Total Eclipse of the Dussy

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Commercial Break | Episode: "Total Eclipse of the Dussy"

Release Date: April 18, 2024
Hosts: Bryan Green & Krissy Hoadley

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Commercial Break dives headlong into eclipse mania, parental panic, the absurdities of internet culture, and risqué movie merch. Hauling their signature irreverent, improv-comedy banter, hosts Bryan and Krissy riff on America's obsession with the recent solar eclipse, swap stories about adult movie theaters of yore, dissect viral pop culture oddities like the "Dune" popcorn bucket—and somehow loop in tales of cocaine-fueled friendships, dog drama, and workplace sexism, 1950s style.

The tone is gleefully chaotic, self-aware, and unfiltered. The whole hour feels like overhearing two best friends spiral from one absurd anecdote to the next, with touches of pointed cultural parody and a running commentary on the weirdness of modern life.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Eclipse Mania & Parental Panic (00:00 – 05:40)

• Bryan recounts the "hysteria" around the recent U.S. solar eclipse, expressing confusion over the national obsession:

  “Didn’t we just see an eclipse like three years ago?”

• Shares his dramatic warnings to his children about eye safety, leading to one child hiding behind the couch in fear.

  “You can set on fire. Your eyes can set on fire.” (02:49)

• Debates with his wife about whether it is ever safe to look at the sun (“Who are you, Donald Trump?”) and the misconceptions people have about eye safety, even among adults.

2. The Nextdoor Eclipse Chronicles (05:40 – 12:00)

• Bryan and Krissy read and roast posts from Nextdoor, chronicling the confusion, quirky requests, and supernatural hopes surrounding the eclipse:
  • "Does anyone know where a good spot might be to look at the eclipse? Figured getting higher would make for a better look."
  • Someone posts a photo of a colander as their homemade eclipse viewer.
  • Offers of "free tarot card readings" and messages about harnessing "eclipse energy for abundance."
  • Reports of possum rescue attempts hoping for an “eclipse resurrection.”
  • Question: "I have piercing blue eyes. Did this happen because of the eclipse?"
  • Bryan sums up:

    "It really is the dumbest social network out there because I think the average age is 77." (10:06)

3. Listener Appreciation & Podcasting Struggles (10:38 – 13:44)

• Bryan reflects on recent touching listener emails and the emotional impact on him:

  “Have we actually done something positive for the universe?”

• Jokes about podcasting as a “five-year unpaid internship” and how listener messages are their only form of payment:

  “Unfortunately, the mortgage company called and said they will not take that email as payment.” (13:31)

4. The Dangers of Covering Scientology & Netflix’s “Three-Body Problem” (13:48 – 18:19)

• The duo discusses failed attempts at making a Scientology episode due to mysterious technical failures, poking fun at conspiracy theories.
• Krissy raves about watching the “Three-Body Problem” series, which leads Bryan to share its disappointing ending and the mysterious, true-crime-esque story of its Chinese game-mogul producer being murdered by an employee.

  “Killed him? …Or is he?” (16:41)

• Sci-fi and “Dune” movie tangents, with Bryan insisting Krissy see “Dune” and expressing his Zendaya crush.

5. The Infamous Dune Popcorn Bucket (19:58 – 24:27)

• Bryan unveils the viral AMC "Dune" popcorn bucket, which resembles a sandworm in a provocative manner (“sand vagina”), and jokes that some buyers use it as a sex toy.

  “I have read articles where certain young men have decided to give it a go and say that it’s fantastic.” (20:58)

• Notes their resell price ($200+ on eBay) and runs through a list of other suggestive movie popcorn buckets.
• Running gag: Who in their right mind would buy these, and has Bryan found a new hobby?

6. Movie Theater Confessions & Changing Times (24:27 – 32:01)

• Bryan recalls sneaking into Atlanta’s Buckhead Cinema, a porn theater, as a teenager, feeling both excited and terrified:

  “I couldn’t enjoy a second of the movie because I was too creeped out by what was going on around me... just sitting in that chair meant I was gonna have to burn my clothes.” (30:41)

• Transition into nostalgic appreciation for the privacy of at-home internet masturbation.

7. Strip Club Stories & Saluting Swinging Richards (32:01 – 36:47)

• Krissy and Bryan trade stories about Atlanta’s iconic male strip clubs (Swinging Richards, Coronet Club, Gold Club), reminiscing about the oddity of clubs with both male and female dancers and BYOB policies.
• Discuss the phenomenon of male strippers and their, uh, "stars at half-mast":

  “A lot of salutes, a lot of saluting going on.” (35:39)

• Bryan’s story of a gay friend who worked as a bartender and the urban myth about male strippers and erections in Georgia law.

8. Drug Friendships & Coked-Up Conversations (36:53 – 40:09)

• Bryan shares how a friendship morphing from coked-up deep talks into romance rapidly fizzled when the drugs were out of the equation:

  “While the conversation may seem important in the moment, the very next day you are embarrassed about what you said and you don’t even remember.” (39:12)

9. Vintage Sexism & Typing Contest (41:15 – 51:00)

• Discussion of an old 1940s/50s video instructing women on how to become secretaries by typing 100+ words per minute. The hosts lampoon the sexist, degrading narrative of women's roles.
• Impromptu competition: Bryan and Krissy try to type passages on their phones for a minute to see if they can match 1950s expectations (spoiler: neither can).
  • “You typed 24 words. You have no chance of getting a job in 1950.” (45:25)
• Brief educational aside on stenographers and admiration for their skills.

10. Mad Men & Blue the Chaos Dog (51:00 – 57:49)

• Discussion of Mad Men as a “great encapsulation” of the 60s office culture and women’s roles.
• Bryan spins a long, comedic rant about his dog Blue, who wreaks havoc nightly and becomes the accidental focus of half the podcast.

  “If we could get away to turn her barks into thermal energy, we could literally create electricity for all of Uganda.” (52:14)

  • Offers to sell or rent out Blue like a Blockbuster movie:

    “She is available for sale currently right now, $3.39 shipping and handling.” (57:18)

11. Naming the Episode & Wrapping Up (57:49 – End)

• Debate over whether “Total Eclipse of the Dick” is an acceptable episode title, settling (reluctantly) on “Total Eclipse of the D.”
• Invitation to listeners to call/text/visit the website for stickers, questions or to appear on the show.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Modern Eclipse Panic:

  “I was telling my kids before I left, I had like, I don’t know, like this scared-straight dare moment where I was like, you know, just say no to staring at the sun… Your eyes can set on fire.” – Bryan (02:49)

• On the Dune Popcorn Bucket:

  “You have to stick your hand in that sand vagina in order to get your popcorn.” – Bryan (20:39)
  "Some people have reportedly been doing is fucking the popcorn bucket. Yes." – Bryan (20:45)

• On Nextdoor Posts:

  “Does this happen because of the eclipse? ...Piercing blue eyes. That makes no sense.” – Krissy (08:12)

• On Listener Emails:

  “Have we actually done something positive for the universe? ...It was the eclipse effect.” – Bryan & Krissy (12:46)

• On Atlanta’s Porn Theater:

  “There were tits right behind that dark, dingy door. And all we had to do was convince the guy up front that we were 18 years old.” – Bryan (26:58)
  "I couldn't enjoy a second of the movie because I was too creeped out..." – Bryan (30:41)

• On Male Strip Clubs:

  “A lot of salutes, a lot of saluting going on.” – Bryan (35:39)

• On Podcasting:

  “It’s a five-year internship. How proud our spouses and parents are.” – Krissy (11:08)

• On Blue the Dog:

