The Magical Land of PUAmore!

Summary

Podcast Summary

The Commercial Break – "The Magical Land of PUAmore!"

Date: September 13, 2024
Hosts: Bryan Green, Krissy Hoadley, Matt
Episode Theme:
A deep, comedic dive into the bizarre world of pick-up artist (PUA) culture, roasting the methods of infamous PUA “coach” Zach Bauer as presented at the 21 Convention and on the fan site PUAmore. Bryan, Krissy, and Matt break down Bauer’s “innovative” techniques with irreverent banter, skepticism, and their trademark off-the-cuff humor—exposing the absurdity (and potential creepiness) of PUA advice and exploring the endless hunger for dating shortcuts among the lonely-hearted.

---

Main Topics and Themes

1. Pop Culture Oddities & Absurd News

• [00:53–06:54]
  • Quick side tangent about reality TV: Bryan recounts the saga of TLC’s “Thousand Pound Sisters,” focusing on a story where Amy, one of the sisters, called the police after being bitten by a camel at a petting zoo—then proceeded to smoke weed and eat mushrooms while waiting for authorities, leading to her arrest.
  • “How dumb do you have to be to call the police basically on yourself?” – Brian [04:00]
• [06:54–08:43]
  • Mini-rant on Oregon’s failed drug decriminalization experiment and larger comments on the futility of the “war on drugs.”
  • “Putting people in jail for essentially wanting to feel good is not the right answer.” – Brian [05:36]

---

2. The Magical Land of PUAmore: Pickup Artist Culture Deep-Dive

Setup: Why This Episode? (And Third Time’s a Charm)

• [08:43–10:43]
  • Bryan and Krissy admit this is their third consecutive episode fixated on the “21 convention” and PUAmore, especially the strange teachings of Zach Bauer (“pussy handler”—as Bryan gleefully puts it).
  • “We are so enamored with this guy and his…brand new way of thinking about the POI [PUA] community.” – Bryan [11:15]

Introducing Zach Bauer and “Conversation Baiting”

• [10:43–12:04]
  • Zach Bauer is distinguished in the PUA world for his “different” approach—less about formulas, more about weird behavioral methods: tap a girl, stare at her (“like a Cheshire cat for four to seven hours”), and make statements instead of asking questions.
  • “His brand new technique: talking.” – Matt [10:57]
  • Roasting the over-complication of what is essentially “talking”; Bauer’s methods become a running gag.

---

3. Step-By-Step Breakdown and Roast of Bauer’s Methods

The F.E.R.A. (Focus, Emotion, Rapport, Arousal) System

(Hosts move through the steps, both dissecting and mocking them)

A. Focus/Emotion

• [15:56–18:51]
  • Chrissy (parodying Bauer): Sometimes you have to artificially “inject emotion” into a conversation—even resorting to picking fights so you can do “damage control” later.
    • “Get into your first fight…Makeup sex is the best!” – Bryan [17:34]
  • “You were in the closet, am I right?” – Bryan, riffing on the weirdness of in-field PUA documentation [17:59]

B. Statement Roulette

• [19:15–21:56]
  • Bauer’s next innovation: “statement roulette”—prepare 3–4 random, playful statements (e.g., "Show me your dance moves" or "Those heels are badass") to toss at women instead of engaging in normal conversation.
    • “I would like to see your clitoris, please. Show me your dance moves.” – Bryan [19:52]
  • The hosts mock this as anti-flirtation: “Nothing says fun like staring a girl in the eyes for 30 seconds and then fighting with her…” [21:56]
  • Krissy explains the supposed value: women will latch onto any statement they like and become emotionally invested.
    • “You’re just bulldozing her emotionally and psychologically.” – Bryan [27:31]

C. Rapport: Revolutionary or Just Boring?

• [33:13–36:32]
  • Bauer finally gets to “rapport” (as if he’s invented it), urging participants to transition from nonsense statements to a few standard questions (“Where are you from?”, “What do you do?”). Bryan and Matt question how any woman is still even present at this point.
    • “Don’t break eye contact—it’s a staring contest…make everyone in the bar uncomfortable.” – Bryan [36:44]

---

4. Arousal: Bauer’s “Advanced” Move

• [41:04–48:03]
  • The big “secret”: escalate by describing what you’d like to do to her (explicit restraint)—then say why you won’t do it now (e.g., “If your parents weren’t here, I’d be making out with you shamelessly.”).
    • “I really want to stick my tongue on your clitoris…but my mommy says I have to be home by eleven!” – Bryan [51:27]
  • Hosts poke fun at how creepy and doomed this behavior would be in real bars, especially when “the girl was with her parents.”
    • “Parents are getting out shotguns. The police are being called. What is this?” – Bryan [56:50]

---

5. Reflection, Reactions, and Audience Engagement

• Scathing skepticism: The hosts repeatedly call out the grift—likely none of these “PUAs” can perform their techniques outside a paid seminar.
  • “If you’ve been to one of these classes…I guarantee you this guy does not walk into bars and bed women on a consistent basis.” – Bryan [38:04]
• Audience call: Bryan invites listeners who have actually attended a PUA course to share their real experiences.
• Roasting “success”: The goal posts constantly move—from promises of getting a girl in bed, down to a parent hauling her out of the bar while she “smiles uncomfortably.”

---

Notable Quotes & Moments

On the absurdity of PUA methods:

• “Tap, tap, stare. A long, hard stare where you say nothing.” – Matt [36:38]
• “You are so full of fucking shit. Guys, I want you to hear this. Anybody? I mean, no. No one in our audience I don’t believe would ever believe this shit.” – Bryan [59:27]

On “Statement Roulette”:

• “Don’t even worry about it! You’re not looking for a reaction. Just keep plowing through your roulette statements: badass heels, dance moves…” – Bryan [20:49]

On safety and bizarre escalation:

• “Nothing says ‘safe’ like staring a girl in the eyes for 30 seconds and then fighting with her…” – Bryan [45:42]

On success (or lack thereof):

• “That was counted as a success? That her mom and dad yanked her away, that she had a smile on her face? She probably had no clue what to do...That is not success.” – Bryan [56:15]

---

Key Segment Timestamps

• [00:53] – “Thousand Pound Sisters” and the Camel Bite Story
• [06:05] – Oregon Redecides to Criminalize Hard Drugs
• [08:43] – Introduction to Zach Bauer & PUAmore
• [10:52] – “Conversation Baiting” Revealed
• [17:02] – PUA “Emotion Injection”: Picking Fights for ‘Excitement’
• [19:15] – “Statement Roulette” and Plowing Through Nonsense
• [31:32] – The Host’s Real-World Rebuttal: “She’s figuring out the fire escape.”
• [33:13] – Bauer’s “Rapport” Step
• [41:04] – Leading to Arousal—Explicit Restraint
• [53:44] – “Success” Story: Approaching the Girl with Parents Plot-Line
• [61:20] – Hosts acknowledge listener reactions & Bauer’s grift

---

Final Thoughts & Tone

The episode is a lively, irreverent takedown of PUA culture, exposing both its inherent ridiculousness and the way it preys on the socially awkward. The hosts maintain their chaotic “Cheesecake Factory” energy throughout—riffing, going off on wild tangents, and never losing sight of the human need for real connection (while urging listeners to avoid PUA shortcuts).

Their comedic skepticism is relentless, making the podcast not just an exposé of bad dating advice but also a hilarious warning to anyone tempted to try these canned, manipulative tactics.

---

Listen for:

• Running gags on “bouncing on dicks,” staring contests, and “statement roulette”
• The trio’s genuine chemistry, quick-witted self-deprecation, and refusal to let a bad idea go unpunished
• Audience engagement: Inviting listener stories about PUA courses/real-world dating disasters

---

If you liked this episode, you’ll probably also enjoy:
Previous TCB breakdowns of internet oddities, “dating coach” videos, or any time the hosts go deep on cringeworthy pop culture subcultures.

---

End summary.

Transcript

[Brian Gray]

What do you love? Donuts. Again, what was your first love? Donuts. More emotional. What makes your heart skip? Donuts. On this episode of the commercial break, the fact of the matter is my hemp bracelet has magical powers. It smells like feet, but it has magical powers. I bought this in Panama City, bro. The land of poise. The magical kingdom of Pua.

