The Hambone & Hoadley 500

Summary

The Commercial Break: "The Hambone & Hoadley 500"

Episode Release Date: March 22, 2024
Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley
Special Characters: Juicy Jeff Quackenbush, Julia Barkinpussy, Hambone, Oatley, Frankie B (Frank Bernardo)

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Episode Overview

Celebrating their 500th episode, Bryan and Krissy dive into the unpolished, zany, meta-chaotic world that has made The Commercial Break endearing to their loyal audience. The episode kicks off with a parody “morning zoo” radio segment featuring fictional hosts Hambone and Hoadley, embodying over-the-top, small-town radio personalities.

This milestone episode is a mixtape of nostalgia, inside jokes, and a hallmark video breakdown from their long-running “Frankie B” segment. The hosts reflect on their journey, their roots in drive-time radio schtick, listener engagement, the ups and downs of indie podcasting, and, as always, plenty of irreverent improv and meta-commentary.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. “Morning Zoo” Parody: Hambone & Oatley in the Greater Crabapple Area (00:21–14:17)

• Bryan and Krissy don their alter-ego personas, “Hambone” and “Oatley,” riffing as rowdy, barely functional morning radio jocks in the fictional town of Crabapple.
• Fake staff (Juicy Jeff Quackenbush, Julia Barkinpussy) provide traffic, weather, and overblown local color.
• Running gag about a controversial “pig stunt” that supposedly resulted in a pig pregnancy and show suspension, lampooning shock-jock antics.
• Small-town quirks: plug for “anal bleaching” at Tina Tan & Tweeze, D. Snider (of Twisted Sister) solo tickets as call-in prizes, and shoutouts to oddball local businesses (Crabapple Pizza, Yuckles Comedy Club & Dating Service).
• Hilariously broken weather and events (minus 32 degrees, 6 feet of snow, Crabapple's 10-watt mega radio station).
• Fake PSAs: Crabapple Scooter Safety Week, syphilis shots at the public health office, and benefit “flea-oil massages” at the veterinary clinic.

Notable Quote:

“If you’re anything like me, you’re gonna take a little nap and tune in. Make sure that Ambona, Oatley are staying on the straight and narrow. Coming back from a long time off due to that pig stunt they did. But I’m happy to have them back here in studio.”
—Juicy Jeff Quackenbush (00:21)

Notable Quote:

“Crabapple Pizza. That’s not that good. But it’s what we got.”
—Hambone (07:01)

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2. Episode Milestone Reflections: 500 Episodes and Counting (15:17–24:32)

• Bryan and Krissy get sincere about reaching 500 episodes, acknowledging podcasting struggles, personal changes over the years, and the evolution of their friendship and show.
• Self-deprecating humor about their early episodes, “It's fine, everything’s fine,” embracing the show’s “Cheesecake Factory” vibe—chaotic and sprawling but beloved in its own way.
• Expressions of humility, gratitude to listeners and behind-the-scenes contributors.
• Inside jokes about “mining the old notebook,” failed get-rich schemes ("How did we not come up with Liquid Death?").
• Reflecting on the surreal ability to attract notable comedic guests for interviews.

Notable Quote:

“We’re not the funniest podcast out there. We’re not the biggest podcast out there. We’re not even close to the best podcast out there, but we’re a podcast out there, and like the Cheesecake Factory… It’s fine, it’s fine, we’re fine. Everything’s fine.”
—Brian (20:06)

Notable Quote:

“I think we should be proud of ourselves for 500… There are 612 hours of The Commercial Break in total. If you want to go listen to it, I dare you to get through the first 50 episodes.”
—Brian (23:46)

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3. Nostalgia & Listener Engagement (24:27–28:44)

• The hosts reminisce about “Mempho,” an ill-fated festival appearance, as a turning point when they realized their strengths remained in studio, not on-location.
• Shoutouts to “commercial break lore” characters, fans, and friends who have helped shape the podcast.
• Invitation for listeners to be more involved: call-ins, stories, advice requests; willingness to disguise voices for privacy.

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4. The Return of Frankie B: Hilarious Breakdown of a Classic Pickup Artist Video (30:24–62:13)

Bryan and Krissy revisit a signature bit: satirizing “Frankie B” (Frank Bernardo), a charmingly delusional, 50-something YouTube pickup artist for “dads.” They provide real-time commentary on a video where Frankie lists “Five Signs Your Wife Is Cheating On You.”

Five “Frankie Tips” and Hosts’ Commentary:

• Tip 1: If your wife has become “more judgmental,” she’s probably cheating.
  • Bryan and Chrissy lampoon the paranoia: “Check that one off the box there, Brian. Astrid. More judgmental about my work.” (40:39)
• Tip 2: If intimacy drops off, she’s definitely cheating—nothing else could explain it!
  • “Sometimes you’re hot to trot... and then there’s other times where you might go a week or two... Not because your wife is cheating—just because you’re tired!” —Brian (44:13)
• Tip 3: If she encourages you to go away on trips, she must want more time to cheat.
• Tip 4: Changes in routine—nails, timing of “morning dumps,” brand of soda—are all cause for suspicion.
  • “He assumes... it’s just two people who have nothing else going on...” —Chrissy (47:09)
• Tip 5: If she guards her phone or enacts a passcode, divorce her.
  • “It’s the number one dead giveaway. A woman and a phone.” —Frankie B (59:48)
  • “Case closed, problem solved!” —Brian (59:53)

Running Jokes & Satirical Commentary:

• The hosts mock Frankie’s over-the-top bitterness and wild statistics: “53% of all wives cheat on their men...” —Frank Bernardo (38:09)
• Regular callback to their imaginary morning show pig scandal and "ass cheating."
• References to “lockout codes” (not an actual phone term), and detailed mock scenarios of catching a spouse with bathroom behavior.
• Cheeky digressions about “ass cheating” and “shooting jizz at the wall.” (“Shooting fish in a barrel? More like shooting jizz at the wall!” —Hambone, 53:42)

Memorable Moment:

“I can ask cheat all I want. That's an agreement between Astrid and I. I say, listen, it's just ass cheating. It's just a little ass play. Who's it hurting, really?”
—Brian (43:36)

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5. Closing: Gratitude, Soliciting Listener Participation, and Self-Deprecation (62:13–end)

• Final appeals for listeners to call, text, or guest on the show (with voice disguises available).
• Hambone & Oatley personas return, acknowledging the “morning zoo” parody as a nod to their comedic roots and podcast ethos.
• Krissy warns in closing:

  “Hey ladies out there, if your husband won’t let you have a cell phone, you’re in trouble. Then use your husband’s to call in.” (64:32)

• They close by encouraging fans to stick with them for another 500, always grateful, never taking themselves too seriously.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Time | Segment / Content | |------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:21-14:17| Hambone & Oatley “Morning Zoo” Parody Show, Crabapple Lore, Pig Scandal, Quirky Small Town Bits | | 15:17-24:32| 500th Episode Reflections, Laughter & Sincerity, Podcasting Journey | | 24:27-28:44| Listener Engagement, Festival Memories, Gratitude, Show Milestones | | 30:24-62:13| “Frankie B” Video Breakdown: Five Signs She’s Cheating | | 62:13-end | Farewell, Listener Invitations, Final Self-Deprecating Jokes, Closing Out the 500th Milestone |

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Notable Quotes

• “We’re not the funniest podcast out there. We’re not the biggest... but we’re a podcast out there, and like the Cheesecake Factory… It’s fine, it’s fine, we’re fine.” —Brian (20:06)
• “Crabapple Pizza. That’s not that good. But it’s what we got.” —Hambone (07:01)
• “If she guards her phone or enacts a passcode, divorce her. It’s the number one dead giveaway. A woman and a phone.” —Frankie B, via hosts (59:48)
• “Hey ladies out there, if your husband won’t let you have a cell phone, you’re in trouble.” —Chrissy (64:32)

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Episode Tone & Takeaways

The Commercial Break’s 500th episode is a love letter to its own chaos: shamelessly loose, meta, and bursting with improv, callbacks, and lovingly anti-authoritarian energy. Underneath the parody and roast-comedy, Bryan and Krissy’s genuine affection for each other, their community, and their listeners shines through. Whether sending up cringey YouTubers or reminiscing about humble podcasting beginnings, the episode is a high-energy, irreverent, and utterly inimitable celebration.

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For newcomers or long-time fans, this episode delivers everything TCB stands for: twisted comedy, satirical small-town radio roleplay, wild video breakdowns, and the easy, unfiltered chemistry of two friends who’ve seen it all—on air and off.

Transcript

[Juicy Jeff Quackenbush]

Oh, yeah. A little Van Halen for you. Wrapping up a long night here in the WSHIT studios. I'm Juicy Jeff Quackenbush. One more time, traffic and weather before Ham, Ambona and Oatley. You know you want it, you know you need it. It's Friday morning. If you're anything like me, you're gonna take a little nap and tune in. Make sure that Ambona, Oatley are staying on the straight and narrow. Coming back from a long, quite frankly, a long time off due to that pig stunt they did. But I'm happy to have them back here in studio. You know, they took my job, but that's okay. I don't want to anybody else to worry about it. Let's get into it. One last check of traffic and weather with our lady in the sky, Julia Barkinpussy. Julia, how's it looking up there?

