There's Bass Ass In The Chattahoochee Coochee!

Summary

Episode Summary: "There's Bass Ass In The Chattahoochee Coochee!"

Introduction In this lively episode of The Commercial Break, co-hosts Bryan and Krissy dive deep into their quirky friendship, blending humor with insightful discussions on local events, pop culture, and current Hollywood drama. The episode primarily focuses on the annual "Shooting the Hooch" event on the Chattahoochee River in Atlanta, transitions into a heated debate about recent Oscar controversies, and wraps up with amusing takes on cruise lines and popular food shows.

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1. The Great Chattahoochee River Adventure

Timestamp: [02:39] - [19:30]

Bryan Green opens the conversation with a nostalgic recount of Atlanta's infamous raft race, originally known as the Great American Ramblin Raft Race, which evolved into the modern-day Shooting the Hooch event. He humorously laments the decline in water quality and the evolving nature of the event:

Bryan Green [03:20]: "It's a hoochie coochie. And it is known to have bacteria in it that you probably don't want the human body coming in contact with."

The hosts share personal anecdotes about their experiences navigating the Chattahoochee River, highlighting the unpredictable challenges such as missing landings and dealing with the river's murky conditions. Bryan expresses deep concerns about the environmental state of the river, referencing organizations like the Chattahoochee River Keepers who tirelessly work to clean up the water:

Bryan Green [04:36]: "The Chattahoochee River Keepers are a favorite charity of mine that do God's work by going out there and picking up old condoms and dead cows out of the Chattahoochee River."

Krissy concurs, reminiscing about their failed attempts to conquer the river and emphasizing the risks involved:

Krissy Hoadley [13:28]: "It took us forever to go, and to the point of... they had to come and tow us back to the place."

The discussion intensifies as Bryan delves into broader environmental issues, including comparisons to polluted waterways in other cities and the ongoing challenges with raw sewage in Atlanta's sewer system. The hosts collectively advocate against participating in the event, citing health hazards and the overall decline in water quality.

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2. Hollywood Drama: Blake Lively vs. Justin Baldoni

Timestamp: [21:33] - [44:24]

Transitioning from local events, Bryan and Krissy shift their focus to the glitzy yet tumultuous world of Hollywood. They dissect the escalating feud between actress Blake Lively and director Justin Baldoni, presenting a dramatized and humorous take on alleged lawsuits and personal grievances.

Bryan humorously narrates a fictional scenario where both parties engage in a messy legal battle:

Bryan Green [26:07]: "Blake is getting dragged through the mud, but Justin Baldoni... they're both destroying each other's careers."

They critique the sensationalism surrounding Hollywood scandals, questioning the authenticity and motivations behind such conflicts. The hosts also touch upon the broader implications for other Oscar-contending films, mentioning titles like "Wicked," "Anora," and "Conclave":

Bryan Green [34:21]: "Emilia Perez is kind of an outlier in the sense that many critics did not think this movie was that great, but for some reason, it got voted in."

Krissy adds her perspective, balancing Bryan's exaggerated narratives with her own insights into the industry's dynamics:

Krissy Hoadley [31:40]: "There was a lot to do with that. And she wasn't denouncing domestic violence enough or something."

Their banter underscores the absurdity often found in celebrity feuds, blending humor with a critical eye on the entertainment industry's penchant for drama.

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3. The Margaritaville Cruise Conundrum

Timestamp: [43:36] - [61:57]

Shifting gears, Bryan introduces a segment focused on cruise lines, specifically criticizing the Margaritaville Cruise Ship as the "worst cruise ship in America." He humorously outlines his disdain for the vessel's subpar amenities and overall condition:

Bryan Green [55:17]: "The rooms are like Motel 6 has better rooms than these rooms. Most of them do not have balconies."

Bryan and Krissy discuss the potential of featuring the cruise ship in a future episode, contemplating the challenges and humor that such an endeavor would entail. They also venture into a light-hearted critique of Guy Fieri's Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives (Triple D), poking fun at its repetitive format and sensationalism:

Bryan Green [53:57]: "He thinks he's so good at being a chef, that no matter what someone is cooking, he knows what's coming next before they do."

Krissy defends Guy Fieri, highlighting his charitable efforts and the entertainment value his shows provide, even as Bryan continues to jest about the show's formulaic nature.

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4. Closing Thoughts and Future Plans

As the episode nears its end, the hosts reflect on the diverse topics they've covered, from local environmental concerns to high-profile Hollywood disputes and the quirks of popular television shows. They tease upcoming segments, including an exposé on Great Wolf Lodge, promising more entertaining and investigative content in future episodes.

The episode concludes with a heartfelt exchange between Bryan and Krissy, underscoring their enduring friendship and commitment to delivering engaging content to their listeners.

Brian Green [63:44]: "I'll tell you that I love you."

Krissy Hoadley [63:46]: "And I love you best."

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Notable Quotes:

• Bryan Green [04:36]: "The Chattahoochee River Keepers are a favorite charity of mine that do God's work by going out there and picking up old condoms and dead cows out of the Chattahoochee River."

• Krissy Hoadley [13:28]: "It took us forever to go, and to the point of... they had to come and tow us back to the place."

• Bryan Green [26:07]: "Blake is getting dragged through the mud, but Justin Baldoni... they're both destroying each other's careers."

• Bryan Green [53:57]: "He thinks he's so good at being a chef, that no matter what someone is cooking, he knows what's coming next before they do."

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Conclusion

"There's Bass Ass In The Chattahoochee Coochee!" is a testament to Bryan and Krissy's unique blend of humor, personal storytelling, and candid commentary on both local and national issues. Whether they're reminiscing about the chaotic beauty of the Chattahoochee River, dissecting celebrity feuds, or jesting about the latest in cruise ship misadventures, The Commercial Break continues to offer listeners a fun and engaging escape from everyday drama.

For those who haven't tuned in yet, this episode provides a perfect glimpse into the show's eclectic mix of topics and the hosts' unmistakable chemistry. Don't miss out on future episodes where Bryan and Krissy promise more laughter, insights, and, of course, their trademark twisted humor.

Transcript

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[Brian Green]

9. I'm starting with the man in the mirror. I'm asking him to change his ways. No message could have been in the club. If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change on this episode of the commercial break. And I'm not naive enough to believe that there's not poop in most of our waterways. That's probably how it works. That's how it's worked for eons and decades. You know, since humans have been around, since animals. Animals. Yeah, animals poop in that water all the time, too. All the bass poop. Listen, I can get over that. The bass poop. That's what I worry about is the bass poop. Bass ass. That's what I'm worried about. When I'm going down that Chattahoochee River, I think about bass ass. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Oh yeah, Cats, kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co host of this show, Chris and Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Chris.

[Chris Hoadley]

Best to you, Brian.

[Brian Green]

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us. I certainly do appreciate it. I was just here reading. There's a Facebook page called I Grew Up Atlanta.

[Chris Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

And they are talking about the beginnings of the Great American Ramblin Raft Race, which then became Shooting the Hooch. Shooting the hooch. Shooting the Chattahoochee. I'm sure every town that has a river or a big stream has some version of this. A million people decide on one day that they're going to get together, put their rafts inside of the flowing water and head on down a big old.