  “If we could turn her barks into thermal energy, we could literally create electricity for all of Uganda.” – Bryan (52:14)

• On Coked-Up Friendships:

  “While the conversation may seem important in the moment… the next morning all you want is a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich…” – Bryan (39:12)

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Key Timestamps

• 00:00 — Eclipse banter
• 05:40 — Nextdoor post readings
• 10:38 — Listener email appreciation
• 13:48 — Scientology & Netflix’s “Three-Body Problem”
• 19:58 — Dune popcorn bucket viral sensation
• 24:27 — Confessions: porn theaters & at-home masturbation
• 32:01 — Strip club stories
• 41:15 — Typing contest & 1950s career advice
• 51:00 — Mad Men & Blue the Chaos Dog
• 57:49 — Episode naming debate & listener invitation

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Tone, Style, and Closing

The Commercial Break proudly shambles through crass, nostalgic, and deeply silly territory, always with a wink at its own absurdity. This episode shines as a prime example of the offbeat, riff-heavy chemistry between Bryan and Krissy. Whether you listen for the racy jokes, the rambling camaraderie, or the pop culture deep cuts, “Total Eclipse of the Dussy” is peak TCB: part Seinfeldian hangout, part roast, and all unfiltered fun.

Final Sign-off:
“Remember to cover your eyes when you’re staring at the sun, we always say—we do say and we must say—goodbye! I’m going to go jelly to see this world.” (60:05)

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End of Summary

Transcript

[A]

See, to y', all, I only appear to be riding a bicycle, but to me, I'm putting miles between me and a dirty bitch. On this episode of the Commercial Break. Yeah. I'm so glad we get to do all of our masturbating at home now. Yes, the Internet has brought us privacy. I can do it wherever I want, whenever I want. I mean, well, not here, but, you know, not at this household. But there is six to seven seconds a day when you get privacy. So if you're quick about it, you can figure it out. I'm just going to be like, hey, hon, I'm going to go fill up my dune popcorn bucket. I'll be right back. Me and Doocy are going to go in the bathroom for a few minutes. Leave me alone. I just want to be with my dune toy. The next episode of the Commercial Break starts now. Oh, yeah. And kittens, welcome back to the Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green. This is the beautiful co host of this damn show, Chris and Joy. Only best to you, Chris. Bestie Ryan around and find out best of you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us. You know, I know this is going to be. This will be like, out. We're going to air this maybe a week after it actually happened, maybe even longer. But the eclipse was just recently.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And that got me all excited.

[C]

Eclipse mania.

[A]

The same way helping my son's homework gets me excited. I don't care. I don't care. No one cares. It's an eclipse. Didn't we just see an eclipse like three years ago? Yeah. 20, 17, 27. Was it that long ago? It was in 2017. I thought I had children when the last eclipse happened. No, I thought I had less children. I don't know. I thought I had more children than I actually had. That's crazy. But of course I was here. I was watching the news coverage. Wall to wall news coverage on every channel.

[C]

That was everywhere.

[A]

Y. I get it. It's exciting, you know, the. The universe doing a little peekaboo for us. Peekaboo Magic trick.

[C]

Yeah, it was kind of. It was kind of eerie, kind of spooky for a minute.

[A]

It was. I mean, I know that half the country experienced this, so I'm telling them something. And they probably experienced some of them experiencing in totality. So it was different than what we experienced. Even the smallest amount of sunlight still is very bright outside. It's not like it went dark like I saw on TV some other places.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But it does turn like this weird 3D color outside and the shadows start moving. Doesn'. Look. They were looking in like a weird 3D glasses or something. The kids were totally freaked out, running around because we had to explain to them, as on the way out the door to school, which they got out before the eclipse, I was going to.

[C]

Say, because I heard that the school was like, canceled for some because they don't want kids to go.

[A]

It's just too much of a temptation. You can tell kids all day long, don't look at the sun. What's the one thing they're going to do is look at the sun, right? So I was telling my kids before I left, I had like, I don't know, like this scared straight dare moment where I was like, you know, just say no to staring at the sun. Like, don't do that. You can set on fire. Your eyes can set on fire. And so when one of my kids got home, she was literally so scared of the eclipse, she was like, hiding behind the couch. I said, it's okay. You can come out and look outside. We're not going to go out there. Like. And we didn't have the glasses and all that stuff. We figured just best, you know, safety first, Chrissy. Basically, around this household, right?

[C]

That's all.

[A]

Safety first, budgeting last. That's the rule around this household. And so I was telling the children, it's okay. You. You don't have to worry about it. Don't freak out about it. We'll watch it on the television, then we can see outside.

[C]

That's the thing. You could just see it all over the tv.

[A]

Yeah. And it just. It didn't work. My. I have permanently scarred my children for life. And then my wife, who is a rather intelligent human being, or I wouldn't have married her, says, well, you know, I'm really scared about the children looking at the sun today because of the eclipse. And I said, well, don't worry about it. I had a little pep talk, more like a, you know, scared straight talk with them about them setting on fire if they should look at the sun. So I'm sure they probably don't want to go outside anymore. And she goes, yeah, I mean, it's so dangerous to look out today, you know, any other day if you peek at the sun. I go, astrid, what are you talking about? And she goes, well, any other day you can look at the sun. And I was like, you can't look at the sun ever. There's no day upon which you can look at the sun. Did you not Know that? And she's like, well I've looked at the sun before. And I'm like, who are you, Donald Trump? You can't look at the sun. You can't do that. You can't ever look at the sun. Don't stare at the sun. Isn't that the rule?

[C]

Well, you can take a little peek.

[A]

A little peeky boo is okay.

[C]

Yeah. Like see where it is in the sky. Directional thing about it. But yeah. Well the reason you can't really like stare at it with the eclipse is because you can.

[A]

Because you can.

[C]

Like normally you kind of have to.

[A]

Look but I don't know when the totality happens, were they allowed to look at the sun? Because I saw a lot of people on television without glasses staring at the totality. I thought that was the whole thing. It's like make sure you keep your glasses on the entire time because those solar rays can still hit you in the eyeballs. Unbelievable. I'm so old that I talk about the weather all day long and I still have people around me that don't know that staring at the sun is not a good thing. But then I remember that guy in India who's been eating sun for stargaze sun gazing 300 years and he's still alive.

[C]

But did you know this, that we basically we have those eclipses every year and a half.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

We just don't see them because they hope it happen out over the ocean.

[A]

Well, yeah, they happen over the ocean. They're all. They're constantly happening around the world. It's just. Did it happen and affect so many.

[C]

People in the U. S to go straight across?

[A]

Yeah. What a big to do. Everybody made it. I get, I mean I understand there.

[C]

Were eclipse parties and eclipse playlists, there.

[A]

Was foods, they had some big party they planned down in Texas, some huge music festival or something. And then Greg Abbott set up like a immigrate, you know, stop all the immigrants from coming place right where they were going to have it so they had to move it. And then it was bad weather so they had to cancel it. And then some people had bought camping sites and they showed up and it was like the fire festival, actual fire. It was so fucked up. The best laid plans, you know what I'm saying? But you know where all the action was happening? Where all the action was happening. A good eclipse information you could only get from next door. So let's see, let's go back to the past, let's go into the future, back to the past and see what the people on Next door are saying about.

[C]

What were they thinking?

[A]

I don't think they were thinking. I don't think they were thinking. All right, so one person says, does anybody know where a good spot might be to look at the eclipse? I have a big space in my yard where I can see the sun at that time. But I figured getting higher would make for a better look. Where getting. How high do you think you're going to get? Like getting higher. What are you talking about?

[C]

They need the ladder.