[Julia Barkinpussy]

Yeah, everything's real good up here. Jizzy J, good to see you. And it's great to have Ambonen and Holy back in the morning. Wshit. Checking the traffic here at Crabapple. The local Crab Apple area don't see too much trouble. All the pedestrian areas are good. All the streets are clear as usual. Most people going to work late today. It's Friday. But you do have a little bit of a backup in front of Tina Tan and Tweeze as they start anal bleaching this week there at the Tina Tan and tweeze. So get 20% off when you mention wshit. Yeah, nothing else to report. It's a great day, weather wise, minus 32 degrees. Another 6ft of snow due in this weekend. But that's okay. We know how to roll here at Crabapple. You know how it goes. I'll send it back to you in the studio. Jizzy Jazz. And then super excited to have Hambone and Oatley back in the morning.

[Juicy Jeff Quackenbush]

Fuck, yeah. Excuse my language.

[Brian]

Fuck yeah.

[Juicy Jeff Quackenbush]

I bought it all day. In the morning, I got a couple more minutes of safe harbor. Put your earmuffs on, kids, if that's what you're for. So let's take a short break here on wshit and then we'll be back with Hambone and Ole in the morning. They make their triumph of return on a Friday.

[Hambone]

Oh, yeah. 6:00am in the morning. Wshit. The Greater Crab Apple area is happy to have us back. I can feel it in my boners. Oh, yeah.

[Chrissy]

Handball.

[Hambone]

Hey, only good to see you this morning. Good to be back. It was good to see you last night, too. You Know what I'm saying? Taking my pants down, going round and round the holy. That's how the Hambone does it.

[Brian]

You know it.

[Hambone]

All right. Back from a little two week unsolicited vacation. I just want to say one more time, I'm really sorry to anybody we offended with that pig. We didn't mean to get it pregnant, but. But everything's turning out okay for the pig. Free Veterinary Services by Crabapple's Finest. You know that guy down there? Dr. Dimple working his magic at the veterinary clinic. Gotta. Got a ton of new music this morning. Got a ton of new music this morning on Ambone and Oatley. I can't wait.

[Chrissy]

We didn't mean to make it pregnant.

[Hambone]

Don't worry about the pregnant thing, only we got a show to do. All right.

[Brian]

Indeed.

[Hambone]

Those are the oinky babies. Be coming out anytime. Lots of new music and lots of new pig babies coming your way.

[Chrissy]

That's right, Hand bone. We.

[Hambone]

Don't you worry, caller number seven. Caller number lucky number seven is gonna get tickets to see D. Snider solo at the Crab Apple Amphitheater. And who doesn't want to go see D. Snider solo? I'm telling you what, that guy can still kick it. I don't know what's in his pants, but, man, it's not a bass guitar, I'll tell you that much. Odley.

[Chrissy]

That's right, Ambo.

[Hambone]

That guy's still wearing. I think I was wearing Lululemon long before it was cool. You know what I'm saying? And besides the thinning area, he seems to be doing okay for himself. I mean, who doesn't want to play the Crab apple amphitheater? There's 2, 300 seats in there. Jesus.

[Chrissy]

He said the big time coming to crap.

[Hambone]

That's right, honey.

[Chrissy]

Oh, my God, Hambone, I really missed you.

[Hambone]

I missed you, too. Two weeks I didn't know what to do with myself. I had to stay up late, go to bed early, if you know what I mean. That's how it works.

[Chrissy]

That's right. Speaking of, we do pass that plate of coke over here.

[Hambone]

Oh, yeah, of course. Just feel free to do it on your own. High energy. That's what we like to bring here to hambone it only in the morning. I have to thank the general manager of WSHIT for allowing us a third chance here at here in the morning drive time slot. I'd also like to remind anybody who's going to the D. Snider Big D. Snyder Festival over there at the Crab Apple amphitheater that the sheriff's office. Crabapple. Sheriff's office does recommend you leave all glass pipes at home this time because of the incident last time.

[Chrissy]

That's right. Hand bound.

[Hambone]

That's right. It was terribly unfortunate.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, there was a big bust.

[Hambone]

A big bust. And it happened at the Foreigner concert. And it left Foreigner with just three or four people to play for. And let me tell you, Foreigner is a hot ticket. A crab apple.

[Brian]

That's it.

[Hambone]

Foreigner. That's what I want to say.

[Chrissy]

You can't beat Foreigner.

[Hambone]

No, you can't beat Foreigner. You know. You know, it could beat Foreigner. A stick. That's what could beat Florida. Hey now. All right. I love it. Speaking of it. Friday, It's Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Speaking of Foreigner, you know, I laid some pipe last night. I was telling my girl, I was saying, hey, you know what I'd like to see? You know what I'd like to hear that brand new song by James called Laid. I mean, what is that? We're naming songs Laid now. I like it in the 21st century.

[Chrissy]

We're pulling it out. We're pulling in.

[Hambone]

We're pulling in. We got James, we got Crash Test Dummies, we got brand new Cranberries.

[Chrissy]

You heard her last, folks.

[Hambone]

You heard it here last. Michael Jackson's newest album, Thriller. It's all exciting. It's all coming up today on Hambone and only in the morning. But first, I want to check the time. 6:03 in the morning. And I want to check the weather that's shitty. Don't worry about it. It's Friday.

[Chrissy]

I've been waiting all week for the weekend.

[Hambone]

We have been waiting all week for the weekend, as we do every week, my friend Chrissy. I don't know if you've been reading about this Kate Middleton, but she can't be found.

[Chrissy]

I know, it's crazy. I mean, she's missing somewhere.

[Hambone]

I wouldn't get. That girl wouldn't be missing if she was with me, I'll tell you that right now. I'd wrap her up in some kind of tingle tangle, twangle, you know what I'm saying? That girl would be hanging from the back of my door.

[Chrissy]

I know you. Hamburger. So naughty.

[Hambone]

What a spicy piece of sausage that one is. Hey, speaking of pepperoni, this show is sponsored in part by the good people at Crab Apple Pizza. Crab Apple Pizza. That's not that good. But it's what we got.

[Chrissy]

Delivered in 30 minutes or less.

[Hambone]

Delivered it. Delivered in 30 minutes or Less. Because no one usually orders I'd also like to say that the people at Crab Apple Pizza would like to apologize for so much plastic in their Saturday pizzas. Seems they forgot to take the wrappers off, but we'll forgive them. It's great pizza over there. It's not great pizza, but it's fine.

[Chrissy]

It'll do.

[Hambone]

It'll do. What else we got? Since Papa John's pulled out of town.

[Frankie B]

There'S no other choices.

[Chrissy]

Oh, Hambone, I missed you.

[Hambone]

I miss you too. And I just like to say to the big, the good people at Papa John's, I really don't think that was arson. I really don't. I think that was an accidental fire. Why'd you have to run so fast? I mean, now you're leaving up some Crab Apple Pizza. 50 off parties of 12 or more crab Apple pizza after the D. Snyder Fest. Over there. Crab Apple. The amphitheater. Remember, call number seven. You're gonna win two free tickets, a Styrofoam Igloo cooler, one package of free ice from the local Citgo, Crab Apple Citco and six, I count them, six Zimas in a glass bottle.

[Brian]

Of course.

[Chrissy]

That's a great prize pack.

[Hambone]

That is a great prize pack. I'll tell you what, nothing like a Saturday night D. Snyder and some Zima to get you going. If that doesn't tickle your twinkleberries, I don't know what will. 604 in the morning. Only six hours left to go. I thought I'd remind everybody. Looking for something to do this Saturday night? Go ahead and watch the big game over at Barney's. Barney's? The only pub in town that legally sells alcohol. And this week, you know who they are playing? Jason Farting Knife. And I don't know if you've had. I don't know if you've seen a good fart knife set, but he's supplied some of the greatest covers ever.

[Chrissy]

Not Hambone, but I know you have.

[Hambone]

Oh, I have. That's. That's where I get the good.

[Chrissy]

I'll be heading down to Yuckles.

[Hambone]

Yuckles Comedy Club and Dating Service.

[Chrissy]

That's right.

[Brian]

Yeah.

[Hambone]

I've met a few ladies through the Yuckles. And let me tell you something, that that is a legit service right there. If you are looking for local Crab Apple singles that fit the bill, there is no other place to go except Yuckles Comedy Store and Dating Service. That is a fantastic place. They also serve some great margaritas over at Yuckos.

[Chrissy]

Bring your own good margarita.

[Hambone]

It's more like a wine burrito, but, you know, it's. It's something.

[Chrissy]

It'll do.

[Frankie B]

Yeah.

[Hambone]

Listen, you know what I say, Chrissy? You know what I've said all my entire time here at wshit? Lube it up. Doesn't matter what it is. Lube it up.

[Chrissy]

Well, hold on, Hambone. That's what got us in trouble with the pig.