[Christina]

That's right.

[Chrissy]

The next episode of the commercial break starts now.

[Brian Gray]

Yeah, boy. Oh, yeah. Cats and kittens, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Gray and this is the Tammy to my Slate and Kristen Joy only. Best to you, Chris.

[Matt]

Best of you, Brian.

[Brian Gray]

Best you out there in the podcast universe. Speaking of Tammy Slayton, her sister Amy. Slate. Okay, we've talked about this before. The Thousand Pound Sisters, which is a television show on TLC that is now on season 6, 7, 8, 9, who knows? Anyway, they're two really obese sisters and the very first shot of the very first show, they, they're like sitting on with a table of all kind of junk foods and they have these big 2 liter diet cokes in front of them and they're drinking them straight out of the leader. And they're explaining that when they were children, their mom told them that Diet Coke had negative calories. So if they just drank enough Diet Coke they could take away all the calories that they were getting from the junk food. I mean, it was like the God. It was a perfect setup for the rest of the show. Now the show is taking lots of twists and turns. It's dramatic at times. And one of them almost died from COVID And they've both had some kind of weight loss or weight reduction. Here's why I'm talking about this. Not because I want you to watch the show. The show has become terrible. But what I would like to say is that over the weekend, at least as we're recording this over those maybe two weekends ago, one of the sisters was at a petting zoo in Tennessee. Like one of those ones where you drive through the drive thru safari. The kind that I've been. The kind where I told you that a giraffe literally took my serious radio out of my car with his tongue. She got bit by a camel. She was like had a camel went into the car. Bitter. This is what she says. Now, the zoo denies this. The zoo says there's no proof that the camel bit anybody. But okay, so the camel bites her. Okay. Pretty nasty wound on her hand that I saw. Pictures of.

[Matt]

Those camel bites can hurt.

[Brian Gray]

Listen, anytime camel bites and camel lights, both of Those things will get you eventually. And anytime you have a wild animal like that bite you, you got to worry about a lot of stuff. But the bite did look nasty. I did. I knew camel had teeth, but I didn't know that they were like, I guess any animal that you get bitten by could be dangerous. So while waiting for the police to show up, she calls the police and the paramedics. I've been bitten by a camel. I've been bitten by a camel. While waiting for the police to show up, this girl Amy decides to go into the car with her two children and her new boyfriend. She's newly divorced and her new redneck ass boyfriend. And what do they decide to do? They decide to eat mushrooms and smoke weed, waiting for the police to show up. When the police get there, they smell the weed, they uncover the mushrooms, and they then take her to the hospital and then jail because she's endangering the children and she's got like, you know, schedule one and schedule four drugs on her. And I mean, how dumb do you have to be to call the police basically on yourself? Now, granted, maybe they were already fucked up long before the police got there. And this was just a continuation of the party.

[Matt]

No camel.

[Brian Gray]

That was a thought too, is maybe there was no camel biting you. Maybe you like rolled the window up on your own hand or something, you know, saying, but you have to be a real fucking thick person to call the police and then smoke weed waiting for them to show up in a state where it is clearly not legal to be smoking weed.

[Matt]

That's crazy.

[Brian Gray]

Speaking. Go ahead, you wonder.

[Matt]

Just saying.

[Brian Gray]

What, what, what? I thought we were friends. I thought we were all friends. You come here, arrest me over camel bite. So stupid. But this piggy fronts off something else that I wanted to share with you, which is Oregon has again criminalized the use of hard drugs. You know, they decriminalized it. Yeah, for this 18 month period of time, two year period of time, something like that, this trial. And it was such a clusterfuck that they decided to recriminalize using hard drugs. I still think marijuana is legal there in all ways, shape and form. But the fact that I said this when we were talking about the legalization of all drugs, which I am pro. I am pro. The legalization of all drugs and government oversight over the quality and quantity of how much of that you can get at one particular time, tax revenue, ability to keep an eye on. You know, you can have a database. If some dude's gotten six grams of cocaine today, okay, that's your limit, right? The next pharmacist that can't sell him any or whatever. I don't know. I don't know how it all works, but putting people in jail for essentially wanting to feel good is not the right answer, number one. And number two, if you're addicted, the right answer is also not jail, because there's drugs in jail, too. You're just perpetuating. And then they can't ever get a job again. And it's just a terrible, horrible cycle. Vicious cycle that we know doesn't work. Plus, the war on drugs is dumb, so. But Oregon couldn't control themselves, apparently Oregon couldn't control themselves. It up for the rest of the.

[Matt]

Country about this, but what. Yeah, what exactly?

[Brian Gray]

Fentanyl happened.

[Matt]

That's what happened.

[Brian Gray]

The fentanyl happened. Fentanyl was just taking hold in 2019. I think the law went into effect in 2020, 21 during the pandemic. You could only imagine. And it exacerbated and Portland became a total disaster. Like, you know, people falling out all over the streets. It's happening everywhere. It's not just Portland. It's happening everywhere. And big cities have big city problems. It doesn't matter if the drugs are legal or illegal. You can get them anywhere at any time, because as long as people want them, people are going to be the supply. Supply and demand. You can't stop that. You never will. So the war on drugs is not only dumb, it's a waste of time and money, but it's a big machine now, and it's never going to stop. But I'm just sharing that, like, you know, come on, Oregon, the rest of us be like, Amsterdam, keep it cool for a little while. You know what I'm saying?

[Matt]

Exactly.

[Brian Gray]

Amsterdam figured it out. They did, yeah. And what was the other country that I was reading? Was it Sweden or somewhere like that? They also decriminalized all hard drugs, and now they are recriminalizing it because no one can keep their shirts on. I mean, I get it. You're going to have a little. There's going to be a little, you know, you're gonna get the giggles and people are gonna have to shake it out. It's crazy hour. La ora loca. People are gonna have to shake it out for a little while, but they'll figure it out. And so now the law is, is that the cop has a Choice. Give them $100 citation, right? That can or cannot end up in some kind of incarceration, at least for the night or they can call this hotline, and a drug abuse counselor or of someone associated with it can show up on the scene within 30 minutes and determine whether or not they qualify for further counseling, maybe even inpatient rehab. Which just sounds like a going around your ass to get to your elbow, like, okay, you know, hand out a card or something, like waiting for somebody else to show up to decide if a drug addict wants to go to treatment. Probably not. That's just my guess. Probably not. But anyway, you know, interesting.

[Chrissy]

It's.

[Matt]

It's.

[Brian Gray]

The journey continues with that war on drugs. That silly, silly war on drugs. And that Nancy Reagan. Her and her, you know, twisted sister is the devil. Twisted sister. Twisted sister. Have you seen that guy? Anybody see that guy? D. Snyder. D. Snyder was not a threat to children. Metallica. Metallica was.

[Matt]

That's who played the record backwards.

[Brian Gray]

That's right. Anyway, okay, on. Off my High Horse, here we go. So this is a first in commercial break history. Chrissy and I, for a third episode in a row, are going to tackle a video that we just cannot get away from because every time.

[Matt]

Get enough of it.

[Brian Gray]

Yeah, I know. Every time that Chrissy and I, three days in a row now. Three episodes in a row now. Every time Chrissy and I try and walk away from this 21 convention and this Zack Bauer guy who's giving this speech at the 21 convention, a poi convention, a pickup artist convention, dating coach, pussy handler, wrangler. I'm not even sure what they call them. Every time that we turn off the cameras, then we find out more about what's going on, and it gives more context to what's happening. So now get this. Chrissy found this. Chrissy found that he is part of a website called POI More, Which is a website where I guess you can learn more about your favorite pois. It's kind of like a fan site for paws. He's featured on there, and he's featured on there along with about a hundred other PAs, including Adam Lyons and his wife or girlfriend or whatever it is, and a lot of the other people that we've broken down over the years. And he is known as a controversial figure inside of the POIS community, but a hot, hot commodity. People want to talk to this guy because he's got a different methodology for doing things than a lot of the others do. A lot of the others have this algebraic formula for how you can open a set quote, unquote, get into a girl's panties, get. Get them wet, drop those panties right down to the floor. So you can get in quickly, bat em, bed em, knock them out, move on to the next bar. Pussy falling from the sky, all that stuff, you know, we've heard it. We've all heard bouncing on your dick, basically. But Zach here has a totally different way of doing things. He wants to tell you that the opening doesn't really fucking matter. Tap him on the shoulder, stare at him like a Cheshire cat for four to seven hours. Then if they're still with you, then you've had an intimate moment together. And then you don't ask them questions. You tell them statements like you have an accent. And like, even if they don't have an accent, he says it doesn't matter because he's just looking for a response. So. And then you move them to the betting part and then this is it.