[A]

Yeah, they need the other space Ladder is what they need. Yeah, that's right. That's the dumbest question I've ever.

[C]

They could clean their leaves off the roof, too.

[A]

Yes. Made a piece of paper with a hole in it to look at eclipse. Check out picture. The picture is of a colander, like a pasta strainer. That's it. That's all it is. I know, but that's not a piece of paper with a hole in it. The other one that I thought was harness the energy of today's eclipse time to manifest abundance and positivity. Handing out free tarot card readings inside my tarot card place during eclipse.

[C]

Don't worry about watching it.

[A]

That's right. Solar eclipse glasses available. Four pairs available now. Only three. That's what they wrote on the or.

[C]

Four now.

[A]

Now only three. Yeah. In real time. They were updating how many pairs of glasses they had.

[C]

One person came by and picked up a pair.

[A]

Yes. I have piercing blue eyes. Did this happen because of the eclipse? You know, animals tend to do weird stuff during eclipses. That is the post. Piercing blue eyes. Does this happen because of the eclipse?

[C]

That's. That makes no sense.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Well, speaking of animals, though, did you notice anything with blue or. She just continued her.

[A]

Oh, no, blue was crazy yesterday. Yeah, but that's like. I don't know if that's normal or I'm not really sure. Here's a lady who shared that she got a picture of the eclipse. However, clouds were rolling by. So the cloud. So could you please edit out the clouds? Sure, we'll edit out the clouds. You see that guy? It's like, can you fix this? No, there's like a famous. He's like a photographic editor and he's really good at Photoshop and he's got this Instagram and it's like, can you fix this?

[C]

And they. People submit stuff.

[A]

Yeah, they submit stuff. And it'll be like, can you take my. You know, I don't like, my. My ex boyfriend aren't together anymore. Can you take him out of the.

[C]

Picture that pretty ingenious.

[A]

And then he'll do something funny with it. It's pretty good. He's pretty good at it. Hi, neighbors. Having a little eclipse party. If you would like to come. Thanks. No address given. No phone number. Thanks. No responses. By the way, no one volunteered for the creepy guy eclipse party of the creepy guy. I took a video of a possum that I tried to save, but he didn't make it. Was hoping the eclipse would help him along. Tender care. Tender care.

[C]

The eclipse was a resurrection.

[A]

Yes. Who picks up. Awesome. It is like, well, maybe the eclipse will say he's only got his head squished. Maybe his body will survive. Oh, those possums are like, I know. Big rats with huge tails and I know some people had to have them as pets. No, no, that's really weird. Molly writes. Good evening. Missed the eclipse. Any way that I can see it somewhere else, let me know. TV. Yeah, television.

[C]

Or YouTube, NASA.com Instagram gov or whatever.

[A]

Any place would be able to. People on next door, man, they just like. I don't know, they've all lost their collective minds. It really is the dumbest social network out there because I think the average age is 77 that they're using. Speaking of 77 average age, my mom is going to be on the show with us manana, so you want to tune in? She's going to answer a few of the listener questions. And while we're talking about listeners, I just want to say that over the last, I don't know, three or four weeks, we have gotten some really touching listener emails.

[C]

Oh, you sent me some of those. Wow.

[A]

And I'll read them out on another day. But I just wanted to. I just wanted to say this, like, acknowledge it. Acknowledge it. This is a really easy job. I'm not gonna. We're not gonna complain. You know, you come in here, you talk on the microphone for a couple of hours. Sure there's some stress involved here and there and you don't get paid anything from most for most of your podcasting career. But at the end of the day, if you're going to do it as a job or pretend to do, I think you actually get paid at a job. So it's not a job. If you're actually going to do this for any reason whatsoever.

[C]

Extended internship is what we're doing.

[A]

A five year internship. How proud our spouses and parents are.

[C]

Doing it for the love of the industry or the hate.

[A]

One of the two. We're not sure. We're either Doing this despite people or because we love them, we don't know. But like, Astrid was who mainly responds to emails and most of the text messages Astrid puts her hands on. And quite frankly, she's the only one I trust respond in an appropriate way. But she was reading these emails and responding to them, and a couple of them were really touching. Like the kind of email. And I'll read them in detail on a future episode, but the kind of email where it's like, hey, I was really going through a very shitty time in my life, and thank God for.

[C]

You guys, because you guys are going through an even shittier because you guys are going. Made me feel better.

[A]

That's right.

[C]

I think is where that one was going.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

I filed for bankruptcy and I was down.

[C]

I turned on your podcast.

[A]

Filed for bankruptcy, down to my last $27. And then I found you and realized you're down to your last negative $720,000. Congratulations. But it had a weird. It had a weird effect on me.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I. I think we've gotten these emails before, but for some reason, this string of emails, this four or five emails that were similar in nature really got to me. I was like, oh, wow. Have we actually done something positive for the universe? Something positive has come on.

[C]

It was the eclipse effect.

[A]

I think people are losing their mind. Isn't Jupiter in ascension or something?

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

Mercury's in retrograde.

[C]

I can barely keep up with the full moon.

[A]

Well, I think Mercury is in retrograde right now. What that means.

[C]

That explains it all.

[A]

That explains everything, though. I don't know what it means, but I blame everything.

[C]

Things move slower or something. I don't know.

[A]

I don't know. Everyone's depressed and angry and satisfied. I think we've been in retrograde since 2015, if I'm being honest. But we do have the best listeners in the world. And I just wanted to. I'll preempt this by. I'll preempt the actual reading of the emails by saying that what lovely listeners that we have. And how touching that is, because in lieu of payment, we need something to hang on to. And so those emails are doing us.

[C]

They're keeping us going.

[A]

Keeping us going. Unfortunately, the mortgage company called and said they will not take that email as payment. So please send your donations to TCPodcast.com, the Best Little charity in the world.

[C]

We need to register as, like, a 501C3.

[A]

Oh, yeah. I don't even know what that means. But yes, tax exempt is that tax exempt? Yeah, yeah. How do you do that? How do you get one of those? Yeah, but can we like feed ourselves with those? Can we be a 50001 3C and then take paychecks? A lot of religious don't say Scientology because then this episode will never end. Speaking of kooky universe, the Scientologists are the weirdest of the weird. And anytime we have tried to do an episode on Scientology, something, something freak out, freaky happens. Some, some kind of technical issue appears. And I am not a conspiracy theorist. I don't believe in, you know, I don't believe in a lot of the hooky cookie. But I will say that like four separate times is not a coincidence. There is something strange. Whether it's some universal energy. Maybe, maybe the Scientologists are right. Maybe Thaon or Egon or whatever his name is is controlling the strings from outer space and he's decided that the commercial break is the straw that's going to break the camel's back. So I'm not going to let them talk about it.

[C]

Is that kind of like the Three Body Problem? So you got me watching that.

[A]

Oh, are you watching the Three Body Problem?

[C]

Watch the first episode and started the second.

[A]

Are you, are you hooked?

[C]

It's very interesting, Very interesting.

[A]

All more becomes clear.

[C]

Somebody's pulling strings.

[A]

Chrissy. I'll tell you what. I didn't want to go on this stuff. I didn't want to talk about this. But we'll talk about it anyway. The Three Body Problem. I know the Three Body Problem is a fascinating television show if you're into that kind of thing. And I am not a sci fi type of guy. I'm not into Star Trek, you know, I'm not a. That's not my thing. Game of Thrones, all that. It's not my thing. I just needed something to watch while I was putting my daughter endlessly to sleep. Endlessly, all night long. To sleep, to sleep, to sleep. And I started watching 3 body problem because I had run out of other shows that I wanted to watch. So I started watching 3 body problem. I got hooked almost immediately. And now I've been to the end.