[Hambone]

Well, listen, we didn't realize. We didn't realize Coach Stefan was going to go hard on the pig. We. I. I thought there were boundaries that I didn't need to talk about. But, you know, when you're coaching high school football, I guess anything goes.

[Chrissy]

That was a crazy night.

[Hambone]

That was a crazy night. Especially for Coach Devin.

[Chrissy]

Got out of hand.

[Hambone]

Okay. The pig is being taken care of by local Crab Apple Veterinary Tech Services. They also offer manicures, pedicures, and massages on Tuesdays and Thursdays over at Crabapple Vet. I don't know if you've had a good massage from the local vet yet.

[Chrissy]

I have.

[Hambone]

Oh, man. I'll tell you what.

[Chrissy]

Amazing. Yeah, it's amazing. The sound of the animals really lulls you to.

[Brian]

I agree.

[Hambone]

All that barking makes me feel at home. And by the way, a benefit of going and getting your massage at the local vet tech, you leave without fleas. So that's. That's the good news. Ask him to get a guess. We get a flea oil massage 2020 off. If you mentioned WSHIT, head bone and Oatley in the morning, tell them Hambone sent you. Tell them there's nothing like a bone. Hambone. My manager, general manager here at wshit, also wanted us to mention that this.

[Brian]

Week is Crab Apple Scooter Safety Week, Chrissy.

[Chrissy]

Oh, of course it is.

[Hambone]

Yes. Make sure all the little ones snuck up on me. Oh, yeah, well, listen, it's everybody. Every year it comes and it goes, and it seems like time flies by. There's nothing like a good Scooter Appreciation Week. Scooter Safety Appreciation Week. I just want to remind all the little tykes out there put a helmet on. And that goes for the big Tikes, too. Everybody put a helmet on.

[Chrissy]

Cover it up.

[Hambone]

Yeah, the ladies. You need knee pads. I know where to get them. You know what I'm saying? It's a big Friday here.

[Chrissy]

You're on fire, Hambone.

[Hambone]

Hey, listen, what can I say? Two weeks off, this is what comes out when you've literally been awake for two weeks. What did you expect? I wasn't gonna come in here taking a nap. That's for sure.

[Frankie B]

I gotta keep my job.

[Hambone]

I gotta feed those 12 children. And the three, I don't count. Oh, hey, listen, that reminds me. Crab Apple Adoption Services is now open five days a week. Drop your kids off, no explanation needed.

[Brian]

What?

[Chrissy]

What a service.

[Hambone]

What a great service. Yes.

[Frankie B]

And if you're a town, I wouldn't.

[Chrissy]

Want to be anywhere else other than Crab Apple.

[Hambone]

Why would you go anywhere else but crab apple? 500 strong. 500 people strong. We've got this 10 watt mega station right here in the middle of it. We're the only game in town. Unless you want to go watch television or something like that.

[Frankie B]

Why would you?

[Hambone]

Everybody's got a radio in their car, right? Radio's not dying, is it? No, that's not with Hambone and Oatley in the morning, I'll tell you that much right now. And hey, while you're stopping by the.

[Brian]

Adoption services, make sure to go next.

[Hambone]

Door to the public health services. I also wanted to remind you it's that time of year to get your syphilis shot. Of course. We've had a terrible run with syphilis the last six or seven years. I know. I think I know who to blame but that koala. That koala, that's right. That's the last time we got suspended. That koala, he was climbing every tree every 10 pull anything that popped up. That koala was climbing.

[Chrissy]

They say wild.

[Hambone]

I know they say they eucalyptus, but I'm not so sure it was guzzling something else altogether. All right, so let's do this. I think we should take a short break before the FCC again. I think we should take a short break and then we'll come back with more high shenanigans here on wshi. What do you think? It's a morning zoo.

[Chrissy]

Happy Friday.

[Hambone]

Happy Friday. Hambone and Hoatley in the morning. Our 500th episode of Hambone and Holy. And we're so glad you're taking the ride with us. We'll be right back. Hambonin. Hoadie. Oh, yeah.

[G1]

I know you're already on your phone, so pull up Instagram and follow us hecommercial break and then follow us on TikTokCBpodcast.

[Brian]

Done.

[G1]

Perfect. Thank you. Since you're at the ready, why not Text us hello at 212-4333, TCB. Or if you've got some drama in your life, a little fun story or anything, really. We're desperate for content. Call and leave us a message at 212-4333, TCV. And don't forget to check out TCVpodcast.com, because that's got it all. Speaking of having it all, let's listen to our fabulous sponsors and get back to the commercial break.

[Brian]

Well, 500 episodes, Chrissy. It's been quite the amazing ride. Sorry, I didn't realize you didn't have your headphones. I realized you weren't ready.

[Chrissy]

I was getting my celebratory drink.

[Hambone]

Yeah.

[Brian]

There you go. Look at you. Good for you.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Frankie B]

They make peach.

[Brian]

A little peach. A little peach spritzer.

[Chrissy]

Those Peach spritzer.

[Hambone]

That's kettle one.

[Brian]

They're getting. They're getting creative with those drinks.

[Chrissy]

They are, yeah. There's a spritzer for everything.

[Frankie B]

Yeah.

[Brian]

We just had Boone's Farm when we were kids. I know. You know what I'm saying? Like some thick cherry syrup. You know, they make. What do they call them? The Shirley Temples. I think that's what Boone's Farm was. Really bad. White wine with Shirley Temple juice. I'm pretty sure of it, actually.

[Chrissy]

I think you're right.

[Brian]

It's absolutely disgusting. Now, those things taste actually good. They taste like. Like seltzer water flavored seltzer water. Then you just get drunk all of a sudden. So. What a great product to put on the market. Yeah. And I can't tell the difference between an alcohol bottle and a nonalcoholic bottle anymore.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian]

I wouldn't know. For years, I thought liquid death was.

[Chrissy]

Oh, alcohol.

[Brian]

Yeah. Until I learned that it was just water. And what an amazing.

[Chrissy]

They're all over the news, right?

[Brian]

Marketing.

[Chrissy]

Yeah. No, they're worth like 1.4 billion.

[Brian]

That's insane. That's insane.

[Chrissy]

Water in a can.

[Brian]

How can we not make liquid death? We have. Can we have one fucking good idea that makes us $1 billion? No. The answer is no.

[Chrissy]

We. We could really mine that notebook.

[Brian]

Yeah, we could. But I mean, what's in there of worth value, Brian? Bitching. And ideas that never made us money in the first place. Ideas that we tried for one minute, it didn't make us any money anyway.

[Chrissy]

500.

[Brian]

500 episodes. I don't know what to say. I think that it goes probably without saying, but I'll say it anyway because we need to kill time that. That all of you, every one of you that have been listening from the beginning, from the middle, from the end, however long you have been listening, Chrissy and I are grateful from the bottom of our hearts. In all sincerity.

[Chrissy]

Absolutely.

[Brian]

There is no way we would have gotten to 500 episodes unless you the listeners had been there on the other end. Because, quite frankly, it's pretty discouraging to.

[Chrissy]

Do a podcast to no listeners, but for 500 episodes.

[Brian]

Yeah, for 500 episodes. But for about 427 of those, it was true. We had no listeners. So thank you very much for listening. Thank you, my friend. Thank you for taking this incredibly wild ride with me as it has. I have to say this, I am pretty fucking proud of us.

[Frank Bernardo]

Yeah.

[Brian]

Because I've known us for a long time, and if there's one thing I know about us is that we're not. We're. We're big idea people with lots of motivations and intentions. Very rarely do we actually follow through on them. And so I'm so proud of us as a team that we have managed to just trudge it through. Good, bad, you know, money, no money, all of it. You know, bad times, good times, deaths in the family, everything. It's just been amazing.

[Chrissy]

It really has.

[Brian]

I love you.

[Chrissy]

Love you.

[Brian]

Thank you.

[Chrissy]

Jeff. Loves you, too.

[Brian]

Jeff Astrin.

[Chrissy]

Jeff said. He was. We were talking about it last night and he said, I. What do you do? I mean, that's a big accomplishment. What do you do 500 times? And I was like, well, more because we didn't air.

[Frankie B]

It's more like 800 times.

[Brian]

It really is. I mean, I went through the server last night because I had to, because it's breaking down. I went through the server last night and we have 12, almost terabytes worth of the commercial break sitting on that server. 12 terabytes. That includes video. That's gold. That's gold right there. Someday, some archaeologist is going to be digging around North Atlanta, what used to be north Atlanta. Or some dinosaur is going to be chewing up old bone, and they're going to pull out that server and they're going to go, first of all, what.

[Hambone]

The fuck is this?

[Brian]

And then when they learn how to get it, they're going to go, this is what was going on in the world. This. No wonder they died off. No wonder. Yes, these two idiots were representing some.

[Hambone]

Part of the population. Well, a very small part of the population.

[Brian]

I must remind you, if you get this in the future, but I think that It's. It is 500 of what? Who? Right? I've never done 500 of anything.

[Chrissy]

That's what Jeff was pointing.