[Chris Hoadley]

Boozy Sunday with a bunch of beer.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, a bunch of beer. And rowdy teenagers and, you know, just have a good party of it. This was a huge ordeal in Atlanta for a long time now. It was coming to kind of a ceremonial close as I moved to it Atlanta. So I didn't like, get the full. It started in 1979. Apparently some Georgia Tech students decided to get their fraternity and sorority sisters and brothers together and, and do this. And then it became a big thing. The radio stations locally would sponsor it and they would hype it up. And so it became tens of thousands of people riding down the Chattahoochee river on their rafts. Now, I often say to people, people come in town and they say, hey, hey, Brian. Because I am a noted tour guide, they say, hey, Brian, what is there to do in Atlanta? What about that Chattahoochee hoochie? That Chattahoochee coochie that everyone's talking about? And I say, if you want strepococcus A, feel free to dip your toes in the Chattahoochee Coochie. Because that's exactly what it is. It's a hoochie coochie. And it is known to have bacteria in it that you probably don't want the human body coming in contact with. Like a lot of other places with flowing water and bodies of water around it. The water's not always so clean. Now, we've done a good job of cleaning up.

[Chris Hoadley]

There was a good cleanup effort. Yeah.

[Brian Green]

The Chattahoochee River Keepers are a favorite charity of mine that do God's work by going out there and picking up old condoms and dead cows out of the Chattahoochee River. But still, you're taking your life into your own hands if you're riding down that Chattahoochee river in a raft. I swear to God I did it.

[Chris Hoadley]

Once, I'm not doing it again.

[Brian Green]

No fucking way. I asked her to say, this is a conversation we have once a year. She says, what if we get. Every summer, every, every spring.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Green]

When we see those. Because we live near the R. So we drive over the river a lot on the bridges over the river. And she'll say to me, hey, look, those people out there. And I say, yeah, those fucking lunatics out there, you know, with an early death wish out there in the Chattahoochee River, There are so many things that could go wrong in flowing water. And she once a year thinks it's a good idea to take our small children and all of them onto an inner tube and ride down that Chattahoochee. To which I say, nuh, we're not doing that. Because not only do we have to contend with flowing water, rocks, and all kind of other stuff, like with adult. I've seen adults get in trouble out there. I've done this probably 10 times, 11 times in my life. And I've seen full grown ass men get caught, you know, somewhere on the river in some kind of trouble. Because you're not a. This. These aren't motorized crafts. They're just inner tubes that were blown up by some teenager getting paid $12 an hour. And then they throw you in the river and they say, good luck, and you're like, oh, where do I stop? I don't know either. But when you do, there'll be a bus there waiting for you. Yeah, good luck with that. There's no sign. No one knows what's going on. They don't tell you where the rocks are. They don't have anybody there directing traffic. It's a big clusterfuck. And besides all of that, you can't be assured of what's in or out of the river. Now I'm a noted germaphobe. Not like Howie Mandel germaphobe, but I'm a noted germaphobe. I just can't take the thought that I would put my mouth, my head, my hands in a river where people have been known to get brain eating amoebas inside of their nostrils and die from it. It's not for me. So while this looks like shits and giggles, you know, 10,000 people on a raft in the middle of the Chattahoochee. It's not like that anymore, Chrissy. It's not like the good old days. Now we got microplastics in our brains.

[Chris Hoadley]

Oh, yeah, that's already there.

[Brian Green]

So all of that is to say the first annual commercial break. TCB shooting the hooch for charity, will be down there. I remember one year we're driving along and my dad's radio station, whichever one, you know, one of the. We were either listening to angry talk radio, B 98.5, which was like the soft rock channel, you know. You know, she's like the Wind, you know, all those frilly love songs.

[Chris Hoadley]

The Eagles.

[Brian Green]

The Eagles, yeah. Take it easy, take it easy. Or we were listening to Z93, which is classic rock. Led Zeppelin, Purple Haze, stuff like that. One of those three stations, all of them were promoting that damn Shooting the Hooch shit. I was a young man and one of the radio stations had the brilliant idea that for a dollar you could get a rubber ducky. And they would put your name on the rubber ducky. They would throw it down the hooch with the rest of the rafts. And then whichever one came in first had a chance to win $10,000. So it was like a contest that they.

[Chris Hoadley]

Race of the duckies.

[Brian Green]

Yes, the race of the duckies. Now I'm thinking about this many years later as I'm looking at this post that I think my dad was convinced to buy one of those rubber duckies at one point. My dad, he did not like. He wasn't a frivolous man. He did not do things like this. But for some reason I remember there was a rubber ducky that we bought or something. Of course, we didn't win the $10,000 because who's keeping track of those rubber duckies once they get in the river? Who. Who's keeping track of those? Yeah, how do they make sure they catch. Where are you going? Where was the rubber ducky going? Where was it supposed to get off? Who was in charge of making sure the rubber ducky got off? It is a non motorized rubber ducky without even a human being on it. What are you doing? Unbelievable how things have changed.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, that's when you used to. Everybody threw everything into the river.

[Brian Green]

Everybody threw everything into the river. I think there was a river in Buffalo, New York that was on fire.

[Chris Hoadley]

For a decade or something in Ohio.

[Brian Green]

Oh, the river of Fire in Ohio. Yeah. It just didn't set itself on fire. And it was on fire for like 10 years or something at some. It's like that. Remember they were trying to clean up the scene river for the French Olympics. Yeah. I don't Ever think they really. I don't even think they had swimming there.

[Chris Hoadley]

No, they did.

[Brian Green]

Oh, they did.

[Chris Hoadley]

People were complaining. The Olympians were complaining.

[Brian Green]

Oh, they were like, ah, this is a. This is not. Yeah, yeah. I mean, that. That was never a good idea. That was never a good idea. I've been to. I've been to Paris. I saw them pulling stuff out of the river. There were, like. I don't know what you call them. There are people who take them. Like the magnet fishers. Do you know what I'm talking about? So they take huge magnets, they put them in the water, and they see what they can pull up. So we were watching some magnet fishers.

[Chris Hoadley]

Around the Lovelock Bridge for, like, old coins and artifacts.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, that's not what they were picking up. They were picking up bicycles left and right. Because apparently in Paris, it's just a thing when you get done with your bike, when your bike's old, it doesn't work anymore. You just throw it in the river.

[Chris Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

So they. They took out tens of thousands of bikes from that river, but they still couldn't clean it up to a point where human beings should be in there. It's sad state of affairs when you think about it, when I really don't want my children playing in the Chattahoochee River. And I. I don't know. Like, to me, my dad lives on a lake. Let me. Let me give you an example. My dad lives on a lake. The lake is controlled by the.

[Chris Hoadley]

By Duke.

[Brian Green]

Duke Energy. It's controlled by the dam. And Duke Energy is in charge of that dam. Therefore, Duke Energy is. Is responsible for the cleanliness of that lake. That's their job. They made the lake. It's for their private uses, to make money. It is their responsibility to make sure that that lake stays in some kind of good shape. Well, the lake has this weird film on top of it, like this weird, frilly, foamy film that kind of goes all over the place. It's dark in nature, in color, it looks like floating poop. If I'm just being honest to you. It just looks like. It just looks like a pile of shit is what it looks like floating in places, not everywhere. And I wonder what that is. And while my dad tries to convince me that it's just the natural comings and goings of Mother Nature, I think it looks like the natural comings and goings of a lot of drunk rednecks, in my opinion. But that. That makes me nervous when I send my children out to go swimming in there.

[Chris Hoadley]

We talked about that. I remember.

[Brian Green]

Yes, it does.

[Chris Hoadley]

Didn't somebody get sick last summer?

[Brian Green]

Many people have been sick coming out of my dad's house. There's lots of different reasons, I think, for that sickness. But it does seem to be true that, you know, there's a better chance than not someone's going to come home.

[Chris Hoadley]

It's not helping.