[C]

And I've seen the end.

[A]

I will tell you what, it is a highly dissatisfying ending. There absolutely has to be a season two. Absolutely. Or it makes no sense whatsoever.

[C]

Do you know the whole story of it? Have you looked at any of the whole story? Because I've seen bits and pieces of how. Because it was a big.

[A]

It's a big series of novels, right?

[C]

Over in China.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

And a big mogul. I'm gonna say this all wrong, but he a billionaire.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

A guy who I think had like a video game, a gaming company. He got, you know, he was in the culture and heard about it and wanted to turn it into this series, which now is. He got in touch with the people that did Game of Thrones and hbo or Netflix.

[A]

Yes, on Netflix. Yeah.

[C]

So anyways, but one of his employees killed him.

[A]

Killed him?

[C]

Yeah, over like a demotion or something. So this guy never even is not able to even see this coming to fruition.

[A]

Or is he?

[C]

Or is he?

[A]

It's a fascinating movie. And I think I read somewhere where. I think I read somewhere that Netflix is not the only streamer that's adapting some version of the Three Body Problem. I could be completely wrong. Probably am. Most of the time I am. But I think that I've read that and that's what initially got my interest going about watching it anyways, like, oh, I just read an article about this. Let me see the Three Body Problem. But it tells half the story. It's kind of like Dune Part one. You're like, oh, I want to watch Dune Part two. If you.

[C]

I didn't watch.

[A]

Dude, you haven't watched Dune?

[C]

No.

[A]

You haven't watched Dune? How have you not watched Dune?

[C]

Because you've been keeping me busy with freaking 90 Day Fiance love is blind fiance quattro.

[A]

Oh, stop all things that you're doing right now and go watch that Timothy shout out on my mama. Yeah, go watch him in that movie. Because that movie is.

[C]

People love it.

[A]

Excellent. And I've Zendaya. I have the biggest crush on her, of course. She is incredible. Dune one. And I can't wait to see Dune two when it comes out on a small theater because I'm not allowed to go to the big theater.

[C]

Right.

[A]

34 children. But I cannot wait to see that Dune Part two. And I sure hope they make a Dune Part three. He says he might. If he gets the right script, he might make a Dune Part three.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

But that those are some of the sci fi things that I just like, randomly fall into. I was really fascinated when the Dune trailers. The original.

[C]

Yeah, they looked fascinating.

[A]

It was. And I watched it and I was just blown away. I was like, this is movie making. Yeah, this is movie making. And while the Three Body Problem does not affect me in that way, like, the filmmaking isn't as rich or detailed or, you know, the photograph or in a desert or in the desert in a future land. Where everything's gray and spacey and there's big worms that jump from one sand pile to the other. I mean, that's just amazing. But I do want to talk about the dune popcorn cups. You led me right down the print row not even knowing to talk about the dune popcorn buckets. Have you seen this? Okay, I'm going to show you a dune popcorn bucket when we get back, and you're going to be quite surprised, or not at all surprised at what people, mainly men, have decided to do with the dune popcorn bucket.

[C]

Intriguing.

[A]

Let's take a break and we'll be back.

[D]

I know you're already on your phone, so pull up Instagram and follow us. Hecommercial break and then follow us on tiktokcbpodcast Done. Perfect. Thank you. Since you're at the ready, why not text us hello at 212-4333, TCB. Or if you've got some drama in your life, a little fun story or anything really. We're desperate for content. Call and leave us a message at 212-433-33, TCV. And don't forget to check out tcvpodcast.com because that's got it all. Speaking of having it all, let's listen to our fabulous sponsors and get back to the commercial break.

[A]

Okay, so along with the Big Dune 2, which just came out a couple of months ago, a huge international smash success, every some people saying it's one of the best movies ever made, I reserve judgment. I haven't seen it. But. But what comes along with a movie franchise that's that popular is all the accoutrements. The toys, shirts, the merch. All the merch. Every kind of merch. And what AMC decided to do is that they were going to put together a little popcorn bucket that they could sell. And I want you to take a look at that popcorn bucket and tell me what you think that is. You have to stick your hand in that sand vagina in order to get your popcorn.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

So what some people have reportedly been doing is fucking the popcorn bucket. Yes.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

And I have read articles, whether they be satire or not, I have read articles where certain young men have decided to give it a go and say that it's fantastic.

[C]

Really?

[A]

So much so that as I stand here today in the middle of April, as I sit here today in the middle of April on ebay, they are $200. $200. There are some horny dick dudes looking to get their dicks wet in this popcorn bucket. And I gotta Say, I agree. I mean, I'm just like, that looks.

[C]

Like you want to try it too.

[A]

It looks like a, you know, like a French tickler kind of vagina.

[C]

Well, after your failed attempt with the.

[A]

The other, this looks like a hole I can fit into. Yes, this looks at least half an inch wide. Something I can probably fit into comfortably. I mean, after my experience with the VW bus, also known as the, you know, world's best pocket. It vibrates, it sucks, it, it does it all. If you can manage to get inside of the thing, which I couldn't, so I put that down. This popcorn bucket looks right up my alley.

[C]

I mean, easy entry.

[A]

Yeah. What could I put in the popcorn but a jello or something? I'll put something in there. I mean, I don't, I'm not that long, so I don't even think I'd reach the jello. But this thing is a. For those of you who haven't seen it, just Google dune popcorn bucket and you'll see it. It is a popcorn bucket. On top of it is a plastic sand worm that looks exactly like something you would stick your dick into. And of course I'm going to be a three year old and keep on, keep the joke rolling here and say that it does look like something you would stick your dick into. As a matter of fact, I think I'd get nervous if I was on the date and some guy, you know, bought the dude.

[C]

Oh, I see. It fits on top of the.

[A]

Fits on top of the B.O. bucket and you're supposed to stick your.

[C]

Hand and they then grab the pop, they're gone. And now they're on ebay. Is that right?

[A]

Yeah. There's no more. I don't know. I guess there's no more left. And now they're on ebay. Brand new popcorn bucket, Novelty sandworm vessel. Dunzy. Brand new, whatever that means. $200. $200. Oh, here's one. Slight. Dune popcorn bucket to AMC Doocy. Doocy spelled D U S S Y. Let me guess what the upside down D stands for, right? I mean, the upside down P stands for Doocy is not supposed to be doocy. It's supposed to be, if you know what I mean. Yeah. Oh, look, there's a Ghostbusters frozen Empire. Slimer popcorn bucket too. I think I could that too. Oh, here's a blue beetle one. Yeah, I could that. Yep. King Godzilla 2024 popcorn bucket. 61 bucks from Thailand. I could that too. I could any of these popcorn buckets.

[C]

To be quite all in One place.

[A]

Listen, why bother going anywhere else? Just go to your local amc. You got it all there. Make sure you're in a quiet row by yourself. You know, you can. You know, the thing about going to the movies now is you pick your seat beforehand.

[C]

That's right.

[A]

Which quite frankly, I love because I hated that. Doing that dance in movie theaters.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, you just prayed that it was like a slow night at the movie theater. So you get a good seat where you have to sit next to somebody who's using their phone, laughing or making obnoxious noises the entire time. And so I always. I don't care what movie I'm seeing. I don't really necessarily care about the location of the seat. I want to get a seat that's away from other human beings because they bother me so much. So I just try and pick the one that's furthest away from any other seat that's taken.

[C]

Right.