[Frankie B]

Never.

[Brian]

I don't even think I've done 500 days of work at any other company. 500 whole days of work. No. No way. This is amazeball.

[Chrissy]

It really is.

[Brian]

Really is.

[Chrissy]

It is a big milestone and it's.

[Brian]

Been a wild ride and we've changed it up a bunch and people have stuck with us. And, you know, if you go back like I did yesterday, if you go back to some of those episodes that we didn't there, but that were recorded very early on, they are terrible. I mean, just got to be terrible. But there is a seed of something there, right? There is something there. And we're just trying to work.

[Chrissy]

Lettuce flower.

[Brian]

See, yes. As lotus flower seed. As you will hear next week, it was the lotus flower unfolding and there was something there. And I, I. We're not there. We're not the funniest podcast out there. We're not the biggest podcast out there. We're not even close to the best podcast out there, but we're a podcast out there and like the Cheesecake Factory. It's fine, it's fine. We're fine. Everything's fine. But there, there was something there, and what grew out of it is insane. I mean, it's just insane.

[Chrissy]

I know, it's. I'm still amazed.

[Brian]

I am. I'm amazed. I'm grateful. I'm usually stressed out and tired, but this is the hour, you know, a number of times a week. These are the hours that I, that.

[Chrissy]

I cherish creation that could.

[Brian]

It is. It's a little creation that could. And who knows how long it'll go on. I think we're contractually obligated to do this least a little more while. But thank you very much to you, Chrissy. Thank you very much to Astrid, to Jeff, to Gustavo, to Tina and Christina and Marianne, Will, the champ. These are all special people.

[Chrissy]

Yes.

[Brian]

In the commercial rig lore, because they really helped this podcast kind of putter along. And without you, the listener, and them as listeners, then getting involved in the commercial break, we certainly would not have been able to do half the stuff.

[Chrissy]

Super grateful.

[Brian]

Super, super grateful. So, 500 episodes. So what do we do for the next 500?

[Chrissy]

Oh.

[Brian]

I mean, just to think about 500. Well, the rate at which we do episodes now, it's not going to take us long to get to a thousand, I'll tell you that. I think two years or something like that. We'll be at a thousand in two years. And by the way, just in the podcast universe, I don't think there are many podcasts that have reached 500 episodes. I can't imagine. It's certainly not more than a thousand. It's probably less than 500. It may even be less than nobody's.

[Chrissy]

Crazy enough to do four shows a week?

[Brian]

No, the only people. I mean, there are lots of podcasts that broadcast daily, but they, you know, do they do hours? I don't know. Joe Rogan is, I think, probably the closest example that I can think of. That guy does four or five hours. Four days a week, I think. Five days a week sometimes. Wow. That is fucking insane.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian]

I cannot imagine sitting in the studio with you. I'm sorry. Love you. But five hours at a time and then doing anything else with my life. I am exhausted the second that I get out of here.

[Chrissy]

I know.

[Brian]

Aren't you?

[Frankie B]

Yes.

[Brian]

Do you? I keep telling my, like, people this and especially my wife, who is in Angel.

[Chrissy]

Yes.

[Brian]

The second I walk out this door. The reason why I think I like where we're at right now is because it's all. I am so humbled by all of it. The second that I walk out the door. Right. I can sit here and say anything I want to and have fun and all that, but the second that I walk out the door, I got a real life with real responsibilities and, you know, emergencies and crazy. And when you do a couple hours of this show and you're on and you're funny and you're trying to be funny and all this other stuff, you walk out the door, you're, quite frankly, you're exhausted.

[Chrissy]

Exhausted.

[Brian]

And my wife is wonderful because she knows for at least 15 minutes after the show gets done. I just need a little bit of a press to decompress. And to think that we've done this 500 times makes me just a little bit more tired. I'm just like, oh, shit.

[Chrissy]

I know. Wow. Wow.

[Brian]

We don't wrinkle our chains very often, but I think this is one we should be proud of ourselves for. 500.

[Chrissy]

500. It's a big one.

[Brian]

There are 612 hours of the commercial break in total. If you want to go listen to it, I dare you to. I dare you to get through the first 50 episodes. I mean, there's a couple nuggets in there, you know, Shamalama, Ding Dong, you know, grass fed grass. There's a couple Waffle House. There's a couple good ones in there.

[Chrissy]

Yeah. From the first season.

[Hambone]

Yeah.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian]

DD Cantor is another one that I can think of. You can go listen to DD Canter. There are a couple little gems in there, but for the most part. But it's just us trying our best to figure out what exactly a podcast should be.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian]

And I don't know if we figured it out yet.

[Chrissy]

Are here doing it again.

[Brian]

Yeah. And now we have these amazing people that are coming and talking to us. That's another thing that just, like, blows my mind.

[Chrissy]

Oh, the interviews.

[Brian]

The interviews are. Are blowing my mind. Not blowing my mind in the sense that, like, the conversations are mind blowing. Some of them are. What it really is is how in the fuck did they end up at the commercial break? And that is the most that I'm being so honest when I ask that question. And it still befuddles me, like, just when I think about it right now.

[Chrissy]

I know. It's mind blowing.

[Brian]

Yeah, it really is amazing. So. Yeah.

[Chrissy]

Shall we review Frankie?

[Brian]

You want to do a Frankie episode? Do you want to close out with a Frankie?

[Chrissy]

I think we might need to.

[Brian]

I think we might need to close with a Frankie. I think that's what we're going to do. Okay, so let me do this. I'm going to find a Frankie snippet, possibly one we've already done before. Let's go back and get a second bite at the apple. Because not all of them were gold. Like, there's some Frankie episodes. I think we were really on some episodes. We were just kind of sleepwalking through because at one point we were doing, like, one Frankie episode a week. I mean, it was getting a little crazy there. He stopped producing so much content, so we. Yeah, and I think we needed to take a step back from Frankie for a minute.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, well, we tried to do that a couple of times, but then he kept putting out content, so we kept going back to the teat.

[Brian]

He kept. Yeah, we kept going to the well and. Going to the well and to the well. Quite frankly, there was a time there where I think, like, quite frankly, quite frankly. Quite Frankie. I think.

[Frankie B]

Quite Frankie.

[Brian]

I think we were tired. I think we just needed something to get us.

[Chrissy]

Yes, that's exactly.

[Frankie B]

There's a lot going on.

[Hambone]

It was a pandemic.

[Chrissy]

Quite Frank.

[Brian]

Yeah, quite Frankie. It was a lot going on. There was a pandemic. People were having children, mainly me. Lots and lots of children. And I think we were just tired there for a minute. That's when we were doing two episodes a week.

[Frankie B]

We're doing four, and we're doing less.

[Brian]

Videos than we ever done before. I know, it's crazy. It's like we did more episodes and we just started relying on Frankie to get us through. Quite Frankie. All right, so, well, then, let's do this. Let's take a break. I'll find a good Frankie clip. We'll give it to the audience because I know they want it. We get text messages every day on that phone and Frankie B. Is a part of 50% of them, at least.

[Chrissy]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian]

So that tells me two things. Number one, people have been listening for a while because we haven't done Frankie in a while. And number two, they do like Frankie.

[Chrissy]

I mean, he's hard to be.

[Hambone]

Yeah.

[Brian]

One of these days. And I don't know where it's going to be and I don't know when it's going to be and I don't know how it's going to go down, but I know it. Our fates are going to cross. Cross. The destinies are going to come together. It's written in the stars. The commercial break and Frankie are going to do something fun and amazing.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian]

At some point. But I just haven't pulled the trigger yet on actually reaching out because I'm like, well, let's get as far as we can go with it and then we'll ask Frankie to come on. And it's not today. I don't want anybody too excited. It's not today, but I know it's happening sooner rather than later. Frankie is going to find a way to the commercial breaker. We're going to find. When we've already found Frankie, he's going to find a way to us because we've already found him.

[Frankie B]

And mind it for everything it was worth.

[Brian]

All right, let's take a break. I'll find Frankie. Episode number 500. Thank you very much. We are so grateful.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian]

To everyone who has listened. All the people have come on on the show as guests and been interviewing and certainly everyone who's been helping in the background. You are the loves, the diamonds in our eyes.

[Chrissy]

That's right.

[Brian]

That's right. We'll be back.

[G1]

Well, thank the baby Jesus. Brian took a breath. And now I will use this opportunity to let you know that we've got a brand new phone number. That's right. It's 212-4333 TCB. And you can text us anytime you want or you can call and leave us a voicemail and we might just use your message on the show once Brian gets through all the messages he missed last year.

[Brian]

Of course.

[G1]

Anyway, you can also find and DM us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok, CBpodcast. And of course, all of our audio and video is easily found on tcbpodcast.com now I'm going to thank G one more time that we have sponsors. So Thank G. And here they are.

[Brian]

All right. And we're back on the 500th episode of the commercial break. And we've been opining for the. On the last segment. Not opining, but we've been thinking back about all the things and people and places that have been helping us or somehow served us in one way or the other. I forgot to mention Mempho, which was a big stepping stone for us.