[Matt]

Well, no, well, there was the technique. The new technique. Well, there was the new technique, too. It's called conversation.

[Brian Gray]

Conversation. Conversation baiting, I think was the exact word.

[Matt]

But it's basically talking.

[Brian Gray]

Basically conversation.

[Matt]

It's just talking.

[Brian Gray]

It's my brand new technique. Talking. So Chrissy and I are so enamored with this particular.

[Matt]

Because we only had to E, F, E. Focus. Emotion was the next one. So we gotta. We gotta get to the R. Yeah.

[Brian Gray]

The R was, I don't know, rejection, I think. Yeah. Probably is going to be the next one. But we are so enamored with this guy and his, his techniques and his brand new way of thinking about the POI community.

[Matt]

He's been studying, you know, Jedi Master type style for what, five years or longer?

[Brian Gray]

Chrissy? I don't know. It's hard to tell.

[Matt]

He and his buddy Rob.

[Brian Gray]

Yeah.

[Matt]

They have studied hundreds of hours of their own footage.

[Brian Gray]

That's right.

[Matt]

Out in the wild.

[Brian Gray]

That, honestly is like asking the Dalai Lama, how long have you been studying spirituality? Forever. I mean, it's just part of him. It's ingrained in his bones. So him and his buddy Rob, they've been spending late nights on their ear E readers bouncing on each other's dicks.

[Matt]

Watching video of their own videos in the field.

[Brian Gray]

Footage. Yeah, infield footage of themselves. Listen, if you haven't heard the last two episodes, you might want to just take some time to listen to it because it's a good build up here that we got going on. And so I present to you, for the first time in commercial break history, a third straight episode. Well, not straight, because we also heard from our good friend Nicky Jam.

[Chrissy]

Yes.

[Brian Gray]

Who came in.

[Matt]

My God.

[Brian Gray]

Unbelievable. So let me talk a little bit about this before I go to the break. Yeah, Nikki Jam. That episode was recorded a while ago, but they. They requested that we put it in the can until his new album came out, and then we would release it after his new album came out, which is available now in Insomnia is. I was about to say incognito. Insomnia, which is available now on all the major streaming platforms. Nikki was kind enough to come and spend an hour with us. We really enjoyed our time with him. And he dropped some big news on that episode about whether or not he's retiring, about why he decided to retire, if he is going to retire, why he decided to retire, his struggles with drug and alcohol. I had so many questions for this guy.

[Matt]

Great conversation.

[Brian Gray]

It really was. And it moved so fast. I wish I had a lot more time with him, but maybe next time we'll have some more time with him. But Nikki's an international Latin superstar, reggaeton superstar. So do us a favor. Go listen to the episode, which was on Tuesday, and then go check out his album, stream it on Spotify. Of course, he doesn't need help from us. The Guy's got, like, 110 million followers on just one platform, so he doesn't need any help from us. But we did certainly did appreciate him. And now I have marriage reward points forever and ever. Yes. When we show up at Dania beach and there's a bunch of Venezuelans in that audience, I'm going to be much cooler than I was last time they saw me. I just got to share that with you.

[Matt]

That's right.

[Brian Gray]

All right, so back to Zack Bauer. Let's do this. Let's take a break, and when we get back, I promise we're going to get into all the good, juicy stuff with Zach. Take a break, and we'll be right back.

[Christina]

Oh, my God, Christina, you're an icon and a legend. That's my impression of you when I tell you that you can officially get tickets to come see us in Florida. We'll be at Daniel Beach Improv on September 24th and the Funny Bone Orlando on September 25th. And both of those links are already in the show notes. So come see us and giggle your way into our little hearts. If you can't make it to Florida to win our love, don't worry. We're easy. All it takes is to follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok CV podcast. Or you can text us at 212-433-33-TCV and check out our website tcb podcast.com for all of our audio, video content, and any sneaky links we might share.

[Brian Gray]

Two little interesting concert notes here. I'll share with you that at least as we're recording this, I'm getting news that Green Day last night ran off stage in the middle of one of their shows. Everyone looking scared, like an emergency exit. No following in, no follow up information on why that was, but, oh, maybe some kind of scare. And Howard Stern, the notorious. Notoriously, he. He's almost like a hermit. Like, he never leaves his house. Some of my friends were at the MSG Pearl Jam show last night, the Madison Square Garden, and spotted Howard. He was sitting. He was sitting just a couple rows by them. They got some pictures of him. Nice there with security staring them. Staring my friends down, of course. I think. I don't think Howard likes to be out of the house.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Brian Gray]

At all. So how Eddie Vedder got him to show up, I'm not really sure. But anyway. Okay, so back to Zach Bauer. Let's do this. Let's get into it. We're like halfway through this video right now. I don't think we'll make it all the way through the video. And I'm going to refuse to do a fourth episode. So let's make this one good. Here's Zach on number two or three of the Feral or Farah system he has for betting women.

[Chrissy]

Between you, I actually have, like, actually, I think, Matt, you were there when I was filming an infield video. And, you know, I was happy.

[Brian Gray]

I was there, bro. I was there. Yeah, I bet Matt feels so special for being called out. He's like, yeah, it puffs up his chest.

[Matt]

Matt, you were there.

[Brian Gray]

He's peacocking. Yeah, I was there. I was there. The night they got that special infield video. That lady did something very cool. It's like that's how Mazda Brony called me out on stage and I shrunk like a violet. And my friend Allison stood up. It was like, he's right here. And I was like, oh, oh. And then people were like, how do you know Maz? And I'm like, I don't. We had dinner. I don't even know. He must have written my name down on his hand. Yeah, he came on the show. He did.

[Chrissy]

Super nice.

[Brian Gray]

Oh, Maz is the best.

[Chrissy]

I love mas having this interaction with this girl. You know, we were like. We were trying to, like, put down, like, a whole interaction from start to finish in one night. And, you know, I knew that there wasn't enough emotions at one point. Like, I felt that this was kind of becoming a little bit boring, a little bit stale.

[Matt]

Like you were filming it for academic purposes, yes.

[Brian Gray]

Paleontologists years from now will be studying my infield video footage going, ack, ack. What happened? The human race was awful.

[Chrissy]

Started a fight with the girl. Just started a fight with her. I don't even remember what I said, but I just started picking at this fight and just started picking at it and picking at it until she blew up at me. Perfect time to use some damage control. Get.

[Brian Gray]

Makeup sex is the best. You wanna have some makeup sex? That's perfect. Your first interaction. Get into your first fight.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Gray]

Astrid and I are. I don't know, a decade into our relationship, we've yet to have a knockdown drag out. Yeah.

[Chrissy]

Back on track. We have these emotions going again. Now. What did I do? I took her by the hand and you followed us back to my place, Right? Right?

[Brian Gray]

Am I right? You cuckolded.

[Chrissy]

Am I right?

[Brian Gray]

You were in the closet. Am I right?

[Matt]

That girl didn't even know that's back to my place.

[Brian Gray]

Followed us back to my place, right? Look at his look on his face. He's like, yeah, high five.

[Matt]

Matt saw it.

[Brian Gray]

Knuckles, bro. Knucks.

[Matt]

Matt saw it.

[Brian Gray]

Matt saw it. Matt saw it all. I showed him my penis right before I stuck it in there. I walked by the closet with my heart on. I said, get. Get this inner field footage close up. Close up.

[Chrissy]

I mean, true story. So. But the fact is, is that none of this works if you're out there trying to get her attracted. None of this stuff works if you're out there worrying about, you know, is this girl not gonna like what I'm saying to her? Is this girl gonna be offended because I'm saying, oh, like, you have an accent, don't you? When she clearly is from the same town as you.

[Brian Gray]

So, yeah, nothing like, I think I'm being a crazy person.

[Matt]

Knocking around the bar, starting fights, girls tapping them, looking the other way.