[Brian Green]

It's not helping. I don't think I actually saw a person take a poop in that lake one time. Yeah, I'm not going to get into all the details, but there was an incident where someone had to go and they just let it rip right off the side of a dock. And I was like, oh, kids, kids, roll them up, roll them up. Big Ben Parliament, let's go. Come on. Out, Out. Yeah. We took the kids out for the rest of the day and then had to leave early the next day because you don't know where that poop is floating. And I'm not naive enough to believe that there's not poop in most of our waterways. That's probably how it works. That's how it's worked for eons and decades. Since humans have been around. Since animals. Animals, yeah, animals poop in that water all the time, too. All the bass poop. Listen, I can get over that. The bass poop. That's what I worry about, is the bass poop. Bass ass. That's what I'm worried about. When I'm going down that Chattahoochee River, I think about bass ass because those bass, they just open their mouth. They're bottom feeders. They suck in whatever comes. That means if they have. If a human poop is floating down the river, they just open up their.

[Chris Hoadley]

Mouth and they're the cleaners.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, they're the cleaners. But then what? But everything poops. You know what I'm saying? So if it goes in one end, it's gotta come out the other. I'm a little nervous about this. I'm just a little nervous. I don't think anybody should. I don't think anybody that doesn't have a great immune system should be running down that Chattahoochee on a raft. My personal opinion, and I will argue that with my wife until my kids are long out of this house, that, no, we shouldn't go shoot the hooch.

[Chris Hoadley]

And then they're gonna go do it when they're a teenager.

[Brian Green]

Of course they are. They're gonna go do it. Yeah, it's a thing. They're gonna go down. I'm gonna Say, wear a face condom. Watch out for the bass ass. Watch out for bass ass. Kids, we never know what they're sucking in or throwing out. Do you have you. When you shot the hooch, why would you not return to it?

[Chris Hoadley]

I was awful, like you said. You know, the kid kind of set us off and said, go for it. And we had rented, like, this big, huge one.

[Brian Green]

The eight person. The ten person.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yes. And then we had also. We were overambitious, thinking we were gonna, like, go off and do our own little. So we had, like, three little ones or something, too. Two or three of the little ones.

[Brian Green]

Wow. You had a whole flotilla.

[Chris Hoadley]

It took us forever to go, and to the point of. Finally I. It was like dusk, and we were like, where is the end of this?

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Chris Hoadley]

It had been, like eight hours, nine hours. We had to call the company. They had to come and tow us back to the place.

[Brian Green]

No shit.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. That is. That was my challenge. Every time I did it, I'm done. So they would say to you, like, you know, and listen, these are companies that have been around for a long time, the reputable places. I'm not trying to knock their business model, but, you know, the shoot and the hooch or the chat, whatever the. Whatever the name of the company is. But every spring, they open up, and there is a landing here, and there's a landing there, and there's a landing.

[Chris Hoadley]

Which is the very furthest landing up.

[Brian Green]

Oh, okay, so you're, like, up in North Georgia somewhere. Yeah. Okay. So. And what they tell you is they give you a piece of paper, and it says about two hours to get to landing A, about two hours to get to landing B, and about an additional two hours to get to landing C. So you. Your call. You do whatever you want to do. And when you get there, we have a bus that'll take you back to your car with the raft. So you rent the raft. But these are kids. They're literally children, you know, 16, 17 years old that are filling these summer job, summer jobs, and they push you off, and you have no. There's no fucking clue about, like, okay, about two hours. But that largely depends on how fast the water is going, Right? How much water is in the river, whether or not the dam is released water over the last couple of days, there's, like, a lot of X factors that go into it, and that doesn't include the rapids, the rocks, the shallow water, the. All the different stuff that you have to do. And there's parts of the river where you can stand and there's parts of the river that are way too deep. And you get yourself in real trouble out there. Drinking all day long in the hot sun, trying to guesstimate exactly when A, B or C is coming up. That's right. If you're lucky, you'll see ahead of time that people are getting off. Right. They're like, okay, there's one of the landings. That's if you're lucky and if you're paying attention. But I've never been accused of being attentive about anything to anybody. So for me, almost every time I went out there, we ended up floating too far and we had, we're another two hours in. It always. You're right. It always became like a way too long adventure. Two hours I can handle. But now imagine you brought an 18 pack amongst three people. You're two hours in, you miss the exit, there's no way to turn back. You're not gonna, you're not gonna hand paddle upstream on a flowing river that's pretty big, actually, you know, half a mile wide in some places. So you're not gonna, you're not gonna get very far. So you miss that first exit. It's not like a car where you get off at the next exit and turn around. Now you gotta make sure you hit the second one. And I remember one time we also missed the second one. And now we were six hours in, it was almost dark. Like it was basically dark. And we were lucky. Lucky only because now we were super attentive for two hours. No water, no beer, no food, no fun. Yes, I'm done. I'm done. But now we're in for another two hours. Here we go. Because you can't just like pull off on the side like it's a river with a bunch of trees and bushes. You can't just yank your and then hope that someone finds you and comes picks you up. You never know where you are. Here's my point. Don't shoot the hooch. If I'm going to tell you to do something, I'd rather you go to the dysentery filled whitewater rapids theme park here at, in Georgia where at least it smells like chlorine. You know, there's bleach in the water. Then go into the Chattahoochee River. No. Knock on all the wonderful people who are trying to keep it clean. But I'm not sure it is like.

[Chris Hoadley]

Going on a walk. Yeah, take a walk down the river. Yeah, sure.

[Brian Green]

Don't get your feet anywhere near the water. But sure. It's like that New Orleans soup. Is that what they call it? New Orleans stew? New Orleans whatever. The water that collects at the. The streets. Some guy was making a video of it. He's like, you see that? He had like, in that New Orleans twang. He's like, you see that? That's New Orleans stew. It had like this film on top of it and there was like rats eating at it. And I was like, oh. And he's like, he was. He's doing God's work. Because he explained that every time he sees a tourist in sandals, he alerts them that they should go immediately back to wherever it is they're staying, the hotel and change their shoes or buy a pair of closed toed shoes. Because you do not want to have open toed shoes walking down Bourbon street or any of those places. All that water that sits on those sidewalks is not fresh rainwater.

[Chris Hoadley]

That's not what it is.

[Brian Green]

Water, booze, poop, puke. Yeah. I mean, honestly, Vegas and New Orleans, keep your shoes on. That's all I got to say. Even though Vegas does a good job of keeping itself clean, you still never know what's on top of there. And that is much like that Chattahoochee water. You would never drink that. If most people in Atlanta don't even drink the tap water, that's like a known and a. No, no, no, no, no. You don't drink the tap water. Why? Because it comes from the Chattahoochee river, which for years. Let me just give you an example. For years, the city of Atlanta would rather pay an enormous fine to the United States government than clean up the raw sewage that it was just pouring into the Chattahoochee River. Only. Only when the federal government decided to withhold funds for the 96 Olympics did the city of Atlanta get in motion and start fixing their sewer problem. Only and still to this day, to this day, you can drive in some parts of downtown Atlanta and they are still fixing the sewer system in the city of Atlanta.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Still to this day you hear about raw sewage releases because too much rain or rainwater or whatever. So don't shoot the hooch. Come by the TCB studios for $50. We'll give you a tour and a sticker for free. Let's take a break. I'll be back with more advice on what to do in Atlanta.

[Tina]

Let me do something Brian has never done. Be brief. Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break. Text or call us 212-4333, tcb. That's 212-433-3822. Visit our website tcbpodcast.com for all the audio, video and your free sticker. Then watch all the [e-mail] thecommercialbreak and finally share the show. It's the best gift you could give a few aging podcasters. See Brian, that really wasn't that difficult now was it? You're welcome.

[Brian Green]

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[Margo Gray]

College holds a mythic place in American culture. It's often considered the best four years of your life and hailed as a beacon of integrity and excellence. But beyond the polished campus tours, there are stories you won't find in the admissions pamphlets.

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The higher ups are concerned about one.