[Chrissy]

A big stepping stone.

[Brian]

We actually got out there in the world to realize we should probably just stay right here.

[Chrissy]

CH Was just talking about somebody that he. That they were talking about, they wanted to do a podcast of at Mempho. I was like, ah, learn from Bride.

[Brian]

And I. Yeah, it's just not a good idea. It's too noisy. And no one really cares about a podcast when you've got fucking, you know, Beck or Radiohead or somebody up there playing who gives a shit? Yeah, Cage the Elephant. Who really gives a shit about TCB podcast? Unless you're drunk and you're at the back of the crowd and you happen to stumble into the tent.

[Chrissy]

Which is what.

[Brian]

Which is exactly what happened. We gave away a ton of stickers and lost a ton of money. But I was happy that. I was so happy that Jeff was.

[Hambone]

Like, yeah, let's do this.

[Brian]

Let's do this. And then within an hour, I was like, oh, I literally lugged all this equipment, flew all this way.

[Frankie B]

And.

[Brian]

Yeah. And the porta Potty smell.

[Chrissy]

You live and you learn.

[Brian]

You do live and you learn. Next time I go, I'm going with a VIP pass.

[Chrissy]

Yes.

[Brian]

It doesn't say the commercial break, by the way. Can you get your Mempho tickets now?

[Chrissy]

Not yet, but you can get your River Fest.

[Brian]

River Fest Memphis. Let's shout that out for our good buddy Jeff. Well, her husband. Yeah. Okay. So we've been thinking about all this stuff that's really made the commercial break what it is. And we would be remiss if we did not at least touch base on one huge part of the commercial break. We got nostalgic, and we got nostalgic about video breakdowns that we started doing early on in the show. And I think the very first one that we did was just an audio from a video of Kenny Copeland blowing coronavirus away. But then quickly after that, I found this guy on YouTube. And don't ask me how I found him. I have no idea. I don't remember. But his name is Frank. We call him Frankie B. He's Frank Bernardo. We'll give out his real name. His Name is Frank Bernardo. Frankie B. Big part of the show. Lots of episodes, breaking down almost every single one of the videos that he has put out there on YouTube. He's just a big lug nut trying to teach guys how to get more tail. I mean, he's this pickup artist. Let's be. Let's call it like we see it.

[Chrissy]

That's true.

[Brian]

He's a pickup artist, but he's big, you know, he's just kind of a lovable oaf. I guess it's the best way to put it. He's not really an oath.

[Chrissy]

His investment opportunity.

[Brian]

Oh, he does have his investment. Yeah. Frankie B. It's all sweet. It's all sweet. But, you know, with that. What's that?

[Chrissy]

He came up with that.

[Brian]

He came up with the idea for salon suites 30 years after the first person that came up with it. Came up with it. You heard it, Learned it here last. Frankie B. Designer and creator of. Designer and creator of Salon Suisse. Yeah. Okay, so I pulled a little Frankie B. While we were on the break, I pulled the very first video that we ever did.

[Chrissy]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian]

You want a second bite at the apple?

[Chrissy]

I do.

[Brian]

I do, too. Let's do it. Here's Frankie teaching us how we can identify five signs that she's cheating on you.

[Frank Bernardo]

Okay, so, gentlemen, in today's video, we're gonna go over five more sneaky signs that your wife just might be cheating on your ass.

[Brian]

God, he's worse than Hambone and Hoodley in the morning.

[Chrissy]

I've been cheating on your ass.

[Frankie B]

Hey, guys, he's cheating on your ass. And I'm gonna show you how to identify him.

[Brian]

Okay, Frankie, settle down.

[Frankie B]

Settle down.

[Brian]

We're talking about a somber topic. Why are you so energetic?

[Frank Bernardo]

I build muscles and I do cocaine all day.

[Hambone]

I don't have a real job. I just look at the camera.

[Frankie B]

I get lots of tail.

[Hambone]

But it's inappropriate age wise. I. I think he needs to go.

[Brian]

Back to the original music he does. Starring Frank Bernard.

[Frank Bernardo]

Guys. And welcome to the video. If this is your first time here, my name is welcome to the Video.

[Brian]

You don't welcome someone to your video.

[Hambone]

Welcome to the video.

[Brian]

They actually chose to press the play button.

[Hambone]

They got it.

[Brian]

Ted 4. Understood.

[Frank Bernardo]

Frank Bernardo. This channel is geared for all guys over the age of 50 who want to up their game, look, and feel better about this themselves in grooming, fitness.

[Frankie B]

Fast fitness, fashion, lifestyle, nachos, cheese, fondue, lighting, camera, action.

[Brian]

Go.

[Frank Bernardo]

And lifestyle, you know? But if you're a gentleman.

[Brian]

Lifestyle, lifestyle.

[Hambone]

You know, Chrissy, I've been.

[Brian]

Thinking about changing my lifestyle.

[Chrissy]

That's right, Brian.

[Brian]

I'm eating too many fatty foods.

[Hambone]

I'm not getting enough exercise. I certainly don't get my dick enough wet enough.

[Brian]

So I'm changing my lifestyle altogether.

[Chrissy]

Sounds like. Sounds good. Sounds like a plan.

[Brian]

Thanks, chrissy.

[Frank Bernardo]

In your 40s. You know, don't turn the video off. You know, because, you know, 40 years old, you think you're the men of the world and you know everything that's going on out there and nothing could be further from the truth.

[Frankie B]

Let me tell you, as a 72 year old man, when I was 40.

[Brian]

I had it all figured out.

[Frankie B]

I was just opening my first salon. Sweet.

[Brian]

I had a girlfriend that was totally in an age inappropriate and I thought I had it all figured out.

[Frankie B]

But you know what I was, Chrissy.

[Brian]

I was still at the age where.

[Frankie B]

I was scared of pussy.

[Chrissy]

That's right.

[Brian]

That's right.

[Frank Bernardo]

So take this information, absorb it, utilize it and put it into play because it just might make you a little bit more wiser.

[Brian]

Chrissy, can you hear me?

[Chrissy]

A little bit more jaded.

[Brian]

A little bit more jaded. Yeah. A little bit more ugly. A little bit more mean. Can you hand me the notebook so I can take notes?

[Frank Bernardo]

Yeah, when you're a guy my age.

[Brian]

My age.

[Frankie B]

Gentlemen.

[Frank Bernardo]

So before we get cranking into this video, at any time you like it, anytime you like the information, anytime you think that, that this information is going.

[Frankie B]

To anytime, press the subscribe button. I'm dying for listeners.

[Frank Bernardo]

Catch your cheating dog wife, then smash.

[Chrissy]

That like dog wife.

[Brian]

You're cheating dog wife.

[Chrissy]

God, he was burned.

[Brian]

I'm now remembering this video and I'm remembering how quickly we broke down Frankie's psyche. Yeah, this clearly happened to him and not so long ago when he, when he. As he's recording this video.

[Frank Bernardo]

And don't forget to subscribe. All right, let's get cranking into this video.

[Frankie B]

But can I get. Can I get. Yeah, crank it. Let's get cranking into this.

[Brian]

It's the third time he's used the word crank. Who used the word crank?

[Frankie B]

We're cranking now. We're sucking diesel.

[Brian]

Can I just give Frankie props where props are due? At least in this video. He is a handsome gentleman. He is. He is a handsome gentleman. He's got that block jaw. Yeah, I feel like that muscly, you know, old.

[Chrissy]

You like that look wrinkly?

[Brian]

No, I just say like the black, you know, the black shirt, the, the stylish jeans.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian]

That weird look. In his eye, like his wife just cheated on him.

[Chrissy]

It's a wild.

[Brian]

It's a wild look. I'm a wild man.

[Frank Bernardo]

There's a lot of you guys out there that are saying, you know what?

[Chrissy]

He's in a chair and he just put his leg up.

[Brian]

He just put his leg up over the arm. Remember for a while there, the ladies were going crazy over the guys that were keeping their legs spread open, you know, like that big dick energy, whatever they were calling it, right? This is the ultimate sp. Legs wide open.

[Frank Bernardo]

My wife ain't cheating on me. Look at this. Look what's going on here? Why would she cheat on me?

[Brian]

I don't know.

[Frankie B]

Because you're an.

[Chrissy]

Right.

[Frank Bernardo]

Do you pay attention to her? Are you affectionate? Are you romantic? Are you giving her what she needs?

[Chrissy]

I can't even imagine Frank. Frankie trying to be romantic.

[Brian]

Yeah. Can you imagine him seducing somebody? Like, lighting a bunch of candles and putting rose petals in a bathtub.

[Frankie B]

Hey.

[Brian]

Jumping out with only a towel on.

[Frankie B]

Hey, get in the tub. I'm gonna get you from behind. Don't drown.

[Brian]

Here we go. But he's so, like. He's so weird. Looking weirdly into the camera.

[Frankie B]

Did you give her what she needs?

[Brian]

Did you lube up? So weird. It's making me nervous.

[Frank Bernardo]

Sexually.

