I swear on all that's holy, I am not hokey pokey in that manner. I don't think that, you know, I don't see ghosts and I don't have visions and all this other stuff, but I tend to be a very spiritual person. And this was one of the most intensely scary moments of my entire life. I remember it clearly and vividly to this day. And I afterwards did I learn about sleep paralysis and understood what I had gone through. But many people describe this same woodland light creature with fucking dark skin. Warding you off in some direction or the other. Lots of people describe that. And there's no conclusive, like, no, not that I've ever read, no psychologist, therapist, you know, sleep specialist, whatever has ever been able to conclude why so many people have seen the same type of creed, describe the same type of creature.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Gnome.

[Brian Green]

A little dark gnome. Keeping you from bad things or keeping you from good things, I'm not really sure.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

But it was Raphael.

[Brian Green]

Weird. Keeping me from Raphael is right. Yes. Maybe I was having a moment of interlockery sexual, whatever they call it. Maybe he's like, don't go out there. You'll be filled with sperm. Your life will be changed forever. But it was weird. That is, I do have to say that, you know, ever since then, I thought that there might be something a little funky about sleeping and dreaming. But I don't know, because I'm not a scientist, I can't conclude that, nor am I going to go making some big grand claim that I don't really understand. So it's not that I 100% disbeliever, it's that I find it hard to believe that you're having sex night after night with aliens and they're sending you off in a spaceship that you never took a picture of, you know, with multicolored flames on the bottom. But hey, listen. To each their own.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Exactly. Everybody's got their. Their own experience, their own energy, their own mind.

[Brian Green]

That's right. Have you ever experienced sex with an alien? Call now. All right, let's take a short break and we'll be back.

[Announcer]

Hello, my fans. I mean, Brian and Chrissy's fans. Boy, have I got news for you. We are officially coming to Florida for TCB Live. That's right. You can come see Brian's bald head shining under the stage lights at Danube improv on Tuesday, September 24, and at the Funny Bone in Orlando on Wednesday, September 25. If you can't make it to see us in person, text us or call us at 213-TCB and leave us a little love note instead. As always, please, please, please follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok @TCB podcast. Our content is shockingly good, so get after it. And you already know I put every single one of those links in the show notes. You're welcome.

[Brian Green]

All right, back with the ITV crew, Philip and Holly on the morning show talking to a lady who claims to have sex a lot of. Of different alien species.

[Doctor/Professor]

I mean, if these are actually here, I mean, that'd be A very easy way to test that. We could get. If we could get the spirits to go on into another room just outside the studio and tell us what's Come back in and tell you what's in there. And then you tell us.

[Brian Green]

By the way. By the way, the alien picture is back on the back of the tv, and all of a sudden he's a very handsome man with a weird shaped head.

[Doctor/Professor]

That would shut me up. That's all it would take.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Go tell them to go into my dressing room right now and tell me what's in my briefcase.

[Brian Green]

This poor lady.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Tell me what's in my.

[Brian Green]

Tell me what's in my briefcase. Tell me what kind of color boxes in your briefcase? I don't know. Apparently a young intern.

[Stephanie Cohen]

I don't know myself. To look it. Look into a briefcase myself.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

I'm trying myself.

[Brian Green]

I'm trying myself. I've been looking at briefcases on Amazon for weeks. I'm trying to look into one.

[Guest/Interviewer]

What do you see?

[Brian Green]

I see papers, green sticky notes, pencils, lube. Oh, she's going into outer space.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

She is. Her eyes are fluttering.

[Brian Green]

She's got rapid eye movement. By the way, is there water running in the background? What is going on in this set? It's so weird. Or is it all the plastic crackling? This lady is.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

The professor is just looking over at.

[Brian Green]

Her like, I know. Yeah. You want to cut the now, or should we keep it going?

[Kristen Joy Ho]

I can stay here all day.

[Brian Green]

I think you've paused for effects. Do you think we should just keep going? Wow, she's taking up two and a half minutes of air time.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Yeah, well, I tried.

[Brian Green]

It didn't work this time. But if you invite me back, I'll do this weird eye thing again. And we could try. Oh, it's a staring contest.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Yeah, Everybody's looking at it.

[Brian Green]

I don't know.