[Brian Gray]

So you're African American, right? No, I. I'm German. No, no, you're African American. Pretty sure no black people should. When I see you and what a dumb thing. You're just trying to aggravate somebody for no reason.

[Chrissy]

That's just one example of, like, a way to start getting a girl emotionally invested. The other technique that I'm going to give you is called statement roulette. Okay? And what this is, is.

[Matt]

Is that trademark Ack.

[Brian Gray]

Refer to my roulette table.

[Chrissy]

This is basically, you know, I want you guys to Each come up with, like, three or four short statements that aren't too serious. They're fun, right? So things like, show me your dance moves.

[Brian Gray]

Show me your tits. Right?

[Matt]

Show me your dance moves.

[Brian Gray]

I would like to see your clitoris, please. Show me your dance moves.

[Matt]

Tap, tap, stare.

[Brian Gray]

Tap, tap, stare.

[Matt]

Show me your dance moves.

[Brian Gray]

Fight.

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Brian Gray]

Say ridiculous things that clearly aren't true. Then fight, yeah. Then show me your dance moves. Show me your dance moves.

[Chrissy]

Something.

[Brian Gray]

Look at him. He's so proud of himself. He's like, how about that one? I just dropped some knowledge on you guys. You don't even know what to think, do you? I'm playing 4D chess while the rest of you are playing checkers.

[Chrissy]

Nick, what was yours like? Those are some badass heels. Those heels are badass.

[Brian Gray]

Wow. Game changer. Fine. Blow. It explodes the battle.

[Chrissy]

Three statements. Three to four statements like that that you can just throw out there, right? You don't need to be looking for a reaction. That's the thing. So much of this, like, pickup.

[Matt]

Don't even pay attention to what.

[Brian Gray]

Don't even worry about it. You're not looking for a reaction. Just keep plowing through your roulette statements. Badass heel stance moves.

[Matt]

Badass heels.

[Brian Gray]

Dance move. Badass heels.

[Chrissy]

Looking for a reaction from the girl when you do this, when you throw out statements. The only purpose to throw these statements out are to give her something to latch onto. Okay? She might not have. She might not give a shit if you want to see her dance moves, but she might love that you brought up her shoes. Right? She might have just gotten those shoes.

[Brian Gray]

Right, right. You see where I'm going here, guys? No, sorry, I don't that work? No.

[Chrissy]

Right. She might have just gotten those shoes and she, like, can't believe that you mentioned them. And she can't wait to talk to you about them. The point is, is that if you have.

[Brian Gray]

Did you get those on sale? Why, yes, I got them at Kohl's.

[Chrissy]

Three or four statements, right, that are fun and related to you guys having a good time together. You just keep throwing them out.

[Brian Gray]

Nothing says fun like staring a girl in the eyes for 30 seconds and then fighting with her and then coming up with your three boilerplate, did that get you? Yeah. What did he call them? Roulette statement.

[Matt]

Roulette statements.

[Brian Gray]

Oh, when you make it sound so good, it's irresistible. I have to spend 49.99 on the.

[Chrissy]

Ebook and eventually something's going to hit. Now, this is the difference. And I know that.

[Brian Gray]

Yeah, something's gonna hit. She's gonna hit you. It's so terrible. This is also bad.

[Chrissy]

Might be thinking, like, okay, so, like, I'm just supposed to go out there and just start saying things to girls?

[Brian Gray]

I'm just supposed to go out there and start talking to girls. You want me to just, like, use my words?

[Matt]

I can't believe you're that. I mean, that is a concept.

[Brian Gray]

Yeah, I know. Well, to be fair, most guys, I don't think, are really good at that. That talking part.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, I mean, that's exactly it. The fact of the matter, I mean.

[Brian Gray]

Yeah, I actually want you to go out there and talk to girls. Thanks, Dr. Phil.

[Chrissy]

Is that when we went out and we started just, like, speaking in statements with. Looking for no reaction from a girl? This is when girls start saying to you, like, what? Why are you being weird?

[Matt]

That is correct.

[Brian Gray]

What? Why are you acting like a serial assaulter?

[Matt]

Yeah, robot.

[Brian Gray]

What? How are you. How are you off probation.

[Chrissy]

After that? I hear game on. You know, why are you being weird?

[Brian Gray]

Any. When girls say, I'm calling the cops, I say, game on. Let's get this party started. Oh, my God. Kiss me.

[Chrissy]

Anything that this girl is asking you to try to piece you together to try to figure out why is this guy here saying these things.

[Brian Gray]

What are you, the, like, the Tin Man? I could piece you together when you stare at a girl for 30 seconds without any context whatsoever. She's already pieced you together, bro. You're not the guy she's gonna get digged down from tonight because you're a weirdo.

[Chrissy]

Like, why is this guy not doing all the other shit that I've ever seen guys do before me or before this guy? Why isn't he trying to buy me drinks? Why isn't he trying to have a conversation with me?

[Brian Gray]

This is something right out of, like, a political playbook. Do anything that no one has done before just to shake it up a little bit, just to make sure, like, who is that guy? Remember Scaramucci? Yeah, Scaramucci. Scream a Moochie Scaramucci. He's an interesting character, by the way, that Scaramucci guy. Yeah. Part of me hates him. And then part of me is like, eh, I'd probably have a beer with him.

[Chrissy]

The fact of the matter is, whether it's a question about genes or a question about a pizza place or whatever, this is all on the pretense that you're trying to establish a conversation, right? Those are both questions. And the reason that these statements are so effective is because when you Go up to a girl. Right. I actually had a student. Right, right.

[Brian Gray]

He keeps on trying to convince himself.

[Chrissy]

I know the other day, he's like, so how would you feel about this if you went up to a girl that you met on the street and say, hey, so, like, where are we going? Ack ack.

[Brian Gray]

Where are we going? I've lost my mommy. Stranger danger. Stranger danger. If you go to a girl and ask her where you're going, it sounds like she's literally on one of those prank YouTube channels.

[Matt]

Yeah, exactly.

[Brian Gray]

Girls are. Humans are way smarter than this at this point. I mean, unless you're going for, like. Unless you're doing this at the Villages. I don't think you're going to get anybody on this one. I just don't. I just. I tend to think. I don't know. I tend to think of the female form as much more intelligent than this guy gives anyone credit for. This is like. This is the most insane advice I've ever heard. Just go up and say random statements to women. Maybe on the off occasion. You know, the thing is. Here's the thing. Yes, this could work. If the girl that you go up to is instantly attracted to you. Like, it's your soul.

[Matt]

I was going to say, it depends on who is asking these questions and talking.

[Brian Gray]

Exactly. If you. Like, if Astrid and I had some random encounter where I said something strange to her, I think it's likely that we would end up with each other no matter what. But this is like you. You got to throw out a lot of baseballs before you get a hit on this one. And I'm afraid people are going to get hurt. Like, this just sounds weird.

[Chrissy]

I was like, no, that's absolutely garbage. Because the fact of the matter is, you're going up to her expecting that this girl is gonna see you, and like I said before, just want to jump on your dick. It's like, oh, here she comes.

[Brian Gray]

Penis deployed, ready for pussy.

[Matt]

Come here, bounce around.

[Brian Gray]

Jump on my dick. Where are we going to jump on my dick?

[Chrissy]

Like, you know what? Actually, like, yeah, I do want to meet you. Here's my number. I'm free on Monday, and I like roses. You know, I mean, it doesn't happen. And the fact of the matter is, is that by using statements, right, you are controlling the interaction. You're not asking her for anything. You're not asking her, oh, take some responsibility and help me get some sort of interaction going here.

[Brian Gray]

Huh?

[Matt]

What? I was trying to process what he was saying.

[Chrissy]

Oh.

[Brian Gray]

I feel like his brain has One of these going off.

[Matt]

The smoke alarm.

[Brian Gray]

The smoke alarm is going off in his head instead.

[Chrissy]

You're taking full responsibility for the interaction, by the way.

[Brian Gray]

Do you notice plowing?

[Matt]

Yeah, you're just plowing forward, knocking over.