[Frankie B]

Oh, sexually.

[Frank Bernardo]

Think about it.

[Brian]

Are you. Wait, hold on. I'm gonna think about it. Gross. Ew. Are you. Ew.

[Frank Bernardo]

Does that excite you?

[Brian]

I got more.

[Frank Bernardo]

Does that excite you?

[Brian]

I got more.

[Frank Bernardo]

What kind of shape are you in? Are you taking care of yourself? Are you making sure you're the best possible you. You could be for your wife? You want her to be that way, right?

[Brian]

You.

[Frank Bernardo]

You want her to look good. You want her to dress nice. You want her to be.

[Frankie B]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian]

I literally stuck a stick on her head and put a ten dollar bill there.

[Frankie B]

And I ever run around the house and try and catch it. That's what I do.

[Juicy Jeff Quackenbush]

See?

[Frank Bernardo]

You think she doesn't want the same to you guys? Stop being complacent, all right? That's how you get yourself in trouble. Here's the facts. 53% of all wives cheat on their men.

[Julia Barkinpussy]

53.

[Brian]

Can that possibly be real?

[Chrissy]

Here's the fact.

[Frankie B]

Here's the facts.

[Chrissy]

From where I need.

[Hambone]

According to.

[Frankie B]

Based on my life experiences, 53 of my wives have cheated on me.

[Chrissy]

I don't think that's right.

[Brian]

That can't be true. Right? That cannot be true. I hope it's not.

[Chrissy]

I hope so too.

[Brian]

Now I feel like. And I'm paranoid.

[Frank Bernardo]

So let's talk about this. If I got you and nine of your buddies together and I interviewed all 10 of you guys, and I asked you, do you think your wife is cheating on you? Well, probably. I would say all ten would say no. But guess what? Five of you guys are wrong.

[Frankie B]

Five? Your guys.

[Frank Bernardo]

So room of ten. At least five of the wives are.

[Frankie B]

That is not true.

[Brian]

That is not true. It cannot be true. I am hoping desperately that it is not true. I mean, if we're pulling in, like, emotional dalliances, then maybe we're getting to 35%. But on of everybody. Everybody, man. Women, whatever. Cheating. But it cannot be. 53% physically sleep with other people.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, I would. Like I said, hope not.

[Brian]

God, there's another thing I got to stress out about at night.

[Frankie B]

Now.

[Frank Bernardo]

Think about that.

[Frankie B]

I am.

[Frank Bernardo]

Here's a figure. 67% of all guys cheat.

[Frankie B]

What?

[Chrissy]

67.

[Hambone]

67.

[Chrissy]

Damn.

[Brian]

God damn. You got a lot more to worry about than I do, Chrissy. I'm gonna let you go home and worry about it for the both of us.

[Frank Bernardo]

3% of all women cheat. 39 of men get caught. You want to hear something alarming? 48 of all cheating wives get caught. And in this video.

[Frankie B]

They got caught in this video. In this video.

[Chrissy]

Cheater.

[Frank Bernardo]

I'm gonna show you how you catch them.

[Chrissy]

He would actually be a good host of that cheater.

[Brian]

Oh, he would be the best.

[Hambone]

Yeah.

[Brian]

I'm actually gonna write a note. Who owns that now? Joey Greco. I'm gonna write a note to Greco and be like, dude, I realize that after you got stabbed multiple times, you're probably not looking to get back into the cheaters game, but Frankie B.

[Hambone]

Is on it.

[Frank Bernardo]

Your wife has become more judgmental towards your marriage or your relationship.

[Hambone]

Yep.

[Brian]

Check that one off the box there, Brian. Astrid. More judgmental about my work.

[Frank Bernardo]

One thing to note about a cheating spouse is she's always going to try and rationalize her behavior. Always going to try and make out that your marriage is far worse than what it is. You know why?

[Frankie B]

Because I don't think it's possible for.

[Brian]

My wife to make out that our.

[Frankie B]

Marriages are worse than it is.

[Hambone]

So I think I'm safe there.

[Brian]

I think I'm good.

[Chrissy]

Okay. So don't check that box.

[Brian]

Don't check that box.

[Frank Bernardo]

Makes them feel like cheating wasn't an option. I had to do it. It was so bad. They're getting all theatrical and dramatic on the marriage.

[Hambone]

I had to have sex with a pig. It's the only thing that made sense. My nickname is Hambone.

[Frankie B]

What did you expect, ham bone?

[Hambone]

I just put two and two together. Oh, good old hamburger.

[Frank Bernardo]

Only judgmental. Everything you do is wrong all of a sudden. Why? Why all of a sudden? You know why? Because she's trying to rationalize her thoughts. She's wrong. You know, women are a strange breed. They can actually.

[Frankie B]

A strange breed of what? Frankie. Frankie.

[Chrissy]

There's designer bre.

[Hambone]

You can get the designer braid. Mud braid.

[Brian]

You can get the purebreds.

[Hambone]

You know how it goes.

[Brian]

They're all weird in their own way.

[Chrissy]

They're a weird breed.

[Hambone]

Oh, my God.

[Brian]

That is probably one of the more offensive things Frankie has ever said. And he has said a lot of.

[Frank Bernardo]

Offensive things in themselves, in their mind to fabricate this. This marriage that just ain't working. So they can justify their ass cheating.

[Frankie B]

Justify their ass cheating is so angry.

[Chrissy]

Are they ass cheating? They're ass cheating if it's in the ass.

[Brian]

Listen, I agree.

[Chrissy]

It doesn't count.

[Brian]

I. I can ask. Cheat all I want. That's an agreement between Astrid and I. I say, listen, it's just ass cheating. It's just a little ass play. Who's it hurting really? I went to a prostate massage class and I was the.

[Hambone]

I was the model.

[Brian]

It's just a little ass play. It's like the Catholics. It's just the last place.

[Chrissy]

Exactly.

[Brian]

It's not cheating in God's eyes.

[Frank Bernardo]

Yeah, pay attention to that. Also tip number two, the intimacy has faded.

[Frankie B]

Hello.

[Brian]

Now two with rock star fingers.

[Hambone]

Two.

[Brian]

Who is he? Brett Michaels. I think Brett Michaels is the only other human being that goes.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian]

Two. Yeah.

[Chrissy]

The first finger in the paint.

[Brian]

Yeah.

[Hambone]

One in the pink, two in the stink. You know how it goes. Just a little ass play.

[Frank Bernardo]

Could be for a lot of reasons. You know, women are. Are very moody. So. What a telltales.

[Chrissy]

Oh, my God.

[Brian]

Check that box.

[Chrissy]

They're a strange breed. They're very moody.

[Brian]

You are a strange breed. You. You women.

[Frank Bernardo]

You know, if your sexual life has just been fading on a regular basis, why is that all of a sudden?

[Brian]

The 15 kids I have sleeping in.

[Hambone]

My bed with me.

[Frank Bernardo]

Yes, it's very easy. Gentlemen, open your eyes. She's getting laid from someone else, so she's constantly rejecting you. Open your eyes.

[Brian]

Oh, well, my eyes are wide open. But I don't think that my wife is cheating on me just because I didn't get any nookie last night. I mean, that's a irrational conclusion to make.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian]

When you're in a relationship, long term relationship. At least in my experience, like, more than, like, years. Things can ebb and flow to some degree. Sometimes you're hot to trot, and everybody's on top of it. And then there's other times where you might go a week or two, I don't know, however long without getting intimate. Not because your wife is cheating on you or your loved one is cheating on you, but because they're tired. It's been a long day at work. We have other responsibilities. We have to travel. Someone passed away. I mean, there's a million reasons why you just might not be in the mood. Not just for a night, but for a period of time. There's nothing abnormal about that. Nothing at all. Frankie is just taking way too much Viagra, and he is Viagra, and he is.

[Hambone]

So.

[Chrissy]

I think he's taking testosterone shots.

[Brian]

Oh, something. Yeah. Allegedly.

[Hambone]

Alleged.

[Brian]

We don't know that for sure, but allegedly, it seems like. Well, and if he's got low T, then.

[Hambone]

Then it's.

[Brian]

Then he should be taking testosterone shots.

[Frank Bernardo]

So tip number three.

[Hambone]

Oh, my God.

[Frank Bernardo]

Frankie kicked back constantly asking you to go take that trip. Why don't you go. Get away. Why don't you go visit family? How about the golf trip? Trip with the buddies? You need to go.

[Brian]

You know what Astro just said to me the other day? I'm not even kidding. She's like, you need to go on a trip with your brothers. Just your brothers. Go four or five days. Figure it out. You guys go. I'll take care of the kids. Now I know it's really going.

[Chrissy]

That's right.

[Brian]

Ass cheating.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, that's what's happening.

[Hambone]

Ass cheating.

[Frankie B]

I knew it.

[Chrissy]

She's gonna confront her, and I'm going to. I'm gonna be like, let me know how that goes.

[Brian]

Are you ass cheating? I'll let you know how that goes. I think you already know how it's gonna go.

[Frankie B]

You are such an idiot. I'm going to divorce you based on your iq.