[Stephanie Cohen]

I just see the briefcase, but I'm not.

[Brian Green]

What color is the briefcase? He's about to ask her.

[Stephanie Cohen]

Well, I'm seeing a briefcase. I'm seeing.

[Brian Green]

I'm seeing a briefcase. But it's colorless, has no properties whatsoever. Lady, I would not have even gone here.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

I just been like, oh, yeah, they can't do it.

[Brian Green]

Do what the other dude did. Been like, I'll. I'll try and get a picture next time.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Exactly.

[Brian Green]

I'll let you know.

[Stephanie Cohen]

Well, it's dark in color with a silver strip. I'm seeing a briefcase. I'm not necessarily saying it's necessarily, but I'm not actually going into the briefcase.

[Guest/Interviewer]

I let you. You're allowed.

[Stephanie Cohen]

I.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Give me permission.

[Stephanie Cohen]

I'm not actually. I. I don't know why. Maybe later on they will show that. Show that to me. I'm so. I'm not claiming that. I.

[Brian Green]

So give me your number and I'll send you a text message when I get that info. Okay, cool. Can we move on with the interview? Back to the sex with the cat people then?

[Guest/Interviewer]

Actually, again, again, we fall at the final hurdle where proof was possible right here on the telly.

[Stephanie Cohen]

I know.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Fail once more.

[Stephanie Cohen]

I know, but I mean, I. I am psychic and I am mediumistic, and yet I am actually saying it doesn't always work when you want it to work.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Harris]

Who's that? Which one's that one?

[Stephanie Cohen]

No, it's. It's just a.

[Brian Green]

No, it's just a copy from a.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Book about aliens showing that they've pointed now to the alien in the screen.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, they're pointing to pictures of the alien and they're asking her, who's this from? And that looks like.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

That doesn't look like Ian.

[Brian Green]

No, definitely doesn't.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Octopus.

[Brian Green]

No, it's not Octopus, Ian. That's for sure.

[Stephanie Cohen]

Image.

[Brian Green]

It's not Octo. Orgasmian, that's for sure.

[Stephanie Cohen]

When I first. When the Grays first came to me, that was how they appeared, with the large dark.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Quite an established view of the way aliens have been visualized.

[Stephanie Cohen]

So this is. This is how Grays look.

[Brian Green]

Grays, as they call them, the Grays. There's different types of aliens, and I know about this because I spend way too much time on the Internet, is.

[Stephanie Cohen]

That we look slightly different in color or.

[Doctor/Professor]

When I was on. On Monday, actually, and you were saying, you know, why, why, why is it that they keep on abducting people and putting probes here, there and everywhere?

[Brian Green]

I mean, what they need here and there and everywhere. Is that a medical term? Sounds like a children's rhyme copy of Gray's Anatomy.

[Guest/Interviewer]

There you go.

[Doctor/Professor]

Been waiting since Monday to say, well, well done.

[Brian Green]

I'll be here all week.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Absolutely fascinating.

[Harris]

It is.

[Brian Green]

It is fascinating.

[Harris]

Thanks for coming in. Thank you very much.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Thank you.

[Harris]

Bring something back.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Yes, yes, I want to.

[Stephanie Cohen]

And I might actually tell you what's in the briefcase later, but for some reason they're not.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

He's like, yeah, you won't be here later or I won't be here later. We're not going to be together later.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Yeah, I'm not giving you my contact.

[Brian Green]

No way this moment.

[Guest/Interviewer]

Well, you can forget the briefcase if you can bring me a little bit of Saturn and that will be proof enough.

[Harris]

He just wants the Earth.

[Guest/Interviewer]

No, I've got that. I want Saturn for 30 further information on our supernatural week or anything we've just discussed.