[A]

That's my whole goal when I go there. So if you're going to go and get your popcorn doocy, then what you got to do is you got to make sure you have a seat by yourself. This is not legal advice, by the way. You got to talk to your lawyer before you do this. But go over there and have yourself a nice time. Watch Dune. Get Zendaya, Timothy Chalamet. That's your thing. And then fuck the popcorn bucket. Matter of fact, I think I'm going to do this and I'm going to record it and I'll bring back the results. Did Brian fit in the popcorn bucket or not?

[C]

Yeah, maybe don't do it though, at the theater.

[A]

But yeah, well, yeah, why not? Pee Wee did it and he just got like a fine. Ruined his career, but I'm no Pee Wee Herman. But, you know, Pee Wee was all over it. We used to have this movie theater. I don't know if you remember this. The Buckhead Theater. Do you remember that? Well, there's a Buckhead Theater now.

[C]

Buckhead Theater.

[A]

Oh, Buckhead Cinema is actually what it was called, the Buckhead Cinema. It was on. It was in one of the nicest parts of Atlanta, probably the nicest parts of part of Atlanta called Buckhead. And it's been all redone, like, almost all shitty downtowns have been. They've been eaten up by developers and made into these super fancy outdoor malls and shopping areas and retail. And that's all nice and wonderful. Adds value to the houses, makes everything looks nice. And it's a lot of fun to go to on a Saturday afternoon. But Back in the day, we were like, kind of like a.

[C]

A small grit.

[A]

Yeah, there's no grit to it. There's no. There's no danger. You're not feeling weird about going. When I was a teenager, like in my late teens, there was all kind of grit to Buckhead. There were a lot of, like, shitty bars that only people under 25 years old went to. And they were basically fire hazards altogether. And. And it was just a row of bars that everybody went to in the middle, you know, to get hammered in the middle of the night. And then Ray Carruth stabbed somebody or somebody stabbed somebody. And then it all went downhill after the super bowl here. But what it used to be was kind of like a mini Times Square back in the 80s. You could get all your fashionable wares and ladies of the night and gentlemen of the night and everything right down there in that Buckhead Square. And what the mainstay of that Buckhead Square was the Buckhead Cinema, which was a pornographic movie theater. And that's all they showed. And so for years, as a, you know, young teenager, 13 to 16, 17 years old, it was so taboo to talk about the cinema, to want to go to the cinema. We had to go to the cinema. We had to find out, you know, most of us had never seen a.

[C]

Porn you wanted just to attend that goal.

[A]

Yeah, there were tits right behind that dark, dingy door. And all we had to do was convince the guy up front that we were 18 years old. But, you know, we were still at that age we were scared of. So we didn't do. So we didn't go there until I was like. And they call it 16, I think, like, you know, like. Like late 16, early 17, something like that. And we had a friend who knew the guy at the front door. It was an older gentleman, was like a friend of the family or something, why he was working there.

[C]

Friend of the family, yeah.

[A]

Hey, kids, you want me to babysit you on Tuesday night? It's the only day my electronic monitor doesn't work. I gotta charge it. I'll be right back. I'm gonna go dental, little diddle. So we pounced on the opportunity. I cannot tell you how nervous and scared I was of this whole situation. Because while it sounded all great and awesome, it doing it is like another thing, you know. Remember the Never Ending Story?

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Where Atrey, you or whatever his name was, had to go through the two sphinxes.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

The naked girls with the boobies. Right. So that. That whole scene right there describes what it was like For Brian managing to get his way into the pornographic movie theater because there were tits that you didn't want to look at because if they smelled fear, then they would kill you. And you had to just run. Like, run a trey. You run. So we got up to that front door. The guy wasn't working there. He wasn't up front. It was like some older lady, and she was so gruff. I'll never forget. She was smoking a cigarette in that box office. It had one of those, you know, little speakers.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

With bulletproof glass. Because that's the kind of place Buckhead was at the time. And she's like, yeah. And so my friend, who was 18 at the time was like, is this three of us or four of us? He's like, four, you know, four tickets, please. And she's like, IDs. And he takes out his ID and he puts it against the window. And she goes, and your friends. And he looks at us and he goes, they're 18. And she goes, $23.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

She didn't even ask. Yeah, we got in, and we walked in there mid movie because we didn't know what movie to ask to go to.

[C]

Right.

[A]

That wasn't that kind of theater. You didn't pick the movie. There was just a movie on.

[C]

And you walked a one theater. Theater.

[A]

I think it had two theaters. I think it had a one and a two, if I'm not mistaken. And we just walked into the first door that. Right.

[C]

Let's go.

[A]

Yeah, we're in. We're scared. Don't look at the tits. They're gonna kill you. And I remember opening that door and just the noises coming out of that place. And I don't mean, like, the noises from people in there. I mean the noises from the movie. Like, you and I walked in and there was some girl getting reamed from behind. It didn't take three minutes for me to sit down, assess the other human beings in the place, and quickly tell my friends, it's time to go. This is not worth it. We're not here to whack off with these other pedestrians. It was dangerous. There were, like, six other dudes in the. In the place. And all of them turned around and we walked in, you know, because that little light cracks through the door. And they all turned around, like, hunched over, though. Like, you know, don't look. Don't look at my face. And I'll never forget one guy had, like, a hoodie on. But at the time, hoodies weren't, like, a super popular thing for people. To be wearing. And so I instantaneously believed that I was going to get shot or, you know, I was going to. I don't know. I thought it was going to explode. I didn't know it was going to happen. I couldn't enjoy a second of the movie because I was too creeped out by what was going on around me. And then I realized as I was sitting on that chair that just sitting on that chair meant I was gonna have to burn my clothes. So I was like, I'm out of here. I'll see you later. I was like, I gotta get out. What are we gonna do?

[C]

We made it in.

[A]

Yeah, we made a mistake, guys. Get out. Get out now.

[C]

Abort mission.

[A]

Aboard. Aboard. This isn't. These aren't the droids you're looking for. Oh, my gosh. I was in there for so few minutes and I just left because it was creepy.

[C]

Got a bad feeling.

[A]

Yeah. I'm so glad we get to do all of our masturbating at home now.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

The Internet has brought us privacy. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. I mean, well, not here, but, you know, not at this household. But there is six to seven seconds a day when you get privacy. So if you're quick about it, you can figure it out. I'm just gonna be like, hey, hon, I'm gonna go fill up my dune popcorn bucket. I'll be right back. Me and Doocy are gonna go in the bathroom for a few minutes. Leave me alone. I just want to be with my dune toy. Kids don't play with the dune toy. Yeah, I got it. Disinfectant. Just don't. Don't play with it. You might get pregnant. Don't touch it, honey. Did you ever go to a porn theater?

[C]

No.

[A]

No. Did you go. Have you ever been to a strip club?

[C]

Oh, are you asking me that? We worked together.

[A]

Oh, yeah, that's true. No, I mean, like a male strip club club. Like a mail review.

[C]

Oh, yes, I have.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Did you. Do you ever go down to the one downtown?

[C]

I did, yeah. They're closed now, but, yeah.

[A]

That's a shame. Swinging Richards. Swinging Richards. What a name. What a name. Just a staple in Atlanta for the longest time. A male strip club. Yeah. Who. Do you remember? I told you that.

[C]

And there was the Gold Club, and that was where one side was women. Yeah, One side was men. I went to, like, a bachelorette party there.

[A]

That was the weirdest place. They didn't serve alcohol or the Cornet Club is what the Cornet club is what it was called. And you had to bring your own booze, so it was like, a weird situation. I think that's the way they managed to get both strip clubs in the same place as you didn't. Or maybe there had been too many murders there or something. I don't know. But you couldn't bring. You couldn't buy booze there. You could buy mixers. So you got to bring your own alcohol into the club, and then you literally took a right or a left into whichever section you fancy fancied. And it was always just.