[Campus Files Host]

Thing, and that is avoiding scandal.

[Margo Gray]

It's no wonder that college campuses capture the nation's attention, especially in moments of upheaval. I'm Margo Gray. Each week on the Campus Files podcast, we bring you a new story.

[Chris Hoadley]

It was the biggest academic scandal in.

[Brian Green]

The history of college sports and probably.

[Zola Announcer]

In the history of academia.

[Margo Gray]

On Campus Files, we Cover everything from rigged admissions to the drama of Greek life.

[Brian Green]

A chancellor having a pornographic double life is an extremely rare case.

[Margo Gray]

Listen to and follow campus files and Odyssey Original podcast, available now on the free Odyssey app and wherever you get your podcasts.

[Chris Hoadley]

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[Brian Green]

Yeah, we're all sharing horror stories from the hooch. From the hooch or related waters. It's just not clean. I mean, it is a major in a major city where it used to be an industrial city. And so I get it. You know, there's years and years of just shit in that place. But, you know, Tina was just sharing that one of her friends had to get two layers of stitches because the nurse was like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, don't go in that water. What are you thinking? Yeah, it's crazy and it's dangerous. Anyway, it's local politics. All politics is local, if you don't mind. But let's talk about non local politics. Let's talk about Oscars. The Oscar season is coming up and there is already a ton of drama. Let's talk about a non Oscar related film first. And that is that damn whatever this is us story with that Baldoni guy stops with us. It starts with us.

[Chris Hoadley]

No, it's.

[Brian Green]

Oh, it stops with us. Oh, it's not. It starts with us. Apparently it starts with us because those two yahoos are just throwing shit back and forth. They are destroying their careers. Someone needs to get a hold of both of those human beings and put them in a room together and say, you both did something wrong. Shut the fuck up before you never work in Hollywood again. I mean, Blake Lively is getting dragged through the mud, but Justin Baldoni.

[Chris Hoadley]

It ends with us.

[Brian Green]

Oh, it ends with us.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, sorry.

[Brian Green]

Stops with us. Starts with us.

[Chris Hoadley]

Kind of. Same thing.

[Brian Green]

Begins with us. It ends with us. Who cares?

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, it's pretty crazy, the drama with that.

[Brian Green]

Listen, I made the mistake of following that Perez Hilton on Instagram. I'm soon going to unfollow him. But he has been talking about this nonstop for weeks. Every time something Else drops. He comes in.

[Chris Hoadley]

They're in court now, right?

[Brian Green]

They're throwing lawsuits back and forth with each other. And Justin Baldoni has now put a website together called about the lawsuit.com or something. You can go Google it. I don't know that that's. But it's something about the lawsuit. He's put a website together where he is literally sending out every text message, every communication, every email that happened between him and Blake Levy. Even the Blake Lively, even the ones that don't make him look particularly good, he's still sending them out there, saying, I'm going to show you everything that happened during this movie piece by piece, so you understand that it's not the way that Blake Lively's people are spinning it. And this goes super deep. And let me. Let me share just for a minute, if you don't mind. Drama drop. Drama drop. Let's get into the Blake Lively situation. Not that I know enough about it to be dangerous, but I'm gonna make up the parts. I don't know, just so you're forewarned. Storytime with Brian. Story time with Brian. Blake Lively got the rights to make this movie after she read the book. She went and petitioned the author for the rights to the movie. Many, many people read the book. Apparently, it was a hot bestseller. It's about domestic violence and the relationship getting in or out of the domestic violence. I don't know the story because I haven't seen the movie, nor have I read the book, just to be clear about that. But that has never stopped me from pretending like I know something.

[Chris Hoadley]

Weigh in.

[Brian Green]

I'm weighing in. Regardless of being completely misinformed. I'm weighing in. I'm yet another idiot on Internet just saying shit to say shit. Hey, listen, I got a lot of time to fill on this show. Do you want to hear it or not? Okay. All right. Do you tune in for the facts, or do you tune in for my misinformation in the voice of Brian? Of course you do. All right, here we go. Blake Lively makes this movie. She hires Justin Baldoni to do the directing. Or maybe he's. Maybe the production company does. I don't know how he gets involved, but Justin Baldoni, who cares? That's not important. Justin. Thanks, Justin Baldoni. And Justin Baldoni is also going to star in the movie. So he's starring and he's directing. At some point during this film, things start getting. There starts to be a little friction between the two stars, who have a lot of lovemaking scenes, a lot of intimacy Scenes and some friction starts. And Blake apparently does not like the direction that Justin is taking the movie. Nor does she like the way that the editor is cutting the movie under Justin's direction. So Blake calls a meeting with who? The most important people in the world. Travis Kelce, Taylor Swift, and Blake Lively. And the other guy that she's married to, Ryan Reynolds. Ryan Reynolds. So they all get in a room and they kind of beat up Justin and they say, listen, this. These particular scenes shouldn't go like this. That needs to go like that. We need to have this cut of the movie. We need to have that cut of the movie. Which rubs Justin the wrong way. But he quickly realizes that going up against Ryan Reynolds, Taylor Swift, and Blake Lively in an argument about editorial direction is probably not the best idea. So he quickly apologizes. Apologizes. Sending like a eight minute voice note. Now I listen to that eight minute voice note. He talks about a lot of stuff during that voice note. But basically what he's doing is he's groveling. He's saying, yeah, you're right. I if I wish I had friends like yours. They're so good to you. They got your back. I see the error of my ways, Lady Daddy Dottie do. Okay. So Justin capitulates to Taylor and Ryan and Blake's suggestions. But that doesn't satisfy Blake because Blake believes that Justin is treating her poorly on the set and off the set. So Justin. So Blake is now saying that Justin was sexually harassing her, not staying within the intimacy coach lane, doing gross things, you know, walked in on her breastfeeding and then talked about her boobs or whatever. If any of that is true, it's creepy at best, harassment at worst. But it's hard to tell because it's all he said, she said. If you piece all the stuff that Justin is putting out there, some of it might make sense that he was bordering on a little bit inappropriate. Is it harassment? I don't know. That's up. I guess that's up to the judge to decide at the end of the day. But now ju. Justin, Blake comes out and puts a big to do about this, and she didn't like the last cut of the movie and he sexually harassed her and all this stuff went wrong. And so she sues him. That's what you do in America. You sue. And so Justin says, wait, wait, wait, that's not how it went down. Let me show you how it went down. Countersuit.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

And so now they're both suing each other for hundreds of millions of dollars. In court, they're both throwing dirt all over the place. Blake with her big high, you know, high price PR people. Justin just trying to fight the good fight. I'm sure he has nowhere close to the same PR people, but they're trying to fight each other's fight. But at the end of the day, they are both destroying each other's careers. Justin has now been fired from the next, his next director job.

[Chris Hoadley]

I don't know what dropped by his representative or whoever, you know, his agents.

[Brian Green]

Dropped by his rep. Blake is getting dragged through the mud. Everything she ever said is getting scrutinized and questioned. Perez Hilton calls her a B list celebrity at best. Uh, I don't know if that's necessarily true, but both of them are just absolutely getting destroyed. And they will not have careers after this because no one's gonna wanna work with them. People are gonna be afraid that Blake, all she gonna want to do is take over the movie and gonna pressure, have a pressure campaign if she doesn't like something. Justin's known as a creep who sexually harasses and reveals all the secrets of the world. Afterwards. They're both killing each other. If I'm either of these people's management, I am saying you have got to sit down with this person and figure out a way to shut the fuck up before you never work in this town again. Now Blake has made some money and Ryan Reynolds ain't hurting, so maybe they feel like they're going to fight just to make sure that her name is cleared. And Justin is trying to make a living in Hollywood, so maybe he feels like I got to reveal it all so that everybody thinks. But I'm just like blown away at how these two egos are absolutely going at each other with no regard for the consequences. When we're all watching, going, what a bunch of morons. What are you doing? Don't you think?