[Brian Green]

For further information on alien orgasms, give us a call. I don't, you know. Oh, oops, sorry. I just turned off the camera. I, I, I can understand that some people, you know, go there in their head. Yeah, here's here. I'm like Philip on this one. Show me any evidence whatsoever that you were probed, that there were scars, marks, you know, can you steal a piece of furniture or something? Like, isn't there anything that you can bring back from.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

And if you can't, then, then don't. Maybe, maybe don't broadcast.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, exactly. Well, I can understand that if this had happened to you, you'd want to get the information out to the world. Like you'd want to let people know this is happening, this happened to me. I really want you to know what's going on out there. But there has to be some sort, I mean, it doesn't have to be. Maybe the aliens are really good plastic surgeons and they can cover it all up, but it just seems unlikely. I believe in aliens. I, a thousand percent believe in aliens. And I believe that aliens have visited, visited Earth. And I believe maybe on one or two occasions it has been caught on camera. We all know the famous, you know, Navy video where the fucking, you know, spacecraft or whatever it is is flying a million miles per hour in multi different directions. And it's hard to explain how that happens with the physics that we understand.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Right?

[Brian Green]

That's possibly, that's possibly one of them. So I believe in aliens and I believe that aliens probably are on Earth or have visited Earth, but if they are so advanced that they can get here undetected for the most part, don't you think that they can also probably blend in pretty well? Like, are aliens amoeba? Are aliens actually octopuses? Are aliens dolphins? I don't know, are we aliens that have landed here on Earth from some ancient ancestry, DNA or whatever the, I don't know. But these kind of really insane stories I just have a hard time wrapping my head around because, like, you don't have one bit of evidence. Like the guy who was multiple aliens had thousands of of alien babies. Could you not have honestly, he's, Philip was right on this one. Could you not have honestly taken a picture? We all have cameras on our cell phones. If you freely go back and forth to hot alien chicks, then can't you essentially just snap one Photograph. Have her text.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Seems like there would be something. Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Sex message her or something. Like, could you get a Snapchat like that? Can daddy get a only fans account where I can go check out alien Patutang?

[Kristen Joy Ho]

I mean, honestly, maybe some people can just tap into another, like, dimension of their brain or their another universe type thing.

[Brian Green]

I believe that.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

You know, like I think you said earlier. I'm not saying it's not true.

[Brian Green]

I'm not saying it's not true, but.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

It would be helpful if.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. If you could prove to anybody. Yeah. That this might actually be going on. It would help us all. We would all feel better about it.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

But hey, if she's happy, then. Listen, sounds like she's got a great.

[Brian Green]

At least someone's giving her multiple orgasms.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

She's doing well.

[Brian Green]

That's more than some of us can say.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

She's got a gran.

[Brian Green]

She's got a cat gran that's got an innie. I guess it's over there. Knitting a dildo or. I don't know how it works in space.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

We didn't really get to the sex part.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, I bet if you're that advanced, you just have like an orgasm on command all the time. You're probably in a constant orgasmic state. Yeah, it's like the first time you took ecstasy. Feels really awesome all the time. I'd love to think there were aliens who would take me up and have their way.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Have their way. Yeah, sure.

[Brian Green]

Especially if it was pleasurable, you know?

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Yeah, why not?

[Brian Green]

Yeah. They don't have like, you know, claws for vaginas or something?

[Kristen Joy Ho]

Every inch which way and that, this.

[Brian Green]

This, that, this way and that way and every other way. I do not like those aliens in my anus. I do not like those aliens on Uranus. I do not. I do not. All right. Please come to our comedy show. We'd love to see you. It would just be great. Grand Dania beach improv on the 24th. Orlando at the Funny Bone on the 25th of September. Tickets now available on those websites. You can Google the actual, you know, Dana beach improv or the Orlando Funny Bone. Go to those dates on the calendar and you can purchase the tickets there. Or Astrid should at this point have those links available on our website, website and Instagram. So we'd love to see you. And if you're gonna come, let us know. 212-4333. TCB. That's 212-433-3822. We'd love to hear from you. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas, we will take them all on voicemail or text message. Also tcbpodcast.com the aforementioned links should be on that website. More information about Chrissy and I. All the audio, all the video right there from one note location. Get your free sticker contact us button. I want my free sticker on the drop down menu. Give us your address, we'll send you a sticker. Please follow us on Instagram and Tick Tock at the commercial break on Instagram TCB podcast on tick tock and YouTube.com the commercial break for selected episodes and interviews. Chrissy, that's all I can do for right now.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

But I love you.

[Kristen Joy Ho]

I love you.

[Brian Green]

Best to you and best to you out there on the podcast universe. Until next time. Chrissy and I always say, we do say and we must say goodbye. Ev I have it.