[C]

You could peruse the whole thing.

[A]

We were talking.

[C]

I remember I was just kind of in awe with the whole thing. I was like, all right, so part of a bachelorette stop. You know, I think we also did the Buckhead scene.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

And so it was very interesting.

[A]

And so, like, do the guys get, like. And I think we've. We've talked about this. There's many, many episodes. Do the guys. When they're stripping. And I've been to. I was. I went to Swinging Richards.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And I think the answer to this is yes. But I'm just gonna ask you, do they get, like, half Hardee's? They get, like, Hardee's.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah. I remember that about. I went to Swinging Richards one night. I had a girl that I was dating, and I was just so smitten with her kitten, and if you know what I mean.

[C]

I do.

[A]

Okay. And she was supposed to come hang out with me one night, but she got an invitation to go to Swinging Richards instead. And I said, oh, that really sucks. You know, I'd love to hang out with you, because I. I really was smitten with her kitten. I just wanted to. To touch her and be with her and hang around with her, you know, like, that smell. The smell. I had the smell. Yeah, the smell was there. And so I was, like, you know, ravenously hungry for the smell, the hormones, the hormone smell. And so she said, well, listen, why don't you come meet us at Swinging Richards? And then you can. I'll come back home with you. And I was like, swinging Richards. All right, I'll go. Because I was. I didn't care. Right.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And so I went in there, and I do remember seeing some half hearts. And I always thought that was, like. Somebody told me. Do you remember? I told this story about a girl whose boyfriend ended up getting a job at Back Street. And so he would always encourage me to go to his apartment with his wife.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

And hang out with her till he came home from work at five in the fucking.

[C]

Right.

[A]

And it was just a weird situation. It really felt like the guy was pawning his wife off on me so he could. Could be on the down low and do the things that he wanted to do.

[C]

In other words, sure, that's probably what was happening.

[A]

Exactly what was going on. He was gay and he wanted to do his dalliances and he wanted his wife to not be lonely or distracted. They had just moved here to Atlanta from the north. And so he. We all worked at the same restaurant for a period of time, but then he went off to work at this club called Backstreet, which we just recently talked about. And Backstreet, while. While everyone went there was known as a gay club. That's really what it was. Right. And so he went and worked there as a barten for a while and then ended up working at the Coronet club for a while. And so something he told me, which is probably just a wives tale, like, you know, one of those urban myths. He said that it was illegal in the state of Georgia for a male stripper to be erect during a set, during a dance.

[C]

Huh.

[A]

But that's not what I witnessed.

[C]

No, me either.

[A]

That's not what I witnessed. I witnessed quite a. A lot of salutes, a lot of saluting going on. And not everyone, but some. Right. And they were at least fluffing themselves before they went out there. And that makes sense.

[C]

You want to go show up shot for that.

[A]

You want to go out in your best light.

[C]

Listen, you want to make money.

[A]

If I was a stripper, which I would never be because no one's going to pay to see this body, but if I was a stripper, I'd want to go out full macho man.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Because that's the only way you're going to see my penis from any, you know, from five feet off the stage is if I'm fully there. Like I'm, you know, raised at full attention. Otherwise it's just going to be kind of a weird, you know, where did his penis go? Kind of thing, you know.

[C]

Peekaboo.

[A]

Peekaboo. A total eclipse of my dick. It's a dick eclipse. What do you want me to do? It's a universe. Where can I go to see Brian's dick eclipse? Do I have to get higher or lower? I had a full dick eclipse. It's what happened. I'm sorry. Yeah, but it was.

[C]

Well, so did you end up with the girl later?

[A]

Yes, I did.

[C]

Okay, good.

[A]

Yeah, we Ended up dating for a short period of time. But we had been through so many long nights of being fucked up together. It's kind of like we, you know. Did you ever have a drug friend or like an alcohol friend? Like someone that you just mainly got fucked up with? And the friendship was born out of all those weird conversations that happen. The more twisted you get, the deeper the conversation, the less meaningful it actually is. But you think in the moment you're fucking Sigmund Freud. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Worked out Sigmund Freud. Meaning I've done way too much cocaine and I'm analyzing another human being. Yeah. So that's kind of what happened between the two of us is just that it got like we got so into each other's heads over all of these super long nights and a lot of weird stuff went down in the time that he. That this guy was like pushing me to hang out with his wife. Right.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

This said this was going on for like nine months, a year or something. And then they broke it off. And when they broke it off, we gave it a go because I wasn't about to sleep with his wife. I just wasn't going to do it. Even though I think he wanted me to and I think he wanted to pretend that I was so that he felt better about whatever was going on. Not. And that's not what ended up happening. But when they broke it off, it was like green light go.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And we were so close already because of all of these long nights. But there's something about when you meet somebody and drugs and alcohol are the main reason or the main catalyst to deepening your relationship.

[B]

You are.

[A]

I mean you are. Because there is nothing there usually doesn't work out. No, it doesn't work out. I. Anybody out there who's ever done any kind of let's cocaine, LSD mushrooms and been with a woman or a man who then that relationship kind of forms around those activities. You will unders. Or if you've even any been in any coked up conversation whatsoever. You will understand that while the conversation may seem important in the moment, the very next day you are embarrassed about what you said and you don't even remember. You will literally plan changes to the world that will affect every human being while you're cooked up.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You are going to save the world. You know, how to get clean water, how to feed the children that aren't eating, how to take all the dogs out of terrible miserable situations. You could run for president. You would know exactly what to do. All those conversations are had while you're coked up the next morning. All you want is a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich. Sleep for the rest of the day. You get nothing accomplished. That's it. Nothing. Because that's the way that drug works. Or all drugs, really, at the end of the day. And so when we finally got our chance to, like, be in the sun and, you know, okay, we can date each other now.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

It just kind of fell apart. Yeah. Because I think all those com. I think we realized we were both just full of. I think that's what happened. You're full of. I'm full of. Why are we doing this? Let's not. Yeah. Let's be friends. Let's go back to doing cocaine and being friends. That was a lot of fun.

[B]

Fun.

[C]

Right.

[A]

And we did. And it was so. All right, let's take a break, and then I want to tell you about something. I want to play a little game with you.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[A]

I'm. I'll preface it. And you're going to like this. I know you are. All right, we'll be back.

[B]

Hey, podcast universe, it's Asri. While Brian and Crazy are here messing around in the studio, I am here doing the important work behind the scenes. So who better to tell you where to go than your favorite Venezuelan producer? That's me. First, go to tcbpodcast.com and check out the website I helped design. Then hit the contact us button and send us your address to get your free TCB sticker that I also designed. You can text us at 212-4333, TCB, and it's likely I'll be the one to respond. And one last favor. Follow us on Instagram. The commercial break. It takes me a lot of time to create all those posts. You can watch the [e-mail] thecommercial break and see how I made Brian and Chrissy look good in that studio. See, Brian, you're not the only one I boss around. And now let's hear from our sponsors while I go back to work.

[A]

Okay. Watching a video the other night from the 50s, 40s or 50s, and it's basically females in the workplace is what it was. You know, one of those old, like, you know, educational videos trying to get women to get out there in the workplace and make a name for themselves out in the business world. And it was all centered around typing. That's what they needed to learn. Yeah, typing, typing.

[C]

The second. There were supposed to be secretaries.