[Chris Hoadley]

Mm, yeah, I haven't really paid attention that much to it. I've seen the headlines. I'm not subscribed to Perez like you are.

[Brian Green]

If there is one person in this world that is less informed than I am, it is Chrissy.

[Chris Hoadley]

Well, I remember there was a big to do when it first came out because Blake Lively wasn't showing up at.

[Brian Green]

The press tours or whatever.

[Chris Hoadley]

There was something about the press tour. Yeah, there was a lot to do with that. And she wasn't denouncing domestic violence enough or something.

[Brian Green]

She was making it all about her.

[Chris Hoadley]

And talking about the genie, the press tour. And I meant to watch the movie, but then I just didn't. And so now I'm. Now maybe I should just watch the movie, but I kind of don't want to watch the movie. I don't know.

[Brian Green]

Astrid watched it a couple times.

[Chris Hoadley]

She did.

[Brian Green]

She said it was good, she liked it. And. And I think I walked in on her crying at one point at watching that movie.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, I don't want to cry.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I'm not interested in all that domestic violence. I. I just abhor it. I think it's gross and nasty, but I gotta be in the right mood to see a story like that. Like, I have to not be full of rage, which is hard for me right now at. And my profession and my circumstances. You know, no money, many children, 50 shows a day. You know, I'm just a little bit upset about everything. Yeah, I'm irritated, but I'm in a constant state of irritation. But I still think, even in my constant state of irritation, I just think that I would see through the noise. I would try to make amends in some way, shape or form. If I did wrong, it seems like.

[Chris Hoadley]

It'S gotten out of control. Now people are past the point. Point.

[Brian Green]

Now people are way past the point.

[Chris Hoadley]

They're just like, nope, I've got to prove myself right.

[Brian Green]

Everything Blake Lively ever said is now being rehashed. And everybody hates her. Not everybody, but people dislike her. Right. They think that she's a kind of a snotty human being. When she was doing press for that movie, a couple questions were asked about domestic violence, and she was like, that's. That's not what the movie is all, you know, kind of like, you know, look at my jeans. Don't. Don't look at my domestic violence, look at my jeans kind of thing. Maybe she was just not jazzed with the questions or the interviewer. I don't know who knows what's in Blake Lively said. But they both have the world at their disposal. They both at the world at their finger. Fingertips. It was one of the best. Like, it was one of the most popular movies of 2024. Regardless of whose cut got out there, it doesn't matter. You're part of a project that did really well right now. If you were actually sexually harassed, I can understand. And fighting to make sure that doesn't happen again and that people see who Justin Baldoni is so that they don't get in a similar situation with him. But now there's so much noise, it's hard to know what's true or not. There seems to be no truth. Everybody's just giving their version of the story. Welcome to the age of 2025, when truth doesn't matter. It's just about who talks the loudest. Done with it. Done with it. All right, let's move on to the Oscar contenders.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

Amelia Perez. Pertez Perez. Speaking of Perez. Amelia Perez. Is it Amelia Perez? Is that it? The movie? Yeah, Amelia Perez.

[Chris Hoadley]

That's another controversial one.

[Brian Green]

Very controversial. And I didn't know until I started digging in on the drama drops around Emilia Perez. This is a story like many other Hollywood stories. It's your typical drug lord gets a sex change to avoid any kind of responsibility for all his heinous actions and then misses his family and so he becomes a woman to get back with him kind of love story. We all know it. We've all seen it. It's another retelling around for the age, another retelling of another retelling of that story, but in inexplicable fashion form. And fashion, it is a musical. Now, I took the time to go watch some of the clips of this out there, and I have a hard time understanding how this is a best picture contender. I don't knock the performances. I don't knock the sensitivity or insensitivity with which they handled the trans issues in that. That's for. That's for someone who has a dog in that fight to really vet out. Right. But they at least used a trans actress to portray the drug lord who got a sex change operation so that he could go back out into the public. It's actually a. It's actually an interesting story.

[Chris Hoadley]

It is, yeah.

[Brian Green]

But why it's a musical and why they have an actual. An entire five minutes dedicated to a song about vagioplasty, I have no idea. Like, it's just a little weird. It's a little bit of a strange story. And many critics out there are curious as to how this became an Oscar contender because they named it in one of the weirdest, oddest, worst movies of the year. Here, this is. The Oscars, like every other award out there, are bought and paid for. It's just a fact. If you have any other illusion. Let me put that illusion to rest. It is bought and paid for. They lobby the voters to make sure that they get votes. And they do that in a lot of different ways. If you open up any trade rag like the Hollywood Reporter, if you go to la, they have billboards sometimes for your consideration. Right.

[Chris Hoadley]

Which is a great Christopher Guest movie, by the way.

[Brian Green]

It is a great Christopher.

[Chris Hoadley]

Guess I started Watching it a few weeks ago, and I was like, this is such a great movie.

[Brian Green]

I just love that movie. I think it's wonderful. But this is how the Grammys happen. This is how the Oscars happen. This is how the Golden Globes happen. The foreign press, all of them, they all happen in the same manner. You have to have a PR machine that's making sure you get in front of the voters so that you can get nominated. And then once you get nominated, if you get nominated, then you really have to. Then the heat has to come on. You have to really try and win the affection of the people who are voting for this. The Actors Guild, Screen Actors Guild or whatever it is. So Emilia Perez is kind of an outlier in the sense that many critics did not think this movie was that great, but for some reason, it got voted in. Okay, let's assume that there's a lot of people out there in the voting community that did like this movie. Don't know, haven't seen it. Again, I have no information. I'm just speculating. But what's crazy is now the woman who played Amelia Perez in this movie cannot go and be a part of the Oscar scene. She cannot lobby. She cannot be a part of the Oscar scene because she has lost her. Lost it a little bit. And she had. People have dug up old tweets that they say were racist and. And, you know, homophobic and all this other stuff. I read the tweets. I think some people are being a little bit sensitive. I don't think she was being super offensive, but I can. I get it. Everything is a reason to get upset if you're looking for a reason to get upset. Right. And that's the way that it is. But now she has to disconnect herself from the PR machine and the fun and all that other stuff because of. Of these things that were said in the hope. Hopes that they can soften the landing a little bit on this bad press and be in contention for Amelia Perez. Can we all just say that Wicked was the best movie of the year and get on with life.

[Chris Hoadley]

Is it nominated for an Oscar?

[Brian Green]

I think it is. I think it is. Wicked Oscars. Astrid wouldn't know this. Yes. Best Picture, Wicked.

[Chris Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

Best Actress, Best Supporting Actress. Best Original Score, Best Production Design, Best Makeup and Hairstyling, Best Visual Effects. Best Film Editing. Best Costume Design, Best Sound Design. Wow. It won. It's. It. I'm not one. It got nominated for a ton of stuff for everything Oscar. Let's see the other ones. Nominees 20, 20 that was one of.

[Chris Hoadley]

The nominees the other night. Nora. I think that's the name of it.

[Brian Green]

Nora.

[Chris Hoadley]

Anora.

[Brian Green]

Anora.

[Chris Hoadley]

Look at the best picture.

[Brian Green]

Okay. Amelia Perez, A complete unknown. Conclave.

[Chris Hoadley]

Conclave was good.

[Brian Green]

I want to see Conclave. Really bad. Nickel boys. I do want to see that also. I'm still here. The substance. Dune part 2. Also a fucking fantastic movie. Wicked. Anora and the Brutalist. Wow, that's a lot. Didn't they used to have five and now they have 10?