[Frank Bernardo]

Gentlemen, there's a reason why she wants you gone so she can spend more time with the person she's cheating with. So she's constantly push, push, pushing for you to take a trip.

[Brian]

What if I came in the door from the boys trip and my bags were packed to go to Europe?

[Frankie B]

I bought your tickets to Spain. You're spending a month.

[Brian]

Enjoy yourself. Go to the nude beaches, meet ladies, have fun.

[Hambone]

I get back from Spain, and she's.

[Brian]

Like, your flight to Disney is in two hours. I'm gone for, like, a year.

[Hambone]

This is amazing, babe.

[Frankie B]

Thanks so Much. I. I really had a chance to have some space to myself.

[Brian]

I come home and Frankie's in bed with her.

[Frank Bernardo]

That's right. There's a reason why. Tip number four. Did you ever notice that the routine might be changing? Especially have you been in a long term marriage? Let's face it, you have a routine and your wife has route.

[Frankie B]

Hey, why isn't she first thing in the morning like usual? What the fuck is going on here? Where are the morning dumps? Where are they? I know.

[Chrissy]

He assumes too that like it's just two people that have nothing else going on.

[Frankie B]

Yeah, I noticed you get your nails done around the 15th of the month. It's the 17th and I haven't heard a word that in your morning dumps. And the Diet Coke instead of the regular Coke.

[Brian]

It reminds me of that airplane. Remember in the movie Airplane where she's like, that's funny. He never has a second cup of coffee at home.

[Frank Bernardo]

If all of a sudden that routine starts changing, well, there's a reason why. Because she's making time for the person that she's cheating with.

[Brian]

I'd hate to live in his head.

[Frankie B]

Jean.

[Brian]

Jesus Jones. This is what's happened. Frankie got cheated on.

[Chrissy]

Yes.

[Brian]

They got a divorce. It was probably ugly and nasty as a lot of divorces can be. And certainly while you're going through the divorce, they're almost never pleasant. I can share that with you right now. Yeah, but he's bitten. Like he's bitten.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, I know.

[Brian]

He's angry, bitter. Yes. And so he is now looking back and saying everything that she ever did was a sign that she was known.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, she was. She was making time.

[Brian]

She wasn't. She wasn't. In the morning, I don't know where. She was pooping, quite frankly, at the other guy's house.

[Frankie B]

There's the same amount of toilet paper tonight as there was this morning.

[Brian]

I bet she's at that other guy's house.

[Frankie B]

A little ass cheating. More ass cheating.

[Brian]

She's dump cheating.

[Frankie B]

I know it. She's using somebody else's toilet.

[Frank Bernardo]

So you need to pay special attention. Don't blow it off.

[Hambone]

Okay?

[Frank Bernardo]

Pay attention.

[Chrissy]

Follow her.

[Hambone]

Yeah, follow her.

[Chrissy]

Put one of those tracking devices on the car.

[Brian]

I say two tracking devices.

[Frankie B]

Sew it into her panties and then.

[Brian]

You'Ll really know where she is. Follow her obnoxiously. Hire multiple. Actually, get your friends to get in on this too.

[Frankie B]

I want you all triangulating for months on end and see where she goes.

[Chrissy]

Well, with the 10 guys, you know that half of Them are cheating. Those five need to just go.

[Brian]

That's right. The other five need to help out the brothers. I agree with you on this. This. Let's get the cheating pact of 2024. If you're not one of the 55% of men who are being cheated on, you need to help the brothers that are being cheated on. How?

[Frankie B]

I don't know.

[Brian]

Follow them around. Look for. Yeah, look for changes in bathroom behaviors first. What if Astrid woke up in the morning and Raphael was like standing in the bathroom like, writing notes? Hey, Astrid, don't worry about me.

[Frankie B]

The fuck are you doing?

[Brian]

Taking notes on your shit times.

[Frankie B]

Those brothers got to help each other out.

[Frank Bernardo]

Her routine varies. She's going out more, she's dressing different, she looks different.

[Brian]

Okay, well, that might be an obvious sign that something is going on. If all of a sudden you have. If you have a relationship where your partner is, you know, all you guys do things together, you go to the club together, you go to the bar together, you. Whatever you normally do. And then all of a sudden your partner is looking for extra time away from you in circumstances where, you know, there could be temptations that might be something to pay attention to. Like if all of a sudden Astrid wants to go, you know, clubbing six nights a week. Yeah, I'm probably like.

[Chrissy]

And wear like crazy dresses, stiletto heels.

[Brian]

And she's dressing like that Bianca. Sensory. Well, then there you go then. You got some. An issue on your hands. She's going to Cheesecake Factory with see through leggings on.

[Frank Bernardo]

She's coming home a little later. She got stuck at the office where she never got stuck on before. Guys, these are telltale signs it could happen.

[Brian]

Yes.

[Frankie B]

Is this Berkshire? And Berkshire it is. Does Tina Bernardo work here?

[Hambone]

She does.

[Frankie B]

Okay, just checking. Is she here now? Can I come in and look? Can I sit in your bathroom for a few minutes? I want to see if she shits at 6:50 like usual.

[Chrissy]

This is the one too, where we said that he would. We pictured him like busting through the cubicles.

[Hambone]

He busted through the office.

[Brian]

Like the, like the high C guy, the Kool Aid.

[Frankie B]

Look at my body. Hey, honey, I. I thought you were cheating.

[Chrissy]

Do you want Thai dinner tonight?

[Frankie B]

Mexican. I can pick some up.

[Hambone]

Okay.

[Frankie B]

Sorry about all the damage. Someone will pay. She'll pay for it.

[Brian]

Thanks.

[Frankie B]

Bye. Do you mind if I put this ring, doorbell, camera here? Is that okay? I just wanna. I'm just gonna make sure everything. What? No, you're gonna call security. What? Okay, listen, I'm gonna go on My own volition. But someone text me when Tina leaves.

[Brian]

William, thanks.

[Frankie B]

Appreciate it. This guy's got to stick together once in a while.

[Frank Bernardo]

I get that. But just pay attention to the pattern. You're gonna bust her ass out.

[Hambone]

Bust her ass out. You're gonna get ass cheating indicators all over the place.

[Frankie B]

That's right.

[Hambone]

That's right, Chrissy. Ass indicators. That's what I call it.

[Brian]

It. Frankie does tip number five.

[Frank Bernardo]

Let's talk about a few things.

[Brian]

You know, tip number five should just be one thing, but. Okay, we'll talk about a few things. Why not?

[Frank Bernardo]

Guys, when they get into their 50s, upper 50s, they get very complacent. They're not really paying attention to what's going on, the obvious signs, because you're. You're so caught up in your. Your own life, your routine, you always take your wife, spouse for granted. And that's probably not a good thing to do, you know?

[Brian]

Is there a mouse in the background?

[Chrissy]

Something squeaky? Meanwhile, he's like in the lawn chair.

[Brian]

Yeah, he's probably got his wife caged up at this law suite.

[Frank Bernardo]

You choose to ignore all the telltale signs. If you're good with that, then that's fine.

[Brian]

But if you.

[Frank Bernardo]

You're not, you need to open up your eyes. You need to start paying attention to what they're doing, all right? Especially if they know you're very complacent, very lethargic, very non caring. They're gonna walk all over your ass.

[Chrissy]

He just loves saying it.

[Hambone]

He does.

[Frankie B]

I swear to God, if I see you sitting downstairs playing that PlayStation one more time, I'm gonna have stiletto heels all over. Hey, hey, chill out, babe. I'm not the one who changed her time from 6:55 to 7:20. I know what's going on around here. PlayStation is my friend.

[Frank Bernardo]

You're like. You're like shooting fish in a barrel, okay? You're. You're easy.

[Hambone]

You like shooting jizz at a wall. Take it easy.

[Brian]

Shooting fish in a barrel.

[Frank Bernardo]

All right, Start calling them out.

[Brian]

Start.

[Frank Bernardo]

Start asking what they're doing. If you're suspecting things, okay, guys, just, Just, Just open your freaking eyes.

[Brian]

You've said that 70 times.

[Chrissy]

So.

[Brian]

He's so angry, bitter, and upset about this whole thing. And listen, Che, when you get cheated on, and I'm sure it's happened to most of us, because by. I def. By Frankie statistics, it's happened to most of us.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian]

It is not a fantastic feeling. It actually is extraordinarily hurtful.

[Chrissy]

It is.

[Brian]

Because even if you don't like the person anymore. Right, right. Listen, this happened to me, and I didn't even like the person I was with. And when I found out she was cheating, it really hurt my feelings because it was just a. Yet another indicator of how shitty our relationship really was and how shitty the whole situation was, but how shitty I was as a human being too, that she had to go look elsewhere. But, you know, now that I'm older, I can't blame anybody.

[Frankie B]

It's just like, well, well, okay, I'm.

[Brian]

A little more forgiving in my old age.

[Frankie B]

I'm like, well, once.

[Brian]

I can forgive you twice. We'll work it out. Three times.