[Brian Gray]

That's a good point. You're just bulldozing her.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Brian Gray]

Emotionally and psychologically. Until she's forced to have some kind of weird interaction with you, and then you can, I don't know, reverse cowgirl her. I'm not really sure what's going on, by the way. I want to point out, because most of you are listening, I want to point out that this guy keeps on picking up a glass of water from the table and then putting it back down, and then picking it up and then putting it back down. It's his emotional support water. And I don't throw stones in a glass house. I also have an emotional support water. See this cup right here? This beautiful TCB coffee cup that my wife has made for us. That Astron's made for us. You know what? I carry this everywhere. I went to, like, 50 doctor's appointments yesterday, and I carried it everywhere. I didn't take one sip. And my wife often points this out to me. Astrons, like, why are you taking your cup? And I go, because I might want to drink something. You never drink something. And I'm like, but I might. But you never do it. And you know what? I never do. Now I'm realizing just how idiotic that actually looks. Thanks, Zach. You've showed me something. I am prepared.

[Chrissy]

You two are having. Because you have these statements that are fun to yourself, these statements that amuse yourself and that show that you're.

[Matt]

Oh, good, you're just laughing at yourself.

[Brian Gray]

Yeah. At least half the. Converse. At least half the people involved in the conversation are amused to have a good time.

[Chrissy]

Right? And because you're talking to this girl and she's already been focused on you, she's already looking you in the eye. She's already listening to what you're saying. She's going to be trying to piece together why the hell you're saying these things in the first place. She's going to be trying to figure out what's your name, where you're from, why you're.

[Brian Gray]

Didn't he promise us a short presentation way back at the beginning?

[Matt]

Three episodes ago.

[Brian Gray]

Three episodes ago, saying this to her.

[Chrissy]

Maybe you guys have met before. Maybe she's trying to place it. It doesn't matter. But the point is, you now have her on the defense. You have her on the Back foot. She doesn't really understand what's going on.

[Matt]

Nothing else confuse her. Shock and awe.

[Brian Gray]

Let's jump in front of her at the bar. Where are we going?

[Chrissy]

Doesn't know how to deal with you because she can't fit you in a box of okay, this is the kind of guy who's gonna ask to buy me drinks and cling to me all night. Or this is the kind of guy that's gonna be super aggressive.

[Brian Gray]

That's Brian's move.

[Matt]

That's clingy.

[Brian Gray]

Yeah, just hang out at the bar. I'll wear her down. Let's see, it's 6:30pm the bar closes at 2:30am If I just keep drinking Bud Lights, eventually she'll get off work and have to go home with me.

[Chrissy]

And try to make out with me. All what Girls are very, very conscious of this stuff. You know, I think Nick was saying it like girl, like girls know in, you know, a very short span of time what kind of guy you are.

[Brian Gray]

Yeah, they do. Like most humans with intuition, you can pretty much, I think, you know, besides some people who are neurodivergent, you can pretty much pick up on what kind of personality type within the first few minutes of communication or at least what kind of personality type they have. Right then. I mean, some people have multiple personalities, but the reality is, you know what I'm saying, Like there are some people who change minute for minute. That's the shock and awe campaign. When you meet someone is like, I don't know, BPD or something. Ah. The reality is, if what you're saying is true, then what makes you think that this version of approaching a woman is any different from any other version of approaching a woman? In other words, if you just come up and start acting strange.

[Christina]

Yeah, that's.

[Matt]

Don't you impression.

[Brian Gray]

That's their first impression. You're strange. Get out of my face. You're strange. I'm calling an Uber. This is not going to work, boys.

[Chrissy]

Off of how you carry yourself, how you interact with them and what you say to them. Right. If you walk up to a girl and you tap her on the shoulder contact and then just start spewing nonsense to her. That keeps yourself entertained. And you talk in statements. Eventually she's going to be trying to figure something out, whether it's going to.

[Brian Gray]

Be trying to figure out where the exit is exactly.

[Matt]

Like how to get away.

[Brian Gray]

She's going to be looking for the fire escape.

[Matt]

I think I would just walk away. Oh yeah, I don't think I would try to figure anything out.

[Brian Gray]

Yeah. You know what I've found? And I've had a few of these type of interactions. Opposite sex. Right. So I've had a few women. I can think of one specifically where I had this type of interaction at a bar. I was at the W Hotel with you and a number of other people, and I went downstairs to the bar because the upstairs was crowded, to go get a drink. And when I went for a drink, there was a girl sitting at the bar. And she turned around and literally started saying random shit to me. And then within a few minutes, we were in some kind of, like, alternate universe conversation. I took the bait. I actually took the bait. Fifteen days later, I had a restraining order.

[Matt]

That's right. I remember that.

[Brian Gray]

Yeah. That's no joke. I don't trust this kind of interaction anymore.

[Chrissy]

I really don't why you're saying these things. You know, where you come from, it doesn't matter. But that is the beginning of emotional investment. So then what happens?

[Matt]

Not the right kind.

[Brian Gray]

Yeah. Not the right kind of emotional investment. She's literally wondering if she should call her father.

[Chrissy]

And boom, it's on to the third piece, which is rapport.

[Brian Gray]

Oh, here's where you get them, Chrissy. This is where you loop them in. This is where you get embedded. Okay. I'm excited about this. We've been waiting now 47 minutes for the actual. How do you get him in bed, Bud? Which is what he promised at the beginning of the conversation, by the way. He said, let's not talk about openers. Who cares about openers? And all he's been doing for 42 minutes is talking about openers. So let's get to the action for the end.

[Chrissy]

So, okay, so next thing is rapport. Now, what is rapport? I'm not talking about the rapport that you've read about in other pickup stuff. I am talking.

[Brian Gray]

I'm not talking about that other rapport. I'm talking about Zach's rapport.

[Matt]

Yeah. Is it rapport?

[Brian Gray]

Rapport, that's right. The kind where you're hard in 30 seconds and she's bouncing on your dick. Look out, boys. Here's the meat and potatoes.

[Chrissy]

Very simple. Get to know you rapport.

[Brian Gray]

If you want to take notes, now's the time.

[Chrissy]

Type of rapport that you have with a new friend. The type of rapport that you might have with, you know, a boss or.

[Brian Gray]

You know, a police officer, a judge, your cellmate.

[Chrissy]

To school, with very casual understanding. Right. So what I mean by this is, once you see this Girl and she's like, you know, she's asking you questions. You feel that the investment is beginning. It's time to switch, and it's time for you to start asking questions. That's all it means. So now it's your turn. It's your chance. Oh, where are you from? What's your name? What do you do? Where'd you go to school? All that boring heights?

[Matt]

What's your Social Security number?

[Brian Gray]

What Social Security number? Where was your mom born? What's your maiden name? Fill out this application triplicate, send it back to me. Have you downloaded my app, how to get more bitches on a Dick?

[Matt]

Yeah, exactly.

[Brian Gray]

Date Hotter Dot com. Yeah.

[Matt]

What do you do? Oh, I put out a book called Date Hot Chicks.

[Brian Gray]

I'm an author. What do you do? Currently, I am studying. Currently I am studying in the field. What is it called?

[Chrissy]

The.

[Brian Gray]

What does he call it? The. The flower. What is the method? Yeah, the plow method or something. Currently I'm studying the plow method as well as going back through mysteries 13 set encyclopedia volume on how to get more pussy.

[Chrissy]

That you've always been told not good or it's. It's too logical or whatever it is for pickup. No, that is exactly what you want to be asking because the fact of the matter is, is you're not just coming up with this stuff out of nowhere. You're now.

[Brian Gray]

The fact of the matter is my hemp bracelet has magical powers. It smells like feet and it has magical powers. I bought this in Panama City, bro. The land of Pua. The magical kingdom of Puas.

[Chrissy]

That's who's tapped her on the shoulder. You're the guy who's held strong eye contact. You've shown that you're not trying to have any sort of weird conversation.

[Brian Gray]

You've shown that you have no game whatsoever.

[Chrissy]

Good time with it. And now it's time to show her who you really are. It's like, oh, okay, yeah, look at my body.

[Matt]

Okay, yeah. Now let's get down to it.

[Brian Gray]

Ed, I have it. Oh, what a perfect drop.

[Chrissy]

Where are you from? Oh, cool. Nice. That's all it needs to be very, very topical, very, very casual. And then from there, as soon as you possibly can. As soon as you.

[Matt]

Wait, hold on. I'm trying to think this through. So you go up. Let's go through these steps real quick. You go up.

[Brian Gray]

I'm gonna get my notes.