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Okay, interesting. I do think. I do remember that happening at one point. Like, they. They changed up the. Yeah, they upped it. So Honora is the one about the sex worker who marries the Russian oligarch son. Okay.

[Chris Hoadley]

It was good.

[Brian Green]

You liked it?

[Chris Hoadley]

I enjoyed it.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Now, I don't want you to tell me the plot because I want to watch this movie, but I want you to give me the. I want you to agree or disagree with this statement. I saw someone on Instagram that said this was the best movie of the year. It had me laughing for the first hour and 30 minutes and crying for the last 15.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, I mean, I can see where that comes into play.

[Brian Green]

That's all I need to know. Thank you. Thank you.

[Chris Hoadley]

I wasn't crying.

[Brian Green]

You weren't crying?

[Chris Hoadley]

No, I wasn't.

[Brian Green]

She has no feelings, folks. Can't you tell? She's like Frankie Valli.

[Chris Hoadley]

She just.

[Brian Green]

Where.

[Chris Hoadley]

It's a sad situation. Okay, it's a sad situation, but it is. It is funny and it's very. It's different and it was good.

[Brian Green]

Fernanda Torres for I'm Still Here. Best actress, Demi Moore for the Substance. Carla Gascoigne. Who's Amelia Perez? That's the woman who is apparently causing trouble. I don't know how. Cynthia Erivo for Wicked. And Mickey Madsen for Honora.

[Chris Hoadley]

Demi Moore was great, too. That the Substance is a great movie.

[Brian Green]

We still haven't watched that. We still gotta watch that.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Is that on Hulu?

[Chris Hoadley]

No, I hadn't subscribed to something on Amazon.

[Brian Green]

I can't do any more subscriptions.

[Chris Hoadley]

I know. I had to cancel the subscription after.

[Brian Green]

Would you do a free trial?

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Chris Hoadley]

Trialed it.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. I can't do free trials anymore. Astrid's mad at me because I keep not.

[Chris Hoadley]

I keep not remembering my calendar.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, yeah. I do that, too, but I still don't remember. Yeah. Best actor Ralph finds for Conclave. I think he's such a great actor.

[Chris Hoadley]

He is so great.

[Brian Green]

Sebastian Stan for the Apprentice. Playing Donald Trump in the Apprentice. That's another movie. I want to see Timothy for a complete.

[Chris Hoadley]

He was fantastic in that movie. Have you seen that?

[Brian Green]

I haven't. I want to see that, too. Coleman Domingo for Sing Sing. Don't even know what that is. Sorry. And Adrian Brody for the Brutalist.

[Chris Hoadley]

I want to see the Brutalist, too. And every time I think about watching it, I know it's like three and a half hours.

[Brian Green]

Yeah.

[Chris Hoadley]

It's a long movie, so it took them.

[Brian Green]

It took them like 15 years to make that movie. Yeah. Best international film. Who cares? Sorry. Best Supporting Actress, Zoe Saldana for Emilia Perez. Felicity Jones for the Brutalist. Monica Barbaro for A Complete Unknown. Ariana Grande for Wicked. And Isabella Rosalini for Conclave. What a beautiful name.

[Chris Hoadley]

Her.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, she's really good. Animated feature Flow, which won the Golden Globe, which I don't even know what that is.

[Chris Hoadley]

I don't know any of the animated ones.

[Brian Green]

Inside out 2, which I heard was fantastic. Now available on Disney Plus. Just giving a shout out. Wild Robot. Wallace and Gromit. Wallace and Gromit. Wallace and Gromit. Are we doing Wallace and Gromit? Take it easy. Okay. All right. I know there's a bunch of Wallace and Gromit fans out there. I never got into it. You like it?

[Chris Hoadley]

Loved it.

[Brian Green]

Big fan. Yeah.

[Chris Hoadley]

We watched all of it in our household.

[Brian Green]

It's actually in my list to watch, and I'm grown and so are my kids, but it was just such a household favorite when mine were young. I will be watching it. I know it's that, like, British dry slapstick kind of like. You like British? I know. I don't know. You should. You would love it. I mean, it's dry and it goes.

[Chris Hoadley]

A lot of the humor goes over the kids heads.

[Brian Green]

I think that's why it stood the test of time. It's because it also appeals to. Yes, I'll stick with Bluey. Maybe I'll watch it. I don't know. Okay. Best Supporting Actor, Guy Pierce for the Brutalist. I'm going to slaughter this name. Yuri Borisov for Anora. Edward Norton, a Complete Unknown. Kieran Culkin for the Real A Real Pain. And Jeremy Strong for the Apprentice. I wish I had watched more of these movies. I really do.

[Chris Hoadley]

Oh, yeah, there's still time.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, there is still time. But. But do I have the time is the question. I know there is still time. This might be our farewell show. I don't know. Who knows? We showed up for one more at least, right?

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

Best director, the Substance, A Complete Unknown. Honora Emilia Perez and the Brutalist. Well, listen, I don't know. I haven't seen Amelia Perez, but, you know, I've read enough about it it and I read enough. Like, for every two good reviews, there must have been eight not good reviews. Yeah, so it did surprise me also. But, you know, reviews are like everyone's, you know.

[Chris Hoadley]

Exactly. I don't always go off the reviews.

[Brian Green]

Opinions are like, everyone's got one, and they all stink. And that's all I got to say about that. Who's your favorite Oscar contender?

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah, let us know.

[Brian Green]

The audience. Give us a call and let us know. You might be on the next episode of the commercial break. 212-4333. TCB. Leave us that voicemail if you want to hear yourself. If you want to be in front of literally tens of earballs, leave us a message. All right, we'll take a break. We'll be back.

[Tina]

Let me do something Brian has never done. Be brief. Follow us on Instagram hecommercial break. Text or call us 212-4333. TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Visit our website, tcbpodcast.com for all the audio, video, and your free sticker. Then watch all the [e-mail] the commercial break and finally share the show. It's the best gift you could give a few aging podcasters. See, Brian, that really wasn't that difficult, now, was it? You're welcome.

[Zola Announcer]

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[Brian Green]

Right?

[Zola Announcer]

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[Brian Green]

Place.

[Zola Announcer]

Start [e-mail]. that's Z O L A dot com. Happy wedding.

[Campus Files Host]

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[Brian Green]

Yes. Thank you, Tina. Yes. And will you do me a favor and hit those cameras when you get a chance? Thanks so much. You're the bestest in the westest. What's that?

[Chris Hoadley]

I already did it.

[Brian Green]

Oh, you already did it? Oh my gosh. I'm not even paying any attention here at the studio, but there's nothing new there. Tina helping us today. Thank you very much, Tina. We love you. We appreciate it. That's the voice you're here hearing in the background. This will have changed by the time this episode comes out, but I want to say that there are a lot of dumb things that I've heard in the last 10, 15 days out of the new administration, but one of the dumbest things that I've heard is let's turn Gaza into the Riviera of the Middle East. That's unbelievable. We're going to take over Palestine. Just occupy it. Just take it over and build golf courses.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

You got to be kidding me. I don't know. What are we thinking?

[Chris Hoadley]

I saw that last night.

[Brian Green]

What are we thinking? Yeah, I think he's trolling us. That's my opinion. I think it's just he's trolling us while other stuff goes on. We're looking over here so you don't look over here. Yeah, I know. I just got to say that's. I know that's a bad idea if we really want our chickens to come home and roost. Take over a population of What? Is there 20 million people that live in Gaza or some shit like that. A lot of people that lived in Gaza and I don't think it's 20 million people, but either or it's a lot of people. That's their home. Like we're just going to take it over and build golf courses. Come on. Really, Honestly, Go to the Caribbean like everybody else does. Go to the Caribbean. Speaking of the Caribbean, I saw a video about cruise ship Guy Fieri taking his family. Oh, no. Tell me about this. What is this? The Guy Fieri? Kristen texted me. Christy texted me the other day, and she says, you want a good laugh? Watch Guy Fieri's Ultimate Cruise Takeover. What is that?