[A]

That's right. Secretaries. Or note, takers or whatever. And these are days gone by, but this was really the. The one job that could be had by a lady that would be somewhat in the reputable business world was to. Or like in the executive world, would be to be a secretary who could type many words per minute. And the narrator was explaining that if you can't even type 100 words a minute, or 90 words a minute, whatever the thing was, then you're certainly not no prospect for getting a job. So you need to take your typing classes, pay attention, and practice, practice, practice. It was like this half hour video. And it was so. I don't know, it was so degrading to women. It's hard to understand just how people were thinking back then, but they were. And then I thought to myself, it's 20, 24. I bet we all type 100 words a minute on our phones. We're all so fast with those phones, right? Don't you think?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, so I want to know how many words per minute you can type with your phone. Do you think you could do that?

[C]

I guess. I don't know. How many are you. You want me to try it?

[A]

That's what I want you to do. I want you to open up a note. Okay, I'm going to give you a minute on the clock, and I want you to. What should we type? Type Happy Birthday. Okay, well, not Happy Birthday. That's not enough words. What's a good one? Star Spangled Banner. Oh, say, can you see by the dawn's early light. But of course, I don't even know how to spell half those words.

[C]

I know.

[A]

So, okay, Twas, twas, the night before Christmas. Why don't you just write whatever you want to write? Like whatever you want to write. Whatever comes to your head. Or do you want me to say something and then you write it down?

[C]

I don't know. This is pressure, pressure. And also, aren't we talking into our phones now for typing?

[A]

I am.

[C]

I know.

[A]

Yeah. I'm too lazy to type anymore. Okay, here's what I want you to do. I've got this David Spade fly on the wall. David Spade. Carvey. Or excuse me, David Spade, Dana Carvey AD here. I want you to type those words. Do you want me to read it to you?

[C]

Wait, from the high.

[A]

No, from right here. From this.

[C]

From David's Bay.

[A]

This paragraph down.

[C]

Okay, I'll try.

[A]

Okay, let me hold it for you. Okay, here we go. Wait, let me put the. Let me put the clock on. Oh, you can't see it. Geez. So Picky. You're already fired.

[C]

I didn't want the job.

[A]

I knew women were too much. All right, you ready?

[C]

Well, let's see, because I haven't really done. Okay, let's do it this way.

[A]

Okay. On your mark, get set, go. All right, we're three seconds in, and she seems to be doing very well. I see those thumbs moving very quickly across the screen. Float like a butterfly, type like a bee.

[C]

Wait. Oh, no. I got messed up.

[A]

Don't worry about the messing up. Just keep going. We'll check it for accuracy. We'll check it for accuracy. And she's off to the races, folks. Look at her. She's. She. If she could just learn to dress appropriately, we certainly would hire here. Here at the commercial break. Even in low cut, lots of makeup. Gotta get your hair done every day. Yeah. Skirts down to your knees, girls, make sure you're not but one inch above the knee rule. Back in the 40s and the 60s, it slowly went up, so. Wow, you're doing a great job there. Holy. I can see a lot of typing going on there. I don't know what it's saying, but we'll see how it goes. You got five seconds. Okay, stop.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Okay, let's see. Let me see. Okay. All right. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24. You have no chance of getting a job in 1950.

[C]

Also, they were typing on typewriters.

[A]

Well, yeah, but I mean, I could bring the. You want me bring the typewriter over here? No, no, the. The. The pad. Okay, let's see if I can do it. You start your clock.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. And then I'll.

[C]

And then I'll tell me when to go.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Ready?

[A]

Yep.

[C]

You're really going over there.

[A]

I'm trying. Oh, no big word. Like, previously.

[C]

I know.

[A]

I don't even know how to spell that when I'm looking at it.

[C]

Well, it just auto corrects, too.

[A]

Yeah, I think I'm doing really good.

[C]

All right, you're halfway through.

[A]

Okay. There we go.

[C]

All right, Keep going. You're hired.

[A]

Oh, yay. Don't. Don't tempt me. Don't tempt me with getting a paycheck every week. You know, what I do have to say is, I do have to say their new podcast has a description. It looks a lot like ours.

[C]

It sounds really good.

[A]

I think they stole our idea. Yeah. But you know.

[C]

And time.

[A]

Okay. All right, so 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20. 1, 2, 3, 4th, 5, 6, 7, eight, nine, 30. 1, 2, 3, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 40. 1, 2, 3, Four, five, six, seven, Eight, nine, 50 on the dot.

[C]

All right, Good for you.

[A]

So I'm halfway to getting a job in the 1940 secretary pool, that's for sure. I. I mean, I assumed that we would be much better at typing because of how much that we all do type. Like, can you imagine that back in the 40s and 50s, taking a typing class with the only hopes that you're. The. The hope is only that you could get a job as a secretary. That's insane. So you had to type that fast. I watched those courtroom reporters.

[C]

Oh, those stenographers.

[A]

So. So you know what really got me going on? These stenographers. Sorry, not typewriter people. You know what the typewriter people do? The typewriter people kind of like a.

[C]

Shorthand type thing, right?

[A]

They do. They do a shorthand thing. And so the reason.

[C]

A small little one.

[A]

It's a tiny little thing, and it's got, like, 16 buttons or something. And those 16 buttons make certain, like, phrases like.

[C]

They do.

[A]

Yeah, they do. And then they kind of.

[C]

I don't know exactly how it works, but I do know it. Shorthand.

[A]

I watched a video on this, and I was watching some of the. It was a gentleman who was doing this for court reporting, and then he went on to do it for, like, presidents and stuff. He would be in the room while they were having a meeting, and he would do this transcribing. Transcribing. And I'm telling you what, he was doing, like, 155 words a minute. He could literally keep up with anybody's conversation, no matter how fast they talk. Now, I wonder if he's met Brian Greene before, but. But he was keeping up with these. And it was just a. Like, these series of things. And actually, it looked really cool to me. I was like, I wish I had a skill like that. I wish I had any skill except running my mouth. I wish I had one skill besides I missed a boat a long time ago.

[C]

I mean, we should take typing.

[A]

Yeah. Trust me. It probably the. It's probably the only job we would be allowed to have after the commercial break is typing, like, in a jail visiting room on the other side of the glass. Hey, man, I'll trade you some transcribing for a pack of cup of soup for a cup of noodles. Cupo noodles for some ramen. No, I won't Eat ramen anymore, man. Not after I found out what it's made of. It ain't even pasta, but between, like the transcribing video and then watching this entire 30 minute documentary. So degrading to any female form. It was incredible. And the, the women that were in this video looked like hostages. That's what they look like. You know, he probably felt like it. It was like nine women in. Nine, ten women in a room, all in on a, you know, small desk, like a school desk. Yeah. Typewriters in front of them. And then this guy, this narrator dude, was a host, was just walking around them and goes, nice job, Judy, but that's not gonna get you a job, you know. Oop, watch the spelling mistakes. Accuracy is the key, you know? God, I don't know. I don't know if Judy is ready. She just had a baby. It's like, oh, my God, she can.

[C]

Never work again now.

[A]

No, no, no, no. You don't work after you have a baby. What do you. Please. That's what you're, that's what you're meant to do is have a baby. You're not supposed to be out in the workforce after that. It's only for very young, very single women or very old women who've had their children are already leave the house. It's the only way you would be a secretary. And that's the only job you could get. Remember Mad Men? Did you ever watch Mad Men?

[C]

Oh, I love that movie.

[A]

It was so good.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I just loved it so much. That's a great. I mean, I don't know because I wasn't alive back then, but it seems like a great encapsulation of what was going on back then.

[C]

It does.

[A]

It's. You know, but the women certainly made their way in that. In that world.

[C]

You had to be kind of like the woman behind the man, you know, Kind of making things happen.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Without them. Without damaging their fragile ego.

[A]

Well, you know what they say, behind every good man is a dog that never stops barking. So.

[C]

Well, that's.