[Hambone]

Well, I guess we gotta go to therapy now.

[Brian]

Four times. We're staying together for the kids. Five times. I'm too old to perform anyway.

[Frankie B]

Six times.

[Brian]

What do you think about a brother? Husband?

[Frank Bernardo]

All right, guys, we're at the climax, and that is tip number five.

[Hambone]

We're at the climax.

[Frankie B]

He just gave tip number five. And now he's giving tip number five again.

[Brian]

The climax. The climax.

[Frank Bernardo]

And this is gonna be the last tip.

[Brian]

Thank God, this video.

[Frank Bernardo]

But it's the most obvious tip. All right, let's talk about your wife's cell phone. Have you noticed anything?

[Brian]

Oh, this is my favorite tip that he has ever given in any video, this cell phone. If your wife has a cell phone, she's cheating.

[Frank Bernardo]

Different in the way that she's being guarded towards that phone where before her phone was laying out on the counter. When you go out to a restaurant or a bar, that phone is laying on the bar top or the table.

[Frankie B]

I could just see Frankie.

[Brian]

Just imagine. I want you to imagine a big house with a big winding staircase in the foyer, right? And a balcony up top. And Tina, let's call her Tina, his ex wife, has left her phone on a table in the foyer, right? And Frankie walks in, and he goes straight to the table in the foyer. I just. Just see, like some woman just jumping.

[Frankie B]

Off the balcony, smashing her body.

[Frank Bernardo]

No.

[Brian]

Geez.

[Frankie B]

I. I just want to put my phone down. Oh, okay.

[Frank Bernardo]

Not hiding anything. Didn't care. All of a sudden. God, sudden.

[Chrissy]

All of a sudden, it's so pissed. Oh, the sun.

[Frankie B]

Out of nowhere. No explanation. All of a sudden, phone is hidden.

[Frank Bernardo]

It's in her purse, and it's on silent. There's no ringing going on. Why?

[Frankie B]

Hey, where's that ring ringing that I usually hear coming from your phone? I know you're cheating on me. We're in the movie theater. Oh, okay. All right, I'll settle Down. Sorry, everybody. Sorry.

[Brian]

Go ahead.

[Frankie B]

I'm sorry. I ruined it. I apologize. Sorry, kids.

[Frank Bernardo]

Is that all of a sudden? Does it make sense? I don't even have to tell you another word because you already get it. But we're still going to to talk about it.

[Frankie B]

I don't even have to say another word, but I'm still going to make more words. I don't have to say another thing except for these additional things.

[Frank Bernardo]

All a sudden. He's doing that because she's expecting a text from her significant other. If she's got a code, if she's got a code on their phone, a lockout code.

[Julia Barkinpussy]

Code.

[Frankie B]

If she gets an iPhone where passcodes are automatically installed, you're out of nowhere. She's cheating on you.

[Hambone]

Every phone has a code.

[Frankie B]

Who doesn't have a code on their phone?

[Brian]

Now if she's changing her code frequently.

[Frankie B]

Well, she either has kids or she's cheating.

[Brian]

Yeah, you're right.

[Frank Bernardo]

Had it before. Come on, guys. Open your eyes.

[Chrissy]

Close to the camera.

[Frankie B]

I know.

[Brian]

He's so angry. It's like he's talking to the woman who cheated on him. Yes, on that.

[Frank Bernardo]

Ask her why all of a sudden there's a lockout code. Well, in case I.

[Brian]

It's not called a lockout code. It's called a passcode. The lady isn't. It's not an apartment building, it's not an emergency, you know, room in. In your basement, loose it.

[Frank Bernardo]

I want to make sure no one getting my information. No problem. Give me the lockout code. I. I want the lockout code.

[Chrissy]

Code.

[Frankie B]

It's not called a lockout code.

[Brian]

It's nothing called a lockout code.

[Hambone]

There's no such thing as a lockout code.

[Frank Bernardo]

We'll give it to you.

[Brian]

Or it's only a lockout code. If you're the one that got locked.

[Frank Bernardo]

Out, she'll give it to you and she'll change it again. So she's super heavily guarded with that phone and she's never on it when she's anywhere around.

[Frankie B]

Hey, who are these two people? Who are these two guys you brought home? Oh, this is Jim and this is Doug. They're from National Security Services and they're just here, help me with my lockout code. They'll be following my phone around. If you don't mind. Frankie on you think about that.

[Frank Bernardo]

It's. It's the number one giveaway is a woman with that cell phone.

[Frankie B]

So guys, that is a woman with a cell phone.

[Chrissy]

Number one.

[Frankie B]

It's the number one dead giveaway. A Woman and a phone.

[Brian]

Case closed, problem solved.

[Frankie B]

I got you file for divorce.

[Hambone]

Because she's.

[Frankie B]

She's getting it. She's getting pipelined somewhere else. You know what I'm saying, Guys, number one man, that.

[Frank Bernardo]

That's all I got for today. Actually, I do got more, but that's another day.

[Hambone]

Oh, I do got more.

[Brian]

I do got more.

[Frankie B]

Oh, the sudden I got more.

[Brian]

I'm Frankie V. We covered five secret.

[Frank Bernardo]

Tips that your wife might be cheating on you again. You know, guys, when we get into our age, we get a little bit complacent.

[Juicy Jeff Quackenbush]

We.

[Frank Bernardo]

We take our wives for granted. We're not always looking at things. I think it's just time to open your eyes. Little homework assignment for you guys.

[Brian]

Oh, I don't want any homework from you, Frankie. I barely like watching these videos in the first place.

[Chrissy]

This cell phone. Call every number.

[Frankie B]

Call Verizon.

[Chrissy]

Be sure she's at work.

[Brian]

Yeah, call your congressman. Outlaw women having cell phones.

[Frankie B]

We'll put this cheating to an end right away.

[Frank Bernardo]

When she comes home tonight, tomorrow, whenever.

[Frankie B]

You see her, take her cell phone. Tomorrow, whenever you see her kind of relationship are you in, Frankie? When you see her tonight, tomorrow, whatever. Next month.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, whatever.

[Hambone]

Yeah.

[Frankie B]

25Th wedding anniversary. You let her know I watch your cell phone and your lockout code.

[Brian]

Start.

[Frank Bernardo]

Start thinking about the things I talked about.

[Brian]

Yeah, that's all I need is to be paranoid my entire relationship. Thanks. Anyway, just look.

[Frank Bernardo]

Just observe. And if one of the. The five fall into place, it's like. Okay. If two of the five fall into place, it's like.

[Brian]

Right?

[Frank Bernardo]

And if three are there, I think.

[Frankie B]

You better get an STD test. Those kids aren't yours.

[Frank Bernardo]

You got her, guys.

[Hambone]

Got her ass.

[Brian]

She's been ass cheating the whole time. All right, all right. 500 episodes in the can. Congratulations, young lady. Right?

[Chrissy]

Congratulations.

[Hambone]

You did it.

[Brian]

500 more. Don't worry, we'll do it. Why? Why would we stop now? Don't threaten us with a good time.

[Frankie B]

We're gonna be right there.

[Hambone]

No. Threaten us with a good time.

[Brian]

Oh, thank you so much. And in case you're wondering, Hambone and Hly, we just had to make an appearance, Chrissy and I. Chris's idea. We've been talking about it for a year, and finally, we had a good reason to do it.

[Chrissy]

Modeled after those, you know, Zoo Crew.

[Brian]

Zoo Crew morning shows. Exactly like the commercial, right? We're born in the fire of early 80s dragon drive time radio.

[Hambone]

All right.

[Brian]

Also, you've been such a big part of the show, we want you to be a bigger part of the show. I'm asking, I'm begging, I'm pleading. I want you, I need you to come on the show and talk to us live here while we're recording. We can hide your name, we can disguise your voice if you're embarrassed, if you, if your family, like our families are going to be embarrassed of you being on the commercial break. We'll disguise your voice. And I'm being sick curious about this. We really want to have you on the show. We've already got a couple of people who have texted in so. But we need more because maybe I don't like those people and maybe I, maybe they're ass cheating and I need to do something else. 212-4333-TCB that's 212-433-3822 for those of you that aren't good with the letters, you can go ahead and you can text us. Ask us a question. Ask, ask us a question. Need our advice? Want to talk to us about the show or anything else? We'd be happy to have you on. All you need to do is just let us know. Text us and let us know. You can also leave comments, questions, concerns, content, ideas there on the voicemail or the text message. We'd love it if you would go to the website tcb podcast.com More information about the show. All the audio, all the video right there from one location. Free piggy front and sticker on the contact us page. I want my drop down menu. I want my sticker in the drop down menu. Give us your address. We'll send it up at the commercial break on Instagram tcb podcast on tick tock YouTube.com the commercial break and I.

[Chrissy]

Have to say at wait. I have to say hey ladies out there, if your husband won't let you have a cell phone, you're in trouble.

[Frankie B]

Trouble.

[Chrissy]

Then you use your husbands to call in.

[Hambone]

Until next time. We always say, we do say and we must say goodbye.

[Frankie B]

Sa.