[Chris Hoadley]

I guess it's that I didn't end up watching it, but you know our history with Guy Fieri.

[Brian Green]

Oh, God. Guy.

[Chris Hoadley]

What concert was he at?

[Brian Green]

Oh, he was at the Rage against the Machine concert with that fucking hairdo and that visor.

[Chris Hoadley]

We talked about that seasons ago. So, anyways, I thought it would be fun.

[Brian Green]

I'm here at Lucy Lou's Cafe and they're building a burger you've never seen before.

[Chris Hoadley]

I guess his son graduated from. So he decides to take the family and a lot of their friends and family on this cruise.

[Brian Green]

Yes.

[Chris Hoadley]

So I watched a little bit of it, and it's him kind of, you know, going into the. They're all doing their adventurous stuff, and I think it's a big commercial for Carnival.

[Brian Green]

Of course it is. Of course.

[Chris Hoadley]

And then all the food that's on board.

[Brian Green]

Okay, gotcha.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yeah.

[Brian Green]

All right. I'm here at the Food Network headquarters and I'm convincing them to spend $1 million on my family vacation.

[Chris Hoadley]

Right.

[Brian Green]

You're listening to Driving Divers and Dives, or whatever the fuck you call it. Triple D is on the way. Now, far be it from me to make fun of the Triple D. No. No person in the history of living on this Earth. Because it's now been on for, like, 15 years.

[Chris Hoadley]

It really has.

[Brian Green]

It's been on for the longest. I remember when he was part of a competition. Next greatest Food Network star. The next Food Network star. And he won that. And that's how he got that show, Diners Drive Ins and Dives. And that show became a runaway hit with people that are hungover. That's what that show is. People trying to take a nap on a Saturday afternoon.

[Chris Hoadley]

That's so true.

[Brian Green]

Golf. Whenever I've watched it, golf and Triple D, two of my favorite things to fall asleep to. So far. Be it for me to make fun of the Triple D. Because I get it. It is mindless entertainment. Mindless. And when I say mindless, literally, your brain turns off. You could do surgery while watching that show. That's how mindless it is. You don't need to know anything. He's gonna say, well, Bam. Yeah. Yo, put the onions in. He's going to tell the people. The part that bothers me about Triple D is that he thinks he's so good at being a chef, that no matter what someone is cooking, he knows what's coming next before they do. Then you're gonna throw a little cumin in there. How'd you know that? Cumin? Then you're gonna throw the ground beef in there. Ground beef. Cook it at 350 for four hours. It's like, dude, let them talk. That's why they're there. But I will say this, good for him. Because apparently when you. When Triple D shows up to your place, you better be ready because your business is going to go fucking wild.

[Chris Hoadley]

He does a lot with charity, too. So, I mean, I'm. I like Guy. Listen, I just think he's funny. And after we did the show, people were writing in.

[Brian Green]

I know.

[Chris Hoadley]

Like, leave Guy alone.

[Brian Green]

Leave Guy alone.

[Chris Hoadley]

He could go to a concert.

[Brian Green]

I know we got so much shit about making fun of Guy at the Rage against the Machine concert, but I just want you to think about that, just for one second. Think about Guy Fieri at the Rage against the Machine concert. When he's saying. When they're saying those. Some of those who want forces are the same that ride horses. He might or might not be talking about the executives at Food Network and Guy Fieri. Okay. I'm just saying the revolution will not be televised. Not with Guy Fieri it won't. I don't hate the Guy. As a matter of fact, I like the fact that he does all the charity. And I do appreciate all the nap time he's given me over the years. Not anymore. I have children. But I do appreciate the fact that he didn't wake me up. At least he didn't wake me up. Up. I can't watch. There's a lot of shows I can't watch because my brain is tuned in while I'm sleeping. And if I hear something, you know, interesting, I wake up. Yeah, not with God. I can be assured nothing interesting is going to happen. And that Food Network has gone all in on Triple D. It is on 24 hours a day, it seems like it appears.

[Chris Hoadley]

Apparently I haven't turned to that channel in a while.

[Brian Green]

You know how at least the local Fox station here turned into the Judge Judy channel at one point?

[Chris Hoadley]

Yes.

[Brian Green]

And then lifetime is the Dr. Phil channel. I mean, MTV is the Teen mom channel channel. It's just TLC is the 90 day fiance fiance channel. When they find something that works. They will beat you over the head with it 24 hours a day. And that's Guy. So I say all this to say that Guy has the best fucking luck in the world. He is literally like, you know, a nobody Chef shows up, wins the Food Network competition, becomes a very famous person in short order doing that Triple D. Now he hosts, you know, guys, grocery games. Guys. This guy's. That. I'm. Guys. Special tour guys. An adventure. Guys with his kids, guys with his mom, guys, whatever. Everything that he does is televised and is getting paid for by the fucking Food Network. Yeah, why can't we have that kind of luck? I can go to local dives. Brian's diving.

[Chris Hoadley]

I mean, we should technically be sponsored.

[Brian Green]

By tlc, Triple B. Brian's Boobs and Bars. I'll be happy to take you to every strip club this side of the Mississippi. I'll show you which ones are good or which ones are not. Not left. Hit. Coming out. All right, there it is. Left dance. Next. Okay, here we go. Listen, this is not a particularly difficult job, but there is something that Guy does. There is some X factor about Guy.

[Chris Hoadley]

His hair.

[Brian Green]

It's that visor. It's the visor. Well, now I want to watch it. Yeah, now I'm interested in watching.

[Chris Hoadley]

Your interest has been piqued.

[Brian Green]

Now I want to watch it. What was I talking about before? I totally forgot where I went off with this. I was going to say something and then you told. Oh, the cruise ship. Oh, cruise.

[Chris Hoadley]

Okay.

[Brian Green]

So world's worst cruise line is apparently the Margaritaville Cruise Line. There is a cruise line or a cruise ship, I should say, called the Margaritaville Cruise Ship.

[Chris Hoadley]

They just slapped Margaritaville and everything they do.

[Brian Green]

He's dead. And what can we do now? I mean, they're, you know, it's just a corporation that's going to sell his name to anything. I think the Margaritaville real, like the resorts and the housing, like the retirement places. I think that Margaritaville, the company is somewhat involved in the management of those.

[Chris Hoadley]

And then, well, you went.

[Brian Green]

I went to the Margaritaville Resort.

[Chris Hoadley]

Yep.

[Brian Green]

And we were just talking about this the other day. Listen, is this even in my top 30 places I have ever stayed? Resorts that I have ever stayed?

[Chris Hoadley]

No, no, it was a quick hit.

[Brian Green]

It was a quick hit.