[Matt]

Tap, tap, tap. Stare stare. A long, hard stare where you say nothing.

[Brian Gray]

You don't be the first one to. You don't be the. Don't break on eye contact. It's a staring contest. And make sure that there's a long enough period to make everybody in the bar uncomfortable. Okay.

[Matt]

Right. Then there was a fight somehow.

[Brian Gray]

Yes. Then when she says, what are you doing?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Brian Gray]

You break out your.

[Matt]

What, your heels?

[Brian Gray]

Your roulette statement. That's right.

[Matt]

Yeah. Where you just start saying, I like your shoes. I like your shoes. Where's the nearest pizza place? What?

[Brian Gray]

And then.

[Matt]

But don't. Don't look for response.

[Brian Gray]

I love plants.

[Matt]

Right. Don't look for a response.

[Brian Gray]

Just.

[Matt]

No, just statement. Fire.

[Brian Gray]

You've got it. And then.

[Matt]

And then you go, Ah, just kidding about that.

[Brian Gray]

What do you go to school?

[Chrissy]

Yeah.

[Matt]

What's your name?

[Brian Gray]

I'm just kidding about that. Yeah, I'm just kidding about.

[Matt]

If you actually make it to the point where you can even. She's still engaged. I mean, this is. It sounds crazy.

[Brian Gray]

I would just the love. And I know that it's highly unlikely that anyone in our audience is actually taking this course, but I would love if A, someone has taken the course and B, would be brave enough to have a conversation about it. I don't need to use your name or anything, but if you've ever been to one of these PO courses and, and listen, no shame. Everybody needs help sometimes and we all get lost in the weeds.

[Matt]

Totally get it.

[Brian Gray]

Absolutely. I am Dr. Google. I will be on Reddit trying to figure out how to, you know, shrink my prostate. Like, I go down the rabbit hole too, sometimes. And, you know, love and attraction is one of those things that we, like, all want, all want and desperately need. And so there's no shame. I don't think this is the right way to do it. Obviously, we've broken down a lot of videos. I think these guys are charlatans who are taking money for no reason. They don't know shit from Shino. I guarantee this guy does not walk into bars and bed women on a consistent basis. Guaranteed. Actually, we've. We've heard about this. We've heard that there. He said it.

[Chrissy]

It.

[Brian Gray]

He said, there are so many plas dating coaches out there that will tell you all about their system. Then you show up at a bar with them and they can't do it. Close the deal, they cannot close, and they make up all kind of excuses. And so if you've been to one of these courses or you've taken one of these courses, I want to know if you've had any success whatsoever using the methodologies that were taught to you. More specifically, if you've taken his course, because he thinks he's revolutionizing the game. I think he's just another dipshit telling you, giving you terrible advice, but, you know, to each their own. Listen, I don't know. I also, at 15 years old, convinced my dad to give me $199.99 to buy a real estate get rich quick real estate course. I went to a hotel, I went to a seminar. I paid $200 for CDs and DVDs or whatever they were. CDs I think they were, that I could listen to and get rich in real estate. You know what I got? I got negative $200 balance on my dad's account is what I got. That's what I got to show for it. Listen, I'm an idiot just like everybody else sometimes. If you're brave enough, I would love to talk to you. Okay. You know, we have to do Chrissy, take a break. That's what we have to do. We'll be right back.

[Christina]

Okay, you guys, I have an idea. Why don't we take a break? Gotcha. This is the break, and you already know when you hear my sexy voice, it's time to whip your phone out and follow us on Instagram or skip the ads at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCV podcast. And of course, you know, if you want to get involved, you can always give us a call or text us at 212-4333, TCB. That is 212-43338. And guess what? I finally have information on TCB Live, so the links are in the show notes. But let me tell you right now, you can come see us at Dania beach improv on Tuesday, September 24, or at the Funny Bone Orlando on Wednesday, September 25. It's gonna be fab. So go buy your tickets, and we'll see you in Florida.

[Brian Gray]

All right, we're back with our new favorite pause Zach. Let's. Let's round this out. Chrissy, we're in the home stretch now. Regardless if we finish this video or not, we're in the home stretch because I don't know how much more I.

[Chrissy]

Could take who you are and what you're about. It's time to get into the fourth piece, which is arousal.

[Brian Gray]

Oh, now we're talking, Chrissy. I take a dick and keep on licking. Oh, yeah, here we go. Go.

[Chrissy]

Before I start talking about arousal, because.

[Matt]

You know, everybody's on the edge of their seats.

[Brian Gray]

Oh, yeah.

[Matt]

Arousal.

[Brian Gray]

Arousal. This is the Currently aroused.

[Matt]

Aroused. Thinking about arousal.

[Brian Gray]

Yeah. Currently aroused. Full tent pitched. If you got a softy in your brain, you're going to have a softy in your pants. You know what I'm saying?

[Matt]

It's a classic.

[Brian Gray]

Oh, my God, I have so many dick innuendos. Why. Why am I so fascinated with the phallus? I don't know, it's just one of those things. I've been like that since the child, you know?

[Chrissy]

I think we're going to have a lot of stuff to talk about and some questions. I just want to let you guys know that.

[Brian Gray]

Who exactly is asking the questions? I don't hear a fucking person in the audience. At one point, there was at least two people in the audience because he asked questions and two people answered thing.

[Chrissy]

From the focus to the report.

[Brian Gray]

Oh, what happened there? Okay, hold on one second.

[Chrissy]

Be getting into getting this girl aroused and turned on as soon as humanly possible. When he first walked up and tapped.

[Brian Gray]

Her on time is running out. My clock is wearing down, bro. I gotta get you in bed quick.

[Chrissy]

The shoulder. You first made eye contact with her. Now, the reason is because, I mean, let's be real. Do you guys see girls with big tits and, like, fat butts and, like, great makeup and think long legs. Legs, the whole deal.

[Brian Gray]

Long legs.

[Matt]

And do you like, what do you think?

[Brian Gray]

Someone in the audience.

[Matt]

What do they say?

[Brian Gray]

Someone in the audience screams, long legs. Long legs. As if they're picturing a woman, like, right in front of them. Long legs. Say long legs. Brown hair. Brown hair. Landing strip. Please say landing strip. Full orgasm completed. He described a naked woman. Full orgasm completed. Let's hear that again. That's too good. Okay, here we go.

[Chrissy]

Think long legs.

[Brian Gray]

Long legs. He couldn't help himself.

[Chrissy]

Legs, the whole deal. And do you, like, wait about three hours in to think, damn, this girl's hot? No, it doesn't work like that. And the girls don't want to wait an hour, two hours, three hours for you to start giving them the sexual experience that you're hoping.

[Brian Gray]

Oh, Christina, please cut that up into a clip. Those five words or the. Whatever it is, ten words. Girls don't want to wait to get the sexual experience.

[Matt]

Your sexual experience. Experience.

[Brian Gray]

Oh, yeah.

[Chrissy]

Girls don't want to wait an hour, two hours, three hours for you to start giving them the sexual experience that you're hoping that this is going to move you right now. Like, I mean, it really is nothing better than just a, like a first impression. You want to be making a sexual first impression. Otherwise you're making a very different kind of first impression.

[Matt]

First impression. I mean, if anybody is following this, it's, it's, it would totally be a red flag.

[Brian Gray]

Oh.

[Chrissy]

Oh.

[Brian Gray]

To everyone in the bar. It's like bartenders out there who have like special coasters or it's like flip the coaster if you're in trouble. Flip the coaster if you want this guy away or something. Like these brilliant bartenders and male or female, they have these, like, you know, they'll tell a single woman or single women, like when they get to the bar, hey, what you want for drink? Great. Okay, I'm putting down this coaster. If you haven't. If you have any trouble tonight with anybody, just let me know. Flip the. To flip the coaster. And then they ask the bouncer to ask that person to leave. Or they distract them in some way, shape or form. There's a bar full of coasters. Flipping. If you come up and start acting, you're giving them the sexual experience as soon as possible. Yeah. What exactly does that mean, the sexual experience?

[Matt]

I know, I don't, I don't know.

[Chrissy]

Have a very different understanding of who you are and how you and her are going to be, like, interacting. Right. You know what?

[Brian Gray]

This bouncing on medique.

[Matt]

No, that's.