[A]

I'm. I'm for life.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yes. I'm wondering if Blue can type 125 words a minute because pretty soon I'm gonna ask her to pay for her own. She can.

[C]

Yep. 120. Yep.

[A]

Oh, yeah. She's got 125 bucks a minute in her. No problem. That's like, that's like a lazy lap around. That's like Hussein bull warm up. Yeah. Doing a 10 minute mile. She could get going when she gets going. It's game over. Forget about it. No one's sleeping. No one's doing anything. I go, I mean, I'll tell this last story real quick.

[C]

I felt like her bargs could, like, power your house somehow, you know, you could put that into energy to.

[A]

Yeah, you remember Monsters Inc. Where the scares would, like, power the whole town? I feel like if we could get away to have. Turn her barks into thermal energy, we could literally create electricity for all of Uganda. I mean, I'm sure of it. And. And listen, I'd be happy to send her to Uganda if that's what you'd like. I'm happy to do it. I was just going to sleep. It was like, you know, midnight. I'm watching whatever I'm watching eyes half masked. I'm in that moment. I'm in that zen. I'm going right to sleep until I hear. And I'm like, what is that? The bathroom door? And I'm like, what's that? What's that noise? So I get up and, oh, there she is. She heard it. She's like, they're talking about me. So I was like, what is that noise? It's in the bathroom. And now I'm getting scared because I'm thinking that there's, like, a squirrel. Yeah, a rat, a squirrel, a possum. Something has got. Even though it'd be next to impossible for something to get into my bathroom, I'm thinking to myself, I've seen stranger things happen. You know, maybe a squirrel came up through the drain or something. I don't know. Who knows? And so now I've got. Now I'm making a bunch of noise in the room, and everybody's sleeping, and I'm like, I'm gonna wake everybody up, but I'm not gonna take on this squirrel by myself. Everybody's got to be prepared. If this squirrel gets out, I don't want them running up and biting my daughter in the neck, you know? So then I keeps on scratching, keeps on scratching. And so just as I'm about to open the door, I've got a pillow. Because I'm gonna knock it backwards. I'm gonna hit it with the pillow and knock it backwards. Yes. Then I'm gonna slide. This is my whole plan. I grab the pillow. The only thing I know to grab. Because of course, there's a million things in my room, but the pillow seems to be the one thing that's going to kill the squirrel. Right.

[C]

It's like your shield.

[A]

Yes, it is. It was my shield, like, down around My ankles, because I could hear it at the bottom. So I go. I'm gonna grab the door handle. I'm gonna open it as quickly as I can, push the door back real fast with the pillow into the opening.

[C]

Fling it.

[A]

Yes, fling it. And then I'm gonna close the door behind me. I'm gonna turn on the lights, and then we're gonna go mano e mano. Me and whatever's back there. And I am scared shitless because I'm like, I don't know what. It's not a human. That much I can determine. But it's something small. Probably the size of a small suitcase. I don't know. I don't know what's going on.

[C]

Oh, I see how your brain was working. The pillar was a shield. You were deflecting it. And then you were going to deal with it.

[A]

Yes, and then I'm going to run out. No, I'm. Oh. I'm going to deal with what's happening. I'm determined that I can't let my family be exposed to whatever.

[C]

This is awesome. You were going to stay in there with it and fight it.

[A]

Well, Or. I was going to jump on the counter. One of the two things. Jump on my bidet or whatever. Jump on the toilet. Whatever I was gonna do, it was gonna happen quickly. And so now I am like, adrenaline is full. It's 110. I'm ready. And I'm like. I can hear it. And I'm like, okay, Here we go. 1, 2, 3. I swing open the door with the pillow like that, and I hear Blue goes slapping I across the bathroom floor. It's Blue. I've been in bed for three hours. I didn't even imagine Blue would be in there for. Why was Blue in my bathroom for three hours? What are you doing? Taking a hot dump. What's going on in there? Yeah. So now I've come to realize that Blue, who is as crazy as a shithouse rat, has decided that sleeping in my closet on, like. We have two rows of, like, two levels of hangers, you know, so one at the top and one at the bottom. She has taken to sleeping under the bottom row of clothing, and she just stays there until she decides it's time to go somewhere else. Up. Yeah. She wakes up, and then she wakes everybody else up in the house by scratching those nails across the hardwood floor against the door. And then she goes into my baby's room where she swings the door wide open so that all the light and all the noise comes in, and she wakes her up every night without fail. This dog is God. What did I do? I must have, like, I don't know, set an orphanage on fire or something. I don't know what happened. I think this is. I don't know.

[C]

Makes you miss Nico the ghost dog.

[A]

That's right. I'm pretty sure Nico the ghost dog was an angel compared to Blue Angel. She was. He was. He was such a little angel. My kids are still wondering when Nico is coming back. I have to remind them that dead means not coming back. But. But. But I will. I. I will say this about Blue. She is available for sale currently, right now, $3.39 shipping and handling. I'll stick her in there with a postcard and a sticker. I'll sign blue and I'll send her off to you if you. If you would like her.

[C]

She is, like, loan her out. Like, she's not ride share, but dog share.

[A]

That's right. Like a blockbuster for dogs only. I'm not gonna penalize you if you don't bring her back on time. As a matter of fact, I'll pay you. It'll be my gift to you.

[C]

Oh, Blue.

[A]

Oh, Blue, you take up so much of my head space now. You're half the podcast. Is you barking or me talking about you barking. She call this the dog break. The blue break. A commercial. Blue, thanks for showing up. Oh, I'll tell you, a total eclipse of my Dick. That's gonna be the name of this episode.

[C]

Sounds good.

[A]

Actually, Christina, let's rethink that. We do have sponsors now. They may not want a total eclipse of the Dick. Our editor is so wonderful. Christina, our editor, swing of Brian. Yeah, she's so wonderful, but sometimes she gets a little too crazy on the titles. I have to pull it back, back a little bit. I'm like, well, I'm not sure Disney's gonna go for that one. Total eclipse of the Dick.

[C]

She's amazing.

[A]

She is. We love her. Thanks, Christina. Don't name this. Total eclipse of the Dick. Total Eclipse of the D. How's that? That sounds better.

[C]

Okay. There you go.

[A]

All right, so listen, we want to have you on the show. We're so excited. We've got a number of listeners already lined up up to come on the show over the next couple of weeks. We'd like you to be a part of the action. All you got to do is text us and let us know what you want to talk about. You want to ask a question, Ask our advice. Talk to Brian's mom. My mom will be on the show. I think this week, I think tomorrow, all you got to do is text us. 212-433-TCB 212433, 3822. Text us, give us a little rundown on what you'd like to discuss us and then someone will set it up for you. The time and the place, the whens and the where's, the who's and the what'ses. You know how it goes, Chrissy. I do. So do that because we'd love to talk to you. And then you can also leave us questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas, all on the same phone number, voicemail or text. We accept them all. Please do get in contact with us. You can go to the website, hit the contact us button like apparently a lot of you have been doing, and write us an email. We'd love to hear from you. You can also get your free sticker. Your free TCB sticker. Not sure which one it is right now, so I'm not going to say it out loud because Aster doesn't want me to until she has them in her hand. But hit the drop down menu. I want my free sticker. Give us your address, we'll send it off. That's how it works at the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on tick tock and YouTube.com the commercial break. Oh, I should probably tell you that tcbpodcast.com is the website address. So there you go. All right, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.

[C]

I think so.

[A]

But I love you.

[C]

I love you.

[A]

Best to you and best to you out there in the podcast universe. Remember to cover your eyes when you're staring at the sun we always say, we do say and we must say goodbye. I'm going to go jelly to see this world.