[Chris Hoadley]

Had a quick getaway.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, we went Thursday. We came back on Sunday. We went, you know, right as school had started for most kids, but not our kids yet. So it was very quiet. We went to Panama City. I told the story. The place was brand new. It had just opened a couple of months earlier, so it was not very busy. And I will tell you something, that Margaritaville didn't impress me much. It was kind of like, you know, a neighborhood essentially, with a really cool pool. You still had to walk a football field to get to the actual beach. And the beach was beautiful, but it was not on the beach beach, unless you rented one of their huge houses for, like, you know, $10,000 a week or whatever. But those kids, my kids still talk about that place on a weekly basis and they want to go back every time. Right. Oh, by the way, I have news about the Great Wolf Lodge. One of their team members, let's put it that way. I don't want to give away any Identify any identifying information. One of their team members is coming on the show show to tell us all the gory details about Great Wolf. Next week we're gonna have a phone call for that. We've got to disguise the name and, you know, do some things to make sure that they don't lose their job. But they have agreed to come on air and tell us some stories. Not about the one here in Atlanta, but on another location around the country. And I actually can't wait because, yeah, they texted some stories to me and I was like, oh, you gotta come on and tell some of these stories. So they'll be on next week. We're doing an expose on Great Wolf Lodge, and I'm never going to be invited back. It's yet another place I cannot go. But anyway, that Margaritaville cruise. So that's exactly what happened. They slapped the name. They bought the rights essentially, to put their Margaritaville on there. But it's been called the worst cruise ship in America by many travel critics.

[Chris Hoadley]

It's got to be saying something.

[Brian Green]

It really does. It's a tiny boat and it is really disgusting. Like, it's old. It's not renovated. Well, the rooms are. Are like Motel 6 has better rooms than these rooms. And most of them do not have balconies. They're all like, you know, porthole windows, which I can't go on a cruise ship unless you give me a balcony. If I don't have a way to get some fresh air or jump off the boat in case of emergency, I don't have any interest in it, but this Margaritaville is taking it to a new low. The food is sickening, the activities are zero, and the boat is in bad, bad shape. So it got me.

[Chris Hoadley]

Who regulates that stuff?

[Brian Green]

The national cruise ship Place of America. Elon Musk, Doge Cutting costs. Doge. Doge does. Ah, good old Doge. Does anyone else find it funny that Doge is the name of the organization that Elon wasn't he like rah rah sispumba about the dogecoin at one point. Okay, just checking to make sure I got my math right there. Yeah. Elon Musk is apparent charge of the cruise ships. But it got me thinking and it got me thinking seriously about maybe, maybe taking some equipment. By the way, the cruise ship, the room rates, I looked for like a three day Caribbean cruise. Caribbean cruise is like $180 a person. We can bring some of our own supplies, right?

[Chris Hoadley]

Like, you know, you know me and my view on cruises and I can't believe this is your pitch.

[Brian Green]

This is my pitch and I'm doing it on air so that feel pressured to do this. We'll find a way to get a balcony room. We'll find a way to get on there. But I think we must do the commercial break from a place that is worthy of the commercial break. The Margaritaville Cruise Ship. If you work for the Margaritaville Cruise Line, if you know of anybody that works for the Margarita Cruise Cruise line or you just want to sponsor us going on the Margarita Cruise Cruise Line. I know if I can get it for free, Chrissy might entertain the idea. Listen, it will be fun. We'll have a great time, Chrissy. I promise there won't.

[Chris Hoadley]

The last time we talked about cruises, we talked about going on a Ritz cruise, right?

[Brian Green]

But no one called us, okay? No one reached out about the Ritz Cruise.

[Chris Hoadley]

So we've now just the pendulum swung completely down to the other cruise.

[Brian Green]

I figured, well, let's lower the bar all the way to the bottom and then maybe we can jump above it. You know what I'm saying? I don't. I just saw this guy doing this review video. Like this was last night or night before last. I saw this guy doing a review video and I thought, wouldn't it be funny to do a podcast from the cruise ship report on what we see and what we do and then get some feedback from the other people that are on the cruise ship. By the way, the cruise ship mostly empty. There wasn't a whole lot of people there. We could have the cruise ship to ourselves.

[Chris Hoadley]

I need to look into this.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, okay, look into it. But just know two things before you get into this. We can bring disinfectant and our own food. And our own food. That's right. We can sneak our own food onto the cruise ship. It can't be that bad. We'll be together. We'll be together. We can bring Jeff and Astrid. Doesn't Jeff have some extra time to go on a margarita cruise ship?

[Chris Hoadley]

And so does Astrid.

[Brian Green]

Yeah, this is a step.

[Chris Hoadley]

Would you bring your kids on this cruise?

[Brian Green]

Fuck no.

[Chris Hoadley]

Okay, well, fuck no.

[Brian Green]

Fuck. Fuck no. Fucking no. Well, generally I don't think Margaritaville cruise ships. Well, I mean, I did bring them to the resort, but I guess they had a water slide. So what else do you want? All right, do you want to see Chrissy and I go to the Margaritaville cruise ship, Sponsor it, tell us, you know, somebody over there, get us some free tickets or just stay tuned and we'll figure out a way to do it ourselves. Well, I guess that's all I got for today. From the ribs, from the rips, top, top to the bolo, down to the.

[Chris Hoadley]

The bottom of the show.

[Brian Green]

Down to the bottom of the show. Down to the bottom of the ship. Yeah, it's more like.

[Chris Hoadley]

That's what I said, down to the bottom of the ship.

[Brian Green]

Yeah. Listen, I think this would be fun. I think this would be fun. I think we would have a good time. I think you and I would have a good time anywhere we went.

[Chris Hoadley]

Well, we could do that.

[Brian Green]

But. But if we went, you know what, like, you know, my real vision was go on the Margaritaville cruise ship and because it's so dirt cheap, invite some of our listeners to come like an unofficial commercial break cruise. We don't tell the cruise line.

[Chris Hoadley]

Right.

[Brian Green]

We don't put any kind of organization. You come at your own risk. Essentially, you pay for it. Don't bother us, but we'll be there. And then we can all have some fun together. And we'll remember, report back on what we'll do. We'll do a. We'll do a show each day and we'll report back. It's three days long. What could happen? Nah, why, why don't. We were friends. What could happen? What's gonna happen? We could get deathly ill. Yeah, I just wanna. I just wanna know who the captain is. I just want to make sure the captain has all his eyes and legs. Yeah, that's all I care about. I mean, you know, if we're just going to the Caribbean, I feel like we could swim. If something happened, if something bad happened, we could be in the water for a couple of days. It's warm water.

[Chris Hoadley]

I'll look into it.

[Brian Green]

Okay, look into it. Let me know. I feel like this is the kind of thing that the commercial break should do every once in a while. It's better than going to the gathering of the Juggalos. That was my next idea, but I don't know that my body can take too many more drugs. So I think I got to put that idea away for a little while. Yeah, I just had surgery to remove. I don't think I should fill it full of cocaine and faygo. Yeah. No. All right. If you love the show, sharing is caring. Do us a favor and share with one of your friends. Leave us a positive review, leave us a negative review. Whatever. Do whatever. You know, Buy us tickets to the Margaritaville cruise ship. We'd love it. We'd love you forever. Text us 212-4333. TCB questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas? We take them all right there. TCBpodcast.com all the audio, all the video right there from one location and your free sticker. Also at the commercial break on Instagram and YouTube.com the commercial break for all the episodes on video. All right, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.

[Chris Hoadley]

I think so.

[Brian Green]

I'll tell you that I love you.

[Chris Hoadley]

And I love you best.

[Brian Green]

Yes. Best to you out there and the podcast universe. Universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say we do say and we must say goodbye.

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[Brian Green]

Law 18/ DNC supply yeah, sure thing. Hey, you sold that car yet? Yeah, sold it to Carvana.

[Parent Voice]

Oh, I thought you were selling to that guy.

[Brian Green]

The guy who wanted to pay me in foreign currency, no interest. Over 36 months. Yeah. No. Carvana gave me an offer in minutes, picked it up and paid me on the spot. It was so convenient. Just like that? Yep.

[Parent Voice]

No hassle?

[Brian Green]

None.

[Parent Voice]

That is super convenient.

[Chris Hoadley]

Sell your car to Carvana and swap. Hassle for convenience.

[Tina]

Pickup fees may apply.

[Brian Green]

Rap on, Nick. It's.