[Brian Gray]

Boing, boing.

[Chrissy]

Not a bunch of fancy lines. She wants an experience and she wants the feeling that being with you is gonna not only be a good choice, but it's gonna make her feel safe. It's gonna, you know, make her laugh.

[Brian Gray]

Nothing.

[Matt]

Yeah, so far the safe part is key here, and that's not happening.

[Brian Gray]

You're telling them to go up and act completely strange and then also hoping that the person on the other end receiving that very strange information that's not like any other interaction they'll have in that night, probably in that month, possibly in their lifetime, that they'll feel safe with you. That is a really weird way to look at. That's a really strange perspective. Like, all of this is very strange. Go up, stare at them. Don't talk to them, stare at them. Wait for them to get uncomfortable enough to say something. Then don't ask a question. Say weird statements to them like, I like your shoes or you dance really well or whatever it is. And then expect that they're going to feel safe in your sexual experience.

[Chrissy]

Yeah, it's going to make her feel, you know, hot. Like, you know, like, like a really attractive. Like a really attractive woman. She, like, wants to feel and wants to make you, like, wants to make you feel. She's going to want to feel like you understand her sexuality and you can take responsibility for it and give her.

[Brian Gray]

Take responsibility for her sexuality. Dude, you are so fucking insane, bro. What are you gabbing about?

[Chrissy]

Honestly, sexual experiences that you know she has when she goes to bed at night. So, like, yeah.

[Brian Gray]

Hey, girl, what's up? It's me, Carl. I was just thinking about what kind of sexual experience you're having alone in your bed at night. And I was hoping that you feel safe enough to come bounce on my dick. I'm gotta go to my Cox for Christ seminar right now, but I'll be right back. Love you, girl. Just remember, I like your shoes. Does that make you feel comfortable with what kind of sexual experience I'm going to give you later? No. Okay, listen, I got a bag of cash. Yeah, all right. I'll be over later. I'll drop it at your mom's house. Carl. Ouch.

[Matt]

Cocks for Christ.

[Brian Gray]

Cox for Christ.

[Chrissy]

That she thinks about in her mind before she goes to bed at night and when she wakes up in the morning, Right? Same way that you guys do, you know? I mean, you guys probably have like fun little sexual fantasies that run through your head. Girls are the same way. What these girls want.

[Brian Gray]

And yeah, they think of like Christian Gray, the billionaire, picking him up in their private plane and scrapping them to a wall and taking control, but gently taking control consensually. I don't really want to be beaten with a riding crop, but you can whip it out and show it to me. Tickle my nipples a little bit. That's what they think about. I mean, I'm not saying everybody thinks about that. I'm sure some people have like a. A, you know, want somebody to dress up like a furry or something. I don't know. There's so many things. There's all kinds of things. But I can guarantee you what they're not thinking about is that guy who uncomfortably had a staring contest with at the bar. I could almost guarantee that is not.

[Matt]

What they're thinking about exactly. They're not thinking about that at night.

[Brian Gray]

Good advice, Zach. This is solid 100. I'd pay millions for this.

[Chrissy]

Women want is for you to be able to give them that experience without really asking much for it. Them. So here we are onto it. This is kind of where I think that a lot of the other pickup material is really lacking. The fact of the matter is, is what happens after you have a girl turned on, right? Does it have like. Is it like. Is it a bunch of lines and gimmicks no, it's actually very simple. It's time to crank up the emotion and time to start letting her know that. That, you know, like I said, you see her as this woman who has sexual fantasies and sexual desires, and you're not only comfortable.

[Matt]

Tell me about my sexual fantasies.

[Brian Gray]

I have identified you as a woman who has sexual desires. Please input into my system so you can bounce on my dick later.

[Chrissy]

Ack ack.

[Brian Gray]

What is he fucking mumbling about?

[Chrissy]

But you're in touch with that.

[Brian Gray]

That.

[Chrissy]

So I'm going to give you guys. I guess I'll just. I'll give you one little strategy to do this, because this is just so money.

[Brian Gray]

This, you guys, so money. So 1982. So money. Who uses that word anymore? Oh, my God.

[Chrissy]

And, you know, hopefully you guys use this tonight. You can come back tomorrow, and I want to hear some awesome.

[Matt]

You've been laid.

[Brian Gray]

You've been laid.

[Matt]

You've been bouncing all night.

[Brian Gray]

You've had a lot of bouncing going on. I hope you guys use this tonight. Not one guy. Then there's probably seven. Not one of the seven guys. Especially not the guy who yelled out long legs. Came back with a story about how the secret to success worked out.

[Matt]

Oh, I want to hear his money.

[Brian Gray]

Let's do it.

[Matt]

Statement.

[Chrissy]

This is a strategy that we realized that we were doing after we watched, like, a bunch of videos of ourselves.

[Matt]

And we call this just. That makes me laugh. Laugh. When they watch all these videos themselves.

[Chrissy]

And what explicit restraint is. Is basically you're gonna say, like, what it is that you want to do to this girl, right? Whether it's like something really, really graphic, like, you know, throwing her up against the wall and ripping her clothes off, or even if it's something, you know, kind of innocent, like, you know, trying to make out with her, trying to kiss her, right? You're gonna say yes, and.

[Brian Gray]

I can't wait to hear what comes next.

[Chrissy]

Something that you want to do to this girl. But then you're gonna give her a reason why you're not gonna do it right then.

[Matt]

Oh, come on.

[Brian Gray]

I really want to stick my tongue on your clitoris. But. But my mommy says I have to be home by a limit. I have to be home by a limited. You see where I'm going with this? I know you want it now.

[Matt]

Now, tonight.

[Brian Gray]

Panties wet.

[Chrissy]

So, for instance, this is. Here's one that we used on program a couple weeks ago. We had a student on program.

[Brian Gray]

What are you. It sounds like NASA. Apollo. Oh, Apollo. What happened here? What happened with my Thing. Oh, it broke. Apollo 13. Are we on program? This is Apollo 13, Houston. We have a problem. She ran away. 10, 4. Apollo 13, stay on program. She'll be back. She can't resist.

[Chrissy]

At the bar. And there was this girl. She was stunning. And she was there with her mom and her dad and her brothers, and.

[Brian Gray]

It was just such a weird situation. Oh, we just took this to a whole new level.

[Matt]

She was there with her whole family.

[Brian Gray]

She was there with her grandma, her two kids, her husband. She was there with the whole gang. Oh, my God. Oh, Lord. Where is this going?

[Chrissy]

You know? And the fact was, this girl was just too hot not to approach. Do you guys know those girls? The ones that, like, they walk in, you're like, oh, this girl's just too hot not to approach. It doesn't matter that her mom's there.

[Brian Gray]

You guys know this one?

[Chrissy]

Huh?

[Brian Gray]

Huh? Because I know if you know. Yeah, her mom's there. Her dad's there. Her 10th grade teacher is there. You know what I'm saying? She's too hot to approach. Do you know what I'm saying? Guys, you ever been in a bar and been like, that girl's too hot not to approach. You gotta go. Approach. Must approach. Because I could guarantee, if they knew that if they said that in their own heads, they would not be paying $3,000 to be sitting in front of you right now.

[Chrissy]

Yes, her dad's there, or whatever. So I told the student. I was like, look, dude, like, I know what I would do if I were you. I. I'd approach her. So he was like, yeah, but, like, what do I say? I was like, you know what?

[Matt]

Push past the grandmother. Get straight to staring.

[Brian Gray]

Knock her grandma down, pick her back up and say, you're too hot not to approach. Hey, dad. What's up, bro? Zack Bauer, Internet extraordinaire.

[Chrissy]

You only have one shot at this. You might as well just go. Just swing.

[Matt]

Just what? Swing.

[Brian Gray]

Swing for the fences.

[Chrissy]

Tell this girl if her parents weren't watching her like a hawk, you'd be trying to make out with her shamelessly right now.

[Matt]

Oh, my God.

[Chrissy]

And what happened? He walked up to her. He, like, kind of pulled her aside, whispered that in her ear.

[Brian Gray]

Come here. And then the police. Then the police came rolling in.

[Chrissy]

Yes.

[Matt]

And the dad punches him. What is he talking about, the older brother's tackle?

[Brian Gray]

Yes. This never happened. This never happened. This is a level of bullshit that only some of our current presidential candidates can conjure up. This is insane. This never happened. I guarantee you this never happened.

[Chrissy]

You know, me and Rob were, like, hanging in the background, like, waiting to see, like, oh, man, is this gonna blow up or is this gonna go great? And all of a sudden, the girl, like, I saw, like, the wheels turning, and all of a sudden, this huge grin spread over this girl's, like, this girl face.

[Matt]

She was 12.

[Brian Gray]

Yeah.

[Matt]

She was picturing her first kiss.

[Brian Gray]

And as. And had she been legal in the state of Mississippi, then I certainly would have told my student to turn on the sexual experience part of the SPL or whatever you call it.

[Chrissy]

Like, you know. And the fact of the matter was her parents were watching her like a hawk. And her parents saw what was going on. They grabbed her and whisked her away, and they all left the bar.

[Brian Gray]

Let's go. You're only 16. You're not allowed to be in this bar.

[Matt]

They grabbed her, whisked her away.

[Brian Gray]

Oh, my God. This is the strangest story I have ever heard. It's bordering on criminal, actually, because I want to know how old this girl was. She's with her mom and dad. How do you know that instinctively?

[Matt]

Her whole family.

[Brian Gray]

Yeah.

[Chrissy]

Fact of the matter is, how good is that? You know, like, when you are getting.

[Matt]

A girl turned on, what, that was counted as success?

[Brian Gray]

That was counted as a success? That her mom and dad yanked her away, that she had a smile on her face. She probably had no clue what to do. She's probably completely fucking confused and gave her parents the high sign, like, let's get the fuck out of here. This is stranger. Some strange motherfuckers in this bar. That is not success. That is not what you said. You promised us at the beginning of the this was going to be considered a success. You said the openers don't matter. Screw the openers and all the talking. It only matters that you get someone in bed. And I'm going to show you how to do that. Now you are flouting this town, taunting these students with this.

[Matt]

People are running away.

[Brian Gray]

Yeah, people are running away from your students. Parents are getting out shotguns. The police are being called. What is this? You are so proud of yourself that you told the student to go tell her. I'm gonna. I would fuck you if your parents weren't here. This is so crazy.

[Chrissy]

Have to remove her from the situation.

[Brian Gray]

Oh, there. There is a crowd. We got a reaction. There is a crowd.

[Chrissy]

That's what I'm saying is, like, you want to be. And, like, I want to give you, like, a little. Just to.

[Brian Gray]

I'm gonna give you a little advice. I I don't actually recommend you do this.

[Matt]

Disclaimer.

[Chrissy]

Why this works so well. The reason that this idea of explicit respect.

[Matt]

How was that? How did that work?

[Brian Gray]

It didn't. It didn't work. Just because she smiles, failure is a success. I don't understand. Because she smiled, I did not see money. Yeah, because people react differently in different situations. And I can guarantee you this girl was not turned on. She didn't know if this even happened, and it did not. If this even happened in some imaginary world that you're living in, Girls, maybe she smiled because she was terribly uncomfortable, and that's like her uncomfortable move is to smile. I pee myself. That's when I get uncomfortable. I pee myself.

[Chrissy]

Not because you're being vulgar or because, you know, you're stating your sexual intention. It's because you're planting the idea in her head and making her feel comfortable with the fact that you're not about to just jump on it. Right? So many guys.

[Brian Gray]

But that's exactly what you said. Oh, my God.

[Chrissy]

Study this dating advice and pick up stuff. You know, so many guys are so caught up in the idea of needing this girl and needing to get the sex that, you know, it's just so obvious, you know? And I can say that because I was one of those guys, you know, I felt like, you know, oh, like, you can't get a phone number because that's no good. You gotta, like, get her home with you, otherwise it doesn't count, right? And if you guys ever, like, ever thought anything like that or something like, oh, like, I gotta get the phone number, I gotta close, or anything like that, right?

[Brian Gray]

If you've ever thought you actually have to have success to get a girl in bed, you don't.

[Chrissy]

You.

[Brian Gray]

All you have to do is just say some words, and then when she leaves, you can. You know how many times I scored tonight? Do you know how many girls that ran away from me tonight? Closed, closed, closed. The whole bar was closed by the end of the night and the actual bar was closed. I stayed until the bar was closed because I closed every bar, every woman.

[Chrissy]

At the bar, just on needing that outcome. Too bad. To the point where you're not able to give this girl the experience that she wants.

[Brian Gray]

Wait, now you're saying that you actually don't have to bet a girl to bet a girl? You are so full of fucking shit. Guys, I want you to hear this. Anybody? I mean, no. No one in our audience I don't believe would ever believe this shit. But because I just, for some reason, I imagine the typical commercial break listener just to be a little like, scooch. Smarter than a regular.

[Matt]

Absolutely.

[Brian Gray]

Because as I have said, there's a lot of people in this world and some of them are not. Well, the reality is he opens with, I am going to show you how to get. Stop getting these openers and all this mathematical equations out of your head on how to approach a girl. Forget the approach. We're going to go right to it and show you how to be successful and get girls in bed that night. Jumping on your dick is exactly. Bouncing on your dick is exactly the word he used by the end of this, his short three hour presentation. Now he's saying that you don't even have to have sex with a girl to consider it a success or get a number. He moved the goalpost over and over again until you were so smitten with his story about how some young girl ran away with her parents that you're so impressed you're going to spend another $500 to get one hour of coaching time with this guy. Guys, this is completely horseshit.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Brian Gray]

All right.

[Matt]

The man, he. He was quite. He was quite the entertainer.

[Brian Gray]

He was quite the.

[Matt]

I will give him that, Zach, the entertainer, he.

[Brian Gray]

Well, he was entertaining with us interjecting because this guy is quite frankly, a snooze fest. But the words that he were saying that he was saying were really quite fascinating, actually. I'd like to be in the mind of one of these guys just for a day to like find out if they really believe this actually works or they're just selling this. I think this is a lot like these real estate coaches. Coaches, they have no clue what they're doing, but they'll tell you how to do it. You'll have success if you just pay them to teach you about all of it. Anyway.

[Chrissy]

Wow.

[Brian Gray]

Wow. I will tell you that we have gotten more reaction to this Zach Bauer breakdown than we have of any other episode in commercial break.

[Chrissy]

Wow.

[Brian Gray]

I do not know what happened, but we tickled somebody. We tickled some jingle balls here. I'm telling you, it's curious crazy. So there you go. We're rounding it out. We did the third. I can't go any longer. There's like 10 minutes left, but I can't do anymore. I'm sorry. We got it. We got the gist of it. I don't need to hear the closing remarks.

[Matt]

Me and Rob, you know, I did a little research and he and Rob departed ways.

[Brian Gray]

Oh, they did. They spent so much time together. Years. Five years Five discount. Well, he's on his next venture, which is selling bitcoin.

[Matt]

Yeah, yeah, that's right.

[Brian Gray]

With Donald Trump. That's how we even got started on this. That's the beginning of the story. Anyway, okay, thank you very much. I appreciate everyone who's been writing in and calling in and all that stuff and commenting about this episode. I'm glad you enjoyed it. We'll be back. We'll circle back to him, I promise. You know, give us six months.

[Matt]

Are funny.

[Brian Gray]

That's right. Like my leaking bones. Let this leak out of me a little bit, and then we'll. We'll be back. All right, coming very quickly, two weeks from now of two Tuesdays from last Tuesday. Whatever. Anyway, you get it. On the 24th, we're gonna be in Daniel Daniel Improv at Dania beach down near Fort Lauderdale and Miami. You can get your tickets now available in the show notes on our website or at the venue website themselves. So Google Daniel Beach Improv. And we'll also be at the Bone Chrissy in Orlando on the 25th. Tickets now available to that too. TCBpodcast.com that's the website, all the audio, all the video and the tickets. 212-4333, tcb 212-433-3822 at the commercial break on Instagram. Thanks to Nicky Jam for coming in this week. Okay, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for right now.

[Matt]

I think so.

[Brian Gray]

But I'll tell you that I love you.

[Matt]

I love you.

[Brian Gray]

Best to you.

[Matt]

Best to you.

[Brian Gray]

Best you out there in the podcast universe until next time. Chrissy and I do say, we will say and we must say goodbye. I get asked.